Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 205: Reviews of HOT TOPIC

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

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And they're off. And they're off. To the races. Beach too sandy, water too wet. In first place. With the lead Five stars Home run

What's our topic? Horse Hot topic Good You hear me say horse? No Okay, cool It's not horse

Hot topic Today we're reading reviews of hot topic We're not reading reviews of horse Well, no You know the game? I'm familiar, yes yes h oh wait why are we there's no basketball okay t t-o-p-i-c h h h-o-t t t this is why i was never welcome in a hot topic i see hot topic yeah so we're here to talk about the the hottest topic

which is hot topic does anybody know what that is i was just saying we should pretend like we're just talking to our dad who does listen and like we would probably need to explain what hot topic is to him sure so we should just pretend that we did explain what like spirit halloween was so we might as well so it says hot topic inc this is from wikipedia stylized as hot topic in all capital letters very stylized is an american retail chain specializing in counterculture related clothing and accessories like justin bieber's t-shirts as well as licensed music the stores are aimed toward an audience interested in rock music and video gaming,

and most of their audience ranges from teens to young adults. So basically, this was like a place that was often in the mall, the shopping mall, and you'd go, as opposed to the other types of malls, you'd go and buy like a Disturbed or like Alice in Chains sweatshirt or like spiky belts or you know just like kind of scene kid or emo kid or whatever punk stuff and they've i feel like transitioned to a lot of anime stuff yes that's what i've heard so lots of uh my hero academia is like a big one that okay so many every other review i read was like too much my hero stuff i didn't know what

that meant and now i'm understanding why i kept reading that same sentence um yeah and they they get some shit now too because they used to have a lot more um of kind of like the punk scene stuff and now they have a lot of like justin bieber sometimes they play one direction disney things don't think stuff so you know they've they've lost a little bit of that edge according stream yeah according to some millennials and you know um but anyway it still exists it's still thriving and uh I used to be really I genuinely used to be scared to go in there uh because I just thought like I wasn't badass enough to go I wasn't to be fair yeah no you're right um but then you know for a while there i went through a phase where i was like oh yeah all this cool black leather cuffs

and stuff um and so you know cool it had its moment yeah that's where i would shop for francisca as she was growing up yes that was a perfect place to get her probably still is i mean clearly if they're doing all this anime and everything i mean it seems like right on right on target yep and probably a lot of ghost merchandise stuff shirts so before we read a review from there i did want to just shout out to my challenge that'll come at the end of the episode that i texted you at three in the morning yes i got very late last night so i got no help from listeners but that's okay because it was pretty good i i enjoyed it and i'm glad i got to do it all myself i was from griffin he they who said find a review where the reviewer enjoyed the smell of the air freshener or soap available in a public bathroom

and i saw that and i was like yeah wow okay would never have thought of that so random and sure enough lots of people talked about soap. No. Unfortunately, mostly negative. Oh. But I got some good ones. Good. Okay, great. So do you want me to go first? Go for it. Okay, so this is a three-star review of the Hot Topic in Glendale, California.

I feel I've probably been there. I think we probably both have. This is a three-star review by Jimmy. They are A-okay for what they are. They do a good job. Non-conformist items now on sale. Every size available. Now you, too, can be like all of your non-conformist friends.

Which makes no sense, but hey, it's cool to be anti, so let me be a bit anti-anti. I was alarmed when a brightly colored parrot approached me. What? Sir, this is a margaritaville dishback wait what oh is it a hair color oh i know it sounds like a tropical paradise until you realize he's just being in a margaritaville and there was a parrot mask talk about non-conformist margaritaville tommy bahamas. I was alarmed when a brightly colored parrot approached me and asked if I needed help,

but I was soon at ease when I realized it was a girl with a large variety of hair colors, styles, feathers, body piercing, and a clothing style that I could only label 80s technicolor cloth vomit. The people there were nice, and I was able to get some items for my nieces and nephews so they could continue to non-conform, quote, like all of their friends.

Whatever the hell happened to the days of Black Flag, Fugazi, MDC, and the like? We didn't have a store to look the way we did. We used power tools, random trash, and our drug-addled imagination. Clearly still drug-addled. Brag. What's MDC? I don't think that's anything mdc do they mean dm like run dmc no i don't even know what i would think mdc is an american punk rock band formed in 1979 wow this person is too cool for me it's like it's called oh my god it's called millions of dead cops okay

holy shit okay i don't know this band but i feel like they'd hate this guy yeah i feel like he's being a real douchebag i feel like they're he said they're nice he said they approached him to see if he needed help and then he's just being an asshole yeah well he's why because he has a drug addled imagination He did think a girl was a parrot for a minute, so I think he might still be a little high from the 80s.

We didn't have a store to look the way we did. We used power tools to random trash in our drug-addled imagination. Oh, Wendy O. Williams is rolling in her something. Old person going away now.

Relax, kids. Get back to your pop band, 182 oh sorry you say that's punk honestly i didn't know simple mistake end of review oh god i have a headache just this is like a gen xer who's yeah it's just too cool too cool for everyone and jimmy's profile photo is um an electric guitar so you know So you know he's cool. He's anti-anti. I hate that so much. It's just like, really, let people have their thing, you know?

Don't be an asshole about it. Like, none of it was... Like, why did you spend that energy? So unnecessary. What is the point? So unnecessary. Okay. I have a one-star review.

It's kind of similar. It's of the Hot Topic in Omaha. One of them, of the Hot Topics in Omaha, Nebraska. One of many. Don't worry, I think they have two. One star. This is by Peyton. More like cold discussion.

End of review. That's not good. I honestly... I honestly... that's not good i honestly i honestly have one that's like a similar concept but it's so much less stupid than that that i feel like i should just scrap it yeah this one was pretty bad cold a discussion it's not even a good antonym of topic i don't know what is there a good antonym for topic off topic off topic or not not non-negotiable or non-discussion i don't know don't drag me into this stupid game oh boy i love that they were like cold got it and then they were like shit okay the first part was real easy. Okay.

Let me see if I can find the one that I have just so we can. Please, please. Here we go. This is one star by Angela. Simply stated, they should change the name to Pop Topic. Stupid. It's not even funny. People complaining about it being too...

Gosh. It's just so exhausting, you know? I feel like you can't win if you're Hot Topic in this world. And I had screenshotted that on my phone. So the one underneath it, part of it got included in the screen grab. And it says, I totally agree with Angela, blah, blah, blah. Hot Topic used to be hardcore. And I'm like, okay, I don't know about that.

It really wasn't. I feel like you're just misremembering. You were just a kid and you remember things differently. Yeah, exactly. Like it was hardcore because you had never seen a studded belt before. You know what I mean? And then they said now it's become this cheap pop sellout. It doesn't deserve to carry the name Hot Topic.

What? Carry the name. As if Hot Topic is this bastion of punk? Of independence and punk. It's always been a corporation. It's not like... Anyway. It's just like, yikes. It's the same with all those Chuck E. Cheese reviews.

You're shopping at Chuck E. Cheese. Lower your standards. Or at least shift the goal marker. Is that how you say it? Shift the goal post. The goal post, yeah. You're not... I don't know. You're at

the you're at the mall you're next to a bath and body works just grow up they're owned by sycamore partners who it's a private private equity firm uh with approximately 10 billion dollars in aggregate committed capital uh their holdings include staples, Talbots, The Limited, Ann Taylor, Lane Bryant, Loft, Express. And Hot Topic? And Hot Topic. Jesus. See, it's just another mall thing. Sycamore whatever sounds like a retirement facility, though.

It does. Sycamore Acres. Their logo is like a sycamore tree. I could literally probably draw it for you without even seeing. No, you could not. You're not that talented. I learned how to draw a tree in second grade with all the Vs. Wasn't that great?

All the Vs. All the Vs, true. Yeah, with the Vs, you can do it. You're right. Yeah. Here's a one-star review of a hot topic in Grand Island, Nebraska. One star is by Frank. Because they have started selling satanic merchandise.

End of review. All that One Direction stuff. True. Straight to hell. This was three years ago. So I don't know what was really that hippin' and hoppin'. Three years ago. What became satanic all of a sudden?

I love that before three years ago they were not at all. Back when they were the bastion of independent punk. But that's what I was thinking about. You can't win. It's like you get the people who are like, this is satanic. And then you get the people who are like, this isn't satanic enough. I wish it used to be more satanic. I feel like it's the crisis of any longstanding store or project where it's like, it's not the same.

And it's like, you're just old now. If you have 10 million 10 billion dollars in holding you holding you just can't win you just can't that's why that's why we're keeping us at nine billion yeah we don't want to change you know what i mean we don't want to we don't want to get to that point we don't want the money to change us um but anyway we hold all our uh all our finances in a secret firm in a in a separate firm called um oak tree yes and we have uh riverfront we have places like auntie ann's yeah wetzel's pretzels yep jamba juice weirdly all pretzel related businesses it was not intentional it just kind of happened oh no it was intentional i just made you think it wasn't i was like oh this this just seems like a

goodbye whoops they make pretzels i was just eating pretzels okay um and then i undercover boss and i go to the place and i say i want a vegan pretzel and see what they do yeah and if they don't give me a vegan pretzel i flip out then you apologize and say sorry sorry i didn't mean it and then you go home and then you cry about how hard it is to have nine billion dollars okay this is great so anyway um is it my turn or yours i don't i think it's yours i read pop topic i read uh nebraska frank's weird one okay satan satanism one this is uh a three-star review and i want to give a little warning they use the word deaf and kind of a uh just like not it's just a little insensitive okay three stars by charlotte omg this store is insane the music could drive a deaf person nuts anywho we dropped in here after

lunch and checked out some funky gear. They had this really funny black T for girls that just said, OMG, WTF, in big white letters. This is so punk. Sorry. By the way, I feel like, which one? I have to tell you, this

review, because I didn't notice it at first but then i went back and checked it was written over 14 years ago oh my gosh okay so this is a long time ago so it makes sense that this shirt would exist that this shirt was this is like because i'm like this would never sell no i feel like this is the era of like when people were starting to say omg wtf and like learning what it meant this is like a little time capsule so we know that's the kind of merch they sell and people are saying that it used to be punk exactly like no it wasn't like clearly not i mean if this was what they were selling well anyway they had this really funny black tea for girls that just said OMG WTF in big white letters. I wanted to get it

because it was so fitting for me. But then I remembered my age and being a role model to a seven year old. Hmm. Probably not such a good idea. This review is like a time capsule. It's hysterical. I feel like this person's our age now and is like, oh, geez. Oh, no, I wrote that. Because I'm thinking like, yeah, I could see. Okay, I probably wouldn't write this review, but I could see like, yeah. Being like, this is so edgy. This will go great with my happy bunny calling people psycho or whatever.

But I did get a black glitter eyeliner pencil for $1.99. It's so pretty and sparkly. I can't wait to put it on tomorrow. Most of the stuff is for the goth slash alternative crowd, but it was still fun to browse around. The wait to check out was ridiculous. Took at least 15 minutes and there were only two people in front of us. The aisles, or lack thereof, make maneuvering around very difficult. They really need to set up some kind of line rope or something. At least I left with my eardrums still intact. Huh? End of review.

Yeah, this person is like one of us hilarious yeah i feel like i'm not saying this person is hilarious i'm saying this person is it's hilarious that they i could see this being like one of our peers you know and i i also want to add that they were the first person to review this location so that's kind of fun like over 14 years ago probably when yelp was like kind of i don't know when yelp was founded i probably should i was 15 so i was like i mean i could see myself in the computer lab on like yelp but like yeah it feels like someone who had a computer lab to go to is what this review feels like so uh i mean as being a role model to

a seven-year-old you know but you know what's so funny is this person actually is current i'm looking at the screenshot elite 2022 so they've been like keeping this up that do you know how many friends they have 4033 that's a lot uh and i have uh only 665 reviews so they might have taken a 14-year break in between i don't know what happened but um just i don't know cracks i'm glad they found it again good job charlotte that is good job good charlotte so good job charlotte but also oh sorry i meant to say mdc uh or whatever i'm gonna listen to them run mdc i'm so curious okay here's a two-star review. This is of Hot Topic in I think Orlando,

Florida. Yep, this is two stars. This is by Nathaniel. I feel bad for stealing from here. I left the rappers behind a sign in their changing room. Need better protection. Very fun to steal from, but not worth it. End of review.

Oh my god, okay. It's so, like, I wanted to say the worst thief, but not really, because they did get away with it. Yeah, they're just, they're like, uh... I feel like this is... I don't know, toying with the authorities. Yeah, cat and mouse game, you know. You'll never get me. Via Yelp.

Sycamore Holdings. Hey, Sycamore Holdings. You'll never notice. You want to know why you're not at $11 billion? I stole that slinky from your Hot Topic store. I feel like this is an undercover boss situation where he goes and steals shit and then goes, you really got to amp up this security. It's like Frank Abagnale Jr. who ended up working. He was a criminal, but then they hired him to help track down people who were fraudsters.

So he goes and he steals shit. Is most of that story fake, though? No, it's a great story. I'm pretty sure. I mean, he's a con man. He wrote a book about being a con man, so he lied in his book about being a con man. It's my favorite movie, though. It's entertaining.

Don't ruin it. No, I've watched it within the past year because it's a fun i watched it on the plane a few weeks ago it's a great show it's a great movie but it's also like uh i think there's a sylvester stallone movie where he's paid i think it's him where he's paid to go to break out of prison and like his whole thing oh i think it's a very fun. I think it was a very cheesy. But I didn't actually watch it. Isn't most of that story fake? Huh? Because it's a movie?

No, not that one. Did Sylvester Stallone really get paid to break out of jail? Yeah, he did. Okay. Whatever you say. But yeah, he's a security person who like his whole thing is to test the security.

Yes, you like find the holes in the system. Yeah. What a fun idea. Yeah. So, you know, if you're ever caught shoplifting, which we don't condone, by the way, but if you ever are, it happens. Yeah, it happens. You could say, oh, I have actually been sent by Sycamore Holdings to find the stores with the... True.

And honestly, then you look at them, give them two thumbs up and say, A plus, because you caught me. I'm going to give this a great rating. Make sure you bring a clipboard. Clipboard. Make it look official a clipboard. Clipboard. Make it look official. True. So let's see. What do I have?

Oh, this is kind of stupid. This is by Sam Three Stars. Over 11 years ago. Hot topic is hot topic. Want to be original? Use your mind to sh... Oh, wait, sorry. It is technically what it says.

What? I put the emphasis on the wrong syllable. I said that to Em once and- That's hilarious. I've never heard that before. Are you serious? Yeah, that's funny. Em said that too and I was like- It's like po-buddies nerfect? Yes! Yeah. And I said that and was like, what the hell? Did you just come up with that?

And I was like, no, I learned that in like 8th grade. Wow. Okay, anyway. That's great. I should have said I came up with it because apparently you wouldn't have called me out either. I'm sure I've heard it. I just, every time I just, it's fresh and new. It's brand new to you, yeah. So this is, let me say this again. Three stars by Sam.

Hot topic is hot topic. Want to be original? Use your mind to shop, not the system. What? As he writes 601 reviews on Yelp. And they all probably say the same thing. Yeah. Every store.

What does that mean? Use your mind, not the system. What does that mean? Sinner. I'm probably using the system. Use your mind. I'm probably not using my mind. Probably not.

Probably not. I fall for things so easily. Does he just walk around eating Auntie Anne's pretzels like just like judging all the mall stores i mean yeah i buy like every other instagram ad i see so okay that's not true because half of them are like cat litter and i'm like i don't even have a cat oh my god i just spend so much time around cats yeah i guess you just are surrounded by cats. Yeah. But if you want to contribute to the litter... No. No? Okay.

That's okay. The litter fund. That's okay. Here's a one-star review. I bet you have other better things to do with your $9 billion, huh? I like that a $9 billion rich person gets Instagram ads for cat litter. I feel like that's probably so not how it works. Probably not. not yeah what would

those look like i don't know billionaires instagram ads i i hate it it's probably like just probably just like fancy black market stuff like where you're buying people at that point oh god okay fucking billionaires i was thinking it would be like really expensive resorts and shit like okay you know see that i don't know I don't know. I don't know. I don't get that. This is of a Hot Topic. This is at Nebraska Crossing, which is in Gretna, Nebraska.

But this location has permanently closed. So this is a review from five years ago. This is a one-star review. This is by Talia. Today, my little brother, 12, went into Hot Topic to buy me a Christmas present. This is a one-star review. This is by Talia. Today, my little brother, 12, went into Hot Topic to buy me a Christmas present. The present he was trying to buy me was around $12. He saved up all summer to buy his family presents.

He didn't have all of it in bills, so he paid $7 in bills and $7 in quarters. When he went to the cashier, she said that she would not take his money because she didn't want to count it out at the end of the night. When approached by my mother's friend, the lady asked if she had heard of paper currency. Whether you are an adult or child,

you should be able to pay in any form of cash if cash is accepted. I'm truly appalled by this and will no longer be shopping at Hot Topic. That makes me really sad. Isn't that sad? He was trying so hard. He earned all his quarters and he was trying to buy a present.

I just thought, have you ever heard of paper currency? Have you ever heard of a $5 bill? And it's not even that much. Like in quarters. It's not like pennies. If it were pennies, I'd be like, oh, man. That's rude.

That's so rude. Especially to a 12-year-old. Like if it were like a 30-year-old dude, maybe you'd be like, oh, come on. But a 12-year-old kid, like, you're traumatizing that child for the rest of his life. This is how people like me end up not and end up becoming antisocial because like yeah we're just scared of incidents like this yeah this poor kid i'm scared of asking people for change just because i've had so many bad experiences of going to store or something and being like oh can i have oh in exchange yeah yeah yeah yeah

i thought you meant like change I deserve. Be the change. That's why I always say be the change, you know? I am the change. You are. And that's why you don't even have to worry about it. Got it. If they're like, do you want your change?

You're like, I am the change. Hello. Read a book. Okay. This is. Sorry. I'm feeling very weird today. I can tell. Okay.

Okay. This is a three star review of Hot Topic. It's by Gabby. This was from 2016, by the way, just while we're building out this kind of time capsule situation. Not really how a time capsule works to have like 14 years worth of stuff in the time capsule, but a timeline, maybe, I'm trying to say.

Three stars. Hot hot topic is just okay now but i miss the glory days they have cute trendy chokers and stuff for very cheap but they also sell one direction shit which i'm sorry is not punk at all justin bieber maybe is a little punk because he is such a badass so i'll allow it it. I feel like this, sorry, I'm just having a moment. I'm picturing Gabby speaking at the Sycamore Holdings board meeting where she's like, I'll allow it, but the One Direction has got to go. And they're just taking notes. Gabby knows what the fuck she's talking about.

Our key demographic here. Yeah, I think she does. I approve. Yeah, Justin Bieber's a badass so bad especially in 2016 yeah drake while cool is not punk also fair also correct i don't think drake would argue with that either to be fair i don't think anyone's arguing anyway they still have pierce the veil stuff which is not what i listen to anymore because I am no longer seen. But I am glad to see that they are keeping the seen tradition alive.

Well, this review is stupid. But the point is, I feel Hot Topic has lost a bit of its brand identity that made it so fun to shop at when I was 12. But it's still I. End of review. So. Yeah, I think so many of these reviews have the problem of people growing up yes exactly they grow up and then exactly they're better about how things are now yeah like how they viewed things back then exactly resentful about how things change and you know i get it at least

they still have pierce the veil though true. True. Pierce the Veil. Always, always. Keeping Hot Topic relevant. Keeping Hot Topic relevant. Is that right? Probably not. I have one more. Okay, great. This is of the other Hot Topic in Omaha, Nebraska. One star.

This is by Albert. Great. If you're a preteen angsty rebel, don't worry, parents. Let them go through the phase. The lucky ones will become druggies and punks. The unlucky ones will grow up to be alcoholic pill poppers like yourself.

End of review. Oh, geez. That was hit a little close to home there. As I'm drinking my wine. No, i'm not drinking right now i promise but wow that that's quite a statement they're making i'm just picturing all my friends and stuff who um used to shop there and i feel like that doesn't really apply to most i don't think so because i feel like being such a big business everyone shopped there at some point i was telling lisa earlier we were at lunch and i was like oh our our topic is hot topic she's like the store i love that store it's

my favorite i go there all the time and i'm like see yeah and it's just so silly and this person lisa's barely a drug addict okay barely Pill popping. This person had all five star reviews except for that one. Whoa. They don't have that many, but they have at least 20 it looks like. Wait, Alex Zinner. And they're all positive. And they have a couple negative. Alex Zinner?

Yeah. What? This person 12, five years ago or seven, whatever years ago and brought a bunch of quarters to a hot topic and now is getting his revenge this is a villain origin story this is it you're right it's 12 year old jimmy or whatever his name is jimmy the 12 year old the quarter the quarter kid quarter kid they call him jimmy the quarter kid he'd go around all the stores god it's so sad that's why there's another negative one but you can't say his name apparently the a and w in la vista nebraska also slighted him as a 12 year old with quarters had to buy a

root beer float yeah with nickels as did amigos slash king's classic in papillion nebraska i gotta say oxen or tell me we gotta be careful if you say his name three times, he's said to appear. Quarter kid? Yeah. I'm not doing it. I'm scared. No, stop it. Stop it. I'm scared. Dilbert's quaking. Who's quaking? Dilbert's over there. Oh, Dilbert.

The candy machine. He's like, don't let that kid stick quarters in me. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, I found another one that I meant to read. This is by Susie and it's one star and it says crap topic is more like it. So I got them. I think that got them. So true though.

So true though. Let's see. Oh, here's a fun little like connection. This is a one star by Anna. Auntie Anna's? is that the connection yes oh my gosh but her mouth is full so i can't really understand she says one star they appear to be playing an entire drake. Shame on Hot Topic. I am never coming back. End of review.

So, I mean, apparently this is like a trend. If I walked into a Hot Topic and they were playing Drake, I'd probably walk out too. I don't know. This is not the vibe today. Like, that's not. I don't think that's ever the vibe in Hot Topic. I think this was the same Hot Topic location,

so maybe somebody just was in a Drake phase, like who worked there. You know what I mean? That must be it. Because, like, it's just so specific.'s see do i have any more oh boy yes i do oh no i forgot i forgot okay so this is a one star review by derrick just got out of here with the worst experience purchased two gauges parentheses body piercing after purchasing them i stepped out of the store and tried to put one of them on sadly they were

way too big and didn't get close to fitting parentheses like trying to put a ping pong ball up your nostril it's not gonna happen okay but you get it i don't know i i don't have gauges i i don't know anyone who does like in my personal life but i feel like he wants to keep it that way if i saw a ping pong that's not what i said if i saw a ping pong ball i'd look at it and say that definitely wouldn't fit up my nose right would this person not be able to see the gauges and say, this definitely won't fit in the hole in my ear? They say, much like the ping pong balls I shoved up my nose earlier, I think I might be able to make this work. You know what I mean, though? Yeah, that's not really a great comparison.

It's not a great comparison. If they hadn't said that, I would have been like, okay, I just misjudged. It's like saying how ridiculous that this would fit in my ear. And it's like, well, you just bought it. Yeah, you're the one who paid for it. And tried to put it in your ear. i know what's coming next they're gonna be annoyed they couldn't return it you know exactly what's coming whenever body piercings come up people are like how why can't i return this to be fair like sometimes people take them out and

take them out of the store and then like go back in without but this time he literally said he tried to put it in which is like i don't want i don't think that's literally admitted to it at all what don't you why don't you just get the next size down then work your way up to it isn't that how gauges work i don't know yeah something like that huh um so i went so it's like trying to put a ping pong ball up your nostril it's not gonna happen so i went back in the store to return them. And guess what? Happy holidays from the Hot Topic crew. They wouldn't return my earring for some bull excuse of contamination. I tried explaining to the two in behind the counter that there is no contamination issue. I never put the earring on because it was way too big.

Bull crap. Thanks for stealing my money, you two. Good part is you don't even get to keep it. Hot Topic CEO just got richer. Cha-ching for sycamore holdings i was like whoa did they say that no okay so that's uh that was of the hot topic in hollywood by the way how can you get like i assume this person has had gauges i would have other people can you really accepted the return They don't really even understand

the difference between a ping pong ball and a nostril. And a nostril. I can't stick this nostril in my ping pong ball. Oh no, I mixed them up again. Oh, but he's nerfed. Okay, this is my last one

and it is A Redemption. It's five stars by Astrid. I always wanted to be cool, but I was always too insecure to rock a style fully. Hot Topic for me was like where cool and danger had sex. I still listen to Alice in Chains and dream of one day being able to hang out at the mall and walk into Hot Topic without fear of a standout is this me i was gonna say i did you write this review except i don't listen to alice in chains i listen to like gonna fool me bony bear and like taylor swift so i'm really i feel like i'm really not even close to this person's level what have you listened to the new album uh no okay me neither and my friends are like, what are your thoughts?

And I'm like, I've been so not. I'm so glad you said no because I just felt really ashamed when you asked me that because I've already saved it on Spotify. But all I do is listen to like kids, Raffi and kids music nowadays. I haven't listened to music in a while. It's hard to listen to music. When I'm in a place and I'm not a good place, I don't listen to music. It seems like it doesn't do it for you. And also my car doesn't play my music anymore, so I only have the radio. Yeah.

So I've been listening to Doja Cat because she's all over the radio. She's all over the radio. I fucking love Doja Cat. Yeah, she's everywhere. I love Doja Cat. I've always liked Doja Cat, but now I love Doja Cat. Well, I gotta be honest. She's not really punk enough for me.

Oh, that's fair. Yeah. That's fair. That's why I listen to allison james also by the way every time they mention hot topic they do it in the stylized format where all the letters are capitalized which cracks me up because it takes a little bit of effort how many stars is this five so this might be a plant oh my my my this is someone from sycamore holdings yeah their picture oh their profile picture is a big tree with all the v's in it oh my god i can't believe it figured it out they're like i uh i was just there the other day uh shoplifting and people are like what the fuck

are these v's that you're talking about does anybody know what i mean probably you make a trunk and then branches and then v's are like the twigs, right? Yeah, yeah. You do a V and it splits it into two branches and then you do another V, splits it into twigs. Yeah. You get it. Yeah. Okay.

The only time I ever walked in was the day before Halloween 2005. By the way, this was written in 2021. Yeah, 2021. This is a plan. This has to be, what okay the only time i ever walked in was the day before halloween 2005 i wanted to be a ghoul with capital g this is definitely someone who's never dressed up for halloween right like this is a board member of sycamore holdings or whatever because they're like i wanted to be be a ghoul. Like, what the fuck?

So out of touch, you know? I wanted to be a ghoul and couldn't find any costumes at any stores. So my mom suggested we go to the scary Halloween costume store in the Glendale Galleria. You can see where this is going. I mean, I can't at this point, but I guess maybe some people can. All excited for my perfect Halloween costume, we walk into the mall and go upstairs and walk toward all the hot, cool kids. And I start walking slightly slower because that's freaking hot topic. OMG.

No, mom. No. Do you have any ghoul costumes here? I say to the man behind the counter. What's a ghoul? No. It's like I'm embarrassed just reading this can you imagine the mom my son's looking for a ghoul costume what's a ghoul oh no my god i'm sweating i'm sweating too what's a ghoul it's like a zombie but not really even i didn't know what

the difference was no we don't sell costumes here. I was Jimi Hendrix that year. End of review. What? Five stars? Okay. Just leave them guessing, you know. I'm guessing.

I'm guessing, indeed. I'm always guessing. I mean, he did say, like, you see where this is going, and I said, I absolutely don't. And I didn't. But show me the way. I was shown the way, and it was not the way I expected to go. Not at all. So that's my last one.

I was Jimi Hendrix. I love how the guy goes, well, what's a ghoul? And it's like, they don't even sell costumes, but he just is like, I just need to know what that means. What's a ghoul? What's a ghoul? Hot ghoul summer. Actually, good question. When they said it's like a zombie

i was like is it is that what ghoul is and then they go i don't even know what it is i don't know what it is a ghoul is an evil spirit or phantom especially one supposed to rob graves and feed on dead bodies okay that is sort of like a zombie imagine yeah imagine if that's what they said well it's someone someone who robs graves and feeds on dead bodies honestly they'd probably be like oh right this way right this yeah it's behind the the drake uh the drake album drake album i don't know all right time for my challenge again this was from griffin he they who uh wanted me to find reviews reviews where someone had positive things to say about a place's soap or air freshener, but I only found soap. Great.

So as you could probably guess, most people were saying, oh, there's no soap in the... So like most of the complaints, it was one stars about how terrible the soap was or how there wasn't any soap or blah, blah, blah. That makes sense. But I found some good ones. So this one is a three-star review. This is of Leche Cafe and Bookstore in Norwalk, California. Three stars by Georgina.

I'm only going to read the first paragraph. Okay. So just a slow start to our challenge. Very cute decor and Spanish music playing in the background and a bathroom soap named Orchid Petals and Mint Water. How lovely. The lack of AC is getting us close to leaving here as soon as i finish my sandwich

continue to read for its review we're not going to i think the soap put me at ease like it's it sounds like something you'd find in a spa i orchid petals and mint water you know i was somewhere recently great i know this isn't about me I'm going to make it about me for a minute. Okay. As I do. I was somewhere recently and the soap smelled so damn good. Uh-huh. Where were we? Were you with me? I was there?

I don't know. You said, like, so emphatically. I thought maybe you were there. Oh, tell me. Because I've been reading about lots of people who think soap smells good. Yeah, you're like, I know all about this experience. But no, it was somewhere where I was like, holy shit. I, like like weirdly wanted

to ask them where they get their soap because it smelled so lovely and it was like such a surprise but i didn't bring it but someone left a question for a business on yelp asking where they got their soap because it smelled so good and the business never responded it was like three years old too oh no i'll think about it i feel like i don go many places, so I don't know where it would have been. My next one's a five-star review. This isn't quite about the smell or anything, but this is of Devin's Pub and Cigar Bar. This is in Denver, Colorado. And this is a five-star review.

This is by Tony. Excellent service. Excellent customers. Excellent experience. this is by tony excellent service excellent customers excellent experience soap dispenser works even after two years promote kendra great worker end of review she keeps that soap dispenser spick and span i love that it's like the standard is oh this thing's working after two years soap dispenser five stars also i love that he's keeping track. Somebody must be WD-40ing the soap dispenser to keep it smooth. And I respect that Tony goes and uses the soap enough to know that it's still good, that you wash your hands.

Do you think every time he pauses and he's like, please, please work. And it works. He's like, thank God, another month. You did it, old buddy. And that was 11 months ago. So we're coming up on another year. So I'll look out for it. Bookmark that for sure. For sure.

A three-year update. Yeah. Also, I left Kendra's real name in there because I think Kendra deserves that promotion. Kendra absolutely deserves a fucking raise. Okay, my next one is a little different. This is a photo with a caption of City Seafood and Steakhouse. This is in Mahonoy City, Pennsylvania. Okay.

M-A-H-O, sorry, Mahonoy. Mahonoy. Mahenoy? They probably call it like Mahaney or something. I know, it's probably like Mahonoy. Mahanoy. Mahanoy? They probably call it, like, Mahaney or something. I know. It's probably, like, Mahanoy. M-A-H-A-N-O-Y. City.

Pennsylvania. Are you, like, trying to figure out how to say it? Mahoney? Mahaney? I don't know. Mahanoy? Mahanoy? You know what it reminds me of?

The SpongeBob? Yeah! Meenoy. That's all I can think about. That's so good. So, this is a photo that was uploaded by patricia so patricia uploaded a photo with the caption really cool reminder on the bathroom soap dispenser do you want to guess what the soap dispenser says employees must wash hands for 20 seconds no oh um is it only 20 seconds live live laugh love no you're on the right track kind of smile no it takes more muscles to no that's a good guess but no uh you're missing a key element

key element oh um soap is oh a clean uh cleanliness next to godliness you're getting closer but i'm just gonna that's that's the closest okay i'm just gonna read it that's pretty good though it says wash your hands and say your prayers because jesus and germs are everywhere end of soap dispenser isn't that hilarious if i had gotten that right you probably would have had to arrest me or something. Because like, why? Why would I ever know that? Why would I ever? Probably because you own it. Probably because I made it on my Cricut machine

or something. It looks like a Cricut made kind of looking thing. Oh, I'm sure it is. Wow, Alexander, that is honestly beautiful, you know. I'm going to put that on a beautiful wooden engraving in my kitchen. Please. This next one is a little different. We're going in reverse.

This is of Glen Avenue Soap Company in Columbus, Ohio. Okay. They make soap. Oh, do they? Here's what this challenge is all about. Wow. Here's a five-star review. Oh, good.

I was going to say, if it's negative, then that's a real bad sign. No, this is by Bernice. What a gem of a find this store is. I stopped by today after discovering their soap in the bathroom at Lavash. Highly knowledgeable owner and a really wonderful variety. Baby soaps, baby wash, bath, bonus, shaving, lather, bar, foam, soap, etc. I'll be back for sure. Do they mean bath bombs?

I have no idea what they meant uh wow and lavash cafe is a columbus ohio um place and they must stock i'm saying and somebody like kendra probably knows what brand it is and sent the business to kendra the one who deserves a raise from earlier oh yeah yeah yeah yeah someone an employee like that who deserves a raise from earlier oh yeah yeah yeah yeah someone an employee like that who deserves a raise was like i'll tell you exactly where we get our beautiful soap it's from this small business restaurant supply depot oh i mean amazon i mean um no i just think that's great that they're like sending people to another small business and that's why i'm mad at that one yelp page for not responding about true that's why i'm mad at me for not remembering where the hell i smelled that great soap i don't know i'm trying so hard i'm not trying very hard

it's a lie trying somewhat mediocre um you're doing your best thank you it's not much but it's your best it's really not uh this is a review of public coffee public Coffee Roasters Public with a K in Salt Lake City, Utah. This is a five star review. This one is a lot. Okay. A lot that's not relevant to soap, but it's like

I don't know. I feel like I have to read it. It's not bad. It's five stars. It's by Peter. Wow. Very impressed. Now I understand why many of Public's reviews are so extensive.

Public represents what it means to pursue excellence in both creating and cultivating what is excellent and best in culture, in community, in creation, and in humanity. Is there like a word count he's trying to hit? I don't know. He just said like three of the same things in one sentence. Yeah, excellent over and over again. Okay. Is there like a word count he's trying to hit? I don't know. He just said like three of the same things in one sentence. Okay. At least it's positive.

No, it is. Listen, you were the one who warned me, okay? I warned you and now you're still complaining. It's a lot. Food. I have had plenty of avocado toast in my life. Publix is far and above the others. Coffee.

I'm not familiar with coffee jargon, but their latte was top notch. Space. One of the most creative, open, and inspiring spaces I have worked. They even have some of the coolest soap I have ever used. Never thought those words would come out of my mouth. All this to go along with excellent service. I cannot recommend this place enough.

End of review. Lovely. And Christina, this place had so many reviews mentioning their soap. Really? Let's see. One said there was no soap, but the rest were like talking about how great it was. They were like, I came just for the soap said there was no soap, but the rest were like talking about how great it was. They were like, I came just for the soap and there's no fucking soap.

Everyone on Yelp told me to come for the soap. Yeah, it was like a powdered soap. And so someone said they hated it, but they still left a positive review. Someone called it a sugar scrub hand soap. And then someone said that the soap they used was a powdered soap, which reminded them of their elementary days. Oh, my. It was a weird mix of talking about this soap.

But apparently, public coffee roasters has, whether or not you like it, it's soap worth talking about. Let me tell you. Everyone's talking about this soap. Everyone's talking about this soap. I got to be honest, though. When you were talking about the food was the best or whatever i kept thinking public's like the like public's food was the best i'm like really not the same not the same no but duncan has pretty good avocado toast so i'm curious to see what public has going for it okay this is a two-star review of a la quinta by windham university area chapel

hill the university la quinta okay two stars blaze used to have the la quinta credit card because he really i didn't know that was a thing yeah it's not anymore we were like so sad because it went away and we were like were we the only ones who had one because they were Because they just shut it down, which I feel like rarely happens with a business credit card. But yeah, we used to go. Because they were dog friendly. Yes, that's right. And so in every town in the Southwest, if we were going anywhere in California or whatever, we'd always use this little La Quinta card and stay in a La Quinta with Gio.

I still have an Alaska Airlines credit card. You do? Yeah, because I used to go to Portland all the time. I cancel that shit. I know. They tell you not to cancel your... I don't know what to do about credit cards anymore. I know. I don't either. Well, you do have $9 billion so I feel like you could probably just afford the fees.

Oh, you heard it. It's all mine. Not $4.5 billion. All nine is mine. Uh-oh. You have zero. I have billion no okay this is i have 69 000 and you have the rest i thought it would be funny i accept but then i signed the paperwork and realized oh this joke wasn't worth it oh man okay this is a two-star review of the la quinta in term north carolina um i imagine if i had nine billion dollars and a la quinta credit card and i was like i just need those discount points for my dog it's like that bullshit that like people say about warren buffett like oh he's

so frugal like oh he probably stays at like yeah no he's a fucking billionaire it's not because he's he's not a billionaire because he's fucking frugal. Yeah, that's a lot of people are frugal and a lot of people are not billionaires. It's such bullshit. Anyway, sorry. He drives a Toyota. I'm like, cool. So do I.

Big fucking whoop. Anyway. Here's a news review. I'm just going to read the first sentence. I just love yelling about Warren Buffett out of nowhere. Me too. Just the first sentence here. The best part wasren buffett out of nowhere me too just the first sentence here the best part was the pantene soap in the bathroom end of review that's shampoo don't

put that on your hands um yeah and then they complained about some things that were just normal have you ever used shampoo as soap have i yeah i used to like oh instead of like like you know three in one oh sure like yeah i used that in high school and stuff for sure i probably did too um but i never used bar soap like i hated bar soap do you still hate bar soap yes really yes that's good because i almost mean i'd use it i do for your last birthday but then i went to labor and i never picked it up from yeah i'm not kidding they had like this like really cool like a vegan like okay system i don't know it was cool but it was literally i would have used imagine i would have given that

to you with a bunch of potatoes and you would have been like what the fuck christine you know nothing about me anyway i went into labor and didn't pick it up so honestly probably seems like it was for the best um that's hilarious i i love bar soap but i think i'm the i think i'm the outsider on that i feel like most people don't i don't get it i mean it's probably it's better for the environment it's definitely better which is why i used a shampoo bar for a while. Yeah. But it stopped having, it's effectiveness. Those are very tough to like find the right one.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that my set also included a shampoo bar. I would have used it though. I know you would have. Because you're a good boy. I try. But, oi, that's funny. Okay.

I've got one more. Pantene is a shampoo. I just need them to know that before we continue i mean someone's gonna tweet at me and be like they make a hand soap they make body wash they make yeah which like a body wash also is not like a hand soap yeah i mean it doesn't matter like don't i understand that it's the same but it's still kind of weird that they have whatever yeah you tell them i find it weird whatever um my next and final one is a review of queen city coffee and juice this is in rochester minnesota everyone trying to take our name queen city coffee so true yeah queen city what where is it cincinnati this freaking place charlotte like those fuckers get off get out of here get out of here cincinnati is a real queen city read a book five stars read a

book grow up educate yourselves get over it here's a five-star review this is by michael loved the miss meyers clean day soap in bathroom. Pretty sure it was basil scented and it was fantastic. Also, on a basketball court? What a great concept. Creative and unique. Can't say enough good things. I haven't tried the juice yet, but the coffee is substantially cheaper than any other coffee shop of this caliber. For sure.

And there was a dog boner end of review boner i don't know no they ruined it i was like i think this is a perfect review and then right as the words began to come out of my mouth i don't know i don't know i wish i hope they tried to say bonus but i don't think so no i can't chris and boner makes no sense it has to be bonus it has to be bonus but I love that they said boner. I hate it. Boner! Also, the basil Miss Meyers is a beautiful scent.

Okay, I'm not familiar. It's honestly very lovely. I mean, this is the first one where I'm like, hell yeah, I can totally relate. Because of the boner? Because of the boner. Because I love Miss Meyers soap. It's good stuff. It's good stuff.

You know what maybe they did christina this person did they write boner on purpose i think so oh boy just like not after a dog you know like say it about something else yeah that's true like that part is what made it uncomfortable to me thing you you you appreciate boners of all kinds but not those yeah listen understand you know it's like good coffee, whatever. But like, leave the dog out of it. Jesus. Like, there's another one where they say in all caps, you bring a raspberry margarita,

not no dang blueberry pooperita. Okay. So they. And another time. So they have a way with words is what you're trying to tell me. They do. In one, they said, dare I say, Tummy said yummy. Okay.

Well, I officially can't stand this. And then it said, Tummy did say yummy. You'll get a yummy from me, Tummy. This sounds now like a Common Sense Media review, and I don't really have the room for it. Another place they said, did you know you can mix two beers to make one beer that is sexalicious? Okay. All right. And then they said overall place was litter than titties.

All right. Okay. All right. And then they said, in this one place, the men on the wallpaper in the women's bathroom, so apparently their name isn't Michael. Okay.

I just made that up. Their first name was not gender specific and there's no profile picture. So I made an assumption because I said boner in the review, which was fair. But in our experience, that's usually the, I'm sorry. The fairer sex, the male sex who says things like that. Yeah. They said the men on the wallpaper in the women's bathroom were very pleasing to the eye whilst I emptied myself. Woof.

Woof-a-roo. Out, sinner. I've had enough. And then they're like, and the basil scent of Miss Myers was top notch. I'm going to leave us on emptying themselves. Sinner, that's fucking gross. Christina, you're welcome. Is that it?

That's my last one. Damn. Okay, well, good job i guess so much so uncomfortable now um well thank you you did a great job with that thank you um i haven't checked since like yesterday or the day before but our patreon um comments i think the most liked comment under the hot topic poll which obviously won is reviews of our dad's mail no yeah shut up what do you mean i don't know okay like they i don't know what that would entail like i think we would look up the places that mail send mail well remember i did weird shit

i did that one of signals catalog yeah see exactly Or we can just go through it and talk about it. He gets a lot of from Peruvian alpaca farms. Oh my God. I'm not kidding. There's so much there. There's a lot there if we wanted to do that.

Especially because it's catalog season. If you want to vote, it is catalog season, folks. Patreon.com slash Beach2Sandy. For $5 a month, you can vote on our polls

and then you get a bonus episode each month. $ then you get a bonus episode each month two dollars you get the bonus episode but you don't get to vote you don't get to vote yeah we vote on november 8th but we like to suppress our voters yeah you're like a convict in america unless you have good big money convicted felon who's not allowed to vote because you only pay two dollars a month i'm listen i'm just spitting facts yeah but please do vote by the way but please vote oh in real life in real life and on our poll about our dad's vote vote vote vote please vote very important please do don't if you're putting it off and like you can go early like i i'm planning on doing yeah just go i just

put in for my absentee ballot because i'll be traveling so you know you can do that too that's an option not anymore not in ohio unless you mail in a thing and it's already too late to do it i'm pretty sure oh okay well then don't do that just fucking go stupid yeah and don't let them stop you okay also speaking of patreon um we're about to do a bonus episode for patreon and it's halloween themed and you don't want to miss it. Let me just say that. Okay. I just have some stuff.

Can I miss it? No, I'm excited. Bye.