Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 209: Reviews of Towns with Lewd Names

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

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This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Out one pond and into the next. Oh my God.

I didn't know we were ready. This is, and that's why, no, this is Beachy. Hey. I got a little too over eager. This is Beachy Sandy, water too wet. And we were just recording our Patreon bonus. We were. That was fun.

It was. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving themed. I revealed a little bit about my past self and some troubling behavior. It was news to me and it was alarming. It was about the Backstreet Boys. It was. That's all.

I was waiting on an email that's really important. And for some reason, it's just, you know, I received confirmation that it has been sent to you. Well, check my spam one more time. Check spam again. Nope. Are you serious? I'm serious, Christina. Your most likely sketchy, weird greeting card is not in my email.

How would you know that? It's not a... I just have a feeling. It's not a greeting card is not in my email how would you know that it's not a i just have a feeling it's not a greening card i have a feeling it is okay uh i'll update you all as we go this is just i'll give you the live play-by-play as i can't wait get the email because i'm always on my phone when we record because i'm not paying attention to her. Here is your episode for today. It is about lewd town names. Yeah, it is. And how fitting. How fitting that the two of us who grew up in PP Township, Ohio,

which is what I like to nickname Cincinnati every now and then. I don't know, Alexander. Talk to me. Why I never heard of pp township yeah what and what where does that name come from i think that's important and that's something that actually irrelevant i typed in pp and then literally it says it auto filled in pp poo poo and i'm like that's i'll google that one later yeah pee pee poo poo comes later leona's been on your computer with all the words she knows so far that's geo actually oh true okay it says it's one of 14 townships of pike county ohio don't you don't people love when i we do the

research during the episode no actually okay i hate it but i love it um it takes its name from pee pee creek so that really doesn't leave us anywhere. That doesn't help us at all. Oh, here we go. Which was so named when an early settler, this is real, inscribed his initials P dot P dot on a tree along its banks. That is hilarious. So he tried his best to really mark this spot as like an important place. And everyone said, okay, we're going to call it PP Creek.

Man, imagine how people if people how people would feel if they had named a planned parenthood back then oh they saw the pp and were like oh what two p words planned parenthood thing we can think of let's name it and people in ohio are just like people in ohio are just like i know pp starts with pp um no i think p PP Township is a lovely name. I would like to shout out Grace, who is at fault for this. Oh, sure. Grace suggested this theme not only over email, but also on Patreon. And then said, now I'm realizing it's a lot harder to find good reviews than expected.

Yeah, it was a little hard. But she included a few that I'm going to be reading. So it was pretty easy for me because i just i'm reading what grace sent me oh good um also also also is that my greeting card what is happening oh is this a theme for pp township they're like anthem anthem i have not got an email please tell me christina i have not gotten wait i have an email hold on oh no it's here alice why is your name alice your name's not alice it was more timely when i originally sent it half an hour ago wait wait wait Alice likes to run remember

oh we're like doing a joke about our Patreon only episode that we haven't even released yet no special reason or any special day dot dot dot what is this oh it's a grating.

Just popped up to say hello to ya. It's a weird chipmunk thing. Does it do anything else? It's just waving at me. It's just waving. And his mouth is like... Did you see my special message? You got...

It sounded like, unless, dot, dot, dot, from 1968 plastic onions. No one in this episode will have any idea what this means. I know, but if you're a patron, you'll get it. Christina, you are so manipulative. Why? Trying to get them to pay us money. To be fair, I tried to make you open it during Patreon and it just didn't come through. True, you did, you did.

It just came through. And we've got episodes to record, so we're busting them out. Also, I love that they automatically do comic sans. Oh, it's lovely. Y'all, if you'd like to see the card for yourself, you can go to www.123greetings.com. Type your e-card number. Ready? I got the e-card number.

It is ridiculously long. Okay. But I'm going to read it anyway. So if one of you is weird enough. It is ridiculously long. Okay. But I'm going to read it anyway. So if one of you is weird enough to go look this up. Wow. Okay. Oh, I can save it as a PDF also. Why?

I don't know. Okay. 1-1-2-2-8-9-2-2-3-1-3-4-4-4-5-1-8-4-518-456. I will say also that in the patron episode, I mentioned that I used to use this website when I was in middle school to just fill. I would just put everyone's emails and send e-cards. And I said back then they were free. And Alex and I said, I think they're still free. And then I went and checked out the website and it has literally not been updated.

I don't think since like 2005. And they're still free. There's a lot of ads, but it's still free. And this is not an ad, believe it or not. No, I know. Just so you all know. I'm just so impressed. We don't get paid by them.

No, I'm sorry. I know this is also nothing relevant, but I needed you to see it. Anyway. Well well what i was gonna say about grace yeah oh yeah sorry let's get back to grace much more importantly let's get back to grace is that she said uh just a heads up because a lot of uh lewd names are actually come from indigenous yes i did notice that as well origins like lewd names that quote unquote that people that were in the thrillrillist list, for example. I noticed a few where I went, I don't think that's.

Yeah. I want to be cognizant of that. So I was very, I'm very relieved that PP Township is. Yeah. Fair game to absolutely mock. Yeah. Because that is a ridiculous name. Some asshole carving into a tree, which like, don't do that first of all, you know.

But like, good. Now, are you happy? Your town's called PP. I mean, I'd be kind of happy about that. He's a PP head. At least it's not Planned Parenthood. He probably would be less happy about that. What a legacy.

What a legacy. Anyway, do you want to go first? Sure. I have a review of PP Township. Yay! I didn't look because I knew you were going to look this up immediately. This is from Grace. Oh, Grace looked it up.

Okay. This is five stars. Honestly, visiting PP Township was an eye-opening and life-improving experience. I moved there after my wife's boyfriend decided I wasn't needed anymore, and so they sent me to PP expecting me to live a horrible life. Luckily for me, though, I had a lot of fun and met my new wife here. End of review. What in the world?

I think it's just a joke. Okay. I was like, this sounds like when your therapist says, why don't you rewrite the narrative that would have been a healthier way for this to play out? And then I'm like, okay, I i'm gonna rewrite it as if it happened i feel like that's almost what this feels like like a fake story like they thought i'd be unhappy but look i'm married to a beautiful lady and we have lots of dogs and money i love pp town reminds me of those uh bumper stickers that say uh my girlfriend's husband fights for your freedom. I've never seen that! Alexander! Oh my god.

It's like, yeah, my wife's boyfriend decided I wasn't needed anymore. Wow. So I don't know if this is like, if that was meant to be a self-deprecating thing or like a uh a thing of calling out his wife or just a fake thing this is his e-pray love moment he went to pp township to like live out his dreams and really find himself yeah i've never read or saw that um i saw it in german i saw the the original author passed away recently, though. Oh, no. Yeah. That's too bad.

She was so young, too. Really? I mean, yeah. Oh, jeez. I know. Anyway, sorry. This is what we do here. We make everything depressing.

That's the point of the show, right? Even my Backstreet Boys thing ended up just kind of sad. True. All right. That was some heavy stuff. Heavy stuff. Okay, so the first place I looked up was Sugar Tit, South Carolina. Hold on.

Man, I'd see, like, when you're podcasting with someone, you've got to time it right. Because if they're not listening and the audience reacts but the other co-host does not react, it just doesn't have the same effect. So I'm going to have to ask the audience right now to pretend they didn't hear that so that when i say it again to alexander in a moment after he's done i just realized that i made that up who just died recently oh i thought you meant the pp township thing you made up um oh no it was the other cooking related um julia julia child julia and julia no no the woman who wrote oh julia and julia yeah that was a good movie sorry yeah the writer of that um julie powell was 49 she passed away no sorry

anyway that was i completely mixed those two up great haven't read or seen those things great let's just let's get back just. Let's get back to this. Let's get back to it. All right. Ready? The first place I looked up was called Sugar Tit, South Carolina. Nice. Okay.

I needed you to react because I said it earlier and you didn't react. And then I told the audience that this is. Because I hear that all the people call me that all the time. This is one of the pitfalls of podcasting is like you need to time your statements. For when you're. For when the other person is listening, which is rare in my case that you're paying attention to me. What? So, Sugar Tit, come on. Oh, I'm here.

Okay, so I looked up the Sugar Tit Moonshine Distillery because why not? And I have a five-star review of that by Frankie. Sorry. Moonshine. I love it. Sugar moonshine i love it i'm so excited great shine but why is bob so cheap love the employees hey bob pay your shiner more he is a master love the place and shine but why is bob such a cheap ass by the way cheap cheap a underscore underscore oh good thank god why is bob such a cheap ass employees make up the cheapness have fun in florida it's not in florida i don't know who you're talking to but anyway and they even posted a picture of them at the distillery so how cute i feel like it was a five star but like kind of

at the distillery so i feel like it was a five star but like kind of also incredibly rude um also how do you know how much the moonshiner guy makes i mean unless he's yeah that's true this seems like like i feel like this is gonna get the shiner in trouble exactly exactly even if he was complaining like you shouldn't put that on the internet yeah and also like the thing is don't get me wrong i think y'all should all talk about how much money you make, salary, stuff like that can be. Being open about that is so helpful. Transparency. Yes, it's so important. That's why we always tell you how we make $9 billion.

Is that how much it was? I forget by now. We just stopped counting after, like, $9.2 billion. Yeah. But I feel like that doesn't stop employers from retaliating, regardless of how legal it is. Oh, absolutely. They'll find a way. They check TripAdvisor and they're like, I'm going to play the long con on this moonshiner I've hired. Yeah. Well, hopefully that shiner does get more money, though.

I'm going to get him where the sun don't shine. Oh, got him. Hopefully that shiner does get more money, though. I'm going to get him where the sun don't shine. Oh, got him. But yeah, wait. Like, one thing I will say, having a good shiner is something. But are there a lot of opportunities for a shiner out there? I don't know.

Like, they called him a master shiner. I'm like, I feel like there are a limited number of slots where this would be a useful skill. But I mean, unless you start your own business. I feel like it's niche enough where it should be paid fairly well. You i mean unless you start your own business i feel like it's niche enough where it should be paid fairly you know what i think we should all be paid very well how about that that's the end of my rant well you mean you and me you mean you and me yeah okay we should be paid very well patreon.com that's what i thought i was just making sure you didn't mean everyone just uh just. Just the two of us. Yeah. Just us, of course.

Zandy Schieffer has sent you an e-card. Oh, yeah. I sent one. Oh, interesting. Right after. Zandy Schieffer has sent you an e-card. There was a pop-up that said, would you like to send this back to Alice? And I said, okay.

And I didn't change the message. Oh, it's the same one? No, I don't think so. Oh, it's a different one? Yeah. Let's check. There's a little pop-up once i open mine there's a lot of pop-ups to be fair yeah but it was i want to warn you before everybody

goes to the uh to the website but it was a pop-up that said would you like to send this back like this a new one but i don't want to spoil it oh of course not because i i couldn't spoil there's music that's exactly what i remember it's a heart and it says thank you and i think there's music that's exactly what I remember it's a heart and it says thank you and I think there's a butterfly it's also a very romantic heart I just hit send

no I unchecked the promotional emails box don't worry I wonder if you know how sometimes big companies like Warner Brothers and stuff will scan YouTube for like any music that's copyrighted. As someone who literally used to do that for a living. Yeah, you do know.

I worked in music copyright. I'm a little worried 123 Greetings will... We're in big trouble. We'll hear this and be like, hang on, that's our proprietary music. Definitely. If there's copyright on that song, I'd be shocked. We worked very hard playing our loot our master shut down our master loot player who we pay very well by the way

worked hard on that too that jingle i love it um well time for my next one this is of intercourse pennsylvania whoa also by gray the gray sent in some winners wow uh this is a three star review the surrounding area is dominated by farmlands the surrounding view is nice but the smell of manure could be minimized end of review could it be minimized though i don't i don't think so i don't think that's one of those things yeah you can't just turn a dial on that you know if it were disneyland they could though oh you know they could just pump out different smells they'd like raise the churro lower the manure it's a little too the balance is off you know wow what a combo yuck yucko um intercourse pennsylvania smells like manure that's my new bumper sticker idea i don't hate the smell

though of manure yeah me neither maybe it's because we grew up in ohio but i guess i don't know i don't mind the smell of but i don't mind that farm smell you know yeah but i also like smell sharpies and gasoline so i'm probably not the world's best judge those also yeah those smell great i'm glad you agree because sometimes people really are not happy when i say that you mean not happy like they're like you shouldn't smell gasoline this is this is usually blaze and i'm like whoa but i want like you're sticking your nose up the pipe sometimes no you're not i'm not um okay so the next place i have is bump ass virginia yeah so let me now that we talked about it make sure that this is just some like uh old white dude's name you know i'm hoping um i'm

assuming that's what's happening because it is a plantation where george washington spent the night on june 10th uh in 1791 i was named for johnumpass, one of the first postmasters in the area. The surname Bumpass, this is the most American thing ever, derives from the French bon passe, meaning good passage. And we were like, oh, Bumpass? Let's name a county after you.

When you're ball hootin', when you go ball hootin', I wish you Bumpass. Bumpass, Virginia. So, of course of course i thought well i i want to find i want to find somewhere that really would like get the history and culture of bump ass across so i found a subway sandwich restaurant in bump ass virginia this is a two-star review by lou stay away from the hawaiian bread for your sub it is a toilet magnet here i love you okay a toilet magnet that seems i feel like i haven't heard the toilet magnet right it means

it just you poop it out right away like your your butt's being drawn to the toilet can you imagine the whole why i didn't even know subway had hawaiian bread they do i think i sure hope so otherwise wow what the heck is he we gotta call the head of subway and let them know this franchise is going rogue uh also of course i oh also sorry in a place called bump ass a toilet magnet like yeah fitting yeah so i looked up what toilet magnets are oh because i didn't really know i didn't get it okay and you just got it so oops i'm gonna tell you what a toilet magnet is anyway not the same yeah i'm i assume that what you're about to say is not what this person meant but i googled toilet magnet thinking maybe this is like a phrase that people say

an idiom could not find anything except this product called toilet magnets from a place called layman's here's the description we all know sometimes it's the crazy things that really work drop magnets into the tank of your toilet and walk away the long-lasting magnets prevent natural minerals that exist in all water from staining your toilet bowl and building up on any metal parts of the toilet lime and minerals flush right down the drain so that's definitely what this man thought that hawaiian bread was putting hawaiian bread in the toilet uh toilet tank and he's like why is this not working oh my gosh all the lime is still building up so sad it is but you know what are you gonna do um not put hawai wine bread in your toilet tank. Okay.

Bombas. That's just such a good name for a town hall. I love that they know the guy had a French name and then everybody just ruined it. Yeah. But I do like, so we've got places like Bombas. I would rather have more of that in our area than the like, quote unquote, mispronounced european names oh yeah like versailles yeah it's really tough like to swallow i'd rather have like bump ass because that's buttermilk pike which i feel like every time we take someone a foreigner from the airport they're

like buttermilk pike oh i guess that is yeah that's a thing there's probably so many things like that that aren't even that weird i mean like i don't know or fucking like ronald reagan i'm like yeah i'm taking ronald reagan to get to some place and i think d was like what what granted like everywhere has those kinds of things everywhere i don't know oh i think i talked about this in episode, but it reminds me of the time when I was in West Virginia and I was on like the Pearl Harbor Survivors Highway. Yeah. But it was like, and I was like, what, just the survivors? Oh.

And then I was like, okay, maybe it's people who literally survived Pearl Harbor and they had a group or something. Yes. I was going to say, they probably were funding the highway. There was more to it, more to it i'm sure but my first thought was like oof that's rude you know what i know ow and also it's like in west virginia this is very felt very random yeah yeah yeah but you're probably right it's probably one of those adopt a highway things maybe like why wouldn't you adopt a panda or something never mind but anyway i think my favorite thing is when you're when you see the adopted highway signs and they're in somewhere rural and typically conservative and it says by the atheists of america have you seen that i have not you have it maybe i'm making that up

but i'm pretty sure that that's a thing that's so funny and it makes me laugh okay my next one is of Knob Noster, Missouri. Knob Noster. Two words. Okay. K-N-O-B and then N-O-S-T-E-R. Knob Noster. Whoa. What state? This is Missouri. Okay.

And Knob Noster was named after two hills, referred to as knobs, and then conjoined with Noster, the Latin word our, as in belonging to the community. Our knob. So they're our knobs. I love that it's two knobs. They could have done like some fun stuff with that. Yeah. But there is indigenous, there are indigenous origins because early excavators of the knobs looking for buried treasure. I love how they're called excavators, like criminals who are looters looting right

exactly because yes indeed uh they found the remains of the native american mound builders that inhabited the area centuries before fascinating yeah and then they were like this is mine now let's call it a knob yeah so here's a one-star review of Knob Noster. This is also from Grace, by the way. Okay, great. Not sure where all this quaint little town nonsense is coming from. If you live on base or one of the newer communities outside of city limits, then driving through the small black heart of Knob Noster, Missouri, could seem quaint. However, if you live near the schools or the so-called downtown, it is anything but. There are loud cars at all hours of the night,

a feral cat problem, backyard breeders that leave their dogs chained outside in all weather and at all times of the day, barking their heads off literally 24 hours a day. I also witnessed a man touching himself at the only four-way stop in this quaint town. Oh my God. I'm originally from a larger city

and never felt the need for a gun there. However, in this quaint little town, I'm quickly I'm originally from a larger city and never felt the need for a gun there. However, in this quaint little town I'm quickly changing my views. Whoa! End of review. Whoa! It was all over the place,

that one. I mean, I was driving down the highway yesterday. I was on Ronald Reagan. And I saw a billboard that said... What highway were you on?

I was on 75 South. And I saw a... Tell me. Smith & Wesson billboard and it said like happy holidays you get a special savings and i was like oh lord uh so yeah they're in there but i mean they're in missouri i feel like um they they got the right place to be for for picking up a i suppose so handgun um and i will say like that does sound pretty small town to me, all that stuff. Yeah. No, yeah. Nothing in there sounds too not small town.

Maybe not quaint. Like, what they mentioned was it's closely associated with White Man Air Force Base. Wait, that's the name of it? It's called White Man. White Man. W-H-I-T-E-M-A-N. No way. This is like, it sounds like a sketch.

It gets worse and worse. It sounds like a comedy sketch. White man base. Okay, I can't. So this is a review of a bowling alley in Blue Ball, Pennsylvania. Nice. I know. And this is unfortunately by someone named Alexander.

Did not make that up. And it's a three-star review. It's pretty cool. They have tons of arcade cabinets. The only place I've been to with more was in Las Vegas. Then again, I've only ever been to South Central Pennsylvania and Las Vegas. That's amazing. Which, by the way, means Blue Ball Pennsylvania and Las Vegas.

And probably Intercourse Pennsylvania. I don't know where it is, but maybe. That's amazing. Which, by the way, means Blue Ball, Pennsylvania and Las Vegas. And probably Intercourse, Pennsylvania. I don't know where it is, but maybe. One problem is that this place is loud. Speakers are often blown out. Crackling and popping in the classic arcade section in the back are so loud it made my ears sore. My friend could feel his ears pounding after playing back there. From anywhere in the arcade, you have to yell to your friends in order to hear them.

I really wish they'd just turn everything down instead of turning everything up. Oh, that reminds me of the dials. The manure dial. Turn down the manure dial. There's a large section of claw games, which is lame because they're all rigged. I don't know why you people look forward to claw... Oh, it does not say you people. Sorry. Wow.

The next line had the word you in it. Anyway. I don't know why people look forward to claw games when they know full well that they actively work against you. The arcade in the So Po Cha or whatever hippie name it's called is lame, but it's made up for with the physical activities you can do. I liked mini bowling the most. Some of the staff were very nice. Some warrants is nice.

I don't blame them. They all probably have permanent hearing loss from the sheer volume. There are other smaller complaints, but these are the most important ones. End of review. Nice. Yeah. That was actually,

I feel like I learned something though. This place has terrible reviews. Like the average on Yelp, I think it was like 2.5 or 3. Oh no. Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't great uh i'm not gonna lie if someone told me oh yeah there's a bowling alley in blue balls

pennsylvania if they start a sentence that way i don't think it's gonna end well i think it's not gonna be a positive sentence great point yeah you're starting off on a deficit i think yeah in that case um but i somebody did say they left with like bags full of stuffed animals from claw machines so yeah see that's why people do it some people are succeeding um my next is also from grace uh who sent this is the last one from grace this is of coming georgia it's a suburb of atlanta and it was said to be named for william coming uh georgia native who made his reputation while serving as a colonel in the u.s army during the war of 1812 oh boy um yes don't you don't you love when they just would be like here you go here's a town yeah back in the day here's

a big building and a city yeah you can have it one day we'll have that she for she for city one day and and it'll probably be a swear word by then or like a dirty people will be like how embarrassing um i'm gonna do my best to read every single word of this review. Great. I might miss some. Oh, okay. Here's a five-star review. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming.

I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming.

I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming.

I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming

I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming

I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming

I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. I love coming. End of review. I hated that. I hated it so much. I hated that I hated it so I hated it for proof to verify that that is what

I'm showing you the screenshot that's heinous someone wrote that well someone copied and pasted it over and over and over

I felt it was my duty as they hit control V and just let it sit and like just fill in till it maxed out. If they knew somebody would one day read this aloud to thousands of people.

Yeah. I just imagine that would have been a beautiful moment for them. Not for any of us who had to hear it. No. But like, you know, you have to understand. I got to a point in that where I couldn't turn back. I couldn't just stop. I had to continue. I just kept thinking it would that where I couldn't turn back. I couldn't just stop. I had to continue.

I just kept thinking it would stop and it just didn't. It just didn't. And honestly, I don't think any of us enjoyed it. I loved it. I'm sure you did. It seemed like you had a great time. Wow. I walked right into that.

You just said, I'm going to try to say every word. And I was like, oh, okay. Interesting. I regret everything. I'm sorry if you're in a car with your family driving home for a holiday. Yeah. I hope you're at work and your thing got unplugged, your headphones started blasting. Oh my gosh. I'm telling you, it's going to be one of those scenarios where people are like, let's just listen to one episode and see if you like it. And then this is the episode. And they're like, it's not usually like this. I feel like they'd be gone by now if they didn't. That's true. They'd be gone when I said 1968 plastic onion greeting cards or whatever.

It's been a rough episode so far. So the next place I have is a review of Hotel Bald Knob in Bald Knob, Arkansas. Nice. Nice. It's a two-star review and the title is not good small rusty refrigs refrigs r-e-f-r-i-g-s don't look at me okay small rusty refrigs parentheses no two-door frigs rs. Rusted tub and toilet, tub with open hole, dead roaches found in fridge. Wait, wait, how did they spell fridge that time? I meant frig. Okay, I was going to say, wow.

I misspoke. So they just think fridge is spelled that way. Okay. Oh, maybe, maybe. I thought, I was like, am I missing something here? Oh, ref... Like, refrig... Refridges.

That's a weird one. Whatever, that one I don't get. But fridge. Okay. Small, rusty refrigs. No two-door frigs. Rusted tub and toilet. Tub with open hole.

Dead roaches found in frig. Bright yellow with electric blue paint. Open elect holes in all walls. No screens. Flat pillows. Unmatched bedding. Warped stains and dressers. Some drawers missing.

Tons of flies, roaches and gnats. Sneakily raises your rate. Bring your own vac mop with fluids. Oh, no. Who's fluids? Bring BYO vac mop with fluids. Thin, scratchy linens. Picks are fake.

End of review. Wow. Date of stay, October 2022. Wow. That's recent. Yeah. And I feel like some of this stuff i don't even remember the town name i got so invested in all these terrible things let me remind you i love

bald knob i love bald knob i love uh small i it's sort of like okay you started with uh the fact that there are no two-door refrigerators but then you just kind of snuck in the fact that inside the one-door refrigerator you found dead roaches just kind of snuck in the fact that inside the one-door refrigerator, you found dead roaches. Yes, yes. I feel sort of like maybe that was more of a priority. I think so. They buried the lead there. They did bury the lead and, you know, BYO vac mop.

What does that mean? Christina, I don't know. Oh, okay. It seemed like you knew what it meant, but I guess not. Why? Because I reacted to the fluids? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, whose fluids?

You think that meant I knew what was going on? Well, because it says bring your own. B-Y-O vac mop. So I feel like then they're probably someone's fluids you're familiar with. So basically saying it's not going to be cleaned when you get in there. So you have to clean it yourself because it's so gross. Bring your own vac mop. Okay. I guess. Okay. Thin, scratchy linens, irrelevant to me.

Also, the bedding doesn't match. Again, a minor complaint as far as I'm concerned. Maybe it doesn't match because the moths ate through it. I don't know. But it seems like maybe that's not the biggest problem. Yeah. You got to a point where you had plenty of ammo here. Yeah, we get it. We agree with you. You didn't need to include that it's mismatched. No one cares about that right to a point where you had plenty of ammo here. Yeah, we get it. We agree with you.

You didn't need to include that it's mismatched. No one cares about that right now. It's also a two-star review. So they've seen worse. So they feel like they could have added more if there were more problems. If they had brought more fluids for their VAC mop. True, true. Maybe they would have.

Oh my goodness. After that coming situation, I'm going to take a break from reading a review and just read a list of town names that Germ sent me. Oh, good. I actually have a list at the end here, too, of my favorites. So I wonder how many of our favorites cross over. Well, Germ, being Australian, sent a bunch of Australian. Oh, good. Okay, so then they're different.

So they probably are. And they were specifically sent to me to keep them away from you. Super nice. Because I'm known as XXXXXXXXXXXXX said because i know she just loves it when you go from xandy to xx xandy so like triple x yeah yeah i hate that um here we go here i'm not gonna read all of them there are a lot of inappropriate names. But I'm just going to read some of my favorites. They even have different categories, like the bottom.

So here, oh, my e-card has been viewed by you. It just told me. Yeah, I took a peek. Good. So here are some of the bottoms, for example. Lovely bottom. Prickly bottom. Officer's bottom. Bo here's some of the bottoms, for example. Lovely Bottom, Prickly Bottom, Officer's Bottom, Boomer's Bottom, Round Bottom, Stumpy's Bottom. And there's Lake Fanny, Bottom Lagoon, The Butts, and Butt of Liberty.

Whoa. There's Fanny Bay, Backstairs Passage, Bum Cooler Flat. Although fanny means the other thing I know what a fanny is In other countries We've got the nipples Mossy nipple bend Breasted sugar loop The boobs

Mount breast White breasted airport We've got Bluey's Knob. Bluey, like the dog. No! That's an Australian show. Oh, no. I know.

Bluey's Knob. No! Two Mile Knob. Red Knob. Scrubby Knob. People love a knob. Clean Skin Knob. Jerking Quee...

Jerking... Jesus. What the F? Jerking Creek. Misery Knob. Funny Knob knob creek spanker knob oh my god um delicate knobby uh also none of these might be actual things i'm just reading from this screenshot and i'm like germs like laughing like yeah these are all made up or something no um then there's a no no hole humongous hole why is no no hole the worst one it's the worst this one guy's dirty hole alexander that sounds like a guy fairy like uh back alley chain uh pensioners bush whoa and then And then my favorite, Tunger's Point. Whoa. Spelled T-O-N-G-U-E-R-S.

Ew. Tunger's Point. These are something. Quality. The whole ones are really bad. Right? There's some really good whole ones. No, no all.

I mean, that's probably the worst one. Like, I gasped. That is probably. That's a good one. I have another review of Hotel Bald Knob. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah, this one is by Madison. It's a one-star review.

Rooms have such a smell of bleach that your eyes will burn, and you will taste bleach for two days after your stay. Oh, they probably actually stayed in the room. The other person brought bring-your-own fluids, and they brought bleach. They brought too many fluids. And you will taste bleach for two days after your stay. Toilets are not anchored to ground, so be prepared to balance. What?

I'm like, these toilets are... Okay. Toilet magnets. Even if they're not anchored? What kind of balancing do you need to do on these toilets? Is it really that... Maybe to sit like above it to like hover oh for how oh i see yeah does it move well i assume if it's not anchored it's

wobbly but if you're hovering over it why is it wobbling well i'm saying you don't want to sit on it because it's wobbly so maybe you have oh i see the wobbling i don't know i don't know i'm making this up making me nervous. We need some toilet magnets to anchor this thing to the ground. Be prepared for other occupants staying at motel to look through your vehicle to see if they want anything you may have.

Nice folks at the front desk that will try to help. End of review. So the rooms got one star and service got two because they did try. They tried. They didn't do anything,

but they tried. They didn't do anything helpful and nothing was fixed, but they tried their best. They didn't hold down the toilet as I sat on it. I asked. Like I asked them to do. My next one was sent in by Kat who sent in a review of Tucker's Grill in Hornetown. Whoa. Yes. That's fun.

Tucker's Grill in Hornetown. I don't even know what state it is uh north carolina so here is the review this is a three-star review this is by kevin just about every state in this great union has a few towns whose names amuse the puerile is that a word p-u-e-r-i-l-e puerile it is it means such an interesting word childishly silly and trivial which i feel like um it's pretty ironic we didn't know what that meant just saying just saying i think it's fitting yeah uh amuse the puerile person in all of us or maybe it's just me. But North Carolina has some really good ones. Horny Town, Climax, and Erect.

The most flagrant one of all. Anyway, Horny Town is home to Tucker's Grill, which will make you a good lunch. It also lets you tell people you went to Horny Town. And then they've reviewed the rest of the food and stuff. I went to Horny Town. Then they said at the end, to summarize, Tucker's Grill serves up a solid lunch in an interesting atmosphere in a place called Horny Town. Parentheses, giggle.

End of review. I love that. Right. I love that they were like, this is a real review, but let's all just acknowledge how silly the place is. They even like on Tucker's Grill on their their door it says best burgers in horny town and surrounding area and surrounding area they just wanted that horny part which means horny town climax and erect wow wow wow um in case you're wondering horny town was named for the horny family of early settlers. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy.

That's hilarious. Once again, these people just thought they were getting a nice legacy. Didn't know what was happening here. Best burgers in Horny Town. The horny family of early settlers. Okay. Okay. So all I have left is a redemption. Okay.

And then a list of my favorite town names from that Thrillist list. So this is a review, a five-star review of Sugar Tit Moonshine. The distiller's. Where the shiner works. Sugar Tit Moonshine Distillery. It's a five-star review by Tigerman777. Title is Great Stop. 777. Title is Great Stop.

After being disappointed a business in Spartanburg was out of moonshine, they recommended me to visit Sugar Tit. That tells you something great about this place when a competitor recommends them. When I arrived here, I met a very nice lady that shared the story about Sugar Tit. Oh, by the way, this is

why I forgot to give a little explanation. I'm sharing this because it gives you the history of why it's called sugar. Do you know? A bird? No, but that's actually a great guess. But this does remind me, can I tell a quick funny story? Always. So yeah, as if I was gonna like care what your answer was. Actually, no. Not too bad. I'm not gonna name names of any of the people or things involved because i think it's funny but like i don't know i don't want to get someone in trouble so what happened was i was at lunch with

a friend who used to work at the place where we were eating lunch and they had told me that there was a time when their bathrooms were all under like like they were doing renovations. So the only bathroom they had was the staff one that was like really tiny and not suitable for customers. So people would come in and ask to use a bathroom and normally they would allow it and they do again now. But at the time they like actually couldn't allow anyone in their bathroom. So one of the people working there was not my friend,

was telling them to go to a specific place across the street, a similar style restaurant, and said, oh, yeah, they're always great about it. Go over there and would always do that. So then my friend, who at the time was like new, heard that and started doing the same thing, saying, oh, yeah, like, we love those like them. Like, they're great. Like, go over there. And then later they talked about this restaurant saying like, oh, yeah, don't we like it or whatever? And the guy was like, oh, no, they're awful.

That's why I would always send people over to them. Oh, no, to use their bathroom. They love it when you go in there and just use the bathroom. Like, yeah, no, we hate them over there. I like how they're trying to be helpful. Like, oh, that's so nice that they let you use the toilets. Oh, geez. I feel like that could turn back on them real fast, though, if the other restaurant was like,

like freaks out at the customers and then they came back and now they're pissed at you. I know, I know. That's what I'm thinking, too. That's why I didn't want to include names. Oh, my God. But yeah, apparently that person doesn't even, neither of them, my friend nor that person, work at that place anymore that we got lunch. That's bad.

Oh, boy. Anyway, so the sugar tit backstory is in this redemption, which is a pretty cool story. When I arrived here, I met a very nice lady that shared the story about sugar tit. She gave me a short little tour of the place. She explained where the name came from, which was interesting, especially to someone from the north that had no idea what it was. A sugar tit was a piece of sugar cane that mothers would put in the mouths of their babies when working the crops in the fields. It has a

tremendous amount of nutritional value. I guess you learn something new every day. So it would be, I mean, it is sort of like exactly what it sounds like. Yeah, a tit made of sugar. The dream. Stop. You said everyone calls you that, so I don't like exactly what it sounds like. Yeah. A tit made of sugar. The dream. Stop. You said everyone calls you that, so I don't know what that says about you. Yeah, it's a compliment.

The moonshine I bought was- Everyone wants to suck on me while they're in the fields. Or wait. Gross, Alexander. Why would you say that? You said it. No, you said it. You said it.

No, you said it. I'm just saying it in different words. No. You started it. No. You started this. I'm just saying it in different words. No. You started it. No. You started this. I'm giving a historical lesson here. Me too.

I am part of history. The moonshine I bought was awesome. I ended up buying five different ones. Peach, which I liked, but was probably my least favorite. I had apple pie, which was astounding. I had strawberry, which didn't taste like strawberries. I put three-quartered strawberries in it and let it sit for a week, and it tasted great. I had blueberry, which was easily my second favorite. It has real blueberries in it, which really adds a good amount of flavor. And my favorite is, drumroll please,

Cooks and Cream! Cooks and Cream? Ew. Yum. Creme, I'm sorry. Cooks, ah, Cooks Creme, I'm sorry. Cook's creme. Whoa! What a great flavor. It is so smooth and, well, you guessed it, creamy. It reminds a little bit of Irish cream. Really, really good stuff. In conclusion, due to the really friendly workers here, the great tasting product, and pretty reasonable price, I very highly recommend visiting here to get your next fix of moonshine when anywhere near the area.

You'll be glad you did. I know I was. In fact, I liked it so much I came a second time this year when passing through. It's always nice to support the small businesses. Thanks for reading. If you feel this review helped you, it would be greatly appreciated if you would please tap the thumbs up button below. Thank you. Oh, that's new i feel like

we don't have that too often yeah i think they're trying to become a trip advisor influencer it seems so they've written 919 reviews wow and that was a solid review in all ways like it actually instead of saying oh it was interesting they said it was interesting this is what they said yeah and so i learned these are my favorite flavors and they were very positive yeah true yeah and it made it all sound so good but i imagine this is like most so it's when you so when i was you know at buffalo trace distillery and they're talking about their bourbons oh yeah uh notes of vanilla and blah blah blah and then i drink it and i'm like this is just disgusting what are you talking about not taste like vanilla. What are you talking about? Right, right, right. And I'm sure so many people with an actual finer palate can differentiate between the bourbons.

But for me, it all tasted pretty much the same, except one was just more bourbon-y than the other. Yes, some tasted more like ethanol. That's what I noticed. I'm like, this one burns me more than the other one. So then hearing this moonshine stuff, I'm like, oh, wow, yeah, I'd love to try those. And I'm sure they would all taste the same for me. And I wouldn't like them. No, they don't. You think? I've had apple pie moonshine., I'm like, oh, wow. Yeah, I'd love to try those. And I'm sure they would all taste the same for me. And I wouldn't like them.

They don't. You think? I've had apple pie moonshine. It's like really. It sounds good. It's really good. I would try it for sure. It's like sweeter.

It like tastes like that. It's like flavors, I think, more than a bourbon, which just has like notes, quote unquote. So it's like that birthday cake vodka. Oh, God, help me. I don't want to compare the two. I think apples and oranges, so to speak. Orange-flavored moonshine sounds good. I love orange.

I'm also going to say real quick, I just looked up just to confirm the meaning, and yes, Merriam-Webster says, a sugar tit is sugar tied up in a nipple-shaped cloth for a child to suck, also called a pacifier. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I guess that's how that was used. I'd heard that before, but I think I always just got stuck on the sugar tit part, you know?

That makes sense. I would, too. I don't blame you. So that was my last one. Okay, I've got, before I read another review, first I'd like to give shout out to martin for bringing up an interesting town slash story behind the town okay um martin wrote dear child of german immigrants which i think is a reference to our last episode yeah it was like in my fandom page that was how my article began my biography i first read that i was like what a weird oh wait a second i was listening to that one well i was editing it um so i had to listen i didn't really have a choice but

i was listening to it and what right after you say it sounds like it would be in a um what did you say like a marine heritage or a something heritage museum or like a maritime museum maritime museum i was like that's so random but like exactly what you would read on a plaque. Yeah. I've visited a lot of lighthouses, D&I, so maritime museums are always on my mind. That was the first thing you thought of. Of course. A maritime museum, yeah.

Anyway, so yeah, Martin said, I didn't look up any reviews, and neither did I, to be honest, but I'm sure you can find some about the Austrian village of fucking. Oh, right. I've to be honest. But I'm sure you can find some about the Austrian village of fucking. Oh, right. I've heard about this. And it's notorious for drawing a lot of international tourists who want to take pictures of the signs. And then some people would steal the signs. Yes, I've heard about that. So guess what they did?

They changed the entire town's name. Rude. Yeah. So in 2020. People ruin all the fun. They changed fucking to fucking. F-U-g-g-i-n-g it's not that much fucking i don't even know like it's like better but not that much better yeah so officially january 1st 2021 they're like covet time they're like we have nothing better to

do let's uh just change our entire town's name wow i don't i honestly don't blame them i don't either like now that all these tourists aren't here like from other countries it's kind of nice not having people they're like wait a second this is what it's like for other towns that don't have ridiculous names i i feel also like people ruin the fun you know like why if you're stealing a sign look now nobody can have it and it's such a small town says like a hundred people wow who live there so it's like really tiny and so imagine like you're one of a hundred people living here and you have to deal with an influx of these tourists who come in just to like steal your infrastructure yeah like and like just clog up streets i'm sure sign maker is like really again i just finished the last sign i mean hey that's pretty good

business though i was gonna say yeah anyone they're probably the one maybe they should be maybe they were the stealing at the whole time they were i just saw they got elected to as mayor oh wow so they've clearly succeeded in this town oh but it says last year some local residents used the name to help in their activism by putting signs above and below the sign to read messages like our climate is fucking important so that's kind of cool yeah that is fun um but yeah so it's been known by that name for like a thousand years what is that wild are you serious yeah until now until now until we ruin it now super uh so thank you martin and then wait why is it called that? We don't know. Called fucking? Yeah.

What do you think they do there? There's nothing much else to do. Alexander, if they were doing that so often, there'd be more than 100 people living there. I'm sorry to tell you. I honestly don't know. Okay. I thought maybe you would teach me about that. Let me see if it's- I didn't even see it in this article. It's a Deutsche Welle article and I didn't see any like here we go tell me this is amazing every time i read one of these stories that get better than

the last one like horny settlers horny town oh the horny settlers yeah yeah the settlement is believed to have been founded in the 6th century a.d by a bavarian nobleman named focco sounds like a cartoon sounds like a character dad would make up. I think it might be. It probably was. I feel like this might be an article dad, like, fake made and emailed to me.

F-O-C-K-O. The Austrian region during the time was mostly under the domain of the kingdom of the Ostrogoths. Ostrogoths? What's happening?

Focko, the Ostrogoth. Focko, the Ostrogoth. Holy shit. Focko, king of all ostrogoths uh it was a mixture of christians and pagans wow it was first uh the evidence i'm sorry the existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 crazy um wow so it was it was with a V first, then it was F-U-K-C-H-I-N-G. In 1532, Fug King and modern spelling fucking. Wow. Oh, the ending is an old German suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached.

Thus fucking means place of Fakos people. Well, there are only a hundred Focco's People left. Focco's People is a very exclusive group. We are all Focco's People on this glorious day. The Ostrogoths. Okay, so one more review I have. I brought this up to Dee, and Dee was like, oh, like, man asses. And I'm like, what?

Oh, man asses. Man asses, yes. Man asses, I never even... Because she had been, like, seen a highway sign, I think, like man asses. And I'm like, what? Oh, man asses. Man asses, yes. Man asses. I never even. Because she had been like seen a highway sign, I think with friends or family. I don't know what, but she was like, oh, man asses. Like they joked about it being man asses in Virginia. And the origin is unclear, but like some people say it's like from, it was either derived

from a Native American source or from Manasse a jewish innkeeper at manassas gap so who knows so manassas but man asses so here's a one-star review i found of the manassas mall oh man asses mall dystopian version of what it used to be stores constantly closing. Other stores with names unheard of popping up on top of the graves. Finally got a Cinnabon, replacing the other awful junk food place on that corner. The only mall where you can find four jewelry stores at each cardinal corner of a four-way intersection. I grew up with this mall and have watched it become half of what it used to be. My only real use for coming to this complex is for the Walmart. All seems gray to me here.

Maybe the glow of childhood bliss clouds my memories. But then I go back again to walk through their hallowed halls, only to be greeted with disappointment. Every time. End of review. This is so dramatic. Honestly, shockingly so. It was so stupid. Shockingly so.

And like, they're eating a Cinnabon, I'm assuming, as they write this, which just makes it even weirder. Yeah. And it is dystopian, but I don't think they realize they're the one making it so. I don't know. It is dystopian, but I don't think they realize they're the one making it so. I don't know. It's like, I feel like malls, when they first popped up, were pretty dystopian to begin with. Yeah, exactly. Like, a mall failing is not really dystopian.

If anything, maybe that's utopian. They close the Delias, like, oh, no, the world is ending, you know? But this does... At least they have a Cinnabon. I know. That's a sign of utopia. Yeah. I mean, not far off. this reminds me of the lorax

like i feel like i feel like they're like the everything seems gray this used to be a beautiful colorful world we live in and a colorful colorful shopping mall that i shopped in and now and it's sort of like you know what i want to say um if i learned one thing from the lorax like only you can help stop wildfire i think that's from that was lorax yeah yeah oh was lorax okay because i feel like um the only thing the only person who can fix this is you and you've done you haven't done enough you haven't done shit dear reviewer child clearly if you had maybe uh you know spent more of your fine fine dollars on these establishments maybe they'd still be here but no where were you when they were when they were closing delias you were you not chained to the delias shopping

to replace it with a local boutique oh man so sad yeah anyway it does remind me of the lorax of that like, you know, this place used to be beautiful and lively and vibrant. The onesler. The onesler. With his weird finger. His creepy little thneeds. I bring up thneeds a lot.

Yeah. I actually had a dream last night about thneeds. And it was because I was trying to stick on. I was like, it won't fit. And then somebody said, well, it's a thneed. And I said, oh. That's a great. It's a great dream okay so now i just have a list of some towns and we we already talked about a few of them but they're just some fun ones blue ball pennsylvania wankers corner oregon rumpus ridge south dakota oh that's a that's so fun. Rumpus Ridge. Rumpus Ridge. I love it. It reminds me of where the wild things are.

Let the wild rumpus start. Oh. Intercourse PA. Let the wild inter... Oh, never mind. Rough and Ready, Pennsylvania. Hump Tulips, Washington. Ding Dong, Texas.

Smut Eye, Alabama. Spunky Puddle, Ohio. What? Yeah. Spunky? Spunky Puddle, Ohio. What? Yeah. Spunky? Spunky Puddle. Oh. PP Township, Seaman, Ohio, of course filled with M-A-N, but it's just very jarring when you say it aloud. Slick Poo, Idaho, Hard Up, Georgia, and my favorite, Ball Play, Tennessee. Ball play.

So those are my favorites. That was from the Thrillist article. Some of these, I didn't feel like were that weird, but I mean, whores edition, but H O A R. Oh,

so like when you're reading it, like if you told me whores edition was a town, I'd be like, whoa. But like briny breeze. I don't think, what's that mean? Briny?

I don't know. It's like the ocean. Yeah. I don't think what's that mean briny i don't know it's like the ocean yeah i don't know and you know there were a lot of ohio ones i don't know what that says about us but oh well um swallow hill i mean blue ball village blue ball village so like how do you come up with this stuff i guess you just have to be a horny settler true you know okay so that was all i got but i have a challenge okay alexander is preparing for my challenge we're recording putting on chapstick he says let me get ready uh put on some chapstick. So the challenge was from Kelly, and it was to find reviews using the phrase, the only redeeming quality, and then have the other person guess the product. Oh my god, I forgot I get to play a game today. We love a good game.

Okay. Maybe we should start a podcast where it's like games that we get to play. Wouldn't that be fun? So much fun. Okay, let's talk about it later. Okay. This is, I almost said the product, so clearly I'm not good at this. Okay, this is a two-star review by Sarah.

Messy. The only redeeming quality is the very wide mouth. Oh. A wife, am I right? That's the only not redeeming quality maybe um oh wait yeah um the wide mouth is it a pitcher um no but close enough it's a 25 30 milliliter plastic unicorn drip bottles oh what for what i don't i think they're just like these like um here i'll show you a picture of them i don't i know i am even more confused now

having seen that picture yeah they have like they're like droppers where's the unicorn there's no unicorn i was like is this for kids and then you send me a thing of a bunch of like plastic droppers i think that's just the name of the style where it looks like a horn kind of i mean it doesn't but i guess maybe they think it does for horny settlers settlers i think maybe it's a unicorn bottle is just like the tubular totally radical and totally tubular yeah that's the style of uh of tube okay i'm taking that one as a win there's also yeah you should i would never have guessed no you're right also uh one of the i just like the wide mouth part one of the uh companies that

oh they i'm sorry they actually have a um what's the army a registered trademark on unicorn bottle so uh maybe maybe that's a brain like an actual product that's patented but uh the company is called chubby gorilla unicorn bottles like i'm just it's just getting more and more confusing here um anyway so that's what it is now let's read the next one one star the title is cheap imitation of the ring this movie tried really hard to copy the ring script line except it's totally unscary and stupid oh another person dying and it really matters because we care about the characters not the only redeeming quality is that you get to see a few boobies skip this film and just get the ring instead end of review now i don't even know if you know this movie but i just like so it's not the grudge

i was like not that i think of the ring and the grudge and the same similar thing creepy girl yeah but yeah gosh yeah i don't know if i know this movie what is it fear.com oh that sounds great yeah it's spelled fear d-o-t-com also like three separate words fear yeah dot com oh i'm sorry it's one word oh fear.com fear.com all letters okay you know what they're probably right that the only redeeming quality is the movies they probably tits they it has a 3.4 imagine someone just listened to the last half and they heard me say that like why do you say horny settlers oh no yeah the person who was showing their friend the episode was like let's just skip all this part and just listen to the challenge the challenges are hilarious sorry uh fear.com it has a 3.4 out of 10 stars on imdb yikes wow and a three percent on rotten

tomatoes oh god that's pretty bad a new york city detective investigates mysterious deaths occurring 48 hours after users log on to a site named fear.com one word um so check that out if you want to see some boobies from 2002 already on my list okay this is a one-star view by drew this is very disappointing it lacks ingenuity creativity and diversity the only redeeming quality is the cover artwork for those who doubt the review i graduated at the top of my class with a dual major in computer science and mathematics. End of review. What? Okay, so whatever they're reviewing, it's above me.

I can't. No, you'll never get it because it's just so advanced. It's just an advanced. So the cover artwork? Yep, the cover artwork is the only redeeming quality. It's covered in boobies. No, it's not. Is it like a textbook?

Nope. An album, like a CD? nope uh an album like a cd like i don't understand the cd rom some sort of software pajama sam 2 thunder and lightning aren't so frightening what is it i have no idea it's called mensa mind teasers the book oh my god so kind of a textbook but it's a mind teaser it's not a textbook it's literally like fun riddles it's like one you'd get at like an airport before your flight uh yes that comes with an invisible marker yeah i love those are my favorite i can't wait for leona to be old enough for that uh mensa mind teasers it's basically like uh here i'll read you an example is it actually

like mensa tm or whatever like um. Is it actually like Mensa TM or whatever? It is. Mensa registered trademark. Unicorn tube or whatever. Silly trees is an anagram of what 10-letter word? This is why you're not in Mensa. Damn it. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I have no idea. And they don't tell you. They don't tell you? No. Silly trees. Sterilize. No. Sterilize in the British way, maybe. But there but there's a why there's only one eye and there yeah wait that's not right yeah you're right

i'm gonna look it up i can't i don't have it in front of me it's like it's hard to like i'm trying to mentally move the letters around in my head oh what is it tirelessly that's really i would never have come up with that one okay i would have had to write write it down yeah and then uh what two words that sound alike mean audibly and permitted aloud and aloud okay so anyway this is a they were meant to challenge even the most experienced puzzle fans so i guess not the guy who graduated top of his class by the way i cut out one word in the review which was was, for those Mensas who doubt the review. Ah, to keep me guessing.

I graduated at the top of my class. Is that what Mensa's like? This sounds awful. It sounds awful. I don't want to be part of that, you know. They invited me. It's the same. Oh, of course.

Before you say you're not invited. Yeah. When I say I don't want to be part of it, I feel like the next line is, well, no one asked you to be say i don't want to be part of it i feel like the next line is well no one asked you to be so i just wanted to get ahead of it yeah good yes they did i wasn't even gonna say but it was without the registered trademark after oh yeah and the real it had it had a z instead of an s yeah so i'm a little but i think it's the same probably i'm pretty sure um okay so this next one, one star review.

Are we sure it wasn't like an anagram of Mensa and it was a semen? How does that spell? Oh, semen. What five letter word is? Am I wrong? Oh, boy, we can make our own. Semen with an A-N, just like that town. We're gonna make a uh a mensa podcast no certainly not a mensa podcast i don't want to get sued by some smart brainy people are you kidding me okay so this is a one star review i'm gonna cut out a line just so it doesn't spoil it

the only redeeming quality of this product is that is is so uniquely cute i ordered five and returned the four unused ones waste of postage as i live in hawaii and pay more end of review oh man i know it's like impossible um i can also read it yeah read me the spoiler okay okay okay i'm just gonna leave out one word okay the only redeeming quality of this product is that is so uniquely cute blank flies everywhere yeah what confetti is this like a gender reveal they got five of them for some reason uh tuplets it is a are you ready yeah a cook's essential corn husk popcorn maker oh kernels fly everywhere popcorn flies everywhere here's a picture of it what the fuck that is

cute but what the hell how does it work i feel like you could also say the only redeeming quality is its wide mouth because it also has a wide mouth it's basically a corn cob shaped popcorn maker um so they said popcorn flies everywhere and only about a third of the popcorn pops so they basically ordered five and then returned four why i don't know i think because it was broken how do you need oh they've so like they didn't order five at once i don't know maybe they got as gifts uh one person was saying like oh my grandkids are obsessed with it i hate it and i wish i could return it but they're so obsessed with it that like every time they come over they want to play with it oh no um they want to play with the book

it reminds me of the uh i'm gonna i'm gonna make leon obsessed with it so she'll just make me popcorn all day i love isn't that fun uh she's already like really into the vacuum and i'm like let's keep this going because i don't vacuum but blaze does and so she thinks it's really fun and i'm like yeah let's get her her own little mini vacuum you know what i mean um now this reminds me of the uh oxen what is the court of the the arrested development like that really ridiculous appliance that they all burn themselves on some sort of baller whatever something like that yeah anyway it reminds me of that like it just at least it's cute okay so this is a review from common sense media so i want you to guess okay what the content

that it is reviewing is the title is stupid lame lame, boring, pathetic, dumb, pointless, and humorless. Beach shoes handy. Wow. You win. You win. Wasn't it worth it to have such a shitty show? Thank God they canceled this dumb show. It's the third worst Nickelodeon show behind Nick News and Hey Dude. First off, the jokes are from other shows and the theme song gives me a headache the only redeeming quality is that some of the characters are funny end of review rugrats no um i'm not saying this because i agree with that it would be the third worst we wouldn't agree i don't think um spongebob nope um hey arnold i'm trying to think they said nick news i don't even know what those

are i know it's a very um like old it's kind of a niche i don't know if you'll guess it but you'll know what it is double dare uh no legend of the hidden temple no no they aren't characters what is it cat dog no chalk zone chalk zone oh we love chalk i love chalk so it's a great show even though it was pretty stupid lame lame, boring, pathetic, dumb, pointless, and humorless. Yikes. That's a lot. You said it's humorless, and then you said the only redeeming quality is that some of the characters are funny.

True. I don't know. I don't know about this reviewer. A little fishy. So the title of this is, At Least I Got a Good Laugh. This was the worst product I've ever ordered from qvc it is truly hideous it looks like something you would find at the dollar store the only redeeming quality is that the second i put it on and saw what i looked like it made me laugh i looked so ridiculous

sad that i have to waste money to send it back because there was no quality control apparently so disappointed 100 fail a hair bump thing senator you're freakishly close um a headband it's a tony bratton whisper sleek long bob heat stylable synthetic wig wow yeah it looks beautiful in the photos can i see oh yeah i gotta go google it i would need to see this i wish this person would have uploaded the photo that made them laugh because i feel like we could all laugh yeah we can i would love to laugh at this person i'd love to laugh i'd love to make fun of them and point point out their ugly wig their appearance that's so rude okay it's really oh come on i know

it's sold out but i still want to look at it. Jeez. Okay, it has 10 reviews. Six of them are one-star reviews. Yikes. Yeah, let me see if any of them have photos. So disappointing they wouldn't include photos. Man. I feel like a wig is one of those things that, for me personally, I wouldn't know. I would kind of blame myself if I didn't look good in it.

Oh, yeah, it's kind of lovely. I don't know, but I feel like if it shows myself if I didn't look good in it. Oh, yeah. It's kind of lovely. I don't know. But, like, I feel like. It's a look. But I feel like if it shows up and it doesn't look, like, natural or, like, real. Yeah. You know? There's definitely reason to blame the wig.

Yeah. No, I guess. I don't know. I don't know anything about wigs, so. Wait. Ready? I bought the light brown. OMG, I look like a witch.

Hair's going every witch. LOL. Way. That is pretty bad. A complete train wreck. Oh, no. Looks so shiny and fake. Another dollar store reference.

Wow. Anyway. QVC wigs. QVC wigs. Good to know. Maybe not the spot to get your wig. Okay, so the next one I have is a one-star review absolutely abysmal location the staff were nice and that is the only redeeming quality the food is gross the children there are

horrible and even worse their parents i understand kids run around and have fun but not destroying things or talking like sailors while their parents pay no attention to it this is a gangster's paradise not a kid's fun place i don't even have children yet and i can tell you they will not come here oh so i was gonna say chucky cheese until you said i don't have children yet like dave and busters it's chucky cheese it is chucky cheese why are they they're without kids because it's a gang they're a gangster hello oh my god no i don't know why um i assume for a niece or nephew or yeah probably some sort of family friend or yeah my goodness or maybe they're in the mouse costume true you know you never know maybe they work there uh but yeah now the sausage gets made literally okay i don't know

i'm sorry the salad bar i meant not the sausage uh okay now the last one i have is a tweet oh it's sort of a review uh this is by ryan stortz who's verified uh twitter took my check away but it's fine i'm totally over it just send elon five bucks i think it's eight i think they got rid of that because people were impersonating others. It was so much fun, though. Such a stupid... I know it was. To watch that shit go down.

To watch the... What a fucking shit show. The stock just plummet in companies that were charging people for insulin. Anyway. So, Ryan Stortz, whose username is at withzombies, posted this. And I'm going to leave out one word and you have to guess okay what the what it is the only redeeming quality of blank is they take the boring people away from all the good vacation spots cruises yes oh so i'm so sorry all you people

who go on cruises. Ryan said it, not me. The only redeeming quality of cruises is they take the boring people away from all the good vacations. That's brutal. That's so brutal. It only had one like, and I was like, should I? Oh, it does? Yeah, but. I thought, like, based on it being verified, I thought this was, like, some Twitter comedian.

Oh, shit. Well, I mean, maybe now that we've launched him into podcast fame actually i feel like a very good joke it's a great joke yeah uh it's so funny obviously we don't agree with it no we love our cool cruisers and we keep trying to make a cool cruiser happen for us like a cool cruise that people can go on i don't think i need my name attached to any second that no remember where the psychic side oh yeah yeah so our alter egos so if that burns we could just leave it we're like yeah we don't support cruises all the terrible things they do for our climate that's a psychic siblings not that she for i was trying to think of the men's uh that's the men's society not the mena Society. Yes, exactly. Oh, okay.

Oh, that was fun. Thank you. I'm glad. It was a great challenge. I love... Hey, you know what, folks? If you have any other ideas for game challenges, I feel like that's a fun,

I don't know, fun concept. Me too. So let's get more of those. Yeah, we like games. Send me more. Send her more. And also comment... This one I found on patreon comments oh i do find

challenges on patreon comments all the time okay good so either the polls yeah so either that or uh or just email it or however you want to get it to us yep sounds good um all right well go check out our uh our patreon bonus if you want to know more about e-cards which you probably don't so yeah on that note we'll just see you next week. Talk to you then. Bye.