Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA

Episode Date: April 17, 2019

This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring reviews of elementary schools, we inadvertently explore our unfortunate middle school experiences. Enjoy the trauma! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. And we're back. Again. Yeah.

This is now episode 21, now that we had our 20th episode extravaganza last week. We can pretend it wasn't because of my debacle, but it was because of my debacle that I created. Yes, but we're back on track. We're doing elementary schools in pittsburgh pennsylvania right and i gave you a challenge yes and that was uh what was it good question uh it's a i don't remember finding it's i'm sorry i remembered i was like oh i'm gonna let her say this thing you guys feel any better about like redoing an episode We have no freaking clue

I gave you the challenge of finding a review Outside of the US that mentions why the US Is superior Oh oh oh oh sorry I put them backwards in my notes Okay yes sorry yes found it So what we did was we had recorded This episode before

The episode went missing. And so we did our 20th episode extravaganza instead. And for the 21st episode, now we're doing that theme and that challenge again, but with new reviews. Yeah, we went back to the drawing board so that we didn't have to reread the same stuff. So those reviews we read last time will be lost they're defunct the annals of they're like beach to sandy history lost episode the lost reviews yeah i mean they're still misspelled somewhere on google so i'm sure you could find them if you really wanted but if we ever do find that episode just pops up we're gonna give that to our patrons oh that's

a good idea yeah if it pops up don't get excited because I don't think it's ever happening. I spent six hours trying to get it to pop up. So if it really does, I'm going to be kind of pissed. That'd be kind of funny. Okay. All right. So why don't you go first and give us some of your elementary school reviews? Let's go.

Okay. So a lot of these were really sad. Yeah. There was a lot about bullies and things like that. And we had to do this twice too. We did did i had to go back and read more sad children about bullies and how teachers don't do enough yeah and how like homework is either too easy or too harder people that those weren't as i was gonna say wait i'm just thinking of the themes the recurring themes those were more boring but yeah there were a lot of like it was a little tough especially and that kind of finding all fresh ones yeah so i'm trying i try to go find less well i guess you'll just see make up

your mind for yourself this is a review of the ellis school by desiree it is a one-star review this school made me cry so bad i threw up and that's not one sentence that's like mean that i love this made me cry so bad with a bunch of exclamation points and then i threw up separately yep don't let your kids go here please wait they also bullied me for wore Sketchers. I also wore pilgrim shoes. Did you wear the Sketchers shape-ups? Oh. Get toned. Remember our teacher who did that?

I do. How could I ever forget? Wait. They also bullied me for wearing Sketchers. Also, who still wears khakis? End of review. I think she's lashing out now that she's been made fun of for Skechers. See, that's not fair.

Okay. It was sad. You know, I was sad that they threw up. I was sad that they were bullied. And then they're like, who wears khakis? What? Leave khaki kids alone. Well, only if they leave Skechered kids alone.

Khakis kids started it. You saw some khakis just like an hour ago, huh? I did? Yeah, you were at target oh i did i was like i don't know where this is going yes i did also see some uh sketchers i'm sure oh yeah some crocs for definitely sure really oh yeah what what style they were orange and they had um a lot of little disney uh so these were not for sale these were oh these were on a person and they were definitely on an older person great cozy definitely a great sense of style living it up that's me when i'm older that's me probably next week right now um okay so the next review is a one star of oakland

catholic high school this is so good one star i got beat up by a man named jared with big pants end of review were they khaki oh no oh my god i bet you they were wearing sketchers the guy had khaki pants on the god that's all related it's a Pittsburgh thing. Am I that old that I'm missing the new fashion wars? You know what? Based on our old episodes, I assume we're missing something big. We're missing a lot of big things. We just don't know something about culture, something about sketchers and khakis. I wish that weren't so surprising to me.

I think that doesn't surprise me one bit. I mean, there was just one for the not last episode but the one before about the um cowgirls espresso oh right a lot of people let us know that uh that's apparently like a bikini espresso place oh we're still getting tweets about that yeah so that's why he literally did see um some shaven what i don't think they were shaven genitalia that's what it was there it is yep yep yep yep yep yep so that apparently is supposed it's supposed to be how it is so i'm ready to check it out you please go we'll do okay so the next one i have is i have a few but they're all uh pretty short so this one is by kaylee and it's a shady side academy kaylee one star says the school is so bad and i lost my

rolex in a game of go fish so what is the truth end of review okay that sounds like a like a weird joke review lingo and see yeah exactly that's another thing that we just don't know about that like there's some sort of some sort of song out there that mentions Rolex and goldfish. I guarantee you. Goldfish. And it gave us goldfish. That's what I said. I thought you said goldfish.

I might have. I'm a little hungry. And then they're like, so what's the truth? I don't know. Tell me. I just Googled Rolex goldfish. There's something about the Rolex and fishing On the Rolex forums But that's it

Taking your Rolex fishing Is that really what they're talking about? Yes So maybe we're not missing anything at all I'd like to think that Let's pretend Okay Let's do that

I feel like it's when kids When we were younger And we'd write things like W-Y-D Or like sup You know In like A-I-M or whatever sup, you know, in like AIM or whatever. And then our parents would be like, what does it mean? And now we're like.

Yeah, now we're old and we don't know what any of these reviews mean. The school is so bad and I lost my Rolex in a game of Go Fish. So what's the truth? What the fuck are you talking about, Kaylee? And if that really did happen, I don't. I don't feel bad for you. i don't feel bad i don't feel bad for you at all i don't you know what i lost when at a young age what a lot of things probably a holographic snorlax oh my not this again i was tricked into trading it for an oddish

keyword you were trickedked into it. Yeah. I mean, it was a little cruel because Alyssa was older and wiser than you at the time. Yes, she was. We played a lot of, I feel like the bus was like the Wild Wild West, the school bus, like the afternoon and morning buses were just like. On the way to Catholic school. On the way to Catholic school. There were no rules. They were just bad.

Chaos, anarchy. Yeah, one time some kids outside threw glass at us into the windows. Good old downtown Cincinnati. Yeah. That was bizarre. Aw. The whole experience with the bus, it was great. It's just a big blur, but I do remember the Snorlax situation.

Oh, yeah. How could anyone forget? Because, I mean? It was my favorite Pokemon card and she literally tricked me into giving it to her. The worst thing is that she didn't give it back. That's pretty cruel. I asked her within the past few years if I could have it back and she was like, I don't have it anymore. She's so

lying. That's so harsh. Alyssa, I want you to know we've just turned many people against you so you better cough up that snorlax card bring it here bring it up bring it up here okay i'm ready i'm ready for to continue from this because this was this is just bringing back the worst memories this is like the worst memory from school there really is just a weight in the room ever since we talked about the sketchers i can't stop thinking about my pilgrimim shoes. It's like, this is just a total flashback to our own middle school experiences.

Traumas. Okay. This one is from James. It is a one-star review of Bishop Canavan High School. One star. Never go to their place. Their bingo is the most outrageous place I've been in my life. End of review.

So it has nothing to do with the school. No. Maybe. No, it doesn't. Yeah. Yeah, no. And you know that that's an adult. Adult who's complaining.

There's no way. I'm picturing a very old person who's like, has no kids. I lost my Rolex in a game of bingo. there it is oh my god it's all connected holy shit and and sonic is the my favorite spongebob oh my god oh my god it all makes sense don't oh my god don't tell me pretty wild yeah can it get even more wild do you have more um i have one more oh my god it but it but it's just like the least wild least wild because this is a redemption oh okay so never mind the wildness is over oh my god it couldn't get any more wild than that we uh we peaked at james's bingo experience which i mean i that's normal speaking

of elissa we also played bingo or you didn't but i did i believe separately. I believe separately from her. No, I didn't. Yeah, we did. We went to the church thing and I think we just ate their food and then left. Oh, but you played the crazy bingo with a million. These places are no joke, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I have played bingo in Portland.

We've had some bingo experiences, you know? Yeah. Bingo apparently is not a place to tread lightly. Nope. Oh, no. It is a place to tread lightly. Listen, I'm not from this country, so this country so yeah oh that sounded normal to me so i guess we just don't know our phrases okay uh so i have one more and this is by deja ne and it is a redemption it is a five star redemption thank goodness i know we

i needed it after all of that it's of sister thea bowman catholic five stars i go to that school i'm in sixth grade and i love it there end of review that's so cute and she wrote i love it luv oh yeah she did okay i love it there and i love my sketchers and khakis yeah oh man i just thought that was the most angelic thing that she just went on the internet. And was like, I feel like all sixth graders go on the internet and they're like, what terrible things can I do to other people? Seriously. Yeah. Including myself back in the day.

But Dejanay was like. Whose Rolex can I take? Who can I play online solitaire and win their Rolex? Yeah. Or some Neopets. Oh, yeah. We like that. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Neopets. RuneScape. That's like where I learned my love of gambling was on Neopets. Neopets. Oh, yeah. We like that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Neopets, RuneScape. That's like where I learned my love of gambling was on Neopets. Neopets, yeah. So, Deja May. They had lottery tickets. They had, oh my God, I loved Keno.

No wonder I love Keno now. I know. It's really wild. Oh, my God. They had all the wheel games, the spinning of the wheels. They had to go fish. And you would never win anything but a freaking omelet. Oh, God.

Always a green pepper omelet oh god always a green pepper omelet yes what the hell okay all this trauma that's bubbling up i mean we need to really have some family counseling um okay so deja nate instead of going and uh playing keno on her lunch break she went to the library and wrote i love my school that's so cute it made me very happy so that is my last school review okay i i don't i that's nice now we're gonna go fucking fall right back down the cliff huh yeah okay a little bit super my first one is of greenfield elementary school this is one star your school indoctrination of kids with leftist democratic anti-second amendment is sick sucks begin to educate your little ones with honest truth end of review oh no no indeed oh

no talk about the truth what is the truth let this person tell you someone needs to track that ip address down and like fucking ban that person from entering any school ever you don't need to you know why because their username that's why i didn't read it is literally a company what i'm not kidding what what is it it's a realtor. Oh, what a mofo. Oh, wait. It's like a loyalty council. I just saw a realty and I'm like, wait. And counsels at the end.

You did attorneys? A specific attorney for... What a bad person. Either way, that's... Could you imagine a one-star review like that on a school? And you bring up the second amendment on Greenfield Elementary School. You don't talk about guns. No.

In an elementary school review? What is wrong with people? Hey, you are anti-gun at this elementary school and I hate it. How dare you? How dare you? I mean. how dare you i mean i'm like picturing this like parent walking in like completely just like strapped and like loaded ready to go take on any like anything and then they get kicked out because they can or arrested to their realtor's office and having guns on on their on the premises

and so they go write this review they're like how dare you you must be anti-second amendment for not wanting me to bring my guns billy i put this weapon in your backpack god it's so scary yeah it's really beyond and it's like the sad thing is that it's not even like it's like yeah okay that's that checks out that's kind of what we live in but but yeah those were the extreme examples however there's no reason for a review like that. It doesn't matter what the reason is. There's no reason for it. If there's a feminist, capital F, agenda, capital A, anywhere, it's definitely at an elementary school. So I think that it just hit a little too home for a friend realtor lawyer.

Yeah. It's all related, honestly. It's all a big web yeah i can't wait for it actually to make sense we're untangling it one episode at a time i think we're just like fucking tying more knots into it i'm not really sure what we're doing oh my god wait did you do you did pittsburgh shady side right i did shady side academy I have a review from Pittsburgh Sunnyside. Are these all made up? Because Greenfield, Sunnyside, Shadyside. This doesn't seem real.

Don't tell them we made all these up. Oh, God. For our capital F feminist, capital A agenda. That's right. If I were that creative, man. Yeah, I wish, right? I wish I could just write about sketchers i'm right quoting you on that i don't know i don't know okay this is a one-star review

um from a just a weird name i'm not even gonna read it because it's not real oh i know that seems like sketchy if i don't read it but like what is it it's just like shindigan la or shindigan leah colon p okay oh tongues to go yeah that's why i didn't read it okay it's weird if i could i would give it half a star or zero stars this school is terrible hostile environment one kid in a class other than mine got body slammed by an eighth grader. The principal is a stupid, fat elf. Wait, what? Oh, yeah. It's not even over yet.

Oh. And the psychologist walks around with tank tops looking like she or he is in the military. I hate the psychologist so much. I waste away every day at this subpar school. What is happening? And this is a pre-K through 8 school. So, like, it's literally like an 8th grader maximum maximum writing this weird review he or she is wearing a tank top i don't understand like they're in the army i think this is in line with that like rolex goldfish person like it's

you know what this is some code i really think that all have i told you this theory oh god that like yelp reviews could be used to like that contain secret messages because there's so many weird ones is this a theory that you invented or a real theory i think i mean i'm not saying it's a real this isn't real at all this is like on reddit somewhere and i think i talked to someone else about maybe you mentioned it maybe i mentioned it you did i'm like this is like coming back to me because I'm like what if the these are like somehow connected and oh they're speaking to each other yeah well like yeah anyone they're like I lost the Rolex look out for this account yeah exactly and that means that um dinner is ready or maybe

something more sinister I don't I would hope at least for the amount of effort it's more than that but I don't know I feel like I put a lot of effort into things when I was in middle school that... Keno and Neopets? Not that these are... Not that in my theory, it's all middle schools. It's my theory, though, that they're just all middle schoolers. It checks out for the grammar and punctuation and spelling. Oh, man.

Okay, sorry. Back to this. Sorry. Okay. Oh, yeah. Anyway, the review. when you said oh an eighth grader body slammed someone i'm like yeah that's terrible that's bullying that's physical assault exactly yes and then it just took a hard turn i don't know what the hell is

going on here the principal is a fat elf is that what it was yeah stupid fat elf oh my goodness that is quite an insult i know it's it's one of those insults where it just stays with you yes like you look at yourself in the mirror and you're like you know what maybe they're right you know what that principal had to go find that tank topped psychiatrist and have a talk after that insult uh that it's do they know the psychiatrist or they've just seen him from afar and don't know it's a psychologist and that's what i'm wondering i don't know if they actually know them or if they're just like using like by acting like they don't know they're like insulting like flashes of bare arms i don't understand i i'm wondering if it's just like a

complete like fabrication yeah or it's all code that's my that's still my number one theory it's all code oh my god let's crack it let's let other people okay let's move on wait no tell me someone got body slammed yes was it jared with the big pants oh my god wasn't it jared yeah i got beat up by a man okay the other i forgot to say this the other alarming thing about the one i read is i got beat up by a man named jared it's not like by a sixth grader or like was it a principal uh-oh and a tank top big big pants on a tank top elf like very elf like yet big you know this is like lord of the rings elves well not that they're that big remember jared from subway who had the big pants and he would hold

them in front of himself how could i forget maybe jared came with big pants let's hope not okay oh yeah there's some trouble have you heard have you heard the news there's some troubling things have gone a little bit downhill insinuations with that. I'm going to change the joke. Let's move on. Let's switch gears. I do have a redemption as well as my final review. Oh, good. This is of Morrow Elementary School.

It's from Gia. Five stars. Damn, I miss this school so much. Even though the food was bad, lol. But the teachers were super nice and friendly and were super funny. And yes, I got into a lot of fights, but so what? At my new school, I don't get into as much, but a girl bit me because I didn't want to be her GF.

And at least when I got into the fight, these people weren't crazy. And most of the time, people got into fight for fun. And I know that sounds weird, but it helped people because a lot of people had anger issues, and plus people pay to see fights, and it's not really any different. But yeah, to the people you serve, John Morrow is a bad school. You lit need to stop. End of review. This is like the childhood equivalent of when parents are driving down the road,

and they're like, hey Siri, send a text. And then just like talk and forget to put in any punctuation oh absolutely and it's like it just kind of throws some words absolutely oh that's interesting yeah um wow are they saying that the people pay to see fights and therefore that was good because it uh was like economically beneficial for the school i'm wondering yeah i'm wondering if that was like economically beneficial for the school i'm wondering yeah i'm wondering if that was like their like fundraisers instead of bake sales they had fights that's kind of fun that would be um i kind of doubt it me but i don't know it's pittsburgh i just just saying i don't know never been i just have opinions i'm going in literally a week and a half so for the first time well i have a few elementary school if you're planning on touring at an elementary school. I am.

I have a few for you to avoid. I think maybe I should avoid all elementary schools. Let's just put it that way. You know, honestly, that would probably be your best bet. Me and my Skechers are going to stay away. God, yeah. You cannot wear khaki. You cannot wear Skechers.

I don't own anything else. Nor big pants. Oh, God. Not the big pants or Jared's gonna come God have you guys seen her pants my big pants Jesus

well I just pictured you know how Jared like was skinny and then he had like you know in the fat weight less commercials they hold the big pants

I see you do that every day I know about your and Jared's big pants walk around in a pair of pants and then people are so impressed by you they're like oh my god you lost so much weight and you don't Every day. I know about your and Jared's big pants. Walk around with a pair of pants. And then people are so impressed by you.

They're like, oh my God, you lost so much weight. And you don't, you didn't. You're just doing it to pretend. I just went to the store and bought big pants. Yeah. And people are like, oh, we're so proud of you. And you're like, it was a struggle. And then I beat the shit out of them because that's just what I do. Yeah.

Yeah. A couple body slams. Body slam them into a locker in my tank top. You know, I was in the army. Okay. Too far. Wow. That was exhausting.

We made it, though. Okay. Good for us. Was it? Was it good? It was. Was it good for us? Do you feel good?

I don't feel great. I felt better. How about you, like, bring up the mood here with some interesting reviews of some things. Places outside of the U.S. Places outside of the U.S. that mention how the U.S. is better, right? Yes. Okay. So, all right.

So this was probably the most difficult challenge I've literally ever done, which I know I kind of complained to you before. Yeah, that's what's funny is she had told me that and then she lost the audio so she had to do it again fuck you it's literally i got it's like getting it's like i had to redo the hardest level of a video game even though i'd already passed in then i didn't save and then i i mean that's literally what happened yeah no um okay so fuck it or it's like you go to edit a podcast and you lose it so you have to do it over again i mean i guess sort of just saying okay so i will say um oh wait i found one more review that i had at the top i thought you were gonna say i found the episode or something oh my god can you imagine after all of that okay no sorry i found one more review for some reason that i had all the way at the top of the document should i just read it sorry the more

the merrier i must have just thrown this one in okay this is a one-star review of Sacred Heart Elementary by Spyro. Like the dragon. Oh, wait. I'm sorry. Spyro fan. Oh. Oh. God. I thought it was a real Spyro.

One degree. Only one degree away. Oh, so close. Now we just need Sonic fan, SpongeBob fan. Never mind. That was a stupid joke. Okay. Spyro fan says, one star, teachers on the second floor using foul language.

They're also lying to the nuns. End of review. What? What do you think they're lying about? This sounds really ominous. Maybe about how to beat Spyro and how to save the game. A podcast episode? So you don't have to redo it all.

I think maybe not, probably. Probably not. What, like, when... See, that's the thing. Like, how would Spyro fan know that these teachers are lying to the nuns? You know what it was? I got it. What? I'm actually serious. I think what happened was Spyro fan

got into trouble. And the nuns are the ones who bring on the discipline. Oh, dole out the punishment. And the teacher was like, look, this is what Spyrofan did. No, you gotta say, since they use foul language, this is what fucking Spyrofan did. Oh, true. Right. That little fucking dragon twerp fucked with my erasers.

And body slammed a kid. Anders. And body slammed a kid. Yeah, body slammed a kid. My erasers thing, I... And also made fun of my khakis. Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I've seen people make fun of your khakis, so yes.

Teachers on the second floor are using foul language, and they're also lying to the nuns. Anyway. Lying with the nuns underneath the Summit Chapel where we went to school. Yeah, we did have some dead nuns buried at our school. God. We should read reviews of our school.

There's so many things that, like, personally, I did not find were weird. Because we grew up with it. Until now, I, like, remember it. It's the only school we went to until age 18, and then I left and talked to other people, and they were like, I was like, oh, you know, where you don't walk on the certain part of the marble floor because

there's a dead nun under it and they were like uh cool like i've seen that movie yeah they're like one i'm jewish and two you're very troubled i think because that's not okay we had similar experiences in college yep um wow guys that was uh that was wild. Okay, sorry. So back to my challenge. Back on track. So this is a review of Hooters in Frankfurt. Yes. Yes.

And it is by Gil. God, I wish I had gone there. You have not, have you? No, we were just in Frankfurt for Mom for uh mom's birthday in august i'm sure your girlfriend would have loved a trip to hooters our visit to frankfurt hooters well wasn't so grand when we first arrived they actually had a male server with a mustache no i know it can't even compute what i know okay there's something going i should have warned you before i read that yeah god damn it thankfully he was leaving thank god oh i like i was just

like they had a server there that was yeah wait and they were leaving it wasn't their server maybe what the fuck thankfully he was just leaving to me sorry i'm picturing this mustachioed man coming over uh and saying oh i was just leaving and they leave and the person like oh my god that's a one star for them for sure it's like how dare they to be fair i was just at target and this man walked up and it's like tried to like tap me on the shoulder and i was like um first of all don't touch don't touch me and then i turned around and he's like do you work here and i was like holding a bunch of like easter candy and i was like were you wearing exactly what you're wearing right now as i'm looking at you am i wearing khakis no sir you're literally wearing black leggings and a gray t-shirt yeah he's like

do you work here and like aggressively in my face and i just kind of looked at him and like did like a mini head shake and he he's like, and walked away. There's a subreddit for that called. I don't actually know what I think it's called. I don't work here, lady, or something like that, where people share their reviews. I don't work here, lady. Share their experiences of people just like approaching them. Yeah.

Assuming that they work inappropriately. And a lot of them are like, oh, I made the mistake of wearing red at Target or i made the mistake of wearing khakis at target it's a big point yeah it's true yeah i mean i was literally in sandals i'm like do i really i don't anyway i don't know this man also just to put it out there if you're well if you're anyone don't tap don't touch strangers please just don't do it agreed if you really want to talk to somebody yell in their ear really loudly just like blow on their neck stop please never do that to me anyone oh that's like my nightmare loves that if you ever meet him just stop i swear to god this podcast cannot blow up because i if if people start fucking blowing on me yeah i. I get it. I hated it. So anyway, you know, the guy with the mustache.

Oh, he was leaving. To me, a good Hooters girl should have all American good looks, but still be kind of ditzy and maybe just a tad trashy. That's the stereotype anyway. That doesn't make it okay. No, it doesn't. Saying that at the stereotype anyway. That doesn't make it okay. It doesn't. Saying that at the end. It doesn't make it the exact thing

that you need to see in front of you. Yeah. Okay, like, right. I love how they threw that in there as if that's like, oh, well, that's the stereotype. Don't blame me. Idiot.

Our server was ditzy and trashy, all right. Our server was ditzy and trashy all right but that's about it basically saying that they were not attractive yeah they well they didn't have those all american good looks they only had german good looks god i want to know where this person's from uh i mean other than america i mean more specifically you know yeah I don't remember somewhere northeast I think though interesting okay um yeah that was very rude oh yeah that was awful our server was ditzy and trashy all right but that's about it okay so the next one I did um I gave myself some slack since I told you it was so freaking impossible to find these because it was like so vague it and anytime i would search like um you know america or whatever most people were saying things like oh they had the perfect american burger or like i was uh homesick for american

food so i got fries like nothing there were rarely any bad ones and if they were they were pretty yeah so i got that one obviously from frankfurt now this one is actually it does take place in the u.s but you shall see why i picked it so this is will's review of a place in laguna niguel california and the place is it's a restaurant called las golondrinas that sounded really good it sounded very bad in my mind, but thank you. Okay. Will says, Try the Big Dave Burrito if you're really hungry. It's huge and good. I eat here quite often, and the food is always solid.

It's a bit expensive. You could almost go sit down and eat somewhere for the same price as this as takeout. I love the reviews talking about, quote, authentic Mexican. Uh-oh. Bl about, quote, authentic Mexican. Uh-oh. Blah, blah, blah. If you want authentic Mexican food, go to Mexico. This is America. Ugh. One of my favorite lines, by the way.

This is America when people say that. They're quoting Childish Gambino. This is like a... But not in an ironic way. No, this is a political statement. I mean, sure, if we want to call it that this is america and we make everything better okay that was gross no no longer quoting childish campino this is america and we make everything better mexican food is better in america than mexico italian food is better in america than in italy how much you want about this person has literally never been to italy just saying i'll bet

some money on that etc i mean seriously this place is one hour from the border don't eat here and complain it's not authentic drive an hour and go get your authentic burrito with a side of hepatitis, too, while you're at it. Ew. What? They're saying if you go to Mexico. That's what you come back with. Yep. They're saying that.

So that's pretty clear that they've never been to Mexico or they haven't got hepatitis. And that's their own goddamn fault. Yeah. For those of us living here on planet Earth. Does he not really know how countries work? confused i don't understand drive an hour into mexico and go get your authentic burrito with a side of hepatitis too for those of us living here on planet earth who want a good burrito fast at a high price what planet earth wants that i just reread that a good burrito fast sure i'm on board yeah at a high price why so he can brag about how much he spends on burritos what's the why who on planet

earth wants that maybe he's not from planet earth and he's just trying really hard to blend in. Oh my god, it's not working. No, it's not. For those of us living here on planet Earth who want a good burrito fast and at a high price, this is a good spot. Is this a five star review? Oh, four, four, four. Oh, okay, but yeah. Oh, and the service?

Yeah, it's not great, but i don't speak mexican fuck oh in the service yeah it's not great but i don't speak mexican so small talk is off the table anyway just take my order and give me food end of review jesus please don't give this person food is that not the worst thing you've ever read yeah i well i didn't even read it it's horrible i felt it that was a problem i really that one hurt like i had to focus on you putting that out there the energy and i need to sage this room and you know i do my murder podcast and i love how you say that like we're just reading stupid reviews.

Now you're like, this energy is bad. Totally. I talk about murderers every week. And now I just feel like I've really added some heavy, heavy darkness into the room. Because it's a little more relatable. You know? Yeah. It's a very much more accessible kind of torture.

You know. Oh, yeah. My favorite kind. It's kind of like all of humanity. it's just gross anyway okay if we say humanity in one more episode i swear we're gonna lose all of our listeners oh fuck okay so yeah we'll still do humanity bye i'm just kidding um yeah so that was that i uh i mean obviously that took place in the u.s. because I don't think Will would ever, ever leave planet Earth. So you know how he feels about hepatitis. Unfortunately, I do.

I wish I didn't know. Yeah. Unfortunately, we all have to know now. Sorry. That's just gross. Yep. Okay. Well, I have an idea.

Great. Why don't I do a little spiel thing what a novel idea and then i'll give a listener review okay then we'll reveal the challenge and theme oh for next week i'm awesome i'm awesome i said i'm awesome i'm uh i'm awesome i was gonna say freudian slip and I was like, no, that can't be right. I'm excited for my awesome challenge for you. Okay. I'm not too excited to hear it, especially after how this one went for you. Yeah, correct. Okay.

So instead of giving the whole spiel, let me just tell you, you can find our social media on beach2sandy.com. That's our website. You can send us an email at beach to sandy at gmail.com send us a review and we'll read it in our monthly between you and us episode yeah but be sure to include between you and us in the subject you can support us on patreon at patreon.com slash beach to sandy you can buy our merch at shop.spreadshirt.com slash beach to sandy all right let me give you a review please this review is from i'm just gonna spell it out c s c i r d okay ciscard ciscard sure good old ciscard title of the review is 10 000 thumbs up emojis

10 they typed that many out and i counted them oh you did 10 000 amazing no they didn't okay five stars if you listen closely to the background of the podcast you can hear the triumphant screams of a thousand retail workers. Oh my god! Wait, I like that! I know, right? That's kind of what we're going for. Wait, I like that so much. Yeah. That's exactly what we're going for, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Precious. Well, if you want to hear your review read on our podcast feel free to leave us a review on apple podcasts we'd really appreciate it yes that would be great quite a bit also make sure it's a five star review yeah please do that that would be ideal pretty please what are you gonna do when we start getting one stars i mean hopefully that just means we're getting bigger but if we do what are you gonna do because i'm not gonna feel good about oh i'm gonna read them and if there's actually something

constructive i'm going to learn from it and i will warn you as someone who is a little bit uh experienced in that realm many times it is just very mean oh that's okay it is just like wow i mean i've gotten ones that are like christine town's like a dumb school girl who's never read a book like that was one of them it's very a dumb schoolgirl who's never read a book. Like, that was one of them. It's very cruel. That's weird. I know. It's very mean.

It's amazing what people think that they know about someone just because they listen to their podcast. All right. Well, thank you, C. Skird, for the review. Thank you. That was really sweet and funny and short and nice. I liked it. I did, too. Okay, and here is your theme for next week. Okay.

I'm ready. I'm going to write it down. Our theme is beaches in Honolulu, Hawaii. Oh my God. We're hitting it home. We're doing it. Yeah, I know. Oh, this is a big month for us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that'd be a fun one. That is a fun one. Okay, sweet. Well, I will tell you your challenge. And I know we know we already talked about alissa unfortunately we painted her in a very negative light as a thieving please she painted herself in that light valid thieving your uh your holographic was it snorlax don't ask you should know i should it's the most traumatic experience of my childhood yes my

holographic snorlax okay for an oddish i believe that is correct okay so um she texted me a bunch of ideas and i took one and kind of and they were all really good but i took one and kind of like tweaked it a little bit to make it more kind of accessible for how we search for reviews so your challenge is to find a review in which someone was catfished oh man so that's okay alissa i we're always gonna feud about the snorlax thing but that is a good one i uh i'll give you that yeah i like that one a lot like her suggestion was like a review of a restaurant or no a review of a dating site or somebody catfished someone else. But I was like, it's hard to find dating site reviews. I checked.

So anyway, a review of like somewhere or place. I'll find something good. That gives me a lot of options. I like that. I like that. Cool. So that could be a very intriguing story for us to read. I'm excited.

I hope I have something good for everyone next week. Yes. Okay. I'm excited. Hopefully we don't something good for everyone next week. Yes, okay, I'm excited. Hopefully we don't lose this. If we do, see you in take three. All right. Okay. Bye, everyone. Bye.

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Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.