Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 211: Reviews of Elf on the Shelf

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

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This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everybody, welcome to Beachy Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Xteen.

I'm Xandy. How are you? I'm good, how are you? Great, Thank you. Can't wait to talk about EOTS. EOTS. For the next couple episodes, I would like to give a general warning to we're already, you know, mature audience only, 18 plus, whatever.

But these are special around the holiday season. You might not care if your children hear cursing but you might care if their childhood uh dreams magical dreams are ruined are shattered into a million pieces so by two people you've never met please don't let us be the ones to do that i don't want to do that if you want to keep the uh holiday magic the christmas magic specifically alive for your children why don't just go to a different go to the strip club episode and listen to that true true that's a good one yeah so that's a great warning yeah good idea thank you because we're reading reviews of elf on the shelf

and we're getting into the nitty gritty elfie truth and you gotta know it's gritty it is so gritty do you want me to explain what elf on the shelf is um yeah i i will say i have quite a long review that multiple people sent in that i do you have this one it's like ridiculously long no so this the one that i'm gonna start with is that long one and it definitely um gives a good good understanding of what it is but i think if you give a description first that's probably better okay so it's it's a book published in 2005 the elf on the shelf a christmas tradition um and it's a story about an elf and it comes with an elf a little toy elf thing and basically the concept is uh you put the elf in a certain spot your kid tells the elf or the elf watches your child okay okay you maybe you explain this my goodness gracious

i'm just gonna read the criticism page of the wikipedia okay i'm just kidding oh okay i was like that exists i was like honestly all our reviews that we found probably work as well. But yeah, when our sister was born in 2004, and I think in an 05, the elf hit the shelves, so to speak. The elf hit the shelf hard. And people immediately just were into this little guy. And our step grandmother, God love her, she's wonderful. But she got, this poor woman got my sister one for the holidays. And not really thinking of the fact that our sister had two teenage siblings

who were just going to make this a nightmare for this poor elf. So it became this joke in our family where he would just appear in random places. Then, of course, Gio entered the picture and did a number on the elf. He did only have one arm per. I think the elf's arm was taped to its leg at one point. Yeah, he's gone through the ringer. But the idea is you move him around the house as the parent overnight,

and the child thinks, oh, this elf just magically reappears because every night he goes back to the North Pole to tell Santa what the children have been doing whether they've been good or bad he reports back and um based on those reports that is how uh you will you're you'll be determined to get presents or not presents or naughty list etc kate tuttle from the atlantic called the elf on the quote, a marketing juggernaut dressed up as a tradition whose purpose is to spy on kids.

Yep. And then she argues that one shouldn't bully one's child into thinking that good behavior equals gifts. Yeah. Uh, and writing for psychology today, David Kyle Johnston calls it a quote, dangerous parental crutch.

So people got pretty intense about this opinion this book uh people have opinions yeah um someone and but there are like some legitimate concerns of like the message it sends kids to right uh and stuff but yeah it's it's I feel like it's not necessarily my business what people do parenting wise. I do have some opinions. I feel like we will probably get into like all of these. I have a lot of parenting opinions. Oh, I know you do. You tell me every day.

As someone who was raised by parents. Really? Four of them. Wow. Well, then you are in a unique position. Exactly. To give your thoughts. Listen to me well i uh we'll get into it more but i'm gonna start with this review that i think sums up a lot of the

criticism that we've come across so this is a one-star review it was sent in by asher they he and also from jake he him it's by matthew and it's on amazon it's uh for the elf color boy light which is slightly disturbing because then they also have boy dark yes yep cool and then you can have like dark skin blue eyes dark skin brown eyes you can really customize these elves yeah you can customize it four different ways okay i. I wouldn't say real custom. I did not know it was only four. You can't really customize it. The way it appeared to me. No.

Okay. I don't think so. Although they do have a, quote, girl version, you know. So this title, this review is titled Funeral for an Elf. Oh, dear God. The elf that sat on our shelf and our fridge and the piano was lodged behind picture frames tucked away in the christmas tree and at times who even took marshmallow bubble baths with barbie is now dead wait wait wait what is a marshmallow bubble bath it's like you put him in a bowl of

marshmallows and write like hot tub on the side why do do I know that? I don't know. I thought you were joking at first, but then you finished. No, because it's like wintry. I don't understand the question. Why is Barbie involved here? Barbie's always involved. Are they a couple?

People put different dolls in. Just a sneaky link is what the youth are saying. Okay, this is what I should point out here. Also, when parents put, did you not read any of these reviews did parents when parents set the elf up in different places every night to surprise the children the next morning the children have to go find the elf and a lot of times he's in very silly predicaments or he's he's in a predicament in a hot tub with a barbie in the morning probably like still drunk from the night before yeah he's he's in a predicament in a hot tub with a barbie in the morning probably like still drunk from the night before yeah he's staged to be like in different silly situations and so sometimes

it's stuff like i at the end of the episode or at the end of this theme i have a collection of what i called the most cringeworthy elf on the shelf ideas you can find on pinterest i did find kind of the opposite ideas that you can do to stop doing elf on the shelf like if your kids are obsessed with it and you're like oh i'm in too deep yeah i found a list of things you can do to like explain to your children so there was one where they had the elf well you say mommy's tired quarantine box and it was like oh must quarantine for 14 days before uh going back to the north pole or something so you don't have to move it around that's so sad yeah that and there was uh if you're gonna do this thing you gotta commit man well yeah but they were like if you don't want to

commit anymore okay you can uh find ways to and it was like you can teach your child about empathy and compassion by saying things like i forget what he has but yeah i was like oh like the elf is very tired like let's respect the elf elf means mommy let the elf rest okay i see all right here we go he's at a bubble in a bubble bath with barbie okay yeah i'm still a little hung up on that but i'm gonna allow it to continue okay and at times who even took marshmallow bubble baths with barbie is now dead he is dead because i killed him we could have simply retired him when my 10 year old son finally learned the truth about Santa Claus, that last vestige of childhood innocence, but no. Retirement is for those who make positive contributions to society.

The only contribution the elf made was an Orwellian object lesson about Big Brother and surveillance by the man. After eight long holiday seasons from hell, his reign of terror needed to end. My wife and I first became aware of this new elf on the shelf tradition from facebook one more reason why the social media titan will be blamed for the downfall of civilization we were young naive parents who loved their children and desired to create positive holiday memories with them once they would remember fondly mistake yeah first problem once they would remember fondly around fireplaces years in the future with children of their own. So on Black Friday, eight years ago, we stood there in the overly lit Walmart holiday aisle, looked at the price tag, looked at each other and thought $32 was not too much for a lifetime of joy and happiness.

Oh, how wrong we were. I'm going to say, though, that's I get that. That makes sense to me that they would be like, you know, hey, we wrong we were. I'm going to say, though, I get that. That makes sense to me. That they would be like, you know, hey, we spend this money. A month-long tradition for the rest of their childhood. Kids are going to love it. We took home the white box with Elf on the Shelf written in Jolly Green script. There behind the protective plastic was the 10-inch tall elf dressed in red felt with a white doily around his neck.

Just beneath his plastic cherubic head looking like some holiday slenderman true true he has like tapered legs it's very creepy his expression was intended to be cute but even then i sensed this wasn't the face of something that should be watching my children his arms and legs were thin and long without feet or hands i'm sorry for interrupting so much no do it it's so long what kind of face does this person want watching his maybe like a genuinely innocent childlike i don't disagree that the elf on the shelf is not the face that you want no i agree there i'm just curious what it would look like the porn thing like you'll know it when you see it what what porn thing the supreme court like

you know it when you see it what's that what are we talking about does anyone know what i'm talking about i hope so i'm happy being the one who's stupid here, doesn't understand what's going on. Okay, the threshold for obscenity. It was Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart described his threshold test for obscenity in Jacob Ellis v. Ohio in 1964. Oh. And he said, I know it when I see it. 1964 pornography laws, of course. I should have known.

Don't be smart with me. Christina, we're talking about Elf on the Shelf and Barbie and hot tubs and you're like, the porn thing. Yeah. Come on. They said, how do you determine what it is? And he said, I know it when I see it. That's ridiculous.

I know, but that's what I'm thinking. Maybe you know it when you see it. In this case, I think that's fair. It makes sense. You know it when you see it. Like, you look at that, this elf on the shelf. By the way, if you've never seen it, folks, you should Google it, because he's kind of looking to the side in a coy way.

He's very coy. But it's very scary to me. It's a little- Sinister. It's sinister. It's unsettling. It's like, I know something you don't know. Yeah.

And then he says, I'm always watching. Yeah. And really, together, that just makes it uncomfortable. The whole thing is weird when you really think about it about it but also you could say the same thing for santa claus exactly i mean the whole thing is that whole thing is also weird stems from the idea that santa claus is always watching yeah okay his arms and legs were thin and long without feet or hands not that he needed, given that he flies everywhere. We named him Elphic, which is my wife's maiden name,

and close enough to the word elf that my children thought it clever. Wait, the wife's maiden name is Elphic? Elphic. Yeah. I love it. I know, it's kind of a cool name. It's kind of very fitting. Elphic the Elf. I don't know what this reviewer's name is,

but they should have taken their wife's last name. Yeah, their last name is Johnson, so. You're joking. I'm not. You missed out on an opportunity. Big mistake. The box also included a picture book that explains who the elf is, what he does, and the rules of this new family tradition. We sat Hannah, Leah, and Luke around the just-pulled-out-of-storage Christmas tree and read them Elphick's story.

He came from the North Pole to visit our home during the month of December. Because Santa is so busy preparing gifts for the good boys and girls, he needed help determining who those good boys and girls actually are. That's where Elphick comes in. He watches the kids during the day and then at night, after everyone is asleep, flies back to the North Pole and tells Santa all the good, but mainly bad, he saw. The next morning, the elf will be back, but in a new location. Oh, and if the children touch him, he loses his magic and can't return to Santa.

That's a real thing, by the way. Yes, that is a very iffy thing that people talk about, that it's very weird. I find that deeply upsetting. It is. it is just a little bit disturbing if you touch him he will never be able to go home and he loses his magic you basically kill him yeah horrible it's like what they tell you about baby birds oh that too that's why i'm scared of butterflies because they said the oils on your finger will they'll never be able to fly again you're like lenny from yep yep that's me you're

an oaf i know killing butterflies by accident anyway see killing elves on purpose yeah that's true we we did kill that elf many times yeah we did of course you know this is all a steaming pile of reindeer poop there are no nightly round trips to the North Pole, and there really isn't any need for Santa's little CIA spies anyway. If Santa is magic enough to deliver gifts all over the world in one night, he's more than capable of using that same magic to know who is naughty and nice. The only way that elf moves every night is because the parents, after waiting for all the sweet, innocent, and stupid children to fall asleep,

move it to a new location. And the parents have to make this, move it to a new location. And the parents have to make this happen every night until December 24th. Every. Freaking. Year. At first it was cute. It really was. The children would wake up first thing in the morning and try to find Elphick like a pathetic game of hide-and-seek. They would find him hiding by the TV, or in the chandelier, or even one time in the fridge by the ketchup.

Elphick would do his thing for the month of December and then go back to the North Pole till next holiday season. Some years he even left presents under the tree for the kids. But then, gradually, he wore out his welcome. He became just another holiday chore. Every night we'd have to remember to move him, to set him up someplace fun and different. We quickly ran out of places to hide him. If I ever put him in the same spot but weeks apart my children would say but elfic was already in that spot why doesn't he hide somewhere else i was like you have a kid problem not an elf problem they're too smart for their own good and then i'd reply while trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice

he must like that spot. A lot. Maybe he'll even be there again tomorrow. Smart. Because that is the other thing that happened. We would forget to move him. Parents get tired, the nights get dark early, I'd want to sleep. And sure enough on those nights one of the kids would wake up freakish early the next morning, spot Elphic in the same place, and lose a little more of that Christmas magic.

It's not the same with other nightly magical beings. When the tooth fairy forgets to place a quarter under the pillow, the lies are easier. The tooth fairy must have had a lot of teeth to get last night, honey. She just ran out of time, I said on multiple occasions to my own gullible offspring. And my gap-toothed child, wanting so desperately to believe in the magic of money, would agree and eagerly await the tooth fairy the next night. And given a second chance, the tooth fairy wouldn't forget again.

But with the elf on the shelf, it's different. Not only is there no money involved, the purpose of his visit is to tattle on the children. And so other parents with more time and energy and social media presence will go to extravagant lengths to put their elf into some clever situation. Roasting marshmallows with toothpicks, sledding down white towels, going for a ride in the dryer, etc. You get the idea.

But remember, you cannot touch the elf or he loses his magic. So if you put the elf in the dryer like he's on a roller coaster, ain't no clothes being dried that day. If you fill your sink with goldfish and he pretends to be fishing, that sink is now unusable. You see how this becomes a problem? To review, the elf became annoying. We forgot to move him. We didn't have the time to set up elaborate scenes, nor did I want to throw away more money for him to have a cute change of clothes.

His location disrupted our daily activities and he was nothing but a tattled telling but the most important determining factor in elfic's demise was when he cannot be blamed for the kids grew older okay i gotta say what what how can you blame this elf for any of this i'm just saying they're like oh well we'll blame this elf for this part. Hey. Well. You bought into this mess. Yeah, but he's like, I regret buying into it. Well, yeah. He's sort of saying to future parent, to future potential purchasers, like, learn from my mistakes. Buyer beware.

Yeah. This elf is no good. This isn't worth your money. Even though it's only $32, it will be a lot of time, energy, etc. And so the little troll had to go, but not without some payback for all the nights of torture and annoyance he caused me. The elf would be made to pay. I won't go into graphic detail, but suffice it to say, there is no maker to commemorate his body or what's left of it. Jesus.

I will say scissors were involved, as well as fire and even a bit of rope. What? Jesus. What? Let this be a lesson to all those considering this or any other new holiday tradition. Think it through. The cost is not $32. The cost is your sanity and your pleasant holiday season. If you buy this product, you will turn into the murdering Grinch you never thought you'd be. Jesus. I feel like he's sitting in the wreckage of his home and his family and he's like, this is, it tore us apart.

So dramatic. family and he's like this is it tore us apart so dramatic is it weird that i'm picturing this person chewing on pieces of the elf just like kind of nibbling while they think about what to write next flossing his teeth yeah yeah with its slender leg yeah been there so as geo um wow so that really sums up i shouldn't have brought anything up no no i'm glad you did because i feel like this just got into way more twisted version yeah of what you initially said very personal the other things that i read were journalists writing about their views and psychiatry, blah, blah, blah. I read all that too, yeah. You know, but we needed stories from the ground, from, you know, from the scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From the front lines.

From the front lines of Elf on the Shelf. Speaking of front lines of Elf on the Shelf, I have a review of Elf on the Shelf Magical Holiday Journey. Whoa. This is in pomona california oh it's a place it is it is a it is an event they didn't do it in 2022 but they did it in 2021 and 2020 so i don't know if that's when it started, but basically it's like a drive. It was a drive through. I think one of the years was a drive through.

One of them was a walk through event where they have performers and they have like there's a Santa. Santa's there to take photos and stuff. But I'll let this reviewer really describe the experience. OK. I believe this one, if I remember correctly, this one was one of the walkthrough ones because the car the car drive-through was its own issue people uh posted pictures that they got at the end and it was like their car blurry with them sitting in there like they're sitting in the car with like like, a weird backdrop, and it's, like, a blurry photo, and that's all they got. So the car thing was its own thing, but here's a review of the experience.

This is from Margaret One Star. Where do I start? Firstly, it's in the middle of nowhere, so you know the Elf on the Sh shelf folks are paying next to no rent and could and should make this event huge and spectacular sadly they've gone the ebenezer scrooge route instead on top of the exorbitant ticket prices you have to pay 15 for parking even if you've ponied up an additional 6565 for the VIP package. And one thing I will say about the driving one, apparently it was not per, you didn't pay per car,

you paid per passenger. That's rude. It was so rude. That's stupid. It's so, so bad. And it was expensive. People were saying they spent like hundreds of dollars, like $500, $600 for their family to go to this El on the shelf experience.

Holy shit. Never mind, we thought. This was a birthday treat for my son, so we were determined to go all out on the holiday spirit. Imagine our disappointment when we walked in and saw a shabby, very basic setup staffed by unenthusiastic elves dressed in cheap polyester onesies. unenthusiastic elves dressed in cheap polyester onesies. While we were waiting for our turn to enter each section, we could hear what the elves were telling the group before us, so my kids already knew all the jokes and puns, spoiling any element of surprise. The first highlight of the event was the shrinking tunnel, which we had high hopes for. Surely some not elaborate cgi effects could actually give kids the feeling of being shrunk oh no we walked through a short unremarkable tunnel with a bit of smoke belching

around us and then we emerge into the evening feeling exactly the same as we did when we entered my preschooler said why did they lie about shrinking us? We didn't change at all. But why, Mr. Santee Claus, why? If you can't hoodwink a Christmas-obsessed toddler, it's pretty obvious that you haven't made much effort. I mean, it's a good point. It is a good point. It's honestly a fair point. But I did see some reviewers saying that it was really cool, the shrink effect, which I'm like, I don't...

This reviewer, how they described it, I'm like, what is this? They walked through a tunnel and came out the other side. And they came out. But some other people were saying that it was a cool touch or something, or a good touch. Someone was like, two stars only because the shrinking was cool. I'm intrigued.

The entire experience probably takes under 15 minutes to go through if you don't count the 20 plus minute wait for the holly jolly trolley, parentheses, a giant golf cart that takes forever to come. When ours finally arrived, we had to sit and wait for the one behind us to be loaded, which took a long time. And the massive wait for a picture with Santa at the end. The Holly Jolly Trolley takes you on a short drive to different parts of the site,

the highlight of the excursion being an encounter with a super-sized elf on the shelf box and a sales spiel to try and convince parents to buy the merchandise so tacky but they go all out on the holiday lights you say ho ho no again the decorations were sparse and average at best honestly the grove um in? In LA, the shopping center shopping area. The Grove feels ten times more festive and special and that place is free to enter. We thought we could redeem the evening

with our photo with Santa. Surely a highlight of any child's experience. There was a huge queue for this and one of the people working there thought it would be a good idea to tell the assembled children don't worry, we're opening up a second tent for Santa photo soon. Of course, my kids were all questioning how there were two Santas. And my youngest was quite upset by this revelation. When we finally made it into one of the tents, my kids were ushered

onto black circles on the shabby carpet, nowhere close to Santa, who was standing in an entirely different part of the tent one photo was taken of my children and we were then handed an overexposed printed image with a not very convincing santa photoshopped in between them this is amazing that's terrible if i'd wanted to use bad cgi trickery to get a Santa photo with my kids, I could have done this on my laptop at home. It was such a depressing experience. The photo was poorly positioned. One of my kids' arms was half cut off.

I never did receive the digital copy we were promised. Lastly, if you do decide that you hate money and wish to waste your time and hard-earned cash on this ho-ho hard no of a place. At least don't come hungry. The food trucks were the most expensive we've ever encountered. Three grilled cheese sandwiches cost almost $50, and we had to say no to fries as a small side of them cost $10 extra. Oh my god. My son's birthday surprise was a very expensive washout,

and we left feeling decidedly grinchy. End of review. Okay, this sounds terrible. I know. I'm not going to lie. Usually I'm like, oh, come on. But this does not sound. I mean, that means a grilled cheese is at least 15 bucks a pop.

That's expensive. Yeah. That is. And there were some positive reviews. It was very polarizing. Wink, wink. Pun intended. It was. But yeah, some people said they had a great time

um it's funny it looks like a majority of the reviews are four star reviews but not by much and five three two and one star are all pretty similar so it's like really across the board intriguing um but yeah i think having a kid must make it you need to i feel like it there's more at stake when you have kids involved especially with christmas stuff where yeah you know what i mean it's sort of like oh uh if i were to go to some like some christmas light display and it was disappointing it'd be like whatever i'll go home and yeah just like but you're responsible for your child's feelings having a good time for them enjoying themselves yeah especially when it comes to like well first of all with the two santas like what now i have to explain that yeah and then the second part is

like go somewhere like that and there's a long wait now you have like hungry kids or like tired kids just seems like there's a lot more at stake when, and I'm not at that point yet, quite yet. But oh boy, I imagine it adds a whole layer of stress to any holiday activity. I imagine. Wowza. That sounds terrible. Cool, cool.

Well, I have a review of Elf on the Shelf. This is a one-star review. was sent in by claire she her and it's by abby and the title is doesn't move what the fuck this is a scam the elf doesn't move on its own so you have to wait till midnight for the kids to fall asleep and then move it yourself end of review hello one person found this helpful. Thank God it doesn't move. Could you imagine? Yeah. There were a couple of these I found where people were like.

Really? Yeah, where people were like. And it verified purchase, like genuinely thought, oh, this thing moves on its own. Like maybe it has wheels or something. I don't know. I don't know. I'm so. Well, I don't under.

I would love to sit down with someone who thought that and just just talk to them just turn on a recorder and say let the magic happen just yeah you go just just talk this is all you um no yeah i'm very curious how one could what what like what if someone who grew up with this then okay someone grew up with this. Yeah. But they never learned the truth about it. But they, and they never, like, then they're older and they were like, wait. How does it work? And they call their parents like, hey, why is my elf not moving? And then mom and dad look at each other like, we have failed at parenting.

We really dropped the ball here. That is true. Like, we missed a big, red flag oopsie oh man so now i've got uh this is an email from amy who says elf on the shelf immediately reminded me of my bookseller days at barnes and noble so they include she she her amy uh she included two reviews from the barnes and noble website So I'm going to read one. And there's an F on the shelf. Great.

Two stars. Titled, Hmm, from 12 years ago. Oh, I think I have this one, too. Really? Funny. Yeah. Sorry. No, I don't care.

I got to it first, so it's mine. Okay, good. It was going to be my last one. Whoops. No, so I like that you're doing it. Okay, go ahead. Hmm. It's a title. Just like that. My mother actually started this tradition with me in 1959. Then we did it with my little brother in 1967 and added some more to the elf duties and abilities.

We did it with my daughters starting in 1980 in the Chicago area and now live in Florida. I have shared this whimsical family tradition with countless others and encouraged others to do it with their kids and sent descriptions to new moms expecting over the years. However, I have never dreamed someone would take credit for our idea and capitalize on it. This is just too coincidental. But it is a great idea and leaves memories for a lifetime. I still remember

Christmas back when I was under two years old. I am 52 now and my daughter does too. End of review. And then it says like official document of so-and-so son's legal attorney. Oh, I was like, do you have that more than I do?

No, sorry. It's her witness statement. It's her statement for her lawsuit against Elf on the Shelf Incorporated, which by the way, quick side note, I found out through a different review that Elf on the Shelf

apparently has been trying to, what's the word the word elf i'm serious i mean i hope that's i hope i'm not just talking way out of turn but i'm pretty sure that's true and then um apparently they asked a bunch of people to take down one of the rules one of the laws or rules is that you can't take post photos of the elf online and so people have been like yeah they removed a shit ton on facebook reporting people's accounts and like deleting all the posts i saw someone complaining about that and it's like they lost like hundreds of photos because elf on the shelf like went after them it's so ridiculous the elf revenge do you think this person this person genuinely thinks that somebody took this idea?

Yes. From their family? It sounds like they genuinely feel like this is our idea. We've spread it through to this many families and somebody must have taken it. Honestly, what I think is they're like wow i could have made a shit ton of money from this it sounds though that they're saying like someone would take credit for our idea it says yeah yeah they do say that yeah genuinely i think think that she says this is just too coincidental yeah i mean seriously

coincidental yeah i mean seriously seriously it's just so well he called it main character syndrome yeah exactly i'm not gonna deny that that seems very like as if they were the only ones and i can't imagine the elf on the shelf people whoever wrote that book which i feel like we should have said by now whoops um i can't imagine them saying like oh yeah this is 100 original in the year 2005 yeah no one's ever thought of anything like exactly like to be fair they are trying to copyright the word elf so i don't know true it was written by carol uh abersold a-e-b-e-r-s-o-l-d and her daughter uh shonda bell c h a n d a bell and illustrated by coey steinwart and these aren't real people i'm not convinced inspired by my neighbor's cousin's friend art teacher who told us about a tradition they used to have. I do love that they included every place they lived in

when they did this tradition, as if that would make it seem like more... In 1950. I did this in the Chicago area in the 80s. I was the first one in Chicago to do it. That Elf was always watching. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah, so who was that from again, the email? Amy. Okay, so Aaron Sheher also sent that in well did aaron work in barnes and noble where that review was posted i don't have the answer to that so probably not amy and i win so this is from olivia sheher uh it's a three-star review verified purchase the title is that's not buddy the elf first off i love elf on the shelf so this year when we couldn't find our elf i quickly reached out to my friend amazon to get one here in time now here's the downside i ordered the exact same elf listed on our box

so imagine our surprise when my daughter came down eagerly looking for buddy the elf she instantly stopped stared at the new elf, and said, that's not Buddy. To make a long story short, we found the original Buddy cleverly hidden away in a closet that no one goes in. We compared the two elven, and she was right. They changed the elves just a tad, but enough for a little girl

who will spend hours whispering to her jovial friend. Oh dear. She named the new elf lucifer i like this child me too she named the new elf lucifer and he will probably show up next year to make buddy pull more outrageous pranks and a review wow so buddy and lucifer so so i see so i was a little confused so buddy was the original elf on. And then they bought a new elf on the shelf. Because they couldn't find Buddy. And it was a different style.

But she could tell there was something different. I think they tweaked the face or something. That's not surprising. I hope they made it better. I don't think they did based on pictures. Some of it actually got worse, in my opinion. What? They made them just more cartoony.

Oh, no. Just slightly creepier. But yeah, so I just love that. Like, of course she noticed. She spends hours talking to him. And I'm like, what? Why? Okay.

I mean, listen, I had imaginary friends. I'm not, I'm not judging, but. I was going to say, I had an imaginary friend named Ran. I know. Like, I don't know. I miss Ran. He's still here. I know. I know i was gonna say where is he what is there to miss he's sitting right over there um this this is another one from the barnes and noble uh reviews this is this is one that uh amy read in your voice oh in her head

so you're gonna do it so now amy's very fortunate where she could hear it in your voice and now in my voice. How good for her. Yeah. You're welcome, Amy. This one's a one-star review titled Ripoff. I called the company to see if I could just get the book since money is tight and we have a family heirloom elf and don't need another elf and was told we don't break up the set. Wow.

What a way to spread holiday cheer and wonder for kids whose families want to participate and can't because of money. And don't try to buy the book for the iPad or computer because it only works on the nook devices. Just going to make my own book. Oh my God. Okay. Come on. That seems like. what do you want them to do like just rip the box in half and yeah it's a set it's a thing i don't know they come together like why don't you

go to the library but they have you're probably also better off just yeah making your own story or something now i'm a little bit concerned about what this her book's gonna be the elf on that book is gonna look completely different from your family heirloom actually maybe not maybe they stole that maybe it's the same reviewer chicagoland area true yeah you know to make a to make your own book about and this original book i don't know if you read anything about this but it also talks about you have to say your prayers really yep and so a lot of people were like hey i didn't know this was like christian which you know doesn't entirely surprise me but they definitely don't put that as part i mean the only other one that was similar is

mensch on a bench i mean that's true so well there's snoop on a st, there's Snoop on a stoop. What's Snoop on a stoop? It's the Snoop Dogg on a stoop dog. Anyway. Are you okay? No. Okay. I mean, yeah. No came out so easily, I didn't even realize. I know, I was going to say, okay, okay.

Good answer, good answer. But so, yeah, the original book talks about, like, you have to say your prayers. The elf will be reporting to Santa whether you say your prayers. So, you know, if that's not your thing already in your family, then like, you maybe should write your own book, you know. This one came in from Ellen Sheher and Olivia Sheher. So one star view verified purchase. That's important. Okay.

This is by Lisa. I don't even know. Is the title a long one kind of i think i have this one you do is it by lisa oh shit okay this is a good one though no this is great okay okay okay my four-year-old son hates his elf on the shelf as soon as he learned that his elf was an agent of Santa's secret police state, he wanted him dead. He told me, I touched him many times so he dies and can't tell Santa

all the bad things I've done. And yes, my kid does a lot of bad shit. The title is... Smart kid. Read the title. I love the title. It's...

He told me, I touched him many times so he dies and can't tell Santa all the bad things I've done. It's amazing yeah if you tell you give a child that amount of power hey you can kill this elf by touching it but then he'll never get to go back to santa oh perfect that solves all my problems in one go i love that the kid was like oh no mom i touched him on purpose over and over it wasn't like he like pretended he didn't he was like mom now all our problems are i made sure he's

dead don't worry i did this for us oh my god oh my god that's terrible i love it this is like the start of something bad because if you get another one and then the kid's like wait a second there's like unlimited amount of these fucking elves the kid goes another one and then the kid's like wait a second there's like unlimited amount of these fucking elves the kid goes to school and they're the friend is talking about their elf oh god and then the kid's like give me that elf i'll show me to that elf i'll kill it for you murder him yeah i'll do it for your family i'll save your mother from this hell i cannot believe how ridiculous that is um Do you want to go now? Sure. So Mackenzie also sent that review in.

Great. She had said, there is for sure a seedy underbelly of Elf on the Shelf. And yep, we found that to be true. Or a seedy overbelly, which is a phrase that we started using during the Hallmark episode that I can't quite unhear out of my own mind. Seedy overbelly. Gross. Yeah, it is gross.

That's really gross. Also, I just want to point out, I didn't get through all the emails, and there were a lot, so if other people sent this in, I'm sorry, we just haven't gotten to the email yet. Yeah. So this is a one-star review, verified purchase as well. This is by Aster, titled Poor Condition. purchase as well. This is by Aster. Titled Poor Condition.

The elf had what looked like a burnt hand and its head came off two days after getting it. As you can imagine, my seven-year-old was really upset about it. Yeah, he was holding a pair of scissors behind his back like, oh, I feel terrible. So sad. Who did this to my

poor elf? I guess he'll never be able to return to Santa. Oops. Without a... Oh my God, it's so messed up. And then the final sentence, it just says, I had to tape his head back on. End of review.

Oh boy. Did you see some of the Elf on the Shelf fails where it was like, I tried to hot glue a... Elf on the Shelf fails? What year is it? Of course I looked that up. And I was like, I tried to hot glue on the shelf fails what year is it of course i looked that up and i was like i tried to hot glue a hat to his head and it like melted his head and shit like that oh my god there's some really wild stuff when you try to mess with this thing

oh this poor elf has seen it he's gone through it um that's what happens when you're santa soldier all right on the front lines gross speaking of santa soldier i have um an email from natalie oh and natalie here who sent in this um etsy actually listing yeah and they can make like custom clothes for your elf and stuff i love it yeah and so this one is a trump 2024 sweater. For your elf on the shelf. For your elf on the shelf. Are you shitting me right now? Nope.

Do I wish I were? Yep. This one is $10. It's low stock right now because it's a hit. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. Could you imagine having an elf? This is a rhetorical question. Do not answer it. Okay. Having an elf on the shelf and like buying a Biden 2024 shirt for it. It's just so bizarre. Hysterical. It's so bizarre.

Yeah. This shop sells tiny little sweaters. They've had 11,615 sales and they sell, say like different sports teams. And I guess, you know, I was just listening to my brother, my brother, me, and they sell see like different sports teams and i guess you know i was just listening to my brother my brother me and they were talking about the elf and uh they said that their dad got them um elf on the shelf bangles sweaters and now they feel like they have to tell their kids oh elf the elf is only a bangles fan like how do you explain that they're wearing a certain team? It's just very confusing. I don't know how I would explain anything to a child, let alone the sports fandom of an elf that sits on the fireplace.

I know. Like, so much nuance here. So much nuance. So this one says Trump 2024. Just be nuanced. The item is so nuanced the item is called custom christmas doll elf shirt uh stars and stripes so here's a five star review i have two reviews here one includes a photograph so this one says another great trump shirt stars. The elves are getting together one night to host the first ever Elves for Trump rally.

Should be a great turnout. Five plus plus stars. End of review. Now, I'd like to send you the photo. Are there multiple elves? Yep. With Trump shirts? Yep.

What is going on? Yep. Here it is um so it says this one says the elves love it very good material and there's four elves uh surrounding a bottle of tequila coconut flavored tequila and do you want to see read any of the shirts oh my god from left to right right, there's Let's Go Brandon. Then there's Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Trump on the next elf. Then MAGA on the third elf. Then Trump 2024 in a nice pink.

Yeah, nice little salmon color almost, like a preppy salmon. And they have a suitcase or a lunchbox they have a suitcase they're surrounded by tequila and they're all sitting in mason jars that say the shed and they all have straws yeah it's a little odd bendy straws that they're drinking out of but they're standing in the cup that they're drinking out of which is really gross odd i don't know if they're drinking their own bath water maybe they're drinking they should sell that stuff i tried to you tried to sell your bath water i'm sure there's some your fans would buy that which is worrying no i tried to uh search like what's up with this coconut tequila but like i couldn't find anything except that it costs 18

bucks at the liquor store so i don't know what the point of that is. I wondered if it was like a brand that like meant something to Trumpers. I'm not sure. I'm so confused. I don't really know, to be honest. But yeah, so. Why is one, one's missing a hat? Yeah, well, he's been drinking a little too much of the, of the bathwater.

And only the ones on the right have doilies still. They still have. Those are the girl ones. Oh. You see. girl ones. Oh. You see. I see. Mm-hmm. Because of the eyelash?

Something is different about them. Are you... I think so. I'm spending too much time staring at fucking... The one all the way on the right is definitely one of the girl ones. Elf on the shelf dolls. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Look at that. Oh, yeah. Creepy. I can tell by that that she is wearing pink so i guess gender is important here um yeah i don't know why you would do this but to tell your kids oh they're at a trump rally this morning i mean come on give it a fucking rest drinking tequila give it a rest what are you doing that they're standing in too dark what a weird what a weird so dark and if it's not for your kids and it's for yourself i mean i don't know that's probably even worse

then get a life actually no i don't know if that's right they're equally bad it's funny it's funny uh all right uh here's a one star review a little similar to your first one but much shorter this is another one from mckenzie it was titled this will ruin your christmas this is by faith unless you're ready to commit to moving this doll every night in december after you're tired from raising your kids, fighting with bedtime and working, and preparing for Christmas, do not buy this thing. We forgot to move ours one night, and now our daughter has lost all belief in magic, and the magic of believing is gone. I wish it never came into our house. Also, do not gift this to anyone unless you talk about it with the recipient first.

My mother did this to us. End of review. My mother did this to us. Okay. That is fair. So it's not quite on the level of gifting someone a puppy without them knowing. But you are giving them responsibility here. And you're kind of shaping a lot.

Yeah, you're putting a lot of pressure on the parents all of a sudden. And I mean, fortunately for our parents, when Grandma Pam sent that elf on the shelf to us we just immediately like roasted the concept of it alive yeah we were we didn't quite roast him until later but uh we we didn't like we weren't like francisco wasn't immediately like let's do it i think we kind of ruined the magic immediately so never it was it was never a thing mom never felt like she needed to participate. We have so many gnomes at the house. They're already hiding everywhere.

We don't need another pointy-hatted friend. We did sort of play with it in that we would hide it in creepy places. Yeah, we'd put it in each other's shoes and stuff. Yeah. So we kind of played along. I didn't even know that touching it would kill the magic. I didn't know that was a thing because we never read the book. We certainly didn't read the book.

But we had lots of fun with that elf. That elf was like a. We did write our own book. True. Is that how we got banned from Amazon? Yeah, that was pretty gross. Oh, but that Barbie scene. The Barbie marshmallow bathtub.

Incredible. Yeah. We worked really hard on that um okay so this one is from oh no i think this is one i just found on the internet just now no no no no it just doesn't have a name so this is by painting lover 51 one star verified purchase on amazon the elf we received was not the elf we thought we were getting the advertisement was false and misleading we wanted a boy elf light-skinned first edition yikes light-skinned yeah it eeks the blue eye elf was advertised and i feel you should send one to us as soon as you can

it was for my daughter on her birthday and she was so disappointed when she opened up her gift and it wasn't the elf she wanted she is still waiting on this elf too so please send that elf as soon as you can if you only have a girl in stock please send that i can fix the lips and make it look like a boy the lips the first edition elves had a different looking face than all other elves. End of review. Wow. So she wants a white boy with blue eyes. Yeah, it's the mouth.

I'm looking at the mouth of this maga. Oh, yeah. It's the mouth, right? Look at those lips. Stop it. You're upsetting me. Look at them. One all the way on the right.

They're rosy red. Yeah, and she has more blush, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's blushing hard. She also has earrings. Geez, they really... She does? Yep.

You can't tell on that photo, but if you look up... Bizarre. Oh, well, maybe some of them do. It's also bizarre. I have one more. Okay, great. This is... Oh, no, no, of them do. It's also bizarre. I have one more. Okay, great. This is, oh, no, no, no. Sorry.

Which one do I do first? Okay, I'll do this one first from Mackenzie before I read my final one. This is a five-star review of the movie. Did you know there's a movie? Vaguely, but no, not really. The Elf on the Shelf presents an elf story. Oh, boy. So it's on Common Sense Media.

And I didn't know that. But you know who did? Mackenzie. Oh, boy. So Mackenzie found a five, I think it was a five star review. Yes. Five star review of this movie on Common Sense Media. This is written by an adult who says it's for ages 13 plus.

I just noticed it was written by an adult, which I didn't realize at first. I definitely did not get that vibe. Okay, interesting. From the review. So I'm just now seeing that and very confused. How many stars? Five.

Titled, Best Movie Ever. Oh dear. Okay. The best movie I have ever seen. Taylor was an annoying bullied child, but everything else was outstanding. I do not know why the parents are always singing, but it is a great movie.

I cried so hard and laughed until my stomach hurt. This title has great messages, great role models, too much violence. End of review. Oh my god. This is an adult. That makes it so much worse.

That makes it so much worse. This is the best movie I've ever seen. Yeah, I was... All my friends tend to watch Endgame. I read that as a kid. I'm like, oh, that's kind of cute. Okay. And then I thought it was funny that it says too much violence.

And then just now when I'm like looking back at it, it says adult. I was like, wait, what? Oh, no. It's like all my friends went to watch Endgame or Black Panther or something. And I went to watch this movie. And this movie has maybe the shortest IMDB description I've ever seen. What is it? An elf attempts to help a boy believe.

End of. Okay, were they paying by the word? I don't know. That sounds like a classified ad. Look at Santa. I can't see that. Can you zoom in? He looks great.

Oh my God. Whoa, why is his head so squooshed? He needs to put his hat back on. Oh, be nice. No. Okay. Okay, so this is the last thing I have here. The last one I have.

Uh-huh. And it is... It's from Goldie Sheher, who says, As a loyal Patreon subscriber with nothing better to do, you bet your tushes I got right on the mission of tracking down unhinged Elf on a Shelf reviews reviews but instead of the normal boring elf capital nbe i found this this is a review of novelty long bendy naughty boy christmas elves doll i need this he is a bendy naughty boy five dollars and 63 cents that's what they called me in high school. Yeah, right. I'm going to send you a picture.

This is, for lack of a better term, the knockoff Elf on a Shelf that you can buy for $5. Holy. That is one naughty boy. Look at his ears. Look at his feet. They're just creepy little points. Tapered little points. They're like flattened.

I hate it it they look like blades yeah the blade runner yeah they don't like this it's very frightening his like hat is all distorted everything about him is just like off it's very it's like uncanny valley for christmas elves which christmas elves are creepy enough exactly it's just like one more level yeah spookier um so this is i just love that he's called naughty boy so this is a like i told you five dollars 63 cents so this is oh i missed that discount i'm glad you repeated that because the real one is like 30 fucking bucks like it's expensive but there's no book that comes with this one that's true okay you got to write your own book so maybe we should let that one lady know yeah let's write a naughty a naughty elf naughty boy book okay so this is a

one-star review and the title and it's a verified purchase boy books what i'm in them stop it people write naughty boy books about me one star the title is sharp glass very bend. Did you hear my title? Sharp glass. I heard. Okay. I heard. Just to make sure. Verified purchase. I don't know what it means yet, but I'm scared.

I think you might. I opened it for my child and a very sharp piece of melted glass stabbed my finger. There's melted shards of glass all over the elf's face. What is melted glass? Wait. Like molten glass? Like. I'm sorry it's basically looks like it's melted into the plastic of the face almost like oh like maybe it got melted into i see i see i was very confused i see there is melted shards of glass on the elves face no child can come near it

or play with it. Which, to be fair, maybe that's what they say. You cut your finger open and get tetanus. Yeah, good. You're not supposed to. And we'll know because you'll be bleeding. True. We'll know. I'll bring your blood to Santa. No child can come near it or play with it.

Now my children are crying and now they have no elf on the shelf. I am really sad and I feel bad for them. End of review. And there's definitely photos of just glass coming out of this thing's face. This is a knockoff version. I'd say you get what you pay for, but I don't know.

I don't think anyone should be getting glass in their elf's faces. I feel like that's probably not fair even for a discount elf you know that's so weird um now the last thing i have here is just a collection of some of what i call the most cringy oh yeah elf uh things so let me see what we got i'm just gonna send you a bunch so here's an example of like what I found to be disturbing about the whole concept. And maybe you can read this post that Elf on the Shelf wrote to the children. The elf wrote this?

Yeah. Okay. You want me to read it aloud? It's a note and it says, Christmas is canceled for now. If you want me to keep visiting a a Santa visit, and your free... What? I think it means, like, if you want me to keep visiting, if you want a Santa visit... A Santa visit.

And, oh, your tree. I thought that said you're free. Your tree and your presents back. Your behavior needs to improve. Santa is very angry, and I'm disappointed. Be good and say sorry to Mom. You all have one week to improve. I'm disappointed. Be good and say sorry to mom. You all have one week to improve. I'm watching.

Signed, Elsie. Creepy McCreepface. Also. This is so sinister. The note is saran wrapped. To what looks like their tree. It's their tree. And do you see the elf in the picture?

Look at the top. I didn't notice that until now oh my god alexander with his creepy little sorry elsie's creepy little smile and they saran wrap the tree so that the tree is like done until the kids behave so that's kind of what how it gets out of hand i think um because it becomes like just so like you said like controlling children's behavior it gets yeah so and here are some more fun ones these are like uh doesn't seem like the healthiest no exactly and again like oh we're not in a position neither is candy and i eat that stuff every day so here speaking of candy here is um some Elf on the Shelf. Hashtag fails.

And this one is Elf on the Shelf wanted to do some snow angels in sugar. But unfortunately. It just looks like he did a bunch of Coke or something. No, that was somewhere. But unfortunately, the cat thought it was cat litter and pooped on the counter next to it. Oh, my God. So when the kids went and found him, it was in cat poop here's another snow angel this is uh this is the elf you just sent me a picture of cat poop on the counter i know i'm sorry so here's another photo of uh an attempt at snow angels but they used red sprinkles so it looks like a blood bath oh my god yeah what are they

thinking where'd i go oh this one's one of my favorites they tried to write they tried to write 16 days like till christmas it's 16 days ellie but it was in the bathtub and so it started dripping and part of it's red so it looks like in blood someone wrote 16 days ellie like yeah it's creepy coming for her the elf is hanging upside down like this will happen to you if you don't behave or something here's um a flasher flasher elf which i think was kind of hilarious you can see the family the lego family in the background playmobil family playmobil covering their kids eyes oh my this is probably so bizarre if i did elf on the shelf like i would try to make it just fun and clever like i wouldn't make it like my kids are being watched by this thing

i think it would just be like a fun yeah goofy little thing because look at this one this is my favorite it's he's sitting on a photocopier you have a favorite elf on the shelf i do i do oh this is funny actually it's a photocopier he's sitting his little butt on the photocopier. I'm glad you have a favorite elf on the shelf, Dale. I do. This is funny, actually. It's a photocopier. He's sitting, his little butt on the photocopier, and then a photo of his butt comes out. It was a little red butt tushy. It makes me laugh. There's some disturbing ones.

Like, a lot of them are about murdering Santa. Jesus. Yeah, like using a hair dryer to murder Santa. That's not a Santa. That's a snowman. I mean, I'm sorry, a snowman. Not Santa. That's not a Santa. That's a snowman. I mean, I'm sorry, a snowman, not Santa. I was like, wow.

He's turned on his boss. Yeah. I mean, the thing is with the face. The face is so sinister. You can put, and it fits. I mean, look, Redrum.

Why are people, oh my gosh. Here's one where they didn't realize the tape wouldn't hold and so he fell off the ceiling into a pot of water and drowned and so his kids found him in a spaghetti pot upside down in the water oh my god um this one's disturbing they printed out a photo of their child like a school picture and the elf is pooping on the kid's face oh my god there's a bunch where the elf is drawing on the kid's face and it says i never listened to my mom on the child's face like in sharpie that was disturbing so wild um here's one as you can tell I was watching a YouTube video by a German man.

This is insane. Why are they obsessed with these elves pooping? I don't know. It's disturbing. Here is... This is my... I like this one. This is Elf on the Voice.

They have little styrofoam cups where the other toys turn their chairs around. I bet this is fascinating to listen to. I know. I'm sorry. What is happening? Okay. What about this on here snow um snowman nose rejection center come on don't tell me it's an elf penis no god

i feel like that's the next step for these insane photos she's sent me like 20 like she hasn't even talked about all of them she just keeps sending them look at snowman does rejection he's grading a carrot with a scared sad face he's in a carrot greater yeah it's really fucked oh my god uh here he's uh murdering snowman again what is this this is awful i'm telling you they're really disturbing. Oh. And the snowman has a speech bubble that says, is this the end? Yeah. Holy shit. What the fuck?

There were a lot of elf on strike. Like on Etsy, you can buy elf on strike cards to print out to basically say, like, I refuse to move or talk to Santa until you listen to your parents. Rudolph had Chinese for dinner. He pooped everywhere. Like, what are you talking about? So much poop stuff. It's too much. Too much poop. Here's a pee one, if that's better for you.

A pee one? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Here's one that says, Ava, please eat all of your yogurt today. I will give Santa a report. And then they put it in the lunchbox. Then how is it removed from the lunchbox if you can't touch the fucking elf? Look, you can buy these on Etsy.

They're cards that say, disappointed in your behavior last night. Signed, Santa Claus. My god. Like, this is so disturbing. Yet you keep sending them. I know. I peed my elf it's a bunch of frozen peas this is the last one i fart oh my god it's like do i have to explain these there's an elf in a jar with a lid on and it and it's holding a sign that says i farted in here open lid and smell like why what so stupid oh anyway that's all i got the most disturbing ones the

fun one i thought was the um the one on the photocopier i just thought that was cute and innocent the rest of it oh yeah 15 pictures ago yeah yeah i think 40 pictures ago the rest of it just is a little much um like shaving people's heads with it while they're sleeping i mean it just goes way out of hand i think it sounds like it um but yeah that's all i got for you great you're welcome i think we're ready to move on are you sure? No. Okay. Okay, time for my challenge? Yes. Great.

Oh my God, this document is 34 pages. Is it all those elf pictures? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Just scroll down to page 32. Thank God. No more elf pictures. Okay. Y'all made it through the worst of it.

Don't worry. So my challenge was from Alice, who said, somebody leaving a bad review because they ordered the wrong item, but are blaming the item for the bad review, even though they were the ones who ordered the wrong one. So blaming the item for the bad review even though they were the ones who ordered the wrong one so i found a few of these a surprising amount were positive reviews saying either like owning to the fact that they bought the wrong thing but a lot of them were positive even just saying like they didn't have anything good to say but they were like accepted

blame and left a positive yes and they were like it is what it says it is uh it's just not what i wanted okay now there were a lot when i was searching for these that were like maybe i just ordered the wrong thing but this was terrible which was didn't really quite count so this first one i have is called Grand Easy Caps parentheses white. And the title is... What the hell are these? I'll tell you. Well, Susan will. One star. Verified purchase. I ordered the wrong

thing needed to bolt my toilet seat. I don't dislike anything. I just hate that I paid for something I don't need. End of reveal. And don't pay for something you don't need end of review and don't pay for something you don't need so they're toilet bolt caps which are the ones on the oh yes back yes okay um so that's too bad i love sold a bidet don't worry oh yeah i love that it's a verified purchase so like amazon's like oh yeah thumbs up she bought this product you can trust her and it's like well don't worry she already admitted that um this one is of ge lighting oh boy 25 watt

incandescent wide floodlight bulb one pack three star review is what it says it is verified purchase i bought a pair of these to replace the driving lights on my motorcycle light bar. The service was great, received them in good shape faster than I expected. They fit and work, but I ordered the wrong thing. I should have ordered the spot beams, and I just did, in fact. The floods were too wide beam and lower watches than I needed, but it was strictly my fault. Couldn't read the model numbers off my old ones, and took a guess after looking at a thousand or so bulbs. I did order from the same company again.

The product was as advertised. The shipping was very quick and arrived in good shape. Would recommend them to anyone needing this kind of bulb. Look at that. I love it. But three stars. Oh, well. Because they bought the wrong thing.

Because they're disappointed. I guess. No one to blame but yourself. I'm saying. three stars oh well because they bought the wrong thing they're disappointed i guess you've no one to blame but yourself i'm saying shelf i like this one a lot uh this is a toggle switch terminal with the rain proof cap oh i love those two me too this is by nft it's a three-star review. Verified purchase, and the title is, Oops, I Ordered the Wrong Thing. This is ridiculous. This is momentary.

Stress. Momentary. I needed a regular DPDT switch that stays on. My bad. If you want a momentary switch this is good i thought they meant this is momentary like this stress is momentary i'm so confused what's a momentary switch i don't know it says a momentary toggle switch you're the one who said you loved these It says a momentary toggle switch. You're the one who said you loved these.

It says a momentary toggle switch. Rain cover, no? With a rainproof cap. Rainproof cap. And then they said, this is momentary. And I thought they meant like breathe in. Goose from all. This is momentary.

But then they wrote stress. Oh, maybe they meant like keyword momentary. I don't know. Listen. This is fascinating. We're learning so much. This is momentary. Stress momentary. Oh, I see.

I see. You know what I mean? So you're saying they were saying like emphasis on momentary, even though that is literally the first word in the product description. Yeah, what? I needed a regular DPDT switch that stays on my bad if you want a momentary switch this one is good it's just not what i or you may want smiley face and that's a three-star review and the seller of this tell me what i want posted don't tell me what i don't want maybe so the seller actually posted like in the seller

forum on amazon like what do i do if someone gave me a bad review even though it was they admitted it was their fault and it actually looks like amazon's pretty good about that yeah that they take off uh reviews that don't fit their guidelines like if the buyer admits it was there i'd love to go through that collection of reviews boy me too the ones that get nixed from the website yeah so this next one is 60 minute mini dvc tapes for a dvc camcorder so it's basically you know those camcorders that have little miniature DVDs in them? These are like that, sort of. What is a tape? But it's a tape.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Are they the mini cassette tapes? But it's like a mini DVC. Like mini DVC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like more recent. I typed in mini DVC camcorder and it says, find camcorder at Goodwill.

Yeah, so they're basically just tapes that you record onto that you film onto um so this is the top critical review it's a three-star review by carolyn and the title is three stars i ordered the wrong thing but i will keep it and give it to someone else end of review but like it's two little tapes for a dvd quarter that nobody fucking has anymore you're so mad you're so mad it's a goodwill you're so man now goodwill has it you're so man i am mad you're mad you're like who wants this you're garbage yeah but like don't be like i ordered the wrong thing so i'm giving it three stars. And now I've got to find someone else to give it to.

Who wants that? I don't want it. I don't want it. Glad you cleared that up. Now you're not going to get it. You were going to get a bunch in the mail. I might because I just Googled it, and I feel like now the computer's like, oh, she wants a DVC player. And you're going to see so many instagram ads for

those and eventually you're gonna buy one middle of the night one edible in you can't help yourself i can't help it that's probably why i'm so mad i'm getting defensive true you are yeah yeah i already ordered a dvc camcorder oh you saw that damn it so this is a plantronic series original five pack replacement ear cushions what i'm telling you what are these items i don't know i guess it makes sense because it sounds like most of these are parts of something parts of a hole yes and so if these so that's why they're buying the wrong thing because they're wrong parts or parts for the wrong the wrong hole yes i think that's kind of mostly what these are especially when it comes to like tech stuff yeah it makes sense or accessories we've all been there yeah um okay we have all bought the wrong camcorder tapes. We've all been there.

I did it yesterday. I mean, I mean, no, I didn't. Here is a three star. They're all three stars. What is going on? Very average. Yeah. But I mean, how do you give five stars to something?

I don't know. But why do you even review it? No, that is the ultimate question. You're right. Why even bother? That's the thing. Why review it? Probably because Amazon keeps emailing you. Hey, would you like to leave a review?

Please leave a review. I guess, but they only do that once. Whatever. In your settings. This is the top critical review of this item by C. It's a three-star review, and the title is, I ordered the wrong thing, frown face with a nose. I really can't review this. Okay.

See? Solid start. I told you it's people who are getting emails. But like, then don't. These people are probably older. I don't know about that. You think old people use DV cam recorder? Oh, wait.

I was like, I was about to scream at you. Are you kidding me? I really can't review this. I misread the description and thought these would fit my headphone, not earbuds. They look fine, but were not what I wanted. My mistake. Three stars. End of review.

Frown face with a nose, by the way. Frown face with a nose. Yeah way face with a nose yeah wait which kind of nose is it just this a hyphen yep not a carrot not a carrot nose i love that i love a carrot nose that that's a that's a kind of you drop that on someone oh you better step aside um that's all i have which i feel like like is kind of lame. That was so lame. It was, right? Like, nobody admitted to anything. I love it, though.

Nobody admitted to anything that, like, they just were like, I bought the wrong fucking thing. You know why I like it? Why? Because you had to read all these boring. I had to read so many. And knowing you brought that many to the table, I know you have read so many more that were even worse. I'm glad you're so fucking amused. It was hard because, again...

You did it, though! Anytime I read Yelp reviews, it was like, I might have ordered the wrong taco. I might have ordered the wrong thing, but it was gross. Maybe I ordered the wrong type of food, but it was gross. It was ordered the wrong type of food but it was gross i was just so blah blah blah so anyway even our inbox didn't help very much so yeah oh did we announce that challenge no but i looked back to see if anything was in there like just i couldn't find anything whoops anyway so that's boring i'm so sorry that's probably why it's okay christine they got to hear us describe different elf on the shelf positions i think oh i think that's probably why i uh overcompensated so much with the elf you sure did you know yeah um i was just nervous but uh

the next episode by the way folks is mall santas all santas and uh don't send in reviews because we are well you can but we already did about to record it we did the we already did our research so we're about to record that but um stay tuned for that because i'm very excited for mall santas yeah and it's my challenge yes okay i can't wait bye-bye bye-bye sorry about that I'll tell them.