Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 213: Reviews of Gingerbread Houses

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

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This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello! Hi!

What are you doing? Recording an episode of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews, most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandy. Mom was right you do have a face for radio um i'm x teen uh today we're switching the gears and we are doing a theme that we didn't you're explaining this so well why are we why am i explaining it i don't know okay me too yeah we're doing pre-made gingerbread houses yeah today's theme if you can't tell by the episode is pre-made gingerbread houses our patreon poll this was

actually for episode 214 but we decided this was uh better to do in december closer to the holiday season it felt right so we're recording them both today yeah wedding djs comes out next week yeah so we haven't recorded that but we're doing it after this that theme is yes yeah we're gonna save that for the new year for the new year wow um yeah but that's an exciting one i've got a lot of crazy shit i went really that one is wild and we're doing my challenge today yes which was a fun one kind of not really oh it was it was just i didn't really complete it i just found other things related to it. It was about underage people having things purchased for them. Oh, I see.

Okay. Anyway. Hey, guess what? Talk to me. I tried to do something the other day. I know. I know. I know.

Bold. Buckle up. I tried to come up with like a new fun idea for us. What? Like a new venture. Since we're such capitalists. Yeah. I thought, what a venture I could come up with.

Please tell me. So I thought, oh, I know. How do we milk these listeners for their money? For all their worth. Stop. Sorry. That was my slurping up my listeners money sound. Stop doing that.

So I took an edible and then I thought, wow, I'm a genius. I've come up with the best new podcast idea. I'm out. Okay. You haven't even been invited yet. Okay, fine, fine, fine. I'm back in. Okay.

So what I did was I downloaded an AI script generator. Yeah. okay so what i did was i downloaded an ai script generator yeah and then i spent like six hours uploading like our audio transcripts shitting me no it didn't quite work out as well as i thought it would because i don't know it just wasn't as uh fruitful as i thought it would be but i did bring to the table just like the the fruits of my. So it's an AI written script of our podcast. Yeah, sort of, yeah. Okay, we should do a whole episode like that. Some of them were actually better than our actual episode. I believe it.

And then I got really bitter and paranoid and I closed it. Oh my God, what if we just did a whole episode, like take it seriously as if it's a real script and just do it? I was thinking that, but the only problem is none of them were properly written as like a back and forth. And so it just ended up being kind of like a story. And so I thought maybe I could read them to you. You do you. You're like, no, I'm not.

If I have to. Okay, so basically I uploaded our Elf on the Shelf episode. I said, what is going to happen here? And it wrote me a story. So here it is. Oh, God. X-Teen and Xandy were two siblings who enjoyed nothing more than waking up to a surprise each morning. It all started when their parents decided to add an extra member to the family, an elf.

His name was Elfie. Wow. And he was tasked with bringing joy and excitement into their lives. Every night, Elfie would move around the house while they slept, appearing in different rooms or even in unexpected places, like inside a toy box or on top of the fridge. One particular morning, Xtina woke early to find that Elfie had gotten himself into quite a predicament. He was found passed out in a hot tub filled with bubble bath Oh no, what do I do? I'd hop right in. Scoot over, Elfie. I've got a Barbie to meet.

When Zandy arrived arrived he exclaimed when Zandy arrived he exclaimed he staged this that day forward it became something of an unspoken competition between them as to who could spot where Elfie ended up each morning first. Some days it would be easier than others. Other times they'd have to really search, from the kitchen cabinets, inside light fixtures, or even tucked away behind furniture.

But no matter what mischief Elfie got up to during the night, there were always smiles when they discovered him anew every single day. So then I entered your biography from your website. website why because i wanted to see what it would say about you i hate it oh no i'm embarrassed i'm embarrassed so i'm gonna read your bio first this is public knowledge so this is publicly available so i'm not breaching any laws i think yeah you're not doxing me with my what i wrote on ZandySchaefer.com. Oh, dear God. So here's how Xander's got it. Okay.

I've never had it, like, presented to me. Here it is. Zandy's therapist calls him a content creator. It's true. He's somebody really good. Zandy's therapist calls him a content creator, but he's predominantly a podcaster and Twitch streamer. He hosts a podcast called Beach 2 Sandy, Water 2 Wet with his sister Christine.

Zandy streams himself playing video games and reading Hedgehog Wisdom on Twitch. Okay, so then I gave the AI robot a direction. And the direction was write a fake funny story about Zandy. Oh. And this is what happened. Uh-oh. Now I need you to take this very seriously because it's pretty dark. What?

Yeah, it's really fucked up. And that's why I have to take it seriously? Is this foretelling my future? Foretelling my demise? I sure hope not. Oh, no. Here's what it said. Zandy was an eccentric content creator to say...

Was? What does this say I do and do me i'm so scared okay zandy was an eccentric content creator to say the least to say the least oh no it sounds so past like backhanded compliment he had a passion for video games and hedgehogs and he often combined the two i haven't read this since like two weeks ago kind of true and he often combined the two in strange and amusing ways one of his most popular twitch streams involved him and his pet hedgehog playing video games together in addition to streaming xandy also hosted a youtube channel where he uploaded various videos of himself playing games discussing topicalical issues, and giving advice.

He was a regular guest on podcasts and talk shows, talking about his experiences as an independent content creator and all the challenges that he faced. Zandy's life wasn't all fun and games. What? It's like a reading between the lines. What is happening? Zandy's life wasn't all fun and games, though. It could be quite lonely at times. He had to deal with criticism from trolls and haters who often posted negative comments about him on social media.

Despite this, Zandy persevered and continued to create content, inspiring many aspiring content creators along the way. Zandy was an inspiration to all of us. His enthusiasm for life and his passion for creating content was infectious. He inspired us to pursue our dreams and never be afraid of what the haters had to say. We will never forget Zandy what the haters had to say. We will never forget Sandy and the legacy. What? What happened to me? When I was first reading

this, I was like, boring, boring. And then it was like, and then the next line says, rest in peace, Sandy. I was like, that's its own paragraph. Rest in peace, Zandy. What the hell? What does it know? I said a fake funny story.

Yeah, what does it know? Oh, okay, fake. So it was like, okay, we'll make it fake that he died. Yeah, but it's so funny. I mean, it's a little funny. It's not that funny. I'm laughing a little. It's funny, but for the wrong reasons,

which is kind of like our podcast, so it fits. Yeah, it's true we will never forget zandy and the legacy he left behind rest in peace zandy you are truly an inspiration to us all may his spirit live on through those who continue creating content with the same level of passion and enthusiasm he possessed the end holy shit like this is it's kind of legit though if i had died you know some of this stuff this is my eulogy it's it's extra and it doesn't apply to me but if if it did it would be pretty like if you died I would just have an AI generator create the eulogy for me I don't blame you that sounds pretty good anyway I was just cracking up

because I was trying so hard I spent hours on this and that's all I came to like that's all I can show for it I didn't have any better results. That's pretty good, though. Anyway, that's all. This document I have is titled My Unhinged Weed Thoughts. So I'm going to close it. Please, please, please. Because I don't want anything to do with it anymore. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, everybody.

Let's get back to the topic at hand. Gingerbread houses. Yeah, my bad. I don't know if I can continue after that. I'm so sorry that I just read your eulogy. I'm so sorry. I really tried to make it funny. That was a lot. I'm so sorry that I just read your eulogy. I'm so sorry. I really tried to make it funny. That was a lot.

I'm sorry. Lisa didn't, like, guess how I died. Yeah, it really left us in the dark about what actually happened. Oh, dear. But you were an inspiration. I mean, are an inspiration to all of us. So thank you for that. And also, you can go first because I've been talking nonstop.

Well, this is a review of the gingerbread house uh this is this was sent there's that classic inspirational content creation we've all grown to love oh this is from emma she her and this is of the target classic house kit it's a one-star review uh titled disappointing ruined my christmas santa should be ashamed end of review oh no two people liked it though gave it a thumbs up do you think it's this person's parents who are like yeah it's totally santa's fault mrs claus falling out totally right. This wasn't your parents doing. Santa definitely bought you a fucked up gingerbread house. I just saw. Oh, my gosh.

I think Target allows you. Oh, there's like a little tag at the bottom. What? And it says, made me sad. No. Yeah. But someone else's review just has their name. They signed their name in that area. That's not right. And this person wrote, made me sad. Wait, click on's review just has their name. They signed their name in that area.

That's not right. And this person wrote, made me sad. Wait, click on the tag that has their name. And the other person says, gingerbread house kit. So I don't really know what these tags are. And then put their name? No, they didn't put their name. So the name, there's Ben.

Sure. Is at the bottom of one. The next review, these are all screenshots, so I can't click them. Oh, damn it. The next review is gingerbread house kit and it's like a gray it's not the black so it's like clearly separate and it's smaller okay a little tag at the bottom and then the third one says made me sad that one so if you're looking on target for something that made you made people sad you will find exactly what you're looking for i mean it really is my eulogy quite

there's a tag on this too. My unhinged weed thoughts. Hashtag made me sad. Don't be sad. Don't be sad. So, wow. That is sad. I mean, they're not wrong.

They're not wrong. Oh. Okay. So, the first one I have was sent in by Jennifer Sheher. And it's the Trader Joe's Gingerbread House Kit. Now, I actually found this review and then checked the emails to make sure. I'm sure you did.

What? I did. Then I checked the emails to make sure, and I found that Jennifer had also found it, so I hid it from you so you wouldn't find it. Good, okay. So the full name of this is Trader Joe's Gingerbread House Kit Authentic German Hexenhaus

with Candy and cookie decorations? Make a special house for any holiday, St. Patrick's, Mother's Day, or Father's Day. A St. Patrick's Day gingerbread house? I don't know. I'd eat it, but I don't get it. I like how their examples of any holiday are St. Patrick's, Mother's Day, or Father's Day. That's it. There's no other Halloween.

This is literally called a witch house. So here is the... We've done this one many times. Oh, yes. And Jennifer said that her family also did this for years. There's just a problem people have with this house. Do you recall any major flaws or issues? No.

Well, I just remember Francisco putting people dangling from the roof. Yeah, we'd always have people who were trying to hang lights and then fell off the roof which was pretty dark by their neck it was a whole thing it wasn't by their neck it was by their foot oh my bad sorry i was thinking about my eulogy you're in a dark place and i put you there and i'm so sorry okay so i'm just gonna read this first one it's a two-star review by Abby. Tastes great, but very questionable design. Don't really know where to start. A lot of this kit was very phallic.

From the gingerbread dad whose shoes and walking stick can only be described as a cheap imitation of penis art? I don't think that's the only way you can describe those. Those are the only words that come to mind. I might be wrong, but I feel like you could tell what they were by clearly. Yeah, walking stick.

Yeah. And so they're like, oh, yeah, this walking stick can only be described. There's no other words. Yeah. Yeah. Good point. I love it. Can only be described as a cheap imitation.

By the way, sorry, a cheap imitation of penis art. That's to say that there is some sort of like elevated high quality high class. Clearly this person is a penis expert. Apparently penis art expert. Penis art expert. Yeah. So, can only be described as a cheap imitation of penis art to the very runny and inappropriate looking icing.

I couldn't even explain. Oh my God. I know, Alexander. It's supposed to look like snow. It's ice. It's icicles. I know. I couldn't even explain this to my kids.

I'm like, what do you have to explain? Why did you make it so that the icing's coming out of the cane? It's art. I can't explain it to you, children. It's knockoff art. Haven't you ever heard of it? I got some of the icing on my face. What?

I think that's called eating it, but okay. I got some of the icing on... I think it's called something else, but okay. Well, so does Abby. I got some of the icing on my face, and it looked like half of the Brazzers team stopped by to offload on my forehead. It's icing! I like how she's like, and I had to explain this to my kids.

There's no other choice but to tell them what Brazzers is. Oh, my God. It's so good. Oh, my gosh. There was no building anything of solid construction with this runny mess I usually clean up with a gym sock. no building anything of solid construction with this runny mess i usually clean up with a gym sock ended up feeding the gingerbread to my dogs was actually really good and the icing tasted great after you got over the texture and this is horrifying and the ptsd from your uncle two out of five stars because it tasted great but i couldn't build anything and now i'm explaining

things to my toddler i really didn't want to get into. End of review. This is all on you, reviewer. Yeah, this- For, like, to your child? You don't- I don't understand what- no, I don't know. I don't know what to say. Okay, you can go now. Oh, it's my turn? Yeah.

Okay. This is an email from Sarah, she, her, who sent in reviews of a gingerbread house, quote unquote, gingerbread house made of Kit Kats. Oh, that sounds delicious. Yeah, I think they have a vegan Kit Kat now somewhere out there. Really? Probably in Europe. I'd like to try it. So she had said that there were a lot about broken, open, missing or half eaten bars arriving. Half eaten? I could see them having issues witheaten bars arriving. Half-eaten.

I could see them having issues with delivering Kit Kat bars. Yeah, yeah. Don't break me off a piece of that, am I right? Don't break me off a piece of the roof or I'll come crashing down by my foot. So true. I know, that's true. It's true. It is true as they come.

Here's a two-star review by Kira. The title is Fresh. The review says, Stale. End of review. That is really a conundrum. That's that one. That makes you think, you know, as a thinker. Which one could it be?

Well, it's two stars, so it probably was the stale one. We can probably guess. I have one more from Sarah here of the same thing. This is a one-star review by Casey titled, I'm sure it would have been great. I'm sure it was good, but the truck it was being shipped on crashed and I never got it. Hope the driver was okay though. End of review. How do you have the information to know that the specific Kit Kats you ordered are

on a specific truck but you don't know whether the driver survived? How do you get that information but not that information? I wonder if they live somewhere where there was news of some sort of incoming Kit Kats? No, of an Amazon, because this was reviewed

on Amazon, like an Amazon truck or something. And there being a delay in Amazon orders. And so when your Kit Kat cabin kit, that's what I think it was called, Kit Kat cabin kit. It's a lot. It's too much. Doesn't show up. And there was a delay due to delivery issues.

Kit Kat collateral damage. And you see in the news that there was a... True. So sad. That's a new movie about it and you see the amazon truck was involved in a crash you're like oh put two and two together i'm gonna rate this one star now yeah that must be the only really negative energy out there but i hope he's okay but hopefully i hope he's doing just i hope he like lives out his life in the best way possible he ruined my christmas yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh my God. That's mind-boggling to me that you'd be like, wow, my Kit Kat... Imagine all the people who ordered iPads or medical equipment or anything else on Amazon and then it got, you know, again... I love how you're like, iPads? iPads and medical equipment you know the two

important things you can get fragile and then i went well what about what about the reason for the season syringes and other you know true stuff like that syringes and other stuff you know syringes and ipads merry christmas like uh bob's, like those stores that keep closing down. Syringes and other stuff. I can afford to put a bunch of one of those in your stocking next year. Wonder which one it'll be. Instead of like coal and syringes. I've got a bunch actually stashed, so don't worry. But imagine if that truck crashed and it was like all iPads and syringes and then like your one kick out.

It's so sad. It's just really sad. That's so sad. I wonder if she went to the crash site looking for it waiting through all the syringes she probably picked up a couple ipads so honestly it couldn't be that bad uh okay so anyway let's get back to the hexen house um which is the trader joe's house and by the way everybody that means like a like a witch house yeah in german but i mean it just looks like a means your mom's house it actually looks like the hansel and gretel i think is the is the kind of exactly so true okay so this is a three-star review by hayley you remember the last review

no browsers showed up on my face and all that. Okay, more semen talk. This is a three-star review by Haley. I agree with the questionable state of the Hexenhaus. Scored for a whole 799. I must say the review about how this questionable structural integrity was paired with a dong man and my mother-in-law kept calling the icing splooge. Not sure the destination that her head is in. Anyway, it's still

debatable whether it's Hansel and Gretel and the Witch or main Dong Man with the Satan Dog and children hiding on the roof. Whoa. That's quite the group. It's debatable. Imagine. Are you pro Dong Man? I'm very pro Dong Man and Satan Dog. Me too.

The tree is absolutely beautiful though. That's what I call Blaze and Geo. Dong Man and Satan Dog. satan dog me too the tree is absolutely beautiful that's what i call blaze and geo the tree is absolutely beautiful though a plus plus for that okay you um a plus plus but how many stars uh three okay uh but i i still like i'm i looked at so many pictures of this and we've done this we are and we are not ones to shy away from calling out dog men you know we literally as we said would put people on the strand people on the roof hide them in the bushes and like and if we thought that was penis peanut phallic oh we would have like oh we would have ran with that we would have leaned into it and penis fountain spraying splooge all over the hanging people.

I'm looking at it, and the worst part is we always called- I don't like splooge. I hate it. I hate that word. I don't know what destination her mother's head is in. I'd rather just say semen over and over again. So the worst part for me is that the little character they keep calling Dogman is the one we always called Alexander.

And the problem was that you never wanted to play with us when we made it sissy and i said we always put you on the roof man on the roof yeah but so i'm the dog yeah i can't i can't see it i'm looking at it and if especially if it was me i since that was my character yeah you i would have called that out i feel like i'm missing something maybe we got a different version. I don't know. I don't know. They posted photos and I'm like, I don't. You still don't see it?

I'm going to send it to you. Please, please. Maybe with our wizened eyes, we can. I didn't mean wizened. I meant wise, but you know. Wizened eyes. Wizened is different. Oh boy.

Like he doesn't even have. What? Like what? I don't know. Oh wait. Oh my God. Wait. The witch has has a walking stick maybe that's what they meant oh that's not a dong man that's a witch that's a witch what's a dong i don't see it i don't see it either i mean the walking stick also looks like a poop it doesn't look like look like a penis and if it looks like your penis you should get that checked out yeah it's got a couple turns in there also you okay you know what i'm over

it i'm so annoyed because i really want to be in on the joke but i'm like not no i'm not getting the joke you know if you know if i can't have fun no one can have true so stop having fun so i'm shutting this down here's a review sent in by Jessica. This is of the Holiday Deluxe Gingerbread House Kit from, I believe this is Target brand. It's sold on Target. I think it's Target brand. What's a tag does? Makes me sad.

No, this one, this one in the same area has the date. So I don't know what these people are doing. I think people are just writing tags. They're just like making up tags. But the one below it also has the exact date. I don't understand. I don't know what these people are doing. I think people are just writing tags. They're just making up tags. But below it also has the exact date. I don't understand. This is a one-star review written by someone named My Dad's a Lawyer. Lucky you, because listen to this review.

Cool. One star. Collapsed immediately and caused my house to set on fire. Oh, no. That's it. If you've... Yeah, spit it out. If you see fire, you've gone wrong somewhere along the line.

The point of a pre-made gingerbread house is that you don't have to bake it. I've watched this TikToker who does gingerbread houses every year and she like makes like these gorgeous intricate designs and cuts them out really precisely like to the millimeter and um she puts things in the oven but i feel like she's a grown-up and i'm not i don't that's why i buy the one the dong kit the dong man yeah dong man because i don't want to put anything in the oven i think this one same it just says gingerbread kit and it says ready to build. It doesn't...

I don't see anything about needing to put it in the oven. That's just... You've gone wrong, sir. Yeah. Something, something's up. Oh, wait. I'm looking at the next review. So maybe that one.

Kit includes pre-baked house pieces. It's pre-baked. Yeah. That was... I thought the next review was going to say, ignore the directions. Put it in the oven for an extra crispy set of walls. Do you like your walls crispy? Yeah.

I do. Well, at least his dad's a lawyer, you know. True. Okay, so now I have a redemption of the Trader Joe's Hexen house. Nice. Someone just excited that it's all dongs. So it says, very cute and easy to assemble. The only thing is you have to make the icing yourself no that was my hilarious that's actually really funny but also no it's like

gross but also you do have to make the icing yourself. Oh, okay. Because you have to mix it with pasteurized egg whites. Oh. Yeah. They're like, go get your own pasteurized egg whites in order to make this? And we used to have to do that. Mom would separate the eggs and then put lemon juice in it. Ugh. I know.

And when I read that, I was like, oh, yeah. That's weird. I feel like it probably would look like jizz if you messed up the ratio of egg whites to frosting. I could see that. And add some lemon juice. I guess that makes a little added context. Thank you for that. Thank you, Janine.

Some more to think about. Yeah. It's another thinker. Another thinker. This next one was sent in by Megan Sheher, who sent in the review of an illuminated holiday house gingerbread cookie kit with icing. I really thought you were going to say Illuminati both times you started the word.

It was close. It was trying to come out of my mouth. Sorry, where is this from? It was a Target thing. Okay. Here's a one-star review titled Screaming and Crying. Oh, no.

The icing doesn't work to keep the house together. There are no instructions for the back of the house. My children are screaming and sobbing and ripping their hair out. I cannot get them to stop, and they are balding. They were so excited. Now everything is ruined. I'm disappointed, to say the least. Absolutely devastated.

I will never shop at Target ever again. You have lost my service. For good. End of review. Oh my god. I think this family's gonna be... You don't need to tell them. They're gonna ban you from Target. Yeah, yeah, don't worry. They don't want you back. You and your bald children.

I can't... I can't get over the... They're pulling their hair out. I don't know. Oh my god. I just feel like, you know, of course kids throw tantrums and stuff but also it seems like the energy is being like amplified by this person's reaction like i just feel like this is probably a big cycle of like they're screaming crying i'm freaking the fuck out i'm boycotting target posting on the internet while my hair my children go bald just like okay

everybody take a breath holidays you can't take a breath during the holidays go touch the snow or whatever they say you know touch snow don't eat it but touch it just take a minute take a breath man i'm like upset just hearing that okay so the next one i have alexander it's from your main girl so the next one i have alexander it's from your main girl valerie par hill i was like which one vph one of many i have two oh okay d and vph yeah vph so uh this is set of three illuminated checked gingerbread houses by valerie now these are pre-made gingerbread houses but they're like ceramic ones okay so they're not edible, in case you're wondering. Okay. So this is a-

I was wondering. Okay, good. Here, I'll show you a picture. I bet they look really tasty, though. They do. What the fuck is that? Oh, I see. Gingerbread, what do you mean?

Sorry, they're all different colors. Yes. Yeah. They don't look as tasty as they could. No. Okay, so this is a two-star review by Fun4Shop. Verified purchase. QVC, so tired of calling in an order and then receiving a sorry but no cigar email.

QVC, get your inventory management straightened out. Now you sent me a defective Valerie product. Lights didn't work in one of the houses. I called immediately but received the dreaded no cigar email. So tired of this. What? I don't know. The dreaded no cigar.

Do you have to like sign up for the opportunity to buy these houses? You know. Like they're just flying off the shelves so quick what i think happens is that if you receive a broken or defective product which looks to be about a third at the time um that lucky it's your lucky day for that one i disagree by the way valerie no that's all alleged 100 of your stuff my dad is a lawyer um hey what did you say all of our stuff is perfect okay hold on to that thought oh no yeah keep that thought for the next one i read um but i just want to add that i think what happens is if you receive a defective product

you have to write in or call in and they send you a replacement but a lot of times they're out oh and so people will get a defective product and be like i either send it back and don't get a new one or like oh i that's right we talked about this before yeah yeah so i think maybe that's the no cigar so it's like either you get your money back or you get nothing you get nothing yeah which seems kind of reasonable wait you get your money back and no house yeah and you don't get a house you just can't get it replaced you just can't get it you just can't get it replaced if they're out which it seems like they sell out pretty quickly like i feel like they sell out and then anyone that has issues is out of luck yeah then they just get stuck with it so uh anyway i don't i

don't know it just seemed really uh made me sad as the tag it made me sad is the tag yeah so true um my next one's from jess minumoto on twitch hello they them here is a review of a hershey's kit on amazon it's a one-star review and the title is disgust house like d-i-s-c-u-s-s-e-d house i don't understand disgusting probably they might have They just made a mistake. Yeah. But there's a picture of some unhappy pieces of gingerbread. And this is what the review says. This is what Brad says.

Everything is broken and no one will respond. And review. Oh, no. This is so dramatic. Look at these pieces, though. They're like all cracked every single piece is like cracked in half it's like if you're watching a cartoon and they break something in half with a bunch it like it looks almost fake how broken it is it looks like it's meant to be that way yeah that's pretty sad it's pretty broken brad this is me responding i know no one else has and

i know my words don't carry much weight but i just want you to know that I hear you and I see you. Yeah. Okay. And I'm going to move on. I disagree. I'm not on her side with this. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I thought it was Brad. I don't hear you, Brad. No, I'm talking to Brad. I'm saying I don't agree with you. Oh, I see. So, Brad, screw off. So, Brad, take a hike. Chill.

This is a five-star review of the set of three illuminated check gingerbread houses by valerie perfect this is by meemaw 17 meemaw 17 she was born in 1917 holy shit meemaw get it verified purchase i believe it i ordered both the traditional and pastel when offered as a one-time only price they are very very sweet i'm hoping to get these in my christmas tree as valerie did but if i can't they look very sweet on my windowsill as i am testing the timer function on them so far everything is fine one house did have glitter globbed so heavily on it that you couldn't tell what color it was but i rubbed it off with my finger and used a baby's first toothbrush very softly on it and

now it's fine oh they are precious end of review thanks for the tip okay this feels like a qbc theme where people have to fix we've talked about this. It happens all the time. People have like crazy glue and all these other tools to work on their QVC items. It's like a project, but it's not supposed to be. It's like a DIY kit. It's like that Hershey house, you know,

it comes broken so that you can put it together. But you don't know how broken it's going to be when it gets there. Yeah. And the worst,

the only problem is when the lights don't work because then people are like, listen, I'm not messing with the wiring. Yeah. But I just love like, everything's perfect. perfect i'm gonna put them in my tree they're so beautiful except for one by the way they're very prominent colors but one was had glue all over it so much that i couldn't tell what color it was that's so bad that also

sound is a theme i feel like we've had a lot of those. Just like shoddy craftsmanship. Also, a baby's first toothbrush. I'm like, don't put that in a baby's mouth, I hope, after this. Just, you know, it's full of glue and glitter. Covered in glitter, yeah. I'm done, by the way. Oh, you are? I forgot to tell you that was my last one. Wow, what a way to end.

So I have, this is my last product. It is the Illuminated gingerbread police car by Valerie. Ah, yes. Look at it. My favorite holiday item. Yikes. Yeah, yeah. Yikes.

Yeah. Okay, so I'll read the description for you. Of course. Show how much you appreciate your heroes. There's no better time than Christmas. This illuminated police car, complete with a jolly Santa Claus. What? Is just the reminder from the Valerie Parr Hill collection.

Cool. All Santas are bastards, apparently. I'm going to say ASNAB. All Saint Nicks are bastards. All Saint Nicks are ASNAB Saint Nick's are like Asnab. Asnab! That sounds not good. Okay.

Here's a one-star review. The title is Quality Control, and this is a verified purchase by Sunny Orchids. Just got this. I was very excited to give this as a gift to my nephew, who is a cop. Thank goodness I opened it. The police word was missing the O completely and the L was half reclined so it looked like it spelled puce.

O-M goodness. No way. Going back immediately. Very disappointed. End of review. O-M goodness is right. O-M goodness. Puce.

That's hilarious. Puce. Yeah. Which I love. And then here's a redemption of the police car oh good oh i had my fingers crossed by xandy schieffer that's weird no this is by cat i would actually sue you if you would be my dad's a lawyer quite slanderous yeah i know i know so is mine it's the same dad this is by by Kat. Our dad is not a lawyer.

He's not. He's really not. Can we be sued for that? Yeah, I don't know. What if he sues us for saying he's a lawyer? I don't need people thinking that. No. He's a cop.

He's a cop. No. This is by Kat Fan 1. Okay. Five stars verified purchase. Born in 2001? Born in one. One?

Oh, Jesus. You know Jesus was actually born like 6 BC? Oh, no. Yeah. Okay, I think that's what historians say. Oh, wow. Because there was something with the way that we did time. Hashtag fake news.

It's more like just issues with how people, how humans figured out times and calendars and shit. We just couldn't get our sundials working. We just couldn't figure it out. Okay, that's too bad. So, here's a five-star review. I gave this a try at the sale price. The car I received is in great shape, and it looks just like the picture. I don't have room for all of Valerie's town square buildings, but I have several, and this car is a nice addition.

I will probably place it close to the diner. End of review. There's a whole town. Yeah, there was one that I... That sounds cute, except for the cops. There's one that... They have to maintain order. Imagine you create a fantasy gingerbread world

and you still feel the need to include police officers. To be fair, ours always had people falling off the roof. So like, you know, it's to each their own. I would rather handle that myself than have a cop come and shoot me while I'm down. All right, dong man, calm down. With all my dongs hanging out or whatever. Or my whole dong self.

Your walking stick. My walking dong. So there was another one that i almost i was like i conflated the two because the other one said i'm just i have my fingers crossed that next year she creates a police station for the police car to park outside of i'm like what okay can't you just say one of the gingerbread houses is a police station i don't know but whatever i mean okay i there are probably plenty of lame buildings to make a I feel like that's a lame one to make a

gingerbread house out of if it's holidays why would you be like at the police station there's drunk people there's criminals like what are you doing that's not like magical yeah and then there are the people that are actually being arrested that's like putting but I'm

sorry but imagine like putting like an urgent care or something where you're like oh no like good things don't happen there yeah i feel the same way if there was a gingerbread hospital it's like shit what's happening i guess there's old age and like you get sick and stuff so that's different maybe that's happy yeah that's really great when people are in the hospital on christmas especially if they're old dogs in here well i guess if people are having babies that's happy yeah that's really great when people are in the hospital on christmas especially if they're old dogs in here well i guess if people are having babies that's a happy thing yeah good gingerbread babies i feel like this is those are tasty this is going this is the last thing i have and it's um a question that was listed under the police car okay good yeah we need to be done with

this asap but i need to know the answer this is by little foot one which does make sense because that is a dinosaur so it is in who lived and so jesus was sick seven at that point yes so they did that makes sense that there would be dinosaurs dinosaurs so uh this is titled emergency vehicles jeez what is happening in these weird gingerbread towns people are building no like if you're doing a train set like like a realistic train set, I get it. Yes, because it's like an actual semblance of a town. But like gingerbread, you're right. It's supposed to look like utopian and like festive and happy.

So here we go. I was wondering why Valerie only created a fire truck and a police car this year. I was very disappointed that Valerie only showed these two types of emergency vehicles. I would have liked to have seen an ambulance created to honor those. Jesus Christ. Now we have like police ambulance. I want to put my gingerbread into the back of an ambulance. I'm going to break his leg off, put him in the ambulance.

That's pretty funny. That sounds pretty good. And then set the police station on fire so the fire truck has somewhere to go. It's like, what are you doing? You're creating the most disturbing rendition of a gingerbread town. Okay. I would have liked to have seen an ambulance created to honor those in the medical field that work alongside the fire departments and police departments.

I know that my daughter, who has been an emergency medical technician for the past 15 plus years. Wait, this is a question? Underneath the QVC? Okay, I'm sorry. It has zero answers, by the way. Oh, good. Valerie couldn't be bothered. Valerie's like, fuck off.

I only have the blue and red lines on my flag. My daughter, who has been an emergency medical technician for the past 15 plus years, would have loved to have this as a reminder and thanks for all of the hard work that she and everyone else that she has worked with over the years. It's not only just fire and police in the emergency field. It's the emergency dispatchers 911 call centers. That's the gingerbread Call Center. Gingerbread Dispatch Center. This is turning into the lamest town ever. Which, by the way, is just like an office building with a bunch of telephone operators.

Emergency Medical Technicians, Paramedics, Flight Crews, and Physicians. So this looks like... Don't get me wrong. All of this stuff, yeah, I support these people. But it looks apocalyptic when you're putting it all... Like a helicopter that's doing an emergency flight to the children's hospital. And then like... I mean, this all looks extremely...

Especially when you probably only have a couple citizens in this town. Yes, it's so dark. What's happening? The world is ending. It's so tragic. Next we'll have tanks and things. Oh, yeah. Rolling in.

Support our troops. We get war going. We're the military gingerbread characters. Yeah, I mean, it makes sense that that would just come next. It takes all of these departments working together at all hours of the day and night that need to be honored with something, whether it be an ambulance, helicopter, or hospital in a gingerbread design. Since a firetruck and police car already exist,

it takes a brave bunch of people that put their lives, both professional and personal, on hold to take the time to help save the lives of strangers in need. End of question. They're not wrong, but this is not the place for this. That's so weird. It's like saying, I don't know, priests do save people's souls.

Why did you not put a church out this year? My nephew is a priest like i don't know it's just like okay and weird do you think vph cares what your daughter does for a living no i don't she's rolling in the in her moolah true yeah rolling in it i will say though i am afraid of them but a gingerbread helicopter sounds pretty cool. I know. That's pretty cool. That one got me. I'm like, maybe they have a point. A chopper.

Yeah. Yeah. As long as it's not like a military thing. I don't know why. No, I wanted to have a- I just think it would be cool. I wanted to have a- Guns.

I wanted to have guns. I wanted to have one of those megaphones where they're like- Yeah. Police. Except for they say EMTs. EMTs. Urgent care. Nurse practitioner.

I'm trying to think of how it'd be more accessible to people like this person's daughter, you know? Yeah. Just like, think about all the people in the medical field

who are underrepresented in the ginger, in the fantasy gingerbread world. It's so bizarre. Why don't they have podcasters? Like a podcast studio. Yeah, we should get it on our case we save

lives every we put our lives on hold to save the lives of strangers and valerie has not once put out a podcast studio that's so true gingerbread house you got her god that i'll fight for thank you oxen you're welcome for fighting for my rights you're welcome your rights to be a gingerbread person my girlfriend's husband fights for your freedom. You like that one? I cannot stop thinking about it. It like lives in my mind now, you know? Yeah, I'm glad. It's so funny.

Did we even, was that even in this episode or was that a bonus? Oh, it was like many moons ago. I mean, it was like. Was it a normal episode though? Oh, it was a normal episode. I think, yeah. We were. I don't fucking know.

Anyway, good times. I'm going to get a tissue. Okay, challenge time. It's my challenge time. My challenge was from Madison and was to find reviews of adults who claim they bought or tried to buy tobacco, spray paint, alcohol, et cetera, for someone underage. This was pretty much impossible. Really?

Okay. Okay. Someone's going to come in and prove me wrong with an email i'll be honest i'm happy i didn't think it would be that hard i struggled because i there are so many things on yelp about underage people and i found some funny review i think funny yeah some were actually really sad oh like that's the thing there's so many about like inappropriate comments that were made to underage children um it is a dangerous territory to wade into yeah yeah there was a lot that i

avoided and like a lot of stuff about like vape shops selling to underage kit which is like a big problem now it's these collapse lung yeah popcorn lung it's just bad anyway so some not good things like that um and i don't condone other like underage drinking i but i do there's some that were no i don't no i don't no i don't there were some that were just not good not it not it problems and and very right these reviews were very justified yes so um So with that said, here they are. Here they are. Here are some of them. I didn't take the worst, I don't think.

But there's some, I just found anything that had to do with underage. So here's a one star review. This is of War Pony Smoke Shop. This is a one star review. This is by Valentino. Sold tobacco products to my underage daughter on several occasions management refuses to return phone calls and a reveal 18 people found

this funny oh no i'm sorry that's what it said make it 19 that is yeah that store has so many employees so clearly they're all doing this for the lulz there were so many reviews like that yeah i mean i never smoked and i don't smoke but like as far as like booze goes maybe it would have been smart in college to like look up which which store is sold on i mean maybe people did i don't know yeah no it's a thing like that would be helpful for teens or whatever it's so easy to find now you just google it yeah or go on reddit yeah i've seen so many posts of like is there any place that sells to underage because like back in my day i don't think uh you could rely i mean maybe you could check the internet but people probably weren't that uh We stayed on Yahoo Answers, which.

That's right. Which told me all I needed to know. That told us a lot, actually. It told me about the birds and the bees. Oh, true. The whole world, really. True. Good times.

This next one is a review of Freaky Boutique Vape Henna Head Tobacco. Wow. In Corolla, North Carolina, the main photo is someone holding what I assume to be like an airsoft gun. It's, there's a lot going on here. This is a one star review by Steven. No one wore masks, ripped my son off in so many levels, and sold my underage son cigars and a BB gun, which was insanely overpriced.

Definitely do not recommend trying to purchase anything there. You will get ripped off. Zero out of five. Wait a second. my underage son cigars and a BB gun, which was insanely overpriced. Definitely do not recommend trying to purchase anything there. You will get ripped off. Zero out of five. Wait a second. End of review. They weren't mad that their son got... So this one I felt kind of fit. Son, you show me that receipt right now.

You paid how much for this BB gun? So this one I felt kind of fit, because even though the parent wasn't the one buying it, it was like they supported that their son bought this. They were like they got a bb gun and they ripped him off they got ripped off oh my god oh my god yeah how many times have I told you it's like that one meme or there was a tweet my son wants to buy a bikini or it was like something like a dress or something and then i was like i would not have a son who does that my son will buy his summer clothes in winter when it's more reasonably priced or something stupid like that has he learned nothing from me it's just some stupid meme anyway here my next one only dross for dross dress for

less sells the best bikinis. I don't know that. I just made that up. I don't think I've ever been to a Ross Dress for Less. But sponsor us. I've been there. So I like Ross. I dress for less.

You do? I'm a Rossanista. I say that about you a lot. That I like Ross. No, that you dress for less. Oh, it's... Fair. This is a one-star review of Vintage Sellers

C-E-L-L-A-R-S In City Beach Western Australia This is a one star review It's the only review of this place And the business hasn't been claimed They're like it's not us It's not us

This is by Deanne One star Shockingly bad service by two rude This is by Deanne. One star. Shockingly bad service by two rude and smug assistants. My daughter was helping me carry three bottles of wine to the counter. They accused me of wanting to buy alcohol for a minor. Despite our clear surprise that this was being suggested,

and my explanation and assurance that I was simply buying wine for myself, and under no circumstances would i ever give my underage daughter alcohol they refused to sell me any wine disgusted by the insinuation and incredibly rude attitude always happy to support local businesses but not this store end of review wow. Deanne's is not having it. What do you think? Like, what do you think of that? I feel like I can see both sides of this situation. Yes. You know? I feel like I'd be like, sorry? There were a lot of reviews like this.

Really? They were like, oh, my underage brother was with me buying candy. And so I couldn't buy my beer or something like in a gas station. There are so many of them. And so I couldn't buy my beer or something like in a gas station. There are so many of them. And I saw that specifically like certain states, I think, are really strict about that. I think Ohio is actually one of them where in many places, both people at the checkout have to give their ID.

I've had that. I've had that before. Multiple times in my life. Actually, you know, I have too. And most recently it didn't happen when I, not to to call anyone out but we were at the bengals game and francisca and i went to go get drinks and she is definitely underage and i bought a beer for me and blaze and walked up and they were like um is one of these for her and i was like no and they were like okay yeah yeah i've never had an issue where they refused to sell it to me, but I've always been like,

But I didn't even think of it until then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if she were much younger, I don't know. I think I would be like, No one would bat an eye if she were like, I think, really young. Really little? Yeah, I guess that's true. Like if you had Leona.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if she was like six, I think. Would your infant coerce you into buying clear? Exactly, yeah. A hard seltzer for her? Yeah, I don't know how I would feel. it like even if she was like six i think your infant coerce you into buying clear yeah a hard seltzer for her yeah i don't know how i would feel i feel like i'd be so affronted but if i really hadn't hadn't even thought of it i feel like i'd be like what the hell no but then as the company you're also like liable yeah exactly i think that's a problem is they'd rather not take that risk yeah so it's a weird line it is weird yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Deanne, I don't know what to think.

Sorry, Deanne. Sorry. I'm sure you got your alcohol somewhere else. Yeah. This next one is of Le Terrace Lounge. Wow, fancy. I know, it's in Pompano Beach, Florida. Oh, extra fancy.

No masks required. Oh my God, wow. Could it get any better than this? It literally says that. It says that? Oh God. I'm really rubbing it get any better than this? It literally says that. It says that? Oh god. I'm really rubbing it in. Okay, here we go. I'm actually going to read two of these.

One has nothing to do with being underage. Great. But here's one. This is by Hallie. One star. This place is awful and very unprofessional. They hired my underage friend and I to bartend, and before I even got the chance to bartend after training let me go but my friends stay because she is more attractive than me and has bigger boobs disgusting place never felt so insecure in my life and

humiliated oh end of review no i know was that terrible oh my god i don't even know yeah i don't know i don't know it's good i'm not about to deny any of that. Yeah, yeah. Or challenge it. There are two other reviews of this place. They're all one star. And that's it. Here's the other one.

They're all one star? Here's the other one I wanted to read by Peter. One star. This fucking place is a dump. They're the most disrespectful, ignorant people on the face of the earth. They all belong in a zoo. Food is disgusting. Atmosphere sucks. Don't even step foot in this dump.

But the one bartender has nice boobs and is very pretty. I like how you're like, fancy. Ooh, fancy. It's so fancy, this dump with no aesthetic appeal whatsoever. Um, wowza. Wowza. I feel like I jokingly said it's really nice

and I feel like it just got pulled so far in the other direction. Yeah, I'm glad you said that, though. I couldn't have even envisioned how dramatically wrong I was. You were so wrong. I mean, it's called, what is it, something French? Le Terrace. Something Terrace. In Pompano Beach.

Pompano. Beautiful. Pompano. Okay. This is a review of uh remember pump pump it pumpaloo or pump yeah good times um here's a okay here's a one-star review of tiger rose tattoo and piercing uh-oh this is in san luis Obispo, California. One star. Oh, no. This is by Carla. My underage daughter went to get her belly button pierced there,

and not only did they not ID her, but they pierced it wrong, and she had to have it removed. When we called about a possible refund, the piercer refused and instead insisted that her body type didn't allow for a navel piercing. Not once did he tell her that before piercing her. End of read. That's all types of wrong. Is that terrible?

That's just all. I'm sorry. Her body just isn't conducive to a piercing. So I stuck a needle in her anyway. Like, okay, first of all, that's fucked up. Second of all, they didn't even check an ID? Yeah, exactly. Like, Jesus.

Look at their photos. Oh, God. Close out, Zandy. Haven't you learned your lesson? Also, I love once again. It just looks like a normal. I don't know what's conducive to piercing body types. But I don't know.

Show me. There's nothing here that I'm like. Oh, that's where you're mistaken. This is clearly not conducive. No, it literally just looks like someone's stomach. There's nothing. I mean, I don't know what there would be. I don't like looking at someone's stomach. Yeah.

Like that. Wow. So, okay. The other thing is it sounds almost like a sting operation. She's like, my daughter went here to get her belly button pierced and they didn't ID her. That's kind of crazy. That's pretty crazy. It is crazy.

Here's a one-star review. This is of Cleet's Liquor. C-L-E-T-E apostrophe S. Liquor. Okay. In San Dimas, California. One star. This is by Daniel. My underage son goes there and buys alcohol.

I don't know which employee is selling it to him. I hope they see this and hope they stop. I can prove it, so please stop. End of review. This is me as a parent. Like, the most passive way of confronting your child just like i don't even have their email address so i'm just gonna post it in public form and hope someone sees it that is like hope it goes away instead of calling

them or telling your son to stop buying booze you're like let me post it on the internet and wait and see what happens and kindly threatened like it wasn't even that threatening but they were like please stop i i can prove it so please just stop i have a receipt yeah i don't want to prove it i don't feel yeah i don't my my partner the other parent told me i had to do something yeah this is me doing something like the least amount of something i could possibly All right. I'm going to read one more. This is a final one. This is of Mr. B's Tattoo. Mr. B's Tattoo. This is in Baltimore, Maryland.

Oh, no. And guess what? It's a redemption. Oh, good. Wait. Okay. Five stars. I said oh, good, and then I thought about it.

It is. Don't worry. Okay. This is by Brenda. My underage daughter and her two best friends visited Mr. B's today, and we had the pleasure of being serviced by Donna. She was very friendly, helpful, and patient for dealing with three loud, giggling, scared teenage girls. She did a great job and would recommend her. The man at the front desk was also very nice and helpful, but didn't catch his name.

Customer services everything, and they definitely took care of us. End of review. Wow. I don't know if it was for piercings or actual tattoos. I assume piercings. I don't know. So this mom took her daughter and her two friends. And her best friends.

I hope the friends and parents knew about this. This seems like... Not just a mom. Dicey. A cool mom. Exactly. Maybe that's the tattoo she got. Cool mom. Within a heart. Iicey. A cool mom. Exactly. Maybe that's the tattoo she got. Cool mom.

Within a heart. I love it. Yeah, yeah. I'm a cool mom. I like that review. I do too. That's a fun one. So I thought I'd end on that.

Because there's some not so good underage things going on. I can imagine, especially when you start reading tattoos. I'm like, ooh. Yeah, there were some that I didn't bring that were so much worse. And there's some creeps. There are so many people working in positions and doing things. I saw one of Starbucks where the Starbucks employee wrote his name and number on the coffee that was given to an underage girl. And it's like, just don't do that.

And it was like a supervisor. Oh, no. Just don't. Ick, just don't do that. And it was like a supervisor. Oh, no. Just don't. Just don't. Ick, ick, ick. And like, just don't. Just stop. Just don't.

Yeah. It would be too much to do that even if they weren't underage. But that obviously does make it worse. Exactly. But still doing it at all is not good. It's just like, go touch the snow. Go touch snow. So I'm trying to make it a thing. Don't eat it at all is not good. It's just like, go touch the snow. Go touch snow. So I'm trying to make it a thing.

Don't eat it. Just touch it. Okay. Okay. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thanks, everybody. We're about to record our wedding DJs episode. Oh, this is a fun one.

I'm excited. And then we have a Patreon bonus in which we read reviews of stuff we got for Christmas. And I'm going to talk about my favorite gift. Oh, okay. That is very special. I'm intrigued. All right. favorite gift. Oh, okay. That is very special. I'm intrigued. All right. Well, check out our Patreon if you want to hear that.

Otherwise, we will see you next Wednesday. Talk to you then. Bye. Go touch some snow. Bye.