Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 218: Reviews of Subscription Boxes

Episode Date: February 1, 2023

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My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people

who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. We're rolling now. Okay. Hi, welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. This is a podcast. We read reviews. Yeah, we read reviews. We read reviews bad.

I'm Christine. I'm Zandy. Hey, what's up? Nothing much. What's up with you? I'm excited. Well, I'm not well i am okay i really dropped the ball today i think why because i just wasn't prepared properly you're the one who wanted to record today i know i blame no one but partially myself for being responsible you probably didn't expect me to be awake before noon as well.

That's kind of where the rubber meets the road. Is that what they say? Yeah. Is that relevant to the situation? Absolutely. Because I thought, oh, because I slept in today. Blaze woke up with Fiona and I slept in until 10 o'clock. You're so pathetically lazy.

I know. I'm lazy until 10 o'clock. You're so pathetically lazy. I know, I'm lazy. 10 o'clock. I woke up and thought, okay, I have to watch Leona for a few hours. And then as I was putting her down for her nap, you were like, how about I come over now? And I said, okay. I brought you Dunkin', though. You did bring me coffee and I am pleased, but I did kind of frenetically like, we'll see what happens. Maybe this is my new angle. Christina, this is what we usually do, I think. I don't think we ever

come fully prepared. You're right. Well, I have something funny to say. That's our charm. Oh, okay. A joke? Do you have room for me to say something funny? I'll allow it. Do we have time? Usually your jokes take about an hour to get through because we have to explain every little bit because it makes no sense to make sure everyone's following along at every moment yeah no um i have something to say because ashley she they reached out and sent an email i don't know if you saw this i don't think so called ai content content. Oh, I did see that subject. I figured that was your thing.

I need Ashley to tell me how the hell they did this in such a better way. They were nice enough to write more but not as good. And I'm like, no, these are way better. Better than what you brought, the AI thing you brought a few episodes ago. I don't know how they did it. So, Ashley, let me know. there's different options on these ai sites what's ashley's last name madison ashley madison just make that up yes um why okay are we sure it's not like i yeah ai i thought my Ashley Madison joke was.

That was pretty funny. It wasn't really. At first I was like, don't say the last. No, no. Ashley Madison of cheating fame. You're such a trickster. I'm hilarious. This is why I leave the AI stuff to Ashley.

You know my email was in that leak? That's why I brought it up. I was looking for married women women it's about time we discuss specifically yeah the one percent of people that were on that website yeah oh yikes it's like something ridiculous yeah i just watched like the number of like uh dugger uh video on youtube what the dugger video i was gonna say I don't know much about them, obviously. But the one who was put away for bad, bad things, he was on that website. Oh, okay.

He was not one of the married women on the website, in case you're wondering. Okay, I don't think so. I didn't think so. So when you go on one of these AI websites, you can pick different compositions, uh compositions sort of so you could do remember i did like a story like write a funny story or you can do a review or a cover letter what a detective story a mystery mystery that's what they're called what about a cozy mystery a cozy mystery yeah ai written cozy mystery i feel like that would be pretty good like it's just relevant to us sorry i i don't even know what ash pretty good. It's just relevant to us. Sorry. I don't even know what Ashley's doing here.

Most things are relevant to us. They should be. Otherwise, I don't know why you're bringing them up. I would only bring up something that I care about that's about myself. So this is from Ashley. Here's some critical questions that the AI spit out. Presumably after devouring. Questions to ask us?

Critical questions to ask the listener. Sort of like a book club. Little prompts. Yeah, little prompts. A book club. It feels like at the end of a reading circle at school where you kind of discuss the characters. So here's... Where the characters being discussed. Where the characters.

100%. Critical questions. What is the connection between Zandy and X-Team? Okay. What do they have against chocolate ice cream? Oh, true. Why are dolphins considered to be wild? What is the purpose? This one's deep, so just get ready. I might have to repeat it a few times. What is the purpose of visiting a beach if the sand is too sandy? Now that's a thinker. Oh, no. Sand is too sandy.

Now that's a thinker. Oh, no. Why does being too wet pose a problem for Zandy and X-Teen? What are the phallic references that Zandy and X-Teen make? Just the phallic. You should have a bonus episode. Just phallic references. Who or what is the sneaky elf from their story?

Ew. Okay, so here's a podcast recommendation, which is apparently a thing that this AI can write. Okay. Does your child pull their hair becoming bald? Do they have wild endorphins, sexy cruise pineapples, or upsetting elves? Then it's time to listen to Zandy and X-Teen's Zero Star Podcast with stories like Death Candle, Melting Shelves, and pompeii is underwhelming all the way to dad's mail and blaze the fireman you know geo can't open doors oh this i do i do this new podcast

will help your child be entertained in a fun and exciting way amazing wow this ai knows or this ai knows our show better than i do yeah too. I didn't even understand all of those references. The Pompeii one? The Pompeii. I don't remember that at all, talking about Pompeii at all. I do, but that's because I think about Pompeii a lot. Here's a cover letter. Okay.

As a professional podcast host, I was thrilled to see your job posting for a podcast god. With more than five years of experience in creating dramatic and complaining content, I know I am the perfect candidate for this role. If we got that cover letter, I'd hire her. Hired. You can take all the money we have, all six billion. Here's an article slash interview with us. Xteen and Zandy are new podcast gods on the scene They read reviews from the internet Then drop dramatic essays

At Zandy's beach mansion How does this AI listen to our show And think I'm the one with the beach mansion I think we've talked about your six billion dollars So many times that it really just internalized it They decided They want it to be very underwhelming Showing up to interviews in

jeans and looking at their feet what why are we such losers i think we're so pathetic i don't know if it's wrong but oh my god okay alexander talk to me this is part of the interview okay zandy i think the cats are cool they must be like dolphins that come under the fence and are wild. It was so weird watching them. It looks like they are following each other around, chasing each other through the fence. X-Teen. Eek. That's all you say? Okay. Zandy. I hate this. Eek? Eek. I'll explain why it's wrong to eek. Who says that? I'll explain why it's wrong to eek. Who says that? Yeah, I thought it would be me. And then I say, you are scared of the wild animals.

What is happening? And then I say, understandable. Trying to be a good host on the cruise is a true art. Zandy has to think up things for guests to do. Zandy, after they are done being upset, then they are underwhelmed. So we have to come up with a lot of new things so they are not bored, like games. You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to put sandbags all over this house. Oh my God. All over the what? Sats and pull guns out. Jesus. And see who comes. X-T. Well, I like the idea.

I'm going to put sandbags all around and pull out some guns and see who comes? A note from Ashley. Like, they literally wrote, a note from Ashley. I didn't mention guns, so I don't know what's gotten into Xande. Oh, no. This AI knows me better than I know myself okay this is the last thing it's a poem apparently the ai can write a poem oxt around town she sped in her police car made of gingerbread the sprinkles on top could not make it okay from gingerbread dystopia she couldn't run. She braced herself for Zandy's dismay. Oh, to get away from all the chaos and noise, to find a happy place, forget the stinky boys. Like a podcast away, floating out of sight, wuzzling away into the cool moonlight. Where one never frets about hidden elves, people hanging from roofs, or thin icing on one's face.

Oh, to escape that zero-star place, children's hospital made of gingerbread fills one with a wuzzling dread. Underwhelming like old Pompeii, where the water is wet, one cannot stay. An overly sandy beach will never do. Too much sand between us and you. That's pretty deep. That was pretty good. Whatever happened to Zandy and X-Teen? Was the tide too strong?

Were they blinded by waves? Maybe Dong Man and Satan Dog took them away. Dong Man. R.I.P. Zandy. What? Why do I always die in these? He will be missed. If fate has drawn them into the mist,

or perhaps they made it to the other side, maybe wild and dolphins gave them a ride. Oh, did they escape the chaos and noise to find a happy place forget the stinky boys oh my god podcast aways floating out of sight wesling their way into the cool moonlight does it repeat was it like it was more like a song like the verse the the the i felt like a song so much would put that to music uh i'll save the rest for another time so wow i just i felt like it needed to be incredible um touched upon yeah especially because i dropped the ball with actual reviews so i feel like this way um i filled up some space you'd fill it up so oh but actually no really i was planning on reading that either way it just really validated my inability

to do my tasks correctly. How does it validate it? Because it felt like, okay, you know what? Ashley knew they needed to step up and save me today. Okay, that's fair. And I said, thank you. Good job, Ashley. I will accept your help.

Okay, well, we haven't even said what our theme is. It's reviews of subscription boxes. I knew this was going to be hard. You did? Well, I just... I'm sorry. I knew this was going to be hard. You did? Well, I just... I'm sorry. I went on Patreon and I voted. You voted.

Oh, I was wondering. I saw that our account had voted, but I was like, I didn't vote for this. I liked the vote because it was from... Wait, was it for yours or mine, actually? It was Old Spaghetti Factory. I don't know what yours was. That was my own. I just really wanted that one to win because I was like that'll be easier for me to search well hey patrons really

wanted this because it was in the poll two times in a row okay and it finally won great yeah well sorry that i fucked up yeah well that's okay because i've got one here um but i'm gonna be honest i'm not 100 sure this is a subscription but it's a set of different date night boxes. Oh, that counts. They sell them on Amazon and you can pick which theme. So I don't know if it was originally like a subscription style. What's it called? The title on Amazon is Date Night Box.

Fun and adventures. Romantic gift for couples. Date night games with exciting date ideas for couple. Girlfriend, boyfriend, newlywed wife or husband. Step Right Up. Because it says that's the name of this box is Step Right Up. It's crated with love. I didn't ask for the Amazon title.

Crated with love. Okay. And this is specifically, they have the Step Right Up one where it's carnival boardwalk stuff. Then there's Arcade Invasion, Dateopolis, Destination Space, House of Curiosities, and a lot more. Okay. All right. This is a one-star review by Patricia titled Not a Real Game. And this is of the I Love You More Than Pizza edition.

Oh. Uh-oh, reviewed February 2022, so after Valentine's Day. I was just thinking. That's actually true for many of these. Oh, no. Say February. Okay. This is not a real game.

It starts of maybe kind of like some apples to apples, but way less fun. Then they ask you to put pictures of toppings on a paper. So not worth the money. Amazon won't let me return. Fuck my life. Oh, end of review. Oh my God.

Fuck my life. Wow. Fuck my life. Wow. That's an extreme reaction, I would say. I feel like if you got a date box, say it was even Valentine's Day, and you're like, oh, we put the toppings on the pizza. I feel like then it's like just laugh it off and do some, I don't know, order a pizza.

Play apples to apples and order a real pizza. Yeah. And laugh it off. Not fuck my life. That seems like an extreme reaction. Dramatic. How much is this box? That's important. They vary. So let me check what the pizza one is because i feel like that if that

is really how you play that's really silly yes if that's the only thing though i love you more than pizza box 30 bucks oh that's pretty pricey um but i don't think saying that it's not a real game is very valid well i don't think it ever purported to be a game it is it saying that it's not a real game is very valid. Well, I don't think it ever purported to be a game. It is. Oh, it is a game. It's for a game night. It's pizza-themed game night. I thought it was just like, oh, you get to do some icebreakers with your partner or something, like a date night.

Do you want to hear the activities in the pizza box? I guess. Number one, you want a pizza me? Whoa. I guess. Number one, you want a pizza me? Whoa. Choose the elements to make a pizza from the list on the back of the included card and build a pizza with the traits that are true to your partner.

Oh. Oh, okay. Two is top that pizza. Be the first to get rid of all your cards by adding toppings to the pizza. You'll use the included card deck and pizza game board. So they explained it as putting toppings on paper. I know. They clearly undersold it. Then there's every pizza me loves every pizza you.

Pizza is like kissing. No. Even when it's bad, it's good. Whoa. Or is it? What? Who wrote that? You'll find out when you pair these kiss cards and pizza cards.

Is that the apples to apples part? You'll find out. I love it. And the number four is, it's a toss up. Take turns bouncing the wooden coins to try. This sounds like something that like 1930s kids would play on the stoop. This sounds like Carnival. Take turns bouncing the wooden coins to try to land it in the circles you've drawn on the back of your game board and completing the challenges on the provided list.

Then take up your hoop and stick and go down to the dirt alley. But they even have a video of everything included. Okay, so. You can't complain. It's hard to be surprised by that. I did just go on the Created With Love page, and they do have a Valentine's Day sale going on right now. Oh, if you get all 12 games, it's only $229. That's, okay.

That's a lot. It's a lot of money, but they're $30 each, and there are a lot of them. I guess if you're doing it every month or year. If you're doing it, yeah. I don't know. This seems, I guess maybe it's just not my thing. Well, Dee and I, we do an activity every day of February to celebrate our favorite holiday, Valentine's Day. Sorry.

We do an activity. We have a Valentine's every day of February because we love Valentine's Day so much. Oh, do you? Okay. We're big Hallmark people. Oh, I see. And you put, is it where, oh, that's why you got all those wooden nickels. Yes.

Oh. So it's kind of, so we split it 14 days, 14 days. Because we were all going to play Fall Guys the other day and Dee was like, I'm busy bouncing my wooden nickels into a hole. And I was like, okay. So she tried really hard on all hers individually and I just did different versions of wooden coin games. Oh I see.

You just bring a wooden nickel and you're like today we're going to do flip it into a cup. Today we're going to play heads or tails. Heads or tails. That's so romantic. I try. Yeah I love that pizza is not even part of it.

You just took the best part of that box. That would have been smart, actually. Which was the wooden coins. Yeah, we do like pizza. You do like pizza? I do, yes. Oh, okay. Famously.

That's good. Or do you? Or do I? As the rest of the writing would say. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking. Students, get $100 when you open an RBC Advantage banking account, which includes no monthly fee, unlimited debit transactions in Canada, Avion points on debit purchases, and so, so much more.

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Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. This is an email from Brooke. It is of FabFitFun, famously one of my favorite subscriptions. Very basic and cliche, but I freaking love it. It's like my favorite subscription. Hey, hey, hey, this is potential sponsorship right here.

Here's what I'm trying to say. Oh, talk to me. I haven't sponsored with them for like over a year. Yeah. to me yeah please yeah we're fab we're fit we're no i'm not we're not that one we're not very we can be fun we're not fab i haven't washed my hair in three days it's fine we'll figure same only three days for me too that's why i'm wearing a beanie and a hood in your heated home home yeah i do wish that uh they would come back to me, but maybe I'm not FabFitFun enough. Okay. This is a one-star review on Trustpilot.

Thank you, Brooke. And this is by Louise. The title is Long Weights and Language Barriers. It takes hours to get a hold of someone, and the customer service rep barely speaks English. The representative, who was entirely new to English, gave me a language... Jesus. I know. Who's entirely new to English?

Like not even knowing that English is a thing until this conversation. They're new to it. It's a new concept. It's a completely new concept. They're like, what are these sounds coming out of your mouth? They're new to it. It's a new concept. It's a completely new concept. They're like, what are these sounds coming out of your mouth?

The representative, who is entirely new to English, gave me a language warning for using the word squirrel. That's pretty good. And the next time I logged into my account, I see a note in red describing me as, quote, very sarcastic, comma, called us squirrels. Oh, I was going to say it depends on how the squirrel is used. I didn't call the agent squirrels. BTW, he just didn't understand enough English to know what I did say. Problem wasn't fixed, by the way. I will not renew.

End of review. What could you have possibly said then? Why would you not tell us what you said? See, that's the thing. It's like if you're going to say they took it out of context, then give us the context. Like, are you squirreling away the all these fab fit fun items?

Yeah, I don't know. I feel like they didn't give us any they said, oh, well, that's not what I said. But I'm not going to tell you what I said. Which makes me think we're not going to like it. And it wasn't very nice. Yes, exactly. What would you possibly be saying the word squirrels?

I don't know. If your defense is this person has never encountered English before, I don't know about that. Yeah, and it seems like they could at least say very sarcastic called a squirrels, which is at least intermediate English, I would argue. Yeah, yeah. At least. At least. At least. My next one is from Taylor. It's for a bride-to-be box called Miss to Mrs.

Oh, boy. This is one star titled Not My Cup of Tea. And this is from Trust Pilot. 90% of the items in the box, in my opinion, would be for women whose life goal was to get married. For someone independent, it's not a good choice. I might be able to wear some at my bachelorette party, but

even then, I think I'd pass and get something fun. A shirt that says girlfriend crossed out and fiance is just not funny. It seems desperate. It was a gift. Never would have gotten it for myself. End of. Whoa. Okay. Okay. I was going to say, if you bought this for yourself, what on earth were you thinking? Because it's

like, oh, this bridal box about getting married has too much married stuff in it. I don't get it. But also, if it's a gift, then just you didn't pay for it. Yeah. It seems so strange. It's kind of rude because someone gifted this to you. I don't know. I? Yeah. It seems so strange. It's kind of rude because someone gifted this to you. Yeah. I don't know. I think I would be just so honored if someone gave me that or gave me anything, really. And this is this person's only review on Trustpilot.

Oh, boy. They really hated it that much. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe this was part of the Bachelorette party was writing shitty reviews. That's fun. Yeah. That's yourine's date night

february date night should be good yeah um writing shitty reviews of products well i feel like it's it's the they must have hated it so much but they literally said oh you know what it might be context that like the person who gifted it doesn't see them as an independent i'm getting very like freudian therapist here but i like, why are you so insistent that there's too much wedding stuff in here? Maybe this is from the mother-in-law, who's like, now you belong to my son. Now you're and me, by extension.

And even I'm making it heteronormative stuff. Doesn't she know that I'm an independent woman? True. No. But also, I will say, I'm not going to read the whole thing, but Miss to Mrs. True. No. But also, I will say, I'm not going to read the whole thing, but Mr. and Mrs. responded very kindly, apologizing

that it wasn't for them, but basically said, we can't please everyone, but we try to please as many brides as we can, and what we put in the box is what we think that the average bride-to-be would want in their box is what we think that the average um bride to be

would want in their box so if it's not for you it's fine like we get it they're very just kind about it it made sense the average bride to be being pretty desperate very desperate and incredibly codependent no sense of humor right very dependent and sorry that you're too good for it you know you're just one of those rare gems that That's so insulting to anyone who enjoyed that. But come on, let people have fun. It just. It's silly. Like calling it desperate.

I don't know. Are you OK? I'm not. OK. This is an email from Laura. This is a one star review of Crate Joy. Which. Isn't that just one that just sends.

Crates. Like subscription. Milk crates like milk crates and i don't know what other crates that's the only kind of crate a wooden crate wooden crate maybe um yeah no so they sell like all different subscription boxes like you can sort by oh okay you know and yeah uh you can get discounts on there's like i mean god there's like hundreds on here so this is a review by ryan and it's of one of their self-care boxes so i don't know the name of the box but it's from crate joy so they reviewed crate joy as a whole sounds like the box didn't do the trick oh no no the, no. No, the title of the review is- Self-care.

Profane self-care subscription. How? Okay, I'm curious. Taint cream? Like what- Alexander. See? It can't be that bad.

Exactly. Sorry. Okay, I'll let you talk. Thanks. I said taint a lot yesterday. Alexander, I'm- No, it's enough. Two days ago.

Was that two days ago? It was. No, it was literally five seconds ago. Stop it. Ordered a self-care subscription for my mother, who is 88. Sorry. Okay, so this 88-year-old thinks this is profane, and the child agrees. Most of it was beauty supplies.

The child agrees. Most of it was beauty supplies. One item was a pack of inspirational cards, and on the pack, it had 99 inspirational cards for poop. Poop? Poop cards? Christina, that's so profane. Why did you just say poop? I'm sorry. Just pause and say poop.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I feel like I really like... I need to call you in the middle of the night so you get less sleep. Wake me up. Just wake you up. It's not good. Whatever's happening right now is not good.

Content is perfect. This is what we're looking for inspirational cards for poop okay let me say that again and on the pack it had 99 inspirational cards for people who need inspiration who pooping people who pooping and then it says, they didn't use asterisk. But it says... Fucking? Yeah.

Wow. 99 inspirational cards for people who fucking need inspiration. You know what? I will give them that. It is profanity. I mean, it is profanity. Watch your profanity. Profanity?

Have you not seen that clip? No. I'm sorry. It's from Storage Wars. And it was Barry's, like, you know, Barry, the guy with the skull gloves. And then it was the guy who was cleaning it out with him, like, his buddy who helps. I'm not sure. And, like, I think Barry cursed or something.

And the guy goes, watch your profanity. Watch your profanity? What's your profanity? I'm sorry. But anyway, yeah. So that is a profane. It is profanity. Well, Ryan checked. So Ryan says, check their seller's requirements.

And they have no requirement of common decency. Which is shocking. You think they would have that? Where would they put this? What? Like a little stamp on their cards that say, we are decent? No, he's saying he checked Crate Joy's seller requirements for people. I don't know what that means.

Okay, so Crate Joy is like a bunch of different companies that can sell their subscription boxes through Crate Joy. Like it's all these different brands. So this self-care thing is not Crate Joy brand, but they went through Crate Joy. Like it's all these different brands. So this self-care thing is not Crate Joy brand, but they went through Crate Joy. Exactly. Use Crate Joy as a service. But so Crate Joy doesn't require the sellers, I guess, to have any sense of decency. If that makes any sense. I mean, I could even be, I could be wrong.

This might just be, okay. Yeah. Yeah. It is different. I believe it is different. Like and things okay yeah but regardless this profanity should not stand i love that instead of like having no profanity in the seller requirements it's like common decency yeah which is like the most vague way to put that um so yeah that's all i got that's good that's a good i like that one especially the poop part um i like how laura is probably like what the hell i didn't say like none of that is what

i sent you christine oh god i appreciated it uh my next one's from the same taylor uh but this one is of a candy club it's a candy subscription box service thing. That's fun. You would think. Uh-oh. Title is No Bueno. This is by Candice. It's a giftable item for someone you don't really like,

but feel obligated to get them something without seeming cheap. Just curious, but are the makers of this candy the same makers of LaCroix? The candy has minimal to no taste. The licorice was pure wax. The rest of the candy reminded me of my childhood. Not in the good kind of way.

Like begging your mom for the dollar store candy she knows you're going to hate, but wants to teach you a life lesson kind of way. She gives you a nickel to go to the candy store and buy a little wax lip. Those wax lips, gross. That's the only thing I can picture based on the licorice was just wax. True. Ugh. The jars are cute, though, so you get one star.

End of review. Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. As if that one star, you needed to put the one star. So it's a. We know. We know how this works. We've been around the block.

Yeah. They have a very specific connection to candy with their childhood that I don't really understand. I've never had that encounter where, or that scenario where I've begged my mom for candy. She said, yeah, cause I know you're going to hate it. Yeah, and to teach you a life lesson. Eat this wax lip, and then you're going to feel regretful. Those aren't edible, are they? No.

Okay, I was going to say, am I? I'm just saying, like, you know, eat this pack of Skittles and you'll hate it. Like, I've never had, I mean. Yeah. And what's the life lesson here? I don't know, actually, what the life lesson is. That's what I don't under, I don't know what this person is trying to say. Don't eat wax lips? I don. Yeah. And what's the life lesson here? I don't know, actually, what the life lesson is. That's what I don't under, I don't know what this person is trying to say.

Don't eat wax lips? I don't know. Stop with the wax lips. I'm sorry. No one mentioned wax lips but you. I can't stop. Those things are so gross. I can't stop thinking about it.

Then let's move on. Okay. You should get a wax lips subscription. Each month a different color. It reminds me of my childhood. Oh, no. each month a different color it reminds me of my childhood oh no so this is an email from nina and it's reviews of mystery sex toy boxes yes yeah so this is uh a one-star review by britney is that the email that had contained sexy stuff stuff in it no in this subject you yes what is happening stop messing with me well here's because i saw that

and was like i saw that it had your label on i was like darn it that would be something i would want to bring to the table that's what i'm saying okay here's the thing i didn't read the subject until just now because because i always have my browsers split in two on my screen. Oh. And so I only saw subscription box reviews, which is the first part of the subject. Okay. But it does say contain sexy stuff. I didn't know. Okay.

I didn't see the warning. Okay. So here you go. Here's a review. It's by Brittany, but then the kind of more substantial part is the owner response. Okay. Brittany says, one star. Products didn't work and were not catered towards single women.

Okay. Isn't this for couples? So this one is actually for, well, you'll see. Here's the response. Oh, it's just a sex toy box? Yeah. Oh, my bad. And this is the response from Mystery Pleasure Box TM.

Hi, Brittany. Thank you for being a MPB member and leaving us a review. Ones straight down. How creative. Jesus. Uh-oh. You purchased a girl solo box, so I am not sure how it could not possibly be catered towards a single woman. You should post a photo in this review of the contents of the box to share what you received from us.

Either way, we are here 24-7 to help out. We can be reached by text or email. You are still an active member and have not canceled. Maybe you will enjoy your next box. P.S. Give those not catered towards women items a try. You may change your mind about them. Smiley face with a nose. With a

nose? Enjoy. Like a carrot? NPR. No, just a beep. Huh? Eyes. Yeah. Boop. Oh, okay. Like a... A straight nose. So do they use the hyphen? Hyphen nose. Okay. I'm thinking of the carrot. That's my favorite. I love that face. Like a... A straight nose. So they used a hyphen. A hyphen nose. Okay.

I'm thinking of the carrot. That's my favorite. I love that face. Such a good face. What a sassy start, though. Yeah, apparently all of the responses by this company are really... Okay, hold on. Can I read one more?

Sure. I just scrolled and I... Of MPB? Yeah, of MPB. Here's a one-star review by Joseph. With a couple box, one doesn't really need make jack-off toys. I think they meant male jack-off toys. No.

You don't understand. One might not need make jack-off toys. You don't say that? I say that all the time. I'm say that? I say that all the time. I'm sorry. You do say that all the time. But I just stopped listening to you. Why not, friend?

Here you go. Hi, Joseph. Thank you for being an MPB member. In spite of historical efforts depicting masturbation as a practice perniciously impacting health, current research instead finds it is an important aspect of healthy sexual development. What you need to know about masturbation when you're in a relationship.

All capital letters. At its best, masturbation in a relationship keeps both partners primed for satisfying sex with each other. Sex is something we need to practice, says Dr. Mayer. Dr. Mayer? Who's the mayor? Which mayor? It's the doctor or the mayor. Pick a lane. Both? Pick a lane.

Masturbation shouldn't take the place of sex with your partner. It should be viewed as practice for the big game. Hope this reply helps. End of response. Wow, okay. Hey, I like it. They're using their platform. They are using their platform. Good are using their platform. Good for them.

MPB. There was another one where she rated it all one stars and wrote not impressed at all. And the response says, this review is not impressive either. That's hilarious. Not fucking around. I love it. Okay. So anyway.

Don't hold back mpb that was contain sexy stuff that's amazing thank you i'm a fan oh that was from nina by the way i don't know if i said that thank you nina i'm sorry i didn't snatch it up first i wish i had i don't okay nina next time send it to my personal but but when when the mpb was responding and they were like be sure to send to send us a picture. I'm like, uh-oh. I know. Like, make sure you say what it's of before you say post a photo for us.

Post a photo for us. I was going to say, no, it's too far, MPB. No, it makes sense. Post a photo with today's date on the newspaper. With today's newspaper. Just so we know you're not being held hostage. While you make Jack off toys or whatever. Oh, no.

My next one was sent in by Megan Sheher. And this is a MeUndies review. Oh. If you don't know, I actually don't totally know. I think it's just an underwear subscription. But they're known for their fun designs. They have a lot of different designs you can choose from and they have like partner boxes where you can match with your partner and it's it's fun yeah they ditched me years ago too really yeah well all my underwear is

from a former sponsor I'm not even kidding. It's Bombas. Oh, yeah. Because I was like, their socks were like wool and stuff. And I don't wear wool. So I was like, huh, what else do they have? So I just like stocked up on them.

It was amazing. I love that. On their underwear. It's great. Anyway, here is a review. We should do an episode of reviews of sponsors that have ditched us. Okay.

I was going to say. Like, I feel like that's all of it. How about sponsors that we don't care if they come back. That's what we'd have to add. Oh, right. We can't, we can't burn all those bridges. For what? If it's Bombas, you're not one of those.

You're not. Don't worry. We love you. No, please. Not Buffet Fun either. Come back to me. Anyway, here's a review on consumer affairs for MeUndies. This is one star by Kevin.

The MeUndies experience is typically seeing an amazing design and then finding out they don't have it in your size. So you join the membership, allowing you to lock in a design for your monthly order. But then you, as a member, see a design launched and go to lock it in before it's gone. And you do! You lock in a design in size. Great!

But then, almost a month later, you get an email saying how that design you selected isn't available. Now, you get to disappoint your family during a global pandemic and then say, hey, you know that design you were really excited about? Sorry everything is bad right now, but also you don't get these that you reserved and have been waiting on for a month.

End of review. Holy shit. Yeah. Are you okay, bud? Not you, the guy. Clearly not. I just feel like this was also july 2020 so oh my god i went downhill from there oh my god this was the least of the worries during a global pandemic like the least hinged review i've ever heard i feel like like now you get to disappoint your whole family during a global i'm'm like, was that your one job? They were like, okay, everybody.

Yeah. Saturday Zoom on our family Zoom call. Everybody's going to bring something fun to the table. You bring the wooden nickel game. You bring this. You bring that. And then their job was bring. Underwear?

The fun underwear. Like what was the. I don't know. What was the setup that really caused this disappointment? Was this for a child? Was this for... I don't know. Maybe for everyone.

For everyone. Maybe a MeUndies for everyone. Everyone wanted the same design. Wow. The thing is, they apparently knew they were disappointed. They'll be disappointed because they don't get the design they thought they were getting. Right. But yeah, why is Kevin in charge of this?

Why couldn't they get their own designs? That's what I'm saying. Like, what? I don't understand. It sounds pretty high stakes, though. I guess I'm just worried, you know? I'm worried, too. I'm also just looking at their cute little dinosaur designs.

In July 2020, I was having my own breakdowns. No, I was not. I was having my own breakdowns. Oh, it's true. You did really disappoint me that month. Yeah, because my underwear, my Bomba's underwear had no fun designs on it. No designs. No wool.

And I was like, where's the wool? Where's the wool? Your wool underwear. You really dropped the ball and like honestly I'm not totally over it yet but that's okay so I think that was all I have

no I have one more okay I have one more too perfect I'm wrong I don't have any more well don't worry I have one this is my last one this is from Whitney Sheher who sent in a review of Sock Fancy. Surprise pair of socks subscription, colon crew socks. Okay.

So this is a one-star review by Brandy, who titled the review uncomfortable. Me too, by the way. This is the one-star review. I love jazzy socks, as does our president, if you look. The pattern and the quality make these socks uncomfortable. As a result, I dropped out of the club. End of review. What year that february of 2021 so i don't know february of 2021 what would that have been what would that have been joe biden yeah so it would have been joe b, unless you're someone who thought that Donald Trump was still president.

We're talking. You know, this is. We're talking. Yeah. Because, you know, the events of January 6th. Well, you said that was written. 2022. Yeah, exactly.

Wrong year. But you said that was written. Wait, no. Right year. Right year. Right. Sorry. God, time is so confusing. 2023. I thought it was. Yeah, I'm so confused right now. Wait, my brain is not working. You're 100 percent right. That would have been 2021. So we just had the two year anniversary of that. Yeah. Holy shit. I know. I know. It's throwing me off. That was a two year anniversary. Because I was like in my head, I was like, wait, there's no way.

But coming in, I was like, oh, yeah, this was right after the inauguration. So you're right. It was like the turning point or the not turning point. Yeah, exactly. Well, you said it was written by Q, right? The user? The reviewer? No, but they capitalized the P in president.

Oh, yikes. And like maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that feels like a hint. I think you're absolutely not reading too much into it. Right. Especially being right then, right at the change. Also, who would buy jazzy socks just because of Biden? Like. That's what.

Weirdly, I think it's more acceptable if it were Trump because he's such a cult. Because that's what people would focus on. Exactly. No. And then they got to find some positive somewhere. So they look at his fun socks. I don't even know if he wears jazzy socks, but they said look at him. And I did look at him and I didn't want to and I didn't see any jazzy socks.

I don't know. I only eat ice cream because Joe Biden does. So, I mean, I do understand why some people do. That's the only reason I vacation in Delaware. That's right. You do all the time. I do do that all the time. It's so weird.

It's like your yearly... Yeah. What do you call it when you go somewhere? There are many words for that. Many phrases, many words. I think I'll need a little more specificity from you. Pilgrimage. Oh, you know, that is a word.

That's not the first word I would have said. That's the exact one would have said that's the exact one that's my pilgrimage that's your pilgrimage to delaware yep to delaware for the the president for the p resident also i would have looked up trump socks or biden socks but my results would not have helped me because i knew i just get socks with their faces on it so i thought you know what i'm not even even going to bother Googling this. I don't want the ads in my Instagram for presidential socks. What about jazzy socks?

Jazzy socks. See, that wasn't even in the description. That's this person's words. I don't even know. Because this is just some fancy. I'm Googling jazzy socks. The fancy subscription It's called Sock Fancy

It's literally in the name You know what that reminds me Guess what that reminds me of Oh Cat Fancy Yes Now that's fun Is there a Cat Fancy subscription Oh my god of course I google Cat Fancy And it's coming there a cat fancy subscription oh my god of course i google

cat fancy and it's coming up with cat food subscription immediately nice anyway that was my last cat fancy magazine doesn't exist anymore that's tragic now there's a magazine it looks like called catster it's not the same it's not the same it's not the same cat fancy how do we know the total circulation in 2013 was 155 000 whoa um how do we know about it you know how is that a thing that seems very small well and it and it closed down in 2014 so maybe it was bigger when maybe in the 90s it was like yeah it must have been bigger i don't know why that makes sense holy shit guess when what year it started what year 1965 oh my god wait no wonder we know about it never mind how much money i would pay for like the original the og like 1965 and i want to see the ads in it. That's all I want.

True. I'll do some research. Okay, okay. No, I'm serious. After your challenge, after this episode, we'll look into the original Cat Fancy magazine, okay? We got to. Okay, and then we'll read reviews of it maybe in another episode. 1965 charter issue.

Okay, okay. Get off eBay. Get off eBay. I'm on Facebook Marketplace. Oh, are you serious? Yeah. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Okay, I'm off. I'm off. I, okay. Get off eBay. Get off eBay. I'm on Facebook marketplace. Oh, are you serious? Yeah. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Okay. I'm off. I'm off. I'm off. Okay. Time for your challenge. Well, this is where I tell you. That you're disappointed? I effed up. Why? I just, it was really difficult. So, okay. Here's the thing. My challenge was from laurel and it was find reviews of locations based on what used to be there yes i just that's tough i mean it's a challenge every time i tried to

search like a certain phrase it would be like used to be but then it would be like used to be good or like uh this place used to be a thing a blank but now it's something that i'm reviewing right now like nobody reviewed the place but then well okay you know by the way laurel suggested only negative reviews so i even took that part out to try to make it a little easier but yeah this is a tough one it's laurel was really trying to make a sucker well you know thanks a lot laurel because the example that i'm using that you sent was a positive review so yeah oh shit called out interesting called out um Laurel sent a couple so to be fair but the one that I liked the best was a positive um but so I actually didn't know there were samples samples examples sent in by Laurel until I like sat down to record sat down to I went, oh my God, Zanny didn't tell me there were.

Nope. I just put it right in. I didn't want to read anything. So I need to, I need you to understand how important this email is. Okay. Because it, I feel like this is a turning point in Laurel's life. Jesus. That's too much pressure.

I, this is, there's too much riding on this. Are you regretting giving this to me? Kind of. I didn't read it. I should too much pressure. There's too much writing on this email. Are you regretting giving this to me? Kind of. I didn't read it. I should have read it. Okay. Do you know what Zany Brainy is? No.

Okay. I didn't really either. It's familiar, but I don't think we spent time there. It's a place? Yes. Oh. For the uninitiated, Zany Brainy was an educational version of Toys R Us that existed all over the U.S. from 1991 until 2003 when it closed due to bankruptcy. Interesting.

That sounds fun. Yeah. The bankruptcy part or the store? The bankruptcy part, less so. Less so. Well, here's the thing. Also, this email was sent in as part of stores that no longer exist. Oh. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. So I think my brain was struggling because it didn't... Long story short, I ended up just finding reviews of places that no longer exist. Okay, that's what I was saying. I was like, I don't know how else to do this. That's fine. And that's kind of what Laurel's examples were. Oh, because they were from that theme. Yes. And then that was kind of like an additional challenge thing yes combined with that

that makes sense exactly but let me say up front what laurel has to say about zany okay i'm curious i'm gonna read this description again just to get the full effect okay for the uninitiated zany brainy was an educational version of toys r us that existed all over the u.s from 1991 until 2003 when it closed due to bankruptcy definitely due to me when i was about five years old i deep breath stole a cheetah print combat boot shaped lip smackers from the checkout area of my local Zany Brainy by slipping the cardboard package into my little mermaid underoos. Christina, that fucking, we're gonna

be accessories to this. You can't read this. I don't know, it's too late. It's too late? Oh no. I said it. There's nothing we can do. We're live. We're live. And then wrote, is that too much information? I would say it's not nearly enough. I'm okay.

You're good? Yeah. You summed it up pretty well. When my mom asked about it, I told her that the tooth fairy brought it for me. Smart. Foolproof. Hey, foolproof. You know why?

Because what's mom going to say? Tooth fairy isn't real. I'm the tooth fairy. Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? It's like fucking.

Your move, mom. Your move. Ruin my childhood right now? Or just let me be. Or let me become a thief. Let me have my lip smackers. Okay, and then Laurel wrote, she did not pursue further interrogation. Oh, it's so smart.

Within six months, Zany Brainy was no more. Oh, no. I deeply apologize. Oh, no. That's amazing. You're right. Alexander's right. We are now accessories.

I think we're going to be subpoenaed to the witness stand. I don't know what to do. I don't know. We're going to have to put our $6 billion to fund Zany Brainy reopening. Think about the press we'll get. Think about all the press. That's what I care about. Think about Leona's big brain she's going to have.

She's going to get all the... By the way, what kind of lip smackers is education? Whatever. Anyway. Did you ever shoplift anything as a kid? I don't think so, no. I did one time and I felt so... I don't even think...

Oh, that's the thing. It wasn't even on purpose. Like, I put something in my pocket in the store. I feel like I've probably done that, but... To say... Like, it was a little ladybug, a stuffed ladybug, and I really liked it. And so I put it in my pocket and I was going to go find mom and ask for it. I was probably like six.

And we walked out of the store at the mall and we kept walking and I found it in my pocket. And I felt like, I mean, at this age, too, we were in Catholic school. And I had been told like God is always watching. That's how I know I haven't done it because I would remember. Yes, exactly. And I was like, I'm going to burn in hell for this. Right. So then I was like, mom, look.

And she was so upset and i was like i didn't mean to and like i don't think she believed me and she made me walk back to the store and like hand it to the cashier and be like i took this out of the store and i remember being so mortified because like i genuinely didn't do it on purpose anyway it was one of those uh formative moments where i think i just became terrified of breaking any rules. It's funny because Laurel had the opposite thing. Yeah, seriously. Laurel's now like a master criminal.

I know. Laurel was like, oh, I'm going to hell. Fucking prove it. I'm going to walk out of here with this lip smackers in my underwear. Yeah, yeah. I clearly was not up to the task. Nope. So this is actually a review of a zany brainy.

And this does absolutely fit the challenge. Okay, nice. Except for the bad part. It's not bad, but you didn't give me the bad part as part of the challenge. This is a five-star review by Zoltan. Sorry. Remember that guy's old joke? Yeah, exactly.

That's why I'm laughing. From high school. I played tennis with him. Oh, yeah. I personally don't know why this page is still up, concerning the fact that the store has been closed for years. But this place definitely deserved a five-star rating in its day, because not only did they offer great high quality educational toys for kids

there has never been a problem with staff that i can recall and this place used to be much fun because they would hold events such as authors coming in and reading their books to children arts and crafts book clubs and even concerts the wiggles had once played here when the location was known as noodle cad Cadoodle in 1999. The big problem was that there was no central toy that kept people coming back, and prices were somewhat expensive, and they were spending more money trying to expand rather than what they had coming in. The guys who started this place now have a place close by called Five Below,

and they still haven't learned their lesson, regardless of how long the stores have been around I hope the new stores thrive but nothing can replace the great store that was zany brainy R.I.P R.I.P yeah that fits nicely if Zoltan ever found out what Laurel did

that Laurel's behind the collapse of zany brainy now I'm kind of upset even more upset I didn't really care too much because I've never heard of this place but hearing that description I'm kind of upset, even more upset. I didn't really care too much because I've never heard of this place, but hearing that description, I'm like, that sounds like a cool place.

A concert hall for the Wiggles? The Wiggles were there? Come on. Hello? Fruit salad? Historic? Can I also say, I'm honestly less mad at Laurel

because if she hadn't caused them to go bankrupt, we'd never have Five Below. Yeah, okay, that is something that i was surprised to hear but i've never been to five below so i don't know if that counts i've been once i think but even m really like it yeah no i've heard i trust their opinion sometimes on some things i've heard things yeah so you know it's like pros and cons clap of a butterfly wing

yeah butterfly effect so theft of one lip smack, and the whole place just crumbles. It's really powerful stuff, Laurel. Yeah. I wonder if you've ever told your mom about this. I bet. Probably. If not, you should, because I bet it would be. I say probably as if I.

Probably. I mean, Laurel's in the hog pen. I know Laurel's been in my chat and stream and stuff. Oh, my God. You said in the hog pen, like your stream. That's my stream group. Yeah. Not that I've been streaming.

In my mind, I thought you meant like in the pen, like. Oh, penitentiary. Penitentiary for the theft. That too. And I was like,

okay. That is also a hog pen. That is also, yeah. Anyway, so yeah, so, but you know.

I'd like to know if your mom ever heard about, or if you ever told her, like remember that time I told you the Tooth Fairy brought it? Like, what were you thinking in that moment? I would love to hear that follow up. So, anyway. Thank you, Laurel. So, Zinni, what I did next, I don't know if you'll appreciate it, but I just went and found reviews in our inbox of places that no longer exist.

Okay. That we hadn't used yet. That's fine. Because technically, well, okay, it depends. Were the reviews written after they closed? Yes, some of them. There you go. I think that fits.

I think that fits. Okay, great. Some of them were not. Well, hey, I think for my challenge last week, I did something that had nothing to do with my challenge. Perfect. That makes me feel better. We do it all the time. And yet we're still always stressed about it.

I don't know. Yeah, I still always feel like I'm failing. But I guess that's kind of the life of a recovering Catholic. So anyway, this is from Taryn, and it's reviews of Mervyn's, which I feel like we briefly discussed. It's a department store. The one I read reviews of was in San Luis Obispo. Yeah, it's a California department, or it was a California department store. The one I read reviews of was in San Luis Obispo. Yeah, it's a California department, or it was a California department store.

That's a very good memory, Zandy, that you remember what town it was in that you reviewed. Uh-huh. I listened to that episode. Oh, you did? On three times speed yesterday. I thought you said three times. I did.

No, I thought you meant you listened to it. Oh, no, no, no no no i was like you need a hobby or something i was looking for a specific moment i see what moment i can't tell you okay so this is uh from taryn thank you taryn it's reviews of mervyn's here's a three-star review by bob after yet another unsuccessful attempt to acquire a pumpkin smash at Jamba Juice, I wandered the mall distraught and with peanut butter mood in hand. Next thing you know, I find myself at Mervin's. It's weird I actually came here, but subconsciously I must have been drawn to the idea of finding potential bargains. subconsciously I must have been drawn to the idea of finding potential bargains. It's sad to see so many businesses go under, but if there's any solace, you quickly learn when steals are to be had. I usually wait until the very end of the store liquidation when what's

left over is 75-90% off. I figure that if I'm lucky enough to find something I need at this point, then I'm meant to buy it. Besides, it's only now that the prices are probably closest to actually cost. In this case, I walked away, almost literally since the folks working there could care less, with a couple towels. I may return if the towels' absorption quality are satisfactory. I just hope there's some left or Mervyn's is still open, open, open. End of review. Why was there an echo? I just figured maybe that's their jingle?

Or maybe not? Oh, wait. Oh, maybe it's like... No. I'd love to know your theories. That says like, closing, closing, closing. Or am I wrong about that? Like in a liquidation sale? I have no fucking idea what you're saying right now.

I don't know. You know, you're probably right, but I don't know what's going on. I don't know. I looked up liquidation sale signs and that didn't help. I know the Mervyn's like jingle, so I don't think. Yeah. How? You don't know it?

I've never heard of this place till we discussed it in that episode. Oh, what is it? Mervin's, Mervin's, I don't know. Of course I don't know. That's the best you can come up with.

I've never heard of this place. You acted like I was an idiot for not knowing. Acting. Maybe I'm acting. I like making you feel like an idiot, Christina. This is what I do here. It's so easy. It's so easy. Maybe I'm thinking. I like making you feel like an idiot, Christina. This is what I do here. It's so easy.

It's so easy. Maybe I'm thinking like everything must go. Everything must go. Yeah, okay. I don't know. I just feel like there's something open, open, open. There's something sinister about it. Yeah, it was.

Oh, it is. It's their commercial. Oh, it actually is? It is, yeah. Okay, I'm impressed. Oh, it is. It's their commercial. Oh, it actually is? It is, yeah. Okay, I'm impressed. Wow, this is a blast from the past. I'm surprised you came up with this. Thank you.

I mean, no thank you, because again. Are you playing? I'm here. I'm here. Just in time to save on men's windridge shirts shirts and kids' Oshkosh short-offs. I can't believe I almost missed it. Don't miss saving 60% on all fine jewelry, 14-carat gold, diamonds, and sterling silver. Well, I didn't exactly almost miss it, but I am only four hours early.

Save throughout the store during Mervyn's Super Sale starting Saturday, 8 a.m. Open, open, open. That is not what I expected Open open open She was tapping on the glass That's hilarious Talk about spooky That sounds kind of funny actually Oh wow so it is

That's a fun reference That is a fun reference But I mean it's kind of sad because it's about how they're not going to be open True true But yeah so that's a Mervyn's review I have another one here this is a three-star review by holly okay i admit i only come here to look at their tennis shoes once a year usually around the time

i wear out my current pair i drop by mervin's to take a look-see on their shoes got a pair of new balance for forty. I don't buy their dress shoes because they are cheap and pinch your feet. My personal mantra is, you gotta find a pair of nice, expensive shoes and a firm, expensive mattress to succeed in life. That is a terrible mantra. I find it very catchy. It's not wrong, it's just not... It doesn't really roll off the tongue. I'm sorry. It doesn't roll off the tongue.

And it has a lot of hyphens. I could hear them. Yeah. They were very loud hyphens. They were screaming in our face. Don't they already say something like, you should spend the most money on things that keep you from the floor? So your office chair, shoes, tires. Like they're just certain.

Alexander, that's so deep. I've never heard that in my life. You haven't? No. Oh, I have. You should have said that it was by you. That's my mantra. I would have believed you.

Kitty clothes are inexpensive. And I'm saying kitty. Kitten? Child, not kitty clothes. Bummer. That's Cat Fancy Incorporated. That's their shop. As it says, instead of as seen on TV, it says as seen in the magazine.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really like, I whiff, whiff, whiff. I need to just drink more coffee. Kitty clothes are inexpensive. I saw a table of kitty clothes labeled $2. Alas, it was mobbed by a bunch of bargain shoppers so I couldn't get in to look. There were other nice clothes that were under $10. One major grape. Why must you hang all the bigger sized kitty clothes high up on the wall?

DH had to do some serious pole vaulting to grab this sweater I wanted to get for our niece for Xmas.H. had to do some serious pole vaulting to grab this sweater I wanted to get for our niece for Xmas. Amazing. D.H. did some serious pole vaulting. I love that. Yeah. In the email, Taryn said, I found a D.H. in the wild. I love finding them in the wild.

Remember when we didn't know what it meant? Yeah. We've learned a lot from this podcast. Honestly, if we learn nothing else, which we probably won't, that one will probably carry me over to my dying day. Certain forum lingo, mainly that we learned it through Cruise Critic. Eek! But. Yep.

Grape number two. Why are there so many clothes racks put together on the floor? You can barely move through them while pushing a stroller. An ADA lawsuit waiting to happen. Oh, yeah, their kids' clothes run small, so you have to buy a size up for the kid in question. Women's clothes are atrocious. I'm surprised Constance

Marie put her name on those ugly dresses. Men's are okay. DH likes looking around for work basics here. End of review. Who the hell is Constance Marie? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Is Kitty Clothes?

You're in Kitty Clothes over and over again. She played Angie Lopez in George Lopez. Oh. She's gorgeous. Her clothes are hideous. Apparently so. Apparently only those because she was shocked that she put her name on these. Yeah, yeah.

That is shocking. It is shocking, yeah. yeah oh she was the one in the show she's always wearing a mervin's hoodie right george lopez yeah she only i will say when i typed her name in all the photos were her in like beautiful ball gowns or like long dresses so the hoodie thing really got it got me that was after they went bankrupt she's finally free of the contract she could wear you know beautiful clothes again and thank god she was free that contract because every time when the george lopez like famous intro ended she would go open open and they were like you gotta stop and she's like i'm signed to a lifelong contract until they shut down you know and they

did open open um but yeah so kitty clothes not into it yeah i mean i couldn't i thought at first it was a pretty good start for kitty clothes it just they kept saying it and then it was just too much i just didn't like how many times they said it because it's it not once was it about kittens it wasn't that's my. That's your gripe number three. Right. Okay, so this is the last one I have, and this is also of a Mervyn's, but it's a one star by George. This is our Mervyn's

episode. I love it. I love it. Absolutely it is. I'm getting dizzy. I think I'm going to throw up. New paragraph. Every time I come to the store, it feels like I'm inside a kaleidoscope. Everything is jumbled and all I see are different colors and it's a dizzying experience. Jesus.

Check that. Get that checked out. You need to eat some sodium or something. Get that blood pressure up. So how does it? I don't know. Em says that they need to eat salt sticks to get their blood pressure up. What the hell is a salt stick? Thank you. I feel like I'm the only one who don't know. Em says that they need to eat salt sticks to get their blood pressure up. What the hell is a salt stick? Thank you!

I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know. Is that something you feed to horses? That's what I said! I said, is that horse food? And Em said, no, it tastes like vitamin C. And I said, what does vitamin C taste like? What does vitamin C taste like? I was so confused and I felt like I was the only one in the room who didn't get it. What room were you in? It was only me and Em. A bunch of horses?

Me and Em. A bunch of horses but other we were at a stable but that's besides the point apparently it's like a gummy that doesn't taste salty that huh has salt in it to like up your sodium intake if your sodium is low. Interesting. I had no idea. Anyway, every time I come to this store, it feels like I'm in a kaleidoscope. Everything is jumbled, and all I see are different colors, and it's a dizzying experience. Everywhere I look, there's a mishmash of reds, blues, oranges, yellows, purples.

Yeah, that's all of color. Every color that exists. If you name the primary colors, you're basically naming all the colors. It's a mismatch. It's all of color. That's what kind of the world is if you really think about it. Might as well say all the colors of the rainbow and throw in Hulk Hogan's wardrobe and you get the picture. I get so disoriented I have to close my eyes in order to get my

equilibrium i'm sorry oh my god so dramatic this is vertigo i don't know what vertigo is like but this person might need to talk to someone you know and they they're an elite 2023 this was written in 2008 but they are an elite 2023 yelp user this was written when 2008 oh my gosh. It's 15 years ago. Yeah. And they have over a thousand reviews and over 9,500 photos on their reviews. And they're all just kaleidoscope.

Just like swirls of color. Yeah. I feel like, no, they're probably all just still shots. And he's like, look how blurry they are. And it's like,

again, you need to see your doctor ASAP. Oh no. Yeah. So I don't know if every review is about the color to color ratio or not, but something's wrong. I get so disoriented I have to close my eyes in order to get my equilibrium. I'm worried that after leaving here, I might get pulled over for mistaken drunk driving or overexposure to Rainbow Bright and Care Bear movies. What? Is that something cops look out for?

Yeah, I'd give it a cool. It's pretty cool. I'd give it a cool. It's cool i'd give it a cool it's pretty badass oh yeah any review that talks about rainbow bright and not being able to drive just because he went to a certain store that is something that is that's a talent almost yeah it is pretty impressive like a superpower yeah it's like your whole persona changes that dramatically yeah i mean after like i know you couldn't see the commercial of the mervins with the open open open but like the way they were kind of flashing different polo shirts for men oh by the way that commercial is from 1992 it said circa 1992 um i can see how they would probably read this and go yeah that's the idea yeah like we want to be all the different colors and it's a department store it's jam-packed with

kitty clothes what do you expect oh they'd love pride month they'd oh yeah it's too bad they never lived to see all they do is rearrange their things to make it in the order of the rainbow they had all the colors already they just rearrange it for pride month and charge a little extra just put a surcharge on there yeah exactly oh it's too bad they didn't make it for that long you know um i wonder if uh oh i was gonna say five below but that's a different thing that was zany brainy i was like i wonder if they're able to to do that at five below wrong store wrong store zany brainy zany brainy r.i.p anyway so that's all I got for you that was lovely I enjoyed it I feel like I was able to use

Taryn's email which I remember seeing come in back when we did that theme and I didn't get a chance to read it so I feel like it got a little redemption of its own you know that means that Taryn's hopefully happy with this episode so that's one of them I really just want finally Taryn

all we do is try to make Taryn happy. And all we do is disappoint them. I'm so sorry. So true. So that's all I got for you, Zandy. That's great. We did it. Well, thank you.

What a good time this was. Thank you. Thanks, everyone. We've got nothing to talk about, really, right now. I wish we did. No, I don't. No news is good news. Yeah, exactly. Everything's good. Okay. Ashley, tell don't. No news is good news. Yeah, exactly.

Everything's good. Okay. Ashley, tell me how you did that AI thing. Ashley, tell us if your last name starts with an I because I'm kind of convinced you're the AI. Oh, yeah. Okay, but don't hurt me if you are. Okay, goodbye. R.I.P. Zandy.

He was fun while he lasted. Like fucking three times I've been killed by AI. Too bad he couldn't live to see Pride Month. Okay, bye. Bye. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production, hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Brian Heveron-Smith,

cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bolland.