Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 219: Reviews of The Sims

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

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Offer ends June 30th, 2024. New eligible clients only. Complete criteria by August 30th, 2024. Visit rbc.com slash student 100. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, and welcome to Beachy Sandy Water Tourette, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm X-Teen. I'm X-Andy. How are you?

Hi, I'm good. How are you? I'm great. We're talking about The Sims today. Yeah. Whose idea was this? Patreon? Patreon. Actually, a lot of people. Like, I found an old email from Jer who had written in just saying, hey, you should do The Sims. I think I got a review that I found from a couple years ago or a year ago that someone sent in also requesting The Sims. Yeah, this is a very popular one. Highly anticipated. Yes.

It's been very delightful to research as well. Kind of, for me too. A little backstory. I was streaming. I've been streaming the past couple days because I'm playing The Last of Us. Are you familiar with the show that just came out on HBO Max? Are my glazed eyes not giving you the answer? No. Okay.

Well, it's the hot new thing, so get with it. But it's a video game based on originally a video game i saw the book at barnes and noble is there a book yeah it said read the book before you watch the series are you serious i was i think that the i thought the video game was original i don't think it was a book are Are you messing with me? No, I'm serious. I swear to God. Is it a book? Yes.

I think so. I was at Barnes and Noble who told me. Is it a journey through a post-apocalyptic world? Yes, but I'm pretty sure it was originally a video game. Anyway. Well, you know what? As an avid literary expert, I am saying to you that it was a book. Because that's what Barnes & Noble told me when I was there to buy a lap desk for my laptop.

When I went to Barnes two days ago. I was there for strictly literary purposes, but I was only there to buy a lap desk. for my laptop. Okay. When I went to the ones... When was this? Two days ago. Well... I was there for strictly literary purposes, but I was only there to buy a lap desk. But then I saw this book, so I feel like... I don't know what you saw, but this game is a game.

There might be books based on the game, but it's not the other way around. Maybe it was a table of video games, and it said, said play these games i only know because i specifically asked my chat yesterday well as if they know any better than i the literary expert who visited the florence kentucky barnes and noble one time in my googling the past 10 seconds i have not found any evidence it's fine to support your claim it's fine we'll talk about it another time okay so go on with your you've been streaming this fun game. Yeah, it's very

intense and scary, but it's been lots of fun. And I'm streaming it and playing it because I want to watch the show. Because it's a hot new show. If you say hot new show, I'm like, who are you? Isn't this an ad? HBO texted me earlier and was like, call it the hot new show.

I fucked it up big time then by saying it's not a game and it's not a show. That's okay. That means I get the money. It's a book. Anyway, okay. It is. Christina, like Lisa just messaged me that she loves the show. Who's Lisa?

Who's Lisa? The only Lisa we know. My aunt Lisa? Yes. Oh. Like Lisa watches it, which. Has she read it? it okay it doesn't matter none of this matters this is not important at all we were talking though in like i was talking to my

chat about this episode the sims episode right and somebody said are you familiar with wicked whims and i said no people said don't google it uh But basically it's The Sims but contains sexy stuff. Yeah, I've heard of it. It's a mod. Yeah. I've never played it. But you have. I have not. Oh, I thought you streamed it. I did not stream Wicked Whims. I think I'd get demonetized. I'd get in trouble. Is it that bad? Christina, that's the first thing I brought to the table. Oh, gosh. Is the Wicked Wim's website and their features. It is very long.

So is this? So I'm not going to read all of them, but it's a mod. So it's not Sims official approved? No, no, no. Okay. There's so many of them, though. I don't know what Sims is. It's basically a game where you have a character and you simulate real life with your character,

real life in quotations, but you build houses and have relationships, have pets, have a career, et cetera. But then obviously there are so many expansions. Yeah, there are four base games and then a ton of expansions. So there's a pets expansion. Supernatural. Supernatural, that one I have and I've streamed that one before. That one's fun. And then there are a lot of mods. So a lot of people will create custom mods, whether it's for building, whether it's for relationships, whatever it is. There's so many different custom mods, different career paths.

And Wicked Whims is one of the more well-known, apparently well-known. It's like a mature. Sexual, mature version. I got you. Because, oh my God, Christina. What? The things that you can do. Really?

It is insane. Oh God. Okay. You'd be demonetized. I would get in trouble. Yeah. Are you serious? People are talking to me.

They're like, you can do custom boobies. Custom boobies. Custom boobies. And I was like, oh, sign me up. But then I read more and I'm like, my goodness, it's too much for me. That only scratches the surface. Like when I play my Sims, when we were little, I used to use the cheat to like unblur the Sims when they showered. Oh, yeah, same.

But that was like what, Sims 2 or something? I don't know which one that was. Now it's gotten, things have gone to an extreme. Right, you unblur your Sims game, but it's just, if it's Sims 2, it's gotten... It was like... Things have gone to an extreme. Right. You unblur your Sims game, but it's just... If it's Sims 2, it's like you just put fewer pixels. It's still just like big pixels. And then you just add a few more pixels. Well, here we go.

So let me just read some various bullet points on their long list of features. I can't read all of them. Okay. Apply or remove a strap on from any sim when the situation requires it requires it when it's required not when it's only optional though then you got to keep that thing on uh-huh uh-huh um there's a whole there's three bullet points under the bullet point cum. The first one is, okay. I didn't, look, I blame my chat.

I do. It says, see layers of cum on Sims bodies after sex or manually apply them during sex whenever you want and wherever you want. Only when necessary though. Yeah. sex whenever you want and wherever you want. Only when necessary, though.

Yeah. Avoid negative or positive reactions to cum on your face by cleaning it off in a sink or by showering. And then the last one is get the cum slut attribute trait to make your sim always react to cum positively. Isn't that hilarious? You have to force them to enjoy that. Wow. Which is true about most of the game anyway, so might as well add that.

It's true. You get to control their character attributes. Diseases. It says contract, spread, and medicate crabs. Oh my god. You can watch porn. You can watch porn. You can consider equipping the cuckold slash cuck queen attribute trait to make your hoursome enjoy watching their partners have sex with others.

Oh, and then you can use vampire powers to get sims into kinky situations. Whoa. Then there's a whole thing on pregnancy. Whoa. So it goes even beyond just sexual stuff. So it's not just sexual pregnancy stuff. It says they have a fully featured menstrual cycle with periods and variable fertility. Okay.

So you can actually try to get pregnant with your sim on a... I don't know. Purchase tampons and pads. Learn about your fertility by purchasing a fertility awareness test. Common Sense Media is exploding. Their heads are exploding right now. You can use condoms and birth control pills to avoid getting pregnant. Well, you better be able to do that if you can do all this other shit. Stop your unwanted pregnancy by using the pregnancy termination service.

Oh my God. Termination service. Oh my God. What? This is just wild. It's just so many things. You can have like a club, go to a club that's like a sex club. Whoa, like some, what do you call it?

What's that movie? Eyes Wide Shut? Yeah. Yeah. Christina, it just keeps going. And then I haven't even gone to like nudity, like just the various things of nudity. Like it says naked body, penis and hair.

You can fully, fully customize it all. Dynamically growing pubic hair. Dynamically, that sounds like out of a marketing PowerPoint. It really does. What the fuck? Yeah. Exhibitionism, different underwear settings, strip window peeping oh goodness oh no sweating watch sims get all sweaty from working out or having sex so even like you can add some of these things just for like sweat like for

workouts but just like imagine if that's why you got it you were like i don't want any of the other stuff i just really need it to be him to glisten after a couple bicep curls. And your parents are like, what is this that you bought on the internet? Exactly. No, I just wanted him to get a thorough workout. Oh, they add polyamory, which is cool. So they add all these different aspects to relationships that the sims base game doesn't normally have but how do they like as i mean i'm probably just too ignorant for this but like how do they

literally make birth control pills as a mod like if it's not part of the game you understand the power of modding video games is insane they got to be hackers it's like in skyrim uh you know skyrim the game, the adventure game with the dragons and stuff? Yeah. There's a mod to make the dragons Thomas the Tank Engine instead. Yeah. Classic. We'll look that up on YouTube.

It's hilarious. That's amazing. Games have all sorts of mods like that, and people are just, like, there are people who are modders, and that's what they do. And they just mod. The Sims especially. I think the Sims just has a huge community of modding. Sure. Which makes sense.

Understandably. Because it's supposed to simulate real life, and people want to add as much as they can to it. I'm supposed to not know when my Sims are on our period? Are you kidding me? Exactly. What kind of nonsense is that? Anyway, I'm done with that. That was kind of like an ad for Wicked Whims, which I don't think it even costs money.

I'm just saying. Oh, it doesn't't how do they make any money these people probably through donations and things um oh my gosh but they even have a list of all the different like sims modding tools that they use to create this mod oh my gosh i want it's like a whole team of people a bunch of people involved in this. Did you go to Wicked Whims? Yeah. Careful. Holy crap.

There's like, I mean, this is like full on porn edition. Whoa. An unforgettable orgy. Oh my God. Oh, and you can support them on Patreon. TurboDriver creates mods for the sims 4 wow and it looks like they're they're updating things apply the hypersexual trait to any location to increase the base sex autonomy frequency

whoa anyway so yeah basically what is the sims is place. What is that quote? I think it's, I don't know, people have mentioned it a few times, but like, why every time there's new technology, humans immediately want to use it for sex first. Yeah, absolutely. That's so true. Okay, anyway, thank you for that. Oh my god. You're welcome. Sorry, everyone. This is way too graphic right now. Don't open this at work because like really you might get in trouble i it is it is it is contained sexy stuff i already said that at the beginning so we're in the clear well monica our pal she her sent in a review from steam of just

the base sims game uh i think sims. And this is just kind of like I just thought this was like a good starting point because it just gives like a brief overview of kind of why people love this game. This was written by Ola and it is a positive review. A redemption. Nice. I get to make people

I don't like and watch them die horrible deaths or make myself and live the life I'll never have. 11 out of 10. Valid game. Valid game. End of review. And I feel like that's a good that, you know, gives gives you an idea like to anyone who's wondering what's the point?

Yeah, this is the point. Just to like live out some sexual fantasies. Some year strap on fantasy. out some some sexual fantasies some your strap on fantasy or just like you know uh watch the demise of little your little creation like play god basically play god yeah yeah which is the appeal of this game yeah my first one is from an email from uh juniper they them uh who um put in the subject, in all caps, Sims Purgatory, parentheses, not weed related. So that was just kind of a thing for me to make sure that I wasn't going to have any flashbacks

if I read this. So I put it in my folder. Here's a one-star review. I assume this is Sims 4. I'm not positive, but here we go. One star. This is by Mike. Game is broken and character is stuck in the tutorial working as a barista.

My Sim is now trapped working in a coffee shop for all of eternity with no hope of ever escaping. Such a cruel fate. End of rumor. Oh no. A bunch of our listeners just kind of looked up and went. Same. Wait a minute. Oh. is this a

simulation we all living in a simulation it is but that's besides the point yeah imagine imagine just like uh the idea that that would be i mean i i what big whoop like yeah so what yeah nothing wrong with that yeah if she was stuck in the tutorial and was like in a glass box and couldn't get out yeah i mean hey one thing but this isn't simulating real life i say this isn't so bad and then all the baristas out there are like fuck you i'm just trying not to diss on their career path you know so the first one i have well the second one i have is uh of course i immediately went to Common Sense Media because I knew they would have a lot of thoughts about this. I'm glad you did.

I figured you would, so I left it alone. I appreciate that. This is of the Sims Social. Okay. Is that an app? Facebook. Facebook. I see.

Because there's so many different Sims spinoffs. EA owns the Sims now. I think it was originally, what, Maxis or something created it? Oh. I don't remember, but. Yeah, I think it was Maxis and now EA. Because originally it was like SimCity, and I think The Sims came after SimCity. Oh, SimCity.

I think that was like the OG. I could be wrong, but I think that was the original. And then they were like, let's try to make this more, like, per-people oriented instead of city oriented. Like infrastructure. Yeah, yeah. SimCity is cool, too, though. Can I tell you what bummed me out? Tell me.

This is, like, it's probably weird, and maybe I'm the only one who felt this way, and maybe it's just such a familiar feeling to me only, but I was reading some reviews on amazon and they were written like 12 years like in or 10 years ago i guess like in 03 like with the early versions of the game and people's comments were like oh my gosh the disc arrived scratched and now i have to wait like weeks to play and and i read another one that said, oh, it says my graphics card isn't up to date, but I just got a new one. And like, now I have to wait to return this disc at GameStop and all

this business. And I'm just reading this like, man, I don't miss the days before you could just do everything for the internet. We've got it easy. I mean, I was reading this like, I can't imagine having to wait like two weeks for a video game yeah no it's just it sounds but i can't imagine it because we've been there i download multiple video games a month right no and you can play them whenever i want you don't have to like i have so many that i just have sitting there ready to play that i haven't even played yet i was like getting bummed out because i remember when we would have like our old PC, like our desktop computer. And it was like if something got scratched, like a disc, well, you were out of luck and you'd have to convince your parents to buy you a new one or you could never play again.

I was like, that's just such a bummer. I even had like a CD cleaner to like for that specific reason. Or if it crashed and then and obviously things like that still happen. But back then it was like, it crashed all the time. People were like, it never saves. I lose. I spent months building this like beautiful family tree and then it crashed and I lost everything. And I was like, this is getting me really upset. So anyway, I know that's kind of just besides the point, but made me think of how lucky we are to have the internet. Amen. And people who do wicked whims and you get it for free. Exactly. Are you kidding me right now? I think it's free, but yes. Okay.

Let's see. This is a review of The Sims Social, the Facebook version of this game. And this is a one-star review by a child named Jake, who, by the way, says this is for ages 15 plus only. Okay. And this is called Sexual and Violent Facebook Game Pushes the Limit. Okay, and this was written 10 years ago. Oh, I said 10 years ago. I meant 20, like 2003. Sorry. And this was written 10 years ago. Oh, I said 10 years ago. I meant 20, like 2003. Sorry.

Oh, Jesus. Really? This was written 10 years ago. I'm sorry. I was talking about earlier when I was mentioning like 03. Oh, when you were talking. I see. I see.

Yes. I'm talking like so long ago. Okay. So this is by Jake. I have been playing this game for a while. I quit playing when I figured out that you can woo-hoo somebody, which if you don't know, it means you can have sex in the game. Just about every kid I know is

on Facebook, and The Sims is one of the most popular PC games there is. If your kids find out that The Sims is on Facebook, they are probably going to want to play it. And if older kids find out that they can have sex with somebody in the game, they are going to think that it is okay in real life and do it at school.

He goes, I know from experience. Yeah, I've had that experience for sure. Oh my gosh. Man, middle school after I played The Sims was not the same the same again everyone that's why you had to be moved to three different schools you kept getting expelled everyone was like what is this problem and i just yell the sims said it's okay i can do it on the sims what's the difference between real life and if older kids find out that they can have sex with somebody in the game, they're going to think that it is okay in real life and go do it at school or after school.

Any kid that has either seen an Adam Sandler, David Spade, or Jesse Eisenberg movie knows exactly what sex is. The three pillars of sexual comedy. Of sexual content in general. Adam Sandler, David Spade, and Jesse Eisenberg? What? Those are the three who taught me all I know about the birds and the bees. Especially Jesse Eisenberg. Oh my god. The social

network? Wow. That's how I figured out when and where I'm allowed to have sex. Oh, that's hilarious. Oh my god. Do I just, like, what? Did this kid just watch? I don't know.

Like, zombie land? I can't even. I don't know. Imagine watching, like, Caddyshack and being like, whoa. I finally understand what sex really is. Are any of those people in Caddyshack? Isn't Adam Sandler? No, you're thinking of Happy Gilmore. Happy Gilmore. Sorry.

I meant Caddyshack, which did teach me all I know about sex. Yes, famously. But Happy Gilmore. Now that's just laughable. Okay. Adam Sandler, David Spade, or Jesse Eisenberg movie knows exactly what sex is. Not only the sex, but you can also be a villain in the game. When you're a villain, you can say very mean things to people.

And once there was a button that you could press to hit them. Do not let your younger kids play this. This title contains violence and sexy stuff. They're not wrong about violence and sexy stuff being contained in this. But I do love the way little kids' minds work, or younger kids. Their initial thought is, like, this is the end of days. Oh, for sure. Oh my god, this exists.

For sure, for sure. when will this child realize that The Sims, in the grand scheme of things, is pretty low on the tier of sexual content out on the internet? I know, that's so true. And it's the Facebook version of The Sims, which I can't imagine is that. I feel like any Facebook version of any game I ever played was always tamped down. Or any Facebook version of any game I ever played was always like tamped down and I was like – but apparently, I will say, some people did make good points about this Facebook game because it's not all virtual. Like they're – I mean it's all virtual. Sorry.

Whoa. It's not – it's all virtual but it's like real people playing the different characters. And apparently – I know, and apparently once you unlock a certain relationship status with someone, you don't need their permission anymore to engage in sexual activity. And somebody who wrote a review, a parent was like, hey, just make sure that this is something you're aware of, that if your kid plays this, they need to understand that consent is not necessarily a thing that is properly, which I wouldn't expect a Facebook game to figure out. But I can understand it from that perspective.

But yeah, I mean, this poor kid, I'm like, you're going to be dealt a lot of blows in the next couple of years as you figure out how much the internet has to offer. This review was 10 years ago. Yeah. Because back in 2007, I just pulled it up. This reminded me of the time when SuperPoke was a thing. So you could poke other people on Facebook, but SuperPoke let you do other things to people. This was like an app on Facebook, but Superpoke let you do other things to people. This was like an app on Facebook. Yeah.

It was like part of, it was like on people's pages, on their profiles. I don't know what it was back then, their walls or whatever. And there, I think I've told this story, but there was someone in my high school who I did not talk to. I was not friends with in my class. A girl, right? Yeah. We're a small class.

Her name is Nora. Oh my God. Oh, you right? Yeah, we're a small class. Her name is Nora. Oh, my God. Christina. Oh, you just said that and I remembered. I fucking, let me just read the message that I sent her. July 23rd, 2007. What are you doing? Okay, I'm stressed out.

Nora, accidentally pressed a button on your page and dry humped you. So, yeah, it was an accident. Sorry. I dry humped you. you so yeah it was an accident sorry she just responded seven hours later with it's fine honey h-u-n-n-y honey which oh my god she goes it's fine honey it happens all the time probably did back then it was a. Facebook was a wild place. The fact that you wrote, I accidentally. I'll never leave my head that that happened.

Well, let me just kind of meet you where you are currently. Because remember that time I sent someone a photo of themselves and wrote LOL. You were such a bully. I didn't mean to. Yeah, you were trying to bully them behind their back yeah i was trying to do it secretly like everybody else and then i sent them a photo of themselves because i okay it doesn't matter because the person i was sending it to had a similar name the person i was sending it to being you yeah Yeah. And then I wrote LOL. And then they, and then they, oh,

they saw, I saw that they had read it and I went, sorry, sometimes my computer just sends people photos of them. I still feel like total shit. I can't stand myself. That was so terrible. I hate myself for that.

At least yours was a true accident. Yeah. You weren't trying to be, you know, a bad person. I wasn't trying to dry hump someone else, you know? Oh my gosh. Okay, I'm so embarrassed. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them.

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Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis.

My next one is a review sent in by Kristen. She, her. I think this is of the first one. I'm not positive. Here we go. This is written by Gina. One star. Depression simulator.

I could not get a job or make friends. The mother was always yelling at me. I could not get a job or make friends. The mother was always yelling at me. She also pees herself all the time and screams at me for not cleaning up her own pee. She always nags me to fix her electronics so she can watch her soap operas. Jesus Christ, woman. Ever heard of DIY? Who knew you could get abused by a fictional mother?

My real mom had to stop me from smashing the PlayStation out of the negativity this game gave me. End of review. Oh my God. I feel like the real mother walked in with a plate of cookies and was like, honey. Like the real mother is just like the perfect parent. And they're like living in this depression simulation that like doesn't mirror their own life at all. But it's like kind of bleeding into their real life yeah they're like now i'm depressed and it's like no it's just your video game mom yeah not your real mom and taking it out on your real mom you know oh that's dark peeing all over her floor to get back at her clean up your own pee mom what

are you talking about oh sorry that was my other mom that was my other mom. That was my other mom. I'm sorry. I thought you needed me to clean up your pee. Oh my gosh. Is that a thing? They pee themselves? And they yell at you? I don't know. Sounds very depressing. I don't know who the mom...

The way this was written makes me wonder if... Who's who here? I don't know. I assume there's just one character that they call their mom in the game or they have two characters one's a child one's a mom i don't know you know what i'm saying no okay maybe they're they have a family yeah maybe and they play as a kid and that's what i'm it's either that or there's just one character who happens to be a mom or and yells at herself and yells at the person playing the game like hello like come clean this up for me like yells at god yeah oh now that would be alarming so you just stare at them and they're like help me clean up this pee and you know they do do that they like stand there

and wave their arms like oh well when we know and know. And then you're like, you're like, I'm not putting that pool ladder. I'm not pulling that pool ladder back in. Yeah, true. Exactly where you are. Then they drown. Okay, your turn. Yeah, everyone on Patreon was complaining about how they apparently don't let you do that anymore. Or if you do remove a ladder, now the Sims can just climb out the side.

Which makes sense. They're getting smarter. They're evolving. It's like natural selection. Like so many of them were just getting left in pools that they were like, we had to develop a upper body strength to pull us out of these pools. True, true. I will say that was part of the fun, which looking back, like I don't think I ever would

have admitted that unless it was such a common it is very common that kids did like yeah played god in a very literal way and like put people in rooms and remove the doors and let them die which is like so disturbing it's like using a magnifying glass to kill ants but there's you're not actually killing anything you're not except you're yeah it's yeah it's're not. It's great. Except you're, yeah. It's, yeah. It's all virtual, so it's fine. But then you go to school and think you can do it at school. True. You just like lock people in rooms and say, well, I'm allowed to do this on The Sims.

True. Take the ladder out of the pools. But can you imagine if you could do that on the Facebook version where like a classmate, you're like, sorry, Nora, I accidentally took the doors off and trapped you in this room. You're not getting out. Honestly, that's better than dry humping. That's more like a serial killer mod of that game. Yeah, true.

Yeah, that is better than dry humping someone by accident. You're right, you're right. So this is another one from Monica. And Monica also went on Common Sense Media and took a page from my book. Of course she did. Yeah. And found some good ones. So this is of The Sims.

And this is a four-star review. So pretty positive. And it's a 10-year-old kid writing it. If you can look past the fact that Sims can have sex just for fun, it's a great game. This title contains great role models and sexy stuff honestly though like kind of but there's always like the risk of pregnancy in this like unless you have the mod where you can have condoms and birth control yeah and abortions like without those i know but i guess i wonder for it's always for conception. No. Kind of. In this virtual world.

I would say it's not always for conception. It just always may have that consequence. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Never mind. Do you know what I mean? Yes, that's true. But, like, you know that. But I like that. Like, I feel like whenever I played, I was like, okay, I'm going to have a kid.

Like, I feel like I would only click it if, I don't know. If there's no enjoyment. Because I knew the consequences yeah i feel like uh i like the idea that this 10 year old is like man i wish the sims could only have sex to for family planning purposes which is like okay i guess that's a different thing but like i i don't know they go to catholic school i was gonna say that's like this is what we learned in catholic abstinence based way to look at it but i guess that's how we were we've all been there yeah oh man that cup of spit they made us pass around you guys do we've

talked about we have well no the last time we talked about spit was when i said they made us spit and to make our own dna into an ornament true yeah and everyone for me like because i had this i don't know what you had but this new religion teacher my first i was her first year and yeah she brought in people who had us pass around this cup we all spit in it we did that too and then at the end was like now would you drink this exactly don't have sex it's like oh okay that makes a lot of sense and then they tried to make us yeah i talked about this because they tried to make us sign an abstinence pledge and I refused to sign it. And I was like, jokes on them. I was abstinent for quite some time. If only they knew. Yeah. I was like, well. If only you knew and you were fooling nobody but

yourself. God was like, I don't have to worry about this one. Yeah, it's fine. i don't have to worry about this one yeah it's fine you don't have to sign it um no i remember signing a form a pledge to not smoke weed oh really oh thank god i never signed that i did sign it uh-oh and uh i live with a guilt every day breaking that pledge but guess what jokes on me because i didn't break it till it was legal. Exactly. That's so sad. But yeah, I remember spitting in the cup. And then they also had a guest, like an abstinent speaker come in and talk about abortion. And they passed out these little pins that we were required to wear on our collars because we wore school uniforms and they were a little itty bitty feet and it was supposed to represent feet of a baby at a fetus at a certain age in the womb a certain age of gestation yeah and i wouldn't wear mine i mean

yeah because it's fucking weird in eighth grade i was, I'm not wearing that. And then they took away all my out of uniform feet. Your other pins that you had. All my other pins. You had larger feet. Yeah, and big feet. They're big feet. I said, no, these are baby feet. And they were like, that keeps pulling, like ripping holes in your shirt. Stop wearing that.

They wouldn't let you be out of uniform? They took away all my out of uniform days. Wow. I was so mad. I really thought about putting that pin on just so I could wear jeans the next day. So stupid. Stood up for my rights. Good job.

Thank you. After this, sorry, so I have my emails, but I went to Metacritic.com, which is a site I often use for reviews. And here's a review of Simss 3 this is by jonathan and it's written in 2009 you can't kill people what a waste of time sure you can starve them to death but simulated life isn't the same unless you can plan out a homicide end of review oh i mean they gave it a zero out of ten wow that was clearly the only reason they wanted to play yeah yeah i mean that's if this is the and that's all they wrote some people wrote very long essays because metacritic i think is fairly legit in terms of reviews they're like thorough yeah and. And they have legitimate game reviewers on there. And like they,

they're, it's a review aggregate site. Aggregate. You know what I'm saying? But this is one of those user reviews. That's kind of like, yes, that's the word.

Yeah. I mean, I understand that it's frustrating to not be able to kill the Sims because I agree. Like, that was part of why I used it back in the day. But, you know, is it the only reason you would ever want to play? I mean, maybe then do some internal work first. Exactly. I've had full sit-downs.

You can have a full – you can only play for the building aspect. And there are plenty of streamers and YouTube content creators who literally only build in The Sims. I think that's how I know that I'm old now. Because I go in and I'm like, which wallpaper would look best with this sofa? Yeah, yeah. I love that part. That's about the uh the main focus and they've added so many different things and especially if you download some of the expansions that it gets so overwhelming to play the actual game sometimes oh yeah it's nice to just take a break chill and

build your house and just like build one room and just spend an entire session just like paintings and plumbing and furniture yeah you know sometimes i wish i would i could stream you can no that's like your thing you know and i don't care m did it for my thing well yeah it is i don't know i don't want to i don't want to invade that space but uh it would just give me an excuse to play The Sims. No, that's why I stream now. It's an excuse to play games that I wouldn't necessarily sit down and play otherwise. Yeah. Maybe I'll try it someday.

I don't know. There you go. Because honestly, I want to play The Sims, but if Blaze is like, hey, are you busy? Could you watch Leona? And I'm like, yeah, I'm working. And then he just sees me on The Sims and there's no streaming element. He's going to be like, hey, are you busy? Could you watch Leona? And I'm like, yeah, I'm working. And then he just sees me on The Sims, and there's no streaming element. He's going to be like, hmm.

Yeah, you've got to add that. Cool. Okay, so this is, again, more from Monica on Common Sense Media. And this is a redemption of The Sims. Five stars by a nine-year-old kid who says this is for ages eight and up, which I do find it very interesting

that almost every reviewer who writes positive review puts the recommended age at the one year younger than them. Like it happens every child will be like, oh, it's only for eight and up because I'm nine. So this is five stars and the title is Really Good It's a very fun game and I am nine And love it I would make it ages seven and up But it is a little improper with flirting and birth Oh Wow

The two The two aspects of The Sims that are most improper The flirting and the birth If you've seen any Jesse Eisenberg movie You know all about all about flirting oh you his characters are always so good at that no birth oh he's good at birthing true but other than that it's a kid-friendly game and you can go to school and work make money have kids none of that's kid activities to me i was gonna say well not going

to school probably as kids so same school going to work uh less so but okay go to school probably is kids, so same school. Going to work, less so, but okay. Go to school, go to work, make money, have kids, and play and build homes. It's a very great game. It can also trick you into buying stuff, so be careful. End of review. This title contains great role models, great messages, and sexy stuff. Nice. Oh, and too much consumerism.

It does. That's true. There, and too much consumerism. It does. That's true. There's a lot of consumerism. I mean, you end up having to resort to thievery from the universe, like with cheat codes. Cheat codes, hell yeah. To have to actually make your dream house. Honestly, that's one of those games where the cheat codes just make it much more fun.

It's more fun. You can just not worry about that. Unless you're doing a challenge. Exactly. There's so many challenges. But like it's more fun to just get the money and not worry about it. I'm with you. And apparently on the Facebook version you need two types of currency.

And I'm like. Of course. Forget it. That's what they did to Fall Guys recently. They have all these currencies now. And I can't even. I think there are like three currencies. What the heck?

I was trying to figure that out and then I gave up. That's insane. Yeah, so EA especially, once they got The Sims, they were like, ooh, how do we get more and more money? My next one is a review of The Sims 2.

This is a three out of 10. This is by Grace. So many fake votes here. Boring gameplay in my view I don't see any motivation To take care of a virtual person To do the same things I do In the real life Go to work, build up relationships

Eat, sleep, piss I guess this is for casual gamer Or women Graphics is bad, even for such an old game. There's no wide view resolution. The style is childish and so hip and cool. For me, boring and not immersive. End of review. But for women who like to just watch themselves piss and eat. Yeah, maybe this person's name isn't Grace. Oh, I was gonna

say. I always just fucking pick one at the last second without remembering what the review is my bad greg this is by greg okay um but yeah i i'm i'm taking one little positive um it says it's for very casual gamer or women makes me think that they don't think women can't be non-casual gamers, you know? Actually, no, it does mean that they can't be. That's literally what they're saying. That's literally what it means. I think my brain's just not working.

Casual male gamers is what they're saying. Yeah, they're saying casual or women. Yeah. I just, like, you know, the review. It sounds like a child. It might not be, but it sounds like a middle schooler who thinks they're too cool for school. Yeah, true. Never mind.

Probably. I understand the sentiment of, well, I don't want to just play a simulator of life. I mean, I do, but I get why somebody would be like, no, I'd rather do a fantasy game or some game or, like, some, I don't know, Dragons as Tank, Thomas as Tank, whatever. Like, I can understand why you'd be like, this is boring for me. But, like, leave it at that, bud. Exactly. Can't you understand why some other people would want to be able to create, like, a whole house and, you know, put. So, like, Em made one.

And I didn't even know m streamed at all and then one day i started getting all these weird tags and something and it was like linking me like random people were linking me to this youtube and i open it it's m it's m streaming and i like look i kind of like look closer and the sims name is. And I'm like, what is this? And I'm standing in this house and then Em goes, oh, look who's home. And this character acts in named Zach Bagans. And I'm like, what is happening here? And I pop in and everyone in the comments, I literally wrote in the chat, like, what is going on?

And everyone was like, oh, my God, Christine's here. She's here. She knows. And Em didn't see the chat, never reads the chat like what is going on and everyone was like oh my god Christine's here she's here she knows and Em didn't see the chat never reads the chat so like everyone's like Em Christine's here and Em's just going on and on about like oh classic Christine like doing this and that spilling mac and cheese everywhere and and Zach doesn't even want to be around her and all this stuff and the comments are like, M, Christine's here. Finally, I called M and I was like, I'm busy right now. Like, I know.

I can see you. Anyway, it was a very emotional day for me. That sounds troubling. But can't you see, guy, why, Greg, why people might want to play? It's such a stupid thing. It's just fun. And also, like, the weird gender thing within video games. There's so much misogyny in video games. Yeah.

But I keep getting these TikToks, and I've enjoyed them, but I'm sad that they're even being made or have to be made. Of these, like, women who play Call of Duty. Uh-oh. And the moment... So they can say the exact same thing as the as men yeah but they will all of a sudden all the men will be like shut the fuck up and will be so nasty and like so fucking it's awful it's so awful listening to some of it so then now i've started getting tiktoks where they say like matching the energy of men in call of duty lobbies and these women are

incredible at the game they're so good i don't play call of duty anymore but watching them play like they're just throwing these guys i call it cod okay good uh i'm not gonna do that um they're destroying these guys and once the guys start being negative she just like throws it right back in their face and it's just so mean but like just ah it's so satisfying and then they always end up just leaving the men because they like get shit on and they like just go slink away anyway it's just so fucked up i i can't even imagine and i play a lot of valorant um and that's a very toxic, can be a very toxic community. And a lot of women play Valorant, and a lot of just people who aren't men play Valorant in general. And it's just so...

You mean casual gamers? Yeah, the casual gamers. It's just so fucked up. I don't get it. Yeah, it's like when I play Animal Crossing, and they're like, get the fuck out of here. And then I'm like, and. Yeah, true, true. You know.

All the time. I have this mod. Never mind. We're not going to go there. Okay. Uh-oh. So this is. Your sexy mod for Animal Crossing.

Sexy Animal Crossing mod. So this is for, I feel like I took your thing. Uh-oh. Sims Mobile. No, I didn't. Good. I almost asked you, but then I was like, I think it might be more fun to surprise you with this. No, I didn't. Are you holding a crystal? Yeah, it's one of yours. I was just sitting over there. I was so excited I thought you brought one. No.

Is it helping? It's working real hard. Yeah, it looks like it's about to crack down the middle. You're really putting some energy in there. It's glowing. hard. Yeah, it looks like it's about to crack down the middle. You're like really putting some energy in there. It's glowing. I don't know. Okay. Sims Mobile. So this is the app, which I don't know anything about.

And I think I downloaded it like years ago and was like, why did I do this? It's probably just a watered down Sims. So this was sent in by Jamie M. Sheher. And the title of this one, it's four stars, but the title is, I'm bored. And I would say, even though this is a four star review, I would say this is probably a negative because it doesn't seem to be much positive.

So here we go. The game is getting boring. Can you make it nighttime and make the Sims sit at the table while eating? And why does the Sims eat cookies with a fork? And also, can you make the kids and toddlers more interactive? And can you add more places to visit? It's getting boring traveling to the same places every day.

And more careers and more hobbies. And make a school for the kids and teens. Make more foods, please. I want tacos. And make a mall, too, please. Don't want to be mean, but can you make the game more interesting than the Sims free play? And make the Sim fight like the Sims 4 did.

Can you make the Sims go on a computer so they can be a famous YouTuber? If you can do the popularity status grow so they can become a movie star. And don't make the grown up Sims die so fast, it's annoying. And can you make the teen, preteen, and kids be playable too? And they keep sleeping in the parents room and please stop making them

teleport I want them to walk down the street without them teleporting and you make them have feelings like sickness mad evil embarrassed lazy good sleepy scared shy excited hungry sad curious fantasy fancy and crazy I gave your game three stars if you change it I'll give it five stars. One more thing. Make The Sims sit down while watching TV and put something on the TV. End of review. What the heck? That person has way too many notes and way too much time. A lot of notes. My God. But they're familiar with what The Sims

4 has to offer. So why are they playing this? Why are they playing this app? I feel like this app would only be like if you really don't have access to the other ones. Yeah. Or if you're like traveling and like don't have, you know. Honestly, that might be it. Maybe they just, when they're out and about, they really love The Sims.

And when they're out and about, they want to play The Sims and just isn't doing it for them. When they're in math class, they're like, I want to be playing the sims but i'm not at home exactly but like how am i supposed to become a famous youtuber if i can't make the popularity grow and if there's nothing on tv and there's no tacos no what's the point i do think there is a uh like an influencer um career path now there is and there's also that expansion of like uh oh my gosh there's like some expansion pack where you can try to be famous which actually look kind of hilarious yeah there's so many good you could be like an influencer basically which i thought was so fun yeah i haven't tried it but um i'm looking up the name of it oh it's literally called the sims 4 get famous i don't know if i have that one i might think i've tried it i feel like it would

be kind of entertaining but i don't know yeah i that person well it's funny though i i have roller coaster tycoon as an app on my phone oh the original and it's by the same guy who made roller coaster tycoon and it's literally the full game but that's probably like simpler it's so much simpler no i'm not saying that the sims should be like the sims one could easily well actually nowadays i bet the sims one could a full app. You know what full game I have on my phone? What? Freddy Fish. Do you really?

You're joking. I'm dead serious. I'm dead serious. M was playing it on the airplane. I didn't know that was a thing. I thought I was having like... I looked over and I saw M on an airplane once on tour. Playing Freddy Fish?

Playing Freddy Fish. And I went... It was like two rows behind them and i was like trying to get their attention i'm like what are you doing and they were like oh i forgot my headphones so i'm just playing freddy fish i was like you've got to be kidding that's amazing i had no idea i got the link and it was 4.99 and i have the full private link or something no no sorry i'm just sent me the link to it and And I have the full Freddy Fish now on my phone. That's amazing. Yeah, it's hilarious.

I was like, this is so fun. But yeah, anyway, it's the full game. But I can imagine that you're right, that the Sims would probably be more watered down. But I could see why someone would be like, why can't you put more into it? Yeah. more into it yeah and i have a feeling that the sims are kind of expanded so much that some of uh some of their properties are a little yeah some are gonna get left behind underappreciated by by developers but you know i guess that's what happens when i don't know you spread out so much you can't put a strap on in every version exactly you should be able to though i agreed um i i have two more and

actually three more two more and then a redemption uh but this these are these next two are from the original sims game this was written in march of 2004 do you remember getting the original sims um yeah you do yeah because it was and it's one of those, like. I mean, like, do you remember going to buy it? Oh, going to get it specifically. No, no, no. We were at the mall with our German grandfather and we told our mom how badly we wanted this game.

So he bought it for us. Is that also the trip? I remember him buying me, uh, like a winter Olympics, uh, video game. I remember him buying you a lot of things i remember him buying you a um a robotic dog yep uh i remember he told me that he got bought me a razor phone man well he also bought you that cool flip phone no that's what i meant sorry my sidekick kick yeah not my razor he got bought my sidekick he told me I needed to eat less ice cream

don't worry Christina I got what was coming to me I lived with him for six months I'm sorry you did I shouldn't try and compare don't you dare I know I take it back anyway here's a 1 out of 10 review this is by Stacy

of the original Sims game. The plain fact is that this game is unfair. Time travels by at several times the speed of real time. And yet, these critters still wonder about the house at normal speed. And then they can't multitask. Make a meal, eat it while watching TV, put something in the microwave, go to the toilet. No. Everything has to be done one thing at a time. No wonder the guy misses work, gets fired, and gets depressed. And then his house bursts into flames. Surely not. End of review.

Oh my god. Wow. I feel like you get such an insight into people's psyche when you read these. Yeah. It's so true. Like watching how somebody reacts to a simulator of quote unquote real life. Yeah. It's really fascinating. Like that one person, Greg, who's going on about how it's the most boring thing ever. And then this person who's like, can't you just make it much more like real life? This person wants it to be like you can, you know, check your phone while you're microwaving food

and turning the TV on and peeing at the same time. Wow. Because it seems like this person got a bit overwhelmed with the character's feelings. It's hard. It is.

It is. I'm not judging. I always really struggled with that. Yeah, I would get overwhelmed because you feel like you're just juggling all of these different emotions and different feelings and there's hunger and thirst. And then they suddenly miss work and you're like, shit! Yeah, and then your character, there are all these negative things that

come out of that. Do you usually use a cheat for that? No. For their feelings? Or you just let them be sad? What I found is with unlimited money comes unlimited happiness. Oh, but this besides the game, right? Because I've also found that. I didn't realize we were on the same page about that. Oh, yeah. No, but like it's, I mean, in The Sims, and I feel like in real life too, money can buy happiness.

To an extent, absolutely. To an extent. In The Sims, and I feel like in real life, too, money can buy happiness. To an extent, absolutely. To an extent. And when you have unlimited money, you can afford all of the, like, the shower that gets you clean faster, and, like, you feel better. And, like, because there are all these things where it's like, oh, if you take a shower, this shower, not only do you feel, like, cleaner, you feel more rested. Yes. You feel more happy.

And there are certain ones where it's like, you can't make certain recipes unless you have like the elite expensive oven like you it's not like oh you need to buy a book and learn it it's like which obviously but it's like you need to buy the more expensive you need to upgrade your appliances statement on society to be able to make like a casserole it's it is a little bit i i can see why that would be frustrating um so yeah i guess you're right if you have unlimited money you can just kind of yeah so i i never really have an issue with those aspects of the game because i just have so much money yeah i'm just taking mental notes for when i um try to get m back for that one. Perfect. Yeah. We'll see what I come up with. I want like a cryptid version, like a mothman.

Oh, interesting. I know they have the supernatural. I wish they would expand that to be like. Yeah. Because that's what M was playing was supernatural. I've played that one. I also had, I think it's eco living. I saw that and I was like. I had you as a character.

I made you go dumpster diving a lot. Oh, yeah! You found some good stuff. See, everyone makes me a character and I'm like, I never know about it. Oh, I've made you in The Sims so many times. Are you serious? Oh, the bodies I've buried. Oh my god!

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great value Bush Lager enjoy responsibly must be legal drinking age. Now I have another review, and this is of Mobile. The title is, It's Okay But Not The Best, and it's three stars. So, another negative. This is a great game, but unlike The Sims 4, they don't get upset or anything.

It's like they have no emotion and it's sad. It's sad because I want to be able to see that my Sim is able to feel something. Jesus. Other than flirty. Wait, are there more emotions in life than that? I don't think so. That's the only one I have all the time. Oh, hungry maybe?

Oh, I do get that way. That's true. Yeah, I was going to say, that one definitely applies. My mom told me when she played Sims when she was a kid. By the way, yikes, that makes me feel old.

Yeah. That's so funny. My mom told me when she played Sims when she was a kid. That means someday it's going to be like video games back in my day. You could be a first person shooter game was x y and z and uh you could murder your sims like imagine if the sims though like hadn't

gotten to sims 4 and it died out we'd see tiktoks all the time oh remember the sims where you could like murt like drown all of your family yeah yeah i feel like that will be a thing though i mean it's already a thing people complaining about not being able to drown their own Sims. Oh, yeah. My mom told me when she played Sims when she was a kid, she could build walls around the Sims and let them pee themselves and die. But for the mobile game, it tells you that you can't overlap. Thanks for listening to this and reading it. Other than the Sims not feeling anything and you not being able to make more than one Sim at a time.

Also, my parents don't like to spend money on games and the 30 energy is not enough. I mean, like, I'm not able to get anything done. And not to be rude, but the cupcakes are so rare I can't ever get them. I don't like how in order to even... So rude. I'm sorry. I don't even know what they're talking about. You don't need to be rude. Some. I'm sorry. I don't even know what they're talking about. I don't mean to be rude.

Some in-game thing. No offense, but... I don't like how in order to even get more energy, you need to waste real money or sim cash. Most people might not even have. Also, I have two sims and both of them

have one girlfriend and boyfriend and I was able to cheat like a hundred times and the sims don't feel anything. Also, I have two Sims and both of them have one girlfriend and boyfriend and I was able to cheat like a hundred times and the Sims don't feel anything. Also, the baby quest. Oh my Lord, don't even get me started. I've tried getting a baby more than 20 times and the actual time is so short. It says you have ran out of time. The baby quest is over. Like how am I meant to complete it with 30 energy and two days with each event being seven to eight hours?

Please explain that. Other than that, it's an okay game. End of review. This mobile version does sound exhausting. Yeah, you have to have like... It's because it's all the microtransactions. A certain amount of energy and then... And I bet it's free and then you have to spend hundreds of dollars if you want to

get everything done. Yeah, I reserve that cash for township only. I was going to say. You know a thing or two about that. I had to buy my $4.99 golden ticket today. Yeah. Oh. I know.

She just flipped her hair, everybody, after she said that? I don't know why. I don't think it made sense that she flipped her hair. But I needed you all to know that she said, I bought my golden ticket and flipped her hair but i needed you all to know that she said i bought my golden ticket and flipped her hair um it's embarrassing no but i can't judge because i um so i've been playing valorant a lot the the first first person shooter um christina every day at 7 p.m they have a new shop. It's a randomized group of skins and knives for your weapons. Wow.

So, yeah. And every day I check because I want to buy so many things because the game is free, but then you get all these skins that do some, they're so fun and they're so cool. Yeah. And Christina,

some of them were like 50 plus dollars per skin a single knife can be 53 or something how much what's the highest amount you've spent on one item in the 40s wow i know i yeah i don't think i've gotten to 50 yet yet i say there there are things that i've seen that i'm like you know what i would pay money for this you know it's terrible how they get you. Yeah. I would be a big sucker for that too. I played Pokemon Go briefly recently.

I played it back in the day, but then I started up again. And I got into it for a little bit and then just kind of, I don't know, just couldn't keep up with it. And every time I go to L.A., Eva and her girlfriend Rachel take my phone and trade and do all this stuff that they can do. I'm like, whatever, take it. Last time, they were like, what's your, Rachel was like, what's your- What's your PayPal? iCloud password.

I was like, whatever. I don't know, just take it. And then I got all these, okay, it wasn't that much money, but she bought me a whole new outfit and stuff on the game. And I was like, thanks for the romper, I guess. It was $3.99. But then later I was telling Em and Em was not listening to me because the second anyone says Pokemon Go, Em just stops listening. And I said, oh, and Rachel bought me this romper for $3.99.

And Em was like, oh, wow, that's a really good deal. And I was like, I don't feel like it is. Like, it's just a, you know, it's not, I don't feel like it's that good of a deal, but okay. And I was like, wow, like so impressed and like, that's so cool. What does it look like? And I'm like describing it.

And Em's like, when does it ship? Like, when does it get to you? And I'm like, you were not listening. And I was like, oh, I thought Rachel bought you a real romper for $3.99. and i was like no this is a video game purchase and i was like and when you say rachel bought you rachel spent your money yeah right right i'm just i'm just wondering making sure yeah on my account um that's hilarious which i did allow but uh you know sometimes i'm like, I wonder how much money these people make off these purchases.

No, so true. A lot. Okay. Do you have any more? I'm just going to do one more redemption, actually. Okay. I have one last one. And it's not a redemption, so I'm glad you're saving yours.

This is a three-star review of the mobile game. And this was also sent in by Jamie. It's a three-star review. This is also negative and it's written by um instead of a woman of truth it says a woman of turf just that sounds reference like a character in a fantasy novel it does except it's spelled t-u-r-t-h yeah just looks a little bit like a misspelling. It's like earth, but turf. Yeah. The title is No Religion Period. I don't think games should have any religion in it whatsoever if you're not going to include opposition. Birthdays is a religion. I don't celebrate it

and don't want it shoved in my face. Marriage shouldn't be shoved in people's faces either. It's also a part of religion. I'm not against it, but being single is also a choice. People should have a choice if they want to marry or not or celebrate birthdays or not. Your tasks force people. Also, this game is difficult without money but can be done. Just I don't like how it makes you go to parties like that. Very limited on what you can do, jobs, hobbies, etc. If you're going to have marriage and horoscopes, and people place witchcraft on you because you don't believe in that stuff,

then put a church in here too. Put every religion you can think of, because that's what birthdays are. It's a direct link to horoscopes, period. I don't believe in that either. It's a religion. I'll give it three stars. Change your views. I see sweet men in here, but options for being without this day called birthday? None. Rolling eyes. Tradition. Yuck. End of review. I don't, I would say this person lost me, but they never had me because I'm very confused. I assume this is either Christian science or Jehovah's Witnesses. Yeah, right.

Whoever doesn't celebrate birthdays. Those who don't celebrate birthdays specifically don't celebrate because of their religion, generally. Right, I wouldn't say a birthday is a religion much that's what i'm confused about because everyone has that whether you celebrate it or not that's what i think i mean maybe it's the certain celebrations originate in religion i don't know i know that there are like you know i believe jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate you know holidays and birthdays from what I understand, the limited understanding I have. But also, like, that's just. That's not forcing, shoving religion in anyone's face.

Yeah. It's very different, I'd say. I feel like. You know, Scientologists don't take medicine, but it's not like. Putting a doctor career path is forcing religion into anyone's face. Yeah, it's not religion. Like a vitamin regimen is not necessarily. Yeah.

I don't know. And the marriage thing, I mean, there's like, you can be married like legally. Like it's not really. That's true too. The ceremony, it doesn't have to be religious. It doesn't have to be like a sacrament. I understand if it originated that way, but I don't know.

I don't know either. This game is the lowest stakes of anything ever. It's just so wild when people get so, I mean, I guess they have a point. This person's perfect game, I don't know if anyone else would enjoy it. So they're like, I don't want to go to parties. I don't want to celebrate any birthdays.

I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone well but that's what's so fun about these sims packs because people have a lot of like real issues with the way the sims does thing and ea what what they add or what they don't add and the options for different uh types of relationships um and you know just just different, like the gender spectrum. They have so much that's missing. So I understand being frustrated, but those mods exist now. And there's so many ways that you can add those things

to The Sims. But yeah, if you're playing The Sims mobile game, I think you shouldn't be surprised that it's lacking certain things or that it has birthdays. That you're invited to a birthday party. And there are parties? I don't get it. I guess they have a point in that when we celebrate birthdays, it is usually accompanied by a full mass. True.

And a lot of worship and prayer. The Easter bunny shows up. The Easter bunny's always there. Always. And so I have gotten that complaint from Jehovah's Witnesses before that the way I celebrate my birthday is just shoving religion. Too much myrrh. You put myrrh in their face. Oh, my God.

I even sprinkled myrrh on the cake and I told them it's edible, but nobody believed me. It wasn't. Yeah, I think that's the thing. I'm glad they didn't believe you. Nobody believed me because it was a lie. It was a lie. It's okay. This redemption was sent in by Aubrey.

And this is on Amazon, and I think it's for The Sims 4, maybe 3, I don't know. It doesn't say, but here we go. Here's a four-star review. This is by Bobby. It's titled Send Help. But it is a positive, I'd say. I think it's meant to be. Okay.

Even though, yeah, well, whatever. I'll say positive. This game sucks hours away. You find yourself lost, rebuilding a house, working on your novel, trying to get your daughter through school. Your wife comes in. She's stressed.

She starts yelling before dancing in front of the radio for eight hours. Next thing you know, she's collapsed on the floor because she decided dancing trumped sleep and she couldn't carry on anymore. End of review. Oh no. And you know, that is the beauty of The Sims. It's also-

Like that's not necessarily a bad thing. That's just how it happens. The horror of The Sims. Sometimes I'm watching it and I'm like, why do you keep doing this? Stop. Sometimes you like try to control them and they just, their free will just takes over.

And you're like, I want you to go to work. And they're like, I want to keep dancing to the radio. And it immediately cancels it out. Yes, they're like, no thanks. You tell them to do something and they say, nope. Is this what God feels like? Probably. Definitely.

Okay. It's making a lot of sense now. What if we are the depression, we're living in the depression simulator, which is what somebody called it earlier. Remember? Yeah. No, I think that would, would it surprise me? Yes, but at the same time, I think I'd look back on life and think, yeah, okay, I guess it makes sense.

I guess I've completed all the tasks and I've leveled up. Yeah, and hopefully the creator for the next game or next simulation has a better idea of uh maybe there'll be a patch coming out soon i would love that if it within my lifetime what what a dream yeah anyway that was that was an interesting end to our our sims discussion i should have known that the sims would really send us in some weird directions. It's like how Ikea makes you analyze your relationship with someone because there's like nurse or Ikea. Oh, yes. It's like Sims, you know, discusses like elements of real life.

Elements of real life. Yeah, I suppose. Because it makes you reflect on your own life. Yeah. It forces you to think, hmm. Like what would my ideal, you life. Yeah. It forces you to think, hmm. Like, what would my ideal, you know, life simulation be? Like, wow, I wish there were moments in life when I was forced to put on a strap-on or when it was expected.

I was going to say, if it's required. Required, that's the word. I'm sorry. Yeah. That's really the biggest takeaway I've gotten from this. Same. Yeah. Time for my challenge, though. Please.

This challenge is actually relevant to one of your reviews, I'd say, your last one. It's from Keeks, and it's to find reviews where they mention their Zodiac sign. Yes. I actually remembered that, and when I found that last review, I did think that would be a good segue. Yeah, it's kind of fun uh and it was fun Zodiac is my favorite religion true I wouldn't be surprised that actually makes sense um my first one this is a four-star review this is of a restaurant called Thrive in Melbourne Australia yeah four Four stars by Leanne.

As a Gemini, I feel it's my duty to live up to the star sign stereotype of living my life as two separate people. Which is why one day you'll see me gorging on cheese and drinking cocktails all over town. And the next day drinking vegetable juice and nothing else. It explains everything. It explains so much. About myself. Yeah. Yeah.

Thrive is like a gateway between both of these two styles of eating. It's real food, super tasty and filling, but it's also not going to give you cheese dreams or a raging sugar hangover the next day. If you have a paleo, vegan, vegetarian, flexitarian, or or gemini in your life then bring them here for a healthy meal end of review it's our dream restaurant it really is like really vegans and gemini's crossover enjoy it we're in but i only enjoy it half of the week and then the rest of the half i'm just like gorging very true yes yeah. Wow. That's really beautifully put. And I really do feel like it speaks to my soul. To your soul. The way I put it is, Alexander, I contain multitudes.

Multitudes of souls? No, I contain multitudes. You contain multitudes. What are multitudes? Alexander! What? I contain multitudes. Why are you saying it like that's not a thing?

I don't know what it means. It's like a saying. Okay, I don't know it. I believe you. I just don't know it. It's also apparently a Bob Dylan song. Oh. I still don't know it.

That doesn't mean I know it. It means I contain many different facets. Facets. You're two-faced. I'm very... You're a hundred-faced. I'm 4,000-faced.'re a hundred-faced I'm four thousand-faced Some days I want cheese

Some days I think Not for me There's three thousand eight hundred eighty eight Nine hundred ninety eight other days too That's right So what happens then? You guys go through it You want me to list?

No You called my bluff it. You want me to list? No. Okay. You called my bluff. I don't want it. Anyway. Gouda, goat cheese, blue. Wait, what? Cheese.

Gouda, goat blue. Those are only three. I thought, in my mind, one day of the 4,000, you want cheese. Just all cheese. I didn't know it was a day for each cheese. No, no. Those aren't days. Those are three facets of one of the facets. Or facets.

I'm sorry. Those are three facets of one of the facets. Okay. I contain. I'm done. I'm done. I just kicked something off of you. You just threw my.

Yeah. Well, why isn't it on your shelf? American Civil War Tales Museum Snow Globe Diorama. No, I accidentally kicked it because it's sitting here on my lounging, my fainting bench instead of being on the shelf where it belongs. It's on you. Four star review of Midtown Barbecue and Brew in Baltimore, Maryland. I'm not going to read the whole thing. It's very long. So I'm just going to read the first paragraph.

Let me guess what was Zodiac. Okay. Just based on it's very long um so i'm just gonna read the first paragraph let me guess what was zodiac okay just based on it's very long um is this a this isn't an ad break, everybody. This is, uh, she's just sitting there silently thinking. It's a Sagittarius. No. Damn it. It's a Libra.

Oh! Four stars. As a Libra, I'm cursed with charm, an electric persona, an all-out lovable character. I'd put my paws up, baby. I was born this way. Oy vey. Libra vanity aside, with my birthday being last week

and everyone wanting to celebrate with me, I had to figure out a way to break things up on different days to accommodate my different groups of friends. Oh my god,

I have too many friends to fit them all in one day. So I decided to do a happy hour at Midtown Barbecue and Brew with my workplace buddies the day after my born day. End of review.

And then they went on to describe their pleasant, positive experience with karaoke and things. I feel like to them, their birthday is a religion. Yes. Like their birthday specifically. Yes. Wow. Which I respect. Listen, I was going to say, own it, you know.

I love it. Wow. Which I respect. Listen, I was going to say, own it, you know. I love it. I am now a parent to a Libra and I'm taking notes based upon you and her sister. There's a lot of you. There's a lot of me, true.

You are cursed with charm, you know. So cursed. Yeah. My next one is of an Amazon product titled Malicious Women Candle Company. I love them. This says Capricorn, the Zodiac bitch, gets shit done, take a hike, blah, blah, blah. I follow them on Instagram. Let me see.

I'm actually going to. Oh, you do? Yep. Nice. I think this is of the Scorpio. Let me double check. Oh, no. The Scorpio title says Scorpio, the Zodiac bitch, Lavender and Coconut Water Scent, All Natural Soy Candle.

Apparently at their store, I watched a reel they posted. You can go in. I saw that. That's them? You saw that? Yes. Oh. With the Karen.

They posted about a Karen that came in. Yeah. Yeah. So you go in, you pick your candle, but then you also pick a label. Yes. And then they put it together for you at the store. And they come, because they went up to this person to tell them how it works because you wouldn't know just by walking in. Right.

Do you know what the Libra one says? No. It says, I'm a mother effing Libra, also known as the bitch who is silently judging you. Well, yeah, that sounds right. Except for the silent part. Do you know the Gemini part? No, what's that one? I'm a mother effing gemini also known as

the bitch who gives no fucks about your opinions that's not true i was gonna say that is not true at all for you only one of my facets does not give any fucks the rest really do and are very concerned about what you think about me but this is of the scorpio candle uh who is known as also known as the bitch who will not quit. That's probably true. And so here's a five-star review of the Scorpio one, titled, Listen, This Candle, dot, dot, dot. I am a Scorpio, and this candle was gifted to me for my birthday. I love and hate this gift because I've literally never smelled

anything in the world I like more than this candle. That means I have to keep buying new ones or I'll never be happy again. Listen, this candle is boring looking. You're not paying the money for the look, okay? You're paying for the incredible, long-lasting, room-filling aroma. This candle burns for a pretty long time considering its size i just burn mine every day so it disappears more quickly than it should i'm actually afraid to try other scents because i don't need my 25 candle bill turning into a 50 or 75 bill but anyway you'll love this candle end of review i mean now i want to know i know sounds like i want to smell this candle go take a visit what's the scent oh what's their scent like what's the scorpio scent that's a good

question let me let me check i'm so curious now yeah i didn't even like think to check that part that that's smart uh let's see it says says, oh, I did read this. French lavender and coconut. Whoa. It says coconut water and citrone are joined together for a soothing spa scent, while French lavender and rosemary sprigs create a modern twist. Oh, my. Wow.

Sounds like it smells delicious. So curious. curious yeah can i tell you what the scent for gemini is please she's candle shopping now great what did you expect what's a cannabis flower exotic hemp yep i did see that how'd you oh i was like how did you know that uh okay sorry um who was it email from? This was from Megan. Oh, boy. So thank you, Megan. Let me guess, a Scorpio named Megan. I don't know, actually.

Well, I do. But I do have another one. Great. Also from Megan, but a different Megan. So two Megans, she hers, both she hers. Okay, here's a four-star review from a different Megan of Ouija board. Sorry. I want to drink my coffee before 3 o'clock.

I can tell. And it's 2.53. You're doing it. You're crushing it. Thanks. This is the last one, though. Don't worry. You can chug your coffee after this.

Great. Perfect Ouija board is the title. Four stars. Guess the star sign of the person who's reviewing a Ouija board. Pisces? No. A quirt? No.

Leo? No. Gemini? No. Scorpio? Yes. I knew it. It's Megan the Scorpio.

Oh, it's a different Megan. It's a different Megan. They're probably both Scorpios. That's probably the only reason they stick around, because they know how much it irks me. So true. Just kidding. Sort of. Here's a four-star review titled Perfect Ouija Board.

Not real wood, but it works. Gets the job done. I love using Ouija boards. Oh, boy. I'm a Scorpio, so talking to the dead is a great experience for me. Since I'm dead inside. End of review. End of review.

That's good. Wasn't that good? That's really good. Yeah, that's really good. I love when they're self-aware, you know? Oh, I just checked. Sorry. The Megan that sent that one in is a Sagittarius.

Okay. Okay. Thanks for that information. Can't be a Sagittarius. Okay. Okay. Thanks for that information. Can't be helped. The other Megan is hiding it, hiding her. So I think we all know. So it must be a Scorpio. It has to be.

It has to be. I'm just kidding. Also, Sagittarius is the one right after Scorpio. Oh. Close, Megan. Just right on the line there. That's good. I love that the Ouija board gets the job done, but then there's not really meaning.

Talking to the dead, I guess. Right, but wouldn't any Ouija board sort of do that? I don't know. Well, that's the thing. Yeah, maybe they're saying, like, no complaints here. Yep, just does the trick. It works as intended. Not real wood, but it's, yeah.

And I'm a Scorp scorpio so i couldn't give five stars that's not in my nature see now you're getting it i'm getting it i don't know what i'm saying but i'm saying things that i'm sure some people are nodding their head like yeah yeah uh-huh he gets it i don't get it i'm just pretending to they i like scorpios actually they get a bad rap and m doesn't like them because Em has dated a few. Gio's a Scorpio, you know? True, true. This element of, I don't know, they get a bad rap for being, like, really intense.

Yeah. So. Yeah. Well. I like them. Sure. They're not boring. Me too, I think.

I don't know. I love Gio, so what else matters? Nothing. You do. All righty, everyone. Sinner, good job. Thank you. I like the Zodiac challenge.

That was fun. That was fun. Yeah, that was a good one. And we're recording a couple more this weekend, so we're trying to keep ahead of things. We're trying. we're doing our best we're sort of succeeding sort of yeah and uh yeah we'll talk to you next week bye bye i was trying to come up with something clever to say

because i'm a gemini oh yeah today's a boring facet. That's your 4,001st facet. Yeah, just boring. It hasn't happened yet. Yeah, sorry. You haven't gotten it. Okay. It'll be funny one day. Okay, bye.

Bye. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Brian Heveron-Smith, cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bollard.