Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

In this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this episode. We do that by reading reviews of both ABZ and LDC. No idea what those are? Listen to find out! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good evening. Welcome to our morning show.

This is Beach T. Sandy, Water Too Wet. The podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I am Christine. And I'm Alex. And you're listening to episode 22. That's right. Welcome to that. The theme for this week was beaches in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Going to our roots. Yes, that was kind of the idea. Our titular roots. I felt like it would be fun to do something that related to our podcast title. Titular. that related to our podcast title titular yeah you you said that in a fancy way and then i explained what that was as if our listeners don't know uh cool so that is our theme and then i gave you a challenge uh oh about getting catfished yeah that was that i loved it oh good alissa you you had a good suggestion alissa got a lot of heat oh my god people are anti-alissa absolutely you know she's pretty mad but i'm like well who threw the first stone here yeah i'm i'm i'm very proud of our fans like they really really

stood up for me and i do appreciate that i told alissa that uh this entire podcast was just a front to get to the bottom of this whole snorlax situation yeah when we were like well let's come up with a podcast idea and the first question was what's the best way to get back at alissa right actually actually the first what happened was we said what's the best way to get back to Alyssa and we went oh what about a podcast right perfect that's how it went um so sorry Alyssa uh but not really sorry yeah a little bit to turn all these people against you but you had it coming okay but honestly that that the that challenge that she came up with was uh fantastic I I enjoyed it and hopefully everyone will too oh good okay so well yeah all right well so then do you want to read your hawaii reviews i do i only got a couple literally two

okay nice short and sweet because i got some goodies for the the challenge but here are a couple reviews of beaches in honolulu hawaii and i just realized i don't know how to pronounce this first one. Good. I was going to Google it and I totally forgot. Kuhio Beach. K-U-H-I-O. So it sounded like a really long, complicated one. I don't know. And yet I'm sure I messed it up. I'm not going to pretend that I know because I'm going to be wrong.

Well, this is a two-star review from Ashlyn. Water is nasty. Tourist family was playing with a dead fish in the water. Oh no! Oh my god, ew! Oh my god, no! Gross! I'm wondering what playing means in this context. My immediate thought was they were just tossing it back and forth. Yeah, I at first pictured that, like a nice family game that they were making out of a dead fish but then i thought maybe it was like a younger brother throwing a fish a dead fish at his uh older sister sister that's sickening yeah either way it's sickening found panty liners in the water as well oh no only good thing about

this place was i found a puppy wandering around end of of review. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it okay? You know what? There was no update. Oh, no. But after that, and what I didn't include, was they did a slanty smiley face. So, colon, forward slash. The colon, merp.

Yeah. The merp face. So, I don't know what that means for the puppy, but. Uh-oh. Either way, this doesn't sound like a beach the puppy should be walking on well the fish didn't fare too well at this beach so yeah so let's see how the puppy remember that time when we dad and elsie let us bring um friends on vacation with us i do to fisher's island and you brought you got to bring two since they were

twins and i brought renee and then... Hi, John and Nathan. John and Nathan. Who don't listen to this, but hi. And one of them found a condom in the water and they were like, Bernie! To her dad. They were like, Bernie, what's this? Oh, God. It was funny.

And then he was like, and then dad took the condom. It was wrapped, please. Don't worry. No, it was just the wrapper. Oh, it was just the wrapper. Oh just a wrapper a few okay and he brought it to the beach to elsie oh no and was like oh my god i forgot about this and was like look what i found in john's like john's pocket like look what he had and got like as a joke got all worked up and she was like what do i do in this situation oh my god he literally told our stepmom that as a joke and got all worked up. And she was like, what do I do in this situation? Oh, my God. He literally told our stepmom that. As a joke.

And we were in, you were in the sixth grade. Yeah. Literally told our stepmom that Nathan or John, like, had brought a condom to vacation when he was, like, 11. Yeah. That was terrible. Good times. Dad, what the hell? That was funny.

I think it's funny. But, yeah, good times. So. Good times. Thank you, Ashlyn, for your review and for reminding us of that wonderful time. I think one of them did find a dead fish on that trip, too. Oh, I'm sure. And threw it at me.

Okay, so... Oh, you have more. One more. Yeah. This one is of Diamond Head. Okay. From David. Two stars.

All caps. Watch out, human feces floating by have fun and review no lots of goodies on these beaches david quit it was it his yeah it's a it's like a little game incoming um yeah horrifying what is wrong with people i don't know i don't know where it came from but probably from david let's just assume that lord Lord. I actually do have a bonus one, though. Oh, good. Yeah, I lied. This bonus one, though, is not in Hawaii.

Okay. This bonus one is in Guam. Okay. Of Tumon Beach. Of what? Tumon, T-U-M-O-N, Beach. It's a great beach, just too sandy. Very nice for swimming.

Water was so clean and crystal clear. Overall nice experience on Tumon Beach. Recommend travelers to visit anyways. Too sandy! Yep, the title of the review is, Beach is Too Sandy, But Clear Water. So at least the water's not too wet. Yep. So yeah, that actually was the inspiration.

That was the inspiration behind because we we came up with the idea and then we were throwing out all these different titles we were throwing out different cliches we were throwing out um anything that had to do with like stars yeah that kind of stuff and then um that review popped up and it was said beach is too sandy and it's like beach too sandy okay that's a good start what's what else idiotic complaint do people water too wet perfect and it yeah it was gonna be like ice too cold we had some other options yeah we thought we had come up with some that were like okay these are front runners and then we came up with that and was like nope that's it that's it

it just clicked oh my god so i thought that was a nice little. That is the inspiration. Yeah. Oh, that's so touching. Yeah. I'm so glad you thought to find that one. Beaches too sandy. That was my thinking when I came up with this theme. So I was like, I got to at least read that one. It makes no sense because you think you'd complain if, I mean, I've seen a lot of complaints like, oh, there's panty liners.

There's too many rocks. You can't walk on it. But sandy beach is like literally the only thing that doesn't make any sense. Exactly. Okay. So in case you guys didn't understand that. God, I'm so. Listen.

Hot take. Hot take. Revolutionary thought that I just had. Oh, yeah. Sorry, everyone. Okay. My turn? Yes, go for it.

Okay. So I started with Waikiki Beach and I found a one-star review on TripAdvisor by somebody named Scenic28304. We were in Waikiki Beach on March 3rd and again on October 4th. I love when they do that. Must be the wrong time of year. By the way, those are very distinctly different times of year. Yeah. But okay.

Trying to picture what's wrong with those times of years. I'll tell you. Oh, busy. Panty liners. Close. Must be the wrong time of year. Nobody on the beach didn't see a single thong. Oh.

Literally the complete opposite direction i expected that to go by the way waikiki beach like based on every other review is never empty yeah it's like the tourist most touristy place based on reviews yeah so i don't know what the hell this person went on march 3rd and october 4th good to. Like, good to know for people like me. Who are seeking thongs. Who are not seeking thongs. Oh, I see. To go on those dates.

And at first I thought maybe they meant to say, I didn't see a single thing. And they just misspelled it. But I'm pretty sure they intentionally wrote, I didn't see a single thong on the beach. I like the thong thing better. Yeah, I don't know. Thongs, thongs, thongs.

Okay. The next one I have is of, I'm also not sure how to pronounce this. Lanikai? Lanikai? Sure. Lanikai Beach. And this is one of those that it's less touristy, but a lot of people are like discovering it

or whatever. And so a lot of people were giving it one star reviews to lower the rating so that other people didn't find it. Oh, that's shitty it's shitty i guess at least it's not like owned by true anybody so it's not like it's like hurting a corporation or something but because god forbid those corporations are hurt yeah their feelings so i was like iffy on that one um there were literally people who lived there who were like i'm just giving this one star

because I'm so tired of tourists coming in like being in my lawn. Okay. So let's see. G.J. gave Lanikai Beach a one star review. Seriously, the worst beach on Oahu. The amount of sharks, criminals and loose women is disturbing. Oh. End of review.

How would they know any of this? Loose women? Yeah. Oh, all the thongs. Oh, that's what it is. Yep. That's the perfect indicator. On March 3rd and October 4th, Lanikai Beach is full of thongs.

That's why there are none on Waikiki. Oh, that explains it. Oh, GJ. Are you guys taking notes? This is very important. Yeah. We're outlining your trip to Hawaii. Yes.

We're also travel agents now. So that was that. And then, I don't know if you heard me yelling downstairs, but... I did. I heard a yelp. Like, literally a guffaw yelp yeah a yelp a yelp yelp induced yelp uh i found the most important person on yelp oh my god the most insane and the most important person that we've ever like oh what is this like bill

gates writing a review no please no i mean legitimately important okay this is foodie news one uh-oh foodie news one is batshit crazy that's what we like it all started okay with this waikiki review that i discovered and then i went into a deep dive rabbit hole um let's just begin and I want to warn you this is kind of an upsetting review and it's not it's not in good taste and by that I mean it's very fucking terrible and he's a bad person so okay just be forewarned this is upsetting I love Waikiki but when pause, it's a lot of dot, dot, dots or a lot of spaces. Sometimes he just uses spaces in between words.

I'm picturing it. Thank you. Also capitals. Just in the last few months, the homeless are getting out of control. Homeless is a nice way of saying lazy bums. That's all they are. Here's the thing. They are everywhere

like ants on sugar mcdonald's in the morning the place is crawling with them right when they get four dollars saved you will see them buying a small bottle of alcohol what alco h al thank you Thank you. Downing, with two N's, before 9 a.m. I would bet most, if not all, these parasites are from the mainland. How would they get there? Boat? I don't know. What is that? Like, why are they specific? Like, as if, like... Well, I've heard that some people take their last savings and go to, like, Southern California or places that are warmer.

I mean, I also read there was a study done about the homeless in Los Angeles because a lot of people have made comments like, oh, it's such a warm place. That's why there's so many. I read that that's actually not. Bullshit. It's bullshit. And it's due to housing prices. Sure.

I mean, like much more significant problems. I mean, there are actual reasons for that. And I assume Hawaii also has similar problems. It's like when people literally say i have literally heard people say in places like cincinnati or elsewhere i don't understand why they don't just move somewhere warmer like what what are you talking about why don't you fucking move somewhere what is wrong with you yeah anyway i'm sorry not to make a whole scene but and if you call a human another human being a parasite like that's just so fucked yeah this is already like no other

yeah okay well don't worry he also says can't wait to hear it don't worry because actually he says my heart goes out to true homeless locals but these lazy bums my mind says round them all up and send them back they are ruining hawaii come on hawaii gov make them better or send them away what what i don't know what does that mean make them better inaction of the gov is making hawaii no no kaioi that means maui is the best i googled it oh let me make this clear i am not talking about dot oh shit i don't know how to say this daena it's like um hawaii residents regardless of racial background so whether they're native hawaii natives or not people who live on the island who are like from

hawaii saying i'm not talking about those people i'm not talking about those people. I'm not talking about those people who may be down on their luck. I understand that. I'm talking about these transplants who think it's time for easy street in Hawaii. So that was that. Okay. This person does not have like some sort of super radar where they're like, oh, this specific homeless person does not deserve my sympathy. But this one does. I mean, that's so full of shit. This one's a parasite and this one isn't.

It's really heinous. So I was like, what is and it was mostly the writing style and the many spaces and capitals and erratic behavior that made me click on this person's profile. So this is how I discovered Foodie News 1. It was kind of a dark entry into uh his world but whose username has nothing to do with this first review correct so foodie news one i have a lot to tell you about foodie news one oh no uh apparently you can write like a little log line like a little bio on your yelp profile to describe what your intentions are. Oh, God.

What does that mean? What your intentions are? My Yelp intentions. It's a feminist capital F, capital A agenda. Foodie News' profile says, quote, Secrets to, parentheses, space, affordable, end parentheses, millionaire dining. Secrets to affordable millionaire dining. So that's Foodie News' intentions on Yelp.

What? Sorry. He has secrets that he's sharing. Like the keys to eat like a millionaire. But affordable. Just listen to this. You'll find out soon. that he's sharing like the keys to tell you how to eat like a millionaire without but affordable just just you'll find out i wonder i'm gonna have my log line i'm gonna update it you should i'm updating it you should update it seeking snore seeking holographic snore okay so foodie news So, Foodie News... Okay.

Foodie News reviews a lot of restaurants that are definitely in line with millionaire dining, such as Applebee's, Cheesecake Factory... P.F. Chang's. P.F. Chang's. I love me some P.F. Chang's. McDonald's. All the top spots. Mm-hmm. So... For the record, I do believe that P.F. changs is above all of those and is a top spot i don't actually know if they reviewed pf changs i do know about

applebee's and cheesecake factory and there are many many hundreds of these so i just want to read can i just read a couple i know that they just spend a million dollars at each and they're like oh eating like a millionaire it's affordable at Applebee's. I'm just going to read a couple. I know they're not beaches, but I just, I can't. Lay them on me. I can't read this by myself and not force it upon everyone else. So this is, the other thing is that Foodie News 1 has a lot of longstanding ongoing wars with a lot of these restaurant establishments

and so a lot of them have for example eight or nine updated reviews over time it's not even an exaggeration uh where he'll go back and add more or say i came back just to see i'm picturing like a war room littered with different food wrappers and exactly i'm furious furiously typing yes so this is uh his review of applebee's one star oh by the way applebee's he abbreviates abz like everywhere every single word i think an airport code i started counting them and it was like at least 20 so i just stopped but abz abz new combo is five star but one of the servers tonight are totally busted right in front of me as i walk in she tells someone she hates me and she doesn't want to serve me.

Right in front of me, she says this. Two years ago, I complained about her and even today she holds a grudge. Another time I heard her say I'm awful. All this is funny because at least five other servers there love me. It shocks me that the manager is still employee this person. Maybe that's why this place has like what a two or three star rating. It's a very hostile environment. Six spaces.

Again, the funny thing is this. All the other servers are cool. Even the ones where over the past eight years, I've had to help them become better. This is so delusional. He lists them later, so I'm not going to read that review, but there is a list that he posts. Of these people? Yes, of their names.

Are you shitting me? No. Even the people of the past eight years that I've had to help become better have all come on board with me and now they are great except for this one person end of review the last holdout the last the last person to be like no this guy's crazy stop stay strong please for the love of god stay strong i think her name was jen so jen stay strong jen we appreciate you appreciate you so now there's i did want to read one more five-star review of apples or applebee sorry of abz of abz thank you um so that was a one star and now there's a five star like he'll go back and forth depending on how he's this is the same abz yes oh my god i know there's many and he'll just go through and change the ring depending on what kind of day he had there so five star review of abz same location more secrets

first about servers here are my top three tall beth tall beth please tell me there's a there's no short beth it's just tall beth tall beth handlebar mustache robbie just rolls off the tongue. Handlebar mustache, Robbie. And rockin' Tiffany. Ooh, I want to get to know Tiffany.

That's R-O-C-K-N. You'll see them all walking fast. What? Well, with tall, bath-slong legs, of course. And Robbie's ergonomic, aerodynamic handlebar mustache. Ergonomic? What are you doing with his handlebar mustache? I'm at aerodynamic.

Oh, my God. You'll see them all walking fast. Anything you ask for, it's there. Bam! Bam! Anything you ask for, it's there. Bam! They make me feel like I'm Mr. Apple. Oh my gosh.

End of review. Honestly, if this were just some random, like, old person something review, I'd think this is adorable. Oh, I know. Exactly. That's what's so sad about this such promise it does so speaking of millionaire spots there's a cheesecake factory um review oh no i i skipped that one because i figured i'd say that for a future episode but um you're in luck i have a review specifically about hawaii cheesecake oh god cheesecake factories these are actually in california this person just visited hawaii had a lot to say about their homeless population oh my about Hawaii Cheesecake Factories. Oh, God. Cheesecake Factories. These are actually in California. This person just visited Hawaii,

had a lot to say about their homeless population. Oh, my God, really? Yes. That's, wait, but they knew, like, they knew, like, the language. He did say he lived there at one point, like, in the 80s or something. Jesus Christ.

He was homeless and he had moved to Hawaii. Okay, so then I have one last one. This is of Lazy Dog Cafe, Jesus Christ. He was homeless and he had moved to Hawaii. Just kidding. Okay. So, then I have one last one. This is of Lazy Dog Cafe, which is obviously abbreviated as LDC. Yeah. And so, he has a long-standing feud with LDC regarding their calamari. And it's not even a joke. Like, it's incredibly strenuous and fraught.

Specifically the calamari. Specifically the calamari. the calamari okay so i'm just going to give one so you had many updated reviews regarding the calamari um and i'm just going to read one that i thought kind of summed it up and then uh and then uh that's it okay here we go one star cheesecake factory mega thin calamari should be outlawed. To the tune of where oh where has my little dog gone? Oh no.

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't wait for this. You have to. I'm ready. I'm ready. Oh, where, oh, where has my calamari gone? Oh, where, oh, where can he be? With his ears cut short. What? can he be with his ears cut short wait they didn't even change the lyrics except for calamari he changes it eventually have they seen a squid before with his ears cut short and his tail pounded long oh there it is he's as thin as a leaf on a tree i don't know how to do this next verse i love how the the the ears part is just in there his ears

cut short like i can't don't know anything about that like squids have ears right uh i last saw him at lazy dog cafe breaded with fat running around but i just can't see him there anymore he just can't seem to be found perhaps the man over there will know he may have seen him go by who knows where he might have decided to go but i know he's in the deep fry why oh why does lazy dog don't care that their calamari is thin as a hair the breading is that of 95 percent fat and they could give a rat's ass it's not fair and that's not the end of the movie. That's the end of the song. Oh my.

I'm so glad I let you just take that. Because that was impressive. Honestly. Did you practice that? Did you guys know that I'm the most tone deaf person? You do now. It doesn't matter. Because you actually fit all the words into the tune.

Like, you made no sense. Like, obviously, you picked up the pace. You did accidentally catch earlier when my spotify started playing and it was a children's nursery rhyme yeah i was like what the hell is she listening to you're like playing the song practicing well i wanted to see if there was a second verse because some of these lines i was like there's no way that that's supposed to go with the song but i guess it was so oh lord all right so you know how it ended. We're gonna, we should, so we already give our Beach 2 Sandy theme out as a ringtone to patrons, certain patrons.

Oh, no, please don't do that. Now we've got a new one, maybe. No, absolutely not. You singing that. Please, that's really horrifying. I feel like I'm back in AP music by music theory, where I had to sing in front of my entire class. AP music bio, where you made songs about calamari.

And its ears. Okay. So this is the end of that review. I have a little bit. Okay. So that was the song, right? Five years of mega thin slices. There is no excuse for this.

Come on, Chris Sims, owner of LBC. I've even personally showed and told your main executive chef of this issue. All other restaurants in the world have thick cut. We don't need a huge high pile of garbage. Serve us the same ounce, but thicker cuts. Mount Palomar telescope couldn't even find this meat. I assume there are only a few reasons why LDC doesn't want to change it. A, the chefs are too lazy, hence the word lazy in your name. Oh, good one. Or B. The corp is too greedy

and wants thin cuts, hence the word dogs in your name. No. So don't be so cafe about it. What? Hence the word cafe in your name. You have a restaurant.

Hmm. Actually, just for me, can I ask to have just mine fresh cut in eight pieces? That's all it would take. It's really simple. The chef takes the calamari steak, halves it three by eight pieces, which would probably be about quarter-ish inch thick. Or can you please logically tell me why you need them sliced so thin? Thank you. And I love LDC.

Oh, that's a vibe I got from that review. For a few. All love. Jesus. I'm sorry. That went on way too long. There's one really short one that I just realized is in here. This is about Macy's.

Okay. Gotta hear it. One star review so i called on behalf of my wife who wants who's going shopping in the mall area so i called macy's to see if they could give her an extra discount of some sort and they just said no absolutely not end of review the most like you said most important person on Yelp. The most important. They deserve that discount for no reason. Obviously. Jesus. So, this is a foodie news one.

And stay tuned because I will be back. I have bookmarked Mr. Apple. Oh, that's what I call him. Sorry. Mr. ABZ. Yeah. Or what is it? Yeah, ABZ.

I have, yes, I have bookmarked. Thank goodness. i can't wait so that was god that was a bad rabbit hole that hurt me i'm glad we've unearthed it yes but at the same time it was awful that physically was very painful yes we ready for my challenge correct yes i am ready. My challenge was to find reviews where people have been catfished. I'm so excited for this, by the way. The first one is of plenty of fish. Oh, oh, okay.

This is what Alyssa intended too. And that's what I found. Oh, nice. It took a lot. Well, it was really sad, honestly, because I went through app store reviews. I ended up doing that. Uh-oh. And it was, there were a lot of sad ones and like a lot of like real bad ones where these people were like

really mostly men who were saying like like what they deserve and what how they deserve a woman how they deserve like likes and how they deserve matches it was messed up so i avoided those but also found some awful people. So here you go. Oh, great. Here's Ron. One star review of plenty of fish. P.O.F. should stand for plenty of fake dating site.

Good one. Most profiles are fake and the ones you get to respond and finally meet are from the bottom of the gene pool of society. Oh, oh my. I met a person a few days ago. She didn't look like anything on her profile pictures. Her age on profile said 51, but she looked way into her 60s. She said she was a nurse. But how can a nurse is missing so many teeth and have a disgusting mouth when she talks?

Oh no. I met a few people from this site in the course of two years. Mostly are the same things. Trashy people. Trying to get a date, and they're way out of their league trying to find a decent guy to date them. Decent spelled D-E-S-C-E-N-D. Like descent. Descent.

Maybe they're trying to get a free meal in a nice restaurant out of the guy. LOL. I give this site one star because they won't let you give no star to leave a review. And they're also scammers, which they can be spotted very quickly. Uh-huh. Don't give any personal info out till you meet the person and get to know them better. I give this site two thumbs down. And a review.

Oh, no. Not only would they give them no stars, they also give them two thumbs down. That's a new one. I haven't seen that before. I don't think we've ever gotten that rating yet. Nope, that's a new one. Oh, dear. Yeah.

So, that was just an awful person who, that was where they didn't mention the word catfish, but they claim to have been catfished by this woman, even though I have a feeling that they were just being a dick. I think this guy has some separate issues that have nothing to do with the nurse exactly well let's listen to a review of match let's this is from bobo there's more in the username but that's just the first four letters so i'm doing bobo is it like bob o'neill and you just read bobo it's i don't know i honestly couldn't pull out a full name i love bobo but i'm just saying bobo one star most freakishly weird people ever oh okay are you

really your age there's more people who should be on our time messaging me who say 39 to 50 look 70 and are not in my age bracket to begin with. California men are weirdos and have been all duds. If anyone says from Northern California, run. One guy looked like Uncle Fester sent me 20-year-old pictures. And when we met up, was proud to announce turning 60. But willing to take a chance, I met up. Oh! California. I will return to New York where men are not extraordinary misfit angry crackpots. By the way, if anyone gives you an autobiography of their life, if the person is far more

important, it's hint they are a narcissist. End of review. Wait, did they just fly to California to do Match.com? I don't know. I will be returning to New York. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. What? I don't know. I will be returning to New York. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. What?

I don't know. But apparently the people, their ages don't match up with what they see in person. Bobo! Yeah. That was harsh. That was pretty, pretty harsh. Okay, I have a review of Tinder. Okay.

From nickname RyRyanRyRy. Great. One star. Too many fake big girls using old photos of them skinnier by a lot and then one current on to show their actual size. Sure. Yeah, I agree. The number of times I have said that. Sure, yeah, I agree. The number of times I have said that.

Move globally and in mid-city or small-town USA, you are catfished and Tinder wants you to go 50 miles to give good prospects. That's what I always, like before I met Allie, I considered women prospects. That's why I had so much success. As Tinder wants you to do exactly nope i went to another app and had way better results now i see why social media bashes tinder for users over 22 for mid or small town usa moving back to big city where this app works better shaking my head and the review moving okay so these people are literally moving around the country matches what in god's name is going on here i don't know but we're see we outlined people's hawaii trips now we're outlining outlining their dating trips you're dating life right and then i got one uh bonus tinder review that i just thought was funny fantastic my last

one oh no i just noticed the username for the first time what combat p Combat PTSD. Oh. Oh, dear. One star. Oh, no. Ex-girlfriend replaced me by a right swipe. Then she says she wants couples therapy while still on Tinder. What a load of crap. Take your dog out of my house, Courtney. End of review.

Oh, no. Courtney. Yeah. Go get your fucking dog. Yeah, that's not okay. That's not cool. Now I notice the username. I'm even sadder. It is very actually. Oh, shit. your fucking dog. Yeah, that's not okay. That's not cool. Now I notice the username. I'm even sadder.

It is very actually. Oh, shit. It's troubling. Well, I just thought we'd end on a troubling one. How's that? It's a little dark. Thank you for that. You're welcome.

Okay. Wow. That was quite a glimpse into a new side. As we always do. Right. A new angle of humanity that I kind of wish I hadn't seen, but yeah, here we are.

I apologize. I guess I did it to you, so. Oh, yeah, giving me that challenge. That's Alyssa's fault, actually. Yeah, yay,

we're back at being mad at Alyssa. Get your pitchforks, everyone. All right. So, are we ready for me to tell people

where to find us? Yes. Okay. And then we'll say our challenge and theme for next week and i will give a listener review great you can find our social media and more info about us at beach to sandy.com we'd really appreciate your support on patreon at patreon.com slash beach to sandy you can also support us by buying our merch we We've got some good stuff. Yay! Shop.spreadshirt.com slash Beach2Sandy. Also, some fun news, there is now a subreddit. Oh,

yeah! It's actually been there since we started because I made it like a weirdo and just let it sit there. I did that for in that swear drink, too. So, Gabriella then DM'd me on twitter and was like hey stumbled upon the subreddit and i'm like oh yeah that exists and um so now they're a mod and i'm so happy i just joined it yeah i didn't i forgot to join it before so so now we're gonna hopefully pick that up and daniel gabriella gabriella thank you gabriella yeah so thanks for reminding me of that and being the first submitter and first mod. Yeah. So go join that, please. Other than myself, I'm going to rule with an iron fist.

I'm just kidding. But yeah. Awesome. All right. Well, go check that out. And talk to us there, too. Yep. And you can leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts like Sammy did.

Okay. And here's what sammy had to say great i said that so sarcastically but that's the title of the review is all caps great and i for some reason that's how i took it i wanted to really like this podcast and i did oh the beach is never too sandy and the water is the perfect amount of wet. But the laughs are uncontrollable. When I listen, I actually want to go to these places you mention. One, because they sound good. And two, to spite the people who give ridiculous reviews.

Aw. Anyway, if you're looking for a laugh, you've found it. Love the sibling duo and the original idea. That's so nice. That is nice. Thank you, Sammy. That is so precious. Well, yeah, if you guys want to leave a review that would be super helpful and you can do that on apple podcast i don't think spotify lets you do that yet not yet um i've heard through the grapevine

maybe that's coming but we'll see we'll see uh so for now i will give you your theme please do i'm ready for it our theme for next week is toy stores in Chicago, Illinois. Ooh, cool. Cool. Yeah, super cool. I'm into it. Okay, great. Yeah, that's fresh. Stop it.

I like it. I'm not even joking. Okay, well, your challenge comes courtesy of my friend Krista. She actually gave me this challenge idea when we first started, and now is the time. Okay, from Krista? Mm-hmm. Okay, cool. when we first started and now is the time okay from krista okay cool one star review of a recipe where someone completely changes the recipe

so it's like she she cooks and she said that's such a like a pet peeve because she'll read this review of a recipe and it's like one star they'll say well i had to substitute blah blah blah blah one star it tasted awful they're like i'm vegan so i took out all the eggs exactly terrible yeah so i bet there's some uh good potential there we haven't done a recipe i know i thought that would be fun too oh i'm gonna get so hungry perfect okay cool well that'll be fun and um i will get that ready for next week. Sounds good. See you guys soon. Talk to you then. Bye.

Bye.