Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 220: Reviews of Church Festivals

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

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who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Christine, your trash pile is literally just a bunch of banana peels. What? There's no banana peels? They don't know that because we're not filming. I mean, it's worse than banana peels. I don't think it's worse. Christine, that isn't... We can pretend it's not.

It's not like you've got food lying around. Well, I do have some weed gummies, the legal kind. But those should not be loose because I do have a baby in them. Yeah, you were just saying how your baby was in here playing around. Well, shit. Yeah, that's right. All the bananas came from her. Oh, God.

She slipped on all those banana peels. Well, look, I have this nice stuffed possum. That's a cutie. Yeah. Okay, well, it's not all trash. I also have some Zoloft here. There's, you know. Man. Okay, well, it's not all trash. I also have some Zoloft here. There's, you know... Man, Leona can have a party.

Folks, I promise I'm responsible. Okay, let's leave it at that. Welcome to Beach, Shoe, Sandy, Water, Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandy. I'm Xteen, queen of the trash pile. Today, we're discussing... Speaking of royalty. What are we discussing? Church festivals. Oh yeah. Holy Trinity. Oh yeah. Is that the royalty you're

talking about? Yep, it sure is. Sure. The one true... One true king. King of all kings. Remember in second grade? Okay, when you posted... Here here we go when you posted this on patreon you literally said because some of we're doing church festivals because some of you are not tired of our catholic school memories yet like it won and i was like do they not understand what's coming yeah i feel like most of you surely are over it. But I just was going to say in second grade, we had to learn to use word art, which as much as we went to Catholic school, I do credit them for helping me learn technology at a pretty young age. That's true. Right. Like we were on computers like in kindergarten, really early.

But anyway. I think that's the private aspect of private Catholic school. Oh, yeah. That's right. OK. It's the privileged part. That's the privileged part. private Catholic school. Oh, yeah. That's right. Okay. It's the privileged part. That's the privileged part. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

So I do have the Lord to thank, the King of Kings, for that. For our privilege, yes. And nothing else. No, there was a project we had in second grade where we had to use a term for God that's like a nickname, like Allah, King of Kings. Yahweh. Yahweh Yahweh like all these the shepherd whatever and make like a word art of the name yeah yeah yeah with like shadow and yeah uh that was a good time but I think mine was um king of kings wow yeah I bet it was royalty yeah you had a whole royalty coming home from school and being like mom look what i made at school today she's like oh okay i know and could like

we had we had classmates who weren't religious who i had a friend who was jewish i'm like what are you doing here yeah we're not even just not catholic and like what the fuck i know at least so much stuff that i'm like what what did their parents think i mean they i guess they're the ones who were paying for that place so yeah they must have i think you should have known what they were getting into but damn wow yeah some of that stuff was really heavy-handed uh it really was anyway speaking of god um yeah church festivals and i think someone even commented saying i did not realize this was a thing. Oh, really?

Yeah, I think. It is not just in the U.S., though. It's around the world. They have just church-specific festivals where people gather to do all sorts of stuff. I just said in fast. I meant, in fact, my first one's in Belfast. Okay, yeah, my first one's in wow that's not in the u.s you know i thought because it is a big midwest thing like the stereotype i think is like oh in the midwest

we go to church fest i don't even know if it's a stereotype it's it's just an activity we did i remember in high school it's like a county fair we would go all the time because it's just at a church yeah you go and like eat i don't know fried food and yeah you eat fried food you'd gamble like oh they love it at saint gertrude's the catholics love the drinking and the gambling we played blackjack when we were little like at the church bus it makes no sense in the church real money rec center yeah it was ridiculous uh the one we grew up at immaculata yeah they would do like blackjack is that what you just said no blackjack was at saint gertrude's oh i forget what they did uh at i don't know you love those pull tab things and oh man we told the story

you won and they want you to donate it i won in the beer stein like pushing yeah but i got a cool i bought myself a cool pics digital camera with that hundred dollars so cool uh anyway um my first one should i just go ahead? Just go for it This is of the Big Church Festival Formally known as Big Church Day Out or BCDO I saw this Have you seen this? Not in general, not in the wild

Yeah, no Doing this research It's huge Where is it, England? It is, let's see, Whiston House in West Sussex, United Kingdom. Okay. You lost me. Christina, yeah.

I don't know what the hell that is. Okay. Sorry. It's in Southeast England. So this festival has lots of reviews on Facebook. And a lot of them coming from someone who was Catholic and then is no longer religious. A lot of these reviews i was like wow this looks miserable oh no these people were just but but they're very happy and

excited they enjoyed it they had a great time but i was like oh this is fun like their highlights might have been your low life yeah exactly exactly but hey you know to each their own i i don't know there's no there's no controversies section on the wikipedia page so i don't know. There's no controversies section on the Wikipedia page. So I don't know. I'm not going to shit on it too much. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. So here is a review on Facebook. This is by Maureen Atkins.

And I'm reading the real name for a reason, the full name. Cool. Everyone, here we go. They recommend it. So Facebook does either not recommend it or recommend it. This is recommended. So a positive. Here we go. They recommend it. So Facebook does either not recommend it or recommend it. This is recommended. So a positive. Here we go.

Hello, everyone. I'm Maureen Atkins. I want to testify to the general public how my relationship was restored back by the great powers of Dr. Paul. Powerful love spell. of Dr. Paul Powerful Love Spell. After three months of loneliness, my ex-lover called me yesterday after my contact with Dr. Paul Powerful Love Spell that he want us to come back and start a good home.

Now we are happily together again as lovers. All thanks to Dr. Paul Powerful Love Spell who did a love spell for me for my ex-lo lover to return home. I will keep sharing this until people who also need help see this for Dr. Paul is wonderful, legit and fast. You can contact him via WhatsApp, email or on Facebook. End of review.

Oh no. I was really sucked in for a minute with the testify. I was like, here we go. The Lord has saved. Oh, no. I was really sucked in for a minute. I know. With the testify, I was like, here we go. The Lord has saved. Oh, no. Mr. Paul saved her. It's one of those freaking spam ones. I love these, though. They're so funny.

Every church festival had those in the reviews. The love spell ones are so good. But now it's so many like either crypto or like finance. And it's like, oh, they helped me get all this money. I know it's scary to give all of your finances over to someone you've never met. And I went, okay, is that not a red flag immediately to people reading this review? Oh, my gosh. Contact them via WhatsApp.

Okay. Sure thing. Wow. I feel like that's probably blasphemous to post on a church's Facebook page, you know? Yeah. To say, like, oh, this sorcery. I want to testify for the sorcery. What if you took the quote, and by the way, it was capitalized every time.

Sure. Dr. Paul, powerful love spell. It always caps. Dr. Paul. What if you took that and did Jesus Christ powerful love spell? Would it count? Would it be allowed? Well, I do remember one of my friends made like a word art and it said Dr. Paul powerful love spell.

And my teacher said, what is that? All the bezzling on that one was incredible. And she said, that's another name for God. Yeah, you know. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was in rainbow and shadow. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was everything. God's rainbow. God. Yeah, you know. Yeah, it was beautiful. It was in rainbow and shadow. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was everything.

God's rainbow. Yeah. Yeah. Very beautiful stuff. That's powerful. Thank you, Alex and her. You're welcome. So this is from my friend, Julio.

I was very excited to see an email from him because he finds some good stuff. So this is of the- He does. Yeah, Julio was hanging out on my stream the other day. He was? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. He's so much fun. This is actually why I bought this stuff awesome. Spoiler for Julio was hanging out in my stream the other day. He was? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. He's so much fun.

This is actually why I bought this stuffed possum. Spoiler for Julio. Sorry. Well, you know, I think I sent him a giant care package of just possums. Yeah, I know you don't. Recently. Okay. Anyway, this is a review of the Belfast Children's Festival at St. Anne's Cathedral in Belfast,

UK. This is also positive. It's a four-star review by Judith. I love the Belfast Children's Festival, and I don't even have kids. It comes around every spring, usually timed to include the Easter holidays, and there are so many events I wouldn't know where to start. Basically, there is something for everyone. My favorites this year were the Baby Rave. Yeah, you heard me, the Baby Rave. And an event I've forgotten the name of, but which consisted of an author

and an illustrator sitting in a room with a bunch of kids making up a story and illustrating as they went. It sounds so simple, but it was so stimulating for the kids, it was unreal. In a city that's full of festivals, it's nice that there's something that's specifically designed for kids. After all, I'm a firm believer that for the arts to survive, you gotta get them while they're too young to argue. End of review. I was like, nice! Oh my god. Question mark?

That's a little aggressive. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I just... And you can mold their little brains. Yeah, take them to a rave before they can object. What? Take them to an EDM festival before they can object. So I was told of a Shrek rave that happened at Bogart's. Oh.

Yeah, here in Cincinnati. Exactly. Is that why they canceled the In That Toy Drink show in March? Probably. They didn't cancel it. I'm so sorry. I signed that petition. Yeah, you did. Yeah, they finally... Change.org.

The White House got involved. They finally reached 10,000. You were the 10,000 signature and you brought it to Congress. Yeah, I did. It was horrible for me. I spoke on the floor and everything. The importance of a Shrek rave. Yeah. Wow. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, what is a baby rave? I don't know, but

they said you heard me correctly and then no further information. Yeah, I didn't like that. I mean, I wonder if it's just like the wiggles. That other idea was really cute, though. I love the illustrator idea. The illustrator one? That is really cute. I feel like one kid, though, would be like, poop.

Then it rained poop or something. You know what I mean? Not me, though. No, not totally not you. Totally another kid. Yeah yeah in a mustache probably but yeah anyway i think it's a fun idea uh it's it's i mean it's no blackjack gambling it's no blackjack for third graders but like it's still fun yeah yeah it's something my next one is of the same for is my last one of the big church festival. And this is another positive.

Recommend it. And it's not a spam one, I swear. Jesus! Fun, music, chat, events, and good, clean, safe fun. End of review. Jesus is right. Sorry, I just, I don't know, I just screamed Jesus. You like, bro, the little thing went off the chart. Jesus is off. I don't know. I just screamed Jesus. I was excited. The little thing went off the chart.

Jesus is off the charts. Oh, my gosh. I had that poster when I was little. It was Jesus on a skateboard. Jesus is off the charts. Radical. So radical. I did see a few when I was going through these church Facebook pages.

I did see quite a few really cool graphics that were made for like teen night. And I was like, Oh boy, that's what I understand how like the mega churches are thriving because they have like, like actual like millennial graphic designers who do the, you know, know how to market to kids. but like some of these things yeah i've been to some mega church facebook or instagram pages yeah and it's so curated and it's so trendy looking and it's so like our church could never and i assume whoever is running that is probably a millennial or gen z who is not getting paid but but they're getting paid in Jesus' faith or bullshit. I don't know.

Yeah, Jesus' love. Jesus' love. They're like, I do this for Jesus. And they're probably taking advantage of it. It's an unpaid internship. Anyway. They do a great job a lot of the time. It is impressive.

I think all I'm saying is if they don't get paid, they deserve to get paid. Watch them get paid really well with benefits. Yeah, I know. We're just the assholes who worked in LA for no money and we're complaining about the church industry. Oh, so tragic. Okay. This is a review of the St. Barbara Parish Festival in Massillon, Ohio.

Had to look up how to pronounce that. And this is a four-star review by Ralph, who says, Who won the car raffle? Four stars. And wrote four stars. Oh, I was like, okay. Wrote four stars, which means, like, I'm withholding one. He's holding one of the stars hostage until they give him that Chevy or whatever.

But what happens if he doesn't win? So here's the question. I mean, I assume he didn't, and I assume this four star will just stay. Okay, okay. Put. So the thing is, I think, is in the festival's best interest to not respond unless they're the ones who won. Because if they respond saying, not you, then he might change it to a one-star review.

You know? Might take it out on them. Yeah. And God forbid Ralph leaves a one-star review. I think that would be terrible. God does forbid it. You're right. Yeah, it's true.

Do people win those? Like, I always just feel like they just seem... Do people win raffles? Well, I mean, like, I've won a raffle. But it was for a telescope lens. That's lame. I know. Just the lens?

I was like, what am I supposed to do with this telescope lens? That's what you get for entering a raffle for a telescope lens. Excuse me. Taking it away from some child who was just needing a lens. Because his poor lens broke and couldn't afford to get a new one, so he entered this raffle. You know what I say to that? And it was probably just two of you in that fucking raffle.

You know what I say to that, kid? What? Get a job. Oh, my God. Kidding. That other kid was you, right? It was you and me. We were the only ones

To enter the telescope And I was the only one With a telescope And I needed a lens So that she entered Just to withhold it from me Is that not the thing I would do

You still have it That's for sure Something I would do That would be I did win a lifetime supply Of Jimmy Neutron bubble gum Yeah where the fuck is that Well it all melted

And it stained the floor Of the third floor Where we used to live So I got in trouble and then remember I wouldn't let anyone have it. Then it just melted. It just got wasted. Sounds about right.

Of course I didn't get to throw it away. Sounds about right. You also want an assigned Jump 5 CD, right? You want a bunch of stuff. I have like a freakishly good... You want like a lava kit from National Geographic or something? I did. Oh, I want a pogo stick too. Oh my god. I'm not kidding. I have a freakishly good. You want like a lava kit from National Geographic or something? I did. Oh, I want a pogo stick too. Oh my God.

I'm not kidding. I have a freakish ability to win raffles or at least I used to. I don't think it's happened in a long time. Should I tell Ralph? Go enter these. I'm going to go post a photo of me and my Chevy in response to Ralph's comment and be like, oh, this car? See what happens. You should.

Start some drama. It'll just be your Chevy that's like 15 years old. Yeah, I was going to say, only I drive a Chevy, and it's 10 years old. Thank you very much. We could raffle that. I mean, yeah. I don't know. We've only got like 80,000 miles on it. Anyway, here's a review.

This is sent in by Patty. This is of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Society Festival. This is in Hamilton, New Jersey. This is by Adam. Okay. One star. The girl at the lemonade stand sold my fiance sugary drinks and then argued with my daughter because it was given back

because of the sugary drinks. Also, the police told them to close the stand, but they still sold the sugary drinks anyway. I will never go back or my family, and I will spread the work. How disrespectful the merchants are. End of review. What is happening? What does it mean? I don't know.

The sugary drinks. Can your fiance not? I don't understand. I feel like there's such a confusion here that I'm not grasping what's going on. Because, yeah, it almost seems like it's, I feel like it would make more sense if it were like, oh, my teenager bought alcohol. Yes. You know? Yes.

But when you say my fiance, presumably an adult, purchased a sugary. Please don't say. Okay. Well, yes, presumably. But I mean. You know, there's some gray area legally. But, you know, presumably this is an adult who's buying sugary drinks. Yes.

Repeatedly. And is for whatever reason either not allowed to, not supposed to. That's what I'm like. To the extent that the police were called. And why? Do they just like not believe in their own diabetes diagnosis? Like I'm just very confused about this. I don't understand.

No, I don't know either. Man, I hate when you come to the table and don't give me answers. I know. Tell me. Blame Patty. Patty sent this in. Patty. Yeah, I don't get it.

And this is not swaying, keeping me from going to this festival. I think I want to get my hands on these sugary drinks. I mean, they sound great. I mean, everyone seems to want them, including the police, I guess. I don't know. Everyone's around for them. I don't know. What's a church festival without sugary drinks?

I don't get it, right? It's a lemonade, right? The girl at the lemonade stand, yeah. Which also, this might be a child selling lemonade that you called the cops on. Oh boy. Which I wouldn't be surprised,

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So this is from Annika Shideh, and this is of the Treasure Valley God and country festival oh wow and this is oh no yeah this is from a website called everfest where i guess they like post descriptions of festivals in your area and they wrote like a description a review i mean i'm gonna call it a review because it's sort of their take on what this is and And it's definitely positive. So here we go. Oh, it's in Nampa, Idaho. So this is their take. This is a positive review. If God had a Spotify account, no doubt would his library lean heavily towards the countryside of things.

Treasure Valley's God and Country Festival unites country music lovers, Christians, and the big man himself for one fun-filled evening at the Idaho Center. Talented Christian bands will play songs of worship, mouth-watering food will tease your taste buds, and the Valley's most explosive fireworks show will sound off in the name of the Lord. End of review. I mean, it's kind of weird, no? It's absolutely weird! I don't know! I'm... There's so many millions of people that

go to these, you know, and I go to... I've been to church festivals myself, but nothing like a... I don't know. Church... I just love that they have to specify a talent... Religious music festival. I love that they have to specify talented Christian bands. As opposed to, like, the non-talented ones. No. Um, yeah, I don't know. I love that they were supposed to be talented Christian bands. As opposed to like the non-talented

ones. No. Yeah, I don't know. I just this sounds like my nightmare. I mean it's the most cliche American thing. Fireworks will sound off in the name of the Lord as country music plays. I don't think God would like, I don't know. I don't know anything about God.

But like, God is someone who listens to country music and wants you to shoot off fireworks. It doesn't, I don't know anything about God, but God is someone who listens to country music and wants you to shoot off fireworks. It doesn't... I don't know. That seems weird. Duh. And guns. And guns, probably.

I mean, they didn't say that in this review, but lots of people... Beef? You know all those fake paintings or those things with Jesus and guns and stuff? I don't get it. Oh, my God. Why would Jesus want a gun? To protect... I don't get it. paint or those paintings or those things with jesus and guns and stuff like trump oh my god why would jesus want a gun to protect alexander because he wrote it in the constitution oh true have you not i did i have not read that constitution i need that children's book i'm pretty sure jesus wrote it himself oh it makes sense okay i'm gonna just move on on to a review sent in by Patty. Okay. This is of the annual Greek festival at the Annunciation.

This is in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. There are a lot of Greek festivals. Right? Yeah. I love Greek festivals. I used to go to one in California. That's a fun one, right? And man, the food.

They love their wine too, by the way. You know what? I believe it. Here we go. Here's a two-star review of this festival. This is by Paula. Yes, two bucks to wait in very long lines. Euros was tasteless.

Pita soggy, a shave of tomato, and hard to find the sauce. The music and the lady screaming, Oopa! At the top of her lungs were so loud, I still have pain in my ears. I won't be going back. End of review. I just picture this person plugging their ears.

Every time this woman goes, Oopa! It's like, ah, stop it, woman. Oh, my ears. Oh, my God. I mean, I feel like if you're not gonna enjoy that you're not gonna enjoy the country music god gun festival or whatever i mean okay i just you know yeah you just gotta get gotta be one or the other gotta get ready for loud noises at these things you

gotta go to one of them though so you gotta pick um i also love just that that trope that we've discovered amongst reviews or amongst reviewers where they describe food in such like extreme with with such specific words like a small shave of tomato yeah it's just like so who like i could barely see the chicken like i couldn't find the sauce. Yeah, I couldn't find it. It was some journey you went on. Yeah, if you describe it like some sort of odyssey, you know. Oh, yeah, true. Wink, wink.

Maybe like one's passion, you know. Like one's passion, what? Jesus' passion. Oh, wink. Passion of the Christ. Passion of the tomato. Wink. Passion of the sauce.

That's my favorite. Okay. Are you done? Passion of the sauce. Yes. Here is a review that was sent in also by Annika. And I feel like this, I couldn't decide if this was, it's not a, it's not a review of a church festival. It is a review of Bulk Religious Sayings Bracelet Assortment on Oriental Trading's website. Okay. Yep. But it's like for a church event. Okay. And so it sort of-

I don't care. Fit that in. It sort of fit my challenge upcoming. So I just kind of put it right in the middle. Oh, yeah. What is your challenge? So my challenge is to find reviews that mention conspiracies about the product or company. And I wouldn't say this is even really a conspiracy, but it leads one to wonder.

Okay. So this is a review. This is Bulk Religious Sayings Bracelet Assortment. And it's like basically those What Would Jesus Do bracelets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It says things like, oh, God. Oh, okay. Well, I hadn't really read them until now.

The bracelets? Yeah, the red one says Jesus's Blood. It just says Jesus's Blood? It literally says Jesus's Blood. The green one says Soldier of God. Okay. The pink one says Center of the Seasons. So anyway, this is a review.

It's two stars by Veronica, and the title is Not What I Ordered. I loved the ones that had religious sayings on them, but the majority of them said choo-choo. Oh, no. I loved the ones that had religious sayings on them, but the majority of them said choo-choo. What? That doesn't seem too bad. I love it. Love a good train reference.

Imagine going to youth group and they're like, everyone gets a what would Jesus do, soldier of God bracelet. Jesus is blood. Thomas the Tank Engine. This is choo-choo. I mean, I have a feeling the two piles that are left after everyone gets

to pick their own are Jesus' blood and choo-choo. Yeah, those are the rejects. If you miss church group that day, that's what you get stuck with. But the majority of them said choo-choo

and had trains on them. Not what I had in mind for our church youth party. End of review. I can't get over it. I love that. That's so random. It says, like the fact that also it wasn't just one got stuck in there.

It's like a majority of them were choo-choo trains. I mean, hey, like putting Jesus with trains is just as weird as Jesus with guns or something, so whatever. Not that that's what they're doing here. Jesus never said he loves trains. He did say he loves guns.

I know. So I don't really understand your argument. I have one more. I'm going to be honest. It's not really of a festival. We both just trailed off at the end. It's a church thing. It mentions music.

So this was sent in by Wendy. It's a church thing that mentions music. So this was sent in by Wendy. And this is of a church, city church. It's in Oklahoma. Here we go. This is a one-star review. This is by Mary.

Pastor's wife stopped me to ask me if I knew I was saved. I had been attending over a year with my mom and I told her that I believed the Bible and everything in it. She still didn't end the conversation there. She then asked me again how did I know that I was saved and started witnessing to me. On another occasion

the worship leader at the time uh Wendy. You just name it after the person you sent it in. Yes, yes. Putting Wendy on the last. Sorry, Wendy. On another occasion, the worship leader at the time, Wendy, told the congregation that we're not filled with the Holy Spirit

if we're not clapping or at least standing. I've served in the ministry before, so I don't agree that the Holy Spirit moves everyone the same way Some quiet, some loud I felt bullied and questioned my faith The pastor would openly beg for money from the pulpit to pay the electric bill Saying the church is serving us so we had to pay for it I seem to remember that in the Bible

Apostle Paul had a job as a tent maker And he was a missionary. The regulars were stuck up too, not noticing my mom and I even after a year of attending. One petty thing they did was not have a big song selection. They would run the same 10 to

15 songs in a rotation every two or three weeks and end with Celebration by Cool at the gang every week. I'm glad we stopped going. The pastor is struggling because he never heard God to begin with, because if he did, God would provide for him to keep his church. He didn't move to the new location because his church expanded.

He moved because he couldn't pay the rent or afford the building repairs. But he would brag about buying a brand new vehicle while some of his congregation didn't always have a way to church. Do not let him waste your time. End of review. Oh. My. God. The cool and the gang got me so good.

I had to bring it. Holy shit. It was so funny to me. Okay. Wow. That was a to me. Okay. Wow. That was a doozy. So are you sure you're saved? But are you positive? How would you answer that?

How do you know you're saved? Well, I was wondering if maybe she was waiting for her to stand up and clap. You know what I mean? Just clap in her face. That's the only way to prove that the Holy Spirit's here? I don't know. Yeah, no, I don't know. Wow, that was something else.

Also, like, I totally feel that pain of, like, someone not recognizing you after a year. Like, I feel like we went to our school for, I mean, what, 15 years? Yep. And, like, by senior year, people still didn't know who the hell I was. I mean, I told you what my friend what my now friend, Kirsten. Oh, yeah. What she said, I don't know, sophomore year of high school. And keep in mind, we both have been going to this school literally our entire lives.

Since kindergarten. Yeah. She turned around in our weekly assembly. Like, not even at the beginning of the year. She turns around, makes eye contact with me and says, you still go here? I know. Are we that? Maybe we're just super boring.

I don't know. That's why we've risen to the rank of podcasters. That'll show them. We force people to listen to us every week. Yeah. Yeah. Since they never listen to us. We always need attention. In assembly.

I feel for her until the point where she says, oh, well, if he were really one of God's children, God would pay for his electrical bill. That's the thing is she's doing the exact same thing. Right. That they're doing by saying that she knows how God would be in other people's lives. She's basically saying like if you're poor, well, God obviously doesn't love you very much. But also at the same time kind of like putting him down for buying a new car instead of putting his money towards the church and expecting the congregation to pay when they can't even afford a car or means

to get there. Also, the whole thing about having to stand for the Holy Spirit is some fucking bullshit. Like, I don't know. It's very ableist. It's very ableist. Yeah, exactly. But I guess if God loved you, you would be healed. Exactly.

So it's just a bunch of... I wasn't even at a festival, but this review, I'm sorry. It sounds like if they did have a festival, though, the music would be on point. Yeah, I would love that. That's the kind of church festival I want to go to. Just cool in the gang. What a party. So true. That was my last one. Good job. Thank you. This is my challenge. Nice. Oh, okay. I didn't know you were done oh yeah i ended on also not a church festival review but on uh transitional reviews into your challenge that's

exactly why i put it last michelle posted this challenge on patreon uh it's to find reviews that mention conspiracies about the product or company love it this was a very fun one uh this is a first one that i think i've actually i might have read on a between you and us like a long time ago but i wasn't sure so i'm gonna read it here just to start off with uh this is from speaking of between you and us should we acknowledge between you and us no okay just kidding we can acknowledge it but wouldn't it be fun if everyone's This is from? Speaking of Between You and Us, should we acknowledge Between You and Us? No. Okay. Just kidding. We can acknowledge it. But wouldn't it be fun if everyone's like, oh, finally, we get answers.

That would be kind of fun. Let's not talk about it. No, yeah. We don't. Well, we didn't say anything yet. So for those who don't know, we usually post every month a Between You and Us based on the reviews that you sent in to our email. sent in to our email. And we've recently transitioned to a new network, Forever Dog, who they have been absolutely wonderful and amazing.

We're very happy. But we've been trying to like keep updated on or like be ahead of the game on all of our other things. And so between you and us, we've been still talking about what to do with it. If we will continue to do it as a monthly thing. We sort of just like fell off of the path, like just stopped by not intentionally. It just kind of fell to the wayside a little bit. I intentionally didn't bring it up to you because I was like, I don't know if we're going to be doing these the same way anymore.

Right. That's how it feels. So we might do something different with them. We will do something. We will. And so, I mean, I still save, like, every time we get emails, every time I go in the inbox, I read a couple and, like, put them in my folder because I'm like, we'll need them someday.

So, you know, keep sending them in. We're just figuring out our new schedule. Yeah, because we want to do something with it. And, yeah, it might just go back to normal soon. Or we might do something else. Because we've got lots of emails from you all. Thousands. Literally thousands.

So don't worry. We're trying to find the best way to, like, proliferate them. To share them. Yeah. What format to do and that kind of thing. But that's it. So sorry for not even saying anything about it. It wasn't a planned thing. It just kind of, I don't know.

It was like the first thing that we were like, let's figure something out with this different potentially. Let's put pause on it. Pause it for now. Anyway, okay. Back to this. Between you and us. Between you and us. So this is from Jess Sheher.

And this is of Weir. W-E-I-R. How do you say that? Weir? I don't know. between you and us. So this is from Jess, she, her, and this is of, uh, where W E I R. How do you say that? Why? Where, where tree farms in Colebrook, New Hampshire. Sure. This is a one-star review by Janice.

And again, my challenge was to find reviews that mentioned conspiracies about the product or company. Wondering how my debit card was used by this company on july 28th 2020 when i have never been there and they aren't even open right now oh i'll get to the bottom of it end of review uh-oh is there an update there's no update uh this was obviously a year over a year ago. What now? This is almost two and a half years ago. So I have to imagine she's still doggedly pursuing. I hope not, but. I hope not too, because.

For her own sake, it doesn't sound healthy. No. If it hasn't been figured out by now and it's still. Yeah. Yikes. So I don't know. I just thought that was a little bit eerie. And now we're going to play a game.

Oh, I love games. This is called Name the Conspiracy Theory. So I'm going to give you the name of the business with the star rating. Okay. And then you can guess what you think this conspiracy complaint will be or like this alleged conspiracy. Got it. So the first business is called mojave electric in bullhead city arizona and this is a two-star review by tom wow what is the

conspiracy here with mojave electric in arizona they're basically like the Duke Energy of the year. Yeah, I figured. They shut off electricity specifically to the local churches. Oh! I'm just seeing the theme for the episode. You were onto something a little bit. So this is a two-star review by Tom, and it says, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. By the way, that's one of the phrases I looked up.

I was going to say that would be a great thing to look up for these. So it's bolded because that's what I searched for. I'm not a conspiracy theorist by any means, but it appears to me that something fishy may be going on here that I would like to mention. I've lived here in the area for a few years years and I'm a customer of Mojave Electric. We've had more power outages than I can count. A few were due to an underground fault in my area, which has since been repaired. And one or two were blamed on the weather.

However, the rest all occurred on or near a holiday, like the two-hour outage of today. This was on November 27th of 2016, so I assume Thanksgiving. Oh, I was like, what? Which, of all days to have a power outage, sounds rough. There were some light showers and some wind, but not severe enough to cause a power outage. I seem to recall an outage over last Labor Day weekend and over last New Year's weekend and others prior to that. It seems way too coincidental to me that all these outages are occurring over holidays.

Would it be possible that an employee or a buddy of one may be monkeying with equipment, causing it to fail, which would require crews to respond, generating massive amounts of overtime pay in order to fatten their wallets? I feel this needs to be investigated. I would also like to hear a response from Mojave Electric on this. Thank you. Wow. Okay.

Even if you had stopped halfway through that review, I still wouldn't know where it was going. It was like so convoluted. I thought, what? Holidays. What does that? I know. I thought maybe, okay, holidays, maybe extra usage

because everyone's at home for Thanksgiving. the usage is a problem. And so this company clearly needs to just change its infrastructure. Because it's a holiday, they're not paying attention to their work. Oh, that too. There's so many different things. The last thing I would expect is tampering for overtime pay. It's Thanksgiving and they really want to work to get overtime pay. I'm like, that's kind of a stretch. I feel like most employees would prefer to not be working on. Yeah.

Not be addressing like major issues on a holiday. On New Year's Eve. I mean, anyway, so I thought that was a little bit of a stretch, but. I'd say so. Yeah, yeah. Maybe a lot of bit. That's a good, that is a big, that's a good review you found. Right?

I was pretty impressed with this quote, I'm not a conspiracy of bit. That's a good, that is a big, that's a good review you found. Right? I was pretty impressed with this quote, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. It really brought me some gems. And the other one I searched was, I'm not one for conspiracies,

which also really helped. That's good. But you were close. I thought maybe for a minute you scared me because you really said, oh, that they're intentionally

turning the power off and I was like, oh my gosh, he's going to somehow know exactly what this is yeah could you imagine if i said yeah probably some workers wanting overtime over the holidays by turning someone monkeying with the equipment yeah it's weird how your wallet just keeps spilling dollar bills all over i'm like wow he's been clearly getting overtime pay pay of all those single dollar bills. Okay. So this is the next one.

It's called Enzymedica Mucostop. Non-Jaws. This isn't a place, is it? No, I'm sorry. Thank God. I was like, what? Mucostop? Choo-choo.

We're at the Mucostop. I hate it. It's shrouded in dark conspiracy. So this is from Amazon. It's called Enzymedica Mucostop Non-Drowsy Enzyme Support for Congestion Relief 48 Capsules. Okay. It's like basically, I mean, congestion relief pill. Okay.

Do you have any, and this is a three-star review. Okay. So is this like a Renaissance paintings type thing type thing oh no diphenhydramine every time i take a benadryl i go some taking this diphenhydramine is very risky yeah maybe uh they're lying about ingredients they uh um you're yeah that's a good they only label it non-drowsy for some things, but I don't know. Thankfully, I think my brain's not very quick to conspiracy theories. I'm really happy that you're not getting these. I'm pretty bad at this. I'd be concerned if you were on track to nail all these.

I used to be very cynical in my life, and've i feel like i've grown out of that yes so i'd like to think there's really nothing going on here so i'm having trouble coming up with something or at least nothing earth shattering yeah well i mean three stars it can't there's no way this is earth shattering if it's three stars you're 100 right which i feel like is why it's maybe it's like a packaging thing where a packaging thing where they've been putting fewer pills or smaller pills or something like that. I mean, you're definitely getting in the right headspace here. The title of this review by Patrick is, It works and is very effective, but here's the scoop.

It works and is very effective, but here's a scoop. My theory is that the secret ingredient in their made-up mucus-dissolving enzyme called muculos is actually nothing more than bromelain, which is a powerful protease enzyme derived from pineapple. The price of mucus... I was waiting for you to go, oh, duh. So obvious. I'm curious. I'm interested in this. I know oh, duh. Oh. So obvious. I'm curious. I'm interested in this.

I know, right? This is kind of fascinating. The price of mucostop is an outrage in comparison to the price of bromelain enzymes. I'm sorry if I'm saying this wrong, folks. I just, I'm not a science person. You're looking at close to $100 a month to maintain a schedule of the suggested serving of mucostop three times a day at two pills a serving. I switched from mucostop to bromelain enzymes.

I bought 100 tablets for $6 and get identical results as I get with mucostop. Think I'm lying? Do a search on the internet for the muculose enzyme, which m MucoStop cites as the main secret ingredient. Mucozolone doesn't exist. That's because it's bogus. I'm not sure about you, but I don't like putting secret ingredients into my body at my expense. I wish the company would come clean and inform the consumer of the secret enzymes in mucozolone. Save yourself some cash, dramatically, and buy a bottle of bromelain enzymes for a quarter of the price.

Research bromelain while you're at it. You'll find its properties line up to a T with the properties of mucostop. Okay, I will say I'm not going to trust this reviewer just based on this or tell listeners to listen to this person. But they made a very good point with not putting secret ingredients in your body like secret ingredients make sense if you're making a recipe in your restaurant and you don't want or like for coca-cola secret recipe or something but a secret enzyme that's meant to medicate you medical enzyme thing i think that's a really good point. I don't know. So I kind of agreed with that one. But yeah, I don't know. I don't think I need this stuff anyway. So it's

kind of not important to me, but maybe someone... I don't know. It does crack me up that this company calls it Muculos, which isn't a thing. That's such an awful name. Yeah, and it's by the way so hard to say. Muculos. Muculos. But it just cracks me up because what a wild thing to be inventing. Yeah. If that's what it is.

I don't know what it is, obviously. And I think it's – I do like that he said, I tried it, and it does the same thing. It works. So, you know. Oh, they also have a thera blend tm technology so of course i bet bromelain doesn't have a thera blend technology famously it doesn't actually i don't think so famously it's at least not trademarked okay so good job zandy this actually this game you win by not guessing oh good i was gonna say i don't think

you're nailing it uh i think we'd all be concerned if you were really good at it so this one is called this is a book on amazon and it's called literary devices colon all writers should know okay it's weird this is weird. This is so null. I know. It's literary devices. We're learning to write from this? Okay. Yeah, I know.

It's already so convoluted. Literary devices, colon, quotation, all writers should know, exclamation point, end quotation. What the fuck? Which I don't think is correct grammar. None of this makes sense. No. It's a paperback book published September 3rd, 2015. And it's a one-star review.

One star. Okay. Literary devices. And a verified purchase. I don't know. Language is a construct, so I don't really care about any of this. I feel like it's just, I don't know. It's probably, I have no idea.

Okay. This is just stupid. One star by Fred, and the title is Strangest Book I've Ever Received. I mean, there's something fishy about this book. There's no way that this book with that title actually has legitimate information. I don't know. Here it is. Okay, so first of all, there is no author listed,

only an editor, this Paul guy. My theory is that this is a computer-generated book. Dr. Paul, the love spell? Probably. Probably. It's computer-generated. Interesting. Based on that title, I would not be surprised. So then, of course, I went, well, let me just finish this, So I would not be surprised. So then, of course, I went, well, let me just finish this and then I'll tell you about Paul. My theory is that this is a computer-generated book. It has information about literary devices, but it lacks the organization that most humans are accustomed to. It feels like you are reading a compilation of academic peer-reviewed articles.

And after each article, there is a list of sources so extensive that if you were to count the number of pages of content related to the topic and the number of pages of references, the references may outnumber the actual content. This book is not completely useless, but it is obtuse, filled with references that you'll never need, and it lacks simple literary devices like the epithet. One may suggest to put all the references at the end of the book to improve flow, and for the amount of pages this book has, you would really expect it to have all or at least more devices. End of review. So, the theory is that this is a computer-generated book that then this Paul guy, Paul Kisak, edit. Like, essentially, like, like just I don't know, because it's listed as author, but then his name is edited by Paul

Kisak. Oh, interesting. Okay. And purposefully not naming an author. Yes, it purposefully clarifies that it's like I don't want to take credit for what my AI does for what my computer does. That's pretty thoughtful. Fair, yeah. Yeah, very human way of looking at it. In the apocalypse when the robots rise up, he might be spared. I doubt it because I don't

think the computers are as empathetic as Paul is, you know. Oh, he didn't add empathetic language into his book? Well, there is an exclamation point in the title, so it could be more emotional than I thought. And so I, of course, clicked on his name and I'll just enter. Let me just read some of the books here that are listed as edited by Paul. Gauge Theory, Coordinate Systems and Transformations. It only has one one-star review. The Photon. The Elementary Quantum Particle of Light and Electromagnetic Radiation.

The Great Books of the Western World. These all have, like, not great reviews. What the heck? The Basics of Explosives. Quintessence. A Theoretical Fifth Force of Nature. Like, it's just so wild. This is weird.

Very, like, heady stuff. Croatia, prehistory to present. What? Like, the entire history of Croatia. An introduction to the ballistics of the... That's, like, beyond its history. And this is, by the way, 16 pages. He has 16 pages of, like, probably a dozen...

Oh, I thought you meant that Croatia book was 16 pages. I was like, damn, Croatia does not have much of a history. No, no. I was like, that's news to me. It probably has like 10 or 12 or even 15 or 20 books on each page. 16 pages. Oh my God. And I mean.

Yeah, either Paul is a machine or Paul is using a machine. Yeah. Paul is the machine. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, like the multiverse. He has a whole book called The Theories of Multiple Universes. If he wrote all this, I mean, whether people like it or not, I'm impressed. But like these books like this one.

I think you should read it before you say you're impressed. Especially because I just found one called The Many Types of Government, From Chaos to Control control but then it says edited by paul so i don't know what's happening i wonder if he's taking people's like uh academic papers and then just like kind of cutting them into a book maybe i don't know but anyway it's like an insane make it more accessible to people yeah yeah interesting human evolution pre-history to present an entire book i mean if if like that review mentioned if there are that many sources listed like i don't know i like that i respect that yeah at least i mean he's not like claiming i mean he's not even saying he's the author iron age quantum gravity likes to read about topics really effing smart and is like let me just try

to put this all together into a like compile it maybe okay a lot of them i've noticed a pattern that everyone says they look photocopied and they're really hard to read oh because they're like the quality of the text is not good. Interesting. So, you know, I don't know. Hmm, curious. It's curious. It seems like the conspiracy might still be in full swing. It seems like Paul needs his own episode. I think maybe.

Reviews of books that Paul edited. Like this one says, this book is not authored by the editor. He just took samples from the internet and published it into this book. I am a retired physicist and I've read all the books that deal with physics. And while reading this book, I found many samples I've already read from other sites and books. Yeah, okay. He basically just creates like a... That's kind of cool.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm sure some people would appreciate that. I don't know. Yeah. He's not claiming it as his own writing, so... Yeah, it seems like... Oh, wow.

The editor has degrees in engineering physics and nuclear engineering from the University of Michigan and is an engineer and former intelligence officer for the CIA. Okay, Jesus. And was president of an award-winning defense contracting company. Okay, so basically— So we should be afraid of Paul. I just got on the wrong side of this guy. And we should be careful.

And I think he's a genius, and I question nothing. And we love him. And honestly, go USA. And he's our best friend now. God loves guns. Whatever. The CIA does great things always. Always. Only.

I mean, wow. I'm just so overwhelmed by these titles of all these books. Religious Cosmology. A Brief History of Physics. You know. Brief. Just a brief one. Even a brief.

Okay, so that was the theory that it's a computer generated book. Now, this is the last place I have. This is a location. It's a restaurant called I Love Mexico Bar and Grill. The conspiracy, I know it already, is that they don't love mexico got him now you're on the wrong side of somebody okay okay um they love mexico too much grill is spelled l-l-e okay grillie yep yep uh and this is a one star review i actually have two one star reviews actually i have like 41 but i'm only read two. Are they all the same theory?

Yes. Okay. Like there are probably a dozen that had this theory. What? What's it called? I Love Mexico Grill? How could you forget? I just don't believe it.

I Love Mexico Bar and Grill. Bar and Grill. In Providence, Rhode Island. Oh, of course. That's where I thought. Big Mexico lovers. When you first said that, I was like, yep, this has to, Rhode Island. Oh, of course. That's where I thought. Big Mexico lovers. When you first said that, I was like, yep, the sky has to be Rhode Island. This one you might be able to actually guess.

Oh, really? Okay. I'm sitting up. Let me think. He sat up half an inch. Half an inch. That this is run by cartels. It's a mob front.

A mob front. Yes. And I don't know. I mean, I love Mexico Bar and Grill in Rhode Island. Sounds kind of sketchy. I gotta say,

I read. I don't know why. This place. It would be that same for any other country if listed there. Yeah. Yeah.

I love Thailand. It's literally any country. Unless it were I Love America because I'm sure that already exists. I love – okay. But that I would just never step foot in. I'd at least go to I Love Mexico Bar and Grill. I'd rather go to the mob front. Yeah, true.

No, this is called I Love Mexico Bar and Grill. On Yelp, it had probably 30 or so reviews and the average rating was 1.5 stars. Jesus. I don't think I've ever seen a restaurant with this bad low and it was almost like comical how like people were like holy i figured it couldn't be this bad yeah and it was uh so i'm gonna read you just two as like a sampling this place also permanently closed so i feel less okay i was gonna say are we gonna get me in trouble like we need to really be on Paul's good side. I was going to say, Paul's going to be the only one who can help.

Yeah. We need his help here. We need his understanding of ballistics or whatever. So this is a one-star- And Croatia, because that's where we're- Oh, shit. That's where we're going to run off to and start our own restaurant. I love Croatia.

Bar and grill. I love Croatia. That one's only 16 pages. We could probably read that. That's true. Let's do it. On the airplane or something. We should read it on the podcast.

It's free on Kindle and Linux. And use the money we get from that episode, all the billions we get per episode, to fly to Croatia and open I Love Croatia Bar and Grill. I Love Croatia Restaurant Bar and Grill. Yeah. Wow. I'll give it to her. It's foolproof.

This is a one-star review by Dan. This place is garbage, and I think it's a mob front. I have no idea how this place continues to be open. It never has customers because it is terrible. The food there isn't actually intended to be served. Oh, look, Mexican food. How bad could it be? Bad.

For example, we went in there and were the only people in the place, ordered a taco and an enchilada. Both took over an hour to get and were essentially dry people in the place ordered a taco and an enchilada. Both took over an hour to get and were essentially dry shoe leather, although not as tasty. The rotel and partially melted slice of Kraft knockoff American cheese didn't fix the problem. The tortilla was basically a disc of sand that was held together only by the force of gravity. I do not recommend. By the way, I read so many reviews being like the one bartender there is also the chef but i saw her just microwave some salsa and pour some chips out of a bag into a

into a bowl and hand them to me and someone said i saw her like heating up tacos in the microwave or i at least they're not hiding it yeah they're really not being very sneaky. Like when that one restaurant told me they serve Barilla pasta. Oh, yeah. That's like, hey, I think it's worse if you're telling me you made it yourself. That's why I only go places where they fly it for me to live. I'm kidding. As if that exists in Kentucky. Okay.

So this is just, I thought this was the most egregious review of all. So this is the last one. Okay. Okay. And this is a one-star review of this same restaurant by Bill. Who the F puts carrots, lettuce, and pickles on nachos? End of review. What?

The reviews of the nachos all said they just, like, didn't know what to do, so they put a bunch of carrots on my nachos. Oh, my God. Who runs this place? Like nobody. People were saying they went in at 730 on a Saturday. And the two people there looked at them like, what are you doing here? Oh, my God. And they said, like, can we eat?

And they were like, oh, there's no chef today. And they said, OK, when does he come in? And she said, well, he's not going to be here tomorrow either. What? And then he said, so I when does he come in? And she said, well, he's not going to be here tomorrow either. What? And then he said, so I got the message and left. Like, it seems really, really uncomfortable in there. That is so weird. And people were like, yeah, we walked in and they were like,

what are you doing here? Oh, my God. So, yeah, I just, the carrots on the nachos seem to be a pretty. That is egregious. You're right. Pretty common thread. That is bad. Yeah. So, so that's that.

Wow. What a journey. What a journey. That one I kind of agree with. Yeah. It was a little bit scary. Yeah. And I just love that the bartender is, does like all of the, she's like, I'm the chef.

And then she puts like salsa in the microwave wait why like i don't understand that i don't either that makes no sense like to warm it up why would you do that i don't know i'm just like i don't get it why would you put carrots on a nacho i have no idea like no clue umre. There were a couple positives that were, like, very weird. Yeah, like, seemed fake. Yeah, they're either fake or, like, they clearly don't. They were like, I don't get it. I mean, it's the only Mexican restaurant in Rhode Island, so.

Oh, that's true, yeah. Like, somebody said, oh, the bartender was so beautiful. And I'm like, okay. Oh. Five stars. That's'm like, okay. Oh. Five stars. That's just creepy, I guess. Yeah. Strange.

World may never know. It's quite. I feel like we're going to have a listener who's like, oh, yes, I know this place. Oh, yes. And then they're just going to say, no, they were just, they had no idea what they were doing. They were just trying their hardest. In over their heads. Oh, the best is when people tried to order delivery. Oh. No, they were just, they had no idea what they were doing. They were just trying their hardest. In over their heads.

Oh, the best is when people tried to order delivery. Oh. And someone, they called, and I think it was that same woman, was like, had to bring it to them. What? But she drew it. Do you have a microwave so you can heat up your own salsa? Heat up your Coke and salsa. Yeah, somebody was like, I finally called and was like, where are you? And she was 10 miles in the opposite direction of the restaurant, like not anywhere near me.

What? It just seemed like really a tough place to trust. Interesting, interesting. Yeah. Well, that was a great challenge. That was fun. I absolutely loved it because I got to be very creative and look up phrases like I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I feel really bad if this place actually was just trying its hardest.

I know. I mean. I mean, like, there's this Mexican, like, fusion place near us or, like, in Cincinnati. And they put, like, yeah, they, they put like weird things in there. They have Mexican pad thai. Yeah. So they're like ingredient stuff. I don't know.

Maybe they're just experimenting with what's. Yeah, maybe they're trying to make fusion. It might be. I don't know what they're fusing with. Rhode Island cuisine. Oh, famous Rhode Island Mexican crossover. Yeah. Oh, Rhode Island carrots. Rhode Island carrots. That Mexican crossover. Yeah. Oh, Rhode Island carrots.

Rhode Island carrots. That actually does make sense. That's still the best. Yeah, I'm looking at their Facebook page, and they, I mean, they did try. I was going to say, the fact that they even have a Facebook page. I know, and I'm looking at it now, and it says, let's get some likes. That is three likes. They got some.

Share our page. Tell your friends to like it and why you love I Love Mexico. Each share enters you to win a $25 gift certificate and that one has zero shares. Wait.

So we could just win it right now? Just share it. We'll win. What if I share it? Win it by default. Can we share it on the beach? No.

Please? No. Please? No, I do not want to bring attention to this. But, you know, one theory that somebody had, which I thought was interesting, was like, maybe they're just trying to be a bar and they're not trying to focus on the food. Bar is before grill, so. That's true. And they did spell grill wrong. And they do have a very stocked bar. So maybe they're just trying to like be a bar, you know.

True, true. But unfortunately, they closed. So I guess I should have said that in the past tense. But anyway, that's the last of my conspiracy theories, Andy. Good stuff. I love that one. What an episode. That was fun. That was interesting. And we only had limited talk of my conspiracy theories, Andy. Good stuff. I love that one. What an episode. That was fun.

That was interesting. And we only had limited talk of our elementary school. True. We kept it pretty short and sweet, I think, for us. I mean, not compared to anyone else. Yeah. Yeah. I saved that observation for the end of the episode so we weren't tempted to just kind of spiral.

So before we do, let's say goodbye. Okay, bye. Bye, everyone! Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Brian Heveron-Smith, cover art by Courtney Aventura,

theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bolland.