Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 223: Reviews of Pawn Shops

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

Christine no likey this episode. But Xandy likey very muchy! Follow us on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Get your Clam Volcano pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta be KD. When you gotta do you, it's gotta be KD. Shop now. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but i'd give it zero stars if i could welcome to beachy sandy water 2x oh sorry Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. Oh, sorry. Did that come through? Oh my God.

That was Gio. Did the waveform come through? I think I can see it. If you happen to be on our TikTok, if you're not, go check it out, Beach Too Sandy. I mean, I don't know if this will be there. I was going to say. But I might take a photo and put it on our Instagram or something. Gio is smashed in between us. Good for him.

We're constantly re- How do you say it? Re-routing. Oh, I was going to say re-imagining the podcasting sphere. Re-imagining all the possibilities and trying them and failing. So here's a one where we sit on the same love seat. Yeah. And I made us put microphones on the inside.

She wants me to look at her, which is really not ideal. We're like six inches apart. It makes it a little more challenging, especially on the episode where I know already you're going to say me likey 800 times. That's this one? Oh, great. Isn't it? Yes, it is. I don't think we have any other planned. You gave me some hope for a minute. My brain is not working. Okay. Stop licking my jeans. Look at him. He will not.

He's so sweet. But it's a Pawn Star. Pawn Star. What the fuck? Pawn Stars, right? It is Pawn Shop Day. And I am excited. Me too.

Gio as well. Do you want to go first? I guess I'll go first. Okay. Look, I'm trying to So, um. Me too. Jiho as well. Do you want to go first? I guess I'll go first. Okay. Look, I'm trying to do this from my phone now. Good job. I feel like everyone's probably like, what happened to this podcast? What do you mean?

I don't know. I feel like the energy is so off the last two episodes because we're trying to film it. I feel normal. Okay. I don't feel good, but I'm not normally feeling good. The day we feel good is the day this podcast has crashed and burned. It's a bad sign. This is a review of Ted's Pawn Shop, and this is a one-star review with a response from

owner. No integrity, no business ethics, absolutely despicable lies. I went to buy a gun. Oh, are all of yours not about guns? No, actually. Every single one of mine is pretty much about guns. Gosh. It started out sounding like so unhinged a little bit, like just the energy was really not good.

I should have specified that absolutely is spelled without an E, so it does say absolutely. Absolutely, like axolotl. Axolotl. I went to buy a gun, offered them their price, filled NICS form, and waited for a while. They never called me. I called them back, and they kept telling that they have not heard back from background check. Now three weeks later, they are still saying that NICS did not come back. They said it is not a delay, not proceed or reject, my application still waiting, and that the FBI is busy.

I checked with other gun shops. They told me there is nothing like that. What? Okay, you know what? Before you even past week and bought another gun from another place. Okay, you know what? Before you even got there, I was going to say, it's so easy to get a gun in this country. Why are you bothering writing a one-star review? Just go next door and buy a gun. It only took 10 seconds to get my approval. Oh, applause. I'm so happy for you.

Here's the response from owner. I am assuming you are not using your real name since we have no record of a Pete Hogwash attempting to purchase a firearm. That's a quote. That's probably why the FBI was like, reject. Yeah, Pete Hogwash? Pete Hogwash. I don't think so.

That sounds like Hogwash to me. And then the other store was like, Pete Hogwash checks out. Let's count to 10 and we'll give you a gun. Oh, how do you have oh great pete hogwash you got it they do loans for guns that's scary it's all very very unhinged i didn't know that yeah it's interesting i mean interesting in a very sick way i think who why what why would one need to loan a gun um you know i don't want to know. No, I don't either. I will say, too, there's a lot in this response.

I'm not going to read the rest. It's basically like, this is how the FBI, you know, goes through when checks you, whatever, approves or disapproves or whatever. I guess it's not disapprove. I disapprove of you having a gun, but you're getting it anyway. That's a different word. They don't, I'm sure their it anyway. That's a different word. I'm sure their opinions don't really take place in this. But yeah, so that is the response.

Pete Hogwash tried to buy a gun and succeeded. Good job, Pete. Gio, I think that maybe you need to move. Maybe. Your turn. Taylor sent in a review of Uncle Ben's Pawn Shop in Cleveland, Ohio. Our Uncle Ben. Oh, that Uncle Ben. Yeah.

Actually, Ted was also in Ohio. Oh, yeah. So we got Ted and he's not our uncle. He has not graduated to that title yet. So this is a one-star review by Ricky. They barley want to buy your good stuff, and their prices are beatable by a mile. End of review. And then there's an owner response.

So the owner, who presumably is Uncle Ben, says, can't please everyone. Good luck, Ricky. Good luck, Ricky. Is there a wink face? No, it's implied, though. It is implied. I don't think it is. Our Uncle Ben winks all the time.

I think it's actually like a deformity. His eyes are closed. Is that what that is? Did you know that's what our last name means? Deformity? Yeah. Okay. Christina.

I'm serious. I looked it up. It means a lot of things, apparently. It means everything and nothing. It also means slate. Look, it rhymes with reefer. That's all I care about. Okay.

Well, I looked up because Em was going on and on about family crests, and I was like, Em literally said, what does your family crest look like? And I was like, what? Who do you think I am? If I were Gen Z, I'd say that's cringe. Actually, I don't think they say that anymore. It's not. I guess if I'm a millennial, I'd say that's cringe. Actually, I don't think they say that anymore. It's not. I guess if I'm a millennial, I'd say that's cringe.

And then people would make fun of me for saying that. If you were Chugi, you'd say it's cringe. I heard Chugi. So M says, what is your, I don't know. And I said, I don't think I have that. And then I went to Google and I searched. Before you say anything, I don't think we want to see our family crash. It's probably not good.

No, I don't. I certainly don't our family crash. It's probably not good. No, I don't. I certainly don't. We do not come from the best line. The lineage is not to be nothing to be proud of, to be celebrated. And so I searched like on some family name for M's name. And then I put my name in and it said Schieffer derived from the term for crooked was most likely most likely originated as a nickname for someone with a deformity.

Mood. That's so true, though. And I was like, wow, that explains so much. No wonder everyone at school called me by my last name. I thought it was because there were multiple Alex's, but no. They just understood me. Sheaf literally means crooked, so they would call you Sheaf Dog. They would call me Crooked Dog.

But honestly, being straight nowadays is so cringe. It's so true. So who wants it, you know? It's know so true it's so cringe okay imagine that oh shit imagine not being crooked in 2023 imagine it's so embarrassing okay here's another review of ted's pawn shop in ohio this is a one-star view by fred hogwash no I'm just kidding. Just Fred. Bad, bad people. Do not buy or sell anything here. If you made the mistake of dealing with these people and have had a negative experience,

don't hesitate. Leave negative feedback publicly. Together, we can make a difference. Six people like this. Oh, no way. He's making a difference. It's actually working. On a very low level. of them is pete hogwash

so he's really gathering the masses but there is a response from owner as well okay like i don't know if you've got the vibe from just that first review but uh ted responds often with longer responses and more defensive responses than any of the interviews seem to warrant. Yes. But, you know, none of my business. I'm very curious. Here's the response from owner, presumably Ted. Hey, Fred, don't blame us because your girlfriend sold the watch you bought her. Hey, he's coming with like very specific things here. He has literal receipts.

He does. I probably have literal receipts. Literal copies of receipts. Hey, Fred, don't blame us because your girlfriend sold the watch you bought her and you only found out when you discovered the receipt a month later. Get your personal life in order and don't blame others for your issues. If you communicate together, then you can make a difference in your relationship. Oh, my gosh. Zero people like that.

Dang. But honestly, I think Fred got some solid relationship advice it's all about communication so true yeah yeah yeah take accountability near that folks we're a relationship podcast now i say we always happen i never said that oh nor will i here's another review this is a this is a great one this was sent in by elta i'll be the judge they're all great ones okay elta she her uh these are of uh uh xl pawn and jewelry in uh shakopee you know as one does in there as as one does uh oh maybe or this you know what it might be of the other location i can't tell it's not clear i think it doesn't matter you know what? It might be of the other location.

I can't tell. It's not clear. I think it doesn't matter. You know what? It doesn't matter. It's actually at the Max It Pond in Bloomington, Minnesota. I just wanted to say Shakopee. Okay, here's a one-star review.

This is written by Mary Magdalene. Okay. Walked in with an item to sell. Didn't even get a hello. Just had someone yell, Nope! across the store. Rude.

End of review. Yeah, well, she had her big halo on and walked in with a flowing robe. See? Wanted to like... This is not the place. And she was like, Wash my feet.

Oh, yeah. Wash my feet. That's right. Do you know who I am? Yeah. I'm trying to buy a gun in this establishment. Yeah. And I will not wait any longer'm trying to buy a gun in this establishment. Yeah. And I will not wait any longer than 10 seconds to be approved by the FBI.

I bet Mary Magdalene would have loved having a nice Glock in her hand. She would have loved that Second Amendment. Well, I think Jesus signed that. Cold metal on her. What? Oh, yeah. Yeah. True, true, true.

That is what they say on the photos of Donald Trump and Jesus signing the Constitution. They're all like shaking hands. Like holding a pen together or whatever it's disturbing that sounds like a joke but it's not there are real like i was gonna say real paintings real fake paintings about donald trump and jesus like signing paperwork together disturbing uh this is of the gold and silver pawn shop do you know that about this it's in las vegas where you recently were uh is this the pawn stars location it sure is i feel like i did not go i was into storage wars i never really got into pawn stars if it was on i'd watch it but i didn't seek it out the same way i would like okay if i was scrolling and nothing else i'd be like okay

fine i'll watch it yeah but if i were scrolling and came across storage wars i click it so yes i'm more of a storage wars person same same and i think that's what differentiates you know people in this day and age you gotta pick a man that's what they meant by that. Whoever wrote that. Yeah, you know. Nietzsche. Yep. No, it was actually Rick. Oh, Rick wrote it? Uncle Rick? No, Rick from Pawn Stars.

Oh, you mean Chum Lee? Oh, Chum. I don't know who that is. You don't know who Chum? Okay, I had to Google and then I went, oh, that guy. But I immediately knew when I looked at his mugshot. Rick is like the main, the dad, the older. God. Not the grandpa.

There's an old man. There's like three generations. There's a character named the old man. Yeah. A character. And then Rick is his son. Gotcha. And then his son is, um.

Oh, God. Is it just Rick Jr. or some shit? I don't know. I don't know. He's always seemed fairly like, you know, I shouldn't even give any, you know, I don't know. We literally just said we never watch this fucking show. Someone is listening and is like so offended right now.

Like the biggest Pawn Stars fan is our, not even our fan, just a listener. I'd be offended if someone mixed up, you know, the characters on. On our podcast? That happens all the time. I've stopped caring about that. But on Storage Wars, I'd be like, how dare you disgrace the name? So I shouldn't be making these calls. I think a lot of these characters have disgraced their own names over the years, but that's okay.

I did Google Chumlee, who I guess is known to be, as many people said, dumb as a box of rocks. Yeah, his whole shtick is that he's the- That's like the character trait. Yeah. He's like the classic Dodo. The Dodo of the group. And he, which one of that is us? No question.

I was going to say before you even asked. I'm glad you knew. It was a dumb question, which, you know, befitting my title. So Chum Lee. Tell me about it. Why is his name that? Is that his actual legal name? Is the old man that actual man's name?

Christina, I don't know. Okay. Is it actually Ch-Li? Yes. Because Chun-Li is a character in... Right. Was it Mortal Kombat or something? That seems like a name.

I shouldn't say it's not... But Chun-Li. You're saying it like Chun-Li, and it's not. Oh, maybe that's why I'm confused. It's Chun-Li, like one word. Yeah, I don't think it's pronounced like... Oh, his name's Austin. Okay.

Stage name is Chumley. I Googled him and is this a, looks very much like mugshot, the first photo that pops up. No, that's what I said. The first photo that comes up is a mugshot. You said that? Oh, man. Well, I started to say it and then you just, you know. I'm not listening.

You were busy calling me dumb, so I just went with it. True. His mugshot, by the way, is owned by Getty Images, so don't you dare try to copy and paste that into any document of yours. But yeah, so he actually got arrested last year for weapon and drug charges. And so that kind of comes into play with some of these reviews. This is a one-star review by Scott of Gold and Silver Pawn Shop. I drove from Reno to Vegas.

Oh my God, I forgot. Oh. Corey is the I forgot. Oh. With. Corey is the other guy. Sorry, is the kid, like the. I'm gonna kill you. I'm sorry. I felt bad calling him Rick Jr.

He's his own person. Really? I drove from Reno to Vegas with a wetsuit that was worn by Robert Duvall filming The American Sportsman, which aired April 1979. I was greeted by two Latino kids who could have cared less. End of review.

Oh, that's it. On TripAdvisor, he wrote that same review and he said, it was worded differently, but he said, I drove all the way from Reno with the acclaimed wetsuit of Robert Duvall. How big is this wetsuit? Why is it so crazy that you're driving with it? I don't know. And in Reno it's not that far. It sounds like it had to be strapped to the roof.

Maybe it did. Is it? How far is it? Robert Duvall is like 11 feet tall. Aren't they like... I feel like they'll... So maybe it did. He's taller than Tinky Winky.

I know. That's why they're always pitted against each other in the fan fiction. I think only the two of us have read that. Remember when Tinky Winky came at us with a big red bag open wide, whatever that means? That's his item in the show. It is? Yeah, he's a magic bag. Okay, that makes a lot of sense.

I was like, I don't know why he has a big red bag, but it sounds really dangerous. That's his thing, not his only thing. His thing is also being 10 foot tall and just very imposing. He has a lot of things. Oh. Okay. Okay. Your turn.

Good to know. There's a gas leak in here, I think. No, that explains a lot. Alrighty. My next one was sent in by Jill. And this is Jill They Them. And this is a review of a pawn shop in Buffalo, New York called Pawn It. And this was written by the person's name says Cosmo.

Okay. Cool. One star. But actually it wasn't written because they only left one star. And then the owner responded to Cosmo and said this. Philip, what happened? End of review. End of response.

No. But it says Cosmo. It says Cosmo, but C-O-S space M-O. That's their Google name. That's like Chumlee, but the opposite. Yes. Where it sounds like it should be one word. Yes, true.

How dumb am I now, Alexander? That was pretty impressive. Cosmo. What a great thought. So Cosmo just put one star three years ago. Just a rating. And the response was, Philip, what happened?

Philip, I thought we had something special. For just $4.99, you can get a Subway 6-inch Black Forest ham sub made with our new fresh-sliced deli. But the fresh slicing doesn't stop at beautiful Black Forest ham. We're talking tantalizing turkey, perfectly piled pepperoni, sensationally sliced salami,

so you can lunch legendary, dinner deliciously, breakfast brilliantly. We're talking friggin' fresh slicing and I'm yelling yes way get a six inch black forest ham for only 4.99 only at subway price and participation may vary extras taxes and delivery additional expires april 8th okay i have another review of gold and silver pawn shop in vegas and this is a one-star review by kristin and it has a photo well there's two that go together with an accompanying photograph pawn shop in Vegas. And this is a one-star review by Kristen.

And it has a photo. Well, there's two that go together with an accompanying photograph. So last night, me and my friends came to the shop to pawn shop to try to get a plastic bag. Chumlee had an attitude and wouldn't talk to us. My bag was spilling out with clothes and he saw with his two eyes. Such a shame. I was the biggest fan before tonight. What?

Okay, and then there's one literally posted day before by Allison. One star. Wouldn't give us a bag. So rude. Like, my bag was spilling out so rude. And this is a photo. No bag. Oh, my gosh. What a bizarre selfie bizarre did you follow that at all that like they were upset

they didn't get a bag like they just wanted a plastic bag to help hold the items they bought elsewhere yeah like they just went out to say like they thought that being a fan of the show they'd be get great service let me tell you being a fan of the show, they'd get great service. Let me tell you, being a fan of the show seems to mean you get terrible service because everyone who wrote in there basically said, I will never watch the show again. I mean, I'm not surprised. I also weirdly don't blame because I imagine, okay, it's tough. It's tough. Listen, we got to talk about this.

Okay. You get into this industry, you know, you have a pawn shop and then you have this idea or someone has this idea putting making a tv show right you become hugely popular probably make a shit ton of money from it um all of you probably do you also probably get brand deals or stupid ad campaigns whatever and then people come in and are really fucking obnoxious about it oh yeah you know so it's like one of those things where it's like, they know what they signed up for, but like, still people... Like, give them a break. Well, and people...

Don't come in having expectations of how it's going to be. Like, at the end of the day, it's still a business. Especially if you're wearing an 11-foot wetsuit. Yeah, true. They'll probably call the police. Like, it's still a business.

And also, on the show, it's not like they're always super nice. No, that's a thing, too. That's what weirdness to me. I was like, why are you complaining about service when their service isn't good on the show? it's not like they're always super nice. No, that's the thing, too. That's what weirdness to me. I was like, why are you complaining about service when their service isn't good on the show? They'd be like the old man. Why do you think it's better in person? Yeah.

Rick didn't even say hi to me. I'm like, okay. Well, yeah, they said it's all a farce on TV. I'm like, well, yeah, duh. Yeah, of course. How have we not learned this by now? I don't know. But yeah, so people were very unhappy with the service they received.

And think about Vegas, too. People are drunk. People have been out in the sun. I've seen that. I know don't know. But yeah, so people were very unhappy with the service they received. And think about Vegas too. People are drunk. People have been like out in the sun. I know, you know. Well, we talked about that a lot because, you know, it's weed is edible there. Edible. Oh my God. Weed is legal there. I looked at you like I must be missing something i did not sleep much last night um so weed is completely legal recreational and stuff i don't know about completely don't quote me on that um but we had time so we would go out and we'd take an edible and like take a lift to like top golf and so it was like lots of fun but we always had this like sometimes at least one of us would have this moment of like paranoia. Like, oh, shit.

Like, are we acting? Because I'm not used to going out in public. Right. Hi. I don't usually do that. Like ever. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm used to being having edibles. I like being a hermit when I do. Right. In this case, we were out in public. So we always had these moments. And then I always had to tell myself, this is fucking Las Vegas. Like we are nothing compared to what these people are probably used to dealing with. You are nothing.

I am a nobody. I am not a freaking flash in the pan, stupid little Midwesterner who is overly polite. Like, it's fine. You know? Are you okay? No. I'm just saying, like, you mentioned how Vegas, all these crazy people going to these pawn shops.

I thought I was one of those crazy people multiple times over the weekend and then I remembered well you did keep humming Ree for Madness you sing it the whole time you were taking your edibles and everyone was like keep it down we're trying to golf true okay I think it's your turn I think so too

if you're up for it I'm gonna do my darn do my darnness to read this review that mary sent in guess what we're doing after this everyone we're going on a hike yeah i actually don't feel too well by the way i have a stomach ache it's too late you i just told this story on and that's why i drink about you having a stomach ache when we went to turn island again christina you must have told that story i don't think i've ever told it on that oh that's i don't know but i definitely told it on here i'm sure i have but uxner don't say i'm sure i it. On that? I don't know. You definitely told it on here.

I'm sure I have. Don't say, I'm sure I have. You should say, I know. I might have. It's possible. It's possible. I'm sure I have. Don't quote him on that.

So I mentioned that story and Emma was like, well, why didn't you fake sick? And I was like, Alexander faked sick so hard that no one else had room to fake sick. So I had to go. Acting. Acting. Method. That's true. He probably did had to go. Acting. Acting. Method. That's true. He probably did have a stomachache.

No, no, no. I spent most of my life having a stomachache, so I was really good at faking it. I'm still really good at faking it. Yeah, you are. I read a story yesterday to Leona, and the kid was like, the kid faked a stomachache because he didn't want to go to school, but then when he thought about the kids at school, he got a real stomach ache. And I was like, oh, this is way too familiar.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Easy to manifest illness. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Anyway. I mean, that's what mom would say. It was like, okay, if you have a stomach ache and you're staying home, like you're going to have to do X, Y, Z or something like vacuum.

Then I'd actually get a stomach ache. Then I'm like, shit. Watch the windows. And I'd be like, no, you don't understand. Now I feel very ill. Yeah. Then I'm like, shit. Wash the windows. And I'd be like, no, you don't understand. Now I feel very ill. Yeah. And I smell like Windex. Anyway.

You're not supposed to drink it, Christina. I got confused. Okay. So this one is from Mary. This one, I find it very funny, but it's kind of hard to read because of a word. It makes no sense because of the grammar from both the reviewer and the response but i'm gonna do my best um this is of cash america pawn okay and this is a one-star review this is written by randy sold me a ipod that won't even charge and still had an iCloud account attached to it,

so I couldn't add music. End of review, but then there's an owner response. Oh, no. The owner says... I'm going to change some words to make it make sense, but here we go. You bought the iPod knowing that and told me that you like all the music on the iPod.

No. Are you serious right now? I don't know. Isn't that hilarious? The idea that they were like, hey, you know this has all this music on there. Oh, yeah. These songs look great. He's like, I love Ricky Martin and Avenged Sevenfold.

I love you two. They're also on my iPhone. I love you two. They're also on my iPhone. I love you too. Yeah. This is, wow. That is something. I mean, that is me to a T though if like something goes slightly wrong and I'm like, it's fine exactly the way it is.

And then I walk out and go, why did I agree to this? No, so true. Yeah. Okay. It's like I just had lunch somewhere. Place I love. We have great vegan options. Like literally yesterday I was eating lunch by myself there.

First of all, I was good. I ordered a Diet Coke. I tried it. The syrup was all messed up. Like it tasted like carbonated water. And so I told him. And I would normally not. Like I don't like confrontation.

And I know that's not really much of a confrontation. But I got him to replace it. Okay, great. Then I ordered an Italian, spicy Italian beyond meat sausage. And as I was eating it, I look inside, and there's a really shiny thing in there. And I'm like, what the heck? It was the end of the casing of the sausage that had like a little metal thing that was like that ties it so not a big deal but I was like what do

I do so I just put it aside and kept eating my thing and I never said anything like I've already used my card on confronting the employees that's what I was thinking I was like I already complained about something I'm like, shit happens. Like, I don't know. It didn't really bother me. I definitely wouldn't leave a review about it. But like, maybe I should have said something. Okay.

I don't know. What would you have done? Controversial opinion here. I think you did exactly the right thing. Okay. Because with the soda, other people are going to order that after you. So since you said something, now they can fix it. And all the people after you.

You said it's been happening all day. So they're used to that. But yes, you're something now they can fix it and all the people you said it's been happening all day so okay they're used to that but yes you're right in theory the idea is i'm doing i'm doing society a really great favor humongous favor and the next time someone asks he can be like oh you know you might want to taste it the diet coke's been true wonky according to this asshole who came up to me earlier yeah yeah i'll be that ass that was you and then with this with the sausage i was very complimentary about the other drink he sent me oh good well the other thing i don't know i like i don't think they would have been i think it would have been fine to say something i just part of me is like what are they gonna do i mean maybe be more careful next time

because like i was fucking chomped into that metal piece like it was that thick metal like maybe you could have said something but but yeah nothing happened so i i wasn't gonna complain i don't care i tipped well i'm just like one time sitting there like what do i do so i just put it on my plate you know i left on my plate so they know it's there that's true so that might be the passive the passive way but i tipped very well so they knew i wasn't upset about it see you nailed it i snuck out before they could say anything um i once found a giant staple in my food and I did bite into it. Yeah, I remember that. Oh, it was horrible.

And it turns out it was from the grill brush. Yes, that's what it was. It wasn't even a staple. And the manager was, it was like this giant steel staples that like hold the brush. Oh, it was. Oh, that's right. It was a staple that like held the bristles in. Yeah, yeah.

And so I went up and it was like rusty. I mean, it was so gross. And I told them, of course, very passively. And then the manager comes out and is like, I don't know the person's name. Rebecca, I told you to replace that brush. Are you still using the old brush? And like bristles keep falling off of it. And I was like, oh, my God.

Okay. So then they were like, we're throwing it away right now. And I was like, okay. Probably should have done that when the bristles were falling off. But okay. It's good you said something, okay. So then they were like, we're throwing it away right now. And I was like, okay. Probably should have done that when the bristles were falling off. But okay. It's good that you said something, though. But I could never eat that place again. I just like, I bit so hard into that staple and I couldn't get it out.

That was my other thing. I was like, I don't want to get anyone in trouble for something that I would do at home. No, at home I'd cut my finger open like I did that one time. What if I was cooking? So, I don't know. Leaving a little piece of metal in there is not going to. But in your case, I mean. Yeah, my tooth was uh rebecca was playing fast and loose with the rules oh loosey goosey so anyway rebecca back to our show this is another review of gold

and silver pawn shop because all of mine are okay and this is a one-star review by Louis. How can any person work with someone as stupid as Dumb Lee? Oh, sorry, Chum Lee. He is a disgrace to your show. I have read that he has been arrested at his home for drugs and guns, which he probably stole from the shop. Another one that should go is your old man. I am 10 years older than he is and do not look anywhere near that old. You would have a much better show if you... Is he going to say hire me instead? Yeah, is this an application? What's like the argument here? You would have a much better show if you got rid of those two and it

was just you and Big Hoss i know it is a tv show but chum lee makes your show look really bad you all could learn something from cajun pond stars at least they do not have dumb asses working for them i live in portugal and see your show once in a while and it gets dumber with every episode that dumb lee is on do yourself a favor and replace him and what this is so unnecessary he's in portugal like yeah this is so i hate your business yeah what the fuck i don't know i mean he clearly thought this about chumley before he was ever arrested so it's clearly not about the criminal charges um and also like of all things to be arrested for that's the most american like i don't know whatever thing yeah he's like cajun pawn stars don to be arrested for, that's the most American, like, I don't know, whatever thing.

Yeah, he's like, Cajun Pawn Stars don't get arrested for guns. It's like, well. Not yet. Not yet. Also, like, what drugs? Well, if he's in Nevada, like I said, it's fair. I think it's all, weed's pretty legal. He got arrested at a Topgolf.

No, he didn't. His house is a Topgolf. That Topgolf was the nicest Topgolf I've ever been to. I've never been to any Topgolf. They have like multiple pools. They have multiple pools. Cool. Pools at a Topgolf.

Cool. I've never been to one. I don't know what it means. Christina, it's not. There are no pools at Topgolf normally. Oh, wow. I know. I'm super impressed by that.

Also, so the old man is dead. Well, how dare you? He died in 2018. And he died at age 77. When was this review written? 2016. So this person's claiming to be 85. This is an 85-year-old person in Portugal who's spending their time.

By the way, super hot. Like, super young. I'm so confused. I don't know. I feel like in Portugal they they eat a lot of health Mediterranean fare. Maybe they just have a longer lifespan, and so it's not fair to compare yourself to a Nevada elderly person. Very true. Very true.

I mean, I'm sad that he died. 77 is not that old. It's not that old, no. No. Too bad. Too bad. Sorry. Oh, he died from Parkinson's. Oh, no. bad too bad sorry uh oh he died from parkinson's oh no wow this is terrible that means it makes it extra bad that he's hating on this guy yeah sheesh anyway oof okay i've got another one for mary okay um mary's sent this one in of uh cash america pawn uh in this is somewhere in florida

um no this is of cash flow jewelry okay i'm sorry i'm just blame mary for this one should we start over yeah sorry okay i'm in the whole podcast yeah the whole episode maybe the whole episode one this is a five-star review. Nice redemption. Great. This is also listed as a gun shop, according to this. I'm telling you, it's a big thing. So yeah, you have a point.

But here we go. Five stars. Outstanding customer service and extremely helpful with choosing the right iguana home defense item. What? Christina. Say that again. Iguana? Iguana home defense item.

What is it? I don't know. I Googled that and it was talking about iguana defense mechanisms. So it's not even like, I don't know. I don't know if it was a. Typo. Typo. Oh, my God.

Wait. Sorry. I'm not. This isn't funny. Here's an article. Florida man claims stand your ground defense for killing an iguana. I'm sorry. Why are you laughing?

That is absolutely absurd. And this place is located in Florida. I almost said it to you when you said Mary Mary said this review, it's in Florida. I was like, well, we know it's going to be good. This is like classic Florida man. This is not, the owner, not to read the exact thing, but it basically said, the owner responded saying, we're so happy to help. But we also don't pay any liability when the animal control people come and try it. Are they actually just selling an iguana?

No, I think he's saying he- Say it again. Iguana home defense item. Yeah, I think he's saying he's shooting iguanas. Oh, so you're saying a gun for shooting iguanas. I'm sorry. He's saying the iguanas are standing my ground. This iguana is invading my property.

Okay, well, that was just one article that I saw about a single Florida man shooting an iguana. It's more widespread than that. But an iguana? Like, what the fuck? Have you seen those? The way they run? It's so huge. They're huge.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. They're so funny. They're like really fast waddle. Yes, I know. We talk about iguanas like a scary amount on this show. I know. That's true. Yeah.

As people who don't live anywhere near an iguana-friendly climate, we talk about iguanas quite often. But yeah, I think that's what they're saying, like a defense against iguanas. Yep. Never mind. I get it now. Wow. That's so disturbing. If I had understood that, I still would have read it.

So it doesn't change anything. It's so dark. Okay. Here's another review of Gold and Silver Pawn Shop. This is a one-star review by colin i am no surprised as usual of the quality of the crap that gets popular on tv it's not surprising really considering the quality of our society these idiots it's called the crab in the bucket mentality google it so because this mentality has been one of the

main driving forces of our BS society, of course these head up ass individuals can treat each other like crap. And of course, their family. I sometimes watch just to be reminded of how petty, self centered, self serving and egotistical these individuals are every day, day after day, 24-7, 365 days a year. They are, right now, a waste of oxygen. Head up ass, period. Corey, chum, the old man. Geez, Rick, I know they are your comic relief, but dude, these a-holes are beyond annoying and idiocy. Well, I understand the show needs idiots like these to generate conflict into

ratings, but from what I see on every show is you should just fire those three idiots and hire some intelligent, personable professionals like me. Just kidding. That was me kind of reading between the lines. Though I guess a bunch of fat, petty, childish idiots are more profitable, of course, instead of this crab in the-the-bucket mentality, and thank you for promoting that most prevalent HUA mentality. And I think HUA means head up ass. Oh, and comely. Jesus.

Yeah. Oh, and comely reminds me of my a-hole cousin. Yeah, I knew this was personal in some way. Had to be. Right? Whose head is so far up his ass that, well, we all see every time Chum Lee is on the show. But of course, Chum Lee, the old man, Corey, are either actually that HUA or they should get an Emmy Award, which also shows how degraded our society has become when someone like Chum Lee becomes popular.

I'm moving to Ecuador. Good. Ecuador is like, no. I'm moving to Ecuador and your basement quality comedy relief will become a sheet of toilet paper and flushed for good. End of review. Also, I feel like. What a specific country to go to.

If Portugal has access to shows like pond stars and cajun pond stars he's not colin's not gonna be escaping from anything by going to ecuador he's gonna find all new versions of pond stars yeah central american pond star you never know yeah i'll talk about iguana home defense oh true oh no oh so true um oh i looked up crabs in a bucket oh good do you know what that is it sounds familiar but not not off the top of my head in my life heard of this okay uh i found this fun little it's very sad and it upset me oh then maybe i don't know it okay it just made me sad maybe i'm just i'm i mean i'm probably just too sensitive. If you put one crab in a bucket, it can claw its way out. If there are more than one in a bucket, crabs will gang up and hold all other crabs down inside the bucket, trapping one another.

Don't feel insecure. Well, this is the meme, like, suddenly developing a hot take. So I'll just get to keep going. The meme develops a hot take? Yeah, it said that, and then it, like, kept going. kept going and said don't feel insecure when you see other people improve you are not failing because other people are succeeding no two people are made to be contained within the same bucket so um that's what crab in a bucket i still don't totally get what the hell he's so it's like how olivia rodrigo sings that their win is not her loss, you know?

Their win is not my loss. I'm so bad at double negatives. So it's the opposite of the crab. That's not even a double negative. It's the opposite of those crabs where it's like, oh, okay, like just because someone's succeeding doesn't. The tide lifts all ships. That's a good one, yes.

I'm so sad I spit everywhere. Can I say it again? ships. Whoa. That's a good one. Yes. I'm so sad I spit everywhere. Can I say it again? No. Okay. That and like the whole, I don't know. Nevermind. Yeah. Olivia Rodrigo, rising tides, crabs, opposite of crabs.

And apparently opposite of the pond star. It makes so much sense now to me. I don't understand how people can be so mean. I mean, outrageously unnecessary. That was so mean. You've never met these people. You don't know these people. Like, I don't care what their show is like.

I don't care how they act on a TV show. It's bizarre. Don't fucking say this stuff. It's bizarre. I mean, I think you're right. It's personal, and they're just taking it out on people that won't be able to. Like, we've gotten shit, too, before that I'm like, you don't know who we are. Who hurt you?

Your cousin? I thought you were asking me who hurt me. I was like, I'll tell you. The list is too long to fit into one episode. I'll name them. No, yeah, I don't get it. It's just all about the duality of man. Amen.

So I wanted to check if our friend Fox had written any pawn shop reviews. Except he'd written every. I'm sure. I'm not surprised. So many. So I picked one. This is of Royalty Pawn Shop and Recording Studios in

Buffalo, New York. Nailed it. I know. Two stars. He was the first to review. Kings and Queens certainly never came to royalty. Although, oh God, I forgot. What? I don't want to say it out loud. Do you want me to read it?

Do you want to hand it to me? No, honestly, that's the only thing worse. That's the only thing inspiring me to go on to prevent you from doing it. Although, if you've ever self-pleasured while looking at pics of pippa middleton prince harry or even the late die then you came to royalty what are you doing fox what the fuck i came to royalty a long time ago when trying to find stop don't keep saying it after you explained it that way. And then he totally goes back to the original meaning. When trying to find music equipment stolen from my car, I was told by the police to check all the pawn shops, so I did.

And this was by far, by a very long distance, the sketchiest and creepiest pawn shop I came to. I couldn't tell if it was open or closed. The men outside acted like they were desperate to rob me and the men inside did not seem any less scary. They did not want to help me nor talk to me unless I was buying something. There were a lot of cool things for sale in here, but it has to score two because they were just so

shady. I am not remotely surprised that it is closed down and long gone. End of review. And then I realized why he had reviewed so many pawn shops because he was looking for his stolen music equipment and had reviewed every local pawn shop he had visited. So he had a lot. Do you think Fox was, when his stuff got stolen and he knew he had to go to all these pawn shops, do you think he was like, oh, great. I love that I got this opportunity to write all these reviews. You know, it was, it was like a long time ago. I think this was like the very early.

Oh, maybe this is what started it. They were like, this was 2015. So I think it might have even like been the early days of his burgeoning career. Fascinating. Yeah. Wow. Historic.

So I have something. Oh, no. I'm sorry. That's okay. What's up? I have something to read before Zandy's challenge, it says. What does that mean? So that was my last review.

Okay. So do you want to, so what does this have to happen? Let's, that's happened right before your reviews. So let's, let's cut to break. Is that a thing that we do here? Stuff like this now. Okay. So this was sent in by mary um and this is the reason i wanted to use this to transition into my challenge which was to find reviews sent in by noah thank you noah

you're my hero um noah suggested i find reviews where people say me likey and of course it's perfect for me and mary found the absolute perfect one for this episode because it's not of a pawn it is of a pawn that's why i thought it would be a good transition because it's still like you know part of the theme mary is like trying to get that bonus credit. Yeah. This is a first cash pawn. This is in Austin, Texas. And this is a four star review. This is by Chad.

Written 10 years ago. My gosh. But this person's already an elite 2023. I'm saying. That makes me so happy that someone who wrote this review 10 years ago is still elite. Going strong. The Yelp game. I love that for them.

Okay. We found 13 DVDs we were looking for. A dollar a piece. Me likey. Gonna have to start watching some movies. Or buy more shelves. End of review. Oh my god.

Wait. Or buy more. You probably need to need both or at least the shelf one. Yeah, I don't really understand how, like, do you just throw them

out after you watch them? Are they disposable? He just throws them in the trash. Maybe. I do love that the time capsule element of

reviews on Yelp that are like 10 years old. It's like, oh, I went and bought a bunch of DVDs. Now you just wonder, you know, are they all in a trash heap somewhere? So true. Probably. Now your turn, I went and bought a bunch of DVDs. Now you just wonder, you know, are they all in a trash heap somewhere?

So true. Probably. Now your turn, I guess. Okay. So before you read more me-likey reviews, I got an email from Gregory who wrote our beautiful Teletubby story. Yes. But in the email, he was like, you still haven't read any of my content. Christina, that episode was just recorded yesterday.

I know, but I was like, calm down. I was like, give it a minute, Gregory. In the original email Gregory sent, he's in another situation. He said, since you have not put any of my AI content on the show, even though I did it before any of those other people did, here is an episode of Beat You Sandy I had the AI write that shows Christine's true feelings about the phrase me likey. You should read it before the challenge. Here I go again, doing what Gregory tells me to. I don't know why. I can't stop.

Opening music plays. Oh, wait. Do you want to read it with me? I don't know the rest of the song. That would be creepy if the AI put the music in. And did that well. And did that well. Here's your line.

Do I start? That was the open music? Hello and welcome to another episode of Beach 2 Sandy Water Tourette, where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Sandy, and as always, I'm joined by my sister, Christine. Hey, everyone. Me likey to be here. Me likey to be here and ready to dive into the world of terrible reviews. That's right. And this week, we're taking a deep sea dive into the world of Freddy Fish. Ooh, Freddy Fish. Me likey. All right, let's get started with this first review from James. He says,

I thought this game was going to be about fishing. I was wrong. It's about a fish detective. Why would anyone want to play that? Dramatically. Oh, James, you poor misguided soul. Me likey to think you missed the whole point of the game. It's not just about fishing. It's about adventure, mystery, and problem solving. Exactly, Christina. And this next review from Karen seems to miss the mark as well. She says, this game is too childish for me.

The graphics are terrible, and the storyline is boring. Oh, Karen, me likey to think you're just too old and boring to appreciate the whimsy and magic of Freddy Fish's underwater world. It's not just for kids. It's for anyone who wants to let their imagination run wild. Well said, Christina. Can I stop saying your name? No, it's part of it.

Well said, Christina. And here's one from Samantha. Could you imagine if our show was formatted this way? This is awful. I love it. It's so good. And here's one from Samantha that just makes me scratch my head. She says, I bought this game for my son, but it's way too hard for him.

I ended up playing it myself, and I didn't like it. Oh, Samantha. Me likey to think you should have done your research before buying a game for your son. Freddy Fish games are known for their challenging puzzles and brain teasers. So of course it's not going to be a cakewalk. Maybe you should stick to something a little easier like peekaboo. This AI is burning. Well there you have it folks. Another dive into the abyss of terrible reviews. Thanks for joining us for this episode of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. Me likey to say

we'll see you all next time bye for now closing music please oh my god um so i did that so stupid ruin your life before you ruin mine that was really terrible thank you yeah well here's some review that was sent in by madeline this is of the audio quest diamond hdmi one meter cord. Okay. Five stars. Titled, Excellent Cable for an Excellent Man. This was also posted 10 years ago by Anonymous. Just got home and hooked this bad boy up to the Sony 84-inch XBR 4K LED in my workout room in the basement, and whoo-wee!

She's a beaut. My Steve Harvey show TiVo recordings look like pure American currency when transferred through this 3.3 foot HDMI. I imagine this would be heaven is like What?

You know, I think I actually read that exactly how it's written. I know it sounds like I messed up and I thought I did for a sec. It felt like we had a time glitch for a moment where we both just kind of froze. I imagine this would be heaven is like. Word for word what it says. I just felt very validated when I re-read that and it was correct. Well, correctly incorrect. Good job. But also, that's

hell. I did so great reading that. You did. Thank you. But that's my hell. It is pretty bad. Some of my favorite television programs look absolutely spectacular with this cable, especially The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. Did I mention

when you watch The New Girl, you can see the pores on Zooey Deschanel's forehead? Mama mia, me likey. God, this is my kind of cable. I want to scream it from the rooftops. They make great stocking stuffers, and even the dog loves it.

We took two of these bad boys and tied them into a leash for our morning walks, and let me tell you, the female canines be barking. Would definitely recommend to anyone but poor people like my first cousin carl end of review oh no that was 587 people found it helpful website best buy it was on best buys website people have so much fucking time stupid i have never the fact, I just feel personally offended on behalf of Zoe Deschanel

that he calls out her pores but not Steve Harvey's, not any of these other people, just hers. Well, no, it was a compliment. He said, Mama me,

me likey. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, it's horrible. Oh, it's bad. Yeah, that was pretty bad. So that's, that's my first one. You're welcome.

And then next I have a review. This is an Amazon review written by Annette. It's a five-star review, and I don't know. It's of like a vintage tea kettle, like an electric tea kettle. Okay, a vintage one? Like vintage looking. Sorry, like a vintage tea kettle like an electric tea kettle okay a vintage one like vintage looking sorry sorry like a vintage style like it here we go five stars me likey so muchy rocking some vintage vibe in my kitchen paired it with a vintage toaster too and a review if you're trying to be vintage like why don't you just go method all the way you know and just like End of review. The Blood Countess by Tara Moss. What?

I don't know. I'm just like, this is so out of control. It's not even a sex thing, Kirsten. Don't worry. Thank God. I don't think. Actually, I'm not sure. But yeah, this was written by Tara Moss.

And this is a five-star review. Me likey. I love supernatural stuff Always have Call me a stick in the mud purist But many of the new takes on established characteristics Of supernatural folk Set my teeth on edge I'll take Anne Rice over Stephanie Meyer any day

Who the hell ever heard of vampires Twinkling in the sunlight When I saw The Blood Countess on Amazon I groaned Not another one. I needn't have worried. Moss didn't cover up a blatant. By the way, I saw it and I groaned, not another one, and then immediately bought it and read it.

Or is it a movie or it's a book? No, it's a book. I just love that. Like, oh, God, I saw another one of these. And here I go reading the whole thing. Exactly. With the worst intentions. Yeah, not expectations.

Worst expectations. But hey, that just goes to show how good this book is. If it's a five-star book, if you go in with that negative of a feeling. I suppose so. I'm just saying. Moss didn't cover up a blatant ripoff of Romeo and Juliet by breaking the rules and adding vampires.

She pulls you through a tale original enough to hang upside down on its own two claws. The result? Me likey. Didn't you already say that? That was the title of the review. Oh my god. The Blood Countess is not one of those oh-so-serious manifestos that threatens fire and brimstone if you dare crack a smile. It's fun. Fun for lots of reasons. The plot itself is just a smidge formulaic, but there are none of those overused surprise twists or red herrings

that so many authors seem to think they have to have to create a decent story. It's not particularly scary, but there are enough creepy goings on to keep even the most diehard horror buffs interested. The romance is kooky and not too gushy. The intrigue is written well enough that you don't guess the ending halfway through, and it's very nice to get to the last page looking forward to the sequel. I'm going to go ahead and skip the next three paragraphs and just finish up. I did see you scrolling. Yeah, I'm like, I forgot how long this one was. Here we go.

Is it chick lit? I hate that term. I refuse to apply it to anything I read or review. The Blood Countess is a paranormal tale. Booksellers may have a hard time choosing a section for it. Their problem. You'll have no trouble. Sort your books by author and put The Blood Countess in the M section and you'll do just fine. If you're not going to buy it, get to a library. Either way, it's worth it the blood countess is great read it i bought my copy from amazon i give it seven out of ten will i read the sequel the spider goddess

when it comes out yes the mistress alexander i was like okay at least it's ending and then it just somehow i had to i had to finish it that's why i had to skip paragraphs, not skip all the paragraphs. I had to skip some. I needed to finish up. Imagine if you read the 10 minutes in between and then went to, and then I just totally zoned out and you said that. It would have been shocking to my system. I forgot this one part wasn't in that last paragraph. I thought it was, but this is, they mentioned that they were a 40-year-old man, by the way. And was like, so basically saying they're not the target audience necessarily, but clearly they really enjoyed it.

They are the target audience for saying me likey. Exactly. It fits so well. It doesn't explain all of it, but it does explain that. It's not surprising, you know, based on say, like, he has a very interesting outlook if he says, I hate the term chicklet, but me likey this book. I'm like, wow, where do you draw the line of, like, just cringeworthy phrases? I mean, I get that now that you're a dude, you're like, I don't want to be associated with chicklet. I don't think it was even that.

I don't either. It's like gendering it. Yeah, yeah, which I understand. But, like, let's also just lump me like let's put me like you and put it in the trash can yeah oh never mind i was gonna say put it on a pedestal yeah um okay my next one is blood goddess or whatever happens dear jesus i don't know it sounds like a good book after that review see check it out everyone what is what was it called again blood count blood countess uh by tara moss i think sounds good um check it out i guess don't be mad at me if you don't like it be mad at that reviewer um next i have a product it's not it's an amazon product. And we often have the ridiculous Trump products, like pro-Trump products. Well, here's one on the other end, because pro-Biden people aren't necessarily less cringeworthy. Here we go. No.

Here is, and that's not a both-side statement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just only, yes, it is, but only in the cringe factor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I cringe factor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I totally understand. Okay, here we go. I'm just going to read what the shirt says, okay? Okay.

I'm embarrassed. I don't even know what it says, and my feelings already exist, and you haven't even said it yet. What? It says, me likey Joe, me no likey Don, me votey for who i likey end of t-shirt that's insane isn't that amazing i hate it how many people bought that? No one reviewed it. So, you know, that made me feel a lot better.

I hope somebody just got high and like made that and then forgot about it. In the description it says it's imported. And I'm like, imagine. Imagine making that in a different country and not knowing what it meant. Not that I know what the fuck it means, but you know, like not even really getting the. Or like not caring. Like that's the thing. Imagine having to make this bullshit for like oh sure oh man so that was actually the women's cut maybe the men's women's cut oh my god men's could also have reviews they're like so many different random things you get in a black hole with these it's like the blankets where it's like suddenly there's just dozens of them on every page. And like I see the other ones like make America Joe again.

Like that's terrible. What? That doesn't make any sense. And then it says Biden 2020 in small print. Make America Joe again? Yes. Like literally. I know.

I know. Oh, God. It hurts my head. It hurts my head too. Okay. So I was continuing and I found this review. I read the review. I saw a picture was included, read the thing, and I was like, why did this sound familiar?

Remember that review for the electric kettle I read? Yeah. The exact same person wrote this review for a completely different product. Oh, I thought you were gonna say multiple people said me likey about the kettle and i was like i'm gonna report no i found a new review for a completely different product this is of a white ceramic butter dish okay it's part of their vintage vibe yeah that's why that's what like kind of like triggered that thought i was like of like oh yeah like maybe this sounds familiar. That it's someone saying me likey about a kitchen thing like this.

A kitchen appliance. I mean, it was within probably 20 minutes that I found these two reviews, so it's not too surprising. But yeah, anyway, it's the same person. I didn't click on her profile until after this one. Did you find out later, like did you check if they'd written any others? Yes. And had they? No, it was only these.

I mean, with that phrase. No, I only found these two reviews. Oh, okay. But, like, the fact that I stumbled on both of her only reviews that say me likey. I mean, I am comforted by the fact that it's such an uncommon saying

that the same person, that it's only one person on Amazon. Maybe weirdly comforting, true. Yeah, it is. Okay, so here we go. Me likey so muchy. Fucking A. So classy.

I like the thickness, but not heavy and intimidating to wash, and that the spreader's handle is not made of flimsy plastic. It fits one whole bar of Kerrygold butter butter although the cover touches the butter's edges but hey that's fine end of review oh so it's at least like useful god i guess it wasn't because i shut down after the first sentence i mean just the combination of me likey it's so so classy. But I love, I know that it goes from me likey so muchy to so classy. Me likey so muchy is so much worse. I don't know.

I don't know how to graph any of this, really. You don't have to. It's okay. I'm never going to forget. I'll just move on. Here we go. This is, here's a review. A three-star review of the San Juan Motel in Pagosa Springs, Colorado.

People are so fucking weird. This is by Sally, three stars again. Me likey, you no likey. Me cheap, they no fix hot tub. Me likey that they remodel crappy beds. Me no likey ugly curtains. Get some hangers. End of review. But honestly, stop with the joke. You need to get some fucking hangers and this part isn't a bit. I know we're having fun here, but let's get real for a sec.

I'm going to flip this chair around, put my legs around it, lean on the back and say, now that we're all really in a serious mood, outfit that closet. Alexander, why are people doing this? Is it a joke? Is it a bit? Is it funny? I mean, I don't know. I'd say it as a bit, but I don't know if I'd post it like this on, like, it doesn't feel

like they're doing a bit. I feel like this is how they kind of like. That's horrifying. Like, it's funny to them, which I'm sure, you know what I should have checked? Fucking Cruise critics. Yeah. I bet they use this stuff. Use me likey.

For sure. All the time. You should. I didn't want to dive into that. Like, open that can of worms, you know? What else is there? Common Sense Media and QVC. I don't know if either of those would be.

I mean, I've already read, like, six reviews, so it's probably for the best that I didn't get into that, you know? And I have one more, so. Okay. But this will, yeah, this will be my last one. It's tragic that we come to an end, come to a close here. So, my last one is of a Mexican restaurant in Houston, Texas. This is a three-star review. I've been here twice and me likey, me likey lots.

Margaritas are sinful here. Let's just say, if you want some tequila, go here. This place has a few selections to be had. The guacamole is scooped pure with mashed avocado and served with a side of pico de gallo, just the way it should be. Mix that shiz together with those delicious, warm to perfection chips,

and you have heaven on your plate as an appetizer. The chori burger has been quoted by friends as being sinful and it is. Oh God, so it's also one of those groups of friends who's like,

I'm gonna be bad tonight and have an extra full fat yogurt In two separate paragraphs they mentioned different things being sinful at this restaurant.

This is so It's a very specific use of that. It's like that phrase like, oh, I'm I know, yeah. I'm feeling naughty. I'm gonna have an extra piece of have a i do that all the time it's horrid you also say should we be bad let's be bad let's be bad i

love it i love it it's so funny to me it's so stupid and it's so funny okay wow finally someone had the brilliance of combining a hamburger and chorizo served on a bollo, bollo? B-O-L-L-I-O? I don't know. I did not do my research. I'm sorry. With all the fixins. Y to the U to the M. Yum!

The slaw. So bad. Well, it's a garnish because you'll be too full to eat it. Although appetizing as it looks. I've had the carne grisada the first time. Grisada. Okay. I'm so bad today. I'm sorry. The first time

and the enchiladas verdes there. Both are quite tasty and compete in the Houston market. What I did not really enjoy was the fried egg on the enchis. Alexander, this can't this must stop. Together, if we all post

on Google Maps reviews we can make a difference. It's all about communication. Sign our chain.org. Or lack thereof. Because if this is how you communicate, shut it down. Just stop. Shut it down. I don't want to hear N-cheese.

Pride egg on the N-cheese. I can't do N-cheese. I can't do it. You've done enough. I love it. I love it. N-cheese. This is like the meanest you've been about reviewers. I can't do it. You've done enough. I love it. I love it. End cheese. This is like the meanest you've been about reviewers.

I'm just like so. I don't blame, like I understand where you're coming from because the whole point of this was to like bother you. Yeah. But. I'm irked. I love them. Consider me irked.

That's not necessary given such a rich dish of fabulosity. But hey, it's only my opinion. Really involves my star rating as a result. What? I don't know what they're trying to say. It's overkill and too much like a drunken effort from Jamie Oliver to make Tex-Mex cool in London. What?

What's happening? Still complaining about the egg on the enchi, saying that it's as if, like what you'd find at like a trendy Tex-Mex place in London, which totally I agree with. Totally. Relatable. I don't really know

what that means. I tried to order the chicken fajitas given diet on a Sunday, but was told they were out. Really? Wow. Stock up, dudes.

I can't really give four stars based on that failure. I will go back here to see how this place fares given the newly opened Tex-Mex joints in the neighborhood and how sucky they are. My advice, give it a try on a Friday or a Saturday and enjoy that sinful Chorey Burger. Chorey Burger? I don't even know how one would say that.

I'm sorry. I predict it will be copied across Houston or the world, if not already, in a matter of time. End of review. This was written over 11 years ago. And none of us have ever heard of a Chory Burger. I've never heard of that. I've never seen them before.

I wonder if all our Houstonites are like, oh, yeah, the famous Chory Burger. This is where it originated. I got to. Could you imagine underneath the welcome to Houston sign? It says, home of the Chory Burger. Home of the sinful chorey burger that sounds like brand marketing uh extraordinary um i was gonna say something oh no i feel like this person is somebody who disarms you with some of their

you know mannerisms and vocabulary and then they they just cut right through. They say all this ridiculous stuff, and she's, oh, it's sinful and all this. And then they go right to the core and they're like, I don't know if this place deserves. We'll see how it fares. You know what I mean? I almost felt like, oh, I feel so mean for bullying this person. You're right. I'm getting a little too cruel in my reaction. I'm taking it personally like Chumlee's cousin did.

But then they said at the end, they got really harsh for a moment. Yeah, yeah. No, agreed. too cruel in my react like i'm taking it personally like chumley's cousin did um but then they said at the end like they got really like harsh for a moment yeah yeah no agree i i that's kind of what three stars yeah that's why that's kind of why i included that because i was like yeah like they're being goofy but then at the end they're like oh they didn't have a single menu item so you're gonna not you're gonna give them three stars just for that like that's they didn't have a single menu item you mean there was one no no sorry yeah sorry one single item was missing i wasn't that okay okay okay um okay so that makes sense but so to be a devil's advocate for my my fellow me likey person i get it um what this was over 11 years ago when yelp was maybe a different time and like i don't know

three stars might have had different weight back then. Is that your new argument for me liking you? Like, it was a different time. We didn't know what we were doing. No, the one before this was written like 11 months ago. You can't hold me accountable for the things I said in 2013. Like, me likey. I mean, I probably said, okay.

Yes, you did. I'm confident you said that. But not like, but as a bit. I would not say that seriously. Maybe I would. I don't know. I hate it. Also, I was curious.

The Chory Burger has a Wikipedia page. Okay. And guess what? It's more than we have. Guess what? It's from the Philippines. Okay. Now I feel bad that I, I'm glad I checked because otherwise I would have been rightfully

lambasted online. So our listeners, if we have any in the Philippines are like, what the fuck? Yeah, that's fucked up. Texas can't take that. This is home of the Chory Burger. And you know what? I assumed that this person was accurate, that that's where it came from. I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have done that.

Ew, it has, oh, banana banana ketchup i thought it said banana comma ketchup um so yeah it's apparently um a filipino thing and me likey i tried it and guess what how'd it Oh, no. I like you doing it. It didn't feel good. You know how I feel about it? About saying me likey? What? Me likey.

Blaze just shushed Leona, but it really sounded like he was hushing you. Like, stop. Enough. And he has every right under his roof. That's fair. To prohibit that phrase. Yeah. Yeah.

But he hasn't officially yet so so once the word goes out officially once this goes out on the airwaves he hasn't i don't know i have faith in him he's he's a lover of the arts oh sure and that's what that is that is what he's known for yes yes yes all righty i'm fucking done all right thanks noah doing this now i really did appreciate that was a fun challenge thanks thanks for the emails. It was the first time he's ever said to me, can this please be my challenge? No, it's true. I saw that on the Patreon comments,

which is the best way for us to use your challenges, I will say, just because people actually also like them. You can see how popular they are. Yeah, how they rate. And so I saw this one was very popular, but also I was like, yeah, of course it's popular. It's a great idea. Yeah, how they rate. And so I saw this one was very popular. But also I was like, yeah, of course it's popular.

It's a great idea. No, well, Noah wrote, well, he said, what did he say? Noah wrote something like, well, maybe it'll make Christine, like, tried to align with me. And I was like, don't you align with me, Noah. You've started this. And then I was like, well, maybe it'll make Christine laugh. I love to hear Christine laugh. I hope to hear that full belly laugh from christine that makes my day don't you even try to align with me noah like this is something you were doing for me noah also said

because we're recording this like uh before some others came out said per your last episode i guess satan was working through me too yeah certainly accurate Certainly. Beelzebub is in the house. And someone named Rebecca commented under the post saying, so this is a review in itself and this is how I'll end it. They said, a former partner of mine would often use me likey in sexual situations. Oh my fucking God. Like the first time he saw me naked. Oh my God.

Which is kind of like a review. And then the like uncomfortable emoji like face. And then replied to the comment saying, I did not like you very much. Oh no. Yeah. That's a good tip. It's like that TikTok with that guy saying, are you silly goose? Yeah.

It's like me like you. He probably says me like you. Yes, he probably probably does and I feel like that should be all you need to know poor guy getting just fucking roasted by the internet becoming a meme just I don't know it's honestly well deserved so no comment I'm staying out of it oh good stuff

alrighty thanks again y'all and we love you I love you so much out of it. Good stuff. Alrighty. Thanks again, y'all. And we love you. I love you so much. Me like you. Me like you. I don't know why I didn't say that.

You're too smart. I am the chumbly of the podcast. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Brian Heveron-Smith, cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bowen.