Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 226: Reviews of 90s Sitcoms

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

20 years from now Beach Too Sandy will have been consigned to the dustbin of forgotten podcasts... Follow us on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Get your Clam Volcano pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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They can feel it. Fight together. And team it up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong, the new empire. Now playing only in theaters. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. All right, we're on.

Smiles. Smiles. Big smiles. Show your teeth. Show your flippers. My flippers? Yeah. What's that?

That's from... Flipper? Toddlers NTR. Oh, dear. And maybe Flipper 2. Flipper 2? I don't think I saw that one. Whatever you do not flip for one okay um no basically it's the fake teeth they put on small toddlers great yeah so

really great show them pearly whites learning a lot welcome to beach too sandy water too wet uh we read reviews of things and we do it dramatically and it's fun and today we have a couple exciting things for you. First, reviews of 90 sitcoms. Yes. Which people are insane about, as I learned. Yep. And then your challenge is to read reviews that would annoy me.

Yes. Of course, Gregory. Gregory won't stop. The artificial intelligence that is Gregory. It's Gregory. Gregory won't stop. You're right. It's true. his intelligence is all artificial

i say that about him all the time someone someone on patreon after i posted that it was like is this the same gregory as the ai one christine's gonna be so mad or something like that he won't stop and yet we keep encouraging him yeah so sorry can i say a little announcement thing oh please because uh i was interviewed for a podcast you were yes i was um and the podcast is called attempt adventure and i was interviewed about lighthouses i didn't know that yeah it was a blast it was so much fun and it's coming out so by the time this episode releases it is out it is out it's actually out right now oh it is when we're recording this okay i was like i is out it is out it's actually out right now oh it is when we're recording this okay i was like i saw you post about it it's not out it is out right

now but um yeah so there will be a link below but it was honestly such a blast just to get to talk about shit you're like starting it up right now oh yeah instead of our episode today we're just gonna play that aloud through our microphones how easy would it'll be my commentary yeah i'll just correct anything he says that's wrong you know which is probably a lot but what i say was wrong but uh if you actually go and click the link in the bio it has like the whole show notes and there's so much there's so much work done that we don't do for our show it has links for all these different lighthouses it has all these different um it's just, it's really, really great.

I don't know. It was a really good time. Really fun. And it's a fun listen, I think. We talked a lot about birds, Christina. Oh, you know I love birds. You'd love to listen to that. I'm really into birds right now.

Yeah. So. Anyway. Cool. All I was going to say is that, yeah, Gregory made me do this thing where I find reviews that would annoy Zandy because he was in charge of the me likey situation. And so then and so I guess that inspired him. But then on top of that, in the next episode, Zandy is bringing reviews that annoy me.

So I'm sort of like less excited than I should be because I know what I've got coming to me next is like punishment is is your nonsense. Every time that I hear something you bring to me, I'm just going to think, ha-ha, don't worry. How can I one-up it? We're going to have a great next episode. Fortunately, I already did my research, so if you inspire me in this one, it's too late. It's too late. Well, I'm sure Gregory will be back for more.

I did see someone emailed. I don't know if you used it. I don't know what it was, but emailed you with a suggestion. Yes, and they were pretty much on point with what I was already doing. I think I may have... I'm not sure. I had a ton already so I was really conflicted whether to use it or not. I was just going to say that no one helped me. That I saw at least. Unless you deleted them the moment they came in.

What if I did? I just spammed them. I should have checked the trash. Spam, spam, spam. No, I think, I'm not sure if I used that review, but if I didn't, I'm sorry. Oh, I did. You did use it. Okay, good, good. Well, I felt bad bringing it up if you hadn't used it. No, we did. Thank you, Kristen.

You want to go first? Sure. Okay. I'm using an email. So I stuck to IMDb for all of mine. And Cassie sent in an email of a review on IMDb of Seinfeld. Okay. And, oh, man.

People are just so dramatic about every sitcom. The opinions. And it's so unnecessary. And the sitcoms don't exist. Like, they're not airing the writers can't use your feedback not that they would if they were pre-ex like currently existing but what are you trying to accomplish seinfeld was off the air in 98 was its final season are you serious and this review is from 2007 so that's actually fairly recent you know that's at least because some of

them were from 2022 if you draw one of those evolution timelines of all the eras, it's pretty close. It's pretty close. It's like a speck of sand. That is very true. So maybe I'm wrong. You've got a good point there. Thank you. But yeah, people were just very I think it's because of especially these the ones that were especially popular

people were so upset that they're popular. Yeah, they hate that everyone is so wrong for liking it. Everyone has such a bad taste. Anyway, why don't I just give an example, right? One star on IMDb, it's out of 10. So this is even more dramatic. All these one stars.

It's like a half a star on Yale. Exactly. And this one is titled, A Terrible Pathetic Excuse for a Show. About Seinfeld. About Seinfeld. Okay. I cannot believe somebody found this show worthy enough not to be yanked five seconds through the pilot. In a world where brilliant TV shows are canceled in a matter of weeks, this piece of utterly demonic garbage ran for nine years.

I do not dislike Seinfeld. I'm appalled by it. The very idea of watching mere seconds of this show makes me beg for sweet deliverance. Something along the lines of fleeing this mortal coil, maybe. Jerry Seinfeld is probably the world's worst comic. Jason Alexander, who was so deliciously bitter and evil as the voice of Catbird on Dilbert, is worth nothing here. Julia Louis-Dreyfus comes across as some kind of winky, loopy, flighty nightmare who always gets the short end of every episode. Not as though there's a long end.

Michael Richards is unbearable. I never found him funny. And the dreadful misuse of Wayne Knight is absolutely disgusting. The writing and situations are terrible. The photography could have been mimicked by an unconscious beluga whale and be improved. Vastly. And all the running gags come across as cheap efforts to win over an audience, which they are. So don't allow this monstrously vapid pariah of a sitcom to insult your intelligence under the guise of entertainment. To see some great NBC sitcoms, look to the witty

Friends, the interesting Frasier, and the tragically short-lived genius of Joey and Four Kings. And I implore any fans of, well, humanity, to not watch this in syndication. Send the right message for a change. Don't contribute to the televised spawn of evil. End of review. What happened? Why? Right? What?

An ex is a huge Seinfeld fan? I don't know. There must be something personal. An ex is Jerry Seinfeld? That would actually be the only thing that would warrant this. Wow. Right? Only.

No, you know, the only thing is if every person mentioned is this person's ex. And did something terrible to them. Yeah, except for Wayne Knight. Wayne Knight is their current partner, you know? And they're just so bitter. Yeah. I've never, that is so pointed and direct and strange and angry. I just got so – I got whiplash about the beluga whale.

Oh, yes. Because at first I thought, well, I'd like to see you write a show. And then they said the beluga whale thing and I got a real good laugh out of that. And I thought, actually, maybe you could write a fun show. Weirdly, and I feel like this review was fairly well written it was and even even though they used flowery language it wasn't out of place you know a lot of people maybe it's a clue i'm just saying yeah maybe it's uh some ulterior motive here yes the writer of uh friends or something and that's the thing is if you look at friends one star reviews and i have some later it's all

about how much better Seinfeld is. Exactly. It's like these two are feuding or something, as if anyone behind either show really gives a shit. Well, you said the name on it was Phoebe Buffet? Something. Phoebe Buffet. Buffet.

Oh, okay, so not the same person. No, no, no. Okay, sorry. Also, I love the insinuation that if we all stop watching seinfeld and syndication hollywood will be like they're sending us a message yeah yeah that this has got to be some sort of sign the people involved in this show are set for life yeah for many lifetimes they're not worried about it in fact they've got other shit going on too so they're good but yeah i like that

like stop watching it so we can send them the proper message. Like, who? And so what's funny is our next episode that we've already researched for is Hallmark movies that aren't, like, the holiday ones. And not that I think it's okay, but this would make more sense on a Hallmark. You know, when you're comparing like a Hallmark movie that's just kind of seems like poorly made or kind of like rushed or vapid. Yeah. But it's just entertainment compared to Seinfeld or something or Friends, whatever. Like, yeah, okay. Like they're on very different whatever.

But I don't know. Like what? People enjoy different things. Like what's the point of this? Who cares? Who cares? That's amen. i have a review of family guy oh that's good yeah i didn't use any um animated ones i should have probably just did family guys the only animated one i didn't just do family i just did one family guy review honestly thank god i almost went to south park and i was like i don't have the energy for this today. That's how I felt about

The Simpsons. I'm sure some people... We could probably do a whole episode on something like that. Honestly, in hindsight, we could do a whole episode on Seinfeld based on what I saw. I feel like we'll never run out of content. Yeah, that is very true. Well, this is a review of Family Guy and of course I went to commonsensemedia.org

and... Wait, is it now.org or has it always been.org? It's always been, but I just want to clarify. Yeah, I didn't know that, so I'm glad you did. You're so welcome. This is a review by a teen, age 13, and they give it a one star. Their username is familytrash13. This show should be called Family Trash. I think we just figured out why their name is Family Trash 13. This show should be called Family Trash.

I think we just figured out why their name is Family Trash. Oh. I was like, before you started, I said, is that just not a reference to Family Guy being trash?

Over my fucking head. Clearly I am. I've been watching too much Daniel Tiger. I think I'm not like up to snuff with all this like highfalutin, highbrow television. So highbrow.

Sorry about that. Okay, one-star review of Family Guy. This show should be called Family Trash or Boring Guy. All the jokes are bad, and only one out of ten jokes has to do with the plot, and they show a dumb clip where Peter fights a chicken. Stewie is stuck up and Lois is just plain annoying. The only good episode is sibling Riverally. The rest is trash. Peter's laugh is also annoying. I saw a kid in preschool watching this. Really? Dumb parents. End of review. Weirdly, they had some good points. I don't agree with this reviewer, but Family Guy is pretty stupid, but I don't think it pretends not to be stupid. Yeah, I think that's kind of the point.

Yeah. And Peter's laugh is annoying. I never really watched the show, but I can see why you would dislike it. And I think it's not probably you shouldn't be showing your preschooler Family Guy. Maybe not, but I mean, maybe that's the only okay age because they really don't know what anyone is saying. Yeah, actually true. That's better than a little older. More vocabulary.

We should switch to something different. Is that why you show Leona the family guy? Yeah. That makes sense. Well, mostly South Park. I feel like that's. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But we haven't gotten to BoJack Horseman yet, but I think that'll be next week. Just kidding. I'd approve. I'd approve. I have another one of Seinfeld. A 1 out of 10. Titled, Simply Some of the Worst TV Ever. And this one was from 2020. I love when they say simply in the title and we know it's not simple. It's not simple. It's a whole freaking paragraph including an update. Oy.

Tried binge watching this, this abysmal freak show, and with each pathetic and slimy episode, it becomes readily apparent that Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David are two of the biggest punks to ever make it on TV. Rich as hell, no doubt, but that's only because so many deranged idiots watched it. If it were a primetime major network attraction today, how many millennials would embrace it? Who knows? But these are some very, very, very unlikable-

Actually, ignore that question. Yeah, they're like, you know- They're like, I thought about it for two seconds and realized people love Larry David to this I know plenty of millennials who either watch Seinfeld or Curb or something like, and the Larry David, I don't know. The Larry Davidverse. The Larry Davidverse. Yeah, that's what I call it. Like, I don't know.

Plenty of millennials like Seinfeld. Yeah. But they also like grew up with their parents watching it, I think. So I don't know. So that's a nostalgia. Anyway, I didn't. So I've never actually watched Seinfeld. I assume all this just went through their head and then they said, well, never mind about that.

Yeah, I really think that happened. And then they kept talking. Yeah. Who knows? But these are some very, very, very unlikable people mainlining each sorry episode. In real life, real time, these four would have no friends except outcasts like themselves. Update. Tried binge watching a couple episodes every morning waiting for

Why? Like why? You literally just said how this is the worst. Like life is short. They'll tell you kind of why. Just get over yourself and go watch Friends. Who cares? They're waiting for Friends to come on so they have to watch something.

That's what they're about to say. Sorry. You can't just change the channel? Yeah, that's what I don't. I'm like, so they have to watch something. That's what they're about to say. Sorry. You can't just change the channel? Yeah, that's what I don't... I'm like, you don't have to watch it. No, I don't know. Tried binge watching a couple episodes every morning, waiting for friends to come on and keep me company. Good grief.

It's even worse than before. No sane person would put up with that freak Kramer more than two seconds. His character is not merely unfunny and annoying. He makes you want to stick a pencil in your ear and break it off. Disgusting show. End of review. I'm writing this from the ambulance because I've made a poor choice. If you couldn't tell, each one of those words was capitalized and there was a period after.

Oh my gosh. I felt it. For emphasis? I felt it. I don't think that emphasis is necessary when you're talking about sticking a pencil in your ear, but that's just me. But thank you for really putting a fine point on it. Wink. I accidentally looked at the camera when I did that.

It was not an accident. There's no way that was an accident. Oops. So, wow, Oxenor. I think that's the last of my Seinfeld, thankfully. Thank God. It's just exhausting because growing up, I feel like there was always that, in our age group, like that weird feud. Like, do you watch Friends or Seinfeld?

And it was basically just whichever your parents watch yep or in our case i just watched what my friends watched which was friends and so i feel like there were so many arguments you couldn't watch both you couldn't enjoy both it's just not allowed um i don't know why people can't be positive the thing is there are plenty of 10 star reviews i'm sure many people of course there. The thing is, there are plenty of 10-star reviews. I'm sure many people, of course, there are more 10-star than there are one-star for a show like this due to popularity. But it's that fact that makes people so enraged. Yes, that's what pisses them off. Go to the one-star.

So you'll see like a big spike in one-stars, then like kind of low amount of two, three, four, five, then like a high amount of like seven, eight, nine, ten. Man. It's always like that. It's all or nothing for these people. So they'd give Friends a 10, Seinfeld a one. I mean, I do sort of get it in a way of looking at Big Bang Theory where I'm like, why does anyone watch this? But I don't want to knock those people.

I'm like, whatever, you enjoy it, you watch it. And it's successful for a reason. Exactly. I mean, that's what people, I don't want to knock those people. I'm like, whatever. You enjoy it. You watch it. And it's successful for a reason. Exactly. I mean, that's what people, I don't know, don't think about enough. That's what they don't think about is why Larry David has so much money is what we don't really ever. We need to talk more about that. It should finally be addressed. Yeah.

Okay. So I have a review of Home Improvement. Oh, good. I was hoping. Starring Jude Law. It is Jude Law. Right? Yeah. rest yeah um okay so i have a review of home improvement oh good i was starring jude law it is jude law right exactly yeah and so this was sent in by please don't tweet me we know it's not i know i know that i know that also my twitter is defunct so you can actually you can tweet me all you want i'll never see it okay so this is uh a review that i found and then went through the inbox and this was also sent in by Erin Sheher. So great minds, you know.

Great minds go to Common Sense Media. I was going to say, do what? This is not. Great minds. That's the end of this sentence. Okay. This is actually a four star. So it's a redemption.

And here we go. Oh. Because these are out of five. These are out of five. Yes. And this is a. oh, I'm sorry. It's actually a three-star review, so. Actually, never mind.

It's a negative. I just did a little quick skim. I'm going to go with negative because we're on the fence here. This is by a kid, nine years old, whose username is Michael J. Fox Lover. But it's spelled wrong. But anyway. Wait, which part is spelled wrong? Michael.

Oh, dear. This is suggested to be for ages 11 and up by this child. Okay. And this is home improvement. I was going to say, I forgot which show it was.

Yeah. Home improvement. Three stars. This show is full of references to sex, capital S. And Brad and Randy are naughty. Ooh, Randy's a little Randy. I know.

I was like, is that an innuendo? Never mind. His child's nine. Okay. This show is full of references to sex, and Brad and Randy are naughty. They have stole from charity at Christmas, smoked a cigar, et cetera. Imagine the possibilities. There are too many.

If those are the first two, the etc. is like doing a lot of work here. It's just heavy lifting for that etc. In one episode, Tim thinks Jill is in the shower and he wants to surprise her. So he goes in naked and soon finds out it was his brother's wife, which is not appropriate.

Oh, okay. I wasn't sure. Thanks, kid. Thanks, nine-year-old. Thank God. I asked my mom. She said it's not appropriate. I thought that was part of the review.

No, no, no. I asked my mom. Oh, no. Usually common sense are wrong and overreactive, but this time they were underreactive. Lots of kissing weed. They kiss weed? Maybe. I feel like Tim Allen Homebrew.

I feel like it's a very anti-weed kind of show. It's very conservative. That conservative humor. Family values. I don't think pot is part of that. No. Having sex with your brother's wife. It actually probably is. That's in the Bible. That is part of that. No. Having sex with your brother's wife. It actually probably is.

That's in the Bible. That is in the Bible. This title contains too much sex. I'm sorry. This title contains sexy stuff. I hate that they changed that. I'm still mad. It's because of us, probably.

I like to think it is. I shouldn't take credit. It's because of you. It's because of me. Thanks. And too much drinking drugs and smoking. So lots of kissing. I mean, I feel like maybe they meant kissing comma weed.

Oh, is there weed in Home Improvement? I'd be very surprised. There was one episode where one kid was caught with pot. Oh, okay. It's in every. Moral of the story. Is weed is bad. Very bad.

Yeah. And stop kissing it. And stop kissing the weed. Yeah. bad very bad yeah um and stop kissing it i'll stop kissing the weed yeah why not kick back with a cold smooth bush Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager. Enjoy responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils.

So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. My next one is of Doogie Howser, MD. Oh my gosh, I never actually watch his show. Me neither. Okay. It's Neil Patrick Harris as a teenage genius who deals with the problems of growing up on top of being a licensed physician in a difficult residency program.

So basically, it's a child who's a doctor. And hilarity ensues. You'll get more information in this review. This is a one out of ten. Titled, Smug, Smarmy, and Annoying Kid. Okay. Little Doogie Howser graduated from medical school at the age of 12. He graduated college at the age of 9.

He graduated high school when he was 7. He finished middle school at the age of 5. He whizzed through elementary school at the age of 3. He did pre-K when he was 2 years old. Why didn't any of the older kids beat him up every day? That's what I would have done. Doogie, at age 16, is running the ER

at a really bad inner city hospital. The patients there have very few options, so they are willing to sign disclaimers to let a teenager practice heart surgery on them. Many die, but Doogie finds a humor in every horrible situation. Is that true? Does he kill a bunch of the patients? I will never watch this show because I want this to just

be the truth. If it is, I might start watching. That's actually a good point. That's a good reason to watch. Sounds like Dexter, but like a twisted child version. Jesus, yeah. I don't know. Well, I don't think that in the show he'd be doing it on purpose. Well, I don't know. Well, I don't think that in the show he'd be doing it on purpose. Well, I don't know. I think Dexter generally kills people on purpose. I don't know. I haven't seen it in a while, but I'm pretty sure that's the whole point.

I'm a little behind, so I could be wrong. Do the patients attack him with their crutches and bedpans? Do the nurses try to seduce the young bud? End of review. Do they? It just ends. I don know i i this review makes no sense like is that a joke question is that i think that i think this review is kind of tongue-in-cheek but i don't get it because they did say oh why did no one beat him up

so maybe they're saying why don't the women seduce the child? Which I'm like, why are you saying that? What is going on in your life, man? Yeah. Creepy. Oh, no. Creepy. All right. Well, good for you. I have another home improvement review.

It's my lucky day. I know. This review is from Common Sense Media. And the reviewer is nine and thinks that this is about 10 years and older is the the ideal audience and this is a three-star review i would say this is also negative the title is perfect for tweens above nine i was confused when i saw kissing in a season four episode of Home Improvement. That's why I don't want anyone under nine watching this show. Ranked seven out of my 25 favorite shows.

This title contains sexy stuff. What's it rank? Out of what? Seven out of 25 favorite shows. That was so out of the blue. I could not process those numbers quickly. As you can imagine, I clicked on their profile to find what other shows they have reviewed. They only reviewed one other piece of media, and it was the movie Paul Blart Mall Cop. Are you serious?

I'm serious. What did it rank on their top 100 movies of the century? I bet it's like top 88 movies or something. They probably have a very weird ranking system. But they actually, I'm going to read this to you. It's a four star review, so they're into it. Ages 10 plus and it's four stars. The title is Teens Only. Oh. Only. Oh.

Only. So we rated it iffy 10 to 13 because of kissing in the end. And those SH and A words were on there. Violence, guns by criminals. It makes it more stupid. I watched it and thought it was too violent for preschoolers. So if you have a preschooler, don't let them watch it till they're 10 years old. Even the rock band scene was bad because the song was by Kiss.

So don't watch till you're 10 or 11 years old, maybe even 13. That's all I can tell you. This title contains too much violence, too much swearing, and sexy stuff. This might be not okay to ask or say. Do these children not see their parents kiss at home? I didn't growing up. My parents were divorced. But I'm curious. I'm legitimately because they say, oh, they're kissing on the TV. Do your parents not kiss? I don't know. I don't know either. From experience, I don't have that experience. I don't know. I've never seen my parents kiss. But I think they mean making out. And I feel like parents

don't usually do that. In front of their kids? Yeah. Right? No. Like, it's like a kiss, like, goodbye, hello, I love you, whatever. I wouldn't think they would. That would be kind of weird to me.

But, like, the very romantic making out stuff. You can tell me as Leona ages. Yeah, how often we make out in front of her. I imagine it's probably not a lot or ever. Let's hope. Yeah, let's hope. I imagine it's probably not a lot or ever. Let's hope. Yeah, let's hope.

But I thought this was telling too because they said the rock band scene is bad because the song was by Kiss. I'm like, you have a fixation on this, friend. Yeah. Like, there's something up about this kissing. Yeah, this whole kiss situation. I was going to say every review. There's only two. But I was confused when I saw kissing.

You're not wrong. Every review. Every review here is. But I was confused when I saw kissing. You're not wrong. Every review. Every review here is about kissing, kiss the band. That's why I asked that because I felt very, I don't know. Hyper focused on that one part. So true. And I can't imagine that the kissing in Paul Blart is sexy stuff. I'm sorry to say.

But, you know, I could be wrong. That's not very nice. Yeah. Well. I'm sorry. It's just how I feel. It's wrong. I meant to say no offense beforehand. I've never seen it, so I don't know. My next one is of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Oh! Which is a show of a teenage witch. Good job. Yep. And yeah, this is not Sabrina, the more recent one. This is with Melissa Joan Hart. Is that right? Yep. Cool.

Here we go. Three out of ten. I'm only going to read the first paragraph. Oh boy. Three out of ten makes it sound like it's a very involved review. It is. It's six paragraphs. And I'm only reading the first. Do not worry. Okay. Here we go. Sabrina the Teenage Bitch. I'm sorry reading the first. Do not worry. Okay. Here we go. Sabrina the teenage bitch. I'm sorry, people, but I'm blasting this one out of the water. Okay, I hear lots of little girls, mostly now grown up, squealing,

you can't that. You can't that. What? Sorry. I'm playing along. You can't that. I was like, is that a thing? How did you know that's what?

No, I'm just. You said it so like as I was, I felt I'm sorry. I was like, man, is that like a quote from the show? Because I'm like, this is not this. No one would. You can't. That means nothing. They just messed up. I was just like ready to go. That was impressive. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I slow down. It just shocked me. Okay. I hear lots of little girls mostly now grown up squealing, You can't that! Not our

beloved Sabrina! You can! Cad. You cad. You cad! There we go. A lot of little girls definitely would say that. Yeah, for sure. But this show is the absolute damn pits. Please note that I'm not

talking about season one. Back then it held promise. I began watching it after having struggled through Charmed and felt that this one, even though a kids show, was much cuter even in its simplicity compared to Charmed. But it does seem as if playing

witches turns actresses into bitches. And Sabrina the Teenage Witch follows the Charmed route. It does seem as if playing witches turns actresses into bitches, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch follows the charmed route. The character becomes obnoxious and thoroughly unlikable. Okay, you are yelling at me. What are you talking about? What are you talking about, you cat? By season three, it is a junior gross-out show for girls, with fart jokes and all kinds of squeamish goings-on,

such as that very unglamorous episode where Sabrina's face turns red. There are way too many similar things happening, and they are clumsily carried out, unfunny, and quite not a good example of good viewing material for cultivating proper little young ladies. A totally obvious turn of events is that Sabrina becomes worse than Libby. She is aggressive and bratty, often scowling, and insistent on getting her own way. She is mean, impatient, laughs at people less fortunate than her. She is shallow, fickle, and in short, she actually becomes what Libby is supposed to be. And in short, she actually becomes what Libby is supposed to be.

Yet nobody comes forward and takes the self-centered little brat on until now. And then there are five. And I am that guy. End of paragraph. And then there are five more paragraphs. It honestly wasn't that entertaining. The rest of it, like, not worth reading. But just complaining about the ants and complaining about the different characters. You mean taking them on?

Taking, yeah. It took on a lot of people in there. So, yeah. Oh, my God. And like Libby is one of the characters. I assume it's like her enemy, the bully. The popular girl or something. Yeah, I don't know.

Well, that's, what did they say about Charmed? They struggled through Charmed? Yeah. So they didn't like Charmed. So I don't know. don't know i've never watched it's like a long series like i don't understand why people are struggling through yeah these shows if they don't like them yeah yeah i don't know i mean back then i get it there's not much on tv like you don't have many options but like hello get a fucking Netflix subscription. You never have to watch Charmed again.

Yeah. When was this review written? Let me find it. One moment. Can you check if they wrote a review of Charmed? Oh, true. I can do that. I'm just curious.

Can't I? This was written in 2014. I can. Can't I? I can. Oh. Can you? I don't know.

Well, they are busy on IMDb. Oh, Lord. Oh, my God. Speaking of IMDb, so someone put Beach to Sandy on IMDb. What? So y'all go rate it, I guess, if you want. I think you can do that. So someone put it on there, and my name was Alex Schieffer on there, and that's not what

I want to go by with professional stuff. So it was a pain in the ass to try to get it changed. Oh, no. I have a pro account. That's what I had it changed. Oh no. And so I did. I have a pro account. That's what I had to do. Oh, I could have done it. No, no.

I needed to merge it with a Zandy Schieffer page, which didn't exist until I created it anyway. Oh, they call it a talk show. That's cool. Now I have an IMTP page. Cool. With only BH2 Sandy on there. But, oh my God, Christina, this person has 850 reviews.

Okay, forget it. And there's no search on, at least on mobile. I was going to say I want to know, but now I kind of don't. DVD collector is in their name. Oh, okay. So I don't think, oh my God. Their most recent was November 2022. Sabrina one

They reviewed in 2014 What did they review in 22? The new Sabrina? Magnum PI, the new Magnum PI Okay, at least a new one Also like older movies like Dallas Swan Song Against the Wind

The Windfall Summer from 1978 My favorite They gave Black Widow a 2 out of 10. Dear Lord. Yeah, they do a lot of reviewing, so I'm not going to go back. Let's not. And find it. You're just on our IMDb page.

I'm just trying to rate us 10 stars. I almost said 5. That would be bad. Could you imagine? My rating, 10 out of 10. Here we go. That's one rating. You're the first one.

I love how I've been on there so much recently and I never thought to rate it. Okay. It feels unethical. It's not. It's whatever. It's one rating. It's probably totally unethical. I don't care. I did the same for our podcast on Apple podcast. Exactly. Okay. Which definitely means it's nevermind. Okay. your turn. All right. So this is a review of Saved by the Bell. It's a forced- Another thing I've never watched. You know, there's so many of these classic sitcoms and these classic shows I just never I feel like I missed the boat and then it was like, well, now what?

I never watched The O.C. No, same. I never watched Degrassi. Same. We just didn't watch those for some reason. I feel like when people watch those nowadays, people, especially, like, our age, it's for nostalgia. It's not because it's actually good or because it's, but to them, it's a comfort show or something. Well, Allison had never seen Degrassi, so Em and Allison, like, watched through the whole series.

But, like, Em had watched it, so I was like, okay, okay well i feel like that makes some sense yeah that's true tim from i mean i don't know i guess i watched gray's anatomy like years after yeah so did i but i gave up eventually yeah me too okay this is a four-star review by oh sorry this was sent in by abby um she her and then there's it's kind of a two-parter. So this is by a reviewer, and this is important. Their name is Jedi Micah. And it says they're an adult. Four stars. Title is, I love Screech. That's a character.

I'm actually familiar with that character, yes. Without Screech, this classic 80s sitcom wouldn't still be entertaining today. He makes me laugh simply by being a dork like me. Hey, Tim the TV guy. Thanks for responding to my questions. You and I seem to have a lot in common when it comes to movies and TV shows. Now, I'm actually interested about you, not in a creepy way. Is there a way I can reach out to you like email let me know

this title contains great messages too much drinking drugs and smoking great role models and sexy stuff so then of course this review is interesting i went digging for the response for common sense media like dating that's what abby said So then I went and found Tim the TV guy. Okay. And it says Tim the TV guy, adult. Five-star review of Saved by the Bell. Title is hilarious. This is such a funny show.

Plus, it is just a classic. The acting is pretty good, too. BTW, Jedi Micah, you're welcome. I'm very glad we have some things in common as for ways we can get to each other I can't tell you my email address my parents don't allow me to tell people my email address but you can read my reviews on my profile since

I agree with most of your reviews end of review oh it says adult in the profile. Because when you said adult, I was like, ah, good. Thank God. And then I read it and went, oh, no, my parents. I wonder.

I hope Jedi Micah was like, okay, never mind. I wonder if they put in their, like, when was this review written? Oh, I don't know, actually. Because I wonder if they put in their. Oh, 10 years ago. So they might have put in their real birthday, and then now they're an adult. You know? You're so smart.

Maybe it's just as it goes, it updates based on... You're so smart. Yeah, which is confusing. I think it should leave it for whenever... I would hope so. You know, it would make sense to leave it. Because it splits the reviews by parent and child. Yeah, so what?

They become a parent once... I don't know. That makes no sense yeah so imagine like this that nine-year-old review that review from the nine-year-old you read earlier like in 10 years if someone's reading it and it says this is a parent what is an adult wrote this review what is kissing tim the tv guy what is kissing i think that's how Christina What? Haven't you read a review? That we were like There's no way an adult wrote this And it said adult

Oh, yeah, there was I wonder if that happens There were I did a whole challenge Where it was like reviews Where it says it's a kid But Yeah

But there were some Where they were clearly like Oh, my son can definitely watch Yeah, yeah Play this Xbox game Or whatever Yeah But yeah, that might happen or i bet

you you can just like put check some box and it could just be wrong but true or it's his parents account and he just used it i don't know but i was like well this got i thought it was going to be a fun little meet cute and then it got real upsetting it did not get cute no oh my next one is of everybody loves raymond and it's titled a good reason to quit drinking i thought i was gonna say no not everybody loves raymond yeah i know that's right i'm sure that was often uh that was a common one. Oh, man. All right, here we go. One out of ten. This is how you quit drinking.

It's 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning, and I wake up with a bad hangover, or at least I used to. This used to happen too many times, and then I found the perfect cure. Do not drink the day before, because if you do, you are forced to wake up the next day and face the most obnoxious person in TV history, Ray Romano. In the end credits, we read, Based on the comedy of Ray Romano. What comedy? I'm not an American, but I've seen a few stand-up acts from the USA, and most of it is funny. But in not even the darkest corner of my imagination can I even begin to understand how Romano's comedy would be like this. Is this Romano's comedy? To go on the Leno show

or Letterman and cut his pants legs? Which I guess is a plot in the movie or in the show. Watch this! Remember that time when I said I love reviews, or I found a new review that I love is when people describe what happened at an improv show? Oh, God. Now I have someone who's describing what happens in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. A sitcom of a 90s sitcom. Basically explaining just the general idea of how it goes.

Follow this chain of events and you have every episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Ray enters his kitchen and the audience laugh for some unexplained reason. He takes a bottle of beverage and starts to talk to his wife about how cool a game would be to watch. His wife says Ray has to do the laundry, cut hedges, pick up kids, or something along that line. Ray's parents enter and the audience laugh again. Ray's mother comments the wife's cooking, while his father says something funny about vowel movements and how stupid his wife is. Enter two twin, age around two, and the audience goes,

Ow! Ah! And then enter the daughter of the house. She shows a drawing. It later becomes a centerpiece on the kitchen door. Enter the brother. Ray's brother is called a cowardly, dumb bumhole by his entire family, yet again for some unknown reason. Ray's wife stands up for the brother. Classic sitcom, split storyline.

Ray wants to see the game and maybe his brother has a problem with a date. Now we see every cliche in history of sitcoms evident. And then the writers seem to go back to the drawing board. Rinse, repeat. Don't writers have any dignity, introspection, pride? End of review. Oh my God. I know.

Okay. I have a slight bone to pick because they say, oh, what comedy? Is this comedy? But then they're like, oh, what comedy? Is this comedy? But then they're like, oh, it follows every formulaic sitcom trope. And I'm like, okay, well, so you clearly get that it's a sitcom. It's a specific style of comedy that people enjoy. You just find it too formulaic, I guess, which, I mean, I guess that's kind of the whole point of a sitcom. And that is a valid complaint that people have about sitcoms, which is nothing wrong with that.

I just liked him better at the beginning when he acted like he didn't understand what comedy was. And then proceeded to describe every sitcom to ever exist. Yeah, and then seemed to just know it so well that I was like, okay, you really had me for a minute. Because I feel like this is the guy at a comedy show who's like, I don't get it. What did he say? I don't get it. Like, what did he say? I don't get it. Our father. Yeah.

Or our mother. That's like more of language. But that's why when he said, I'm not from the USA, I was like, oh my gosh, this reminds me of our parents who were like, is this supposed to be funny? Yeah. And like dead serious. Is this supposed to be funny or not? And you're like.

That's the best thing about laugh tracks. They tell you what's supposed to be funny. And that's why our mother hates a laugh track. I also do. I do too. But I like that he says everyone laughs for some unknown reason. Like I feel like he's looking around like why are we laughing? Like am I the crazy one here?

Yeah. Because I'm the only one not laughing. Oh my God. I just thought that was such powerful imagery, you know? Yeah. Okay. So powerful. So powerful.

So this is from amanda this is my last one it's a redemption of full house i know i haven't read any negatives of full house but oh i have one don't worry you do oh yeah do you want to read like three more so yeah let me read the okay my full house one yeah okay here's a one out of ten of full house titled god i wish the the full house has never been made which is just a great way to put it yeah Full House titled God I Wish the Full House Has Never Been Made. Which is just a great way to put it. Full House is one of the worst TV series ever. Why? Because all the characters are

so irritating that it's impossible to bear. The best character is Joey and even he is pretty irritating occasionally. And that girl DJ, who wrote her character? I want to kill myself every time she speaks. Not to mention when Danny starts with his philosophy. Example, DJ won around $10,000 or more in the casino. However, she's not 18, so she shouldn't gamble according to law. However, the casino was ready to pay her the money. Then Danny, her father,

caught her and don't let her raise that money because she is not 18. Oh, come on, give me a break, will ya? Since I've seen that stupid and childish scene, I instantly turned off the television. Some of the things they say in this series, not even a child would buy. Who in the world could think that Full House is entertaining and funny? Every single word they say in this series, not even a child would buy. Who in the world could think that Full House is entertaining and funny? Every single word they say in the series seems like Shakespeare wrote it. Except that Shakespeare knew how to write. And except that he wouldn't be that childish and stupid to write something as stupid as they wrote in the script for Full House.

Amen, sister! It's like, I don't know where Shakespeare came from. Yeah. I think Shakespeare was brought up just to be like, hey, look, this is like Shakespeare wrote it, except it isn't. Yeah. Except it wouldn't be ever. Exactly.

For everyone who has a bad heart or any kind of bad medical condition or any will for life or any sense of the real world, I deeply recommend do not watch The Full House. Not even one episode as a tryout. Avoid this series. Save yourself from stupidity and nonsense. This is the worst television show ever. I'd rather watch Teletubbies than this. Do not watch this.

End of review. Fucking prove it. Fucking prove it yeah prove it put on tinky winky if you don't go watch like binge watch tell tubbies i'm not ever gonna believe you so true um what i hate that most of my response they're just what uh but that's so valid because why but why but what was the problem with the casino that like so i mean i get it like it's so stupid yeah but what's the actual issue that that i think the issue took away her money is that like yeah is that she wants so much money and the dad's like i'm gonna teach her a lesson a ten thousand dollar lesson by not letting her accept this money which is absolutely insane like as if like honestly what a weird if leona was 17 or whatever 16 i don't know how old dj was in this episode and like calls me and was like or or i find out

that she the casino gave her ten thousand dollars i wouldn't be like march back there and give that ten thousand dollars back i'd be like sweet we'll figure out how to get by the taxes and all this shit. I don't know. We'll make this work. Yeah. You know. Agreed. But not that this would ever happen in real life.

Like, I don't think a casino is giving $10,000 out to underage children. But. Well, okay. It's just very, I think their problem is that Full House is very like, oh, like all these life lessons and stuff. But it's absolutely ridiculous. And hard to believe. I mean, I'm just like, why are all these adults watching these children's shows and then getting so bent out of shape? I don't know.

I guess it's because they want children to become ladies. So true. And it's not going to happen. If you keep watching all the fart jokes on Sabrina. Amen. Amen. Amen. Okay. So do you want me to read the redemption now? Yes. Okay. This is a redemption of Full House from Amanda. It's by a teenager, 13 years old, whose title or whose username is I Know What I'm Doing, which makes me think exactly the opposite. It's a five-star review.

The title is DJ Gives Me the Creeps. Scary facial expressions and phrases leaves me crapping in the toilet by the end of every episode. This title contains great messages. Three people found this review helpful. What? End of review. I don't know.

Is this a cure for some sort of constipation or something? DJ just spooky ooky. Reminds me of those shows, those movies, I don't know where this started, but that there's that certain low note. It might even be like based in something somewhat real there's like a low note that can be played that makes you like makes your bowels are you serious is that what happens at home or it's like some sort of like tj maxx isn't that what they say like when people go into barnes and nobles that's right um no i don't know playing that note?

I guess not. Why would they want you to play it? No, they don't want. Why do you want? No, it's something that you could play that low note and it's not. What? I don't know. Okay, this is probably an urban legend thing.

Have you ever heard that before? Well, yeah, because in the episode, DJ Tanner's always going. And her face looks like that. That's why it says scary facial expressions. I forgot there's video. Like a camera going. Yeah, it's, I consider it a probiotic. Okay.

Good for you. Thank you. You're welcome. I have two more. Okay. I'm just trying to really just not get to the challenge and like kind of Are you just finding new reviews to like postpone?

No, no, no, no, no, I swear these are all ones I brought to the table. This is just like surprisingly pretty easy, like I just kept finding stuff People had a lot of thoughts There are definitely some shows I couldn't find any from I tried Will and Grace and it was so positive

I was surprised on Common Sense grace and it was so positive i was surprised yeah on common sense media it was all very positive yeah oh i will say i did look at things like uh fresh prince of bel air oh yeah um and a lot of like and uh tv shows with like mainly black casts so much racism oh god yeah and it was like this isn't it's not fun or funny. And it's like, it was terrible. And it was like recently written, too. And it's like, what the fuck? Like, why are you even watching this? If you're such a fucking racist, why are you watching shows that you're not the intended audience?

And it was like, if the roles were reversed, they would be... Yeah, right. And I was like, what? Because some of the white characters were like bumbling idiots. And they're like, if the roles were reversed, it would be... Yeah, but they're not. So no, it's just ridiculous. Anyway, I just try though.

Whatever. Uh, here, my last two are two reviews of friends. Oh, go. Well, that was a weird sound.

Well, okay. Hold on. I gotta go to the bathroom. That's so stupid. Oh boy. Oh, sorry.

I did that to Leona before we go on a road trip. That's actually, that would be useful. I don't even know what I was trying to say. I don't know either. I think I was trying to say, oh, God. Okay. Here's a one out of 10. Titled stupidest sitcom ever.

Friends. Yep. Friends. Even the smart guy, Ross, the scientist, doesn't understand evolution. Monkey to man equals WTF? And you're supposed to be a paleontologist? Friends is for preteens at best. End of review.

Do they not believe in evolution? No, they do. But they're saying Ross wasn't smart enough to get it. Yeah, wasn't like, didn't bring out all the nuance because that's a very simplified way of looking at evolution. I don't know what, this might be a specific episode. Can I tell you something? What? I guarantee this person watches Big Bang Theory and is like, it's so smart.

This show is so smart. And they say so many smart science things. I bet you. What? Christina. What? They have two reviews total. One is friends with Christina. I did not look this up beforehand. I am shook right now. You are not wrong. You are wrong, but you're not far off. It's a negative review.

No, no, no. It's a 10 out of 10. Of Young Sheldon. Yep. Oh! So, titled Best Sitcom Ever. Alexander! Get out of here.

Written like a month apart. So it wasn't even like same day. I knew where their brain was at. Holy shit, Chrissy. That was impressive. Thank you. So they're 10 out of 10. I'll read this quick just because.

Best sitcom ever made. Okay. All right was impressive. Thank you. So they're 10 out of 10. I'll read this quick just because. Best sitcom ever made. Okay, alright, relax. So we all remember, for Friends it was stupidest sitcom ever, and now this, Young Sheldon is quote, best sitcom ever made. And here's the review. It's pretty short. I have not read this yet. First equals no laughing tracks. Next equals no dumber than a bacteria characters. But equals not too brainy, but makes you think finally. Wait.

I cannot get through this. I'm glad I said I haven't read this before. Does this follow PEMDAS? It's just a bunch of equal signs. I'm so confused. I think there's. Okay. I'm going to try this again.

Here we go. First equals. Why are they doing equal signs? Are they trying to do colons? First equals what? That doesn't make any sense. But there's also like very little punctuation other than, not that equal signs are punctuation,

but I think they're using it as the only punctuation. So maybe they mean like dash, like first. Yeah, so like first, no laughing tracks. Right. Next, no dumber than a bacteria characters. But, not too brainy, but makes you think. Finally, heartful family-oriented mini-drama. I love it.

End of review. And they understand evolution just as well as I do, which apparently is a lot. Quite a lot. Despite how I don't know how to use an equal sign. Somehow, four out of eight people found that helpful. And one out of 15 for that first one. I don't know who that one is, but. I fucking knew it.

I knew it. It's always the people. And again, I'm not trying to shit on people who watch Big Bang Theory. I have friends who love it and swear by it. I can't stand it, but I know people who love it. swear by it i can't stand it but i know people who love it yeah i'm talking about renee likes young sheldon she does not she does i'm not i'm just like that it does not that is very surprising i know i'm saying it's like so weird i said my

friends really like demographic is yeah i know well her parents watch it and i think she started watching with them and she thinks it's funny and i'm like okay the thing is i've never given a shot to be fair i've never seen young sheldon so i can't quite say but um what i'm basically what i'm trying to say is i feel like there is a brand of viewer of a show like big bang theory young sheldon who thinks it's like an extremely intelligent show and people who don't like it are just dumb yeah i don't think that's quite true or it's still a sitcom yeah you can say that christina okay i don't know we're on the same page like it's not nova like i don't know why people act like oh it's so smart i'm like it's a bunch of tv writers and actors it's not a documentary like i know that um they have one thing like a talking point about Big Bang Theory is they did have some very smart people work on that show.

And some of the jokes are very actually elevated humor. But overall, it's meant to appeal to a wide audience. It's not like... It's like a family sitcom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And hey, I'm sure people have learned something from it, which is kind of fun. I don't know. But I bet they do teach evolution.

There's probably some smart stuff in there. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, What's-Her-Name has a doctorate, right? Like in the main woman in it? I think so. And now like hosts Jeopardy? Sure.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or did host Jeopardy for a minute? Oh, yeah. I honestly forgot she was in Big Bang, but of course she was. You know, like that's like now uh bialik right yeah uh yes my brain is not working but yes um clearly we don't watch big bang theory because otherwise we'd be a lot smarter and i also don't watch uh non ken jennings jeopardy i'm just kidding i only watch jeopardy on t TikTok now. Oh, okay.

My turn? Nope. Wait, I thought you were done. Oh, I met for my challenge. I still have my one more friends one. I met for my challenge. This is my final one. This is my final one. One out of ten friends, okay?

Okay. Titled, Friends is like a fresh breath of carbon monoxide. See, sometimes I'm like, okay, I'll give you a chance to tell me how you feel. Because it's entertaining. Yep. Here we go. After force-feeding myself a half dozen episodes of Friends, I was reminded of H.L. Mencken's observation that no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. This is one of the most contrived shows ever produced. I have to assume that the

people who find the series so riveting only do so to live vicariously through the lives of the characters. Either that or they are immature yuppie wannabes whose sensibilities have been compromised by gamma rays. The effusiveness of most of the positive reviews made me want to throw up. Friends reeks of nauseating sexual innuendos that are spat out like projectiles from a tennis ball machine. When it comes to dealing with sex, Cheers, Frazier, and Seinfeld were far more clever,

witty, and intelligent. Seinfeld co-creator Larry David wanted his show's humor to be based largely on real experiences. The show broke one barrier after another and either originated or popularized numerous expressions. Like pulling your, cutting your pants off.

That was Raymond Monaghan. Hey, give Raymond his credit, please. I'm so sorry. Seinfeld's sexual humor was clever and original. On Friends, it was on the same level as smut. On Cheers, Ted Danson as babe hound Sam Malone was far more endearing than any of the male characters on Friends. The show never ran out of hilarious one-liners, which was quite a feat,

considering that the show didn't often venture outside the confines of a bar. Frasier was both cerebral and jocular. How many TV shows make references to the Algonquin Round Table? Not enough, I tell you. Not enough. I'm saying that all the time. You are always saying that. That's why every episode of this show, I bring it up. It's like at the bottom of all our show notes.

I don't know if you all noticed it. Just the whole thing about it. God. Kelsey Grammer's Frasier Crane was sidesplitting as he pursued one failed relationship after another, but he never descended to the low-level sexual innuendos that were characteristic of Friends. Unlike evergreens such as the Dick Van Dyke Show,

20 years from now, Friends will have been consigned to the dustbin of forgotten TV shows alongside Meet Millie and Hey Jeannie. We'll see. I doubt that very much. Yeah, well, this ago written 12 years ago so eight more years we'll see i will see i don't have once again i doubt high hopes for what this person i feel like especially once the cast like dies and however many years there'll be a friend's

resurgence or you know like people love the show it's always gonna be on like pop culture it's it's it's it's a staple. Sorry. Regardless of if Jerry here liked it or not. Meet Millie? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So hold on. Did this person review Big Bang?

Because honestly. You just want me to like. Well, because here's the thing. They review Frasier sort of indirectly. And I'm like, I wonder if I feel like people who really enjoy Frasier are not the Big Bang type. No, I know what you mean. It's sort of a different vibe of humor. I don't know.

This person, based on their ratings, just a quick glance, looks to be a very big fan of classic cinema and TV. Oh, boy. So it's a lot of movies from the 70s. Wow. I think the only one star is, yeah, the only one star is Friends. Oh, my God. But Seinfeld was genius. Okay. Yeah. They gave, I'm trying to even find, like, leave it to Beaver from the 50s. Oh, my God. They gave it a seven. from the 50s. Oh my god. They gave it a 7. Oh my god. Let's see what else there is. There was Frasier got a 10. Sure. Oh and a specific episode of Seinfeld they gave a 9. But they didn't review the whole thing.

And then random shows from the 50s that other ones gave. So yeah just a classic TV fan who was really put off by the existence of Friends. Right. The existence of it. Have they seen any reality TV? I was gonna say

things are much worse out there than they realize. If Meet Millie is their point of like this is getting thrown in the dustbin. Kind of a rough awakening if they get cable christina you don't know anything about meet millie do you no neither neither do i i'm just saying it's funny how you're saying that because i think it's funny what if it was reality tv what if it's like yeah a show what if you had just said you don't know anything about it i go

no and you go oh it's a spin and And then a new spin off of 90 Day Fiancé. Could you meet Millie? Meet Millie. Yeah. Like, why? Poor meet Millie is like, wow. Getting like really trashed. The first time this show has been mentioned in like 50 years.

In whatever. And it's this person trashing friends. In whatever 2023 minus 1953 is. So I would say that's 70 years. Man, they aren't wrong, though. This was a show from the 50s. Yep. would say that's 70 years. Man, they aren't wrong, though. This was a show from the 50s. It was on for four years. It has 24 total ratings.

24 people on IMDb have given it a rating. What did this fellow say? Anything? Nothing. That's the thing. This person did not feel like Meet Millie was even worth rating. And that's what I'm saying. Because there are only 24 people, but there are probably a million

people rating Friends, most of them well over five stars, probably a big, big chunk giving it ten, and they take this personally, so they give it one to counteract that. Oh, yeah. Well, I have something to say. Please. I'm done. So you can say everything. I wish that this were written in a modern context because the description of Meet Millie on Wikipedia is – oh, no, sorry. This is what the show opened with. This is the announcer's introduction.

And, again, I tell you, I wish that this were, like, meant in a modern way because it says, A gay new comedy about the life and loves of a secretary in Manhattan. It's time to meet Millie. Ooh. Now, if this were really a gay, we could do a reboot. Okay. You and I. A gay new comedy.

It's a gay show. Okay. How fun would that be? I don't know if any of those have ever existed. What? Gay comedies? I don't think so. A those have ever existed. What? Gay comedies? I don't think so. A gay new show?

A gay new show about a secretary. I think it sounds good. You know what? Let's do it. Do you think Florence Halop would revive her role? No. Okay. She's dead.

Well. Why would you even say that? You know Christina. Wait, don't you remember are you serious it's so insensitive what is wrong with you do you remember yeah so weird because it happened in 1986 i know but you didn't hear about it like this was not something that you like have on your mind like every day after you Like, I mean, I'll never forget that moment. She stuck a pencil so far in her ear, sick of being a secretary.

She was watching Everybody Loves Raymond. She's like, what does TV come to? Oh, no. Oh, Millie. It's too bad. Oh, she was on Night Court, too. Anyway. All right.

Great end to that theme. Yeah, why do you care about who's on Night Court? Because she died. On Night Court? Jesus. It was a dark show. I know, it's at night, Christina. here's a challenge it's from gregory and it's to find reviews that annoys andy um i of course i kind of have it on like a we're gonna start small okay and build up jesus how many do you

have what i have like four for next episode oh no i should spend this whole time looking for more and i'm kidding i'll i'll pay attention to the annoying annoying bits couldn't stop thinking this is what i wrote couldn't stop thinking about foodie news one so i was like well we gotta start somewhere let's start with foodie news one um who's famously his yelp profile read, Secrets to, parentheses, space, affordable, close parentheses, millionaire dining. So that's Foodie News 1. He's a classic.

He's the author of Oh, Where, Oh, Where Has My Calamari Gone? Robert Ducky, You're the One, about a serving of duck that he had once. He's also, he christened Handlebar Mustache Robbie and Tall Beth with their names. He really is a classic. Wow. Why would I be annoyed by Foodie News 1? I don't know.

That's why I'm starting small, you know. I see. So I'm going to start with a review of Pan Asia Buffet in San Marcos, California. And this was, it has three updates. So this starts as a one star in September of 21. Rude workers here and super lazy who seem to be the owners

refused my request for my crab to be heated up on the grill. With the dumbest excuse I've ever heard, they might explode. Um, crabs don't pop, y'all. The grill cook just stands around with nothing to do and no matter what would not heat up anything for me, not even shrimp, not even ribs, and they'd just stand there and literally laugh at you. What the H do you even have a grill if I can't use it?

Food was actually cold, which government food inspectors will pay them a visit soon, I bet. So if you see them shut down a week, that's why. Food poisoning is often at places that have cheap heaters or they are cheap and don't turn it up high enough. Don't ever expect them to change because they told me they don't know what Yelp is. Seaside buffet and also hundreds of buffet all will do anything you want. They are just a short drive away. And also hundreds of buffet. All will do anything you want.

They are just a short drive away. Pan Asia really needs to go to charm school and learn what serving and quality is all about. Too bad they could be good. End of review. Okay. Everything's popping. That's scary. What else is popping? Okay, nothing.

But I wonder if that's why they said we can't heat these things up. They said no to crabs. I can't heat up your crab because it's going to pop. Right. Or explode. Explode. Then they're like, we can't heat up your ribs. We can't heat up your something else.

Shrimp. Shrimp. They're going to probably all explode. They're going to explode. And I feel like it's a wild question to say, why do you have a grill if I can't use it? Yeah, that is very true just like the logic there doesn't work for me it's like well you could say that about any restaurant and it's really not i could see him bringing his own like oh my special batter to waffle house because he's like i see the

grill right there can you just please put it on the grill mine is out yeah my gas bill was too high last month i thought you're gonna say i think waffle house would would probably they'd be like they'd be like okay i thought you were gonna say he's bring... Honestly, I think Waffle House would probably oblige. They'd be like, I don't give a shit. They'd be like, okay. I thought you were going to say he's going to bring a hot plate to the restaurant, which honestly also wouldn't surprise me. That also wouldn't surprise me. But here's an update for you. So that was in September.

This is in October. And so less than a month later, it's a three-star review. What was the first one? Sorry, one. One. Okay, okay. Yep, we're moving on up. Three stars. i guess they

do read reviews well they probably learned what yelp was yeah exactly they're like we should probably look into this yeah this guy is unhinged we should check yelp they fixed the cold food issues everything was hot servers were nice like before grill cooks still the same won't do anything for you that's out of the normal for them oh well sashimi is only okay to pretty good many of the other places serve better quality ahi and salmon and spend more time on talented slicing and rolls overall this place good and close drive often i'm just too tired to drive the extra 40 minutes to sd pan asia is still making improvements as I am now working with the owner on ideas. He's like, I have some secrets to affordable millionaire dining.

Yeah, right. I'm sure the owner loved that. Must be insufferable. Must be insufferable. I can't imagine. And the thing is, there's only one customer. God, I bet there's so many other people like him out there. This is only the one we found. Oh, dear. Okay, we have another update. The only one admitting that they do this. There's more. Okay, I am getting annoyed.

I'm sorry. I told you. That's the point. You don't apologize. This is the whole point. I'm getting annoyed with the updates. So this is a four star. Wow. Okay. Hey. But I do respect that. At least it's going up. He takes it very seriously. So this was April 9th and the last one was October 9th. So six months later. It feels like he's holding them hostage. Like this owner, like if you're working with the owner and you're not giving more than three stars and then now it's like, oh, four stars. Five stars. Elusive. Four stars make me think

yeah, true. It's almost like That's five. Fifth star is elusive. Four stars make me think. Yeah, true. It's almost like he's doing like a weird bargaining system. Like a chore chart with stars. And next time he comes in, he's like, hey, just so you know, I upped it to a four. Maybe one day it'll be a five. Like a sticker, like a smiley sticker. And he's like, this is what you get for today because you did all your. Yeah, but, you know, I remember seeing in a bunch of his old reviews, too, that he would say, like like, I gave them advice and I told them that this is how you should make sashimi.

And I'm like, oi. But a lot of times it was a negative review because they didn't take his advice. Yes. So I'm surprised at the four because it really means he thinks at least that he's creating a better environment at this restaurant. He's basically reviewing his changes. His job as the co-manager, apparently. So this is a four-star review, and it was six months later. It reads,

Good and the ugly. The families that come here, parents and their kids lick their fingers and not wear gloves while grabbing food also stick their fingers inside the chocolate fountain? Owners see it and do nothing. Most of the workers don't speak English, so they don't say anything. There was food on the floor, but the workers think it's normal. Okay, I don't know if that's true. That's a four out of five, first of all.

First of all, this seems like it should have been mentioned in the beginning. It stayed there for over an hour. This place has a totally different set of health standards all their own, but could be so much better, but they are just too stubborn or lazy or worse. So the good is pretty hot food, tender ribs, above average crab legs, not top quality, you have to squeeze out the water. Sushi is fresh. Fun sauces. The red is not marinara, lol. Overall worth the money. About $27. But now the stubborn things they do or don't do. I've complained. The melted butter is usually cold. They could simply buy a $38 soup thermos with pump, but the owner says no. All the other buffets have them. You also have to constantly

ask for more crab from the super crabby lady. She often points to the last two skinny bits on ice. Ugh. The hibachi guy is like way rude and super duper lazy. I wanted my salted shrimp flamed and my ribs fresh flamed and he just shakes his head. No, no, no. He is never busy, he just stands there. All other buffets will do anything you ask the hibachi guy. I had to beg them to clean off the window blinds. They had tons of spit and chewed food. Are you a health inspector? Like, what is happening? This is so obnoxious to go through.

His reputation is on the line. Oh my god, this is so not what you do. As the marketing director of this restaurant. Just stop going back. I had to beg them to clean off the window blinds. They had tons of spit and chewed food, meat stuck on them. Super gross. I think they recently kind of wiped them down, but still gross.

They never enforced the glove rule or mask rule while grabbing food. Some people don't care about official health rules. It's really just a great idea if everyone wears the gloves and masks while dishing up. Okay, so that was a four star. That was an improvement? That was a terrible review. Excuse me? And also, this feels like it's a give a mouse a cookie situation where they listen to his suggestions the first time. Yeah. And now he's got nitpicking. He's nitpicking every little thing. Oh, yeah. And it's like.

Not that he wasn't nitpicky before, but now it's like this expectation that you will listen to me. Now he feels entitled to all this nonsense. Yeah. That's exactly how I feel. I mean, he's like, oh, a soup thermos. I looked it up. It's $38. Like, what are you doing?

And it's like. oh, a soup thermos. I looked it up. It's $38. What are you doing? And they said no, as if it's so egregious for them to set some boundaries and be like, we will not do this for you. Please stop telling. Please. Please get out of my office. Please get out of my driveway. How is this poor owner? He's like, please leave me alone. Also.

This poor hibachi chef. This hibachi chef is so high maintenance. I just wanted my ribs flash grilled. One thing done this way, the other thing done this way, every other hibachi chef does it. He's so lazy. I wanted fresh flamed ribs and salted shrimp. I don't even know what it means, but anyway. I feel like the hibachi chef is like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, stop it. I'm not going to set your food on fire for you. This is not a Benihana. And then not happy with the crab that's left, so demanding that they switch it out so you can have, like, the fresh ones. Come on. He's just annoying. And I just see him in his, like, gloves, like, give me more crab. Okay, this is a review.

This is the one. Oh, no, this is a review. This is the one. Oh, no, this is a different one. This was actually suggested this angle of annoying you was suggested to me by Mary. So you'll see. Okay, great. It's a review of the murder mystery lunch on the Norwegian cruise line by Cruise and Cockney. And to be clear, Mary did not suggest Cruise Critic. I was already there.

Okay. We went already there. Okay. We went and thoroughly enjoyed it. I was taking notes immediately, and Daniel noticed something that I had written down. We basically knew the denouement within minutes of the start. It's semi-improv, semi-scripted, quite fun and funny. Pay attention to little details, but don't let red herrings get in the way. Smiley face. So I guess that's a positive review of the murder mystery lunch. But Mary suggested looking up denouement.

At least that one, I feel like, made sense. And so, of course, I looked it up within the comments. It's worse when you just say it. I know. At least you're reading it. At least I'm reading someone else use it. But, of course, I had to search Cruise Critic for that, you know. Of course.

So here is another review from CruiseCritic.com. All the rest of mine are. Oh, Jesus Christ. That alone is annoying to me. I know. This is a review of Norwegian Sun. Three stars. And I would say negative.

The cruise was an upgrade and my husband never cruised Alaska. We were upgraded to the forward bow. Huge room with big balcony. The bow. Woo-hoo! Well, first night, the ship was rocking and rolling. My husband got seasick, and he was wheelchaired to the infirmary. What nice nurse and doctor on duty that evening.

My husband and I were treat for seasickness. Everything was nice. The specialty dinners, teppayaki, bistro, and other places were all good. The excursions we signed up for were canceled. Ports were too short and had to return back to the ship. Very disappointed. Day before docking back in Seattle, my husband caught COVID. A passenger in the restaurant kept coughing my husband was tested positive we disembarked went to urgent care to get treated that was a nightmare we got stuck for one week in seattle isolating and we were denied a refund this was eek end of review god they use it for everything surprise i did not expect it there last word they fucking get me every time um so yeah so there's that uh

i love the instant like covet me the nerve someone else coughed so we got covet what the fuck this is not a review it's actually a response to a forum post god yeah oh my goodness was just thinking of doing a search on cruise critic today to see if you had posted and indeed took your trip and here it is so excited had to remember to breath when i was reading your flying escapades still on the edge of my seat about the luggage the pictures so far are spectacular thank you to you and and Carol again for sharing them with all of us. There is no place like Rome. Kitty.

I wish I had someone this enthusiastic about my travel photos. No, the enthusiasm is very good. I have nothing against it. It's just the eeks. The eeks. You can't. It's unnecessary. It's loud.

And I know they're writing it and you're the one making it loud, but still. Okay, this one is all capitals with three exclamation points. I know. They mean it to be loud. Yeah. Also, I just love that Kitty is like searching Cruise Critic for someone else's travel updates. Like, what a supportive virtual friend. Yeah, right?

Like, I've been waiting to see your photos of Rome. virtual friend right like i've been waiting to to see your photos of rome and presumably this isn't some sort of uh um what's the relationship we have with our fans parasocial oh right right yeah yeah that one no you know it's like it's not like this is i assume it's not some sort of parasocial sorry uh it's not like where the uh the person posting the updates is like a famous cruise fan. Maybe. Maybe. Technically could be. But like, I don't know.

I don't like to think of it that way. I think they just have bonded over. Hey, they're like a couple online pals who love cruises. Well, Oxenar, I'm so glad you said that. Because I now have what I call a cool cruiser saga. Some might say this is the denouement of the episode. Because it really is like the you didn't say that topper um and now it begins

it's it's a saga i'm just gonna leave it at that oh okay it's so great having this episode with you all let's leave it at that this is a review of the cunard line which is a cruise line uh by new tom and the review reads as follows a quick review i don't know about this one i don't think that's true almost two full pages we were taking six elderly smiley face with a d after elderly six elderly smile relatives for their first time aboard qe2 we have raved about her since our first trip and they have always wanted to sail on her we did all of the vital things steamrapped snooze with hot chocolate on the sun deck, afternoon tea in the queen's room, champagne departure from Southampton.

She is one of a kind and as wonderful as ever. Unfortunately, all was not perfect. The dinner service was poor on the first night, then dire on the second, with stewards painfully slow, cold food, and a wine waiter who put in a single appearance and then disappeared. Three quiet words with the assistant maitre d', and then the maitre d' didn't improve it, and we ended up leaving without dessert. Mad. Sorry, that's my emoticon sound. What three words do you think? Because I feel like you say three words and they didn't fix it. Well, what three words did you say? Because I feel like you say three words and they didn't fix it Well, what three words did you say?

I don't know, that was confusing Three is really specific and I feel like not much room to give detail Like when I think of three words, I think I love you Yeah, maybe he did say that He could have said I would not help you either, random cruise person If I was a maitre d' you said i love you i'd be like what the fuck i don't know i'm gonna have someone else deal with you three and then i got put in the brig

for some reason okay mad a real shock as qe2 has always been absolutely superb in its restaurant service and i'm a real pain in the posterior about these things, as Charlotte will tell you. I prefer not make a scene, but expect good service, and will always leave the table to speak quietly to a maitre d' if it is poor. I love you. I've never had to get up to find a waiter, frown face. However, it's really important to be balanced in what we say. It's unfair only to complain. Later that evening, we spoke to David Hamilton, the hotel manager, and told him what had happened. He was superb, a real ambassador who loves the ship, and he was mortified that this had happened. We had a long conversation about how important it is to make sure QE2 does not have the

disappointing end that her older sisters suffered. Poor guy, David Hamilton's like, I'm just trying to be off the clock. And this guy is having a long conversation with me about the importance of the quality of my ship. This is so terrible. Oh my God. I feel like he and Foodie News 1 could get along though. They might be the same person. They might be the same person. They might be the same person.

It sounds exactly like it. Tom? New Tom? There appears to be a real and genuine commitment to making sure her standards stay up right to the end. No need to go into details of a good gesture of goodwill Mr. Hamilton arranged, but he apologized articulately to us, contacted us the next morning to explain that he had taken up our concerns, and then apologized in the morning to our family. As he rightly said, it shouldn't have happened, but he was everything Cunard and QE2 need and deserve in a hotel manager. I was minded to remember reading about the legendary purser on the Normandy.

I don't know what any of these words are. Yeah, I'm supposed to be following this. I don't know. I hate it, so it's great for the challenge. You're welcome. I'm doing my job. The passengers were a different crowd to our fellow travelers on a crossing cruise.

The nightclubs of Dagenham must have been empty this weekend. The smashed, rather than smashing, blonde in the Jessica Rabbit dress who was so drunk she couldn't stand was worth the price of admission alone. Stick out tongue face. Oh, I was wondering, I was like why is your tongue leaving your mouth?

I was doing that before you said that and I'm like, ugh, what is she doing? I wanted to do almost like the colons around an emoticon but with my tongue. Sticking out tongue face. Okay, that's enough. Okay. And as for their companions, several gentlemen in colored bow ties and matching cummerbunds

who removed their jackets on sitting down, yes, in the presence of ladies in a formal dining room. Eek! I needed strong drink to revive me. Smiley face. Are you loving this? I mean, I don't know if this person or Foodie News 1 is more insufferable.

That's exactly how I describe both of these people. We think there's a new competition for party cruises to add to the normal fashion police review. be the young or not so young lady who can be predicted to have the most inappropriate, visible, and imagined far more fun tattoo on her anatomy. What? What are they saying? Are they talking about a tramp stamp? Really?

This is so fucking weird. Just be normal for once. Jesus fucking Christ. Just be fucking normal. Pisses me off. Gregory, are you happy now? I'm freaking out, man. Other characteristics include dresses that show flesh at both lower and upper extremities, preferably a size or two too small,

with a braying accent and vocal discussion of how much her and her gentleman companion have paid for the honor of spending a short time on the world's finest liner. Comparing it to a ferry or a cruise ship. Oh, God forbid. It is. Isn't it a cruise ship? I'm very confused. It's a luxury cruise ship.

Oh, whatever. And lower and upper extremities, like shoulders and ankles. What is it saying? So much flesh. Just so much flesh. Upper extremity flesh. Jesus, man. But wait, like Mark Twain saying,

suppose I were a crook and suppose I were a member of Congress. I'm repeating myself. Overall, this was our last trip on QE2. Not perfect, unfortunately, unlike our previous passages, but still a great experience. It was great to meet up with Matthew and Andy And the ship was as ever the star We'll miss her and we'll all never

See the likes of her again Good I don't want to hear about it Can you do me a big favor Can you read the first line that you read from this review Sure What was it Just to remind the folks

A quick review I had to remind myself folks at home. A quick review. Thank you. I had to remind myself. Oh, yeah. No, I remember that. I was thinking it was a long time ago. A quick review. And by the way, I skipped a couple of paragraphs.

Thank God. I do appreciate that. I'm sorry I read so much of it. No, no, no. I don't think any of that was... Let me phrase this properly. I think all of it was unnecessary, but I think for you bringing it to the podcast, none of that was unnecessary.

For the sake of the art. Yeah. Yeah. I know exactly what you're saying. For the sake of the masterpiece. Yes. Yeah. He posted that review

and then I'm going to go through some of the comments. Oh, I see. I see. Conversation. This was like a forum post. A forum post. I see. Where he wrote the review as a forum post.

Man. Oh, so the problem is all these like-minded people are coming out of the woodwork, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. So. Be like, oh, I hate the fleshy extremities of the. Yeah, there was some of that.

The freaking proletariat. I don't know what the fuck these people talk like. Probably. Just like that? Probably like that. Here's a response from Goldie. Flushy extremities of the proletariat. What a band name. I love them. I don't usually like what I say, but I like that one. I want that on a t-shirt. The flushy extremities of the proletariat.

And then I just picture roll eyes. Roll eyes emoji. Hi. I, too, have just returned from this trip, again taking elderly relatives in order that they could experience the magic of the QE2. There were

some interesting fellow passengers. I was surprised to hear groups singing in the manner of a pub singer taking place in one bar and equally surprised by the ladies who felt it necessary to remove their shoes and walk around holding them. The same can be said when I encountered a group of ladies carrying their bottles of beer around the ship, swigging from them as they explored. But who am I to question other people's interpretation of etiquette? Exactly. So shut the fuck up. Sorry.

The biggest thing, I get annoyed sometimes when people are a little overbearing in public or very drunk and obnoxious. But sometimes I have to remind myself, hey, these people are just having fun. And yeah, sometimes if they really get to start bothering you, like then just say something. Yeah, if they're not in your business, then like leave them alone. They're enjoying themselves in their own way. And if it ruins your enjoyment, maybe go talk to them. Have them be a little quieter.

Go somewhere else. And like spoiler alert, this becomes like classist because the whole. I feel like that whole thing. It is. Yeah. Because the whole. By the way, these people are from the UK and then it gets into a conversation about like people from Essex.

Like, and then this one girl's like, hey, some of us were born in Essex. We can't help it. Like, and they're kind of joking, but it was like, okay, like you're just being. Classist. Classist asshole. Yeah, absolutely. These people on my luxury cruise ship. Which is so ridiculous.

I mean, it's not cute. Like, it's not your private fucking yacht. Yeah, absolutely. These people on my luxury cruise ship. Which is so ridiculous. I mean, it's not cute. It's not your private fucking yacht. Yeah. That's the thing. Someone's gonna be looking down on you. So weird that you don't have one. Anyway. Here we go. Got him. Good job.

Thank you. Who am I to question other people's... Sorry not to have met up with everyone else. I was at the mercy of my traveling companions. The trip was on their behalf, after all, and couldn't make it in time. I did, however, meet Matthew, sneaking into the Lido. Oh, and the Lido, much better restaurant than the equivalent aberration King's Court on the QM2. So sad to be back on land and back to reality.

Surfed the Cunard website early this morning to see what other trips I could possibly fit in. End of review. So this Matthew fella has been spotted around the ship. Sneaking into a restaurant, whatever that means. And this is a response to So Goldie says, I did however meet Matthew sneaking into the Lido. So Guernsey guy responds. Eek, eek, eek, eek.

But was he carrying his high heels, wearing Kirsten's underwear? This has given a whole new meaning to party cruise. Eek. What? What? I don't what what i don't know either you just remind me of another thing of like them carrying their own women carrying their shoes like what's your fucking problem sorry that's from the last one but yeah i like to see you wear high heels so matthew is wearing christian wait whose underwear is matthew wearing and whose heels is he holding or wearing? I think this...

Please explain this world that you are so deep into to me. To all of us. I hope I'm not the only one who's like, what is going on? I'm in too deep. Can I tell you the umbrella

understanding I need you to have of this is that I don't know what's going on. Okay. I just like umbrella statement. I don't know. But I'm going to try and tell you what I think, which is that these people wrote like, oh, the passengers were so like low class and lowbrow and like trashy. Right. And then this person wrote, oh, by the way i saw matthew sneaking into like one of their cruise friends on from the forum i guess sneaking into the

restaurant and then this other responder was like oh was he also carrying his shoes around and got it wearing i don't know what wearing kirsten's underwear is about that one just kind of came out of the blue um but i think the joke was oh was matthew one of the like trashy girls and i think they all know matthew because he responded in this thread yeah then there was a response um from someone toffee girl 68 who becomes a key player here okay and she goes oi oi oi some of us were born in essex. And then another person came in and said, yes, Matthew, some of us were born in Essex. Smiley face with a D. By the way, I have an Essex girl joke book.

Eek, eek. I will bring it in January. Tongue sticking out face. Wink. Cool. Parentheses icon. What the fuck is happening? I don't know.

So, okay. So, cool icon i guess um but basically i guess they're meeting up again in january for another cruise with these same people i think they all met online and they're just like cruising together cruising they're cool cruisers uh so then So then somebody named Washington Dad 1 said, might you share just one of those jokes here for those of us who aren't part of the group, please? And then that user, whose name is Gavboy, I don't know, wrote, okay, but it's hard to find clean jokes in this book. Eek! Why do Essex girls dance around their handbags? Have you ever seen Essex boys? Eek! Cool.

That's a good one. Can you explain it to me? Please. Okay. So apparently one. Oh, you actually are. Sort of. One, like, trope about Essex girls.

God, you've learned so much. Okay, to be fair, they talk about this on My Dad Wrote a Porno, too, a little bit. I've learned a little bit. One trope. It's kind of like they're insinuating that they're kind of, like, trashy is the stereotype. And it's sort of like, if you think of, like, Jersey City or something. Jersey Shore. Jersey Shore type.

Yeah. So, apparently apparently they're known for dancing around their handbags like it's as in like the handbag is on the floor and they're dancing around it i think and oh and they're saying like oh they wouldn't they wouldn't want to dance with the exes boys they'd rather dance with their handbags that's i think that's the joke fascinating i know and i'm glad you know'm glad it has that long-winded explanation that only sort of half explains it. Because I think that is what makes it so funny. The explanation?

Yeah. The fact that you have to explain it to me? Yeah. And the fact that it's still not even fully clear. And so then Gav Boy sends another. Oh, sorry. No. Ken C. writes, why do Essex girls wear fur around their ankles in the winter?

Eek! And then Gav Boy says, don't know. Stick out tongue face. Why? Eek! Then Nomda Plume responded, I need a new dictionary. Confused. And then Ken C. says says to keep their ears warm

what oh oh i don't get it because i think that's like a they're calling them promiscuous if their feet are up by their ears oh no that's not okay well that's not very nice you read it. I didn't even get it. I'm so done. Clearly. I don't, I'm not. Hey, again, blank umbrella statement. As you said, I don't know.

I don't know. I'm just trying my best too. I'm with you. I don't know. Gav boy responded. Ho, ho, ho. Eek. By the way, please remember this is all.

I don't want to remember any of this. Please remember, this is all comments. These are all comments on that original review. Oh, I know. So now this guy's getting notifications left and right. About Essex jokes. About all these jokes. And he's probably like, I wrote a very serious review and nobody's taking it seriously.

So then Guernsey guy wrote writes how do they turn on the bedside light cool it's just certain essex jokes what the fuck and then gav boy says go on and guernsey guy says open the car door i think because they sleep in their car, they're saying. Or they're dumb. Like, I don't know. Okay, yeah. And then Washington Dad writes,

cough, cough, lols, cough, cough. The Washington Dad does not know what's going on. He's like, I need a dictionary. Yeah. Oh, no, wait, that was someone else who said that, actually. That was someone else. That was Nom de Plume. Do you know what?

Washington Dad actually responded and sent UrbanDictionary.com. Okay. Which I don't think would help me much in this case. But anyway. And then Gavboy wrote, OMG, eek! And then GrunzeGuy wrote, I've got a strong suspicion we're going to get sent to the Naughty Step. Wink. What is that? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Do cruise ships have a place called the naughty step? Is that the brig? Is that the brig? That's the brig. Do not Google it. Do not check. Please.

Just get through this. And then Gavboy says, I will be gone tomorrow. Eek! Roll eyes. And then Washington Dad wrote, why does she wear stockings? Who? I guess an Essex girl. So Washington dad knows about, okay, so yeah, it's nom de plume.

Yeah, it must be. Who backed out and was like, I'm done. Who was like, this has gone too far for me. By the way, like, clearly we're off the rails from the original review. No. We're three pages into the comments and it's just this. Jesus Christ. the rails from the original review no we're three pages into the comments and it's just this christ and um i i have to say that the real denouement here is this response from toffee girl 68 and

we'll end on this okay the final denouement promise promise toffee girl 68 says how do you amuse an essex girl for five hours right please turn over on both sides of a piece of paper yeah yeah but my favorite is what do you call an essex girl on the qm2 me oh end of her hell yeah um i think toffee girl it's my kind of i don't know anything i love it she's just playing along along so yeah so she you know she's one of those gals on the boat having a good time. So that's that. I hope I sufficiently annoyed you. You did. It was so easy.

Everyone who's listening is like, you weren't supposed to annoy us, too. What are you doing? That's the problem. I was like, is this just going to piss off everyone? I'm like the straight man in our thing where it's like anything I'm annoyed by, it's what everyone else would be annoyed by. Yeah, like you're the window for the rest of the audience. And you're the, is there a better word than straight man no i mean i use that because i'm also a straight man so it's true that's true it like works either way whatever it's a double entendre oh we we um cool i don't know is there a better word for that because i try not to say that like i don't know what Is there a better word for that? Because I try not to say that. Like, I don't know what it is.

The helpless observer, someone says. Eh. Eh. All right. I feel pretty helpless. But at least I have a voice. I got my microphone still plugged in. Or is it?

I actually don't know. I really hope so. Uh-oh. No, I'm just kidding. What if it was just me saying screaming eek and just silence and you could hear my like me very distantly through your microphone yeah it sounds like you've just left the house all right thanks everyone for listening um come back next week to hear me annoyed or you can be alongside me i'll be a straight man mine will be less less sinister i don't know they're definitely. I think I'll be the judge of that. But they're very

specific for you. So I don't think... Okay. You'll see. You'll see. Wait. Be patient, listeners. I told you. I'll be the judge of that. Be patient. And it's Hallmark Movies, which was lots of fun. Woo! Okay. Alrighty. Talk to you then. Bye. Bye, y'all. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer it's edited by Brian Heveron-Smith cover art by Courtney Aventura theme music by Mavis White executive produced by Mariah Nicholas

Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bolland