Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 228: Reviews of Rage Rooms

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

Put your belongings in a garbage bag lined crate, throw on your enormous gardening gloves, and prepare to feel the rage COFFIN Follow us on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Get your mystery pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but i'd give it zero stars if i could hello and welcome to beach to sandy water to at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm X-teen. I'm X-Zandy. I'm so excited. Excited.

Excited. To read. It feels kind of like a backwards, like rage room reviews because people are supposed to be enraged as part of a rage room. But then they just continue it on the internet which recipe for success if you ask for our show only for us yes um have you been to a range room uh yes i never have have you oh i have and um sorry that was like this feels like we're in an interview and we don't know each other. You're like, have you, as I'm answering.

And then it was like, Oh no, no, you go. After you. Oh, these zoom calls are so delayed. We're in the same room. We're literally in the same room right now. Okay. It would have been an easy excuse if you were. I was hoping you could explain what they are because I know, I know I'm familiar, but.

It's essentially a place where you go to recreationally destroy things for fun. And so they will set up, like, they give you safety goggles and, you know, say, a helmet. And then they give you, like, a baseball bat, a golf club. And you can pay for a certain size room for certain, like, add-ons. Like, I'd like to break a windshield. Or I'd like to break a windshield or i'd like to break a television and um you pay for say half an hour uh an hour i think it's usually like half an hour in one of these rooms and um they say have fun and you basically just get to smash everything to smithereens throw stuff against the walls it is kind of a ridiculous concept but it is it fun i

mean it was fun we it seems fun i took em for their birthday because um we had recently gone through a lot of issues with um people that had been kind of screwing us over and we were just in like a rough place as far as like was it post or pre-pandemic pre okay i didn't know they existed pre-pandemic yeah well that's because know they existed pre-pandemic yeah well that's because i feel like they would be a very good product of the pan you know what i mean like a natural not not health-wise like say health safety wise not sanitation not saying yeah but at least in terms of letting out it makes sense pent up frustrations believe it or not and all sorts of emotions i think it may have been more of a result of the 2016 election.

I'm not. Fair. Okay. You know what? That's when it came about. That would actually make a lot of sense. But they did kind of start to really gain popularity. I wonder if we're going to like look back one day and just be like, wow, remember when

that was a thing? What a weird time. I think it is a fad. I think it is. Just like cupcake shops that went like crazy every block had one and now they've kind of slowed down or like the Cronut. I feel like this is just another kind of. I don't know.

They still have sprinkles, cupcake vending machines and airports i know i think some of them thrive though like some like sprinkles sprinkles yeah i don't know what else georgetown cupcake do they still exist you know probably anyway my point is uh oh melissa's those little ones i never had those so basically my is, have you done anything is my question? No, I have not experienced life. Sorry if anybody thought they got a text. That was me. Your friend texted me.

Oh, good. So that was me. So anyway, I've been to a rage room. It was a good time. Em and I smashed. It was particularly enjoyable to smash like a VCR and a VHS tape. But it did feel, part of me, I don't think I enjoyed it as much as some people would. I just felt a little bit like I shouldn't just be destroying stuff.

I don't feel like I'm a very destructive person. I have the urge to hit things sometimes. That part was fun. So what Em would do is throw me an object and I would hit it with a baseball. That's fun. Like that. I mean, that was really fun. It was like, so what Em would do is like throw me an object and I would hit it with a baseball. That's fun. Like that. I mean, that was really fun. Hit it with a baseball?

Just throw 100 mile per hour fastballs at whatever Em's throwing up in the air? What are when you shoot clay pigeons? Skeet shooting? Yeah. You're skeeting all over them? Great. I told you it's not sanitary. It's what it's called.

Okay. Here's the point. Tell me the point. I don't know. It's a place where you hit stuff. Yeah. And it has what it's called. Okay. Here's the point. Tell me the point. I don't know. It's a place where you hit stuff. Yeah. And it has, it's time and place. Some people think it's good, like, to get your, you know, aggression out.

Some people just are like, I want to see what all this is about. And speaking of fads, I found a lot of them were attached to axe throwing. Oh, yeah. Okay. I was going to compare. Or they do both, at least. I was going to compare the two. Yeah.

It's a similar kind of idea. I'm sorry. Who is texting me? It's another one of idea i'm sorry who is texting me it's another one of your friends what year is it 2023 oh and you still don't know how to silence notifications uh wow it's done it's been done wow i thought it was done after the last one i did too you're like there's no way anyone would two two people would text me ever. On Tinder, it fooled us all. What? My do not disturb.

Oh, yeah. Fooled us all. Oh, yeah. We thought it was on. It wasn't. We? Yeah. Both of us thought we were in the clear.

Two separate friends of mine are texting you? Yeah. That's weird. I'm invited. You're not friends with them? To their bachelorette. Yes. I figured it was Liz. Well, no, it's people in there that I don't really know very well.

Do you see what I'm saying? I see. And so I feel like really special because I'm like, oh, I know that person, but through you. Oh, that's funny. I get to be part of the in crowd. Oh, that's, yeah, that's totally my friend group. That's what you call it.

We call ourselves the in crowd. But you spell it I-N-N. Because we go down to that, that You know that inn near Northside? It's probably technically in Northside, across from Northside Yacht Club. It always had that sign. The rat-a-sign? What was that sign? That famous sign.

Come in? No, it said fish sticks or something bizarre. Do you not remember this? Our high episode, we're not recording until tomorrow, so I'm really confused right now. What? You don't know about this? Hold on. Fish sticks?

There's, there's an inn in Cincinnati. Oh my God. That has like, I don't think it's, oh no. What's it called? We'll come back to it. I'm sorry. The Radisson again, I ask? It's not.

Okay. Well, I can't help you then. Anyway, sorry. So I. Rage Rooms. Rage Rooms. Rage Rooms. You have more reviews. again i ask it's not okay well i can't help you then anyway sorry so i dreams rage rooms you have more reviews than i do okay so why don't you go ahead i'm going to read my first one and this is of a rage room in madison heights michigan it's outside detroit i believe can i make a comment you you may. There were a lot of Michigan submissions. Really? I feel like that's at least the third or fourth different city in Michigan that I've come across when people were submitting these.

What's going on up there? I don't know, but I'm going to avoid it. Okay. Okay. You're avoiding Michigan. Okay. That's fine. That's fair.

I will not. You know why? Because you just love Motown. No. Yes. No, I don't dislike Motown. I really appreciate what Motown did for the music scene as a whole and culturally. I'm going to let you keep going i'm not gonna interrupt okay no um because michigan has the most lighthouses of any u.s state i see do you think that's a correlation there or causation between that and rage rooms i think if i had to wager a guess i'd say that the lighthouse thing has more to do with the amount of water and the lakes that are up there. But I think Motown might also be affected by the lakes. Oh, energetically speaking, water.

That's what the lake effect is, right? I think so. Okay. Fallaboy has a song called Lake Effect. There you go. Or Lake Effect Kid. I think it has something to do with that. We're now seven minutes, 40 seconds in.

So if anyone wants to experience a raid room, you could probably put this on, on the way there in the car. And by the time you arrive, all my texts coming in, my clinking, my ice and my Starbucks, you'll be outrageously enraged. And I can't wait to hear what you smash. Yeah. Well, tell us all about it. Uh, we're actually our, we're on our store.

We're selling pictures of ourselves in glass frames for you to smash. You're welcome. One star of this rage room in Michigan, Madison Heights. My daughter went for her birthday, party guy emoji, today. The staff didn't give them a protective suit, claiming it was too hot and someone passed out earlier, so it would be a liability, which was BS. We spent over $ 200 to have no protective suits on my niece ended up cutting herself a word of advice don't go here on a hot day or you might not get any protective gear while in the rage room we won't be back party

party guy emoji party guy emoji um i love that little inclusion i was like oh this looks fun which is you know like when you type birthday, it comes up. So they were like, well, I guess I should just add this to like really give, to make sure people understand what I'm trying to say. At least it wasn't the thing that some, I want to say grownups do with just older people who instead of typing the word and and then putting the emoji they replace the words with the emojis so then you have to play this kind of like guessing little game i do that if i want to find an emoji i just type it and then hit it to replace the word wait wait wait this is fun what's what's like the weirdest one you do because i have a couple where i type it out let me look in my emoji list and then do do you know what I do? What? Sometimes I accidentally hit enter

before hitting the emoji. So then I've just... You just say the word. There are a couple times... I do cool a lot. It's the sunglasses. I'm pretty sure that's what that is. Cool.

That's it? Yep, cool. Brings up the sunglasses. Oh, yeah. That's what I do a lot. Now I have this computer. I think you have the same one where at the top it has a touchscreen bar screen bar where you can like click them so i

type it and put so the ones i use the most are woozy oh yeah you do use that one the crooked mouth crooked mouth and also these eyes yeah yeah oh uh dizzy uh woozy they both work woozy works for both of those okay because i have those in my top 10. Woozy for sure. And then this is the other one I do. Coffin. You do do a, what about skull? Or dead. Dead. Okay. That's what that comes up with. So I write coffin, but the problem is sometimes I'll just write coffin and send it. And Em's like, why did you just say coffin at the end of that sentence? Like, I'll be like,

oh, we have a call tomorrow at 6am coffin. And Em's like, coffin? So em and i just got the word cough like we just say okay so it's become a thing yeah yeah yeah not really a thing i use shrug which if if i don't do the emoji it comes across as like a cool cruiser type thing like i'm like asterisk shrug asterisk yeah um but that's yeah and then i do like dizzy for that the swirirly eyes. I think I do dizzy. It gives you a couple more. It's a good one, but my favorite emoji, literally my top one right now is the embarrassed hiding behind eyes one. Send that a lot. Do you type embarrassed by hiding behind eyes?

No, it's just right there at the top. So I just always know where to boom, boom. Cool cruiser will be your new title. If you type out sometimes I do embarrassed and I think that shows up. That's a lot of letters to type out. No, it doesn't show up. So what do I do? I think I literally just, I never type it out for that one. And it's my most used one. Oops. Nope. That's the grimace. Yikes. Yikes also does grimace. Yikes does grimace. This is so informational. I feel like. Speaking of informational. What? I have an answer to what I was saying earlier.

There's that inn called the Old Timber Inn. Oh, yeah. And look, it has this sign and it just says fish logs. It says fish logs. Fish logs. I love it. Anyway. That's so gross. Okay. That's that's all that was my review i think it's your turn i'm finally in the in crowd what's the what commercial is that the in crowd i don't know

red roof in really okay here's my next thing that i have for you. Your first thing, you mean? Can't be the first. We're 12 minutes in. Oh, wait, it is. Believe me. This is from Ellie. She, they. It's of Rage RVA, which is in Richmond, Virginia. Richmond, Virginia.

Sounds about right. This is a one-star review by Jessica. Horrible experience. I bought my 12-year-old son a $100 gift card for Christmas. He was so excited, but he had to wait a few months to use it because you have to be 13 years old. When he turned 13, I purchased a package that included a vehicle and 12 breakables, and I added on 12 additional breakable and electronic items. The total cost was $160.

The day of our reservation, we arrived early, walked inside, and the owner was vacuuming and didn't even acknowledge us. When she finally did, I told her my son and his friend had a reservation, and she looked at them and yelled, They're not old enough! I explained that they were both 13, which is why we had to wait a few months to use our gift card. Then she yelled at them to get into the coveralls and at me to fill out the waiver. She was extremely rude. Before the boys went back, I asked if there was a viewing window. She said no.

They were going to be in a room with no windows. Which I get. I'm starting to understand it makes some sense if you're giving people weapons and saying smash everything in this room. But there being no windows? Yeah. I think that's a fair thing for them to do. It just kind of occurred to me because I thought oh, it would be fun to be able to watch this happen. Yeah. Not until

until suddenly a baseball bat comes careening toward you. I think they'd have to invest in some very strong windows. Very. The whole point of it is to break shit. So they're not about to spend anything on, spend money on things that aren't breakable. And that aren't necessary. Right. So anyway, here we go.

I asked the young guy that was going to be taking them back if he would take my phone and get a few pictures for me. The guy agreed, explained the rules, and took some pictures. When the boys were done, they came out and said they had fun. The owner continued to be rude and didn't even say goodbye when we left. When we got outside, my son asked me which add-ons I purchased because they were only given a car that was already completely smashed up and 12 breakables. They were not given any of the additional add-ons that I paid for. We turned around to go back inside so I could show the owner my receipt, only to find that the door had been locked.

The business was still open for another couple of hours, so I was confused as to why the door would be locked. I called a couple times and nobody answered. Okay, side note, I'm sorry to interrupt myself. No. Escape rooms do that too. I'm sorry to interrupt myself. No. Escape rooms do that too. I was about to say the same thing. In LA, I remember there's an escape room where you go, they only open it for you.

Yeah. Oh. Well, this one was in like East Hollywood-ish, Thai town, which also it's not, it makes sense that they would. Yes. It's near UCB. But I think a lot of times it's you have the the people who are working have to go back and like set it up for the next people yes yeah so nobody's in the lobby exactly they

lock it so i don't think it's like that crazy at least it would be locked behind them yeah they were like okay gotta get ready for the next ones let's get to work gotta put this car back together they're probably not getting many walk-ins so so why would they? Right, right, right. So I think that doesn't totally. This doesn't feel too weird to me. Yeah, exactly. It gets pretty wild. Here we go. It better.

The business was still open, so I was confused as to why the door would be locked. I called a couple times and nobody answered. At this point, my son realized there was a mail slot, so he stuck his hand inside and unlocked the door. What? Okay, that got wild real quick. That's insanity. I mean, I feel like this is a classic video game argument.

You let them break a bunch of shit and then you expect them to follow the rules. It's a slippery slope. It's a slippery slope. It's a slippery sloop. That's so true. So he stuck his hand inside

and unlocked the door because I wanted to talk to the owner since she did not give us everything we paid for and was clearly avoiding us. The owner was nowhere to be found. After a few minutes, she stormed out. I was very nice and I pulled up my receipt on my phone to show her that we didn't receive any of the additional add-ons we paid for. a sudden slammed it shut and started screaming at my son and his friend saying that they were entitled little shits and that when they smashed the car there was a bottle of glue that was left in the car and glue got all over the floor she also said that there were obituary papers in the

car and that they were disrespectful brats because they destroyed the obituary papers. Okay. Okay. I need another pause. Why are those papers in there? I don't know. Like, I'm not saying they should have broken back in, but what did the kids do wrong by destroying the shit that you put in the car? I'm exactly on the same page. I'm on the same page. I was speechless because anything that was of sentimental value or that wasn't meant

to be destroyed should have been removed from the room prior to the session. Like whose car is it? They just died and they wanted an auction and they bring it into the raid room for Bratz to hit? I wonder if it was like their parents' car or like their uncle's car and he died and then they were like, I guess we can use this for our new business our new startup they haven't even made the business yet they were the business was based off of the dead guy's car they're like oh let's get and in honor of him let's leave his favorite bottle of glue and his obituary papers in the car let's hope no kid

smashes those this is so fucking weird what the fuck there's a bottle of glue. It's so fucking weird. What the fuck? There's a bottle of glue in the car. Like, okay. Anyway, plus what 13-year-old boy at a rage room is going to pick up the papers and start reading them and say, oh, this is an obituary. I probably shouldn't destroy it. My son and his friend were never told by the guy who explained the rules that they couldn't destroy what was inside the car, so they assumed it was all fair game. The owner then proceeded to scream in our faces and was very vulgar.

She kept calling them fucking entitled brats and screaming at us to get the fuck out. She then followed us out the door and was screaming at us from the front porch of her building going on and on about how disrespectful the kids were because they ripped up the obituaries that were in the car that we paid for them to destroy. She refused to give us our money back for the items we didn't receive and started charging at my 13 year old when he asked why she was ripping us off. Okay, this kid is like getting a lot of energy from mom, you know? That's what I turn and say, like, I told you, mommy's going to handle this. I got this. Keep your mouth shut. Oh, boy.

I almost had to call the police because we were so afraid of this woman. Her behavior was appalling and so out of our control. I'm absolutely stunned that we were treated the way we were in a place of business when we did not do anything wrong. I went in there and tried to be as nice as possible. Okay, you did break in, but that's besides the point, I i honestly think she was just mad she got caught trying to rip us off and chose to go ballistics and hope we would just leave i see why this woman runs a rage room because she clearly has severe rage issues i will never go back there again and i'm still in shock at how we were treated since she never gave me a refund i had to call my credit card company and dispute the charge

even though we were treated so horribly i took the high road and didn't even dispute the whole amount. I only disputed the amount for the add-ons we never received. From what I've heard, I'm not the only person who has been treated this way by the owner. Absolutely unbelievable. And if the owner tries to deny her behavior, I have the whole incident on video and would be happy to share it on social media and with local news channels. Smiley face. End of review. Wow. Six people found this useful. Zero found it funny.

Zero found it cool. I'm kind of glad no one found it funny. I mean, I found it funny. One found it woozy. You were woozy during that. One found it coughing. Too soon, too soon after that obituary. Yeah.

My God, that was wild. You weren't kidding. Honestly, I soon after that obituary. Yeah. My God, that is, that was wild. You weren't kidding. I know what I would have done. I would have found those obituary papers and gone, ooh, I'm keeping these. Yeah, that's you. No one else would do that. Well, yeah. I just think, like, I wouldn't have behaved much better.

I would have taken them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I. I probably wouldn't have ripped them up. I wouldn't have ripped them up. That's a very weirdly specific thing to do but it's a 13 year old like come on and you're told to like go for it yeah you know what i mean just like i need i i want to sit down with okay i don't i want to sit down at a distance with this owner

behind that window with the glass that they just installed okay um and just discuss how the hell this went down because i would like i wish there were an owner response not i didn't think this person's like making shit up i did want to see kind of the i just wanted to see the other side out of curiosity mostly yeah i will say this place had like a 2.5 out of 5 on yelp and the who uh a lot of them did yeah and and ellie who sent this in said oh the oh, the owner is quite notorious. I don't know if it said notorious, but like has some enemies, I guess. People know what to expect.

I found it was usually either one or the other. Some of the Rage Rooms I found had like tens of reviews with all five stars, not a single thing below five. And then some were just all bad, but it was usually targeted at a specific person. I also feel a little weird because every review mentioned how the car, every bad review mentioned how they got a car, but it was already completely busted as smithereens. And I'm like. You want a brand new car? But also I'm like, once again, who the fuck's car is this? It's true.

With the obituary papers. It's true. And glue. And the glue everywhere. is that how he died i don't know i'm just asking often glue like could be i mean what a way to go i mean it if you if if he hadn't fucking ripped up the obituary maybe we'd know true oh my god what if it was supposed to turn into an escape room i And the obituaries had clues. I was about to say, hold on a second.

This is an escape room. She got confused, this owner. Yeah. Maybe she has an escape room and she drives. Maybe all of them were huffing through that glue, like including the children. Maybe there are just fumes throughout this whole place and it's caused such drama.

Today. Something is coming kong godzilla they can feel it fight together and teaming up or face extinction godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters my next one is of a place called the break room uh and it's in collingwood victoria australia i was about to say i've been there why would you say that i really thought i had and then you said some words in a different country. And I said, never mind. Different continent, too. It's a neighborhood in Melbourne, which is in Victoria. Fun fact. Which is a place I'm... I'm still learning. I feel like as if I know any of this stuff. That's good to know. Okay, Collingwood, Melbourne. Here we go.

Please don't keep that in your mind. There's other things you should... There are more bigger priorities to keep up there. You ever get like very aware that our producer is Australian? What? Because that just happened. Mariah. Mariah's Australian? Yeah. How'd you know that? I'm pretty sure. She talked about goon bags with us. Oh yeah. That's true. So yeah. I just got very aware of it as I was reading this. And I was like, I'm making myself seem so stupid right now.

You said that just from Rye. You were like, I know where Collingwood is. Anyway. I clearly don't. It's in Melbourne. One star. This is a review by Rachel. This is a review by Rachel.

I don't know how any of these reviews about the staff being kind are real. The thin woman with the brown hair wears it in a ponytail. Tan ish has been and always will be rude and awful. Went there once a few years ago. She was rude. Ignored me for half the time Pushed me into the room And forgot to give me the safety gloves I ended up slicing my hand

And she panicked and said That's your fault You forgot to take the gloves From where? Thin air? You're literally the safety person You handed me the gear and pushed me in Now I have a permanent scar on my hand

And tan marks on my back. Self-tanner. No. Pushing. I also have a permanent scar in my hand. Where'd it go? Me too. Oh, it's right there. Oh, good times. Now I have a permanent scar in my hand and I wish I sued back then, but I was in so much shock after she basically gaslighted me. My friend recently got me a booking here as a surprise. Oh no! He didn't realize how much I hated this place.

My ex-friend recently got me. Yeah, right? Yeah. I went with it because I didn't want to disappoint. And, you know, who knew? Maybe she wouldn't be there. Jesus. She was.

Oh, her scar starts throbbing. She's like, not again. It's like when your bones know the rain's coming your scar i was gonna say it's like harry potter but sure you know that's fine i'm just old enough where i kind of understand now oh okay i thought you're just since you're like a typical millennial you'd go straight to harry potter yeah i feel like either arthritis harry potter millennial same thing millennial way she was still rude she ignored me again had to speak up until i got my stuff now knowing what i needed she threw the jumpsuit at me and rolled her eyes anytime i would say anything to her or anyone around me

i honestly can't believe this happened because what kind of awful person exists like that and does that for literally no reason i don't know how you have a job or who's covering for you but you're the worst not safe unless you can speak the language whatever it is that makes them not compromise your safety and doesn't suck out the fun they pick and choose for sure end of review that was a i don't know what just happened there that last sentence was kind of a shit show, but I think they're basically saying that like they come up with, I don't know. I mean, I think we can all just take a stab at what it means. Oh, I'm sorry to say that word. Too soon.

Too soon. Too soon. Oh, scar it. Yeah. So I feel like maybe there's this thing where people are applying to jobs and they see Rage Room and they're like, that sounds good for me. You know where they belong? DMV? Maybe. Dick's Last Resort.

Oh, yeah. That's way better. What a reference. Oh, Alexander. Still haven't been. That's perfect. Yeah. I don't know if they have those in Australia. I don't either, but you could. That would be fun.

Right. You could franchise over there um yeah that is wild i i do i can't believe the my friend gave me tried to surprise me with a visit there which is like yeah after all that like after like that's got to feel really bad as a friend who's like hang on you've been here before what's crazy this wasn't an updated review this was written a few days ago um and so they weren't gonna write the review until after this experience and they only went back because they were hoping that that person wasn't there again but when they tell these stories i'm not saying this person wasn't rude i don't know anything about them whatever uh when they claim that they rolled their eyes at

everything anything that they said to anyone anyone yeah like they're just talking to their friend and meanwhile this employee's in the corner watching just rolling her eyes constantly it's like i don't know if that's how this is going down but if so i would love to have seen it i mean we didn't get the other side of the story. We never do. We never do. It's not fair. This is a review of Wreck-A-Room in Indianapolis. Wreck-A-Man's Burger. That's literally, I was like, I'm just going to pause and see if that happens.

We've talked about that. I don't know. Because we talked about places that. We did. Because I talked about how I thought my teacher was on the record burger billboard. Yeah, it's a local furniture company or appliances company. It's like places from our childhood or something. We had a weird, I was weird.

But yeah, so Wreck-A-Man's Burger. Alexander would run outside and sing that. Anyway, this is Wreck-A-Room in Indianapolis. And this is a one-star review by Glenda. It says, I guess on Google you can hit your complaints? Is that a thing? What do you mean hit your complaints? Like in the rage room? It says critical professionalism.

But it's not. You can kind of add tags almost. Yeah, I feel like it depends on the place. But I have seen that. You can kind of add tags almost. Yeah, I feel like it depends on the place. But I have seen that. I've seen that especially for hotels. I've never seen it. I didn't see it for the rage rooms. But that's interesting. Maybe this is a hotel and they took a baseball bat to it. Can you imagine?

They went in the wrong doorway and just started. Anyway. Okay, this is a one-star review by Glenda. Total waste of time and money. The yahoos that work there just fell off a turnip truck. On their head. Just go through an alley and kick a can. Same difference.

Glenda's review. And that was from Elta Sheher. Oh, I have one from Elta. You do? Good. Not yet. That's my redemption. Oh, perfect.

But that's a good one. That's funny. Oh, boy. They fell off a turnip truck, but that's not enough. I love that saying. No. It's a great saying. They did, but on their head.

But on their head. Yeah. I also like the dot, dot, dot. Like, oh, wait, I'm not done yet. Yeah. Just wait. Don't think that's all that happened to them. It gets worse.

I don't know if kicking a can is the same, but you probably could go into an alley and just beat up on a can. Find a TV that's been discarded and smash it. True, true. But someone has to clean that shit up. Yeah. I'm not endorsing that behavior. Don't do that.

I'm just saying it's not that far off from the experience at the Rage Room. This concept does seem interesting. I would be curious to try. Like, the more I hear about it, the'm like it doesn't like the more i read all these negative reviews i'm like it doesn't seem like my kind of thing well i have a hot tip for you i think i should try at least once if you do go i'll join you uh that's a hot tip no that you're trying to convince me to go not not to go that's just a requirement um no a hot tip it which is what i did for m because it was a birthday and i was like i wrote out a list of all the people and situations that

were making us really upset oh wow and so then when we got there we were really fired up oh my gosh really so we'd like say say something that happened and then like play baseball with it. I'll talk to my therapist next week. See what they have to say about it. Just make sure you are in check of your own emotions enough to like not let that kind of seep out into the rest of your day. Or, you know, ours was just like work stuff. It wasn't like any serious personal issues, but I can imagine if you're going like through a breakup and you're in the

anger phase of grief, like it could probably be somewhat therapeutic. That's what my redemption might be about. It might be. I don't know. We'll see. We'll see. Delta,

don't tell anyone yet. Okay. Here is one. This is a one-star review of Smash Sacramento. Sacramento, California. It's by Natalie. Do you know people call it sack? They call it sack? Oh, I'm from the big sack. Like what? Not the big sack. Just the sack? The average, normal-sized sack. Normal-sized sack? They call it sack.

Seriously. I went to Sacramento once and everyone kept saying sack with S-A-C and I was like, I'm really not enjoying that. I don't like that. I don't like it one bit. Yeah. Hmm. Reminds me of testicles. Hmm.

Hmm. One star review of Smash Sack. There was an emergency. I was already on the way there. The next appointment was in four days. Person on the phone sounded unapologetic, despite saying, I'm sorry, multiple times. They were like, there's blood everywhere. Like, we don't even know what happened.

Nobody wore the safety suit. Person on the phone sounded unapologetic, despite saying, I'm sorry, multiple times. I don't know how you do that. End of review. I don't know how you cover up or hide your emotions. Like, does this person think they're like a, I don't know, like a sociopath or something? How does one manage to apologize, but not sincerely? I mean, this person doesn't seem to be able to really empathize.

Or this person just can't tell what a sincere apology is. Maybe not. I mean, I feel like the person probably wasn't very sorry if you started immediately getting upset at them and they said there was a family emergency or whatever yeah just as there wasn't they didn't say what it was nor do they think do i think they should but yeah if the business has an emergency yeah let's fucking deal with it don't write leave a one-star review out of any businesses that tell me there's an emergency don't come here the one with like big weapons and stuff maybe i don't want to be part i feel like they might have been more

forthcoming if it wasn't anything that right might turn away business later i'm just like i don't okay we're i'm gonna suit for this one good what i'm gonna get sued for that one i thought you said i need some soup for this one terrible go wrong there no i don't need the soup for that one. Nor would I ever say that about anything. Except maybe like a good grilled cheese. I don't like soup. Okay. Here's a review from Elta, another one. This is a negative.

This is of Smashroom, Iowa. And this is a one-star review. And it's half in caps, half not. You're just going to have to use your imagination. One star by Sean. This business does not promote considerations for defensive or martial self-defense. Attendant, parentheses S. Attendants tend to cause negative, aggressive events outside this business,

not to be confused with a therapeutic event. This location is a negative blemish on the area and businesses surrounding this mall. Bullying and aggressive destruction have always been considered negatives, not just in a controlled environment, but also under out-of-control situations as well. This business might allow destructive violations, but it is already a negative training tool for bullies, just like one of its own employees. I name no names because of privacy, but a bully should not open such businesses, even without proper psychology licenses in such therapeutic, extreme,

or controlled environments. Malls are for amusement, not violation training such as this. Needs a review anyway because of specific customer clientele. End of review. What? Like who, the Mafia? Their clientele or something? They're saying that needs a review

because of specific clientele that goes there? Is that what they're saying? The mall rats. They said a lot of things. I started watching The Sopranos, by the way. Oh, of things i started watching the sopranos by the way oh is that why it's great by the way never watched obviously it's everyone already knows it's great i've never heard that before but i get it now it's not what i expected at all yeah i started the wire i was like this is exactly what i expect and i haven't gotten into it but the sopranos i was

like oh this is great not that the wire is not I just haven't gotten into it. Anyway, sorry. That just reminded me of who the fuck is going to this place that they have such a problem with. And also, who's the owner? It kind of makes sense, though, that someone who has such rage, like we mentioned earlier, would open a place like this. Yeah, to basically say, hey, in here, we can be mad and destroy things. They make it sound like it's a terrorist training ground or something maybe that's what they think they seem to i feel like they're saying i mean i don't know what once again i know i said this before umbrella statement i don't know what

the fuck is going on but my guess is maybe like why are you promoting violence being violent and destructive and they even said that attendance cause negative, aggressive events outside of the business, which is sort of like, are they saying they're trying to rile people up? I, you know what I'm wondering? They just walk up, throw your iPhone on the ground and say 50% off. You mad? Go hit some shit. Follow me. Follow me.

Maybe they have some like weird things that they did because it's in a mall right so that's true or this is like the person next door and is sick of all the mall rats hanging out and like after being their adrenaline's pumping they come out and go into the their this person owns adelias or whatever players and taylor and be like i'm just trying to have a peaceful you know professional environment with clean lines and, you know, bootcut slacks. And now people are smashing the walls. My mannequins are in danger. The mannequins are just constantly shaking.

The mannequins. The little cardigan like slips off the shoulder. The little pearl necklace starts. Oh, it's so sad. Oh, no. They got to clutch their pearls. Clutch their pearls. Oh, no. necklace starts oh it's so sad no they gotta clutch their pearls clutch their pearls oh no

you know yeah i i don't really want to deal with anyone coming straight out of a rage room you and m included maybe especially like i get it it's for getting out the anger but yeah your adrenaline's probably pumping at the end you're kind of like wow as long as it's you yeah you're you're you're suddenly you just beat a bunch of shit up yeah and i mean if you go home to a place like our house where you have a set of golf clubs in the garage it's hard to stop yourself you know like there's a perfectly nice car right there is that what happened okay poor blaze's car can i be honest by the time that was over i was like i'm just tired my arm hurts like i don't want to keep doing this.

And I feel like most people run out of stuff to hit. And they're just kind of like, after 15 minutes, we're like, what do we do now? Yeah, for a while you're kind of just like, oh, this would be fun to just toss and hit with a bat. You're not like full. I mean, at least we weren't full out. Raging. Raging. The whole time, yeah. That's probably healthy. Raging.

Raging. The whole time. Yeah. That's probably healthy. My next one is of Kanya. Kanya. K-A-N. What?

But I haven't trained. I'm just now putting it together. Uh-huh. That that what? That did serve as my training ground for becoming the bully that I am today. Fair. That explains so much. Oh, shit.

Your origin story. Well. Oh, my God. Getting to the bottom of it okay just i just occurred to me anyway your turn this is of the kanya or kanya k-a-n-y-a axe throwing and rage room i think this was a chain because people talked about this a lot like this chain this is in chicago uh one star review um this is by uh gilly kanya has been one of my worst experiences in the last decade. Whoa. Went on a weekend evening and the place was deserted.

Sign taped to the front desk instructed us to check in at the bar. After waiting around for a while, a man mopping the floor eventually wandered over to check us in. Didn't you have a review where someone was vacuuming the floor who checked them in? Like, what is going on in these places? Shards of glass? I don't... Splinters?

I mean, these are like... Fair. I don't know. That's the only thing I can think of. Recommended signing the waiver ahead of time because there is no cell service or Wi-Fi. After paying $120 for two people to participate in the rage room,

a second employee grunted at us and proceeded to practically run to the back of the building and up the stairs to escort us to the room. We were handed a plastic crate lined with a garbage bag and asked to leave all of our belongings in the crate. We were then handed a kitchen apron, enormous gardening gloves, and a hard hat with sun visor, quote, for protection. None of these items had been cleaned in quite some time. Bring your own Clorox wipes to clean the hat.

The employee then opened a cracked wooden door to reveal a cinder block confinement cell with graffiti on the walls and a huge pile of broken items lining the back wall. We were then given two broken baseball bats as weapons and shown the seven, yes, exactly seven items we would be able to break. All other items in the room were forbidden. The employee then left the room and shut the door, and I envisioned the Hollywood murder scene that could be taking place next. Which I don't understand what they're saying.

I do. Can you explain that? Because I think it's like creepy that they're in this cell. Somebody walks in. It feels like Saul, like you've woken up in a, you know. And I kept thinking to myself, why are you still going along with it? And then I thought, I've gone along with much dumber plans. I shouldn't be critiquing their behavior, but I do see like that kind of like,

maybe we shouldn't have wandered into this uh cinder block room yeah where the mopping guy brought us and then no i locked us in i would absolutely just go along with it i go along with way too much you're so right we're that way for sure because we had paid 120 my partner wanted to stay and had broken all seven items. He's like, we're going to get murdered. But we paid $120. You think I'm going to leave now? Yeah.

Oh, my God. I'd rather at least get some rage out before you get killed. Yeah. Because we had paid $120, my partner wanted to stay and had broken all seven items within five minutes. We exited the room and gathered our belongings from the garbage bag lined crate. Before leaving, I wanted to wash my hands of the garden gloves that had been worn

by who knows how many people. Stepping into the bathroom revealed the deepest pit of grime I've ever seen. Paper towels strewn about, toilet paper holder fallen on the floor, trash can and sanitary bins overflowing. I've never been so disgusted we could not get out of there fast enough this place needs to be shut down or placed under new management

immediately i can't even imagine what their food and drinks must taste like avoid this place at all cost ridiculously overpriced and the most poorly managed place of business i've ever encountered end of review. Whoa. I like that one just because it gives so much insight into the process. Yes. You know. It does sound pretty much like how my experience went.

Yeah. I didn't use the bathroom. I at first was like, oh, who cares? But then when they mentioned that there's food and drink, I was like, oh, that's really not that pleasant. Yeah. there's food and drink i was like oh that's really not that pleasant yeah well i know they said the bar but like i just can't imagine how it is legal for them to serve alcohol in a place where they give you weapons including the axe throwing like that's that's this is an axe throwing place as well oh my god like that is something that like i get like i think it would be fun bachelor

bachelorette like fuck man i i would not trust my you know i feel like i would trust myself i'd be pretty good like i'm not one to fuck around with things even when i'm drunk like that yeah but i don't trust anyone in my group i certainly don't trust 13 year olds which seems to be the minimum age oh that's true and my my in crowd we don't have any 13 year olds we've got some wild people you know you got some fish logs. Got some big old fish logs. I just can't understand. I mean, listen, I understand that it's like a fun hobby, but axe throwing, I have like zero interest.

I watched competitive. It was on like ESPN. Yeah. The Ocho or whatever. After the cornhole. Yeah, literally. It was, they had axe and knife throwing. Oh, boy.

It was a very similar concept For the knives I think I would like to throw a knife More than an axe I think so too It feels It feels It feels more precise

Like I could really practice Yeah less unwieldy You know like you're trying to throw the axe And it's just Do you remember when our neighbor Joe Would go to the park and throw knives Fuck is Joe Was his name Joe?

Joe Miller Oh I thought his dad was Joe Or they both Was he Joe Jr? I don't know I don't know Anyway yeah And he would throw knives at trees And Selena and I thought his dad was Joe. Are they both? Was he Joe Jr.? I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, yeah. And he would throw knives at trees and-

Selina and I thought we were being really- And he left a handprint on our door, right? Didn't he break in at one point? Yeah, he broke in, but he left a handprint on the window. And then his MySpace said, you will never catch me. And it had a bloody handprint. Yeah. And I was like, I caught you.

But Selina and I always wanted to be his friend so we would hang out outside and we'd make anarchy symbols out of six and since we wanted to be sneaky we called him oj because we thought we thought that was joe backwards that makes sense anyway um he used to throw knives at trees he was pretty good at it yeah he might have been in in this tour maybe this knife throwing tour joe jr i know it was actually someone named oj it's weird anyway uh i don't have any more okay cool i just have two more this is a one-star review this is of the canya i'm just gonna say canya i think maybe that's the the pun can canya throw this canya axe? Can you axe throwing? Can you axe throwing?

Can you fall off a turnip truck and throw some axes? Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot on your head. That's what Chicagoans think Appalachia's like. Appalachians are like, fuck you. I think it's pretty spot on. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Okay, one star.

This is a one star of cananya axe throwing in Rage Room. This is by Mary. The employees were nice, but I'm not really happy that they didn't remove the toner from the printer we were given. What? I can't imagine that it's safe to inhale the black stuff that puffed out of the printer when we hit it. Our snot and spit were black for at least an hour after we left. We also booked for 30 minutes and with the items we were provided, we were in there for maybe 10 minutes.

I wouldn't recommend going here. Oh my God. That's like the glue all over again. I know. It's so stupid. It's like, there's not a lot of oversight on this kind of thing, huh?

No, I don't think so. I'm not saying there needs to be or whatever, but like clearly they just kind of go and buy like a $5 printer at a whatever junk store. They just kind of just fuck around. Yeah, they're just like, go to a state sale, see what the cheapest shit is that looks breakable. Yeah, there's not like much else that seems like that goes on in preparation for these things. there's not like much else it seems like that goes on uh in preparation for these things i can't wait for like the cnn article about how some guy goes to a rage room and finds a priceless antique that in the glove box and they're like wait a second or like finds a handgun from like the person who used to own the car or something the obituary papers it just seems like things are bound to go wrong uh i mean like i know

i already said this but there were like vhs tapes and i was like i know nobody watches these but it feels kind of sacrilegious to like pull the tape out yeah like i mean because as kids you're like taught to be so careful with cds and not touch them and you know not break pull the tape out and touch the tape part and it was really my brain was struggling to kind of put those thoughts aside and i mean don't get me wrong i did you did break it all yeah yeah okay but it was it took me a second yeah no it doesn't feel i wouldn't feel right i don't think like i've got old electronics and i'm like i i wouldn't even break like i'll donate it but also i assume they're not like i don't know the vcr like no one wants i know exactly yeah i think logically

intellectually i was like someone else just gonna come in and break this yeah i don't know anyway that's my last one it's my redemption this was sent in by Elta. She, her. And she sent a review of Wreck-It Rage Room in Savage, Minnesota. Okay. Well, there was that other one, Wreck-It Room in Indianapolis. So Wreck-It Rage Room now. Okay. And this is a five-star review. This is by Helen.

My sister-in-law's husband is a cheater. So we booked this room to bash stuff. This place is amazing. The staff are amazing. We all loved every second of smashing TVs, beer bottles, computer screens. The staff are welcoming, validating, and make the experience safety first. Please consider it for a fun book club outing, divorce party, breakup.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Book club, like what you're reading one particularly upsetting story. I've definitely read books where I'm like so enraged. Angela's Ashes. Oh God. Yeah, that's the one that every book club is reading right now for sure, for sure.

Please consider it for a fun book club outing, divorce party, breakup, or you're just an aries and need to bash loved it recommending it to everyone i know that has been mad so everyone i know thanks drew end of review this also sounds like the least mad person ever which i love they're like exactly i mean it's just nice to get my rage out every once do you catch what they said at the end there? Thanks, Drew? Yeah. Who's Drew? Presumably the man who cheated. I thought it was the employee. I was like, oh, thanks, Drew. Like the employee. Oh shit. What a piece of shit. What a bastard. I'm going to go smash something. I'm so mad. Because of Drew? I feel like it doesn't take much to get me riled up i feel

like i could really probably just join someone else's divorce party and be like yeah fuck that guy um i will say too it's kind of funny to think about like the the places that are axoring and rage rooms because i know so many bachelor bachelorette parties go to axoring places nowadays so you do that yeah for the pre-wedding. Yeah, there you go. Then post-wedding, aka divorce, you just hop on next door. Yeah. You know, it's a one-stop shop.

They should start giving out coupons for eventual divorce parties. Just for bachelor and bachelorette parties. That's right. And I do hear that at some of the act-soring places, they'll whisper in your ear like, are you sure he's the one? You know, they try to plant those thoughts in your head early. They're like. For when you break up, here's the number to the direct rage room line.

Yeah, they're like, I don't know. Marriages don't always last. And it seems like he's kind of a schmuck, you know. They never met him, but it's just sort of like they're trying to get you. Anyway, so that was. Hey, and if that works, then then no offense but maybe the relationship wasn't that strong the foundation was already cracked um time for my challenge yes so my challenge was from natalie it was to find uh it was to find

reviews where the office is quoted okay the tv show the office and uh you know i don't know and i kind of like this because like we do kind of reference the office probably more than we should maybe get it all out of the get it out of our system and i know not everybody watches the office some people don't like the office um and so, you know, we'll just see. We'll just see how this goes. I feel like I tried to find reviews that would be fun and funny, even though. Yeah. Aside from the whole office.

I mean, I, yeah. I also feel like we do a lot of things on this episode where it's like, oh, yeah, not everyone loves restaurants, you know? Well, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I'm just saying you don't need to know? Well, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I'm just saying you don't need to understand the reference to enjoy these reviews, I don't think. I'm just saying if people are annoyed or something, that we're doing an office-related challenge. Yeah, then go listen to restaurants, you pervert.

Is that what you're saying? Go watch whatever you want to watch. Go watch Sopranos. I recommend it if you haven't heard. Oh, go watch Seinfeld and then listen to our episode on 90s sitcoms because that's going to make you really enjoy Rage Room. Okay, well, the first one is of a place called Not Just Donuts. And like, there's just literally no way you're going to guess what reference. I mean, maybe there is.

I don't know. Unless it has to do with donuts specifically. This is the first quote that I looked up because it just was the first one that popped into my head for The Office. Dwight, you ignorant slut. No. Okay, I'm going to actually, I was about to start guessing. You know what? I'm done. I know. I'm done. I'm sorry, everyone.

Here's a two-star review of Not Just Donuts. This is a two-star review by Wes. When you say you're a bagel shop and you don't have traditional lox or smoked salmon, then I become a little bit suspicious. Not superstitious, just a little stitious. But I was intrigued by the fried chicken and waffles. This may sound odd for somebody who's lived in the area for many years, but I've never had chicken and waffles. And I thought, what the heck? These folks have some interesting Creole and Cajun menu items. Let's see what they do with this one. When my order came out was one big waffle with three reheated from frozen chicken

strips on top. They were fried, or should I say refried, dry and flavorless. The restaurant made an attempt at putting a little flavor spin on the whole thing with some pepper jelly, which I asked for on the side, thankfully. The meal was served with eggs, which were done perfectly, I must say, so thank you for that. However, my dining companion had grits, which were instant, flavorless, and watery, while I had the standard Cisco cottage potato cubes from Frozen. So the bottom line is I had great expectations, and I still would like to try an everything bagel with some salmon cream cheese or something. But what was touted as a unique made-from-scratch breakfast experience was quite disappointing.

I still don't even really understand. The reference made no sense, did it? Okay, I was like, am I the only one who's read this three times and thought, this doesn't make any sense? Did they just want to excuse? Maybe they did that for our challenge. What was this written? Do you remember the word that they used? They said, I'm a little bit suspicious.

Suspicious. And then they said, not superstitious. It's like a completely different word. Yeah, they fucked up or something. Anyway, there's a response from owner. I hope it only acknowledges how wrong that quote is. Wes, you ignorant slut. It says, Wes, we absolutely have a traditional lox bagel on our menu.

It's called a salmon sole and it's one of our best sellers. All our baked goods are made from scratch daily in-house. A baker arrives daily at 4.30 a.m. to get things ready for the day. We cook everything to order so every plate is fresh made as well. We absolutely use some goods from suppliers like Cisco, but that's how we keep prices reasonable. This allows us to bring a unique dining experience to our customers without the New Orleans boutique cafe prices. End of review. Yeah, I think looking down on them using certain suppliers, even though, I don't know, whatever. It seems silly.

Yeah, I feel like, especially if they are having somebody come in at 4.30 a.m. to do the baking. Yeah, they have the stuff that's freshly made, so they're putting in an effort some places. That's one of the most frustrating things I imagine as a business owner, when people just say out loud, all their stuff was frozen and came from the freezer. And they're like, but the baker comes in at four in the morning.

Like literally, like we know that's not true. Like how can we prove this to the, you know what I mean? That must be so infuriating when people can just say fake shit on the internet. Yeah, they really do. So I also, so I Googled, I'm not superstitious, I'm just a little stitious, which is a Michael Scott quote. And I found something, which is like so unhinged. Oh, good. I found a forum, and it's not a cool cruiser forum.

Okay. It's a Yelp forum. And I know we've read them before, but this one is just particularly bizarro. so i'm just gonna read it for fun this is called exclamation exclamation exclamation uh like a tilde like a little swirl tgif swirled exclamation exclamation happy friday the 13th y'all oh wait okay that's the title so the title is basically happy friday tgif happy friday the 13th. TGIF Happy Friday the 13th. Okay. So let me read this. It's by Eric and it begins as follows. Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.

Fact. It's Friday. Fact. It's the 13th day of the month. Fact. That means it's Friday the 13th. Happy Freaky Friday the 13th, er buddy. So here are some superstitions for Friday the 13th.

Don't walk under any ladders. Don't step on any cracks or else you'll break your mama's back. Don't cross paths with a black cat unless it's to bring him a saucer of cold milk and a few pets. Don't touch wood. Oop, already broke that rule. Too early. Ew, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Don't touch wood? What does that mean? I think they just wanted to say they masturbated today. Okay, I figured that was the joke they were making, but I don't understand

the superstition. I think that's the only point of saying that. I'm not really sure. Okay, it's unhinged. It's unhinged. I gotta keep reminding myself of that, I guess.

You don't need to remind yourself. I'll remind you. You can remind me. Avoid stepping on a grate. That's unhinged. I gotta keep reminding myself of that, I guess. Avoid, you don't need to remind yourself. I'll remind you. You can remind me. Avoid stepping on a grate. That's hard to do in downtown Charleston. Everywhere you walk, there's a grate. The fuck?

So do you believe in super stations? Of course I don't believe in super station, but I do believe in karma. If you do bad things in this life, that shit will come back around to haunt you sooner or later. Besides, it's a freaking weekend, y'all. What's everybody getting into tonight? Brace yourselves.

This is going to be exciting. I'm finishing up Texas. More exciting than Christmas. Yeah, fun. I know. Is this my away message from middle school? Yeah, this sounds like you. It feels like my away message.

Saturday, working on some morning chores. I want to hit up a few nurseries for new plants. It sounds like you. It feels like my away message. Saturday, working on some morning chores. I want to hit up a few nurseries for new plants. Got to get my front porch back in bloom after the harsh winter destroyed everything. We'll need to get some tacos at some point. Yum. Sunday, we'll be full of rest and relaxation. Pop some bottles and chill.

Cheers, Charleston. Okay. Okay. So now everyone just starts listing what they're doing this weekend okay that's one way to get the conversation started i i could think of many ways to make it more concise but hey it's yelp yeah that's not what yelp's about concise uh so i respected weirdly one person first responded and said... A first responder? A first responder said, I'm going to order scallops and defrost them. So, I mean, cool. Are they from Cisco?

I don't know. I hope not. And then they said, you know, they were going to the cigar factory. Okay. Is this a joke? Is that a thing? Listen, I'm sitting here listen it sounds like a dream eating frozen scallops and going to the cigar factory what is going on

friday the 13th friday the 13th in charleston and then like without addressing this person's response at all the original poster eric posted afterward saying good we'll get more and if i don't get some tacos sometime this weekend i am literally going to flip tables just saying so like okay someone said and then francis responds thanks eric s now i have Now I have taco brain. I'm so suggestible. Oh, my God. Timothy says, wait, so we're not supposed to touch wood on Friday the 13th? That's a new one to me and quite disappointing since after work, I was going to head out to do some vampire hunting. And you know how they like their steaks wooden and all. What the fuck is happening?

But they spelled it steak like the meat. What's going on? I'm back to work this week this is still tim also are any of these people from charleston except for the first one yes actually they all are it looks like oh shit so this is like a charleston like the charleston subgroup whoa because someone made a comment about charleston greats and how they can't walk on them because they're too scary oh shit okay so that's a thing. Hey, I should have given Eric more credit because I was like, that sounds ridiculous. His name's Eric. So maybe you should at least say his name right. Eric. Eric. That's what I said.

I thought you said Aaron. No. Okay. Sorry. I was like, I know S is the last name, but do you pronounce it Eric's? Is that what I was doing wrong? No, I'm sorry. You were right. I was just trying to be contrary. So anyway, Timothy's back to work this week. He was out for three weeks.

He's on a mission, but he's not sure what the mission is. Okay, sure. My wife is working this weekend. I mean, it's, he says, and then he says, Charleston grates. Sounds like a new form of cheese to put on your spaghetti. I hate this so much. It's the same person who said wooden steaks. Okay.

And then he ended the post and then posted another post, Timothy. He did. And he said, P.S. Have a safe and happy weekend, everyone. I'm like, okay. I feel like that was implied, but whatever. Francis responds, guess this is crazy talk, but Yelp on a laptop is totally different than my phone. I'm going to do my first laptop review today. So this weekend I'm starting out with a brand new world.

Wink face. Then Amanda says, so today I did my first ever guided paint class with Caroline. So much fun. I'm hoping to get to bed early so i can get all the sleep sunday is empty so far except a pedicure so we'll see where the day takes us this is the last post i promise okay the last comment i'm enjoying it it's by a dare and it says i'm not superstitious i'm just a little stitious i fucking forgot why we were here to begin with but anyway my sister is in town so we'll be downtowning it up. Nice.

Anyway, so that was... That's kind of cute that it's a local little group. Yeah. It was very unhinged. What year would you have guessed that was written? Oh, God. Just based on... 2006?

2018. 2018. Not that. Right? Okay, Office, maybe I should have guessed 2012 or something for that. But like... But like... Like all the sleep...

It felt... The whole first paragraph thing all of that was they even spelled yeah y a which i'm like i feel like that was a thing that we used to do and they said everybody like nelly or something like what i think it's just millennials being our old selves i don't know it's painful painful to hear, you know, it's painful. It is. It hurts. And don't bring me into this. Sorry. Can I tell you something that Francisca said to me? Oh no.

She said that, that you're like a typical millennial and I'm not. I don't think I was supposed to tell you that. What? Killer. What? You're going to kill her. No, it's because you didn't know what fucking Riz was and you keep saying razzmatazz and stuff and then the other thing was um that you didn't know

like being read to filth or whatever like that was a read like you don't know didn't know what that meant i mean i guessed it did? I know what choogy means. You're living it. Because I am one. Okay. It wasn't as a bad thing for what it's worth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gen Z says you're a classic millennial, and that's definitely a compliment.

Just let me have something. I live in my mom's attic. Please. Please. With my 18-year-old sister. I'm like, please. Yeah. All right.

Thank you. You can have it. This is a four-star review of a place called Kwong Sing Laundry. And it's like an alteration spot in San Francisco. Unfortunately, it looks like it's permanently closed. But they do like tailoring and it's like kind of a, what's a tailor? So this is a four-star review by Kate. Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls. Angela, the office.

And it actually applies. Okay, ready? Overall, I'd say I like being my size, but sometimes I gotta agree with the 80 pound neurotic accountant from the office. Short of shopping for children's size clothing, sometimes it's just damn hard to find clothes that fit right. This past summer, I wanted to alter some dresses that probably looked normal on most people, but made me look like a grandma.

I'd gone to on-track cleaners in the neighborhood, but their sewer stopped hemming. Their sewer, their sewer. Christina. Their sewer. I was. Christina. Their sewer. I was like, what happened to the sewer? What's wrong with me? Okay.

But their sewer stopped hemming anything but pants, so they referred me to this place. Kwan Sing is a tiny laundry and alteration spot run by a sweet older couple. When I picked up my dresses, I noticed that a signature detail, a pin with a big silk flower, was missing from one of them. I pointed it out, and I thought he looked unsure he'd be able to find it. He said he'd try. A couple of weeks later, I still hadn't heard from him, but again was in a bind to get another new dress fixed in a couple days. I walked over there and asked if he remembered me. He went to the back, returned, and produced the missing silk flower. Taken aback, I asked him why he never

called me, and he said he did. Who knows? I quickly forgave him. Like other customers, I've been happy with the quality of work here. All my dresses fit like a glove now. I think they charge six to ten dollars per item, but maybe that's only for miniature pieces of clothing like mine. Everything else shouldn't be too far off. End of review. I love that review. What a great review. And that's how you use a quote correctly. Absolutely. And then write like a really helpful review. Yeah.

And the fact that they quickly forgave. I think that's what people need to fucking do more in any service situation. Not everything needs to make you really upset. It doesn't have to be such a big deal. Like shit happens. And Zoloft really helps with that. So if you do need assistance. Yeah.

So here, maybe you can guess what this quote will be of or what this quote will be. This is a review that Natalie,alie who suggested the challenge sent in and it is of the northern district of oklahoma united states bankruptcy court okay that's easy someone's declaring bankruptcy this is a five-star review which oh this okay this is a joke review. No, it's not even. And it includes a photo. But this location is unclaimed. Like there's nobody running this place. Yeah. And I guess somebody was.

And there's only one review and it's five stars. It's a very specific type of business. Someone was like, I want to shout this place out. So I'm going to find it and write about it. So here's a five star review. This is by Tom. It says, The prettier of the two federal courts located in Tulsa. While it's not as simple as Michael

Scott from The Office, U.S. version, believed, declaring bankruptcy is an important part of our legal system. I'm sure that having to declare chapter 7 or 13 or even 11 can be a bit of an emotional ride. Rest assured that everyone that works with and within the court system is friendly. Plus, it couldn't occur in a more picturesque establishment. Every time I leave, I always take the chance to look up at the intricate ceiling. End of review. Okay. Hey.

I mean, okay. Okay, cool. I like that review. That's the same. Good to know. I feel like if I want to go bankrupt anywhere, it's in Tulsa now. Honestly? After reading that.

Let's go. We'll go shopping in Tulsa. Let's go be bankrupt there. Let's go to the American Girl doll store, buy colonial garments. We can also buy Minnie Mouse flannel pajama pants before going to the steakhouse. But now that you're vegan, you're going to need a wooden steak. I'll just eat the rolls, which are the saltines that they leave out.

So we know the ingredients, right? This is my last review, Zandy. Okay. And it is of a Chili's in Tallahassee. Yes. By the way, as you can probably guess, I had to pick out of like dozens of reviews

to find one. I'm kind of glad there are multiple so you didn't just pick the first one. You picked the best. I did. Presumably. I picked one that seemed more interesting than the others. Let's put it that way. So this is of a Chili's in Tallahassee.

And Kate gave it three stars and said, All I can say is I feel God in this Chili's tonight. Food is decent. So quick note, it's not all they can say because they continue to write an entire paragraph. I love how the best one you found is the one that just quotes it and ends it there. Nope.

But I guess they're not done. Right, so I think the reason I like this is because it says, this is all I can say, enter, enter. And then immediately continues. It's not all I can say, yeah. So Kate says, food is decent. Price say, enter, enter. And then immediately continues. It's not all I can say. So Kate says, food is decent, price is good, atmosphere is fine. This particular Chili's does have a track record of messing up seven out of ten orders we make here, though. Because we live close, this is a staple when doing takeout. And there's just always an error or something missing.

And five out of those seven times, this is a lot of math. Hold on. What is happening? Seven out of ten times i mess up then five out of those seven times uh-huh we have to go back to get it corrected wow i wonder what the two are that are not corrected they're just not worth it maybe i don't know why am i trying to figure this out the other two times oh they're about to tell you the other other two times are just not worth the effort. Oh, did you literally just say that?

Yeah. How did the other two times are just not worth the effort? Oh, the other two times are just not worth the effort. I almost was like, I'm psychic. And I was like, no, I've read this before. I hope. I just wish the carryout system was more correct. One person found this review funny.

And it was probably Kate herself for quoting The Office uh that is the end of my office quote i liked it that was not as that was that was that was painless i think for office not office fans i had a feeling it wasn't it wasn't too in depth to make it seem like you had to know what was going on you know that was good that was good yeah so that is that thank you natalie for the suggestion and thank you everyone um we have to tell you that our next episode which comes out 419 will be a 420 episode yep we figured close enough um we're we're gonna record it today and that's what we told patreon but um we're we're gonna take a breather after this episode take give it another day. Yeah, I just figured. I think that's the best.

I think so. I think that's for the best. We can really focus on just the 420 episode. Because I was like, do I take an edible 30 minutes before this one ends? Before. Do we take a break? Like in the middle of this one? Yeah.

Do we take a break? What do we do? So this is going to be nice. We're going to have a 420 episode. We have only, we have not done this ever. And so I'm a little bit nervous about it. Yeah. But it's too late now. Yeah. And so if you want to send in stuff it's too late our patrons did send in tons of stuff yeah we're

covered in 420 reviews yeah and we're going through old emails as well which a lot of you have recommended dispensaries especially in specific cities and we've been avoiding it but i think it's about time we tackle this issue head on. Head on. And so we will do that. And I'm excited and nervous. Yeah, me too. It's going to be fun though.

That's that. I do want to say, I think, oh, wait. Oh, at this point, they've at least been announced all of our live shows. So we have a promo that should be going out soon. And I don't know if we have links at this point. I think this comes out on the 12th. Okay. But I think that the links we get on the 14th, maybe.

I can't keep up. Anyway, we've got shows. We've got live shows. We're so excited. So we're so excited to see you all. At least if you're in the following areas. June 14th, we're in Tempe, Arizona. June 15th, we're in Salt Lake City.

July 6th, we're in New York City. And July 7th, we're in Boston. Ever heard of it? Ever heard of it. Well, you shouldn't have said it for that one, because technically that's one in Summersville. Somerville, Massachusetts. We'll be in Summersville. We're going to be near Boston. Arts at the Armory. I'm excited for that one. I'm excited for all of them. Me too. And as you're listening to this in April,

if you don't know yet, we also put a promo out for that. But we have a sale on merch. We have 50% off all posters. And if you buy an Impeccable Vibes sweatshirt, logo hoodie, or a dad hat,

you get a free mystery pin. And that pin could be anything from our past. From our past. That could be a dangerous. Intense past. That could be any of the past ones. We cannot guarantee it's one you know

that you want I don't think you can ask for one even just don't even bother but like if you go on this sounds so rude don't even bother but if you go on the website it even has a fun little graphic

that says includes free mystery pin with a big question mark I would love if you guys do order those could you please post like which pins you get yeah because I feel like I don't go back and think about the old ones.

It's fun to see. It would be fun to see what gets sent out. And that, I believe, is while supplies last. So I don't know how long that's going to be going on. The sale is until the end of April. But if we sell out of those mystery pins beforehand, then we might sell out of those. So get on that if you want. Yes.

And also, uh, you could go to bit.ly slash beach to Sandy merch to, to access that. And, uh, beach to Sandy.com. We'll output the tour dates up on there once, uh, once they're live. Yeah. We can't wait to see you in person. Yeah. Um, wearing your new mystery pin and dad hat. Hell yeah.

And, uh, we'll see you next week when we're apparently stoned. Talk to you then. Bye. Bye. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Brian Heveron-Smith,

cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bolland.