Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 244: Reviews of Squishmallows

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

We apologize for what this episode does for Temu coffin sales. Check out our new merch store! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Last chance to get live show tickets! https://www.beachtoosandy.com Follow us on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. For just $4.99, you can get a Subway 6-inch Black Forest ham sub made with our new fresh sliced deli. But the fresh slicing doesn't stop at beautiful Black Forest ham. We're talking tantalizing turkey, perfectly piled pepperoni, sensationally sliced salami,

so you can lunch legendary, dinner deliciously, breakfast brilliantly. We're talking friggin' fresh slicing and I'm yelling yes way! Get a 6-inch Black Forest ham for only $4.99. Only at Subway. Price and participation may vary. Extras, taxes and delivery additional. Expires April 8th. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet.

A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandy, and I'm currently Novocained up, so sorry if my words start losing form. Did you have to ever see a speech therapist growing up uh yeah maybe you should call them what's that that uh i can't tell that anything is wrong with your mouth okay i i can i can feel it i also really wanted to like half my face is numb that doesn't i mean as long as we can't tell it doesn't really matter well uh we were going to record yesterday.

But then I had to get a camera up my butt. So I got home and was like not in the right mind. And that wasn't even like a colonoscopy. Oh, I didn't. That was just for fun. I never said it was. Yeah. No, it was not fun.

I'm sorry. And it was. Actually, it was. It was kind of like a nice nap. Oh, okay. The guy who is giving me sedatives, I wish that guy, that guy, this is going to sound terrible, could put me to sleep every night. He was like, okay, just lay back. And he's like, so, and he's like complimenting my fallout boy manicure.

He's like, did you do these for me? And I was like, yes, I did. And he's like, oh, which one is for which design? Like he was just trying to distract me. And I was like, yes, I did. And he's like, oh, which one is for which design? Like he was just trying to distract me. I think I picked this one for you. And I was like talking about the sparkly one and describing them. Wow. Next thing I know, I shot up in the bed and started shouting that I've never seen The Sopranos.

And I wanted to apologize deeply to everybody in the room. For not having seen The Sopranos? Yes. Fair. Yeah. As you should. With that, I had one of the best naps of my life. Great.

But I actually did say, oh, how long has it been? And they said eight minutes. And I said, okay, I'll go back to sleep. And they were like, no, no, no. Eight minutes since you woke. I thought it was like, oh, the procedure's still happening. Yeah. I can go back to bed.

The way you're presenting it, it's only been eight minutes since procedure since you went to sleep right that's what i thought yeah anyway it wasn't and i had to wake up so then when the opportunity came to record with you i said no thank you yeah when you're driving home and you're like whoa when i hit multiple poles no My mother had to drive. Okay. They made her sign a form. It's a whole thing. Anyway, we're going to talk about squishmallows. And I will say, I went home and I cuddled with my squishmallow. Yeah. And her name's Letitia.

Nice. What is Letitia? Letitia's a lemon. I should have known. You haven't met Letitia? I probably have. There's a lot of lemon stuff I see in this house and I kind of, it all blends.

Remember when you said there were a bunch, Renee was listening to an episode unbeknownst to me and she just stayed here in this room. And she was like, remember when your brother said you had American flags everywhere and you believed him and looked around and you said, no, there are skulls.

And she's like, I can confirm there are a lot of skulls. But that's how it is with lemons, too. Yeah. But I love Squishmallows. I get it. I get the whole vibe. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Me, too. I'm into it. I'm onto it. I'm all about it. Because I was a big pillow pet person. Oh, I love. So, of course, how am I going to judge Squishmallows?

I have more pillow pets still than Squishmallows. I don't think I have a single Squishmallow. Unless someone, a fan gave us one, maybe. No. Was that a squish mellow um i i got the the the lemon as a gift and i don't i don't want to like dox this person's well they're probably not gonna get doxed by me saying but they sent it to actually they sent it well here's the problem they sent it to leona and i said okay yeah and then immediately took it into

my bed and never left got it i. I do have a squishable. Oh, yeah. That's what quillium is, my hedgehog. You're sitting in front of a plague doctor squishable. Oh, okay. So. Yeah, there you go. You can pet him.

Anyway, sorry, that was a long intro where Zanny tried to talk about himself and then I changed the subject to myself. Should we read reviews? Uh-huh. Squishmallow. Are you okay? Yeah, I was just testing out my jaw. Oh, it's moving.

A plus? It's going to be yapping. Here we go. First one's from Elta. Of course. This is of... I'm like, what the fuck is this? This is of the 9.06 inch explosive style silkworm bean pillow pillow cushion pee pee plush toy.

Okay. Does not sound like it doesn't. It is on TV. What is that? Every time I Google something now it comes up. You know what? It's like the new like AliExpress or whatever. Maybe it's it seems like it.

So I don't think this is legit. I think it's like one of these. Like it was called? Maybe. It seems like it. So I don't think this is legit. I think it's like Shein or like one of these like... It was a good review, so... Okay, great. That's fine. I figured it was... So yeah, probably not exactly a Squishmallow, but that's why we're starting with it. Oh, yeah.

That's why we start the show. There's actual Squishmallow coming. With the wrong review. Here we go. One star. This smells like straight up cat pee i opened it and wanted to vomit i'm not sure if a cat actually peed on it or if they soaked it in pneumonia but either way it's gross end of review okay so they did one of those two things first of all isn't it called like explosion of worms or something? Like it sounds like- It is not called explosion of worms, thankfully.

That's what I gathered. No, it's some sort of explosive silkworm. If it didn't smell weird, I'd be concerned. Yeah, an explosive style silkworm. Like it was going to smell like something bad. It looks like a little ghost, honestly. Like I don't really understand what it is. Oh dear. I i'm gonna be rude

here it's not the cutest thing like squish mellows i'm like oh that is adorable i kind of want it and then this one i'm like this thing is not cute to me let me see it again it has like a pair of dice like patches are they like that supposed to be tattoos He actually kind of looks like me waking up from my colonoscopy with droopy eyes. Wow, that's a troubling photo. Yeah. And he smells like pee. He smells like cat piss. Is ammonia...

I thought ammonia is... It was a lot like you earlier when you were waking up. I thought ammonia is a thing you use to cancel cat piss. I don't know how to cancel cat piss, so I'm not sure. It's very difficult. I've learned that the hard way. Yeah. Okay.

My first one is from Kana Sheher. And it is a review of the Squishmallows 8-inch plush Robert the Frog. Sounds cute. Oh, yeah. We should probably just show each other photos of them. I can Google it. Okay. Oh, yeah. I've seen this guy. He's cute. So cute. Oh, yeah. We should probably just show each other photos of them. I can Google it. Okay. Oh, yeah.

I've seen this guy. He's cute. So cute. This is a one-star review by Poppy. This is on the Target website, and it says, would not recommend. Oh, wait. It's not by Poppy. What?

Are you back in your smut era? What? We talking about Poppy being a very popular smut character name. Oh, I forgot about that. No, it says Poopy. I just... Oh, it says Poopy. Yeah, I just had to zoom in.

Also, that's the other kind of smut. Oh, no, I don't like that kind of smut. Then the Bigfoot one with their kids is named Poopy, I bet. Poopy, one star by just a series of letters. Would not recommend. It is too hard. It feels like just a rock in a frog costume. Squishmallows suck and aren't even squishy.

More like rock mellows. End of review. Rock mellows? Something's wrong here. I don't know. I don't believe this reviewer. I don't know what to say except that they're wrong. Squishmallows are very soft. I would love to cut that Squishmallow open though.

Because I feel like something sinister or nefarious is happening here or some sort of error. Either way, something fascinating is inside that frog. They took a picture, but it's so small and blurry. And I'm worried after I didn't read poopy correctly that if I zoom in any further, something bad might appear. Yeah. That's the whole point. Jump scare. It really might just be a rock in a frog costume. I will also say that's not a frog costume.

Like if someone were like, put a rock in a frog costume, I wouldn't make this bizarre blue oval. Fair. But if you saw someone dressed like that, you'd be like, they are a frog costume, I wouldn't make this bizarre blue oval. Fair. But if you saw someone dressed like that, you'd be like, they are a frog. No? If you saw a rock dressed like that. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you're right.

Maybe you're right. Well, my next one is of Squishmallow's 11-inch Danica the Blue Crinkle Tie-Dy Dolphin Plush Toy. Danica. Okay. Okay. Wait,y Dolphin plush toy. Danica. Okay. Okay. Wait, let me see.

Oh, she's cute. I think so. I feel like most of them are, you know? Okay. Well, I have some photos for you later. No, there's no way. I don't know if I've seen an ugly Squishmallow. I'm not saying they don't exist.

I didn't say ugly, but I googled weirdest Squishmallows. Oh, that's a thing okay i think i might have one that's kind of weird my problem with this dolphin is that it doesn't have like a dorsal fin so it kind of looks like it could be so you're like body shaming this guy i'm not i just feel a little bit like it's hard to like this one i agree that like it's hard to like. This one, I agree that like, it's hard to tell this is a dolphin. It could be a whale. It could be a whale. It could be a rock in a frog costume.

We're not totally sure. You got me there. But this is a five star review. Ready? You need this child. This is such an amazing toy that I love. Personally, I sleep with it and all my other children. Parentheses, by the way, my children are my squish mellows.

End of review. I couldn't figure that out. Thank you. It would be really alarming if they were like, I sleep with all my many children. I am the woman in the shoe or whatever. What's that woman's name? The woman, the old woman who lived in a shoe? Didn't she have like 60?

She had a name? No, she didn't. 65 children? It's just an old woman. Didn't she have like a million children? Didn't she have like 3 million children? Literally? Didn't she have like 16 million children?

Genghis Khan? Didn't she have 40 million children? I don't know. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. And she had a million children too many kids though how many kids three million i was like holy shit i knew it wait wait hold on this it says that uh this is based some evidence suggests the rhyme refers to the wife of feodor of vasily vasilyev of shuya r, who reportedly birthed 69 children during her lifetime.

I said 68. You did? Wait, I was one off, but I didn't want to make it sound like I was joking. So I said 68. I don't know how many. It just says she had so many children, she didn't know what to do. That's what I thought. She gave them some broth without any bread, then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

With her squishmallow, Danica the Dolphin. Like, hello? I don't understand what everyone's missing. Holy fuck. Oh, this one, don't worry. There's a Christian version. Okay, ready? There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

She had so many children and loved them all too. She said, thank you, Lord Jesus, for sending them bread, then kissed them all gladly and sent them all too she said thank you lord jesus for sending them bread then kissed them all gladly and sent them to bed i will say i like that it's less child abuse i love that i like that it's about squish mellows yeah they're like have a bite of bread here's the end of the version from 1797 oh there's finished with these lines can we put wait sorry we have a new editor named margo and i feel like we put them through we put margo through a lot let's do it let's put it that way um can we put like old-timey like medieval music under these little chants there was an old lady who lived in a shoe yeah do we like yeah with like a like a liar? A liar. Yeah.

Margot, do you play liar? I think Margot plays liar. Okay, go ahead. Okay. This is the last two lines from the 1797 version. Then out went the old woman to bespeak him a coffin. And when she came back, she found them all a-loffing. What does that mean?

What does it mean? Okay. That one, I feel like the understudy wrote that last time. It means they're laughing. No, it doesn't. A-loffing? A-L-O-F-F-E-I-N-G? Why are they laughing?

I don't know. Because she thought they were dead or something? Oh, that's hilarious. Wait, she went to go get them coffins? Yeah. No, she wasn't getting, she was bespeaking coffins. What does that mean? Are you serious?

Yes. Are you serious? Okay, I actually don't know. I was going to Google the definition. I was like, none of these seem to make sense. Bespeaking, meaning to order something in advance. Oh, she went on Teemu and got them all coffees. It is cheap.

It is cheap. You can't blame someone for buying fast fashion when they have 69 children. 69 children. Exactly. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Stop shaming these mothers, people. Also, I don't know if you know this

but uh what all the squishmelons have a bio oh so i'll just read danica's danica starts her workout classes right on time don't be late this pilates instructor does not cut corners she helps every student reach their highest potential if you're're new to the exercise, Danica will train you in all the major poses. Ready to feel the burn? What? Danica the dolphin is a Pilates instructor? Yes! Why?

Alexander? It just seems so random. Dolphins can be Pilates instructors too. No, they can't. Oh. I guess that's... They can't. Yeah, you're right.

I've seen it happen. Like, someone attempted. It did not work out. Yeah. Okay, so're right. I've seen it happen. Like someone attempted. It did not work out. Yeah. Okay. So anyway, I have a review. Oh, no. I've zoomed in so far from Mari.

I believe it's either Mari or Marie. She they. And this is of it doesn't even have a name, but it was on, I think, Timu. And it's kind of like a it's also a knockoff. Squishmallow. You give me so much shit. You gave Elta so much shit for... I think it's a... It looks like a hoagie.

Oh. Okay. It looks like a hoagie with lettuce and stuff. And it has a face and ears. Well, or does it? I don't know. Two stars. He's so cute.

He is surprisingly good, quailty material, embroidery and all. The package came quickly and he was even vacuum sealed to ensure he doesn't get damaged. So I was impressed. However, I have to leave a two star review because he is quite literally missing an ear. It doesn't look like it even got sewn on to begin with. I will not be returning him because I am quite attached to my dearest little hoagie, parentheses. That's what I named him. But I had to leave an honest review. It would have been five stars if not for the missing ear. End of review. There's a lot of body shaming happening

on these poor creatures. Yeah, wait, what? And like, what would this ear look like? Is it a human ear or is it just a little like? No, it's like a cat ear. A little cat. Oh. Yeah. And one was missing? I forgot to tell you the hoagie was also a cat. Oh, okay.

Now, now you get my attention. I mean, I thought it was kind of like a given and pretty obvious, but. Yeah, I should have known when you said lettuce. Yeah. That was the giveaway that this was cat related somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he has sesame seeds on him and one ear. But maybe he's supposed to come that way.

Yeah. And you got it from Timu. Honestly, I... Presumably for very cheap. I'm guessing... I'm thanking God for this bread. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This hoagie bread that he's fed my children.

Yeah. Pilates take... You need coffins. You're feeding them that pilates takes a lot out of you so don't eat as many hoagie cats as I can find

it's getting really dark this is a weird episode already whoa what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294.

Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking. Students, get $100 when you open an RBC Advantage banking account, which includes no monthly fee, unlimited debit transactions in Canada, Avion points on debit purchases, and so, so much more. Unlock more perks for less with RBC Vantage. Conditions apply. Offer ends June 30th, 2024. New eligible clients only. Complete criteria by August 30th, 2024. Visit rbc.com slash student 100. My next one is a four-star review of the Squad app. The app, it's called Squad app, and it's a collection database to track your Squishmallows.

I thought it was like squats, like for Danica. No, S-Q-U-A-D. What do you track on there? Your Squishmallow collection. How fun. Yeah, it really seems really cool. I'm developing a problem. I can feel it. No, like it's really cool.

I mean, okay. And I'm not just saying this. I did not install it, but the reviews were like so good. Everyone was like, this is how, thank you for making such a great app. And like there was an issue at one point because I was reading all these reviews like, oh no, it kept crashing. there was an issue at one point because I was reading all these reviews like, oh no, it kept crashing. And within a day or something, the developer had responded to all of those reviews saying, the fix has been implemented, the bug is gone, and it's completely free. What if the bug was one of the Squishmallows? And they were like, we've gotten rid of the bug,

we heard you. And they're like, no, no, not that kind of bug. Let him back in. But yeah, the only complaint from people mainly was that they don't always, they're not always up to date with the current Squishmallow offerings, but they have over 6,200 right now in their database. Wow. Which I'm like, that many exist? I'm downloading it. That's crazy.

Right now. Okay. Anyway, here is a four-star review. Oh, I can't have it on my laptop but it'll look rude if i'm on my phone so yeah get off there i'll wait till later here's a four-star review hi reader be ready because it's an amazing app but they need to add more squishmallows parentheses by the way i'm nine and i'm obsessed with squishmallows and this app but i have four Squishmallows.

Parentheses. Save me. Here is one Squishmallow they need to make. Kevin from Up, the Disney movie. Here is more. Cam, EarPods case. They also should try out albums. What I mean is they should make albums so you can separate the stuff you put in your wishlist. So if you want to separate stuff, you can make an album. And reader, don't worry, this app is amazing. So be amazing, be strong, and be safe. I love Squishmallows! End of review. Oh my lord. This is the child I wanted to babysit growing up. I never had the chance. I would have been like, tell me everything. Like, give me a presentation. Introduce me to all your Squishmallows. Those are really easy to get gifts for. You just look at the database and you're like, oh, they're missing this one. This is in their wish list.

Love that they said they have four. Save me. I'm like, I feel like I have like 11 and I'm like, I barely have any. Also, yeah. It's just so sweet. I just, this was so fun. Great idea for the album too, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was a great review. Incredibly thoughtful. And they gave specific examples of Squishmallows they'd like to see. What is that one? Cam ear pods case. Cam? How do you spell that? C-A, it says, this is also a nine-year-old.

So I'm not, like, no offense to this nine-year-old. But like, you know, it says C-A-M space E-A-R-P-O-D-S. I was afraid you might say that. Cam ear pods case. because it's nothing uh so there's that i mean not not spelled that way at least yeah no you know oh maybe you know what what okay so squish camera no squish mellows sells um cases oh my god they want an airpod case Squishmallows sells cases. Oh my God. They want an AirPod case.

Of the cam. Cam is a Squishmallow, a cat. Wait, do you know about cam? No, I just, for the first time, I'm looking at it. Oh, wait, no. I went on, I'm on squishmallowsquad.fandom.com slash wiki slash cam. And it's asked me if I'm an adult or I'm a kid. And I'm wondering. I've been on this site for three days. I'm wondering if that means I'll see

mature stuff or is that for ads? I think it means don't be a creep. Tell us if you're a grown up. I don't know. But why would that help them? Because there's comments and forums. I'm getting an ad right now with a lot of violence and shooting so I wonder if

Are you serious? It's like a video game. sorry not like oh i was like what kind of not for children because i'm getting a marriott marriott bonvoy ad and i don't see any good oh yeah yeah they're video that's the one yeah oh yeah um no what i was gonna tell you is that me about cam it wasn't cam it was a different cat but i'm gonna tell you about it later. Cam is so cute. I know. Cam is cute. Little calico. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, also known as Cameron. Of course. Cameron's my father. Some of these, there's some cute AirPod cases. Well, I want one now. Okay. Oh, my God.

He is the main mascot of the Squishmallow brand. Cam is? Yeah. Wow. I didn't know that. Good job, Cam. That's a lot of pressure. It's kind of funny to read. Any scandals?

What? Any scandals? Any scandal. I'm sure of it. I mean, when you're the face of the company, you got to make sure there are no scandals. What's that word on Wikipedia? Controversy. That's a word.

Yeah. word on wikipedia um controversy that's a word yeah uh i wouldn't know because i haven't faced any um until probably this episode editing your wiki now camp don't i've got so much to say i've got so much to say i don't think i even have a wiki this one time in middle school, she was so mean to her brother. Oh my God. Sorry. Sometimes Zandy texts his therapist out loud. That's what he's doing over there. He's pretending it's Wikipedia.

But anyway, okay, let's get back to this show. This is from Francesca Sheher. And this is of the Squishmallows 14-inch Dottie Pink and Blue tie-dye sea slug oh cute i love this guy but but the sea slug has one eye open and one is winking okay which like just mentally is tough for me when you sleep are you saying that both eyes are winking i feel like in order for it to be a wink one has to be open so it's just like that's the cat the the cat the sea slug is winking it i'm just being annoying i'm sorry it is winking although i am like it it it bothers me because it's like not symmetrical like i'm now i'm body shaping the sea slug but it's just type in dotty can i shaping a sea slug. But it's just type in Dottie.

Can I just do sea slug squishmallow? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I see what you mean. Okay, ready? Yeah. Dottie goes through many phases. Last month, she only ate French fries and Caesar salads. Okay, but those are two of my favorite things.

Like when I get a good vegan Caesar dressing, it is the best thing in the world. No anchovies, man. It can't be that good. It's so good. Now Dottie's obsessed with purple things. This is like you. I love purple. Like acai bowls.

Why did I say it like that? Like acai bowls, lavender wallpaper, and amethyst crystals. I love lavender. Me too. Alexander, this is our slug. Yeah. What do you think Dottie's next phase will be? And then the wink, which I just feel a little bit like it needs to be more symmetrical or I'll be thrown off guard.

Thrown off. You mean just, I don't understand the symmetry. Like I wish either both eyes were open or both eyes were closed. The wink is weird. I'm not a big fan. It's like uncomfortable for me for some reason. Here's a four star review by Laura. If I were in nature and saw a sea slug winking at me, I'd be uncomfortable.

So I'm with you. I'd be like, I knew I was a Disney princess, but the worst kind that only talks to sea slugs. I'll be nice to sea slugs. Well, not if they're hitting on me with that creepy wink. Okay. A wink can mean so many things. Laura and... Get over yourself. You're so full of yourself. You're assuming they're hitting on me with that creepy wink. Okay, a wink can mean so many things. Laura and- Get over yourself.

You're so full of yourself. You're assuming they're hitting on you. Materialist different verified purchase. She's super cute, but the material is not the same as my other Squishmallows. It is a two-way stretch versus a four-way stretch the others have. Her antennae have a piece of plastic in them to make them stiff. IDK if I like that or not i guess they won't flop over but they are a tiny bit pokey if you lay on it wrong i still give her four stars because she can't help that they made her wrong she's still beautiful end of review now that is the right attitude that is the right attitude but also like

within reason like otherwise this company can get away with a lot they're like it's like oh it's not the squishmallows fault it's like well yeah that's a great point alexander they're like anthropomorphizing them to the extent that it's like this company can do no wrong because like their existence is separate from the company yeah um i i will say if i lay down funny and her antenna poked me hard and then i looked and she was winking, I'd feel pretty bad. Yeah. Or sad, I guess. I'd rip her open to find the rock inside.

Xander, who are you? I know you're a rock in disguise. Who are you, the little old lady in a shoe? Jesus. Yep. I already ordered her coffin. I know. I know you're a rock in disguise.

It's true. In a sea slug costume. Yeah. Alrighty, my next one is from B. And this is on Amazon. Squishmallows Squishville Mystery Mini Series 2 Plush Assortment Blind Package. Colors and styles may vary. Parentheses single.

So you get a little pack and it includes one mystery mini squishmallow and one fashion accessory i kind of don't know what you're gonna get love like if i feel like this is the way i felt about pokemon cards like i could probably get in it you know what i was about to bring up i know as you know i've become weirdly obsessed with sports cards baseball football mainly some hockey some soccer and i'm like it's just pure gambling but it's so much it's so bad michaels i go yeah you bought you bought a pack for michaels and yeah i go to target i'm like oh let me get let me get a little pack of cards and i feel that rush of opening them up i've gotten some great ones and it's fun because i'm collecting them keeping them for my collection and just having them to have if y'all saw the uh the tiktok that i mentioned a few weeks ago where i claimed we were leaving and then i just never left where we got a million views

that that where we did the high children's book ideas you're looking at me I'm like oh which one with a million views the only one that night Zandy opened up some or maybe it was the night before opened up some baseball cards and I had one of the edibles

and I think for like 45 minutes I just sat there and you were like and this means it has this and this border means it has this and I just like was in it. There's so much involved. And I was asking all these questions.

I don't remember a single thing. I've learned so much more since then. I've probably regressed in my knowledge. But I will say like if somebody had brought the Squishmallow verse to me at that time. No, exactly. Oh, my God. I read this. I'm like, fuck, do I buy one?

Yes. Because it's like gambling for the Squishmallow. What if you broke your Amazon fast just for this? That's the wrong word. Makes it feel like I'm coming back. I don't plan on buying anything. It sounds like you might be. For the Squishmallows, you got me there.

I know. That's true. It is sold out, though. Anyway, here is a review. This is a five-star review. I don't know why it's five stars. I think it needs some negative music over it. Here we go.

Not what I expected. My daughter loved this toy, but it was just too ugly to look at, so I threw it in the garbage. End of review. And this is a verified purchase. like i i don't know what the hell justice justice for this child and like the thing is like they they buy like i'm looking at their history and they've bought other stuffed animals with positive reviews they like talk about their but they also i think bought like a ton of trash cans a lot of coffins they single-handedly are funding the timu pre-order coffin market because they have so

many squish mellows to put away i i'm upset about that i like come on don't be a fucking terrible parent okay it's not being a terrible it is a terrible parent but there are other things that they purchased for their child that they talked about that they're like oh my daughter loves this this is such a great toy it's just christina it's also not what they expected and that was this has the worst reviews it's not that bad it's four out of five total 4.0 but a lot of people were like this is not what i was expecting because it was a misleading photo because the photo has a bunch of squishmallows on it and they didn't know they were basically gambling for one why why didn't you know it's in the title because you're 12 i guess

because you're a child it's not very title? Because you're 12, I guess. Because you're a child. It's not very clear. Squishmallow, Squishville, Mystery, Miniseries, 2, Plush, Assortment, Blind Package, Colors and Styles May Vary, parentheses, single. Did they think they were getting all of them? Yeah, probably. Oh, that does suck. Yeah. That would make me sad.

Yeah. Okay, so here's one of Brindle the Platypus. I love Brindle. Brindle sounds so cute. Let me read you Brindle the platypus. I love Brindle. Brindle sounds so cute. Let me read you Brindle's bio, okay? Please. To be fair, I have not, to be clear, I have not read this yet. Oh, wait, by the way, have you looked her up yet?

No. You should Google her. How do you spell Brindle? B-R, the wrong way. B-R-I-N-D-A-L-L. I say the wrong way because it's probably the way you would never have guessed it. Well, when I type Brindle, it just says Brindle Squishmallow. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Me, Brindle. I think she's cute. Yeah. Oh, the tail is so cute. Like, it's so weird from the front. I didn't know I had a tail. Yeah.

Okay, look up the tail. Look at the side view. Brindle Squishmallow. It's so cute. It's like a little purple tail. See, now that is what i'm talking about with the dorsal fin like that could have been such a cute little oh i like this platypus thing yeah oh she's cute okay me brindle she doesn't like hummus she loves it you got me there brindle

she makes her own from scratch with garbanzo beans and fresh herbs from the garden. Just the picturing of platypus. I love this for you, Brindle. I do too. She makes the perfect dinner guest because she's guaranteed to bring a jar to share. You're invited to every party that I ever host. I know. I fucking love hummus. Whenever they came over, I'd probably move in next door.

So I love Brindle. Me too. It reminds me of, it gives me like little bear vibes i don't know what brindle just making hummus oh in a jar thing i don't know it just feels like a little bear character something i've ever heard you know yeah my heart uh okay your turn wait there was no review oh yeah there's a review's a review. I was like, did I miss it? I'd feel bad if I did. Where's the review? We just talked about the hummus. Oh, here it is.

And then I gave my own review. Wait. Right? Did you read it? Am I crazy? No, I'm just trying to find it now. Oh, okay. Oh, phew.

Okay, sorry. It got mixed up with a different one. Okay, this is a five-star review. Verified purchase. The title is So Snuggle. I believe this is also from Francesca. I'm not 100% sure, but I think so. Platypuses are my favorite

animal, and rainbows in this color palette are my favorite. And she has a sparky tummy. Absolutely perfect. The only thing I didn't like was the name. I call mine Patty's Biscotti. Okay.

You could have done so much better than Brindle. That's fine if you didn't like it, but what? Patty's Biscotti? Patty's Biscotti. Yes, sorry. Just double check this was from... Sounds like a brand. It's literally... Whole whole foods you know when at costco they have the big tubs like i feel like that says like patty's

biscotti um and by the way francesca wrote is patty's biscotti a reference i'm missing the reviewer's name is brooke not patty who is patty who is patty that is indeed the question um so hold on let me finish this i call mine Patty's biscotti, but that honestly has nothing to do with how snuggly and cute this is. My husband got it for me for Yule, and I almost cried with excitement. End of review. Nice. I know. Patty's biscotti.

I love that it's like Patty's biscotti has nothing to do with the cuddliness. She's not covered in crumbs. She's not crunchy. She won't cut you if you lay on her kind of funny like a biscotti very angry like well i like take a knife out no she's she has an incredible anger problem oh god i'm just saying she doesn't have sharp edges like next time it won't be the chickpeas in the blender it'll be you you're not careful she's just a bunch of knives in a in a platypus costume oh god what if she's a bunch bunch of knives in a platypus costume.

Oh, God. What if she's a bunch of biscotti in a platypus costume? Oh, now you're talking. My next one is also from B. It is of Eric the Blobfish. Oh, I like this one. Eric the Blobfish is so cool. Yeah.

Here's his bio. Meet Eric. This blobfish is adventurous and lazy at the same time me too i know right he loves kayaking paddleboarding and a good nap he's a funky reggae music super fan who loves to jam fun fact about eric he could eat peanut butter fudge ice cream for breakfast lunch and dinner and he's a huge pothead and yes seriously vibe i'm getting only listens to fish and eats fish food ben and jerry's look at that it all makes sense i looked at him though and he has this kind of little lips yeah i like i get it because that's what a blobfish is but i think the lips kind of make me uncomfortable it looks like he got injections you know like juvederm yes

interesting well here we go here's a one-star review. Blobfish is a disaster. Don't buy, I'm telling you. Save yourself. Save your soul. Ugly and too fishy. Smelt like the blob and I don't like it. Looks like lip filler.

Yes! Work on it. No squishy with the plastic. Thoughts on saving the environment? End of review. What's happening? This person's username on Target, I think this was a Target app, Target review, is hater of blobfishes. No! I'm not even kidding me.

And they had weird, like, spots where they put periods, so I didn't know. Well, hater... put period so i didn't know because i said smelt like the blob and i don't like it looks like lip filler period work on it period like what does that mean i don't know i don't know if they were saying lip filler work on it but they had a period there so i don't know they meant like work hey you better work work on this appearance yeah before i get more upset yeah um wow they're just like vigilante out there hating on blobfish. Yeah, yeah.

It's blobfish specific. That's like, that's hurtful. Yeah. They're pretty fucking ugly, though. What's in her? This one isn't. This one's okay by me.

It's okay that he got work done on his lips. Yeah, I'm glad. That's his prerogative. All right, so here is a review of, this is also from Francescaca apparently francesca just nailed it by the way we got so many i was gonna say and we had so many to go through we still have a ton on red so we apologize if well at least i apologize if we don't read them um but francesca

sent one of curvina tie-dye mushroom uh what there's a mushroom squishmallow yeah smish well smish squishmallows smish squallow smish squallows original 14 inch curvina tie-dye mushroom oh yeah these are oh i love the mushrooms okay isn't he cute yeah malcolm the mushroom is cute too okay let me let me read you. Meet Corvina. Corvina? Corina? He loves spending Saturday afternoons shopping for trendy thrifted threads.

Wow. He has an eye for all things retro, lava lamps, classic cars, tie-dye, fringe jackets, you name it. He always finds something cool and unique on his excursions. Would you like to join? Wow. He's also a big hothead. I'm gathering many of them are. His excursions to Joshua Tree National Park. That's what I'm saying.

A bunch of shrooms. With a thrifted fringe jacket? Like, hello? Are we kidding? He's going to love the cuddle puddle at Burning Man. I do love that they all have these like so unique personalities. I love it.

It does add to it. If you know, if someone out there has any sort of connection to the copywriter or copywriters at Squishmallow, can you let me know? Because I feel like I just want to like spy them a coffee or a beer or I don't know, a fringe jacket. Talking shit about a dolphin being a Pilates instructor. Now I'm like, oh yeah, these pothead squishmallows. Hell yeah, that's more like it. Like, no, yeah, maybe I should have been okay with Danica. I was going to say, you're like, dolphins can't be Pilates instructors, but sea squids can be potheads.

Or sea, what are they called? Sea slugs. Wow. Yeah, whoops. Okay, I have a couple more. Oh, wait, I didn't read it. Oh, you didn't read your review. I keep doing that, though.

I'm sorry. No, that was my fault that time. This is a five-star review by Southern Ontarian, and the title is Girlfriend Loved It, Verified Purchase, five stars. She loved this more than the two thousand dollar bracelet i got her end of review oh just saying if you follow this advice and the yule top the yule yule gift advice you got a yeah low budget for christmas so true i guess like factually not christmas i meant yule but you know what i mean i do know

what you mean i do know what you mean um all right so now comes uh two reviews of what might be my favorite squishmallow i've seen okay i've seen i've saved photos of my favorite what if they're the same one okay i don't know probably not there's no way. This is so specific, I think. I don't know. Okay, but I will scream if it is the same one. Okay, this is a review of Juni Yellow Banana. Nope. This thing is so fucking cute, Christina. Wait, seriously?

I wanted to kill something. I was like, i immediately was obsessed so maddie she her maddie sent this in i'm like tearing up and i'm so glad she did because i like i wanted to die i felt so what is going on i was like the world is over this thing is the cutest thing i'll ever see in my life oh my gosh i can't i can barely function um and here i haven't read the bio yet so here we go junie jumped at the opportunity to plan her annual family reunion her family gathers once a year connecting from all over and it's junie's favorite day she's planning a delicious barbecue and lots of fun outdoor games will you help junie string the party lights i love that junie kind of cute but it's so random so many hamburgers and xandy's like shit hey you can barbecue vegetables yeah but like would you for

a family reunion would a banana i don't know a banana is like i'm being eaten by humans all the time like i have no ethics like you know like fuck it like exactly i hope i hope it's humans that juni's grilling up you know this is that little face i would sacrifice myself i would yeah i would too uh oh my god juni's squish date is april 7th 2022 what a babe i am obsessed um juni's so cute now this is a review that i oh wait did you read the no oh i have two but i'm gonna i'll space them out. They're both five star reviews. Cool. This is the one that Maddie sent in.

Five star review titled He is Perfect. He is. Amazing beautiful yellow boy. Thumbs up emoji. Perfect man. Thumbs up emoji. Bigger than I thought. Thumbs up emoji. Thumbs up emoji. Three different shades of yellow. Star eye emoji. Bigger than I thought. Thumbs up emoji. Thumbs up emoji. Three different shades of yellow.

Star eye emoji. End of review. Oh my gosh. It just keeps getting better. Amazing, beautiful yellow boy. You think it can't. Perfect man. It's just so goofy to me.

I feel like a psychic once did a reading on this person and was like, I sense that you're about to find your soulmate, the perfect man. He's going to be three shades of yellow. Well, now I was going to tell you about, so I got confused with Cam, the calico cat. Do you know about Jack the black cat? Jack the black cat. Yeah. I do not.

Do you know about it? Okay. So Jack the black cat is the rarest switchback. Cat. Yeah, do you know about it? Okay, so Jack the Black Cat is the rarest Squishmallow. Whoa. Yeah, and extremely rare. And so people try to find it, right? The 500th Squishmallow's character, interesting. Yeah, so let me find Jack the Cat.

First from the select series. Okay, this is too much for me. I know, there's a lot of like series. I'm too deep in my sports cards that I can't have another. I thought you said sports cars. I was like, nope. Can't afford that one. I was going to say, it's a lot pricier.

Can't afford the sports cards either, but. Let's switch back to the baseball cards. Jack the Black Cat. Okay, here we go. So cute. Jack is a strong, silent type, but he's always there when you need him. Except that he's not, because he's like the rarest one. Yeah, right.

So true. He's not afraid to speak like the rarest one. Yeah, right. So true. He's not afraid to speak up for himself or his friends. He can be a little feisty, but he loves to cuddle. Jack loves giving back and thinks we should always lend a helping hand. Cute. That's a good one. Okay, so he's very exclusive.

And it's the one with a gold tag and his eyes are closed. Okay, because there's definitely quite a few knockoffs. I'm looking at you, Timu, and I'm looking at you, whatever that other one is. No. What's the one? Paw Patrol? I'm always looking at Paw Patrol. Always. Always one eye.

One eye on those folks. So anyway, what I want to tell you is that people on Google can review. Is that where you looked? No. There are reviews like- Like Google Shopping reviews? Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Google Shopping reviews. I did not use those, but yeah. Okay, where you looked? No. There are reviews like Google shopping reviews. Yeah. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. I did not use those, but okay. So I have one here. Um, let me go back to it. And, uh,

it's a one star. Absolutely horrible. Zero stars. This is a horrible thing. It is not a squish mellow. It is a fake knockoff. It is a scam. Yeah.

I said it a scam and is not the most rare squish me. It is a fake knockoff. It is a scam. Yeah, I said it. A scam. And is not the most rare Squishmallow. Google obviously lied to you. Well, you, my dear friend. Not anybody else. And if you searched the most rare Squishmallow and tried to buy it, send it back or don't buy it. End of review. So true.

This has a 1.6 out of 5. Yikes. Because people keep buying knockoff ones. And it's like, no, I think it's wrong, obviously, to sell fake stuff. Yeah. It's not good. But generally, that stuff is really cheap. Yeah.

So if you're paying nothing for the rarest Squishmallow of all time, or like 20 bucks. I know. There's something wrong. I don't know how much they're charging for it, but this is a tough one because there's probably no like Squishmallow's authority that verifies. Should we

start a neighborhood watch? Squishmallow's neighborhood squad watch. Squad watch. Squad watch. OMG. What would we do? I don't understand this that doesn't that's besides the point i have a uh so i just looked up squishmallow black cat because i was like oh let me just pull up so then i pulled up squishmallow autumn the black cat oh which looks very similar but the eyes are open uh-huh and i see so it has three stars three total uh Three star review. Three total. The one star says, bad.

Bad. Do not buy if you are smart. And now there's a five star by Alexandra. Cutie pie. This cat did nothing wrong to y'all. Why would you give it one star? She's perfect the way she is. That's what the squad watch will do.

Yeah, that's what we'll do. Defend them. No matter what the faker the better will be like those they deserve love i mean they're so cute but this one is an actual squish mellow it's just okay but it's just not the other black cat so people get mad appease their audience i don't know the right word their buyers by being like but look at this cute cat yeah we've got another cute cat for you yeah okay that's that they think we are fools they think i am 12 oh probably they do they probably do because i own 11 squish rolls that's not true i actually have two

both were gifted to leona one is mine like plenty of adults have well that's what's funny with like the sports cards things now as i look more into it I always thought of it as like a kid's thing. Oh, you know, you open baseball cards or something. No, I mean, it's pretty dominated by adults. Well, of course. And then you think like, oh, when I was a kid, I had a stamp collection. I'm like, isn't that for old people? For old people, yeah.

And coins and all this? Also, it's like not, it's not welcoming in terms of like price points and stuff. You can't like have a lemonade sale yeah you don't like oh collect your allowance to spend money i mean it's i guess you can it just feels like i don't know not too accessible for kids and which feels bad because i'm like it's a little like sports cards might as well go to tj maxx and convince your mom to buy you a squishmallow do it yeah. Yeah. Yeah, do it. I've done it. Oh, that coffee smells good.

Can you pass me the sugar when you're finished? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? That's salt, not sugar. Let's get you another coffee. Feeling distracted? You're not alone. Many Canadians are finding it hard to focus with mortgage payments on their minds.

If you're struggling with your payments, speak to your bank. The earlier they understand your situation, the more options and relief measures could be available to you. Learn more at Canada.ca slash it pays to know. A message from the Government of Canada. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish.

Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. Here we go. My last one. So after Maddie sent this Juni, the banana, I was like, I need to look at more reviews. So I found another five star and on another wholesome note, here we go, especially because my challenge and on another wholesome note. Here we go. Especially because my challenge will not be wholesome. Oh, good. Here's a five star review titled Never Too Old for Squishmallows.

My dad loves this thing with his whole heart and cuddles him every night. I've gotten him multiple fruit themed squishmallows at this point. And both him and my mom situate them around in the bed to help them be more comfortable at night that even takes this little banana guy wherever he goes on trips definitely worth the buy especially for someone you love end of review oh no the zoloft is it working the tears are coming i'm literally crying yeah isn't that so sweet? I didn't even cry when I dropped Leona off at her first day of Montessori, and I'm crying right now. Just wait till the day you drop off Juni the banana into her Timu coffin. That'll be a tough one.

I thought you were going to say just wait till she takes the banana as her own, and I have to give it up. Man, I got really emotional about that. Because you know the dad loves the banana, but he's also like, this was a gift for my child. Yeah, true. Along with all the other fruit that he and his wife slash the mother of his child, they situate them on the bed to make sure they're all comfortable. I hope they don't have sex in front of him. Oh, big time. I'm turning into my challenge mode.

Big time. Lots of sex. Sensual nights with the squish. Unpleasant. Okay, so do you want to know about my favorite squishmallow? Please. I'm ready for it. Did you see any that you were like, this is probably Christine's?

Because I saw a few where I was like. I assume it's kind of like a spooky one or something. You know, I thought it would be because there is a Mothman, but it's not though. His name's Avery. I'm sending you a picture of him now. It doesn't ring a bell? Okay. Here he is.

Is it a bird? Yes. He's a mallard. Oh, those eyes. Are you kidding me? Like I saw him and I went. Does Avery have a little tail? My Lord.

You know what? I have not even checked. You don't even know? Yeah. But let me show you another picture of Avery because there are, here. This thing is so stinking cute. Is this not with his little beak? Like I, I about lost my mind.

This thing is hilariously cute. I screenshot it. There's an Easter version. I'll just say in our, look at. And hats. Okay, I'm sorry. I just sent you the an Easter version. I'll just enter. And hats. I just sent you the one with like the little. Yeah. Oh my God.

That's so funny. What are these called? The hat? I don't know, but. It's like Canadian. It looks like a Canadian would wear. Yeah. The flap, the ear flaps.

The ear flaps and the furry kind of. And it's red. He is, you guys look up Avery, the mallard squishmallow. I'm in. Oh my God. The different. I'm like, now I'mvery the Mallard Squishmallow. I'm in. Oh, my God. The different, I'm like, now I'm on the wiki and I'm just scrolling. There's like a hug me version. Is that for like babies or something?

There's a stacker, the stackable one. And the description is Avery is flat. I kind of like the flat one, though. Oh, there's a one. There's the one where he's winking. You can make it feel like he's flirting with you your dream um that's not my dream um i love the one where he just has pom-poms on his head for no discernible reason um what's in her the hug me looks like the baby one

yeah these are i like i i want the squish the flat one. The comments underneath the wiki, it's like, he's so iconic. He is. Someone just said, d.u.c.k. Yeah, it's correct. Someone said, I love Avery so much, but I can't find him for a decent price anywhere. And SquishyLover 23 said, I have him. LOL. You little bitch.

This is why you have to say whether you're a child or an adult so they can be like, okay, you're blocked. Oh, this squishy lover 23 is on a rampage down here. Someone said, my beloved. And they just responded.

Okay. Oh God, get out of here. You troll. Um, okay. Can I read his bio yes don't let his size fool you avery is a skilled left wingman for the squish mellows rugby team left wing sorry left wing avery's left wing what's left wing oh sorry i'm in so deep in the squishmallow verse that i there's no politics there so i was like what about his left wing you know fair i wish i could move in to the squishmallow verse don't let his size fool you avery is a skilled left wing man

i'm sorry i got for the squishmallows rugby team and one day wants to be a coach. His whole family comes to watch and they bring popsicles to celebrate once the game is over. Popsicles. I love it. Hugs in her. I want to see Avery eating a popsicle. I love with Avery. Avery's the best.

So anyway, I love Avery the Mallard. Oh, and I have a review. And this is, of course, a five-star review. Good. Mallard. Oh, and I have a review. And this is, of course, the five-star review. Good. Mallard shines. Kids love Squishmallows and understandably so. The plush characters have simple, comforting faces, while the overall designs charm with clever attention to detail.

The Squishmallow bodies are soft, cushy, and very comforting. As I was purchasing Easter-appropriate donations for Plush Lunch, a charity that provides holiday-themed plush toys for kids enrolled in a local free lunch program, I was delighted to find a Squishmallow Mallard. Mallards are lovely and common, but overlooked in the pantheon of spring-themed animals.

I imagine a nature-loving child being happy upon finding a squishmallow mallard among the other Easter and spring fair. End of review. Oh, okay. They're looking for their protege. They got really focused on that mallard bit. They must be the head of the garden club of their town. Right.

And they're like looking for a protege because their grandchildren are like, we don't care about plants and birds. And they're like, somebody must.ge because their grandchildren are like, we don't care about plants and birds. And they're like, somebody must. Yeah. Springtime is the best time. A child needs to love this mallard. I mean, look at that thing.

I think it's easy to love. I'll be that child. Right? Oh, and then I wanted to just show you the one that we have because it's a wild photograph. And it took me a while to find because we don't have the tag on it anymore um here oh it won't let me copy it okay so the one the only other one we own i have leticia lemon who by the way wait can i redo leticia's bio i like didn't even do that absolutely because uh i just adore her and she also has like a an orange and a lime like i think they're siblings or friends i don't't know, but it's super cute.

So Latisha. Oh my God. So you said you don't even know her. Let me just send you a picture of how cute she is. Okay. There's a photo. Oh, okay. Cute.

All right. So Latisha the lemon. I love the little leaf on top. Yeah. She has a little stem and a leaf. Here's a bio. So this is of their three, like the three siblings, I guess. I don't know.

Though they have very different personalities, they play tennis like one on the court. Letitia is shyer than her brother Leland, but once she's got her racket, the game is on. Watch out for her forehand. I love it. That's Letitia. So she and her brother play tennis. Yeah, they do. And I think.

Which one's Leland? I think Leland is the lime. Lime. Leland the lime. That makes sense. I don't remember which one's the orange one. I guess they don't play tennis. Maybe they're cousins.

Yeah. Yeah. I like this comment. Does Letitia have a birthday? If you know, please let me know or any information about her and then there's a response it is November 19th 2020 oh okay nice uh so that's that oh my gosh of course I love squishmallows Letitia is a Scorpio but you know what I love her anyway good I'm glad oh I think that's all I have oh wait, wait, no, sorry. This picture of the other one I own, which is called...

Okay, show off. No, I only have two. Target exclusive Valentine's Day 2023 Caprine the Bigfoot. Apparently, she's a Bigfoot. And when my mother-in-law mailed this to me, and by the way, it's about this tall. You've seen it on my couch. Yeah, I probably just didn't realize. I have not seen this thing.

I'm sinner. What is this? It's huge. What is this? It's apparently a Bigfoot. I'll read you her bio. What the fuck? I'm sinner.

What's wrong with Copperine? The mouth is hilarious. Okay, this is Copperine, the Bigfoot. Bio. Meet Copperine. She keeps freshly picked flowers in almost every room and loves taking a morning stroll through her garden to see the latest flowers you'll find her rocking her favorite bright rock you'll find her rocks inside of her body oh no you'll find her rocking her favorite

bright blue broad brimmed hat and matching gardening gloves cute okay so anyway uh caperine cracks me up. Caparine is hilarious. I'm just going to show you. So I have the Valentine's version, but here's like the general version. And there's several Bigfoot characters. Isn't it funny? Its mouth goes all the way across its face, which makes me laugh very much.

Yeah. I love that aspect of it. I wonder if the Valentine's Target exclusive is rare. If so, it doesn't matter because we threw the tag away. Aha! Anyway, that's all I've got. It's for your PC, your personal collection. That's right.

You're not looking to resell it. Oh, wait, I forgot. I have one more favorite. Okay. This is the last one I have. I'm in. And I can't decide between this one and and avery okay it's lenora the loon i know okay i love that sounds great i know look up lenora the loon because i'm gonna

read you her bio okay have you ever met a loon who couldn't sing oh yeah lenora isn't she cute so cute i know i can't decide if i like the loon or the mallard i think i want both i feel like there's so much more detail with lenora than some other ones you almost said leona i know i did their names are scarily similar yeah it's weird here we go ready yes have you ever met a loon who couldn't sing lenora can't she comes from a family of beautiful singers but she is tone deaf and has a hard time joining it. Like, I relate so much to this sweet little Lenora Loon. You are tone deaf.

She wants to start a rock band so she can still sing in a unique way. Will you join her band? Yes, I will, Lenora. Thank you for asking. I won't. Learn to sing. Maybe I will. Lenora Loon and I will start our own two-person

duo duo duo duo oh that's not what i meant duet duet do it whatever okay uh i love lenora loon i can't wait for that uh i love this just somebody wrote i want her so bad oh i don't blame him she's so cute uh i wonder if she's hard to find i'm gonna try to find her oh she's exclusive to canada why are they all in canada oh no lenora gotta make a trip come to me anyway oh my god she's 350 on ebay jesus christ okay i'm mad at least you probably can assume is real if it's that expensive. It's only $30.29 for 12 months with PayPal credit. Oh, that's it? Nice.

Okay. Yeah. Do that. All right. Time for my challenge. Finally, it is. Okay. My challenge was from Olivia.

It was reviews of restaurants where the reviewer gets weirdly sensual and or sexual. Okay. And then I said, but you don't have to do restaurants. But did you do restaurants? You did say that? I did. I didn't remember that. I did restaurants.

It was so fucking easy. That's probably good because it probably narrowed your search. You didn't have to like. Yeah. Okay. And Olivia, who came up with the challenge, also sent one in. So here is the one that Olivia sent in. This is of grist Mill and Cinnamon Bread.

This is in Dollywood. Here we go. Five stars. Our morning and first visit to Dollywood started by visiting the Grist Mill. It turned out to be a cinnamon lover's dream come true thanks to their mouth-watering cinnamon bread. As early birds, we eagerly arrived before the doors opened, thrilled to be the first

ones in line and get our hands on the very first batch fresh out of the oven. What awaited us was a warm, aromatic treat that exceeded all expectations. From the moment we stepped inside, the inviting aroma of cinnamon gently through the air. Gently what through the air? We don't know. I'll send her, use your imagination. I can't. That's what I'm doing. I'm trying not to because it gets weird. Instantly igniting our taste buds.

The rustic charm of the mill's interior added to the overall ambiance. I feel like it's cozy for them and like they're making everyone else so uncomfortable. Like it can't be cozy for anyone else. They're like licking their lips. Yeah. They're like settling in and everyone's like, you're making this weird. Going ooh and like cooing and stuff. Cooing for sure. So much cooing is happening.

They are the early birds. The early birds. It's so true. That's the dumbest joke ever. That was so good. I loved it. Thanks. The cinnamon bread itself was a marvel to behold,

with its golden brown crust and a generous dusting of cinnamon sugar on top. It was a visual feast. The texture was perfection. Soft, pillowy, and yet slightly crusty on the outside, providing the ideal contrast of textures. As we eagerly tore into the warm loaf, the aroma intensified, promising an explosion of flavors. With the very first bite, we were transported to a realm of cinnamon-infused bliss. I'm upset. Like, the thing is, I don't think they're trying to be weird with it. I know, and that's why it's so upsetting.

Like, weirdly sensual and, like, a little much. It's a cinnamon bread. Like the thing is, I don't think they're trying to be weird with it. I know. And that's why it's so upsetting. Weirdly sensual and like a little much. It's a cinnamon bread. I mean, it's obviously much more than that. You've never had it. To be fair. You cannot say it. You cannot. Stop.

You do not disparage. You might have the exact same cooing if you tried it. I didn't disparage it. I said it is cinnamon bread and that is factual. No, the review I'm saying. I didn't disparage the review. I said I'm uncomfortable. You're a cooer. When you have this bread.

The balance of flavors was impeccable. They even said moist. They did say moist. You got me there. It's almost like a cliche. You got me there. The balance of flavors was impeccable and the warmth of the bread was comforting, like a hug for our taste buds. The sheer freshness and warmth added an extra dimension to the already exceptional taste,

making it an experience we won't soon forget. If you find yourself at Dollywood, make sure to prioritize a visit to the Grist Mill, especially during the early hours, to relish the unparalleled pleasure of being the first to experience the cinnamon bread sensation. Trust us, it's an experience you won't want to miss. And then they provided a picture of the cinnamon bread. If they did, it does look delightful. It does.

Okay, but can I say, I'm never going there early because I run the risk of encountering this person really taking the place up yeah yeah over by themselves like just taking taking it up with their energy just like it's a lot the whole place is theirs um second of all yes i like that they said trust us i'm like i don't did anyone sign off on this because i feel like if I were if this were my parent or spouse I'd be like can you tone it like I don't want to be yeah can you use a different screen name because I don't want to be

can you use my dad's screen name blobfish hater 5000 or whatever because I don't want to be related to this yeah I get that and Christina I will say this person this is a trend.

This is not the only food. How about this bread? No, no, no. This person does. This person's reviews are all of different restaurants and are all like this. Do you know, like, I think this person writes smut. I could see it. No, I could absolutely see it.

His muscles rippled. I did one episode on smut, and I'm an expert, so I could see it no I could absolutely see it his his muscles rippled I did one episode on smut and I'm an expert so I could see it for real it seems like the same kind of

like sensual and very sensual like it really is like using I'm like just I'm literally scrolling this is probably the 20th

I've just been scrolling scrolling scrolling they're all five stars so I like weirdly respect I'm like hey like you're being positive whatever but it's like they use words like bursting.

Oh, God. How many times? Can you search for moist? I'm serious. I can't search within. And I'd have to like expand each one. I know. And there's so fucking many, Christina.

I'm scrolling through. And it's like mostly food, a lot of photos. And like very, seems very sensual. Well, yeah. Mouth watering. Oh, Lord.

Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, a lot, but I don't have any more from this reviewer other than that one. I think that's for the best. It might be. I think we'll leave it there.

I think they, I think we will get weirder as we go. Here is a review of Range Restaurant. Can I interrupt you? Yeah. Actually, I'll say it at the end. Okay. The end of my challenge?

Yeah. Okay. Here's a review. This was sent in by Abby. Range Restaurant. This is located in San Francisco. What if it was a Range Rover? It would...

You know... It's the glossiest. Then I wouldn't have brought it. Yeah. Because it's not a restaurant. Yeah. Okay. Thank you for explaining.

Yeah, you're welcome. Here we go. This is a five star review. I wore two different types of lip gloss. I'm so getting laid tonight. I wore a sexy, low plunging V-neck sweater without a bra. I'm so getting laid tonight. If I wore either of those things, I would look like a literal clown.

And I'm not saying that as a joke. So getting laid tonight. If I wore either of those things, I would look like a literal clown. And I'm not saying that as a joke. I would look at someone and be like, why are you wearing two different lipsticks and no bra and your shirt's falling off? If it helps the image, this was written in 2006. It does help. So just pretend this was from 2006. I appreciate it. It weirdly makes more sense that way the contacts thank you i wore a three-tiered red hoop necklace that trails down my cleavage oh i'm so getting late

tonight i wore super tight white jeans with a hot unmentionable i'm so getting late tonight. I wore gold fuck me shoes. I'm so getting late tonight. I ate nine courses. I am so not taking my clothes off in front of anyone ever. The food is just that great. Here are the top five reasons why I went home alone.

Wait, okay, okay, okay. One, pork belly with sauerkraut and apples. Two, New Zealand grouper with Brussels sprouts and grain mustard sauce. Three, roasted chicken with a pecan and scallion bread salad. Four, key lime pudding cake with coconut infused cream anglaise. Five, and anyways, I lost a sucker bet and had to pay. Five stars for having standards.

End of review. Wow, their date is so mad. They brought them to this fancy ass restaurant with nine courses. They were like, shit, look at those shoes. I know what's gonna happen. This felt so classic Yelp. I loved it. It is.

Wasn't that fun? Like epic OG Yelp, like the early days. Even using the words epic OG Yelp. That felt very epic. I did it on purpose. I bet you did. Sort of. I feel like transported back in time. Yes, exactly. The statement necklace, everything. It's beautiful. It's so good, right? What a good one.

Praise Abby. Love that. Abby's the one who brought it to me. I'm sad that this person didn't get laid, but I hope that the date went so well that maybe next time maybe next time um my next one is of a place called scone cutter uh scone cutter yeah um uh i don't know why because it doesn't seem like a scone right what the heck do they have they have oh they have scone sandwiches i was gonna say if they don't have scones and this is a wild choice for a title it is uh it this one and the last one have both closed for good oh no at least this location like a savory or like a sweet thing this looks it looks like they have both like they have options for both. That sounds pretty delightful to me. Scone sandwiches with pitas, wraps, and shakes.

Oh, and someone, I just searched scone cutter on Google, and there was a Reddit thread of, why did they all close? And someone said that they got flagged too many times by the health department. I don't know if that's true. It's just a random comment, but kind of funny. This is in Sandy, Utah, by the way. Okay. Here's a five-star review. The raspberry lemonade was great.

Actually, more than great. Oh, boy. I instantly got aroused and fell in love with scone cutter. I went every day. That's probably why they closed. Yeah. They're probably in witness protection. Like, this person needs to be put behind bars. Every's probably why they closed. Yeah. They're probably in witness protection like this person

needs to be put behind bars. Every single restaurant had to close. I went every day at exactly 1.55am. I didn't want to seem weird, but I was actually in love. Oh no. My parents always asked me if I had a girlfriend, but I didn't know how to break it to them

that I was in love with a food chain. End of review. There's a TV show for that on tlc supersize me oh what where you fall in love with an inanimate object oh yeah yeah yeah true um i've seen that one wow yeah um they would have probably liked to be on it for the press scone cutter ohonecutter. Oh, I was like, yeah, so they could get married to a building. They're like, whatever. But so what's interesting to me is that it was the pink lemonade that really sealed the deal. Yeah, it seemed like it was really only one thing about it. They didn't have too many positive things to say, except that the pink lemonade was that good that it made them aroused.

What if they found out that all along it was just like tropicana right no it might be that's like out of a fountain drink no it's not even it's just a powder yeah it's like pink powder lemonade that's all it is time and they just all they did was just use a little more extra powder so they charged more but it's sweeter get people going you know they got people going it sounds like that's what it's all about oh my gosh all right my next one is of super burrito oh my god sorry i glanced down and i still have all the squishmallows open you're like well that sounds like a great squish because after the hoagie i thought oh my gosh super burrito sounds like a great squishmallow. Because after the hoagie, I thought, oh my gosh, Super Burrito sounds like a fun one. It sounds cute.

This is in San Bernardino, and this is a five-star review. I'm not usually a wet burrito kind of girl, but this burrito definitely made me wet. No, no, I knew that was coming. God damn it. I thought the red had a deeper flavor, but I would get the green if you prefer spice. The taco was excellent as well. My only complaint is that these burritos are way too hefty for the little plastic forks they provide. End of review.

Oh, boy. Hefty. We could just collect the words used in these. Wet, moist, hefty. Yeah, it's not always great. We could probably write a smutty fan fiction about the relationship between scone cutter and that one.

They might already exist, some of them. I wouldn't be surprised. I guess it is what Yelp forums are for. Exactly. My next one is of a Cinnabon in, um, Salongor, Malaysia. I understand. Okay. I could get, I understand the sensuality behind this.

I already know. Okay. I feel like then you should understand that first Dollywood one a little better. No. Okay. I don't. Well, you haven't heard this one, so just wait.

Uh, here's a four star review. Nope. This has three stars, but we're going to, but we're gonna say it's positive. I remembered once trying this out as a reward for dieting six days straight. Well, this was not planned at all. I was just walking along some shop lots, got aroused by the sinful scent of fresh cinnamon rolls. The next thing I knew, I was paying for a cinnamon roll. It was all innocent. Sort of. Anyway, this high-calorie, sugar-laden treat has only got

one word to describe it. Diabetes. Man, this sent my eyes rolling to the back of my head. It was insane how sweet it was. A few good bites and I was done. Even developed sugar migraines. A tad bit of an exaggeration here, but you get my point. It's ideal, in my opinion, for this sinfully sweet treat to be shared. Unless you have a hardcore sweet tooth. Nonetheless, I still savor every scintillating scent of cinnamon. End of review. Whoa.

We got some Langston Hughes. Is that who that was? I don't know. How did you know their name? Interesting. That's weird. Wow. That got strange.

Yeah. I mean, that's kind of the whole point here. It kind of started strange and it kind of ended in a different strange. It did. It did. It was a weird trip. It was a weird trip. It was like, oh, I'm dieting.

Yeah. And then it was like, I have a migraine. And then it was like, oh have a migraine. And then it was like, oh, but it's also sinfully. And now I'm going to use alliteration for the first time in this whole review. It was a lot of alliteration. It was a lot. It was quite the finale. That was the finale. Like the fireworks.

Scintillating. Thank you. Sinful. Here is a review of Cheeseberry in Houston, Texas. Oh, I thought you said it was the last one. I thought you meant finale of review of Cheeseberry in Houston, Texas. Oh, I thought you said it was the last one. I thought you meant finale of the show. No, no, no. Finale sentence.

The alliteration was the finale of the review. All the sibilants. Yes. Got it. Here is a review of Cheeseberry. They have Asian pizza and sweets in Houston, Texas. Here's a four-star review. I'm horny for the pizza here.

My virgin experience here was when they first opened. My cousin and I walked in not knowing what to expect. My virgin experience was with my cousin when... Like, come on. Guys, are you not...

Are you not copyediting your own reviews? I don't think Yelpers do that. Of course they don't. We ended up getting one of the most delectable exotic pizzas ever, the spicy kimchi bulgogi. My body is made to eat fire and lava, so personally I would add a bit more spice like chili sauce or peppers.

But don't get me wrong, that pizza is already delicious in itself. The second time around we got a seafood satay medley, which was good as well. But be warned, eat it while it's still piping hot. Warmed, baked seafood tends to develop a mild fishy odor and taste once it cools off. The dough here is awesome. I'm very surprised to how semi-chewy, crisp, and tasty each pizza crust is like. The crust is not too oily and thin enough to allow you to enjoy the goodness on top of the bread.

Our waitress recommended we try the green curry chicken pizza next time around. I may just have to do that. This place is ZING! End of review. Is that supposed to mean, like, something gross? I don't think so. Oh, okay, I thought it was like like i'm horny for this yeah no it just was weird yeah yeah no i i don't know if that ending was supposed to be anything not super

into it but you know you know again that one's from 2010 you know and it felt like it oh for sure you know yeah it's another one of those classic reviews this place open or closed do you know um i'll double check but i don't remember saying it was closed. Let me just see, though. Yeah, no. Oh, never mind. It says Yelper's Report. This location has closed.

So many of these sensual places. It is. Yeah. This place is still open. Five Rivers Indian Cuisine in Everett, Washington. Here is a five star review. Hold on. Sorry.

I might have grabbed the wrong one huh I don't know this is the review I had I don't know which one what this is okay so no joke I so I think I linked the wrong one I don't know what I

was linking but it wasn't a central review at all and then i'm scrolling and i find a review that i was not planning to read that i hadn't read before that fits so i'm just gonna read that right now i'm not kidding the universe was like we're gonna intervene here yeah i this was this was kind of shocking i this am i gonna be mad at god for putting this in your path me i mean it's i don't think it's that bad, but maybe. Let's see. Here we go.

Five stars. Just picked up our first fave dinner from Five Rivers after the fire hiatus. Please don't close again. I need to know the name of the sauce that comes with the vegetable pakora, not the green one. Level three heat buttered chicken with rice and garlic naan slammed it home. Now I'm butter bellied on the couch with disturbingly hard nipples. 10 out of five ratings if I could. End of review.

Dear Lord. I was like, this doesn't seem to. I was just scrolling and I see disturbingly hard nipples and I'm like, well, that works. I'm just so surprised. i don't know what the hell i did do you know what they say god works in mysterious ways and i can't doubt that that was this was his plan all along like i don't know how i did that i glory to god in the highest for sure glory to god so true um outlander wow. That was a really bananas thing for you to accidentally find. I did find the other one though.

Don't worry. Oh, you did? Okay. So there was another one. There is another one. Here's a five-star review. Of the same place, right? Of the same place.

Boy, oh boy. I'm not reading all of it, but just part of it. Here we go. The service was delightful. And the garlic naan bread made me wet. And the butter chicken was served in this adorable bowl end of review like they just drop it in like like i don't understand i don't know why are they acting like this is supposed to be a thing that we do what year was that i'd like to know uh 2023 oh no that's this year it was a trend you were like thinking for a moment you're like huh

how long ago was that oh no that's right now uh that is too bad that was pretty bad uh that was too bad literally too too bad that was from april uh i don't like it uh i have one more thing it's a forum post oh good i knew when you said thing, I'm like, oh, gosh, it's probably some. In my Googling, this thread came up. You know what? My when I was thinking of you researching this topic on Yelp, I was like almost guaranteed he ran into several forums discussing like, have you ever been turned on by a food? No, because that's the thing is this person probably has read so many forums. And like you're saying, is this a thing?

Because this is what they posted they said why is everyone so horny today the weekend just passed okay yeah i know why why call on me why because they wore their unmentionables in their fuck me shoes and then ate nine courses so yeah true they were planning for it but they for it, but they didn't bring it home. It didn't quite pan out. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was all that pork belly apples. So I'm just going to start reading random comment. So usually these threads end at a certain point and they're closed. This one just kept going. I didn't make it to the end. It was so long.

Yeah. I often don't read all the way through. It's crazy. It's exhausting but like people are so creepy so someone goes what time you coming over and then the op said i'm just asking it's like leave me alone because the op said why is everyone so horny and so they're like when are you coming over people are so fucking weird you shouldn't do that um yeah to strangers on the internet just a thought someone said i'm ovulating no joke i want to hump my desk chair as i type correction i am humping my desk chair as i type you mean as i

type with a bunch of misspelling oh it was bad yeah a lot of gifs too um yeah this is someone said what the hell does a weekend have to do with it do you only get action on the weekend wow that's not cool stop screaming what is going on relax obviously you're not getting any like chill god and then the op said i think today is just the day to talk about it and get it out of your systems well and then said well i'm not married either thanks for rubbing it in about that like in response to that one i'm like oh about weekday sex or whatever something like that i don't know what what is happening being married and necessarily i don't really either to be honest but yeah and then in response that guy goes i ain't married either and if i only got action on the weekends i I'd go insane. But I'd have one really buff arm.

Oh, my Lord alive. And so it said, it's the rain. Everyone is wet. This is why we have this podcast, because these are the people that write reviews. Yeah, really. And remember what that person said when you come in over? Yeah. Oh, yeah, really. And remember what that person said when you come in over? Yeah. Oh, how could I forget?

Well, the OP said, well, okay, I'm on board. I'm in a romantic mood about something. I don't know. It's just so much nonsense. And then that person comes back and says,

how romantic are you? Six pack, two tall boys, 40 ouncer. With that same person who said, when are you coming over? Yeah. They're like, why do you guys think it's a joke? It's not a yeah oh no yeah nothing good can come of this yeah so there's

so much just like back and forth um people talking um about like everyone's like someone said if i wasn't horny before i am now like nothing in this thread is like in any ways like arousing it arouses like i don't get it like maybe if we copy and pasted that cinnamon review somebody i could like understand but oh for that this is so wild um but yeah like i can confidently tell you i don't think that reading this would have ever had that effect on me. Yeah, and this poor OP is like, I mean, oh, never mind. Then the OP gets into it and says, I want to know where is exotic, erotic, and down and dirty fun places to go. Okay, because when you said that they posted that, I'm like, well, what did they think they were going to get?

Well, maybe they knew, and maybe they were like, this is the vibe I'm going for today. In comes one of my favorite characters, though i'm gonna call them more characters i'm gonna call them kyle so kyle comes in and says in response to where where's the erotic place to go kyle goes my bedroom and then op says the op says that's old news the bedroom you you can come up with something better than that and then kyle says you haven't been in my bedroom yet this is these people do not know like there's no way this one guy's getting action every day if they're talking like kyle said michelle just pm me her address no later wait what say it again i'm sorry michelle oh sorry sorry i just used a person's name the The OP is Michelle. Sorry. I just realized I never told you their name.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Michelle just PM me. Are you? Wait. Is that real, you think? Then. Did it say how many days? What did it say?

Can you say it again? This is like all the same day. Just read it. Michelle just PM'd me her address. See you guys later. Oh, I thought it said three days later. Oh, no. See you guys later.

And then people are like, oh, lucky you. Wait, that can't be right. But then Michelle says, yeah, Kyle thinks he has tricks up his sleeve. We'll see. And I'm like, I don't know what that means. Okay, I have an idea. What, tell me. I know how to get to the bottom of it. I don't really know if I want to.

One of their profiles, see if they've reviewed any wedding vendors. See if they're married, no. They fell in love on Yelp and we're going to do a documentary about it. Okay, we'll get on that separately. That'll be our new project. Okay, great. We just can't let anyone take it from us. Okay, don't worry. We won't tell. But like Kyle literally later says, Michelle, is it

possible to meet you at a random hotel just to bang you out? I don't want you stalking me. What the F is happening? Like, no, you can't say that. It's pretty bad. Stop doing this.

It's pretty bad. And it just keeps going. Like, that's the thing. You guys, stop doing that. Like, give it a rest. Jeez. Anyway, so that's Yelp for you. I just wanted to, like, let everyone know that this is what you too can participate in if you become an active Yelper.

Yippee! The dream. Wow. So unnecessarily sensual or weirdly sensual and sexual stuff challenge is finally over. Yeah, you're telling me. Finally over. Finally over. Well, that was uncomfortable as expected

so thank you olivia for that for nothing um now i have something wholesome to bring bring us around oh good please do around the bend um when i had earlier searched uh i'm closing like 45 avery tabs hold on with different outfits on um when i was googling lenora earlier the loon and seeing how much uh she cost on ebay and stuff this like little lion came up and i was like oh my gosh maybe there's a leona lion right there's not a leona line but i looked up the lion squish mellow on uh squish mellow wiki and it's called leon up the lion Squishmallow on Squishmallow Wiki, and it's called Leonard the Lion. So close. Leo, okay, makes sense.

Cross off the last two letters. Now, let me read you the bio. Have you ever met a lion who didn't eat meat? Meet Leonard. No. He's a vegetarian. He loves lentils, lasagna, and learning how to code. He loves lentils, lasagna, and learning how to code.

Leonard loves naps like his older brother Richard and is helping create their website, The Lion Brothers. Cute. I am beside myself. I love Leonard. I'm looking up Leonard. I'm getting Leonard. And then there are all these different versions. Oh, my Lord. Oh, wow. That is rainbow-y. I did not expect that. I know. And then look at the versions. Oh my lord.

Oh wow, that is rainbow-y. I did not expect that. I know, and then look at the versions. There's a Cracker Barrel exclusive. No. I'm looking. Cracker Barrel exclusive. Look at him, he's so cute. So content. Looks like Leonard ate a big plate of biscuits

and gravy. Yeah, but vegetarian biscuits and gravy yeah but vegetarian biscuits and gravy and also is taking a nap just like he likes oh my god i am i just like what am i gonna do oh my god this is so amazing leonard is so cute leonard is so cute and i'm gonna get it for leona cute good idea like oh it's leona lion and she's probably not gonna care. And then I'm gonna take it. And that's just fine with me. I thought I'd end us on a hide. I love that. I'm glad. Excellent. Well, thanks, y'all, for being here.

I think our only announcement I think was regarding our merch. We never really talked about that. It's been tough because we've recorded something with our tour. We've been recording in advance. And yeah, we hit limbo now with our tour, but no one knows about it. Right. So people are like, where the hell's the merch?

Yeah. Well, we've decided we switched to a new merch company. And we're excited to get started. And by the time this episode comes out, our shop should be live. Yay! And you can find that shop at beach2sandy.store. How fun is that? That's a fun one.

And that's a lot easier for us to remember than bit.ly slash whatever. beach2sandy.store. Yeah. Makes sense, right? I'm excited about it. We're really amped. There's some really fun ideas. We're brewing up for you,

uh, and for ourselves. So go check it out. Yeah. Woo. Beach to Sandy water to wet is a forever dog production hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Margaret Padilla cover art by Courtney Aventura.

The music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.