Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 246: Dr. Christine

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most rounded fashion. My name is Andy. I'm on strike. I'm on strike. This is a hostile work environment.

This has been the most chaotic, how long? Hour? Yeah. Of just like- Technical issues. Technical issues, man. I- This is the energy we need going into this episode, right? I brought a Miller Lite.

Oh, that's been sitting there this whole time? It's probably warm by now. It time? It's probably warm by now. It is. It's probably melted by now. I'm not thrilled about how this has been so far, but we're testing a new thing. Zandy keeps saying, once it's set up, it'll be up. Yeah.

But Blaze's jujitsu is quickly approaching. Yeah, so we should take our time with this intro. We should just keep talking, I guess. What else are we to do? But yeah, we had some audio issues last week, you a little bit on our end. Sorry about that. Whoops. So hopefully this time is better. If not, sorry about that. Yeah, we're new. This is our first episode. We're just numbering it 246 for fun some people do that true who why would you say true and then make that face i made a terrible face knowing nobody can see your face but sounding like you're being supportive and kind it's called gaslighting that's the that's the strategy okay can we just talk about it what's the thought topic again? The thought topic? The hot topic?

What's the thought topic today? The topic is reviews of professionals with our names. Remember when I kept saying Thote? Thote? Oh, instead of thought? And Em didn't correct me, and then it released into the airwaves. It was really embarrassing. Thote, I said.

It was a little embarrassing. Okay, so. You know what would's a little embarrassing. Okay. So. You know what would be a great band name D&I discovered? Thought topic? Train of Thoughts. Spelled T-H-O-T-S. Obviously. Because she was talking.

She's like, yeah, Trains of Thought. And I was like, oh, that's accurate. But I. Train of Thoughts. Right? Wouldn't it? Well, it could be either, I think. We talked about this.

Because like multiple trains of thoughts right wouldn't it well it could be either i think we talked about this because like multiple trains of thoughts never mind anyway so we were talking about it made sense in our heads and then we were like a train of thoughts you'll be sued by whom who's oh my god they wish they could have come up with that band name. Okay. Anyway. Professionals with our names on them. Yeah. Here is an episode on professionals with our names on them. Is that what we're calling it? What's the title of this episode going to be?

I don't even know. Dr. Christine. Can we just make it Dr. Christine? Sure. I don't really care. Just to care them all not even reviews of it's just gonna say dr christine yeah okay i'll do it we've after like plants plants plants germination or whatever we did like seeds nursery after that episode title i don't think we can do anything more unhinged. Okay.

So I'll go first because I have a review from Erin Sheher, and it is a review of Dr. Christine Alexander. That's so funny. That's the best name. Okay. So this is a review from their practice. I don't think it's about them specifically, but it is about their practice. I'm trying not to slander anybody anybody but thank you um the title is breathtakingly appalling i know i feel like i'm gonna get sued by a doctor that's pretty bad uh we we left out some folks we left out some identifying information don't worry so don't. I was relieved to be seeing a specialist after years of dealing with thyroid disease.

What I got was one of the most brusque, borderline rude encounters I've ever had at a doctor's office. I don't expect hand-holding, but a little compassion goes a long way when someone's not feeling well and in a vulnerable state. The tension in the room was uncomfortable as the doctor rushed through my chart, spoke in terse, impatient tones, and raised her voice to me when I asked questions. Her agitation and testiness were disturbing, and I don't appreciate being treated as a nuisance for asking questions, which is my right as a patient. Topping off a bad experience was her indifferent announcement

that there was nothing she could do for me that wasn't already being done by my primary care doctor. Hello? She's a specialist. How could the answer be nothing? She was condescending, uncaring, and ruined my day with her terrible attitude. A porcupine with a 105 degree fever would have a more congenial bedside manner. Oh, that's harsh. End of review.

That's clever, but it's harsh. That's where I'm worried now that I'm going to get sued. Why? Because I'm literally reading this thing about their practice. Someone else wrote it, not us. That's true. Also, don't put it out there that we're going to... I feel like that's only going to make it more likely for some reason.

Like acknowledging that... Because I'm manifesting it. Not even that. I know you don't mean that. I'm thinking more in the sense like, hey, I recognize that I probably shouldn't be reading this. Oh, so I'll say this. I'll say this. Yeah, say something else.

It would be so ludicrous for somebody to try to sue me over this. Can you imagine? They would look so embarrassed. It would be embarrassing. It would be the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to them. They wouldn't get to sit with us at lunch? No, they would have sweat dreams for many years about this sweat dreams yeah is that is that just me i i mean no but i've never put a term to what those experiences

some people call them nightmares got it oh that's kind of weirdly positive it's like it's still a dream i just sweat a lot okay uh my next one one is of Alex's 49er Inn. That's my lucky number. True. Oh, like 49ers. I was really excited. I don't think it was because of that, but this was sent in by Natalie, by the way. Okay. Here's a review. One star. Alex's still has $2 drinks, but other than that, it is no different than any other soulless corporate dump. Alex may be the biggest asshole in San Jose, and he fires one cool bartender after another with no more justification than,

it's time to make a change. He's like a small-scale version of Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood, or a low-rent Charles Foster Kane who bullies his way through one good person after another. I'll still go there because I am a cheap, amoral son of a bitch, but the place is on the road to an ugly knife fight, or worse. The vibe the other night was awful, like the accumulated detritus of so much bad karma. If you believe that Nemesis is a real force of justice, steer clear of this place.

Alex has certainly attracted the forces of retribution flying above his head, and they don't much care who happens to be nearby when she drops down to exact what is due. Frankly, Alex, I'm only hanging around to be there when the winged goddess of payback comes for you. I'll be the one grinning. End of review. I feel so uncomfy right now this was uh over 13 years ago classic yelp this is it though what's funny it was an update to a five

star review just talking about how great it was so did it get bought out like by a corporation because he said they still have i think they were just frustrated by the bartender turnover and things. Okay, but you know what they say on that one time that Michael Scott said it on The Office? Oh, tell me. The person who taught the person, or the person who is looked up to by the person who did something great, like aren't they even, they have all those people under them like a pyramid looking up to them. That's not what he said. So this bar is like a pyramid scheme. Got it the bar that would be cool actually so you're saying

that because the bartender is like he keeps firing all the cool bartenders because he's such an asshole but i'm like maybe that just makes him the coolest one of all if if the bartenders were regularly firing people and that's what made them cool. Oh, yeah. Maybe that would make sense. The action. There's a disconnect. I think there's a disconnect here. I'm seeing what you're. You're trying to reference someone making a person who made a thousand people, who entertained

a thousand people or whatever, big crowd. Yeah. Well, and then you entertain that one person. Then you are basically entertaining all of them. Then you feel special for entertaining the entertainer. Yeah. But in this case, this is not even remotely relevant. You're right.

Anyway. Right. Okay. This is from Elta, of course. Nice. I've got some Elta coming. So this is a review of a professor on Rate My Professors. I've got one of those.

Or two. Professor Alex. Oh. You know he's cool. It Or two. Professor Alex. Oh. You know he's cool. It sounds cool. Professor Alex. Okay. They rated him quality one, difficulty three.

Oh. I believe Alex graduated college with a degree in video 101. Which, by the way, like, it's probably more than most people know how to do. With video? Video. I mean, more than most people know how to do. With video? Video. I mean, more than we know after our technical issues. I feel like I should go back to school for a degree in Video 101. All he can do is pop in a video and expect you to know the subject.

He is the worst college professor I've ever had. My illiterate grandmother has taught me more about religion than Alex has. End of review. Whoa, wait. That's where I get kind of like, huh, let me look. Oh, he's a philosophy professor. So. That came out of nowhere where I thought, am I missing something? Yeah, because you've mentioned video 101 and all this and I'm like. does it's that like I guess that's the one where you learn how to play movies for other people put it in the VHS yeah yeah true I feel like uh maybe that was the insult because this guy's like a philosophy professor so it's probably probably rude to tell someone they got video 101 vibes yeah trying to teach you about like Descartes you know yeah that's true that makes that hits a little harder yeah like if someone told me you have a degree in video 101 I would say thank you um but probably

not a philosophy yeah probably uh my next one's from Elta and it uh is a rate my professors one as well which is I think a very fun when I saw that I was like that's smart clever uh this is a professor Alexander um a professor in chemistry. This one, to me, is much more you because Alexander is what I call you. Yes. So in my head, like the Alexes and Zandies, like this is how I'm immediately. Now you're just clicking. I'm in it.

I'm on it. It's you. Well, this is a Chem 131 class. No, it's not you anymore. Quality is 1.0. Difficulty 5.0. Whoa. Which, yeah. I think it's the highest. Here we go. Terrible teacher. Wasn't enthusiastic at all. At every lecture, he looked like he just rolled out of bed.

He also looked like he was about to have a stroke every lecture. Oh my god. Not nice. That's not nice, is it? No. It's not nice. No. It is kind of how I talk about you behind your back. Yeah.

I've heard that about myself before. Yeah. You just roll out of bed. Oh, wait. That's both of us, and it's real, because we do do that. Yeah. This poor man. If he is about to have a stroke, you're going to feel real bad.

Like, imagine calling that in your Rate My Professors review. You'd have to delete it before they... wait i was gonna say before they blame it on i was gonna say i don't think i don't think that's how those work probably not um guess what i have another from elta nice damn it uh this is a review of dr chris oh wait nope doesn't even say doctor i'm just ascribing a phd you see the name Christine and you're like, oh. I can't help naturally go together. Yeah. This is a review of Professor Christine. And they rated it a two-star quality, one-star difficulty, which. Two-star quality, one-star difficulty. Hey, if there's one-star difficulty, I'm giving them a five.

A plus. I don't need to learn. That's exactly why I'm confused. I'm like like who cares let me pass because it says i needed a rocks for jocks type credit when we started doing biographies of astronomers i stopped coming then started failing hardcore so really i'm in no position to judge this course end of self-aware i guess but i guess yet you are judging the course they're like it was so easy i'm like obviously not since you started failing it was so easy until that first

assignment until we had to read about an astronomer he capitalized which fair sounds sounds boring oh it sounds maybe oh maybe he thought it was astrology. True. Em did that once. I almost did that once before I realized my mistake. Yeah, that would... Like the class catalog? If you're expecting one thing, then the other. If you're expecting astrology and you get astronomy, you're in for a rough time. It's Neil deGrasse Tyson.

You're out of your element. I wonder what sign... He's probably a Leo. I don't know. Happy birthday, if that's the case. He's just kind of your element. I wonder what sign. He's probably a Leo. I don't know. Happy birthday, if that's the case. He's just kind of a dick, so whatever that is. He's probably a Scorpio. He's a sexual predator, but...

He is? Yes. Oh, I believe it. Well, he's been... Okay, sorry. Allegedly. Oh, God, I'm going to get sued again. Allegedly, because...

It would be so embarrassing if he sued you. This is an awful episode i'm so i'm sweating uh allegedly he has been accused of got it well not allegedly he has been accused of sexual harassment so saying he's a predator is not factual it's just uh allegedly based on some accounts so anyway let's let's keep going. Okay, here's a review from Elta again. Elta's in the middle of all of this. Elta, what the hell did you do? Of Professor Alexander.

And this one is in the engineering department and teaches ELEC 215. I assume it's like electrical engineering. I'm, you know, I'm not gonna, I don't want to get sued. Electric type Pokemon. So I'm not gonna say for sure. to get sued electric type so i'm not gonna say for sure okay could you imagine that would be fun that would be fun quality one difficulty three

here we go truly one of the least knowledgeable professors his lectures are hilarious in ways that they shouldn't be oh you'll be laughing along as your grade plummets to oblivion end of review hey if you're gonna go out you might as well be smiling. Hey, that makes sense to me. Oh, my God. That's sad. Alexander, the ones about you are all so insulting. I know.

Have we had any other Christines yet? I don't know, but I've been doing both. I've only done Alexanders, or Alex and two Alexanders. Well, I have a Zandy. No way. Spelled the same way? Yeah, I found it. You know dad's neighbor's name is Zandy? No way. Spelled the same way? Yeah, I found it. You know dad's neighbor's name is Zandy?

And do you know how she spells it? No. X-A-N-D-I. Shut up. Isn't that cute? Are you serious? I was so excited to meet her. I was like, what?

Like you're a special, I don't know. It was just so weirdly like exciting for me to meet someone X-A-N-D-I. And you met her? Yeah. Wow wow worlds collide and i didn't know her name or that she existed until the moment i met her it wasn't like dad told me about her like but like i have i got went to her house or went to his house and she was outside with her kids it's not an invitation just because your names are similar i thought it was the sandy convention um but no it was all of a sudden i like thought he was joking at first because he was like oh this is zandy and i'm like you're like dad are you

it's happening the end is nigh he mixed you up with his female neighbor i mean yeah i thought it was something weird and then turns out yeah xa and i said that's how she spelled it she calls me to tell me like how much battery life the lights in his refrigerator have, depending on how, which brand of light bulb you put in, whatever. Whoa. But he doesn't tell you that there's a Zandy living next door. Yeah. That's the most dad thing, like our dad thing I've ever heard.

He's like, oh, I never told you that. I'm like, you told me extensively about your water heater, but wow. I had no idea. So I do have a Zandy. And I found this on Rate My Professors. I was inspired by Elta. And this is of Alexandra. So Zandy, it's a female. But it's spelled the same as yours this time and this is um a five-star review actually a redemption

zandy is absolutely awesome i'm a bio major so i'm slightly biased but i think she did a fantastic job she knows the information like the back of her hand, so it flows naturally. She has a passion for this work that shows. She's a bit fast on the material, but I feel like it is still easy to grasp. Ask questions. Zandy doesn't bite.

Much. End of review. If I had a nickel for every time someone said that about me. That's his bio on LinkedIn. It's like most people say like VP of something or other. Well, most people don't say VP, I guess. Most people put like, I don't know, assistant something or other. And yours says, I bite.

Not much. I bite hard, just not many times. Ew, no, I don't want that. Oh. Anyway. What if it said don't bite? What if what said don't bite? By LinkedIn? Don't, just said don't bite?

Don't bite, wink. Don't bite, wink. I have a secret. What? I kind of took half of one of my little um edibles legal edibles

legal oh legal we don't get sued Delta 8 it would be embarrassing if one of you turned her in Delta 8 but the

but here's the thing we were supposed to start recording an hour ago true so I was like oh by the time it kind of kicks in it'll be the end of the episode

now I'm like no in the throes it's right in the throes of Delta 8 so I apologize and I'm unfortunately sober so toroes. It's right in the throes. Of Delta 8. So I apologize. And I'm unfortunately sober. So to me, the LinkedIn bio of don't bite was very funny.

But I can see why someone else might not think so. Yeah. No, I think our listeners have a pretty low. The bar is low for us, for our humor. That's fair. So I think that worked great. It was all strategy that we did it that way, by the way.

My next one is a one-star review of a pet groomer named Christine. Oh! This doesn't feel good. No. I feel like something bad's gonna happen. No. This is from Izzy.

Here's the one-star review. Worst groomer in the world. She ruined my dog for months to come. It will take a long time for her hair to grow back. Christine is the absolute worst groomer in the world. She absolutely destroyed years of keeping my dog groomed and looking like a real schnauzer. My dog went blind and I thought getting Christine to come to my house would cause my dog less stress. Anyway, she evidently has never seen a Schnauzer before. I'm seriously considering notifying the BBB about her terribly awful grooming ability.

Christine will never touch anything I own. She is the worst and should be put out of business today. If you want to use her, then you are going to regret it. I promise. End of review. And Christine responded. Can I read the response? Please, please.

I would love nothing more. You're not going to love this and no one will. I'd like to apologize. Not sure why you wouldn't bring to my attention. Wow. In 24 years,

I've never been told that. I do apologize. End of response. That makes me sad. That makes me sad. She's like, you're right. I've never been told that. I do apologize. End of response. It's just sad. That makes me sad. She's like, you're right. I've never seen a Schnauzer. She didn't deny it. She didn't deny it. I am crying because halfway through, I was like, because I said my dog went blind. And I was like, no, Christine, what have you done? Look, I wouldn't have read it if something bad happened to the dog other than a bad haircut i thought yeah yeah yeah

i present but uh based on this person's perception knowing people named christine aka myself um she probably literally had never seen a schnauzer and just was like i'm gonna wing it accidentally got roped into doing dog grooming for the day because she has no boundaries that's like my just from personal experience my guess of what happened um but i can't be sure uh i can't be sure i will say there's some well very well groomed dogs on in the photos and uh some very positive reviews so i don't know um it's a mixed mixed bag is blind he doesn't know what he looks like just tell him he looks beautiful you know he's not gonna know so true. He's not looking in the mirror. Like, honestly, I feel like the grooming should be more about what's best for the dog's, like, comfort. But also, maybe that's not what happened here.

Right. I mean, I don't know. I guess it's just, like, maybe ruined my dog for months seems like a little much. Yeah. So, yeah. It was, that was rough. But I feel like I could read it because it wasn't. Oh, yeah.

It was just cosmetic damage. Absolutely awful. Yes. Okay. So, this is from Audrey Sheher, and it is a gift shop in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin called Christine's. Oh. So, we got a professional gift shop owner here. Nice.

Mm-hmm. This is a five-star review of Redemption by Andy. I love this place and the girl who works here christine she is super funny i think she should be a stand-up comedian thank you for always cracking me up and selling me coolest stuff end of wow yeah i just had to get that. That's pretty funny. That's pretty good. But can I read you?

Oh, actually, you know what? No, I'll wait. Okay. Well, I only have one more. Oh, actually, then I'll read it because it does go together. So I felt like that gave you a biased perspective of Christine.

Very much so. Yeah, so I'm going to... And I can't say I agree with it. Okay, see, you're onto something. So here's a five-star review by Ray about Christine's the gift shop. For years as a local, Christine's has always been a pleasure to frequent. Owners are great. Very kind as well.

In my opinion, the best place around to find anything Trump related. There's numerous tourist souvenirs as well of many different things. They even have Joe Biden things that nobody buys because why would someone buy anything with that last name? Go visit. End of review. Wow. So Christine's playing both sides so that she's always on top. Well, maybe she's like that. Well, I don't think so. That first one, I'm assuming they were also there for. But they have Biden things. Oh, they're playing.

But I thought, yeah, I understand what you're saying. I thought you meant the two reviews. Oh, I see. Maybe or maybe, you know what? No, I don't. I don't either because I was going to say maybe they had both because they didn't have a side. But then the Trumpers started showing up. So like they picked this side for them. But doesn't make sense hmm no it doesn't at least

to me i'm glad i didn't say i have no idea what you just said so um anyway yeah i don't know what's up with this but uh i i have next review i have a one star and it gives a little more you're gonna give us context okay it's it's probably gonna make it less uh clear what's going on but okay it is context nonetheless context nonetheless um that's a cool band name context nonetheless like rolls right off rich or the rich what song that sings kiss me out in the moonlit garden who does sing that oh six pence none the richer that's what i was trying to say yeah what was the thing you said oh uh contact wait yeah contacts nonetheless six pence none the richer that's a crazy that's a crazy band name if you had told me that like

imagine someone said that and you're like that's such a great band name no one would agree with you no no you'd be the only person in the history of saying that phrase. That would be wrong. But as it exists now, I'm like, yeah, it's a good band name. But I wouldn't agree with you before the band existed. Yeah. You had to really prove. If that makes any sense.

No, you did. You had to prove it. Yeah. So anyway. Cool. Anyway, it's apparently inspired by a passage from the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. Oh, God. My ex-boyfriend used to try to make me read that.

It's true. I know. It's sad. It is sad. Anyway, this is my final one. This is from Izzy. And this is a little bonus one. This is of Schieffer Photography.

I'm dead. Are you serious? Yeah. There's someone with our last name who's a photographer. Oh my lord! I feel like I would have noticed that eventually. This is their one and only review. Okay, here we go.

It's a redemption. It's a three star. Not gonna knock the place. Didn't go. But took pic for people who are looking to go and want to find it easier through Google Maps and images. So here y'all go.

Hope this was helpful to anyone needing the information. End of review. Like, literally no personal helpful. Basically the same photo, like, four times. It's not much different each time. Like, of just the front of the building? Yeah. It's just of a building.

For what? The last one's a little zoomed out. I guess, like, yeah, if you're trying to find it on google map like because when when you do google and maybe like if it doesn't have street view especially you can see what it looks like if you're trying to show up there that's not this guy's job to give a three-star review and say yes it is they're a local guide alexander literally it's literally their job fine i understand but to a three star, like I'd like to see the, show your math. Show your work. Show your work.

Yeah. Show me how you got to three stars. What was removed? What was added? Is it because the building's so beige? Because it is a little beige. It is not the nicest looking building. I'll give it that.

Like if he at least said, oh, I never went, but I looked at it and it's not. At least there's like a reason. But to say, I'm here to do this noble act and then give three stars. Yeah. No, I'm with you. I don't think that's- Especially if they have zero reviews otherwise. Yeah.

Then it looks like it's just a three-star business. That's sad. How could Schieffer Photography- We all know it's not. This is like four years ago and there's still no more. Schieffer Photography is not a three-star business because it's impossible. It's five stars. I do not stand by anyone with our last name.

Like everyone. Sorry, I should say. Some people. stars. I do not stand by anyone with our last name. Like everyone. Sorry, I should say. Some people. Anyone? I was like, hang on. That is me. I don't necessarily stand with people with their last name. You don't automatically.

Yeah. That's what like necessarily means. Right? I suppose. In a roundabout way. In a roundabout way. In a roundabout way. So I have a review here. This is from Megan.

She, her. And it's of Dr. Christine. But that's a guy's last name. Okay. Yeah, before it was Christine Alexander. Right. It was Dr. Alexander, but you had to throw in the Christine. Dr. Christine.

Okay. Some bullshit. And then I paused for a really long time in case anyone needed that clip. Yeah. For all my, for their source material. Yeah. Dr. Christine Alexander. So just so I give clean cut.

Makes sense. But so this one is Dr. Let me change it. Dr. Matthew Christine, just as an example of how how old name works yes i'm fascinating okay so i have uh two reviews here the and this is my last set of reviews so here's the two-star review i understand that you oh wait i should probably should probably tell you. Please tell me everything. So he's a urologist, this guy.

Okay. Oh, I saw one of those. Uh-uh. Oh, I thought you meant doing your research. You mean in real life. No, I went to a urologist. Nothing against her. Based on everything that was going on with me, she was not helpful.

And also, it just was like, yeah, you don't need to see me and then i moved on was dr christine wasn't that was when everyone was very confused about what was wrong with me and yeah her name was dr christine um okay i understand that you lose length with ipp surgery for pd but i did not realize i would be losing over half of my original size. I had bigger erections with the PD. Also, when inflated... Oh, God. Why are you reading this? I don't know.

I'm so... This is the first time I'm uncomfortable by something you read, I think. To be fair, we're sitting way closer than normal. This is not okay. Okay, I also sang read, I think. To be fair, we're sitting way closer than normal. This is not okay. Okay. I also sang you, kiss me into your eyes. So I wouldn't blame you if this whole experience was really unpleasant.

Okay. I understand that you lose length with IPP surgery for PD, but I did not realize I would be losing over half of my original size. I had bigger erections with BD. Also, when inflated, I have pain at the base on the left side, like the tubing is not long enough. I will be looking for a doctor for a revision of my surgery. End of review. And that was a two star, actually.

Okay. So, you know, they didn't have the worst time, but. It didn't sound great, though. No, it didn't sound good. I didn't like that. I think... I feel like somebody copied the doctor's notes into a Yelp review by mistake. Like, pain on base of left side when inflated, which, what a wild word to use.

I don't... Ugh. Ugh. I hate this. I'm so uncomfortable. Physical reaction. Ugh. Okay, but I'm going to redeem us.

Okay. As it should end the theme, a five-star review of Dr. Christine. I looked into the camera for that one. Dr. Christine is the man. He knows just what to say and is so patient with an old geezer like me. By the way, O-L- m are all capitalized just like wow yeah yeah it's a official title he is so patient with an old geezer like me he puts my mind at ease and gave me hope when i thought there was none love him end of review oh nice the hymn is apostrophe i am so no pronouncing the h okay

so no definitely not it's not definitely definitely not god i thought you're gonna say it's a capital h oh god oh there's their way of just throwing god into this but me is capitalized so maybe he's god probably that's that's the vibe i was getting what if god was a six pence none the richer saying that right okay so uh that's it i can close my ipad now yes you can thank god i'm glad you're not looking at more no i'm done i'm done i'm done um my challenge today was from jamie and it was reviews of places focused on the self-checkout. So first thing I have is a review sent in by Brandy of a Walmart. It's a Walmart super center in Neptune, New Jersey.

It's a fun sounding place. That is. Except the New Jersey part. He just wants to review. He dates someone from New York. I gotta do it. It's all. I gotta do it.

Okay. Have you been there? It smells so bad. I've been to New York and it smells pretty damn bad. No, when you cross into New Jersey, you can tell. If you blindfolded me, put me in your trunk. Alexander, stop. I'd know the moment.

Insulting New Jersey. It's true. No, they would. Okay, but it depends. I'm sorry. It's not the entirety of new jersey okay because they're really across that i was just listening to a podcast where they were like people are so whatever talking about new jersey there's some beautiful parts of new jersey they call it the garden state for a reason that's i don't know the reason because there's beautiful parts have you heard heard of Atlantic City or not? No, I've had lovely times in New Jersey.

You won't be anymore. No one's letting you back in there, bud. That's fine. Here's a one-star review. If this Walmart sold toilets, I would take a shit in one of them to show my dissatisfaction from the customer service and improper staffing. That'll fix it. improper staffing that'll fix it next time you go they'll be thrilled to be serving you on several occasions the self-checkout lines were closed early causing huge lines and only two cashiers had lanes open wasn't worth my time to

wait so i said screw it i'm going to amazon end of review so buddy amazon doesn't have toilets for you to put them either i'm sorry yeah you just have to like buy them ship them and then like return them after you do it that's the secret yeah that's the secret um my next one was sent in by aisha and he just sent this email and i won't took a screenshot of the email because it's so absolutely unhinged by accident. You're like turning your phone into a million. I know. I'm trying to get it best to show you. And it's just really funny because Aisha sent this email and said, hi, Xtine and Xandy. Found some reviews of the self-checkout tills in my local department stores in Birminghammingham uh uk i'm sending

these from my phone so apologies if the images are massive uh and then said first up here's this review of an asda i didn't actually look up how you say it asda asda uh in birmingham birmingham and then said new pin incoming and the rest of the email oh it's just like the text that would be like accompanying an entire hyperlink it's so many pages of the hyperlink it's the longest one i've ever seen i'm scrolling and it just is it just keeps going so i was like new pin incoming uh i don't think so and then you get to the bottom and it's like hi sandy judging by the insanity that is below i going to go ahead and guess the images didn't send properly. So this is cracking me up.

So already a good start. So here we go. Here's a review. It doesn't really fit the challenge. Maybe it does. I can't really tell. But this is a four star review and um aisha says if i die here oh where where they are where she is right now if i die i'm making sure that as the

review is my tombstone okay ready here it is four stars messy self always end of review messy self always i don't know and that and then that's what she was saying new pin incoming messy self always so true i thought you meant like a pin in the email like a oh no no no sorry like a merch except my pin's gonna have that entire hyperlink that's what i that's why i thought it was funny it was a pin your new pin incoming here's the longest hyperlink you've ever seen in your life. Oh, my Lord. But she was talking about the messy self always.

That one is more concise. But that above one was pretty messy self always. It was. It was pretty messy self. Anyway. Messy self always. I do have a five-star review that she sent in. So here we go.

That's actually the more I think about it. It's not funny. I'm having a moment. Messy self always. It's really beautiful. So here we go. That's actually the more I think about it. I'm having a moment. Messy self always. It's really beautiful. Relatable. This is a five-star review of Marks and Spencer, a department store.

Here we go. Great shop to go in. It is one that doesn't matter which department you go, someone is there to help. Plus very well-mannered. I go maybe eight times a year to buy clothes, but go three times a week for food. The staff in this area are

brilliant. Ask them anything and they go that extra mile. Last week, a lady helped me with chill food as I can only have non-pork product as my flatmate is from Tunisia. Her name is Stephanie. Also, the lady on self-serve was very kind and most helpful.

Did not get her name, but had glasses, gray hair, small in build, probably in early 50s, but trying not to insult her. Okay, this is why you didn't get her name, because you were writing down her dimension, like all of her measurements. You lick the tip of your pen and you start writing on this little notepad. Halfway through, you're like, what's your name, dear? And she's like, I'm not giving you that. Don't worry. I'm not trying to insult you. Are you 55?

And it just ends with credit to both. End of review. That's very sweet. I love that this person is clearly like a name person. Like, man, I wish I had her name to identify her. Oh, her? Her name's Stephanie. Nobody really asked, but thank you for the information.

Stephanie from Tunisia. I feel like with this information, actually, easily. It was just so all over the place. With this information, I could easily find... I think Stephanie was the employee, though. Oh! What's that employee that they were talking about? Her name is Stephanie. So they're like, I'm not going to give you my roommate's name, but I'll give you

the employee's name at this place. Help me. Help me help Stephanie. And her head circumference and her marriage license. Anything you might want. Hey, at least it was positive, you know? That's true. That's all that matters.

Here's a review of Kroger. That's one from me. Nashville, Tennessee. From you? Yeah, I found it. Like, no one. I don't have to give any of these people credit is what I'm saying. Okay, gotcha.

One star review. Stacy needs to slow her tail down. I shouldn't feel rushed when I come through her line. She forgot my drinks because she was moving entirely too fast. Then get smart with the young lady bagging. I told Stacy she did say something about the drinks. And so did I. End of review the ultimate insult stephanie's or stacy's probably like please go and self-check out i really don't want to deal with you um yeah then i really i feel like a lot of the reviews i found like mentioned self-checkout

were kind of more like yeah i'd rather use self-checkout but then i found a thread i'm not gonna i didn't bring it because it was actually really depressing. Oh. But it was like, someone was like, oh, like, how do you feel about self-checkouts? Are you honest every time you go? And it was like, do you like, for example, do you either shoplift or change like organic and don't do organic on the thing for the produce? And the people were like, fuck self.

And this was like 10 plus years ago or something. This was a while ago. This was on Yelp. On Yelp. But people were saying like, man, fuck these self-checkout. Like, you know, they're adding automation to like take people's jobs. Like I try not to support places that only use self-checkout, et cetera. And I'm like, I feel like the world has changed so much where like in my mind, and maybe people disagree, but like self-checkout has become so normalized.

Oh yeah. And like oftentimes preferred. But I feel like, I mean, to be honest, I feel like that's how people were about like switching from cabs to Uber and they were like, I refuse to. And it's like one day that's just going to be how it is. But, and I feel like a lot of the jobs like fill in and there's gonna be i i think jobs progress is overall good but like when it's also at the cost of people's jobs while those people there aren't other jobs for that like i mean sure yeah anyway but that could be any sort of technological advancement right yeah no I mean, it was the same shit with currently SAG and W many extras for these big scenes of like in stadiums or whatever.

I mean, some not they didn't always use people, but with CGI, it became so much easier to not. So like that has been an issue in the past where like technological advancements have affected actors jobs. And like, so really now it's more of like, hey, we need assurances, not, like, I don't, I don't know. It's not about like completely, like never advancing technologically, but at least getting some insurances. To like have security, yeah, for people who. And making sure that you're taken care of

no matter what happens. Right, right, right, no, that makes sense. World is scary and it's only getting scarier. Anyway. I don't know. I mean, I just feel like it's at a very plateau, heightened level scary that I'm just kind of riding, you know? Yeah, sure. Ride that wave.

Ride that edible. Did I not tell you it's a plateau? Don't call it a fucking wave. Ride that plateau. How do you ride a plateau? You don't. I thought maybe it's a wave that plateaued. And it's just going.

You know? Yeah. And then it crashes. While you're riding it. You're going to ride. I'm not riding it. I'm like, fuck that wave. And you're on it.

And then it's going to crash. You're on it too. We're all on it. And then I'll be there with my lifeguard stuff. And I'm like, well, I told her not to ride that wave. You turn around. I just turn around. You look like alfalfa.

Lately, when I'm getting a haircut tomorrow, but like lately, when I take a shower. Oh, by Christine. No, after those reviews. Are you kidding me? No, after my. Now, lately, I shower and if I don't put like anything in my hair, it automatically sticks up in like very specific spots. It's like Leona. Yeah.

Well, it's annoying. You guys match. Yeah. I have bows. I'm going to pass on that. Okay. Okay. annoying. You guys match. Yeah. I have bows. I'm going to pass on that. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Here we go. So I, for my last one, have one of a Kroger Nashville. Nashville Kroger, the same one. This is, so this person was the first to review this Kroger. Okay. Okay. And this person has a review and then a couple updates.

The only thing I want to tell you from the other updates is that in their previous update from over 12 years ago, they said, they started by saying, I've taken to calling this one the Krog. Oh.

So when I say the Krog, that this is something that they've... Pre-existing information. They've established this. Got it. It's a pre-existing condition, I should say. Exactly. Here we go.

This is a two-star review. Whoa, whoa, whoa, the Krogue. I understand I hit you a bit late, but all the self-checkouts were down and the only non-self-checkout line closed behind me. That's not an excuse for yelling your cashier yelled at the customers that she is only one woman and to hold the hell on she yelled at some other people not me as a note sorry i was exempt from her yeah don't

i got away from her ire i tried two self-checkout stations and both of them hard locked every time I used a coupon. It was too good to not use the coupon. Yeah, something's gotten under their skin. It feels like the tipping point at which the crow will have a downhill run into Surly Town. What the fuck is Surly Town? I don't know. I think it's a neighborhood in uh

nashville i think i live there wait what year was that um it's not silly it's early i said surly what you said surly town that's so silly and i said it's not sorry i think it can be both uh updated over 12 years ago. I was going to say, that feels like old school. Self-checkout. Like, all of them are broken for some unknown reason. The coupon doesn't work. The coupon just breaks the computer.

Yeah. And Surlytown. Is it now in Surlytown? You should check. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is it now in Surlytown? Are you high? What's happening? Is it now in Surly Town? Are you high?

What's happening? Is what now in Surly Town? Is Kroger, like, has it actually gone into Surly Town? I mean, it's, of 34 reviews, it's sitting at 1.9 stars. Oh, that's really bad. So it sounds like it's pretty Surly over there. I meant literally, like, did it move to a neighborhood called Surly Town? But actually, from what you- I don't think that's real, so-

I know, but you said it was in, I was playing Yes Anne to your- Got it. It's a neighborhood called Surlytown, but actually... I don't think that's real. I know, but you said it was in... I was playing Yes Anne to your I Was a Neighborhood. It looks like it's between Woodbine and Glencliff or in the region near those two. That's fine. I genuinely don't care about that. The 155 to 24 highway exchange. The fact that their rating is one point, that's...

It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad for just a general chain grocery store. Yeah, it's not great. But who knows? I mean, this is the same one that Stacey's at, and Stacey needs to slow her tail down. It's the same Kroger, by the way. Oh, interesting.

Okay. And that was from five months ago, actually. Oh, so. So the Stacey one was from five months ago. Oh, Stacey from Surlytown. From Surlytown, exactly. Fuck, okay. So it really did happen.

It happened. It finally happened. The Yelpers know. Yeah. More than we give them credit for. Nostra Yelpus. Nostra Yelpus? That was great.

I didn't say that. Why not? You should take credit for that. That was amazing. That was an actually I didn't say that. Why not? You should take credit for that. That was amazing. That was an actually good one, I thought. Who said that? Nosferatu. Okay.

That's it. Nosferatu, Google reviewer. Now that's a winner. You know what? Maybe I just leave and you just sit here for a bit see if we can get some like b-roll type foot like audio stuff and just dr christine should be a stand-up comedian that's all you're gonna say yeah it'll be on my um linkedin bio it's like just words of affirmation for yourself that would be very sad it would be just started like every time i refresh my linkedin so i was like what are you doing i'm

like i'm just pumping myself up for the day yikes especially if anyone has notifications on for when you change things which would be really weird if that exists but it's like oh man it happened again she's in a tough place right now someone Yeah, someone does. It's the police. They're tracking all my changes. They're like, three times a day? She's unwell. Oh, no. Today, something's going down. We got to really make sure she doesn't leave her house.

It feels like Truman Show. Like, does everybody act cool? Something's very wrong. Yeah. That's where my head went. Yikes. Oh, my God. Anyway, thanks, everyone, for being here.

I hope it worked. Imagine if this didn't record. Right? Yeah, we had some issues, so we'll see. Thanks, y'all. Go to beachjussani.store for our merch. It's live now. We're very excited. And yeah, I feel like we don't have as much to promote anymore. It's weird. Yeah, we have

merch and no shows anymore. And we had a July Patreon episode that was fun. This is probably coming out like end of August. So a new Patreon episode might be coming out. Yes. It might be a special one. We're not sure yet.

Might. It will be coming out. We just don't know what is coming out. Yes, exactly. It'll be special no matter what. All righty. Patreon.com slash BeachySandy. TikTok.com slash BeachySandy. Oh, yeah. That2Sandy. Oh yeah, that's where the good stuff is.

Go to that. Go to that. People need to go to that. Thank you. Or don't, but I'd like it if you did. Yeah. Fun stuff there. Alrighty.

Bye. Love you. Beach2Sandy Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production. Hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Marco Padilla, cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas.

Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.