Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 253: Reviews of Florida Man

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Read more about the issues surrounding the Florida Man meme: https://www.washingtonpost.com/made-by-history/2022/09/14/florida-men-are-notorious-heres-where-meme-came/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/magazine/wp/2019/07/15/feature/is-it-okay-to-laugh-at-florida-man-2/ Get your tix for our Pittsburgh and Nashville shows!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com Check out our new merch store! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2.

See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly, cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but i'd give it zero stars if i could Hello and welcome to Beachy Sandy... What?

Hi. I was saying hi. No, you weren't. Okay. Welcome to Beachy Sandy Water 2 What? Where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Christine. I'm Zandy.

Today, we have a very exciting update for you. It's called... We... We try not to be problematic. Yeah, it's called we we try not to be problematic yeah it's called we learn we live we grow we learn with you alongside you and you are so patient and kind with us uh basically so today our theme is florida man reviews if you don't know what that is it's been a trope for a long time now um Florida, the lovely Sunshine State. There is a trope where criminal activities that are often deemed silly, stupid, bat shit crazy, et cetera, get condensed into an article headline that might read,

Florida man drives Walmart scooter into Lake of Alligators. I don't know. That's just an example. But there are a Lake of Alligators. I don't know. That's just an example. But there are a couple of reasons for this. One being that the Florida laws allow for immediate access to the public of these kind of arrest records. So the press immediately gets this info

the moment it happens. Yes, and that is an unusual setup compared to other states. And I always laughed along, thought it was hilarious. There's even a bit where you find what Florida Man headline was published on your birthday. And so that's how we went into this episode, all excited for it.

Then Zany and I both, I think separately, stumbled upon some interesting information. Because we never looked into it. We see tweets. We see posts like, ha-ha, move on. And this time we kind of dove in for the episode. Yeah. OK. We see why there are issues with this yeah and

i really didn't see that at first until i read this article from the washington post um about how the history of the florida man trope is rooted in colonization and um you know the the struggle that people living in florida have had over many many many centuries now, two centuries, I don't know, many years, and the kind of laughingstock placement we give it in our heads, in our collective United States heads, as the kind of joke state of the country. That tends to take away from the actual issues that people living in Florida face on a daily basis. For example,

one thing that was often referenced in these articles was that in 2022, Florida ranked 49th in access to mental health care. So there are a lot of issues with their access to mental health care. Education system is as odd as it is in most places.

Just a lot of troubling societal undercurrents that contribute to this kind of joke that we all laugh at. And this is all news to me. I'm sharing this because I... I had already found a couple reviews. I was like, oh, this is great. I know. And then, yeah, we actually read some things.

And we're just not the type to just sweep that under the rug and you know hope nobody notices so we wanted to point it out so the way we're approaching florida man this time around is we decided to stick with it and um we have like okay kind of yeah sort of but in it we'll have fun with this new angle uh basically the angle is more just things that have to do with Florida. Like Florida related reviews. Yeah. So like even people who submitted reviews, which I think were funny, like we're bringing reviews people sent in for this.

Yeah. Because we even said when we posted on Patreon, I put a little asterisk like, I have no idea what we're going to do for this. Oh, let me read it. Florida man, asterisk. And then the footnote is, we have no idea what this episode will entail. So any ideas are welcome. And weirdly enough, nobody said, how about like a woke PSA at the start? And for some reason, that's what I went with.

And nobody wanted that for some reason. Weird. Weird. But I did it anyway. So, you know, we're going to try it today. We're going to go our own route with it oh yeah and see what the reason that i was so struck by this is that there was a florida man twitter account i used to follow where the guy would post or this person would post like the most

ridiculous florida man headlines and then in 2019 this user who had a big fall i think they had 62 000 in the first like week or something of starting this Twitter account. It was really successful. But they shared the Washington Post article and said, this is why I'm no longer comfortable doing this. And I was like, okay, well, then it's not my place to do it. Okay, so on that note, would you like to go first? Sure. I've got one from Gregory of the Parrot Lounge in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Okay, we're already starting off in the most Florida way. Parrot Lounge in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Okay. We're already starting off in the most Florida way. Parrot Lounge. Well, that's the thing is that's what all of the reviews I had, like people sent in these reviews that were just like Florida reviews and they were entertaining and it wasn't like, you know, necessarily at the expense of someone like the Florida man like tends to be whatever. Anyway, so here's a review uh three stars of this parrot lounge um stopped in for some drinks while in the area

captain and coke a little pricey but switched to vodka absolute i believe and there were six dollars for a double bartender's very nice only issue was the regular who was hammered and was mooning people. Oh! Found that a bit odd. End of review. Florida man arrested after pulling down pants in yet another parrot lounge.

I love how they like knew it was a regular because that kind of to me implies that they were like, what's the deal? And they're like, oh, that's just Gary.

Just forget about it. It's just Gary things, which... Hashtag just Gary things. Just about it. It's just Gary things, which... Hashtag just Gary things. Just Gary things. Yeah, if that Florida Man Twitter account needs to find a new angle, they could just do Gary things from now on.

Seems like this guy's going to get himself in all sorts of headlines. Just Gary things. Here's a review of a McDonald's in Tampa sent in by Gregory. One star. These dumb motherfuckers couldn't wipe their ass if there wasn't somebody there to help them

they fuck up on everything don't go here you will regret it that's a fact fact good luck then end of review is that like the opposite of fake news they scream fact over and over until you just have to accept it plug your ears

I don't like when people shout at me in fact the more people try to tell me things are a fact until you just have to accept it or plug your ears. I don't like when people shout at me. In fact, the more people try to tell me things are a fact, I'm like, I'm suspicious now. Yeah. If you keep saying fact, they start canceling each other out.

Yeah, it's sort of like the more you say it, the more suspicious I get. Yeah, this person had lots of exclamation points behind. Doesn't make it. Well, interesting. They said,

that's a fact with, I believe that's seven exclamation points and doesn't make it well interesting they said that's a fact with i believe that's seven exclamation points and then all caps fact exclamation point period oh you got to pick one or the other sorry it's not gonna work on me okay and then good luck ben exclamation point now that one kind of brought me back that one i was like okay you're right i think it is a fact they're right okay um why is gregory like the ultimate florida man because my next one's also from gregory uh it's called florida room and it's a florida themed bar in portland oregon i feel like i have one of that. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah. Sent in by Hannah. Oh, really? Yeah.

Is this... Does it start with As a Florida Man? Yes. Uh-oh. Okay. This was supposed to be my last review. No. Okay. I'm not going to read it now.

No, no. It's fine. You can read it. Are you sure? Yeah. What I just was going to say was I like this one because I feel like it's kind of like taking back Florida Man a little bit. That's what I thought.

This person's self, they're like, hey, I am the Florida Man. I self-identify as this. Yeah. So I like it too, and I also like it because their name is Giovanni, which is my dog's name. Yeah.

Three stars from Hannah and Gregory and Giovanni. Well, I'm glad I saw Hannah's, I had Hannah's email, you know? I always feel bad because I feel like that happens a lot and we don't give everyone credit for sending it. Yeah. I feel bad, but not bad enough

to do anything about it. They'll be fine. As a Florida man, I was excited to be brought to this bar. The teal in the front really caught my attention and got my dolphin blood pumping. That already is not good for me.

Thank you. I love it. Bartenders were cool and the drinks were good. The infused spirits really made you feel like you could modify your drinks. Two hours in, I was tickled pink. There were two songs in queue and then my song was on. I was going to hit the sweet spot

when the booze is right and the song is tight. Enter the buzzkill. My song gets stopped short by the bartender two lines in. Fine, I admit it was Limp Bizkit, but Roland is actually not that bad of a song when analyzed from a rhythmic viewpoint. That coupled with the fact that it's a Florida band really made me feel out of place and unwanted. fact that it's a Florida band really made me feel out of place and unwanted. What's next? I can't play Jimmy Buffay. That's they spelled it wrong. We just call him Jimmy back at home. The bar is cool. You just pulled a not cool move. I wasn't trying to be a pest. I'm just digging that song right now. I'm not happy about it either. It's just a fact. I love that. It can't be helped. Hey, like I get it it i don't like myself

and what i'm doing but i didn't choose to be from florida i'm sorry yeah limp biscuit probably didn't either do you know where jimmy buffett was born like pennsylvania i don't know mississippi oh pascagoula that's more southern than I expected. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, Limp Bizkit is a Florida band. Why am I not surprised? He spent part of his childhood in Mobile and Fairhope, Alabama. Interesting. Anyway, sorry. I like that this Florida bar is like, we're Florida, but we're not that Florida.

We're Florida in a way of palm leaves. Some palm leaves and a Mai Tai. Definitely not musically. Karaoke? No, no. We're not going there. I didn't know Limp Bizkit was a Floridian band. I guess I still don't know for sure.

Oh, no. It fits. It fits. No, I was like, it's not surprising if that's true I'm just gonna go with it because it does match up to what I okay yeah

from Jacksonville okay well here's a a review sent in by Olivia this is of Wendy's this is of Wendy's in Jacksonville

here we go one star by Frank if I could give less than one star I would the manager was the rudest person I've ever met in my life. No one wanted to answer the drive-thru at 6.30 p.m. on a Friday.

My 12-year-old daughter wanted nuggets. And after five minutes of saying hello to the speaker, we pulled around and can see employees sitting there on their cell phones, one of which was the manager. So there we are, asking them to come take our order and she refused to come to the window finally she sent someone over and they say yeah lol what a joke the manager's a joke and hopefully corporate sees this and the rude manager sees this and she knows how much of a c word i think she is whoa yeah i was like i don't feel comfortable

saying that my plan actually originally was gonna be like, oh, maybe I'll have you say it, and I'll just point to you when it's your turn, and then you just scream it for all of us. But no, I was like, you know, I didn't want to. It's not a word I like saying, so. So yeah, anyway, C word.

Runt. I think she is. That's a nice little insult. I thought so. A runt? That was a good one. Yeah, thanks. Oh, runt. I think she is. That's a nice little insult. I thought so. A runt? That was a good one. Yeah, thanks. Oh, it takes one to know one. In my opinion, it's because I'm a white man in a lifted truck.

That's right. Which we knew just based on your free usage of that word. That's precisely, I mean, yeah, that is why. Your poor 12-year-old daughter, you know? Yeah, you're correct. Yikes. She wouldn't give me her name and refuse to come to the window and speak to me. If you hate your job so bad, lady, find a new one.

I'd fire her so fast her head would spin if I was her boss. Anyway, I strongly recommend finding a different place to eat and not wasting time at this Wendy's. I'm also calling corporate to tell them how she behaved. Aww, they're going to feel so bad for you. Like, what do you want? I don't know. It's kind of funny. Respect, I guess.

This guy is so upset. Didn't they know my daughter wanted nuggets at 6.30 on a Friday? Nobody wanted to answer the drive-thru. I can't figure out why. Which, it being at 6.30, I'm like, hmm, yeah, they definitely were open at 6.30 p.m. Yeah, the timing is not good, but to be surprised nobody wants to answer the drive-thru is... Yeah, Drew, Drew, Drew, Drew. I can't understand why they'd rather just sit and talk. It's so strange.

Then have me yell at them rudely. Okay. Here is a review, also from Gregory, of the Publix supermarket in the Villages, Florida. I feel like Publix is a very Florida brand, right? I believe so. One star by Ted. The last three times I have been to this Publix, I have encountered employees with unwelcoming, smart attitudes. Today, as I approached the checkout lane, Linda was wiping down the conveyor belt. She stopped, looked into my cart, and said,

Are you going to put those things up here? On the belt. I suppose she was annoyed that my cart had a couple more items than the express lane denotes. Though I had two separate orders, it was, after all, just me. I should probably be taken out back and horsewhipped for my transgression, and for the assumption

that Linda might be genuinely welcoming and appreciative of my patronage. I'm astounded that management allows such ill-disposed antagonistic behavior, and moreover, from all accounts, seems to instill it. One person loves this.

Just the part of being horse-whipped out back? Yeah, I wonder if... Who's horse-whipped? Yikes. I feel like this is the same guy and now he has a lifted shopping cart and he's like, it's probably because I'm white

and have a lifted shopping cart. But I feel like... They admitted that did but they okay hold on yeah they admitted that they did something wrong by bringing more than too many items but they like also didn't get in any trouble no and i think that happened there was no reading because they said she said are you gonna put those things up here yeah which like you're supposed to do. Unless it's heavy stuff. But like then maybe just asking for like clarification. I just feel like if you're standing in front of her

and she says, are you going to put those on here? It doesn't mean you brought too many things for the express lane. Clearly this person was feeling some guilt. Yeah, it's almost like they're projecting. But not enough to like seem to care. Like they're defensive about something

that was never even brought up, you know? It's like seem to care like they're defensive about something that was never even brought up you know it's like those people who like are purposefully antagonistic to get reactions out of people you know they know that they're doing something where they might have like had this weird rush of going in being like oh i'm breaking the rules and then like any sort of comment they immediately were like oh you're gonna oh yeah oh, what are you gonna do about it? Oh yeah, Linda, you gonna whip me? No, sir, I just want you to put your weird 46 cans of apple juice on the belt.

Oh wait, sorry, that was from a different episode. I'm sorry. I thought that was so clever. We recorded that before. It was. It was. Okay, fine. We did apple theme episode on Patreon. I literally texted her asking what she wanted to do for our September Patreon episode.

And she just said apples. And he said, okay. Yeah, I was in. I had no complaints. I had no negative. The moment she said it, I was like, perfect. He also had no understanding of what it was. Oh, no.

To be fair, I didn't intend for it to be clear. Honestly, we should do that more. Just like random words. Just pick a word out of the fucking hat. Ooh, like at improv shows where they're like, shout out a word and we'll build a scene. Yeah, but without all the improv. Well, I guess we do some of that.

But I hate calling it improv because that puts pressure on it. Well, and it also makes people want to put a pencil in their ear. Okay, your turn. My next one is a review of Wawa. It's a Wawa in Orlando, Florida. Okay. One star. Do we need to tell people what these places are?

It's a grocery store. Yeah, Wawa isn't like a gas station-ish? Like a convenience store? I literally don't. Pub ish like a convenience store i literally publics is a grocery store yeah i think wawa is more of a convenience store but they're known for their sandwiches i think but public's also is known for their sandwiches you know what i'm just gonna move on okay there's probably somewhere else that's known for their sandwiches i think people are just very opinionated about these places so i'm trying to be... Talk about getting us in trouble. Florida man stuff is fine, but insulting Wawa fans...

Now we're really stepping on toes. One star. People making the food are rude. Cashiers usually super nice. I prefer to leave five stars and compliment the few people in this world that are still nice and caring. But last night's

visit at this Wawa location really made me upset. I ordered a quesadilla. One employee told me, it'll be a few minutes because we are waiting on the bacon. I asked, actually, can I get it without bacon, please? Didn't realize I ordered it with bacon. It was an accident, and I told her this. I was friendly and polite, as I always try to be. The other employee did bring the bacon over, and the first girl told her, I heard it, she doesn't want it with bacon. Then apparently, that same person proceeded to make it with tons of bacon, and told me to have a good night.

Do you guys think that was funny? I'm a paying customer, and I did nothing to deserve that. How extremely shady. I've been vegetarian for almost four years and didn't want bacon. Was an accident. It was added to my order. I had no idea until the first employer employee told me they were waiting on it. Why would you do this to me just to be snarky?

Come on. End of review. Oh no. Am I wrong to think they like completely misread it or just, I mean, I think that obviously they shouldn't have put bacon on it after you're asked to not put bacon on, but I don't think they were trying to ruin your day that is such a it's reminding so much of your life i know i'm a little bit concerned that people are reading some like i tell myself yeah i have to to get by every day tell myself nobody is reading into every

micro expression you make but then i hear about these people and i'm like oh my god someone maybe they actually are into every little eye movement or every like comment even the nice ones like have a nice day and she's like how dare you i'm like i can't do anything now without anxiety just oh like i read this and I was like, okay, I assume the person misheard or something. I don't know. But yeah, it sucks to get. I know that feeling of getting meat in something that you specifically ordered without meat. It fucking sucks and it's annoying. But like I never think that they're doing something sinister.

Yeah. Like why would they want to do more work or want to put more effort? You know, like it just doesn't. To me, it doesn't make sense. But I don't know. I also just feel like arguing I'm a paying customer is such a stupid argument. Because, like, well, yeah, everyone's a paying, like, otherwise you'd be a thief. That's what makes you a customer.

Right? Like, I don't understand that argument. That's true. I'm a paying customer. Like, okay. And I don't think the employees give two shits about that. Anyway. Which sometimes isn't always good.

Never mind. Okay. Maybe sometimes one fuck, depending on the situation. No? Maybe. Okay. Yeah. I have another one from Gregory.

Oh, good. It's another one of Wendy's, but a different Wendy's in Hialeah, Florida. I hope I'm saying that right. You are. I am? Because I looked that place up. Oh, good. Okay. For something else that I'm not reading anymore.

I've heard of the town. I just, I. Oh, but that last one's from Olivia, by the way. I didn't say that. That was also from Olivia. Okay. This, so Gregory said, I hope Florida woman counts too, and you're not sexist. And Florida non-binary person person if we can find any.

And I say to that. They exist and they're in a really shitty place to be for that. Yeah, and that's the thing that gets lost is all this Florida shit. It's easy to point and laugh and be like, oh my God. That place is ridiculous. There are people there who are actively being affected by policies that can't just leave. It's not that easy to just leave. No.

Sorry. Well, Gregory, I hope you're happy that Alexander is on board with your... I am on board with Gregory. With Florida Woman and Florida Person. This is a one-star review. I feel like this is sort of a... It's just a Karen review.

Like a Karen-esque review set in Florida. So it's a Florida Karen. Here we go. One Star of Wendy's. Terrible experience. One of the workers, Monica, was very rude toward me and unprofessional. She almost threw a drink at me. I was so shocked about this situation.

Monica pick up a cup while the drink was in it and she almost throw it at me. I was so shocked about this situation. Monica pick up a cup while the drink was in it and she almost throw it at me. I already talked with the corporate about the situation. I need the district manager to step in and do something about these workers that work in the drive-thru. This is starting to sound familiar. Monica should not work at a drive-thru if she's going to threaten the customers and be physical. And not even that, I called the store today to speak with the general manager to explain he-she about the situation, but I guess the assistant manager picked up the phone and tried to give me an attitude. I want the general manager to contact me. Whoever the general manager needs to train their staff better.

Wendy's, sorry, but you lost me as a customer, and I need the district manager to visit that location to talk to the staff. I can't believe Monica almost threw a drink at me. One of the workers with the blonde hair thought it was funny. The staff needs to treat their customers better and professional. It's bad for business. Somebody needs to do something about this. By tomorrow, I will be speaking to the general manager and I hope he, she takes action about this situation. Now I have to find somewhere else to eat. And I love Wendy's. Are there no more Wendy's? I heard of a good one. They don't like lifted trucks, but otherwise you're probably all set. And love wendy's but i can't eat at that place anymore because of monica so wendy's thanks monica and her workers for losing me as a customer

end of review um wow anyway um so it's funny because you know normally i what i was planning to say i was like huh it sounds like one of those cases where you can't like almost, like you either throw it or you don't. But I could see in this case being like an almost of like a, oh, like a fake them out. Like a fake out. Yeah. So like a. But also you have to remember like in a drive through, they are physically handing a drink towards you.

They do have to move the drink towards you. Like toward your face specifically. So I can, I feel like there's an easy way to be like, you just try to throw that. Like do it like a your face specifically so i can i feel like there's an easy way to be like you just try to throw that like do it like a little more aggressive if you're like upset annoying or you're upset about something and you're like here's your coke they're probably like you almost threw that you know i mean like i i could see it go both ways so yeah i would love to see that footage one of my favorite things though is watching videos of fast food employees giving back what they receive you know like the the the abuse that they receive from customers

oh the videos where they like finally they return the favor either another bystander or the person being an asshole okay because i'm like, do they realize how they got owned? And then they're like about how much of a victim they are. Oh, boo. No, I know. But I've just seen these videos of people doing that. And I'm like, oh, it's so satisfying. But I feel bad for the employee because you know they're going to get in trouble.

You know they're going to get fired for it. Yeah, that's true. They can't be, whatever. So I'm not saying it's right to throw drinks at people. But man, I've seen some people are fucking nasty in those drive-thrus to the employees. Holy shit. Holy shit. Anyway.

That's where I get all my aggression out. It's true. I've seen it. Sometimes I even say, oh, I'm so sorry, but I actually asked for, oh, never mind. It's fine. I'll take it home. How dare you? I know. and then i feel really guilty about it yeah sometimes i go back through okay no once i went back through i was with i think like

christina kevin and d and like we went through drive through taco bell and i ordered my vegan whatever i get wasn't right we went back through got another it wasn't right. We went back through, got another. It wasn't right. And I told them, I was like, I can't. We're not going. We'll just go. It's too. I don't want to do it. Yeah.

Because they were very apologetic, and they felt really bad, and they made a new one. That's even worse. But they messed up something that they didn't mess up the first time. So now there's a new problem. Like, they added cheese. So it's just like, we just left. Yeah. And I was like, please don't.

And they were like, no, we can go. And I was like, I can't handle it. No. I can't. It's was like, please don't. And they were like, no, we can go. And I was like, I can't handle it. No. I can't. It's too much. Once is enough. I'm stressed just talking about it. I'm actually stressed too.

I was like, I need therapy. And I was like, oh, wait. I have that tomorrow. Perfect. It's not doing enough. No. Working on it. um so my next one and actually my last one because my hannah one is out um sorry i can play the victim now is from emily she tom cooper and the description says florida circa 1980 reed crow

the eponymous i never say that word out loud that's pretty good right yeah the eponymous florida man is a middle-aged beach bum beleaguered and disenfranchised living on ill-gotten gains deep in the jungly heart of flor. Eponymous, beleaguered. What is going on? This is like some very erudite writing. Very academic. When sinkholes start opening on Emerald Island, not only are reed crows seedy businesses, a moribund.

What the fuck is moribund? It's just a word. It's just a word. A moribund motel. Does that mean anything? No. I mean, that's what it kind of would look like. Moribund. Moribund of a word. It's just a word. A moribund motel? Does that mean anything? No. I mean, that's what it kind of would look like. Moribund.

Of a person. Oh, at the point of death. Uh-oh. Of a thing. In terminal decline, lacking vitality or vigor. So like a- Well-used word then. Yeah.

So like a falling apart. Man. Decrepit kind of. I am not smart enough for this Florida man book. This is quite- This is what I'm saying. I am taken aback at all this vocab. A moribund motel in a shabby amusement park,

endangered, but so, wait, okay. There was a pause too long for me. Yeah, the sentence is lost on me, but it's fine. Crow, amateur spelunker, begins, of course, begins uncovering artifacts that change his understanding of the island's history, as well as his understanding of his family's birthright as pioneering homesteaders. Is this like a

real story of a person or is this like a fictional? I believe it's fully fictional. Got it. I once read a Stephen King book set in Florida. That was so scary. Oh wait, that's actually who wrote this. Stephen King? No. Okay.

Is, uh, wait, what wait what was Tom Cooper? Tom Cooper his uh alias. Probably. Um so here's a one-star review. Needs a fact checker and an editor. I really wanted to like this book but I gave up after 35 pages. So many things were just wrong. First of all the phrase Florida man wasn't popularized until 2013, when people began creating memes about Florida man zaniness. The book starts out in 1963, with a character driving a hatchback, which

weren't invented until 1970. Hilarious. I like that this person had such specific fields of interest and knowledge, and they're like, those two things have already been strike one and strike two. It's either that, or they're constantly Googling. Or they're fact- those two things have already been strike one and strike two. It's either that or they're constantly Googling. Or they're fact-checking. Because for me,

I can suspend my disbelief for moments where they bring up someone's driving a hatchback. I'm not going to be like, I doubt those were invented in 1960 by 1963. You're like,

A-L-E-X-A, what year was a hatchback invented? It's like, for what? Why even do that? That's funny. Unless you somehow know that already. Or they just know it. Yeah, that's true. They might just be a car person. They're a hatchback in men and it's like for what like why even do that unless you somehow know that or they just know it yeah that's true they might just be a car person they're a hatchback uh connoisseur they're a concert about some other things here we go next

part there's more fact checking oh yeah that was just the beginning okay the first chapter has a romantic encounter during which quote he came he came inside her, which indicates a pregnancy. But these two characters are later said to have had an only child that would have been around 11 in 1980. A child conceived in 1963 would have been 16 in 1980. Wait, what the fuck is going on? I don't like, I don't want to know anymore. Never mind. Don't elaborate.

I'm like, explain it. No, don't. I think, want to know anymore never mind don't don't elaborate i'm like explain it no i think no i will because i wanted to there's a sex scene where um yeah i heard that the type of sex the way that they have sex could could lead to pregnancy yeah but like it doesn't but it's not in this person's mind like and maybe the way it's written contextually it implies like heavily implies conceived a child no it implies. And then immediately she conceived a child? No, they might have implied that, oh, that one day will lead to this person existing. I don't know. I did not read this book. But I just think it's funny that they're just like, had to quote, like put that in quotes.

Yeah, why are you quoting that? It's so fucking weird. You can just say there was a sex scene and it alluded to pregnancy you don't have to be like and i'm not gonna question i know how it works yikes okay it's funny in 1980 the florida lottery is mentioned that didn't start until 1988 a sinkhole appears in a character's front yard. Wait, this is Stephen King. Stephen King probably did so much fucking research.

It was called Key, something Key. He probably did so much. Siesta Key. No. Skeleton Key. Can you look it up? It's something. It's a Florida Key reference.

Stephen King. It's a good book. It was very dark. Duma Key. It's a really good book, but it's really dark, which is, I guess, the point. I feel like he probably did so much research on Florida that now he's like, so this motherfucker can just come in and say all sorts of things

about hatchbacks and Florida history. I'd be pissed too. The nerve. Never mind. about hatchbacks in Florida history, I'd be pissed too. The nerve. The nerve. And come... Never mind. No. Stephen King is like,

whenever my characters come inside of other characters, it always leads to pregnancy. I'm not a bad writer. That's how sex works. I've researched it extensively. Love to be a part of it someday, but for now, I've got my research.

Okay. Here it just keeps going. A sinkhole appears in a character's front yard. These are uncommon outside of Central Florida, and this story is supposed to take place in a fictional town on the southern Gulf Coast. First of all, the description says Central Florida. Remember? I said the jungly Central Florida, I think. I don't think he said jungly because I feel like after Morabund and Belegard,

he didn't say jungly. What do you think he said then? I don't know. Not jungly, though. I'm sorry. This isn't a pop quiz. I'm just saying I don't think he said jungly. You want to bet? Did he say jungly? He did say jungly, though. I'm sorry. This isn't a pop quiz. I'm just saying I don't think he said jungly. You want to bet?

Did he say jungly? He did say jungly. J-U-N-G-L-Y. He is this. Oh, they said the heart of Florida. So they said living on ill-gotten gains deep in the jungly heart of Florida. J-U-N-G-L-Y. I knew it.

Jungly is the best word. I take it back. Full respect. I take it back. Full respect. I take it back. Okay. A person. Oh, this is okay. This all comes together now.

A person is injured in a bar fight and taken to a hospital in Hialeah? That would be at least 100 miles out of the way. Pythons and the state-sanctioned python hunts are mentioned. This didn't begin until after 2000. So many issues in 35 pages, I couldn't go on. The author lost all credibility. End of review. First of all, these losing credibility,

but it's losing credibility on the invention of hatchbacks, the start of the Florida lottery, and the pythons and state-sanctioned python hunts. Like, things that no one really, I don't know. I feel like. Yeah. I mean. I don't know.

Okay. I could see how it could ruin it if you were, like, actually knowledgeable and it, like, sucks to, like, be like, that's not. Taken out of it. Yeah. But, like, do you think this person, like, in all seriousness, you as Alexander, do you think this reviewer, like, just has, like, encyclopedic knowledge about Florida? Or do you think this reviewer like just has a like encyclopedic knowledge about florida or do you think they were like googling these things like do you think maybe

they they because my guess is like maybe one or two of these they were like i don't think so looked it up and then every time after they were like i'm checking this too i mean it's like such a weird thing to well maybe like they knew maybe they know the history of florida and they happen to know like oh they grew up in florida and they were like oh yeah the lottery we didn't have that until 1980 lottery it would explain sinkholes it would explain knowing when florida man happened it would explain python hunts like i think a lot of it would be like they might have not known the exact years but they might have been like wait this doesn't make sense yeah because they were like in my life experience this doesn't this, but based on the description,

it sounds like it takes place in central Florida. So like, I wonder if they missed something or, because they were saying like Hialeah was like over a hundred miles away, but like, and it's somewhere. Maybe they meant central Florida. Or maybe it's heart of Florida. I don't know what that means. I don't know. I don't fucking know what any of this means. Anyway, I love

this review. It's delightful. It really is. Thank you, Emily. Wow. That was my last one. Finally learned what Morabun I learned a lot about Florida. I learned a lot. But now I feel like I have to look that up. Because what if this person is just like, no.

True. It was not invented. We tend to take these people, no, we don't. We always Google this shit as we go. But this time, I'm gonna take their word for it. Sometimes when they say it really confidently, I just believe them. Yeah, true.

Imagine every single thing was wrong. And the author was right about every single thing. Then I'd be pissed as the author. I'd be like, do you have any idea how much work Stephen King and I put into researching the state of yours? And coming inside people. Stop!

I have it on good authority. Stephen King and I worked really hard on that one. That was the one we were most confident in. This is from Ashley. It's a review of the show Florida Man on Netflix. That's a fairly recent one, right? Yeah, here's the synopsis. A disgraced cop is forced to return to his home state of Florida for a shady mission only to get swept up in a treasure hunt. So it's like Outer Banks kind of thing?

Okay, but not with a... Outer Banks? Outer Banks meets... Outer Banks? Goliath. That's not the name of that show? Ozark? No.

What are you talking about? I'm talking about the weird teens in the Outer Banks in boats. Oh, I never watched that. I thought you meant... I started to watch it. I think it had to do with treasure. Curse of Oak Island has to do with treasure. Oh.

That's where I want to dive. Is that the one with the big hole in the middle? Yeah. Yeah, I want to just jump in one day. When I'm older. Not yet. I was going to say, you probably could. Give me a few years at least.

Five stars. Awesome show. Oh, wait. I meant to look up who Tim Dorsey is, but now I'm thinking that's not the name you said earlier about the author. That was Tom Cooper, right? Wait. D.B. Cooper? Could it be? Okay. right wait db cooper okay tim dorsey is an american novelist he is known for a series starring surge a storms a mentally disturbed vigilante anti-hero who rampages across florida enforcing

his own moral code against a variety of low-life criminals yikes here's a picture of tim dorsey holding a what looks appears to be a poster board from a science fair about himself no it's about florida but his name is all over it and a picture of him tim dorsey florida crimes um his crime like he's just a poster board of all his crimes. And it's just a list of all his books. So much glitter. Crimes Against Humanity. Just kidding. But okay. So these are intense.

Triggerfish Twist. Interesting. Basically, these look like kind of. They're like a fairly prolific author. Yes. They look like a kind of pulp. What do you call it? You know, pulp.

Pulp fiction. You know, pulp fiction. You know what I mean. Like kind of whatever. Okay. Five stars. It's hard to describe it without sounding insulting. I don't know. I was trying to describe that.

But it's not a bad thing. It's just a specific style of book. Awesome show. Reminds me of a Tim Dorsey novel. Another reviewer said it was inauthentic because dog tracks are illegal and you'd be immediately arrested for shooting into the ocean in Florida. But both of those things are wrong. I'm from Florida and you need to suspend your disbelief when spending any considerable time there. This show is spot the heck on and it's amazing to keep up with. of review i like the reviewer who

said if you shot into the ocean you would be arrested this guy's like no way i do it all the time are you kidding me we're in florida yeah like hello that's not the biggest offense i feel like you'd be immediately arrested for shooting into the ocean both things of those most u.s states that have water have people shooting into the water. Yeah. And I'm not saying it's legal. I'm just saying I imagine it can be done. Yeah.

Without recourse, probably. Yeah, probably. True. Many things, depending on who you are, can be done without recourse in this country. So, yeah. Florida. Florida, Florida. You got more?

Oh, you're done? Yeah, because I didn't have that review. I'm sorry. I So yeah, Florida. Florida, Florida. You got more? Oh, you're done? Yeah, because I didn't have that review. I'm sorry. I'm kidding, Christina. It's a good review. I'm glad you read it. Okay, this is my- I still have my challenge,

so it's good that you took it. So this is a one-star review of the Florida Man Show. I couldn't even get through the first episode. First of all, why does Mike have an accent and none of his family does? Second, which like... I do love it when that happens.

You don't need to be a fact checker to... That does bother me. Call that out. I appreciate that. But I love it because I'm like, what the fuck? Why is this a good thing? And you know what? I'm sure it happens in real life, but keep it out of my media.

Second, why is the lead woman always a blonde girl who looks like a prepubescent 12 year old? I'm so tired of blonde women leading in every single show. Her mannerisms and facial tics are annoying. Third, I'm sick of sex scenes right off the bat in every show. I don't want to see that at any point in any show. The show would be just as good without it. Not all of us humans are totally fixated on sex and I'm sick of having to watch it in every new show I watch. End of review.

Wow. I'm not fixated on sex at all. Everyone else is. It's a very strong feelings about it. Man. Coming inside people. Alexina, stop. It's relevant, Christina.

It's not relevant. It continues to be relevant and I am not going to apologize for bringing up a relevant topic at this time okay don't you dare try to put me down here's speaking my truth shut up this is from abby she here and it's the last one i have it's um the title of the email was florida man cool cruiser and so i saw that email and i left it for you i specifically did not click it thank you uh the title of this forum on cruisecritic.com is spider in brochure

one no i was gonna say one star i'm trying to like i'm is it like a spider real but like a picture of a spider okay never mind i'm just gonna let you read this. Okay, this is... It's like highlights. They're trying to find the spider. I can't find it. I can't find the spider. It's like one of those spot the differences. The spider has eight legs in this one, but nine in the other picture. Uh-oh.

Spider in brochure. This is my first cruise with Royal Caribbean. I have already booked and have really excited about receiving my brochure from RCI to look at it. It arrived this morning and I couldn't wait to open it. I read the cover letter, then went to take a look at the brochure, and a good-sized spider crawled out. I am terrified of spiders. I threw the brochure and screamed until my husband ran in and got rid of it. I think my daughter is still laughing, BTW.

Has anything like this happened to anyone else? And then History Buff responded. Oh, yuck. That had to have been quite the shock. Nope, it's never happened to me. Let's hope that it's the worst thing you experience when it comes to cruising, smiley face. That sounded vaguely threatening.

I need to carol, yeah, and the smiley face doesn't help. Now, this is where Florida Man comes in. Okay. Yeah, I forgot what this episode was. I know, me too. This review, this guy,

I have seen before. Like, I recognize his photo. Sorry. It's really blurry. Out of context of her going on this forum, that was the weirdest thing ever because she zooms in on this photo and it's literally the blurriest face.

It's like a circle. And a woman like blurry. And you can barely tell there's like a person in it. It's like a couple, I assume. I recognize this man. It's literally a blurry face and like a tuxedo or something. It's this man in a tuxedo.

That's it. But his name is Jagman. Oh. But I remember is Jagman. Oh. But I remember him from other posts. And he has a different font because you can change a font. Oh. And so I'm like, I know this guy. That's kind of fun.

I didn't know that was a feature. Because he's responded to this shit before. Imagine if Yelp had that. Yikes. No. I would not. We wouldn't do this podcast. Don't even give some ideas.

Because then I wouldn't be able to go through Yelp at all. We'd have to hire someone to put it in plain text every time. Like, I couldn't do it. There would absolutely be browser extensions. Yeah, there has to be. Absolutely. Okay, so,

Jagman responded, if you have a fear of spiders, never move to Florida, man. Comma man. And then, by the way, Abby highlighted Florida comma man

and was like, does this count? I was like, does this count? I was like, yes. That's so funny. If you have a fear of spiders, never move to Florida, man. They grow them big here. But hey, as I always say, the bigger they are, the easier they are to kill. One thing I did learn living here is this.

I used to have a fear of spiders up north. That was until I saw things that will make you want to run and hide. Like bugs that can carry you away. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. BTW. Oh, he probably watched Ants. Oh, yeah. A Bug's Life.

A Bug's Life. BTW. This spider could have been a brown recluse. Parentheses spelling. They do like to hide in books and such and are very poisionous. And if bitten and not attended to can be very painful

and rot out your skin. And in some serious cases can cause death. This is no laughing matter. It's like it can rot out your skin. Oh, and sometimes when it's really serious. Okay. It's probably the one in your house, by the yeah no that's just fucked up this person's like i'm so scared and they're like yeah well it's probably going to kill you in your sleep why would you make it worse

you got children there because yeah they're gonna their skin's gonna be rotten also i love and that's best case scenario also i love that love that he's like, don't move to Florida. They're like, I'm not. I just genuinely wanted to know why a spider was in my brochure. Okay. Anyway, BTW, this could have been a brown recluse. This is no laughing matter. Whoops, could have fooled me.

I, in my 13 years of living here, have never encountered one, but have seen things that will make some run home to mama. Smiley face. Try snakes and some Poisionos alligators. Wild boar, spelled B-O-R-E. And then some... I have a saying here. Yeah, we heard it.

The bigger they are, the easier they are to kill. Here's another one. Creepy crawlers come out at night. That's the saying. That's it? Creepy is spelled with a K. Creepy crawlers come out at night. With all that said, is not the headquarters for Royal Caribbean in Miami?

Yes, we do have bugs. But the trade-off will be this we will soon have temps in the 70s to low 80s for five months starting in mid-october and the temps where i live in north florida can and do go past freezing in december to january to kill them all oh yeah got to love it here. But I do. And as long as you live by a rule only known to Florida residents, you will be fine. So come on down. Enjoy your new brochure here, wink face.

What the fuck? I thought that first one was vague. That second post was vaguely frightening. I'm so scared. This was not vague at all. I'm so scared. And where does vague at all. I'm so scared. And where does this man think he's posting this? I don't know.

Oh, the no sleep subreddit. It's like a fictional story. He's trying to make it as a writer. Like he forgot. I think within two sentences he forgot what he was responding to. Exactly. I feel like it's one of those things. Or he chose to care not to. He just was like, I'm talking about this now. I feel like it's one of those things. Or he chose to care not to.

He just was like, I'm talking about this now. Yeah. I feel like he's one of those people who's like, oh, we have ice cream in Florida. Guess what else we have in Florida? And it's like, nobody said anything about Florida. Like, we're talking about ice cream, you know? I feel like he's like, well, don't move to Florida. And they're like, I'm not going to.

Anyway, as I was saying. That was such a journey um here's another response oh good sorry there's more and by the way that's not the end of jackman no oh my god there's only two already that's fine that's fine ready for my challenge and i don't know he was still going you're not kidding oh by the way this is in response to if you have a fear of spiders never moved to florida man you're not kidding i used to live in south florida i don't agree with this man don't don't encourage this behavior just responded to the first sentence and then like deleted the rest out of the response yeah you're not kidding i used to live in south florida i'm not sure what's worse

the spiders or the huge flying palmetto bugs they They will chase you too. I've had them fly into my hair. Yuck. Eek. Okay. This is the last response from Jagman. A flying palmetto bug is nothing more than a huge roach that flies. Eek. Freaked me out the first time I saw this. Kinda like a flying

rat in NYC. If there is such a rat. And people say when pigs fly, it may happen one day what the fuck dude abby thank you for sending this it made me so incredible but what the fuck i don't know i don't know what a find no what a fine anyway that was a good find i you know usually i'm the one searching the forums but when someone else finds one like this, I'm just delighted because I don't have to go digging. Yeah. Because I'm sure it's just a vlog.

And also, like, she screenshotted specific responses so that I didn't have to read through, like, hundreds of comments. So, anyway. Yeah. Glad to see Jagman's alive and well. For now. For now. Considering the way he described. I mean, no, I think he can handle himself.

Yeah, that's true. He's doing great. No, I think he can handle himself. Yeah, that's true. He's doing great. So my challenge was from Levon. Reviews of thrift stores where the reviewer claims to have found something valuable. Yeah.

Have you ever found something valuable at a thrift store? Oh. Like even just on a personal level. Like anything that just really. I don't know, actually. I'm sure. Let that linger. Maybe you'll think of something. Have you?

Yes, I have. Oh, that NASCAR shirt I bought. actually. I'm sure. Let that linger. Maybe you'll think of something. Yes, I have. Oh, that NASCAR shirt I bought. True. I'm serious. That Dale Earnhardt Jr. shirt I bought, and then I cut into a tank top for the Lawrenceburg Speedway. Yeah. That one I was thrilled about.

Yeah, and a nice bald eagle, American flag shirt. Yeah. Good times. But I don't know. Simpler times. Anyway, my best find was a, I was in D.C and um freshman in college and i went in and i saw modest mouse cd and i didn't listen to modest mouse it was their album good news for

people who love bad news uh and my friend liz had shown me a couple of their songs and was like and i'd heard some on the radio, and I was like, okay, let me give them an actual shot. Let's buy the CD. And then while I was in line, I opened it, and it was signed. And I was like, oh, shit. Or wait, it's signed on the front or something. I think I didn't notice it was signed until the line.

And I remember standing there. It was like 99 cents or a dollar 99 or something and i remember being like oh god are they gonna be like charge me more for this and i was really like weirdly nervous i was anxious about literally everything in my life at that point yeah um so yeah that's why you saw the title of the cd you were like bad people who like bad perfect for me oh my god that's me um but yeah believe it or not this this cashier at this register wasn't like oh my gosh this is signed i gotta charge you more so instead they just charged me what was like a normal product yeah exactly like what was on the sticker um

and yeah i still have it but i and then what was funny is modest mouse has since become my like favorite band of all time. But all the albums leading up to that album are my favorite. I love that album too. It's a great album. But my favorites are the ones before it. But it was just such a funny thing that I was like, I wasn't even a fan. And then I became such a big...

You were like, I've actually not bought into this album. And then you were like, I want $40 for this. And you were like, what? That's cool though. You still have it, I assume. You like, I want $40 for this. And they were like, what? That's cool, though. You still have it, I assume. You know, I assume. There's been a lot of moves since then. Yeah, but I think I left it.

I moved back from DC, and I think I kept it and then left it in here in Ohio. So I can actually go check later today, see if I have it. Oh, gosh. He's finally going to find out that I sold that for a million dollars. Oh, yeah. See, it's not actually valuable. I don't think anyone would actually pay money have it. Oh, guys, he's finally going to find out that I sold that for a million dollars. Oh, yeah. See, it's not actually valuable. Like, I don't think anyone would

actually pay money for it. I feel like the universe put it in your path. Like, no, exactly. That's how I view it. So,

and some of my reviews are like, okay, you'll see. I only have like four. My first one is of the Goodwill Thrift Store and Donation Center.

This is in Atlanta, Georgia. Five stars. Found a pleated faux leather skirt with the Neiman Marcus tag still on it. The price tag said $99. Goodwill price, $6.95. Winking tongue stick out emoji,

heart eyes emoji, end of review. I am so impressed by people who can do this i'm not good at this like i will go in and be like i'm gonna go thrifting today and then i find like six pairs of dirty pants and i'm like this is it i can't do this job because what they don't tell you is how many shit items they have to go through i know and also over especially goodwill is notorious for this for um taking items and charging them more than what they were originally worth like goodwill is not a there's a lot of sketchy stuff with goodwill um but but even they they charge more than the original price tag sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they put broken, cheap items and will charge way too much for them. Yeah.

Was that you I was talking to about the TikToks where they go into consignment stores and they're like, why are they selling this? It would be like a... Oh, no. I forget what I was talking to you about. They had a Bath and Body Works candle that's like completely empty and it's like $6 and they're like, what the fuck? There's a subreddit like that. I forget what it's called.

Who's selling this? Where it's just like the shittiest things you can find. Or like a broken and a half angel and it's like $16. What the fuck is this about? It's so stupid. But anyway, yeah. I feel like I will go in and be like just overwhelmed and not good at parsing, you know, what's good, what's not, what's high quality, what's valuable, what's not.

Like I leave that to the thrifting pros, which is not me. Yeah. Which is such a weird thing to do. Like flip items from good. I don't know. I just find it such a like. But I mean there are people who like will collect like the nicer like and then either like fix them up or resell them at flea markets, but cleaned and made nice again. Yeah, yeah, I know.

Flipping them. Yeah, flipping furniture is a big thing. But the best find, because there's also a subreddit for thrift store hauls, the best stuff you find. It's not about flipping. It's just about, it's actually more really wholesome. It's like people are flipping. It's just about like, it's actually more like really wholesome. It's like people are like, oh, I found this like thing that like fits my collection.

Like if they have a collection of a specific salt shakers or whatever. Of empty Bath and Body Works candles. And they like find their like, their white whale of Bath and Body Works candles, exactly. But the big one, like the ultimate find

and sometimes you can find them are KitchenAid mixers oh yeah you can sometimes thrift stores will sell those i feel like our stepdad could fix like a motor on that too or something yeah if something's wrong like that's the thing is it might be there because it's not working but if you can fix it that's a big fine anyway here's a four-star review see that i hear this i'm like now i want to go to the thrift store. But I don't think it is a skill thing. It's just like you probably have to go to a shit ton of them and get really fucking lucky. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you have to be a regular to, I think, get that lucky. I go to a thrift store like twice a year. So I'm not really the right person. I don't go too often. I don't really. I try not to go too much anywhere. It's a lot of work. Here's a four-star review of a Goodwill Southern California store

and donation center in LA. This is a nice Goodwill. You wouldn't expect that because the area is bad looking. Nonetheless, this place always has nice shoes in my size. I also found a Chloe perfume here. I paid $8.49. My mom used her senior citizens discount for the perfume. The original price is $105. Oh, wow. They had a bunch of beautiful fashion Nova business jackets that were exactly the same. It's somewhere $14.99 while the exact same one was $9.99. I primarily go there for shoes. They always have something cute in my size. That means there's somebody in that area who's like dropping off their shoes and this person's like

let's cut out the middleman. Perfect. I know. I'm like Facebook marketplace me. The old fashioned way. One time they had Stuart Weitzman shoes there. Too bad they weren't my size. Oh well. But then they had like a picture of the like perfume. The

Chloe perfume. It looks gnarly. It does look a little gnarly it's like and then a bunch of pictures of the shoes oh wow yeah yeah i went through that quick i'm not gonna share those look at this person's feet but um they i just loved they just her and her mom went and used that senior discount I need a senior discount got some Chloe perfume good for you man I know what I was going to say

one time why am I opening my phone one time somebody shared a post on Facebook to the industry drink group being like is this one of you because somebody in a group called like color palette i don't remember what the thrifting finds or it was something like that and they had found like they're like lemon themed thrift section and they found like this entire section but it was all our merch oh and i was

like oh my god that's hilarious but it was all the same size and so someone was like oh and it went it got big in this like one group because it was like aesthetic or whatever it had all these like yellow things and then like our shirts were in the middle all the same size someone's like oh my god like somebody must have just done a huge like shop at, and that's where you're good. Then like got rid of all of it. So Emma and I were like, man, did this person like stop listening?

And they were like, get rid of all this shit. And then Eva was like, um, awkward. But, uh, when I moved,

I had so many samples of our merch that I gave it to Goodwill. And I was like, Eva did this. I see. Anyway, it turns out to be Eva. That I was like, Eva did this. I see. Anyway, it turns out to be Eva. That's really funny. That's really funny. I was just relieved.

She's like, I'm sorry. I'm like, don't be sorry. No, that's fine. I don't want you to keep all this extra shit. But I just felt bad that I was like, who did this? You know, I wouldn't be surprised if I don't. Because when I moved out of LA, I donated a bunch out of of the Closet.

Yeah. And yeah, I am sure there was a Beach Shoe Sandy and probably, and that's why we drink stuff that I put in there for sure. Like just stuff that I'm like, I have no use for it. You have no use for it. Someone out there will enjoy it. Like it's just taking up space. Someone else will say, I found the most valuable thing of my life.

Exactly. Beach shoes, Sandy merchandise. Beach shoes, Sandy t-shirt. Oh, man. My next one is of the Bellevue, Kentucky Goodwill. Five stars. Found five name brand purses. Parentheses starts with a C.

And chose one for $5. Not a knockoff. But in the end, put it back because I don't need another purse. They're gone already. But you just don't know what you'll find there. Fun. End of review. Okay, wait.

This actually is so timely for me, probably me alone, or anyone who saw this viral TikTok because there was a TikTok called girl shopping and it was like in like a home goods or something. These two girls walk around and they're like, oh my God, this is the exact color I was looking for. And then like puts it back and walks away.

Oh my God, I've been looking everywhere for one of these. This is so cute. And then like immediately puts it back. It's like someone called it like interactive window shopping. Oh my God, I've been looking everywhere for one of these. This is so cute. And then like immediately puts it back. It's like someone called it like interactive window shopping. Yeah. Girls go out, they're like, oh, I love this. Look at this. And then don't buy anything.

Cool. Now that we saw it. So real. Like it's so true. So that's what that reminds me of. Like, oh my God, guess what I found for $5. Anyway. I love how they went back and they were like, yep, all gone now.

I didn't buy it. I checked to see if they were still there. Also, it starts with C, name brand. I feel like that could be. My head was Coach. It was the first thing that popped in my head. But it just seemed so weird that they made it seem so mysterious. I mean, it could be Chanel, but I doubt it.

Or Celine, which also I doubt it for $5. I don't know. Oh, someone, I saw someone posted that they found a, what's that? What's that? That bag. Might've been Fendi. I think a Fendi bag where they found one at Goodwill

for like 15 bucks. I was like, I don't believe you. I don't believe you either. I was like, those are hundreds of dollars, if not thousands. I'd be so surprised if- Wait, who posted this? It was just a review somewhere or something.

Oh, I see. It was just, but the review was not it. They just said that. I thought you meant someone of our followers. No, no, no. If they said, yeah, that's what- I believe you. It was just a review and I was like,

I don't know about that. That would be kind of crazy. Some of those- It might be a knockoff or it might be not but maybe they did maybe they did maybe they got that lucky maybe it was fendi with a y at the end i do i do watch a lot of antiques road show and i love it the way these people come across the most antique historical items i'm like what the fuck how is that how is that possible in the roof and i was using this to patch up the hole i'm like what the fuck that's turns out it was a declaration of independence yeah i'm like what the fuck he's like i just thought the little dancers look nice and they're

water lilies anyway i taped to the ceiling i'm like what or like oh my grandma had it just like above the stove so it like yes that kind of stuff that stuff is so fucking funny oh yeah we just kept it here we use it as like a candy dish it's like yeah shit like that it's makes me sopped up some leaking water with it and honestly i love it i'm like fucking use your stuff i just i don't know that cracks me up though when they're just like and they're like anyway this is worth forty thousand dollars and i'm like oh they're about to have a heart attack and also kill their grandma for using this as like a ceiling tile or whatever. I assume when the grandma got it, it wasn't worth $40,000, you know?

Yeah. That's going to be so weird when we're older, if there's certain things that we're looking at that's like on sale on eBay. Granted, I feel like she just grabbed the Dilbert M&M machine. Well, now the author is canceled. And so I thought about he posted about like i saw a meme um it was actually the best show uh podcast i think they posted a screenshot he had like said something about um how people are after like oh if i like die like i didn't kill myself like he was very like conspiracy theory, you know,

like in that world. And he was like, yeah, whatever. And then like they had a, there was a joke about how his, his house literally has Dilbert's head. Like you can,

it's like, he's not making it. He's not hiding the fact he lives in this home because his house literally has Dilbert's head on it. Oh, as part of the house. Oh no. It's like the shape part of the house is the shape of Dilbert's head. That's very weird. And I was house. Oh, no. It's like the shape, part of his house

is the shape of Dilbert's head. That's very weird. And I was like, it's funny, this guy's like, all like, oh no, they're out to get me.

Well, maybe you shouldn't live in a house with Dilbert's head. Also, the resale value on that is so tanking now. Like, you've canceled yourself,

you idiot. Oh, no, And you're a huge QAnon Trumper. Yeah. And now you're gonna get $5 for your house. Yeah.

Watch this. I'm not. I don't want to watch it. Oh, that's valuable. Anyway. Yeah, it's valuable. People are going to pay us and never do that again. Sign up for our Patreon because we don't do that on Patreon.

Alexander, that's going to be worth something someday. I'm going to pay your tuition with that thing one day. What tuition do I need? Don't answer that. I need a lot of educating. This is my last one. This is my favorite one. It's a five-star

review of the Oakley Goodwill store. I promise I didn't only look at Goodwill. I did a lot of different keywords and searches. I didn't get look at Goodwill. I did a lot of like different keywords and searches. I didn't get any emails that I saw from people. Not complaining. It was just what it was. But I looked for a lot of thrift stores that weren't Goodwill's and I really struggled.

Like people weren't finding anything interesting or like talking about what they found unless it was at a Goodwill. Or a lot of those thrift stores like sold valuable things for like a lot of money. But like, yeah, it's like antique kind of thing. Like, yeah, that kind of stuff. So it was like hard to find people like, because Goodwill is like a lot of junk. So people, when they found something, were more willing to be like, oh, shit. And Goodwill is such a big chain. I feel like you're bound to find more.

Exactly. So that's why I have all these Good wills so if anyone's disappointed i apologize i was disappointed myself too don't worry uh just like when i listened to um limp biscuit it's the good news for bad people uh true you were disappointed when you listened a bit limpest yeah i was referencing an earlier review where the florida guy is, yeah, I get it. Like, he was very self-aware of the fact that he was listening. Oh, I see. That review you read. Yeah. No, I remember the review.

I didn't really understand the connection, but. Well, it's there. So maybe you'd need a tuition paid for learning about Limp Bizkit. Well, good thing I signed up for Antiques Roadshow with my Dilbert M&M's. Christine, I swear to God, if that thing's ever on Antiques Roadshow, I'm going to... I'm serious. It's going to be worth something. I will commit crimes.

I don't know what that means, but I will become a villain if that thing becomes worth something. Oh, my God. You're going to move into a Dilbert-shaped house. No. I'm not going to be a fucking QAnon asshole. I'm going to be a criminal, though. Something bad's happening. Just don't sell that for anything.

You're going to be an amateur spelunker, too. Probably. Here's a five-star review of the Oakley Goodwill store in Cincinnati. OMG. I found a pink, yes, pink, flat-screen TV for my granddaughter's room. Shut up. She's my princess. Thanks, Goodwill.

Grinning emoji. That's the nicest, sweetest thing. Talk about finding something valuable. Fuck my Dilbert M&M machine. Am I right, everybody? I'm happy about this pink TV now. The lesson here, folks, is value doesn't necessarily have to be monetary.

Ooh, I wouldn't go that far. Oh. Our Patreon is patreon.com. You get $2 a month worth of content. Take that for what it is. What a... Whatever that means. It's called highway robbery.

What a bargain. What a bargain. Oh, they're robbing us. I was like, what? It's $2. No, they... I thought you meant we're committing highway robbery. I'm not sure who is.

I might if you sell that Dilbert. Someone's going to commit a robbery. Okay. But it's not me. Wink. Anyway, thank you everyone for listening. Oh, thank you all. I'm glad we got through Florida Man first.

Because next we're going to record our corn maze episode. Which has just slightly less oppressive feel to it. Yeah, true, true. For now. I mean, I'm sure once we start, it'll be bad news. It'll get wild, I bet. But yeah, thank you all.

Don't forget, buy your tickets for our live shows coming up in November. November 8th in Pittsburgh, November 9th in Nashville. We've got some merch coming to those. It's very exciting. We're planning the merch.

We're already getting reviews ready. I'm so excited. It's going to be great. Eek! See you there. Bye. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production. Hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Marco Padilla. Cover art by Courtney Aventura.

Theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.