Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

Is it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, lighthome, or waffle home, you won't be disappointed! Don't take our words for it, just listen to our new friends: Matthew, Poopie, and Coochie Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. This episode is sponsored by Chill Bombs, CBD bath bombs. Studies show CBD has incredible anti-inflammatory properties. It's used to reduce pain, relieve anxiety and depression, combat insomnia, and much more. And at Chill Bombs, they don't use any synthetic dyes perfumes or additives their bath bombs are thc free and all of their bath bombs are handmade in small batches so some of their flavors are lemon pound cake pomegranate hibiscus kiss from a rose which is actually made from real rose petals um and we have actually gotten to use them ourselves and

they're wonderful they're wonderful very relaxing and we can vouch for them. So for a limited time, if you guys use code BEACH at chillbombs.com, you'll get 15% off your order. That's right. Use code BEACH for 15% off your order at chillbombs.com. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think between you and me i wanted to like this podcast but i'd give it zero stars if i could Hello and welcome to Beach 2 Sandy Water 2 Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. That is Alexander. And that is Christine. Welcome.

Welcome. We're here at episode 26. Aw. And we're just happy just we lost our health insurance our parents health insurance not funny because that's happening very soon so the theme for this week i gave us it was parks in milwaukee wisconsin it sure was and i don't remember what the hell the challenge was the challenge challenge was for me to find a review that mentioned a conspiracy theory. Oh my god, I'm so excited for that. Okay. And before we get into those, we do have a couple special, wonderful announcements. Yes, we do.

Okay, first, you might have noticed that there are some moments in our episodes where we speak about services or products. What? They're called ads. Oh, yeah, I've heard those. Well, if you don't want to hear those, you can support us on Patreon. All tiers, $15 and more. We'll get ad-free listening to all episodes.

That's so nice. We do have ads now, and that is to help us help support us pay for our audio equipment and all that good stuff so um i know that's kind of a new addition but i quit my job by the way so yeah oh great i just need to live so don't don't get mad we're trying to try out some new things so anyway yeah and we do endorse all the products that we talk about so please use them and try them yes please also we have a special video coming to our youtube channel on friday it's a it's a crazy one dear god help us all it's it was it was pretty bad it's pretty bad it's a bad experience for me it's very bad for the world uh but you should be very excited about it um i'm

going to post a little teaser picture on Thursday, probably. So, tomorrow. To our social media? If you're listening to this on Wednesday, to our social media. Beach 2 Sandy? Yes, Beach 2 Sandy. And speaking of Patreon, if you are a patron at all, at any amount, you will also be getting a little bonus footage from that special time that you'll see about.

Okay. Yeah. It's a special little video okay well oh yeah so i'm not a patron so i probably won't get to see it no i won't let you um subscribe to our youtube channel uh just search for beach to sandy water too wet on youtube uh be sure to click that little bell so you get notified when we upload our video on Friday. Ding, ding, ding. It's a doozy. It is a doozy. And yeah, so we're going to do our show now. And at the end, we're going to do those vet reviews that you guys sent in that we promised.

Yes. So stay tuned for that. But first, we have our theme. And also, by the way, if you want to support us on Patreon, the link for that is patreon.com slash beach2sandy. I figured that would be worth mentioning. I forgot it i tried to be too smooth yeah it was really smooth until i remembered that we totally forgot to provide him a link anyway let's get into it huh okay so why don't you go first okay my first is from kenneth of lake park

okay i saw that in my adventures oh yeah it's a two-star review okay was better when they had more pokemon go stops end of review can confirm two stars this park sucks because it doesn't have pokemon go anymore did those go away i don't know how that works some people still play that game yeah but they might have not i might not have as many in that spot. Is that even the park's fault? If you become a patron, you can get your own Pokemon Go stop at our podcast studio. A.k.a. our house. So you'll find out where we live.

Yeah. I did see one review that was like one star. Like too many Pokemon Go people running around. Oh, lordy. So I guess you can't win if you're at the park.'s see let me see if i have one of what was it lake lake park no i guess i didn't find a good one um i have one of alcott park okay it is a lot of them were like two or three stars but they were like negative still juicy yeah so i kept those in but we just want them juicy that's all this is a three star by rowan of alcott park pretty multi-purpose public park is a good choice

for bag lunch alfresco or a picnic is there a difference between those two maybe not this is a good park for kite flying did you know that that the wonderful Milwaukee park system was one of the many positive accomplishments of the socialists? End of review. What? Do we? I think we need some, a history lesson from this person. Bag lunch alfresco or picnic? Okay, yeah, what was that about?

Who's to say what the difference is? Is this like some crazy reference I just don't understand i'm so confused is this some crazy person yes probably yeah that's usually the go-to i shouldn't like i always say i should just stop giving them the benefit of the doubt and go straight to crazy yes your turn yeah i have a couple from wilson park i'm going to read. Okay. First one is from Philip. One star. Google Maps, mind your own business. Since I was never at this place either. End of review.

I love people like that. There was one that I saw that I didn't include that was like, I never went to this park as far as I know, and I don't even drink alcohol. I'm like, holy shit. Okay, good to know. Maybe Google is glitching on the Milwaukee Park system. went to this park as far as i know and i don't even drink alcohol holy shit okay maybe google is uh glitching on the milwaukee park system specifically on elderly people it seems because that's a very old person thing to do um yeah well that seems very ageist of you but okay well in all of my reviews where people are like i was never here why are you bothering me google they're all elderly people okay well

i'm just if it's talking from experience all right i have one more from this park oh got it one star from liberkey liberkey l-i-b-e-r-k-y cool i get it you do no okay good because neither do i uh okay to be fair this is a translated one from Spanish, but I'm going to read the translation that Google provided. Okay. One star. Christ comes. Repent and save your soul.

End of review. What if the original was like, lovely greenery. Perfect for an alfresco picnic. Google's glitching out, you know? Christ is coming. Repent your sins. Google has a capital A agenda, I think. Milwaukee, what the fuck is going on over there?

Yeah, what happened at that park? Well, I have a review of Johnson's Park. It's a one-star review by Maude. Boring! End of review. Oh my god. I just was like, why would you take the time to do that? It's a park.

Like, what do you want from it? You know what? What? What did grown-ups used to say? Only bored people get bored. Only boring people get bored? Yeah, sure, that's all. Yeah.

Okay, okay, fair. what did adults used to say english is not my first language oh shush so uh you can't use that here because technically it wasn't mine either um yeah i feel like if you're going to a park like you generally you bring the thing to do right like a frisbee or a picnic alfresco yeah a sandwich alfresco or a picnic what's the difference what's the difference there who's to say who's to say anyway okay i have um one of denine park okay this is from Chris. One star. I saw a rat come out the water and it was a dead duck in the pond. End of review.

What? Wait. Do you want me to repeat it? Yeah. I saw a rat come out the water and it was a dead duck in the pond no duh wait i'm gonna switch some of mine around then because i have a good one oh yeah well see milwaukee i've never been to your fair city however after reading mostly one-star reviews of of your parks i'm not impressed milwaukee i'm not impressed with your parks or your uh citizens just kidding i did go to milwaukee it was lovely there was cheese and

beer and i was happy however sounds wonderful i think we have some biased perspectives that we're reading no absolutely i was thinking that i was going through these one-star reviews i'm like this is so unfair because my mind is literally thinking bad things about these parks, and I had to catch myself. Like, oh. Guys, I didn't even get a redemption today. I'm sorry. Milwaukee, I didn't.

Don't worry, because I did. Oh, you did? Spoiler. Holy shit. Okay. Actually, okay, no. I'm going to save that one for later. So, I have one by Joseph ofph of north point lighthouse which i think is

like a technically a park public parkish area yeah so joseph uh gave a one-star review of north point lighthouse i love light light homes well i should say light home it's more respectful i just listened to our old episode where we did uh waffle homes yes i love i love waffle homes especially ones that are in light homes all right are you done yes continue north point lighthouse joseph one star we used our gps to get to this address we did not see a lighthouse i wonder what they did see just i know that was a fog and that was like the only one star yep right was that the only that was the only one star review out of like 150 yeah positive reviews so like clearly they're the only person that messed this up somehow did they

mention that they were in a boat or in a car because if they were in a boat then that's a problem you gotta understand that um knots are a different measurement system than miles is that what the word is it's definitely not knots um i don't know i know knots is like also speed i don't know oh yeah i think you're right and then is there like a c? The nautical mile, yes. Nautical C-mile. I mean, I don't know if C-mile might also be a thing. It is! Okay, sorry, that was loud. It is similar to, okay, same as a nautical mile.

Okay. Is what I meant. So maybe Joseph, we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Nah. Nah. Okay, we won't do that. Okay, your turn? Yeah've so i have an experience now instead of just one review this is an experience for everyone oh god the experience is titled

uh fox body what it's a user oh help me so wait p.s sorry real quick i do like too that i cracked the window today because it's really nice out and there are birds in the background and i bet you there's just gonna be some like birds oh shit thing but we're talking about parks oh yeah that's i mean i just think oh yeah it's an ambiance all planned so this is fox body i have let me read the initial review that I read. Do you have to? Yes, it's a two-star review of Jackson Park. I went to school next door to the park. My family and neighbors always celebrated holidays in that great park.

Strangely, now things are different. These young people don't clean up after themselves. I cannot understand how a tax-paying resident would leave such a mess maybe they're millennial and get things for free end of review maybe they are maybe um but what does that have anything to do with it? And getting things for free. If I got things for free, does that mean that I'm going to make a mess at a park? Yes, it does. Oh. Only if you're a millennial.

I guess this review just jumped out at me because I didn't make that connection. You're getting a little defensive and I think that that maybe proves something. As a millennial. I think it proves a little something or two. I'm about to go make a mess at a park. So, I wanted to look into fox body a little bit to be fair you did go to that stupid squirrel park and leave shit on the ground didn't you an offering was it like acorns or something i forgot what i think it was a leaf no it's a leaf

wow will you please clean up after yourself you really think that the squirreled Gods didn't, like, consume it? All right. Jesus. Okay, so here's Fox Body. A couple more reviews from Fox Body. This is a review of the Pick and Save. One star.

Oh, I can't wait. Stay out of my damn phone, Pick and Save. End of review. Oh, no. This person is truly going off the deep end. Off the deep end. Is this how you also found your conspiracy challenge? I was thinking that. I was like, oh, this is a nice going off the deep off the deep end is this how you also found your conspiracy challenge i was thinking that i was like oh this is a nice tie into the challenge

really bleed right into each other yeah here's one of uh meyer one star i live a mile away and this fucking store constantly sends its in-store text fuck off meyer and a review i love that they keep getting all these texts but that means that they signed up i know originally somewhere like i know they had to have i know okay jesus okay so yeah that's all i just wanted it was that it was a quick experience but i wanted everyone to uh i really just wanted to read that review i just i mean and also when you get those reviews it literally they say like write stop to end these yeah true and also when you get those reviews, it literally, they say like, write stop to end these. Yeah, true.

And also, if you're getting that angry that you go on the internet to write fuck off Meyer, I guarantee if you responded to those texts, fuck off Meyer, they'd probably be like, okay, we have unsubscribed you. We're gonna fuck off, yeah. We have fucked off. Thank you for your service. Thanks, Fox Body. Thanks, Fox Body, for being you you what a terrible name yeah um this is a two-star so there was there i don't know if you came across this but there's this mitchell park conservatory and it's these domes like the geodesic yes yes i've read some google reviews

of those but nothing else so they're supposedly um like geodesic domes. Like, they have environments. Yeah, keep saying that word. Like, I know what it is. It's the denouement of the... Stop. Are they, like, little biomes in each one? I think they're, like, biomes. They have, like, different plant life and things in them.

Fun. Yeah. So, two... Sounds wonderful. Sounds wonderful. Kat gave it two stars. Don't kill me, but I don't really like the domes that much. I'm sorry.

I tried. I really did. We looked at the plants. We looked at the ceiling. It was cool. We ended up being really sweaty and looking at each other. Oh. Oh. What? lot i know you like to schedule events and parties here but maybe you just like the parties not so much the actual domes they also sell beer here is it possible it's the beer buzz

that's making you happy not the sweaty box filled with cactuses i read that and i went actually yeah that's entirely possible uh-huh i. I promise, if I find myself in Milwaukee in the bitter winter, I will go again. I will see if it was just an off day. I just, I hope someone else will pay for my ticket. End of review. Okay, I don't know if I can put my finger on it, but I absolutely hated that. It's so uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable.

Like, they were, like, not being nasty. Exactly. I was like, it's not a mean review not a mean reviewer like they seem friendly but it was really not okay that they wrote that i really didn't either okay let me just read one more while i have you here um okay cathedral square park three stars by katie came to see the Christmas lights and Santa's mailbox was missing. End of review. Oh no. That one made me sad.

That is sad. Well, do you think that maybe they just mailed the mailbox to Santa? They put too many stamps on the mailbox and it just got taken away. Is that what you mean? No, I mean like, oh, they oh they're like oh we have all these letters that are going to santa in the mailbox so let's just mail the entire mailbox yeah but why would you mail a mailbox i i don't i mean i don't actually think they mailed a mailbox to santa claus oh i know who did it who did it It's a millennial getting free stuff. They're like, I got this free mailbox.

They were like, I was looking for my Pokeman and dropping some trash on the floor and I got this free mailbox. Oh my God. Wow, it all makes sense. You and your fox body. Stop it. I fucking hate that name. I know. Do you want me to give a little redemption?

Please. Okay. I have one more after that. But I want a finale on mine. Okay, perfect. Okay. So here's a five-star review from Matthew. Okay.

What's it of? Humboldt Park. Oh, okay. I saw that. Cookie and I simply love walking poopy through the park this sounds like a weird web series i wrote five years ago right this sounds like schitt's creek like uh fan fiction so what really caught my eye were the names of course cookie and poopy and i thought hopefully

one of them is a dog oh god i hopefully both because okay i guess cookie is not that bad of a name i that's actually kind of cute name you and cook you were walking the dog i was it was also a dog that would be very alarming true true okay never mind i'm very glad that hope that poopy is the only dog but i hope poopy is the wife i saw that and i'm like i need some more poopy reviews so i went to their profile turns out i think it was a typo because um stop it pookie no well maybe because maybe this is also a typo but here's one of rover West Dog Park in Milwaukee. Oh, hell yeah. Five stars.

Great place for Poochie to run and play. Sorry. Everyone's stellar about cleaning up after their mutts. Chased Poochie all over the park in the dark and never got a speck of doo-doo on my boots. Props to the dog-owning population of River West. End of review. Oh. My. Yeah. Goodness. props to the dog-owning population of river west end of review oh my yeah goodness and i figured out also that cookie was most likely not a dog because oh there was actually coochie should i read this uh next review as if it were coochie no please god no a review of the noble

Next review as if it were coochie. No, please, God, no. A review of the Noble. What's that? I believe it's a restaurant. Oh. Five-star review. On the odd Monday when we're both off work, Cookie and I love brunching at the Noble.

Servers are cordial and attentive, even while we're waiting for a table. And the food, nothing short of world-class. End of review. Cookie is not a real person. It's a made up person. You think? Yeah. What if it's just a cookie?

Oh my God. Oh my God. What if it's a cookie? You never know. Can you imagine this guy running through the park with a cookie chasing his dog? Yes. I would love that. In the dark?

As long as they don't get any doo-doo on their boots um yeah so that's the world of matthew cookie and i'm gonna say poopy i'm gonna close the door on that world and lock it tight and throw away the key poopy coochie and matthew i hate this matthew i guess like i think all of the reviews were five star reviews and like And, like, really nice. At least there's that. Yeah. I like Matthew a lot. And Cookie. And Poopy. I like Matthew from a distance. Yes.

Watching. Watching he and his Cookie. Observing. And his Poopy. I really don't enjoy all of this. Okay, let's move on, maybe. Okay. Give us your finale.

What have we got? Okay. This is a three-star review of Zidler zidler union square park by mariana so many spiders oh god end of review oh my god what i wish they were the same one that matthew and poopy walked around oh god no full of spiders and doo-doo and cookies this is matthew would still find something redeeming and give it a five star probably i didn't get one single spider on my boo-boo or whatever the hell what i don't know um gosh wait what was the name of that park? So I know to avoid it whenever I'm in Milwaukee going through parks?

We're never going to Milwaukee after this. I'm just kidding. Zeidler Park? Okay. I would love to visit Matthew and Poopy and Cookie. You can go. I'm going to stay here. Well, that was fun.

I actually liked that. That was fun. That was weird. There were so many short ones. Yeah, there were a lot of short ones, but some quality ones in there for sure. There were. There were. All right.

So time for the challenge. Oh, hell yes. Conspiracies. Yes. I love a good conspiracy. Here, my first one is a review of Frog P trail by fox body in rumsey california no unfortunately rumsey rumsey you know good old rumsey that's where cookie and poochie live i'm sorry i can't none of these are real words that you're saying i know i i know i'm i'm kind

of like foggy now after all of that. Yeah, I am too. So I had to keep looking like, wait, did I really just read that right? Okay, this is a one-star review of Frog Pond Trail. None of this is real. No, it's all really wild. Okay, this is from Peter. This trail and all the other trails in the Cache Creek area were a total waste of time. all the other trails in the cash creek area were a total waste of time we drove all the way out from sacramento only to find the frog pond trail was completely inaccessible due to the water in

the creek this info was not listed on the yolo recreation website i'm sorry i had to i couldn't stop i read it earlier and i'm like don't't laugh at YOLO Recreation. But for some reason, it just really... YOLO. Okay, anyway. Sorry. This info was not listed on the YOLO Recreation website or the Cache Creek Trail website. Drove up the road to two more trails in the upper and lower day use sites. And again, no dice.

The trails were all inaccessible due to the creek there was also information on their website of some mystery high bridge trail that could get you across the creek but again this didn't exist don't waste your time coming here i guess until the height of summer when there may not be much water in the creek convinced it's all a ploy to get people to give up on the hiking and go to the nearby casino and a review oh so they're like yolo come to our trails and then you get there and they're like oops we forgot to put a bridge why don't you go to the casino makes a lot of sense that's probably it you know makes a whole lot of sense to me really getting those hikers i bet i bet um i bet hikers are their like their main demographic so they gotta yeah yeah i mean matthew's walking walking cookie around and

he needs somewhere to go yeah he does i think he should go to the casino do you think it's called yolo casino i do okay in fact i know it is um it turns out, I just looked it up, YOLO is a Native American name variously believed to be a corruption of a tribal named YOLOI, meaning a place abounding in rushes. Great, so I'm just extremely offensive. Well, actually, YOLO is a corruption of the name, of a Native American name. Well, then how dare they? But YOLO County is the name of the county. Yes, it is the name of the county. Yeah, so I'm allowed to laugh at it. It's also my tagline.

As you guys know. Oh, boy. Okay. Next one is of Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Oh, hells yeah. I've been there. I have two from there. Blaze took me there on my birthday last year. Isn't that weird that weird yeah he took me on a um it is really weird on a uh dearly beloved tour it was like a murder ghost oh yeah that's right yeah that's horrifying very cool good job blaze so i like played hooky off work and we went on a that's fun it was very fun. All right. So I have a couple. The first one is from Ben. One star. They remove your relatives tombstones and monuments if they don't agree with you politically.

Desecrating graves is disgusting. End of review. Oh. So I looked into this. Oh, you did. Okay, good. Turns out they did remove a monument. It was a Confederate monument.

After there was backlash. Oh, come on. And it was owned by the Daughters of the Confederacy, whatever that organization is called. And they ended up removing it. And they basically said, here, take your monument elsewhere. So I guess they got bombarded in one-star review. I don't know about bombard. I didn't actually look through all of them but i there's at least one review here where it's all because of that political thing so i first read it as like oh a conspiracy theory

his relative was taken away for political thing like some no this guy's just has probably has no connection to it whatsoever and was just pissed that they took off took out a confederate monument i see so you think he wasn't related to the actual individual it was just like exactly yeah all right well stupid so my own conspiracy theory um my next one is from arcel one star review you guys worship the devil end of review was that also the cemetery? Yes. Oh my god. Yeah. What? So to me that's a conspiracy. Ew.

Yeah. So maybe they have devil worshipping there. Satanists. Satanic panic. In 2019. Oh, she for madness. Okay. She for madness.

Do you guys get it? Nobody gets it. No one does? No, you're right. No one does. I mean, I guess our German cousin didn't get it, so I don't know. Yeah, that's true. Do you guys get it?

Let us know if you get it. Should we not explain it? No. Okay. Schiefer Madness. Okay. So, this next one is very obviously a joke one, but I had to include it because this is my last one, and i wanted more than what i had

already had okay but it's of the pioneer mill of tiffin tiffin ohio oh it's from elijah five stars the food is obviously a ploy by the lizard people sharing similarities to other lizard person ploys the food is obviously the same that Osama bin Laden had before he ordered the planes to crash into the Twin Towers, and what the leader of ISIS eats every day for each and every meal. Another problem I had with the establishment was the exclusive pixie staff getting their magical dust all over me and my family's food, though I would like to put into account that I was having a crazy trip. All in all, I would recommend it, but beforehand, I would like to recommend getting super high

or you won't have the full lizard person pixie experience. It is only a matter of time before they team up and enslave us all with their unicorn-powered biogamma rays. Beware. End of review. What the fuck is that? Um. Who? What is this place?

This place is the Pioneer Mill of T tiffin what is that leave it alone is it just where feel it sounds like a place that they take elementary schools on field trips and like churn some butter that's like what it sounds like to me um a historical place to gather with family and friends i told you tell me if they churn butter, please, God. Oh, my God. Oh, their website is funny. Hold on. I bet it is. Our menu.

Oh, my God. Leaves, twigs, crickets. Excuse me? That's their menu. Are you serious? No. I'm making a lizard joke. It's not funny.

And I also know that lizards don't eat twigs. I think they don't do that. I wouldn't eat twigs i think they they don't do that i wouldn't know however they do sell garlic mussels which i'm not sure about eating in the middle of ohio but it does sound delicious yeah they have a few too many uh seafood options for my um a little questionable yeah for a place that's trying to be a in ohio pioneer uh you know pioneer adjacent. Prices are nice to look at, though, because they're... They are Ohio prices.

Ohio prices. But yeah, so at least it was a five-star review. I mean, at least that. I guess I'll take it. I mean, if someone left a review on our podcast and it was like five stars, these are lizard people that are going to take down the world with unicorns, I'd be like, all right, sure. Yeah.

I'd be a lizard person for you. I would. Yeah. I'd eat some twigs. Well, that's all I've got. I'm still trying to figure out if they churn butter there. Let us know. Let us know.

Let us know. Email us know. Let us know. Email us. They do have peanut butter pie, so. Well, that's good. Okay. Well, speaking of emailing us, we did get a handful of emails about veterinarian reviews. Thank you for that. Thank you for writing in, even if you wrote in and said, just kidding, I don't have a

review. There were some of those. There were a lot. What are you doing? Which is fine. No, they wanted to get our attention. I didn't read them just kidding, I don't have a review. Yeah, there were some of those. There were a lot. What are you doing? Which is fine. No, they wanted to get our attention. I didn't read them yet, so I don't. They got our attention and I didn't respond.

Sorry. Sorry. I still might. Hold on to hope. I'm bad about responding recently. It's been busy, but I'll be better. Anyway, so we did have a couple, two, that I would like to read. Can I read one or no? Yes, you can read one. Okay, a couple, two, that I would like to read. Can I read one or no?

Yes, you can read one. Okay, cool. We have two that we would like to read. Are they the ones with stars? Yes. Okay. I'm clearly very prepared. This first one is from Stephanie.

Okay. Stephanie says that it's a review of True Care for Pets, located in Studio City, California. And then they said, hope this is what you were looking for. Guess what? It was. Can we, should we explain one more time, just in case? Oh, yeah. So, I had the challenge of finding a review where someone went to a veterinarian's office

and asked for human help. Yeah, but, um, what's the word? Shit. I stumped him. Yes, yes i was stumped even though it wasn't your idea for this review it was someone else it was a listener oh but yes i was stumped it was melissa i think it was melissa um so i was stumped and so i told everyone two episodes ago please reach out with any reviews that you have that match that challenge and a bunch of people wrote in and i think two really matched it great so here's the first one and this is um a review written the review is written by rita five stars my dog developed herniated disc and i had no idea went in and dr cavavanaugh was amazing. They immediately took him and started looking into it.

When he told me, I fainted almost. And they now had to take care of me. They were amazing and they were able to help. Molly in the front was so good to me and truly understood my pain and my little Yorkie's pain. I'm so grateful they are right next to me. The doctor was spot on with his diagnosis and within a few days, like he said, my dog is getting better on meds. I am blessed to have gone there in the middle of the night and how they took care of us. This is also not my first time and both of my experiences have been amazing. Even the next day I called, Molly picked up the phone, answered my questions and calmed me down from crying. Just love this team. End of review. I want to hear their review of her. Well, guess what? They did respond. No. Yes. Morgan, the owner, responded. Hi, Rita. Thank you very much for taking the time to write

this review. I'm glad to hear you had such a good experience, but sorry about your own illness while here. I'm so happy you felt we took good care of not only your pet, but yourself. Wonderful update to know both your Yorkie and you are feeling better. If you should need us further, please don't hesitate to call. All our very best, True Care. Isn't that so cute? They literally are like, I'm glad we could take care of your fainting. I'm sorry, Alexander.

Almost fainting. Almost fainting. I do love that the health condition is almost fainting. Yes. Which I don't know what that is. I do love that the health condition is almost fainting. Yes. Oh, that's not wonderful. Which I don't know what that is. I don't know, but apparently she needed help. I don't know if that's in, like, the diagnostic handbook, that that's actually...

You mean Grey's Anatomy? Right, yes. I don't know if it's in Grey's Anatomy. The show. Oh, the show. I don't know about that book. I do know that it is in the show, yes. Oh, good.

You're right. I love Grey's Anatomy. Okay. Almost fainting i like how when i when you read morgan's response and he said i'm so glad you felt better i really for a millisecond i said i'm so glad you fell and i was like oh my i'm so glad you fell so we could also bill you for your procedure and it's also because they wanted to end up on beach too sandy water Wet, a podcast where you read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. So that's why they're thanking them.

What a capital A agenda. Yep. Okay, well, Alexander so graciously let me read this review. This is from Ashley, sent in by Ashley. And Ashley was literally scrolling through reviews for a new vet when they came across this. That's amazing. Which is incredible.

Because we're not that lucky. And I tried so freaking hard. Yeah. And I still couldn't find one. And you're just like, oh, let me look at my local vet. Oh, there we go. It's magical. Happens to match. Oh, thank you so much.

Oh, this is, it looks like it's on a Facebook review, which I never have. There it is. I don't have an easy time going through those. I don't think you can search them easily. That's why. Okay. Oh, my. This one, unfortunately, is a one star, unlike Rita's.

This is by Jess. Two years ago of the Broward Avian and Exotic Animal Hospital. One star. One word. Useless. Unprofessional. If you want to be treated for something, skip this joke of a clinic. They deserve zero stars.

The doctor refused to treat my grandma for a chest cold because she was almost 88 years old. And not a Yorkie. No, that's my own addition. Told her to go to the ER. To the ER for a simple cold and cough? What a kind of clinic is this? Shameful. I'm like, what kind of clinic?

What kind of clinic? It's for animals. Now, here's the thing. Tell me the thing. We're at an exotic animal hospital. I mean, humans could be considered the most exotic of animals. You know what? To be fair.

I bet Jess's grandma is a quite exotic animal. It sounds like it. you know what to be fair i bet jess's grandma is a quite exotic it sounds like it uh i will say that uh thank you uh to ashley for sending this in however i am slightly disappointed because the photo does show that there are four comments on this review and the screenshot did not encapture those comments so i'm going to really quickly in capture is that encapsulate nope i don't know um let's find it oh my god going on a little adventure real quick let me find it sorry jess oh my god someone brings their prairie dogs there and their ferret this is wild oh my do you find it? Well, I found another review that the same person left. Oh my God.

This is like quite weird. All this one says is about two years ago. The, all the original one says it's about two years ago. This one here says Jess's review was from July, 2017. And it was a four star review that says it's nice to have a hospital where you can bring exotic animals what and then she brought her grandma not that exotic animal so bizarre this is so oh my god this person started commenting on everybody else's reviews here's one i love ferrets i have nine right now what the hell

oh my god that's a lot of ferrets who's this a different is that the same person it's the same facebook it has the nine ferrets yes are we sure that grandma's not the name of the ferret oh my god maybe wait a second well it says my grandma but you know they could say oh it's like i would say oh it would be very confusing but also you wouldn't say bring him to the er like do you think do you think ferrets live to be 88 years old wait good foot wait hold on that's a good point i mean what do i know about ferrets, I guess? Oh my god, I've been bringing my brown lemur for the past eight years. This is bizarre.

This is bizarre. This is like a, but that original review isn't there anymore. Well, they probably deleted it when they realized they're an idiot. Maybe they updated it. Oh, that could be. To a four star. And they wanted to be clear that they know now that it's for exotic animals. And they said it's so nice that you can bring exotic animals here.

That's probably what happened. That's actually kind of sweet. I don't know why they gave it four instead of five, but. Because they're still stung from their embarrassment. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Well, Jess. I mean, their profile pic is definitely of a ferret.

So, we can confirm that much much we're getting deep into this I am very baffled about the the original review is still fucking amazing one word useless unprofessional they refused to treat my grandma for a chest goal what kind of clinic is this? See, now they had to really specify. That's not a ferret in the profile picture.

It's a rat. Oh, dear. How am I supposed to know? Because I went to their profile, and it says Leilani and Kaniki, the best rats we ever had. They died a couple years ago. Oh, no.

Yeah, that's so sad. Grandma died. She was only 88 years old. Okay, I'm done. I'm over it. Me too. Thank you for your review, Jess. And thank you to Ashley and Stephanie for sending in those reviews.

And thank you to everyone who sent in veterinarian reviews or even just tricked us to tell your own story. No, some people did give their own stories. I haven't read all of them, but I will read them. Those of you who worked at veterinarian offices or are veterinarians yourselves who wrote in to give some of your own experience. We'll read them on Veterinarian's Day. That's a stupid joke. I'm so sorry. I need to get out of here.

Let's get out of here then. Okay. All right. So you need to give me our theme for next week oh i do don't i yes well i think i'm going to use the jar again i had a theme prepared and then i lost it because i didn't save my document so i'm going to use a jar but i want to say real quick we did find out who the jar is from and i remember now um it's from kelly nurse kelly thank you nurse kelly she's a gem and she and her boyfriend apparently a few hours before the, and that's why I drink show,

made a bunch of these and put them in jars for us. And she actually wrote a letter that I remember now reading that was really kind and I kept it. It was really sweet. Uh, and she also helped me back in the day by writing a whole full set of notes, um, for me. So I didn't have to. No.

Yeah. It was really, when I was going through wedding planning. That's incredible. I know. So she's great. so now she's like helping me here yes and me i don't know what i did to deserve it but thank you she and her boyfriend so thank you to them um let me see where's the so kelly sorry that i forgot to uh put the two and two together um okay oh she said that uh she and her boyfriend james like to make up ideas while they're doing chores for like themes and that's so cute i wish i had the like forethought to do because then i always sit down and i'm like oh i haven't prepared that yeah sometimes i come up with it as we do the episode me too but now we don't need to because kelly and james came through this is a lot okay oh my god okay this is fitting for my recent activities tell us ghost tours in new orleans louisiana that is beyond perfect i went on a

ghost tour in new orleans in february and i read so many of those reviews because I was looking for like the best one and there are so many ghost tours. Awesome. Probably the city with the most. That's perfect. Oh my god. Okay. That's actually really funny. Kelly James, I'm sorry I'm gonna say this, but I was sitting here nervous like, oh, is this gonna be a city we already did? Is this something that like we're gonna have to switch up no wow this is perfect thank you okay good the best part about this so i have this candle in front of me that says um well mine says water too wet hers says beach too sandy and it smells so good it smells so good so all the little papers still smell nice i'm shaking up the little papers. Smelling. Do a little whiff. Yep, whiff and then pull out my challenge.

A little whifferoo. Okay. Your challenge for next week. Find a review of a mortician who the reviewer claims lost a body. Oh my. This is going to be a morbid episode. A morbid episode. This is going to be like an early Halloween episode.

I love it. Okay. Wait, it's literally like true crime and ghosts. Yes. It's almost as if... Kelly, I see what you're... It's almost as if she's heard the other show. Yeah.

That's so weird. Or has interests that relate to that other show. But that's perfect. Thank you, guys. That's going to be a fun one. That's going to be a fun one. Okay, so... Mortician.

Lost a body. Lost a body. That's fun fun. Okay, so Mortician. Lost a body. Lost a body. That's fun. This is going to be fun. Ghost tours in New Orleans, Louisiana and Morticians losing bodies. So tune in next week for our Morbid episode. The only show that we're doing left is in

New Orleans this year. Oh, in September. So go buy tickets. I'm not cutting that shit out. Okay, cool. Thank you everyone for listening. Thank you guys. This was fun and we'll see you next week. See you next week. Bye.