Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 272: Reviews of Reality Dating Shows

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

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Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. You start, because I'm in a bad mood. Hello, and welcome to Beach Juice Andy Water 2,

a podcast where we read the words for views in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandy. I'm Christine. And we are recording a very exciting episode for you today, for Valentine's's day of all things yeah okay this was a pure chance suddenly i'm in a better mood i didn't realize how perfect this was this theme until you mentioned it came out on valentine's day and i'm very excited about it um and i'm not in a bad mood folks i mean i am for separate reasons about just people being little creepy little children like just children children are putting me in a bad mood not mine other people's so anyway i am back in a good mood now and i'm very excited because we're doing reviews of reality

dating shows i'm yeah this is such a good theme this is it's it's wild um and but first if you if you are looking for a very belated uh valentine's day gift for your valentine there's we have an exciting winter sale that's right and it's the most romantic sibling uh merch sale you could ever discover on the internet truly truly uh You can get a beanie. That's a great gift. That's really sexy. Yep. You can get our Beast Husani hoodie.

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Yes. Reality dating show. This was one of the wildest. This was one of the first times in a long time that I was laughing out loud so much that I woke Blaze up from his slumber. It's one of those where like even the most obnoxious of reviewers had some good points. Right. Like, I mean, how could you not? Because it's a shitty thing. of reviewers had some good points right like i mean how could you not such a reality dating

shows are so bad but that's why they're so good that's the whole point but then it's people who aren't self-aware enough to be like i don't get it yeah they think they take it they're the ones who take it too seriously are the ones who are neg anyway you'll you'll hear you'll hear about it um what am i even doing who wants to go first? I'll go ahead. Cool. I've got one of my favorites, The Bachelorette. Classic. You know, if I need to explain it to you,

it's one woman dating 20-some men at the same time. It's basically like non-ethical,-monogamy yeah over time they're eliminated the contestants are eliminated by whether or not they get a rose and then at the end the final rose is given and potentially there's a proposal yada yada yada yeah and it was a spinoff of the bachelor and then now there's a spinoff called Bachelor in Paradise where they bring all sorts of Bachelor contestants from both shows. My personal favorite. Same.

Yeah. And put them on a beach. And you never know who's coming. And then they like throw new characters in and you're like, oh my God. The drama. You're like, Ashley, I and her fucking eyelashes are back at it again. Here she comes. Yeah.

And they're like, they're like on the beach in a relationship, like a relationship that has been lasting for 24 hours right but it feels very real from our perspective yeah and then they act like they've been together forever and they're like um it gets and they're like oh and they tell the producers ahead of time who they're waiting for who they want to come down and so the moment they're at this point of like oh i found somebody else they bring that person that they've been waiting to throw in drama yeah it's the most dramatic psychological manipulation for our entertainment and you kind of just go with it because you know that they signed up for it

so you feel like criticize the care the contestant so much and then at the end of the day you're like well wait the producers have yeah it's the best this all happen. And then it starts all over again. It's okay. Anyway, here's a review of The Bachelor. Anyway, if any of you haven't heard about reality TV, that's what it is. And then there's a spin-off, The Golden Bachelor. Which I still haven't seen. I recommend it.

I made a new friend recently who was like, oh, that's my favorite show. And I was like, okay, now I really got to watch it to be with all the cool kids. I really got to do it, finally with all the cool kids. I really got to do it finally. I had very strong feelings about it. And then I had to like a week after the show, like after all my, I was like, I need to calm down. Like these are real people. You sound like some of the reviewers I have, to be honest.

It's pretty bad. But that was of all of them, that was the most wholesome. And like there were a lot of cute moments and really funny too. I want to watch a wholesome reality show. That's like very rare to find. That one was one of the most wholesome ones like there are a lot of cute moments and really funny too i want to watch a wholesome reality show that's like very rare to find that one was one of the most wholesome ones i've ever seen uh anyway here is a review of uh the bachelorette um this was written in 2019 if if that matters i don't know who the bachelorette was at this point i certainly don't it was oh i already looked this oh. Oh, it's Hannah Brown, which...

Yeah, anyway, here we go. Good fun fact. Hannah Brown, she's like one of the biggest, most famous contestants ever. Never mind. Okay, I'm going to move on. This is titled Stupidest Bull Ever. It's enough to say that Howard the Duck got better reviews than this to tell you it's stupid. But if you're not convinced, keep reading.

The Bachelorette is about a hot girl dating a bunch of pothead studs and hopefully finding the love of her life. Each week, one of 25 guys is eliminated. This goes on until one is left. Let's start with the obvious. What idiot thinks that they are going to find the love of their life on a reality TV show? None of these relationships ever work out anyways. Side note, not true. The odds aren't good, but technically not true. My entire family watches this show except for me. They simply don't understand that it is low to zero quality TV created entirely for money.

This is simply the stupidest show ever because every chick that goes on there is probably a supermodel in disguise and every guy falls into the same category. Jock. Do not watch this show. It is a waste of time if you any of you reading this for some reason has an atomic bomb do the world a favor and blow up wherever the heck these people are filming end of review whoa okay i mean at first i was gonna say this guy's really insecure like i think it's oh i think this is a high schooler if they're using like pothead studs and jocks like he's like projecting hardcore being like oh well she's

probably just a supermodel that people like normal people like me could never get anyway let's kill them all jesus let's nuke them what the fuck have you seen oppenheimer i have it but i think that's kind of what it's about to you know not do that i think this is like if this review is like bachelor oppenheimer, Barbie crossover. Yes. Oh my God. You're right.

Sandy bachelor. I know. Oh, wow. They predicted it in 2019. Who? No, Saddam is.

Oh, bachelor. Oh, fact. No, Saddam is did predict. Well, he was the original bachelor.

So I would, I would imagine a lot of sway in the franchise, you know, that's how you got to start. You didn't know that. I did not. Oh, okay. sway in the franchise, you know? That's how he got his start. You didn't know that? I did not. Oh, okay.

But so I'm glad you started with a classic one because I started with one that I feel like is more niche, but for, this is a rare occurrence where I know it really well because I- So it's not actually niche? You just think it's niche? Maybe it's not, but it's not like as generic as like The Bachelorette, but it's called Are You The One? Oh my God. I love Are You The One. So I only know about it.

I had a very brief but intense relationship with the show because I was eight and a half months pregnant and Em visited. And then I started having like Braxton Hicks contractions. And so Em literally canceled their flight and was like, I'm staying several more days to wait for this baby. Spoiler alert. Oh, I remember that. Em had to leave and the baby came weeks later.

But anyway, Em sat there Googling how to get a baby to be born. And I was like, please, trust me, I've Googled all of those already. And I promise you, I've tried them all. But anyway, so we were like, well, what do we watch? So we binge. Are you the one? And we watched like the entire fucking series up to whatever, 2021. And we got all excited because.

OK, so let me just give for people who don't know about it. It's are you the one often abbreviated as a toe, which I was like, I guess. OK, it is. OK, isn't it? guess. Okay. It is. Okay. Sure. Whatever you say. Is an American reality TV series featuring a group of men and women that are secretly paired into couples via a matchmaking algorithm.

And then, of course, the way they say it is like, we have the most sophisticated, like psychological algorithm to figure out whose soulmate is who. It feels like matchmakers. It feels like dystopian. Yeah. Like these different matchmakers like ask them a million questions weird like and then they like run a formula quote-unquote and figure out like who's supposed to be matched their perfect matches yeah and so while living together

basically like on an island i guess uh the contestants try to identify their perfect match and if they succeed the entire group shares a prize of up to one million dollars all couples in the first seven seasons were male female very heteronormative but then in the season eight yeah in the eighth season a contestant's match could be someone of any gender and it yeah it got very just a bunch of bisexual and like that's how em and i watched it so fast is because we got we were we knew that was season eight so we were like let's fucking just blow through this whole show till i think d and i skipped ahead yeah we were like dedicated um and this season season eight actually received a glad media award for outstanding reality program in 2020 um so that is well deserved yeah so minimo iimo To sent a one-star review of season eight,

which it appears, Minimo To, correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears that you have marked this unhelpful because it says, thank you for your feedback, and there's a red thumbs down. I love that. Not to call you out, but okay. Hey, that's hero's work. I guess so. I do that too when I find certain reviews. but okay. Hey, that's hero's work. I guess so.

I do that too when I find certain reviews. And I feel so powerful. I'm like, this is the dumbest thing. I've made zero difference in the world, but I feel like I've done something, you know? Maybe I need to hear the review first. Okay. Because before I say how heroic this thing was, yeah. This movement Minamoto started.

This movement Minamoto started. So this is a one-star review by Grayson of season eight, the gender go wild season of Are You the One? One star by Grayson. I personally prefer homophobia to this kind of representation. End of review. Okay, I feel bad that I even waited to listen to that. That is awful. It's a joke, I feel bad that I even waited to listen to that. That is awful.

It's a joke, I think. I think it's a queer person saying, can we just go back to being homophobic? This is a shitty television series. They're saying, I think- I see. They're saying like, this is the representation we want. Our GLAAD award-winning representation on television.

I prefer just going back to good old homophobia, which I don't, obviously I don't agree with. And I don't think they were saying, I think my, my take is that was a bit tongue in cheek, but what I will say about this season, it was one of the least toxic relationship seasons of reality TV.

I've ever seen. And goes, this is so fucking boring. Yeah. Yeah. No, I could see that. Openly queer, non-binary was like, I missed the seven seasons where they were all just so deeply unhinged and psychologically troubled.

And I was like, you know what? You have a point. So maybe that's what they're saying. Maybe they're saying, I prefer going back to the straight. Bring back the drama. Yeah. Toxic version of this show. I don't know,

but you know, representation is good. So yeah. What can I say? I think for people like people who enjoy the toxic bullshit, which I guilty of enjoying everyone watching reality television. Right. But it was,

I thought it was like really refreshing though. That's kind of how I felt about golden bachelor. I was like, it wasn't as much producer influence, at least obvious producer influence. And there are a lot more wholesome moments. And I feel like with Are You The One season eight, it was like people actually talked and communicated and resolved issues. Not everybody.

Not everyone was great at that. But like there was growth and you saw these people connect. And I was like, this is actually weird. I mean, to be honest, if you're looking for like, just a trashy, you know, uh, reality thing. And that comes on,

I can see why you'd be like, Hmm, I just want to watch something like, like really plastic and fake and toxic, you know? Yeah. No, I don't blame,

I don't blame those people. That's true. But, um, yeah, that was one of my favorite seasons of reality TV. It was so fun. It was good.

I enjoyed it. I am actually going to read my own review of Are You The One? Oh, I was like your own reality series? Okay. I did not write this, but this is a one-star review. Really god-awful. So, so bad. Bunch of dumb American youth representing the country in the worst possible way.

You'd be more productive watching your yard grow. End of review. Okay. So this person, and that was about Are You The One, right? Yes. Okay, so now i'm conflicted because they are saying wow i don't want straight people represented this way and i'm like but if they were watching season eight they'd be like yeah like i don't want a homophobic person to be like oh yeah

look at all these i don't know i'm american youth no yeah i i think that uh i don't think i don't think it's that deep it's not i think i think it's like, well, the people that are on this fucking show are ridiculous. And that's very true for many of the people on this fucking show. It's just an exhausting argument because duh. And it's not like they were brought there by the president, by the, and some sort of, like, it's not like they're representing the country actually in any way. Like, it's so ridiculous to be like. I saw a few senators like in the okay i guess i must have misunderstood yeah the oh the senator season that's right season seven was just all senators weirdly the least toxic of all of

there's no way that's true that one was actually taken off the air uh it wasn't allowed to be played by the ftc it was like for national security purposes um but you know it's not like they're actually representing the usa in any way shape okay but if you think about it a show like fucking love island like yeah that's a uk like oh that does actually represent juggernaut right you're right you're right never mind maybe i mean it sort of represents like our media it's like wow you know look how vapid americans are and i'm like yeah yeah i don't know i mean but you could say that about like anything i know i know it's sure the kardashians like they're not wrong it's just like duh and also there's nothing we can do about it

and it's gonna be like that forever sorry yeah believe it or not, this country is a very diverse country with all sorts of people. And there's a lot of idiots out there. A couple of us right here talking. Where? We exist. Oh, that was me and myself. Sorry. Oh, okay.

Phew. Made me nervous. Okay. So I have a review speaking of Love Island, UK. Nice. And this is a review also sent in by Minamoto, and it's a one-star review by Kayla. And I'm going to change their last name because it comes into play.

Ooh. This show is the most disgraceful show I have watched in my 15 years of living. You guys. Isn't it bad it took me a while to be like, how old does that make me? I was waiting for you to have a moment. It took me a little bit to be like, oh, they're 15. I see. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. It took me a little bit to be like, oh, they're 15. I see. Yeah. This show is the most disgraceful show I have watched in my 15 years of living. You guys have definitely found a way to change the voting because how is it even possible that you gave the win to a guy that kisses every girl he lays his eyes on? Whitney and Lochen should have won. Whitney and Lochan should have won, but clearly you guys are just salty that the public's favorite was a black woman,

so you had to rig the votes to make it seem like Sammy and Jess won. This is a clear form of racism, which I will not stand and tolerate. If you don't recount your votes and see that Whitney and Lochan won, I will gladly do it for you, since you clearly did pay attention in math's class.

What? That doesn't make sense. I will gladly do it for you since you clearly did pay attention in math's class. I will make sure you guys never produce another season again if you don't change the results immediately. Yours sincerely, Kayla Natalie Miller. End of review. Oh my gosh. I'm a little nervous. I am wondering

if she's friends with the guy who has an atomic bomb or who is seeking an atomic bomb. Oh no. If they join forces, I'm incredibly nervous. Oh no. These youths. These youths? I'm like, violence isn't the answer. Come on. Holy shit, though.

They dropped a bombshell that I, oh, speaking of. Watch it out, thinner. That I'm like sitting here like, I can't refute any of this because I have no idea what the hell is going on. Oh, I have no idea what's going on. But I just love. I will say, I feel like racism in reality TV goes hand in hand a majority of the time. That's part of the fun.

No, I'm kidding. I say that with like full dead eyes. But no, it's definitely like not surprising. Let's put it that way. But I also, I think I chose this review not because I really understand what's happening as you all missed, but we cut out a big chunk of me

trying to figure out how to say this man's name. And I still don't know if I said it right. Lochin is what I think. Lochin. Whatever. So essentially, I picked this review because she claims she will make sure they never produce a season. Have they made another season? Well, this was written five months ago. And I feel like from what I've heard from my British friends, like four episodes come out every day of this show,

every day of the year. Are they going to say there was some sort of bomb threat? I mean, honestly, probably. I don't think they would ever stop filming. As far as I can tell, they film every minute of every day and they'd never stop.

Apparently, if you want to get into Love Island UK, it's like a seven day a week commitment. For like how long? I think just for a season like however long that sure okay okay I think but from what I heard I remember somebody saying they were trying to like keep up with their friends in the UK and they were like I wouldn't need to have changed every single day my plans I mean I don't I yeah I feel like I've just watched a season on like a streaming service

probably years after it came out but I don't remember all that, like it being that involved. And like, maybe I have the wrong info intel, but from what I heard, it was like many episodes a week. So you had to be really dedicated and like not fall behind. There's fucking like Big Brother that I think is literally 24 seven. Yes. I mean, that's like, you can, I don't know if they still can. I assume when they have new, I assume they have, I don't know. But I, we tried watching season one of Big Brother.

No, you're not supposed to do that. The most boring fucking season of anything I've ever watched. There's entire like grids on how to watch it. We discovered that like halfway through Big Brother season one. I think for the time and like for what it was, it was probably fucking awesome to be a part of this, like watching it when it was first coming out. So I feel like it was a very revolutionary idea at the time. Right. And I love hearing about all the like stuff that came out of it. I mean,

you see the clips of when, um, when I think it was nine 11 or I think they had, was it nine 11? That wasn't that long ago that they were doing big brother or some like major world event like that. Maybe it wasn't that they had like a Brother? Probably. There was some major world event like that. Maybe it wasn't that. They had like a, I know for COVID, they had to tell everyone about COVID. Was it the bombing of the Bachelorette Mansion? It might have been that. But I remember there's a clips of them finding out about COVID.

Oh, God. And they're like quarantined. That's actually kind of a cool social experiment. Like somebody's never heard of it and has to be. And they're like, oh, what do you mean? So like places are just like giving out shots. Oh, no, some people don't to be and they're like oh what do you mean so like places are just like giving out shots oh no some people don't believe in the shots wait what do you mean you know it must be yeah yeah yeah quite a quite a weird moment and i i want to point out real quick because i didn't want to say it incorrectly here um just to give

you an idea so uh for example season 10 of the uh the lovely show you love island um it premiered june 5th 2023 and ended july 31st 2023 so that was about like um like almost two months like but they like released an episode a day and they released 49 episodes oh my god yeah okay so yeah it sounds like like daily basically holy shit because i i was like trying to do the math yeah so a several only like six seven weeks probably seven weeks 49 episodes that makes an episode a day like that's how much you have to commit to this you know and it's crazy yeah it is crazy it's a the fucking chokehold that show must have they're able if they're able to do that they are it's crazy still get well and the first season had uh 29 uh episodes over the same span

so they've clearly you know they're working on doubling the number of episodes that come out that's that's pretty impressive that's pretty impressive yeah uh My next one is a review of Bachelor in Paradise. Love it. Entitled Lowlifes in Island Kennel. This show would be less depressing if it was about animals in heat on some critter ranch in Hawaii. Ew. Savage beasts born without any moral values, ignorant of human virtues, just looking to hook up with anything, man or woman, and hoping that a big bank account will be part of the reward. It would be nice if these shows would include important social life statistics, such as how many of these characters have STDs before the show,

how many of these characters have them after they are on the show, what is the cost of penicillin during filming. Same thing for frequent flyer cards at the Planned Parenthood clinic. The tenth one is free! End of review. Jesus. It got very shamey very fast. For real.

Like just because you can't get any. It's not our fucking problem. Here's the thing with like bachelor and parenthood. Yeah, people hook up, but like it's honestly not that like calm. And it's not like they're hooking up with it. I don't know. From what I've seen, I'm like, it's not even that crazy. And like the whole point is that they're all just making out on an island and like getting

their feelings hurt and getting wasted super fucking attractive yeah and they're on the beach so they're always in there like without clothes on practically i mean that's probably why this person's giving so much alcohol some people just get very upset about that kind of thing yeah i don't like about the so weird sanctity of uh and i'm like you've already kind of nailed it like we're just a bunch of dumb ass animals yeah like if you you know when you boil it down we're all just a bunch of dumb ass animals who are looking for money like yeah that sounds about right and i'm sure a lot of those people if they were able to be in a similar position wouldn wouldn't act too different. Yeah, agreed.

But they would never be in those positions. That's when you know this guy was an immediate, it's a no for me dog from the producers of, and then he went home and just got really mad. What a reality TV reference that was. He's a reality TV reject. Yeah, well, I wanted to give like a... I haven't heard that phrase i've been thinking about american idol a lot for some and i haven't probably watched it since 2009

but i've been thinking about american idol a lot i don't know why i've brought back very good memories so i'm very glad you said that oh i'm so happy to hear me of like being in maryland and we watched uh i want to say that was when Ruben Stuttered won. I was rooting for Ruben Stuttered. God, what a day. When he won, that was one of the brightest moments of my life. Didn't he beat Clay Aiken? Yes.

So yeah, I was rooting for Ruben. He's become one of the most successful. I feel like we talked about this. We literally have had this conversation. I'm sorry. But yeah, he's like one of the most successful post-American Idol contestants. But I just wasn't aware of his music

because it's mostly gospel. Right. Or maybe exclusively gospel, but he's very successful in gospel music. I love that. I quoted Randy Jackson. We said, wow, we haven't heard that in a decade. But then we say Ruben Stoddard.

And we're like, oh, we talk about him all the time. Why do we talk about Ruben Stoddard so much? It's like so odd. That's pretty weird. The dichotomy of that. OK. So the next one I have I'm very excited about because I did not know about this show. All right.

And I have a very exciting update about it that is very timely. So this is from Abby. And it's a review of a show called Farmer Wants a Wife. Have you heard of this? It sounds familiar, but I don't think I. Yeah, not to be confused with Farmers Only, which may have been a sponsor. I'm very if they had any brains, business brains at all. But Farmer Wants a Wife. And here's the synopsis.

Ten city women compete for the attentions of a charming farmer. And, uh, this was original, which by the way, reminds me of that episode or that season of the bachelor, uh, where what's his face that they had to move to a farm. If, if they won with the opera singer. Anyway, it's one of the only scenes I've watched in recent. I probably should know it was a really good one um but so people are screaming bachelor fans it's fine you guys

know what i mean so this surprisingly to me which makes me maybe ignorant this was originally a uk show a farmer wants a wife which to me it strikes me as very much a U.S. aesthetic. But no, it was a U.K. show. And then in 2008, there was one U.S. season and then it was canceled. But... But do you have an update? Update. Fox has announced that season two of the U.S. version will air on Thursdays at 9, 8 central starting on February 1st, 2024. That's today. That's today.

That's today. As we were recording this. Sorry, you guys are all late. You better go catch up. Thanks to our new sponsor. Farmer wants a wife. Sponsored by farmers. Premiering today.

That's amazing. Wait, I got to watch that. Can we just watch it? Can we watch it as a podcast group? That would be fun. Podcast listenership. Can we all watch it? Can we watch it as a podcast group? That would be fun. Podcast listenership. Can we all watch it? How do we do that?

What is Fox? Is Fox on? Is that a Patreon perk we can promise? Oh my God, we'll do like watches together. That sounds fun, but I don't know how to do that. What is Fox's streaming service? The Yelp reviewer? Oh.

Fox. Okay, they have their own own i'm not buying that um hulu i think i think it might be on hulu we'll find it but okay i feel like hulu has nbc stuff don't they no that's peacock that's that is peacock hulu has all hulu has abc because they have the bachelor and stuff i thought disney has abc because he also has abc okay it's so convoluted i hate the streaming service find it eventually maybe it's on right now unless one of them wants to sponsor us then i'll tell you that i love oh yeah yeah we love that one the most insert name uh uh you're at here no i don't i don't know fox sponsor i i don't have youtube tv anymore it's too expensive we'll figure it out maybe it's on newsmax tv which is that ultra conservative like uh like too

conservative for fox news you know maybe that's really what i that's where i want to watch it if it's not on there i'm not or what's the other one one america yikes okay christina i don't know these i just googled them because i was like i know i know of one one america that's the one i know um because i watch it every day no okay so farmer wants a wife right so they had this so we're starting season two today and alexander and i are watching it exciting yeah alexander you tell your stream when you stream today because oh yeah y'all need to be aware of what's going on. Will do. This is a one-star review, and this is the one I laughed out loud and woke Blaze up.

And then I said, it's worth it, babe, listen. And I read it, and he said, can I put my iMask back on and go to sleep? And I said, sure, sure. Is this of the UK show or the US show? It's unclear because this was written two months ago. So I don't know if like Nolene heard that season two was coming out and then like went and watched season one of the UK show or the US show? So it's unclear because this was written two months ago. So I don't know if like Nolene heard that season two was coming out and then like went and watched season one of the US version. But her name is Nolene and it looks like she's in the US.

So- Nolene, Nolene. Trust me, you need to remember her name's Nolene. It's just, just picture someone- I will never forget that. Yeah, me neither. It's like Shrenda. Some names just stick, you know?

And Dorcas. And Dorcas. How could I forget? I see Dorcas everywhere now. People talk about their like old relatives, like even not related to the podcast. It's the funniest thing. Like I bet you babycenter.org next year will be like top rising names in the United States for babies.

And it'll be like Horus and Shrenda and Dorcas. I don't know. I love that. Is it Horus, like H-O-R-U-S, like the Egyptian god or something? No, A-C-E, obviously. Or maybe it'll be like H-O... I'm trying to think of how people spell names now that are not the right way. You know what I mean?

Like they'll come up with some very uh creative spelling i don't hear you oh i was muted oh h wait can you do that again it was actually really peaceful for me you just move in my mouth yeah no i i've been doing that occasionally because now i live somewhere that it's it's busy outside because oh so you're in new york it's our first episode like a real episode of in your apartment literally as i'm everyone's honking right now yeah only timing is terrible for what it's worth i can't hear it but um okay well then it might not be an issue but i'm like very paranoid of that a few weeks ago so okay okay we'll find out but anyway sorry what i was spelling horus spelled h-e-a-U-X-R-I-S-E. Oh, no, no, no.

H-O-R-E-A-U-X. Like horror. Oh, wait, no. That doesn't make sense. H-E-A-U-R-X. H-E-A-U-X. Ho. This is my son, Ho. But it's not spelled like you think.

Don't worry. It's spelled different. Don't worry. It's not spelled like you think. Don't worry. It's spelled different. Don't worry. It's not spelled like you think. Okay. This is a review of Farmer Wants a Wife by Nolene, and she gave it one- Yes. What?

Yes, sorry. I'm remembering. And she gave it one star. I really like this show, and OMG Will is so damn sexy. If I was a young'un, I'd be right in there. Love his dimples, and they are is so damn sexy. If I was a youngin', I'd be right in there. Love his dimples, and they are all so funny. If you go into a show like this,

I think one of first things is they should have to all kiss Farmer first up. If you don't have a great kiss between each other, how do you proceed? A kiss is the beginning of everything. End of review. Wow. Nolene has some wisdom to share, but one star, but one star,

even though she really likes the show, but I, I think that was a mistake. It's part of the charm. She's very, she seems older as she mentioned, if I was a young and you know, and only people who, who sincerely say the word young and are actually very old so there's something weirdly adorable thinking about like older people watching the bachelor and bachelorette and stuff like i don't know something and just thinking oh in my day i would have loved to be part of this yeah yeah but i feel like they'd probably get annoyed at some of the toxic stuff like it probably gets really annoying especially i don't know i get annoyed at some of the contestants and I'm like, they're so young and annoying. And I'm like, I'm 30.

I'm not even that old. Nolene literally wants them to make out more. Like Nolene has no problems with any of the imagery. Because when they do that, they're not talking. It's great. Oh, true. Yeah. She wants them to just smooch right off the bat.

If it's an, if it's a, what do you call it when you do that fish thing a dead fish or that like hand grip what you know at the carnival you know what you know when you go down to the big top and they have that game where you put your hand on the metal thing and squeeze yeah it's like your grip test yeah and it the bottom one is like dead fish i think oh yeah so i'm like if your kiss your kiss that was that was a really direct weird route with that one so is that an allegory is that what that is um that was allegorical for sure for sure so if it's a dead fish level kiss you're out immediately you don't get another chance because if you can't begin everything with the farmer right there, then what's there to end or begin?

Amen. Amen. Ruben stuttered. Would you like to sing a song about Nolene's views on love? Because they seem like they could use a choir. Oh, man. Well, I'm excited. I'm glad Nolene wrote that recently.

And I really hope Nolene is ready for tonight. Honestly, somewhere out there, Nolene. I hope Nolene's so happy. Her ears are ringing. She's like, man, I feel the excitement in the air. Yeah, yeah. That's so cute. This episode is brought to you by Secret.

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unlimited debit transactions in Canada, Avion points on debit purchases, and so, so much more. Okay. Okay. My next one is of The Ultimatum queer love did you watch that i have not but i have heard of it uh i'd recommend it i'd say it was more toxic than the are you the one thing okay but i think uh it was great that it was like a queer season um definitely very messy at times uh basically the premise is they have um couples of women and non-binary people and over eight weeks uh they like basically test their relationship and you go in with an ultimatum which i think is already toxic so like that's the thing is already bad but basically one of them wants to be engaged and if i'm remembering correctly that's the thing is already bad. But basically one of them wants to be engaged.

And if I'm remembering correctly, that's true for everyone. One of them wants to be engaged, is ready. And the other one isn't ready. So they're like, let's take these eight weeks. Oh, so they're a pre-existing couple. Yes. Okay, gotcha. Multiple pre-existing couples.

But then they match them up. They know they match them up with other people from the other couples. Oh shit. They like pick up. Oh, that is messy. And they, and they go like back home with them and live with them for like a time. I don't remember. So it says eight weeks.

I don't remember the exact weeks of how many weeks they spent together, how many weeks apart, how many weeks, whatever. But then they all come back and then they have like really awkward like meetings. And like people basically find out like a lot of the times was like that they're either not compatible or that one of the people was like really not in it for the right reasons. Or like one of them was just being not a good partner to the other. And so they like all kind of like learn from each other's relationships. I'm giving it way too much credit. It is. No, it is messy and it is really toxic. Uh,

but it was weirdly fun. Okay. Ultimatum. So queer love the ultimatum queer love. Gotcha. Here's a one star review. What's missing from the housewives series. Cunnilingus. What a piece of trash TV. This is not the representation for which

we fought so hard over the last 50 years. Netflix must do something to put an end to the writers and actors strike once and for all because it is obvious that these series of reality TV isn't working or delivering on the quality of programming for which Netflix is known. For example, and in what many therapists will call a textbook example of projection, one can see that the visceral hate reaction to Vanessa is because of character similarities, which is what attracts Ray to her in the first place. The primordial difference, Vanessa doesn't hide herself behind the facade of a classy, sophisticated Victorian young lady. On a different subject, you want to tell me that after all the money and time spent, this experiment result is 80% failure? And that is if Ozzy

finally gets out of Ozzy's head, gets professional support needed, and do something with life instead of panicking and running away at the slightest sign of a confrontation. In all honesty, the only one that succeeded in walking away from that entire toxic fiasco with some sense of respect, growth, and unharmed is Xander. It was a waste of time and money. It's the kind of show that made me consider canceling my subscription. End of review. Whoa. So I love how this person was just like, oh, this trash TV. Here's all of my thoughts about every single thing. I thought like, oh, it's going to end at the beginning of like,

oh man, this is the representation we get. Turn off the TV. Nope. They're like, turn up the volume. I'm going to embrace this thing that I hate. I guess some people are that way, where they just can't stand something and then they delve into it to such a point that they can explain to everyone else how much they hate it.

I don't know. It feels like a lot of like they said a lot of wasted energy. That's kind of what I talk about projecting. I feel like go watch something else. I don't know. Yeah. Just move on. You don't have to watch every episode.

And clearly this person watched every episode. I mean to psychoanalyze the different people on the show is pretty wild. Also, but that goes back to that first review I read of like, can we just go back to homophobia? Why did we work 50 years for this kind of a... No, and obviously that's very tongue-in-cheek. But wow, wow. I mean, listen, I was on their side like, yeah, you know, it does feel kind of,

and then they went way overboard and I thought, nevermind. You clearly love the show. You just are insecure about it. I mean, they literally were talking about like therapizing. They were like literally therapizing these people as if they know anything about what's going on. Well, maybe I'll skip to a review I have later. Yeah. Okay. about what's going on well um maybe i'll skip to a review i have later yeah okay yeah so it's i i will say i'm not gonna go into it but some points that this reviewer makes i vehemently disagree with about the show and i'm not gonna go into that right okay please but this is one of those shows where at the end you're like you have thoughts uh yeah

d and i had thoughts and then we were like looking up every little thing about what they're up to now. You were posting them on IMDB to make sure that nobody ever saw them and that you were wasting all your time. Yeah. Yeah. That's when I like wish for those people that they had a partner or a friend who they like with whom they could vent. they could vent because I feel like if you have someone like Dee or like if I watch something with Blaze, we can like keep that energy between us and not have to just like shout it into the void at the internet. Yeah.

But you know. Except I feel like sometimes I've watched something and then streamed soon after and then my stream gets. They get the brunt. They get an ear. They get an earful. They get an earful. Because Dee's most likely in the stream as well watching.

So it's just you talking to Dee, but everyone else is collateral damage. Collateral damage is a very good way to put it. Yeah, that is. That was the first word that came to mind, to be quite honest with you. I wonder why. Okay. Oh, I forgot to mention. Sorry.

That was sent in by Julia. So thank you, Julia. Oh, thanks, Julia. So this is from Abby, and it's a review of Millionaire Matchmaker. Do you know much about this show? I't okay i know far too much because it is one of m's favorite classic shows and i had to have a very wow you're i'm sorry he muted himself to sneeze but i was so impressed that i was like wow i was like why are you stopping i don't know i was like oh my because i was waiting for you to sneeze

so I could say bless you. But then it was just silent. And I thought, damn, he's really working that mic mute button. Okay. Oh yeah. It's very convenient. I need it for stream.

Yeah. And it's obviously very, very not distracting for me cause I clearly can't keep it together. Okay. I was surprised. I was like, she might say bless you, but I don't think she'll make a big deal out of this no she'll she'll it'll roll off her back it would have been weird if you

said bless you that's why i was that's why i was like taking it back yeah okay i i will say when we're recording and i sneeze silently i don't expect to bless you i won't be upset if you don't i know but i'm mentally you can mouth mouth it silently. I'll probably whisper it, which will make it even weirder. Okay. I don't know. I'm going to, everyone, I'm going to try real hard

not to sneeze again this episode. This is going to be a problem. I'm sorry in advance if I do. This is going to be a problem. Okay. So Millionaire Matchmaker is a classic. It's a pretty old show. Like I would say early 2000s.

Let me check and see what year it premiered. Oh, okay. Oh, wait. So for some reason, I thought it was earlier than that. But it's hosted by a woman named Patty Stanger, who is, oh boy. She's the, I don't know. You probably just got to Google her, but she's a founder and CEO of Millionaires Club International. So basically what she wants to do is match. Oh, I get their newsletter. That's funny. You're in the newsletter? What?

I get their newsletter, yeah. No, you don't. Oh, millionaire matching. You're an idiot. Of course I don't. So go to the images. She's very much a Bravo. Oh, yeah.

No, I know. Just Bravos. Unfortunately, I had to have a heart-to-heart with Em when I did. Because what Em didn't – I hesitate to say this, but I think we've talked about it on That's What We Drink. If not, just you guys don't tell Em. But we had a heart-to-heart because Em was, like, enamored with this Patti Stanger lady. And as we watched it and watched it and Em showed it to me and was like, isn't it great? Like two or three seasons in, I said to M, I have to talk to you.

This is your mom. Like Patty Stanger is Linda. They're the same person. And M goes, no, they're not. And I was like, watch one more episode. And we were like, oh, no, they're the same person and i was like um this is your mother this is that's great so anyway point being this like very extra very bougie very made up very like you know she she wants to match make millionaires so every week

and they're always men i think so there's always a man who comes on and then she like has this host of women that she like they walk in it's very fucked up they walk in and she's like you look like a hussy whatever get out like you're not invited to the party yeah and so she says like yes, no. And then they all like do a cocktail party and it's all just very stupid. And like, obviously nobody ends up like together because each episode is not a success. No. Right. I mean, she might sue me for that.

So I'll say allegedly. But so this is a review of Millionaire Master Speaker. I'll say it again. Also, allegedly. Thank you. Without muting yourself. I appreciate it. I haven't. I don't even know what word. I haven't watched this. So don't worry, Patty. Thank you. Without muting yourself. I appreciate it. I don't even know what word.

I haven't watched this, so don't worry, Patty. Fair point. You're kind of in the clear. This is a five-star review. And I guess Abby sent it because it's pretty clear this person doesn't really understand. Is this five out of five? Five out of ten, I'm sorry, on IMDb. They don't totally understand like what reality is

that then i respect the five because they're if they're out of their element they're gonna be like middle of the road i don't want to say it's terrible but i don't want to say it's great just you it's not even that uh okay here we go pat Patty. So, okay. So it's a letter. It's a note. It's a quick note to Pat. It's just like a quick text to Patty is what it is. Oh, got it.

Got it. Patty, I'm wondering after seeing your show today containing Dave the sex toy guy, if you are aware that he has also appeared in today's premiere of Megan Wants a Millionaire. Is this the type of people you cater to? that he has also appeared in today's premiere of Megan Wants a Millionaire. Is this the type of people you cater to? Or if you just took him as a client and unsuspecting that he is nothing but a advertising ploy seeker looking for free publicity. He's just trying to get his name out there, Patty. He is not the type of person that expected you to really find him a mate.

I feel like he used you and you honestly thought he was there for the right reasons. I think very poorly of him. I will not watch any more episodes of either show that he appears on. Of course, if he is not in an episode, I will watch your show every time it is on. Best wishes, Patty. I think you do a terrific job for those that are serious. You really seem to take your work to heart and love your job. Keep up the terrific work and I'll keep watching. It took me 35 years before I found my soulmate and they are out there for all of us. Once we drop our defenses and allow it in our lives. Also, I thought the brunette millionaire S was right on by every one of your comments. Loved it all except Dave, the sex toy guy, Sarah. That was, that just kept going. Um,

I thought, I don't, I don't don't you're right i don't think this person understands how imdb works okay yeah they might not understand how most most things work yeah um yeah they just kind of summed it up that's that's that's what these shows are like oh my god imagine this woman's shock though when she sees that the next show she also really likes which is also about millionaires finding love. Interesting, like, niche, I guess. That's so true. But she's like, wait a minute.

I just saw that guy. And then she's like, I got to tell Patty about this. She's going to be so shocked. Yeah. That's so funny to me. But, yeah, I've read those reviews. I read those reviews a lot about, like, especially The Bachelor. So many people are like, oh, they're not there for the right reasons.

It's like at this point, most of them are. Of course not. And like, that's kind of how it is. And if it works out, it works out. But like, I think every, I mean, they're all very self-aware, I'd say, about what they're getting into. And they know that it can positively affect them career-wise. Career-wise, yeah.

If it like, if they want to switch to a career for like influence as an influencer. But like to like act like it's such an egregious thing. I'm like, well, what do you kind of what do you expect? Like that. And then they don't get paid well. The other thing is as no, they don't. So like if they're going to try to make a quick buck afterwards with the

following they get. And if they make good content for the show, they don't care if you're here for the right reasons. In fact, they probably prefer it if you're chaotic and don't do things the right way. Yeah. I, I also, I worked briefly in reality TV for like a couple of years and I have a

slight amount of insight, not very much, but I'll also say like all of this is so scripted. I mean, that's scripted short, but like also just so which probably everybody knows, but like so packaged like they they know before this person comes in their whole resume, their headshot. people that are there like as the love interests are usually like actors or models who are trying to you know uh like boost their resume or whatever like it's they're not literally there to like fall in love on a helicopter like bachelor might be slightly different because it's more long term but these like one-off episodes it's just all gimmicky and i don't know why people are are unable to see that.

Well, because I think they just don't want to see it. They want to think that it's very real. I guess the magic goes away a little bit. Yeah, that's fair. But I will say to those people, if you let the magic go away and think of it in other terms, it can still be very entertaining. Almost more so.

Yeah, yeah. You don't have the emotional strings attached about people's lives and livelihood that you did before. And it's like with The Bachelor, there's a podcast, Game of Roses, that their whole thing is that i know it through d but their whole thing is like a part of their thing i should say is that um it's like they treat it like a sporting event like trying to win yes it's a competition and so they the fun things that they do is they do like all the different points that you get for like oh this this thing is like this

many points like they have like oh uh i don't know and so then you can have like, Oh, this, this thing is like this many points. Like they have like, Oh, uh, I don't know. And so then you can have like fantasy bachelor, um, things with different like event. Like, Oh, if it's a, a who Jew, uh,

which is a, like a, well, there's a running who Jew. There's a, it's like a hug jump or, or something like that. Oh,

where you jump into their arm. They're like all these different weird little, like specific terms as if it's like a sport. It's so bizarre. And they, um, and there and there's a book uh how to win the bachelor and who wrote it by the way because that's that's an important that the hosts of the of the show so it's um i want to make sure i get it right uh chad and lizzie uh so it's pace case Case and what's his name? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant the host of Bachelor. I was like, what? I was like, that seems illegal.

That seems like. I should have like had my research ready before coming in about them. But it's Clues, Bachelor Clues and Pace Case are the two. And Dee and I met them in L.A. When we went to L.A., they were doing a book signing um at that books skylight books and so we waited in the line and like got to meet i i didn't get a picture with them but d did um and it was just like a cool thing but yeah it's like as if it's a sport and they like supposedly i don't know if all this is alleged i don't know if i'm what i'm supposed to

say or not i think it's like allegedly they've like trained people who were going on the show. Oh, that the hosts have. Yeah, the hosts of this podcast. Wow, so they have like a boot camp. Or at least one of them like did some sort of training for people. An exclusive boot camp. I think there have been contestants who have read the book and have talked about how they've read the book because it literally goes through how to win the match.

Like it tells you like the different strategies you can employ yeah and it's like and the um i saw clues he had like this video and he was interviewed and the spreadsheets he has every little thing is tracked and they have and there's bachelor data on instagram as well where they track the screen time of every single person they track every little thing to like get the most analysis it is and it's so makes it also so entertaining because it's like you're watching it like a sport like you're watching it to see like and you're like oh that's an that was an emotional whatever and it's like oh they're like talking about they're a dead relative like that's a play and they treat things as like plays and like moves that you could do to like, what's like a,

what's like a two point conversion. What's the equivalent? You know, that's a good question. That's, I wish I had more examples to make. I'm going to listen to it. I've been meaning to listen to game of roses.

I feel like Renee D like a lot of my friends listen to it and I feel like I should get back out there. Not sponsored. I just, I've never even listen to it and I feel like I should get back out there. Not sponsored. Not sponsored. I've never even listened to it myself, but I just think it's such a fascinating weird like sub-Bachelor like thing. Yeah, I might start if I could, but I'm a little intimidated like Love Island where I'm like, oh gosh, it feels like a huge, like I'm leaping into a huge project.

Yeah. No, I get that. But maybe i'll step step a step a little toe in okay this i'm gonna read one more oh is it your turn oh i don't know it's probably not you go ahead i have only one more oh wait i read the sex toy one sex toy guy oh true about pat how many more do you have how many more do you have kind of a lot one okay two three i've been ranting so much this episode it just hit me i'm like oh shit we're like at an hour are we already shit okay almost here we go here we go here we go this is i'm gonna read another one since i have a lot more this is from abby it It's a review of Flavor of Love. Oh, yes.

With the Flavor Flav. How would you spell Flavor Flav? I think it's just the word flavor and then F-L-A-V. Okay, that's what I thought. But then Abby said, I thought it was Flavor Flav. Is that a Mandela effect? And I'm like, no, it's just another example of I am hyper aware of how things are spelled. Who wrote this?

Who sent this in? I don't want to tell you because you're going to bully them. Your shitty memory. Abby. I'm just kidding. Okay, this is. No, I thought about it for a second. I was like, it might be Flava.

Yeah. But I think it's just because that's how it's like said. Flava Flav. So this is, it's actually spelled Flavor Flav. So if anyone's wondering. Flavor Flav, true. This is a review of Flavor Flav. So this is, it's actually spelled Flavor Flav. So if anyone's wondering. Flavor Flav, true. This is a review of Flavor of Love. Now I've said the word flavor so many times it's lost its meaning and I'm feeling-

And it's spelling at this point. So insecure about how to say it. I might change my mind about how to spell it. Okay, Flavor of Love. This is written by Nanner89 and the title is How We Really Feel. So just fucking buckle up oh you and you as well when you say we you mean you as well i don't mean me as well oh okay uh it's oh it's nanner and abby nanner no don't bring abby into this oh okay nanner and their posse question mark um

oh and the the review itself has a big red label that says warning spoilers so i was like 2006 season so if you haven't caught up then maybe skip ahead okay here's you're gonna notice a pattern here between this review and the last one. Hey, Flavor Flav. Hey, Flavor Flav. My friend, daughter, and I would like to give our comment on who you need to pick to be your girl. We think you need to kick New York and her psycho mother to the curb and leave her there this time. My friend and I are mothers and we do not agree with children being called bastards. All of us think that New York has connived her way back into your arms, and how can you justify being with a woman that is so deceiving now? What do you think she would do in a real relationship

with you? We enjoy your show, but we think you need lessons in picking women. We do all agree that Delicious does have your back and your best interest at heart. When you pick Delicious, keep her and treat her as the queen that she really is. If you ever get to Wyoming, we would love to party with you. You can even bring the girl we wouldn't mind.

Bring the kids also. P.S. Do you know Kid Rock? That's not real. That's not what they said. P.S. Do you know Kid Rock? You can bring him also, but tell

Pam to stay at home. We'll be tuned in tomorrow night. Hope that you make the right decision. Thank you, three chicks from Wyoming. Take good care. End of review. Amazing. Alexander. Amazing.

And another layer of not understanding this. Is that they said, we're giving you this advice now because the episode airs tomorrow. Like that they think this is a live event that he's like currently accepting advice. Yeah. Before tomorrow's big decision. Was this 2000? What year was this? 06.

06. Hey, weirdly, maybe he did read it. I mean, honestly. Can you imagine? Like back then, there probably weren't that many reviews. Before Twitter became like as essential to live broadcasts.

I mean, maybe, maybe. Doubt it, doubtfully, but I guess, maybe, maybe. Yeah. Doubt it. Doubt it. Doubtfully. But, you know, I guess it's possible. Three chicks from Wyoming. That's so funny. Do you know Kid Rock? I love that. You can bring him also. I think it make weirdly makes sense with the existence of Rock of Love. Oh, that's probably why. Also what I wouldn't be surprised. So I went through this recently and it was like a tree of spinoffs. And there were some surprising ones in there. I'm not saying Flavor of Love and Rock of Love were connected, but there was this tree. And I don't remember if it was Flavor of Love, Rock of Love or like Gene Simmons Family Jewel.

It was like one of those that spawned so many different. I feel like I saw that with the Osbournes and stuff. Maybe that one was another. I think I saw that too um there's like a whole like tree it's like of spinoffs from these reality shows so it's not even just the bachelor how they have like their own different bachelor versions it's like it's like the universe it's like the reality tv universe that's like somehow all connected yeah Yeah. Oh, here we go. It there's a, the V it. So it's a VH one of love dating shows. Oh,

okay. It goes flavor of love. Season one, season two. Then I love New York. It was New York is from flavor of love. And then it says flavor of love. Girls charm school.

Charm school was another spinoff. Then it says rock of love season one. So maybe they are somewhat connected, but like, I mean, it's the right time period. Then there's one, I Love Money, New York Goes to Hollywood,

More Charm School, Real Chance of Love. Do you know what I just landed on? I was like, oh, I found it, and I zoomed in, and I was like, what is this? Who's Maude? Oh, wait, no. I'm stupid right now. What? Rock of Love is Bret Michaels.

Oh, yeah, that's Bret Michaels. People are screaming. I'm sorry, everyone. What? Rock of Love is Bret Michaels. Oh, yeah. That's Bret Michaels. People are screaming. Bret Michaels. I'm sorry, everyone. Not Kid Rock. To be fair. The Poison guy.

I messed up. They look kind of the same. They're like the same. Yeah, they're the same. Sorry. What does Kid Rock have to do with Flavor Flav? Maybe there's something. Maybe they just don't understand that.

I don't know. But can I tell you what I did? I went on this stream. Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry. I zoomed in. I can I tell you what I did? I went on this tree. I zoomed in. I said, I found it. And then I said, who's Arch? Who's Carol? Is it Archie Bunker?

And then I zoomed out and I realized I was in the family tree for all in the family. For all in the family. Archie Bunker. What the fuck? There's an entire family tree. Beautiful. Beautifully made. That someone has genealog uh devised just to determine

how archie bunker's related to everyone um okay so i was in the different plane of existence because that makes mine a very slightly less you were at least more on top of it than i was i was archie bunker's fictional cousin and you were looking at uh I was thinking Kid Rock was on Rock of Love which would honestly weirdly make sense in my brain I don't care if he yeah he I won't literally fuck him but thank you okay here uh I'll just send him to three girls in Wyoming three chicks from Wyoming who want to party with him I like literally I would pay money to have that happen I would I would pay for flights I would pay for that's why the whole party that's why I think like we'd be the best and worst producers

like we we would be like no this would be such good content but then we would it wouldn't be good for our it would be the most awkward meeting of these people this this family in Wyoming and Flavor Flav with his kids and potentially with Kid Rock. The bastard kids would be there. We could send them all. We could rent out an entire Chuck E. Cheese. It'd be great. I love how that's the only like bad thing they came up with in watching the whole season. Like was that she called them.

I haven't seen the show i'm not saying there was worse stuff but i'm surprised that that was calling them bastards like yeah they're like we're mothers don't call kids bastards i'm like there's probably so much worse yeah well they want to hang out with kid rock so i'm not totally surprised but that was also oh six so i think maybe we weren't all aware of how downhill he would go. Also, for the record, calling children bastards, I do not agree. I mean, no, it's not like something we, you know, we enjoy doing. I'm glad we cleared that up.

We are having no fun calling kids bastards right now. We are having a little fun i think i'm protesting we're having too much it's a little obvious that i'm having far too much fun so uncomfortable okay okay this is uh from kira who uses they she pronouns and is a new patron welcome very exciting um we're gonna throw a curveball at you soon soon it's not bad it's good it's all good yeah and this is some exciting new patrons patreon stuff i'm gonna stop talking stop talking you go this is a review of love is blind and this is of season one uh oh have we talked about love is blind yet basically it's two people man i'm gonna not start It's two, it's a group of people. Um, very men,

women, and they separate them in these pods and they can't see the person of the opposite sex. They do these sort of like speed dating rounds where they go and ask each other questions, get to know each other, but they don't see each other. And so this evolves and evolves and it's supposed to be like experimental.

And, uh, it is hosted by Nicholas Shea, or at least it was when I watched it. And Vanessa. And Vanessa. And over time, they build these relationships, and somebody even proposed. It gets pretty crazy.

And then afterwards, they- Many of them proposed. Yeah, many of them proposed. Fair point. And then afterwards, they see each other for the first time. For me, it's the most anxiety-ind inducing kind of television I could ever watch. Like these people, this is when they propose a lot of times.

sometimes that's when they propose. Um, and then you kind of follow them afterward when they're like living together and are getting married, but they just found out what the other person looks like. And sometimes there's no sexual chemistry and all this stuff. So do they have to propose? Is that?

No, I don't think so. Oh wait, maybe, maybe I feel like they, because you're right. If they So do they have to propose? Is that? No, I don't think so. Oh wait, maybe, maybe I feel like they, because you're right. If they win, we have to propose,

I think because they, uh, pay for your wedding or something. I think my only problem with this fucking show. No, I have many. The only problem. Go ahead.

Like, I think it would be a lot better if they didn't label it as a social experiment. And as if they're doing something, you know, like this isn't science. This is ridiculous. Like it's dramatic and it's messy and it's manipulative and it's pretty fucked up. It's just a way another reality.

I mean, it's just another day. So them being all like, oh, it's a social, a new social experience. It's like, fuck that. I only watched season. You're just putting these people in weird spots and we're loving watching them be awkward. Yeah, just call it for what it is.

But I liked, I watched season one and two didn't watch the rest, but this is a review of season one. When, as Kira says, we were all excited about this new show and apparently like things went awry. I don't know what happened. I stopped watching.

This is, I don't know what a website this is from, but it is a one and a half star. Oh, Rotten Tomatoes, one and a half star review fromten Tomatoes one and a half star review from June of 2020 oh man that is when this came out and everyone was just like something else fucked up to look at on the TV okay back in New Zealand I avoided reality TV

like the plague I couldn't even sit through one full episode of a talent slash my story is sad, please vote for me show. But now I live in London. More importantly, now I live with Hannah. A little English girl whose taste in televisual stimulation I'll politely describe as basic. So when I walked into the lounge this morning and saw her watching some white guy and a hot black chick flirting either side of a dividing wall, I thought, well, hey, Hannah and I watch the same sort of stuff. But as it turned out, Hannah wasn't watching one of those films. No, Hannah was watching Netflix's latest attempt at a dating show.

Love is Blind, hosted by Stevie Wonder. I'm kidding. I'm 99% sure it's hosted by Jessica Simpson's ex. Anyway, the show seems straightforward enough to me at first. A bunch of loveless strangers move into a house, apparently there to meet their future wife or husband. The boys are in one part of the house, the girls in the other. The twist?

They don't get to see each other. Instead, they have to go into private rooms to talk to their prospective lovers through an adjoining wall. Done. Sounds stupid? It is. But Hannah was already watching it when I entered the room. So I decided to sift through it. For research purposes. The show proceeded like most of these shows do,

and bits of information about each character were given so that I could pick favorites. Whilst I was still trying to determine if I hated hearing the pansexual black guy or the 24-year-old white guy talk more, the most unbelievable thing happened. One of the white guys hit it off with a black girl. That's not the unbelievable part, chill out. The unbelievable part was that he proposed through the wall. And she said, yes, I was fuming. This is the shit the anti-gay marriage community should be against instead, I thought.

But then I saw it. How happy Love is Blind, a nonsensical store-bought romance show, made Hannah. It was like watching a child who still believed in magic see her weird uncle pull a coin from behind her ear for the first time. So I did something for the first time too. I bit my tongue. Who am I to spoil the magic for Hannah? Come to think of it, I hope she doesn't read this.

End of review. That was one of the most insufferable reviews I've ever heard. I kind of loved it. I mean, first, I hated when they were like, oh, their races aren't the most important. Then why are you bringing that up? Like, being annoying. Okay, there's so many weird, annoying bits, but then it was so condescending. I know. I hope Hannah does read it, because Hannah deserves a nicer roommate. Like, let your roommate enjoy shitty TV. Kira was like, I can't decide if I want to be friends with this reviewer or Hannah more.

I'm on team Hannah. If I need a friend like this. Let's vote for Hannah. I feel like she's... I'm on team Hannah. Yeah, me too. How many stars was that review? One and a half out of five. Let's vote for Hannah. I feel like she's. I'm on team Hannah. Yeah, me too. What? What? What? How many stars was that review?

One and a half out of five. Yeah. But like also this person is very funny, which I also appreciate in a friend. We're funny bits. I will admit. But yeah, the show is just ridiculous. And I think they make them if they like meet up they make them like make their decision at the altar oh yeah that's right they either say yes or no and you and all their families are there

they actually do really really fun they actually do a really good job because i feel like i can usually kind of tell like what the plot twist is going to be but sometimes you're really led to believe like a certain person's gonna say no and. And then they say yes. And then the other person says no. And you're like, what? So if you're in need of like a pretty good distraction, season one of that show is very entertaining. And I think I read some like pretty fucked up shit, though, that were things that were done to the contestants or like with withheld food, I believe. And like what? And given extra alcohol, not enough water.

I feel like that's true for many realities. Yeah. Allegedly. There's some fucked up practices out there. Thank you. But I'm not going to get into them. Thank you for that. I still have just one more.

Okay. Why don't you read that one? Okay. It's a redemption of a show that I have not seen yet, but is very high on my list. Okay. It's a little show called MILF Manor. Oh God.

Did you, have you heard Em talk about this? No, I have not. Okay. Well, Em gave me like a full rundown the other day. Yeah. So basically it's all these moms who are looking to date younger men. But the twist is that the younger men are their sons. But they don't know it until they're there.

Until they're there. And then it's revealed, oh, no, these are my my son is one of the men that is like vying to be with an older woman. So like I have not seen anything of it. So I don't know what actually happens. Essentially, they're just like, oh, there's a lot of. You know, they're like having to share rooms with their mom they have to like share a room with their mom or their son so then if there's any like sexual stuff it like but m said it actually

oh my god yeah but m said it actually really didn't get very okay i would hope not yeah and was like honestly it's too far and was like it was such a train wreck like concept and was like i think it only would have worked if it got like really crazy um and m said the first couple episodes were great because like you just get to witness this like shock thing you know happen um but then said like it's a little bit meh after that and i think it was canceled immediately but uh oh i don't think so well according to this oh maybe not maybe not but yeah m said um m said it's worth a watch so okay okay yeah i'll at least check it out um here is a 10 star out of 10 review uh sent in by riannon um titled mother i'd like to film in a

manner this show is ridiculously awesome. It's about eight women who date one another's sons. Who knows if it's scripted or not, but it's hilarious. And everyone in the show is just so bad. The premise is they are in some house in Mexico and they're challenged with activities and they have to find romance with the other women's children. And the sons have to watch their moms date the other guys. It's so weird and so hilarious also it's pretty milf action that is going to lead to lots of adult film parodies which many

of us will watch for years to come get it i wrote come haha anyhow recommended end of review yeah like a like it was like a softcore porno waiting to happen, like a taboo porno waiting to happen, but then never really like thankfully got there. You missed my joke, by the way. What? I said it was written by an MS. I didn't get it. Oh, I thought you meant MS. I realized after I said it, you know.

Oh, it was written by an MS. Yeah. And then, so M was just trying to like downplay how much they liked it so that, uh, they wouldn't be on record saying how obsessed they are with something called MILF manner. Especially after the Patty Stanger comment about millionaire.

And probably does not want to like, let me into their fold with, I, well, I can't blame him. I can't blame him. Cause if you hear this, I'm here for you yeah

alexander will watch all day i won't make comments about your mom okay that's honestly no matter how much of a milf on alexander stop it i'm sorry i'm sorry we're talking about milf manor it was relevant um this has a 3.7 out of 10 and it the 16 out of 54 people found that review helpful 54 people took the time to go into the reviews and mark this 10 out of 10 review which might be the only one they have has not so when you say 3.7 or whatever that was that review or that's like what the whole show has sorry 3.7 for the whole show and this review just has only 16 out of 54 people yeah okay uh wowza you don't have to struggle alone get free confidential mental health and substance use

support at canada.ca slash mental health if you or someone you know is thinking about suicide call or text 988 a message from the government of canada um all right so i have uh one last thing here this is julio's contribution for this episode um oh no i know of course he found a forum and it's called Fort, fans of reality TV. Interesting. Just, you know. And when he delved in, he found a few characters on this forum and was kind enough to kind of, what do you call it? Curate.

Summarize? Curate like some parts for me to read so I didn't have to go through the whole. parts for me to read so i didn't have to go through the whole whole i feel like i should tell him he also doesn't have to go through all of this but i also want i want him to continue so like i'm not gonna say it but you know if i were a good friend maybe um however he let me know that he had to create an account uh to be on this forum or to like look into some of this information and um apparently they have very strict bylaws so it took him like a day to be approved oh my god into the forum and then he just casually as if it's no fucking thing told me his username is x teen's friend he's like i couldn't think of a name so i just made it i like, don't bring me into this. That's amazing. So if you're looking for a pal on Fort, a TV blog or TV forum, XTN's friend.

What's the website? Let me see. Fans of Reality TV. It's called fansofrealitytv.freeforums.net. Got it. Yeah. What a niche find. Yeah, and they also have a uh a a banner up top

and it's written in almost that jetson's uh like retro font okay and it says new home same snark so i don't know where oh i don't know where it was reality tv TV snark page. I mean, this thing, I mean, people talking about RuPaul, like each. Just like everything. Like Bravo has like a folder, you know, to go into. So it's, there's a lot happening here. So let me see. This place take, this place takes Cruise Critic and says, I think maybe, I don't want to say I'll one-up you, but at least rivals Cruise Critic. Wow.

Because people take this shit so seriously, these shows, as we've noticed already. And at least with the Cruise Critics, generally there's actual physical social interaction. Yes. with the cruise critics generally there's actual physical social interaction yes and it's about it's not as makes it less hotly contested and unless it's about like whether or not you can wear flip-flops into the steakhouse on carnival cruise lines because that is not classy you know but uh other than that people are generally just like asking questions and you know discussing different amenities but here people come in with hot takes right and so then everyone gets all fired up um and so julio found one specific user named mom wreck oh six uh and julio called her the queen of eeks oh oh no and so i'm just gonna read a couple things that like came up this one is in like

general i don't know if this is anything to do with a specific uh tv show or just tv in general but here's this post i had one of those eye appointments today where i had to have my pupils dilated and then to walk out into the California sun. Even with my dark Ray-Bans, it was bad. Later on in the day, I decided to lay down for a bit and found Rear Window on Showtime. OMG, I love it. It's been forever since I have seen that movie. My all-time fave, Jimmy Stewart, and the absolutely beautiful Grace Kelly, Balloon. Balloon?

That's the emoticon. Is it literally just a balloon? So it's an emoticon face holding a balloon. Oh, cute. I guess. I guess. And I was like, the red balloon, that movie? Oh, no.

Is that what she's watching on Showtime? We should make a reality TV show based on that movie. We should just make people watch that movie and tape them. That's the reality TV show. It's a social experiment, yeah. That's a pretty good one. But when they were talking about Rear Window, I was like, they named a reality show? Rear Window?

I don't know if this is about just like TV or like movies in general what a random thing to talk about that feels very far from reality TV maybe she took a Xanax when she got her pupils dilated and now she's kind of like on the wrong forum I guess if it's just general

you can talk about whatever you want so this one is specific, though. This one is about the show Below Deck, which we didn't bring any reviews today. Oh, we didn't bring any. That's a big one. Eva loves Below Deck. I've never watched it, but it's about this staff. It's about the staff on a yacht or on these fancy yachts.

It's like luxury yachts that people rent. And so they have to... This is staff that like so you see that behind the scenes you know serves everything and i get like i i i want to watch it but part of me is like very hesitant because i just i think it might drive me over the edge of insanity like seeing like like mean rich people i just don't know if i can handle it like yeah i can't even watch the kardashians so i don't know if i'd be able to pull this off um but maybe i'll give it a try i've heard it's very good so let's see what our pal mom rec 06 has to say about below deck and i don't know these characters to be clear

which by the way that name is such a good one for a reality tv mom rec wreck no judgment just okay but it's not even spelled it's not spelled w-r-e it's spelled m-o-m-r-e-k so not even like recommendation though so i don't know what mom maybe that's like their initials or something i don't know mom wreck oh six so this is about below deck laura eek not one bit enjoyable she has a comeback answer for everything hannah says wall bang wall bang that's like a video game term hitting its head into a wall that's amazing so yeah this is another one where i remembered that I could copy the text with the little, what do you call it, animated, whatever they're called, emoticons. Yeah. And if I pasted them without formatting, then it would write out.

It's colon, whatever it is, colon. So there were so many random ones on Cruise Critic, I was like, I wonder what kind of ones they use here. And of course, on Grass City, it's bonging bonging but this one's apparently wall banging wall uh so it's so good yeah just wild so laura eek she has a comeback answer for everything hannah says wall bang i have only watched episode one and oh my, my, my. Tacos and that mush that was supposed to be nachos and cheese. Eek! Mmm. Now it appears Mila's first meal, burgers, was out of sight.

The group loved them. Microwaving anything is shady when you are a chef. I did not even realize there was a microwave on the ship until Mila all but left the kitchen and went elsewhere to use a microwave. In the meantime, I am liking everyone else, but, but, but, it's early yet, as

the previews for the season appear to look intense. What the? Uh-oh. Wall bang. End of. What the? Uh-oh. Wall bang. End of. What the fuck? I have a question. What?

It sounded like a microwave sound. Okay. I didn't put that together. I didn't actually think that's what it was. I didn't even put that together, but that would be way funny if it was like a literal microwave emoticon. I don't recall what the fuck was, but I think it was like a, not like a yummy because they were saying how gross everything was.

Not like a yummy? Well, because it said like, mmm. Oh, not like a yummy. I see. The way you said it, I didn't even a yummy like I see I think it was the way you said it I didn't even think yummy I know okay good because I was trying I sounded like a microwave instead which I wasn't going for but now retroactively I'd like to say that is what I was going for I just didn't know it weirdly makes sense yeah um I wonder sometimes with these forums like I feel

like they probably all have different like each forum you find about different tv shows like I'm sure they're different bachelor like bachelor subreddits are like two main bachelor subreddits um it's like one that's like but they like feud because i think they have sometimes very differing views i don't know what's caused the spin off like west side story yes you know that's exactly what it's like um and but yeah because like and so sometimes if i look at one not the other uh it's like oh they're complaining in one about how the other reacted to something and it was like this weird back and forth um i got out of all reality tv subreddits so there i just like couldn't, couldn't. My mental health, I was like, I need no, I need the cleanest Reddit page. Because it's already such a fucked up place.

Sometimes you need to do, like, a cleanse for your own personal well-being. Set some boundaries. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I did. But, yeah, so I wonder if this forum, whatever, TV fans, fans of reality TV, how their, like, views would match mine. Yeah, I wonder. Because you're right. People probably find like-minded folks you know on these groups but yeah i don't know i i don't

know how julio finds these part of me is really skeptical because i'm like is this something that he's just like oh i've got something already planned for you like i know about this or is this it's like rick from pond stars it's like julio like i'm interested in this oh i've got a forum for that i've got a 1468 doubloon okay i don't even know what i'm saying i've got a coin forum for you yeah there you go i've got a doubloon forum for you and to balloon with some good emoticons doubloon wall bang wall bang wall bang that one got me i balloon i wasn't really expecting because i was like i liked balloons i was like what was that like i didn't even remember why like when you said it i was like am i supposed to expect there to be a balloon at the end of this paragraph no right that was the last when you describe it like, okay, that sounds kind of cute and silly.

But at the first time I was like, what? What does a balloon have to do with any of this? I'm so, I'm so, I'm just so delighted that he does this hard work for me. Oh, and by the way, you know how we do, we have cool cruisers, right? Yeah. We also have here Fort Superstar is what Mom Wreck is. Oh, yeah. Uh, we also have here, uh, Fort Superstar is what Mom Wreck is. Oh, wow. Do you want to know how many posts she's posted on this forum?

1,200. 6,436. Wow. Busy, busy. Mm-hmm. Kind of like, I like these kinds of things. Such a niche. Oh, I'll show you.

Oh, okay. I know what mm is now. Oh now oh thank god it's slant face that makes like microwave food is yucky it's kind of like meh yeah it's a meh meh face got it it's also a microwave sound that was that's my favorite part about it oh god okay well i'm done zandy okay off to my challenge um don't worry everyone i don't have that much because it was And that was, that's my favorite part about it. Oh God. Okay. Well, I'm done Zandy. Okay. Off to my challenge. Don't worry, everyone.

I don't have that much because it was kind of tough. What was it? It was a really good one. It was sent in by Danielle Sheher who said, find reviews of overly helpful Airbnb or bed and breakfast. I was so excited about this, but was it hard? Yeah, it was tough. Like I didn't realize how easy it was to search Airbnb reviews. Like I didn't realize I could do it the same way I did others. So that was tough like i didn't realize how easy it was to search airbnb reviews like i didn't realize i could do it the same way i did others so that was great i didn't know but i tried

so many search terms it was so hard to find anyone because so many of them were positive and like any of the search terms that were general i read through all the reviews but they were all like actually positive it's i feel like it's very much frowned upon to like write a bitchy thing about your post. Like if you have a problem, they usually have you write it directly to Airbnb instead of like publicly so that. And they do have like a private note option and you know that they're going to write a review of you.

Exactly. I think that does influence the way you write a review. A little cautious about that. Yeah. But thankfully, Danielle included a wonderful story oh good um oh so this is like danielle's review yeah so um here we go my partner took me to the bahamas a few years ago for my 40th birthday and our 18th anniversary our airbnb host offered to drive us into town for dinner so that we wouldn't have to get a taxi which we thought was a nice

gesture but then he just third wheeled himself right into our romantic dinner date. He didn't even eat, just had a couple of beers while we awkwardly ate and mostly avoided eye contact with each other because we knew we would both lose our shit if we started trying to convince the other with those crazy nonverbal eye conversations to step up and handle the situation. My God, I'm sweating so much just thinking of being in this scenario. I'm sure our host has felt he was going above and beyond, but damn. I, of course, left a nice review and mentioned how attentive he was. Looking back at other reviews, most of them mentioned how he took them around wherever

they needed to go. So I'm sure we're not the only ones who experienced such attentiveness, lol. Wow. Yes, that would be so uncomfortable but like what do you do because you're also staying in this person's i know and that's why back in the day i was so anxious about using airbnb until they made a lot they made it a lot easier to pick a like a separate entrance like private space you can like really because i have done somewhere you're in their house and like yeah they're like doing your laundry and you have not

asked them to and you're like whoa this is getting a little out of hand um but wow to just say like oh i'll drive you down downtown so you don't have to take a taxi yeah that's such a nice little gesture and then what you do say thanks for the ride like you can't sit to take a taxi. Yeah, that's such a nice little gesture. And I'll pull a chair up. And then what you do is say, thanks for the ride, like you can't sit with us, which would be very valid, but tough to do. But yeah, but probably not a thing

most of us could pull off. And also think about the thought process of this guy who's like, oh, I'll join them for dinner. But he knows enough to know that he's like not eating dinner with them. Like he's not even ordering

food he's just watching them eat yeah i oh my gosh this is shocking to me i like this i know this kind of behavior i feel like if it happens on a sitcom i'm always like that's kind of unrealistic wow yeah oh my gosh it's that's a great challenge idea, though, based on a personal experience like that. And so it was tough to find, because I did find negative reviews of hosts. It wasn't about me. It wasn't about them being that bad. It was more of like they were just too much. It's also harder to write about somebody being overly helpful.

You kind of feel like an asshole if you're doing it. Yeah. You don't, you don't always look good when you do that. Even if you're like, even if it's deserved. Yeah. So I did find a forum post because, and I learned a lot about grass city Airbnb hosts.

Uh, no, it's the Airbnb community center. It's where hosts talk to each other. Oh, I bet that's active. Exploiting their local communities yeah i'm sorry i mean okay some people aren't some people are just genuinely using extra space

that they already owned yeah and some people are not so here we go yeah there's there's a lot of shitty stuff with it um here we go but not all of it is super shitty there is a post by someone who says do you expect guests to check out that is say goodbye when they leave so like what do you think like absolutely not in fact if that was expected of me i would actively not participate i would not even say hello i wouldn't even be there yeah i think um it's a very fascinating read all this is from 2016 i feel like now like my friends become a lot more commercialized i mean not that it wasn't back then but like i feel like it's become even more so where like some airbnbs are literally like apartment buildings renting out

specific apartments right right right so like back in day, it was more like you were sharing your space with someone. Yeah. So like I could see it to an extent. Right. But like also I wouldn't go out of my way to say goodbye. It just seemed weird. If I were a host, I would probably hide until they left. Like I wouldn't want to say goodbye.

But I know other people, yes, of course, are more friendly. But here I'll read what this person said. We've had 12 bookings so far. All is going well. Reviews are all great. But I'm just curious about something. It seems to me that more and more people are not listing anything about themselves in their profile anymore. And I feel more and more that people take it like a booking for a motel or hotel, where you just leave when you're done. But being in someone's home, I would think it is courteous to let it be known when one leaves.

The last three couples we had just left without saying goodbye. Though I do get an indication from them per message the eve before about when they might depart. We spend time at the check-in slash beginning with them, but then leave them alone not to hover over them and to let them enjoy their privacy. But a goodbye would be nice. Am I too sensitive or is this the new norm now? So that was their original post. And I thought like the fact that they're opening it up to conversation. And I appreciate that they don't just automatically start hammering in on people are inconsiderate.

They're like, hey, am I being too sensitive? I appreciate the kind of approaching it from that angle. I'm curious as to how this went. Yeah, so it was all over the place. I'm not going to read all of them. Some people, like actually I would say most of them were like, were like, no, I don't expect it. Like a lot of them were like, this is transactional.

I mean, it is basically a motel hotel holiday yeah what all of the above so true um but then other people were like well we have cameras so we actually see when they leave um and like a lot of people were like sometimes we get one sometimes we don't it's just it's just part of it like right i don't know so i think a lot of people were very kindly saying like yeah you might be a little too sensitive about this like don't know. So I think a lot of people were very kindly saying like, yeah, you might be a little too sensitive about this. Like, don't take it personally. Don't take it personally. Because it's not anything to do with your hosting abilities. But then I'm going to read one that was kind of the opposite. So here we go. Oh boy.

It wasn't that bad. I just think it was interesting. So here's someone. someone. I just had this happen yesterday and honestly, it stayed with me all day. I had a very nice family of three with me for four nights. We had a lot in common and spent some time together chatting and going to the jacuzzi. I had a spot. And going to dinner where I ordered a beer and watched them eat. It was very romantic. It was their honeymoon. Yeah. I was like, while this isn't a review of this person, I wouldn't be surprised if maybe someone was like, yeah, the host was in the jacuzzi with us. Somebody has a review, at least mentally in their own storyline. They know. They know.

They have a story. I had a spontaneous conversation about business with the woman on the third night that we were to continue the following day. Then when I awoke yesterday, they had cleared out without a word. No goodbye, no thank you, no text. This might sound dramatic, but I was actually stunned. They were hosts themselves. I had gone out of my way to accommodate them. They took both bedrooms, not one, as their daughter wanted a room to herself where she could close the door. This in itself was not an issue for me, but I was shocked that after occupying my space so fully, they vacated without a word, even after offering that I stay with them when I next visit their town.

I left them a nice review and in the private feedback part just said I wished I'd had the chance to say goodbye and hope to cross paths again someday, rather than being harsh and point blank asking why they didn't say goodbye. In the end end i let it go but felt disoriented all day i guess i need to lay out some other sorry i guess i need to lay out some sort of expectation for checking out that a quick text or note is greatly appreciated either with their estimated time of departure the night before or upon the actual departure end of post um so i was like yeah in the end i was like yeah i think that's a good thing like put that out there to say you'd appreciate that and maybe you'd get it more but i don't know i was just like yeah

i would just fucking leave well and like who knows i mean i'm not saying this is the case at all but i have been in a scenario where i am quite confident or i've gotten confirmation that the host or whoever it is tour tour guide, what have you, turned away from the experience and thought, wow, what a perfectly wonderful time we had. Whereas I turned around and went, wow, I've been very uncomfortable for a while and I wasn't sure how to say anything. And I just wanted to kind of make my own way, like, you know, part ways. So, you know, I mean, I'm not saying that's what happened. I'm just saying, you never know if like, they just were like, well, that was a lot to be so involved, and we're just going to go on our merry way.

But I feel like if you're opening your space to people like this, and the thing is they're paying you. I'm not saying that means that they have full control over everything. It's not like your sister and your niece are saying. You did get something out of it just because they didn't say goodbye. So the fact that it's kind of like such a big deal, it's like, well, let them do with their experience what they will, as long as they're not actively harming you.

Like that's a sensitivity of yours, right? But like, I would also say, again, it's not about you. Like it's not personal, I would say. I would take it personally, but guess what? You'd take it personally if like you had- I wouldn't do this people staying with you that you didn't know and they didn't say bye

potentially no you would I take a lot of things but I get I'm very sensitive I get think I would be I'm saying if like we had a lovely I thought it was a lovely time and I was in the jacuzzi with them and then nothing to clarify did they not send like a text or anything no no text.

Yeah, okay. Well, if somebody said like, all right, thanks for a great time. Well, they said, oh, you can stay with us. No. When you come... This person said that I'll... I said that I'll stay with you.

No. Yes, because they're also hosts. So saying like, I'll... That's what I'm saying. But the other people said like, oh yeah, you can always stay at our place. I definitely... What? I don't think that's what I'm saying. But the other people said like, oh yeah, you can always stay at our place. I definitely. What?

I don't think that's what was in here. What do you mean? You're saying in what I just read? Yeah. Yeah. They make, even after offering that I stay with them when I next visit their town. Yeah. In my head, she was offering to stay with them, like to pay for their Airbnb.

Oh, I thought they meant, oh, they even offered like their Airbnb. Maybe I misread it, but that's how I took it. Oh, they even offered like their place. I don't know. It says without, after occupying my space so fully, they vacated without a word. Oh, and then even after offering that I stay with them when I next visit their town. Yeah, maybe you're right.

I think you probably are right. Sorry. So I'm like, to me, I'm like, well, they probably just thought, oh, this has been a perfectly fine time. yeah i don't know yeah so yeah i don't know i don't know just it's just weird not getting a text i would feel weird about it but like i don't know i i just wouldn't be in this position because i'm scared of that idea yeah i guess i'll never know what it's like. That's probably a good thing. Next, I have an email from Shannon Sheher, who was at our New York show and had a great time. Yay. So for the overly helpful Airbnb host, I had to send reviews of the overly helpful host left of my friend and I.

So it's like the opposite. But said, at first we thought this super old house in Cambridge, Massachusetts was incredibly haunted, but it turned out this grandma was just renting out her granddaughter's bedroom that they would stay in when they visit. Think hot pink sheets on double beds and lots of antique trinkets oh my lord like a lot of porcelain yeah oh my gosh uh she was adorable and her dog tito was perfect and then included a pic of uh tito precious so here we go here's here's the first i'll read the review that the host wrote and then um the private note that the host sent which i guess is no longer

private right then we'll publicize the private note laura and her friend shannon were such happy guests and my dog tito thought they were the best he certainly would give them a five star rating and i truly enjoyed our chats when they were around. I hope they will find another reason to come back. Precious. And then this makes me think of what I just read. I missed having a good breakfast conversation with the two of you. Thank you for being such warm, friendly guests and respectful of the house you were visiting. It seemed like having family around.

Tito, of course, and I would love to have you back again someday. That's so very sweet yeah that makes me happy okay well now you're just bragging about all your wonderful travel friendships uh wow you're such a good traveler you meet great dogs um but yeah I uh I thought that was very cute and I feel like very my reviews, I always write really nice ones and long ones. Like when I, when I was staying in someone's house, like, oh God, how many years ago was that by now? That's probably been like eight years ago.

Um, and I wrote this like really nice review and then the review I got back was positive, but it was like three words. Well, I was going to say that earlier. I was going to say like, I've had issues where I'm like, wow, I thought we had a great time. And then the review was like three words okay well i was gonna say that earlier i was gonna say like i've had issues where i'm like wow i thought we had a great time and then the review was like all fine yeah and i was like respected my space yeah and it's like i'm glad but i thought we had shared all our hopes and dreams yeah um yeah there's i was gonna say em and i had a uh a quote-unquote too helpful host for sure when we were in Palm Springs, which is actually the name of our group chat between you, me and Renee. Did you say, I thought you said Em and I.

Oh, I might have, but I meant Renee and I. Oh, yes. For my baby moon where it was like private, you know. Casita. Casita, that's right. And with a private pool for your private use, blah, blah, blah, blah. So literally every time we went out into the pool, this lady would like exit because the casita was like attached to her house or underneath her house. So she would exit.

We have these photos of her in a bathrobe and her dog would come out with her. And it was like 125 degrees in Palm Springs that week. It was like the hottest in some record and so we're in the pool just like floating around and renee's like having a i don't know a high noon and then this lady just like you hear the sliding door open and we go oh no and she's like 70 but she's like i am very active in the philanthropic board of palm springs and started listing like whose husband had died of what cancer and how much money she raised for each of these at what fundraiser and we were like this is a lot and she would like knock on the door and check on

us you know it was it was a little too much um and then renee was like you cannot tell this woman you're pregnant because like she'll never leave us alone like never um and she'd be like where are you going to dinner tonight and we were like um we don't know yet and she's like i'm going to this place you should make a reservation we're like maybe not you know so i've definitely had some they were like harmless you know but yeah just a little bit. Yeah, it happens. You run into some interesting people that way. You sure do. But her dog was a delight.

That's good. That's always helpful. It's always a win. So I've got one more. This was sent in by Andy, they, them. And it's a five star review. But here it is. It was annoying how they would watch on the camera but other than

that the place was okay and hello i take back what i said that was nothing this is um fbi level man the response from the owner and by owner it says evolve so I assume it's like one of those. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those like. Those fucking shitty ass like. That has a shit ton of properties. Plywood. Whatever. I hate it. What are you saying? You know, like they do like fixer uppers on like these old apartments.

Yeah. And then they just like tack up like shitty plywood and go to HomeGoods and buy like clearance. Yeah, I see. I see. You know, make it look like. Whatever. Just pissed me off. Well, they answered and said

that uh they only have exterior cameras that aren't facing the house okay they're like just so everyone's clear what star rating was that it was five stars and they even said thanks for the five stars just so you know just to clarify for everyone else's sake just so everyone knows anyone's lawyer who might be concerned yeah i feel like uh i feel like they probably meant like oh there's you know they're they're monitoring to make sure you're not like taking glass out toward the pool or you know shit like that i guess they wouldn't they knew when i was like it still feels weird if you're going to the pool and their camera like facing yes you're right i don't know i mean that was a pool. Maybe it's just like a ring doorbell, right?

Like they know when you come by or not. But yeah. It does feel weird. You know, that still feels weird. For an Airbnb, I would agree. It would still be like, okay, I'm kind of uncomfortable that they know of my whereabouts. I suppose for an Airbnb. Like when I'm home.

Like they know when I'm home. Yeah. That has a little bit of like a horror movie vibe to it or like a thriller um yep well but I'm done that was really good Sandy thank you Danielle for that suggestion I really enjoyed it I had it in a folder saved on our beach to Sandy gmail I had a folder for that was sent in a long time ago so hopefully they still listen well if not sorry sorry now we all know your story about you probably wouldn't have gotten this far into the episode anyway at least it's like this is the longest episode we've ever oh yeah i barely got this far in the episode true yeah i i feel like we just recorded two episodes

and i think we're supposed to record another one. We're recording another one. Help! Get us out of here! No, thank you all. That was fun. Oh, good. Alexander had a lot of fun today. So, thank you. Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you for giving Alexander a special time, and we'll see you. Happy Valentine's Day, and we'll see you next time. Bye!

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production. Hosted and produced by zandy and christine schieffer it's edited by marco padilla cover art by courtney aventura theme music by mavis white executive produced by mariah nicholas forever dog productions is joe cilio alex ramsey and brett boehm