Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 275: Reviews of Fad Water Bottles

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

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Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. We have a very special guest today in the studio. This is Alexander Schieffer. Oh, it's me.

He is back from the big city. I gave up. Just kidding. Just visiting. You lasted longer than I thought you would. Just kidding. Just visiting. You last longer than I thought you would.

He's gracing Cincinnati with his presence for a brief sojourn. And we're all so thankful that he made the time to come to the studio, pop in, say a few words. You know. It was a really brief pop in. Dispense his wisdom onto us. I made him sit through almost two hours of, well, he tried to tell me something then i turned the tables and then she said this is important and i ran away three had a three-hour video queued up of our home videos i said this is relevant and then at the end i said i forget why that was supposed to be relevant and i'm not sure if it was

but but you got alexander was such a cute baby. Yeah. He was like, I saw a cowboy. I did have a cowboy zone. It doesn't sound very cute, but it was very cute. He said. There's a lot of screaming. There's so much screaming. I mean, it was very chaotic. And we had little German accents.

It felt like since you were here, I was feeling nostalgic. And, you know, let's take a look down memory lane. See how that informs our episode and our performance here. I was doing the annoying thing that I did in the videos. I'm now realizing where I would go, Ux in her look, Ux in her look, Ux in her look. And in the videos, I was going, hey, look at me, look at me, look at me. I'm like, wow, nothing has changed. Here I am on a podcast saying, look at me, look at me. Anyway, we're here today with a cool theme, Zandy. Yeah, our theme is reviews of fad water bottles.

Is that what we're titling it? I think so. I guess. I mean, I feel like that makes sense or it's clear. It's not whatever. There's also like, we could say reviews of, you know, I like fad water bottles. Yeah, I like it. I like it.

So, I mean, people probably have an idea of what this is. Yeah, but those, you know you know stanley cups tumblers that have been uh all the rage uh now jeans hydro jugs uh hydro flask roommate has like a roommate oh man there are a lot of them out center i wrote talking points that's the first time i've done that it doesn't include our challenge because i want to give that throw that out there so people know no why don't you tell your challenge first so my challenge was from nicole and this is gonna be later but find reviews where being naked is mentioned or suggested for a thing or place where being naked isn't the point and at first i thought of various because there's some emails and i was like do these fit but then i reread the challenge and

i thought it is so if you read it the correct, a certain way, it's so vague. Just needs to be mentioned. Nakedness needs to be mentioned. And nakedness cannot be the point, which is most of the places that are on Yelp or. Fair point. Like, cause a place that's meant, the point of it is naked is like a nude beach. Yes. Or like a nude only sauna.

So technically a beach where you're not supposed to be nude would fit the challenge. It still counts for sure. Yeah. I think so. Okay. Because I mean, even the mention of it is like, why are you even going there? Because there were some fun emails and I was like, I love all these reviews and I wanted to bring them.

Since when have we ever said, oh, these are hilarious submissions, but sorry, they don't fit the strict parameters we've set for the challenge. I'm not going to lie. I've done that before in my head. When I was reviewing email. Well my head. In your head? When I was reviewing email. Well, yeah. And then I didn't bring them because I thought, no, this isn't good enough.

Meanwhile, it doesn't even occur to me that it has to fit. Like when someone submits it, I just assume they know better than I do. In hindsight, I probably have missed out on some great content. Too fine a line on it. Too fine a point on it. Okay. So here's my, I apparently wrote. What are your talking points?

I wrote talking points and then I put one bullet. And it says, which water bottles do you have? What the fuck is my talking point? I don't know. I think because you have been living in a different town, I feel all nervous. Yeah, you don't know how to talk to me anymore. This is a special occasion and I'm having a special guest. Well, I've gone through.

Which of the fad ones, for example. I've gone through some phases. Me too. Which I think is the point of a fad water bottle. Oh, true. Everyone's like, oh, this one will fix my life. HydroJug is a former sponsor of ours. I loved my HydroJug.

I used it all the time. You would carry it on a strap around your shoulder. Yeah, and not to the gym because I didn't go to a gym. Well, right. I just bring it where I went. That would be ridiculous. It was nice not having to refill my water constantly. Right, because it holds 10 cups of water.

It's a giant fucking gallon of water that you carry around. Did it get kind of annoying sometimes? Yeah, absolutely. It does take forever to fill. Yeah, but then I didn't have to fill it more than once, especially because at the time I lived, I would like be on my computers on the third floor and there was no water. No bathroom up there, no water. So I needed to walk downstairs. And when my health wasn't so good, it was very difficult.

Oh, it's three flights of stairs. So anyway, HydroJug came in clutch. I don't actually use that nearly as much, but now I just mainly use my Nalgene. I'm back to just a plain old nalgene that i've had for so long i haven't been on a nalgene game i think it was the one that was that they gave me after i fell and had mine run over by oh yeah well i have a stanley and i see this is what's embarrassing only paid like 600 for right? Well, plus the finder's fee. The finder's fee. To whomever found it for me.

You hired someone to get that. Just kidding. Hey, someone out there is like, I've done it. Yeah, someone out there is eyeing their partner like, don't even say it. No, I have a Stanley. And what's the most embarrassing is that I got it before i realized like that it had this sort of lore behind it but it wasn't that i got it before everyone realized it it was just before i realized it so like i was just and by lore what do you mean the lord not the lord the

like um so like the lore is that stanley's been around forever the baggage that it now holds as like oh this is a trendy thing that um for a while i i saw it on teacher talk a lot like this is my i'm a you know i'm a stanley girly and i put my whatever and then people are laminating the uh paper label they've laminated the paper label like when you buy it it comes labeled yeah there was someone on tiktok who had it laminated oh no because it was like a valentine special or something cup and they had it laminated so they wouldn't like get it ruined but they'd want to leave it on it's like when people with their caps the uh yeah uh whatever they are they'd leave their stickers on right it's that kind of though it was that vibe so yeah the the stanley fandom has

become laminated report card from pet smart so i shouldn't judge but yeah yeah so i didn't realize it was like this whole fandom right like i didn't realize i was sending a message right i just bought it because i thought oh it's pretty and then i it's embarrassing because it wasn't like oh i bought it before it was like this whole it was just i bought in the midst of it and had no clue so my point is i love that thing except that it does i do tend to spill it everywhere all the time okay and i also love my like swell water bottle of one of those oh yeah yeah which i like because it fits really well into like a backpack pocket and that's that's a big one that's a big one and it doesn't leak too much not fit well okay and the brumate one is nice because you can turn it

and lock it so it also doesn't leak oh these are very important to me yeah i will say my my my hydro jug sometimes would would leak and uh opening that lid is like i was like i i'm not strong enough i like i said i did not take it to the gym it was its own gym for me it was an obstacle course in and of itself anyway so that's my fun um look at that's my fun talking point for the day. And with that, shall we hop into it? Yes. Okay. Why don't you go first?

Okay. So this one was sent in by Haley, and this is of a Stanley 40-ounce Quencher H2.0 flow state tumbler. I think that's the standard one. It looks pretty standard. Okay. It looks giant in this little girl's hands. Holy shit, that thing's huge. I think this is the one you have.

That is like the- It's the one sitting next to you. Oh my God. You didn't know it was there? No. I literally filled it up for this, like for during recording. Here it is. Yes, this is my Stanley cup that I only spent, what did I say? I literally filled it up for this, like for during recording. Here it is.

Yes, this is my Stanley Cup that I only spent, what did I say? 600 plus finders fee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And again, this was before there was ever any sort of, you know, that I knew there was any sort of lore behind it. So I'm just. I love that you use the word lore. I use that word a lot.

So I don't know if I'd use it in this example, but is that lavender? Is that what the color is? I think so. Yeah, I'm looking at all the options. There's so many options. But hey, that one's not available. You could probably, well, you probably spent a lot on it, but you could flip it maybe for even more money. And just to clarify, I spent like 30, whatever the normal price is.

Okay. I didn't. This dick sells them for 45 what does that mean does that mean that's how much they actually are i have no idea there's no way i spent 45 bucks on that thing well anything's possible she did okay um here's the one star review omg do not buy a waste of money my kid threw up in it and it was so hard to clean

because it was sticky then my kid dropped it and it broke do not waste your money end of review that gives like a holding meaning to that stock image of the child holding it and it looks huge and also this sounds like a kid problem.

Not that the kid is actually a problem, but like this problem was your kid did something. That's like saying not the Stanley Cup. Oh no, this iPad sucks. My kid vomited all over it and now it's sticky.

It's like as if they designed it and like maybe in their advertisement they had a nice infomercial even if your kid throws up in it it's dishwasher safe so it's like they're selling it for kids to throw up in oh my god also just mentally i even could not drink well i don't know i don't think i could drink out of that it's disgusting that's a hand-me-down for the younger sibling now the kid can have it one day let's love cycle the circle of life i feel like a stanley cup one day you're sipping out of that stanley cup we've all been there it's a family heirloom now it's yeah yeah it's like the bowls my mom mom would have me throw throw up in when i was little. Now those are in my new apartment.

Whoa. Wait. I'm just kidding. I just made all that up. Okay. I used to have some weird things where whenever I'd go to, whenever I have carrot risotto I'd throw up. Because it looks, well, okay. Turns out it was all the apple juice I drank with it. We've talked about this, but yeah. I was going to wait. So can I ask you a serious question? Did we have a throw-up bowl? I'm trying to remember.

I think we had a bucket. I don't think we actually had a bowl. But have you heard about this? Like how a... Yeah. Some families have a throw-up bucket? Okay. You know whose family had a throw-up bucket was Benedict's family because I'd go into his house every week and throw up in it.

I'm serious. I threw every single time. So it's gross this is so sick i'm so sorry um the other day i forgot to tell you maybe i did tell you leona drank a bunch of apple juice for the first time middle of the night projectile vomit yeah for the first time in her life projectile vomited everywhere and our dumb asses were like, what could it be? Does she have a stomach bug? And I'm like, oh, I gave her an apple juice. And Blaze goes, oh, I gave her an apple juice. Oh, no.

Yeah, we didn't realize we both gave her an apple juice. Oh, no. She won't drink it anymore. She learned faster than you did. I was going to say. She immediately was like, no more apple juice. That's actually impressive. Because, yeah, I was much older than how old she was.

Two and a half. What is she? Two. Two something. Two and a few. than how old she, two and a half, what is she? Two. Two something. Two and a few. Two and a few. Two and a few. And, yeah, I didn't figure it out until I was an adult.

It's hard, though, when you're eating carrot risotto to blame anything but the carrot risotto. I mean, no offense, Mom. Well, I have a very vivid picture of seeing it in the bucket that they gave me. That poor family. It looked exactly the same as when I went in. Mom fed you carrot risotto before you showed up there? No, I think that was, they had it. They, his mom.

What is all these Germans making carrot risotto? Stop. I don't know. But I just remember, nevermind. I'm done with this. So this is from JJ Sheher who said, I did this instead of paying attention to my professional responsibility and ethics in law class. Oopsies.

Another one. What are these lawyers who listen to us? That's not the same one, is it? It makes me nervous. No, it's not the same one. No, we've recruited them. They're on our side. Right?

We've had like quite, for now. If they're listening to us still. Probably not after your carrot risotto comment. We say that every episode. Still. Probably not after your carrot risotto comment. We say that every episode. There's always something that we think they're not going to be crawling back for more, and they keep crawling back.

You're right. These lawyers, that's what I'm telling you. They're like little bugs. They're like little moths stuck to a flame. Yeah, and we are the flames rising high, beckoning. Come to us, lawyers. Renee and all her friends just like gathered around the bonfire that is our podcast yeah it's beautiful it is a flaming pile of shit it is this is a one-star review by marianne of the yeti rambler 26 ounce bottle rambler rambler that's our kind of

tumbler hello it's rambler we ramble oh my god i'm doing it now why did you say tumblr i don't know i forgot what it was called rambler rambler what like cup it's it's it has a chug cap oh which sounds very bad so rambler is like the word that replaces tumblr what the fuck is a rambler i think it's like oh i'm a rambling man i'm serious I think it's like, oh, I'm a rambling man. I'm serious. I think it's like, oh, it's like. You sound very serious when you say that. When you say that you're a rambling man. That is, you are very.

I could tell you were serious. Oh, it's called a rambler because it's rugged. Yeah. Okay. See? Yeah. And it has a chug cap, which I feel like drinking out of this thing does not make you look very rugged. With this weird suction straw thing.

I wasn't. Yeah. Speaking of chugging. Okay. A memory just popped in my head. The one thing I was going to talk about my recent trip that I went on. Oh, sure. Okay. Let's change the subject.

But it's related. This is the Rambler family. That's a nice looking family. They look like all of literally everything. Like a bunch of different types. Yeah, it's a size and shape for everyone. Okay, well. Inclusive family.

I just went on a wonderful journey, a wonderful trip. The only story I'm going to tell about it right now, unless something else is relevant. Oh, this is relevant. this is relevant this is a quote from this man oh he's a rambling he does look like a rambling man and it says yeti represents the yardstick by which all other outdoor products are measured flip palette angler and yeti fishing ambassador oh his name is flip palette flip palette the rambling man but like it's it's it's funny but that flip palette that's the name that i want stamped on my yeti as a seal of approval that maybe someone with that name maybe he'll sign it for you flip palette that's not really what i want i just want him

to tell me how that it's a good rant for a good rambling rambler. I feel like I've been trying to tell you, and now that Flip has said it, you're finally like, okay. Yes. Yes. Okay. That's the whole point. Fine. Talk about New Zealand. It's not even about that.

It's about the Auckland airport because it was at the very end of our trip. I feel so bad about this. Like, I sincerely feel like it was terrible. We walk in the doors. I had a water bottle, and it in a squeezy water bottle. Okay. Okay. Like one of those, the plastic, whatever.

Already, already people are judging me for that and I don't blame them. And we're like, oh, we got to finish it. So I like go and squeeze it in and it was a lot more water than I realized. Uh-oh. And it hit the back of my throat. And I freaking projectile spit. It was like a spit take. Like it was the most spit take, spit take.

And I like spit. And it was right through the sliding doors. Wait, what? At the airport? No, we had just gotten into the airport through the sliding doors. And I spit. Inside? And it was this giant. Yes.

And there were all these trash cans and railings next to me and there was a woman i'm not there was a woman who was standing on the other side christina i have never felt so i'm i'm mortified just saying it i felt so awful i mean like what do you mean other side of the railing and the trash can. Like standing there. And she looked at me. Wasn't angry. Did it hit her? He just looked at me. Yes.

It wasn't like her face. It was like not that it makes it that much better. But like she was wearing like a dress or something. And like I got on her dress. Like my spit water. Sinner. I spit. And Dee and Steven were like a little bit ahead.

And they turned around and see me doubled over because I was like coughing and like I have a confession because the coughing was real because I just like completely choked and I couldn't I was involuntary oh Christine I was acting my little heart out and I was like doubled over and I was like I'm so sorry I'm so sorry and like the woman like made up like I couldn't really hear her she was very quiet but she's sorry. I'm so sorry. And like the woman like made a, like, I couldn't really hear her. She was very quiet, but she's like, it's okay. She said something, she like kind of brushed me off, like whatever. She said security, security.

And she just stood there and watched me like cough while Dee and Stephen were like, are you okay? Like what happened? And I was like, yeah, yeah. And I'm just like coughing. Christina, I, it was the worst feeling ever. And then she just stood there. She was still there. She was still there.

So I felt so just like. You had to like stumble away, like pretending like. And then we stumbled away. And they were just like, what the fuck just happened? Did you even empty the water bottle? Like, did you have to go empty it somewhere else then? Oh, no. I just threw it in the recycling because it was empty at that point.

It was all over that woman. Oh, I thought it was like one of the reusable squeeze bottles. No, it was a plastic. It was like one we had. It was a plastic squeeze bottle. Like, Christina. It was mortifying. And I feel like I had to come clean about it because I bet there's someone who works security at the ockland airport who has this video and someone's gonna be like like find this this like freaking germ terrorist like

literally i like it's disgusting it is gross it is terrible that i did like i feel so awful like your gag reflex literally just like projectile onto that yeah and like it's one of those like mortifying things where like it's not good and i like could have been more careful so i should have done but like i obviously i didn't want to do that and so i in my opinion you did the right thing by overreacting to make it look i i'm serious and i apologize like 30 times because if i looked over and somebody was just standing there i'd be like excuse me she was like so surprisingly unfazed like i was very grateful for, that she didn't make a scene. I wouldn't have blamed her if she did.

Maybe this happens all the time at the Auckland airport. You never know. Maybe it's just a thing. Maybe it's just a thing. Anyway, I just, I need it to come clean. I don't know. That's been weighing on me a lot for some reason. Karma for using a water bottle.

It all comes down to that. Okay. So this is a one-star review of the Yeti Rambler. 26 ounces. Oh, me. Yeah. You. No.

No, the Rambler. Flip. Chip. Chip. Flop. Chip flop. Chip floppy. Floppy chip.

Chip. Are you saying like chip coffee? Yeah. But chip floppy? Okay. Flipped. The Anglin Rambler Man. Kip Choffee.

Kip Choffee. One star by Marianne Verified Purchase called Disappointing. I have three reasons that I am disappointed with this item. One, when it is securely closed, you cannot shake it or coffee goes everywhere. First of all. Wait, when it's securely closed, you can't? You cannot shake it or coffee goes everywhere first of all hold on when it's securely closed you can't you cannot shake it because coffee was it's okay i feel like that's counterintuitive no maybe you put it stop shaking it no stop shaking hey people put like protein powder in their coffee or and stuff stir it and what with what a big spoon i don't your finger i don't care i don't want the spoon

clanking around in there i don't like that sound i don't you know what i mean then how about a bamboo straw you think i just have a bamboo straw lying around what if they're all dirty have one of mine look i i think if it is supposed to be sealed you should be able to shake it and water liquid doesn't come out that is good information to be fair i don't be able to shake it and water or liquid doesn't come out. That is good information. To be fair, I don't know if that, if it's, well, I don't know. It doesn't say it's supposed to be. I mean, I know my Stanley doesn't say it's supposed to be shakable.

Want to see? Let's find out. Secondly, first of all, hold on. They put one in parentheses. Now they're writing secondly. Okay. So they've writing secondly. Okay. So they've already changed the formatting. Secondly, it is too tall to fit in the cafe latte machine at work. So I have to dispense it into a paper cup and pour it.

That's pretty funny. That's your, now that I'm. It does not feel like a fault of either this cup or the cafe latte machine. First of all, who are you, my dad? Cafe latte machine. That's so true. Unless it's like, what company is it? Yeti?

Unless it's a Yeti brand cafe latte machine. Fair point. Which I don't think it is. And they're like, oh, and then you have to shake it. And you're like, wait, no, that won't work. And you're like, wait, no, that won't work. Third, it hurts my hand to reach into the inside to scrub it as it is slightly too narrow. The only plus is that it holds a full two cups of coffee.

End of review. Well, until you shake it. And then. Also, you have to put the cups in yourself with a paper cup. Like, can you imagine that coworker who's just like grumbling to themselves like, I don't know, and shaking it and getting it everywhere. I wonder if there's a tray that they can actually take out that they don't know they can take it out.

You know how some of those coffee machines have those trays you can just pull out to fit a taller cup. Oh, yeah. Nobody tell them, though, because I think this is way more fun. Like, this defeats the whole purpose of a reusable thing. If you're putting it in a paper cup and then... Yeah.

Anyway. But, I mean, it's the same. That's what's so silly. People who collect multiple Stanleys, which, look, I have multiple water bottles. I'm not... But people who just collect them. The whole point is that you have one to reuse for water. It's sort of kind of oxymoronic.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But I've also collected weird stuff. I've collected barf bags. I'm not weirdly on topic now for what we've been talking about. I've also collected barf bags. I used to collect barf bags. Me too.

Did I know that about you? Christina, I don't know. Do you know why? I did that very extensively in middle school. Oh, I did that because Alyssa and I would always bring each other a barf bag from our trips. Okay. As a souvenir. Nice.

And so over time, I never remembered to give them to her. And so I just had a pile of them in my room. Nice. What's, yeah. They're just now filled with carrot risotto. Yeah, that's true. I did find them. Yeah, so I'm, whatever, collecting.

I collect some weird stuff stuff so i can't really judge that but just funny it's something that's the whole purpose is defeating the purpose right to like laminate your special cup yeah but when you consider all the cups i've bought over the years i'm like yeah and i do consider all the cups you bought she considers them daily all the time it's your turn oh i was just reminiscing about all my cups i know i can see that uh this one is uh one that i actually found did some work wow oh la la just wait for my challenge i did zero that's great cool cool uh this is a target review of a stanley 40 ounce stainless steel h2o flow state quencher tumbler normal Normal one. One star. Did not get what I ordered. This review isn't

about the tumbler itself, but that I ordered the tumbler and instead got a little girl's sweater in the mail. The label even said the package, it was supposed to be three pounds, which this little sweater clearly isn't. Asking around, pretty much everyone, including the Target employee I returned the item to, suspected my item was swapped and stolen in the target warehouse due to the hype the stanley cups have gotten online lately we are now waiting for the replacement order hopefully that one actually makes it here to my house and not a tiny sweater and a review if one more tiny sweater shows up on my doorstep god my first thought i believe it My first thought was,

what, you think a little girl's back there and she took her shirt off and then I was like, wait, wait, that's so stupid, Christine. Wow.

Obviously she didn't take her sweater off. The idea is like a Target employee or an employee at the shipping. And they included a picture of,

and there was, sure enough, there was a sweater. It's kind of hilarious that you would put a sweater in that's not even three pounds. Yeah, they didn't even like try to hide it, but apparently got away with it for now. I don't know. But there were so many reviews on Target that were so all over the place.

And so many people just. What if I told you I bought a child sweater? And you got a Stanley Cup instead? Yeah. I would have thought that's a better trade. I don't know. Like, you probably, yeah, you got a good deal. Why?

I don't know. What are you saying? Why would you? I don't know. I don't know. I thought it would be, like, a fun thought experiment, and it wasn't. Well, okay, then let's do the thought experiment. Instead of asking about the hypothetical thought experiment, do the thought experiment right now.

Okay, order a sweater? No, you just just told me what if i told you something just tell me something i did tell it to you no what if i told you i bought a sweater that's not telling me you bought a sweater that's saying what if i told you that didn't mean i bought a sweater thing oh nice A lot of sweater. Thing. Oh, nice. Experiment figured out. We got to, we got our conclusion. Oh my God. That's, see that folks, that is the scientific method. That's called, I'm trying to think of one science word.

One, homeostasis. There we go. Anyway, my turn. What did you just call me? I'm sorry. Were you offended? You go. This is from Sean Heham, and it's a hydro flask stainless steel wide mouth water bottle with flex straw lid and double wall vacuum insulation. Okay.

Oh, boy. All right. What brand? Hydro flask. Hydro flask. This is a one-star review by Pamela. Wait, what brand? Hydro Flask.

Hydro Flask. This is a one-star review by Pamela. And the title of the review is, These bottles are not stainless steel. Hold a magnet to these bottles. They are aluminum made in China. If these bottles were stainless steel, a magnet would stick to them. I have been using these bottles myself and sometimes put acid powder in what is acid powder i don't know for why i just said homie i'm saying this is the only

science word i know so i'm not the person to ask also i better also point out i'm pretty sure sean is a scientist i was gonna say there's nothing scientific about this review to me okay so let me finish i've been using these bottles myself and sometimes put acid powders in them believing they are as advertised they are priced as if they are stainless end of review stainless steel magnetic like so sean sent a link to a site called amazing magnets.com oh nice okay yeah yeah yeah uh will a magnet stick to stainless steel and apparently in this article it says sometimes yes sometimes no okay because we had a stainless steel fridge going up and magnets did not stick yeah that's what i was thinking i feel like that's in my head

it doesn't i don't know also then i went in a little rabbit hole and i figured a wabbit hole a wabbit hole where stanley said what did stanley said stanley told me right to my face that their water bottles are 90 recycled stainless steel so maybe it's because it's 90 but they do not advertise that they are they say we're stainless steel but they don't say the thickness we're magnetic yeah they also don't say put acid powder in me I don't think What's acid powder? I don't know Sean, can you tell me? I think Sean is a scientist based on

His Email signature Oh, I was going to say his googling of Stainless steel magnets The fact that he knew to go to the source Amazingmagic.com The most scientific source out there. By the way, look at this website.

I put it in here because I knew I would want to show it to you. And it is pretty next level amazing. Yep. It looks like it's about magnets. Where's the shop? Is there a shop or no? Well, if there's not, then fuck this. I love this comment on this post, though.

Oh. One thought on will a magnet stick to stainless steel. I appreciate you letting us know that if we want magnets to stick to stainless steel, we should consider using ferritic and martensitic stainless steel. What? I'll keep this in mind in case I need rare earth pot magnets in the future as well. What's happening? This is above our pay grade. Anyway, so there's this whole article about it.

And so I just, I think I love that they were saying like, and here I am putting acid powders in what I believe to be a stainless steel mug for all my many experiments. Like, what are you doing? Acid powder? I don't know what that means. Fuck it. I don't know what it means. At least say protein powder so we know what, so we know we have some, I'm going to look up acid powder.

Oh no. Flavor enhancer. Oh. Oh God. Okay. I just imagine that would make them. That's called acid powder. Just make... I don't know. The metal would make it... It would taste like metal if you enhance the flavor of your Stanley Cup. Here, I'm going to go get a magnet. Do not get a magnet. I know where one is. Okay, you have one ready? I do, actually.

Okay. Fine. We're doing what's called the scientific method again. Can you get the acid powder? The acid powder? Yes, I the scientific method again the acid powder yes i'm definitely running to get acid powder right now what is that oh a ouija board ouija planchette okay okay this is the ultimate test method what's your hypothesis oh my hypothesis my hypothesis is that it will stick. Okay, my hypothesis, I don't really care, but I don't think it's going to stick. It sticks. Okay, but it almost doesn't.

What? You're spraying water on me. You can't shake that when it's sealed. Here, I'm going gonna pour it in my boat but it's this is also a very teeny magnet and it doesn't feel particularly um should i get another magnet no no no we're done why would you get another magnet well because i think this is uh i can see if you put a slightly heavier one it would fall right off and what's interesting about this experiment it tells us nothing because the review was for a completely different water bottle.

Was it? Yeah. No, I don't think so. I thought it was a hydro flask. No. This was for a Stanley? Oh, no, it was for a hydro flask. Okay.

But look, it doesn't stick on the handle. Oh, that's plastic. Because the handle's not metal. Is that stainless steel? Oh, so I was over here saying i looked up what stanley said who cares what stanley said hydro flask is not stanley i don't care what anyone says oh my god here i am using stanley as my source i need sean to get more involved because sean's the only reasonable source so far stanley's do are stainless steel. 90%. Because literally everyone says that I've read so far, the title says stainless steel. Yeah, but only 90%.

Of recycled, okay. But I don't know if maybe Hydro Flask is like, we're 100%, you know what I mean? Like maybe I've got the wrong idea. Okay. Someone posted on Reddit, on our hydro flasks said magnets is there any way to get magnets to work on hydro flasks um and someone said a metal is either magnetic or it's not hydros are a non-magnetic type of stainless steel so unfortunately not. So that's the true science of it all. You just search

Reddit and trust what a random Redditor said. Okay. What about though, what do they have to say about acid powder? Okay, they said hydro flasks and acid

powder go hand in hand. Oh. And they should be, they should bathe in each other. Can I move on? Mm-hmm. Good. Because I have a review sent in by Minimoto. And this is of, who the heck knows?

A hydro flask. Oh my God. This is of a hydro flask. Lord knows what kind. It's not important. One that doesn't have, magnets don't stick to thisro Flask. Lord knows what kind. It's not important. One that doesn't have... Magnets don't stick to this Hydro Flask. Okay.

Here's a one-star review. Didn't receive my order. I purchased this thing a few months ago and didn't even get to enjoy it. When in the process of ordering, I accidentally put in an address that doesn't exist. But instead of emailing or calling me, FedEx decided to deliver the package to an unknown address, claiming it was the address that I put down, when in fact it was a completely random address that FedEx failed to let me know of. I've tried contacting FedEx, which they didn't help. So is FedEx in your fault but not Hydroflask? Hydro Flask still gets a one-star review from me according to them I put in an address that first of all I feel like I haven't had a frustrating review in a while you know one that's like come on so irksome yeah do

you like what do you mean you either put the address in and it doesn't exist or it's just a random address and FedEx put it there that's what I don't understand I don't say it doesn't exist or it's just a random address and FedEx put it there that's what I don't understand I don't say it doesn't exist if FedEx is like we literally brought it to the thing that you wrote down yeah also how do you just put a random address into I've never heard of such I don't know I've I've definitely put in an old like shipped something to an old address exactly no that's why I'm I don know. I don't know how this happens. Maybe a typo, but still. Well, maybe the wrong number, like a typo in the number, and then it doesn't exist on the street, so they were delivered to the closest number to the, I don't know.

I don't know. Someone's, what if I told you, I live at a random address and I received Tumblr in the, I thought I could redeem my joke, but... What? Oh, were you finished? It sounded like you had more to say. That's why I was silently staring at you. I realized that it wasn't... Because you kind of trailed off.

Got to deliver a Tumblr. Because I realized it wasn't catching on. It wasn't working. Oh. Back to the drawing board. Okay. Have you ever struggled with finding time to manage finances the end of a busy week the last thing you want to do is spend time budgeting all of your expenses or track down customer service teams to cancel old subscriptions you no longer use but luckily rocket money does all of that for

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saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash beach. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach. Rocketmoney.com slash beach. Today, something is coming. Kong, Godzilla, they can feel it. Fight together. It's human or face extinction. Godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters this is also from sean it's a review of the mira 17 ounce stainless steel vacuum insulated water bottle double walled cola shaped thermos 24 hours hot cold 12 hours hot so this is basically like cola shaped so it's basically like

the um the um what is this called the swell bottle that's like kind of thin and has like a taper at the top uh-huh because you know what i mean with the cola shape? Like it's kind of like a cola. Like that. Yes. Okay. So this is a one star review titled Milk in the Flask Gets Spoiled. Oh. Oh.

I'm so sorry. You don't have to read anymore. It gets worse. Not worse, but kind of worse. What? Okay. Verified purchase, by the way. The milk stored in this flask gets spoiled after around seven hours. I am a working mom and bought this flask to store breast milk for my baby.

I pour it in around 8.30 a.m. in the morning and see it is spoiled in the evening around 4.30 most days. End of review. I have some thoughts. I don't. Because I'm choosing to put all of them down and not think about this. And I don't know. I honestly actually am not sure. Here's what I just realized.

So my thought was, are they pumping and then putting it straight in the thing? Because then it's literally just going to stay warm. Like it's not going to. But then when she said, the thing because then it's literally just gonna stay warm like it's not gonna but then when she said oh i pour it in i'm like well maybe she gets it out of the fridge oh but like if you're putting in body temperature breast milk yeah because if it were plain old two percent like presumably that comes out of the fridge it should stay cold for a while yes breast milk if you're just getting a body temperature squeezing it right in yeah that's not gonna like get cold ever or like that's gonna spoil yeah yeah yeah like you can't even leave breast milk out for i forget the numbers but there's specific guidelines on how long to leave in the fridge how long and i feel like um there's like a lost in translation thing where it says like keeps it cold, keeps it hot. Like you can't just put something room temperature and it'll be cold.

Yeah. Or it'll stay. It's not going to get cold. And I don't know. Maybe she's pouring it straight in from the fridge. But if she were, would you like hypothetically like would you expect that to be good? I mean, I don't. Not after 830 to to 4.30.

That's a full freaking day. Yeah. Like, you're better off just putting ice packs. Because I assume you're not putting ice cubes in with the breastplate. Right. Like, you'd at least have to put some ice packs in there, around it. I just felt like this is really a backwards way, because they sell perfectly good things. I was going to say, also, what's the point? the point i don't know and a swell bottle has that little um what do you call the uh part

on a screw where it's thread the thread the thread and all that you don't want milk and all that like come on don't put don't put any milk in there i yeah goat cow person yeah especially warm and i just i'm bummed and it's also worse when i said it was worse on multiple levels i don't want to i'm not saying like ha ha like that sucks yeah you don't want to lose that no i think that sounds terrible but there are so many resources like just just search for it they have so many devices and shit that keeps things cold. Yeah, I guess there's probably a reason that there are specific things for breast milk. Yes, exactly. And this one is kind of a knockoff of a Swell bottle.

So I imagine it's- What brand was it? Mira. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's a well-known brand, but it's only 15 bucks. So it's definitely a pretty cheaper version of- Which you don't- But it also has great reviews.

So I'm like, either something is going wrong. Well, I think it went wrong when the plan was to put breast milk in it. I think I don't know. My whole day. I put it in the fridge. That also still again, why?

Cause you're not giving it to your baby out of the swell bottle. Right. I don't totally understand. Like, is this meant to be like a thermos for your day? Like, I think they're using it as like a thermos to carry with them and like, you know. To dispense their breast milk into. Or to pump and then put the milk into. Well, if they're putting it in in the morning, then I'm saying like, no, I mean like, like you, you know, you put soup in a thermos at the beginning of your day and then eat it at lunch.

Right. Like, I just mean like if they're out and about they want to have instead of they just like have it ready for the baby for the baby but like it's not like you're tipping the swell bottle into your baby's mouth exactly so i'm i don't know why i don't know this is so confusing i don't know why not without a chug cap it does look like a bottle those chug caps perfect um but yeah i spit breast milk all over that lady Not without a chug cap. It does look like a bottle of those chug caps. Perfect. Can I have my spit breast milk all over that lady?

Oh, no. It could have been worse, I guess. Honestly, if she was a mom who breastfed, she'd be like, this is nothing. This ain't nothing. Don't worry about it. So I'm a working mom and bought this flask. So I pour it in or I pour it around 830 a.m. And bought this flask to, so I pour it in, or I pour it around 8.30 a.m. And then after work, well, it doesn't say that, but basically saying after work.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Huh. I don't understand. Because if you're putting, I think what's happening is she's putting breast milk straight from her breast into a flask, which is going to try and keep it the same temperature. And then it's going to spoil in like 25, 30 minutes. You know, it's like, not that, I don't know. I don i don't remember it's been a while but this ain't it no i hope she finds a new method because this is gonna be heartbreak jesus day in day out spoiled milk a journey um good to know we all learned something today everybody um i have one more review is sent in by Lauren. It's a redemption.

And this is of the Stanley Adventure Quencher travel tumbler, 30 ounce cream colored. Oh my. Okay. It's quite nice. Adventure Quencher. That's clever. What's fun with these. So many of these reviews were very recent, you know, like this was from February of this year.

Oh wow. They're still going strong. Was it the Valentine's drop? No, this just looks like a, it's just a cream colored. I saw footage of people at Target, like literally fighting over the hot pink ones. So many of, so people were going on the Target reviews online and I saw them as I was doing research and just writing reviews about the people doing that. So they'd leave a one-star review. I can't believe people are fighting each other over these. That'll fix it.

It's like, what are you doing? You look at them from a distance and then maybe talk about them on your podcast. Yeah, that's what we do. Don't go write a one-star review. What a weird use of energy. But not that kind of content. Yes, at least content. I guess it's content for us. So don't go write a one-star review. What a weird use of energy. Turn it into content, but not that kind of content. Yes, at least content. I guess it's content for us.

So maybe do keep doing that. You know what? Scratch all of this. This is the everlasting conundrum. Yeah. And in true crime, it's a very easy answer. If true crime ended tomorrow, I'd be fucking thrilled, right? I'm not going to trade my job for it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, end true crime. It would be the best news of the world. On the other hand these ridiculous online reviews internet crime well okay i shouldn't say internet crimes uh low stakes internet crimes yeah to humanity maybe keep at it keep at it just for like a little levity you know yeah let us have this let us have this this is a five-star review champion of elegance a five-star white stanley cup review first of all it's cream so uh well you're not gonna like this review because they mentioned white at least once more okay

the white stanley cup is an absolute masterpiece deserving every bit of its five-star rating. Its pristine color exudes elegance and sophistication, making it a standout piece in any collection. Crafted with impeccable attention to detail, this replica captures the essence of the iconic trophy in all its glory. Whether displayed proudly on a shelf or used as a centerpiece for celebrations, the White Stanley Cup commands attention and admiration. It's a true symbol of excellence and achievement, and I couldn't be more pleased with its quality and beauty. If you're a fan of hockey or simply appreciate fine craftsmanship, the White Stanley Cup is a must-have addition to your home or office decor. End of review.

I wish I knew which button of those was the clapping. The applaud. Yeah. That's beautifully put. Applause, applause, applause. Yeah. That's beautiful. It's, uh... I love the idea of using it as a centerpiece.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Do you put flowers in it or do you just leave it? They just have it on their counter, the granite countertop top what if i looked over and it was the literal stanley cup they should have included that picture um i like mine better i thought i was gonna be like really jelly not jelly but i thought i'd be like oh envious i want that color but actually it's just a white stanley cup and for those who aren't aware the stanley cup is also the name of the trophy that the National Hockey League gives out to the best hockey team at the end of the Stanley Cup finals. Yeah. So it gets a little confusing because it's literally the Stanley Cup.

And not to be one of those, when I started seeing TikToks, like when it was first emerging, this all this on TikTok, the first one I saw, I thought, huh? No, I had that. Stanley Cup. You know what's worse? I had that same thought, but I already owned one of these. I just, huh? No, I had that. Stanley Cup. You know what's worse? I had that same thought, but I already owned one of these. I just like didn't even, my brain didn't even process that this was a brand called Stanley. And then, no, and then I Googled it and I was like, oh, I know Stanley, of course. But in my head, I thought, what the hell is a Stanley Cup?

What's a Stanley Cup? Other than the Stanley Cup. It's a beautiful centerpiece for your office. Yeah. But now it's become such a thing. It's like the reverse. You know how like people who don't like sports like oh sports ball make fun of sports yeah um which which is pure hilarity sorry it bothered it weird weird like those that kind of thing i don't

know you know how some people have like sensory stuff about fabrics alexander has sensory stuff about like certain phrases which i did too like and concrete. I'll never get over it. Yeah. But on the reverse side, it also bothers me equally. I'm not like picking sides. When the sports people are like, oh, the only Stanley Cup I know is the hockey one. It's like, and they say a thousand times.

And it's like, we get it. We know what the Stanley Cup, like we don't have, oh, it drives me crazy. And so that's part of why the whole Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey thing was weirdly so satisfying what the stanley got like we don't have oh it drives me crazy and so that's part of why the whole taylor swift travis kelsey thing was weirdly so satisfying because it brought so many of those people on the sports side who are so annoying so much misery oh really because it makes it made it

so terrible for me because i sat there being like oh god now we have to hear from all those people because they're bitching so much but they're bitching so much because they are they are going through something that is not something i take too seriously they're getting very upset over very little and it's like hey they have to deal with those negative emotions i don't i don't have to take on their shit yeah i guess i guess as an empath i feel different okay that's another one of his fun little sensory triggers. Okay. So this is from Carrie and it is a, this is,

okay. This is what I wrote. This, okay. I don't remember. This is a few days ago and at night. So I don't know what about. Oh,

it was at night. Thank you. That means I took a sleep gummy. I know. I know what you were saying, but it was just really funny that you're like, oh, rain. Oh, it was at night. Thank you. Well, that means I took a sleep gummy. I know what you were saying. But it was just really funny that you're like, oh, this was, you know, at night. Wink. After dark, after hours, XX. Nope.

From Carrie. And this, I wrote, this tangent is giving Patreon vibes, dot, dot, dot, blankets. Oh. dot dot dot blankets oh so i'm now recalling what this is but it's of a water bottle that technically carry is not a fad water bottle because it's like a it's a knockoff but it is now but it sure is now that we've promoted this we are creating this fat hydro jug is out yeah what's in what is this well alexander you don't even know. Well, the problem is I intentionally. Except one of starting a fad. Do you know what I did?

Was it Amazon? I shortened the name because I was like, I want it to sound like it's a real water bottle brand. Oh, and I'm calling you out already like inadvertently. Yeah. 64 Hydro. That's it? That's what it's called?

I guess so. I thought. Their logo's even blurry. Yeah. It's like not. That's what it's called? I guess so. I thought... Their logo's even blurry. Yeah, it's like not... It's not it. It's like it's never gonna be what they... Oh, okay. Was that from your recent... She scrolls down, there's these weird religious ornaments

underneath the hydra. This is the same store. No. Dead serious. Huh? And the Mandalorian. What? No, no, no.

The Dadalorian. The. I'm out. Okay. Like a dad? Just way cooler. That's all it says? Oh, God.

I thought you were going to keep going. See also. Handsome. Exceptional. Like in the dictionary? Okay. You know what? Here, this this is what those we love don't this is an ornament with cardinals on it where it's it's what it's giving whiplash this store to be clear the cardinals who are electing a new pope that kind of there's smoke billowing but what color is it the only catholics will get that joke i don't think that's true, but only people who really believe in Jesus will share this on their Facebook.

This, uh, ornament with Cardinals on it. The birds says those we love. Don't go away. They fly beside us every day. Okay. What is that?

It's so, Oh, they have a nurse nutrition facts. See, this is why I said it's giving. Okay. Does everyone know about these blankets, though? Oh, no. So that's why I put blankets and I thought we'd elaborate.

But basically, we have this fun trend, which it's only me. It's not a trend. It's just me doing it over and over again. Where every month, Alexander and I do a Patreon bonus episode, and we kind of just willy-nilly pick a theme. Sometimes it has to do with a holiday that month, like Valentine's Day, which is what we did last month. And I went on another expedition into the abyss of Amazon. Because I feel like we've had these for Mother's Day, Father's Day type of things. Yes.

There have been multiple opportunities for these blankets maybe one episode i may have brought some but i'm not to a regular i'm not sure they're definitely more common in the patreon sphere and they are these blankets that are so deeply unhinged they have i mean you have to i guess go listen so if you want to know the real truth about the blankets, but they, or see the pictures of them, but they are usually like anywhere from 100 to 200 words on each blanket. On a single blanket. And all different, at least 32 fonts. It's insane. It's insane.

And they say things like. Like weird phrases. Oh, I sent you one for, as a home, housewarming gift. Yeah, and I'm not going to say what's on there because there's a photo on Patreon and I want the patrons. Oh. I want them to have something. You put that up? Yeah.

Okay, I got to go check that out. Yeah. I haven't seen it yet. But yeah, I mailed Zandy one. So I got my own. It's very special. For a brother, specifically for brothers. Yeah.

But they're different. Like there was one that you, it was about dental hygienists? Dental hygienists is my top so far. And so they're different, like, patches. And do you have any examples off the top of your head of what these said? Yeah, so it'll say, like, every day I'm...

Flossing. Nursing, or whatever the fuck. Like, it'll have, like, some very generic phrase that you could put any word into. Like, not all heroes wear capes, but nurses do. You know, just very. Nurses wear capes. Okay.

To be fair to the blanket, it does not say that nurses wear capes. Really? The IV nurse said, every month I go in for my IV. And when I say in, I mean outside. Christina, do they bite your neck? She has a big cape. They bite your neck. She uses her teeth as the catheter part.

Ew. Anyway. This is what you, we talked about Patreon and then it went off the rails. I'm sorry, this is not, this shouldn't be this. Patreon.com slash Beach2Sandy. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, so anyway uh yeah that was almost a good example where you said not all not not all heroes wear capes somewhere scrubs or

something okay something like that i like mine better um somewhere hokas is that is that a thing but i want to wear show off i want to wear hokas i Show off. I want to wear hokas. I do too. I saw someone wear them on the plane and I was like, am I allowed to wear that? Look, not just nurses wear hokas. Expensive. Sorry. Okay. Continue. This is why I was saying this whole tangent I'm about to go on gives very Patreon blanket vibes because it just devolves.

I'm glad we just went on a tangent to lead into the tangent. Not as if it's your fault. I mean, sort of. Actually, 100% is my fault. But anyway, so. Carrie sent this in and it is a one-star review by Erin of a water bottle,

this 64 Hydro water bottle. The same store that also sells all the ornaments and stuff. One star, angry and hurt and very disheartened is the title zero star rating very upset do not buy i ordered a beautiful sunflower bottle with a memorial quote in memory of my mother and i was sent this ridiculous llama bottle almost 30 bucks down the drain. I'm so angry and upset. I don't have access to a printer

and I have no idea how to send it back. My heart was set on the beautiful memorial bottle for my mother and I am left with humiliating crap. End of review. Oh no. It's so sad. Yeah, because I was like, oh no.

It's what I can only describe as a stoned llama. Oh no. That's what I can only describe as a stoned llama. That is cruel to receive. And I feel so bad for this person. But Carrie made a point. Like maybe the mom was just like sending like a jokey message. No. No fucking way. I'm sorry, Carrie.

I appreciate your- Happy mind, happy life. And it's like a stoned llama. This is Carrie. The Carrie is this llama and is trying life. And it's like a stone- This is Carrie. The Carrie is this llama and is trying to get the good out of it. This is the reality I'd like it to be. Hey, happy mind, happy life. Well, you know what?

In my mind, this is just cruelty. Also, is he holding a sword, a knife? What is that? It's his paws are together. Oh, his little hooves. His little hooves. Oh, I thought he was holding a knife. They don't look like hooves, to be fair.

Happy mind, happy life, multiple thoughts. A picture of a seemingly stoned llama. And now I want to- Sitting cross-legged. Like doing yoga. Like a yoga, meditating llama. Yeah. Wow.

And it's like nonsensical. It's not like there's a pun. It's just, you know. So here, Alexander, I want to show you the bottle that she tried to order for her mom. Okay. The memorial bottle. I can already picture it and said really just saying no because you probably can um it's right here oh i'm not even kidding i was about to say are there butterflies on it i was about to say are there butterflies you fucking nailed it i could see it in your eyes how the moment i saw that i was like you were just shaken to your core at seeing the exact idea in your mind get projected on my life man i could do this i should i think i might have found a new career path wouldn't you realize that's what you could do

if you stop podcasting you could help design knockoff amazon water bottles so this is what it says oh my mind still talks to you and my heart still looks for you but my soul knows you are at peace oh no i shouldn't laugh i know i sound you know what else sounds good happy mind happy life hey lady hey lady not all this mumbo jumbo happy mind happy life it's no it's in a world with only one stanley cup and memorial quote, it's happy bite, happy life. No, that is so sad. No, I- It is sad. I feel bad laughing, but I will also say that most of these water bottles have typos.

Like they're so cheaply and badly made. And a lot of times you can tell the translation is not correct, you know? And so it's like, well, I know I feel sad, but also if this were supposed to be some like really nice custom thing. Yeah. Well, one thing I do hope is I do hope this becomes something they can laugh about later, which isn't always the case for these things. Her and her dead mom? I said.

They? Okay. I didn't mean they. I meant they singular. Oh, I thought you meant she and her dad. No. I think I literally was like. The mom might already be laughing.

Do you know what? I don't know That's what Carrie said and you were like absolutely not Carrie Okay Carrie you might have a point Okay but you know what my first thought was I was like so nervous I was like I have to tell Alexander that this woman's mom is dead He didn't catch on

Now I have to break the devastating news Yeah that's why I feel so bad You think I'd feel bad otherwise If this person just got this for fun I would'd be like, I would still be like, oh, that sucks. But I wouldn't feel like it. I know, but you really made me think for a moment. You know how many times I said this is cruel that this llama appeared in the mail? Okay, okay, that's fair.

I forgot about all that. But you did sort of phrase it as like. No, I said, well, I hope that one day that'll be they'll laugh about it they'll be able to laugh about like this that person that person oh i thought singular i thought you meant plural they and i was like i just told you they singular and then you kept okay all right fine well i was using she her pronouns you were using they them There you go. And this is the example of why woke culture is ruining America. I know. I think whatever she's about to say, I'm going to hate.

I think if that clip actually is in 4K, you could see the light just leave my eyes because I was like, well, it's too late to go back. I'm going to say woke culture. Was it? Was it though? It wasn't. Okay. So this is where woke culture. Was it? Was it though? It wasn't. Okay. So I had, so this is. Oh good, oh there's more. Sorry, this is where the blank. You should be. Alexander, we're just, we're just getting started

because. Your battery is about to die on your computer. Oh shit. Where we're recording. That is a sign from that mom. That mom is. That's from you, I feel like you're I did unplug it before we started. I, I, I did. That was we started. I did. It's weird, though.

Did you really? No. Oh. I'm going to buy a memorial bottle for you in a minute. So I need threat. So now I want to. Okay. So because this is a blanket tangent, blanket adjacent tangent.

Oh, there's more. Okay. You're going to read some examples. I just, of course, went down a rabbit hole. Like, oh man, we're only just beginning. So Carrie, thank you for launching me into this black hole. Here's one. So I'm just going to show you some and they kind of get worse as we go.

Not worse. Well, it's up to you to decide. Um, but here's one that I'd love you to just like explain to the, to the listeners. Um, I, the first thing that I noticed of course was the wagging,

three wagging dog, dachshund butts at the bottom with tails. and then there's, um, you know, so the only example I've seen of this is at a soccer game in Germany when there was a beer

and there are different levels of the beer and it says at different minute intervals, halftime, like how much you should have been drinking by then. It was a big beer. To what, to hydrate? Well, it was beer, so not really. But yeah, it was like, oh, like this is how much it's beer so not really but yeah it was like it was like oh like this is how much you should have at halftime this is like on the it's like a kitschy

thing oh just like oh for fun yeah it's not you don't have to follow it and i don't think anyone in the stadium follows why did i get so nervous three of those before the game is over does my blue moon have that too should i be following the no it literally just says like oh at halftime at this level or something it It's just some silly thing. And it's like with the Thornton logos. But I think that's based on water bottles. Like, I think that's the joke. Yeah.

Okay. Because you said you've never seen it before. But no, I've never seen another example that was like not just a normal. What do you mean? It's like water bottles. Well, they sell water bottles. I mean, this is probably because I was in sucked into the diet world for a long time. I mean, this is probably because I was sucked into the diet world for a long time.

But back in the Pinterest era of pre-TikTok, more Pinterest world, there were all these water bottles you could buy and people still have them. I definitely have some that say they either have times or they have start of the day, keep going, you got this. Oh, I've never seen that in my life. Oh, it's a very common thing well this is fascinating to me this one because it has that's they're all like a loading dachshund image and i didn't want to use this as an example because this is seriously not what the ones i own it's hard it's hard to then i feel like it was hard to describe because but there's an outline of a dachshund at the bottom that's just 1 p.m slash 7 p.m yeah 1 p.m or 7 p.m because you drink two a day oh okay and then at the bottom that's just 1 p.m slash 7 p.m yeah 1 p.m or 7 p.m because you drink two a day oh okay and then at the bottom it says refill now and then there's a loading dachshund so

and it says you did it okay it goes you let's start from the top get started it's a fully loaded dachshund fully loaded dachshund it's so stupid 8 a.m fully loaded dachshund you know one of our listeners has a dachshund named herbie and just had like a, wait, what? I'm talking to you. We are. And Herbie. Yeah. 9 a.m.

It's less loaded. Like the. They've erased the coloring. It's less brown. They've erased the coloring of the clip art inside the dog. Anyway, it's one of those. I don't need to go through all of those specifically. Okay.

But then on the left, there's like a nutrition facts thing which is very popular on these blankets mugs so many different things this one says docs and fasts thank you i that was a test i didn't know if you noticed the gigantic typo instead of facts it's fast and there are people in the reviews who bought this thing and i'm like has anybody like i get it if you can't like those are the largest words i know and it's like i imagine if you have seen it a certain way but somebody in your life at one point is gonna go it must have been like hey wait a second that doesn't say why does it say dachshund fast does your dachshund fast at these times serving size is 8 to 32 pounds.

What? I mean, you don't have to look it up. I'm sure that's... Largest dachshund ever. You thought I was going to... Like, how much would you guess Gio weighs? Like, I don't know, 18 pounds? 45 pounds. I'm not good with measurements, everybody. I didn't think we were gonna go that direction i

thought you were gonna be close and i was gonna say yeah so i don't know what okay yeah you you kind of went on as if that was a normal guess for me but i need to i need to need to come clean 32 feels like i don't know what i'm doing a big dachshund so not really though obi is the biggest dachshund you'll an average adult male weighs between 16 and 32 pounds so maybe a puppy but obi was over 70 pounds okay so this is like pretty average serving size then yeah okay so they got that right cool um and then there's all this stuff any more dachshund facts nothing against them but stubbornness 300 listening skills zero percent farting 150 intelligence 200 loyalty 400 acting skills 330 i've heard that about them actually eating skills 290 okay it's the thing is you get to a point where you're like mathing it's it's like what's the joke here like yeah like anything over 100, it's just kind of silly.

It stops having meaning. Like that one, what is it, 290 for eating? 290 and 330 for acting. Kissing, 350. But then this is the worst one. Love, 1%. Oh, but it's 1, no, it's 1,000, meant to be 1,000. But it's 1.000%.

Is this a European? Because that's what they do for commas in Europe. Do they also write docs and fasts? I don't think it's 1.000%. Is this a European? Because that's what they do for commas in Europe. Do they also write docs and fasts? I don't think it's. They might, actually. I don't think it's a. Okay. So here's another one.

Oh, there's more. Oh, of course there's more. I'll see it. Okay. I know. I'm sorry. I'm going to be quicker about this one. I said it's a blanket.

Someone like either commented on Patreon or Discord or something that says something like, oh, whenever they talk about how don't saying, don't worry, we only have a few more. I always like, oh, no, I want more. And I'm like, sometimes I don't think that's true. Oh, no. We just keep going. To be fair, they're like, we want more reviews. And we're like, oh, so you meant about the blankets?

I have no idea what the fuck it was about. It was something recently. It was not a blanket specific thing. But I guess. recently. About anything we say doesn't really make sense. It was not a blanket-specific thing. But I guess- But no, we just keep going, keep going. And this is just ridiculous. Into the ocean I go to lose my mind and find my soul.

And it's these turtles hatching and crawling into the water. Okay, but hold on. Can we dive out? It says, into the ocean I go to lose my mind. And the second the bottom of it gets scratched off or something in the washing machine, it's just going to say, into the ocean I go to lose my mind. Like you're walking with a stone tied around your ankle and you're just walking into the ocean to lose. It just feels like, because of course I didn't, I just saw that at first and went, oh, my God, this is really upsetting. But, yeah, so to find my soul, to lose my mind and find my soul.

That doesn't even still. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. Then it has the same kind of measurement with turtles. There's just different turtles, and they're going different directions. So I don't know what's going there. This one says almost there, and he's going sideways. The wrong way. He's going the wrong way. Wait, it's the same as a same as a top turtle just mirrored that's the other thing with these

i feel like they just like grab different graphics and use them it's like that tiktoker who does like the fake graphic design yeah like where she fixes logos i'm like that's the kind of vibe yeah it feels like you have to intentionally be this bad at graphic design oh so here's another one that i thought maybe you could look at what just read it right drink drinks your quality water and it's a koala with a flower crown and that's it that's the water bottle watercolor call like it's it's a nice they stole it they've stolen all these the other ones have been so like not they've been weirdly and this is just a nice looking it's someone's actual water color that's procreate watercolor like image that they probably sell on etsy and this person has stolen it and written drinks your koala water and um another loading with koalas and i would like to acknowledge

that so far i think every single uh all of of the words on the loading part where you go at the different times have been exactly the same for every single water bottle. Yes, they are. Just in different fonts, though, of course. Of course. And with different animals. So this is one of my, I think, is this my favorite? Yeah, this is my favorite one. So I want you to read this part first.

It says, proud to be a nurse. But that nurse is made up of so many different things that So I want you to read this part first. It says proud to be a nurse, but that nurse is made up of so many different things that it's really tough to read. And I can't read the bottom because your hand's in the way. I'm not going to look at it. I'm blocking it. Proud to be a nurse. Every day we live,

every day we live is a chance to give. Okay. Okay. So that's nice. Now this is the loading dog, which I find particularly upsetting. I kind of love it. I think it's hilarious.

And then if you look at the word, keep jerking. Okay. Wait, you've got a point there. Okay. Okay. Okay. It is weirdly the one. Weirdly.

You guys have to see this. The graphic makes the most sense sense but just not with the words the other one's like the loading dachshund like the dachshund getting more brown or less brown but then this one it's a syringe with blood red liquid liquid and it's like going out of the syringe so it's like oh that kind of makes sense it's empty over time and then the words underneath that say don't give. And it's like less of the liquid. And then it says, almost there. And there's just a little bit of the liquid left.

And then as the syringe is fully depressed and all the liquid has presumably exited it and gone into you, it says, you did it. That's pretty good. I found that one. I think it's hilarious. Especially rough. I found that one. I think it's hilarious. Especially rough. It's made with pH balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils.

So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking. Students, get $100 when you open an RBC Advantage banking account, which includes no monthly fee, unlimited debit transactions in Canada, Avion points on debit purchases, and so, so much more.

Unlock more perks for less with RBC Vantage. Conditions apply. Offer ends June 30th, 2024. New eligible clients only. Complete criteria by August 30th, 2024. Visit rbc.com slash student 100. Because I went down this tangent, I thought I will read a review of this water bottle to make it feel like we're still kind of on track. So it's my last one star. We're still kind of on track.

So it's my last one star. And it's a verified purchase of a turtle design, but it's not a different turtle design. Okay. A different turtle that we haven't seen. I don't need to see it. Nope. It's okay. Just read it.

The review is, filling it up for the first time, I discovered a hole in the bottom of the bottle it has a lovely colorful decal but i needed this to hold water not just to look at end of review and it's so this is just a photo but it's actually oh my god but it's actually a video they posted as part of the review of them filling the water bottle and then just a big hole where it's just draining out. The worst place you could have a hole. In the middle of the bottom. In the bottom. And it says refill now. And it's just like all flowing out the bottom. So I thought that was delightful.

And then I was like, wait, I haven't seen. That was a different turtle design. Okay. It's. What's the little turtle's name? Squirt. Squirt from... I felt really proud then I remembered I was a two-year-old.

I was saying crush and I said, no, no, no, crush is the big one. And it says, turtles make me happy. Then a picture of Squirt. And then underneath it says, humans make my head hurt. What? It doesn't even make sense, does am i is it because they the turtles bonk their heads and find no there's not no there's no i'm trying i'm really trying don't please stop take a step back i wish i could it's too late uh okay so i have a redemption i'm sorry

oh good this is my last one it's not thank you carrie for sending me down that really disastrous path um i hope you maybe got us either more or fewer patreon donors based on how this whole last 45 minutes went um this is a redemption and it's from emily who says love from kentucky you could probably wave to her yeah she her She, her, and says, love you both. Hope your tumors and colons are doing well. Yeah. They're all right. To be fair, we don't know if I have a tumor. No, no. Yes.

This is an alleged, not even alleged potential. It still is. We still haven't figured it out. Yeah. There's stuff going on, but I'm okay. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Not to be alarmist. Yeah. I'm like, what? You I'm okay. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Not to be alarmist.

Yeah. I'm like, what? You just said that? I'm sorry. Well, we talked about Petey recently. A few weeks ago. Was it that recent? Yeah.

He makes me forget things. Oh, I'll consider it. He's only a legend. So this is from, this is by Kendra, sorry. And the title is Ridiculous. And it is a five-star review of a Stanley, like the classic 40-ounce, whatever.

The title of this five-star review is Ridiculous. Verified purchase. For a basic white girl, this is ridiculously perfect. Sip your comically large cup of water and eat your healthy snacks.

Oh, wait. What? I can't believe I fucked this up. It's not. It's of an accessory for a Stanley Cup. Oh. It's the snack cup that goes on top of. Have you seen this?

I've never seen it. It's. What? Yeah, it's. I love snacks. Yeah. So you put... That is insane.

That's insane. I love it, but it's insane. What? So it's basically, it rests over top. It's like a trough. A trough, it is. A circular trough around your Stanley Cup. And you place it over and it fits over the handle and the sides. And so then like a halo, much like a halo of Cheetos, you have your snacks accessible to you as you're sipping from your Stanley.

It looks like something you'd buy if you've gone too far into that TikTok rabbit hole. What were the example snacks in the stock photo? Oh, yeah. Great idea. Let's check. We've got four yellow corn tortilla chips we've got three mini oreos oh by the way it's sectioned into four pieces right four segments we've got looks like a sorry name brands what's sorry not sorry it

looks like a simon says like electronic game that's the shape a sorry like s-a-r-i and i was like hello you do not know what that we have to delete that um no a sorry game uh simon says yeah i i think if i actually said that it wouldn't have been a delete thing maybe would have been a time for a much needed education yeah off the air please why if you thought that's what a sardine looked like, a bunch, three miniature Oreos and four yellow corn chips in a highlighter orange container? I don't think so. That just makes me stupid, not offensive. If you ask me, you know, I'm not. If I actually thought that.

Why not both, Sandy? Why not both? Could be both. That's a good point. Por que no los dos. No, I meant Simon Says, like the electronic game. Yes, it does look like that. We've got four corn chips, three mini Oreos, a handful of name brand Skittles.

And they didn't bother to have a logo. And then... Chocolate covered something? Oh, these are Whoppers, I think. Oh, those are Whoppers. That's what they're called. Bad choice. But I feel like it's a fun idea, but not... It's not something I would ever actually use.

$12.99. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't use it either, but... Well, I have bad news for all of us. Talk to me. I found another one with some wilder images. What?

So this looks to be. Okay. M&M. Off-brand M&Ms. Should feel as relevant. Yeah. No logos. Caramel popcorn.

Uh-huh. Freeze-dried maggots. Those are like. What is. No, literally. What is that? Does it not look like mealworms? It looks like mealworms. It looks like mealworms. Freeze-dried maggots. Those are like... No, literally, what is that? Does it not look like mealworms? It looks like mealworms.

It looks like mealworms. Freeze-dried mealworms. I'm sorry, I don't know what the... At first it looked like little puffs. They sell them at jungle gyms. Yeah, so do freeze-dried mealworms. Okay, so there might be puffs or they're freeze-dried mealworms. Okay, what's the fourth thing?

I think if I share this, people will agree with me. So, weigh in below. Some barbecue potato chips. got another example with more puffs veggie straw situation oh watermelon gummies my favorite with an oreos oh they they doubled up shouldn't have that's interesting they switched up that container or forgot to photoshop that part out some regular potato chips and what the fuck are those these look like marshmallows mixed with oyster crackers they look like kidney beans well some of them do english muffins have been zapped miniaturized kind of yeah they do look like miniature miniature english muffins i think

they're kind of like oyster crackers maybe yeah. Yeah, like very puffy oyster crackers. Very like differently shaped. Not like Skyline oyster crackers. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway. This one's like $10.99. Yeah, but it also has worse reviews.

Well. The other one had one review. One review. Yeah, that's precisely what. That's pretty easy to figure. Okay. Oh my god, I should have looked at like Stanley Cup charms and stuff. That would have been fun.

Well, don't do it now. What if we did Stanley Cup accessories as a future? Okay. Anyway. and stuff that would have been fun don't do it now what if we did stanley cup accessories as a future uh okay anyway so this uh five star review let me get back to it oh thank god ridiculous for a basic white girl this is ridiculously perfect sip your comically large cup of water and eat your healthy snacks at the same time got Got this from my friend, and she died of excitement. And yes, she owns Crocs too. She's that girl, but I love her nonetheless. End of review. I love it.

Isn't that adorable? It is. I just thought it was so cute. As I was hearing this, I was thinking, at like a nurse's station, you know, I don't know what the situation is snack-wise. Might be really much easier in like certain places if you have a stanley cup like because i my when i was looking

at i'm like that's ridiculous i don't need that when i'm at my desk but i'm like who knows maybe that's useful for somebody who's not just sitting at their desk all day i'm not saying that they're carrying around their snacks but like i'm thinking keep their snacks with them or like put them down you know how you were describing walking the three stories with your hydro jug if you walked up with like your thing of snacks then you don't have to bring the whole bag up yes there you go but it doesn't hold that many i'd be hungry really fast i'd have to refill it that's what's good so that's something called portion control which is something that that is irrelevant to me and is not necessary excellent glad we're on the same page um yeah cool good job us good job sorry that was 18 years i

know i took it too far with the blanket tangent and then we we took every it all went too far water bottle tangent um now it's time for a challenge okay yeah this has not a challenge about nudity oh which is exactly what we all need right now yeah especially me nudity has challenged me for my whole life so it's true it's a challenging topic it is a challenging topic let's get into it. No, this challenge was from Nicole. Find reviews where being naked is mentioned for a thing or place where being naked isn't the point, which thankfully was pretty much everywhere. So it actually worked out pretty well. Okay. Here's a review from Lauren.

And this is of the Sierra Hot Springs in in sierraville california um here we go must be good with naked oh this is an earthy place naked people and free spirits the staff was friendly i was shocked that adults hang on each other in the pool. Sexing? Signs asking people to not have sex in the pools. It was not a good fit for me. I must say it was beautiful when it started to snow. End of review. And they, either they all ran inside or. Yeah. Everyone's like, oh, it's too cold to be sexing out here. I should, I should be sexing indoors. I thought you said sexting. And then I was like, there wasn't a T in that. Oh, there wasn't. It was sexing? Question thought you said sexting and then i was like there wasn't a t in there there wasn't it was sexing question mark question mark yeah i mean yeah yeah it sounds like it uh i i'm a little bit peeved with this person for saying there are signs up to not have sex but i'm

like what do they say though i'm like i would like the actual verbiage of like what a corporation says to keep you from sexing in the pool. Weirdly, I didn't even question it. I just want to, like I was hoping there would be like a. That's a good point though. A quote or like, cause I thought what was, what would the sign say? No sexing in the pool. Yeah.

Mama called the doctor and the doctor said no more sexing in the pool. Dickhead. Good job. Thank you. Okay. There is a, wow. There is a policy sign about medical marijuana. You already found it.

I'm so happy. No, no, no. This is a medical marijuana. What does it say? It says, until the federal government recognizes the medical marijuana use as lawful, Sierra Hot Springs will retain its existing policy of not allowing guests to use marijuana on Sierra Hot Springs premises.

So as both a business and a religious organization. Oh dear. I already know that. Wait, they're sexing there? What religion is this? I don't know. Okay, there's plenty of sex in all religions. What?

There are a lot of power how did we get stuck with catholic i mean that again is it's it's not that it's not allowed it's only certain people can be doing it without consequences there's more to it christina well we'll we'll educate you i think it's off we'll educate you later um about that oh here guests agreements oh my gosh i really want to find i really want you to find because i didn't think to look until because i in my head i was like yeah it probably just says that and then you brought that question no sexing in the pool kind of um i mean if it does i'll be thrilled i will buy one and pool etiquette hold on um what pool etiquette i'm gonna read the

bulletin order okay first bullet please treat the pools as sacred spaces. Whoa. No sexual activity is permitted in the pools. That's literally the second bullet. And then the third is no soaps, oils, lotions, or perfumes in the pools. They had to put it second. And then is the next one lubricant? No lubricant in the pool either?

No glass containers. Oh, boy. Then well-behaved children under 15 are allowed in the Temple Dome swimming pool. What religion is this? From 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. and in the Phoenix baths 24 hours a day. You need to find out now what religion this is. Wow. Stat.

I don't know. What was it called? Sierra Hot Springs Resort? Yeah. Sierra Hot Springs. In California? Religious. Sierra Hot Springs. In California? Religious. Let's see.

I don't think of what that would be. I don't know. New Age Church of Being. See, I was like, I know it's something wild because there is no way any Mormon faith would have all these people out and about in public. Yeah. There are a lot of sex repressed religions out there. That's true. This is interesting.

Yeah. What is that? I have no idea. It sounds like a cult. I mean, I'm not going to say that. Well, I am. With a name like United Church of Being. New Age Church of Being.

You're not just making shit up over there. Okay. Can I move on? Yeah, I mean, I guess. Thank you. I'm mad about it, but. Here is a four-star review now. This was sent in by Corinne.

This is of the Museo Picasso Malaga. Whoa. So it's a Picasso. Musee. Museo. Musee. Not French. Okay. So it's a Picasso. Musee. Museo. Musee. Not French. Sorry.

Musee. It's in Spain. Here we go. Four stars. No doubt Picasso was a creative genius. The museum is nicely laid out and the price is reasonable. Just one too many nudes for my liking. Wait a minute.

First of all. Yeah. I Wait a minute. First of all. Yeah. I don't know. First of all, my question is, which nude was the one too, like, which nude broke the camel's, like, which broke the camel's back? That was also my first question. Which nude broke the camel's back? Because they said just one too many. And I understand it's a saying, but you could have just said too many nudes.

But they said there's one too many. It's like. Yeah, that feels more like a line between tasteful and like a little over the top. Yeah, so I wonder if there's one that really got them like, you know what, this is just too much for me. I was good after that last nude, but this nude. Wait, this is the Picasso? Picasso. Wait a minute.

Those are some weird nudes I bet. I was going to say. I feel like he has all sorts of art. Wait, this is the Picasso? Picasso. Wait a minute. Those are some weird nudes I bet. Who's gonna say? I feel like he has all sorts of art. I feel like the nudes were just this guy is seeing a circle and a dot and he's like, oh, another breast? And everyone's like, that's not. Like he's, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like he needs to join the new age of, what is it?

I don't want to know, Christina. I'm done talking about that place. The church of belonging look his nudes are very picasso and not at all like distasteful i don't know not that they like like they're just like yeah but that's what i'm saying i wonder if he saw like regular picasso paintings and was seeing boobs and penises and everyone was like i see what was like. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Yeah. That's a you problem buddy. Yeah.

Some of this is really wild. I'm. I'm. I'm not. Close it then. I don't want to. I don't want you to. No.

I regret. Saying the word religious in that. I do. I do. I know. Okay. Here we go. My next one one this was from

andy they then only stop it because i know you're telling the truth oh yeah this is of dh holmes which sounds i don't know what homes what is it dh holmes it's it's a homes what it's homes dh holmes homes no it's not i was like i mean kind of why do you keep saying home it's dh homes homes because it's dh homes apartments so it's like actually like i'm not okay i'm kind of okay i thought you were fucking with me i was like no it's an apartment complex oh my god i thought i was about to learn that you say the word homes with an L I was like, I can't do this right now It is DH Holmes Apartments in New Orleans Here's a one star review

I'm just gonna read I'm just gonna read this first bit This is a weird one And I was like, does it mention nudity later it did not so it's here we go one star moved in in december when there were a string of robberies shortly after robber walked into a woman's apartment while she was naked and stole her purse and things robber also stole a gun from an apartment and came back to steal more i tried tried to put flyers up, but management had them take them down saying they would release a statement for people to lock their doors and never did.

Oh my God. So it's like, to me at first I read that, I was like, oh, that doesn't really fit the challenge. And I'm like, why not?

It's, they mentioned being where it's not, it's not about. Yeah. The place isn't about. Yeah. And it, and also I feel like it wasn't too relevant i was

gonna say it's not really pertinent either i don't think it feels almost like if i were that person i'd be like do you have to include that detail yeah and how did you hear that detail and does the person who was robbed enjoy the fact that you are telling people that i'd be like why are you including that do you think they enjoy that we're telling that detail? I don't know. Probably not. I mean, I'm on their side. I wasn't telling anything. And so you're the one propagating this nonsense.

I am. I am propagating it. I'm a propagator. See you later, propagator. I am going to read a review from Olivia. This is a one-star review. I need to, I need to, I need to. I don't know what's going on.

I asked him if he wanted a weed gum and he's like i'm driving i'm driving so i can't but i feel like maybe he lied lied that i wanted one or didn't want one of course i would have but i'm driving i know but i feel like maybe you took one you're behaving oh i see what you're saying oh got it good you told everyone that i took one you think you took one i I didn't take one. I just, I get erratic. I get erratic. Deal with it.

Wow. You can believe me. There's one thing I know. Believe you me. Okay. I get erratic. I get erratic. Here's a one-star review of the movie Ringmaster from 1998 starring Jerry Springer.

That's not anything. That's how I felt, actually. That feels like a fake thing. It is, but there's a review of it anyway, written in 2012. It's a one-star review from Rotten Tomatoes. Sent in by Olivia, if I didn't mention that. Quite simply, one of the worst films ever made.

Who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to have Jerry Springer in a film? Not only that, the acting was subpar at best. At worst, it was a good idea to have Jerry Springer in a film. Not only that, the acting was subpar at best. At worst, it was horrendously bad. Look, I get it, a lot of people watched Jerry Springer, but most of those people would never openly admit to watching Springer. Poor Molly Hagen. Her career never got started because of this film, and we have never heard back from her since this film's release. Jamie Presley might be cute in that Southern Trailer Park manner,

but man, she was not good either. Not only that, no one got naked, which further exacerbates the issue with the film. If you're gonna watch Jerry Springer, he might as well take off his pants. If he's not hanging dong, I'm not- I'm not into it. I'm not watching. What kind of morning TV not in i'm not into it i'm not watching

what kind of morning tv is that if you know it's gonna suck have some gratuitous nudity not worth seeing ever end of review okay wait so that's a what so is that a real movie of course oh you said it was a joke like because you told me it wasn't real. I said, okay, it's not. I was trying to appease you in the moment. I said, that doesn't even sound real. Yeah, why would it not be real? Well, it just seemed like a made-up thing. Jerry Springer's in some... Oh, no.

It just seemed so outlandish. I thought, there's no way. And then when the review was from 2012... The man was literally the mayor of Cincinnati and was born and was born in a bunker in london during world war ii like i should have just i i this is the least weird thing about so as you read that review i thought this was like a joke like a fake thing like a joke no like a meme haha or they were trying to make it one no it's just but that's really what happened in 1998 what do you mean yeah wow okay i i thought it was not a real thing. Oh, no, yeah, Ringmaster.

Terrible reviews. Do you think that really happened to Miss Hagen? I forgot her first name. Molly Hagen? Yeah. No, she seems to have a fairly active career. Okay, so what's this guy's problem? She's been in Walker for the last couple of years.

She was in Sully. Okay, so what's the complaint about we've never heard from her again? Is he okay? Maybe she won't. maybe not in 2012 maybe she'd been off the radar since jerry springer ruined her entire career i will say um she had some a few roles in 2012 but she had a role in desperate housewives i don't know how many episodes but so this guy's full of it yeah i think I think this person's exaggerating for the, for the review of this wonderful review of,

I think you just want to see, we just want to see Jerry naked. Who doesn't? Here's a review sent in by Abby. This is my last one. This is a three-star review. And this is a, of a book called 101 things to do naked,

a guide to dress free Living by Katherine Roberts. This is thrilling. Yeah, and basically the premise is it's just a list of things that you can do naked. That must be freeing. That's fun. I did see someone mention, what is it?

Maybe it was this review. Maybe it was a different review. I think it's like naturalism is the name of it there's like a name for people who live the lifestyle of like being nude like a nude life like a nudist lifestyle would you is that how how pervasive is it like is it all the time or is it just like in your home can you be i feel like as much as as if you have to go to society as much as society allows so does that mean like you don't put on shoes if you don't have to i mean i guess i guess i have to look at it i don't know i don't know about shoes specifically where you have to fall to like um the problem was there was a forum

and it's a lot of nude pictures right oh no i mean i understand but oh no yeah and i was like i wasn't in the mood for scrolling through these random and also i mean i don't know it was you'll know i'll be in the mood to scroll that forum someday i'm in those sick forums all the time i was just like not that that's the forum i meant the cruise i meant cruise critic i would never say such a thing about um but. So I didn't really read too much about it. So I don't know that much. What's it called? I think naturalism.

Naturalism. But yeah, there are different words for it, different names for it. Because I know some people prefer being barefoot and that's its own thing with its own name. And personally, I prefer as much coverage as possible. Me too. Me too. Yeah, I don't know. Me too.

I feel like the other way is just as valid. I don't know. I can see it, but I don't want it for myself. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. I can understand it, but yeah, not for me. Anyway, here's a three-star review of the 101 Things to Do Naked. Not that humorous and not that original.

Not to be a killjoy, but most of what is in here, you could think up for yourself. Doing laundry, cleaning house, scrapbooking, etc. It really is just a compilation of simple everyday tasks that everyone does. Only she does them au natural. And the writing is satisfactory, but nothing special. Save your money and buy a real book about naturism. Is that what it was? Fuck. It's literally in here. I said naturalism.

Now we all know. I feel like naturalism is probably like fucking uh, uh, uh, Walden. David Attenborough? No, I'm thinking of like Walden. Walden Pond. Yeah, Henry David Thoreau and stuff. Whoops. Save your money. Save your money and buy a real book about naturism

if you are interested in starting a natural lifestyle. Naturalism. I feel like that's like David Attenborough. People are like, what are you? I'm a naturalist. That's not what naturalism is. You're screaming at my podcast. I meant naturism.

Wow. N-A-T-U-R-I-S-m is a lifestyle of practicing non-sexual social nudity in private and in public oh social nudity so social nudity so it's not just like oh you're doing household tasks they may alternatively be called nudism my bad um but yeah i could have just said the word we already knew yeah and i did sure i mentioned it at some point. And I will say. You also mentioned naturalism 16 times. Sure. Okay. Whatever.

Okay. Too many feet though. That's the thing. It's also feet. I don't know. That's not my jam really. But there is a podcast that no longer exists. It was like through the BBC, I believe.

Like a section of the BBC. And it was a podcast. And the premise was the two hosts who were not nudists i think when they started and i don't know if they are now they're done with it but they um would host in the nude okay and it was like that was kind of the point you're literally describing a naturalist naturism podcast. No, sorry. Where's the naturalism come in? Like the BBC is like doing a documentary. I don't think the BBC is naturalism.

It wasn't, no, no, no, no. You're many steps ahead. I wanted to be like Charles Darwin. It's not about naturalism. You know, we're studying, okay. No, but I think they, part of the premise was that it, while it was maybe, and then they had guests on and they would encourage the guests to be naked as well.

And they wouldn't record video. Are the two hosts related or friends? I think they're friends. Yeah, they're friends. And it says, Candid Conversations with Fearless Females hosted by, and that's their names, which are Kat Harbourn and Jenny Eels. So they... So they would host this podcast. I didn't listen to it. I don't know much, but like...

But they're nude. And I was reading through some of the descriptions of episodes and they were talking to different experts and random fields. Like it doesn't necessarily have to do with being nude. So it's almost like a thought. It's like a social experiment yeah and they they were talked about how that um it it's it's a very vulnerable state to be in for many people so it kind of led it led the conversation down paths that it might not have already might not have gone down and talk about a thought experiment just like mine and And it sounds very just like yours.

I think they did the scientific method. We're all naturalists at heart. They all did this. Fucking naturalist. I just kept thinking of David Attenborough. So when you said BBC, I was like, holy shit, it's a social experiment. What? Naturalism. I don't know.

But most of these words I didn't say. I didn't say David Attenborough. I didn't say social experiment. Yeah, but you said naturalism. I just said BBC. No, no, no, I didn't say. We didn't, we don't even. I didn't say David Attenborough. I didn't say social experiment. Yeah, but you said naturalism. I just said BBC. No, no, no. I said that earlier. But when I brought up this BBC podcast, you're like, naturalism.

Oh, that's not even what it means. No, I don't know what. Yes, I know. I never said it. I thought it was like, for real, the David Attenborough type. No. Like Charles Darwin. Okay, never mind.

I'll explain later. It's philosophy. It's like a philosophical thing. I did not know that. Yes. Okay. Obviously. Yeah, that's why I'm like, why do you keep bringing it up?

I thought we were all on the same page. We are not. And I thought it meant like you're a David Admiral type. Okay. Well, it's about philosophy. It's about philosophy. Nevermind. Yeah.

So basically what I was trying to say with this thing. Margot, can you fix that in post? No. No. We're leaving my naturalism mistaken. We're leaving your whole naturalism mistaken. I made it worse. We're equal now. We're even. But no. mistaken. I made it worse. We're equal now.

We're even. But no, I just thought it was interesting that a podcast did that and that they would have these guests on. But then that was the end of my research on naturism because I was like, these forums are just people. The forums, yeah. There's so many, because like their profile pictures, it would just be them. They're full, fully naked bodies.

Did you have to, just out of curiosity, did you have to like check like I'm 18 or was it just, it was just open? It was just there. I had to log in if I like went too deep into things, like certain links wouldn't work. But I didn't try that hard to get into things. You didn't try. No, nothing against it. I wasn't, it wasn't like, ew, gross, icky. I was just like, and there wasn't, it was like a gross icky i was just like and there wasn't it

was like a lot of just reading of things that they here's the thing if you're not interested in the topic and also this is gonna blow people's minds these these people who are naturists posting on these forums they're normal people right yeah it's not like some wild crazy and i didn't expect something that crazy but i thought oh maybe there's a fun topic i can find that i can read because julio's so good at finding these amazing topics it's great to know that there is a forum yeah and i so if anyone out there's looking but i thought you know i just couldn't do it myself i didn't have i didn't have the chops i just wasn't wasn't feeling the the grind of going through there and really

i understand sometimes i save them in a folder on my email like look at this when you have the the real zest for it because it was like one about what video games have you been playing lately and i'm like great i can read these and relate to people and maybe find something funny unless they're talking about 99 pages starting in Balancing the controller on their wiener or something. It's like, why would we even read this? I guess. I don't know. But like, like you said, they're normal people.

They balance their controller on their boobs like everyone else. Never tried that one. Let's see. Mine just goes on my belly. Oh no, that's where my snack cup goes. My snack cup. I have my Stanley between my legs. And then I like kind of do this weird little like.

Yeah, that's why you're always like spit taking everywhere. Get me out of here. What is happening? Where are we? We full circle. We made it. Good callback. That's a good way to end the episode.

Thanks all for being here. We appreciate you. Tomorrow as we record this, we're going to do our next episode together. Yep. So there'll be more of this. Whatever next week is, you'll get some chaos, I'm sure. Chaos. Or less, because I won't be bothered.

Oh. Just kidding. I'm kidding. You won't be bothered tomorrow? You'll be good. Oh, I thought you meant you won't be bothered by me tomorrow. That's not. Oh, that's certainly.

That is certainly not what I meant. For you, I thought that something's gone wrong. Okay. Anyway's not, I thought. Oh, that's certainly, that is certainly not what I meant. Phew, I thought that something's gone wrong. Okay, anyway. Bye everyone. See ya. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

is a Forever Dog production. Hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Marco Padilla. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Mariah Nicholas.

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