Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 276: Reviews of Rest Stops

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

Check out our new merch store! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer-beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. It's Tim's 60th anniversary and Roll Up to Win is back. Roll your way into prizes like coffee, donuts, and even $60 Tim's gift cards. Play now on the Tim's app. Rules apply.

Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello. Hello.

Welcome to episode, it's actually 276. Is that correct? That's correct, I think. I don't know. We messed up. We messed up. Charles Entertainment got dissed. We owe Charles, we owe chuck an apology um we were supposed to record a chucky cheese episode oh am i even supposed to say that this is patreon

knowledge it's by this point when this was released we've already recorded that anyway scandal has blown over across tmz oh that's not what I was thinking, but maybe. Yeah, so we told our patrons a certain order that it was going to be Chuck E. Cheese. What the fuck did we just record yesterday? See, this is the problem. No one can know. Oh. This is our problem. Water bottles.

Oh, yeah. Fad water bottles. And then now is rest stops. Right. Reviews of rest stops. But we recorded it and we were like, oh yeah,

this is coming out next week. Oxenar, what I said was, I can't find the files to upload the Chuck E. Cheese episode for this week. That's so weird. Where are the files?

And then it took me a minute and I realized, wait a minute, we've never recorded that episode. We just didn't record it. We just totally didn't. It just didn't happen. We thought we did,

which is the weirdest part. Both of us. Anyway, I don't know. I have the notes ready to go for next week. So we will be recording that. It's coming out. Well, that's the worst part for me of us. Anyway, I don't know. I have the notes ready to go for next week. So we will be recording that. It's coming out.

Well, that's the worst part for me. I don't even have notes. I know. I never did notes for it. I texted you. And I still thought we recorded it. I was like, I've never been so thrilled with past me that I've already done the notes for the next episode.

So anyway, we're going to do rest stops today. I don't even know why we told you all that as you probably would never have known i brought it up was because i was worried that yesterday or yesterday last week's episode we said a different number than what's actually true oh interesting so now a week later you find out the truth you get the answers you've always wanted because everyone was really just freaking out i'm sure i'm sure anyway had a podcast. They created a podcast department just for that. That's ridiculous. That would be a ridiculous thing.

And honestly, if I started getting talked about in the tabloids for podcasting, I would quit podcasting. Really? I can't handle it. Emma's always wishing that they would get discussed in the tabloids. I cannot relate to that one bit. Can you imagine me? The image is like you and Emma are being torn and I'm in the middle You already have this planned

That's what the sun is gonna release Oh, I hate it It's me going, I'm stuck in the middle This feels like a dream you've had You know, this feels Like an anxiety that has Gotten into your subconscious I wish

That is a dream now Not a dream dream, I wish it was. Not a dream dream, a nightmare. That's what they're called. Anyway, yeah, this is reviews of rest areas. Speaking of nightmares. It was, yeah. And then your challenge was from Gabrielle to find reviews

where the reviewer mentions the animal that is always there. I think we did something similar with bodega cats. I think we had a bodega cat challenge, but this is going to be a little more broad, which is fun. You don't know that. This might just be Bodega Cats part two, actually. I just was like, he's about to explain my challenge, but no, you're right. It is more broad. Broader? Nobody knows. So how about I go first? Because I have a lot. Okay.

Okay. This is from Matt and Jen, who sent us a whole Google folder of reviews, which they always do, but it's my favorite. This is a place in Attica, Michigan, and this is a one-star review by a local guide. Shitty ants walk all over the toilet. No coffee machine.

End of review. Wait, okay. Oh, shitty ants. First of all, I just just it worries me that it might be literal yes right that was a very difficult thing to parse at times good point on a lot of these yeah and it was i don't know you you get people who are like it smells like

piss in here and a lot of times you read that and you're like it probably didn't actually just smelled really bad oh oh oh and. Oh, for sure it did. Yeah. Most of the time in these, I imagine any excrement talk was literal. Yeah, which was unfortunate. Unfortunate. Because usually we can pretend they're not literal. Yeah.

This time around. It's more fun to joke when there's not real poopy ants walking around. But now that's when you know it's time to get serious. You heard it here first, folks. It's time to buckle down okay okay but i have an admission to make which is at the bottom it says translated by google see original in french oh so what was the original i have no idea because it was just a picture from see that's why i asked for links i asked for them too but

do you i feel like you gave me a lot of shit for asking for links. Yeah, I do. And once you overrode my pleading and said, no, don't. And then I remember. It was more like bleeding. Oh, not bleeding. Bleeding. Bleeding.

Oh, I was like, Jesus. I was going to make a joke about sheep. My bleeding heart, you know? You are a bleeding heart. I am. So anyway, I don't know what the original French is. I don't really want to know because shitty ants walking all over the toilet is enough that's enough enough for me to be fair sometimes it says would you like to translate and oh yeah it's actually in english but with some slang or a typo yeah like spinge bob spinge you translate oh

spinge bob again it's like and then there's always a thumbs up, like, we got you. Google's got it. It's like, rate this translation. Yeah, thanks. It's not even worth my time. No, not today. Oh, man. Flanfo sent a great email and then sent three more emails, which I guess equally great.

Nothing against these. Apologizing for formatting. But I thought it looked great because I just clicked on all the links. It was a bunch of links and then either screenshots attached as folks here's attachments and i loved it links are fine however however this happens to xandy sometimes where he'll click to open a link and it'll be gone the reverse if someone has things don't live there forever if somebody deletes it we have to either go on the Wayback Machine. Like, I'm not messing around with that. So you do a screenshot and then you can put a picture or a

link if you want. And the Wayback Machine doesn't really work for specific Google reviews. No, not really. I've tried, by the way, and it didn't work. So I know that. You're not wrong. It is good. But see, that's the thing, is I can put my own screenshots in from the links that they send me also. Right. But you're right. I see what you're saying. I think, yes, it can't hurt, especially when between you and us that we totally do very often for those episodes still.

Yeah, you're right. You're not wrong about that. It's just, you know, it's all over the place. Covers your bases. You know what? And at the end of the day, these people are doing my work for me. I'm like, I am not in a place to complain about Matt and Jen sending me a Google Drive of entire folders. Oh, no, okay. No, I have nothing against that. I love those

Google Drives. For some reason, that just works for me. I think for some reason, like my, for some many mental reasons, I know I have these mental things. For me, the link, if I open an email and it's a bunch of screenshots, I mark it on red and leave it. I don't even look through it. Every single time. I feel like I get this weird thing of like, I can't do this. I can't go through these images.

I need the links to click on and open in a bunch of tabs. You're sort of a fucking snowflake. I am. I'm just kidding. I'm a link snowflake. I just click on the picture attachments and hit the arrow key. Okay. Sometimes they're like embedded in the email.

Yeah. Which is fine. Look, you all are amazing people. Can we delete this? Alexander, you're making me really anxious here. I shouldn't say you're making me anxious, but this... Okay, my anxiety is made. It's all about you.

I just feel like you're changing the vibe here into a really kind of upsetting and intense- That's my geo. My comfort, my emotional support animal is here to- To rip all the cords out of the mic. He's literally pulling the microphone away from me. I told him. I said, do the vaudeville cane act. Pull Zandy off the mic.

Hot mic no more. It's been like five minutes. I know. Okay, I have a review from flanfo who send wonderful emails thank you flanfo um what i did nothing wrong there this is a maytown rest area this is on i think they call it oh what do they call it i don't think they say the, they say I-5. Who? So. I mean, I know you mean people, but what. People in the Pacific Northwest.

What's the name of this? Mainly. What did you say this is? So, uh, uh, Maytown rest area on. I-5. Interstate 5. Okay. Which I think they would say I-5 because in LA they'd say the 5.

The 5. But I made that mistake when I was in LA and visiting up there. You got laughed out of town. You never go back. Yeah. And for me, I just say, I don't know what,

yeah. One star. The smell of stale urine was so bad in the men's room. I wanted to pee on the floor to freshen things up a bit. End of review. Wow. That's a new one that's disgusting and weirdly like i can the thought process i hate that i kind of get it

i read that and i had to read it twice because i thought why is this making sense why does it click why does this make sense and it's so funny and these reviews just brought out people like something in people something and it makes sense we got so many emails folks we got so many so i'm sorry if we didn't get to you because we no literally there were so many i i think i opened three and i had enough for an entire episode um and then i stopped because i thought i i don't know it just was too much well i opened three and i had more than enough actually i had to like flanfo sent probably 15 and i picked three yeah i actually opened one email which i'll get to later had enough for an episode didn't stop

continue to open emails had way more than enough continue to open emails and then i was like this is enough i can't look at all of them because then I'm going to want to pick one. So anyway, I have way too many. Because then it gets hard to like remove your favorite. Narrow it down. And yes, I know y'all would love us to do this for three hours. Okay, not all of you. Some of you.

I can't handle that. I can't handle sitting here. Oxen can barely do like his own self-reflection in the introduction part of this podcast. Is that what that was i don't know i'm trying to spin it like it was something intentional spinning thing spinning enough for everyone this is also from matt and jen it's of a rest stop in springfield township michigan and this is a one star review by mary was your first one in michigan yes so all because you said michigan in such a way that i thought why why did you i was like mine was in washington matt and jen sent only michigan

they tend to only send localized to their state it's a very michigan move to send only things from michigan but because they do good work that thorn in my side, I just kind of ignore, you know? That's weird because Flanfo only sent things from like Washington, but lives on like the bottom, like in Miami, Florida. Oh yeah? No, but. I think the Flanfo telecommute. I don't know why I think that's, that's funny to me and people who know where Flanfo is. Cool.

And I'm not gonna, yeah. So just a little niche joke. I'm so sorry. What is going on today? I'm not going to, yeah. So just a little niche joke. I'm so sorry. What is going on today? I'm not well. I keep staring at him hoping I'll get a glimpse into like what's happening here. Like maybe I can get let in on the joke and I just feel like I'm being left out. So this is from Matt and Jen.

It's me. I'm the joke. Okay. Pagliacci. Just relax. It's actually P's actually polyachi you don't say the g someone told me that and it's been in my head and i'm embarrassed about it was it dad this is a rest stop in springfield township michigan he's partial to rigoletto that's his favorite clown that's fair rigoletto

how come every time we spend too much time together we begin discussing opera a thing i have never enjoyed and will never enjoy i don't know wait remember when we we went to the fucking ring of the nibelung or whatever nibelung um oh my god and i forgot my glasses seven fucking hours seven hours i forgot my glasses. Seven fucking hours. It was seven hours. I forgot my glasses. So I was squinting to try and see the captions. It was so long.

And it wasn't. That's the thing. It's like all four operas is 15 hours or something. We only. I think they only showed one or two. I don't know which ones. But like it was fucking so long. And I stayed the whole time.

And I remember just thinking like. I guess one day I can tell people I did this. But that was the so long. And I stayed the whole time. And I remember just thinking, like, I guess one day I can tell people I did this. But that was the only positive. And so, here I am telling everyone. Originally, this podcast was going to be an opera watch where we come to every week prepared to discuss the newest, latest opera. But that seven-hour day broke both of us, I think. I, again, did not have glasses on and i want to be very clear i cannot see before lasik i could not see very well without so i sat there it's not in english folks i figured well maybe i'll pick something up nope i sat there for seven

hours and just kind of had to german i think wasn't it uh i suppose it is in german yeah but i think i was just so focused on trying to read the captions opera doesn't really oh yeah i i wouldn't it's its own dialect i would say okay and also the singing is very like you can't anyway okay now i have lasik so i can go back that's why i got lasik you this is from jen again this is please please matt and jen are saying please let let them say it it's a what state are they in what or what state do they provide my it says mi so probably miami florida yeah uh so this is a one-star review by mary be careful i went after dark and it was perv, one man looked over the privacy of my stall and said,

Nice! I'm sorry. That's terrible. That's wrong, people. I ended up pulling a gun on him out of fear and walking to my car. While walking to the car, I was going to warn another man about the creep, and he said, Cool, how old was he? What?

Be aware of perv meetups at this place. It is disgusting. End of review. Oh my God. To be fair, it says cool. How old was we? But I think he meant how old was the guy?

I don't understand. Are they going to hook up or are they going to perv together on other people? Like how old was he? Oh, cool. Another perv. Is he, is he a peer? Like that was the question. Is it like he's, they're going to perv. Is he a peer?

Like that was the question. Is it like they're going to perv out together? Or is it like, oh. I want to perv on him? Yeah, right. Yeah. Oh, okay. Or like, can I take him in a fight?

A perv fight? A perv fight? I don't want to know what that looks like. I don't either. I love that she just pulls a gun. Well, yeah, that kind of, at first, I mean, i mean the whole time i guess it was unsettling oh for everyone involved deeply um i guess it's like that horror movie it's like that horror movie trope where you like see somebody who can help and then it turns out they're on the side of

the bad guys right so you're like oh there's somebody in there and he's like i know it's me and pulls off a mask or something yeah weoby-Doo. I don't know. But I'm picturing this person, like, maybe wearing jeans and fumbling around on the floor trying to get their gun. Oh, oh, oh, this reviewer, yeah. I don't know where their gun would be in their jeans, but I don't know how guns work. Where does the holster go? Do you take your whole pants off when you're, like, in the bathroom? Only at the urinal.

And you keep your gun though um my you let your pants so it depends at the urinal i let i squeeze my butt cheeks and that's where the gun is being held well obviously um but when i'm in a stall um maybe that's why they said nice they were just so impressed with how she was carrying her gun. Wait, what do you mean? Were you sincerely asking me? No. I'm so confused. You said you were like fishing around on the floor and your pants. And I thought it sounded like the person had taken all their pants off.

Away from them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like not at their ankles. Like a pile of clothing. Not at their ankles. Right, right, right. But I'm thinking with the holster, I guess it depends on where the holster is. Oh, true. So I guess if it were on

your belt buckle, which I, again, I'm not a gun person. I didn't say it once already, but I just figured it's common universal knowledge. So I'll say again, I'm not a gun person, but I imagine it's on the belt buckle. So yeah, I guess it would have fallen to the ground. Or, no, I think, I feel like you

would take your holster off. Oh, a holster goes on your... I mean, it depends. You can have fallen to the ground. Or no, I think, I feel like you would take your holster off. Oh, a holster goes on your. I mean, it depends. There, you can have an ankle holster. Oh. You could have one that goes across your, like a cross body, I think. That could be why the guy said nice. Yeah, probably.

I doubt it. I wish I were. But no, I don't know. Like I'm picturing someone going in there, taking their gun off, holster off, either putting it on the toilet paper dispenser or hanging it on a hook. If this rest stop has, you know, when the toilet dispensers like slanted. So all your shit falls off. I hate that. Yeah.

I hate that too. I wonder if they do that on purpose, by the way, because I'm like always leaving something in the bathroom. Yeah. That's actually maybe keeps you from doing that. Or maybe they hooked it on the back of the toilet or like where the where the flusher is you know oh i thought you meant on the on the stall door because then you'd have to jump that wasn't an option as well yeah let's see and that's i hope you weren't going number two you know what i that would be yeah that would be stressful before refreshing the smell in the bathroom it's also awful to be

creeped on like that i know we're very much focusing on this gun. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that it's very clear that that's also not okay. Yeah. But if it's not clear, let me say it. Well, that's, yeah, that's the mainly not okay thing, I think, in this whole review. Here's another one from Flan Fove, that same rest area.

Nope, it's a different one. Just kidding. This is of Scattered Creek Safety Rest Area, northbound. Northbound. rest area nope it's a different one just kidding this is a scattered creek safety rest area northbound northbound okay okay you didn't acknowledge it it's in rochester washington what do you want me to acknowledge most of mine also have that because when you go south you can't access this one yeah i know just for future reference this is important i okay i felt like i was just like internally noting that you wanted me to like externally note it validate it okay why not okay three-star review blow dryer was broken which upset me even though i did not wash my hands

first of all it's not a blow dryer that's what you poof your hair i get a way that's true i didn't even think of that i'd like i didn't consider that. Because at first I thought, oh, well, maybe they meant. No, no. As if they're at a hotel that has a blow dryer. Yeah, but no, that's nothing. There's drugs in that blow dryer.

It's a drop off point. Is that your. That's how I keep my, I put my drugs in a blow dryer. You have just Ativan placed at different rest areas around the country. Yeah, because if I'm on the road and I forgot. When you forgot. Yeah, it's just like, oh. That's really, see, that's very insightful.

You would go through that kind of effort instead of just like the effort to plan ahead and maybe pack. It says a lot about me and and it's all true and you know what if that's what it takes that's the thing go easy on yourself that's what it takes if you have to put at a van in rest stop bathrooms but now here's the thing we're going back a little bit no this is important when i said northbound you gave me so much shit and now you're going you're looking you're silent you were going looking for your out of in you're going southbound I said northbound. You gave me so much shit. I didn't give you any shit. I was silent. You were going looking for your Ativan. You're going southbound. And you pull off in a rest area. You're the Scatter Creek rest area. And you're thinking, where the hell is it? I knew

it was Scatter Creek rest area. And then it hits you. You didn't make a verbal note of if it was southbound or northbound. And now here we are. The problem is you can say north or south. I don't know the difference. You know that. Like, I would get to southbound and be like, here I am at the northbound one. Like, I wouldn't know any better. It's irrelevant to me.

I would just have to check all of them for the one with the blow dryer that has the cord cut so no one can use it and melt all my Advan. Okay, this person didn't wash their hands. That's gross. And why would you even care about the blow dryer? Is that why you didn't wash your hands? No. That doesn't.

Yeah. No. They did not. The washing of the hands was separate from. Exactly. Gross. This is from Gregory. He, him.

It's a review of the James Gandolfini rest area. I also, I woke Blaze up to tell him about this. On the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey. And Blaze was like, is it New Jersey? It was like, fucking obvious. No, it's in Miami, Florida with Flynnfo. Sorry, that was really rude of me. Sorry, Blaze. This is a one-star review

by Diane. Poor James Gandolfini. No honor in naming this rest stop after him. If you are traveling on a Saturday morning, be advised that the Dunkin' Donuts does not open until 7am. Your coffee option is Burger King, and that is also your only breakfast option. If you are traveling and stop on a Friday night at 8pm, don't expect to find more than one clean bathroom stall for women. Yes, that's right. Only a row of stalls were open as the others were being cleaned.

The six or so that were open were filthy, except for one. Which for the first of all, sorry to interrupt myself, but you're complaining that there's a clean one because the other ones are being cleaned. So, I mean, I feel like that's a step up from a lot of these places where there's no cleaning in sight. There's actual effort going on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The place looks deserted.

I guess people have finally decided that they will hold it rather than stop. We have used this rest stop for at least 20 years, and it has definitely declined in all aspects. Embarrassed New Jersey resident. That's how they signed it. Oh, don't tell on yourself like that. Don't tell people you live in New Jersey. What a mistake.

I know. Sorry, I live in New York now. Being in New Jersey, you're embarrassed automatically, right? That's just part of it. It's part of the- Part of day-to-day life. Getting your driver's license. It's like you have to check the box.

Yeah. This is me trying to relate to New York humor. You may ask what the box says. Yeah. It says organ donation, but then they cross it out and they wrote, I'm embarrassed to live here. Is it working? Am I doing it? I don't know.

I don't have any thoughts. I have no opinions about New Jersey, so really, I don't care. It does stink when you first drive into it. I'm sorry. That's just a fact. Is that why you're always peeing on it? But no. You're refreshing the smell. I'm sorry. That's just a fact. Is that why you're always peeing on it? But no. They're refreshing the smell.

I'm peeing on New Jersey. Like Calvin. And moms. I hate those stickers. I love them because I hate them so much. Oh, I know. I feel like, never mind. But I don't know.

I don't have, New Jersey. I'm sure it's lovely. Garden State for a reason, right? There are some beautiful parts, I think. Okay. They probably all stink. Okay, one star review. This last one is of, last one from Flanfo is of Toodle River Safety Rest Area.

Toodle River? Toodle River. Toodle and. Eastbound, westbound, northbound, southbound? Southbound. Toodle, the name etymology is from a native tribal name, Huluitol. And then Flanfa says, but it sounds like Toodle. So we love that for a bathroom.

We do. We do. I'm not even going to put my adeban in there. It feels disrespectful, you know? Yeah, yeah. Sure. I'll keep it at the James Gandolfini gets it. James Gandolfini gets it.

Honestly, this doesn't, there was one of the reviews mentioned their vending machines and that you have to do, quote, hand gymnastics to get your things because it's in a cage. So you have to reach in. And I didn't bring that review but i was i think that was this uh rest stop i could be wrong but yeah so i just bring that up because your ativan would be fairly safe in a cage if you could somehow get it in a vending machine and if you time it right maybe you can put it in the back of one of like the less popular snacks and hopefully by the time you time it right maybe you can put it in the back of one of like the less popular snacks and hopefully by the time you arrive it'll be closer to the front but not not so far that someone got it i'd be like oh no one eats hot cheetos but like meanwhile i'd be the one who thinks everyone wants like the anchovy chips or whatever like i need to like that's not a bad

idea put them behind a gross thing that you would want right exactly so that just in case if there's still so many before you're at a van yeah you just get a bunch of chips anchovy chips come on in yeah anchovy chips at your local vending machines that's definitely a thing i don't even take out of it i'm so i don't know why we're talking about at a van but what do you take i thought you oh what am i thinking what's that what is out of van that's similar oh it's also the name of fall boy song out of van? It's similar. Oh. It's also the name of Fall Boy's song, Out of Van Halen. That must be it. I was just listening to Fall Boy in the car over here. Parentheses, I'm not done.

Parentheses, seven minutes in heaven. Okay, now I'm done. I take Klumpen every now and then, and I do stash it places. Not places publicly. Like geocaching. Like in a tree where an owl lives. You know, something whimsical like that. Yeah.

No. Okay. I'm changing the subject. Did you read one? No. Oh, I used to take Ativan. You did? Yeah. Lorazepam.

Yep. Yeah. Sorry. I was like, then why would I bring that up? Because you hid it all over the country and we said, you can't just hide it. Oh, fuck. I forgot. You can't put it in vending machines.

That's not going to help. It's all been taken. No, it's not. Because you put it behind all the anchovy chips. So you took them all. Yeah. Okay. Here's a Toodle River safety rest area southbound review.

One star. For starters, the weather was terrible. Annoying drizzle drizzle it was also dark then elderly folks who supposed to welcome me with a warm smile coffee and cookies were not there peeing experience was not great either took too long but felt unsatisfactory hand dryer was a final blow to this horrible experience the air was cold and the machine was obnoxiously loud. This experience made me question whether I would want to stop at rest areas again or even pee in general. Oh my god!

Talk about like the most detached from reality person that ever lived. It feels like this person transported from like 1955, like in some sketch about 1955 and got transplanted here and said, oh, a nice rest stop. Grandma's baking. Did you go from saying 1955 to saying a sketch about 1955? Because I thought 1955 people would not, people have better sense even then, I think. Like this seems like somebody who's never really understood the world, even in 1955 terms. Trying not to insult our listeners who were around in 1955. Sure would never want to do that. Nope.

Anyway, I don't know. I don't know what they were. Do you feel like that was real? Weirdly, yes. There is a, there is a, I'm seeing a picture and it looks to be a snack bar-esque area. Oh, it's literally coffee and cookies. Let me see. There are the cookies and then it says complimentary coffee.

Okay. So what is your problem, first of all? Free coffee, compliments of Kalama Lions Club. So why would they be so rude? You got free cookies, and you got to pee, and the hand dryer works. Get over it. I am with you. I agree.

It's raining, and the elderly people weren't nice to you in the middle of the night? I mean, in the middle of the night i mean the way you said that well that i wanted to include all their complaints in one sentence which is it's dark it's raining and the elderly people are not being nice to me people are not being nice to me it feels like pretty good summation of what happened. That's freaked me out though. I kind of had like a little bit of a panic because of the Kalama. Because of your missing Ativan? No, I've been to like a place on the Kalama River and like, I don't know. I actually know that area. And I, cause I hadn't zoomed out yet and I was like, or zoomed to see where it was.

I'm like, oh, I've been there before. out yet and i was like or zoomed in to see where it was i'm like oh i've been there before the time of my life that i'm not too keen on remembering he calls it the heart of darkness he calls it his heart of darkness yeah i so i served a few years and never mind that's not we don't talk about it alexander you know that this is also from gregory It's of the James Gandolfini rest area. This is by Norris, who is an elite 2024. Subscribe for help. One star.

Any state-run rest area where you can arrive and depart without an STD, road rage encounter, or as a newly minted crime statistic, is my definition of paradise on earth. And worth a minimum of three stars just for the adventure sadly the james gandolfini service area on the garden state parkway fails miserably against even that minimal standard okay but which part of that standard because some of those things in there there's no clarification and i feel that that's not a good sign um does it end there? No, no, it does not end. I figured I was interrupting you. That was my goal. Yeah, you succeeded. Let's see.

I don't think any of those... Here, let me finish. Okay. While you never expect hospital-level hygiene at any public commode that also sells food, at this highway oasis, it's almost impossible to tell the difference between the two functions. It's filthy all the usual fast food suspects are there sporting their customary 50 markup along with the hazmat prone restrooms that will certainly make you regret having the last of that slurpee

somewhere near white plains but you'll certainly appreciate your mortality the moment you leave the late and very much lamented mr gandolfini deserves better. End of review. So, you know, I imagine that he was not the result of a crime, or he did not become a crime statistic. Presumably. But, I don't know. Because he left, he said, and was thankful for his mortality.

I'd like to think all of these, none of them really because they would mention it. You know, they would have given more detail, wouldn't they? Of what? What were the things? Crime statistic?

Stabbed or something? Road rage. Road rage. Or a new. STD. STD. Wait, what? Yeah.

Like what are the things? Those are the three. Were those the three? So I feel those are interesting enough for a Google review, including the road rage. And yet they didn't go further. It's almost like. So they said it didn't match those standards, but in what way? Did they include.

I don't know. Maybe they don't want to like, because of HIPAA, Yelp doesn't allow you to share what STDs you have. That's a law. There's no way. There's a law about that. I don't believe it. Yeah.

Blaze told me. Just kidding. I'm going to get it. Lose his a law. There's no way. There's a law about that. I don't believe it. Yeah, Blaze told me. Just kidding. I'm going to get him to lose his PA license. No, I mean. Yeah, why? Someone's listening to this like, hmm. Oh, I knew it. We finally got him. I knew he's been lying to his wife about STD HIPAA laws in relation to rest areas, specifically the James Gandolfini rest area, which is why when you brought it up, he was like, is that in New Jersey?

The thing is, he knew. He knew. Because of the HIPAA stuff, he knew. How else could he? It's true. How else could he have known that? He was faking it. That's a really good point.

He was faking knowing. Wow, that goes deep. So, this person might have an STD from this place, and I feel like it's not our place to demand answers. So, that's what I'm going to leave it at. You know, I'm happy that you're leaving it at that. Have you ever struggled with finding time to manage finances? At the end of a busy week, the last thing you want to do is spend time budgeting all of your expenses or track down customer service teams to cancel old subscriptions you no longer use. But luckily, Rocket Money does all of that for you.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. And personally, I'm one of those people that signs up for free trials and then thinks I'm going to remember to cancel, And then I don't. But thankfully, Rocket Money is there to tell me about those and get me to actually cancel them. And even better, cancel them for me. They've also renegotiated some of the ones that I didn't want to cancel.

Overall, Rocket Money has been a huge help for me and my finances. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash beach. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach. Rocketmoney.com slash beach. Did you know that detergent pods are wrapped in plastic? Yep. That film around your pods is plastic and it's ending up in our oceans, rivers, and soil.

The blue land is on a mission to eliminate single use plastic by reinventing cleaning essentials to be better for you and the planet with the same powerful clean you're used to. Blue land uses no single use plastic in any component from bottles, tablets, and wrappers to shipping. Their tablet packaging is fully compostable. And their stuff just works so well. And it was so convenient to get all of my supplies for my new apartment in one box. I have my dishwasher tablets. I have my laundry detergent. I have my toilet cleaner. I have my multi-surface spray. I have everything I need already set up. And I'm not stressing getting any refills because they make it so affordable and so convenient to do so. Their products are effective and affordable and their laundry tablets are proven to lift the toughest stains. You can even maximize your savings by buying refills in bulk or setting up a subscription. Their subscriptions

are customizable and convenient so you never run out of your most used products. Blueland is trusted in over 1 million homes. Blueland has a special offer for listeners. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to blueland.com slash beach. You won't want to miss this. Blueland.com slash beach for 15% off. That's blueland.com slash beach to get 15% off. My next one's from Denise.

My note for this one, I gonna read first okay it just says think about what is being said here oh my god and i'm like that sounds really intense and i know this review is not intense at all so i'm hoping i figure out what that means. All right, we'll journey together. Here's a one-star review of Burnt Well Rest Area, Westbound. One star. Almost no services. Might as well piss on your hands and let them air dry. End of review. Think about what this, no, really think about it. How you think?

Because... Piss on your pants. I think because I read this and I read it and I was like, ha ha, what a bizarre thing to say. But. Oh, no. Here we go. It makes, no, it makes zero sense. Like, what?

So what they're, okay. So, but what they're saying, they're saying instead of. Like, how does that make any sense? Almost no services. What do you think that means? So, like, no food, bathroom, I don't know. Yeah. Might as well piss on your hands and let them air dry.

In my mind, I think, what problem is that solving? Like, what problem did you have going into... Washing your hands. No running water in the sink. Oh. That's where my brain went. See, I didn't consider that. But I feel like you wouldn't say no services if there's just the sink is broken.

Yeah. Presumably there's also nowhere to pee. But then why don't you just pee in the woods and maybe not on your hands? Right, exactly. I think they're saying there's no place to wash your hands. Maybe you have to pee on them, which doesn't seem to help anybody. I will say this does not look very wooded. There are, it looks, where is it?

Oh, this is in Tenopa, Arizona. So it looks difficult to just pee in the woods. Well, it would also be difficult to pee all over your hands. But yes, that's what I'm saying. It's not even like it's an easier thing. Not that I'm trying to overanalyze this, even though I am. But yeah, that doesn't solve your need for services might as well do that and in my mind you say there the toilets didn't work might as well pee outside

like that makes sense like might as well pee in the woods yeah that if you say might as well do that but in this case might as well pee on your hands and let them air dry what okay maybe when is that a thing like when would that be the next best solution that you'd say might as well do that this only works if they there's a bath a toilet but no running water and no hand dryer i say works loosely i don't think it works i don't think it's an effective plan i just think maybe the only way this works as a thought process is oh i just peed i might as well peed on my hands and wash them at the same time but it seems like that's a lot of thought

and levels and layers to something that probably is just them making a remark to get someone to get some attention i don't know that'll wash your hands it'll like it'll it'll it'll liquid will run on your hands. Right. I'm trying to think of a good way to put this. It'll wash all the shitty ants off your hands. And you gotta let them air dry because no paper towels or blow dryer. That's the only way it makes sense. You know what?

Alexander, it's the only way. And that gets the peeing done and the hand washing done at once. I see. And the air dry. And yeah, that one gets done by itself. I see over time, but I take it all back. Yeah. It made a lot of sense, that review.

I'm so glad you had us do that thought experiment together. Okay, this is the email that I mentioned earlier where I said, like, this is where I opened this one email and I had enough for. This is my last, like, segment here. This is from Brad, he, him, who said, I was so excited to see that Rust Area's theme I submitted is going to be chosen as one of the episodes. It might seem silly, but this theme is pretty special to me. Growing up, I would always go on vacation with my cousins and sister from where we lived in Spokane, Washington to visit the James Candle Feeney rest area.

Cross country. Over the years on our travels, my cousin Beth would start to remember which rest areas were the good ones along our drive and which ones were terrible and should be avoided she had a star system out of five and even joked about making a travel book about it one day she passed away unexpectedly about a year and a half ago and i still think about this when i stop at any new rest areas and i like to give it a rating in my head to keep the tradition going i love I know. I was like reading this like I wasn't expecting to get teary-eyed reading, you know, gas station reviews. Attached are some reviews of some of our most. These are not gas stations.

No, that's. This is. This is. You're giving them too much credit sometimes. Yeah. Except for the James Gandolfini one. I was going to say that feels like a diss to James Gandolfini. I will say the rest areas over there, at least driving, I don't know, up to Connecticut,

stuff all back, or wherever. Oh, they take, they are much more. And they have, they have services. Legit about. They have multiple restaurants. They have things. It feels like the Germany ones. You'll, you'll get, you'll get a little insight

from Brad at the end. But attached are some reviews of. I've gotten plenty of insight. That's rude. Okay. Why do you think that I haven't gotten any? Sometimes it takes you well. Attached are some reviews of some of our most notorious stops, parentheses, Boardman got a one star from them and was often met with a sigh of displeasure when we found ourselves having to stop there.

A top quote in our car was always, not Boardman. So here's a review of Boardman Eastbound, one star, by a local guy named Robert. And this is on the way home. So it's even worse. You're leaving your trip trip you have to stop at board you don't even get a good rest stop one star if listening to both restrooms occupants blast their butts contents into toilets in a highly reverberating echo chamber is not your idea of a rest area bring earplugs and hope that both a train and a convoy of jake-braked semi-trucks roll through i'm not a detective but i would plan out your next trip through the area and avoid eating at any restaurants within a 30-minute drive also there needs to be a

tip jar for the poor people that have to go clean this place end of review oh wow that's like a scathing especially bad because at first i thought the person's complaining about a public bathroom being a public bathroom right with the two and then it said a reverberating echo chamber and i thought oh yeah the acoustics are not and not that that's usually my my most important part of a area, but when you put it that way and the acoustics, yeah, that's not, it's not, it definitely isn't a place to rest. Think about the inverse. If you were that person using the bathroom. Oh, yes. No.

Like how mortifying. It's like echoing to everybody else and you know that they're disgusted. I have a lot of respect for, like, I get so in my head when in times like that. I have a lot of respect for, like, I get so in my head in times like that. But some people you can just tell. You're like, there's someone in here who doesn't care what I think at all. And I have a lot of respect for that. Living their life.

Because they're just using the bathroom. They found the Boardman rest stop and they said, finally, the acoustics I've been seeking. My opportunity to really show how little I care, how comfortable I am in my own bodily functions. Change the subject. Good stuff. Okay, let me talk about a rest area. Great. This is sent in by Kristen, who went to our DC show and apparently held up, and I didn't see this, held up an Old Bay Vibes only sign in the audience.

And even she had mentioned in the email that we might not have seen it in the lights. And sure enough, us being our stardom, the lights that shine down on us, it's really hard to see the lowly people in the crowd. Sometimes that plays when we just exist. It's really hard to see the lowly people in the crowd. All of the lights. Sometimes that plays when we just exist, because it's really hard. Yeah. That's so true.

Yeah. No, we, like, well, at least, I mean, I speak for myself. I know Em feels this way, too, sometimes. But, like, we, like, almost, you just, like, kind of don't see the crowd. And you don't really want to, because it's, like, then you make eye contact. Especially ours. Yeah. Especially with people. Especially, and that's why you drink oh that's like basically ours but yeah just more people all across over um even with the signs probably they probably use but no i agreed yes except but the front row people are much easier to see and i like to pick

a direction to look i don't know you know i'm not one to pick different direction to look. I don't know. You know, I'm not one to pick different places to look. And so unfortunately, sometimes there's a person there. And so a lot of shows, I just see the same person's face over and over and over again. And every time I'm like, oh God, I got to stop looking at this one person that's in the front row. Sometimes a really eager person in the front row who'll be laughing along will have brought someone who does not want to attend or at least makes it clear that they're uncomfortable or i read into it because i was gonna say one time i met a guy i think it was one of our shows where i thought this guy is having the worst time i remember yeah and he

came back and was like wow that was the funniest thing ever and we were like oh i guess some people just have a very like stoic face when they're amused which i mean blaze kind of does so i'm like i should have anyway but yeah so we did not see your sign. I'm so sorry. I wish I had. That's a great sign. Please take a picture. If you have a picture, tag us on Instagram.

I would love to see it. Hopefully we're, we get to come back to DC one day for a show. Yeah, I'm sure you've saved that sign for us. So. They better have. I mean, honestly, I'm actually starting to worry they might not have and now you're gonna you should scramble i regret trying to find that we want a picture okay anyway uh anyway kristin here is your first review you sent in that i'm using uh of one of two this

is a one-star review of the james fenimore cooper service area. And this is in. While we're shouting out, those are fast. Mount Laurel Township, New Jersey. And sure enough, this is one with a shit ton of services. They have like a shit ton, meaning I see Starbucks, Popeyes, Burger King. So I'm like, it's like multiple, Auntie Anne's. A lot of them have Auntie Anne's. They sure do. That's a good one.

I've noticed that as well. And gas and a lottery vending machine. I have everything I need at this place. So New Jersey, you're doing some things, right? Be careful because Zannie might not leave. The problem is if you leave, you have to go through the smell again. So that's enough where I'm like, maybe I just stick around in the middle. Yeah.

Anyway, here's a one-star review of the James Fenimore Cooper service area. One star. Bathrooms were discussed in. I would let my dog sitting there. Sorry, guys. Clean up your act. End of review. Why is that so funny? I would love my dog sitting there. Sorry, guys. Clean up your act. End of review. Why is that so funny?

I would let my dog sitting there. Sorry, but I had to, someone had to say it. We're all thinking it. To me, I thought, and what's interesting, what I think. So, yeah, I see what you're saying. It's like the opposite of. So, I'm reading this person's like, sorry, what were we saying? I don't know.

Go ahead. I don't know. So, I'm saying, I'm reading this other person's other reviews and a lot of them are just normal. They don't. So, I'm wondering if it was text to speech, speech to text or something different because, you know, they have one nice place to buy a new car. Watch out for short waitress. She will spill things on you and screw up your order. Her name is Sharon.

I'm sorry. I just, I didn't have that planned. I just started reading that and I thought, wait, this person's a genius. Sorry, clean up your act. Sharon. Anyway, as I was saying, they have very normal reviews. At least when she spills stuff, it's only in your shoes because you're so short. Could be worse.

Could be tall Beth coming in hot. Tall Beth, oh no. Oh my God, this person just has a bunch of places that just recommended dishes. And one for Bayport Inn, it's just recommended dishes and one for bayport inn it says recommended dishes sandwich well i'll be sure to try that out next time i'm in town that's funny okay anyway that was so what was i even fucking saying i don't know strange to sorry i don't think like i don't know the the wording yeah I still don't know what the fuck they're talking about with their dog. I guess.

I don't know what the point is. So, my thought is they're saying, oh, I would even let my dog sit in here, which is like, wait, that doesn't make any sense. It says. Is it like, oh, it's only a bathroom good enough for a dog? That's. Because it's so dirty. Remember, we've had this conversation. That's why I brought it.

About bringing your dog to the dentist. Because of that. Oh, my God. Because we've had this conversation before. And this adds more mystique, even more of a mystique to this curious problem. Mystique is definitely the word I would use as well. And I feel that either they're saying, yeah, my dog. It's good.

It's so bad that I would let my dog. No, it doesn't make sense. Because the usual thing is I wouldn't even let my, like you'd say, I wouldn't even let my dog pee in here. That's saying something. That is saying something. That is saying something. Sorry, but someone had to say it. Clean up your act, Sharon.

Clean up my dog's act while you're at it, Sharon. Clean up my shoes, Sharon. You spilled all over them. Yeah. Anyway. I would let my dog sitting there. And it says bathrooms were discussed in. I did get that.

I did get that. That's why I'm thinking it's speech to text, but. Yeah. Usually you can still piece it together, but I don't know. Yeah. It feels like there's not enough content. There's not enough. You know what? What?

Maybe it was I would let, but it would, but they said wouldn't very quickly maybe. So I wouldn't let my dog shit in there. Oh, well this person must be new to speech attacks because it's not going to say shit on there. It's too careful. That explains the sorry because they just cursed. Sorry? So bathrooms were disgusting. I wouldn't let my dog shit in there. there it's it's too that explains the sorry because they just cursed and they sorry so bathrooms were disgusting i wouldn't let my dog shit in there sorry guys clean up your act here

click uh see original in french translation oh my god uh de ants everywhere. I don't know what ant is. Believe it or not. Ant. Anti-ants. Partisans. Okay, this is also from Brad. Okay, so Brad sent multiple reviews of places that, of rest stops where he's been in the past on those family road trips. Okay, TMI. I thought you were saying where he's been. You said it funny. What? I am saying where he's been. You said it funny.

What? I am saying where he's been. I know. Okay. What? Okay. He. Where he emptied himself.

That's enough. Someone had to say it. It's getting more personal, you know? Okay, Brad sent a review of Oak Grove Rest Area Southbound in Lynn, Oregon. One star. And this is by Ola, who has a yin and yang symbol. Anarchy symbol and a peace sign. White is a peace sign and then black part is an anarchy symbol.

So, you know, that's pretty deep. But this is a one star review. Caution! Star, star, star. Read before allowing pets and kids on grass. Star, star, star. Dead mice everywhere. Maintenance guy was aware and attempting to dispose of them with a leaf blower.

Hello? That's so disgusting. The flopping around. That's so disgusting! What if a dog is off a leash? Oh, Gio's in heaven. Gio would have been like, I've died and gone to heaven. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Just running around, catching flying dead mice and eating them. My cat, like a bodega cat or a rest stop cat would have just been. Why do you think they got there? Honestly, I get it. Okay. Oh, my God. Maintenance guy was aware and attempting to dispose of them with a leaf blower. Oh, my God.

Just the imagery of them flying in there. Oh, I can't stand it. Just like slowly flopping over to begin. He's like, oops, missed one. Get the momentum going. Oh, my God. It's so gross. I hate it.

If your pet or kid or you have been here lately and notice illness you may be entitled to compensation it feels like what they're saying not the vaginal mesh that i got at the gas station okay what sometimes those reviews are about vaginal mesh and i know that because it makes my whole body like what reviews not those reviews those um those ads like during during Jerry Springer that are like- Okay, I don't remember that one. Yeah, that are like, if you are a loved one suffering- Oh, it's related to mesothelioma? No, it's just like a similar one.

Oh, it's one like that. If you've had a vaginal mesh surgery, you may be entitled to- I don't know about that one. But yeah, I don't even know what mesothelioma is. I assume it's fairly serious. I believe it is very serious. I believe it's a respiratory thing. It's become such a meme, but.

Yeah, it's a meme is what it is. Okay, continue. If your pet or kid or you have been here lately and notice illness, please seek urgent care treatment and note this. Mice don't usually appear freshly melted into grass. For whatever reason, people in charge denying that it's abnormal concerns me a lot. End of review. I like how for whatever reason, I'm concerned about this.

Yeah, well. It is concerning. There is, but I think something's more concerning, more so than the mice. What? This reviewer, which you just told on them. Why? This is going to get very serious very fast. Uh-oh.

This reviewer just broke HIPAA laws relating to rest areas. It's true. Talking about fishing for illness information of other people. I think this is a violation of people's rights. You got an ONA, small claims court lawyer. Uh-oh. Oh, that's what's happening. know it's like you know there's an ambulance chaser this is a injury lawsuit uh rest stop rat chaser or something i mean i feel

like where the dead mice are that's where that's where that's where ola's been oh i mean that's where ola and her kids and her dog and all of her new clients are. You know? Yeah. Well, too bad she broke Kippa. That poor maintenance man. Yeah. You know what?

That's true. Like, what is he supposed to do? He's not going to pick them up with his hands. I mean, God. That's just horrifying. I don't know. It's all really gross and bad. Maybe he tried to pick them up with his hands, but they were melted into the ground. Yeah.

So, he had to pick it up with his hands, but they're melted into the ground. Yeah, melt. Oh, we didn't even talk about melt. So, you had to use something more powerful. Mice don't usually appear freshly melted into the grass. Well, the way they put that, that they appeared that way, it's like they're growing. That's so sick. It's like mutant strain of GMOs. Okay, I can't. What the fuck?

I hate all of this. I don't know. I'm moving on. But, Brad, you guys were onto something with your travel book with your cousin about the rest stops because i feel like we need a guide we do like written down for all of us please do that one um here is my final review that i'm bringing it's of redemption everyone get excited this was also sent in by kristin and this is of the molly pitcher service area uh in cranberry new jersey new jersey looks like another good one too this And this is of the Molly Pitcher Service Area in Cranbury, New Jersey.

New Jersey looks like another good one, too. Man. This has a Nathan's, a Cinnabon, Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips, Z Market, and Roy Rogers and Starbucks. Wowza. So, wow. New Jersey. There was one that had a Chick-fil-A. And the review was like, why on earth would you put a Chick-fil-A in a rest stop in New Jersey. There was one that had a Chick-fil-A and the review was like, why on earth would you put

a Chick-fil-A in a rest stop in like New Jersey or whatever? Why not? Because on a Sunday they're closed. And so it's like everybody showed up and it was like the lines at the only other place were like crazy long because the Chick-fil-A. And I was like, that's a really good point because traveling. I thought it was like a homophobia, transphobia. And I'm like, I was like, oh, a really good point because traveling. I thought it was like a homophobia, transphobia. I was like, oh, what is this place called?

I was like, is it like Harvey Milk Station or something? I'm sorry. Harvey Milk Rest Area. I thought that's where you were going. Now featuring Chick-fil-A. Yeah, so that was the issue. I was like, that's a great point. I mean, if you're on a road trip yeah sunday's pretty classic

time to be stopping at a rest stop but yeah um roy rogers roy rogers let's just leave it at that here is a five-star review how can you not like a place named molly pitcher just the name invokes visions of sitting on a porch in the backwoods of Georgia, sipping on some iced tea, and eating homemade apple pie. Let me look this person up and see what she is about. Oh no. LMFAO. Hmm. Seems that Molly Pitcher invented rest areas back in 1871

when people were heading west on the Oregon Trail. What? Actually, I just made that up. But what if? End of review. No! I was like, man, this is going to be some deep rabbit hole. Oh, they're just fucking with me.

And they knew what they were doing. That's so fucking funny. Oh my god. Because Molly Pitcher sounds like it could be any of the above. A southern lady sipping iced tea. You're kind of hitting the nail on the head. Do you know who Molly Pitcher is? Did she help Betsy Ross sew the flag?

So here's the deal. Molly Pitcher, they're, they're not, I don't think anyone's 100% sure who it's, who Molly Pitcher is. Because when you look up Molly Pitcher, you get Mary Hayes,

American Revolutionary War. There's a woman who fought in the American War of Independence at the Battle of Monmouth. That's what I said. Basically. So the flag. Yeah. The woman behind the Molly Pitcher story is most often identified as Hayes, but it is likely that the legend is an amalgam of more than one woman seen on the battlefield that

day. What? So yeah, so there are multiple suggested identities. And then there's a possibility also that the name is more of a generic term like G.I. Joe, which is a weird example, but that's meant to be the label for the quote hundreds. So like Rosie the Riveter.

Yeah, the hundreds, but Rosie the Riveter might've been a specific person. I'm not sure. Was she not? Was she just propaganda? No, I think it was a character. But like fully been a specific person. I'm not sure. Was she not? No, I think it was a character. But like fully made up character though. I think so. So not like based off of somebody.

No, it just was a catchy name, I think. So yeah. So this is like. The thing is nobody really knows. It might be an amalgamation of. It says, it serves as a common label for the hundreds, perhaps thousands of women who serve not only as ammunition wives, manning and firing the guns but also in the army and colonial militia so it's kind of like a potentially just a generic term but there are

multiple i love that like people that it might specifically gets his own gas station then they're like one time women served in a war so we'll just name one after all of them but on a fake name like we'll just like make up a fake person that's the thing all of the like real people's names that it was like suggested identities none of them are named molly i think molly was also margaret mary i think molly was like a nickname like a um i could be wrong about that fit differently like you're saying it started you know how oh molitha Oh, Molotha. Mollusk. No, I feel I might be wrong about this, but you know how in some professions back then, people would just kind of like name like Bessie or like name people. Bessie was cows. Yeah, but that's the example I'm thinking of.

Or I don't know. Is that what women are to you? I see. Got it. Yes, Alexander. They are. That's rude. thinking of like or is that what women are to you i see got it yes alexander they are rude um i kind of see but do you have any actual examples that aren't a cow um yeah but i don't want to misspeak um yeah no because i i'm just curious i'm not trying to tell you so okay sorry molly is was a nickname for margaret oh it was often used as like a diminutive or nickname of other name, of like a longer name. It wasn't really a name in and of its own right, but it has become, of course, a name in and of its own right.

Oh, so all those people that I listed, I listed all these like, hey, it's about this and none of them are named Molly. Because it's traditionally from the name Mary, but it could be Margaret, could be Miriam, could be a lot of other ones. Well, I'm glad you brought that up. No, I needed to be corrected there. Its popularity with Americans was also influenced by stories about Molly Pitcher, a heroine of the American Revolutionary War. That's on the Molly Wikipedia page, folks. I'm glad you did the research for me. Yeah, you're welcome.

Today. Something is coming. Kong. Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. And teaming up. Or face extinction.

Godzilla Kong. The new empire. Now playing only in theaters. You don't have to struggle alone get free confidential mental health and substance use support at Canada.ca slash mental health if you or someone you know is thinking about suicide call or text 988 a message from the government of Canada

back to me this is also from Brad it's of Sprague lake rest area eastbound lincoln county washington a one star by jonathan a local guide does not answer the phone when there are problems they still owe me money but one day i will just place a lien on this business and collect i spent a lot of money there and I will continue to. Just answer the phone when your loyal customers call. What? Doesn't that give you like Mr. Krabs vibes?

Like, or no, no, no. The mayor or the guy, Mr. Fish Odor in Bob's Burgers. Oh. Like just like unhinged, like I'll just buy you out. That's how this works. Like, no, not really. Huh. Mr. Krabs and Mr. Fish Od fish odor i don't know there's no i see i see that no i see that i i'm i just hadn't thought of it until this moment i just feel like it doesn't work the way that like i spent a lot of money there so i deserve to own it now i'll put a lien on it and own it that's

definitely more fish odor is that what you're saying yeah yeah yeah i agree i think that's why i'm glad you corrected yourself but now that i'm thinking about it i see why you went mr crabs first because those two have some similarities i would say they're both cartoon bosses or cartoon rich people who like money so they have that in common look at that they're also both crabs okay oh man brad also said finally i hate to say it she for sibs but uh of all the states i've stopped in t's arrest area ohio is at the bottom of my list so that's why i said we'd find some clarity later when you said oh uh i forget what you said something about different states having but i said yeah brad will give his opinion but yes apparently ohio is the bottom of the list

don't blame me on top of the list, Minnesota. Interesting. I've never been to one. That's not true. I was going to say that can't be true. I definitely have been to one, but I don't remember it. And he says, great rest areas there. Would highly recommend to a friend and would be there again.

It's probably good if you don't remember. Like, no news is good news. That's a very good point. It's like nothing out of the ordinary happened, which is probably for the best. You know what I mean? It's like nothing out of the ordinary happened, which is probably for the best. Yeah. And I think that being from Ohio, I'm not going to challenge that.

Mm-mm. I stop at Pilot. I don't stop at the rest areas on purpose. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, you go to Pilot instead. I just pee on my hands and let them air dry. Unfortunately true. Okay, you're done. That steering wheel gets so sticky.

I know. That's why I pee on it every now and then to refresh it. It doesn't smell. It's fresh in the scent. Yeah. Are you done? I'm very done, yes. Okay, I have one from Elena Sheher who says,

My only experience of rest stops is St. Peter's Pass in Tasmania. My mom's family lived in the capital city, southern tip of state, and my dad's family lived in the second biggest city, northern. So every other Christmas, we'd do a three-hour-ish drive to spend the holidays with my dad's family. Its thing is that it has topiary clipped in the shape of animals. So as kids, we called it tree animal land. And so in our family, it was known as that for the rest of time. That is amazing. A lot of the reviews were like, great trimmed bush, you know, ha ha ha.

Oh, dear God. Yeah, but this is the one I'm going to bring. You brought that other one too. I did. I couldn't help myself. Yes, you could have. I couldn't though. So here's a two-star review by Sam.

I saw a bloke piss, then leave without hand washing. I had no chance to tell his wife or kids before they drove away. Blue t-shirt that said, good day, about lunchtime on Australia Day 2024. Number plate AIM something. Mate, use soap. You are a grub. End of review. Wow.

Wow. Sending out the alerts. Mate, use soap. You are a grub. End of review. Wow. Wow. Sending out the alerts. Calling the National Guard. It seems so silly. But what if there's a chance that the wife or the kids one day will be looking up rest stops, see that one, and see their father slash husband? They're like, my dad had a shirt that said good day. Yeah. And they might make the connection and then be like, dad, this is about you.

And it might actually do something. Also the fact that this guy, you know what? How dare you? How dare you, Sam? Oh, I thought that was towards me. How dare you, Alexander? Ohlexander oh fuck wait me too give any sort of flack to an australian wearing a good day shirt on australia day 2024 if he doesn't want to wash his hands that is his god-given australian right just on aust Day? Yeah, it's a special holiday. Where you can not wash your hands.

It's none of your business. But that is pretty gross. Oh, okay. How dare you? I just love the idea that someone was wearing a Good Day shirt, Australia Day, and then was like, fuck this, I'm not washing my hands. I don't know. I'm going to be honest. That's probably the only day I'd wear that shirt.

Yeah. It would be the only day I don't know. I'm going to be honest. That's probably the only day I'd wear it. It's pretty nasty. Wear that shirt. Yeah. It would be the only day I don't wash my hands. See? I couldn't imagine not. I'm uncomfortable if I don't wash my hands. Me too. That might be other issues too. I don't think so.

I think that's how you're supposed to feel. Got it. So this is from Carrie. It's of Traveling Tiger in texas that sounds fun yeah it sure does the track it it travels itself traveling tiger center yeah tiger wow so this tiger okay i'm just gonna think about a tiger continue texas 87 truck stop and travel center in sierra blanca texas and now this one is uh a response from owner is why i brought this two stars by helen we stopped for a food break.

The restaurant lacked ventilation, customer service, and the breakfast burritos were awful. The dogs got burrs stuck in their feet during their potty break. Wouldn't stop here again. Response from owner. Helen, we are sorry about your dog getting burrs in their feet. Unfortunately, it is a very common weed in the Southwest. We would like to extend the offer to send your dog some shoes. If you can give us the size and address. Thank you.

End of response. They're just being sassy. That's hilarious. But also like in a way that's like what if she said, oh, size medium. I would love that. I'm like, would they send them i don't know i want to find out because i i'm i it's the other thing is i feel like they wouldn't but i i want but we need i want the continuation of the story we can't we can't know we can't know for sure we can't know even though we try our darndest yeah um i feel like that's nature right that was the burrs yeah that's just nature isn't that what yeah so we're dead mice right i

mean come on what's the point of us it sounds like there's nothing natural about those dead mice excuse me dominion over nature if we can't leaf blow some dead mice and burrs out of the way to keep our widowed doggy our widow full baby's feets clean okay dated that you lost me you lost me and all that now i'm not on your side. No, no, no. I'm actually on team Burr. Okay. Aaron Burr or something.

I have RIP, by the way. But I hear he has a great rest stop in New Jersey, apparently. This is from Lindsay. She, her. This is a redemption. And it's a rest stop outside of Milwaukee. Five stars of rest area 36. Lost $200 at the rest area. And people that found it stuck around until we came back to see if we lost it.

Exceptional. The state workers there should be commended for the wonderful job they do. End of review. And then when I zoomed out and saw it was in Wisconsin, I was like, that's the funniest thing ever. I feel like any other state. I mean, if we're generalizing cliches. I know nothing about Wisconsin. It's just like a Midwest like you know like a classic like kind of they're close to Canada-ish like you know it feels a little bit like that Midwest like politeness things can get a little more polite in those

areas yeah yeah I mean I know that's like cliche but it cracked me up when I zoomed out and it said Milwaukee I was like and this is the last one I have. It's from Lindsay and it's a rest stop. I'm so sorry. I brought so many outside of Kenosha, Wisconsin. And this is a four-star review. Clean, pleasant, helpful staff.

Mammoth fossil equals bonus. End of review. Apparently they have, and there's a photo. Holy fuck. Giant mammoth fossil. Can I look at that again? Yeah, I'm kind of confused how this works. I'm trying to figure out what I'm looking at. I don't really like fuck. Giant mammoth fossil. Can I look at that again? Yeah, I'm kind of confused how this.

I'm trying to figure out what I'm looking at. I don't really like it. I'm not sure. It's uncomfortable to look at. Yeah, this is a one star mammoth fossil. No, no, four star. No, for me. Oh, one star.

Christina, what is wrong with it? Is it also just like hanging on a metal pipe? Mm-hmm. So are those a tusks? What am I looking at? I don't know. I don't know. It looks like a pelvis.

I think these are the tusks. I think that's a head. I don't know. I think it's meant to be a skull, but I think it's a pelvis. It's a little alarming. Like a human pelvis. That is so Wisconsin though.

Am I right? Putting a human pelvis on display? I feel like a lot of serial killers are from Wisconsin. Oh, wait, that's true, actually. I was going to say that and then I was like, maybe that's distasteful, but when you said it. No. Oh. Yeah, that I can agree.

Okay, that's all I've got for rest stops. Me too. Should I do my challenge? New York is number one, then California, then Texas, serial killers. Oh. Then Illinois. So basically it's like the populous states. Imagine that.

Ohio. I think. Indiana, Louisiana, Pennsylvania. I'm just trying to, okay, Pennsylvania. This is according to a random website. I don't know how accurate that was. I just wanted to walk it back because wisconsin those polite wisconsinites are what are they gonna do probably nothing be nice about it you've got a

good point other than people from new jersey i should be i should have been more careful about that saying but you put you put new york first so you already saved yourself you're right new york is first in that terrible you know what's the weirdest part is that list like new york moved up to the first spot when you moved there which i thought was so weird i was like that is so odd that like he moves there and suddenly you're incriminating yourself if i were to be like one no no i just can't understand what that means oh i see what i'm trying to say i was gonna say hey not that that would ever be true. Begin to understand what it means. I don't, I'm really afraid of confrontation.

I don't, I couldn't do it. Okay. So this is my challenge and it was sent by Gabrielle and it was to find reviews where the reviewer mentions the animal that is always there. And this is delightful because of course we got a bunch of awesome emails. The first one I'm going to show you, it had reviews. Oh, show me? Oh, of course show you The first one I'm going to show you, it had reviews. Oh, show me? Oh, of course.

Pictures? Oh, well, I didn't know. Oh, I would not do this to you without pictures. So Liza, she, her. Of course you would. I wouldn't. I'd do it to you without pictures. That doesn't.

If they don't have pictures, they don't have pictures. I didn't know if they had. Continue. Sorry. Pumpkin has been a resident of the Athens County Board of Elections office in Athens, Ohio for over a decade. He is a very handsome orange boy and truly an icon. He's got a bed right in the window of the office so he can survey the busy sidewalk and be appropriately admired.

In 2018, he won the newspaper's Best of Athens award for Best Window Display. Adorable. That's not the best. That is the best. In 2019, he won for Best public figure by a landslide. He has his own guest book and accepts pets from visitors. Oh, oh, stop. That face is so sweet.

Look at the sign. It says, please sign my book. Sincerely, Pumpkin. Pumpkin. What a sweet. I heart voting with the Ohio voting sticker. I heart voting with Pumpkin. Imagine if this, if you find out this is your voting, voting your polling station like you get to go vote with pumpkin i would move there i was gonna say i

wonder what their population is has changed since pumpkin's uh tenure tenure yeah and so there were some reviews that liza said that just said like oh you know love the cat and stuff but i thought this reddit post that um she sent was also great. Okay. So this one was sent technically for rest stops. This is from Matt and Jen, but I'm putting it here. Okay. To spread out my reviews because it worked for both.

And this is a rest stop in, I'm not sure how to say it, Sene, Michigan. And it's a five-star review. How do you spell that? S-E-N-E-Y. That's what I, yeah yeah i was just curious this is a five star review by frank it says nice place to stop on a trip through the up clean building and bathrooms with nice areas to stretch your legs outside we also saw the friendliest little squirrel he was the happiest squirrel after finding half of a hash brown in the garbage can. Oh, that little guy.

Is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen? That thing is living the life. And it's not a hash brown, like a little one. It's like a McDonald's size hash brown, like the big patty. So he is holding something that's like the size of half his whole body. And he's happy. He's going to fall asleep in that trash can yeah he's just gonna wait for someone he's gonna fall asleep in there wait for another

hash brown to fall in just so delightful that's so so be so smart i just live in in the trash americans trash cans yeah because um everyone's complaining that people throw their needles and stuff on the floor yeah so you might as well be in the trash can see what happens there which is definitely where you should throw your needles be in the trash can see what happens there which is definitely where you should throw your needles just in a trash you definitely don't do that but also not on the floor so no fair like to be clear okay so elena she her sent this and she said a friend of mine goes to one specific racetrack gas station in orlando and i think that's the name of it because it's racetrack without a a K? Yeah, yeah. Yes.

Oh, I know it. I know it well. When you visit Flanpho in Miami. I don't even know the joke, but I'm like. There is no joke, Rosanna. Oh, okay. I was just being an idiot. There was no joke there. There's no actual humor.

And so I'm glad that you're making it. Like, you're turning. I'm trying. No, I seriously appreciate it. That's all right. You're so welcome. Thank you. Thank you for your words of affirmation. I'm being serious. I know. I seriously appreciate it. You're so welcome. Thank you for your words of affirmation.

I'm being serious. I know. I'm thanking you. A friend of mine goes to one specific racetrack gas station in Orlando, Florida twice a day to feed the feral cats who live nearby. He's managed to adopt out most of the stray colony, but a few cats just won't make the transition from stray to house cat, so he makes sure they get enough tea. It would make me cry. So I bonded with my overseas buddy the only way I know how. Looking up reviews of places he goes to and asking him, is this really how you live?

Here's a five-star review by Code Man. Well, that's alarming. It's a picture of a police car with its lights on. It says Code Man. Yeah, yeah. Now, I'm questioning whether-'m i'm questioning what's going on oh i'm questioning whether to read the review and then the update for the next or your next one yeah for this one wait didn't you just read a review no sorry that was a note from elena

oh i'm so sorry that's why i was so confused i'm so sorry elena she why I was so confused. I'm so sorry. Elena Sheher said, a friend of mine goes to one specific racetrack gas station. I'm sorry. That was probably not clear. So, Elena's friend is the one feeding the feral cats and helping them transition to being house cat, but making sure the other ones are fed. So, she bonded with her overseas buddy by looking up reviews of the places where he goes to feed these cats and saying, is this really how you live? Got it. And I was like, Oh,

so this person's writing a review. I'm so sorry. Oh my God. And then I got into code man, which doesn't make any sense. That was my fault for getting us off track before you could read it because there was a long break between you mentioning this and then you went right into reading it.

Okay. Fair point. That's my fault. I apologize everyone. It's okay. I think we're all okay. Good note. I love that feral cat note i do too and i love that your friend is so responsible about taking care of the feral cats that's so important that people like that exist it is uh and i well my question though is here uh do i read there's an update that's kind of like

okay you know what i'm just you know i... You know, I have no idea what you're about to read, so... I'm going to read the review, the original review. Okay. And it's a one star first, okay? Oh, no. I get gas here all the time as it has many pumps and typically very clean. I'm giving this a one star temporarily due to recent issue of swarms of bees coming out of all of the trash cans. I can't get gas here now because of it.

There used to be a natural honeybee farm behind this location. Not sure if it still exists or if that's where they escaped from or something. Which makes me feel like those signs that are like, don't pick up hitchhikers, there's a prison down the road. And it's like, don't look in the trash, there's a beehive behind this gas station.

But whatever the case, it's bad. We'll update review once rectified hopefully and then there was a response from owner that just was very boilerplate um according to elena and then there's an update six months ago five stars update they have resolved the trash can be issues thanks end of review when a reviewer actually glorious comes up with an update so satisfying it's so good um speaking of like review updates yeah in an episode i assume nashville tennessee because i think it was early so it must have been natural or as a challenge or something um i read a review about the gay lord opryland about this. I don't remember what it was.

And people will DM me sometimes saying, hey, don't forget. I know. But they don't tell me what... There are a lot of reviews. And it's probably my fault that I won't be... I'm not willing to do that effort to go find it. Yeah.

But I need someone to do it for me. No, there's... People have. Don't worry. Oh, are they emailing us about that? They're all in the email, yeah. But they've been doing that for like. There hasn't been an update though, has there?

Last you saw? No, I don't believe so. I didn't think there was. Cause like every time I check, I have checked multiple times. Oh, you have checked. Like in the past, but it's been a while. I'm saying like the past few months or something, I've been getting some DMs about it and ignoring them because.

It's probably cause the time of year. I feel like we're like in, it probably says like in January of next year. Oh, yeah, true, true. That must have been it. But anyway, I don't think there was an update. I don't even remember what the original one was. I don't think so, but. Sorry.

They have resolved the trash can bee issue. Because I couldn't live in a world where I didn't know what happened with the trash can bees. I don't think I could live any further. Oh, I did live in that world and I was fine with it. Were you? I was actually living a good life because I was just focused on if it was a honeybees because I love honey. I don't know.

Are honeybees, aren't they different? They're not going to hurt me. Don't be in the trash. Why not? We just said a squirrel can be in the trash and should be. Squirrels in the trash. You don't know about that one. That's the thing is maybe this was the honeybees trash can and now they don't have a trash can because of a a narc over here writing

this review instead of just throwing them more food to eat i'll put the bees back okay so elena said i asked my buddy if he knew about the trash can bee issues that's's capital T-C-B-I, not T-C-B-Y. Common misconception. Jesus, yes. Wow. Country's best yogurt, trash can bee issues. But he said he had never experienced a single trash can bee issue, T-C-B-I, in all the years he's been going to the racetrack.

Again, twice a day, every day. That's the thing, though, is what's his threshold for a bee issue? Oh, true. Is it an issue? It could be a thousand bees once it's starting to be an issue for him. So one bee too many. 999, bring them on.

1,000? I mean, this reviewer was called Codeman, so he has specific codes he abides by and expects the world to abide by. So he would know. His code of honor is one I'm sure I would totally 100% agree with. He has a police car as his profile picture. Okay, so this is from Gabrielle. Yeah, I know. This is a review of recycled.

Its lights were even on. By the way, this is Gabrielle. Hi, Gabrielle. Who submitted the challenge. Who sent a review of Recycle Bookstore in Campbell, California. And Natalie actually suggested looking this place up on Patreon. And then Gabrielle did. So I was like, wow.

I didn't have to do anything. They both did the work. Thank you. This is a five-star review by Leon. And he is a local guide. A magical bookstore with a large selection of new and used books. Plus, they have a store cat. The cat can help with book recommendations and can manage the cash register,

but mostly just sits there allowing customers to pet him. Such a talented kitty. I know. But yeah, I think that's how. I hope he gets paid more than anyone else there. I'm just kidding. He gets paid in scritches. This is another review

of that same bookstore, a five-star view. And this one has a photo, which is why I included it. Great bookstore. Max the Cat was busy sitting on the computer keyboard when I walked in. So he really does seem to know how to actually be really useful here. I'm not surprised. I love that he has a little home in the corner

of the store. His favorite book is Where the Wild Things Are. This store has a large LGBT book selection. Rude that that's not one of his favorites. Whatever. Wait, that sounded nice. Put it that way. Calling out that cat. I'm just saying, like.

But are we surprised with cats? I mean, no. I'm just saying. You're 100% right. They stick to the classics. This store has a large LGBT book selection. Store will buy used books and sell them. New books can be found here as well.

Store attendant was welcoming. Yeah, we know. It's a cat. I know. I think they met the person, but it really reads as the cat because here's a picture. I know. Hi. He's way too cranky to be like up on the woke culture.

You know, he's like. Yeah, yeah. I was going to. Well, the way I was about to put it was, that's a homophobic cat. Yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a less PC way of saying it. Thank you. Yeah, sorry. Yeah.

That's a hilariously adorable cat in all seriousness. Yes. So this is from Gabrielle as well. And this is of a place I never heard of. And you're going to be like wait there's a place shocking i know you haven't heard okay shut up it's in cincinnati and i probably haven't heard of it you we probably i'm gonna say it and you're gonna be like we've been there together like probably it's usually how this goes there's so much it's called the a.j ron greenhouse r-a-h-n greenhouse um fuck is that so

it's i looked i looked at it and it's like a it's by spring grove it's like north side college hill area and it's like a plant store like they sell plants and right that's why i thought oh i should have known about this because apparently gabrielle said it's one of her favorite places or her favorite place in cincinnati and i thought oh my god i'm embarrassed i've never heard of it it's just like yeah giant greenhouse yeah look i mean it's close to where favorite places or her favorite place in Cincinnati. And I thought, Oh my God, I'm embarrassed. I've never heard of it. It's just like, yeah. Giant greenhouse. Yeah.

Look, I mean, it's close to where we live. So I'm just surprised that I'd never heard of it. Um, especially because they have a store cat. Okay. Yeah.

I'm excited to hear about that. Well, now we know that's good to know. And this is Callie. I'm not reading a review. I'm just basically just showing a picture. Cause look at that. So Callie apparently gets lots of love.

It's like eye thing. The pattern. Oh, Pagliacci. Here, I said it right? Mm-hmm. Good job. So this is from. Rigoletto.

We're learning and drawing together. So this is from Eli, who in the past I said, I don't know if it's Ellie or Eli. Remember that? Yes. And then they wrote, like, short for Elijah, but not Elijah, but Eli. Eli. So Eli. They, them, and this is a review of a thrift store called The Domestic in Lexington, Kentucky,

and it's a five-star review. Such an awesome spot for unique finds from children's clothing to records to wall art to men's ties it very much reminds me of a smaller version of flor de flea in louisville i'm super glad this one is so close to me they even have a chunky shop cat that likes to pretend he's merchandise by laying super still on shelves or other items and i imagine if any of the price tags are on strings, you bet that cat's wrapped up in all the price tags. Okay. And this is a.

No, that reminds me. Sorry. I just want to get the name right. I think it's a pink flamingo. That's what I would call it. Maybe it just says flamingo haven. I thought it was called pink flamingo. But anyway, there's a thrift store in Cincinnati called, apparently called Flamingo Haven. I thought it was called Pink Flamingo. But anyway, there's a thrift store in Cincinnati called,

apparently called Flamingo Haven. And I don't know why. Yeah, that's what it's called. And there's a cat that they have. I forget the cat's name. Thrift store cats are like on a different level. I love it. And bookstore cats.

And they're so great. And they're so, like that review, they're so still. Yeah, they do. So the first time I saw the cat, it wasn't like advertised. There wasn't anything. I think there was like, unless you're near the cat it wasn't like advertised there wasn't anything i think there's like unless you're near the cat's food but this is a huge antique mall um it was just like lying perfectly still completely unbothered by like any noise i was making and then what so once i saw it i'd like jumped because i was like oh my god that thing's alive

so yeah and you know the cat just like slowly blinked at you like yeah i'm used to that another one another one why do all these people keep coming in my house probably what they think what a cool house to have i know so this is from andy they them who said i live in a suburb of milwaukee and also said i'm leaving a moving suit so you're not triangulating me for long because it's called wawatosa so it's like a very specified location. And Andy said, we famously, at least locally, struggle with a violent gang of wild turkeys. Oh, dear God. They truly cause chaos from preventing package deliveries to causing major traffic blocks when they wander into the road.

And so they looked up reviews of the Tosa turkeys is what they're called, which, by the way. I saw that in our email subjects. And I thought, what the fuck is that? You're like, what minor league baseball team finally joined the ranks? Yeah. So there's tons of Instagram posts that Andy sent of just these turkeys. You'll be loading your groceries in the car and these turkeys will come up. You have to avoid them. What do you do? turkeys will come up. You have to like avoid them.

Turkeys are not small. No, they're scary. And there was one picture of this person walking down the sidewalk and being like, oh no, they've just like all congregated ahead of me. Like now I have to turn around, like double back and find a new route. And like, they're not kidding. These things apparently are dangerous. So the one I'm going to bring. You know, to be fair fair though aren't we the

dangerous ones i feel like the kill count is probably turkeys have killed i don't know how many humans but we probably killed like billions of turkeys over the years pretty close you know it's uh they're they're they're they're at least in one part of the country they're trying to come back they're making a comeback they are are. They're getting to work. And of course, it would be in Wisconsin, the politest of all. Who are willing to let their guard down. Oh, you go ahead. Oh, you turkey, go ahead.

Okay. So here's. They probably use turkey as an insult up there the most. That might be it. Oh, shit. That sounds like a Wisconsin insult. Like, oh, those turkeyskeys instead of actually saying a bad word so yeah so this is uh the one i brought supernova studio dot art made this beautiful illustration

oh my gosh of the turkeys and it says be bold and it's three turkeys illustrated walking across the street and the caption says why did the hashtag tosa turkeys cross the road they didn't they stood dumbly in the middle of state street defying death, chased your stroller, and harassed your dog. Hashtag I break for turkeys. Hashtag as if I have a choice. So, it really is just delightful. I thought that was the funniest thing. They are trying to take over that town.

They are, and they're, it seems successful so far. Even the local artists are paying homage, you know in their in their art uh and this is the last thing i'm gonna read to you i know i brought so much i'm sorry but this is the last one i'm gonna read it's from lauren and it says hi guys here's a collection of reviews that mentioned pepperoni the cat um i'm only gonna read one of the reviews i love pepperoni the cat already i know right it's a local cat that hangs out at opus coffee in gainesville florida he is a very good boy uh all respect to you learn but i already knew that i was gonna i was thinking of clarifying

um and so this is a five-star review by bernadette i've heard a lot about fourth avenue food park but it took me a long time to make the trek out i don't know why i waited so long i love all the open space for my kids to run around and I can grab a coffee and catch up with a friend. I've tried the Mayan mocha, which was good, but my favorite is La Horchata. The person at the cash register noticed my kids admiring the local cat and handed them a couple stickers with an illustration of the cat on it,

which was so kind of her. The kids loved the cat and the stickers. Mom loved her coffee. Win all around. Amazing. Nice. I'm'm gonna end on this note oh from lauren it's a roller coaster it says an anecdote this is from lauren about pepperoni okay in 2019 i used to live close by and didn't know about pepperoni until one day he followed my roommate home. She brought him inside thinking he was lost. She already had a cat, so she asked if I wanted to take care of him. And if we didn't find the owner, I was going to keep him.

However, we quickly found out we had a celebrity on our hands and let him go. Imagine that moment. Oh my gosh. Which, by the way, I've done. I took a cat in, or at least I took a picture of one on my porch and posted it on Nextdoor being like, whose cat is this? And everyone wrote, that's Oscar. And I went, that's not what I asked. But, okay, I guess that clarifies it a little bit.

Like, he's supposed to be here. You were saying like, oh, where does this cat belong? Yeah, like, should I notify somebody? They were like, oh, you want to know his name? Okay. Yeah. They just kept saying it's Oscar. belong yeah like should i notify somebody like oh you want to know his name okay yeah they just kept saying it's oscar and i was like uh-huh i think as much as i prefer knowing his given name

but um yeah apparently he is just like the neighborhood cat so he's always around and so it felt like such a noob when i did that i was like oh god the neighborhood's probably making fun of me like oh she's an amateur one yeah that's how we know what some one time blaze saw a girl walking home uh and she had been drinking and she was just like a cliche like girl in her 20s who'd been out drinking and she spotted oscar oh and she was like come here kitty come here i'll take you home like i'll rescue you and blaze was like that cat lives like he's not don't take him home he lives here he's famous um but she was like trying to chase him into the bushes and blitz was like please leave that cat alone um so anyway here is uh oh i forgot to mention the point of this whole thing is that lauren to cope wrote a poem about it

oh because they had to let him go lauren was sad sad that he couldn't be their cat. So here's the poem. Are you ready for me to read it? I am. You followed my roommate into our building. She called me and said, hey, Lauren, do you want a kitty? We took you in. I loved you instantly.

You jumped on my bed, and I named you Larry. You were friendly. You were nice. You were nice. You were thick. You had green eyes. We had a good time, till we found out your story. That cat is our mascot, and his name is Pepperoni. You were sitting in my lap, then I put you in the crate.

I got kind of sad, then let you go outside the gate. So long, Pepperoni. I didn't know you for long. I'll love you forever, even though i can't be your mom that was so sweet also one time he got her an opus coffee made a go fund me for his vet bills they almost immediately met their goal because so many people love him okay this email long enough bye lauren the end that's the end of my notes 17 pages 17 pages but 17 pages? But I put pictures. You don't put pictures.

How many pages do you think mine was? Less than one. Oh my God. You and me are like me and Em. My notes are always like 40 pages and Em's are one. Yeah. And so that TMZ article is, that's the thing. Em and I are, it might be there's that split and you're there and then it's related.

Call back TMZ call back your turn. Anyway, thank you for listening to this episode. Um, we know it was just as good as you wanted it to be. And, we can't wait. It was, we can't wait to see you next week for Charles entertainment cheese.

Oh yeah. Fine. Part two, part two. We have done it before before which i think is maybe why we thought we'd already recorded it that's it because we recorded it four years ago and suddenly remembered anyway so thanks for listening we will see you soon um check out our website beachy sandy.com we have merch at beachy or wait what's our merch beachy sandy store. And we're on social media at... At Beach2Sandy. Beach2Sandy. What is wrong with me?

I don't know. That one was the easiest. You can also support us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash Beach2Sandy. Yeah. The possibilities end there, but they're pretty good ones. Ended. Bye.

Bye. Beach2Sandy Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production. Hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Marco Padilla. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehm.