Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 277: Reviews of Chuck E. Cheese Part 2

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

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Hello and welcome to Charles Entertainment Cheese, the sequel number two. This is the first theme that we've fully done twice or no, I doubt it. Do I know for sure? No, but I doubt it. We've definitely put things in the poll that people in the comments on Patreon, the people who are in the comments are like, uh, we did that exact thing like a month ago. Maybe this is the first approved double episode. I also feel, so we were supposed to record this and then we,

and we've already explained this, but we thought we had recorded it. And then we got to uploading the files and I said, we already explained this, but we thought we had recorded it, and then we got to uploading the files, and I said, the files are missing. Really the most backwards way to find out we never recorded it at all. But, you know, I think it was, I think fate had a hand, because two days ago, Leona Renee Lampignale went to

Charles Entertainment Cheese's establishment for the first time. And maybe the only time, I'm not really sure. But. I feel like you should know that. You should, everyone know if your children are at Chuck E. Cheese, it is very important. I suppose, I mean, who knows if she'll be returning. It certainly won't be with me.

So if she likes to return, I mean, I'll go. I don't really care that much, but she went with Blaze and his dad while I was working. I mean, I was doing a live show. It wasn't like, you know, grinding away while they were at Chuck E. Cheese, but they went to Chuck E. Cheese and sent me photos.

They got that like really classic picture, which I didn't, first I didn't know what they meant. And then I saw it and went, Oh, that picture where she's sitting in the car next to like the big plastic, Chuck E. Cheese and like driving the car. And it's, I mean, the printing quality has not improved since 1998. Like the photo still has like toner lines on it. They faxed it to you, right? They fax it to me. Yeah. My fax machine is one of the newest ones and it still came out with lines. No, so I think she had a of the newest ones, and it still came out with lines.

No, so I think she had a great time, but I think Blaise and his dad discussed it together and said, you know, it's really not the same. And I said, yeah, I could probably have predicted this entire conversation word for word based on the reviews I found. Is it that it's not the same, or is the problem that it is the same?

I think it's a mix, but like Blaze was really bummed about the animatronics and I was like, oh boy, I should have warned you. Cause I watched that John, did you ever watch that John Oliver clip about? Yes. Okay, so I watched that as well. I even linked it in my notes,

just in case we needed a rough, like a bibliography. I don't know, question mark. I have no idea why I did that, but I did. So anyway, I feel like this was kind of meant to be that, you know, Leona got her, had her rite of passage at Chuck E. Cheese and, you know, they don't do tokens anymore, they don't do tickets. There's a lot of things that I feel like.

Yeah, it's all digital and like kind of, you know, Leona had fun, but she's too. So I don't know like what the consensus is. Maybe we'll find out today. Yeah, I, in my acting, I, I'm taking an acting class, my acting class, same thing where it was like, somehow Chuck E. Cheese came up and everyone was, I definitely didn't chime in to be like, well, my podcasts were recording an episode on Chuck E. Cheese soon.

But I was listening. What have we talked about? You need to be promoing. Every second is a second for a sale. That's what I always say. The only one person in that class knows about my podcast. That's what I learned at the Cutco sales meeting of 2012. Every person you meet is a new customer or something like that.

Yikes. Oh boy. Well, yeah, but they were all like people. There was this whole conversation surrounding Chuck E. Cheese because one of my classmates went to Chuck E. Cheese. I want to say with her like nephew or something. I forget what it was. It doesn't. That's not important. But and just ripping on it understandably. And I was like, oh my God, I like, I'm even more excited. And there are a couple of people with kids in the class and they were talking about like, yeah, no,

that was awful experiences, taking my kids. And one's like, yeah, we, my wife and I would draw straws to see who would be the one to have to take our kid to a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. Yeah, it's still very much, you all know, I'm sure. I can't believe how relevant it still is. That's what's kind of shocking to me. Like the fact that this is our second one on Chuck E. Cheese or second episode on Chuck E. Cheese, John Oliver did like basically an entire episode on it. I think that was basically because we forgot that we did one.

I know, but like the fact that people want, wanted it again, even though, you know, it's just weird. I feel like it's getting like kind of a strange again. Yeah, they were fine with it, true. It's just weird. I feel like it's getting like kind of a strange revival. Maybe it is the John Oliver thing, I don't know, but I feel like it's getting, it's being discussed a lot. Yeah. For some bizarre reason. And I feel, so with Toys R Us, D and I just watched,

Defunct Land is a great YouTube channel, but Defunct Land did a video on the Toys R Us in Times Square. Oh, jeez. And it was really interesting about the history there and whatever. I'm not going to go too much into it, but- Because we have that episode next week on Defunct Toys R Us. That would be fun.

That would be fun. But yeah, when I think of Toys R Us, I mean, obviously because they went bankrupt and stuff, it's out of nostalgia. Like, oh, yeah, kind of very past tense, even though technically I think they still have some connections with Macy's or whatever. They do. But it's so passive. And then Chuck E. Cheese is still like you're talking about it.

Like it's just like it was. It's it's not it's still. It's as dirty as ever. Maybe that's the thing. All new parents still remember and they're like still taking the bar low Maybe they set the bar low and that way like it still remains as nostalgic as ever like it true No room to slip. I don't know true. Yeah, I don't have any reason to go to one and I think I'm gonna Be fine not going to one. Okay. Well, that's good for you

I will also try my darndest to claw my way out of any future and I think I'm gonna be fine not going to one. Okay, well that's good for you. I will also try my darndest to claw my way out of any future need to go to Chuck E. Cheese. I'll also add real quick that I did these notes, again, as we've discussed, like three weeks ago, so I have not, just for funsies, I didn't reread them, because I was like, this will be fun. Mine are very recent now, so we're all in this.

Yeah, so mine are all, like I have no idea what's coming on my notes or on yours. Well, that's terrifying. Yeah, all right, I think I'm gonna go ahead and go first just because I don't know what I brought, but I do know I brought 10 pages. Yeah, I was gonna say, you told me about 45 reviews. 48 I said, but you know, 45 might be more accurate.

I was trying to bring you down a little and be like I appreciate that but I'll stay This is from Matt and Jen and it is a review of a Chuck E Cheese in Troy, Michigan You remember how much Matt and Jen love Michigan and their and their Google Drive's And their Google Drive's that's right. So this is from Matt and Jen of a Chuck E Cheese in Troy, Michigan. One star.

One star. Had my reservation about coming. Wow, where is the owner of this company? He needs to do undercover boss. He needs to come in and see the place. Wow, he must don't want to stay in business or close this location. Awful place.

Awful. Awful. I'm so sorry. That has an H in it multiple times. OK, I thought, hmm. A-W-H-F-U-L. Must be something. Oh.

Over and over and over and over again. It adds emphasis. It adds emphasis. Awful. Awful. Awful. Save your money. Go home. cook, and let kids play outside. I would fire everyone here and start remodel

and new stuff in a million dollar location. End of review. What? It's giving me like really, it's so capitalized. You know when something's like capitalized, but it's like so capitalized, it just feels so outrageously. What, no. It's like it's, it's like so capitalized. It just feels so outrageously. It's like it's, it's all in capitals.

Okay. Like it's on Caps Lock, but it also, the words are so like awful over and over again that it seems like it's shouting. It's too much. It's too much. It's too much. And just like the idea of the CEO of Chuck E.

Cheese doing a, doing an undercover boss at Chuck E. Cheese is one of the most delightful things I've ever heard. I'm glad you said that because I totally agree. And I think that this reviewer has made some really great point. That one. I don't think, I think that one was the great point. Oh, great point. Oh, it's just the one.

Okay, gotcha. Yeah, the undercover boss thing. I don't know about the million dollar location. I don't know what that means. I don't know. Okay. So time square. Down by the waterfront.

Time square. Time square. Chuck E. Cheese. That sounds awful. What the fucking Toys R Us used to be. Yeah. I think it's now a gap in an old Navy. Save your money.

You have Ferris wheel and everything. Go home, cook and let kids play outside. I feel like we all could have thought of that on our own, but thank you for the advice. And also, why don't you just do that? Great point. Is someone forcing, are you the boss? Are you the undercover boss?

I was gonna say maybe he has, yeah. Or this is an employee. He needs to learn how to spell more words because if an email came through from my boss looking like this, I would be so upset. I would be like, how come I'm not the boss? You do say that about me a lot. I do, especially when you put H's in the word awful

and send them to me. It's like, you're being mean and you're spelling it wrong. That sounds about, that sounds just like me. I'm mean and I spell things wrong. He summed up my tenure as the boss here. I'm picturing this employee, this beaten an employee and wanting undercover boss so that there's a situation where the boss gets a sob story from this employee. Oh yeah, yeah, oh, I want to cook and let my kid play outside, but I don't have a million dollar spot to do it.

So bad. So sad. And the boss says, why don't you have a Chucky Cheese franchise yourself at a million dollar location that has an outdoor play area. Yeah, but here's the catch. We followed your advice and we fired everyone. But now there's nobody here.

So now you have to run this with yourself. I might've ignored some bits of that review when I was coming up with my ridiculous scenario. I feel that we should just go all in. Yeah, I feel like we should go all in. That's what he wants, that's what we'll do. That's exactly right. Alrighty, my first one here is from Shana

and this is of a Chuck E. Cheese in Augusta, Georgia. One star. When the girl at the counter takes your order for a pepperoni and mushroom pizza and follows with this question, ooh, you guys like mushrooms? Gross. That's not even a question, it's just a rude comment.

It's like technically a question, but not really. They put a question mark after mushrooms, so. And then continues her ignorance with, "'You white people eat the nastiest stuff.'" Why is that so funny? Seriously, this location is a disgrace and clearly she is colorblind since my wife is clearly Asian.

Never going back to this sorry ass Chuck E. Cheese. And never being. This is crazy. That's so fucking funny to me. Why is this the funniest thing I've ever heard? I just feel like it's the Wild West, these Chuck E. Cheese is like people, like the employees seem to just do

and say whatever the fuck they want. And they can be really good. Yeah, they're like children in their own way, as they should be. If you live in, that's how you can like survive Chuck E. Cheese, by being like a child. Imagine working there, actually don't, I don't want to upset you, but you know,

if you think, if you even start to think about working there, you can imagine why you'd want to walk around with a head under your arm instead of like the rat head on. You know, some people were like, my kid instead of like the rat head on, you know, some people were like, my kid freaked out when the rat wasn't wearing his head. Yeah. I'm like, I get it though. You know, I mean, it must be tough. Gotta let it breathe a little that costume, I assume. Yeah. I can't imagine it's fun in there. I will say though, pepperoni and mushrooms sounds like I love mushrooms, but pepperoni,

why does pepperoni and mushrooms sound so gross to me? Well, I don't think that's that weird. I mean- I'm not saying it's that weird, but- Well, you are white, so that might be power. Oh wait, no, wait, no, it's the opposite. I eat some nasty things. I mean, I wouldn't, I'd be like, you're right, I do.

I eat some weird shit. I think if someone said that to me, I would immediately just like crumble. I'd be like, you're right, I do. I hate some weird shit. I think if someone said that to me, I would immediately just like crumble. I'd be like, you're right. I'm disgusting and I'm a disgrace. Oh my God. OK, well, I don't know. I feel like if somebody said, like, I feel like anybody. I mean, yeah, I'd be like, you're right. You don't need to put mushrooms on it if you don't want to.

I'm sorry I offended you. I don't know. And like, I assume they were like being somewhat jokey about. I don't know. Maybe I'm giving them too much credit, but I'm like, that sounds like a hilarious joke to me. I don't know if someone said that to me, but weirdly pepperoni and mushroom sounds really gross. Like I feel like a supreme pizza that has like everything. Yes, but just pepperoni and mushroom?

Why does it seem so gross to me? I don't know. I don't find it to be gross, but the other day, Blaise said that his friend ordered coffee and orange juice at the same time and he was like so horrified And I was like I don't think that's that weird either. So I don't I don't know people drink Sorry, probably just white people drink Like Americanos, but instead of water, it's orange juice What you've never heard that it's like like literally just ruined. I would try it.

I would absolutely try. No, that's fucking disgusting. I've never tried. I forget what they call it. I want to say it's like a sunrise, something like that. I don't know. It's a sex on the beach. I've never heard of that and I really could vomit at the thought.

That's horrible. Yeah. I feel like I would try it. But I'm over here defending Drinking orange juice and coffee simultaneously. Meanwhile, I mean, oh lord, I can't yeah, it's a thing I don't know. I don't know if it's any good. But yeah orange. It's not. Oh, I do Let me assuage any any concerns you have it's bad. Don't drink it. I would try it but also But I don't want to try is the,

what is this, Olayoto or something? The olive oil coffee. I'm so gross. Like all this shit where they put butter in coffee. Yeah, I can't, I can't. That I can't. I would try orange juice, but olive oil, it sounds too much.

I can't drink olive oil. So this is from Matt and Jen as well. And they actually sent an entire folder called animatronics, which just basically means they found reviews of people specifically referencing the animatronics. Oh, I thought it was like diagrams for your reference. Maybe in the hidden folders. Maybe I need to like, you know, do some, uh, hacking.

Oh God. They're quaking their boots thinking of you finding the hidden folders they put in, in these. Can I hack into a Google drive? I don't know. Um, no. That I'm already in? You cannot.

I certainly cannot. Okay. This is from Manjen. It's a, a Chuck E. Cheese and Sterling Heights, Michigan. And it's a one star by Michael. The animatronics are gone. The place is no longer fun. I went, I saw the animal chunks were gone and I cried.

I will never, yeah, I don't know what chunks are. The animal chunks? It says animal chunks. I don't know what that means. Is that part of the lore? Is that a phrase? Is that their band name? The chunks.

The animal chunks. That makes you wanna puke. I mean, that is puke. Again, I feel like I'm going to be ill just thinking about it. I went and saw the animal chunks were gone and I cried. I will never come back to your place. Those animatronics were my family to me.

Oh no. That sucks. I mean, it sucked that they were family to you to begin with. It sucks all the way through. It sucks from the first second. Those animatronics were my family to me. They were the best thing that existed. Why ruin it? End of review.

I want to know if this person means the best thing to exist ever, or within the context of Chuck E. Cheese. Or just one I might agree with the other I would not. You know, I wouldn't agree with either of them. Nevermind. I was going to say I don't think I would, but maybe he meant like the best thing that I, well, I don't know. Those animatronics were my family to me. I mean, they obviously were not. They weren't, okay, here's what I'll say.

Sorry, Michael, this is tough love, but you weren't family to them. And I think as soon as, well, obviously. Did you have to say, yeah, exactly. Obviously, did you have to say it? I mean, no, but it's a little tough love. And I think if Michael needs to, if Michael wants to move on,

he's gotta know the truth. That hippo with the big boobs was never gonna marry him. You wanted to marry his own family? Well, yeah. What? What do you mean, well, yeah? Don't just say, well, yeah. Well, Blaze is my family and I'm married to him.

Okay, but he's saying that they were family before they were married. You know when you call someone uncle, but they're not, okay, no, that's a bad example. And then marry them? I don't, personally. That's a bad example. Yes, it was.

Oxen are, it's- Why are you trying to make this make sense? I don't know, but I- Just walk it back. That'd be a normal? Just walk it back. Be a normal person and walk it back. Stop trying to force familial marriages or whatever. The Charles Entertainment Ch- the chunk band. The animal chunks.

The animal chunks. That's horrible. That is pretty bad. Okay. That's horrible. That is pretty bad. Okay, my next one was sent in by Phoenix, and this is a three star review of a Chuck E. Cheese in Bellevue, Washington. The manager wouldn't disclose if Charles Entertainment Cheese had ever taken a life. End of review. Ha! Ha! First of all, they should go to some of these other Chuck E. Cheese's.

I bet you if you ask the employees, they'd be waiting for some fun conversation like that. Oh yeah, and I think they would confirm it. I'm kind of surprised. Yeah. Maybe don't ask the manager. Ask like somebody else who doesn't have that much of a stake. Honestly, ask Charles himself.

Ask him, yeah. I think he would own up to it. He's- I mean, in the John Oliver sketch, I saw them literally beating and burning the animatronics in a back alley. So I feel like he probably has some blood on his hands for real.

I feel like blood is one of the more common fluids out of Chuck E. Cheese. I could see there being a lot of blood. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, not even a joke. Yeah. For sure. Let's see. The other one is obviously animal chunks,

but that kind of goes hand in hand. True. With the blood. Okay, this is from Elta. It's of a Charles Entertainment Cheese in Tallahassee. And this is a one-star review by Chris. The workers were very rude and Chuck E. Cheese himself wrapped his greasy hands around my child.

Absolutely disturbing review. So I think to that last person, I can confidently tell you that yes, Charles has, Chucky Boy has taken a life or a few at least. At least tried, at least wanted to. At least tried, that's fair. Have you ever seen that horrible movie?

It's like a short film on Hulu, I think, and Em made me watch it like three times, of like a animatronic rat who murders children. Believe it or not, I have not seen that. I swear to God, it made me watch it when I was pregnant. I was like, why would you do that? I know, I don't know. Animatronic, it was like some short film.

Here we go, animatronic. It's called, it was called the Huluween Film Fest. Oh, I'm familiar with that. Like, yeah, I don't think I've watched anything from it. It was called the Huluween Film Fest. Oh, I'm familiar with that. Yeah, I don't think I've watched anything from it. It was called The Hug. And like, Alexander, it's like really freaky. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like it. Yeah, no.

I'm gonna send you a picture of this fucking. Oh, please. Oh, it's not even a mouse. I don't know what it is. It's like a fucking, you tell me what it is. Yeah, I was gonna say, send me a picture, I'll let you know. It's getting worse the more I look at it,

the more upset I get. Okay, here's a picture of him looking happy. Is that not the worst thing you've ever seen? I wanna say it's a bear, but I can't. Yeah, it looks kinda like a panda maybe? Yeah, it's a panda I think. I don't know. It has like black legs, white belly.

Maybe. It looks like the bear from Showbiz Pizza, Billy Bob Broccoli. I don't know what you're saying to me right now. Oh, that other business. Yeah. Yes, it does look like that. Oh my God, it looks almost the same.

No, exactly. Oh shit, it is. It's just that with a different coloring. Kinda, that. Oh my God, it looks almost the same. No, exactly. Oh shit, it is. It's just that with a different coloring. Kinda, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. It's like his, it's like his. What the demonic version you sent me.

Yeah, I was gonna say like his fucked up cousin, you know? This is disturbing. I don't like these. That's why you don't marry your family. You finally convinced me. Okay. I was wrong. I was wrong. Okay.

Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. My next one was sent in by Jelly Beanette. This is... Not to be confused with the male Jelly Bean. Well it's a play on, I think their actual name, but that's how they signed the email. Oh, I like it.

I like it, Jelly Beanette. This is a two star review. This is of a Chuck E. Cheese, it is my turn, right? I don't even remember what you just read. Fairview Heights. Oh, let me remind you. Tallahassee. Silly me.

Wrapping around your child. I can't believe I forgot. This is in Fairview Heights, Illinois. Close to St. Louis. Okay, here we go. Two stars. Couldn't take a dump, the bathroom music scared me. Chuck E. Cheese belongs to the streets.

Chuck the Mouse was continuously putting me in a headlock and rubbing precious hair against my will. Stalker Mouse. All I wanted to do was play my race car game. End of review. That was Leona. She wrote that. Yeah, yeah.

She's like, I barely have any hair, get off. Wow, wow, wow, wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Little stalker mouse. I believe that. I almost feel like the adults and teenagers, like I know people complain about the children at Chuck E. G's. I'm almost more scared of these people, the adults or teenagers or whoever's writing this shit. Yeah.

Like I don't want to be around you when you're trying to, when you're too afraid to take a dump in the bathroom. Like, I don't want to witness any of that. Why are to, when you're too afraid to take a dump in the bathroom. Like I don't want to witness any of that. Why are you witnessing it at all? Why are you watching them being fearful? I imagine he would flee from the bathroom and I have to pee all the time. So I imagine I'd at one point or another catch on

that something was wrong. I'm very astute. And also, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm an empath. And so it's really hard for me to be in a place where someone's suffering like this. Like, so you can, you're outside the bathroom and you're like, get this wave of energy. Someone's struggling to poop in there.

Yeah. That's terrible. What do you think Crohn's disease is? It does explain a lot. Yeah, it does. Doesn't it? Okay. Yeah.

I take on the woes of everyone else's gastrointestinal woes. And it's a burden I have to bear, you know what I mean? Nope. Anyway, this is from Olivia and it's of a Chuck E. Cheese and Dayton, Ohio. This is a one star review. My brother peed on one of the rides.

We told the worker, oh wait, so did mine. That's weird. What rides? My brother peed on one of the rides. We told the worker, oh wait, so did mine. That's weird. Just kidding. He he he he he. What rides? That's, are we sure this is a Chuck E. Cheese? Is it that car where you take a photo with Chuck E. Cheese and then they fax it to you? Cause that would bump me out.

It's just like a puddle then. Yeah. My brother peed on one of the rides. We told the workers and they said they'll clean it when they close. It was two hours till closing. It's just like a puddle then. Yeah. My brother peed on one of the rides. We told the workers and they said they'll clean it when they close. It was two hours till closing. End of review.

Oh, that's awful. Oh God, oh God. I mean, and the fact that you are the one who knows the mess was created. It's not like, oh, I saw a pee stain somewhere and you could be exaggerating. Like you're admitting it was your family that. Yeah.

Yikes. I don't know. I don't know. I don't love it. I don't love any of this. I mean, thankfully this was written pre-COVID, but still. Like what, a day before? Maybe, oh, patient zero.

There is, I looked up photos of this Chuck E. Cheese and there is a train ride. It just goes in an oval shape, but you sit in it and it just goes in circles. So there is- And you get splashed like, so. Oh, oh, that's not part of it. The seats are shaped like toilets.

So it's an understandable mess up. It's for people who are too afraid of the music in the bathroom. Honestly, on My Brother, My Brother, Me, they one time did a review in Munch Squad, which is a podcast within a podcast on My Brother, My Brother, Me, where Justin talked about the Chuck E. Cheese soundtrack

that was released, the EP or the album that dropped a few years ago and they released it as though it were like a rock album. The terminology here, the EP that dropped. They dropped the EP, Alexander. I think you don't understand that they really did. Oh, I believe it. I do, I just.

It's called Summer of Fun. And it's all, it. I do. I just... It's called Summer of Fun. And it's all upside... It's just bad. It's just... It's on Spotify. That's great news for us. Thank goodness. So if we do any upcoming shows, then we can... We already have a built-in playlist for each show. The good news is this whole album is 37 minutes and 48 seconds, so we can just put it on a loop. Oh, that's great, yeah. Yeah.

Honestly, actually, that might not be a bad idea, just our live shows just be reviews of Chuck E. Cheese in the areas where we do the live shows. We'll be touring for decades to come. We would never run out. Oh, here we go. There's a song on here called Crochet All Day. That's probably gonna be my favorite.

I can't wait to not listen to it. Oh, I'm sorry. Nevermind, Pumpkins in My Pockets. That could be it. We'll see. I'm gonna put them against each other. We'll find out which one's better. You're gonna listen to them both at the same time.

Yes. We'll see which one stands out. That's probably what's happening in the bathroom. That's why people are running out scared. Oh gosh. Okay, my last, I have three more and they were all sent in by Brad. Okay, Brad sent in this one star review

of a Chuck E. Cheese in Regina, Canada. Okay. One star. The pizza is depressed and all the children are gambling. An animatronic Chuck E. Cheese is staring at me and I got a paper cut on a ticket. End of review. And- It's the most interesting thing you've seen all day.

They have a picture of Chuck E. Cheese, like a slice of pizza and some cups. So I was really afraid you were going to say have their bloody finger or whatever. I was like, no, I don't really want to see that. Oh, and you can see like, can you explain that? Can you list the event, the order of events again? There was that. The pizza is depressed. Okay. Children are gambling. Both accurate so far. An animatronic Chuck E. Cheese is staring at me and I got a paper cut on a ticket. That's a you problem. So the first three I feel like you I could have told you before you shut up. So here's the thing with the third one with

the animatronic. I actually see it in the background not the face just half the bottom half of the face. So it looks as if this reviewer, let's call her Beth, it looks like Beth was taking a photo and was trying to be sneaky about it because you can see half of the animatronics face in the distance. The animatronics head is turned right in her direction. So which one is it again? Charles. It is Charles. The animatronics head is turned right in her direction. So. Which one is it again? Charles.

It is Charles, okay. Charles, the man himself. Oh boy. I'll send you a picture right now. But the thing is why I was saying it might be her fault is because of the seating placement. Like you sitting there, like you could sit with your back to Charles.

There are plenty of open seats. You can go sit somewhere else. This is, oh my Lord. You see what I mean though? Oh my, wait, okay. But hold on. I'm holding on. No, but his body's turned to frontward.

Yeah, yeah, that's, it's kind of creepy. She's sitting way to the side. Like if you were at a comedy show, like I wouldn't even see, if I were on stage right there, I wouldn't even like see you with the lights down. It's surveillance. Chuck E. Cheese is just fucking scanning.

Moves side to side as surveillance, yeah. To be fair, there's nobody else there. So like maybe, at least in the photo, so maybe you really are the only person to entertain today. Yeah, they have a lot of cups though a lot of They've been they've been sipping on a lot of drinks. They have been Yeah, the cups are actually kind of fun. I know the pizza is depressed or whatever, but the cups look kind of fun Yeah, I like little straws. I like the straws

Yeah, I'm wondering why Leanne. I didn't bring one of those home. I would have been excited but whatever. Yeah, wait Did she get anything with her virtual digital tickets? I actually was digging through my duffel bag when we were packing. I was like, what is this? And it was this, the smallest, it was like an Airhead Bite. And I was like, where did this come from? And Blaze was like, oh, we got it with our tickets.

No, they had actually gotten more stuff, but I was like, is that it? And he was like, no, no, no, that we had like five leftover or something and got, but I don't know what else they got. Probably just some random plastic stuff. Random shit. Yeah.

I have no idea. Oh my gosh. Okay. So this is from Megan who wrote, I don't know. Like I debated on whether to read this, not that it's nothing worth reading, it's just kind of random. So Megan, she, her, wrote, it feels wrong not to include any text at all in the body of the email, even though this is the third email I've sent today. So instead of a random greeting, here's a fun fact for you. There are more trees on earth than there are stars in the

galaxy by a lot. It's estimated that there are between one to, sorry, 100 to, there's estimated to be one tree to 400 billion. No, okay, sorry. Now I'm making this crazy. Okay. It's estimated that there are between 100 to 400 billion stars in the Milky Way, but there are about three trillion trees on our planet. That's pretty crazy. So breathe deep unless you're in a Chuck E. Cheese as that's me, it's me adding to this conversation and thank a tree today. Unless once again, you're in a Chuck E. Cheese, don't breathe that deeply. Plug your nose, breathe through your mouth. Okay.

I'm not thanking a tree today. I'm not leaving this. I'm not leaving. I'm not going outside for that. Are you kidding me? You can thank them from afar. Trees are empaths. They'll feel it. Okay. Here is a review of a Chuck E. Cheese in Durham, North Carolina. One star.

I fell down on that rise up dance floor. Nobody offered to help me up. Just having surgery four weeks prior to that really hurt my neck again. The lady that came to our table for the party was very rude to me. I asked her for some napkins She said she will get to me when she gets time I wanted to clean up the mess I made when I spilled a drink all over the dance floor She was rude and said you can't clean it up with paper towels the guy came to mop it up And she was rude to him too. She's a manager of some sort. I guess had long dirty blonde hair

I don't know her name, but I don't like her wanna be her Wait, huh wanna be her. I don't like her Okay, I'm gonna read this As is she's a manager of some sort. I guess had long dirty blonde hair I don't know her name, but I don't like her want to be at her attitude stinks. I Don't know. I don't like her. Her attitude stinks, got it.

Her attitude stinks. Yeah, I just, again, wiping out on the dance floor. The rising dance floor, is that what they said? Or the falling? They said, rise up. I think what they meant is like, there's a raised step to get on the dance floor. I'm like, whoa, this is too much. I would also fall. They like tripped walking up to

the dance floor. Yes. Got it. They didn't trip. They like broke their neck all over again or whatever. It sounds really dramatic. I just also love the, and it's like, I'm not usually one for like either gross out humor, physical humor, it's not really my thing, but for some reason, every time somebody in a review talks about how mad they are that someone, that they fell down and no one helped them up, for some reason it's one of the funniest. Like that she fell, spilled a soda everywhere,

no one helped her up. And then she's like, I'd like to clean the mess up. And they were like, please just stay there. Please stop. You can't clean it up. Stop. We're getting a mop. I don't know. For some reason. I know it's not funny. It is. It is. Okay. I, it reminds me of that tattoo parlor one where the person came on, it came in and was complaining that the tattoo artist didn't help them up. And it's like continuously rolled. Friend being there with them. And I'm like, what didn't your, why didn't your friend help? Like nobody brought me up. And it's like, continuously rolled- And but talk about their friend being there with them.

And I'm like, what didn't your, why didn't your friend help? Like, nobody brought me a chair. It's like, okay, you need to, if you're, she's like, I just fell and then I fell again. And then I rolled over and then I couldn't get up. It's like, oh my God. Like, hey, but I say it's funny. When I fall, it's also funny, even if it hurts.

Yeah, when I fall, I think it's not funny at all, which is probably why everyone else probably thinks it's funny, you know what I mean? I fell down the stairs, couldn't walk right for weeks, but it was pretty funny. But to be fair, you made that funny because you threw your phone into a hole in the wall, which is like the funniest part of the story.

While grass trying to grab onto something to keep from sliding all the way to the bottom and failing. Yeah. He like saved his phone because there was already a plaster hole in the wall. I guess save is one way to put it. I don't save yourself. I don't know. I would have rather saved myself.

I know, but that's why it's so funny that your phone was like, I'm fine and you were just a heap at the bottom. I was, yeah. I could barely move. Anyway. Did you know that detergent pods are wrapped in plastic? Yep, that film around your pods is plastic and it's ending up in our oceans, rivers and soil. Thankfully blue land is on a mission to eliminate single use plastic by reinventing cleaning essentials to be better for you and the planet with the

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I don't know. One star. Chuck E. Cheese is not the same anymore. They step on kids. Oh, not only that, the worst management. I don't know where to start. At first I took the staff side because I thought accidents happen with kids

and plus the staff members lied to me that I mistakenly was going to step on birthday girl. Thinking emoji, thinking emoji, angry emoji, angry emoji, angry emoji, angry emoji. Stomping emoji, stomping emoji, oh no. Squished child emoji. Oh no. But later my sister told me what exactly happened. If I were near my niece and had seen that staff member stepping over a two-year-old

baby while she was drinking her water, I would have slapped her and don't know what else I would have done. I am very mad. From A to Z, everything was was zero Nothing was on time and the manager then comes and blames us for everything very very unprofessional end of review What the fuck? I don't know. It's it's a response. No, they're okay. You said end of review. I have likes. Oh Wow, so they're all just stepping on the okay. First of all, it sounds like no one stepped on anyone. Is that, am I assessing the situation correctly? Yes, I believe it reminds me, was that Pittsburgh? Where was it that, that museum employee jumped over that child?

The children's museum where it was like, they took a running leap over the child. Was that at our live show? That was at our live show. And I think I read it maybe on, I think it's part of our best of our, yeah. Um, worst of, sorry. It's giving those vibes of, you know, maybe, maybe this employee could have a path a little better. Um,

however, no one, it appears no one got hurt. So I don't think anyone, but someone supposedly would have gotten hurt if this reviewer had seen this happen. No offense to Leona, but if someone stepped over Leona at a Chuck E. Cheese, I would not hit them. That would not be my instinct.

I actually probably wouldn't do anything. I'd be like, okay. I'd be like, oh, I just stepped over Leona. That was me who did that. Oh, it was you. I'd slap you so hard. Okay, fair. Fair is the only appropriate.

No, I just seemed so like literally nothing happened. But I love that apparently management came over and was like, no no this guy did it The uncle did it It feels like a fucking slapstick comedy all of a sudden Like no, I didn't do it And she I love that like while she drinks her and I'm like, oh my God, her vodka and it's like her water.

And I'm like, oh, I thought it was gonna be like, she's drinking on the job. Oh, in my head, oh, who's, in my mind, the child was drinking the water. So I thought it was a completely irrelevant statement. Oh! I still think it's irrelevant, actually, either way. It is, it's fully irrelevant.

In fact, I'd argue if you're drinking water, you're gonna be slower. You know what I mean? And maybe more precise with your foot drop. But if you're sipping on it as you're stepping, I mean, I don't know. You could be looking up, you know what I mean? And like not focusing on the path, the path thing ahead.

Yeah. Oh boy, okay. So let's see, what do I have next? Oh my Lordy. I'm just going through to see like what the, what the vibe is here. Okay. This is a review also from Megan. Okay.

I was wrong. Oh wait, no, I have two more. Sorry. You? Yeah. I thought I had like 80 more, but I think I just have a ton of challenge reviews. Oh good. So this is from Elta and it is of Chuck E Cheese in Boise Idaho. This is a one-star review called No No No. Okay let me just be honest

here when I and my family went it was only because my little cousin was having a birthday party there and boy was I wrong to assume this place was nice. First of all, yes, you've assessed the situation correctly. You were wrong. I still remember the drive there. The building was so tiny and tucked away that I thought it was a drug store. And once you walk in there,

you know you've made a huge mistake. First, they make you put on these itchy stamps and they give guests of the party a badge that says two hours. And the little birthday princess gets off scot-free. Pfft. Huh? That little bitch.

Yeah. What is your problem, your little cousin? I'm gonna step on her. Watch me. And by the way, this isn't water, it's vodka, I brought it from home. Next, there's these tiny little tables that I guess you're supposed to sit on. Okay, I feel like this person's acting like they've never left the house, right? Like,

they don't understand how to behave in public. Okay. Next, there's these tiny little tables that I guess you're supposed to sit on. Okay, I just did some research and found out they are made for first graders. Okay, this is like, this is bizarre. And then they go, first graders? I'm like, I'm so confused. Like, what are you missing?

Like you're literally just explaining the concept of a Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah, they've stumbled upon this place and are shocked at everything. It's bizarre. I mean, they'd had to do research on the tables to determine they were for children. That's so weird.

What did you research? It's like going- Short tables? Like that time I went into, I think I was picking up Francisca where I had like something in high school, I had to go in the elementary school. Oh no, it's a worse feeling, those tiny ass little chairs. You know what, even worse, I used the bathroom.

Oh, oh, oh no. Oh no. Oh no, I was right. It's just like, I was so uncomfortable, because I'm like, I- Because you're immediately aware you're in like a children's space. So I immediately did my research. So you were so scared you fled and

somewhere in the high school I said, Oh, someone's having trouble going to the bathroom. Yeah, you had to research it. I know. I remember those grades because you're in college at the time and I remember you going on duck duck goDuckGo to research what small tables are for. And I was like, this is getting out of control. We need to get a grip. Okay, sorry, that's me talking about right now. I was gonna say, yeah, we do. Nothing's changed.

Okay, I just did some research, which by the way, makes it sound like they're doing the research while they write this review, which is also just a bizarro thing to do. Yeah, they took notes or something for things to Google later while they wrote up their review. Yeah, it's just getting a little too in-depth here, I think. Okay, I just did some research and found out they are made for first graders.

First graders? Then you just go and play video games and don't even socialize with the person that dragged you down here in the first place. First of all, I would not want to socialize with you person that dragged you down here in the first place. First of all, I would not wanna socialize with you if this is how you're behaving at my child's birthday party, calling your little cousin the birthday princess who gets off scot-free, and I'm like, well, don't the parents pay?

Anyway, whatever. Pfft. Ugh. And the video games are just a waste of paper. They give you a craps worth amount of tickets, and then they have this little thing called a kiosk that stops them from money grabbing you just once. Like, what if you want to play a game and then come back?

And just when you think it can't get any worse, it does. Real quick, I just want to point out that this place looks so similar to... What the fuck is this? FNAF? Five Nights at Freddy's. Oh, Five Nights at Freddy's. I knew that. I actually had that. I'm supposed to remember that. OK. Real quick, I just want to point out that this place looks so similar

to Five Nights at Freddy's. There's the stage, the animals that look like the fictional characters and they serve, you guessed it, pizza. Oxenar, I... This is a joke, right? My mind is blown right now. I feel like it's a joke. You think so? I don't know.

It just seems so, I don't know. Okay, let me finish it. We can maybe get a better idea. You guessed it, pizza. Then they have little Chucky came and slap you on the back or high five you. Whoa, little guy, I'm not some dumb little kid that you can manipulate.

It actually says mini plate. Okay. Mini plates, like the mini tables. Oh, shit. That all makes sense. So now whenever they go to like a tapas bar, they're like, these are for first graders. And they're like, no, this is just a small plate.

No, it's for, I did my research. Don't you mini plate me. Don't mini plate me, the rat tried it already. Whoa, little guy, I'm not some dumb little kid that you can manipulate. You better watch it, I'm gonna call the frigging police. So yeah, the Chuck the Cheese, the review on you. I hope you change Chuck E. Chess,

you can't go forever ripening money out of people's hands forever, you know. Boy do I, by the way. Okay. Sorry, this is probably the most ever interrupted review, but I just can't get through it in one fell swoop. And also the prizes suck too. I had to select a date for this review, but they did not let me select a long time ago. I'm not some stupid kid anymore Chuckie. Haha, frig you Chuckie. Just don't listen to the date. This also did not happen during COVID and I'm on a strict diet so I did not eat the pizza but it looked terrible. But who am I to judge, you know? Okay, now I'll shut up. End of review. I've kind of changed my mind. Right? But I think

this is a teen. I think this is someone who did not grow up with Chuck E Cheese. Right. And so is a teen going to a Chuck E Cheese for the first time after already outgrowing it, but before maturing to an adult. I found, I found in his bio. I love traveling. This was written January, 2022. I love traveling. This was written January, 2022. I love traveling and having fun with my family. When I put dates, they are not correct. I put them there because it makes me,

I am not nine years old. I am 26. Oh. So now they're 28. Nevermind, it's all out the window. Cool. I'm out, I'm out. I don't know.

I have no more thoughts about this. God. I'm out. And then the, oh, I just clicked the photo. There's a photo they included of just the new fangled mouse, like the updated version of it. You know, like not the old school. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they just like uploaded it from the internet. The caption says, had no photos, looks stupid. So you're gonna see it Okay, it kind of does look stupid It was not what I grew up with but I didn't know I think it looks stupid too, but I didn't know that TripAdvisor you can have like a whole page like a bio. I didn't realize oh he does have a banner up top of like a it, like a bio. I didn't realize this, but he does have a banner up top of like a, it looks like a sexy anime girl playing video games or in a spaceship, question mark?

I don't know. It's something, I'm glad that we know it's a 20 something year old. Cause it feels, I would be a little bit more concerned. I kind of want to see this banner for multiple reasons, but the main reason being, I wonder if it's one of those situations where you'd show it to me and I'd say, Christina, that's blah, blah, blah. And it's a reference to something that you're just not getting.

It totally might be Five Nights at Freddy's. Is that what it is? I don't think they're... I'm sorry, FNAF. Okay, I've never played the game and I have not watched the movie. I do wanna watch the movie. I heard it was actually pretty good.

But yeah, I don't think there are any sexy anime girls in spaceships in that movie. Well, you wouldn't know. I wouldn't know, I wouldn't know, I wouldn't know. Same with the pizza. I'm on a strict diet,, you wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. Same with the pizza. I'm on a strict diet, so I wouldn't know. I have one last one, but first I'd like to apologize

to the citizens of Regina, Canada. Cause apparently it's pronounced Regina, like vagina. I knew you were going to say that. Okay. Cause I was pretty sure of that, but I didn't want to interrupt. So I was like, I'm not going to say it, but someone's going to figure it out and either be mad at us or Zandy is going to correct him. I meant to look it up ahead of time and then I forgot.

So when I read that first review, I'm like, I'm going to be safe because if I get it wrong, Regina when it should be Regina, it's not that's worse. It's getting it wrong. It's worse that way. I agree. I fully agree. I was just in like my mean girls mind, you know, Regina George kind of thing. That's all it was. I heard there's a sexy anime spaceship girls in that one too. That new musical. I got to watch it again. I haven't seen it.

That's usually, that's how I, that's why I watch movies. So I watched the Oscars yesterday. Not enough sexy anime girls in really rock and rocket ships or whatever Oh, but that's because you were watching the Nickelodeon recap version not like So like it was just mr. Krabs stuff. They're just slimy everybody. Yeah Yeah, all righty, uh my last review also by Brad, but this one is of a Chuck E Cheese in Manchester, New Hampshire. Okay. One star.

My child found pizza in a bowling game. When the pins came down, instead of dropping a pin, it dropped a slice of pizza. I saw someone chuck a whole pizza across the entire facility. Pizza was unsatisfactory. End of review. Oh my god.

We got three separate bits about pizza here. Each less interesting than the last. Somebody is on a, right, good point. Because I thought like, oh, it's going to get wild and then it just got less wild. For entertainment purposes, if I had written this review, and in hindsight, maybe I should just read it this way to entertain the masses, I would have said, pizza was unsatisfactory. I saw someone chuck a whole pizza across the entire facility.

My child found pizza in a bowling game. When the pins came down, instead of dropping a pin, it dropped a slice of pizza. End of review. Well, that's so much better. It was so much better, I agree. They should really have done a little rework of that review before they posted it.

Yeah, just a tip for next time, buddy, Josh. Yeah, just a tip. Don't give it all away right up front, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Just like save some for the end. The pizza coming down as a bowling pin seems like something that would never work

only in a cartoon or a movie, like only Disney Channel original movie. But then if it actually happens, I would be so amazed that like the ergonomics of this bowling machine actually put a pizza down. I don't know. I wonder how squished it was. You know, if it was a perfect slice of pizza,

I'd be very impressed. If it just came down like point down, you know? It says in the bowling game, cause they don't have full bowling alley. So I'm curious what like, is it similar to duck pin bowling, a smaller thing? But I would assume it's even smaller than that. I assume it's not that big, but I don't know.

What if it's like an animated one, you know, or like the racing games was bowling and they're like, that's why the pizza came down. It's a literal fucking drawing. It's like part of the game. But it's very, when you mentioned like Disney movies and stuff, it's a very goofy movie. Oh, it's very, oh, imagine the cheese.

That pizza, and there's bowling in that movie. You know, is it you and I that we're talking about, or maybe Blaze and I? I haven't, we haven't talked about it in a while. We haven't talked about it in a while. I've talked about, Blaze and I talk about the Goofy movie quite often. And we talked about like how just,

I don't know what your memories of it are, but like the cheese, the can of cheese in the mouth. Oh yeah. And then the pizza. The pizza. It's just like such a visceral memory. And then like the guilt of like hurting your dad's feelings. Oh. Jeez, yeah. Anyway.

That like stuck with me. Goofy has a very good sad face. I mean, he's a puppy dog face. It's the weirdest thing. It's almost as if he's a dog. You'd think maybe. You'd think maybe. That's how good he is.

Um, okay. So I have one more. Sorry that I pretended like I had a bajillion. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't care. I'm excited for your challenge. Maybe I saved some in the email and I forgot. I don't know.

Do we even say what your challenge was? Not yet, but I will reveal it soon. Exciting. When the time is right. I remember recently I was like, oh, I'm gonna start reading the challenge to everyone the first, right away. I just said this to you, I think,

because I thought, oh, if anyone relistens and they want to look for a specific challenge they liked, and then I forgot. I was like, why would we do that? And I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, I feel it made sense for people, anyone relistening, trying to find a certain challenge. All right, from now on, starting next week,

if we remember, we will say the challenge. Yeah, maybe. If we don't, we won't remember. Yeah, we'll see. I said if we remember, that gives us now. You're right. I just, I should have just accepted that. Okay. This is also from Megan.

It's of a Chuck E. Cheese in Durham, North Carolina. This is a one-star review. When I was younger, we went here, and first of all, it's next to a very sketchy place called Romantic Torture Tattoo Parlor. I'm sorry. That's a sick name though. I mean, I'm- A cool or a bad one? No, in a cool way, I think.

Romantic Torture Tattoo Parlor? I'm cool or a bad one? No, in a cool way. I think romantic torture tattoo parlor. I mean, this, I think it's cool. Is that not cool? The fact that he's remembering this from childhood in the visceral way that we remember the cheese whiz from the goofy movie. Here we go. Cause there's more. Well, when I was younger, we went here and first

of all, it's next to a very sketchy place called Romantic Torture Tattoo Parlor. When I was there as a kid, there was a pregnant woman and a man swearing at each other in the parking lot. Do yourself and your kids a favor and don't ever go here. End of review. That's it? Come on. Listen, some people, trauma is relative, okay? So maybe this was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to Nick. Good. I, I'm very for that. What a fortunate life. I'm so happy for you.

I know. But, um, was it the parking lot? Were they going to get tattoos? Were they at Chuck E. Cheese? I mean, there was a little child other than the one in the womb. Hmm. I mean, there was no child other than the one in the womb. And I think, like, personally, I'm of the belief

that admittance to like, and enjoyment of Chuck E. Cheese starts at conception. So I think it's fair that the pregnant woman was going with child to Chuck E. Cheese. But- I mean, I'm assuming that if it is in a strip mall like most of these are, there's no really way to know

unless they enter the building into which- Yes, it is unfair to assume that this had anything to do with Charles. Charles, leave Charles out of this. You know how like for car, for like mobile, I'm trying to think of a business, a cell phone, singular wireless. Where you did your improv back in the day.

Oh my God. Do you remember that? Yes, it was like. It was the most bizarre. Closed, it was so weird in that strip mall. It was a strip mall in Los Feliz in LA. And they would like unlock it at night. And it was this former wireless store.

It had like very generic wireless phones, whatever. And then you go in and there's, they had comedy. It was so weird. You had to like walk through where there was like a counter and it was always so crowded. And then in the back there was like a little stage. Yeah. It was so, it was so odd.

And they'd hand out beer and stuff. What a weird, and they'd take a donation. I think it's just donation based, right? I think. Yeah. What a bizarre place that was. And then they'd just hand out free beer. It was great.

I cannot imagine that was above board. I don't know what board was in charge of that. Oh, probably not. But the board, the board. What if they still do that? They're probably going to shut it down. Um, well, so what I'm thinking is maybe, you know how, when you have like a place

like Singular Wireless or something, where they have a person who stands outside and spins the sign. Of course. Right. Maybe that's what these two people were doing, um, to promote romantic torture tattoo parlor.

They were street performers. They're getting paid to shout. Romantically torture each other. Romantically torture one another. Wow. To inspire people to go get tattoos? Yeah. You know, that makes a lot of, really so much sense.

Okay. Just checking. Yeah. No, that's great. Cool. That's all much sense. Okay, just checking. Yeah, no, that's great. Cool. That's all I got. Okay. Wanna hear my challenge? Yeah, I'm excited. I forget what it is.

I don't forget what it is. Okay. This is my challenge. It's from Angie and it's to find reviews where somebody complained. Angie. Angie, like the song. Angie's List.

I think dad played that song a lot, didn't he? Rolling Stones. I don't know that song. Oh, you mean Ruby Tuesday. Okay, sorry. X-Teen challenge from Angie, find reviews where someone complains that the establishment didn't celebrate them properly.

For example, not singing Happy Birthday or not helping with a proposal. Perfect for Chuck E. Cheese. So perfect. All right, so I have a bunch, as I've already told you. Have you experienced anything like this? It's such a niche thing. Yeah, remember I talked about how I went to IHOP

on my birthday. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. And they bullied me and then Kim had to write me a handwritten letter. It was so awkward. Oh my god, wait, that was so bad actually. Yeah, that was pretty bad. It just, it felt bad.

Yeah. I'm sorry, I brought that up. But it was never, I've never been- Sorry, I gave you this challenge. It's okay. My first review is of IHOP in Cincinnati. No. I had-

Was there an IHOP in Cincinnati? Yeah. I don a- Was there an IHOP in Cincinnati? Yeah. I don't know why I didn't know it was in Cincinnati. I thought it was in DC or something. Kenwood. Got it. And then we went to Charlie Hinckley's pool party. Oh, I was there, right?

Were you? Probably. Probably. I went to, anyway, sorry, what? Continue. They had a sign that said no pee in the pool or something like that. You only remember that because you broke that rule. I did not remember that sign.

No, I peed on the train ride. On the train to the house. Or they had a ride in their backyard, got it. Okay, so this first one I have is from Elta. or they had a ride in their backyard. Got it. Okay, so this first one I have is from Elta. Okay, so I wanna make a quick correction, which is that the last, not the last, second last review I read was not from Elta.

I don't know why I said that it was. Drama. Oh God, I've created a problem. You? Me? The one about the greasy hand was from Elta. The other one was from Annika. And I'm going to say Annika, who uses she, they pronouns gets the redemption here

because I've basically used Annika's entire email as like the majority of my reviews. Okay. Well, you were going to do that either way. So I don't think, I think Anika deserves a little more than that. I'm just saying, I, you're acting as if you just decided this. Here. Ew. That's for Anika. Anika hated that.

Everyone hated that. Okay. This is from Annika. Annika hated that. Everyone hated that. Okay. This is from Annika. It is. Someone liked it, weirdo. Whoever you are. Don't, I was going to say hit me up. Don't hit me up. This, this is from my mom.

It's Blaze, he was listening. Okay. Just kidding. He's like, please don't, no, please. Please don't put that on me. This is a one star view from Annika of S&P Oyster Restaurant Bar. And this is by Hillary. Food was fine.

View, nice. We were having a good time for our anniversary until a foursome were seated next to us, one of whom had offensive perfume, to which I am highly allergic. As my husband went to go to the car to get all my medications, he asked the staff to please move the other patrons as we had already been there about an hour and a half and were waiting for our dinner. We were told no, that we would have to move, that it was our problem, so because we had ordered dinner we moved. When

dinner arrived we attempted to eat while bugs galore were flying all around us. Our waiter was nice, it was a shift manager, however, who was not apologetic, and frankly our entire anniversary dinner was ruined. I felt insulted that my rash, itching, difficulty breathing meant nothing to the manager. My throat was closing. Luckily, with meds, I did recover. However, the effects last for hours. And not that it was their fault that a patron smelled,

but they should have moved the ladies to another table out of respect for us. It was clear they had no respect for us as patrons who had already been there so long. Very disappointed considering what we had heard form friends about the restaurant. But rest assured, we will make sure that all our business associates, contacts,

and other will know that a severe medical condition means nothing to this restaurant. It's a good thing there are plenty of other places to eat and not be treated the same way. End of review. Wow. Um, first I will say, it took me way too long to remember that this was not a Chuck E cheese. I was still very much in Chuck E. Cheese mode. So when they said waiting for our dinner, I thought, is there Chuck E.

Cheese pizza? Like chill. But then you heard bugs flying galore and you said, Oh yeah, okay. Nevermind. Um, no, you know, I'm going to be honest here. I don't know what the protocol would be. What, uh, cause I was thinking of on an airplane, right? They have this rule in place, I don't know what the protocol would be. What? Cause I was thinking of on an airplane, right? They have this rule in place, I think. And I don't know if they would always enforce it. Probably not. But if your smell either like body odor or perfume or something is, uh, disturbing other passengers,

you can technically be removed from the plane. Seriously? Yeah. It's a thing. Um, which we could have used on our flight back or at least D could have next to it was unfortunate. Some people, I don't know, it's just strong smelling Oh stuff sometimes on planes. Anyway, um, but I don't know. Well, why didn't you just close the curtain? Oh yeah. Oh, sorry. You're used to being all the way up in the front. Yeah, no.

We were very far in the back. Yesterday I was in seat 29E with a toddler, so I've really fallen from grace. Yeah. Well, oh my God, wait. I have a little plane story on the flight back, and I feel kind of bad. The guy was a dick about it though. At one point, I was like my legs were feeling really restless. So I stood up and wanted to get some stretching,

like just stretch my legs out a little bit. I was kind of standing in the aisle and it was like middle of the flight. I don't think it was a sleeping time. I don't remember, but I was a stretch my legs or something and like people would pass. So I would like scooch forward and my legs were up against my arm rest.

So that's where my feet were, like under my own seat, if that makes sense. Yep. And at some point I hear to my right, this guy, the guy who sits behind me is like, dude, that was the third time you stepped on my foot. What are you doing? I was like, what? I didn't feel a thing. Like, obviously I'm not, if I'm stepping on someone's foot, I'm not going to,

I'm not doing that on purpose. The guy who's like, no, he gonna, I'm not doing that on purpose. The guy was just like- Why is he shouting at you? No, he started shouting and like other people, there were people sleeping. He was not sleeping, he was watching something. I think he was watching wrestling of all things. So he was, I think a little hyped.

I'm not even kidding. I think he was watching wrestling. So he was a little hyped up probably. I don't doubt it for a second. But other people like started looking over. Is that your lucky he didn't like break your neck over a fucking chair. It was insane.

Watching wrestling. He had a fold up, fold, fold, foldable chair in the upper, in the, in the bin. I knew it. He was trying to get to it, I know. Yeah. And so I like was like, I'm so sorry. And he was like, he took out his air,

but he's like, what? And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I was like, I was being very quiet because people were sleeping. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. He like, I didn't know. He's like, and he like just mutters, I didn't hear everything,

but he's like, fucking asshole. And like, I know. And I'm like, what? I'm sorry. That would piss me the fuck off. Oh, I wasn't happy about it. Like, if I were there, I think I would have, I don't know, I rarely say anything,

but if people are being fucking rude like that, I'd be like, he obviously didn't do it on purpose. Also. It was insane. Why would you wait for the third time and then just start screaming? Like why not just be like, hey, my foot's there. I don't know, it was so weird.

Maybe he did and I just couldn't hear with my headphones, but he was pretty loud, so I'd be surprised if I didn't hear it. It was, man, it was aggressive. It really made for a tough rest of the flight with my mental. Are you okay? It was, man, it was aggressive. It was, it really, my, I, it made for a tough rest of the flight with my mental. Are you okay? I like, I genuinely, like, I know I'm very sensitive,

but I would have been very upset. No, I was, I like, was thinking about it pretty much the entire flight after that. It was always on my mind. I couldn't get it out of my head, but like, what was I going to do? Like, I was thinking, what, I don't know, what can I do? Nothing. He was just an asshole. Like it wasn't that big of a deal.

He didn't. I'm the one who stepped on his feet. So, Hey, in hindsight, you know, I'm like, Hey, I guess I, I bothered him back. Like we're somewhat even. At least, you know, when you like, he tells a story later, this guy could send me my foot. It's like, Oh, do you say something? Yeah. I told him to stop stepping on my foot. What do you do? He apologized. No, literally. Like, it's that story. And I stopped stepping on his foot, I think.

Actually, for all I know, we might have done it a few more times. I couldn't tell. I hope you did. Imagine though, if, imagine though, if he had, if you, in this scenario, were the same kind of personality as him,

and he stepped on his feet, and then it probably would have been like UFC. I don't really know much about wrestling. It was not UFC. Then the two of them would have probably just like battled to the death, you know? Oh yeah, totally. That would have been something.

So this is also from Anika and this is of a place called Shinnokan. So this is also from Anika and this is of a place called Shelter in Encinitas and it is a one-star review by Taylor. This bar ruined my birthday. First off, I chose to come here for my 21st birthday, which is a night you'll never forget. I feel like that's not true for many 21sts. Yeah, I was going to say, actually I feel like most people don't say that.

Americans 21sts? Isn't that the idea that you don't remember? That you do forget, yeah. Which is a night you'll never forget. They didn't let me in. It was midnight on my birthday, and they were giving me and my friends, who are all beautiful girls, a hard time, which caused me to cry on my birthday. Mind you, my mother was already in the bar waiting for me with a bottle of champagne,

and they only let me in 20 minutes later when she demanded her money back for the bottle of champagne she bought for my birthday celebration. Overall, they ruined my birthday. Do not go here, check out Union or Carlsbad Village instead. Seriously, so insulted, as I had been here many times with a fake ID and the one time I can finally use my real ID to get in, they don't let me. Go somewhere else. That's pretty funny actually. That's kind of hilarious

because you can't even argue that, right? You can't be like, you let me in last week. And it's like, yeah, but your name was Sharon last week. It's like, oh. I'm glad it was resolved within 20 minutes. That's the thing. So it was very, I was not expecting it to be like, oh yeah, 20 minutes later I was in and it was all-

With my mom and all my friends. It seems like it, and I'm sad that they got, that their night was ruined as a result. It feels like, I wish, and I'm sure back then, I let that IHOP thing ruin my entire day. I was about to say. In like a month. I would judge I wish, and I'm sure back then, I let that IHOP thing ruin my entire day. I was about to say. In like a month. I would judge, but you and I are sensitive people. No, no, no. I'm upset about this plane thing. I know, I know. You're an empath. You know, and it wasn't even there. But so I get it, but like, you know, I just wish

for their sake as someone who wanted to have such a memorable celebration. I kind of wish that they could have like let it go, but that's okay. Maybe they can celebrate for their, what year was that? 2017? So what year are they celebrating? I'll catch up with them and see. Have they turned 30? No.

So we got a few years till 30. Okay. Cool. Can't wait for that update. This is also for Monica, I told you, cool. Can't wait for that update. This is also from Monica, I told you, see. Monica, I love you. I'm trying to think of a better way than blowing her a kiss. Oh, I thought you said Monica this time.

I was like, what? Oh yeah, maybe I'll just say their name wrong and that'll get them back on my side. Okay, also from Annika, this is of a company called, oh my God, this is what happens when I don't read my notes like right before I just jump in without remembering what's happened because this company is called

Babaloons and Tunes Singing Telegrams. What, babaloons? Is that a phrase I'm supposed to know? Babloons. No. Okay. Okay. Here.

It's send a singing telegram and send your love in song. Babloons. I don't know what babloons. It doesn't even spell balloons. Like there's only one L. So I don't, and also the word tunes has a Z at the end. Hmm.

Also they have one face. Does the word babaloons have a Z at the end? No. It's like they didn't commit to the bit, you know what I mean? Yeah. So, you know, this is babaloons and tunes. I don't know what else to tell you. That's all I got.

Here is a one star review. Do not use them. The owner told me I was getting a singing gorilla in a tutu for my friend's birthday and then didn't let me know until I called five times that the gorilla got in a car accident. Huh? This is like the same as people falling. Like it's not funny.

Obviously when someone gets in a car accident, it's just such an absurd thing to complain about in a Yelp review that you would complain that someone else got in a car accident. And not just someone else. A gorilla. I mean. A singing gorilla? A singing gorilla in a tutu.

Oh my God, it's devastating. Do you think they had to take the shears and cut the tutu off to get emergency resuscitation started? The jaws of life? Yeah. Yes, I do. I do think so. You know what the jaws of life are, right?

Cause I learned that. What do you mean? Like they're not like scissors. They like pry open. Yeah, they're giant like fucking crazy things that go rrr and then they open like metal. Cause like you said with the tutu, so I didn't know if you,

cause I used to think they were like big industrial scissors or something that cuts like the door. I used to think that it was like a mechanism that cut through metal, not like pride at a party. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. And so when, when I used to say like, oh, they use the jaws of life to like cut off the seatbelt and people were like, no, that's not what that does.

No. Okay. Yeah, no. It's like, okay. I was trying to like relate to you and then I made myself look like the biggest moron. What are you, giants? I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. You like the ones that they use them at the,

at unveilings, they have the giant, the ribbon and they use the jaws of life to cut the ribbon. That's why they can never cut through the ribbon. Like, you know how it always just kind of creases? Cause they're actually just like a novelty toy. Just like clamps on yeah. Yeah. Imagine you bring your novelty scissors to work instead of the jaws of life and you're like, oh shit.

I tried this gorilla out in his car. And in this scenario, there's someone who's responsible, who has like the jaws of life in their closet is responsible for bringing it into work that day. Well, they're an EMT. Yeah. So they have to bring it. Yeah. Like, but they're also the mayor.

So sometimes they cut ribbons with novelty scissors. I don't know what else you need to hear to understand. A lot more, but I don't want to go into I don't want it, though. So but imagine you bring the novelty scissors and then you get to the car wreck thinking you can't help. But then there's a gorilla and a tutu and you're like, well, I brought my novelty scissors. This seems like the perfect place. Yeah, no to whip this out

Yeah, that makes that makes lots of sense. Okay, so this is from There's a one star Okay, I'm gonna keep reading it The owner told me Oh, no. Oh, no The owner told me I was getting a single gorilla and a tutu for my friend's birthday, and then didn't let me know until I called five times that the gorilla got in a car accident, which is horrible, but possibly a lie, especially knowing what happened next. When he told me about the car accident, he seemed so very apologetic and promised me

I wouldn't be charged for the singing telegram, a hefty $250 to be charged for nothing. I checked my credit card the next couple days and saw nothing so I assumed he was legit and okay Until two weeks later when I was charged the full amount just sneaking it in now I have to fight to prove I never received anything horrible and not worth risking your money on I mean I feel like That's a lot of money. I, well, I'm so curious what, like, what, it's such a niche thing. I don't know, $250 to spend for someone in a gorilla suit

and a tutu to sing to your friend. Well, here's the thing. It's just so interesting that this exists and there's a market for it, like enough of one where they are in business. Be a sustained business. Okay. I think the funniest part to me is that I'm saying now I have to prove that a singing gorilla never came to my friend's house and sang a song to her because

what an insane thing for like a master card or whatever. It'd be like, well, can you prove you never received services rendered? It's like's like, well, a singing gorilla and a tutu, they're gonna like hang up. They're gonna be like, okay, this is a prank call, right? Like, it seems like a made up thing. You need like the Ring Doorbell video. But you would have a lack of it. No, but it would, when did they say it happened?

I don't know, I know, I know. You'd have to say like, I'm with you. You can watch all my Ring Dorbo footage to prove that he never showed. I wouldn't, I agree. I would not want to have to fight this. I would not, because first of all,

I wouldn't want to admit that I spent this money. I wouldn't want people to know that I was willing to spend $250 on a gorilla and a tutu singing to my friend. I might change my tune. Maybe one day I will end up doing this. But right now in my life, I think that is, that is a ridiculous thing to do.

And I'm going to be honest, the funniest part of the review was, and this is terrible, but it was the fact that this gorilla and a tutu didn't show up because they got in a car crash. I just, something about it. Same with the people falling down. They called the company five times

to ask where the gorilla was. And I just imagine that on a fifth time, finally, they picked up and there's like the beeping in the ICU. No! We're in the fucking hospital. Stop calling us, the gorilla got in a car accident. In my mind, this gorilla couldn't see well and just ran into their own garage.

Yeah. It's a vendor vendor. I'm not picturing anything more serious than that. No, no, you're right. It shouldn't be. And I will, I want to like give the, uh, business a little benefit out cause they did respond and say like, we have no order, like no record of an order from you so I don't know I mean okay the thing is I'll center the thing is a lot of these reviews said that okay that was their go-to they said well I don't see your name in here well I just mean that a

lot of the reviews said like I don't oh you know what it is there's apparently this it's gonna sound like I'm making it up, but I'm not. There are a lot of, there are multiple businesses with this name. So I'm assuming. What's the name again? How could you forget? It's Bob-A-Loons and Toons. There are multiple businesses. Yeah. Bob-A-Loons and Toons.

Bob-A-Loons. Bob-A-Loons. Yeah. There's at least two. That's too many. So it's not balloons and toons? Babaloons. Babaloons? Yeah, there's at least two. That's too many. So it's not balloons and toons. No, it's babaloons. Babaloons?

With one L. What do you mean with one L? How many B? That doesn't help me. Babaloon, like babo? What do you mean it doesn't help you? How is it spelled other than the fact that it has? BABA.

BABA? L-O-O-N-S. Okay. doesn't help you. How does it, how was it spelled? Other than the fact that it has B A B A. L O O N S. Okay. Baba, babaloons. So there's a babaloons and toons. Then there's a babaloons and two T U N E Z. Then there's a T O O N S. So I don't know if like,

maybe they've commented on the wrong business. Like there's one in New York, there's one in DC. One in San Francisco. It DC, one in San Francisco. It was the one in San Francisco because I'm on their website right now. And the first Northern California singing telegram characters, the first one is Gorilla and a Tutu. Okay, well, so they accidentally commented it

on the New York City business called Babeloon's and Tuts. Oh, okay. Yep. That might've been, hmm. hmm. Might have been a mistake. That explains it all. This is awful. Now it makes sense. This is such a bizarre thing.

Austin Powers is one, but Austin is spelled A-U-S-T-O-N. What? Why? For copyright? I have no idea. Well, why wouldn't you do an E? Okay, whatever. I don't know.

Whatever, okay. Here is another review, let's see. This is also from Anika, and it's a review of Trio Sol de México, which is a mariachi band. It's another one where like the first sentence just kind of brings it home. They were a no show to my grandpa's funeral services.

It's funny, so bad. Imagine the singing gorilla got the wrong memo, showed up there instead. I was just picturing this person just always looking looking for something like where's the mariachi and someone's like what do you look for? I'm looking for the mariachi band. I'm like what are you talking about? Why is there a mariachi band coming? I'm looking for a gorilla and a tutu. Wait what? Do you need to go to the doctor? They were a no-show to my grandpa's funeral services. We confirmed with Mario in advance and sent the deposit. He claimed

he was unable to go the morning of but would send his coworkers. No one showed up. And when we called, obviously furious, he said to speak to him nicely or don't call him at all. You took our money and didn't show up. How idiotic to think we would be nice about all this. My grandpa's only request was to have a mariachi bat- Oh no, I forgot about that. What. Oh no, I forgot about that. Oh no. So maybe no one else wanted this, but they were like, grandpa wants it.

And then they couldn't even get that right. It couldn't even happen. That sucks. Maybe they could hire Austin Powers to come to the funeral. I don't know. We don't, we're gonna, there's gonna be a car crash and then another funeral.

Oh no. And then the singing gorilla is going to be sent. It's like the lady who swallowed a fly. It's just going to keep going. Yeah, it's exactly what I was saying. The gorilla who got in a car accident. Yep. How idiotic to think we would be nice about all this.

My grandpa's only request was to have a mariachi at his services, and that was ruined by this unprofessional, incompetent, and probably talentless group. Judging by the reviews, he seems to come up with a lot of excuses. So for your entertainment, this time his excuse was that he was working in the fires and his coworkers had to get a shot in their eyes because of diabetes. Don't hire these guys unless you want disappointment and frustration.

End of review. These excuses are wild. Wait. I feel like he's used all the normal ones where where is this located? Do you know? Is this a Northern California thing again? Yes, it is San Jose. So like what year was this? Let's find out 2020 October 2020 Okay

Yeah, so this is a part of the wildfires Um, yeah. So it's just a part of the wildfires that were happening. The idea that the guy, the owner said he's working in the fires. And I'm like, is he like performing? Like, is he keeping morale up like Maryland did for the troops? You know, like, is he like singing Mariachi? Well, it's funny you say that because Maryland is an option for babaloo babaloo babaloons and toons and elvises.

So hey, playing for the GIs and playing for the firefighters. That's right, just to help them, you know. And honestly, it's like there's only a chance to help firefighters every now and then, but your grandpa only dies once. Oh, nevermind, that doesn't work. Yeah. Should be the opposite, huh?

Maybe. There'll always be another fire. There'll always be. In California, come on. Come to Grandpa's funeral, please. Come on. Oh my gosh, wow. Yeah, there's a lot of actually, I'm scrolling through the reviews, a lot of bailed funerals. Really? Yeah, this sucks.

The fact that there are so many funerals is kind of shocking to me. I didn't realize. I mean, maybe that's just a traditional thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I didn't realize that. I didn't either. And I- That sucks.

Yeah, really is sad. Cause I mean, some of these are, you know, for parties and stuff, but some of them are for funerals, which just seems like a real bummer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, wow. Well, okay, this person hired them

for their dad's 80th birthday and they never showed up, but at least he has a funeral still coming up. Yay. That was rude, I'm sorry. Yeah. I shouldn't say that someone's gonna die. Okay. I don't, I think we've gone past that point this episode. At least I've already crossed that line, I think.

Have you? I just talked about a funeral for whoever's getting in a car crash. That's true. That's true. You did for Austin Powers. Here lies Austin Powers. It's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, That's the quote you choose when we were talking about him.

It's just fucking gravestone. That was on his gravestone. I used to think that was so funny when I was little, you know. Clearly you still do. I do, I think it's really funny. Oh boy. I do, I do. Okay, so this is also from Annika.

It's a Chili's in Tracy, California. And this is A One Star review by LaKisha. I am so upset and disappointed. It's November 8th, my daughter's 14th birthday and of all restaurants, she picked Chili's. She loves this place. I'd be disappointed too if my daughter picked Chili's. I get it.

Honestly, it could have been worse. It could have been at Chuck E. Cheese. True. But at least then the birthday princess gets off scoff-free. Unfortunately, upon getting our food, the ribs were cold. No big deal, I told a mail server. He asked, so you want me to microwave it or make another one?

I replied stating, hey, I don't pay or bring my 14 year old daughter on her birthday for microwave food. He says, okay, and yet returns with the tray saying, hey, I microwaved it anyway, So now you can just eat it. He's probably thinking, what do you think we did to cook it in the first place? He's like, I just added a couple of extra seconds.

Yeah. You think this is the first time I microwave this dish? I should. Oh, I'm sorry. Let me clarify. I, so I've re microwaved this for you. Um, this time I hit the baked potato button, just in case. He says, okay, and yet returns with the tray saying, hey, I microwaved it anyway, so now you can just eat it. Excuse me, sir. Upon me asking for the manager, Jeremy,

he comes to the table with my check and immediately says, I trained him, so no worries. Didn't even let me speak. I'm so confused. Tracy California Chiles is horrible and led by horrible management. As a manager of 20 years you must lead by example, he didn't even offer me a do-over. Well they have officially lost my business and everyone I know. This is going on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, the residential blog at my housing complex, and all of the

apartment buildings I manage in the entire valley and my company that has buildings nationwide. Totally saddened by my experience, disappointed and hurt for them ruining my daughter's birthday. End of review. Oh my God. I swear to God, if my property manager posted in the community thing and like put a bulletin up somewhere. Like your landlord is like important news. Like urgent announcement. Do not go to this chill.

Like what? That's, that's pretty wild. Emergency posting. They've ruined my daughter's 14th birthday at the Chili's down the road. Oh, no, not even down the road at the Chili's in Tracy, California. This is for my building property in Austin, Texas, Austin, Texas. I feel like I feel like I need everyone to know across the nation. Just the fact also, like, I, this sounds horrible, but like the residential blog at my housing complex, like Like literally nobody, nobody reads that.

I do. Yeah, but not you just moved there. I feel like in a year, you're not going to read it. Okay. I read it because people post things that they don't want anymore. Oh, it's like a free buy nothing or whatever. It's kind of become that I like not become as if I've been here longer than a month and a half.

It seems Calvin, you know Calvin. Yeah. He's a great community where we all chat all the time. And now it's just about- We used to just fax each other back in the nineties. Now it's become a blog. There are, it's so funny though, the building does have, so it has that forums and it has individual interests

you can add yourself to. Oh, that's kind of cute. And then they're different. I don't think anyone's posted in them, at least that I've seen. I did not include any of my interests. Is there a fast casual dining option? Because you should find out which of the chilis. There's a foodies one so I can just talk about chilies in there. I don't think you're allowed to talk about chilies in that foodie group in New York City. Only one way to find out. Be careful though. I think it's mostly just people selling things

that they don't no longer want. And they're like, it'll be easier to sell it within the building, which makes a lot of sense to me. I get that, especially for like move out and stuff. That makes sense. Lots of move out posts like that. I mean, I guess our neighborhood has like a, you know, a forum or something.

It's just, I feel like that and like a writing group I recently joined have like these forums, but they're like so old school. Like they're still the same as they probably were in like 2001. Yeah. Is it a super old year forum? It's not really that bad, no.

I feel like it's pretty normal. Ours is like so outdated. I mean, it like still works, but it's like, it takes like multiple steps to find like, anyway, like it's. It's a little convoluted, I'll give you that. Yes, it feels convoluted. It doesn't look, it just looks like a normal little, like a Facebook wall feed kind of thing.

It's nothing that special, but yeah. Maybe I should tell them to update the times. Okay, so here is a review of a Denny's in Garden Grove, California. I believe, please correct me if I'm wrong. Okay. Everybody. No, not you, whoever, but this is, I believe one I found on my own. I'm going to correct you and say that's definitely not true.

Yeah. I knew you would. That's why I said that. But yeah, anybody who knows any better or differently, hit me up. I'm so sorry if I didn't give you credit, but I'm pretty sure I found this one. So this is a one star view by Beth. Blonde haired lady refused to sing happy birthday because she was alone But she could gossip with four co-workers. How is that being alone? She just didn't want to do her job It's not giving any customer service do not recommend this place end of review

Is that part of the job description of Denny's? No obviously not. I mean, are you sure is gossiping? It should be. It should be. Those customers? I hope they're getting paid for that. Do they, like, I don't know. I've never celebrated a birthday at Denny's. I was gonna ask if they sing at IHOP,

but I don't think you have. Kim didn't even let me use a coupon, so no. She berated me verbally, but she didn't sing a fucking goddamn tune. Such a bummer. Oh, she changed her me verbally, but she didn't sing a fucking goddamn tune. Such a bummer. Oh, she changed her tune once the manager got involved. Yeah, she wrote me a letter and I was convinced.

She's like, come back in. And I'm like, what, so you can like throttle me? I feel like you're gonna kill me if I walk back in there. Yeah, you gotta be careful. Yeah. But yeah. She was also watching wrestling on her phone. No, she wasn't.

I feel like maybe everyone's just really worked up about wrestling and that's why they're so aggressive. You know, she wasn't. I feel like, I feel like maybe everyone's just really worked up about wrestling and that's why they're so aggressive. You know, that it's all, you know, it's not the violent video games. It's the best. No, that's how I see it. Get with it. Yeah, no, I'm I don't know.

I was just curious if they have like, you know, some restaurants, they even have their own birthday songs and it's part of the thing that you go. Right. I just was curious if Denny's has that, because I, I was definitely more of an IHOP person. So I don't think I spent any time at Denny's really. Now I prefer Denny's, but I don't know. Did you Google it? Did you see a face name?

Yeah, I tried. I saw there was something about a birthday song. My wife turns one year older and we were treated to a birthday song while eating breakfast. So like apparently at some Denny's, first of all. Your honor, I have evidence to show, I forget how this works. Permission to enter into evidence this TripAdvisor post? Well here, people also ask, is it against the law to sing happy birthday in a restaurant?

Is it against the law to sing happy birthday in a restaurant? Huh? What does that matter with you? Oh, cause there's some like urban legend about the trademark. Honestly, it says technically happy birthday is protected by copyright. Not anymore. So maybe that's why they- I know, but I'm saying not anymore.

You're right, you're right, you're right. I think you're right, yeah, sorry. But yeah, so it's why they had their know, but I'm saying not anymore. Oh, it's not anymore. You're right, you're right, you're right. I think you're right. Yeah, sorry. But yeah, so it's why they had their own stupid songs at restaurants. Also, Mickey Mouse is leaving... not Mickey Mouse, the old one, Steamboat Stanley? Steamboat Stanley, yeah. Steamboat Willie? Steamboat Willie.

He's entering public domain as well, so good luck to everybody with that. But yeah, and then there's another 21 second video. Denny sings happy birthday to me on my 42nd. Wow. On my 42nd birthday with a free slam, parentheses, thanks Denny's. Wow. So yeah, I guess people do say, they do sing at Denny's.

So that's a shame that they didn't get that experience. But if I were the only one, I don't know. Can you imagine? I'm not gonna sing cause I'm alone. It's like, why would that stop you? Can you imagine one employee singing to you? It's like one thing to have like a group of five. Yeah.

But like, I don't know if it's better or worse for one employee to be singing just to you. Oh, it's so much worse. So much more uncomfortable. For everyone involved, I think it's so much worse. But that's the thing. it also depends on how big the table is, because if it's a table of four, then the three other people presumably would join you

in singing. Very good point. You can't necessarily bank on that. What if you start singing and everyone at the table is just watching you sing to their friend? What if they're lawyers and they're like, I'm gonna sue you if you sing because it's copyrighted. They're with a big birthday, yeah. They're with big birthday and you better watch yourself

because they're not gonna get caught singing that in public. Are you kidding? I don't know what it is that we just figured out, but I think we figured it out. We nailed it. Anyway, she just didn't wanna do her job. It's like, she didn't wanna sing to you. That's not, you can't say that, whatever.

Okay. This is from Abby. It's my last one. It's a two-star view and it's of a place called the Charter Oak in St. Helena, California. Two stars and it says no place to celebrate. Too many idiosyncratic rules combined with bland unimaginative food, make this place

a downer. The silverware is in a drawer, do it yourself. A $20 glass of champagne served in a wine glass allegedly adds to the authentic experience. The wine list is confusingly organized and overpriced. Service was also peculiar. At no point were all dishes delivered or retrieved at the same time. Only filtered coffee available, the chef is opposed to espresso for some reason. It sounds like you're just in someone's kitchen.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it? The authentic experience. It's like, no, I just, dad, I just don't have champagne glasses. I just have like one Stanley cup you can use for your champagne. This is dad's review of your kitchen. I feel like every time he comes over, I'm missing some vital piece of equipment that he must use right now. And I'm like, you come three times a year, I'm not buying like an espresso machine just for your use,

you know, or whatever it is. Dad, if you're listening, I'm on your side. I think she should buy that. That's an espresso machine for you. And you know what the worst part is? I wanted to use it too. You did buy it. Remember?

An espresso maker. I bought that. Cause dad wanted lattes. I'm serious. That was expensive too. Anyway. He gave you the gift of life. Give him the gift of espresso, please.

That's what I always say. He always says that. He's always like, and then he signs it Mark Twain, just to pretend like he never actually said it. Okay, so let's see. Yeah, this does, you're right. Too many idiosyncratic rules definitely feels like one of our parents, like our dad's kitchen.

Like there's rules where you're like, how is that? Why am I, like I was trying to help him load the dishwasher. I did it all wrong, you know, in Austria. I feel like- And then there's the silverware in a drawer. I've never seen that outside of a kitchen. I don't know what you're talking about. Are you at my dad's house, guy?

I don't know, maybe. Let's see. With only filtered coffee, no way. No way, oh, fair point, fair point. Fair point, maybe you're in mine. But there's not really any rules, so it couldn't be that. The wine list is confusingly organized and overpriced. Service was also peculiar.

At no point were all dishes delivered or retrieved at the same time. Only filtered coffee available. The chef is opposed to espresso for some reason. This and a mandatory 20% service charge on top of everything, among other quirks. The ultimate is that we went to Charter Oak to celebrate a family birthday

and notified them in advance. Nothing happened. When I asked the manager what could be done about this, he responded that birthday candles are a distraction to other diners and they did not celebrate birthdays. Seriously, too many rules. We will have fun elsewhere.

End of review. Too many, yeah, birthday candles are a distraction, but go get your own. Silverware. I don't know. This place sounds fucking weird. It does sound weird. If this is all accurate, I'm not in.

But how do you decide, you know, like the expectation that a place is going to celebrate your birthday, I feel you should do some more research ahead of time because I wouldn't go to a restaurant and just assume they'll do something for. Yeah. And also to clarify as well, like they're on Rezzy. It's sort of like open to out there also on open table. And so you can select on there like celebrating an event. Doesn't mean that they're going to do anything. It does not mean that they're right. So I assume when you're like, oh, we told them ahead of time. I mean, I don't know, maybe. But my guess is like you made a reservation with one of these sites and clicked birthday.

If they told you ahead of time that they were going to do something, then that would be a problem. But you just saying, hey, by the way, we're celebrating a birthday. They're like, okay, cool, have fun. They're like, it's bring your own sunrise macchiato. What did you call it with the orange juice? Cause we don't have espresso here, so bring your own. And your own orange juice. And your own orange juice.

Yeah, this place sounds odd. I don't know. Oh, here we go. Okay, it's a new American restaurant. Oh, they have a private yurt dining option. Why? Is that for birthdays? Because it's in Napa Valley.

Nevermind. That explains it. Yeah, I would imagine this is probably one of those quirky, super expensive places where it's like, you have to get your own silverware, but it's like, I'm still, I still can't get over the silverware. Now I don't know what that means in a drawer, in a drawer. That's weird. Like if it were, were you order at a counter and then you get your silverware, like I've

seen plenty of places, but never have I seen a place require you to open a drawer to retrieve your silverware. Am I? It's centered on a celebratory family style dining experience. Uh oh, celebratory. You're right, Alexander. Wait a second, this reviewer might have a point. Uh oh.

You can't market yourself as celebratory if you refuse to celebrate. Won't celebrate? Oh. I mean, I still maintain that if you had booked, if you had cared enough about, I forget already whose birthday it is, if you had cared enough about the birthday princess,

you would have gotten a private yurt to celebrate in. And I'm sure you could light a candle in there because there are no other customers to distract and because it's Napa Valley and they probably have some sort of $80 candle anyway burning. True. because there are no other customers to distract and because it's Napa Valley and they probably have some sort of $80 candle anyway burning. So I feel like, I don't know. Step up reviewer, get that yurt.

Get that yurt. For the yurt day. It's your yurt day. I don't like it. Okay, so anyway, that's all I've got for you today that was fun. I like that everybody That was a very fun challenge and a very fun theme despite myself What Despite myself, I don't know despite my

Every episode despite my hesitation cover check despite fun despite ourselves. Yeah. You had fun. Oh, you did enough. I don't know. I don't know. I can't speak for all of you. They had fun. I'm just going to go on thinking that they have fun every week. Despite ourselves, despite ourselves. Oh, well, thank you all. Um, yeah, you can, uh, check us out. Instagram, Yeah, you can check us out, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, at Beach Two Sandy. Our residential buildings newsletter and also forums. Yeah, good luck finding it though. It's really convoluted.

It has like six percentage symbols in the URL. You have to type them out every time. You have to type it out, yeah. And you have to type HTTP colon backslash backslash because otherwise it's not going to route you to the right place. You heard it. You heard it.

But don't worry, if you want to give us money, it's a lot easier. Oh yeah, we have that streamlined. That should have streamlined. Patreon.com slash beachsandie.store. We take credit card. We take Apple Pay. We take, no, I'm kidding But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can also pay Palace individuals. I'm just kidding. Oh, that's fine, too. Yeah. Thank you all. This was fun. Um, yeah, and we'll talk next week. Bye.

Bye. Beach 2 Sandy Water Touette is a forever dog production hosted and produced by Sandy and Christine Schieffer. It's edited by Marco Padilla. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Mariah Nicholas. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bohem.