Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK

Episode Date: June 5, 2019

Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year olds listening to this podcast. For everyone else, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everyone, and welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Alex. I'm Christine. Welcome to episode 28, the theme...

Hey. What? I turn 28 tomorrow. Oh, at oh at the yeah that's my birthday episode welcome to the birthday episode welcome to the birthday episode where we did absolutely nothing special for it what did you do for me for my birthday um today right now today right now yep i've got some doozies for you you didn didn't even make me coffee this morning. No, because I was sleeping. Well, we'll talk about it later. Speaking of her birthday, we did a little filming yesterday for her birthday.

Oh, I forgot that was for YouTube. So we have a YouTube video coming out, hopefully by the end of next week. It's terrible. That relates to her birthday. It'll be a lot of fun to watch for you guys. And for her to relive. No, I'm never going to watch it. It was pretty terrible.

I was, it was terrible. Subscribe to our YouTube channel. Just search Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet on YouTube. You can find us there if you want. Um, and yeah, it's going to be a good one. It's going to be a good one. This week our theme was tattoo parlors in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Yeah.

And then you gave me the challenge of finding a review written by an older person that mentioned Pokemon Go. Correct. I struggled with both of these. Good. Quite a bit. I don't know why the tattoo parlor one was so hard for me but i just couldn't find any i think because a lot of the complaints were very valid really i thought so i mean they included a lot of pictures and i'm like oof if i paid for that yeah the pictures were a little upsetting i was like i wouldn't want

anyone to put that on my body. That's our next video. Tune in to Beachy Sandy on YouTube. People putting things on my body. Gross. I guess we should start now. Yes. This is a review of Eyewitness Tattoo in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

It is a one-star review by Allie. Not your Allie, I hope. She has tattoos. I really hope not. I really hope not. Oh, God. Okay, never mind. Do not get your vagina pierced here! Oh, Jesus. I got my piercing done here by Caleb

and was wondering why it wasn't stimulating anything for a month. So I had it checked out at another place by a woman, and she told me it was totally pierced wrong. It was nowhere near my pearl. Oh my, fuck, stop. And she offered to re-pierce it, and all is good now. Stop.

I won't. I called Caleb at eyewitness and informed him that he pierced me wrong, and things would be wrong even if he refunded my money. He said he wouldn't and refused to believe he pierced me wrong. He acted like he put tomatoes on my burger. I'm going to pretend that's a euphemism. He acted like he put tomatoes on my burger when it's actually my vagina and sex life he messed with. Ladies, if you are getting an intimate piercing down there, go to a woman.

Just trust me, breasts are one thing, but a vagina. A woman really isn't scared to dig in there. Oh boy. And find exactly where your pearl is and what you need to stimulate it. You're a sexist bimbo, Caleb. You should not be allowed to pierce if you don't know what you're doing. End of review. Fuck.

I cut you off before you kept saying it might be Allie. Yeah, thank God. You came out swinging there. I needed it to end. I needed it to start and end as quickly as possible. No, but this one is just like, what a way to start this episode. I'm already, I'm exhausted. I know, let's quit. I'm exhausted. That's it. Goodbye. That's a lot right there. It's a lot, huh? I've never had opinions on this

matter and I'm going to continue not to and just pretend that that doesn't that's not that whatever that I just I'm very uncomfortable great nobody can tell you seem really comfortable shut up okay are you ready for your next one just wow I did not expect that okay um. That's too early for this. He acted like he put tomatoes in my burger when it's actually my vagina. Okay. I mean, I don't have an opinion. I can't. I'm not gonna have one. Great. I don't think I deserve one. So.

Nope. Let's move on. Wait, so are you reading another? Nope. My turn? Mm-hmm. So are you reading another? Nope. My turn?

Mm-hmm. Fuck. I can't give any now. Like, nothing matches that. That was too good. Okay. Here's one of Tulsa Tattoo Company from Eric. It's a one-star review.

I have never left a bad review in my life. Bullshit. I call bullshit. I think the guy is really rude. And I think the girl needs to see a doctor about her skin. End of review. Oh no! That's awful. That's not very nice.

Just awful. That was the most unique one that I came across. Because some people would say like, I don't think someone with tattoos that look like that should be telling me what to put on my body like they were insulting other people's tattoos like the employees but that was just like jesus what's wrong what what did she do like it sounds like the guy was an asshole and then he's just insulting the lady who works there yep yep yep What an asshole.

Yeah, the guy might have been a big, like, really rude and not nice. But his skin was really glowing. Yeah, exactly. Oh, Lori. She needs a dermatologist. Oh, maybe that's who that, maybe Eric is a dermatologist and he's just trying to fish in for customers, you know? That's a really effective way to do it, I think.

Okay, my turn yes this is a review of tulsa body jewelry they also do tattoos i think i don't know it came up as a tattoo whatever this is by kenyan it's a one star review they may have a great selection of jewelry that That's the first paragraph. So I'm going to also tell you when the paragraphs start and end. Are they all really short? No. One of them is really long. Okay. So that's paragraph one. Some of them aren't full sentences.

I'll just inform you as we go. Okay. They may have a great selection of jewelry, period. End of paragraph. However, it appears if you are older than 13 to 19 years of age, they look like you are not even in the store. As I stand in the store and wait and wait to no avail, oh wait, when I get mad and open the cabinets,

then they want to jump over and help me. You're standing there for over 20 minutes waiting for help and they look at you like you have no business being in there. I wonder if they are thinking she won't spend any money in here. Big mistake. I mean, really, like how cliche. Okay. Wait, what is going on here? They opened a cabinet that they weren't supposed to open. People told them not to and now they're like, now they're paying attention. Okay. cabinet that they weren't supposed to open people told them not to and now they're like now they're paying attention yeah okay i i wonder if they are thinking she won't spend any money in here big mistake if you think that i finally get a couple nose rings and leave and i pay her

with a hundred dollar bill had they waited on me like i was someone i probably would have spent the whole hundred dollar bill in the store wow but you'd rather work with the kids that are aged 13 to 19 years old that have no money instead of the grown-ups i love they have no 100 bill i look down on 13 year olds because they have no $100 bill. I look down on 13-year-olds because they have no money. What a weird thing. That are 13 to 19 years old that have no money instead of the grown-ups who have jobs and own businesses and want to spend their money. I won't be back. Okay, so that was the second paragraph.

Oh my god, wait. Okay. I would rather the store pay attention to those young children. Make sure that they're... Who are buying piercings and tattoos. Yes, exactly. Make sure that they're okay in this environment. Especially if they're carrying around $100 bills. I don't know about any of this. Then I'll read the third paragraph.

This is just because they have the worst... Okay, that's paragraph number three. Oh, yeah. This is just because they have the worst okay that's paragraph number three this is just because they have the worst enter enter customer service absolutely sucks i came here because i heard good things about end of paragraph what is happening with like copy and paste this from like a google doc and i don't know maybe this is paragraph number five so i write this note the whole time i'm standing in there so basically she's writing this review as she's standing or maybe their ipad they whipped out their ipad oh well with their pictures and got a couple hundred dollar bills floating around so i write this note the whole time i'm standing in

there and still no one wants to wait on me because you're writing a yelp review while you're standing in the store opening cabinets obviously no one wants to help you i don't did they ask for help did they say that i don't think so so i write this note the whole time i'm standing in there and still no one wants to wait on me so there you go and then this is the final paragraph i told the girl at once one of every color what do i get get? Three. Really? How freaking ridiculous. I could have went to Walmart for that, and I hate Walmart. End of review. Well, she is wealthy.

Yeah, too much money. Yeah. Too many businesses to go shop at Walmart. You know, walk into a Walmart with $100 bills. No way. So that was a lovely review by Kenyon. Thank you, Kenyon. I just, I, the thing that, like, strikes me every time is how specific the age range of 13 to 19 years old is. Yeah.

Do you think that this shop doesn't allow children under 13? But the thing is, if they're not allowing 12-year-olds, why are they allowing 13-year-olds? And then maybe she's 20, and so she's, like, just bitter that she, like, is out of her teenage years. Yeah. Once she hit 20, she started getting those $100 bills. Her grandma mailed her a $100 bill for graduation. And gave her the family businesses. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, so that's that. I told her I wanted one of every color at once. This is like Dwight in the episode of The Office when he goes back. Yeah, it's like some weird fanfic like they watched that opposite dragon they watched that episode no it's it was a pewter wizard whatever my next review is of anchor and rose tattoo company oh anchor uh check it out the ad's in there somewhere yeah it's in here this is by mellow mad it's a one-star review con artist greedy no artistic ability these are the three words i would use to describe the owners and this shop unless you want to live with a permanent regret on your body i I would look elsewhere. End of review.

So their three words are con artist, greedy, and no artistic ability. Oh, wow. And then they also spelled regret wrong. Stop it. What I'm thinking is they provided written out what they want, and it was no regrets. No regrets. Regrets spelled R-E-G-R-E-A-T. Oh, no. That's my go-to theory here with this review.

No regrets. And now they're like, I regreet this because someone told me that I don't know how to spell. Or count words. Or count words. Oh, no. Just spell. Or count words. Or count words. Oh, no. Just a mess. Three words. Like, I love when,

it's like those reviews that are like, one word. This place was the worst place that I have ever been to. Like, that is not how this works. Well, then they're like, you pick the word. Just one of those is the way I feel.

Yep. That's all. Thanks, Melomax. Melomad. Okay. those is the way i feel uh yep that's all thanks mellow mellow mad okay now i have a couple reviews of a place called just another hole i don't know why you would name your business that are we sure the first one wasn't from that what was the first one oh god that's how that's how caleb felt when when piercing it just another hole what doesn hole. It's just another hole. What does it matter? What does it matter if it's on your pearl?

Okay, I'm never going to say that again. I'm so sorry. I regret it. I regret it. I regret it. You regret it? Like, just piercings in general for me are a thing that, like, I would never get because it just scares me.

A piercing? Yeah. Anywhere? Anywhere. I wouldn't. I walked around with a fake nose piercing all weekend. See, that's cool. I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

I didn't know that. That's funny. It was really... Was it so Patrick Stump would notice you? Yes, and it didn't work. It didn't work. Let's not talk about it. Okay.

But yeah, piercings are just not a thing. Like, not that it makes me uncomfortable that other people get them, but I could never imagine it. So, when you yelled that review at me, I got very uncomfortable. Okay, I yelled it toward you. No, I yelled it at you. Okay, well, Antonio has something to say about Just Another Hole. I'm not kidding.

I don't know why that's called that and who allowed, what business bureau allowed somebody to call their businesses? Okay. I love it. Antonio gave just another whole one-star review. How? How could you with that name? How could you? Antonio says, very disappointed.

Went to get my son's name tattooed on my neck. The old man said, I won't do tats on your neck unless you are already covered. Hmm. The dude seemed more scared about the tattoo than I was. Also, if you're not down to tat, change your job, brother. Is this like Hulk Hogan writing this? By the way, he spells tat, T-A-T-T every time,

which is super good for me. I love that. Super good. Tattoo guy that don't tat people. PPL, by the way. This person is so cool tattoo tattoo guy that don't tap people the hell not going back i was also gonna get my ear pierced on top of the tat on top your ear is that low where you're gonna have a neck tattoo and the piercing is gonna go

on top of the neck tattoo maybe he thought maybe, maybe he got confused and said, here, pierce, or tattoo my son's face on my neck. And he's like, that's your face. Nevermind. I'm confused. Nevermind. Obviously. No, tattoo my, this picture of my son's neck on my face.

That's where, it was just a miscommunication. Oh, okay. I was also going to get my ear pierced on top of the tat. On top of the tat on top of the tat but hey that's money out your door and a long run client you was going to have now on top of a one-star review and now people know you don't do tats on the neck shaking my head oklahoma tattoo artist instagram shrug emoji did they write out shrug emoji i hope so no but it's a lady emoji okay i really i thought it was a dude named antonio but i mean listen who knows i thought it was antonia no antonio remember that book yeah lots of face tattoos i think that's who he was named after actually yeah um shake my head

oklahoma tattoo artist ig lady shrugging anyway what in the world like the way that change your job brother yeah i did see a lot of i love that i love i love their usage of words you know i have read that um tattoo places are allowed to refuse to do a tattoo i saw one uh it was a review where all they said was because there was probably a previous review that they had edited but all this one said was i talked to my lawyer and he says there's no law that says you can't tattoo oh my god uh. Do that tattoo. And I'm like, what the heck? And I read the business response. They'd refused to tattoo.

No, sorry. Pierce. Sorry. It's Pierce a piercing. They were refused to pierce a pregnant woman. I don't know where, but,

um, probably like a liability. Well, exactly. And they say, I think they were right where I couldn't find a law about it. It's like not in Oklahoma, but,

um, they say that you should be very careful about getting certain piercings like nipple piercings belly button piercings probably pearl piercings when you're when you're pregnant we said we weren't gonna use that term anymore no you said you wouldn't okay fair that was my first time using it. It felt liberating. I hope it's your last. Anyway, so, yeah, I think that makes sense. If a tattoo, you don't want a tattoo artist tattooing you if they're not comfortable doing it. No, not really. I don't blame that person.

I mean, if that person, that's their, like, thing where they're like, I'm not going to be the first person to tattoo your neck. A lot of places don't do name tattoos. Or a lot of people don't do name tattoos. I mean, I know this is different. It's not a significant other. I don't know. Sons have been known to cause pain as well. What the fuck are you talking about?

SMH Oklahoma tattoo artist IG. Okay, what do you have um i have a review from heather uh i believe this is from brookside um brookside tattoo it's one star as an amateur artist myself oh for god's sake i have respect for every tattoo artist that being said if you choose to do work outside of your business whether on a family member or just some random person every piece should reflect the artist i recently saw a piece and when asked who did this work i was amazed to find out that one of your artists was the one who did it i I've done my research, and this guy has some amazing pieces. He can do things that I haven't learned or mastered yet. And to find out he's been tattooing

the better part of 30 years, and looking at this piece, I was in utter disbelief. So I pose the question, no matter the piece or the client, as an artist, would you not want every piece to be a direct reflection of you and stand out with your signature? Everyone is entitled to believe in whatever they choose. But if you don't approve or have an issue with a piece, then why agree to do it? My own personal opinion is that if this artist did not approve or had a personal issue with it, then he should have simply said no, whether it be a paying customer or not. I chose to leave names out,

but if anyone at this shop feels it necessary to contact me, feel free. Your clients should be happy with your work, and you should take pride in the work you've done. And based on that piece, you should be ashamed of yourself. End of review. What is happening?

So this is a fun little game. Can you translate that for me, please? This is a fun little game that Translate that for me, please. This is a fun little game that I thought of. It doesn't sound fun. I read this review and had that same reaction that you just had. What do we think that tattoo was of? So what happened here is this woman is writing a review.

Uh-huh. They saw a tattoo on someone else that shocked them, that left them... Oh, I see. Feeling that whoever did it should be them... Oh, I see. Feeling that whoever did it should be ashamed of themselves. I see. And then they found out it was one of those artists and so left a one-star review of their business. But they said the artist was very talented.

Yeah, so they looked at their... They were like, wow, so who did this? Okay, that person? Let me look them up. Saw their work and were like, oh my God, they let me look them up saw their saw their work and we're like oh my god they're really talented they do all this great work why did they stoop to that level it sounds like that's how don't you want your to reflect the yeah was it was a very round about way of saying it took me a few read-throughs because i was a little slow i see but um yeah that's what i'm getting from it so i'm wondering wondering, like, this time that I read it, I'm like, is it something really offensive?

Like something really... Oh, you don't know what it is? No idea. Oh, shit, I thought you knew what it was. No, it's a fun game. Oh, it's just not fun if we don't know the answer. We're going to come up with an answer. I'm picturing something from...

I think it was a guy's... a son's neck on a guy's face and a piercing on top. Maybe that was what it is. It's like the Office episode where they're like... They get to tattoo something on Andy's... Andy's butt. Oh, yeah. And so they go through these options like, Do not resuscitate.

Something climbing out of his butt. I'm wondering if it was something climbing out of someone's butt. They're like, oh, I saw this butt tattoo. I do wonder how this person then saw that tattoo in passing but who knows maybe it's her it's her significant other maybe they're like who did this oh this guy he should be really proud of it and she's like no he shouldn't he should be ashamed you really don't like this game do you no yeah you you do not seem thrilled by this. Because I want to know the answer and I got all excited. We like mystery, don't we?

No. Shoot. Okay, I do. Well, what's your guess then? I just said something like something climbing out of someone's butt. No. No, honestly, I... I bet it's something about like Jesus.

You think? Yes. Because there were some I saw that were like, I want to get a tattoo here. And then I saw in the front window a picture of Jesus with a hole in his head. Get some class, people. This is a Christian blah, blah, blah. Like, maybe something like that. You know what that could be?

That's what I'm guessing. Like, say, anti-religion or an anarchy symbol. Sacrilege. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, anarchy symbol. That's a little extreme. Anarchy. I mean. I hope someone wouldn't write this entire review for that but like yeah i know something that like offends

this person personally yeah yeah okay that's my guess that's a good guess yeah i was thinking something like when i've just read this i'm like a kkk related well that was like my thing about thinking and then i'm like what this this person doesn't sound like they're actually like they have a lot of moral um self-justice situation going on i don't know that it really sounds like that they're justified in whatever okay you know what and that's fair especially because they didn't reveal what it was because they probably assume people on the internet wouldn't agree with them. So yeah, it's probably something like some personal. Like, I feel like a normal person would write, like, yo, this person literally tattooed a swastika on somebody.

What the fuck? Yeah. You know? Yeah. Okay, yeah. That's fair. Anyway. That's my assessment.

This was a fun adventure. Literally so unfun. Okay. Next. Okay. Is it my turn? Okay. You want to go back to Just Another Hole?

Please. Okay, so I just have two short ones of Just Another Hole. Jamie gave it one star. Unexperienced employees poking holes in wrong places. End of review. Hello. That's what it's called. Just another hole. Literally. That's the point of the place.

You cannot expect anything else. That's the point of the place. God, this is this, this is a total like setup for this entire episode. This business name. And then I have one by Shelby. It's another one star review. Okay. Okay. Shelby gave just another hole one star. I didn't by Shelby. It's another one star review. Okay. Okay. Shelby gave Just Another Hole one star.

I didn't go in. End of review. Wow. Maybe she saw a Jesus picture. I don't know. She went into another hole. God. Sorry. Just Another Hole. Yeah. Maybe. That's my Just Another Hole reviews.

Okay. I've got a redemption do you i have one more review should i read that first okay you read your redemption i think this is just kind of a fun cute reveal great it's it's you don't want to hear it you don't have to i do though don't i no i can skip it just read it okay This is a four star review of Tulsa Tattoo Company by Julie So let's be real You get two types of tattoos The kind that you have been wanting for a long time Pouring in blood, sweat, and tears to make it something original

Don't pour blood into it though Just, okay Just PSA No blood, okay Something you Something unique that no one else will have. Something with meaning. A great backstory so that you can sit down the next person who admires your piece.

You can tell them all about it. Then there's a quick spontaneous, let's do this tattoo. Open the phone book in the tattoo shop section, close your eyes and point. Okay. Maybe not quite to that extreme, but you get the idea. This was one of those, hey, let's get the idea. This was one of those, hey, let's get a tattoo type of visits. Nice. For perhaps it was more kind of a mix. Let's just say it was a second try at a spontaneous tattoo session. The first attempt at another shot back home didn't turn out so well. Served us a big heaping serving of disappointment. Here I am hanging with my sister in Oklahoma. We had just had an eventful day in Pawaska.

What? P-A-W-H-U-S-K-A. Pawaska. Dining and shopping. I thought we were heading home as the sun made its escape and we were kind of pooped. Maybe it was the coffee we had that gave us the extra boost. I was just going to say the extra poops. I was like, I don't need to know that, but thanks. But a detour was set in place. Let's try and get our

tattoos, she says. She looked up Tulsa Tattoo Company and said this was where we were going. Let's do it. We walked in and were immediately greeted by two older gents, Jake and another fella whom I forget his name. They were prompt and inquisitive after a small interrogation jake had made it clear that he would handle my tattoo and the other would take care of my sisters this decision was made because he had no idea what a jigglypuff was or anything pokemon for that matter oh my god sounded fine to us after some discussion and an exchange of pictures and some doodling our tattoo our tattoos started to come to fruition. The guys were kind and friendly.

We didn't find ourselves sitting around in an awkward silence, which is always refreshing. As important as it is for your tattoo artist to be skilled in what they do, people's skills goes a long way too. My little crab took about 15 minutes while my sister's jigglypuff on an ice cream cone called for a bit more detail wait oh my god please tell me they posted photos no god i know it made me really sad but this is kind of a cry out maybe they'll reach out to us and we'll find this jigglypuff and crab are we talking crabby like the podcast? I mean, not the podcast. Sorry. Jesus Christ. The Pokemon? I don't know. I didn't. It just said my little crab.

So probably not. I assume it was just a crab tattoo. Maybe they're a cancer or something. Okay. Overall, the experience was good. Customer service was on par and the guys got us in and out in a timely manner. The quality of work was as much as I anticipated. So I was happy about that.

Thanks for taking care of us and completing our mission. End of review. Our mission. I happy about that. Thanks for taking care of us and completing our mission. End of review. Our mission. I did like that. The whole, like, my sister and I on a mission to get our tattoos. It just seemed kind of fun. That seemed like a fun tattoo experience. One star removed because they didn't know what a Pokemon was.

Yeah, I was wondering about that one star. But they did, at the end, they were like, it was good. So. All right. But yeah, it seemed like a very nice tattoo experience i would want a tattoo experience like that if i ever got one just a random thing that you just came up with on the fly no i just mean like it sounded fun like you're spending a day and you're like okay yeah you know what i'm gonna go get a tattoo cool where would you get it um probably my pearl stop it alexander

god damn it. Okay, I'm changed. You want to play stupid games. I tried. Okay, I would get a Snorlax and the mouth would be my belly button. Gross. Also, would it be holographic? Absolutely.

Okay, good. Can you imagine that were possible? I'd like to not imagine it. No, I don't know where I would get one. Probably somewhere kind of hidden and small. You have a tattoo. I do. It's on my face. It's on my neck and my face. No, it's not. Is it Gio's name? It's my son's name. Yes. I have a piercing right on top of it. Okay. This is a review. This is my last one. It's a review of Art and Soul Tattoo and Body Piercing by Anna. It's a three-star review.

Okay. Middle ground. Good. I really don't know. I checkened out. Ha ha. End of review. I appreciate that they gave it three and not two or one.

Why? That's terrible. Why would you review it at all? Just to brag about how you chickened out, checkened out, by the way? Checkened out. God, yeah. I don't get it. I really don't know why I checkened out. Space, space, space, space. Ha ha. Maybe, I bet that's, was that on Google or something?

It was. I bet Google notified them and was like, how was your experience at whatever? That must happen because so many people are like, I never even went to this place and I don't drink alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Cool. So, that's all I have. Great. Is it time for my challenge? God, it must be. Why are you so negative today? I'm in a bad mood.

Why? I don't know. Probably because we started talking about vaginas you started that that was literally all you i didn't ask for that oh you're right so my review so my challenge was to find a review um by written by an older person that um mentions pokemon go okay i'm very excited for this so i have three oh great the first one they don't explicitly say that they're old um they are like they're not like elderly but they are a little older and i think they're on drugs so i hope they're not a child god so they're not 13 to 19 age range.

I really hope not. No $100 bills. Or lots of $100 bills. Lots. Okay. So this review is by Ronan of Montrose Community Park in, I believe it's, yeah, Glendale, California. Okay. That's our old home.

Our old stomping grounds. Not the park. We didn't live there, but probably nearby. Find that place and find that place because it's going to be like a historic landmark one day. Because we lived adjacent to it, probably. No, I mean, where we lived. Find where we lived. Okay, this is a very...

Prada Apartments. We should read reviews of there. should it's probably about us it's definitely not about us um okay so this is this review is five very long paragraphs i'm not going to read all of them i'm only going to read the i just realized i called it prada prada apartments it's not what it was called no it's not here are the reviews that pertain to, or the, here are the paragraphs that pertain to Pokemon Go. I don't know if people still play Pokemon Go, but when my wife and I were playing, this park was a Pokestop. You know, one of those places you can spin to get power-ups? Yeah, we know.

Not everyone knows. I played it for like a week, so I happen to know. I just feel like this person's patronizing me. Well, just wait. Okay. Well, the shady thing was, there was always a lure put up at the Pokestop at like 2am. I wonder what shady motherfucker put that lure up. And I wonder more what idiot went in to see what the lure was, because they probably got murdered.

Or worse. What? I never read about any- Or worse? Yeah murdered or worse what i never read about any worse yeah oh god i never read about any murders at this park which is good but it doesn't mean they didn't happen it just means the pokestop luring murderer is that good or maybe it wasn't anything nefarious and the pokestop luring guy put up his lure late at night because he's a vampire and if he comes out during the day he'll be turned ash. And it's hard to play Pokemon Go when you're a pile of ash. Trust me, I know. And I can't really say all vampires are shady. I mean, sure, they all have to drink human blood

to survive, but as long as they don't drink my blood, that's okay. Maybe they can just drink asshole's blood. Wouldn't that be something? Anyway, if you're some kid reading this, ask your... I really hope no child is reading this review. Just putting that out there. We're officially putting a ban on 13 to 19 year olds listening to this podcast. Anyway, if you're some kid reading this, ask your parents before you go to the Pokestop lure at 2am because they're going to be super pissed when they find out you went. I know I'd be. If my kid did that, I'd mercilessly beat him with jumper cables, then lie about it when child protective services came. Because, really, you shouldn't be going to a dark-ass park at 2am just because you think

it's going to help you in a stupid-ass video game. Just go at like 1pm when it's relatively safe. There's no vampires or creeps to worry about. Just crazy housewives who don't know how to drive their big-ass SUVs and almost run you over, then don't even apologize about it because they're End of review. I'm calling the police. I'm calling the police right now. This person is... Absolutely bonkers. Deeply troubled.

Deeply. That was only two of the paragraphs, dude. This person needs to be put away. was it fair to say they're older and they mentioned pokemon go they're too old to be speaking like this yes for for one thing their mind has definitely gone in quite a different direction than a normal person's i don't i don't know what else to do except call the police so i'm gonna do that okay yeah um while you do that i'm gonna read my next review okay this is a review of the town basin basin the town basin in wangarai new zealand i have no idea how to pronounce it W-H-A-N-G-A-R-E-I.

Rise a blade. This is by Besties West. Rise up place. Wait, no. What is it again? Are you drunk? Yes. No.

I wish. How do you say razor blade in an Australian accent? I have no idea. You say rise up something, and it's supposed to sound like razor blade rise up laid lied maybe rise a blade rise a blade get it good yeah good job okay this is a four-star review of the town basin in a city in or area region in New Zealand. We are Pokemon hunters, so we loved this area. Okay, perhaps we are too old to admit I do this, but I do, and it is kind of fun. I use it to find fun places to explore.

Went with a friend, and we enjoyed the evening walking around and doing a little shopping. End of review. Aw. Yeah. Wait, that's nice. Yeah. I forgot that some are allowed to be positive now yeah

that one was a positive one hold on are you looking up this dumb thing i figured it out rise up lights you say rise up lights rise up lights rise up lights rise up lights do you hear it no that sounds like razor blades in Australian accent. I know that we're in New Zealand here. I know that. Rude. Okay. Okay. My final one is a one-star review.

We're going back to the negative. Of B.C. McDonald's. Spelled M-A-C-D-O-N-D-A-L-D. Oh, I was like, you really said McDonald's wrong. No, I assume it's a number. This is in Chel uh, Chelan, Washington. Okay.

I'm pausing on that because I called Allie to ask how to pronounce it. It's spelled C-H-E-L-A-N. And I hope that's what she told me to say. That sounds right. Chelan. Washington's so freaking weird. We were driving in Portland. Well,

this is Oregon, but like Pacific Northwest is so freaking weird. We were driving in Portland. Well, this is Oregon, but Pacific Northwest is so freaking weird. We were driving in Portland, and there's a street, C-O-U-C-H. She was like, how do you say that? Couch. Yeah, it's cooch. Oh, God, no. Yeah.

Don't do that. I think it was in the Pearl District. Stop. That's enough. Okay, you've crossed. You've said it too many times. You've reached your limit. It might have been.

I don't know what you're talking about that's an area of portland okay okay good luck piercing it caleb you you you sexist asshole oh boy okay this is from kelly our family was in Chelan. I can't say it anymore. Our family was in Chelan for vacation. We are all avid Pokemon Go players. We walked into the shop to check out the ice cream. We were greeted by an older gentleman. We told him we were there to check out the ice cream.

He said, you aren't playing that stupid game, are you? You are too old. What the dick? I know, right? I explained that our entire family was playing and that we had discovered so many fun and wonderful places by doing so he responded you need to stop playing at that point we left and we will not return if he only knew the memories we have made this summer by playing

that stupid game and review i love that people suck i don't know who i hate more what they're all annoying me how is how is kelly annoying you i think that was kind of nice i don't know bother me if me and my whole family were like we get to explore and like get the kids out and like go play pokemon go i mean you're right but i'm also picturing them as all adults like i don't think there are children here i don't think that was implied especially because she admitted they were all too old to be playing it no what what are you talking about our family was in our family uh-huh so a whole family uh-huh um and then the guy said you are too old she didn't say we're too old oh that was the last review yeah well i'm picturing that she's the daughter this person kelly and said you are too old? No. Oh, that was the last review. Yeah. Well, I'm picturing that she's the daughter.

So, the guy looked at this person, Callie, and said, you are too old. Yeah. And then she said, well, my whole family is playing. I know, but I assume she's the daughter and she and her parents are playing. I disagree. And she's 35. Stop. She's 62 and her elderly.

Which, in my opinion, is still not too old to be playing Pokemon Go. So, you do you, Callie. Live it up but it's like when logan and nick came to visit and logan uh well actually they both probably maybe more logan i don't really know maybe nick got him into it i don't know anyway they did uh geocaching and it was one of those things where it looks like you want to do geocaching and i was like never in my life not in los angeles thank you for asking thank you but then it was like, you want to do geocaching? And I was like, never in my life. Not in Los Angeles. Thank you for asking. Thank you.

But then he was like, let's try it. And so we tried it. We went to a few different places. I went to areas of Los Angeles that were super nice that I'd never been to before. And like, got to explore. What are you doing? Looking at my nails. You're so annoying.

I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say here is that she's like over there like it's like a freaking like sitcom looking at her nails like ignoring me this is awful it's my birthday week and i don't want to talk about logan and his pokemon go obsession why would you say his last name? He's going to be mobbed. Okay. Oh. It wasn't even Pokemon Go. I was talking about geocaching.

Okay, whatever. So, no. My point is we got to explore a lot of fun places in LA that I never would have gone to otherwise. I'm really happy for you. Because of his geocaching thing. We went to Little Tokyo. We went to that place where Marilyn Monroe's buried. buried that one cemetery and now hugh hefner um there were geocaching in the cemetery yeah it ended there super respectful no it ended oh my lord i've done geocaching i'm just we just had to do

we just used a couple shovels and just! It was about finding... Some teeth. God damn. I'm sorry. I've done geocaching. I've played Pokemon Go. I'm just being an asshole. I'm so sorry, everybody. No one's surprised, but we had to mark Frank Zappa's unmarked grave.

That was the... You got to what? We had to mark Frank Zappa's unmarked grave. That was our challenge. You had to mark it? I'm kidding. That's awful. Oh my god. He's buried in there. I was like, didn't mark it i'm kidding that's awful oh my god he's buried in there i was like i need to call i need to redial the police hold on a second he's buried there unmarked um i did find where it is because people actually put some things

down there but cool yeah anyway we did not mark it sounds fun i'm just joking i'm joshing with you stop joshing with me okay i'm done so okay those were good though thank you very much those are hard to find probably right yeah it was a struggle they're good ones tripadvisor is where i really pulled through shined yeah oh i shine bright on tripadvisor okay so um i'm gonna just tell people that they can visit our website beach2sandy.com to find all the links about us. I'm gonna tell people you can play Pokemon Go no matter how old you are. Yeah.

Follow us on Instagram and stuff. I'm like all the shit Alex Zander's saying over there. Beach2Sandy. Just Beach2Sandy. Yeah. Beach2Sandy. Find us on Pokemon Go at Beach2Sandy. Find our geocache at Prada Apartments. Prada Apartments. Jesus Christ. Okay. I'm going to read

a five-star review from a listener on Apple Podcasts. Nice. And then we'll reveal the theme and challenge for next week. Have we gotten any

one stars yet? Yes. Oh, really? I just read one like two days ago. Don't tell me about it. Did it make you sad? Yes.

Oh, no. Don't tell me about it. Okay. Shit. Now I'm going to go look at it. Is it mean? Is it about me? No. no it was do you want me to just no it was nothing like that bad it was just like they they had an opinion of how the show should be and they said it was like really

fun at the beginning and now we like bash people too much or something make your own goddamn podcast they but they specifically said something about religion so i was like wait for real yeah i don't want to ever read it again religion is it the catholic episode the one where we talk about people who were viewed oh sorry we made fun of the people who mentioned the catholic church and how the first thing that shouldn't was out of the person's mouth was uh like child molestation that one was that it it might have been they didn't it didn't like specify they just happened to drop in religion in there and i'm like that's when i was like hmm oh god people hurt my feelings i'm too sensitive to have a podcast i quit and maybe they do have

a point in some ways. Maybe we should be a little bit nicer to some people. Now I just yelled at everyone for playing Pokemon Go. We should stop doing these reviews. You know what's funny? I'm not typically... They put a couple of cliches in there, though. Like, I'm not one to write reviews.

I'm not typically one to write reviews, negative or otherwise. Which means they haven't even listened to this. But then I said, however, since this is a podcast about reviews, it just seems fitting. Sorry to be your first one star. I love that. What a jerk. No, that's got to fuck.

No, it's not. Okay. But, um, but they said moreover, I could really do without the tasteful comments regarding religion. The,

did I say tasteful? Moreover, I could really do without the distasteful comments regarding religion and politics. If my godmother and my father, my Catholic father listened to this and they're fine, then, like, everybody needs to be okay. I mean, it's just silly to me.

I don't know. We don't like Trump. We don't like... What? You don't? Yeah. Oh, shit. I forgot that you changed your mind about him.

I've swapped. At Pokemon Go, I swapped positions on that and then trump i swapped positions yeah but they said like something about we're focusing on character assassination disgruntled customers correct yes and that being judgmental of the judgmental seems a bit hypocritical what's funny is we're also judgmental of ourselves so this is just a whole trying to be listen i'm saying be nice to people yeah i think what we're also judgmental of ourselves. So this is just a whole. I'm not trying to be. Listen, I'm saying be nice to people. Yeah. I think what we're trying to do here is more like build up these businesses that got shit reviews.

Yes. Sometimes just no reason. Everyone except just another hole. Just another hole. Whatever. We're having fun. This is not about me. I'm being dramatic.

I love how I'm like, I'm going to read a five star review. And then you look at me and you're like, have we gotten one star we should stop reading them because now i'm anxious oh yeah no that was my last one because that that ruined my ruined my day yesterday oh thank you for not telling me about it oh on my birthday week until i strong-armed you into telling me about it no i literally like intentionally i was like okay i'm not gonna tell her about this one unless she asks oh my feelings are hurt okay Don't let them be hurt. Whatever. They have their opinion.

There are so many people out there that are going to hate this podcast. Will somebody make a podcast about one-star reviews about this podcast? Because I really like a redemption. Stop. That'll encourage people to write more. No. Okay. I didn't like a redemption.

I'll give you one right now. Like, my whole plan this whole time. Okay. This review is from Burrito Spaceship. Personally, I trust someone whose name is Burrito Spaceship more than anyone else. They would never write us a one-star review. No. They wrote a five-star one.

And if they did, my life would be over. Yeah, exactly. So, please don't change it. It's five stars. The title is hilarious. Trying to mask my laughter while listening at work is a challenge especially since i'm known for listening to murder podcasts at work and murder isn't funny people often leave reviews just to complain and this pod highlights that alex and christine's reactions make the funny

reviews even funnier six stars oh okay that's nice thank you burrito spaceship was burrito spaceship our final review read what do you mean you said that's nice. Thank you, Burrito Spaceship. Was Burrito Spaceship our final review read? What do you mean? You said that's the last one you're going to read? I said that? I thought you said this is the last time you're doing that because of the one-star reviews. No. Oh, I thought you said that.

Oh, last time I'm reading the one-star reviews, fuck. Oh, oh, oh. I'm going to just try to ignore those. I told you to be careful. I know. I still remember the one-star reviews from two years ago that I got, so good luck. They'll never leave your head. Anyway.

Thank you, everyone, for listening to this uplifting. Just listen to some Brene Brown. She'll help you. Uplifting. I don't know who that is. She's a life coach. Oh, I could use that. Motivational speaker.

I could use a life. You know what she says? Tell me. We're going to horribly misquote her, but if you're not in the arena, then you have no right to judge. And if you do, just, if someone who's not in the same arena as you, not fighting in the arena with you, says something negative, just drop it. Well, what's our arena? Sitting in our living room and bitching about people. Literally just the two of us?

Good. So I don't care. I shouldn't care what anyone else says. The arena is like doing a podcast, being in an entertainment industry. If people give you shit for doing it wrong, I should tell people that. If people give you shit for doing it wrong, then why don't they give it a try

and then get back to me? You know what I mean? Oh yeah, I like that. Anyway, it's a Teddy Roosevelt quote, but... You mean oh yeah i like that anyway it's a teddy roosevelt quote but you know what i have a feeling it's not really it's not really so i thought you were quoting her this i was sort of she quoted teddy roosevelt it's like when michael scott quotes wayne gretzky how can any yeah how can anyone take this podcast that seriously after shit like this it's called daring greatly okay it doesn't matter okay

it doesn't matter thank you everyone for listening thank you and i'm so sorry that this just devolved into me feeling sad about myself make her feel better by writing this five star review all right bye everyone and we're back we're back because we didn't give the challenge a review that's how far this devolved we literally took our headsets off we were like getting up to go and we and i was like wait we haven't given the theme or challenge well here we are here we are now fake out fake out jesus hopefully you stayed if not next week will be just a surprise. Okay. So I have your theme. Your theme, our theme, is to find reviews of movie theaters in Rhode Island. Oh, the entire state.

Providence, Rhode Island. There we go. I was doing a James Bond thing. Oh. Rhode Island. Providence. It has the same ring to it. Oh, God.

I think there's a big difference between doing just Providence, Rhode Island, and the entire state of Rhode Island. So I think we should really narrow it down. Probably that. Okay. What's yours? What's my challenge? Your challenge is actually one from a listener. Whitney.

Don't let me down, Whitney. Yeah. This is from February. It's an older one. Okay. I thought you said it was from Whitney. I don't get it. You don't get it?

No. That didn't make sense, did it? It does make sense. You said this is from Whitney, and then you said this is from February. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. I'm just not. Whatever.

I'm over this. I'm over this episode. So I'm going to kind of reword it a little bit. But a review of a product written from the perspective of someone's pet so like a dog toy but they wrote like yeah yeah yeah yeah this is rufus okay thank you i don't need you to write it for me this is i'm gonna finish no don't this is rufus this is my favorite toy end of review a. Alexander, goddammit. I expect it to be read that way.

No matter what animal. Just like that. Thank you, Whitney. Thank you, Whitney. Looking forward to that one. Thanks for sticking through with us if you're still here. And if you're not, I don't blame you. Actually, the person that wrote that one-star review is named Whitney.

Whitney? I'm just kidding. Oh, my god. Stop it. Good times. Okay. That would be pretty freaking funny, though. Oh my God. Stop it. Good times. Okay. That would be pretty freaking funny though. Anyway.

Anyway. Now this is the real goodbye. We're saying goodbye. The final goodbye. Forever. Goodbye forever. Bye.