Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 292: Reviews of Fireworks Stores

Episode Date: July 3, 2024

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to be an ETF investor. BMO ETFs presents Views from the Desk, a show all about markets and investing with ETFs. New episodes every Thursday morning. morning. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Happy birthday to you, America. Happy birthday to you.

America. Dates. Happy birthday to. George Washington. Happy birthday to you. Those are either gunshots or fireworks. Dealer's choice. Except I guess I'm the dealer, so I choose fireworks.

So today we are recording in the morning. Is there a different energy about us? They don't know about me yet. I have not had a chance to reveal my energy. But yes, there is everybody. That's part of the energy dynamic. When we show up in the morning, you're just not here anymore. It's just me.

Twice a year we do those. Twice a year we record in the morning. When we're pressed, we have no other option. And we always make a big deal out of it. It's such a big deal. By the way, do you know what time it is? 1040 AM. Like, who do we think we are?

To be fair, we were scheduled for 10 and had a lot of issues before that. Anyway, I've been planning to sing for the last five minutes, so that was not a choice I made prior to that. I apologize everyone that my technical difficulties led to that. It led to me brainstorming. Today we're doing fireworks suppliers,

which I conveniently selected for a release on the 3rd of July. I thought, what a nice way to celebrate. I think that was very smart. Thank you. So smart. Let's get all the Patriots in here. Yes, I thought you were gonna say Patreon.

Oh, we should call them our Patriots. The Patriots, Patriots. Beach Two Sandy Patriots. I hate that, but I love it. But there's a silent N. Like, it's silent. And it's a T sound instead? Yeah.

So it's like an extra loud N. It's not silent. It's just pronounced differently. Anyway, everybody, we just talked about this like 20 minutes ago and planned it, but we're gonna do it. We're gonna do a virtual live show again on my stream. This coming Sunday, the 7th, okay? Sunday the 7th, we're going to be doing a live stream at twitch.tv slash Zandy Schieffer

X A N D Y S C H I E F E R if you don't know by now come on and we're gonna be doing like a live show and we did one last year you can watch that one on YouTube and it was really fun and it was our actual live shows to be like look what look what you're missing out on people so we're gonna do that again is this where we read reviews from our past live shows I don't know we don't know we just planned this like we're gonna read one star reviews as a live show and show you all what you're missing if you don't live in any of the regions we're attending for like yes and give you a chance you know give you a chance to see it.

Yeah, exactly. Throw you a bone. Throw those people in those flyover states like Ohio. Wait, we are going to Ohio. A bone. Just trying to be self-deprecating about my past. Throw those people in Indiana a bone. They should be coming to our Ohio shows.

Come on. It's not that far. Never mind. Or Chicago. Come on, Indiana. Or St. Louis. Indiana, you're fine. Stop complaining, Indiana, I'm sick of it.

Bitching every fucking second of the day. Constantly, I can't stop hearing it. I've never even been there. You literally have been there by accident, probably at least 10 times. So many times. TomTom has taken me there and back. Oh, now it's the TomTom's fault.

It's the TomTom's fault. Yeah. Anyway, hello everyone. We have lots of reviews, and we're gonna do a live show on the 7th of July. It's a belated surprise party for the United States of America. And instead-

So if you're a patriot, get in there. You what? So if you're a patriot get in there. So we're gonna read reviews of fireworks. Have I said that eight times? Okay cool. And the challenge, my challenge, I'm sorry, reviews that mention Bigfoot. Yeah yeah yeah. That one we got a lot of email submissions for so I I don't know if I even wanna know. I did a lot of sifting. I actually didn't get to all of them. There's so many, thank you. There's a lot.

I only use two emails for the fireworks reviews, and I have a lot. So, yeah. Why don't I start? You go ahead then. Okay, this is from Emily, she, her, and Emily said that fireworks are legal here in New Hampshire, live free or die, and then an eagle emoji, Emily's clearly a patriot, you know.

Perfect. An eagle emoji and fireworks emojis. This is a Hookset fireworks in Hookset, New Hampshire. This is a one-star review by Brian. Over the years, I have gave the store a lot of my business. I will never shop here again since the owner entrapped my wife in her greenhouse. Oh!

Wait, okay. There's a difference between entrapping and trapping, right? Entrapment. Entrapment is like, hey, you want to buy these fireworks what if the owner is yeah, it's illegal like that Gotcha, right? Yeah, especially. I mean it is rough when you're the one selling them. So it's like well shit You entrapped yourself. Yeah, exactly. So that's double jeopardy or something double jeopardy. They both go down I don't know where the greenhouse comes in but apparently that's relevant to Over the years I have gave the store a lot of my business

I will never shop here again since the owner entrapped my wife in her greenhouse after being invited inside by her brother Okay, wait, it does kind of sound like entrapment now. Maybe I was wrong to judge. I was kidding. I was making fun of them. But wait, isn't this entrapment? The brother's like, come on in. I don't self, I'm not a police. I am your blood relative.

I would never do anything to put you in harm's way. Come into this greenhouse of this firework salesperson? Like what? How does this, this is a dream. What if you did that? And not like my dream. What if my brother entrapped somebody? You know what I mean?

Like that's the same vibes. I feel like, this is so funny to me, I don't know why. Okay, okay, so the owner entrapped my wife This is so funny to me. I don't know why. Okay. Okay. So the owner entrapped my wife in her greenhouse after being invited inside by her brother, Chris. She would not allow her to leave and accused her of trespassing. Her brother, Chris, was smoking marijuana in the greenhouse and accused my wife of...

Now we know why they call it the greenhouse. I was wondering. Also the fact that the brother was super high and was like, come on into the greenhouse. I don't think he was part of this. I think he was just high. If you saw me smoking a joint in a greenhouse and I was like, come on in, you'd run in.

You'd be like, I'm there. You're at fucking fault. You should know better. This is what your parents told you about. These are the strangers your parents warned you about. Yeah your own brother exactly. They warned me all the time. They were like he will try to entrap you so be careful.

Okay her brother Chris was smoking marijuana in the greenhouse and accused my wife of doing so unwelcomed. She also sets off fireworks on the same property all the time, which is illegally in the city of Manchester. It's a shame she can't follow the town rules on fireworks when she is the supplier. These fireworks have caused large groups of armed cops to come to my neighborhood looking for gunshots. She has definitely disturbed the peace in our neighborhood and does not deserve your business.

End of review. Wow. And now there's a response from owner. What if it just said, you're going to jail. You've been entrapped. I entrapped, my brother Chris entrapped you. You're going to jail. It says, dear customers, please excuse my neighbor's lies, rant, and bad behavior.

He's never been to my store. I'm having problems with trespassers and drug abuse happening on my property late at night, so I had to call the police when I was threatened for ousting his wife. Using Google as a revenge weapon to hurt a business and its owner is terrible, but it happens. My customers know me and know these words aren't true. Google won't remove his hurtful words, so please disregard his comments. Thank you. The end.

Oh my gosh. What a tale. Good local drama here. Well, this is a live free state, whatever. It is. And like, imagine being trapped on a greenhouse in the live free state. Like how dark must that be?

I mean, probably bright because it's made of glass, but like how metaphorically dark must that be? Also talk about hot boxing. If that guy really is just getting super high in the greenhouse, like, wow, he found the right spot. His sister's greenhouse. And when she sits off the fireworks, we have perfect view. The

ceiling is glass. Oh, it's beautiful. That's true. I think that would terrify me. Yeah, you'd be trapped. I would be entrapped in a greenhouse with fireworks going off. You'd be paranoid high. The armed cops would show up. It would be a disaster. Sounds like me most nights in my apartment. Leading up to the 4th of July, especially. People are setting, like, I wouldn't be surprised if during this episode, it's almost 11 AM, if people set off fireworks while we're here. And it's like June 25th, folks, when we record this.

It's not like July 2nd, which I would understand if that's what you guessed. But no, we're actually recording early. And yeah, and then, you know, I just, it's so many fireworks. And every once in a while, especially once I had an edible, I'm like, oh, that one was a gunshot. And then I think for three seconds, I'm like, no, it wasn't, no, it wasn't, calm down.

You're like, oh, nevermind, I was wrong again, operator. Thank you for taking my 16th call. Goodbye, call you soon. But then I go, but then I like convince myself one time there was this huge boom. And I'm like, that was a firework, right? It was not a firework. It was like some like transformer blue or something. I thought it was a gunshot. I was like, no, no, no. There was

like an explosion. Remember when we were little and there were actual gunshots outside? Have you not learned a fucking thing about gunshots versus? Oh, I know. I do know what they sound like. But hey, sometimes Remember when we were little and there were actual gunshots outside have you not learned a fucking thing about gunshots versus Oh, I know what I do know what they sound like but hey Sometimes that edible messes with my head. That's believe it or not. That's kind of the whole point Yeah, that's right. Anyway, here's a one-star review. I have this is of this from Kelly and this is of big Woody's fireworks Classic from Kelly and this is of Big Woody's Fireworks. Classic, this is in Pennsylvania, it looks like Erie,

like we're just outside Erie, Pennsylvania. You know I've always wanted to go to Erie, not always. But lately. Really? They have lighthouses. A pal of mine from high school, middle school and also preschool, that was a weird way to say it. Wow. Lives in Erie and texted me the other day for the first time in like four years

and I forgot about it until just now. So maybe this was a good reminder. I'm gonna tell you who, but you have to bleep it out. I was gonna guess her. I think I knew that she lives there. Well, she texted me a picture of a sign that said frozen meat. It's a long story.

Anyway, so Eerie, you've always wanted to go there? Anyway, not always, but they have a couple lighthouses that I would love to see. Anyway, here, very beautiful. And they have lots of fireworks. I feel like I do know things about Eerie and it's things like this. Like that they have a lot of kind of

fireworks and lighthouses. Slightly illicit but not really illicit activities Okay, well here's what what what Brad has to say about Big Woody's fireworks one star I Was disappointed to find out this was just a fireworks store I thought they sold handcrafted artisanal dildos made from wood end of review It's like what do you think it was a sex or oh, I thought it was so much more than a sex store big woody's I mean I have a wooden dildo. Well, okay that does sound like I'm saying it In a personal way. I meant I was gifted one by a podcast listener

That makes it more weird. It makes it more weird, believe it or not. It makes it more weird. Yeah, you're right. I should just stop. OK, so I have a review from Emily. And this is- That makes it so much worse that you stopped. OK, fine.

Well, I don't even know what else to say, except that somebody mailed M and me some wooden dildos that they artisanally made. And they're beautiful. And they're on display. What? I always say artisanal artisanal that's right I know but artisanal sounds so much more are because you want to say artisanal cheese that sounds terrible but it you know tease cheese yeah that's totally why anyway artisanal dildos. So you did get some.

I did, I did. And like, it was probably, I mean, I'm sure it was a joke on In That's What I Drink. I just don't remember what the joke was. I think it was about- Oh, that makes it even weirder, yeah. Splinters or something. Jesus.

Yeah, and so somebody mailed them to us. If someone mailed me that, even after recording this episode today, like if I went to the mailbox and got one I'd be like what the fuck they would have no idea why you'd be like dispatch I know this is my 17th call but I promise you this is about something totally different I'm being threatened okay this is from Emily it's of a place called TNT Fireworks Supercenter in Londonderry, New Hampshire. And this is a one-star review by Christopher.

And I wanna say, I don't really understand it, okay? So, I mean, I definitely- That's the same with my next one, perfect. Oh, good. It's gonna be a weird 20 minutes. Maybe they'll solve each other. Maybe they're the missing puzzle pieces, you know? I doubt that, but-

I doubt that too. Warning, warning, Panzer Lord is correct. However, Barnstable police seized only $7,000 worth of fireworks and they were looking for 14,000. These clowns took her money, loaded her U-Haul and sent her on her way, only before calling local authorities to initiate an interstate sting. The sad thing is this was a load for several

families trying to celebrate America's birthday with their kids. Shame on you TNT, shame on you police, and shame on you New Hampshire. Live, free, or die? Huh, that's a crock of hypocritical crap. TNT should be fined and have to return her money or part thereof. Better yet, shut them down. TNT is a bunch of clowns, should be run out of business. I stand by it.

Nothing good has ever come out of New Hampshire. End of review. Oh, those are fighting words. I've been to New Hampshire once. I had a great time. I was like five minutes across the border, but it was still a great time. And you were on you were not on the lam

with fourteen thousand dollars worth of fireworks in the back of your U-Haul. Definitely not. Wink? But yeah, so I this sounds like more entrapment. It does! I'm just gonna throw that word out because I whatever I don't know. One of the times we use it it'll be right and then we can point to that and say clearly we know what it means. But yeah I feel like what they're saying

happened is that this store sold them and loaded a bunch of stuff into their U-Haul and then called the police and said, hey, there's a U-Haul with a bunch of fireworks coming your way, bye. Like, because I don't, like what happens to the seized fireworks? I don't think the store just gets it back, gets to sell it again.

So I don't know what their like goal was. Yeah, what's their goal here? Like, it makes me think that they had no choice. Like the police were like, hey, you sold this person's like, I don't know. Maybe I don't know. I don't know. It just seems like why would they tell? Why would they care? I'm sure they sell illegal like sell to people who take it across the border all the time.

It's like once you leave the premises, it's not there. Like they can't control where you go with it, you know Yeah, maybe they have to like I Don't know. I I did see oh my god. I saw some weird New Hampshire Reviews I didn't bring all of them because I read so many but like someone was complaining about an Being forced to give ID and like was forced to give ID and like was freaking out about it like how terrible it was that they were asking for their state ID there they were not from New Hampshire yeah I mean and they were like and they're like well the place across the

street was was glad to have my thousands of dollars worth of business was that Panzer Lord apparently Panzer Lord got totally screwed. It might have been honestly. There's some drama with the firework stuff. That's gotta be entrapment. The story across the street is just a police station and they put a big sign that says fireworks and crayon and then if you go in there and buy them with no ID you're fucked. You're in trouble. Okay my next one this was the one that makes no sense to me and makes a lot less sense, I think, than yours. Maybe not. No, it definitely does. This is from Emma.

This is of Cornelia Fireworks. Where the hell? Cornelia? Cornelia, spell, okay. It's spelled C-O-R-N-E-L-L-I-E-R. Whoa. And Emma says, Core dash, all caps, N-E-E-L

dash E-E dash E-R, corneal-ier, corneal-ier. Okay. So I'm trusting Emma here. It would be kind of a meme if Emma was just like given wrong pronunciation to us. Talk about entrapment. So I'm glad we're talking about entrapment. Like for real, Emma.

Man, this episode is full of it. Maybe not. I can't believe how much people are constantly trying to entrap us and how often we're trying to entrap ourselves. I've never realized it. This, this fireworks store is maybe 10 feet over the border between Illinois and Milwaukee, or sorry, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, like literally.

I zoomed in and as I was zooming, I couldn't tell which side of the border it was on until I got to the very up close. It is literally the- They were measuring it with a ruler. I've never seen anything, I've never, this is crazy. It is literally right there. Anyway, here's a three star review.

Products and all the items are sensational. People? No people whatsoever. I felt like I was intruding on them. Next time I will take my $300 worth of cravings to another who will just maybe smile, end of review. Ew, what? Take it away. I feel like they're probably hiding from you.

It got weird, I don't know. Yeah, you're a weirdo. They're probably hiding from you. They're in there. They're just in the safe room because you showed up. Yeah, but yeah. They might be. With a weird smile. They're in their green room.

They're in the green room getting, they're hot boxing in the green room. They're in the green room getting their hot boxing in the green room. I don't really blame them. But yeah, it's so fun looking, though, at these stores like it looks exactly like you'd picture like every fireworks store I've ever been in, which isn't many. I feel like I've only we used to do a big fireworks thing when we were kids. Yeah, we loved fireworks, but I don't think I've ever been in a fireworks store.

I think I was there. I was once. And it is overwhelming, probably. Yeah, we loved fireworks, but I don't think I've ever been in a fireworks store. I think I was there, I was once. And it is overwhelming, probably, yeah. It was overwhelming. It is crazy in there. And the amount of money people spend on fireworks. I mean, I was at Costco and they had a fireworks section here in Kentucky. And I was like, this is overwhelming

and it's just one section of Costco. I can't imagine a Costco just for fireworks. I wonder if there's I don't know the laws here about fireworks in New York. I don't know. I don't think they're relevant really, necessarily. No, yeah. It doesn't matter. Like, yeah, people will still use them. But yeah, no, I'm not a big fan of fireworks at all. But yeah, no, I'm not a big fan of fireworks at all.

They're loud, I don't like loud things. But I'm always so impressed by the fucking ridiculous shit that these fireworks stores sell. Even back in the day, like I can't even imagine now. But like back when we, like early 2000s, when we would go and they'd have the ones where it's a little tank and you'd light it and would like Roll around and blow up. Yeah, it was crazy to me. How does this work? That was like a to that post 2001 special They're like watch this we have like fucking military

Military puppet shows that blow up right in your backyard. I don't know this seems very extra and unnecessary, but okay. The packaging on some of these is like Predator XL canister. And then it's like fucking the fire factory. And it looks like all these like burning bodies. Like what the fuck is happening? Like it's so unnecessarily intense. Even some of the stores were like pyro crazy man. And I was was like what the fuck are you doing? Like who let you buy that LLC? Like pyro something or other crazy lizard king? I don't know.

They're all. I mean I have a review written by someone named Bobo the Pyro. Wait really? I do. Bobo the Pyro. Talk about, that's a serial killer in the making. It's like quite the combo, you know.

Yeah, I don't love that. I don't know. Sounds like a killer clown with a fireworks fetish. Anyway, is it my turn or your turn? It's your turn. But sorry, I'm looking at this border again. Like, it's so there. There's like the cut of the grass. You can tell that like what part of the grass

is in Wisconsin because it's actually mowed. Like at one point it looks like, I don't know. Maybe it's just what the fireworks store, what their property is. But literally, Christina, this is literally, their parking lot is basically the border. This is crazy to me. And it's a huge lot.

So people can just- Is there like a sting operation like five feet over the other side of the border? There is a greenhouse across the road. No. And there's a lot of, even on Google Earth, there's like a lot of smoke coming out of the greenhouse. What's going on over there?

Okay, so by the way, I realized we said hotboxing in the green room instead of greenhouse, or at least that's what I said. We did? I don't think you said that. Oh, I did, because I realized it as I said it, and I went, well. Oh, I don't remember that.

That's a problem for future me. Okay, this is also from Emily, and it's of Atomic Fireworks in Seabrook, New Hampshire. And there's a review and a response. So here's a review, one star by Mike. RIP Steve. And here is the response from owner. I don't know. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. If I remember correctly, you lost your money in our parking lot, and I actually found a majority of it and noticed you looking around for it, so I assumed you had lost money and I gave it to you. If that was you that I'm thinking of?

If it was you, you tried to give me $100 and I wouldn't take it, so you insisted on me taking $20. If I'm thinking of the right instance? End of response. I don't think you are. I don't think so either. I don't think so either. Unless you were wandering around saying RIP Steve

and that's how they know it was you. True. What about that review made them think, ah, yes, this is the person that lost money in my fucking lot Like I have no idea what is happening today? Reading talk about unhinged like none of these make any fucking sense This is ridiculous Also like so extra bad so extra hurtful to be offered a hundred dollars cash not take it and then get a one-star review

I'd be like are you fucking kidding me I? hurtful to be offered $100 cash, not take it, and then get a one-star review. I'd be like, are you fucking kidding me? I should have taken that $100 bill when I hit the chance. Also, that was for sure not their money. Whoever that was, who would give you $100 and be like, well, just take it? Clearly they have a guilty conscience. Except the people that fucking buy fireworks apparently,

because of the amount of money these people are dropping. A fair point like thousands upon thousands. Yeah it's crazy to me I mean I hey do your thing I spend money on dumb things too. Oh wait I just had a thought like a for real thought. What about I know be careful what if when that sting operation happened it wasn't like they just called the police to be like, haha We just sent somebody what if there's like a certain amount like if they really did spend like you haul for? $14,000 cuz like clearly I mean not clearly but like they might be going to resell it somewhere else, right? I mean like a yeah area so that when that commenter wrote that reviewer wrote

This was for several families who wanted to celebrate America's birthday. I'm like, bullshit, for $14,000? Like, I mean. It became a felony at that point. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's over $10,000 of like, illegal goods across state border or something. I mean, that does feel like a patriotic move.

So maybe, hmm. Anyway, I can't quite decide where I land on this whole thing, but I'm just wondering, maybe there's like a certain. Smuggling fireworks? Yeah, like maybe there's a protocol protocol like oh shit when we if we have like an inkling that somebody's gonna do something illegal We have to say like it could be automatic that they run the names or something or that through I don't know. But yeah, it does seem like Panzer Lord I wouldn't be surprised if they turn a blind eye to like most small things but yeah, and then

$14,000. Also, if you're doing it for multiple families, then you should buy it in separate things. Or be less, like look. Why are you renting a U-Haul? Like this is so sketchy. You know it's not, you probably know it's not allowed. Otherwise you wouldn't be driving across the state line to get the fireworks.

Exactly, this just seems shady as fuck. I don't know. As someone who's not really pro fireworks and not really beat up about not feeling too bad about them getting sting operation about their ruined birthday party for America. Yeah, I'm sure America is crying. And yeah, it always is. Am I right folks?

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Let us help you plan every detail with professionalism and compassion. We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. Okay. Here is a review. This was sent in, um, by, uh, Matt and Jen. And this is of Mega Fireworks. Oh, where's this located? Do we think this looks to be in Michigan? Here we go. One star review. Thought we got free sparklers with our $430 purchase. Turns out they pranked us and gave us incense. End of review. They're like, you're going to cleanse your space

because you need it, you demon. You got to calm down after this much fire, this many fireworks. You need some incense. You should probably meditate after the sensory overload of the Lizard King Pyro Fire XL. Relatable. Yeah, I need that too. Yeah, I mean, yeah after watching like a little tank roll around and explode in my backyard I could probably use like a moment of

contemplation and You know inner work and peace That's hilarious incense. Can you imagine you light it and you're like, okay You hand every child The place just smells like fucking potpourri for the next like patchouli for the next oh my god, that's the funny But it's like in the backyard. So doesn't even like smell that strong way. It's just like holding a stick of incense Oh my god What if like that's kind of a fun game like which one you know?

I can set up pulling straws, like pulling incense or a sparkler, like what could it be? Just light it and find out. Yeah, I will say though if I bought incense and put it in my incense holder and it ended up being a firework, bad things would happen. So if that was an accident

and the shipment got switched out and some crystal store stores now selling fireworks. I'd like to think they're so noticeably different that you wouldn't light it as incense. I could see it going the other way around. I like to think that you can't tell at all and that way it's more fun for me to imagine. So you would be entrapped by it. Totally. I would be entrapped instantly. I'd be like, this is the coolest incense I've ever used.

I would be entrapped instantly. I'd be like, this is the coolest incense I've ever used. Um. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like burning down your curtains. Wow, this is some pretty strong stuff. Ha ha ha ha ha. I bet I'll be so peaceful after this. Oh, god.

OK, is it your turn or my turn? I don't know why I keep losing track. I don't know. I just read something about incense and sparklers. Duh. OK. This is. We're like still, we weren't even like that far off topic like keep losing track. I don't know, I just read something about incense and sparklers. Duh, okay. We weren't even that far off topic like we usually are. I know, I'm like, how am I losing the thread that quickly?

But here we are. So this is from Allie, she, her, and this is a review of Half Price, well it's called HP Fireworks, parentheses Half Price Fireworks. This is in West Harrison, Indiana, and this is a two-star review by Junior with a response from Owner.

That also seems to be, at least in mine, a common thread, the response from Owner seems to be pretty active. Yeah, I've got one. Yeah, this is a two-star review. I've been to this establishment on a few occasions and it seems they overcharge on the sales tax. I have always felt I've paid more than what I was supposed to. End of review. And the owner responds. The sales tax on fireworks in Indiana is 12%. That is state law. We have no control over state tax rates.

If you are not satisfied with your purchase, please return your items and I will issue you a refund. End of response. So stupid. It sounds like they're almost worried. Like maybe you shouldn't be using fireworks if you don't understand how laws work. Maybe you should just return those.

I don't think I trust you with that. I would report that U-Haul for sure. Yes, I know. Even if they only bought like $10 of sparklers, I'd be like, somebody needs to check on them. I don't know. One of the states between Oregon and Washington, I don't know which one, one doesn't have income tax.

And I think there's something about the sales tax. Did you mean like one of the two? Yeah, one of the two, Oregon or Washington, sorry. You said like between them and I was like, I know I'm bad at geography, but is there a state between Oregon and Washington? No, I'm so sorry. Very perplexed.

Okay, between the two, like one of them has, I gotcha. Oregon has a high income tax rate. Washington, I believe, has zero income tax, but Oregon is one of the few states, New Hampshire included, of course, that doesn't have a sales tax. So people will go to Oregon for sales tax. When we were doing research for our Seattle

and Portland shows, I had read a review where someone complained about a Washington, a place in Washington. You know, it might've been like just across the border in like Vancouver, Washington. And they were like, they left a one-star review basically saying like, how dare you, this is theft. How dare you charge me.

I'm an Oregon citizen or something like an Oregon. I don't think they said citizen. I'm an Oregon resident, how dare you charge i'm an oregon citizen or something like an or i don't think they said citizen i'm an oregon resident how dare you that's basically the vibe they were obviously not if you're cheating on oregon by driving into washington you fucker like i can support don't you then if you don't like it don't support it like that's the thing though is like you're in their state you're in their state what going to do? And that's the thing with these fireworks stores. I'm sure much of their income and it comes from people crossing borders. Yeah, for sure. I mean, look at like Ohio, I assume, does not have legal fireworks sales, because if I remember correctly,

when I went to the store, it was in like Indiana. I think like it seems like based on what we're reading all the states surrounding it Michigan, Indiana and Pennsylvania. I don't know about Kentucky but I just told you that Costco had a huge oh you just said that I work section so so it feels like every state but Ohio in that region that's like classic us like wherever we live it's like inconvenient. I mean I don know, I feel like that's just a very Midwest or like a Ohio thing. Like nothing can be easy or simple or the same

across the state's borders. Yeah, like how, and like, I don't know, like alcohol sales, like Sunday is in Target, you used to not, I don't know if it's still a thing. And then in Kentucky, you have to have a separate building for alcohol, it's all very confusing. know if it's still a thing. And then in Kentucky you have to have a separate building. Yeah, yeah. It's all very confusing. Yeah, it is all very confusing.

That's why I write so many one-star reviews complaining on the internet about all the shop owners. You really do. And then there's marijuana, don't get me started on that. Oh, in the greenhouse? Yeah, true. Here is a review, another one sent in by Matt and Jen. This is finally the one you've all been waiting for.

This is a review written by Bobo the Pyro. No. This is of Pro Fireworks in Sterling Heights, Michigan. It's like north of Detroit. It's like basically Detroit. Here we go. One star. So I've been a customer of this location for years, easily having spent several thousands

of dollars at this store. Recently on a trip to purchase some 60 gram canister shells, a store employee named Rob told me, keep my camera in my pocket, and that he was angry I posted a clip online of a few awful priced items from last year. Then told me, how would you like it if I terrorized you with my camera? I then went on to explain in no uncertain terms I couldn't care less about his opinion as he's a nobody and asked him what about the dozens of times I have posted about the great deals that they had.

Of course he couldn't answer that and just stood there looking stupid. I knew this guy was a fraud from when he first started and tried to tell me boomer bang was a 500 gram cake. Also on occasion he has won- Now hold on, I just am now realizing the crossover between marijuana and branding and fireworks branding. Like both of those, that line sounds like it could be from a dispensary. Like, he told me that the boom, whatever cake is. Boomer bang was a 500 gram cake. Does that not sound like a weed thing?

It sounds like a weed thing. A weed or a sexual thing. I feel like there's this like triangle of like adult stores, firework stores and dispensaries. Right. That all is like a freaky. It's like the freakiest Venn diagram of all time. Yeah. Anyway, but it can it you can make Wow. Yeah, there's overlap there for sure. Okay. And also on occasion, he has walked up and put items in my cart without asking. This has happened to other people I know as well

It's a shame because I do like it there But I absolutely will not be talked down to by some clown in a fedora hat. I will take my business Bobo is the reviewer, right? How did I not even make that connection? You're so right. I'm clarifying just because I thought the clown was a... Oh my gosh. Okay, sorry. No, but it was specifically a clown in a fedora. That's too far.

Understood. That's not even like... That's its own world. Which, look, wear whatever hat you want, but if you're already a clown, you don't need a fedora. I'm gonna say. You gotta watch out. You're like getting a little too ahead of yourself. And fedoras already have quite the reputation.

Not a very good one. Yeah. So, here we go, okay. I will take my business to XL on 15 and Moravian, or Red Apple Fireworks in Flint. Also, the video clip I posted was five seconds long and it showed a price of $400 for two two inch Noabs. End of review.

Oh, well, you got him. Alexander, is this a fireworks influencer? I couldn't find much. I tried, I looked. Did you find his account? No, I found something related to roblox oh no I found that too but I found his account oh you did it has such a scary logo I'm gonna text it to you it's actually like so frightening I

don't know if I need this are you sure that Well, I mean, it's all videos of fireworks. Okay, so yeah, it's probably it. And then there's a short, which I think this is a... Oh my God, is this a... Oh, he's using a blow torch to light a firework, or is that, yeah. But I don't know, this is also not in English, so maybe not.

Maybe it's a different Bobo Pyro, but... Oh. But it's, so maybe not, maybe it's a different Bobo Pyro, but. Oh. But it's, so someone else is trying to use the Bobo Pyro name. We can't have that. We can't have that. Also, like what's going on that, oh here we go. Oh my God, I found it.

No, literally I found it. This guy's account is called Drunk Bobo. How many Bobo fireworks accounts are there on YouTube? This is like starting to upset me. I don't know. Maybe this is not him either. I'm, all of this- I know you're on your own journey,

but now I'm on a journey. I'm on some random fireworks store website and I am just going through their products and I am This is another road there's literally one called camel toe One called yes, it's called camel toe That's how I don't know the packet no no there's nothing hilarious about this packaging it is the dumbest worst thing and Horrible thing I've ever seen I'm being being dramatic but I'm gonna send it to you anyway Christina I am upset I'm really upset that this exists I'm trying to send it

I'm just gonna send the screenshot it starts at 50 bucks if you want it we will definitely put this on in the video for our video patrons. Do I want this on our Instagram feed? Probably not. Is this a real thing? Christina, this is legit. I was just scrolling through a fireworks store.

I wasn't even looking for anything. What is this? It's a crazy mix of effects. Shoots flaming balls. balls okay here's what I'll say folks it's a picture of somebody's toes a woman's toes presumably with the big toe having morphed animorph style into the head of a screaming camel hence the name camel toe. It's literally fireworks.

I'm watching the video. It's just aerial fireworks. Like who would buy this? Like what is special about it? It looks like normal fireworks when you watch them explode. So why would you spend money to buy this with this packaging? I don't understand. You know when you purchase something or you're like on a site and you have the landing page for that product and then you can look up top like what categories you've taken to kind of whittle down to this.

It says home, then you click shop, then you click brand and then the brand is called Pyro Demon and that's the ones that make camel toe which does track. That does track. Yeah. And it says they're air, like what does the foot have to do? What does a camel have to do with any of it? Literally nothing. That's why I'm upset, Christina. It feels like AI, doesn't it? Like just like so fucking off the wall, it doesn't even make sense. Oh my God, okay. I can't get down, go farther down.

All of these fireworks look the same to me too. Like they're like, they have different images of them exploding. I'm like, it's the same thing to me. I know. Well, if you watch any of the Bobo fireworks YouTubes, they will explain all the differences, but I just think I don't have time for that.

I don't either. Okay. I don't think our listeners do either. What's next? This is from Ally. It's of a place called Freebies Fireworks in Cattlesburg, Kentucky. Cattlesburg. No, I'm sorry, that's not what it says.

Catletsburg. Oh. Catletsburg, Kentucky. Like cutlets, but from a cat. Cat, ew. Oxenor. Catletsburg. What's a home rule class city?

Kentucky's fucking weird. I don't know. It's not even a state. It's a Commonwealth. I don't know what's happening. Home rule class city? Yeah. Catletsburg is a home rule class city.

I don't know what that means, Christina. I don't think I want to go there. You're the Kentuckyan here. I know. Oh my god, the fact that their mayor is named faith day mayor faith day um Hilarious, okay fits. I think I don't know anything about cat. Let's burg, Kentucky, but oh my god xander. I just went to their uh, website

Catletsburg.us and I need you to understand that underneath the orange aerial font that says city of Katletsburg Kentucky they have their town slogan which is gateway to the big sandy oh oh my gosh what is that I have no idea and the first landowner was Alexander Catlett. That's what his name after. This is getting weird. Oh, it's a big sandy river, the Ohio River Tributary. Oh my God. Looks like it's between Kentucky and West Virginia. Whoa.

Where like it's parts of the border and in both. Wow. The big sandy, oh my God. Gateway to the big sandy. I thought that's what we were. Oh well well, I don't know. I guess not. But I Faith Day looks looks. You know what? I'd have a I'd have a beer with Faith Day. I would, too. Oh, Miss Day. I can't I can't read this article about her because I'm sorry.

You're on the venerable Faith Day. I don't know in the home rule class, if you're supposed to be your highness, I don't know how that works. Anyway, this is a Freebies Fireworks, and this is a one-star review by Ryan with a response from owner. Here's the review. James Keith went for fireworks.

He left with sparklers. Nice try. James Keith went for fireworks. He left with sparklers. Nice try. End of review. What does that mean? I don't know except it sounds like an SAT. James Keith went for fireworks. He left with sparklers.

How many dollars on state tax? I don't know how, what it means, but here's the response from owner Thank you for your review We are confused though. We have the best products available to consumers in this country We apologize for any type of poor experience help us do better end of response amazing and Alley just wrote like who is James Keith? Amazing. And Ali just wrote like, who is James Keith?

I don't know. There was so much like in drama within these fireworks reviews. I feel like I read so many that were multiple parts because multiple people were reviewing being like, how dare you treat James Keith this way? I know James Keith. I grew up with him. He would never have done something bad. Like, why would you give him sparklers? He would never entrap me in his greenhouse like your wife did.

Like what? Oh my gosh. Did you know that Catlitzburg, Kentucky has a yard of the month? And so all residents are encouraged to enter. Judging will be based upon curb appeal, plantings, creativity, health, neatness, and overall appearance. Creativity. Judging will be first week of June, first week of July. Then, okay, winners will receive a sign placed in the yard for the month and advertised on Facebook and the city website, along with a certificate.

Winners each month will be put in for a $25 gift card prize awarded at the end of the month. At Freebies Fireworks. At Freebies Fireworks, maybe. You can buy exactly one quarter of a camel toe box. I love it, I love it. Cool, I love small towns. I love small towns. I do too. I would love to visit I love small towns. I do too. I would love to, Vittle,

Vittle. I would love to visit Katlidsburg. I'd love to, I'd love to, I would love to whittle on the street corner of Katlidsburg. Yeah, I love this. Anyway.

I love all the, I'm looking at old photos and postcards of it from the 1800s, which is very cool. Cool. Yeah. I love that. I think I have one more

review. This is one sent in by Ellie. This is mainly an owner response. This is a one star review of a place called Fireworks Bridge. That's not what it's called. Fireworks Shop in Bamber Bridge outside Preston, England. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, Bamber Bridge. Oh, okay. Yeah, so. Happy birthday America. Yeah, here we go. One star.

Had to give the losers a little consolation prize. Aw, here's a tea. Here's some tea. Here's a one star review. Tried to buy some, but they didn't seem to be serving. Just talking about tractors, weird. End of review. I think you ended up in Catlitzburg, Kentucky by mistake,

my friend, I'm so sorry to tell you. Maybe, maybe. You've been transported to the wrong continent. Although I think the owner knows right where they were, because here we go, here's the response from the owner. Oh, okay. We are sorry you say this was your experience. We can only recall a brief moment where a couple of our team were

having a short conversation with the customer who happened to be a farmer telling us about tractors while putting together his display package. We are sorry if you feel that interacting with our customers is weird. There are several staff members available and if you had asked we would have been more than happy to help and if you had asked to stop asking us to stop talking about tractors we could have stopped. Like imagine them being like it their response is like yeah of course we were just talking to some dude. We're talking to a farmer what is wrong with you? Let us talk to a farmer. He's buying his fireworks. It's so strange. People are so weird.

What are they going to say? Hey, that man over there is giving us a furrowed brow. We should probably stop talking about tractors right now. What? Look, I'm not too familiar with England. This place is like northeast of, you know what, northwest of Mancha. There's a lot of green area here.

I imagine there's a lot of farming in these parts like it's I don't know like it looks like an odd thing to discuss so it just seems like why would you be surprised people are talking about tractors here like I would go most places in the you I wouldn't be surprised in New York City if people were talking about tractors like I would would not be surprised but would youard that. But would you be angry? But yeah, I don't know. If you were privy to that conversation. I can't say it would bother me. I can't say it would affect my odds of buying whatever product they were selling. Your opinion of the franchise, yeah. Yeah, I can't say it would have any real, I don't know, impact.

Well, you know what, I was gonna count yourself lucky because not all of us can feel that way. Here is a redemption. I have a couple of redemptions left. This is from Christine She Her and it's a review of Big Daddy's Fireworks in New Milford, PA. Now we're talking.

Now we're talking. This is a five-star review by lisa they were super helpful helping me find the right fireworks for my situation showed me videos of each set and the prices cannot be beat i got so many awesome shows for under 200 bucks i couldn't be happier with my purchase everything lit off beautifully and no one lost a finger We'll come here for every 4th of July end of review. Oh goodie That's how you know, she's just kidding. Yeah Speaking of which y'all be fucking safe out there be careful

Do not you buy those like janky tanks that roll around and explode in your backyard. Again, that seems like it should have been left in 2002. So I hope it was. But somehow, I doubt it. There are so many accidents related to fireworks. It's bad. I mean, Blaze always worked the ER on 4th of July because they needed extra hands because people

were losing them. Sorry, that was a bad joke. But people would come in with like missing limbs, missing hands, blown up faces. Like, I mean, it's horrible. Like, I think there was like, I mean, there was a blue jackets player who I believe died from a firework.

He was like shielding somebody. And got killed. That was so sad. And then, I mean, there's like, there's that football player, John Pierre something, Paul. I don't know. Anyway, he like lost the fingers and like has had a career despite that.

But like your football career could be ended. One firework. Your pro dreams are out the window. It's a Disney Channel original movie I'm pitching. But no, yeah, like, I don't know. It's like those are just the name like bigger for people that I like really heard of but like that probably every year so many people lose parts of their body or their life. Yeah, please be careful.

I mean, yeah, people are killed. Alcohol and fireworks and... Not quite a good mix always. So here's another redemption from Ally. This is of Robbins Fireworks in, let me just say, Levesse, Missouri? Levesse, Levesse? I have no idea. Le-va-see. Le-va-see, Missouri.

How do you spell it? L-E-V-A-S-Y. Levesse. Levesse, Levesse. I LaVeisi, LaVeisi. I don't fucking know, that is not a place, okay. Firework, okay, here we go. Five Stars by Daniel. Good spot, good collection.

TVs show what your fireworks are going to look like, which is pretty cool, because I kind of have a hard time guessing what Robot Insect Terror and The Twelve apostates of hell are going to actually look like. And they're gonna be like. That's so good. Robot insect, I've been waiting to read this one

because of what you said earlier. That's so funny. What would camel toe look like? Exactly. Camel toe. Can you show me a camel toe? I feel like in some businesses, you'd HR would be involved, but not here. The 12 apostates of hell?

Who's naming these things? I feel like you could get in trouble even asking for some of these things at a firework store. Like if they don't have it or know about it, they'd be like, excuse me. Again, it's either adult store, weed related. Wait a minute. What?

Oh my god. I should have known. Daniel made these names up. So I think Daniel needs a job. A job. Yeah, in this, because those are better than camel toe. Like, those are pretty good. I've believed it.

Robot insect terror fireworks? I mean, I'm going to look it up, but the 12 apostates of hell is not seemingly a product. Robot insect, I'm gonna look it up but the the 12 apostates of hell is not seemingly a product Robot insect. What is it terror? Yeah fireworks No, these are these are Wow, these are inventions by Daniel Daniel you need to fucking trademark those do not put those out publicly on the internet Someone's gonna take them. So true. I'm about to, I'm trying. Zinara already is getting the domain name for the 12 apostates of hell.org.

Mm-hmm,.org. Just in case. I'm getting.gov as well. You should, you should definitely get.gov and.blogspot.com just in case. And.us so I can match Cat Witzberg. And.weebly. Fucking weebly. OK. OK. Is it time for my challenge?

No, I have one more. OK. This is my last one. Four stars. This is from Allie. It's of Zorts Fireworks in North Sioux City, South Dakota. Four stars by Ron. That is a confusing sentence. It's Zorts in North Sioux City, South Dakota. Yes.

Yes. Zorts of North City. It's North Sioux City, South Dakota. Yeah. I don't know what's confusing about that, Uglener. Four Stars by Ron, who's a local guide, by the way. Great place. The owner opened up so I could get some smoke bombs

for a child reveal. End of review. Oh no! The fact that they said a child reveal instead of a gender reveal. Hey, no, maybe it's their wrestling entrance, you know? It's like, smoke bomb, this kid just starts walking out. They're like, it's your third birthday, walk through this tunnel. We're gonna throw smoke bombs and you walk through.

Or it's a pregnancy announcement, it's just like boom. There's a child. What if you did the 12 apostates of hell as a child reveal? You're like, the Antichrist is coming, yay. Just a plume of smoke, just a really intense column of smoke. Imagine like, so coming, yay. Yeah. Just a plume of smoke, just a really intense column of smoke. Imagine like, so our, yeah.

It's just like dark red, it's not even like pink or blue, it's just dark red. The ground is just like singed after it's done and everyone's like, oh my god, this is a harbinger of doom. I feel like our friend Michael, a family friend, if he had been tasked with going to buy smoke bombs for a gender reveal, like he would have just bought a bunch of those tanks instead

and like set them off in the backyard and we would have like, okay, close enough. He would have like burned the house down. He would have, he would have like set the hammock on fire with like a camel toe and we would have all been like, well, it was fun while it lasted. with like a camel toe and we would have all been like, well, it was fun while it lasted. Um, and now it's time.

And we would have had a blast. We would have had so much fun. Um, anyway, so now it's your turn for your challenge. DQ presents... Picture this. Picture the DQ freezer, home to all the Blizzard flavors of the past. Picture it opening to bring back the salted caramel truffle Blizzard for a limited time.

Picture that salted caramel truffle Blizzard in your hands. It's all yours. No, really, it's all yours. This treat is too good to share. Everyone will have to get one for themselves. Hurry in to get this flavor before the DQ freezer closes. DQ, happy tastes good. Treats for every celebration, big or small.

Make it easy and breezy with our legendary lineup of summer must tries from the PC Insiders Report Summer Edition. Like our new flake outs, there are delicious twists on the croissant donut with 24 layers of croissant flakiness twisted with fancy donut fun. Get ready to go all out for less! Alrighty, just as a reminder, my challenge was to find reviews that mentioned Sasquatch or Bigfoot.

And we got some fun ones, I think. I don't know, you gave it to me. So it was from you. Oh, well, I stole it from someone else. You figure that out while I read my reviews. Here is a five-star review. This was sent in by Matt and Jen. This is of the... oh I did not look this one up... CENI? National

Wildlife Refuge? S-E-N-E-Y? It is in Michigan. Is this the UP? This is from Christine. Oh! but not me. That's weird. That is weird. You just read one from Christine. I did, from also a Christine. I don't know if it's the same one. I assume so.

Let's pretend it's not. There can only be two Patriots named Christine. Oh, are you counting yourself? Yeah. I don't see your money coming in. I that's actually a really good point I've never donated to our you have to pay to be I paid I've paid for your other patreon That's a while ago You subscribe to my stream right? Oh wait, no, you don't do that either. Okay, remember five-star. Yes, I do

I don't go watch it people gift. No people gift you subs. I think oh then no, you don't do that either. Okay, here's a five star review. Yes I do, I don't go watch it. People gift you subs, I think. Oh, then no I'm not. Yeah, I didn't think you were. If it's something paid, I'm definitely not. Do you remember when we started a podcast? Yeah, what did you say? And Dad, do you remember when we started a podcast

and Dad started donating to our Patreon and then deleted his pledge from another page? Yeah, he like transferred it basically. He like, I was like, that's so nice. And then it was like, Bernhard Schieffer is no longer has deleted their pledge. It's like, ouch, okay. He was like, I'm sorry.

Listen, I'm the common denominator. I'll take it. Yeah, you were affected. I feel bad. Years of five star, especially because it was like 10,000 a month. He was in the $10,000 tier. Yeah, it was our rent for our hype house that he ended up paying. Our hype house?

What? He took the rent from M's in my hype house and put it toward yours in my hype house. Our greenhouse, yeah. Our greenhouse. And then we spent $15,000 in fireworks. It was not a good investment. And he stopped.

Yeah, but then Dad called the fucking sting operation on us. So like, what was the point? He was like, I knew this is where my money was going, you fucking little shits. This is so dumb. Okay, here's, anyway, here's a review of this wildlife refuge. Here we go.

Five stars. Beautiful area. Easy on off for a quick stop or one hour driving tour. Handicap accessible visitor center and overlook. I like the table where you can touch fur skins and fake scar. Good, is that supposed to be fake scat? Weirdly I think it's supposed to be fake scat.

Oh my god, you're totally right. I was like, what could that possibly mean? I'm like, what does that mean? It just hit me. Probably scat. Thank god it's fake. I'm glad they clarified. Where you can touch fur skins and fake scat. Good cool movie about the area. I mean, cool inside the theater. Nice trail, but where bugs stuff?

Attendance, knowledgeable and friendly. Clean bathrooms. B borrow fishing gear for kids Bigfoot and dinosaurs were spotted here and review Help they were just like being so descriptive and they're like, oh didn't you know bigfoot and dinosaurs were spotted here and you're like wait They're like, oh, sorry. Did you want to go back to the how cold the movie room was? No, it was great Because it was pretty cold in there. Wait a minute. Yeah, but I liked also, especially,

for all you skeptics out there, I'm sure you loved hearing, oh, you know, Bigfoot and dinosaurs. Yeah, same thing. They're like on the same page. Yeah, both. Both. Okay, they're both spotted here.

Both elusive creatures that some of us don't believe in. One's a little more unfortunate than the other. No offense to bigfoot believers. I mean, not that I don't believe. I don't not believe. Did we ever do, what's that thing people say, like go look for the, you go snipe hunting. Oh, what do you mean did we do? Did Michael ever tell us to go snipe hunting?

No. I don't think that was ever a thing for me. Because I feel like that would have fit so perfectly with those crazy hikes Michael took us on where he just kind of let us wander through the woods by ourselves. Well he did that when we were rafting that one down like down the Little Miami, where he was like, look out for like river dogs or something. Oh no, yeah, water dogs. Water dogs.

And Celine and I were convinced we got bitten by a water dog. Yes, and I believed that they were real. But I did too. I mean, because I got bitten by something and it fucking hurt. So that was his snipe hunt. I was gonna say, honestly, when I was saying

it feels like it would fit in, I was gonna say, but with a saying it feels like it would fit in I was like I was gonna say but with a Twist and I guess maybe it was it was the water dog look out for the water dogs same with them is it like the brake light fluid or something like a car related one where you send a kid in to the Mechanic to be like oh, yeah, like tell them tell her go like auto zone me like get get me some brake light Great light fluid, that's mean. That's so mean. And then apparently there's one called

hunting dahoo or a dahoo hunt. It's similar to snipe hunt. Oh my gosh, oh my god. With the... Welcome, welcome Christmas. You're supposed to take a victim, it says victim, out at night with the intention of catching a dahoo only to abandon the victim on the mountain. Wow, what a fun prank. Wow, this is terrible. Anyway, and

then you're in the and then you're in the bushes going, dahoo. It literally says one person sometimes you sent two, one person to hold the bag, one person to make dahoo noises. Stop it. I'm not kidding, that's what it said. Okay. This is so weird. Okay, why do you know about Dahoo hunting? This is really ridiculously out of control. Yeah, anyway, but like the animal, it's like a mythical, it just looks like a goat, like a mountain goat.

Chupacabra? It just looks normal, so not that exciting. Anyway, no offense. Here's a five star review. This was sent in by Zyla, they, them, who sent a review of something called Travel Darlings, and this is their Yelp page, and I'm just gonna read the description.

Travel Darlings is an immensely lucky group of people who are passionate about travel and obsessed with travel planning. We specialize in unusual journeys. Cool. So yeah, they basically, it seems like they help you figure out your travel. They're like travel agents.

But they specialize in trip. Or what a fun business concept. They're based in San Francisco. I will say they have, let's see, 68 reviews. They're all five star reviews. So doing pretty well. Here is a five star review written about Travel Darlings San Francisco by Dan. Talk about going above and beyond. I wasn't even planning an international trip, which

is Irene at Travel Darlings specialty. But when she returned my call, she spent several minutes sharing her personal recommendations for my visit to San Francisco. Anyone who reads my reviews and knows me is aware that I deplore exclamation points. I loathe them. If I saw Bigfoot flying a unicorn over my house or found myself in an elevator

with my celebrity crush, Kristen Wiig, or stumbled upon $5 million in large bills stuffed in a sweat sock under my couch, I wouldn't use an exclamation point. No damn way. But I will use one to describe the level of personal service Irene gave to me. Boom! There it is. I highly recommend Irene and Travel Darlings, which would be a great name for a pop diva band. The end, end of review. Oh my gosh, that was maybe one of my favorite reviews ever.

And I went through Dan's 14 reviews, not a single exclamation point, not one. Other than this one, this was the only written exclamation point I could find from Dan. I hope I read folks so special. And Dan's description is, I hate peas on yellow. No exclamation point. Just I hate peas. Peas or peas? Peas. Oh my gosh. I'm not gonna... I was gonna say like green peas and I was like well that also works for green peas. That's a terrible Pieces and green peas, right black eyed peas Yes, that one. Okay. Got you. So he hates peas and exclamation points. What a very specific

Specific I mean, okay, at least you know yourself pretty well I mean that must be tough to live in a world where you hate exclamation points I feel like there's it's in the email culture, there's a lot of those. Dan would hate us. Dan would hate you and me. Dan would never speak to me again. Like, I feel like that must be his Tinder thing. Like, don't send me an exclamation point. Like if you send me an exclamation point, you haven't read my bio and we won't get along. Yeah, that would be tough. I don't know. I've become so much better about it.

Like I try to limit it to one per email. Yeah it's hard. But I can't not do one. You feel like a dick when you don't. Like I feel like if I don't do one I'm angry. Maybe, Uxender, maybe we picture the person at the other end of the line, so to speak, as this guy. Good idea. Maybe we should. So we're like, he would hate this. He would hate this. In certain emails. And let the, at least let them do it first. If they do it first, then we do it back.

They clear the way, yeah. Good plan, good plan. Okay, we're learning how to communicate with people while you all are listening. Yeah, we're from an alien race. We don't know how. And we're trying to pick up on social cues via Google. That's a really dangerous place to pick up on socials.

Also imagine if he met- We're basing it off of a Yelp user. Yeah, oh Yelp, even worse. I hope that he never meets his heroes because if Chris, like I bet you Kristen Wiig uses Exclamation Points, so I think he would be sorely disappointed if he ever got into a text chat with her.

I'd like to think for Kristen Wiig he would- I mean, he said he wouldn't even use one if he met her in the elevator, if he got trapped in an elevator with her. I'd like to think for Kristen Wiig, he would. I mean, he said he wouldn't even use one if he met her in the elevator, if he got trapped in an elevator with her. That's a pretty bold statement. That is, but I think he could overlook it if people use it to him, especially her. I don't know, only one way to find out.

Let's put them together. We'll figure this out. Okay, let's matchmake. We promised we wouldn't get back into this game, but here we are. Here we are. Again, always the matchmaker. Always matchmaking. Never the match. We are both matched with people. Don't worry. We're good. Here is a review of Dardanelle Resort. This was also sent in by Zyla. This is of like a campground in Dardanelle, California. This is the first one I'm a little bit afraid.

Oh, well, actually, that's fair. Here's a five star review. I've camped there since I was five years old with the family. I used to leave toys there and they would be there every year when we came back. I saw a Bigfoot and almost drowned in the river. Nailed some hot broads too. End of review." Whoa! What? Holy shit! This was written by Gina. Gina wrote that review as never been seen again on Yelp. What? Nailed some hot broads? And then just signed off forever?

Yeah. There wasn't even punctuation, so it's kind of tough to tell who was nailing the hot broads, but there was not a single piece of punctuation that whole review. So I'm going to read it one more time with that in mind. Here we go. Ready? It might change the way you perceive it. Maybe not.

Okay. I've camped there since I was five years old with the family. I used to leave toys there and they would be there every year when we came back. I saw Bigfoot and almost drowned in the river and nailed some hot broads, too And ah, okay. Well, but I did understand differently It did change a little bit because I thought They saw Bigfoot almost drowned in the river. Mmm. Okay. There you go

See, I'm glad I read it and I thought that was that would be so alarming talk about like a combination between a water dog And a snipe. Suddenly Bigfoot's drowning in the river. I don't think, so OK, so I almost drowned in the river, and I saw Bigfoot, and I nailed some hot bras. That's how I read it. OK. Whoa, Gina.

Get it. Yeah, I'm not totally sure, though. Also, can Bigfoot swim, do you think? I have no idea. I mean, I'm of the mindset that they're kind of interdimensional travelers, so I don't know. I assume they could swim. You know, you're not on the house in your space.

I mean, I think it's the only way to explain why they, we can talk about this a different day. No, I've just never heard that before. Oh yeah, that's a big theory as to why certain beings like at Skinwalker Ranch and that kind of thing, why they sort of just vanish. And sometimes people see like- Like what about Loch Ness Monster?

I don't think that's real. Okay, I was actually thinking you'd say that. That picture is a hoax by the way. Like, oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Like that one has been confirmed that like specific photo. But still, I don't know. Like I like the lore around it. I just don't think it's real. And I don't I never thought Bigfoot was real either. But now I'm like, okay, I once I've heard that, okay, I didn't think Bigfoot was real either but now I'm like, okay I once I've heard Okay, I have a thing as you know about quantum physics I find it fascinating and like I Just I'm like, okay, I could see I

Could see I could see how that would explain some of the gaps I had in the logic of Bigfoot. Anyway. I literally just read a comment about Bigfoot. So I Googled, can Bigfoot swim? And there's a Reddit post about it. And literally one of the first comments is about being from a different dimension. See? Where you can, yeah. So that XTN Schieffer 42069 because that's my that's my Finsta on Reddit. That's my Reddit. It's like I'm always crazy 444. Yep. No association. No relation to the weird. Wow. Okay. I'm going to move on from this not from Bigfoot obviously we saw obviously

This one was sent in by Chelsea she her here's a review of North American Bigfoot Center This is in boring, Oregon That's funny This is a one-star review. Oh, and this person who's reviewing it is from Sandy, Oregon. Oregon has some great city names. Here we go, one star. Nice center, but they have a pervert camera in there.

Supposedly set up as a thermal camera they would use for catching Bigfoot. It conveniently shows your thong through your leggings. $8 admission paid for a free show for the employees. End of review. Oh my god! So what? Is your thong on fire? I don't know why the thermal camera,

I don't know how that would work. You're implying that the employees work there and one of their benefits is that they get a free show on their lunch break whenever somebody walks into the thermal camera room, I I don't think that they're getting off on the fact that Yeah, I mean maybe they are but I live in boring Oregon. They gotta entertain themselves somehow. Fair point. Fair point. The only reason I could imagine for why a thermal camera would pick that up is like if your undercarriage bits are warmer than the rest of your body, which I could imagine. Which mine usually are. I don't think the thong specifically, but I mean.

Like an outline? Like a specific painting? Right? I don't know. I mean like an outline like a specific right I don't know I mean I don't know either yeah maybe like because the leggings are tight like I have no idea why that show on that is is lost on me it's kind of funny though that that might be a thing a pervert camera well that's hilarious they're like no we use this for Bigfoot wink Wink. It's like, wait, you just want to see my song. It's like an X-ray vision camera, but not really. And I doubt they're like recording it.

Like, you know, like I imagine it's just for show, like a little thing. Do you think they just sit there and wait for like somebody they're attracted to to walk in? Because if it's just like random people, you'd be like, no, not excited yet. Oh, hope she walks in front of the thermal camera. It's like that Nathan for you episode

where he has a security guard. Oh my god. Like. He's obsessed with big boobs. Oh my god, and it's like, isn't Trisha Paytas in that episode? Yes, oh my god, she totally is. I forgot about that.

Anyway, which is so silly. That was a weird. But Watch This likes to be like, oh, there's no way they're doing anything. Then like an article comes out next week of harassment for the Bigfoot Center in Boring, Oregon. What did he call it? Starbucks, bad Starbucks?

Oh, yeah, I think so. What? Anyway, I was just trying to think of a name that they could name this, like Camel, Camel Toe. Oh, wait, whoa! What a callback! I'm just saying, Camel Toe is the only thing that kind of makes sense here. It's, hey, it's clicking for me. Just saying.

Keep talking. Okay, maybe don't, but we'll talk about this later. Okay, here's my last one. This is a five-star review sent in by Candy, she, her. Here we go. Can you imagine? You're using a thermal camera to find Bigfoot. And then you're like, oh my God, I think we got him.

It's like, no, it's another thong. Man, I wish I could find Bigfoot, but I keep seeing ladies undergarments. It's like, what are you doing? Sorry, okay, now you can go on. Okay. This is a review of the Olympic National Forest This is in the Olympic National Park in Washington five-star review. I see why legends are born here. This is the place of fairies, Bigfoot, vampires. And I've got to pause because fairies is spelled F-E-R-R-I-E-S. F-E-E?

F-E-R-R as in like a fairy, like the boat. Oh, the boat. Which is like also kind of true. I mean maybe not in this park but in Washington they have like plenty of fairies. Right. I've been on one up there. Out of Seattle. Of the vehicular kind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just wanted to point that out because I think it's silly and cute and funny. I don't know why. I just like that. Here we go. Fairies. Because I think they meant not the boat,

but anyway, here we go. Yeah. This is a place of fairies, Bigfoot, vampires, and any other mythical creature you can remember from fairy tales or Twilight. The sun coming through the trees making everything glow is breathtaking. The trails are clear and plenty of others around you. We went to the Hall of Mosses and it did not disappoint. I was there with thee. So true. What is that?

It's in the Ho rainforest, I believe. It's literally like a trail. So I was dealing with a lot of my health stuff back then, so we didn't go on anything too strenuous. So there's this hike called the Hall of Mosses, and it's this beautiful little stroll through these trees that are just covered in moss. And it was like rainforest.

It felt like it was like upset that I want to go there so bad. It was so like my so it was beautiful acting up. It was so beautiful and it was it was like so unique to you know for me I hadn't experienced that. Wonderful. It was like Jurassic Park type shit like you're walking through here like where the fuck am I? I'm still in Washington anyway. Whoa. Really cool. We went to the Hall of Mosses and it did not disappoint. We didn't want to leave but we were chilly. We snapped so many pictures that look professional from our phones. I mean I cannot begin to articulate the beauty. It is a $30 entrance fee but all the money goes back into the park. It also gets you in for a week. I wish we could have spent more time here. End of review.

Oh my gosh. That's lovely. I want to end on a nice positive note. Wait, where was Bigfoot in there? Right at the beginning between fairies and vampires. Oh, right. Right, between the boats. Between the boats and the Twilight.

And the Twilight, yeah. Wow, I mean, Washington does sound like a beautiful place. It is. I wish we could plug our show, but we already did one there and it went great. It went so great. I love Seattle and I love Washington and then Oregon also went so great. I'm sure Columbus will be just as beautiful

when we go there in July. Oh. Yeah. If people show up, it'll be beautiful. People show up. Yeah, it'll be our own hall of mosses in the Laff's Comedy Club or whatever it's called. I think we're going to take so many professional photos. From our phones.

I can't wait. Yeah. Alexander, very good job. Thank you. That was fun. That was fun. That was fun. I had a good time. Yeah, and thanks everyone for listening.

Reminders where you can find us, at Beach2Sandy on pretty much everything, Instagram, TikTok, at Beach2Sandy, WaterTooWet on YouTube. We post more, there have been some more challenge videos posted since we last talked. Yeah, Zoe has been posting the challenge videos. They're so fun.

Like the video section of the. Yeah, yeah, like 30 minutes. Sorry, the challenge section of the episode on video, yeah. Like 30 minutes of video. And you don't have to be a patriot. Per episode-ish. With a silent N to see those. Yes, so go watch that.

Go to Patreon.com though if you want ad free listening or video episodes and y'all again, we're doing a live show stream. Yes. Go to patreon.com though if you want ad free listening or video episodes and y'all again, we're doing a live show stream on July 7th at 7 p.m. Eastern time, so be there. Twitch.tv slash Zandy Schieffer, link below. That'll be this coming Sunday. Can't wait to see you all there.

And come see us at our live shows. We just, this is recorded after Atlanta and Charlotte. I'm sure those went well. We still have eight more shows, I think, at this point. So tickets are still on sale. Go get them. Cincinnati, Columbus, Chicago, Philly, DC, St. Louis, Salt Lake, Denver.

I think I nailed them all. Who knows? They're not in that order. But that doesn't matter. At all. But just go check when they are. Beachtoosandy.com slash tour to see the full list. Love you all. Thank you. Bye. Beach to Sandy Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production hosted and produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer. Cover

art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. For Everdog Productions, it's Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.