Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 306: Reviews of Stuff for Your Man Cave

Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm Dave, and saving with TD Insurance made me feel like I scored my own jingle. With over 30 ways to save, nobody seems like Dave. Save on home and auto like only you can at tdinurance.com slash ways to save. TD. Ready for you. Life and death were two very realistic coexisting possibilities in my life. I didn't even think I'd make it to like my 16th birthday, to be honest. I grew up being scared of who I was.

Starting point is 00:00:26 Any one of us at any time can be affected by mental health and addictions. Just taking that first step makes a big difference. It's the hardest step. But CAMH was there from the beginning. Everyone deserves better mental health care. To hear more stories of recovery, visit camh.ca. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between

Starting point is 00:00:59 you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hey, we're here in the man cave celebrating our weekly episode cool bros only Only the bro is to the bros can come into our manholes flatulence allowed any time But no wives wives need to get the fuck into the kitchen Wives need to get in their place the kitchen. Wives need to get in their place. Get in your place. That's terrible.

Starting point is 00:01:45 Get in your kitchen. Make me a sandwich. Yeah. Unfortunately, this reminds me of something. What? My recent, my podcast appearance on the Wine and Crimes show that's coming out soon. That's what it reminds you of, okay?

Starting point is 00:02:03 Yeah, because there was a bit where I was a misogynist and then they were like don't worry everyone Zandy is not actually like this and I'm like, oh, yeah, this isn't my podcast, you know, yeah. Yeah Oh people might think it's real life. Yeah, I see what didn't you do? We were all doing a bit together. So I see what was the it was a Patreon episode you did with them? No, it's a full it's coming out on their main feed. Oh sweet yeah, but I read some confessions and It was crazy like listener confessions it was so I was laughing so hard I was it was and cringing there was so much it was

Starting point is 00:02:41 We ran the gamut when it comes to emotions it was quite the experience, but it was lots of fun. That sounds illuminating. And so yeah, if you guys want to go here, Alexander, be an asshole, I guess. Go listen to Wine and Crime. I'm going to be on there too. I realized, I said, oh, that's cool, Sandy. And then I was going through my texts yesterday

Starting point is 00:03:00 and realized that they texted me last month and I never responded. So. You literally were like, that's weird. They didn't ask me I'm like that doesn't make any sense I was like oh maybe they have a problem with me just me and I was like that means no sense that sounds right oh you know maybe because you didn't answer they turned to me well and now they just know who to go to I guess doing November so it doesn't matter but we'll both be on there.

Starting point is 00:03:26 No, Christina, it was so much fun. I can't wait. I'm nervous. And I went in with zero expectations and it was just a blast. I had no idea what I was doing and it was all new to us. Everyone hadn't heard those stories, so it was wild. Well, speaking of guest spots, I was just on a podcast called Baywatchers with my friend Nicole from my improv

Starting point is 00:03:48 days. She and her friend just started a podcast called Baywatchers. Every week they watch an episode of Baywatch and discuss it. And boy howdy, I'd never seen Baywatch. It was an experience. I would recommend it, especially if you have friends to discuss it with because it really deserves a lot of discussion Did you watch like season one? No, they gave me one specific episode. Well, it was An episode in season one What year was that? That is a great question. I have no like early 80s 70s 90s

Starting point is 00:04:24 I have no like early 80s 70s 90s. No, it was definitely 89. Yeah, I was late 80s though. Yeah late 80s and then it but Alexander Wow, I Didn't know half of it. I didn't know it was like there was like crime happening on the show There was like death murder. I mean it was just wild. I was like I was like there's more plot the soap opera about Life yeah, but then it was like that's interesting because i have no idea the number of montages alone oh boy they had to fill an hour of content it was um anyway we discussed it that long episode it's a drama apparently i was like god this is shocking no this is news to me i'm telling you my life was changed forever i have no idea how I somehow missed

Starting point is 00:05:06 the entire concept of Baywatch. Like I had misread or misunderstood the entire concept, but it was very fun. And honestly, I started listening to the other episodes of the show. It's very funny. And like I said, I had never watched Baywatch, so listening to it was still just as funny

Starting point is 00:05:20 because they were describing it to us. But yeah, it's a little bit, hey, wouldn't you know it, outdated. But, you know, sometimes that's kind of the best content to really sit back and enjoy with friends. So I guess just while we were talking about our little crossovers, if you're new to the show, we don't usually do this. We just felt like we wanted to put some promos. Unless we're on tour. Yeah. That's why I forgot that we were doing that

Starting point is 00:05:46 and that's why I started shouting about man caves early on in Alexander's kind of segue. Well, the segue was true. That is what it reminded me of. I was impressed that you pulled it off. And I didn't want to keep it going because yeah, I didn't want to take it too far. The whole misogyny train that you started.

Starting point is 00:06:03 Boots on me! The conductor of. I can't wait to discuss man caves. are the whole misogyny train that you started. Booms, oh me! The conductor of. I can't wait to discuss man caves. We can go back to our man caves now. I've been waiting for this my whole life. Yeah, I... Wow, your whole life.

Starting point is 00:06:18 I don't know how to feel about man caves. Here's a description. This is from Wikipedia. Oh, I was like, I thought you meant a product of of wick of man caves Okay. Yeah a man cave man cave one word or man space unless commonly a man land or Mantuary is a male retreat or sanctuary. All right, that's a stretch my friend Wikipedia My man cave is a sanctuary city. I'm gonna buy a distress sign from QVC that says my man sanctuary. Man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, describes an area in the home where a man can do as he pleases in a masculine space. And then it asked me if I want to

Starting point is 00:07:09 submit feedback and I said no thank you. It's perfect. It's perfect. That is perfect. Yeah yeah. Wow that is that's a good yeah. I just thought in case there are people who are lucky enough to not know what a man cave is. I feel like that's more confusing because now the definition of man cave seems to have expanded in my mind Really with the tree house. Okay, that feels like man. Chewery like that's like, okay Nobody really does that that feels like like that's not a real thing, right? I did see that where you go buy stuff from like home goods or not home goods like Home Depot or whatever that says like Beer cars. Yeah go buy stuff from like Home Goods, or not Home Goods, like Home Depot or whatever that says like beer, cars?

Starting point is 00:07:49 Yeah. Whatever the fuck, I don't know. You're in like the suburbs of like Boise, Idaho, and in your basement there's your man cave full of leather, bourbon, whiskey. Comfort chairs. Yeah, ideally wood paneling, but probably not. Huxen or what sports do they like there? You should have picked a town withed whiskey comfort chairs. Yeah, ideally wood paneling but not probably not there You should have picked a town with a big sports team Excuse me the Boise State hackers. They a big college football

Starting point is 00:08:14 It's would be orange and blue everywhere orange and blue on the walls, but it would be And it would be definitely dark colors. You'd probably have a bacon candle or two that somebody gifted you scented candle. It's like, it's very much, there's definitely a mini fridge with like bush light or something, and there's definitely a recliner. That's your recliner.

Starting point is 00:08:37 Yeah. So anyway. So yeah, that's a man cave. And if you're like, why are you telling us about that? It's because we are reading reviews of man cave stuff to adjacent products. Yeah. Decor stuff for your man cave stuff for your manchurian stuff for your tree house. Now, we tree house thing that I watched a thing on that

Starting point is 00:08:59 that bank robber in Seattle. And I forget what it was., it was on Netflix or something. It was a docu-series about this bank robber in Seattle who's very notorious. So I'm not doing enough justice of this story. It was wild, but he like built his home in a tree. What? And so that's what I'm picturing.

Starting point is 00:09:23 Like he, yeah, but he, that's the thing. It goes much more, it goes beyond the bank. Oh, sorry. Christina, why did you do that? I was hoping you weren't looking. I was looking at your, Christina, I don't think you understand how I have my setup. This is not funny to anyone. Everyone else is like, why is babbling about watching something about some bank robber, but he's more than just a bank robber with a tree house.

Starting point is 00:09:55 And then she starts freaking out because I freak out. We have our setup where her face is on, for me at least on my screen, her face is on half of the monitor and mine is on the other as we record remotely. Christina, yeah, and I cover my face with my notes. So I only have the one monitor. I have on my right side, I have my notes.

Starting point is 00:10:14 On my left side, I have you. And you swap our faces so that I'm looking just at me. No. But why is because when I looked at you earlier, I was looking this way and on the screen it looked like I was looking away So then when I put it here, it looks like when I'm actually looking at you, I'm looking at you Is this better? No, is this better for me that it looks like I'm looking at you like I think it both it makes Both of us look like this is actually perfect. I put my notes on the other side. We're good. Okay my bad I thought I would be really subtle about that there was nothing subtle I just swapped our entire faces and bodies on the screen which means you disappeared and I appeared because I didn't see me before

Starting point is 00:10:54 oh man I'm sorry let's just move on tree houses man caves what do you have for us I have a sign this was sent in by Corinne Sheher and it's called stoner Avenue Street sign Are you like building me a man cave? I am building you that one In your tree house in I'm Believing that I'm gonna believe both of those instances. Yeah in Queens in Queens. I'm building you I mean, it's a town called Queens and I felt like it's it's a little more than a town as the queen of Queens You deserve a better Treehouse for your space where in Queens did that take place? I feel like I should know that

Starting point is 00:11:39 I think You got to believe it out again, okay, this is a sign for cool people who have a- I'm gonna forget to- I won't, I won't. I'll be fine. A sign called Stoner Avenue. Yeah, okay. So now I have to bleep that because that's my actual street I went on. No, actually your street is on one of these other ones. Let me read them to you. There's four of them and it's basically a distress actually I'm gonna send you the link because I want you to be able to see It yourself It's basically four street signs. They're definitely oh, I forgot one thing to mention when it comes to man caves

Starting point is 00:12:14 Is that usually the signs that you buy are faux vintage like distressed? You know and oftentimes tin or metal or aluminum to make them like you'd find it in an abandoned gas station Yes, it's like grungy a little bit, but it's yeah grungy. Yeah, so here is the review of this four stars Do you see it's Andy? It says Stone the the looking. Oh, I texted you sorry text. It's a link to this sign It says stoner Av Exit 420 Mary Jane Jane Lane, and High Street. Oh my gosh! Yeah. So you're saying one of these is mine? One of them is yours!

Starting point is 00:12:54 As in it'll be in my man cave or it's the one I live on? Oh no, this is one big thing. Oh this all comes together. Yeah. Yeah, I do live on Mary Jane Lane, you're right. You do! I was hoping we would be able to triangulate you. This is a four-star comes together yeah yeah i do live on mary jane lane you're right i uh i was hoping we would be able to triangulate you this is a four star review by eric verified purchase my teenager really liked these signs he's at that age where drugs and the mafia are super cool to him end of review and we encourage that in our house i was about to say I never thought that would be encouraged by a parent but I mean I love like the drugs part I don't or the mafia part is also

Starting point is 00:13:32 both are not great yeah wait yeah both are not great as a as a if you're a minor I guess but you know whatever I guess if it's in your own under your own roof I guess if you were just reading about Al Capone right I mean I research serial killers it's not like I guess if you were just reading about Al Capone. Right, I mean, I research serial killers. It's not like I'm gonna critique an interest in the mafia, but I wouldn't say the mafia's super cool. I will say though, if my child was interested in serial killers, that I'd be concerned about mafia.

Starting point is 00:13:57 I'm not like, oh, he's gonna become a mafia member. It doesn't really work that way. That feels more historic and like academic leaning almost. Or serial killer you can learn a thing or two if that's what you want to do. Yeah it feels like the mafia has a higher bar of entry you know. Yeah and also I feel like a lot of the portrayals that exist are probably not too accurate anyway so it's kind of like this you know. Do you think um can be kind of how would you know first of all?

Starting point is 00:14:25 I can't answer that. Second of all, oh no wonder, you were so obsessed with the mafia in high school. No wonder, you were straight edge though. They were obsessed with me, that's the crazy part. We were straight edge, but we were obsessed with the mafia. Can you imagine if mom ever bought us a sign

Starting point is 00:14:40 that said Stoner Avenue, she would probably, I mean seriously have expired on the spot. It have never flown if she saw a friend who had any of these would be wild to give to your child your teenage child i mean not at least not in our experience we were not in even though weed is super cool right guys right everyone just the coolest even though we can all agree like i'd put it in my man cave now and i know. I wouldn't do that. I don't think. You're like. I already did. I told you. I told you I put it in your man cave already. I can't wait. Yeah. It's in the tree house. In the tree house. A tree grows in Brooklyn. A tree grows in Queens with your man cave on it. Uh huh. Okay. I'll look out for it. I can't wait to run into it. I'm going. This is something that I found. You

Starting point is 00:15:29 won't run into it. There's a big neon sign. It'll be lit up no matter what time of day. Okay, good. I can't wait to run into it metaphorically. It's a deer. I didn't mean literally. It's a deer with big antlers neon sign with a with a bush light. But this is a tree. Yeah, it's a tree. Oh, neon sign with a bush light. But this is a tree? Yeah, it's in a tree house. It's a tree. Oh, OK. It's a tree house with that sign.

Starting point is 00:15:50 Yes. OK, I'm sorry. I'm piecing it together. I need a diagram. My thing is something I found for my own, or I tried to find something for my man cave, so I typed runescape into Etsy. And what's so funny? I don't know I didn't think that we were doing a hyper personalized man cave. It's just one product I have and it's not even a man cave product. Well I know that's why I'm like oh okay.

Starting point is 00:16:18 Well no like I mean even if this was like it's a mug which you don't really associate with Okay, my man caves, but it's a runescape mug So I would have it in my man cave because my man cave would have a lot of runescape stuff I guess you could do a gamer themed man. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, I think so. That's the thing is man caves Yes, there's like this the generic type in like the sports suburbs Where it's yeah, but if I had a man cave, it would look different than most. Be like a gamer, but you would have that

Starting point is 00:16:51 like kind of bachelor pad style where it's like all modern and annoying. No, that's too much effort. It's too much effort to like do that. I know, but this is why I'm saying. I would have a runescape blanket, a cheap couch. First of all, fuck you. You would have your brother blanket that I mailed you. I'd have that too. I have that too, Christina.

Starting point is 00:17:11 But this is a gaming theme we're talking about, not the wolf theme. Remember that gamer blanket? That said, I'm just a gamer. Oh, the wolf theme. Where does the wolf theme go? That's in the treehouse? That's in different man cave. Yeah, that's in the treehouse man cave. Okay. We're not getting anywhere. I realize you had a whole system of caves going. This mug says blessed be the grind

Starting point is 00:17:28 for it is good. And it has. Okay. Sure. It's true and on the one side I realize I should be sending you a picture of this. On the one side is like a generic runescape like player character and then on the other side is a bunch of different in-game characters including the wise old man and the gnome child and the genie and the leprechaun oh wow oh oh my god the steam coming off this thing bless me the steam oh off the Yeah. Okay. Wow. I see I see Alright, so this is for your man cave and what are you gonna drink? Do you like the gnome child? Do you like the gnome child? I love the gnome child. Not particularly, but I'm asking. The gnome child is the best. Here's a five-star review of this mug.

Starting point is 00:18:16 I bought one of these mugs back in December for my husband for Christmas and a few weeks ago my cat broke it I immediately came back and bought another one and left the seller a note about my cat Breaking the original cup. They were super nice and sympathetic over the devil cat and when my cup came I received this other one as well. My drop rate was absolutely favorable. Will always be a return customer Yeah, but yeah That's nice. Yeah. RuneScape is all about getting drops. So the fact the drop rate is good means they got an extra drop, you know, got an extra

Starting point is 00:18:51 mug. I feel like the person who received this as a gift, was it a gift? Yeah, so this person bought it for their husband. I like the idea that in my head the story is that they got it for their, but it totally didn't fit the vibe of the man cave And so the husband was like oops the cat dropped it and now he has to have to mo like he tried to get rid Of it by driving. Yeah, and now she's like well now you have to and it's like well, that's your punishment Yeah, that's that's really sad and cynical way to look at this. Yeah, there is an owner response though. Okay

Starting point is 00:19:22 really sad and cynical way to look at this situation. There is an owner response though. Oh, okay. Thank you for being a returned customer. Now watch out for those pesky cats. Gotta love them. LOL. End of response. I was gonna say,

Starting point is 00:19:34 guarantee this response says something about the devil cat. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was a cute one. Delightful. Well, I have one here that's less delightful. And this was sent in by Jess SheHer and I just feel Jess out there being like,

Starting point is 00:19:48 oh boy, here it comes because, Alexander, you gotta look at this thing. This is one of the wildest things I've ever seen and I just wanna warn you about it. So this is, I'm gonna send this link to you. This is explicitly for a man cave, okay? For beer lovers men. Hold on. This is awful.

Starting point is 00:20:07 You are not kidding. Watch the video though. That's the best part. Watch the video. There's a video? Yeah, watch the video. It's so good. This is insane. Oh my God. Wait, the picture before the video. There it is.

Starting point is 00:20:25 Ha! This song is such a specific type of video that you'd see on TikTok, and it's not this. Alexander, what is this item? What? Can you tell everybody? I'm, Christina. Okay, you want me to tell everybody? If you read the title, that's so... this title is hilarious. Oh, I'm gonna read you the description. It doesn't even say what it is. No, don't worry. It never says what it is.

Starting point is 00:20:56 So basically, guys, this is supposed to be like a vintage looking gigantic vagina bottle opener with like a clitoris on top. A vulva. A vulva, yes thank you. And you basically are supposed to stick your beer bottle into it. It's awful. Yeah, it's really rough.

Starting point is 00:21:15 And so the description here, this is clearly. The picture that they took with the bottle in it. It's like wild. It's like not. The dirtiest thing I've ever seen. It's like X-rated for sure. It should not be on the bottle in it. It's wild. It's like not the dirtiest thing I've ever seen. It's like x-rated for sure. It should not be on the internet. Somehow. So I just love this. They call it a goddess beer opener. I feel like we got a we should put it for our patrons but I'm warning them right now it's about to come up. Yeah blur it up. You know so

Starting point is 00:21:43 oh don't blur it. I'm not gonna blur it. Put it on the screen. But it's gonna be on the screen Yeah, blur it up. Oh, don't blur it. Oh, put it on the screen. But it's gonna be on the screen, so if you're in a sensitive area. Did you know I can do this? What? I just figured out, hold on, let me figure it out. What are you doing? I'll show you.

Starting point is 00:21:55 If you're blurring me, I won't be able to see you. What if I just switched us again? You're like, yeah. I was just told that, I was warning them about to show them something, now I'm like haven't showed it to him You know, okay. Forget it. I was trying to add it said I could add media to the screen Huh? Oh really like you could present. Yeah, I thought I was gonna be able to put just drag the picture on there But it didn't work. Oh

Starting point is 00:22:20 No, that would have been great. Yeah too bad. But yeah, so we'll put the picture up. We'll have Zoe put it up, I guess. And... Yeah, but in three, two, one, now. And then it goes away. Oh wait, I'll do the music. I only wanted them to know when it was coming so they could like have it quick and be like, look, if it's a sensitive area.

Starting point is 00:22:42 I thought it would be funnier to just draw it out Um, yeah, it was really funny. Here's a description Delicate designed the symbol of fertility birth and creativity Through its portal we become one with the divine love of the mother's vitality Because anyone ever read this description when they bought it for their man cave. I don't think so I don't I would hope not new opening angle designed to make an appropriate slope between the wall and the bottle a must-have and worth collecting bottle opener for the family of beer lovers. Collecting? Is there a whole line of these? That would be wild. That would be wild. You can mold your own? Um cool. Cool Zandi. Cool thought. Okay, this is a three-star review

Starting point is 00:23:25 of this beautiful goddess spear opener. I forgot we haven't even had a review yet. This is by Paul. Verified purchase. It's jagged inside. The inside of this item is jagged enough to cut you. I suspect whoever made it either has never seen a real one or perhaps the one they did see suffered from some kind of

Starting point is 00:23:47 Uh-oh, I forgot to look up this word. Oh, no. Oh no. Okay. Does it start with a D? Yeah Yeah, you know. This is about yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know what it is. Yeah, I do. I don't even know how to say it though Me neither. I thought you were gonna say it. I hit a shit cube. say it though. Me neither. I thought you were gonna say it. I hit a sure cue. No. Cuz like I I don't even know how to spell it but I know the word. You know what I mean? Like I'm like I know what this word is. It's called vagina dentata. And it's a folk tale tradition. That's a weird way to describe it. In which a woman's vagina is said to contain teeth. Cool.

Starting point is 00:24:26 It's the movie teeth, right? Is that what that is? Is that about that? I think that's what it's called. Yes. The movie, I forgot, but anyway. And the idea is that it would like castrate a man. Okay, that's the fear.

Starting point is 00:24:38 And so this person says, I suspect whoever made it either has never seen a real one or perhaps the one they did see suffer from some kind of dentata issue. I filed mine down with a rotary tool. Oh my God, help me. Would rate it higher if I did not have to modify it. End of review. And to that I say everyone's different, okay? To that I say why did you have anything but a beer bottle in there? Great, Bully! Why are you sticking your hand in there? That's a good point. And are you sticking something else in there?

Starting point is 00:25:12 How? It's awful. It sounded fake. Oh, well, it was so well done. Thank you. Yeah. What are you sticking in there that you need to file it down other than your beer bottle? Like why, what's, you're not supposed to put anything inside of it other than a beer bottle. What if we were talking about vaginas?

Starting point is 00:25:35 Pfft. I. But what about a rotary tool? Can we put that in there? I don't know. I didn't learn that in Catholic school. I like how you knew about the dental, the fucking vagina teeth. But okay. Anyway, your turn.

Starting point is 00:25:50 Yeah. I almost said like, you know, dent something. I had no idea what it was, but I was like, I knew it had, I assumed it started with D E N T. Um, but I forgot exactly what the word was. Anyway, my next one is from Kirsty, she, her, who sent in a review of a beer fridge. Okay. That's a big one in these big caves. It's an 85 liter, it looks like a hotel room, like mini bar fridge, but bigger and nicer.

Starting point is 00:26:20 Okay. 240 pound, cost, price. Oh, I was like, holy shit. To be clear, sorry. What's in there? I realized that could be it's oh, it's a has refrigerant grams. 20 20 grams of refrigerant. Well, I'm sorry, my my microphone went on strike and said, never mind.

Starting point is 00:26:40 I don't want to be here anymore. I don't blame it after talking about vaginas with teeth for so long. Yeah But we're back. I totally completely forget where we were. I remember we were talking about mini fridges. Can you swap our faces back? Oh, yeah Let me I thought you'd never ask. Okay. Thank God. Okay cozy So cozy What do you mean? Like before they were on the opposite sides because we swapped them and so we were on kind of leaning into the other sides of The screen away from each other now when I swap them. Oh, not for me. I'm farther

Starting point is 00:27:15 No, I don't know why Interesting. I don't know how this works. Oh, yeah, cuz it's how about now seeing yourself You're I'm still as far away I'm the one that you're closer to me I know I'm kind of come get you yeah but no I'm not no you're not no I'm it's not working improv comedy on a video no one will ever see okay go ahead especially yeah especially the physical comedy here's a review that Kirsty sent in of this very normal beer fridge Just a mini fridge type thing. Here we go two stars

Starting point is 00:27:49 This is written by mr. Benjamin J Turner that felt important Character from Pirates of the Caribbean Will Turner his name will never mind Pirates of the Caribbean Will Turner his name will never mind Benjamin turn Ben Turner sounds like maybe someone with a man cave Benjamin Turner does not sound like someone with a man cave There's also like a union like the Union Jack next to their name oh

Starting point is 00:28:23 Boy, never mind. I take it back. So it just has it the whole vibe is it's very specific What What do you call a man cave in England? I'm a a chap cave a Chap grotto a chap grotto lovely Here is a two-star review. Oh my god a chap chapel So anyway, this is a review of this fridge for this guy's chap chapel Don't tell me to chill. Lovely looking product. Brought a perfect draft machine for delicious draft beer at home. The recommended temperature for the beer is three degrees. I put a keg in your chamber of lies yesterday, set the temperature to three, and falsely

Starting point is 00:29:01 believed I could relax. Imagine my volcano temper eruption when I inserted my German lager gift into the machine to be told it was 10 degrees. That is so far out of line, I can barely see the line. If you lot told me the grass was green, I would go outside and check, furious and of refuse. So seven degrees warmer than what they thought it was going to be. You pissed this guy off to no imagine.

Starting point is 00:29:28 I don't want to imagine the volcanic eruption. That sounds so scary. Also imagine him in that recliner thinking he could relax in that lazy boy and then having to launch himself out of it. Lazy chap. Lazy chap. Lazy lad. Lazy lad.

Starting point is 00:29:44 A lazy lad. That's it. Yeah. But it's seven degrees different Celsius. Yeah, that's all I mean. That's even worse. I love that it's called a chamber of lies. That also feels a little bit like what you could call that vagina that's really sharp inside that sharp hole we talked about. I managed to forget about that even though we had just started talking about it again. But this reminds me of when Tim in that hotel recently when we were on tour took out the fridge from its enclosure to try to turn up the cold. Wait, I don't remember that. No, he had like one of us pull it,

Starting point is 00:30:27 or he was pulling it out and had me in the back and he was like, crank it up, like bring it to five or something, I think it was a max, and it was already at max. But we turned it up because it was so not cold. Luke warm in there, was the chamber lies? And he of course knows exactly where the thing for the fridge is for this random hotel. If anyone should have a man cave.

Starting point is 00:30:48 I will say Tim has a lot of man cave decor that's basically just right out around our house amidst like... He has a tractor cave. He has a tractor and a place for it. He has several actually. And he also has a framed NASCAR picture, which is just in the entryway of our beautiful home. You literally have a NASCAR shirt.

Starting point is 00:31:12 So if this, I'm just saying, if this is coming from a place of judgment, I think all cards need to be on the table. I wore it to the Lawrenceburg Speedway, not like a fucking hang it up in my bedroom. You didn't frame it? Well, I tried. Oh.

Starting point is 00:31:32 Did it turn you away? I didn't want to put a nail in it. You and your fucking. Okay, here's the other thing he has. He has a sign. Alexander, you have to agree with me. He has a lot of decor. His sense of humor is very man cave-esque.

Starting point is 00:31:45 He has a sign that says something like, I went boat. I got my wife. I was there when we got it. I think I was probably part of why we got it. It says, I got a boat for my wife for Christmas. What a good trade or something stupid like that. And it's just hanging. I got a boat for my wife. Like good trade, huh? Yes. So but it's so funny because like my mom will have like these beautiful like vintage posters, like like thousand dollar worth posters

Starting point is 00:32:15 on this wall with this like ornate frame. And then next is like Tim's NASCAR picture in like a plastic black frame. A thousand dollar post. I don't even know. You're just making up numbers numbers Alexander

Starting point is 00:32:28 Like I know she has these vintage things, but you don't know how much they're worth. I do I certainly do Okay. Oh, I forgot you you appraised them yourself They're not working on her will and you were like appraising everything I was You were so hands on with that process. Dad already told me I get that really horrific circus poster in the will. Oh really? You get this, wait, that one's,

Starting point is 00:32:52 oh the one at mom's house? No, the one at dad's house in his will. Oh, he does have one. Hey guys, we have both. Hey, now you know. In the divorce. Now you know our secret. One each got a bizarre circus poster.

Starting point is 00:33:02 Yeah, they're like vintage Ringling Brothers posters, but there's like, the one at Mom's is way more upsetting. It's like Barnum and Bailey. It's Barnum and Bailey, but it's like the freak show, and it has all these people who were considered freak shows, bearded lady, et cetera. And then our dad has one where there are these monkeys riding horses, and he put that in the will.

Starting point is 00:33:23 And I was like, thanks? Question mark. But no, I know that they're just expensive posters because they're vintage. She got them at that Jack, whatever the fuck, Jack Wood gallery. And his posters are fricking expensive. I went in there recently and said,

Starting point is 00:33:36 oh, back to NASCAR pictures it is. Anyway, point being next to that, Tim has his like little trinkets and I love that instead of a man cave His stuff is just alongside hers. Yeah throughout the house. Yeah, that's all I was trying to say you're coming for me Putting monetary value on the circus poster I think that the wife bad humor is priceless. The wife, oh, the just insulting. That goes hand in hand with man caves, it's gotta.

Starting point is 00:34:08 Oh, it's gotta. And you know, it's so funny is oftentimes you see that the wife is purchasing it for the man, even though it's just degrading her, which is very funny. Well, she's such a nag. She is such a fucking nag. It's about time.

Starting point is 00:34:22 She won't stop yapping. She's just fucking yapping on and on. It's amazing that she can cook when she yaps so much. You know like how she gets the time. Sorry. Have you seen, have you watched Kevin Can Fuck Himself yet? I literally watched four episodes last night. Okay. I watched two seasons in less than a week. So I watched four episodes last night. I stayed up way too late and then I was, I have to make myself go to bed. So I went to bed, but I woke up being like, what a good show. I had weird dreams, I will say. But oh man.

Starting point is 00:34:51 If you are like us and hate that what we just did, all the wife bad boomer bullshit, you should watch Kevin Can Fuck Himself on Netflix. It's so good. It subverts the sitcom. Yeah. Yes. It's so good like subverts the like sitcom. Yeah, it's yes. It's very it's it's interesting. It's very Com unique concept for a show it mixes multicam and single cam Yeah, which is like probably one of the first times I've seen that it's it's yeah

Starting point is 00:35:17 Mind-blowing and like oh, it's so cool cuz it actually okay. Never mind. Anyway, go watch that show I have so many questions for you, but I'm'm like I don't want to spoil it obviously but talk later okay so my turn yeah okay well I will say though that lad that lazy lad had had a great comeback for that chamber of the chamber of lies okay I told you that guy was a little too dramatic for a man cave, you know? Yeah, well it's a chap-chapel. Well no, if they mess with this gear. It's not too dramatic for a chap-chapel.

Starting point is 00:35:49 A chap-chapel, you're right. There's a little element of class there that you have to uphold at all times. Standards. Okay, standards, standards. This episode is brought to you by Home Chef. Some days you're just like, gotta order in. You know, that's how I am. This episode is brought to you by Home Chef. Some days you're just like, gotta order in.

Starting point is 00:36:07 You know, that's how I am. Oh, most, many days. Too many days. Too many days. It happens to the best of us. But with Home Chef, you can save time and money while still getting that dining out feeling. It really is a great solution if your mother or other parent is the type to come over and

Starting point is 00:36:23 critique you for ordering takeout or ordering delivery because recently we had a home chef meal and I said, hey, let's cook this up because mom's coming over and we cooked it up and she said, wow, how did you make this looks delicious? It was like this mushroom gnocchi thing. I was like, oh, it's no big deal. Sometimes we just like cook home fresh meals, you know,

Starting point is 00:36:41 it's fine, like everything's fresh ingredients, it's delicious. It was, it took me, it took me hours, just kidding, it's fine. Like everything's fresh ingredients, it's delicious. It was- It took me hours, just kidding, it didn't. It was so easy, but it looked like it could have taken a while. So she was very impressed. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners

Starting point is 00:36:54 18 free meals plus free dessert for life. And of course, free shipping on your first box. So go to homechef.com slash beach to Sandy. That's homechef.com slash beach to Sandy for 18 free meals and free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash beach to sandy for 18 free meals and free dessert for life homechef.com slash beach to sandy must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert Now this is a review of something called the wall-mounted goddess beer opener with

Starting point is 00:37:24 the wall-mounted goddess beer opener with vulva and clitoris. Okay? It's the same thing. This is a five-star review called Silky Smooth by Matthew. Verified purchase. Use this as a pull slash knob on a custom dart board I made for a good friend. Every time anyone wants to play to open the cabinet, you must stick your fingers in this bottle opener. Best and funniest idea I have had in some time. Anatomically correct. Slightly bulbous in appearance, but they can't all be perfect. End of review.

Starting point is 00:37:57 That's not true. They are all perfect. Thank you. They are all perfect. And also you just said it's anatomically correct so which is it? Look, when I first saw that thing, my first thought wasn't, oh that's so anatomically correct. Certainly not! To be honest, not that it couldn't be. Right. Everyone's different. It's just kind of a weird thought to have about it. But I'm not like, oh my god, that's so well done.

Starting point is 00:38:29 I'm like, oh, they designed it in a way that it opens beer bottles. It's pretty detailed. Like, they have bronze pubic hair on it. Like, it's pretty detailed. But I wouldn't say, yeah, this is anatomical. Because I imagine the size alone is probably, you know, not proportionate. I don't know, though. Maybe itical. Because I imagine the size alone is probably, you know, not proportionate.

Starting point is 00:38:45 I don't know though, maybe it is, maybe it is. But I agree with you, Zandy, it's silky smooth and it is. Jokes on us, this is a mold of a real vulva that is out there. Wow. And the seller made a mold of their own or someone close to them who trusted them. Yeah, they were at the steel mill and they were like hey can you make a bronze of this and then

Starting point is 00:39:08 they can you like just dip dip it in real quick but put some sharp stuff in there to so make an example bottle oh don't worry they're already teeth in there oh yeah actually that's how I bite all the penises off exactly just keep the teeth in to make sure it's anatomically correct anyway I, I have one more that can I just read it real quick? Because it's a five star and it's stupid. I would love it. And then we'll be done. I can't wait.

Starting point is 00:39:31 This is by Paradise Found and it's called Really Cool Novelty Item Verified Purchase. Definitely a conversation piece. LOL. Since we're full time nudists, this works great in our tiki bar. End of review. Perfect. Now that's fun. Perfect. See, it's like there's an item for everyone.

Starting point is 00:39:50 I mean, a dart board, pull cover. Yeah, that one, I didn't like that. A weapon, potentially. Like if you're actually putting this in a man cave, I hate that. I hate that so much. I hate it so, so much. Like you're mounting a you're mounting a volva where you're like a straight boomer who has this... It's like yeah I would hate that. You know they wouldn't even say the any of the V words they would say something. No. A little more derogatory. Yeah. Like dentata. Which is like dentata. Dentata.

Starting point is 00:40:46 Dentata and some tatas. Dentata and tatas is all I need. Here is a review sent in by Lindsey. She heard, This is gifts for men, dad, husband, whiskey stones, unique anniversary birthday gift ideas for him,

Starting point is 00:41:02 boyfriend, man cave stuff, cool gadgets retirement bourbon presents for uncle okay I love that at the end they're like if your uncle is retiring it'll work but no other reason for your it's like finally is like something that like I was like yeah yeah I'm an uncle maybe now she'll get the hint I want this I'm right now why I read the whole thing you have to retire first no I don't have to be every single one of these. No, but it said man, it said earlier the other things and then at the end it said also uncle if they're retiring.

Starting point is 00:41:35 Okay, I see you. I see. Like the other, the other descriptions. It does seem that way. Stuff, cool. There's no punctuation. Man cave, stuff, cool cool gadgets, retirement, bourbon, presents for uncle. Right for uncle. Retirement bourbon presents for uncle. Okay. Anyway, We don't even know what the shape they are. Uh, let me guess. I'll give you three guesses if you're quick about it. Tatas? No, oh that would be so weird

Starting point is 00:42:11 Would it be like a single boob like per it would just be a boob with a nipple and you'd be like, oh no There's boobs all in my drink Okay, and then That's guess one. I'm sure they make boob ice The next guess is like a sports, like a football. Okay, no, that's two. Okay, so you've got two things. There is a third, like, genre that you're missing, I think. Is it sports related?

Starting point is 00:42:41 No, I mean, no. I'm gonna say no. Okay. It, it is a, a, a, it's in the shape of a, a beer can. I don't know. I got lost. I don't know. Okay, that's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I'm sending it to you. It's something we haven't really talked about this, this side of the man. Oh, God, I should have known. I should have fucking known. side of the man came. Oh god I should have known. I should have fucking known. Yeah so they are bullets like bullet casings. I'm so pleased that I said is this sports related and you went hmm no. Yeah I was like sport shooting like and then I'm like this isn't fucking 20 questions I can just tell her no. These are bullets. Yeah so yeah and they come in like a weird little box with a what's that thing called like a revolver has it's spinny spinny the mechanism

Starting point is 00:43:36 goes spinny so and then they come out of there and you plop them in. What is it a barrel? You load a barrel? No but it's whatever it's like the thing that yeah the thing that spins on a revolver, you know sure Here's a review one star review Cylinder I was right. It is called the cylinder. Oh, sorry. You didn't did you say that? I think some barrel I said barrel and then I said cylinder and you saw I was ignoring you by that point Oh, so yeah, so I agree and the barrel are attached Yeah, I know what a barrel of a gun is. You don't seem to know much about it at all. Oh

Starting point is 00:44:12 darn And also my man cave will have all runescape stuff runescape doesn't have like these kinds of you already said you wanted this as a gift So I already bought it magic and swords and take it back now! I have to. I got my dragon war hammer from the lizardman shaman. There's- It's a hammer. There's pistols in RuneScape. I don't think that's true. I really was hoping it was though. I don't think there's that's true. Okay, go ahead. The only guns are like cannon type, you know, or like magic. There are no magic gun. Okay'm moving on here's a one star review of these bullet uh whiskey stones whiskey stones are just stones you you just freeze

Starting point is 00:44:53 the items and then you put them do you actually freeze them though yes okay you put them in the freezer whiskey stones yeah what else would they be for i don't know it's so that the ice doesn't melt into your whiskey oh so it's like so it's like you do freeze them though object. Yes, you freeze them and you put them in okay And instead of ice which will water down your drink. It. Yeah chills it with a bullet. Okay Well, here we go. Here's a one-star review Strictly for show not for chilling drinks This is strictly for show if you have a teenage, you can intimidate her boyfriend or male friends. These barely raise my room temperature water five degrees cooler.

Starting point is 00:45:33 End of review. What in the world? First of all, there's so many problems with this. So many, endless. That was my confusion was I read this review and I thought wait don't you put them in the freezer? How is it possible that it wouldn't free like raise the temperature if you keep them in the freezer? So my thinking is oh, maybe you're not supposed to keep them in the freezer Yeah, so I don't know and you're supposed to use them for lukewarm water. Definitely

Starting point is 00:46:01 Yeah, that one was weird. What a wild choice because the whole point is that you don't have melted water in your in your bourbon so why would you use it for your water makes no sense i think they were like testing them and that's why they said five degrees cooler they probably had one of those temperature gauge guns and they're just pointing it out their water glass also i love the idea that they're just for show which i'm like maybe they Also, I love the idea that they're just for show which I'm like maybe they show what I guess show off show but like why else Like you could just use like normal ones not that don't look like this. Of course. They're like partially for show I guess it just makes you feel good inside

Starting point is 00:46:42 Doesn't sound like it I was nervous for a minute I thought they were saying it's just for show and I was like don't tell me they put this in a fucking gun in a Cylinder and a barrel. Oh fair. Okay. I see where your brain was going. I didn't even think that way Don't put that anywhere that you're gonna use it Make a match. It looks kind of like a bullet I mean I know what a fucking bullet looks like but it looks like a fucking bullet to me. It's meant to yeah Wow, that's that is you know What I think my boyfriend will be very intimidated I bet

Starting point is 00:47:11 Blaze is gonna put him out and your boyfriend's gonna get real intimidated by him so jealous and intimidated. Okay, this is a Mancave sign from Amazon. It's called Mancave rules. Oh, by the way, there's a lot of rules in a man cave. And they're usually really misogynistic and very cringy. So I'll send you this one, Zandy. No rooting for the enemy team. Yeah, right, right, right, right, right. Only black and orange.

Starting point is 00:47:40 Okay, here, Man Cave Rules. Says hydrate with beer. Actually, I'll have you read it. Okay. Man cave rules, hydrate with beer, no chick flicks, and then there's a line under chick flicks which separates it from no crying, but there's only one no.

Starting point is 00:48:01 No chick flicks, nor crying. No chick flicks, no crying. Wow, then there's bel one no no chick flicks nor crying chick flicks no crying wow then there's belching encouraged that is so middle school boy like I would have a sign like that yeah as a child I would buy this for my for for Tim thinking that it was funny. Anyway, then the last one, flatulence allowed and selective hearing only. So many of these have to do it. By the way, so many bodily functions, hydration, crying, belching, flatulence, hearing. It's like, wow,

Starting point is 00:48:43 you're basically running my whole body. My body by choice. Imagine making a rule just to be like, hey, you're encouraged to belch. That's one of your main tenets of your man cave is that people should burp, period. That's like your core belief, your man cave's core belief, your man caves core.

Starting point is 00:49:05 Yeah. And it's about time we give we give a pillar of your institution. And it's about time we get in space to actually practice their beliefs. Yeah. So tired of them being about time being oppressed. You know, down. Yeah. But here's a five star view. This was interestingly written by Sandy. And it's a five star view called Got it for written by Sandy, and it's a five star view called Got It For My Husband, of course in all capital letters.

Starting point is 00:49:29 My husband loves it! As he stood there reading it, he was chuckling at it. He said, well it's official. It is the man cave! The sign was as I expected it to be and hangs just right on the door of his man cave. The sign has a little weight to it, it's not hollow or made of cheap material. The packaging was great and no assembly necessary. What a great product. End of review. Okay. I mean, well, it's official now that we have a sign. Hey, he was probably excited. We can finally open doors. I know. I love that he's like, she's like, encouraging the man cave and his belching. Yeah, she's like, allching. I'm officially cutting the ribbon. Here is the sign.

Starting point is 00:50:06 Here are the tenants of your new location, your new room, your new den, your new tree house. Mantuary. Yeah, your mantuary. Oh, that was cute. My next one was sent in by Amy J. Who says, quote, I don't know why is it quote like that, who says, I realize I am indistinguishable from all the other commonly named Amys who have sent

Starting point is 00:50:32 in reviews, so I'm now adding my last initial. And this just unlocked a memory of grade school slash junior high of there being multiple students with the same name, but it seemed like the more popular person would just get to be name and the others would be name initial so yeah i'm amy j womp womp okay well amy j in tennis there was another christine s and she tried she was younger than me and she tried to become christine s and or sorry christine and i had to be christine s and i was like i'm older than you but was she better at tennis than you? Yeah, definitely Pecking order kind of was based on that rather than age that makes sense

Starting point is 00:51:10 I was like when we were in stats class together like yeah, you're older than me, but I was like number one I got a better grade than you you can't even like I mean, it's like my first see I got a C in that class I remember and I was my first C and it was such a big deal. And in hindsight, I'm like, oh man, college me would have laughed at all of this drama over one quarter. No, that's true. I would have cried because I would have thought,

Starting point is 00:51:37 what simpler times? Woe is me. Let's get back to the Amy J. So Amy J, why do you think i'm zandy too many alexes out there there were so many freaking alexes there's so many alexes why do you think his friends called him sheaf dog yeah because i was a loser no and my friends were too and i love that about them and it was d-a-w-g by the way of course because like I said we were all losers and I loved it for us. No, no regrets. But yeah, anyway, I can relate. Here is a product and I'm gonna have you guess what it is and I'll

Starting point is 00:52:21 tell you it's on the Bass Pro Shops website. So I'll tell you the title and I want you to tell me like to describe this. The review? The title of the product. Oh okay. And I don't know if it's clear I don't think it's clear what the product is. Open Road Brands Peace Sign Die Cut Embossed Burnished Tin Sign. Okay so it has something to do with peace sign is it like this no no it's on bass pro shops that's kind of a hint it's um, it is a target. Oh. Like, not like, like, not like, hold on. For shooting practice.

Starting point is 00:53:13 Yes. Bass Pro Shops keeps asking me to verify my age to look at this because it says, certain states prohibit advertising or marketing of firearms, ammunition, and related firearm components to minors. Jesus Christ. So I'm 18 of age, so I had to hit yes before I took and related firearm components to miners. So I'm 18 of age, so I had to hit yes before I took this photo to send to you. It is a target in the middle,

Starting point is 00:53:32 and then on the top and bottom it says, this is my peace sign. What the fucking fuck? So, yeah. Oh my God, whoa. It it's just kind i don't like like yeah my peace sign is shooting guns i guess like i'm gonna shoot it up the target yeah i don't know i don't really know uh but here's a five star review if you maybe that I don't think it'll help us any but here we go we can try five stars best sign ever it's a cool sign guaranteed to make thinking people laugh and those less inclined

Starting point is 00:54:14 toward intelligential intelligential endeavors to cringe and review I'm sorry I struggled over that word because of my my low intelligental and the I N T E L I G E N T A L like this feels like a joke. But it's not a word. And they spelled endeavors wrong. No. Intelligential. Oh it's. I think they're trying to say intelligence. Those less inclined toward intelligental endeavors oh no intelligent endeavors intelligent shawl is a word oh what's that mean relating to or possessing intelligence but it's archaic because it's probably a word people only use when they're trying to sound intelligent well they spelled that wrong because I assume it's IAL at the end. Yeah. Intelligential. So they wrote Intelligental. Okay got it. Oh Intelligental. Yeah yeah yeah. Understood. So they were completely wrong. It's not a word.

Starting point is 00:55:09 Wow that, Alexander, that is profound. Yeah and then Endeavors was also spelled wrong. And of course it was. A lot of things but um. That is very profound. Um so they're saying basically uh that the thinking people, the smarties, the Trumpers, who have done their own research. They'll get a kick out of it. You put you, Brad Trump, into this. You can maybe make that leap, but yeah, that isn't, this is just saying that, yeah,

Starting point is 00:55:37 thinking people would laugh at this. But here we are, not totally getting it, so maybe we are missing it, you know? Maybe we're not intelligent enough. That's what I think they're saying. Like dumbos like us won't get it. Yeah, they are. And it's true.

Starting point is 00:55:52 This is my piece. I mean, that's so stupid. But like, I do cringe at it, so I guess I am less inclined at more intelligent endeavors. That's too bad. It's too bad. It's too bad. It's too bad, I wish I understood. Can you imagine like shooting that? I guess, there's a target. She's like, here's what I think about peace.

Starting point is 00:56:17 Like what? Yeah, I don't know. What a weird thing to do. Okay, I don't have too much left. I will say during my searches, I found some really special blankets. Oh, I did blankets last week. I know I did, but I didn't end up actually finding any like Man Cave review blankets.

Starting point is 00:56:37 But on one of them, which was all about hunting, there were four different hunting related ones. And then this was the fifth one and I actually laughed out loud And I don't usually do that when I'm researching but this is the picture that appeared as the fifth design Oh when I googled man cave blanket This is the best thing I've ever seen I y'all this is Best blanket ever. It's a raccoon blanket. It It's raccoon blanket. It's raccoon blanket. It's one of those collage blankets where there's just a picture of raccoons in every square. One of the squares has three. There's 13 raccoons on this bad boy. One square has three raccoons and the best part is the

Starting point is 00:57:19 middle raccoon. So each each square slash rectangle whatever each square is like a picture frame Yeah, and some of the raccoons, especially the middle raccoon. They're like shown coming out of the frame 3d like image Amazing. It's pretty remarkable. It's actually pretty amazing I would say it's pretty remarkable the one on the top right has his little tongue out like it is an excellent choice I get why that lady's pointing at it like that. I know right stock stock photo I didn't really get why she was pointing at all the other blankets in that same spot, but yeah, this one makes sense Then I found PMC which is perfect man cave calm And that was kind of a rowdy forum where people discuss like the best way to smoke brisket and like in their man cave

Starting point is 00:58:06 That sounds like a recipe for disaster. It's just sort of like we discuss manly things in here, you know, okay Cool. It's like it's like a virtual man cave That actually makes sense and you can actually post like designs for like future man caves blueprints you can do You can there's like a blog where you can discuss like woodworking or beer or bourbon. Cool. I usually do that in like Club Penguin. And since that's been gone, I usually do that in place. Well, I gotta tell you, Zanny,

Starting point is 00:58:35 this perfectmankave.com hasn't really been active in like two years. But I will say it has like 5,000 users. So I'm like, it's definitely, it was very active at one point. It could be revived is what you're saying. There's a chance. There's a chance that it could still survive this. Like with the failing middle class I don't know if man that's such a middle class thing you know don't you think? I guess so yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:56 Maybe that's what it is. Alexander that's the most people just can't have that's the best argument so far for any- Taxing billionaires? For taxing billionaires. Think of the man caves. Think of the man caves we could have from the middle class white men who need a space away from their nagging wife. Sandy, on second thought,

Starting point is 00:59:19 we should not tax billionaires because I would not prefer that. Oh, okay. Okay, that's fine. Okay, just. Okay. Let's tax the poor. Well, let's tax anyone with a man cave. Oh, man cave tax. It's a man cave tax. Now we're onto something. I'm saying it. I was just spitting out ideas not knowing what I'm saying, but this makes this seems reasonable. I think that's the only sensible. You should send it to the forum, see what they have to say about that.

Starting point is 00:59:46 Christine2024, man cave tax. Okay, you're building your platform very slowly. Very slowly. Very slowly. Well, I'm not, I'm no fucking carpenter like all these folks. I'm no woodworker. So this is the last thing I have here.

Starting point is 01:00:03 It was sent in by Liz and Liz I got to give you a little bit of a critique here. Well Liz wrote she they parentheses gnarly Ray Jepson if you nasty and sent this to the beach to Sandy email so I almost didn't see it but it sounds like Liz has been sending multiple things that we haven't even seen. So Liz, you gotta use the little forum, otherwise we don't see it. Except-

Starting point is 01:00:32 So Liz knows what the theme is. Right, and your challenge and everything. Okay, so is a patron. Yeah. Okay. So Liz, Liz, you gotta send it to the right email, cause otherwise I will- The specific web, no you don't send it to,

Starting point is 01:00:44 you go to the website. Oh that's right, it's a form. There's a specific website with a no, you don't send it to, you go to the website. Oh, that's right, it's a form. There's a specific website with a password. The password is on the thing and you fill out the form. And we do that because it goes to a super secret email where it's just these submissions so we don't lose them. But I did have to find more reviews and I was panicking, so I typed man cave in on our Gmail and this came up.

Starting point is 01:01:00 And I thought, oh, Liz is here, okay. So Liz is like a lost sheep. Yeah. You have to guide to the correct website. But sent some great stuff, so I was very thankful I found this. Yeah, good. Okay, so this OXENR is of the true Bonnie Boy

Starting point is 01:01:16 liquor dispenser. Wait, I have one of those. You do? Yeah. Wait, maybe Liz sent it to both. No, it's a different person. Oh, okay. Holly sent one in. Is it a five-star review? No

Starting point is 01:01:27 Okay, perfect. It's three one-star reviews. Oh my god I have a five-star review of the same thing where it's like that. Yeah, the true Bonnie boy liquor dispenser. Hell, yeah Okay, can you describe it? I'm on the review already. Oh, yeah, so there is a it's based off of a Statue in Belgium. It's the mannequin piss. I did not say that right, but it's a sculpture. I think we've talked about it on the podcast. I have no idea what you're saying. But it's a little boy peeing is the sculpture that exists. Okay. That this is based off of and yeah it's basically a liquor dispenser. So

Starting point is 01:02:03 there's a little boy peeing and you push the button and he pees out whatever liquor you put on, like put in the base underneath him. But in the pictures on Amazon, they Photoshopped a little leaf in front of him. Right, right, right. For some of the pictures. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:20 But not all of the pictures. But just for the pictures, not for the ring. A little leaf, but the thing does not have an actual leaf in front of its penis and like the video is just this little boy Pissing liquor into your into a glass. I like this one one star verified purchase title is no idea who ordered this I Didn't order this product, but since I have it. I guess I'll give it a try and report back and Liz wrote Nancy never reported back which makes me very concerned and I said same here because Apparently a lot of the one-star views and I hope this doesn't spoil anything in yours because yours is a five Apparently this thing turned people's liquor black because the statue was kind of a dark color

Starting point is 01:02:59 And so a lot of people were like, um, it works but it turns the liquor weird shade of black like a black Substance in it and when Nancy said I'll try it and report back and then never returned I was like, oh who did it? Oh is this what happened? I mean when you think about it? Yeah Like this really cheap little like gag novelty thing Yeah, yeah, if you're gonna drink out of it, like maybe wash it. You know, I'm not saying you're victim blaming. I'm just saying like, Oh yeah. I imagine there's some gross stuff in like a mass produced cheap thing from Amazon. Do you want me to read

Starting point is 01:03:35 the second one star? Oh yeah. You do all your ones that are so whatever. Yeah. And then I'll go. Okay. This is a by buyer and it's a one-star review called Pornographic Exploitations of a Child. Jesus, okay. Reporting to Amazon a direct and horrific exploitation of a male child. How can you sell such pornographic items that involve a child completely inhumane? End of review.

Starting point is 01:04:02 This is when I need people to take a second and sit down and take a breath and touch some grass, reconnect with Mother Gaia. There's like a lot happening here that I think the volcanic eruption of anger out of this lazy lad needs to tone it down. Simmer. Simmer down because I mean, pornography,

Starting point is 01:04:24 it's literally like a little statue. Literally not pornography. Nobody called it pornography. Simmer. Simmer down because I mean, pornography, it's literally like a little statue. Literally not pornography. Nobody called it pornography until you did. Until you did, yeah, I don't like that. Nobody, it's a statue from, where, Belgium? Yeah. It's famous because it's a statue of a little boy pissing. Like it's a stupid little like statue.

Starting point is 01:04:41 No one is, that's so weird. That's so weird. I would never have even guessed that would be, I mean, I guess people would be like, oh, one is. That's so weird. Like so weird. Like I would never have even guessed that would be. I mean, I guess people would be like, oh, this is like inappropriate, inappropriate. But they went. But to report it to you, I am assuming they went. They took this all the way to the FBI.

Starting point is 01:04:56 There's no way they didn't. Jesus, I better not go to a museum ever. See all those cherubs. It's so pornographic. God, they should see, you know, nevermind. OK, here's a five star review of the same Bonnie, true Bonnie Boy. Why is it called that? I don't even want to know. Is that the brand? True Bonnie Boy? I thought that was his name, like the statue.

Starting point is 01:05:17 Maybe. Well, the statue is Mannequin Piss. M-A-N-N-E-K-E-N-P-I-S. Alex, and are you right? Bonnie Boy is literally just what they call this product for some fucking reason. OK, that's a Bonnie Boy sounds like another man cave. The Bonnie Boy. So, yeah, the Bonnie Boy Borough, Borough. A Bonnie Boy Borough, the Bonnie Boy Burrow. Burrow. A Bonnie Boy Burrow. The Bonnie Boy Burrow.

Starting point is 01:05:47 Yeah. Oh my God. Wait, this statue is from 1619. Well, that's why it's funny. Holy shit. That has to be why it's funny. A statue from 1619 of a little boy pissing is very funny to me. Yeah. Like hundreds of years old. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:59 And you know people back then freaked out. The fact that people are still freaking out. And it's like into a fountain. You know, it's not like, I don't know. And he's also peeing. He's not like, what are you acting? know it's not like he's not like what are you acting like little kids pee it's just so weird that you're like this is porn like what like that makes you seem like a free to chill there's a lot of yeah here's a five-star review of this liquor this person gets it I think this. I don't know. This is from 2012.

Starting point is 01:06:34 This will change your life. This beautiful decanter will change your life. Admiring the fine details and depth of the injection molded plastic makes you think of the great 17th century master sculptors. Even better, this art has function too. The decanter holds about 12 ounces of your favorite adult beverage. The electric motor pumps copious amounts of whiskey with very little effort. I look forward to many evenings with friends drinking from this decanter and watching the vision of it

Starting point is 01:07:01 slip into the darkness of my alcohol-fueled haze. And okay. Wow! Okay, that, now that, they, you're right, they get it. That's probably what the original artist intended, you know? True. Like this kind of appreciation, and I don't necessarily mean liquor, but like this appreciation for it. Because man, that is really good stuff. And I, again, if it were just the statue, I'd be like, well, that's a little odd. Why do you have that? But if it, the fact that it's like a gag, like it pees out the, that's why it's funny, you know, guys?

Starting point is 01:07:34 Weirdly of all the, like it's a sculpture from an old sculpture, yeah. And it has a purpose to piss your whiskey. You're so right. And it's silly. this is a reasonable thing This is of all the things I brought this is the most likely Other than that runescape mug probably the most likely I guess other than that mini fridge the most likely To be in my man cave. I guess other than that raccoon blanket. No that I brought oh

Starting point is 01:08:01 I see that you brought it's probably like tenth you brought so many great things for me. Thank you Elxin er Yeah, I see. That you brought, it's probably like 10th. You brought so many great things for me. Oh, thank you, Elxaner. Yeah, I feel like that, what about this one? You have more. I thought it was time for my challenge. I guess not. Well, this is the last one. It's just from Liz again,

Starting point is 01:08:15 because while I'm in the email that I'll never find again, I might as well read it. It's a medal sign, of course, because they usually are. Man cave decor, funny medal signs, bar pub, office garage, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this is, oh my God, it's a sign that says, warning, forget the dog, beware of wife. But then it has a clipart of a woman punching a man who's laying on the ground. Like it has a depiction of domestic violence on the actual sign.

Starting point is 01:08:50 And it's not like hee hee ha ha. It's like kind of a I mean, to me, it's a disturbing clipart as far as clipart goes. I just heard you go hee hee ha ha. So hee hee ha ha. I don't know what to tell you. Oh, dear God. Yeah. Kind of violent. It's like, wow violent. It's like Wow, like she's like mad and she's punching him and he's laying on the ground and she's I mean it looks aggressive

Starting point is 01:09:14 But this has a 4.8 star rating 318 reviews and Yeah, so it's warning forget the dog beware of wife. This is a five-star. Yeah, it's not great. Here's a five star review and it says, my wife loved it. My wife loves it. I don't like it. I sleep in the couch now. And end of review. And that's Omar and that's a verified purchase. Oh no. And then Liz wrote a nice little quote underneath. It ruined my marriage five stars So anyway, this makes me laugh. So that's the end beautiful ending now that product does not I

Starting point is 01:09:53 Don't think that goes in my man cave before the piss boy. I think we skipped that one. I think piss boy goes first first. Alrighty, my challenge just was from Kate, I believe it was reviews that include the phrase that's showbiz, baby. And y'all had some good stuff. So here we go. First, I'm going to read something that both Stacey and Brad sent in it was from a reddit post But it's a review a screenshot of a review doesn't say what it's of It's of a bar. I think in like near Ohio State based on my research, but haven't confirmed the place But here's a review of a once star of a bar. This place is awful came for the hyped experience staff was rude drinks were watered down crowded

Starting point is 01:10:52 college bar during COVID never again beware end of review. To be clear this was written few years ago COVID when there are more restrictions around COVID. Here's an owner response. I'm glad you followed through with a threat you made about leaving a bad review on your way out the door. So allow me to retort. You and your friend were both belligerent with our staff and unwilling to comply with our simple masking rules for COVID safety.

Starting point is 01:11:20 Worse still, you only complained about your drink because the quote, new Asian guy made it. Yikes. And not Sonny. For the record, Kai is a dope bartender and Sonny thinks you're a jerk off too. Sonny doesn't even like you. Accusing us of being a crowded college bar is pretty rich coming from an over the hill frat boy who resorts to threats about a bad review when he gets cut off before 10. But hey, that's showbiz, baby." And the first few first thoughts. Yeah, that's showbiz. That's fratty showbiz, baby.

Starting point is 01:11:53 You're living up to expectations, Jaskier. And they're always, it's so predictable, I'm sure. Like, at the bar when they cut him off before 10, he got all mad and stormed out. They were like, this is gonna be the most predictable review ever. You're like, copy paste that thing we say. They were already ready, I'm sure. Which one? The frat boy one? Yeah, the frat boy one. Copy paste that. So yeah, that's showbiz.

Starting point is 01:12:17 My next one was sent in by Stephanie Shide, who sent in a review of the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia. Oh dear. Have we talked about this museum? I had heard of it. I think I just researched it for our live show but never found anything. It's like a children's museum that like... It's like hands on. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:36 It's exactly as... I think it's exactly what it sounds like. It's very like interactive for children. Here's a five-star review Great way to tire the kids out without having to worry what they're touching or doing because they're allowed to touch everything Plenty to do for all ages the supermarket was hectic. Nothing was on the right shelf and most of the employees couldn't read But that's what happens when kids run the joint. That's showbiz, baby I got charged $16 for this pineapple. Yeah, I started, when I first read this,

Starting point is 01:13:08 I was like, oh, they're getting annoyed at some, oh, oh, duh, like it took me a second to realize, oh. You have children, suddenly you're paying your child $16 for a pineapple that is not even real. And that's just showbiz baby. Like when we went to Germany and they had the little town where you could drive, like pedal those cars. Oh my God. We're just doing it to follow traffic.

Starting point is 01:13:28 Pretend you're being an adult. Yeah. God, I love that. Meanwhile, as an American, I like not that I knew American traffic laws too well. I certainly didn't know German traffic laws. Not that they're that different, but I think it was a little stressful. But good times, I guess. I think we ran a really great racetrack, but whatever Oh, yeah, the thing is it wasn't supposed to be a racetrack. That was I couldn't read so I didn't yeah true true

Starting point is 01:13:54 You were you were only 12 Here is a review. This was sent in by Nathan he him who sent in a review of something titled new Nathan He-Him, who sent in a review of something titled, New Lovely Short Wig Curly Fox Red Summer Style Skin Top Ladies Wigs. Ooh, okay. It's a wig. Yeah, figure. Red hair, okay, short red hair.

Starting point is 01:14:19 Here's a five star review. This is by Gabrielle. Why did this wig slap so hard? Ladies or fellas, I was going as Molly Ringwald for Halloween and I needed a wig. But your girl wasn't trying to break her bank account. So I found this wig for a pretty cheap price. For a wig, good price.

Starting point is 01:14:40 Pausing to say, it was $19. Whoa, that is a good price. So, seems like a good price. Seems like a good price. So I'm obviously not expecting much for the price. So let me ask you, why did this wig slap so hard? It was soft, looked great and felt secure. The only downside was the clip hurt my forehead, but that's showbiz, baby.

Starting point is 01:15:02 It'd be like that sometimes. They also gave this wig a scalp. I'd show a pic of it if I wasn't in bed writing this. Would recommend if you want to rock your entire world. End of review. I just like the idea like I- And they included a selfie and I'm like, oh my gosh, it looks-

Starting point is 01:15:16 Wait, wearing it? It does look great, yeah. In bed? I'll send it to you. No. Oh, cause I thought when they said I would send you a picture, I thought they were gonna say but i'm wearing it And I was like, oh my god in bed. They're wearing it. That's great

Starting point is 01:15:32 I assume they uploaded this while they wrote the remover later in bed, but I do love that you said Oh, it does look actually. Does it look good? That looks really good for like a I mean not for not just for a 20 wig, but just in general So to find out that was a wig i'm impressed Actually, yeah, why don't you send me that link because I suddenly want to be Molly Ringwald for Halloween I like the idea of like oh, that's showbiz on Halloween women pain is beauty, you know It's like nothing Halloween costume related is usually comfortable whether it's like the fake high heels for your nurse costume Or like the really weird elastic on your yeah nurse costume or like the really weird elastic on your ill-fitting top. Nothing feels nice, but that's showbiz baby on Halloween.

Starting point is 01:16:10 I sent you a picture, but the mannequin is so scary. Unsettling. Unsettling. So I was glad that person included a picture because I'm like, okay, seeing it on a normal human being, not that this is an abnormal human being because it's a normal human being not that this is an abnormal human being because it's not a human being it's a mannequin yeah you don't have to you know you can you can offend the mannequin I'm scared of this mannequin not the piss mannequin. I could never but I'm afraid of this one this one this mannequin scares me. Yeah actually I wouldn't offend her after some thought.

Starting point is 01:16:45 Anyway, my next one was sent in by Lindsay who found a review of Pocket Sitcom, which is an app. And it's an app that makes like, sitcom noises. No! I would rather die, okay? Here is a five-star review by Just The Random Fella. Good sound. This app has taken over my life. I play soundtracks at every major event and as a direct result, I've lost friends over it.

Starting point is 01:17:18 I played the sad trombone at my grandfather's funeral and it was quite distasteful and people were aghast, but that's showbiz baby, end of review review I gotta do what I gotta do you know wow I like how he's like nobody likes it at all I'm not even clear if I like it or not but that's showbiz baby we just gotta keep doing it it's a sacrifice being in showbiz is a sacrifice amen like we say it every week we've always said that and I feel like that sounds like the mixer we got That all the different buttons do like wah-wah sad trombone

Starting point is 01:17:50 There's one that does clapping one that is laughing crickets like it's cricket similar vibe. I think yeah, I think so, too Oh good vibes if you ask me already All righty. Impeccable vibes if you ask me. Impeccable. The most impeccable. I have one more. It is a five-star review of a party city in Schenectady, New York. Nice. This was sent in by Megan.

Starting point is 01:18:12 Here we go. This is, yeah, five stars. Can you feel personally attacked by a Thanksgiving party supply display, asking for a friend? Shake a turkey leg and get over to Party City to shop some great last minute decoration trimmings for your Thanksgiving shindig.

Starting point is 01:18:31 If your family takes its eating as seriously as the rest of America, then what makes you think you can just skimp on the fun decor? It's okay to be a little extra when it comes to Thanksgiving decorations, arguably the most underrepresented holiday in the decor game.

Starting point is 01:18:46 And thanks to Party City, you can let your freak flag fly high and gobble till you wobble this year. Wanna stick your face through a large foam piece of pumpkin pie and wear it like a hat slash mask? Done. Don't have much of a sweet tooth? Wear a foam turkey hat instead.

Starting point is 01:19:03 Afraid of Hat Head? Throw on a pair of turkey shades and sit next to Grandpa. You might have to give him a nudge to wake him out of his turkey coma, but that's showbiz, baby. The possibilities are endless at Party City, so don't at me, there's something for everyone. In all seriousness, if Party City can pack

Starting point is 01:19:22 three large display racks to the gills with a variety of fun and festive Thanksgiving party supplies, mix and match paper goods, photo booth props, turkey dinner to go bags, turkey lanterns, garland, dish towels, and DIY pilgrim hats for the kiddos in addition to the countless other aisles chock full of party supplies, then it's my firm belief

Starting point is 01:19:42 they can make any holiday a little extra. Party City is what it would be like if Charming Charlies, the accessory store, RIP. Have you heard of Charming Charlies before? I hadn't heard of it before. Apparently it's an accessory store. Okay. It would be like if Charming Charlies got in the party biz, everything is organized by color and probably made in China. Have you seen a Francesca's? Yeah, that I've seen. It's like that. Are those similar? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:08 And it's by color, kinda. You buy like chunky necklaces and like headbands and blah, blah, blah. Got it, makes sense. I wouldn't have been in there. Okay. Can I mention their balloon game is poppin'? I ordered a few basic balloon arrangements

Starting point is 01:20:22 for an event I threw recently, and not only did they blow them up with some of that premium, grade A, hard to find helium, but they also attached strings, anchored them to cute little balloon weights I purchased, and perfectly sized and spaced them out, achieving that height slash aspect ratio only realized by a true balloon master. Just another reminder that there's genius walking among us and not all heroes wear capes. In closing, I walked in just wanting to place the balloon order, half expecting this place

Starting point is 01:20:54 to be a glorified dollar store with aisles looking more like the morning after a wild rave than those belonging to a neat and tidy, we-have-everything party supply store, but boy was I wrong. than those belonging to a neat and tidy, we have everything party supply store, but boy was I wrong. I was blown away by all the goodies packed inside this party in a vanilla box, ranging from the in-your-face Thanksgiving display, it saw me coming from the parking lot, I never stood a chance against that beast, to the super helpful staff, shout out to Rosie and Malika for modeling some photo booth props and just being generally awesome people slash party city employees

Starting point is 01:21:27 I can't speak for all party cities But this location was a slam dunk and I 100% would return to this particular location To see what my homegirls Rosie and Malika have in store for the Christmas swag and to see what seasonal flair I can add to an event or dining room near you. End of review. Ruthie Holy shit. Ben And there were four pictures, including a picture of the turkey glasses, which felt important. A picture of the Thanksgiving display, which is a lot smaller than I pictured.

Starting point is 01:21:58 Ruthie Yeah, I was going to say, I'm picturing like a warehouse of just like the way they describe it, man. First of all, they have a way with words. So yes. Oh my gosh. Yes, Gabrielle or Katie Was it no, this was Katie. I said the last one was Katie. Whatever who wrote the review? Say Amy Jay, Amy Jay. Amy's used to it by now. This is actually just Amy who wrote this review. They're all just by Amy. Yeah, it's just Amy. No, the popular Amy So this person I'm not gonna include these pictures, I'm sending them to you, but like modeled the like turkey cutout face and the pumpkin pie cutout face and then had like the picture of the pilgrim hat kit which is hilarious and uh.

Starting point is 01:22:37 Oh my lord, oh wow. And then obviously terrible, all the pilgrim bullshit, but yeah, yeah, it is hilarious It's so good that hat and the girl has a bonnet. Oh boy. Oh, man. What a choice So yeah, I never I did not think anyone would be that passionate about party city ever. Is there something where they said? They were offended by it was What was the first line? Yeah, they said, can you feel personally attacked by Thanksgiving? Oh, personally attacked because it said they saw me coming from a night. I thought they were going to be really offended, but they ended up going the total opposite way.

Starting point is 01:23:16 They were like, attacked with how... It's like the way you feel attacked when you leave Target after a fugue state of buying like $300 worth of stuff and you're like, shit, why did I do that? And like those turkeys mocking you with their looks. They know you're about to spend some real money on this. This is really remarkable, Alex Nehner. Thank you for sharing. That was a really fun challenge.

Starting point is 01:23:38 I feel like that was a very varied, we got a variety of things. And I think I think every time you said that's showbiz, baby, I think I laughed out loud every time, which I Yeah, it was always well placed. I thought it's very funny. These ones. I think some were like, better than others in like how

Starting point is 01:23:59 like, I don't know. I'm playing a trombone at my grandpa's funeral. That one weirdly made a lot of sense. And like, I think the one that made the most sense, or I thought was funniest, was the wig one, where it's like, it's like very, yeah. Oh, I'm in pain, but that's showbiz baby. This hurts, that's showbiz baby. And that's so relatable.

Starting point is 01:24:13 It just felt so, yeah, like an actual thing someone would say, but it was still so funny. Because it was so low stakes. Anyway, I love this. What a delight. That was a really fun review review or sorry, fun challenge. Thanks Kate for sending that in. Thanks everyone who sent in reviews for that. Appreciate it. Except Liz who sent it to the wrong email. Except Liz hopefully learned your lesson.

Starting point is 01:24:39 If not, let us know and we'll try to give you better instructions. Yeah, it probably is very confusing to be fair. Yeah, but yeah, and if you also wanna follow in Liz's footsteps and learn about how you can submit reviews or see upcoming themes and challenges, you can go to patreon.com slash beach2sandy and $5 patrons get a free bonus episode each month along with ad free listening and all that access

Starting point is 01:25:04 to our themes and challenges. And then $10 you get to see our beautiful faces. You get full video episodes which are fun because. Because Christine switches our faces around sometimes. And then probably poor Zoe has to change. No, she won't because it'll be like separate video files anyway. Oh.

Starting point is 01:25:23 It's not recording us as is now unless you did that by accident. But who knows? You'll find out anyway. See our beautiful faces where we can you can see us react to each other and yeah or you can watch us smaller shorter clips at TikTok, Instagram, and then YouTube. We have videos on there. Beach Too Sandy, look us up. Thanks for being here. We love you, bye. Bye. Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog Production. Hosted and produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer.

Starting point is 01:25:52 Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bollum.

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 306: Reviews of Stuff for Your Man Cave

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