Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 308: Reviews of Ghost Hunting Equipment

Episode Date: October 23, 2024

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When it comes to Smartwater Alkaline 9.5 plus pH with antioxidant, there's nothing to overthink. So while you may be performing mental gymnastics over whether the post-work gym crowd is worth it, if you'll be able to find a spot for your yoga mat, or if that spin instructor will make you late for dinner again, don't overthink how you hydrate. Life's full of choices. Smartwater Alkaline is a simple one. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what

they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. ["The New York Times"] Hello everybody. Welcome to episode 308 of Beach to Sandy Water to at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Christine. I'm Zandy. Hi.

Hi. Ooh, where are you? You get so scared every time I do that. You need to calm down. Gosh. Like, I even said it as my ringtone. To try and get over it. Thinking it would help me get over it.

No, I'm just scared all the time. It's like when your neighbors called and said he just keeps screaming at 11 a.m. And I said, oh, no, don't worry. That's just when his alarm turns. That's when his alarm goes off. Yeah. Well, and they only knew to call you because it says if you hear screaming call 513 That's because like Maislyn oh no, that's 444

We are doing ghost hunting supplies today. This is very spooky. So be Forewarned that this is not for the faint of heart Buckle up zip up your pants. There's some scary stories in people's Amazon reviews, okay? True. Don't even worry about it. How was this, Sandy? What is your challenge today, by the way? I forget.

Oh. Speaking of spooky. Uh-oh. Oh, I know what it is. Did you do it? You literally said speaking of spooky, and I went, oh yeah! How did that make sense?

Because in the calendar for Patreon, I wrote, this is scarier than any ghost. Oh, okay, that's spooky, and I went, oh yeah. How did that make sense? Because in the calendar for Patreon, I wrote, this is scarier than any ghost. Oh, okay, that's true, you did say that, that's funny. It's of reviews where people got mooned. Ah, sorry, sorry. Alexander made that my ringtone. Sorry, Alexander made, it's like this terrible cycle where we just scream every time the other person says something.

It made our parents' lives miserable for many decades. Yeah, you know what scares listeners is when we describe videos. So I'm going to do that right now. You know, that vine of that person who's like, uh, like, oh, hi, I'm whatever. And I I'm scared by my own scream. And they like go, ah, and then they, ah, and they like keep screaming. Have you not seen that vine? No, I thought I'd seen every vine to ever do scared of my own laugh or laugh, scream vine. Never. You know what, don't, I don't know.

Actually I'm not going to. It's a classic, okay, nevermind. If you had seen it, you would have laughed. Hey, do you wanna go first? Yeah, this is a review sent in by Lindsay. And this is, I would say the scariest one that I've read. And it's a five-star review. And I'm starting with it because what the fuck?

And I'd like to get this out of my brain and just talk about this. Yeah, starting with a five-star feels like a big tonal shift for us. I feel like it's gonna bring something wild to the table. I find it wild. Some people might be like, oh, that's not wild. Here we go.

This is of four pieces ghost hunting cat ball, multicolor flash LED, you're nodding your head. I was hoping that would be the case. Multicolor flash LED glowing interactive ball pet toys for dog cat animals activity. It's these little, they look like little soccer balls that are plastic see-through with colored lights inside that flash and there's like a red button on top.

And all of- They make like a little rattling sound for cats. Yeah, and every single photo is Photoshopped. It's a picture of a kitten or cat with a baby with these balls Photoshopped in. Which one's the, is there a ghost also or is it just- There's not a single picture of a ghost. As far as I know, maybe all these babies are ghosts.

You're right. You actually brought up a great point. Maybe. But yeah, it's frequently bought together, has all this ghost hunting equipment, but it's- Do you have any questions for me? I mean, I'm gonna go by my assumption that you set them out and if they get touched by a ghost,

they flash? Yeah. Is that what it is basically? Yeah, and like they've gotten popular recently because, well, first of all, a lot of, by the way, folks, resident expert here, they've gotten a lot of attention lately because a lot of places have cat ghosts. And so it's like, oh, we'll just leave it in a corner,

put a camera on it. It's an easy thing to just kind of set down. And if it moves, you'll know, because it lights up, it flashes, they're cheap, they're small. And then also, they work great for real live cats too. We did have to ban Eva from bringing cat toys on Investigations because she does play with them herself.

She's far too cat like to... That is the least surprising thing. I know. And so she's like playing with the laser and we were like, Eva, you're playing by yourself. Like you're not playing with a ghost cat. Yeah. Now that you mentioned lasers and stuff, there is a weird amount of crossover it feels between what would be good for cats and ghosts. Are we surprised at all? I guess not. Like, I assume there are more surprising things.

It's just strange to me. The cat ghost crossover, I think I learned about that the moment I started a podcast about the paranormal and I realized, wow, people really are into cats and ghosts. And I think somehow that's the- Yeah, but specifically like the ghost hunting stuff with cat, like lasers, motion stuff. I think cats just like things that move and make sound. And so that's probably already they're into a lot of the objects that are trying to get triggered by ghosts.

Yeah, well, speaking of triggered by ghosts, here's a five star review of said balls, these plastic little plastic balls that light up. It is funny when you hear someone in an interview or something, or on a really hardcore ghost show, and they'll be like, we brought our spirit box, we're gonna do the us's method,

and Aaron's holding the cat balls. And you're like, what? What did you just say? It's like very weird. It is it like doesn't to me at first I thought what a silly thing but apparently they're really big. I still think it's kind of silly I guess it makes sense. But yeah, I think it's especially that it says ghost hunting Yeah start in this description and then it's all about cats and dogs animal activity and they're like I like if it doesn't work on the ghost hunt at least we can split them up and take them's all about cats and dogs, animal activity. And they're like, but they chew horn. It's kind of like if it doesn't work on the ghost hunt,

at least we can split them up and take them home to our cats. Like even I just brought them home. It's just so weird. Here's the five star review. This is titled, My Friendly Spirits Loves the Ball, Ghost Emoji Heart Emoji Ghost Emoji 2024. Oh, okay. So this is a verified purchase.

I knew my friendly spirit would love their new toys. Children, they come into my room, let me know they're here with me. I am planning to buy more. The only thing I'm very disappointed is false advertisement. Supposed to get purple one, white three batteries. My first order, there wasn't nothing in the package. The second order, only two balls, but no three batteries. I wish you guys would advertise these balls Do not replace batteries and I paid nine bucks I could have paid cheaper than that But I kept it because I want my spirits to play with their new toys and of my girl

This sounds like that time. I don't know how I remember this It's like so irrelevant in the grand scheme of our podcast, but there was one review And by the way that you know that that's like saying something. That's saying something. Wow, irrelevant in the relation to. There was a review where somebody got a toy of like an octopus or something for their kid,

but it was like wrong, like it had the wrong number of legs or it like ripped or stuffing. I forget like something was. That must've been like our toy emoji, or our toy episode, what was that toy? The stuffed toys that we did? Squishmallows? Squishmallows or, it was something like that.

And the dad said, I wish I could get a refund, but my kid is just so in love with it, I can't take it away. And I'm like, okay, it sounds like you kinda are in sitting pretty, you know? It's like, your ghost like it, who cares? Yeah. Yeah, what's the problem?

It's like Jeremiah's favorite color purple, and now he's gonna haunt you extra because you didn't get your purple one, maybe. You're so good with ghost names, Your ghost like it, who cares? Yeah. Yeah, what's the problem? It's like Jeremiah's favorite color purple and now he's gonna haunt you extra because you didn't get your purple one, maybe. You're so good with ghost names, not that that should be surprising. But- Oh well, thank you, by the way.

I'll work on it, or not I'll work on it. I'll show off. I'll show off this episode. You will. Not only, there's a video with this. Oh, what? Okay. And like, it's her watching them change colors

and she's talking to the ghosts. And it's... She says like... Like I always say, uh-oh, as if that's not something I do every single month, but uh-oh. It's like sitting there, just sitting there on the shelf from a distance

and she's filming. She's like, like, hey there. And then she's like, and then she's like, come on, touch it, touch the ball. And then it starts lighting up. Yeah, she's saying hello, my friendly spirits. It's I love that she keeps calling them friendly. Like that way they won't turn on me. That's true. She said, I love you, my friendly spirit. They'll try to prove you wrong, so be careful. I've learned that the hard way.

If these are on a higher shelf, they would be flying. Oh, gosh, the whole shelf would be knocked over, yeah. That would scare me. That would scare me too. Would fly off the shelf. Anyway, I was just, what the heck? Well, you've seen our ghost. This is a very big spoiler

that Em's not gonna be happy about, but won't know, right guys? Cause you're not gonna say ghost. This is a very big spoiler that Em's not going to be happy about, but won't know, right, guys, because you're not going to say it. In our current show that we just started, Zandy's seen it. I feel like I'm going to get in trouble if I don't stop this. No, you're not going to get in trouble. It's just there's one scene about a ghost cat. Do you remember it? Yes. And I thought that was pretty wild. Yeah. Yeah. No.

I was like, because Em kept describing it. I was like, I don't know, we can probably cut that. Em was like, let's just watch it and then you decide. And I watched it and went, holy shit, a ghost cat. Anyway. No, it was creepy. It was pretty creepy. Nevermind, I'm just gonna, yeah, I wanna say-

Poor Alexander, I put you on spot. No, no, no, cause now I'm like, oh wait, yeah, I remember. And then I was gonna be specific to be like, hey, look how I remember this. Cause I like to prove to you that I remember. That's so nice. but I remember that thing going that yeah that is the way it did that in what in a direction it went it did it did I'd argue in two and honestly I thought it was more effective than a cat ball like I think that would

have been less it was it was much also much more like cat like movement like where you could like You know what? I mean very true like the Strategy of the cat was the way it felt like I was watching a cat pod something unlike Yeah, like if it wasn't a ball so it wasn't like rolling so you could like see you like oh, okay So that's a little fun fact for everybody and so you better come to my show so you can see the ghost cat Yeah, go see them live Poor Alexander has to watch it you can see the ghost cat. Go see them live. Poor Alexander has to watch it 800 times in the next year.

I've only seen it once so far. That's outrageous. Usually by now you've had how many like a handful. And you should have seen at least four times. No, no, six, six, six, six, six, six. Sorry. I'm triggering myself over and over again. Man, I was about to start telling them where to go,

but so many of them are signed out, sold out. But Springfield, Missouri. Yeah, and Atlanta, Buckhead, come on. Tonight, tonight, Springfield, Missouri tonight. What? When this comes out. Sorry, you're okay. Hey, hey. Christina, I'm so sorry. I know, I'm sorry.

Hey, you want me to pee my pants on camera? Is that what's happening? In Atlanta, maybe I'll be at that show. The way that my brain just went like, you know when a philofax is like, shh, shh, shh. You know a philofax? Oh yes, I actually do. That's what my brain did.

And then my brain said, we don't even know what a philofax is. And then I said, uh oh, closed for business. Wow. So I've heard. Did you? Oh, I was gonna say, did you want to read a review? Not yet.

This is from Stacey Sheher. It's of, and now I want to be very honest here because I'm already embarrassed. I own this. I do. Um, and I know I assume you own those cat balls too. Like I do. I owned every, probably every single item we're going to discuss today. Yes.

Like because obviously we've tried everything. My items. I think. I own every, probably every single item we're going to discuss today. Yes. Like because obviously we've tried everything. Of my items, I think. Yeah. Yes. Probably have. Yikes. Okay. So, and if I don't, then I'd probably be purchasing them today. But so spirit. So these are called spirit hunter, 99.9% copper dowsing rods, two piece divining rods with bag.

It sounded so bad ass at the start. And then it got really lame spear Well get this dividing rods with bag hyphen detect gold water ghost hunting etc, so Etc. It's like you can take gold water Go hunting. I don't know. I think they ran out of steam like you said, but the reason I know it's this exact object I own and it's because I remember Em getting dowsing rods and I was like, where'd you get these?

And Em was like, I don't know. And I was like, because I bought mine, I like went, I like did this long journey on Etsy, like a lunatic and I'm not even kidding. And I like found the exact ones that I wanted and had them like made for me. And then Em all of a sudden showed up with some and said, I'm like, what?

Custom handles, like. I really wanted them to be like really fresh. Can we tell people what dowsing rods are? Okay, I was so hoping. First of all, either go see her show, any of her shows for the past four years. Yeah, you'll hear about it. They're basically these cool rods.

They're made of copper typically, and they kind of point, if you've seen anybody who, they use them in like Appalachian history, they use them in parts of Europe. They're these kind of rods that you hold the handles and they kind of move on their own and the idea is you can follow them to like a water source or a ley line if you believe that kind of thing,

or you communicate with spirits, you do yes, no questions, and they like move, depending on what the answer is and it's hard to control them yourself. And so anyway, that's what they do. They're these like metal, you know, depending on what the answer is and it's hard to control them yourself. And so anyway, that's what they do. There are these like metal rods you hold. You can use sticks. They hold out and they like cross each other

and they like, yeah. You've probably seen, I don't know, I feel like I have seen them before. I'm sure people have seen them. I feel like they'll be holes, you know, maybe to find Madame Zaroni or something, you have to use dowsing rods. Look for water sources and that kind of thing.

And so I know we have this because Em accidentally mixed mine and theirs up. And I went home and I said, these don't look like my dowsing rods. And then I looked at the bag and it said, spirit hunter in really big letters. And I went, this is not the Etsy shop I ordered from. So I said, Em, give me my dowsing rods back.

You bought these weird ones off Amazon. But when you started talking about the ones you bought, you were like, I went on this journey. In my head, knowing what dowsing rods are, I'm like, oh, she found some like, Oh, on the internet, yeah. There was like some lightning struck a specific spot. What if I used like other dowsing rods

to locate my new, you know what I mean? It's like, oh shoot, it's, I gotta find my dowsing rods. I better find a you know what I mean it's like yeah oh shoot it's it's I gotta find my dowsing rods I better find a big stick I can use until yeah until I upgrade it you should install like a moon rock maybe you could find a moon rock somewhere on the ground honestly though like don't even say that because if I did have dowsing rods back then I probably could have found the moon rock our ancestors would have found that moon rock that you dropped on a on the floor, you know. I didn't drop it on the floor. You bumped the table. I dropped into a giant table full of sand and other rocks. Almost worse, actually much worse, because there was no differentiating it from. And I said, what about a magnet? Can you put a magnet? And they said,

half of these rocks are magnetic. And I said, I think we have to go now. Half of these rocks are magnetic!" And I said, I think we have to go now. These are, this is a one star review of this product and it's a, the title is Bad Vibes. It's a verified purchase. This one goes out to my spiritual buddies here. The vibes of these guys is just bad. They felt horrible in my hands. I haven't used dowsing rods before

and have allergies to various metals, so I guess I wasn't a great candidate to start with. That being said, I would not recommend Off of Vibes Alone. Actually, let me say that again. I would recommend... I'm in the ER right now. I would recommend Off of Vibes Alone not to buy this product because it gave me hives and swirled up my whole face. You should have put it in your mouth. Well, listen, I'm thinking a whole body hive situation. I see, I see, I see. But I do like that.

I'm very allergic to many metals and I've never touched one of these before, but wow, I don't feel good. What is that? Yeah, what? An allergic reaction to a dowsing rod. Like imagine you put in an earring and it like gets your ear infected

and you're like, man, bad vibes on this earring. It's like, wait a minute, you're having a physical reaction. Going the spiritual route, I think this person has some very bad stuff inside. Yeah, we do probably need to perform an exorcism. So that's what the dowsing rods tell me based on this review. Yeah. Well then it must be true.

Yeah. Spirit hunter. Time for the spirit hunter to get hunted. I was so mad when Em treated me. Em was like, there's no difference between them. And I went, I bet a different of you felt the vibes of this thing. Yeah. It's no good. Oh my God.

You got to find the best vibe once. My personal favorites are the 2X 99.9% copper dowsing rod, divining rods with box, ghost hunting, water divining, spirit hunting, detect gold, yes no questions, et cetera. Wow, okay, so no spirit hunter, but the rest of it is pretty similar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this was sent in by Jess, she, her, and here is a one-star review. Verified purchase. Here we go.

These are all verified purchase. I feel like people are not effing around with these ghosts. Well, they're effing around with something. Here we go. Yeah, they're too busy. I'm around with equipment. Of the devil. I am renewed. I used to practice witchcraft, but I don't anymore. There's no such thing as a Christian witch. For all the parents out there, if you don't know what this is, look it up. This is a tool for witches. The altar I was using for Asmodeus, the demon I was working with, lit up in flames.

Cool. There were no candles lit. So I am now a Christian. End of review. Imagine. Imagine. Imagine that something catches on fire and you're like okay God I get it. I kind of would work on me at some point. Yeah, burning bush. Yeah, his bush was burning. Yeah. Burning for you, God. Anyway, yeah, do you know anything about Asmodeus?

No clue, well, I've heard it. In Jewish legend, Please go on. Yeah, I'm like, let me just. Please educate us all. Let me just jump in here before you tell us what you think Asmodeus is. Let's just read it off the internet.

According, oh, sorry, it's, in Jewish legend is the king of demons, according to the apocryphal book of Tobit, Asmodeus, smitten with love for Sarah, the daughter of Raguel, killed her- I think it's in that song. Oh. Asmodeus.

I'm pretty sure. That sounds right to me. Killed her seven, I'm in, yes, I believe it. But let me try something else, hold on. What's the person who sent that in? Jess? Jess, no no I think Modius is actually in it. It says Modius. Jessica! Jessica! Jess Modius! Uh oh! I feel like I'm

summoning something I need to shut up before my room catches on fire. Yeah something's good are there any candles lit? Remember when you lit the candle? It smelled so bad. You're like I was, that's just how the candle smells and I'm looking right now at it and the entire bottom of the Shelf is like bubbled and melted because I was just melting plywood Yeah, so anyway as Modi has killed her seven successive husbands on their wedding nights So he could have Sarah to himself. I didn't get to that point, but I thought that was important Okay, so why does this reviewer think first of all? so he could have Sara to himself. I didn't get to that point, but I thought that was important. It's awkward, okay. So why does this reviewer think, first of all,

why does this reviewer think Asmodeus gives a fuck about you? You know what I mean? Like, you're trying, you're sitting there with your fucking divining rods, trying to summon Asmodeus, like who are you? You know what I mean? Yeah, but so she was trying to summon him and the idea is he caught the altar on fire

so she said, nevermind. So what did she expect? Like did she expect like, oh, he'd give her a big hug? Like, I don't understand. Like it seems like that's exactly what you would want. That's what I would want when I'm summoning Asmodeus. A demon? Like, wouldn't you be like, wow, it worked. I mean, I guess if it works and maybe that's a clue like okay

I guess I should get away from this demon. I don't know I think that's wild that somebody and it's a verified purchase, huh? So this isn't a troll. See that's crazy I mean it look it's a $12 item They might have bought it just for them like if for shits and gigs. If they bought it for something, like, I don't know, random use, and then got an email, how was your review? They could have been, or how was your item? They're like, oh, I have an opportunity to do something funny here with my verified purchase badge.

Oh, you think they're trying to be funny? Garcia, I don't know. I don't think this person, I'd like to believe this person wasn't actually trying to use these to summon as Mobius to do. I don't either, but I thought it was a Christian trying to be like, hey, guess. They don't even know how to spell altar. I don't know. See, that's what I'm saying. I don't know if they were ever a witch.

Have they ever been to altered state? Have they even been to altered state? Have they been to woodland altars or no? Woodland altars are true. I just feel like this has the vibe of like a Christian person who's trying to make like these grandiose claims about witchcraft where you're like, I don't know if you really know. Child bought these to practice witchcraft and then is doing like a warning for everyone else.

Oh my God, and she's like, just get here. And then if you look at her purchase history, it's like butane torch, like a lot of fire starting items so that like... This is like a scared straight type thing. Like really terrifying this child. Now you've got to befriend the devil for 24 hours. If you, you got to smoke the whole pack. You're locked in the closet with asmodeus

and a pack of cigarettes. When I opened this closet, there are no cigarettes left. If you're not a Christian, I swear. You're going to hell. What the fuck is this scenario? You wanna just read something? Okay. This is from Taylor, they them, and it's a review of Ghost Hunting for Dummies.

Do you know who wrote this book? This feels like a trick question. Like I should know who wrote it. Kind of right? Probably. It wasn't Zach Bagans. Who was? He was.

Yeah, I have a copy. Of course you do. Of course I do. To be fair, it was given to me, but I do have a copy somewhere. I don't know where it is. But I do have a copy. Yes. He did write a book called Ghost hunting for Dummies.

I do encourage you Zandy to look it up because it's very funny. Is it the like for Dummies? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Google it. I mean, I feel like it has him on the cover. It's really a wild, wild image. That's ridiculous. What does it have on Goodreads, by the way? It being the same like styles. The, it has a 3.7. As PC and Windows for dummies, it would be like Linux for dummies, which is what always Barnes and Noble

would put in the clearance section. Now there's like a, what's the rating on Goodreads? 3.66, which isn't bad, but it only has 208 ratings. Really? Yeah, which I don't know. I'm kind of surprised by that I mean anyway, I have a I have an actual review here. Okay from Goodreads. It's a two-star review by Lynette of Ghost hunting for dummies. I Don't like Zack Baggins in the least by the way, if you don't know who's that pain is shame on you second of all

He's the host of ghost adventures and he's kind of a douche bag. Okay, just Google him, you'll understand. I don't like Zach Baggins in the least, but my mother, 66, thought I, 39, would enjoy this. So she checked it out of her library for me, which I guess was sweet, but I don't need my mom checking out things she thinks I'll like.

Anyway, I felt I had to read it to make her happy. Okay, first of all, that's insane behavior. Yes. No wonder you're bitter about this. If somebody forced me to read a book I wasn't interested in because I wanted to make them happy and it was like a free book from the library, not like something that they bought you.

Yeah, that's why I'm confused. I'm like, wow, like this was just a library kit? So it was like from her. And it's not like the mom has read it and wants to talk to you about it or something. something that they bought you. That's why I'm confused. I'm like, wow, like this was just a library kit? Like it's not like the mom has read it and wants to talk to you about it or something. It's like, you don't have to read it. Also I tried. It's really not that fun to read. Okay next paragraph.

Oh boy. First of all, there are so many typos in this book that I stopped keeping track of them all. Second, there is some really unnecessary information here, like the history of photographs. Third, while Zach mentions being respectful to the owners of a haunted site, he makes no mention of being respectful to the ghosts, which I suppose is to be expected since he is known for calling out the spirits. Punching them. Yes, calling out the spirits. And punching them. Yes, calling out is a very vague term.

It's more like- Certainly not calling in. Attacking them. He also loves the word literally and does not use it once correctly. End of review. The fact that the word literally is in there repeatedly makes me so happy. I've never- I've flipped through it, but just for- I was going to say, didn't you say it was fun read?

I said it's not a fun read. You said it's funny. No, you said it's funny. Oh, I mean the cover is funny. Okay, that's what you meant. I see. I thought you meant the book earlier. It's a very funny concept that you wrote.

The existence of this book is funny. Very funny to me. And the fact that I have, I'm pretty sure a signed copy somebody mailed me is also very funny to me. That makes it so much better. But I did skim through it and was like, this doesn't look like something I wanna read. But I do kinda wanna read it now

for the literalese and the typos. Yeah. Maybe you'd need the information too. I've seen your shows. Maybe you need some of the information. Maybe I do. Actually on stage at our past shows, we used to put this book up on a stool.

Like we would prop it. It was like a decoration. You did? I don't remember that. I wonder if we have photos somewhere. It was always on stage like with. My seats were always like really far back. I know we would put you in the nose bleeds.

No, we had a. My nose did bleed every single time I went to your show. Which I told you, it's a symptom of possession and he won't listen to me. But we had like Robert the doll and we had like the boo buddy, we had like the dowsing rods and then like Zach Baggins, ghost hunting for dummies. Oh I forgot about that.

Or if I saw it I probably was like, that's ridiculous. Immediately erased from my memory. My next one is also from Jess, and it is of ghost hunting equipment, paranormal equipment for ghost hunting, digital EVP voice activated recorder, rechargeable recorder device with microphone, 8 gigabytes, purple. Purple. Don't tell that lady from earlier,

who's Jebediah ghost or whatever loves the color purple. What uh, what is the brand of this? Teleglow, oh nevermind, okay, but it's two L's and two W's T-E-L-L-E Okay G-L-O-W-W So it makes me think there's a teleglow with one W and one less L. A cease and desist somewhere in the mail. Something's wrong here.

Sorry, I'm looking at this recorder and there's like three big buttons and a screen and a little speaker at the bottom. So it's like a very small rectangular recorder, a screen at the top. Above the screen, on the left there's an L and on the right there's an R. Like just telling you which side is the left side, which one's the right side.

I don't understand why that's necessary. Like if you were putting your ear, maybe that's where plugs go. I don't know. Oh my God, okay. It looks like something I would have used. It looks like the thing that I bought from the Scholastic book catalog

that was supposed to keep boys out of my room. Like, you know, like say a password and it, and you can't get in. Oh, here's a one star review. Verified purchase. Not what I thought. I got this so I could ask my grandma the recipe for her chicken tetra Zini I'll never know what else goes with the tomatoes. It's just a recorder not a spirit box and They saw ghost hunting equipment

Yeah What? So they're just talking to the void. Yeah, and they were like. I mean, the idea is that you play it back and hopefully hear something. It's not like, oh. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I can't. Imagine though they're using the sphere box, which is the thing by the way, for people who don't know, that goes like, and it scans through radio frequencies.

Imagine that she hears like, she's like, what's your, what's your secret ingredient for the chicken Tetra Zini? And it's like, hot country 49 seven. Uh, I feel like cause you get so many radio like blurbs, like it'll be like, uh, like the number of times I've heard Ryan Seacrest in my ears when I'm doing that, like just like blurting out a word or two, I feel like he would say like chumbaumba Casino and I'd be like, what? Grandma? You cannot be sure that that's Ryan Seacrest. I cannot?

Yeah, that might be the ghost mimicking Ryan Seacrest to lull you into a sense of security, a state of whatever. Do you think it's Alzaman what's his name her name her his name i actually don't know as one jessica jessica asma i i keep wanting to say the wrong thing uh it is asmodeus oh wow it's way cooler than i thought it's so much cooler um maybe it is as maybe brian secret and asmodeus have a little secret. Or two.

Or two? Oh my God, God forbid. I'm just saying. All right, this was sent in by Monica Sheher. It is of an item that I own, also called the SB7 Spirit Box for Ghost Hunting. And it says, newest model with FMAM. With FM and AM? You know what, model with FMAM. With FM and AM?

You know what, shut up. It does have FM and AM. I still don't want. It's only $94.90. First of all. Is it set to 104.1? It's obviously set to Hot Country 104.1 and it's obviously by Ghostop,

which is the company that Em and I buy all of our shit from. So I hope that you don't have this one. Is this by, do you have one by Fitz? I do not. Oh, great. So I will say Vicky sent one in, but not by Fitz. This one was sent in by Monica. Did, I also have another one sent in by Monica

that was written by Eduardo. Nope. Phew, okay, wow, so people are having thoughts about this. All right, this is a review by Fitz. It's one star and it's called At First It Seemed Like Fun. I made contact with someone named Eddie. He was nice to me at first, but before long he grew very insulting and critical.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I would have called my parents up. Wait, that's probably, I was gonna say, that's probably grandma. Like, to say that's probably grandma.

Like, come on. Let's be rational here. So you've reached a family member. So you thought you were safe once grandma died. Nope. She can find her way through. I made contact with someone named Eddie. He was nice to me at first, but before long, he grew very insulting and critical.

That and then his voice became coarse and guttural, like a sarcastic crocodile or something. Pfft. I'm like, oh my God, I heard that. I'm like, oh my God, like a demon. Yeah, I like how they're like, or something. It's like, I don't know. It's almost like either this person is totally cut out

for ghost hunting or not at all. Like they're so out of the loop that like they don't even know when a demons talking to them or they're so Like unfazed that they're like that's not a demon. It's just a sarcastic crocodile. Either way I want them in the room You know, like I don't care. I kind of love this energy they're bringing. It's so funny. It got so bad I had to get rid of it, but Eddie is still here. He follows me around everywhere Sometimes he calls me fat and stupid end of review That part made me think it's maybe a joke but the rest of it felt very for your next show You need me in one of those goes i'll just call everything a sarcastic crocodile or i'll just insult you the whole time

I don't you can like have me be the ghost have me be someone who doesn't care. Boring, yeah, you just like shout under your breath. You have to do it in a coarse and guttural voice though. Like a sarcastic rock. Like a sarcastic rock at that. Obviously, you get it. Sorry, I forget that we still have the ability to really frighten each other. Oh no, I hate eating fish.

Say something that my grandpa would say about me. You're ugly. That was really good. Yeah. Well, he w okay. Weirdly, he would say that to me about you. So I was just kind of like, you're just passing it along. Yeah.

Yeah. How's your ugly sister doing? It felt like, it felt, she literally has once said to me, why did you marry a man shorter than me? And I was like, why did I, I don't think about you. Stop being weird. That's a weird thing to ask me.

Yeah. Like the first time I saw him in years, when I went to live with him was, I thought you'd be taller. Yeah. I mean, yes. Literally the first words out of his mouth. It's a thing. That was wild. He's a thing that was wild. He's such a sarcastic crocodile. And I've always had that.

And that if I like was self-conscious from my height back then, like that was one thing that thankfully he didn't like, he found out what I was self-conscious about and attacked it. And I went, imagine if I met blazes grandparents and they were like, wow, you're a lot fatter than I thought. You know what I mean? Like, what a wild like first meeting like blaze was like, wow, you're a lot fatter than I thought Blaise would be. You know what I mean? Like what a wild first meeting. Like Blaise was like, well, my hairline is receding. I am too short.

I am too this, that, the other. Jesus. I'm not a real doctor, et cetera. And I was like, man, if your grandparents have had this talk about. Christina, calm down. No, this is, okay. You're right, I'll cut it out.

You just listed all you don't know. Sometimes I feel like, sometimes I feel like I was meant to be a sarcastic crocodile and I've just, I'm fighting the urge. It just felt like in like one of those TV shows or movies where it's just like, you're just insulting them, but you're defending them.

By trying. And you're just like constantly trying to. Just because he is an inadequate, yeah, yeah, yeah. It does, it does feel like that. That is not what I'm trying to say. I had to shut it down. But no, yeah, no, anyway.

Where were we before we got into our family trauma? Trauma? Oh yeah, you didn't live there. Just for me, yeah. Oh no, I thought it was always deeply enjoyable, yeah. Yeah, so that was Eddie. Oh yeah. The carcass. Where were we? I guess it's enjoyable. Yeah. Yeah, so that was Eddie. Oh yeah. The carcass.

Where were we? I guess this is my turn now. Yeah, I'm gonna grab my box of wine off my desk because I'm getting actually, maybe I'm allergic to metals. I'm just like playing with my hands and shaking. Maybe I have an allergy to metals also. And the only cure is more boxed wine.

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Download an app for your phone. Spend a few dollars so there are no commercials. Best app I have used was Portal Plus. I did get a few words out of it. First, before people say, I decay what I am doing, about me, I am a paranormal psychic. I was about to say that. I decay what you are doing.

I, you decay what you are doing, so I don't think that I trust you. Well, you're about to find out why you should trust them. About me, I am a paranormal psychic. I can see spirits and communicate with them. I have been doing so for about four years. I thought I could make a few bucks by the box. That's called a medium, by the way.

So I think they need a dictionary. Actually, I think they need Ghost Hunting for Dummies by Zach Viggins, because I feel like they don't even know the difference between a psychic and a medium. Yeah, so would a psychic be one who can read minds and then a medium is someone who can communicate with the dead? Exactly, you can either read somebody else's, or you can see the future, you know, or you can yeah But a medium is who talks to the dead

Interesting, okay Don't ask questions. Just go You're looking a little too Too too critical thinking no that makes sense I was just like, huh, I was thinking about it because I was like, yeah, that tracks. Because you're a medium, you're like in between the dead and the living. That's kind of, you know.

Totally. And a psychic medium is like both. Like you can, so if you, like a lot of times, if I book, I mean, not a lot of times, I've done this maybe three times, but you book a reading with a psychic. Just to some, Christina, that's a lot. Medium, yeah, exactly.

That's why I said a lot. And then I went, I guess, relative to me, it's not a lot because it seems like... What's relative to the importance of our podcast? Honestly, top tier number one, at least top three. But if you book with a psychic medium, a lot of times they'll ask, do you want a psychic reading or a mediumship reading? Like, do you want to contact somebody who's past or do you want like guidance on real life like stuff going on in your future etc so anyway wait so which one's the psychic so which one's which a psychic medium is like both so if you're a psychic medium it's like you do both and you do what's the both like one is contact with the people what's

the other read people's minds oh psychic is like yeah you can either give guidance on like what might come in the future like like what paths you might be able to follow. They might, like, for example, because I was very confused about this too. And then I met with a psychic recently and they were like, oh, it looks like there's some sort of a property acquisition or like a move coming up. And I went, huh. And then they said, like, just be aware of like, this kind of interpersonal drama or like it looks like there's-

This was your realtor who said that, right? Yeah, I only work with psychic, her name was Teresa from Long Island. I don't know, she told me she could sell me a house. No, anyway, the point is, is psychic just does like on the earth stuff. Like they can see, like clairvoyance, they can see things that other people can't.

Okay, and then- And then a medium is like, oh, I'm directly talking things that other people can't. Okay. And then a medium is like, oh, I'm directly talking to the dead people. Interesting. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. I was sincerely curious about it. I'm glad you said that because Em asked me a few weeks ago and I went, oh, wow, I actually

know the answer to this. Oh, yeah. For once. So. I thought I could make a few bucks by the box and it would go bonkers, have spirits talking out of it. Long story short, I packed my entire house with deceased people.

They were all trying to speak through it. I asked them- I'm sorry, I packed the entire house with deceased people, okay. The whole house. So, okay, so you had a party for dead people and brought this thing. I wanna hear the long story, okay, maybe I don't,

but I kinda do. Long story short, I packed my entire house with deceased people. They were all trying to speak through it. I asked them, are you trying to talk out verbal so it will pick you up? They said yes. Returned it, got a refund.

I'm sure YouTube has some videos of people using these. They always go to scary places. A real psychic knows they can talk to spirits anywhere Your you family room kitchen basement most of them like to be around other people and of review Yeah, but like you don't want it necessarily just like Okay, I mean, okay, I guess I Guess I'm just like I'm not just like okay this person can just say what they want. I guess I Guess you can just say whatever the fuck

Says the person with multiple podcasts well, I keep trying I keep trying to be like well That's not really I'm like why am I arguing with this right? Stupid I was buckling it I was ready for it, but I do like that her complaint wasn't that it doesn't work It's like it works too well. They were all talking at once. No, no, no, no. So I don't think so. I think what they're saying is that they tried. They were like able to communicate yes or no with a ghost.

So maybe with a different thing saying, hey, are you trying to speak through this? And they said yes, but they couldn't. So they weren't very clear. They were all trying to talk. I think the long story short, I think the long story was like one more word that they left out that would have maybe cleared everything up because I think all they had to say was that or like just say that it wasn't working. But I assume that's what happened because he said it doesn't work.

They said this is a toy. Maybe they're talking through that app, Portal Plus. Oh, I forgot about the damn app. Okay, first of all, that's silly because those apps. Maybe they work for Portal Plus. This is a verified purchase, I will say. The apps seem like they work because they say things like this.

Demon, death. Casket. And then you're like, ah! And it's like, wait a minute, why does it only say scary words? You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, mm, okay. But the, what's the device that has all the words stored in it? Oh, the Ovalus, yes. That thing, half of those words are scary.

Like it has fucking scary words in there for some reason. Yeah, but then it'll say like, Banana. Casserole, and you're like, wait, what? Casserole, that's a good one. Yeah. It's very confusing. Yeah, I don't get it. I mean, I guess I shouldn't even try

and argue one point or another, what the fuck do I know? But I'm no psychic, me. What did you call yourself? I find this interesting. Christina, not even, paranormal psychic. Sure. Like paranormal. Aw, I never saw that movie. Me too, I'm done with reviews by the way thankfully

for this. Okay, I only have three left, but two of them are Redemption. So here is one more review of that same spirit box. This is a three star review by Eduardo. It's a verified purchase and the title is, I hate that this works. Oh no, another fat shaming or whatever.

I know, it just keeps bullying me. Wait, Eduardo, Eddie? Gasp. It's all coming together. Could it be? It's all coming together, Christina. Oh my God, three stars. This thing unfortunately works.

The controls are wonky, but it does catch EVPs. Also, learn never to do this with drunk people. Because when your friend yells at it, asking if it's an angel or a demon, and a deep, guttural laugh comes out of it when you're the only two in the room, then yeah, this thing is effed. End of review.

What? Whoa. There's a ghost in the machine. Eddie? Do you think it's the same ghost in every single one? Definitely. It's Ryan Seacrest. That's how Ryan Seacrest stays so youthful and young and vibrant. Probably. He just feeds off of this, you know, these radio waves. Have you seen Talk to Me? Is that what it's called? I have no idea, I've seen Dead to Me. Christina, okay, Talk to Me is scary. Ooh.

It is scary. Is it a movie or a show? It's a movie, so I'd highly recommend it. Hey, I just Googled it, and just based on the photo of the hand alone, I am so afraid and not interested, and I just saw another photo, and I'm very afraid I'm gonna close out. Christina? Alexander, I don so afraid and not interested. And I just saw another photo and I'm very afraid

I'm gonna close out. Christina. I don't know if I can do this. This looks way too scary for me. I don't know if you can either, but it would be worth it if you did. Are you sure? I think this is one of the best movie.

Like it's such a good movie, I think. I was just telling someone I was too scared to watch Beetlejuice. So I don't know that I'm cut out for this, but I'm gonna to show you. Maybe I'll I'm I know. Trust me. It's not pretty bad. I'm not fucking proud of it. But I was like that once too. Well, I mean, OK, I wouldn't say I'm too scared now.

But like in the past, I've never watched Beetlejuice because I was always too scared. I feel like now I'm not scared. I'm not scared of Bealejuice. OK, so proud of you. I would wish that everybody on Reddit would stop starting rumors about me. You made everyone, Christina, if you hadn't clarified 20 seconds ago, I would have thought- I know, but I think it's also a recent shift,

so it's like, it's still kind of true. Like, I'm still like a big chicken. You're still learning about yourself. Yeah, so I'm like, I don't even know about Beeljuice because I was always too scared to watch it. I think now I'd give it a chance, but I don't know, this one looks too real time scary. There was one fateful day that ruined everything. I think now I'd give it a chance, but I don't know. This one looks too real time scary. I don't know.

There was one fateful day that ruined everything. Is when- For whom? For you. Yes. You don't even know what it is. I mean, I know what it is. I don't know if you know what it is. You're wrong.

What do you think it is? I know what it is and I'm not gonna say it. Cause you're gonna say- Is it about the ring with Alyssa or some bullshit? No, Christina. Okay, well, fuck you. Then what? You know what it is and I'm not gonna say it. Cause you're gonna say. Is it about the ring with Alyssa or some bullshit? No, Christina. Okay, well fuck you. Then what? You know what it was?

It was when we were in LA together, living together, and M was over, and we were gonna watch that fucking movie with what's his fucking face. But there's a reason why I made myself fall asleep cause I knew I couldn't handle it. But if you had stayed awake to watch that movie, that ripped a bandaid off of me.

I'm not kidding. That was like the first scary movie I'd seen. Wait, really? Yes. After that ripped a bandaid off for me. I'm not kidding. That was like the first scary movie I've seen. Yes. After that, I started watching more and more. You know what? You know what? I think that for me? The shows, nothing. Yeah, nothing yet. But the series like Haunting of Hill House or Fall of the House of Usher where I would think, oh, well, it's not a scary movie. So in my head, I was like, oh, it's different. It's like a drama, it's a TV show. It's like a horror TV show. So I would watch the series and it was fricking scary.

But then afterward somebody said, hey, you're basically just watching a lot of like many parts of a bigger horror movie. And I went, oh, I never thought of it like that. So I think maybe Hill House kind of helped me in that way. Well, talk to me is really good. Well, when you hear people call, when you hear my neighbors calling you tonight,

cause I'm screaming, cause I'm watching Beetlejuice. And your alarm is telling them my phone number. Yeah, then maybe we'll have to talk about this, but I'm going to start with Beetlejuice and I'll go on from there. I only have two redemptions left. This is of the ghost Meter EMF Sensor Transparent. Now Alexander, I need you, I beg of you to look at this

and tell me it does not look like something I would buy in the Scholastic book catalog. Is this like purple Game Boy see-through? It literally is that see-through color, but it's orange-ish. Oh, that's kind of color, but it's orange. Oh yeah. And it comes in like blister packaging.

Like look at the second photo where it has blister packaging and it says fun, simple, thrilling. What? I know it's so excellent. This looks like a fake product. Right? It feels like a prop. It is very silly. It literally, Christina, what is this? It's an EMF reader.

And there's, it says the ghost meter, and there's a little picture to the left of it. What the fuck is that? And underneath the picture it says, associated press picture from CNN news of Henry VIII, quote, palace ghost caught on camera. What does that have to do with this meter? December 19th, 2003, Hampton Palace, London.

It's not a camera. Why does it have that picture on the packaging? And they had to credit the photo. CNN news of Henry, a picture of Henry the eighth. Are you kidding me? The bottom of the next page, first of all, the whole thing is a lot, but the bottom thing says, search www.google.com

for ghost pictures and you will find thousands of ghost clubs worldwide. Have fun and do not be afraid. Most ghosts are friendly. A great gift. Christina, what years is from? It's hysterical. It said 2003 was the photo, so it had to be after that. True. The website still works. It's ghostmeter.net, Christina, and this is the only product on there.

Let me go to www.google.com first. This is wild. Oh no, oh, sorry, I was like, they have more than one product. It's the same product, but refurbished. I love this. Hey, the ghost meter store. You know what they sell? One ghost meter. I love this for them. I hope that they're still around. I love that they take refurbished ones too. They're like, you can send this back. We can rework it. Wow, I love this.

Ready? Find hot spots in homes, exclamation point, in cemeteries, in buildings. We guarantee that an evening visit to a cemetery with the meter is an experience that will thrill you. Okay, basically it has a little like, what do you call this thing? A needle? A needle, yes.

That has a radar, what? Help me. Yeah, it has a radar. What? Help me. Yeah, it has a radar. No, it's like as a speedometer. It has a camera that can capture Henry the eighth inside his celestial palace. No, it has CNN confirmed it. CNN News confirmed it. Just go to WWW.Google.com and you'll believe me. OK, do your own research.

So it has like this meter and it says like, oh, zero to whatever thousand milligoss. Okay, the idea is- What? You can, these aren't like legitimate products for like electricians, am I wrong? Like EMF readers. Are they?

Aren't they? I don't know. I have zero idea. You know why? Cause Tim has one. Oh my God. He hasn't told you. Secret side hustle.

Is talking to his sweet ghosts at home and- Oxenor, where do you think he went in 2003 when he went on that big expedition to London? Wade. And worked for CNN. With that CNN crew? That's crazy. Put it together.

That's crazy. Basically, it reads magnetic fields, okay? So yeah, probably it does. I'm sure it has other uses because you do have to make sure that it's not getting triggered by electrical circuits and outlets. So yeah, like most ghost products are like, Oh, we repurposed something used in the real world, like used for, you know what? You know the stick figure camera? Do you know what that was? Before they, it was an X-Box.

It was an X-Box. Yeah. If you look at it, it's a hot glue. It's not a joke. The X-Box parts are like taken apart, it's hot glue. It's not a joke. The Xbox parts are like taken apart and it's hot glued to like a handle. This is not a joke. If you look at M's SLS camera, it's like parts of an Xbox hot glued to a handle. And then it has like all these sensors attached to the front. And then you plug an iPad into it.

Fascinating. I know, it's really wild. So yeah, it is kind of always a repurpose. What kind of Xbox? I have no idea. It's a very old one because we bought it like five years ago. Okay, yeah. So I don't know the exact, but I bet you,

you can go on Ghost Hunter. That's crazy. Or Ghost Stop, sorry. Ghost Stop is where we bought it. And it's like very expensive. And then you're like, oh, there's just hot glue pieces all over this. Like what's happening?

You know? Anyway, this is a redemption of the ghost meter EMF sensor transparent and it's a five star review by Anne and the title is I was able to find a ghost with this meter verified purchase. We tried walking through three graveyards at night and the needle didn't budge on the meter, so me and my husband gave up and decided to go to this restaurant for dinner. We were sitting at the table and the ghost meter started going off like crazy. The needle was jumping up and down and all the lights were flashing. That's the first time it

ever showed any activity at all. So the manager walks by our table and sees the meter and he says, get the fuck out. No, I'm kidding. He doesn walks by our table and sees the meter and he says, get the fuck out. No, I'm kidding. He doesn't say that. He sees the meter and he says, what is that? Is that one of those ghost meters? I love all those ghost hunting shows. And he tells us this place is haunted by a woman. People that work in the kitchen see her peeking out of the utility closet. So after dinner, he takes us back to the kitchen and the meter is still going off. So we get in the car and are the kitchen and the meter is still going off. So we get in the car and are heading home and the meter is still lit up. And I'm not

liking this one bit because it wasn't lit on the way there and I didn't want this ghost following us home so I said, go back to the restaurant the power of Christ compels you. And the needle on the meter dropped back down to zero immediately. Well, I haven't used a meter to hunt ghosts since then because apparently these ghosts can follow you back home. End of review. Wow. You know what's crazy about that?

Talk about a harrowing tale. You know what that restaurant, there was an electrical fire just a day later. Asmodeus. Somebody's shrine caught on fire in the kitchen, it happens. It happens. It's just, what do you call it, of the job? A calamity, not a calamity.

What's the word? I don't know what you're trying to say. You know what I mean. No I don't. Okay, a, when something, collateral damage. Oh, what's that do to a job? But I mean, there's a word, sort of like collateral damage. It's just a con.

It's just a, fuck my life. I know what you're saying. It's a good thing you're a professional speaker. My God, my head can't. Talker, talking, talker. This is a redemption from Stacy. It's of the professional Ghost Hunting Equipment Kit. Now this, bad boy, I'm gonna send you the link

because it has all sorts of fun stuff. That's marvelous. This is from the Paranormic Store on Amazon. Paranormals? Paranorm store? Paranormic. Contains 100% pure copper dowsing rods, professional ghost hunting equipment kit, dowsing rods, spiritual kit for ghost hunting. Looks like it has a pendulum. So I think this is kind of cheating because it says a four-piece kit, but it's really just a pendulum with a thing that helps you read the answers of the pendulum like yes, no, whatever.

And then two dowsing rods and a pouch for the dowsing rod so it feels like that's multiple methods to unlock the mystical. Oxen are don't even fuck around with me right now. What? I can't. What do you mean? You've never used the metaphysical to reveal the physical? I can't. I can't do this right now. Okay. Just read your review, I guess. Five stars by Scrooge Jones, verified purchase, called great to communicating. I think we should ban Scrooge Jones from accessing ghost hunting materials.

How dare you? First of all, do you know who has seen the most fucking ghost in this world in a play ever? I was gonna say in this world, but not in this world, but in this world in a play. It's gotta be Scrooge. Scrooge McDuck. He's seen so many goddamn ghosts. Great to communicate. I got this dowsing board to communicate with my haunted doll. And let me tell you. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't, I shouldn't laugh because this doll isn't gonna make life for me not good. This doll. I'm sorry doll. Please forgive me. Imagine Googling like, God, I just really want to talk to you. I have to figure out how.

I got this dowsing board to communicate with my haunted doll and let me tell you, this is fantastic. The board is beautiful, the dowsing rods are great and the pendulum actually works. Now, clear crystal isn't what I'd normally gravitate to, but my doll seems to love it. So yes, I am happy and so is Alva, parentheses, my doll.

Pfft. Ah! Ah! Can you imagine if it was like, my wife? My neighbor. Yeah, my doll. Can you imagine if it was like my wife? My neighbor. Alva, my doll. Now I'm so scared that Alva the doll is going to come for me. Yeah, I'm not saying the name out loud on purpose. I've said it two times, so don't let me say it a third because something terrible might

occur. Okay, yeah, they canceled out. Phew! Okay. That's how it works. So that was my last one. I'm sorry I brought so many, but you know I couldn't help myself. So I guess it's time for your challenge now.

It is. And this was reviews of people mooning, getting mooned, which was something. Arguably scarier than any ghost. Have you ever been mooned? Yeah. Weird. But I'm trying to remember who. It was somebody- Like, it's one of those things where I feel like it might have happened, but maybe I just watch TV and movies.

Do you know what it reminds me of? Which I think maybe just be me, but tell me if it also, but it reminds me of skinny dipping, where I'm like, yeah, I'm sure I've gone skinny dipping, and then I'm like, I guess I haven't. No, not the same for you? I definitely know I haven't been skinny dipping. Oh, okay, maybe it's just a me thing, where I'm like, I always feel like, yes, of course,

and then I'm like, no, I guess I haven't. But with mooning, I think like in middle school. I'm very aware of which people in the world have seen my naked body. I like that I'm so unaware because I've blacked out any possibility that I'm like maybe at some point, but I definitely don't remember because it was very traumatic. But I think like in middle school boys used to moon people

like the school buses and stuff. I'm serious, I think that was a thing. Trust me. So I remember seeing very pale white butts. That was a mirror, first of all. You were mooning, you fucking weirdo. No, I... Have you been mooned? Have you mooned anyone? I don't know, same thing. I've definitely not mooned. No, I...

Have you been mooned? Have you mooned anyone? I don't know, same thing. I've definitely not mooned. Like I said, I'm very aware of- I think Alyssa mooned me once, I'm serious. I believe that. Yeah, like I think it was something like that where it was like, well, that was annoying and stupid.

And then it was like, well, thanks for showing me your butt, the end of the joke. I've said that before. Thanks for showing me your butt to people end of the joke. I've said that before. Thanks for showing me your butt to people. Hope I can say it more. Someday. Always hoping every day I get the chance. Keep up the faith.

Every day, Christina, every day. Stay strong and stay sweet. I'm hoping to get mooned. The sweetness is not, look, they say you attract butts with honey, uh-uh. I don't think that's true at all You just gotta get on I gotta be an asshole If I want to see an asshole. I was gonna say you gotta get on a middle school school bus, but really I wouldn't recommend it

Oh, Christina, don't say that I know but i'm just thinking like where I would have been mooned and it's like definitely on a school bus But I was obviously also in middle school. I started re-watching pen 15. Did you watch pen 15? I love that show I never finished season or never actually I'm watching season one again I'm like, I wonder if I even finish season one, but I never finished season two for sure. So yeah Once-in-a-lifetime genius has occurred. Yes. Okay Anyway, you know after I watched that show I actually made which you've probably heard my my ringtone aside from the one of you

But there's They because they were on a IM and I changed my ringtone to like that broop like the AIM tone And I always forget because it was so long ago that I did that the people are always like when I'm in public people kind Of look around yeah, and I'm like I'm looking at and then I'm like the door closed sound for some oh, oh, yeah Remember I used to have the moo when people came in But yeah, so anyway that sound I feel like I trigger people at the post office all the time by accident because I see people Kind of like look around and I'm like, oh, yeah. Whoops. No. Anyway, then you should moon them

That is what I get their minds off of things. Oh and I'm like, oh yeah. Whoops, no. Anyway. Then you should moon them. That is what I did. Get their minds off of things. Oh, well. And they said, thank you for mooning me. Now put your butt away, or whatever we said earlier. Now end of the joke. Yeah.

Thanks for showing me your butt. Thanks for showing me your butt. End of the joke. End of the joke, first review time. This one was sent it sent in by Stephanie And this first one is of a showboat Atlantic City Hotel. Okay I'm gonna laugh at every single location because I know what's about to happen. No, it's wild. It's wild I can't wait that mooning it happens so often Don't let the media fool you don Don't let CNN news fool you. It happens everywhere.

Not just in 2003. 2003. What if Henry VIII mooned you? Would you know? Would I know? Would you? I'd hope so. What if you were somewhere and you got mooned?

Would you be like, oh my God, that's Henry VIII's ass? Would I recognize his bare ass? Yeah. Probably. Because you know it's so royal. Like it's probably like, oh my God, that's Henry the ace? Would I recognize his bare ass? Probably. Because you know it's so royal. It is. It's probably like has special oils on it. It will in a sec. I'm so sorry.

I literally have not had any marijuana today. It sounds like I have, but I promise I haven't. Maybe that's the problem. I'm counting down the moments until I can because I feel like I need it right now. I might need to text you later and be like, hey, I just want to say sorry about earlier. Yeah, I'm going to have my phone on. I'm going to turn my phone off.

So I'm okay if it doesn't go through. Just I needed some space. But I just do want to warn you, you will hear me at 11 a.m. tomorrow when your alarm goes off. And I don't want you to think like that was me. You said that. At 11 a.m.? Is that when you think I and I don't want you to think like that was me you said that At 11 a.m. Is that when you think I get up? I said that earlier you didn't react and I went cool

I guess we're going with it. Oh, whoops. I missed that I would have said yeah My neighbors called me at 11 and say his alone something screaming and I said no that's just when his alarm goes off 11 Yeah, anyway, there were it. I was like 8 a.m. I make complex nuance jokes, you know when I woke up 1130 So I feel like you're you're projecting absolutely. Okay. Well, I'll be up at 8 tomorrow looking for butts Here's a three-star review of this show boat Atlantic City Hotel. I feel like I'm saying all the details again This is a challenge where people are mooned beat everybody

again. This is a challenge where people are mooned. Beat everybody. This is sent in by Stephanie. The hotel is dated. The room, while adequate, felt like I had stepped 30 years into the past. The beds were okay and the bathroom wasn't bad. Like almost every hotel, there's no electricity near the desks. The pools are a scam. It slash they, still unclear, are not open. Despite having paid to have a pool, you'll have to pay $90 more per person per day for a water park that is overrun by the public, people who are not guests at the hotel. The view from our room was a stucco wall

enclosing a rusty molding HVAC apparatus and a pigeon that I'm fairly sure mooned us. We saw housekeeping, but they never visited our fairly sure mooned us. We saw housekeeping, but they never visited our room and never viewed us. Oh my God, so many half naked people at a water park and it was a pigeon that mooned you. You count your lucky fucking stars. I was so excited when I saw in the email, Stephanie said

that a pig oin mooning occurred. Oh my God, it's like the perfect, talk about, I think we have to add this to top three relevant to our podcast Probably until I forget about it after editing. Well, of course, I mean we redo them every week. Yeah We do a pigeon mooning you I mean really classic classic Okay, my next one was sent in by Gregory. So this is a apparently of a family dollar in Gladstone, Michigan. And I'm realizing now that I kind of wanted you to guess what it was of,

but I forgot to write that. Here's a one-star review. I can try and forget. You probably will by the end. Here we go. This is a nasty store. I don't know any store that would do this to a customer. Somehow it was reported to the police that I threatened to shoot my landlord who does deserve it when I think about it, but. But. Sorry, why did a different store who's not affiliated with your landlord

have to call the police about you shooting your landlord? Exactly. Who deserves it? What the fuck happened? Are you serious? What's going on? Somehow it was reported to the police that I threatened to shoot my landlord, who does deserve it when I think about it,

but I was making a joke and they twisted it on purpose to try to get me arrested. I don't know why anybody would do this to another person. I have never owned a gun in my entire life and I guess people in Michigan do. I do not like guns and I made a joke that if my landlord messed with the wrong person, they would shoot him. I didn't say I would and they lied to the police I hear way after the fact I heard it. At first I thought somebody

was trailing where I was going to the store then I found out there's a fake police report with the prosecutor's office who didn't even do anything when the landlord's wife mooned me on May 9th, 2020. She called me every dirty name in the book and gave me the finger when I reported her. Some people had to get even on me and file a false report. End of review. What the f- Pop quiz. What is this review of?

It's of a family dollar. Isn't that insane? And you know why I'm glad you told me? Cause this whole time, the setting was really important to me. Yes. To just illustrate how outrageously stupid this whole concept is. Like in a family dollar to be like,

somebody filed a fake police report, or a real police report, unclear, unclear. They filed a police report incorrectly, I suppose. Christina, I have no idea. Oh, no, they probably mean a fake police report, like it was reported, but it was a lie, because I never said that. Yeah, that's probably what they meant, yes.

I see. So, okay, wow, a fake police report, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I was just making a hilarious joke about shooting people because he deserves it. Oh, yeah. So I don't get what the problem is. That's the one is.

What's the big deal? The problem is it's just because I want to shoot my landlord because his wife showed me her butt. I saw his wife's butt. As gray as it was, it made me want to, you know. And you know what? It is his fault and that's why he deserves to get shot by them.

No, by someone else though. By them. Didn't he say by them? What do you mean by them? That the person said they should shoot him and then said, not me, they. Yeah. Like who?

They said, apparently they said that if my landlord messed with the wrong person, they would shoot him. Which sounds like, hey, oh yeah, if my landlord messed with the wrong person, they would shoot him, which sounds like, Hey, Oh yeah. If my landlord mess with somebody, the wrong person, they might get shot by that person is what they were saying. Oh, I understand. Okay. So they actually were saying, Hey, I wasn't actually threatening anybody to begin with, let alone as a joke. Like the essay said it was a joke, but the joke itself wasn't even about them.

The joke itself was about someone else shooting the landlord. So at the end of the day, the landlord's getting shot by somebody. But to be fair in this situation, it's because the landlord messed with them first, not saying that deserves to be shot. Very little does, if you ask me. But yes. Anyway, that's the wildest shit I ever heard. Imagine. Do you think in any circumstance that this woman mooned this person? if you ask me, but yes. Anyway. That's the wildest shit I ever heard.

Imagine, do you think in any circumstance that this woman mooned this person or no? Like I'm really wondering. The most important part for this episode, you're right, is that question. It is. I agree, no, I'm not being facetious. It's no trivial matter.

I feel like at some point you have to determine if that's a lie and if that's a lie or an exaggeration, this whole thing crumbles, you know? The thing with mooning, it's such a specific action. It is. There's no like in between. You don't just like flip someone off, you know? It's like, you don't just do it without thinking.

Like you have to actively commit to this bit. You can misread a middle finger. Like if you use a different finger. It's very hard to misread a mooning. Because what else would they be doing? If you just throw your hand up. It's like, did you just, did you just give me the finger? You know, you just throw your hand up.

But a butt is very, and you have to like, I mean, unless you're just wearing leggings, but still that's like an effort. Like you have to do it and then you have to undo it. Like it takes multiple steps. We don't have, you certainly don't have to do it and then you have to undo it. Like it takes multiple steps. We don't have to undo it. We don't have, you certainly don't have to, that's true. I think mooning does not include

the pulling up of the pants. You're 100% right, Alexander. She could be still, some people say she's still mooning them to this day. I'm saying that right now. May 9th, 2020 is when it began. It still hasn't ended. The moon is bright, it's always full.

I know what you're thinking, folks. COVID, no. That's over. That didn't last very long. Don't worry. Don't worry. Oh no. You're saying she was mooning for the rest of her life?

It's just like, it's just the moon that will never end. At least in our hearts. Yeah, I lost track of my type of joke and I don't remember it anymore. So just ignore it Happily here's another review sent by Gregory. So it's gonna be another attention. I'm sure this is of car wash in Costa Mesa, California one star The absolute worst car wash ever not only did they do a poor job when owner was approached He stated if you want a guarantee on the wash, you need to pay more. It's $40.

They didn't even clean the floor mats. Then when discussing with the owner, the son cursed at me and tried to fight me. Stay away, overpriced, disrespectful, and terrible car wash. Update, went to pick up car, and some other employees tried to fight me and pulled down their pants and mooned me

and said, you aren't welcome here and flip me off wow end of review holy shit if a bunch of people if multiple people mooned me and give me the finger in an employee like in in a business yeah you're but you bet your ass i won't be back yeah they better bet their asses because that's all they've got um that's all they're working with that's their weapon of choice. I don't understand. Like reading these reviews were just so, like people are just going around using mooning as a tactic.

Exactly, because I feel- That's shocking to me. No, it is shocking. I feel like it's the same as, it's the same way you're saying with like a finger. It's like, you can kind of say like, oh, they gave me the finger. It's like, did they though?

But like mooning is not the same. People are using this like very flippantly. Like that's not a flippant thing. That's that, if that's on camera, like you can't hide that. You can't like give a finger and like discreetly. You can't discreetly moon a person, especially if you're- Not that I know, yeah.

Not that I've heard of. I'm trying to think of ways, but yeah, I don't think, I don't know. But it's like pretty apparent, I would think, in most scenarios. Would you count like, kind of like a plumber's crack or something? Like, the thing is, that doesn't count.

Moon has to be the full thing. Oh no, only if they're intentional, but also only if it's like intentional. Like if somebody pulls down halfway, I'd be like, yeah, they definitely mooned me, even though I only saw half of their ass. But like, if I'm climbing over a fence and my pants get caught and I end up falling over and I'm hanging by my pants

and just my bare butt is out, I'd argue, even though I didn't do it intentionally, I would argue I'm still mooning people. I know you argue about this every time. And it's like, we've gone over this. I should not be on that list. Alex Inter, it happened in 2001. And I feel like you need to just get over it. I don't know.

I just, you know. All right. Nine, twelve was a really difficult day. You were on Neopets. I was I was climbing over a fence mooning people by accident. But I would argue it's still mooning. You know what it is? But like, it's the saddest form of mooning. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because it's not because someone has to find you.

You don't take the power. It's everyone else has the power over you. Like you've shown everyone your butt on like by accident. That's embarrassing. That was the most vulnerable my butt ever was. Right. And my heart. Certainly your heart, too. And I feel like if you had you know

Turned around and done that to everybody all the bullies on the other side of the playground That's different. Then you have the power. Yeah, they would have bowed down to my shirt certainly would have they are now Who's laughing now bullies my butt? Thanks for showing me your butt. Joke is over. What was that name of that ghost from earlier? I had a view. The doll, or the doll. Oh, Alva.

You said it a third time. You're in trouble. Ah! I have one more review, by the way. She didn't like that sound. I just wanted to curse you. Hey. I don't know.

I was waiting to use that. Do you like that I just realized that you did that? You just realized it? Well, I thought you did it by accident. And then you said, I wanted to curse you. And that was so rude. Well, I started to do it. And the keen ear might have heard me start to do it

right afterwards as a joke to like get you to say it But I thought it's too soon. She's gonna know it's a joke. So like I'll get her later There's no way she's gonna not tell me the imagine though if I just kept saying oh Jebediah and you were like no the other one like And then you just listed all your favorite ghost names Beatrice that's okay. Like I'm good. That feels right.

Okay, I've got one more review. This was sent in by Lindsay and this is of. Should I guess what it is? Or is it important to the plot? It is the Durango and Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad. Whoa, yeah, I was gonna guess that on my third try. They have a holiday thing that's like the Polar Express or something.

One time Leona accidentally turned on the TV in the hotel and it was playing, well, she didn't accidentally, she knew how to turn the TV on. And I was like, oh, and it didn't, she's like, I wanna watch, you know, my very specific episode of something. And I said, this TV doesn't have streaming, so let's just scroll.

We found Polar Express, and it was unfortunately, right as Blaze walked in, because he said, why would you show our child this? Why would you do this? Yeah, because it scares him. It was so frightening. And then I thought, what do you mean? And I looked again, and it was like,

the veil had been lifted, and they're kind of like- They're very uncanny, the characters. Yeah character yeah there's like a delay to them speaking and I was like I think I've done something really bad people there are people who fucking love that movie like that's the thing yeah it's a huge deal. It's like a good move like I don't know I think I don't think it's like you had to be the right time right place right time yeah yeah and I am right, if I watched it, I probably would not enjoy it. I also just don't like holiday movies that much.

First of all, boring, wrong. I just don't. What about the Grinch, like the 1960s version? Cause that's the only one I care about when the holidays. I would not rewatch that. Like I liked it. I watch it like at least four times a year. Yeah, no, definitely not. Seriously. Like that's a thing. I watch it like at least four times a year. Yeah, no, definitely not.

Seriously. And it's so short. Okay, well, I could watch. It's like a half hour. I'm just saying like, it's not like you're- I could watch half an episode of TV in that time, Christina. And you would not even- That'd be real.

You would not even- Really, 30 minutes? Talk about who's always mooning people. Who's are always mooning people. Who's are always mooning people? Hahaha! Hahaha! I said hahaha! Do you actually know what I said?

Talk about who's mooning people. That was really clever, I was gonna say that. Yeah, the 1966 TV movie. I honestly, it has 100% in Rotten Tomatoes and it deserves it. I've never looked this up before. It's 26 minutes long and it is worth every second. I watch it every year. Nobody ever wants to watch it with me.

Generally, I would watch a four hour YouTube video before I'd watch that. Well, same here. I don't watch movies. I only watch like 16 seasons of a show and say that's easier than watching a movie. So I'm the same way, but 26 minutes, it's like one of those things where you're like,

oh, I'll just pop in and then you just finish it and you're like, wow, that was worth that. Wow, my cheer is through the roof all of a sudden. I will say I watched the Lego movie that's very different and not holiday, but that made me very happy when I watched it. And I told myself, maybe I should watch more happy movies And then I haven't done that so hey anyway, I'm picnic at hanging rock ever heard of it. Oh

No, but it sounds lovely Feel good one. Here's that review of the Durango and Silverton narrow gauge Snoppy and his flying ace. I wouldn't watch that either. I'm gonna watch that you block. I don't watch that either. You don't watch that you blockhead. I don't watch kids stuff. I watch animated things that also cater to adults. You watch Naughty. I do watch Naughty, but I'm a Naughty boy. Remember that time you turned your phone on to the TV and Renee was like, what are all those pictures? And it was pictures of Naughty.

I had like 12. On your photo. I had like 30. No, you had a lot. I had like 50. Don't take 12, come on. I could count them, I won't. There were so many.

It was for a TikTok that got like 10 views. And I said it was for TikTok, and the worst part was Renee went, oh, ha ha. And I went, Renee, you really should have kept this line of inquiry going, because it's now more awkward that you just. Yeah, and no one cares about my TikTok.

Now I'm just sad that no one cared about my naughty TikTok. I actually never went and watched it. Christina, it had like 20 views. It was like the least viewed video. I've worked hours on that. Okay, it was not hours. I'm so sorry because I remember when you- Literally, it was a bit that I was just making fun of you.

No, I remember. The whole point was that I did something. Hey, you know what else? I deleted that original TikTok that you made. Yeah, so it makes no sense. So it honestly makes less sense. Actually, I never even watched it really. I'll go watch it later.

You guys, go check out Zandy Schieffer. You can like open it, oh, I haven't watched it. It's on our Beach Too Sandy one, isn't it? Oh, go check out Beach Too Sandy. Don't check out Zandy Schieffer. Don't look at mine. Go to Beach Too Sandy and see all the nonsense Zandy tries. So hard and it just doesn't get any traction, you know?

Come on, give me some traction. Wow, oh my God, it really has like no views. I'm telling you, it had like no views. I thought it was your personal and I went, well, that's not bad. And then I'm like, oh, well, yeah, actually. This is us and her and also- That's so rude.

These are, oh, I thought- Well, no, cause we have- Are you my grandfather? No, we have like fewer followers on our personals than our, I mean, I don't- was going to say, no, you don't. You're just, okay. Okay. Here, hold on.

I'm going to show you my butt. Will that fix it? Oh wait, our grandfather thought the same thing would fix it and it didn't. That's not true. I'm sorry. I really ignore that one. That one is not accurate. That's not true. I'm sorry. Ignore that one. That one is not accurate. Alexander, sometimes I want to, sometimes I do behave like a sarcastic crocodile. You

know that about me. Unfortunately. Okay. So just like cut it out. That's why I call you schnappy. Now that would be a TikTok sensation. Faceless aesthetic. Shneesh nashnup. It's the same. You know how hard it was to find different photos of Naughty? So many. Yeah, because I saw your entire photo library.

It took forever. It took me so long. The fact that it took me like two hours to make the original one and then I deleted it. And then it probably took you longer to make the Naughty one. Can you guys go look at it? It's naughty Like from the cartoon that nobody knows except us apparently Anyway, go on. I'm gonna read a review My last review. I like I said, we're never getting through this. Okay, Polar Express train thing one star

Dream crashing and soul crushing is how I would describe the Polar Express train ride. Because of strict COVID restrictions, they should have cancelled the so-called train ride to the North Pole instead of crushing the dreams of meeting Santa Claus at the North Pole. This was an expensive joke, heartbreaking, and in some places spooky to see the look on my grandson's face when he realized there was no North Pole and a fake Santa whose beard was crooked on his face.

The train left the station and crawled out of town very slowly. It runs parallel with the Animas River. We took the 4.55pm train. There was still daylight when we left the station. Looking out the window of the train, we could see some people lining the banks of the river when all of a sudden a large heavy man pulled his pants down and mooned us. This is like a fucking mad live. Also, yeah it is. But also, this is the first time where I'm like, oh, I 100% believe this

happened. Yeah. This is the first one of the bunch where I'm like, Oh, a polar express train ride past a river bank. Yeah. Kids during COVID. Like when people were like outside for the first time, losing their minds and landlords, wives were booting people. Like, of course some guy on the banks of the river is going to moon the school group. Like probably just having a little wash. Oh, well, I wouldn't probably not. But my grandson yelled out loud and said, That man pulled his pants down. I know this to be true because I saw it myself. I couldn't believe it. Our conductors. I wouldn't believe my son when he said that. But this time I got to witness getting mooned.

This boy says he's mooned twice a week. Everyone's always blaming everybody for mooning him. Our conductor said it happens occasionally. Then shortly, Christina, that's what I'm telling. I read other reviews. There were so many reviews that people were just said like, oh yeah, that happens all the time. I don't think I realize how common this is,

that like you'd be a conductor of a train and see people mooning you all the time. Like I would never. Here's the thing, it just takes one person. Like one person to be dedicated enough to every once in a while moon the kids on the Polar Express train. That's no good, that's no good is what it is.

It sounds like, like who. It's like, oh, you live near the railroad tracks. I don't wanna know what they get out of it, but like at the same time I'm like, what? Like what? You're just like drunk with your buddies and you're like, ha ha, look at this. And then it's like, oh, remember the time you mooned them?

Do it again. Maybe it becomes an in joke. I guess that's true. Alcohol probably causes most moonings. As I literally lift my wine glass, I'm like, sorry, what were you gonna say? You get video episodes for $10. Let's see if she actually moons.

If she does, I'm not here. I will be gone by then. Me neither, by the way. Okay. It'll be Juniper mooning like last week. He did that. Alex, actually last night, wait a minute. Literally last night, Blaze said-

You mooned us last episode. Blaze like laughed at something and I went, what? He goes, oh, I just heard the part about Juniper mooning everybody. And I went, what are you talking about? And he was like in the episode. And I was like, which podcast? Like, I didn't even remember this happening

But he said it was the one where you were here. Yeah, we were sitting next to each other and moonshine jumped up on the couch Oh it was Moony. No, sorry. I'm thinking of mooning so I keep seeing moonshine Honestly, Moony's like basically teed up to moon somebody and he still hasn't so yeah Well, you were saying he's like something about his only fans or something. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, anyway, it's a cat by the way people. We said that last week but maybe you jumped in this. Oh yeah, Juniper is a cat. If you jumped in this week, I'm so happy for you.

What a great time to be here. Like why are you still here? No, no, no, this is a great, this episode's gonna go down in history. You're right. Relative to the fame of our podcast of right. Relative to the fame of our podcast, of course. And relative to the relevance of our podcast, which also apparently more when I meant we change every week. Yeah. Yeah. Depends on the week.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. Wait, one more thing. No kidding. I was kidding, but then it happened anyway. Our conductor said it happens occasionally. Then shortly after that, the train stops right in the middle of the tracks and starts backing up, heading back to the train station. My grandson said, what is going on? Why are we going backwards? Aren't we going to the North Pole? He could see out the window that we were going back to town, past our hotel and not going to the North Pole. Imagine he's like an actually like, well-versed child.

No, like actually aware of this. And he's like, wait, that's West. Why are we going West? Like I thought we were going to the North Pole. And it's like, shit, I shouldn't have taught him what a compass was. You know what I mean? Or where the sun. Or the kid who's like,

wait, shouldn't that take more than five minutes? I love that they're like, why didn't't that take more than five minutes to get to the sun? I love that they're like, why didn't you make my child believe we were at the literal North Pole? But I don't know the lore of Panda Express. Oh my God. It's not gonna kill my...

Oh, I do, I do, call on me. Oh my God. I don't know the lore of Polar Express. I'm so good. But isn't it like a magic train? Or is it not? Does it take forever to get there? No, it's a, I mean is it not does it take forever to get no it's I mean it is As far as I know I've only watched four minutes and then I got berated by my spouse But it it is it is a magical train

He's shorter than you or something. Can you just like beat him up? Yeah, he's not a real doctor So bad you literally just said blaze lists is This is this episode. You just see the wild part is like, he's never claimed to be your doctor. Like he's, he isn't a doctor. There's no, there's no like insult there. There's no insult. And then Christine's not a real doctor. Yeah. No shit. I'm not a real, you know what I mean? It's like that wasn't an insult. It's just like when my grandpa said that I'm short for shorter than I think he expected I was like Okay, and then but then when he told me that That he doesn't love me that was a little different that one hit a little different why

Yeah, it just did like the height thing. I wasn't self-conscious about I guess I'm not self-conscious about him loving me or not But it wasn't nice to hear that one That one was like a little nice to hear. That's the one that made Blaze cry too. He just met my grandpa and my grandpa was like you're not a real doctor and he's like, I mean no I'm not I never claimed to be I'm a physician assistant and then he's like But I also don't love you and Blaze was like I'm gonna need a minute to process it That was the first and only time I've seen Blaze cry. Yeah same. Yeah weird. Anyway That was the first last time I saw his butt too when he mooned our grandpa back. He sure did. He sure did and it good thing we were on

that magic train so it only lasted four minutes. What's going on? Where am I? Okay. What's going on? Where am I? Okay. I don't think I need any weed tonight. I think I need to... I do. I feel like I'm already on it which is so distressing. That's why I'm thinking I don't need it. Oh my god. But I feel like I need to reverse it somehow. We're going back to town in this train so don't worry. Okay, we're reversing from the North Pole. After months and months of anticipation, looking forward to seeing Santa at the North Pole, it was such a letdown when they corralled us

into the maze of the military museum. Hello? Who wants to walk into a building being greeted by military mannequins, military vehicles, military and train stuff, nothing to do with Christmas? When we were able to finally see Santa, he was perched on a sleigh so

high off the ground the little kids had to kink their neck to see him. Not much of a conversation with the kids as they were trying to get everyone in and out quickly for the next train. Bells were handed out at the exit of the museum with the bell attached to a 10-foot pole. Literally! You then walk outside to a booth to pick up your small cup of hot chocolate. The hot chocolate was really attached to a 10 foot pole, literally. You then walk outside to a booth to pick up your small cup of hot chocolate. The hot chocolate was really good. This is where you would pick up your bag

if you bought the extra merchandise. So this is like an experience that you paid for basically. By the way, I love that like the hot chocolate, she's like, I can't even say anything bad about the hot. Like it wasn't even- Well, they said it was small, small cup of hot chocolate. Oh, small cup, okay. Cause I was gonna say, they didn't even say it was fine.

Like they were like, it was fucking good, okay small cup. Okay, cuz I was gonna say they didn't even say it was fine Like they were like it was fucking good. Okay. Yeah I can say positive things We bought tickets for a first-class cabin at sixty two dollars each which I was happy to pay for the full Experience when I booked the tickets to ride the polar express The following information was not on their website like it is now or I never would have booked the tickets this year I'm ending the review there but like they did copy and paste eight rules. Like an FAQ or something? Yeah, FAQ is more rules. Does it say like it's a military museum and Santa is really tall?

It says like the train itself will be 35 minutes max. Okay, but that feels like a long time to be on a train with a bunch of children. Sorry, like I've been to the zoo. And it's like a cool old train. Like this isn't like, yeah. What more do you need? This is pretty cool.

What like, if it had been three hours, would you be like, well now he's convinced that we're at the North Pole. Like I don't understand what the goal is. And it says the North Pole will be located on the back lot of the depot is on the website now. So they saw reviews and were probably like, OK, we need to really spell it out so people can't be mad. But like, they're still going to be mad. But like, oh, Santa's beard was crooked. So you ruin my child. Like, OK, I get that a little bit, I suppose.

But like the reason Santa like it sounded ridiculous, You ruined my child's life. Okay, I get that a little bit, I suppose, but like. The reason Santa, like it sounded ridiculous, but the reason Santa was so high up was for COVID precautions. No. Keeping Santa away, like farther away from people. You wouldn't want, you wouldn't want all these germs to. Can you imagine if someone got COVID from Santa, like a child, talk about ruining the magic.

That, you know, it'd be so much worse if you got COVID from Santa with a crooked beard because then you'd have to look back and really ask yourself the question. Should I have had sex with that fake Santa? Okay. Who I thought was real, is that what you were trying to say? Certainly not.

That went into a very weird territory that I was not aiming for. Sorry, I was thinking of that smut book that I read a review of mall Santa smile I sure do that. I guess it my brain went through all the conversation that I usually would say Right, so I'm actually you know just for fun. I'm gonna just So to speak stop the train here because it really would be unsavory of me to continue where I was going to discuss, you know, children meeting Santa. Sorry, yeah, I forgot that there were children involved

when I said that. So I'm actually going to just, for the first time, I think in recorded history, at least of my life, quit while I'm ahead. You know what I mean? Like just- While you're ahead? Of who? Of me? Well, okay, I, okay know what I mean? Like just. While you're ahead of who? Of me? Well, okay, I guess you are.

A head is a relative term. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Relative to me, absolutely. You quit, I'll take over from here. Fair point, fair point. So now we're gonna get into some things. I'm just kidding, I have nothing left. Holy shit, you scared me, don't do that.

I know, I thought it was still going. You know what, you know what's the craziest part? All your fuckers are relieved now that I'm done. For people, but for people who have heard me scream and you scream so many times today, they were like, wow, Christine's real fear is just silent. It's like, oh, Alexander said something and Christina went quiet.

Yeah, well that's how you know she's really fucking afraid. Yeah, she's afraid she has a certain fear. The light leaves her eyes and she just freezes like a deer. Yeah, anyway. No, I'm done. That was an episode. I had a blast. Honestly, when we started, I was like,

how are the vibes today? I felt a little off. I guess it worked out because this is deranged. No, I did too, and I was running late, and I was like, oh, we never record in the evening. So if you guys, which I can't imagine why you would, but if you do notice like a weird vibe, like maybe it's because it's like 7.30. I guess it's like 3.30.

Maybe we're just, um, unpredictable or they're getting weird vibes because, um, I dunno, what was that product? Remember like a lifetime ago when you read that review about some ghost hunting product, having weird vibes. I'm trying to do a call back to that. It's not working because it's been over an hour. I'm listening to a parenting book on audible and I'm going to just try to put it. Yeah, I know. I know. I keep saying that. It's so working because it's been over an hour. I'm listening to a parenting book on Audible and I'm going to just try to put it. It's about time. Yeah, I know.

I know. Everyone keeps saying that. It's so weird. I'm going to use a tactic that I learned. Oh, good. On me? Yeah. Say again what you just said to me.

I forget. About the callback. I wanted to make a callback to that product you brought earlier with talking about the weird vibes. I noticed that even when you don't make the actual callbacks that you, you work really hard and you do really use your brain. Is that what you tell Leona? You used your brain. Actually, yes. Is she always using her brain? Like we're always doing that. No, she's not. I can guarantee you for most of the time. No, we're in the,

we're in the midst of a potty, a potty learning civil war in our home. Um, and I thought- What all those screeches were and the, sorry, the civil war sounds that were happening with gunfire. Oh yeah. The horse is dying, et cetera. Yeah. You heard that. Yeah. That's part of our potty learning method. It's all the rage these days. I found it on Tik Tok, but anyway, my point is I'm trying to find ways to encourage and praise her without being

like, Oh, you're so smart and you're great at this. So when you kind of- Tell her she's mooning the toilet bowl. I actually did. This is it's I basically have done that because I have said, why don't we pee on something funny? What should we put in there to pee on? And she's like, the fuck is wrong with me? That's what I'm thinking. That's when you started listening to that book.

You're like, I need I need help. And I said, please stop telling your child to moon inanimate objects. It's really not healthy for their upbringing. I bought stickers that change color in pee. I've literally, I'm at my wits end. I thought- Can you send me a pack? I did already, you didn't get them yet?

Oh good, no, I haven't gotten them. I just feel that I am, anyway, we'll talk about it another time. Yeah, maybe, yeah. So thanks for coming. And we're so thankful you were here today. We love you all so much. We're gonna go now.

Oh my God, we love you so much. Okay, bye. Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet is a Forever Dog Production, hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bowen.