Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 31: Breweries in Little Rock, AR

Episode Date: June 26, 2019

Grab your tweens and make them listen to our wildest episode yet! Something is absolutely in the water supply and it's not making anyone more sane. Hear what the drunk people of Little Rock are saying about their local breweries, then hear what the conspiracy theorists are saying about Disney World. There's truly something for everyone in this episode, so enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Modification1089, and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Howdy, everyone. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your host, Christine. And I'm your host, Alex. Welcome to our show. And I'm your host, Mango Popsicle.

And I'm your host, Allie's Pepperoncini Kettle Chips. That she doesn't want me to eat, but I'm eating them anyway. Stop putting that thing in your mouth like that. That was disgusting. It's good. Made of real fruit. Hello, we are doing a theme today. Are you doing your NPR voice?

Uh-huh. I'm glad you recognized what it was. I listened to enough NPR. It's clearly spot on. We have a theme today, and that is breweries in Little Rock, Arkansas. Yeah, and thank you to Brittany for writing in and suggesting that theme. I was just looking it up. Thank you, Brittany.

I know, I came prepared. Thank you, Brittany. suggesting that theme i was just looking it up thank you i came prepared thank you britney um and then my challenge that you gave me who was who was that from uh that was sean and sean right they suggested uh that you try to find a theme park review where the reviewer confuses attractions for a different theme park can you give the example because that sounds confusing so an example would be someone goes to um disney world and it's like where's all the harry potter shit right can't find it turns out that's a universal i learned a lot about theme parks today let's just put it that way she kept like she was sitting there and she kept looking up at me like

reading abbreviations. Or, sorry, initialisms or whatever they are. Where you say the letters out. Like. Initialisms? Yeah, why are you looking at me like that? That's not a word. You want to bet?

I'll bet you ten bucks right here on the podcast. No. But why would you say that? What else would you say? An acronym?ms wait now when you say them out so POTUS is an acronym but FBI is an initial are you being serious yes 100% what the hell yeah all right NPR i failed npr educational podcast right here it's more like it's very rare that i can correct her on some vocabulary or grammar usage so this is i'm really enjoying this it's i'm not enjoying the way you're eating that popsicle right now. I'm pissed. But other than that, I'm enjoying this quite a bit.

Okay. Initialism, an older word than acronym, seems to be too little known to the general public to serve as a customary term. Oh, so the layman doesn't use it because they're too stupid. The layperson. I think NPR is usually a pretty progressive place. But okay, if you want to put it that way, that's fine. Now you're just trying to make this a different type of argument because you're wrong. Sabotage.

Sabotage. Anyway. POTUS. Yes. NATO. NATO. NPR. Nipper.

Nipper. Okay. Should we read the reviews? Butz-what-to-what. What? Beach too sandy, water too wet. Butz-what-to-what. Sounds like when you play Led Zeppelin backwards to find hidden meaning. Stairway to heaven backwards.

Butz-what-to-what. Okay. Let's see. Yeah. Can we go ahead and do this how was your experience with these with uh breweries and it was very easy yeah yeah it was very easy i guess maybe it was the fact that it's a brewery and people just have strong opinions and probably drink a lot and there's alcohol involved um i yeah i think four of mine i got five reviews four are from the same place really okay i i mixed it up a little bit but i did all google reviews and there are my my opinion of little

rock is that there's something very sinister in their water supply i don't know what's going on it's funny you say that but things are messed up like wait i read so many crazy ones where it's like this is not normal people don't that's very interesting that you say that just remember that statement you just made oh this first review is uh of a place called stone's throw brewing uh barbara gave it two stars i really wanted to like this place but the bitch face girls who work there totally ruined it. I went several times and received poor service and a bad attitude with each visit. The beer's decent enough, but it doesn't make up for the poor service. On my first visit, I got excited when I noticed the local charcuterie.

I love charcuterie. Oh, Barbara. I exclaimed to bitch-face, That looks awesome. Can I have that? She simply shook her head and said no and turned away and went back to what she was doing. No, that's not for you, Barbara. I would like to see that. That interaction? Yes.

she simply shook her head, said no, and turned away and went back to what she was doing. No, I'm confused. Do you not have it? She then unapologetically explained that she had already wrapped everything up for the day. Okay, next time, maybe try, I'm sorry, but we are no longer serving food this evening. That would have been acceptable. I thought maybe she just had a bad day. It happens to all of us and well everyone except barbara i bet yeah barbara's perfect i let it slide on my next few returns however she was equally unpleasant the next visit bitch face was training well if you keep calling her that by the way like in the beginning she said bitch face girls so like is this different?

I don't know if it's different people, the same girl, woman. I don't know. So, the next visit, bitchface was training a really sweet young girl who was very warm and engaging. Unfortunately, she was a total ditz. She didn't know the first thing about beer. I overheard another guest ask her what APA was. Oh, I know. It's an an acronym that's an initialism fuck okay i'm learning yes i overheard another i don't know what apa is oh it's um arkansas pale ale is that not right it's um it's like the person it's like a percentage of hops or something like

that oh it's um hold on it's something about i think the hops oh i found it american psychological association oh maybe it is apa format maybe it is american pale ale i really thought oh i said arkansas i know but i thought apa was um oh no but I thought APA was... Oh, no, that's ABV. Sorry. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, that's not what I'm thinking of. I don't know. Yeah, American pale ale. I'm really dumb today, huh? Yes. Okay. So, you started with your NPR voice and it backfired quite a bit. Yeah. I really set the bar high for myself. That's the thing. People were like, oh, I cannot relate to this woman. And now they're listening.'re listening they're like okay she's a lot more relatable they're like oh god i still can't relate she went the opposite way oh i was thinking of ibu ava i've i've abv ibu okay you're

all over the place okay that's okay i don't know shit about beer so apparently neither does this girl ditz girl ditzy ditzy bitch face mcgee unfortunately she was a ditz and didn't know the first thing about beer i overheard another guest ask her what apa was and she didn't even know that face palm oh my god don't write out that word. Well, it happens again. I ordered a red ale, and my boyfriend got an IPA. In the two feet from the tap to the bar, she forgot which one was which. By the color, it is incredibly obvious. She practically put her nose into my beer, smelled them both, and still got it wrong.

Double facepalm! smelled them both, and still got it wrong. Double face palm! I, myself, worked in a craft beer bar for many years and was expected to talk shop with patrons. With bitch face serving you, you're lucky if you get a hello. End of review. Stop that. Honestly, if they had removed that from their reviews, and the ditzyness and the whatever, like... Completely. That's why I kept it.

It could have been a very reasonable review. Also, if you go in the first time and you're like, oh, I deem you bitchface, why are you coming over and over again to experience quote-unquote bitchface? Yeah. IDK. That's an initialism. God, double facepalm. Am I right?

You're right. Your turn. Okay. I have my first of four from Flying Saucer Draft Emporium. Oh, I loved it. I have some from there. I hope they're not the same. Why did Google reviews as usual?

This one is a one star from Vince. Very disappointed in this location. At 8 p.m. on a Friday, my wife, two kids, 12 and 10, had just completed a 20 mile bike ride and wanted to get dinner. Because it was after 7 p.m., they would not allow kids in. Looked like a cool place, but a bit uptight. End of review. It's a bar! It's a brewery!

Yep. There were a lot where they were like, they wouldn't let my child in. And it was his birthday. I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, a 12 and 10 year old, and they're like, and apparently their policy after 7pm, no children. That's pretty standard. What would make you go and write a one star review of it? Wouldn't you go and be like, oh, my mistake. For one, like, and just go home. And maybe go back at a reasonable time for your children. They'd been cycling for 20 miles. You seem to have forgotten that i thought that would make you like kind of happy

like if it's a family a kind not family exercise would make you happy not us our family is different i think i'm trying to be like understanding of active people so not us and my understanding of active people is they do it because they want to. So if they go on a 20 mile bike ride as a family, it's because they want to and they enjoy it. So afterwards they're like, heart's pumping, feeling good. Let's go get a great family dinner. And then they write a one star review. Not if you're hangry. Yeah, I guess that's true.

I wonder if they like, he was like on his bike going home, writing the review, hangry. Siri, write a review. He was probably in the kids. The kids were pulling him. He was in the little kid trailer. I actually think he was in the basket. Yeah, I think that makes more sense. Okay, I have a review.

This is of Lost 40 Brewing. By Jason, two stars. How do you call yourself a barbecue place? When I ask for burnt ends and the waitstaff replies, what's that? It's not even on the menu. End of review. What are burnt ends? It's like a barbecue dish, but this is not a barbecue place it's a brewery okay

also it's not on the menu so i don't understand the problem oh my god how do you call yourself a barbecue place yeah that's so stupid how do you call yourself a nail salon when i can't even get acrylics here at this brewery anyway oh anyway jason didn't like it jason's an idiot okay i have another one from flying draft okay flying saucer draft emporium this is from mark it's two stars not much selection wait staff was flirty. End of reveal. Oh! Mark did not like that. How many stars? Two.

He kind of liked that. He kind of liked that. It was one star for the selection. He added a little star. And then added an extra star for the flirtiness. Added a little star-o-rooney there for some flirtation. Yeah, that's a good point. Since it was two and not one star, could that have been a redeeming quality?

Absolutely. Who is this? This is Mark. I mean, you know Mark. Yeah. Now, this is of Samantha's tap room. This is a review, one star, by Ashley H. I would like you to know that Ashley H.'s profile picture is a middle finger.

I love it already. One star. This place is horrible. the service and the food how do i know because i used to work there oh no i got fired because the manager glenn said i spelled snapper with one P instead of two. End of review. Oh, that's it? There was another line about how she didn't wear makeup or something,

but I left that part out. Wow, that's incredible. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That was really, that review was very just forthcoming, honest, and just, there was no ulterior motive or anything. There was nothing. Nope. Nope.

Snap. I like how she didn't say that she didn't do that. Yeah, she did that. She got fired. Oh my God. She like printed 400 menus and then also said snapper. That's a good point. I was thinking on a chalkboard or something,

but I guess if it's on all of the menus and they have to redo everything, it might cost some money. Like on the website or something. I was like, that doesn't seem like enough to fire someone over. But then it's like, well, maybe. Oh, boy.

She also said, I forget, there was a line like, I was also fired because glenn said i looked like i didn't want to be there well because i probably because i didn't wear makeup or something i was like all right well okay i like the snapper reason better the snapper i'm sorry snapper let's just pretend it was all because of the snapper snapper okay i have my um fine i'm sorry my third review of flying saucer great from mike three stars i'm going up one two three oh my goodness okay three star review it's chilies end of review sorry what this is a point where something's in the water i see oh so we're hidden territory of of area 51 oh this is not in arizona huh this is in arkansas you keep doing that i keep doing

that i'm so sorry it's insulting probably uh wow okay so they think it's a chili's or they think it's like a chili's or they don't know where they are. They want you to think it's a Chili's. Oh, that's it. They, they work at big Chili's. It's big Chili. Yep. Fake Yelp.

Yelp account. Yeah. Wow. Undercover. Undercover. This is, Oh, a review of flying saucer.

Oh, nice. Sorry. I'm going back two stars. This is by D. Okay. Keep in mind. Sorry.

This place is called flying saucer. What it draft emporium okay it's a brewery right yes d says two stars this place specializes in beers so if you're going for drinks i hope it's for beer because they only serve a house margarita which it's pretty good. I'm not going back. I've never been to a popular spot with corn dogs on the menu. End of review. What? I don't know.

I'm wondering if that last line was actually related at all. Or was it just a sudden thought that they had? There were some dot dot dots before it, so I think maybe there was a pause. And they're like, hmm, what else? i kind of want to add a line to this oh you know what's interesting i've never been to a popular place with corn dogs you know what's so interesting it's so interesting um yeah so i uh i do love that she's just very two stars because the margarita which which was very good. Oh, yeah.

That's the other thing. Is the only thing. That makes no sense. Is the only type of margarita they had is what she's saying. But it was very good. Yeah. But still two stars. You know, the corndogs. God, I'm so confused.

Me too. You're right. Something's in the water. I think the more I go on here and the more you go on here, I think we're all going to agree that something's in the water i think the more i go on here and the more you go on here i think we're all gonna agree that something's in the water i'm not even there's one more here from of of flying saucer that yep something's in the hops oh oh or it's just the water that they use or that okay either way this one's from linda it's a three-star review same place yes no sports seven crying emojis will always update i got to see president donald trump attending a basketball game now that is a gotcha sorry

you cannot throw that ball out. End of review. What the hell? I'm hoping someone can translate for me. Am I having a fever dream? That's how I felt. Can you, so that not everyone has to hit 15, 15 backwards. Can you read it one more time? No sports.

Seven crying emojis. Will always update. I got to see President Donald Trump attending a basketball game. Now that is a gotcha. Sorry, you cannot throw that ball out. End of review. It's literally the shit I would say when I was sleep talking. When you so rud so rudely interrupted me, was about to say someone is sleep yelping. Yes, sleep yelping.

I think maybe that's what's going on here. Sleep yelping. It could be. I mean, that's, this is the kind of shit I would say this. These words might have come out of my mouth. Literally. Like nights when I'm sleeping alone. Like, just no one knows what I'm saying.

I say weird shit all the time. It sounds like someone's sleep yelping yeah i would say i used to say the things that have been heard are go eat a fat popcorn no go eat a fat broccoli no i just screamed broccoli go eat a fat broccoli pretty sure it wasn't that it was anyway you've said it on this show so if anyone remembers whatever so and then um um what was the other thing he once yelled about sharks and the mat the the eight ball i don't want to talk about that was traumatizing yeah where i was like i can't find i woke her up standing over the bed saying i I can't find it. I can't find it. Yeah, with bloodshot eyes. I had to lock them in my grandma's bathroom. I was sleepwalking and talking.

Yep. So that was fun. And yes, somehow not as scary as what you just read. Sometimes like with Allie, sometimes the next day she'll be like, do you remember saying all this stuff to me? I'm like, nope. Like we've had conversations. It's unbelievable that you do that. It's so weird.

And she was like, the next day she was like she's like what like do you remember this stuff and i'm like nope don't remember saying any of that i just had a colonoscopy and i came out of sedation and was saying stuff about my cat and i remember that clearly yeah and somehow you're not even on anesthesia and having these conversations like i've done that while drinking. I've said stupid things in the next day. Be like, Oh, I can't believe I said that,

but it's different where I literally sleep through it. Like I don't, there's no recollection of it. It creeps me out. Yeah. I don't know. And I don't know when it happens, like what it is about certain nights,

but sometimes it happens. At least I don't sleepwalk anymore that we know of great that we know of i used to i used to do that i have noticed some of my mango popsicles that is something i would do i know i would i would sleep eat one time he went sleep sledding in my underwear and we we lived in a very busy street and it was very close our house was very close to the road and there was just a big hill. You're just sitting on top of the hill in his underwear. And my mom had to, our mom had to come out and catch me and was like, what are you doing? And I'm like, going sledding.

She wasn't like, what are you doing? She's like, what the fuck are you doing? You're going to kill yourself. No, she knew how to handle me when I was sleepwalking. No, she knew how to handle me when I was sleepwalking. Because when I was a kid, I'd fall asleep. Or I'd actually wake up on the toilet. My mom would be like, wake me up.

And I'd be like, how did I get on the toilet? You were like, stop putting me on the toilet, mom. Okay. Good times. Enough of that. I'm really disturbed by the thing that you read. Yeah, we kind of went on a tangent and I forgot about it now i'm upset that i remembered it that's worse than anything else you just said about your own sleepwalking yeah that is kind of shit i would say though now that's

a gotcha now that's now that is a gotcha what's the thing about the throwing the ball or whatever so president donald trump attended a basketball game uh-huh now that is a gotcha sorry it is to be fair sorry you cannot throw that ball out like i'm wondering if there's something so and then at the beginning it said no sports so maybe the place doesn't show they don't show sports and she wanted to watch something specific or maybe she's bragging that like one time she got to go see this cool thing and then said that afterward i don't know and then they said sorry i don't know and then they said sorry you cannot throw that ball out like maybe the ball like maybe trump was there

and had a basketball or signed it or something and like there's a ball that they're gonna throw out i don't know or maybe someone threw it out and she's like this is a ball you can't throw yeah that's what i was thinking okay but it's a three-star review so it's very middle of the road like we can't tell if she's happy or sad, except the seven crying emojis. Yeah, I think that really is what we need to focus on. Unless you thought it was the crying laughing emojis. Listener, we're going to get lost in this. Yeah, I already am.

We're spiraling. I'm lost in Linda's eyes and her words. I need to pull us out a little bit. Give us something good. Into another one-star review. Go ahead. This is another review of samantha's tap room and i'd like you to now remember the thing that we've been discussing something in the water this is from dustin it's a one star review after walking

in and taking a look around and finding several delicious sounding options on the menu, my brother and I decided to inquire about seating. The timing was perfect as they were able to seat a party of two immediately. The restaurant was decently full as to give the appearance that the food and drink must be solid. The ambiance was quite nice. Mason jars sit on the table awaiting a glorious filling. Salt and pepper are... What? The mason jars are awaiting a glorious filling that's what she said awaiting a glorious filling salt and pepper are in brass cups with small

spoons and comfortable seats that aren't too close to your neighbor as to give you room enough to man spread should you so choose i mentioned mason glasses earlier earlier and boy are they filled with a magic elixir dot dot dot that drink of the gods is known as water what not any water but samantha's water oh this feels not right this feels wrong after sitting at our table and drinking on a little of this amazing beverage we started to notice something or rather a lack of something. Service. We had been sitting there drinking our soon-to-be-famous Samantha's water for 20 minutes, prior to realizing what they serve here is water.

Are they making fun of the beer, saying it's like watered down? No, I think... Are they literally just drinking water? They're literally drinking water. I think I'll explain it at the end. Like maybe by the end you'll understand. I'm so confused. And I hate it. I almost wasn't even hungry anymore.

Our waiter and a couple other waitstaff members seemed to pass by our table over and over and why wouldn't they? Our glasses were still full. Well, being a runner, I can't survive on only water, like other amazing Samantha's patrons. So we had to depart after 25 minutes to find some lesser establishment serving something different, or rather actually serving. I sure wish our server would have at least let us talk to him, as I would have liked to thank him personally for giving us a small taste of heaven and then leaving us alone so that we could enjoy.

End of review. What? Basically, I think his point is he's saying, like, sarcastically, how great the water is, because clearly that's all they serve, because they sat there for 25 minutes and were not offered anything else. Okay.

And so the water was this magical thing. As if it was like that was their meal. They came for the water. It went way too far. That was the most obnoxious way of describing that. Way too far. But I'm kind of glad they did it. Soon to be famous, Samantha's water.

It went far. It is on a pretty mediocre podcast now. True. I think maybe he's on to something. That's a good point. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I forgot. I wrote a note in here.

And then he put in his review a picture of the water. That's pretty funny. It's just a mason glass with water in it. That's pretty funny. Like, I thought it was funny at first. Like, it was like a funny thing. Like, oh. Like, now that I understand the context, it's a funny idea.

And then they went crazy with it. But. Yeah, you took it too but yeah i'm glad they took that picture that's kind of funny okay anyway i think it's time for me to read a redemption i think it's high time for that yes please and of course it's not a flying saucer draft important i only found bad ones because we've read four bad reviews well no linda's we're not so sure about linda's was about donald trump and could have been positive in her eyes i don't know he could have been positive and then mike saying it's chilies could have meant that as a good thing and then also i like a good chili marks and they're flirty so that's not too bad right we've got some good things a well-rounded place it's true also what did d say oh the margarita's really good true why is everyone rating this place so low see that's that that's the key here something in the water something in the water so this is of uh the diamond bear brewing company slash arkansas ale house Bear Brewing Company slash Arkansas Ale House in Little Rock, Arkansas.

This is from Paul. Five stars. All caps. Oh, good. I'm just going to put that out there. I missed these. Here we go. Very good crafted beer.

Loved the ale and had the pig trail beer. Eat your heart out, Guinness. Love the German potato salad. I am German. I love my potato salad. The pulled pork Cuban sandwich was very good on the different bread that you normally don't get. My parents love Cubans and pulled pork and gonna make them come to here from Michigan. And Kevin was a good waiter and the new

manager knew that and got a mixed six pack before leaving. Should have bought two packs. Be back soon. End of review. And that is the latest in installation of Alexander's sleep talking epidemic.

Oh no. And they included they included a picture. I i am german they included a picture i love my potato salad uh they included a picture of their sandwich well that's precious oh yeah it was very positive and uplifting and heartwarming startled for a minute when i wasn't sure at first but i realized now i I was wrong, but I just heard, my parents love Cubans. I know. And I was like, ooh. Yeah.

I realize we're speaking of the sandwich. Yeah. Okay. Just picturing all that in capital letters is really splendid. It's quite something to look at, too. Okay, so I have a redemption as well. Yay. This is a redemption of Lost 40 brewing oh okay you did

one of those yes lost 40 brewery um which was why do you how do you call yourself a barbecue place donna gave this place a gave us brewery a four-star review. I love Lost 40. It's the best micro brew in Arkansas, most consistent. My main problem is the ribs. I've had them several times. They are amazing, but I've gotten sick every time, and so have all my co-workers i think they are perhaps smoke too low other than that i love lost 40 end of review they've had them four times several capital letters several times i thought four wow keep going back but i've gotten sick every single time. And so have all my coworkers. So, okay, well, at least now this is kind of validating the other person that they do have barbecue. If someone posted this with a two star, I would understand.

Yeah, that is a little bizarre. I feel like this is swapped out with the other ones that should be four or five stars. Yeah, so at least it balances out. Donna, thank you for your service. At least the people with criticism can also give high star numbers. And the people who have positive things to say. You might as well balance it out somehow. Like we've said. Oh, boy.

Something's in the water. I kind of want to get out of Arkansas is what I'm saying. Sorry to Brittany. I've never been to Arkansas. Me neither. I'd like to go. I feel like I've gotten quite a glimpse, though. Yeah, I've heard good things about Little Rock. I've heard things about Little Rock today.

Yeah, from this. In the last 45 minutes. Well, they have good potato salad. I do love potato salad. And I'm German. So Paul and I would get along and we'd get our potato salad together. Well, I personally love Cuban, so. Oh, perfect.

Boy, do I have the place for you. Not the sandwich, I mean. Oh, I know. Okay. Cool. On to the challenge, huh? Oh, God. Okay.

This is a lot for me. I heard that there was drama surrounding this. A lot was happening. Well, okay. I have two. So, okay, my challenge was to find a review of a theme park in which the reviewer mistakenly discussed

an attraction from a different theme park, correct? Yeah, basically. I think there was a little bit of room for, yeah, leeway. Something like that. Room for growth. for yeah leeway it was something like that room for growth room for leeway room for improvement there's always that with this podcast there's a lot of that with this podcast okay so here's the first one i found this is a review of disney world orlando by a user named FourthGradeP.

P-E-E? Nope. P, period. That was a sincere question. Okay. I think it is a fourth grader. Oh. I'm quite sure it is.

And this is of which one? Disney World Orlando. Disney World Orlando. Based on the spelling and grammar, i really hope that it is a fourth grader i checked out their profile fourth grade p five stars for disney world disney world is the best amusement park in the world it has awesome rides some 3D rides, like Harry Potter. Poor child.

The parents are like, we want to go to Disney World, and they spent less money to go to Universal, and they're like, welcome to Disney World. Like, see, it's magic. Oh my god. The last reason Disney World... I'm like, okay, that was... The last reason Disney World is the best amusement park is that their food is so good. They have churros and corn dogs. End of review.

Okay. Isn't that cute? That is super cute. That made me happy. That is really nice. Assuming it definitely is a fourth grader. That is very cute. Oh, right.

Okay, yeah, you're right. That is a big caveat. Like a huge caveat. Yes, huge caveat. That yeah, you're right. That is a big caveat. Like, a huge caveat. Yes, huge caveat. That's adorable. I know. I thought that was precious. Right.

So, and I checked. I was like, I don't think Harry Potter's allowed it. Like, I don't think there's even, like, they're very distinctly universal. Okay. Yeah. Cool. I guess I have to do this now i was gonna watch me find this one it was a lot to watch i had to leave the room because she kept talking about it and i'm like don't spoil anything she was like no i couldn't

keep it to myself you can't understand this anyway so so this is a review i'm a little scared to read it on the airwaves, to be quite honest with you. I'm scared that it's even in my browser history. This is a review of Disney World by Dixie. And the subject of the review is, I love Disney. Do insurers know it is dangerous? First, before I begin, please know this is a very long review and a very... Much like the Harry Potter 3D world you will find at Disney World. A lot of twists and turns. A lot of confusion.

Here we go. Maybe an upset stomach. Probably at the end. I guarantee it on my end. I've loved my trips to Disney over the past 30 years. I love the magic, and I love studying the operations that make the magic. I had expected crowds and lines this Christmas. I had not expected conditions to turn dangerous. The dangerous dynamics start, start of course with the number of people wdw walt disney world i've learned a lot about this is where our initialisms

came in from earlier she kept shouting these at me she's like what does this mean what does this mean i'm like i don't know any disney lingo there's a lot there's a lot of mk which like frightened me because lot of mk which like frightened me because of like mk ultra is what comes up in my mind apparently that means magic kingdom so there's a lot of mk and then it does what wait mk ultra oh wait no no i'm like whoa wait a second we're cracking the case with i was very confused there i was like you're blowing my mind it's onto something. No, no, no. So MK is in there a lot.

I think MK Ultra. I see what you're saying. And they just put that in there as magic. Because they're talking about security and danger. And the government and shit. It's all connected. Right. Apparently. The dangerous dynamics start, of course, with the number of people. Walt Disney World has four phases of closing down admissions, and none of them were used.

tens of thousands of dollars on Christmas. But I later realized that most extended families were in Magic Kingdom, and a one-park, one-day pass is cheaper. Understandably, these families move together, but they take a lot of real estate up while doing so. Then, there is the grow... I'm so scared of where this is going. I don't know what's happening.

I don't either. Okay. And you won't, so don't get this is going. I don't know what's happening. I don't either. Okay. And you won't, so don't get your hopes up. Then there is the growing size of the people. The attendance numbers have gone up in 30 years, but the human volume has gone up more. Because people weigh more. What? Okay.

I was in security line behind a woman pulling a cooler the cooler's size does not matter because there is no appropriate size there should be zero coolers they are a tripping hazard especially after dark magic kingdom has shrunk over 30 years there was a roped off area with tables in tomorrowland liberty square had lost public space which hear ye hear ye seems historically wrong Nice. We got a long whiff of pot at the north edge of Liberty Square. Nice. Nice.

Just south of there was a different public health issue, the stench of vomit from a large mound of sawdust pushed aside. Overflowing trash, underventilated restrooms, and melted Mickey Mouse bars on walkways make this mommy grumpy not happy. Did I pass a mixed drink kiosk over by Pirates? it must have been a really expensive fruit punch in a souvenir cup or did i mixed up my parks or should i have stopped for one what were those words okay walt disney the person this time not wdw okay wd wd wd 40 yep walt disney wanted to create a place where parents and kids could have fun together kids in and out of strollers to be dancing tiny princesses

with dragging trains and jedi trainees armed with blinking sabers the tweens are not much bigger and mine did not want his hand held. So we held his wrist. Okay. Good to know. It gets weirder. My teens are both bigger than me. So we had eight available hands to grab him. Ew. I don't know what that means.

Please never talk about your teen that way. Thank you. Parents of toddlers run out of hands but disney was always safe and clean clean clean and afforded the bigger small kids some freedom and their parents had some too walt disney had nailed it, my family park hopped slowly, broke in monorail, over to MK Ultra, oh sorry, over to Magic Kingdom, and inadvertently entered during an afternoon parade. We joined a left

moving path, but it stopped in front of City Hall, and we were 100% locked in. We took turns picking up our 55 pound tween. Wait, wait wait what i'm so what is going on this is so paranoid right is that what's happening i think so it devolves into like sincere paranoia we took turns picking up our 55 pound tween so he could see something anything he didn't want he he didn't want to see anything wait put him down can you imagine he doesn't want his hands out so they're holding

his wrist but they're like and then eight hands grab him and pick him up he's like I don't want to see. See the light. I don't want to. I'm so confused. It says, he didn't want to see anything, but at the price we were paying, I made him look. How can he do anything? He can't resist. Eight hands? Eight hands. Holding resist eight hands eight hands holding his wrists couple a couple hands holding eyes open this kid is that's the kid who's gonna rebel against his parent like she literally said he didn't want his hands held so we held onto his wrists like what in the world normally disney has cast members politely guide the crowd with signs, strings, rope, tape, and or their bodies.

But not this time. They weren't in position when the crush started. It quickly got dense and tense, and then there was no way for cast members to get in and control it. My husband found it worse than Bangalore. Excuse me? Christina. This is not... This is not okay.

It gets worse. It gets fucking weirder. I'm not kidding. Okay. I have a Kleenex in my hand because I'm crying. A tall guy started waving... I can't with this. A tall guy started waving a turkey leg and telling everyone to make room.

Do you think it was her and her husband? A tall guy started waving a turkey leg and telling everyone to make room for him and his family. They needed to get out. Even though he was funny, my daughter thought he was high. Some men in the crowd quickly expressed they were not amused nor about to cooperate with him getting his family to their final destination. Why are we talking about this? Get ready. Get ready for the next paragraph. are you about to say goofy no okay i was like this is getting wow is goofy involved and wrapped up in all of this i so wish my tween did not want to see goofy but i made him look we took goofy's hands and lifted it in my dween okay that's too much next paragraph google

what is going on hurry up and read it google stampede deaths those were the conditions i was in. No, you were not. Google stampede deaths. Those were the conditions I was in on Main Street, USA. And it was scary. I had amazing weather. I had amazing weather. What happens on a hot day when no one can move and turkey leg dad pisses off a grand Floridian dad bleeding thousands, P.S. the thousands. What? Who's bleeding?

The S is our dollar signs. So she's saying bleeding money. Oh. A Floridian dad bleeding money. And turkey-legged dad pisses off a grand floridian dad bleeding thousands whose teenagers can't get on sm splash mountain 7dmt or btm i gave up on that here is what happens human nature turkey leg man clan alpha dad buzz dad gf sweet dad they yell they yell back tons literally tons of shock Clan Alpha Dad. Buzz Dad. GF Sweet Dad. They yell.

They yell back. Tons, literally tons of shocked people instantly want their own family anywhere but here. Mr. Mortimer Buckley. Disney knew they had a problem. So we looked up Mr. Mortimer Buckley. Because I was like, I was going to know who the hell is Mortimer Buckley. The head of Vanguard. He's an executive at the Vanguard Group, which is an investment management company that apparently has nothing to do with Disney. We could not figure out.

My 401k is in Vanguard, so maybe... You should keep an eye out because apparently things are going awry. Mortimer. Mortimer, what did we tell you? Oh, Mort. There's also a Mortimer mouse, like a a history of like there's like this old his like mouse character in disney i don't know mr mortimer buckley disney knew they had a problem later that day polite cast members with light sticks steered us out through the makeshift exit

in a service truck area behind tomorrowland other guests were being guided in including one in a wheelchair i should not exit there. And little guests heading to magical Bippity Boppity Boutique appointments at the castle should also not enter here. It is a real estate problem. Mr. Buckley, it does not matter if Disney explains the conditions I experienced as a one-off. It was a one-off for me too. Roger Wells died in a one-off. Who's that? You didn't Google that? I did.

Extensively. Are you serious? Nothing. I Googled Roger Wells Stampede. I Googled Roger Wells Death. I Googled Roger Wells Disney. Like, I don't know who that is. Frank Wells, who was Disney's president, died in a helicopter crash in 1962.

Do you think she had something to do with it? Dixie? You know what? Maybe. Oh, my God. There's like the Zodiac letters. That was in 1994. This is the Dixie letters.

I don't know. Yeah, maybe that's what is happening then. A family member of his? I don't know. That's just so confusing. Okay, ready? Okay, yeah. Roger Wells died in a one-off.

A stampede is a one-off. The park was just too crowded and the four phases of closing would not have helped. The phase one guests already occupied the real estate by the time my phase four family arrived. Mr. Buckley, sorry to keep using you as the proxy. Ron Iden and Bob Chapek have emergency evacuation plans and protocols for mk okay so i googled rob iden and bob chapek and i the first link was a blog called zog at home dot wordpress.com and the page was called who controls the disney company and it said ron iden and bob chapek ashkenazi jews jesus christ and then every single person on their

head like it was like ashkenazi jew ashkenazi jew ashkenazi jew and then it was like white european ashkenazi listen i don't know so that's how i found out they apparently run disney do the plans accurately reflect the current size of guests, such as the FAA requires of airlines? When you fly, you can look up the seat width and pitch. You cannot do that at Disney. Without that notice, I was. I was. Stuck.

Stuck. Stuck. Main Street is not the only place with bottlenecks. One bridge near the castle was jammed to a stop when two large, both senses, T-shirt families were heading toward Liberty Square. If Disney's Secret Service was undercover in family Christmas Day T-shirts, they did an inadequate job of traffic control.

So what is your evacuation plan, Disney? We couldn't even get to the moat, which leaves only Tinkerbell with pixie dust to fly us out. Disney knows how to use alcohol to flambe a dessert. But they lack actuarial experience on alcohol-flamed tempers on a hot day in an MK bottleneck. Oh my, this is weird. So what data are they using for emergency planning? More military family discounts so the Marines can take charge?

Strong fans to blow in Mary Poppins to snap her fingers at the Alpha Dads, messers, as in like M-E-S-S-R-S, like multiple sirs, messers Iden and Chapek can provide the Vanguard Swiss Army insurers and reinsurers with my wristband and other data to determine if the data conformed to expected guest real estate allotment. I got a personal goodbye, and it's a small world, so I know they know my every move. My teenage son finds it creepy. That night, decompressing at the yacht club, the World Quidditch Cup opening scenes in HP4 haunted me. Excitement, amazement, magic, laughter, colors, music, lights, no warning, terror, destruction,

death. Why? Why did I see that dark wasteland and crushed umbrella strollers after visiting Main Street in the happiest place on earth? Death Eaters never entered my mind after Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Dead Little Princesses would not in and of themselves be a material loss for the Walt Disney Company. The 10K Item 1A discusses uncontrollable risks. These conditions were a controlled risk that was not controlled. Will you claw your bonuses back? I write with sadness. Because this review could get me banned from Disney,

which has been a joy for me even many other times that very day. My disgust with the smells and my anger of being used as a 98% profit margin were not enough for a negative review for me. It was simply my flash fear. End of review. Holy fuck. The fuck? So I found it because I searched Harry Potter and Disney, and I was like, oh, they talk

about Death Eater, so I just, like, copy-pasted it. Yeah. Okay, so turns out all this Vanguardanguard stuff is part of the this conspiracy theory yes about their safety protocol or something emergency evacuation there's a lot of dads who are apparently involved in this different types of dads at least she got to decompress at the yacht club is insane oh yes this is absolute insanity i mean this is like yeah just a wild conspiracy theory into a review where they say also that they don't want to get banned want to keep coming back well and then i look like promoting i clicked their profile and it was like all the four so that was the only review they ever posted but

they were in all these forums about disney. And it was like tips and tricks. And they'd be like, okay, so plan for this and that. So they're writing full on plans and tips. And somebody wrote like, how much should I prepare? And she was like, I spent 60 hours preparing for our first trip to Disney World. Oh my God. And she goes, I feel sorry for anyone who spends less than that. One thing I want to say

about disney disneyland disney world they're probably like the like it's one of the safest places because they can't literally could not handle that negative that negative press okay they probably could they could handle anything they're so massive at this point but i mean like can you imagine the insurance policies on the insurance policies and if something does go wrong and the number of people that won't go like will avoid it like it would be if a ride breaks down they want to continue to be the number one and if something goes wrong so the the protocols that they have i'm sure are absolutely insane and bigger than most places i mean i've heard from people who work there as like the costume characters

and like it's nuts the kind of training they have to go through and preparation and like how they're allowed to act around adults, children, like families, etc. It's one of the probably the strictest places on earth in terms of safety. Dixie knows something that we don't know, Alexander. I don't know. We know now. And I think I just blew the top wide open on this um one thing i do want to say is going forward i'm not going to take

what dixie said seriously i'm just gonna say that i'm gonna i know i know i know i know you you've fallen for messer messer schieffer dixie's i'm sorry to use you as the proxy but jesus christ yeah i bet there's some weird sin i mean okay there are sinister things probably happening at disney but they're also sinister blogs about that wild conspiracy i was very upset by googling the name those names and then it being like here are the jewish people that run disney and then there was also one like who runs it was like disney uh walmart and like three other like big conglomerates and it was like who runs these places and has their photo and then like their ethnicity and heritage and religion it's very wildly weird i don't know disturbing correct jesus at least i hope they got her letter on DripAdvisor.

I hope it made it all the way to them. Could you imagine if one of them read that and was like, what the fuck? How fun? I mean, it would not be fun. It would be awful, right? It would be kind of hilarious. I mean, like, you could look down and be like, that's one way to take it. But at the same time, you're like, they think this of me?

Like, sometimes when I get, like, hateful email, I used to, you're like, they think this of me. Like sometimes when I get like hateful email, I used to, I mean, it does very much upset me, but it is kind of fun when you can turn it on its head. Like, huh, this is actually quite absurd that someone's saying these things about,

or has these theories about me or the show or whatever. So I guess in a way, but this is very sinister. Like this is a next level. This is too far. Next level. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, I'm nervous about next level. This is too far. Next level. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm nervous about editing this and putting music over this. I'm very sorry that you have to listen to it again. And also, I'm very sorry how long. I cut a bunch out of it. And I know that was so long. And I apologize. The paragraphs just kept coming. They sure did.

It's a small world. Stop. You should just play that. And then we'll get sued that's actually pretty funny um you should play like oh i know what you should play tell me like music box like yeah i was thinking like finding conspiracy like music kind of creepy um i just love that she grabbed her tween a lot and the wrists and then like tried to force him to look at goofy anyway jesus that's just too much i was so bummed that there were no other reviews or anything yeah that was a tough challenge i needed to know more about this this tween yeah but sean and sean you led us to this gold mine i'm throwing it right one way to say it back in your face lead mine i don't know

um oh i know tell me what are those little dwarves working excuse me what do they do don't they work in a mine i don't know off to work we go hi ho hi ho they have mining picks i'm trying to make a disney reference someone was like you hate disney i don't hate disney i'm just not like a disney person tmtm you know yeah i i will say i prefer universal here in la however it's also a lot closer to where cheaper cheaper closer and there's harry potter there so like i'm set yeah and beer yeah and churros true anyway anyway okay um you can find us on our website you can find me at zogdog.wordpress.com no what if that was my website please retractract that, please. Retract that. I retract. I retract.

Good. Our website is beach2sandy.com. Social media is beach2sandy. YouTube channel, beach2sandy. Find us out there. Send us an email, beach2sandy at gmail.com. That's right. We are looking forward to hearing from you.

If you have reviews that you want us to read, send them with the subject uh between you and us and we'll maybe read them all right so i have a theme for us oh right i forgot we threw that so um this is melissa wrote in um okay i feel like we've talked about this this specific melissa before because i i know well yes but her last name as well i recognize because she's what is it um what is it it's grumpy are you sure it's not it's that mom the mama disney that's grumpy instead of happy mortimer buckley melissa oh my melissa mortimer i'm sorry I'm sorry. Be nice to Melissa. I will be.

But yeah, a nice, a super fan of, and that's why we drink and this podcast. Cool. Hi, Melissa. Melissa lives in Anchorage, Alaska. So she suggested DMVs in Anchorage, but we already did DMVs. And I never gave her credit for suggesting it. Instead, our theme for next week is sporting goods stores in Anchorage, Alaska. Oh.

Oh. Mm-hmm. That's fun. Yeah, I think it'll be fun to try out some Alaska reviews. Okay, I'm going to use the bucket of challenges. Oh, the the bucket oh challenges oh the challenge bucket from nurse kelly and james james i believe okay this is a good one find a review that includes a claim of accidental theft by the reviewer i'm trying to understand it they admit that

they accidentally stole oh that's funny it negative review, which is kind of funny. So like, they're like, okay, I accidentally stole it, but still. Oh, that could be really funny. Does that work? Yeah, I'm going to try to find a negative one. But I'm going to keep it open and find a positive one. Okay, cool. If I can't find a negative one.

I like that. I love that. Okay, good. Good. They admit to accidentally stealing something. That's really funny. LOL. Okay. All right. one i like i love that okay good good admit to accidentally stealing that's really funny lol okay all right well thanks everyone for uh uh listening and experiencing um whatever the joy

and wonder that is um disney world please get a filter for your water because there's something going on especially if you're in arkansas please sponsor us britta okay thanks everyone for listening bye bye bye Please sponsor us, Britta. Okay. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Bye-bye. Bye.