Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 311: Reviews of Old People Food

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

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Welcome to beach to sandy water to wet a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think Between you and me. I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. ["Sky's Got a Star"] Hello, old people. You found your episode. Welcome. How do old people say hello? Well golly gee, little Johnny. It is wonderful to see you on this fine afternoon. That's how I'm going to talk to little Johnny one day.

I'm going to call the police on you if you do that. Yeah, you should. Today we're discussing old people foods. This was sent in by Gregory, the idea for it. Ovaltine, for example, prunes, Werther's originals, anything butterscotch. What else is there, Zandy? Basically all the good stuff, Zandy? Pickled eggs.

Basically all the good stuff, you know? All the good stuff. They have all this wise experience, so they know what's good. They know, and they like, they have refined palates after all these many decades, you know? I think that's one way to put it, also. They've learned that they need to poop better, is a big one. Okay, that's a big one. Yeah, cream of

wheat, not necessarily the most advanced flavor palette, but you know, babies eat it. There you go. There's got to be cradle to the grave. cream. Alexander, I think you have more than I do, so why don't you go first? Yeah, maybe. We'll see.

My first one here is from Taylor. Oh, what was your challenge? Did you just say it or no? I haven't yet. My challenge was from Brad, and it was to find reviews of foods slash recipes that ruined Thanksgiving. And so there was a bit of crossover here, I would say,

between my, I had to really do some delegating which review went in which category. Yeah, I think, yeah, that makes sense. Thanksgiving food and old people food. Well, especially when we got to yams. Especially when we got to yams, yeah. I do like a good yam though. But yeah, but you also think that old people know where it's at when it comes to food

So yeah, no, I yeah, I'm not denying. Yeah, I love Thanksgiving food though. Give me some stuffing I love stuffing and cranberry sauce. Okay. Here's a review. This is of the original grape nuts Yes, I don't think I've ever eaten grape nuts. Oh, I love great I they are hard. I was gonna say I don't feel like I'm missing out and now with your One way to describe it as hard That's the only thing you've said. Well, you said you love it and that it's hard That does not convince me to want to try it believe it or not. It's fine. I'm not trying to convince you Well, here's what Tony has to say five-star review. So Tony's trying to get me to try it.

Did you find this or did somebody send this in? Did I not say Taylor sent this in? My bad, Taylor. Taylor sent this in. This is a five star review. This is written by Tony and it's a verified purchase. We're starting five star, okay. Christina, I'm all over the place today.

What else is new? Do you want me to start one star? I can. No, no, no please by all means you think i actually pay attention i don't here's well i just remember the early days when i used to get in really big trouble for putting five star reviews in the theme section really you did yeah remember that and you were like oh well though and i said but you do pause at redemptions and you were like only in the challenges really yes You know what, just to please you,

I'm gonna go to a one-star review. So Taylor, you can wait, because Taylor, I have two five-stars from Taylor. So Taylor. I love that I just kicked Taylor out without even being assertive. And that's not even the first time I've ever started an episode with five-stars.

I feel like I do that all the time now. But whatever. I know. And it's about time I've had enough today. That's fair. You know what, then I'll stop. Here's a one-star review. This is of Bit O'Honey retro candy, two pounds. Bit O'Honey is good.

Does two pounds, parentheses, about 136 pieces, bulk 32-ounce bag fresh. You know some of these elderlies are counting them, too. Yeah. Right? They want to get their nickels worth. They're like, if it's not 136 plus or minus one, I'm getting a refund.

Then you are using that term improperly, approximately, or whatever word that is. Here's a one star review, a verified purchase, titled Lack a Nut. If you're buying these because you're nostalgic and you remember them as a kid, I grew up in the 60s and used to eat these a lot. But I've pulled out too many feelings

and my mother wouldn't let me have them even though my uncle fixed my teeth for free since I was his godson. It's not clear they meant fillings, I believe. I know, but like even as fillings, it's an unhinged sentence. Oh no, it's bad, yeah. I can't decide which is worse.

I'm gonna reread it as they intended. I grew up in the 60s and used to eat these a lot, but I've pulled out too many fillings and my mother wouldn't let me have them even though my uncle fixed my teeth for free since I was his godson. Hey mom, why won't you let me have them? You know Uncle Frank is going to put them right back in. What's the big deal if I pull a few more out? I'd fix Leona's teeth.

It's free. Yeah, I'd do it for free too. But actually I wouldn't because she's not my goddaughter. So I was gonna say she's not, I was gonna say, wow, I can't believe you would do that even though she's not your goddaughter. You know what the worst part is? The moment she's baptized, I'll be grabbing at those teeth, yanking them. You'll buy your first, my first dental kit. those teeth, yanking them. You'll buy my first dental kit. Mm-hmm. Um, it's a part of, that's part of the traditional baptismal, you know, gift.

It's like a silver rosary and then also your first dental. Well, you know, that is sad because since she'll never be anyone's goddaughter, that means that probably bit-oh-honey is out of the question. That's probably fine. Oh, okay. You know, they're, you know.

There are other things she can. Yeah, like, look, they were always something that if I got them on Halloween, I'd be like, yum, but I would never seek them out. And they don't go first, they're not top of the list. Absolutely not, okay. No. But seriously, these beetle honeys that they make today

has no nuts in them. It's ridiculous. They might as well just quit making them. End of review. They might as well. Hmm, interesting thought. I didn't even realize Bit O'Honey had nuts in it. Okay, first of all, me neither.

Is that a thing? I thought he was gonna say like, oh, since the 60s they removed the nuts or something. No, it actually contains honey and roasted almond bits. So I think there's- Oh, so it's just like little bits of- It's not like what you think with like an almond joy or something like an actual almond.

But yeah, no, honey toffee with almond bits is what they're described as. And sometimes a tooth or two just Feeling or two. So yeah, absolutely Pulls out my feelings. Okay, so I have a review here. This is sent in by Annika and it's of NECA wafers We're still riding this candy train All right. I have a one-star review of NECA wafers. This is by I'm trying to think of an old person's name. That starts with a C. Oh, how about-

Cynthia. Cynthia, that's pretty good. One star. Necco wafer. The Necco didn't seem flesh, and the taste of all of the flavors tasted the same. Plus that had a taste of a little chemicals. Okay, so now this is my turn to say,

I think they meant fresh, obviously. But still an alarming word to see in a review of a candy. What are neck-o-wafer supposed to taste like? Chalk? I mean, I feel like maybe paper? Yeah, paper, chalk paper. Chalk unclear Something something you'd find at like the stationary section is what yeah or something inside or adjacent to the dry wall as They're installing it. Oh, okay. Yeah, like perhaps like a foam chip or something like maybe that. Oh, yes, that's it

You know what I mean? Yeah, like some foam board. Okay, I'm a piece of like insulation like Which like to be fair is kind of the opposite flavor. I imagine of what flesh would be That's it. You know what I mean? Yeah, like some foam board. Okay, a piece of like insulation like yeah Which like to be fair is kind of the opposite flavor. I imagine of what flesh would be Yeah, it's a lot less chewy You know, it's a lot more like foam board feels like the exact opposite to me on the spectrum of like tastes of like human flesh Yeah, or even animal flesh all the way to like styrofoam my two opposite ones The extreme I don't want to eat that or that. I'll eat anything in the middle. But yeah, you're right.

Flesh on one end, foam chips slash dry wall materials on the other. That's okay. I'm so glad you agree with me. Okay. Plus had a little taste of a little chemicals. The only one that can say is the pink one tasted like the original flavor, no chemical taste. Sorry, there was only one out can say is the pink one tasted like the original flavor. No chemical taste

Sorry, there was only one out of that whole roll. I was so disappointed I would like you to refund all charges back to my credit card if you need to contact me Please don't through my email. Thank you in advance If you need to contact me, please don't Get me my refund. Yeah. Also, this is a Google review. Oh, of what? I don't know, because it's just a screenshot, but it says Necco wafer. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. It says reviewed on Vermont country store dot com. Oh, that's where I get my neck.

It is honestly, if someone were to ask where do you get them, I would say the salt the saltwater taffy place in Cape Cod that blaze told me about one time or Vermont country store calm don't forget Alexandria has you know, I think that place when I think candy stores, right any sort of maritime themed town Definitely cobblestone streets cobblestone is a plus Yeah, or just VermontCountryStore.com. Which of all the things that that place probably sells, Necco Wafers might be the worst.

I don't know what they sell, but I'm kind of confident that that is on the worst. You know, they sell those like those like root beer barrels and stuff. And I don't like that. But I know normal people like a lot of people like those. And then, yeah, I was going to say, do normal people like that? I mean, some people, I don't like that, but I know normal people like those. Yeah, I was gonna say, do normal people like those? I mean, I don't know, people are like, I like weird candies too,

but I feel like NecoWafer is pretty extreme. Like I feel like most people, oh, no, I know one worse. And I had it and it's really similar and I've had it for the first time in Cape Cod recently. And I thought, hey, if anyone can be kind of open-minded to this, it's me. Big no, big hard no from me, I'd rather eat a Neko wafer.

It was these little saucer disks where it's like foam on the outside and then they have like little candy pearls on the inside. Satellite wafers, they're called. What the hell is a satellite wafer? Oh, here you go, World Market. Yeah, that's where they sell them. This really does track here. I'm gonna send you a picture or do you have a Google? I'm looking way for. Oh, here you go. World market. That's where they sell them. This really does track here.

I'm going to send you a picture or do you have it? I'm looking it up. Oh, yeah. OK. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so I had one. They're terrible. I had one for the first time. The outside tastes like a communion wafer, like a Eucharist. Right. So it tastes like body of Christ. Fine. The inside, those little candy pellets, I think they just like overly sweeten them to try and like counter the cardboard. I mean, it's just, and then the outside, it turns pulpy, like paper almost, and it like gets jammed in your mouth. And you're like,

I can't even, it doesn't even dissolve. It like just kind of turns into pulp. I hate that. That sounds awful. That was gross, I will say. I think that this would be there in the worst section I hate that. That sounds awful. That was gross, I will say. I think that this would be there in the worst section of Vermont candy store. And don't come in here with like, oh, I like Neko. Okay, I get it. I used to buy them too. There's a reason people sell them and review them. Yes, they're kind of fun, you know, I get it. But like you can agree they're not necessarily the most like beloved candy of our day.

And not only that, they shouldn't be. They shouldn't be. They don't really deserve that rank. That's a great point, Alexander. If you feel that way, that's fine, personally, but if you think that society should accept Necco wafers as a top S tier over a Reese's? candy, you are my enemy. Here is a one star review sent in by Izzy, they them. This is of old-fashioned hard candy assortment, so sticking with the candy. And this is a

one-star review by Elaine, verified purchase, titled Unbelievably Stale. Listen, I get it, this is grandma candy. But folks have made new batches of grandma candy since the Reagan administration. You're much better off spending your money on one of them. End of review. Come on. You're that stale, you know, you gotta at least make a fresh batch of it. I love that this is like the person at the Bible study who's like, let's think outside the box and everyone's like, or like not the Bible study, but like the book club where

it's like, well, I don't next year next week next month we read like 50 shades of gray and everyone's like Carol come on like tone it down take a step away sorry Elaine tone it down you're sounding like Carol that's why I called you Carol you sound a lot like Carol and you know what happened to Carol yeah Carol's gone she choked on a root beer barrel I was gonna say that well I was actually gonna say she choked on a root beer barrel. I was going to say that. Well, I was actually going to say she choked on her old fashioned hard candy assortment, but. Wait, really? Yes. Oh.

You know, it still haunts me. Is that scene from that you're going to say at the time I choked on the candy on the bus that they had to bring to the hospital and then that haunts me also, because that was a really boring day for me. mean obviously was actually not boring yeah for you I will say what was I gonna say I don't know something about hard candy and choking oh something that yeah yeah I was traumatized by that scene in that movie where the guy chokes.

It was a kid's movie. Oh yeah, one of those. No, no, you know, where in the opening scene he's at a restaurant. Is it something about a mouse? Yes, Christina, Mouse Hunt, I think. It was Mouse Hunt. Was it Mouse Hunt? I was like, well, I was like, it's not Rat Race.

That's a different thing. No, I think this, and I was gonna say that before you said it mentions a mouse. Mouse Hunt. When you said that, I was like, wait, not rat race. That's a different thing. No, I think. And I was going to say that before you said it mentions a mouse, because I was like, when you said that, I was like, wait, yeah, doesn't someone choke on that? Yeah. And it really upset me as a kid. I got really freaked out by that. He choked on a meatball, I think. Oh, that is one of those movies that.

I really liked and I'm afraid to watch again because I haven't heard of it since. So I'm like, there might be a reason. It's been. And I think I always thought it was more popular than it was because I got it confused with Rat Race which we also liked a lot. So I think I'm only now realizing like Mouse Hunt was its own individual thing that

has a pretty wild movie poster. Yes. I mean, Nathan Lane though, like that's something when I was older and I realized I was like, oh, wait, yeah, Nathan Lane is in that movie. I'm like, wow, I actually know who he is now. But back then I didn't had no idea. Look at this work of art. This feels like something I could make on Canva. Oh, my God. That does look fake.

Christina, that's hilarious. It looks like it just made bad. It's so bad. Oh, gosh. Oh, that is so good. Okay, this is a review of graham nuts. And this was sent in by Stacy She Her. It's a one star view on Amazon by William verified purchase. Grape nuts were bug infested. They arrived and seemed fine. A couple of weeks later, we noticed that they were all infested with tiny bugs. We had to throw out several boxes of cereal that were nearby. We checked unopened boxes and they were infested. Frankly, I'd appreciate a refund. I'm a very good customer and a big supporter as a supporter I advise you to be careful in the food business look what happened to chipotle

End of review spelled that for me Chip OLTLE Instead of Chipotle. It's Chipotle. How do we know so many bags of cereal? Thank you. How do we know this was great nuts full? Also, how do you know patient zero grape nuts was patients? You're how do you know? You can't prove that you can't prove that Ask the bugs guess what they don't talk I'm not not to you not to you at least not to you at least yeah

And it seemed they're like unopened boxes had the same thing. It's like, well, it sounds like your kitchen's dirty. Yeah, I know. Like all the food had bugs in it. Wait a minute. So weird. Also I love the like weird threat of I advise you to be careful in the food business. Look what happened to Chipotle. It's like, what did you do to Chipotle? And who makes Grape Nuts Post or is it Kellogg? You know, is it Post?

Like a company that has been around for, I wanna say over a century. I have no idea how old Post is. And now what, resting on their laurels and giving people bug infested food? But I don't think they got there by listening to random, I assume Amazon reviews.

William will not stand. William will not stand for this. Also, I feel like on Amazon, you're just buying it from fucking resellers. Yeah, true, no. I don't know, like I would- Even that Bitto Honey one, it was like just, it said packaged by whatever.

And they just literally just put a bunch of Bitto Hunnies in a tub, put their label on the tub and resell it. It's wild. Here is something else that is completely separate. This is a two-star review of poop like a champion ultra high fiber cereal also sent in by Izzy. Poop like a champion? Yeah. That's what it's called.

Okay. Apparently Izzy said that's called that. Did I double check Izzy? Of course not. No, it's a real thing. Okay, good. Here is a two-star review of Poop Like a Champion Ultra High Fiber Cereal. It should be called Fart Like a Champion. It didn't help me poop, but made me sound like someone was drilling into concrete every time I got out of a chair or bent over. It smells like wet cardboard and tastes about the same. You get about two

cups of cereal, which isn't worth $13. Try it if you must, but not before an important event and a review. I was tooting all around the bar mitzvah I went to. And the username is Forgettable Woman. I don't think that's true anymore. That's certainly not. You're right. You're making a name for yourself. But 11 people found this helpful, so there are 11 events that were saved by this review. You know what? That's that's well saved is a strong word I would say like we're kind of Left out of such a fun entertainment experience true true to all about perspective. You're right. Yeah

I mean honestly, I was really what I was really most concerned about was when you said, tasted like wet cardboard. And I thought you were still talking about the fart and I got really upset for a brief moment, thank God. I honestly don't think the smell part was even, that smells like wet cardboard and tastes about the same. I don't think that, yeah. It sounds like you're talking about your fart smelling that way, but they're- That's what I thought.

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Quince.com slash beach2sandy. The good news is I have another one of Grape Nuts and this is from Tal, he him, and it's a one star review that's called Urgent, better fix this post. And it was submitted by Dawn, reviewed at Grape Nuts dot com, I assume. This is on the post website. Each of their serials have their own website that seems unnecessary. I don't know, it literally says reviewed at Grape Nuts. This is on the post website. Each of their serials have their own website? That seems unnecessary. I don't know, it literally says reviewed at Grape Nuts.

I'm like, okay, whatever. Now this has photo evidence along the lines of along the lines of what? I don't know. I don't know why I said that. It has photo evidence along the lines of something dark. Okay, one star. I've been eating Grapeennuts for nearly 60 years, but after this morning, I won't chance it. My teeth are too fragile to take this again. I broke a tooth on this piece

of metal. Or is it a rock? See photos. Best figure this out before someone gets sued or seriously gets hurt. Piece is about 7 16th inches long by 5 16th inches wide by 3 16th inches thick. Bottom line? No, I would not recommend to a friend. End of review. Uh oh, and there's a photo? There's a photo. I mean, it looks like you'll know what it looks like at first I was like this is a spoon you'll know what it means is that a feeling oh no it's a feeling what do you mean what it looks like I don't know a rock yeah what kind

of rock I don't know it looks looks like the moon rock. Christina, but this one's visible. What? Is this from a microscope? Okay, good point. This person takes all their grapenuts out for 60 years, looks through them in a microscope, see if there are any moon rocks just in case. Imagine 60 years.

You have this habit and then you fucking throw it all away. And then everything changed 15 years ago when I did knock a moon rock into somebody's post serial and it got somehow boxed up. Yeah. Wow. And here we found it, at least. We well, it almost broke us. Oh, wait, No, it did break his teeth. Oh, that sucks Yeah, that actually does look like a big hunk of like metal or rock. So yeah, it doesn't look great. I mean, it's not good I wouldn't want this in my grapenuts. I do like that. It said no, I would not recommend to a friend It's good to get that Intel. I also really wonder about an enemy. Like is that, is that on the table?

What about Carol at who got kicked out of book club? Look, after 60 years, you got to make some enemies, right? I don't know how that works, but yeah, you've made a few already. I think. Yeah, I'm halfway there. Okay. My next one is of a, of sent by Izzy. This is something called poop, like a champion ultra high fiber cereal

Why would they call that also? I can't get over the fact that he said two cups worth of cereal which like I kind of doubt that sounds like an exaggeration But two cups were like $13 That seems out of control because I saw it for sale at Walmart According to this, hold on. Shark Tank would never allow that. So, Christina, I think it's like actually very expensive. It is a dollar fifty five an ounce.

So this is nine ounces. What? So fourteen dollars gets you nine ounces. That's terrible. That's okay. Yeah. Nine ounces to that. One point one two five cups. US cups. Not even one and a half cups for $13. That's really wild. How is that possible? And that's misleading. Like anyway here we go. I'm sorry. I'm shocked by this. I'm eating my Halloween candy. Oh I thought you were chewing on your poop like a champion. So I gotta hurry if you are Gotta make sure we get this done. Don't want the audio

Audio ruined I won't run to the bathroom. I'll stay here. Hmm. Just two two. Okay a wet cardboard taste Here is a two-star review Slightly expensive not as much poop as I was expecting It wasn't like OMG. I feel so sorry for plumber Gary. It was, oh, that's a nice poop. I feel two pounds lighter. End of review. Ew! Why are people like this? And how is that two stars? I get that it wasn't so slightly expensive, I agree with. But to be like, yeah, that wasn't as much poop as I expected. How do you think poop works?

I can't. I can't like, hey, yeah. I feel like the point is that it's a nice, normal thing, not like a danger to your home plumbing system. Yeah, it's not like a cleanse, like a where you feel like we shouldn't cleanse. You're like, oh, my God, what if it sounds like it might be? I mean, it seems like they're treating it like that. But I think you're just supposed to use it to get more fiber in your diet. So your poops are more regular, which many people need, myself included.

I take fiber supplements, but. I'm not looking to destroy the bathroom once a day. You gotta give a give the plumber a break Yeah, awesome sick of destroying the bathroom once a day. That's the problem cool Um am I right folks, yeah. Oh Yeah, people are cheering. I hear it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Don't worry, so he I muted his mic for this. We'll just let him. We'll just let him tire himself out. Okay. Thanks. That's for the that's for the toilet later. That's where I tire myself out.

All right. He's still going. But I'm going to try and cut in here. So this was sent in by Anika. It is my last review for the theme. And it is a redemption of NECA wafers. No. So wait, you went NECA wafers, great notes, great notes, great notes, great wafers, NECA wafers? Is that what just happened? Yeah, because I left the redemption for the end.

Wow. Now it's ridiculous. Like a normal person. You shouldn't have done that. Okay. Five stars. By the way, poor, whoever was going to be red first, who did you have first that you like fine Christina, did Taylor get any credit yet?

Taylor gets two reviews later. Taylor is just building anticipation is gonna explode with excitement. Okay, like when you eat too much of that poop like a champion cereal. Yeah. When you spend $85 on three breakfast worth. This is from Annika Necco, Wafer's Redemption. Five stars. The title of this review by EK is all capital letters. Let it melt in your mouth for good luck all day. And then a smiley face with a note. all capital letters let it melt in your mouth for good luck all day and then um

a smiley face with a note what's my life this is important a smiley face with a nose that is important yeah so this let's see they bought oh my god okay flavor name original good start and then they bought size two ounce pack of 24 Nega Wafers. As in like 24 sleeves? Yeah. Holy. Yeah. How many is in one sleeve?

A good number, right? It says two ounces, I don't know. I'm like, it's like a dozen, I guess. Okay. Cause that's all, hey, if you have one a day, do they have, are they saying you have, it's like communion, you go on that, but you have communion once a day.

It feels like it does. But yeah, you let it melt. Some people have communion once a day. Hi grandma. We are true. RIP. Hope it served you well up there. Okay, so this is five stars and it goes like this. I have loved Necco Wafers since I...

I forgot that this one I read five words. Actually, no, I read the title and then I never read any of those. Yeah, so that was just the title that you read. OK, so I forgot that we were still only on the title. I'll be so honest with you. I did not read this because I wanted to read it alive for the first time with you. So It's gonna be rough. I Have loved Neko wafers ever since I could suck my thumb. I

prefer I Prefer to insert a wafer and let it melt slowly inside my mouth. This usually takes around five to seven minutes depending on the amount of saliva you have in your mouth. I'm learning so much and yet so little. Okay. This usually takes around five to seven minutes, depending on the amount of saliva in your mouth. It is very enjoyable to guess which flavor is in my mouth.

You spend five to seven minutes guessing what flavor each one is. Oh my God, I'm going to die. First of all, that's more difficult than being a Somalia like the difference between this NECO wafers for chalk or less slightly less chalk. Especially when you buy them on Amazon, you don't know like how long are they 40 years old or are they a fresh batch? Did they even make fresh batch? That's the thing is they don't need to.

They made so many back in the day and they're so gross. Oh right, because they were actually, it feels like they were like wartime foods, like surplus food that they just now give as rations. But now they sell it as candy. Okay. It is very enjoyable to guess which flavor is in my mouth. After 68 years of sucking and

I can't believe this. I can't believe this is untenable. After 68 years of sucking and melting Necco wafers, I have become very proficient in knowing which flavor is in my mouth. It's impressive. I'm impressed by that. I'm not surprised it took 60 plus years to get good at it, but. It's like the world's worst party trick that nobody wants to be part of. Hey, wear your nickel wafer so I can do a party trick. Like, we don't have those. What? No, you know they carry their own on them at all. They have so many.

They buy 24 packs. Like, there's no carry their own on them at all. They have so many. They buy 24 packs, like there's no way they don't have them everywhere. I love it. Okay. I've become very proficient in knowing which flavors in my mouth, and the flavors are all fantastic.

I have ordered four boxes of Neko wafers. Okay, so that's four times 24. of NECO wafers. Okay, so that's four times 24. That is more than like the candy store in Alexandra, Old Town Alexandra sells in like 10 years. Their whole stock, like she probably gets wholesale pricing on these bad boys. And you know, like the ones at the actual Maritime gift store

are like dusty because nobody buys them. And these are getting like being fucking, you would have the show don't even know the difference because they're so fucking stale no matter what you do I hate exactly you can just keep them coming they're like this is our perfect audience like finally somebody who's gonna like fund this Neko Empire like I'm glad someone enjoys them because it's to me, the growth, one of the grossest candies for some reason, I just hate them so much. And

but it makes me also you still love them. And we would eat them and buy them all the time. And I think that probably did not help your hatred of them. Like I'm assuming that contributed. Yeah, I do. I do associate them with you and Celine. Yeah, okay. I was wondering if you remember like, they're so they're not great. I think I just did it. I did Celine. Yeah, OK. I was wondering if you remember that or not. They're so gross. They're not great. I think I just did it. I did it more for the bit, I think. For funsies.

The ones a bit oh honey. But I do think that the ones with the saucer are even worse, which. Oh, I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. Because they just have that weird shit in the middle that's OK. Anyway, sorry, there's so much more here. There's so much more. I'm literally a third of the way through. Okay, after 68 years of sucking and melting,

oh, by the way. Oh, Jesus. I'm so sorry. By the way, I did the math, and by that I mean I Googled it, and it's 96, 96 sleeves of neck waivers. They bought 96. Holy shit. 96, okay. That's lifetime's worth of neck wafers, if you ask me.

So they said that was actually over a year. Okay, okay. But that means over a year they ate 96. Like they're gonna be, they're gonna live forever with whatever drywall ingredients are in Neko Wafers. You know they're being fortified from the inside out. Pfft. With like plaster of Paris or something.

Like they're gonna be basically paper macheting themselves. Okay. I've ordered four boxes of Neko Wafers from Amazon over the last year and each box of Neko Wafers came in a box surrounded by this black foam cut especially to hug and protect the Neko Wafers from any damage while in transit. But this last box of Necco wafers came in a simple Amazon cardboard box with no black foam protection,

only a small bubble wrap on the side of the box. You can see from my photo that almost all the wafers were damaged and split into shards. It was nearly impossible to find the whole wafer I needed to melt in my mouth. The joy is gone. Oh my gosh.

Like worried about this. I'm starting to get concerned again. I assure you, I have not read this until now. So I'm like five. Oh, okay. until now. So I'm like five. Oh, okay. The joy is gone. It makes me nervous.

That phrase with five stars, I'm like, uh-oh, someone's not well. I don't know. Yeah, it's alarming. I will say that the photo, because it was sent from Autica as a screenshot, it's really tiny, but basically you can see that the Necco wafers have been unwrapped

and then there's like a bunch of crump, like it's, they've broken apart. So that's the image. So it says- Yeah, because they're NECO wafers. I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, isn't that what they do? Because they're plaster shards, remember? But I get it, yeah, you don't want to have,

buy them that way. Hey, if you have a 68 year tradition, you know, you gotta keep it going. And she knows a thing or two about NECO wafers. So who yeah I was at the I just realized at the end he signs at Eddie. So we're gonna we're gonna go with Eddie Okay You can see from my photo that almost all the wafers were damaged and split into shards It was nearly impossible to find the whole wafer. I needed to melt in my mouth. The joy is gone This is very disappointing,

especially since you cannot return these damaged Neko wafers for a refund or receive a fresh box. I hope someone at the packaging department of Neko wafers reads this, and understands that if they do not take sufficient care to package the box of wafers and people receive them all crushed up, they will surely start to loose customers like myself. Oh, and by the way, back in the days of the Civil War... By the way, while we're here... Tell me, tell me. Hey, while I've got ya... Oh, and by the way, back in the days of the Civil War, soldiers would take great care to let a Necco wafer melt slowly in their mouth, since they believed it would protect them in battle and bring- I TOLD YOU IT WAS A WAR THING!

I TOLD YOU IT WAS A WAR THING! Okay, but you definitely didn't think civil war when you said that. No, I sure didn't, but I'm just like shocked that this is actually somehow getting validated. I was making a dumb joke. Christina, it's validated by some random reviewer. Have you looked into any of this? That civil war soldiers were melting Neko wafers in their mouth like Eddie does? It's validated by some random reviewer. Have you looked into any of this? Eddie is not a random Civil war soldiers were melting NECO wafers in their mouth like Eddie does.

Eddie was there. Were you there? Eddie was there. Oh, I forgot you said in the beginning this was a letter written by a wartime soldier to back home. Yes, to General George Washington. About how the NECO wafers that he received were crumbled. And George Washington, post haste, went and brought in a new batch. In a fortnight. Yeah. Wow. I'm doing NECO wafers. You know what they say? They say that's why the South didn't win. How the Civil War shaped the commercial candy industry. No, I knew it. I cannot believe it.

This is crazy. Necco wafers were a great candy to take to war. I said that my whole life. We've always said that. Why do you think I hate it? I'm a pacifist. That's why I hate them. Since they did not melt.

Okay, I guess didn't melt like outside your mouth. Oh, M&Ms. And rarely broken transport. Oh, Amazon. Wow. That's wild. I had no idea Necco wafers were that old. I and that's just more evidence why we don't be eating them. Like, I mean, I knew they were from like, basically pre historic times or like Victorian era, but didn't know Civil War that's really fucking old I'm sorry that's crazy. I mean you know how people are like oh like give a Victorian child something if you give them a neck a wafer they'd be like ooh give me something

normal. They'd be like this is what my grandpa always tries to give me that's disgusting. Like my dead grandpa who used to serve in the Civil War. Gross. Gross. Icky. Oh, yeah. It's the oldest American candy brand still in production. Wow. But thanks to Eddie. Yeah. Good and Plenty is the oldest continually produced American candy brand. Oh, God, you know, they bicker about it, too. But yeah. OK, here we go. I thought you made what the difference between a good and plenty and an echo

wafer was, and I was like, I can't get into this right now. Oh, those are very different. It's like, I was wondering if it's not the time. They're both disgusting. I hate licorice. I really, I don't, it's fine. It's okay. Oh, and by the way, back in the days of the Civil War, soldiers would take great care to let a Neko wafer melt slowly in their mouth since they believed it would protect them in battle and bring them good fortune. And sure enough, when I let a a Necco wafer melt slowly in their mouth since they believed it would protect them in battle and bring them good fortune.

And sure enough, when I let a whole Necco wafer melt slowly in my mouth, He's good in battle? I'm sorry. I was going to say, how could we possibly end this sentence like, the North? Let's just say my wife thinks I'm a conqueror in the bedroom. Necco wafer, they're an aphrodisiac, right? I've heard that. I think it's on the list, yeah,

under oysters, lobster, pomegranate, I have no idea what. Chocolate. Is pomegranate an aphrodisiac? I think so actually. Okay good, it feels like it would be you know. Back in the days of the civil war, they believed it would protect them in battle and bring them good fortune, and sure enough, when I let a whole Neco wafer melt solely in my mouth, the rest of my day is filled with joy, happiness, and good luck. I wish everyone a day filled with a mouthful of delicious Neko whole wafers, sincerely yours, Eddie. You take that back, Eddie.

That was rude. You take that back. That's a curse. Don't you dare hex me like that. What's that? Oh, my mouth is all chalky all of a sudden. Hexed me with that nasty nasty thing. I love that. He says he clarifies at the end a mouthful of delicious Necco whole wafers

because right after that is all the shattered pieces. But he said the joy is gone now. So yeah, that seemed really dramatic. It feels like you have a fragile sense of like you have a fragile kind of resilience if some Neck a wafer. I mean, but the bar is low. Like if you have a neck a wafer and it melts on your tongue and that means you're gonna have a great day Then you buy 96 of them. I mean, that's good for you. Sure good for you. Good for Eddie. Yeah, Eddie. Yeah, no, I'm happy for Eddie. But once it shatters, that sucks.

Once it shatters, it's like, well, shit. That alone was enough to ruin your day? But that's the thing, what is the punishment? Well, he said joy is gone. That seems like a pretty good punishment. Yeah, if it's 96 weeks of bad luck or lack of joy maybe is the punishment. Shit.

I know. He's gonna be run out of Ne maybe is the punishment. Shit. I know. He's gonna be run out of Neko wafers. Oh, okay. I'm gonna read a review by Nat Veshe, who sent in a review of Vienna sausages, and said, my grandpa used to love Vienna sausages. They horrify me, but they certainly have their devotees. And if you're not familiar with a Vienna sausage, they look they're just they're like canned.

Like little wieners. Canned chicken, beef and pork wieners. Concoction. Concoction wieners in soaking in chicken broth. I think a lot of these foods were very much like foods that could be very stable, like a shelf. Shelf stable. Yes, exactly. A lot of jarred, canned pickled stuff.

Great depression type shit where. Yeah. That's why a lot of like they make fun of old people for eating like pickled eggs and things that, you know, yeah, yeah, that's what they, so many of them grew up on. Yep. Well, this is, these are from 1868 originally. Or no, nevermind. The company's... Is that the expiration date? No, Christina, you're thinking 2868 is the expiration date. Oh yeah, good point.

Good point. No, this company, Libby's, who makes Libby's Vienna sausage, they point. Good point. No, this this company Libby's who makes Libby's Vienna sausage. They're from 1868. Here we go. Imagine what was in them in 1868. Or who was in them? Civil War soldiers, am I right? Great point. Formaldehyde and all sorts of stuff. Years of five-star review. And I have not lied about these people's names because they've all felt really correct. Yes. I know. I don't want to make anyone up. And it's verified purchase by Gulliver, this review. Oh cool. Five stars. I get these for my dogs. I have one dog that has seizures and takes phenobarbital pills. If he sees any kind of pill he leaves the room where if

I can get it into his mouth, he spits it out. I cut each wiener into thirds and stick his small pill into a part of the wiener. P.S. I also like them, but without a pill. End of review. Oh my God, be so careful though. Could you imagine, he's like, pops of phenobarbital, his dog's phenobarbital.

Ah! That feels like probably really bad. I feel like it would be pretty easy to puke up a Libby's Viana sausage. I don't know if you need to. You know, it would be really bad though, is if you put your own phenobarbital dose in your dog's Viana sausage. Maybe. Sorry, that didn't end up being funny because it was just the dog would die.

What do you think? I don't know. One pill, you think? Phenobarbital? I don't know. If this dog's taken it, why can't another dog take it? I assume it's for seizures. You know what phenobarbital is? I mean it sounds pretty intense. No, it's like a it's it's it's it's a lot.

Whoa! Oh, now I get it. It's a dangerous one. It's a it's a big one. It's a barbiturate. Let's just leave it at that. Anyway, I figured from the name, but it says it's therapeutic. So maybe I should just start taking those instead of, yeah, anti-seizure epilepsy insomnia. and also, and that's an anti-seizure medication. So I think it's probably a very similar idea. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I took some pill once and I forget what it was, but it was presented to me as like something for like schizophrenia. It's kind of fascinating how like mental health-

It sounds like a joke, but like I thought you were gonna tell me a joke just now. Oh, no, sorry. I'm not joking about that. And then you said it and I went, that's not a funny joke. And then I went, oh wait, that really actually happened to you. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I don't think, like that's the thing is it, it depends on the dosage. So it wasn't like. It was like more of like a psychosis medicine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a medicine for psychosis to treat and prevent psychosis. Yeah, that was wild. That was kind of out there.

That felt like a big leap, especially because you hadn't taken many other medications yet. So it was almost like you went from nothing to something very intense. Yeah, that was weird. That was a moment. That was a lot.

And I remember because I would put it in these little Vienna sausages and you would just gobble them up. And I was like, you're not supposed to. It was in my summer sausages. Oh, right. And that's the problem is you would never refrigerate them. And so then they would kind of just sit in there.

Did you know that Civil War soldiers used to take summer sausages to war because- Why do you think I do it, Christina? Yeah, that's right. You learned from the best. To be one with them, yeah. I learned, but yeah, I read all about them. And that's why I was like, wow, summer sausage seems great

after reading about the Civil War. Holy cow. Neck-o-wafer. Sign me up. Summer sausage and bayonets. Like a good Saturday night. Here is I'm going to move on to Taylor's refuse. There was something else I wanted to talk about. Oh yeah. Sausages. What? Putting pills in it. I was just thinking about if you worked at like hospice care, I feel like you could like put, it sounds like I'm joking and like being facetious.

I am a little bit obviously, but like, it's not a terrible, I mean, I think of what medicine to put, what food to put Leona's medicine in. So I imagine, you know, putting someone's, an elderly person's medicine that they don't wanna take inside of Vienna sausage or pickled egg, like. It makes some sense. Is that ethical?

Oh no, I'm sure, I mean, I'm not asking. I assume they would, I would assume they would know in the context that they would know, like here, take this Vienna sausage, there's a pill in it for you. Like how I tell Gio and he still eats it. Cause he hears, you know, cheese. So what was that about cheese? What? Geo goes, what? He goes, world of cheese? What? That's what he hears.

Oh, he knows the word cheese and nothing else. Got it. That makes sense. Right. Yeah. I was like, why is he hearing that? Is he okay? Because I'm saying I tell him his medicine's in there and he still eats it. Got it, I see. Oh, you tell him, oh, I see. Okay, you're being ethical with it.

Then again, he just hears mumbling about cheese. Yeah, good boy. Here is a review sent in by Taylor of Grape Nuts. Five stars by Tony. I want to personally thank the thousands of grapes who voluntarily got castrated so I could enjoy their delicious nuts. End of the video.

Who said it was voluntary, first of all? That's a good point. This is not a cruelty-free cereal, I don't think. You're right, there's so much cruelty in it. I feel like this is, A, being tested on boomers because of that whole tooth incident from earlier where there was a rock in it. It does say verified purchase so it's accurate.

Wow. This is not a joke review. This is real. That's what that tells me. That is what that tells you. Yeah. I have one more of Grape Nuts from Taylor. Here we go.

This is my final review before your challenge. Five stars. This is a little bit of a mystery, and I'd like to end on a mystery. And hopefully we don't take too long going through it. But I am very curious about what the fuck is happening. Here we go. Makes a great present for an old man. It seems like it might be a healthy version of the nerds candy. The recipient of the present seemed to make some squeaky

hum hum noises as if they may have been mildly pleased with their present but in the end it disappeared. Wait maybe I got that backwards. What the fuck is he? Oxynr what the fuck? I was like this feels funny funny. Oxynr, it's not. I don't have time for this today. It's so dark. Whatever's happening sounds so dark. Present for an old man. It sounds like a riddle. It literally sounds, Oxynr,

like a riddle that a serial killer wrote to the cast of Criminal Minds, and they've got somebody in their basement, and they're like, he seemed to like it by the little sound. It's creepy. What? What are you talking about?

In the end, it disappeared. Wait, maybe I got that backwards. The man disappeared. He was. Oh, OK. This is more nefarious than I thought. I think this is a serial killer. Yeah, Harriet.

I just looked at Harriet's last name. What? Gravenut? Ball warts. I'm so sorry. Shit, we're next. I'm so sorry. We're next, she's gonna get us next and kill us with Gravenuts.

I can't believe that, is that real? I think that's a real name. Maybe it's not, I don't know. Alex Zider. Christina. She's also known as the great nuts killer. Stop laughing. She's gonna come for us next.

I am now looking at Harriet Ball Warts reviews. I can't. What is it like ropes and duct tape and garots and? A machete for gardening apparently. Oh, for gardening, wink. It literally said no one will bother you if you're, it's a low profile machete and but like there's a lot of reviews and

I'm inclined to think that these are all like Who let Harriet buy a low profile machete after that great nuts review? It's a good question. So we should put her on a list I've put her on a list for sure like these are all verified purchases I've put her on a list for sure. These are all verified purchases. The serial killer is really making a platform that makes it look not as nefarious by having all these other reviews,

but Taylor found the one review that was that clue for the FBI. Yeah, the House of Cards is tumbling down. Yeah, Harriet Ballwartz, your days are numbered. Your days are fucking numbered, you great nuts killer. We finally got you. Your squeaky, squeaky friend in your basement is gonna be freed soon enough.

How scary is that? As if they may have been mildly pleased with their present. Their present? What are you talking about? Yeah, it's for an old man, but what old man is squeaking hum and hum? Maybe it's just like-

And also, it's like, those are gonna hurt him I think. They're really hard. It's a healthy version of Nerds Candy apparently, so yeah. Okay, yeah, also what's that about? That seems totally- Hard disagree. Hard disagree. Like two people found it helpful and I hope those people didn't get disappointed

when they were like, wait, this isn't like nerds candy at all. Oh, boy. I mean, if they did, that's on them for trusting Heather Ball's walls. Harriet Ball warts? Yeah, I love that name. Okay. I'm kind of obsessed with Harriet in a good way. I think we all agree that it's an excellent name. Yes.

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and download FanDuel today. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling Palm, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Okay, it is time for my challenge. My challenge was sent in by Brad and it was to find reviews of foods or recipes that ruined Thanksgiving.

And I got to tell you, Zandy, between the old people food and ruined Thanksgiving, I was laughing. I just couldn't stop. I was like, we need to find more. I don't know what the through line is. Maybe like older people writing reviews or that might be it. That might be it because I'm like, these are wild.

They're so fucking funny, especially when they're not trying to be. Yes, exactly. They are funny when they're trying to be because they're usually a lot of times not funny. Cause it's like just wholesome then. Oh, that's great. Or wholesome, yes.

Either they're like not funny and annoying. So we read it or they're wholesome. I know, it's like kind of a win-win. So this was sent in by Olivia and it's a review of a recipe of candied yams. This is a two-star review by Cindy G. Sorry I was disappointed with this. I didn't get rave reviews and my family wanted our other candied yam recipe. No one had seconds and here it is almost two weeks past Thanksgiving and the leftovers are still sitting in the fridge

Sigh, I guess I'll go get rid of them end of review You're gonna blame the recipe for that sounds like you fucked it up Also, if you had another candy DM recipe, why are you even fucking around with a new? Yeah, why are you if your family loved the other one? Yeah, why are you? If your family loved the other one, why are you? If your family loved the other one, why even go there? What are you trying to do? Like, who are you trying to prove something to? Like, just be the one that's there for your family.

Don't be the one that's there for yourself and ruining candy DMs for everyone. Your whole family went to the dog park and you're sitting inside Just thinking about these leftovers. It's been two weeks. Stop thinking about them It's okay. I will say I not that I've done it too much, but I've started being Active in the kitchen. I'm putting it that way because I don't want to give myself too much for what I'm doing But it's weird. I'm doing things. My mental health is better and that helps. But anyway,

when I make something off a recipe and it doesn't taste great, guess whose fault it is. It's not the recipe. I mean, like, I don't know. You don't have 68 years of experience. Like some people do. It's because I'm too lazy when it's like this much of a seat, like certain like salt. I'm like, I'm not going to measure that. I'll just wing it. And then it's not salty enough.

And then I need to salt it later. Anyway, the candied yams. It sounds like you fucked up. Take some responsibility for once in your life. Take some responsibility, but also just like move on. It's OK. It is OK. It's been two weeks.

Why are you still thinking about how bad this was? Like, your family is a maybe they're not over it, actually. Come to think of it. Maybe it's the family being a little hard on them. They didn't let you go to the dog park because of that. You're still on probation after two weeks? Jeez. Hey, after I made a bad recipe,

I didn't leave my apartment for two days. It wasn't because I had to, I just, that's what I did, but I can relate is all I'm saying. Yeah, like self-punishment, self-inflicted punishment. Yeah, it wasn't really a punishment. It was my choice and I wanted it. It was actually a reward. It was a reward. It actually kind of was. I was like, I don't really a punishment. It was my choice and I wanted it. It was actually a reward.

It was a reward. It actually kind of was. I was like, I don't have to go anywhere because I cooked. And so was the takeout. Yeah. Okay, so this is from Christine She Her Hers and it's a review of Marie Callender's Pumpkin Pie. This is the most liked negative review on whatever website this is from, and it is a one star called You Ruined Thanksgiving. Pick this up on accident. I make a dozen pumpkin pies every year, and this was an unmitigated disaster. Forget the bit where it took longer to cook, I tried to fix the taste when I realized it was a mix and I didn't have time enough to run to the store and get anything else.

It was terrible. It tasted like any yucky old bought pie from the bakery. I am angry that it was so easy to pick up as I fought my way down the baking aisle. They need to put this in a separate section of the store well away from the real pumpkin that any sane person would use, or make the label red to indicate to all and sundry that they shouldn't be buying it. This completely ruined my Thanksgiving. I tossed out the pie, and tomorrow I'm going to pick up a pumpkin and cook it down myself because I can't trust Libby's anymore.

Don't contact me. There is nothing on earth you could do to make this up. End of review. Wow. There's nothing that you could do to make that up. I'm sorry. First of all, that's not the most exciting, interesting story. There's not like, like what, what couldn't you make up about this story that you were

stupid enough to pick up the wrong item and then blame them? No, but the best is that like she picked up 12 of them. That makes me mad. 12, okay, that's like, I'm sorry. No wonder she's mad. It makes me laugh. Like, you picked up 12 of them. That's not their fault. Do people have no shame? Like, or no, like, self-aware? I don't get it. Like, I, and am I maybe too much of it? Because I'm like, how is your first instinct not like, what the fuck am I doing?

Why did I get these? Like I bought the wrong pumpkin pie filling. Like why is your instinct to write a scathing review blaming them for your entire Thanksgiving? Why are you mad at the pumpkin pie filling when you bought it? That's like buying almond milk or oat milk and buying the wrong one and then going home

and being like, almond milk shouldn't exist or you should put a huge label on it that says, don't buy this. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's true. It's just a very strange reaction. I love the idea that she's going to go buy a whole pumpkin because she's just so pissed off about the pumpkin filling. Yeah.

And you're buying Libby's, which is the same people that make the Vienna sausage. A good point. So I'm not saying that their pumpkin stuff isn't quality. buying Libby's, which is the same people that make the Vienna sausage. A good point. I'm not saying that their pumpkin stuff isn't quality. I don't know shit about Libby's, but I'm like, it's probably just a generic pumpkin, you know, I don't know. She's just trying to buy canned pumpkin and bought the like canned pumpkin filling. Filling mix where it's all done instead of doing it all yourself. Who cares?

Probably. Right. And also to say, oh, it tastes like any old pie from a bakery. Like, what are you talking about? Like, you didn't say, like, from the freezer section. You said from a bakery. That's a good thing? I don't get it.

Yeah, that review before this, I was like, take some responsibility as a joke. But this time, I'm like, take some responsibility not as a joke. Maybe that's also why it's so funny. It's like, wow, all this, the stakes are not as high, I think, as people believe. And I'm not saying it's not important that your holiday go well or whatever.

I think one thing that's important is to acknowledge the fact that the holidays are a very stressful time. Yes, yes. And people, and first of all, this is a big corporation from 1886 or whatever 68 They're they're fine with a one-star review or if it's Walmart wherever it's from but like I don't know Yeah holidays suck. I just I just feel stressful Sometimes I feel like okay. Yeah, this sounds terrible. I just wish you wouldn't beat yourself up and scream at everyone about it

Yeah, yeah, it's it's okay. And. And I mean, maybe it's not okay, but it sounds like it's okay. Like we laugh and stuff, but it's like they're hurting more than anyone. They're dealing with more shit than anyone, even though they're putting their negativity out there. Like seriously, if you're really two weeks later still thinking about how terrible that recipe was,

that you disappointed your entire family. Like avoiding the dog park, etc. Hey! You know, I worry. I worry. All right, so this next one is from Ryan He-Him, and this is not an actual recipe, but it references a recipe, but the product that this review was left on is an Amazon page for a veggie spiralizer and food processor Fun and how this kind of ruined Thanksgiving. Oh, did they try zoodles? Oh, that's funny and nobody granddad didn't approve as he ate his NECA wafers in the corner. All right Here's a one-star view

Of this electric spiralizer. The title is so So sad it was let down for what was supposed to... This machine was worthless. We made scalloped potatoes for Thanksgiving using the slicer blade. First the potatoes kept bunching up and would not shoot out into the bowl. As everyone was eating Thanksgiving dinner, my mother began to choke on a piece of plastic. Then some of the other family members noticed pieces of plastic in their potatoes. After looking at the veggie bullet, we noticed that the plastic part of the blade had melted.

We can no longer use this blade, nor do I want to on such a poorly produced product. It was the first time we used it. So sad it was let down for what was supposed to be a great Thanksgiving do not recommend end of review the blade melted and then got how what what the fuck were these potato like how how many potatoes was this like how fast was it going like what how what kind of friction does it take to do for this that they would shoot out into the bowl so it seems like a very a lot of yeah torsion and acceleration and other physics words it's like those like spud

cannons or whatever yeah 100% okay I just I also I can't get over the fact that the mother choked on a piece of pla- I mean of all things that feels like something out of a Chevy Chase movie, you know, like there was plastic in all the Thanksgiving food. Potentially like a Nathan Lane film as well. The choking. Nathan- oh! You're like Nathan Lane. No, when you first started talking, I thought you were going to say, yeah, Mouse Hunt. Oh. I thought you were referencing for one brief moment.

I thought that lasted a little too long to be a brief moment. I thought you meant Ryan Murphy. Oh. And I went, wow. Well, that's a weird take. That is a weird. That is weird. Yeah. But I guess in some ways it in some ways I could wear there's choking and Ryan Murphy stuff Oh, yeah, lots of it on all sorts of things probably. Yeah. Yeah

Anyway, yeah, it is, you know, you're right. It is great that it was a mother like for comedy Of course, but comedy if you said that you said it was great. So I agree For comedy effect, sure. Yeah, you said that. You said it was great. So I agree. Okay, good. Yeah. Well, this is my last one.

This was sent in by Brad, he, him, gobble gobble. That is his self professed sign off today. This is a review that he found on PissedConsumer.com. Oh, yeah. I forgot. I forget about this site. Yeah, it pops in every now and then. This is my finale.

It's a review of a Butterball Turkey, and it's a one star review by a user called guest744777. So they clearly showed up probably just for this. Oh, I was gonna say they're staying anonymous because I wonder what happened. Well, you'll see. I purchased a 20 pound butterball turkey for Thanksgiving dinner and as we were getting the turkey ready to go in the oven, we discovered the giblet pack.

Is that how you say that? Jiblet? Jiblet? Oh, gibets from on Crocs. Oh. Pack of gibets. No, I don't know. Giblet?

I would say giblet, but I don't know if that's it. I hate that word though. Oh, it gibbets. No, I don't know gib giblet. I would say gibblet, but I don't know if that's it I hate that word though. It is gibblet That's the what lizard liver heart gizzard and neck of a chicken or other foul Yes, we remove before the bird is cooked and often used to make gravy stuffing or soup. Yes. Thank you So it base gibblets. Yes, so it just puts they put all the extras in a little the accoutrement the edible edible awful awful Yeah, I say that it's awful. Oh Mark I wanted to sound so smart talk about like Civil War food. Okay, it is awful actually

Yeah, oh it is awful the edible awful of a foul It's pretty awful and foul Okay, it is awful actually yeah. Oh, it is awful the edible awful of a foul Pretty awful and foul Shut up I purchased a 20 pound butterball turkey for Thanksgiving dinner and as we were getting the turkey ready to go in the oven we discovered The giblet pack that is normally in the turkey was missing But the biggest shock of all was that instead of the giblets, someone had shoved the entire turkey's head, including the eye's beak and a little hair or feather into the cavity of the turkey. This totally ruined thanksgiving for my wife and I and our 10 other guests, some of which came from out of town.

We had to search for a open restaurant to have our thanksgiving dinner. I contacted Butterball and I'm still waiting to see what the end result will be. Totally unacceptable, end of review. I had to leave. I had to get out of the page. I couldn't look at it any further. That's rough. That is rough, but I will say.

All right, way in, vegan, way in. You get your moment. You were reminded of the fact that this bird had a head before you're cooking it. You know, like, I don't know, like you're eating, cooking the rest of it. You were reminded of the fact that this bird had a head before you're cooking it. You know, like, I don't know, like you're eating cooking the rest of it. Like what's the big deal?

I don't really get it. Except also if you're eating like chicken tenders. I mean, I know, but like, you know, if you're eating chicken tenders, you don't want like a beak in your food. Yeah, but this is different because it's like, it's raw. Like it's right. Like you're not having a cooked turkey with a cooked turkey's head sitting on your food. Yeah, but this is different because it's like, it's raw. Like it's right. Like you're right. But having a cooked turkey with a cooked turkey's head sitting on your plate, you

shouldn't have its eyeballs like coming out of it. I guess I don't know. That's like but I feel like if someone like orders of fish and has an eyes are looking and they freak out, it's like, well, yeah, fish have eyes. Yeah, but you don't want to you don't Yeah, but no. Look, before I was vegan. I would have been like you gross I would hate that and I would hate that I would have hated that and I still would hate that probably for I mean I hate it. It's gross. It's gross. But like at the same time like well It's same with like feather feather in your like chicken. It's like, you know what? Guess what? Like that's what chickens have all

Ethics and morality aside, it's gross though. It is gross. You have to admit it's gross. Like if this happens- It's gross with ethics. So, you know, that's the thing is no matter what, it's gross. I agree.

Yeah, it's gross. Like everything's like, if this happened and somebody said, now do you want a piece of this turkey? I'd be like, no, cause I don't know what else happened to this turkey. It's not supposed to have a head. See, that's the other thing. It's mass produced.

It's not supposed to have a beak inside See, that's the other thing. It's mass produced, it's not supposed to have a beak inside it. So you get a little extra. But so I'm like, what went wrong here? This turkey really, really. Somebody wasn't doing quality control. Hurt someone's feelings. No, no, no, this turkey, they were sending a message

to the other turkeys. They were like, if you all misbehave before we kill you, we're gonna shove your head up your ass. And then they did that for this turkey. Oh, that's rough. Okay. Well then in that case, count me in. So wait, was this turkey, where was the head? Was it like attached to like, it was inside the, so I was right. Okay. Okay. Right. About shoving it up. You are right. With an asterisk. Don't say, I I'm not just gonna say you were right and then leave that open-ended

I don't know. I think some people are shouting it. I hear it off the rooftops in my neighborhood Yeah, those goddamn turkeys probably yeah person didn't clear their throat in the hallway. So they want me to keep going clearly That's what it means Too bad we're at the end. Oh bummer Womp Womp womp. Next time. Anyway. Anyway, good being here, everybody.

Thanks for hanging out. This was wild. This was fun. Remember the time we bought Christmas trees and I found a weird giant thing of feathers in there? No. My god, it was so freaky. I had to put on gloves and like pull out this huge.

It ended up just being milkweed, but it was like a nest. Oh, someone made a little nest in there. That's kind of cute. Yeah. Well, it was cute until I realized I bought it from Menards and I'm like, oh, what happened to you? Am I your mother? Oh, Jesus. To the tree. Was there an animal in there your mother? Jesus to the tree. Was there an animal in there?

We're talking to the nest. There's a nest in there. And I was there. Anything in there? I was so scared I had to put my hand in and like feel around. Was that before or after you said, hello, am I your mother? And I heard you are now. And I said, oh, honey, do you need a cough drop?

That was it? I'm going to go. Okay, good idea. Bye, everybody. Thanks for listening. We, I think, are going to do some more fun stuff on Patreon soon. We just did a bonus for October. I know we're going to do some more fun stuff on patreon soon we just did a bonus for october um

and we'll have one i know we're gonna do some fun stuff yeah we're gonna do some fun stuff we are we are and uh there is gonna be a bonus november episode soon i can't promise it'll be like 90 minutes or whatever the last one was um but we are having a lot of fun over there so we'll see what we have some extra uh reviews i didn't use today that maybe I'll bring for like a Thanksgiving. Oh goodie. Yeah. Let's keep that conversation going. You know, fun. Yeah. Alrighty everyone. Yeah. Thanks for being here. Check us out. Social media at beach to Sandy posts, all sorts of fun, goofy stuff on YouTube. We have videos of ourselves and if you want ad free listening or video episodes, you can go to Beach2Sandy.com slash Patreon for that.

And yeah, can't wait to talk to you next week. Bye! Bye! Beach 2 Sandy Water Touette is a ForeverDog production, hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. ForeverDog Productions is Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.