Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 312: Reviews of Trampoline Parks

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

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but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to episode 312 of Beach Juice and Water Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read reviews of the worst... We read reviews poorly. That are poor. We read them well. Sorry. Most of the...

Sometimes. I read them well, yeah. That's true. This episode is reviews of trampoline parks. Is that what they're called? It makes it sound outdoorsy. This episode is reviews of trampoline parks. Is that what they're called? It makes it sound outdoorsy. I thought it was called a trampoline park, but you're right.

They are, but you don't think you're supposed to think about it. Oh, okay. I'll stop. But before we start, I do want to announce something about our lovely merch store. We have a 25% off store-wide sale for Black Friday starting November 25th. That is five days after this episode comes out. We've got door busters. We've got you got to get in line at 4 a.m.

The more physical you are the better. That's right. Trample trample trample. That's all you need to remember. Trampoline. Trampoline. I get it now. Is that why they call it that? It makes a lot more sense, yes. Okay, well. I always thought it was short for tramp or like long for tramp, but. You thought it was long for tramp. So it was like Lady and the Trampoline

is like the government name. It makes a lot more sense that it's trampled. It does. Anyway, sale ends December 6th. There's a mystery free gift also when you buy something of $15 or more. Who knows what it is? It's a mystery. What's our website again?

Beachshooesandee.store. It is very easy, isn't it? .store. That's right. We chose that because it's easy and I wouldn't forget when we do these promos. Somehow I still managed to forget, but that's okay. I'm looking at the merch store and I might order myself a few things I wouldn't forget when we do these promos. Somehow I still managed to forget, but that's okay. I'm looking at the merch store

and I might order myself a few things because this tie dye is really nailing it. Yeah, there's some great stuff on there. There's some insane stuff on there. There's like a mother sister Amy, Sister Amy's milk. Don't ask what that reference is because now I've forgotten.

You asked me a week after we referenced it and I'm like, what are you talking about? And now I'm like, I don't know. Nobody knows about our neighbor being a nun, but it was all made up. It was just this weird story. It was like insane. Yeah. And we just took something way too far. Yeah. Of course had to make a pin. Now we're trying to capitalize on it. So, you know, it's the usual. But yes, so check out our merch store. It's kind of a fun spot where we're working on some new stuff too.

So that's that. Should I go first? Yes, please. Here's a review that Olivia sent in. This is of Ninja City Adventure Park. Whoa. They spelled city CITI, which makes it feel sponsored. It does.

Uh, and also confusing, like less clear. Yeah. Like why would you do that? What's the point? I don't know, but this is located in Columbus, Ohio. Sorry. I had to zoom out a little bit more to make sure we were in Ohio before I said something else. Okay, here's a one-star review. This is written

by Madeline. I attended a kids party at Ninja City on 5-4 and I have to say it was a disappointment from start to finish. Where do I even begin? First off, the younger male operator of the wipeout machine seemed to have it out for the kids, spinning it at an absurd speed even when smaller kids were on it. And when most kids wisely decided to lay down to avoid getting smacked, the operator just kept it going, ignoring the cries of one poor child who actually got hurt. I get that it's a wipeout machine, but read the ones participating and adjust. The female associate running it earlier

did a great job for the kids who were on it. Seems like the folks working could use some safety training. End of review. Well, that's the first time the word female has been used as a compliment, like in front of a compliment. I thought it was gonna be like the female

on the other hand was. does not it depends on the person saying it's a context me and me in 11th grade it's probably not good me now hopefully talking about some sort of animal I don't know sex versus gender that kind of thing yeah you know there's a lot of topics where it might come up, but usually in a Yelp review, it is not looking good. Not good. It's an omen of something to come. Anyway, I'm very, it's called a wipeout machine.

Do you know, I don't know what that is. Yes, okay, so you know, it spins in certain, it's like a, like from the show Wipeout. Wipeout, oh, so you're trying to get over the... You would jump over or under the thing that spins. It's like a padded arm. Yeah, it's like Fall Guys. There's like a padded arm, I think, that sticks out.

And the guy operating it is spinning it in circles. That sounds scary. And he's going faster and faster and faster. I'm like, oh, that, I would get hurt. I mean, yeah, it sounds like a bad idea, but. And the kids laying down. Look, okay, if a kid was actually like hurt and wanted it to stop, that's one thing.

But in my mind, I'm like, oh great. So the younger kids got a chance earlier with the other operator. Now the kids who love just. The thrill of it all. Being reckless and the thrill of it all are getting their energy out. By laying on the ground.

When I think back and I think, okay, maybe not those kids. Those kids are weak, wimps, pathetic. That's me, just like, I give up. I'm down here, I give up. Okay, so this is from Brooke and it's a review of Skyzone. Oh, by the way, if you guys hear construction in the back, we're actually expanding our offices,

which is really exciting. We're adding a new wing to the to the third wing it's called fourth wing and It's where It's where a lot of like the the synergy and brainstorming will happen Yeah, we're just really looking forward to it. It's actually sponsored by City City City Bank and our and our patrons who though at least the ones in the Yeah, we're just really looking forward to it. It's actually sponsored by city city city bank and our and our patrons who though at least the ones in the

$100,000 tier that's right now. Yeah, we call them they're called the city patrons now We have to brand kind of everything. Yeah behind the scenes. We call them the city suckers, but They can't know that well We have their money so which also was unfortunate because we did use the C from city and so it says city cockers. And we thought, oh, like it makes sense when you say it out loud, but then when you type it out, it's like, that feels a little like a low blow, you know? That was an interesting choice of ours.

So that was unfortunate. We make mistakes sometimes. This is why we're building a fourth wing because we need space and time and the right atmosphere and the right beanbags to really get the ideas flying. Anyway, amen. Oh, that's also part of the work culture here.

Amen. Yeah. The chapel. Yeah, chapel. I told Em the other day, I was like, well, when Renee and I were in chapel and Em was like, chapel? And I was like, yeah, chapel, like church. Yeah, we'd go at least once a week.

And I was like, you guys went to church together? And I was like, yeah, at school every single week on Wednesdays, like, what are you talking about? And Em was like, wow, that's a lot. And I was like, yeah, welcome to the club, welcome to the- And then Sundays, also sometimes with friends, I would go to the church. Oh, fadofa.

What were we thinking? I don't think we had much of a choice back then. I just couldn't stop thinking about that ligament in Jesus's wrist. Oh, true, I was thinking about what if the chandeliers, the lighting fell and crashed and started a fire. Oh, I didn't even think of the fire. I just thought of- Oh yeah, because then I'd have to think, what would I do? I have to get out. Oh, I think of all the time started a fire. Oh, I didn't even think of the fire. I just thought,

cause then I'd have to think, what would I do? I have to get out. Oh, I think of all the like metal bars that would just accidentally impale people. And I was like, oh no, who's safe and who's not. I would think about who would die. Yeah. Well, obviously. Sorry, they're nailing Jesus up right now.

Okay. That's part of the decor. We had a... I was gonna try to like lessen it as much as possible. It is so loud, but I don't know how. So I'm glad you called it out and I'm glad I... I had to, I had to. I was like the hammering in the background is so funny.

Yeah, we're putting up a real life crucifix display as part of our... A real life crucifix display as part of our- A real life crucifix? Does that mean there's a real living person on it? It's animatronic. Oh, good. Ken Ham was the original designer of that. Okay, so this is from Brooke.

Sorry, Skyzone. By the way, I was telling Xander earlier, Elle, these freaking places are called Skyzone in some form or another. I don't really- Literally, none of mine are, but I agree. Oh, okay. You know, like we're still somehow true though. It is still somehow true. Um, okay, so this is a review of the sky zone in Chesapeake, Virginia and it's a one star and it comes with the photo. And this is a review by Lily. This trampoline park sucks. I had my 10th birthday party here and I did an overnight sleepover.

One of the employees got mad at me for running in dodgeball? That's the point of dodgeball you dummy. Then that idiot put me in a time out when my parents spent a thousand dollars on that party. Don't come here ever unless you want your kid to cry. End of review. Oh my gosh, what a dummy though. There's a photo of an employee in this review,

as part of this review. I'm gonna send this picture to you. And then the caption says, this is the man that put me in timeout for five minutes during my overnight sleepover birthday party. And in case anyone was wondering who the real criminal behind it all was. This is is my this is the warden Jail warden at the sky zone. Yeah, five minute long timeout warden

Which I guess to a child feels like a lifetime but I'm like that's it I know and I get it cuz it's like it's your birthday, but also, you know, I imagine that they were being a little wild. I mean, running in dodgeball is a heinous offense. Yeah, that feels weird. I mean, maybe they're not telling the whole story. Also, I will say it said, I didn't even read that part, but it said a couple years ago is when this happened. And so, you know, I love that now they're posting pictures

of the employees who probably don't work there anymore you know like years down the road, but Maybe he's advanced in his career and become like deputy marshal of the sky zone or I don't know what I don't know what Deputy marshal of the five-minute times timeouts. Oh, right here a specific specifically, yes One can only hope one can only hope Here is a review sent by Emily of fun City in Goffstown, New Hampshire. I have a review from Fun City also. From in Goffstown, New Hampshire?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe not. It sounds like a very generic name. Fun City, yes. Okay. I don't know. Okay. Well, here's a one-star review. If I could give zero stars, I would. This place needs to be checked out, completely disorganized and unsafe. Pay to jump to our VIP and find out that half the activities are closed due to someone vomiting and defecting in the ball pit area that they cannot clean.

No, okay, but like, isn't it good that it's closed? Like I don't know. I know you're disappointed, but like isn't it good that it's closed? Like, I don't know. I know you're disappointed, but like they can't really. And it's because it's a fucking biohazard. In the ball pit? Oh, that's my nightmare. Most employees I feel like are not, you're not supposed to touch that

because it's a biohazard. So like I've. And some employees have to go in the ball pit. And some employees do have to go to the ball pit. Just depends on your level. I feel like you should get paid more if you have to clean this. But I did love that they spelled defecating defecting.

Somebody defected. Someone's defecting over in that area. We got to close it. They're defecting from the Sky Zone Army forces. The Sky Zone employees are like, yeah. We're defecting because somebody pooped in the ball pit, so we're all defecting. But they are still charging full price. So my daughter goes to do bumper cars and while in line waiting has an electrical box fall out of the wall and jab into her foot with the screws that are attached to it."

Oh. So it went really crazy to nothing. Okay. Okay, maybe not nothing. I was picturing chapel level chandelier falling. Me too. Isn't this such a dramatic fall of like start to finish with? Basically she probably kicked-

Screws that are attached to it, jabbed into her foot. Like she probably kicked it by accident or tripped on it. You don't even mean maybe like if it's down by your feet, you know how something's loose and you like accidentally bump it. Yeah, which probably shouldn't be loose to begin with. If that's what happened. But yeah, yeah, there's probably shouldn't be poop in the ball pit either. So what? So what? That's everything's going awry at this place say love the

Unbelievable for a child's play place should have known better when I saw the construction items thrown about the facility very dangerously Demanded a refund owner wouldn't even apologize to my face end of review construction materials all around Is it that one screw from the fucking electrical panel? It's a jackhammer's over there for kids to play on. Maybe it's like part of an obstacle course. Yeah, just loose wiring. It's so vague that it's hard to...

I was thinking maybe like a tire, but that's all. That is a classic construction item You're used to like your experience with construction zones is on like Tony Hawk pro skater So yeah, well, yeah, I mean a hundred percent and like rubble and crew the show that Leona watches There's really those are my only two Okay, I have one here from Taylor and this is a review of Skyzone Trampoline Park. And it is a one star review by Ryan.

I lost my brand new iPhone 11 Pro here. I saw my phone in the lost and found and they refused to give it back to me. I also saw the staff vaping in front of two year olds. If you want to lose a phone, I highly recommend this place. End of review. The end. And some, some interesting accusations. Vaping in front of two year olds.

What I will say is two year olds are really short. So I don't know if that's really that dangerous if it's outside, I guess. Vapor rises. Vapors rise into new heights. The two year old can't reach. Oh, wait, Alexander, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's a trampoline park. The two year old can reach the vapors.

And there are clouds up there. Oh no. Poofy, poofy clouds. Poofy clouds of vapor. Secondhand smoke. This two year old is fucked. And they're like, no, they're having clouds. Poofy clouds of vapor. Secondhand smoke. This two-year-old is fucked. They're like, no, they're having a... Their development is destroyed.

Yeah, they go all... And they fall back down. Mommy, look how high I am. Oh! Look how high I can get. Not like that! Stupid. So you know what?

They have a good point. I don't care about their iPhone anymore. I'm more concerned about these clouds of vapor that the kids can launch them. Me too. I'm very concerned. Oh God, that didn't even occur to me at the, when I first read it. I mean, obviously it didn't occur to me. That would be a wild thing to occur to me.

Okay. My next one was sent in by Brad. That would be a wild thing to occur to me. Okay, my next one was sent in by Brad. This is a one star review of Altitude Trampoline Park in Concord, New Hampshire. Why are they all in New Hampshire? I don't know. Altitude, that's good. There's nothing else to do out there. Here's a one star review. Except like buy fireworks and go to the trampoline park.

Here's a one star review. Except like buy fireworks and go to the trampoline park. Yes. And like not wear a seatbelt, isn't that a new answer? I think that's a thing, yeah. Yeah, you know, live free, die hard, die, die. Die quickly in a fiery cross. Die quickly. On December 28th, on December 29th, 2023, me and my brother were trying to enjoy our time, but it was so busy

I was on jumping and all of a sudden some toddler starts crying that I stole her trampoline and told on me. And then the parents got mad at me and yelled at me for harming their child's feelings, and Altitude kicked me out for harassing a toddler for a day. And also I can't bounce on any trampolines because screaming iPad kids just wander off with no awareness whatsoever. Unbelievable. Don't go on school vacations or other places. Go when it's late so it isn't very busy during the weekends.

That is just my advice. End of review. Wow. I like that. I just heard advice. It's just their advice. Take it or leave it, you know, Penny for your thoughts. I feel like a, there's just a blurry photo by the way, of just the area and it says busy.

It does look pretty busy. They were probably trying to be subtle. Like I'm not taking a picture of the place, but I am. I found this iPhone 11 in the lost and found. I thought that at first because of the angle and it's like kind of a low angle. Then I realized this is 11 in the lost and found. I thought that at first because of the angle and it's like kind of a low angle, then I realized this is a trampoline. Sorry, this is a child.

I don't think the trampoline works. I realized this is a trampoline. And the trampoline's on the ground. No, I realized it's a child who's most likely doing this. So I was like, huh. I really thought you meant like, because it's a trampoline, they were jumping. And that's why it was blurry.

No, maybe there were a lot of physics could also be described by it being a child. I think all of this can be just child. True. I just, there's so much like physics. Well, there's not a lot of physics. That's the wrong word. Oh yeah. Tell us about it. There's a lot of confusion that can take place here, I feel like with, somehow trampolines make things a little more confusing than your average,

just like roller rink or arcade. It's like suddenly there's vertical movement, there's vomit. You're right, yeah. There's just a lot more stakes, I think. I don't disagree. Yeah. Yeah.

I like that they're like, oh, the iPad kids have no regard for anyone else. And it's like, anyway, move away, toddler. I'm taking your trampoline. I think like the standards for how these are run should be higher than those other places or other. But from my experience reading all of these, it's not that that's not the case. It's simply not the case, unfortunately. Yeah, I think this is one of those things that maybe people haven't put quite the right amount of like, maybe in 20 years they'll be super safe. I think now maybe they're not.

I don't know. I don't know. I've never been to a trampoline park. No. Oh, yes I have. Oh, you have. Yeah, I went and called. It seems like a nightmare for me.

I went in grad school and it was nice because my friend Danielle just booked an hour for all of us and there were just like 10 of us and we got a whole little section. Oh, that's different. That's nice. And it was so nice. And there was barely anybody there. It was definitely not the experience most people have had

as is what I'm gathering. It's just, I imagine not that easy having a business where the more people they're the worst it is for everybody in the building. For everybody in the building. That's true for many businesses, but this one just sounds like a nightmare for everything logistically. And it's like so many feet. Oh, fuck.

The amount of reviews talking about how it smelled like feet and the children. Look, I can't do it. That many kids, especially with trampolines. I'm telling you. And birthday parties. You gotta book like a private thing or whatever my friend did. Get me out of there.

That was much better. Okay. Oh, they're bringing, are they bringing the three Magi? My new, our new statues. Oh no. Oh no, they get run over. Oh no. I need this so much.

Okay, so now I like that I've created this narrative that there's just like this ultra Catholic sculpture garden behind you. Okay, one thing I haven't mentioned yet is my window is also broken. I found that out today. What? Doesn't close hopefully.

Oh no. Oh, so you can. What? It doesn't close hopefully. Oh no. Oh, so you can't even like fully, fully close it. I'm in a bad spot and I fly tomorrow. I'm like leaving. It's, and I need to get that fixed and I can't yet. As long as you don't like post that anywhere that your window is open and you're leaving tomorrow, then I think we're okay.

It's not, it barely opens it, but it's, it like opens out, but just a crack. Oh, it's one of those. It's like, I can't, I can't jump out basically. Like if there's a fire, I cannot leave out my windows. If the chandelier falls onto you and sets you on fire. Which it's really precarious. Cause I set it up myself.

Oh, that's not gonna end well for, no, that. Oh, that's not going to end well for it. No, that's not good. Those are heavy too and have real candles. Yes, it does. So this is also from Taylor and this is like the only one I have that's not called the fucking, oh wait, I forgot one, I missed one, sorry. This is from Stacey Sheher of Fun City.

But this is, I think of a different Fun City, I imagine, because what are the odds? But I just want to, it's a lot and it's bad. Just keep the name Fun City, I guess, in mind. I mean, we already talked about the name Fun City being just like... I'm nervous. It's just, whew, it's a lot. We had my twin's 9th birthday party here. If I could give it zero stars, I would. On the night we were there, in two separate incidents, we had multiple paramedics, and

then half of the town's police department have to respond. The open door policy and zero supervision, other than the two overwhelmed rent-a-cops, created a dangerous environment. While there, a kid shattered his leg in the foam pit, and we endured what I can only describe as a riot caused by unruly teenagers who just waltzed in the front door, all while protecting our party of 39-year-olds.

I won't even go into the overt racism a few of our nine-year-old children experienced, which is difficult to explain to children who are being raised responsibly to look past the color of one's skin. Luckily, the reported gunshots were not fired until right after we left. This business's open door policy, where anyone can walk in and around the whole place unaccounted for, mostly unsupervised teenagers using it as a hangout spot, fosters a dangerous environment for

children with zero accountability for what they allow happen on their premises. Zero supervision. All of this disaster cost us over $1,000 out of pocket and most likely some therapy for people who attended. Never in a million years will we ever return to this dangerous environment. You are a trampoline park for children. Do better, Fun City. End of review.

This is one of those reviews that there has to be a news article attached to it, right? Exactly, you're so right. Gunshots at the trampoline park? And how casually that was dropped in there. It's like, thank God the gunshots happened after we left. Holy cow, what the hell? Oh, I found it, yeah.

Okay, see? Police respond to Fun City Adventure Park for reports. Wow, news force received several complaints about fights breaking out at Fun City Adventure Park in Chictiwaga. Chictiwaga. Where is that? New York. Well, this gives this one a little bit of a different

meaning at the beginning and kind of bums it out. But here's a review sent in by Brad of the Get Air Trampoline Park in Eugene, Oregon. All of yours are so different. Get Air. Yeah. Altitude. Here's a one-star review. This is by Martin. My child fell into the foam pit and couldn't get out because he was in the middle of it and I was screaming for help and the manager

said that if he really needed to get out he would be out and there was a whole pee puddle on one of the trampolines and no one cleaned it up until a kid slipped in it. Oh and then he cleaned it up with a kid slipped in it. End of review. Oh, and then he cleaned it up with his shirt because he slipped on it. And rolled around a bit. And suddenly it was dry again. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Nobody cleaned up the pee until somebody slipped in it.

And also after hearing about your foam pit shattered leg incident. Yeah, what the F? I don't like that at all. Foam pits are scary. I always thought they were just fun. I've never quite been injured in one. It sounds like it's very, very possible.

Oh yes. More possible than I thought. Do you have any bad experiences with foam pits? No, I've avoided them, honestly. Really? Yeah. I always wanted to do them. Like ball pits I've avoided them, honestly. Really? Yeah. I always wanted to do them. Like ball pits I've been in.

Yeah. Those feel different though. Ball pits scare me though. They're a little, they're a little much because everything's moving. It's like hard to get out. It's like quicksand. It feels kind of like you're sinking. I don't like it.

Yeah. Somebody defected over there. Oh no. For over 100 years, the ACLU has defended our freedoms from those trying to control our speech, bodies, and our lives. On December 4th, the Supreme Court will hear from families and doctors, represented by ACLU attorneys, challenging laws that deny this freedom to trans people and our families, banning transgender youth from accessing gender-affirming hormone

therapy, and putting politicians between their families and the medical care they know is right for them. This case is about the fundamental freedom of all people to be ourselves. That's why the ACLU has launched the Freedom to Be campaign, sharing the voices and stories of trans people from around the country about what they want the freedom to be. You'll hear from people like Daniel Trujillo, an Arizona teenager who advocates with his family on behalf of trans youth like himself for safer schools, or Stephen Hobbs, a college freshman on how the support of his father has helped him pursue his dreams.

The freedom to dream, to create, to be heard and loved as ourselves. That's what trans people are fighting for. Head to ACLU.org slash freedom to be to learn more. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians.

This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Okay, I've reviewed this. This was sent in by Taylor, and it's of extreme, that just starts with an X obviously, extreme nasi,i... fuck. Xtreme Nazium, trampoline park and ninja challenge course. What a horrific name. Imagine going... what a what? Horrible name. Horrific name. Imagine going to a city bank and being like I need a loan for my

a small business loan for my Xtreme Nazium... I still haven't quite learned how to say it. Xtreasium. And Ninja Challenge course. Oh my gosh. Okay. One star, and this is by Paula, was invited here for a birthday party. The other one star review about the B-day experience is absolute truth. Checking in was chaos, and no one helped the parents at all with hosting. After paying all that money, they were doing it all themselves.

My children enjoyed what they had to offer. However, I didn't appreciate hearing elicit songs the whole time I was there. If this is a place for families, there shouldn't be music playing talking about strippers dancing on poles and cuss words flying around. One song repeatedly said the G-D word over and over. That did it for me. Don't plan to ever go back. One person reacted with oh no, no That was not my my my reaction hearing that but Yours was love this Mine is bonging bonging bonging bonging This sound this is very that's fitting for my challenge today. Oh, is it? That's right. The cussing. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Yeah. The tailor was like, what's the GED word? And I was like, I'm assuming. God damn. Gosh darn it. Yeah. Oh, I mean, gosh darn. Yeah. Yes. Gosh darn. That's a theme. It's funny. I think I saw another review of a trampoline park similar about complaining about the music Which to be fair, I guess it is a children's place, but strippers dancing on a pole. I'm like, okay Well, you clearly weren't listening that would be the dumbest lyric

Strippers dancing on a pole Here is a review of this is my last one of this, sent in by Izzy and it's a little mystery. I like, I ended, I think last week, some of the mystery. My last one's from Izzy too. Oh, weird. Izzy says, this is of launch family entertainment coming

in coming Georgia. Oh, great. Thanks Izzy. And Izzy said, and what city do we love? We love coming Georgia. Here's a one, I'm just leaving it at that. Here's a one-star review written by Daniel. We've been coming to launch frequently with my wife's Midway cheerleading squad.

I've been bringing my kid there the last few weeks. We decided to have her 11th birthday party there. My wife called last week to make reservations for tonight for 20. She was told, no need, it's always dead on Saturday nights. She called again today, twice, at 227 and 331, even asked to put a deposit down. Same response was given. The party showed up at 7pm. I dropped my daughter and wife off to go pick up the cake. Next thing I know, my wife called me, stating that Harry had called the sheriff on her in front of all the parents

The green sheriff asked Harry if he wanted to press charges Laughing emojis not sure on what grounds and will complete a complaint accordingly We brought the remaining party decreased by half now to Stars and Stripes where we met another group that just went through the same thing At launch we will never attend launch again. I will make sure that my wife's midway squad doesn't as well. Harry almost ruined my daughter's party. This is my first one-star review ever. I will make it my mission to let anyone with kids know about my experience. End of review.

Geez. So, I have no idea what the fuck happened. What the fuck is stars and stripes? I don't know, probably some bowling alley. Oh, you're probably right. Oh God, what do you think happened? Christina, I have no idea. Is there any clue now?

Literally, this person dropped their wife and daughter off, went to go pick up the cake and said, on the way to do that, the sheriff had already been called something down when they said green sheriff What do they mean by that? So it's in quotes. I assume like they're young fresh novice novice Yes, they're they don't know like to imply that they don't know what they're doing or they don't know the law or whatever Hey listen, it could have been worse they could have been put in the five-minute timeout Hey, listen, it could have been worse. They could have been put in the five-minute timeout

So true The green sheriff has no nothing to do with that no jurisdiction Yeah, so you're lucky you got him. Yeah, so The town sheriff got called to the trampoline park imagined over a bunch of cheerleader like Parks and rec level um okay this last one i have is also from izzy they them it's of the sky zone this time in louisville one star ridiculously expensive and they charged my one-year-old son 20 dollars to walk on a trampoline for 30 minutes end of review just. Oh. Just really like that. That's really funny to me.

What's happening? They charged my one-year-old son. Like I know what you mean, but like, did they? They charged your one-year-old son $20. Like there's like, like as if there's like a toll. Yeah, yeah. They charged him to walk for 30 minutes. Like what are you talking?

No, come on. That's not how that works. I assume. Okay, yeah, they charged him to walk for 30 minutes. Like, what are you, no, come on. That's not how that works, I assume. Okay, yeah. I mean, if I were a little baby, like a toddler, and I would pay 20 bucks to like, I mean, I'm assuming that like they walked with him, right? I don't know.

Yeah, no, I assume this toddler, they're saying like this, I had to pay for my toddler and all they did was walk for 30 minutes on the trampolines. That sounds great. But it's like, well, yeah, what else would it, I mean. What else would you do? It's like, as long as you don't leave the ground, you don't have to pay. It's like free until you leave the ground.

The moment you do, you have to pay. Oh, that's what they mean when they say on what grounds. This one, right here. So true. Yeah. The bouncy ground or the regular ground? Okay, thank you. that was all I got. Welcome, I have a challenge.

Great. And my challenge was something about cursing. It was to find reviews, they're trying not to curse or take the Lord's name in vain. And I just chose some of the most chaotic ones that people sent me, so it's kind of all over the place and it's wild. Here we go. Here's a two-star review.

This was sent in by Ryan. This is of Granny Cantrell's Southern home cooking, Southern American home cooking, diner looking place in Panama City, Florida. And this is a two star review. As a Christian, I'm not supposed to cuss, but I'm tempted to do so after Granny Cantrell's has gone off the deep end with its quality control. Wait, hold on.

I'm a Christian, first of all, good start. It's like almost like female, same kind of tonal like worry that I get. I'm a Christian, so I don't curse or don't cuss, but Granny Cantrell's is what's gonna push them over the edge. Yeah, because Granny, not just anything, Granny Cantrell's quality control declining is what's gonna finally break that lifelong curse

of not cursing. Yeah, wow, that's beautiful. I feel like it's not like there's anything worse happening in the world that could cause you to shout in anger. No, just a QC on that pie. Yeah. The general manager of this once great

locals country style restaurant has dropped the ball. Ever since Hurricane Michael, their food quality has been greatly compromised. What used to be a great spaghetti sauce has now been compromised to the low level of condemnation. Oh no, condemnation. Well, it's full of that hurricane water. It's probably salty now.

I mean, yeah, it's like, hey, they pointed to this disaster that happened and how the quality has gone down after. And it's like... Like this tomato sauce tastes different. Yeah, I forgot to mention this is a buffet style restaurant. Ooh, okay, good to know. This once great buffet has fallen from grace

into the pit of deep dodo. They used to have a great baker, but not anymore. Whoever is doing the cakes and pies suck. And speaking of cakes and pies, there used to be plenty to choose from, but not not anymore all great things must sadly come to an end granny Cantrell's has a great run RIP end of review RIP that's probably as close as I get to anything dodo is good that feels like okay you're skirting around another one pit of the actual word it a bird. Although is doodoo really supposed to be a curse word?

I think they meant doodoo and just they spelled it. Oh, do do. Okay. Yeah. Sure. Sure. It's yeah. I, uh, maybe I should have given them credit and said doodoo, but I did like pit of deep dodo. It just felt right. It felt right to say out loud. Um, but yeah, well I do like your take of maybe as a Christian, they can't say doo-doo and they say dodo instead. That's really what my brain went to. I would be very surprised, but I like it.

So they didn't curse though. No, they were close. I mean, I think their closest was probably saying that the cakes and whoever is doing the cakes and pies suck is what they said. And that seems pretty strong. That feels strong, because I know as a kid, we weren't allowed to say that,

which means that it's probably a no-no. Like that stood out to me as something that I think. Yeah, that feels a little harsh. I think so. Here's one more from Ryan. This is of a very fascinating place. It's the Holy Land experience. Guess where this is?

Right behind you, in our new fourth wing. Not yet. That doesn't have a TripAdvisor page yet. Oh shit, okay. This is in Orlando, Florida. Oh good. Of course. And this is, the Holy Land Experience brings the heroes of the Bible to life through exceptional theatrical,

Broadway style productions and educational exhibits within an immersive biblical atmosphere for guests of all ages and necromancy and Reanimation. Yeah Now here. Oh dear god, there's even like some back to life like Jesus crucified like bloody It's insane. Okay. here is a one star review. I really, really painted a picture of this place before I even knew it existed. I even said like a real crucifix. Nailed it. Get it?

You nailed it. Here's a one star review titled, A Vicious Den of Sacrilege. Oh shit! Okay, well we better not get that kind of feedback on our fourth wing. Hi, Christina. We would. You think? I do. A vicious den of sacrilege. Okay. Let me start by saying this is not a place I would have ever chosen to go on my own. My friend brought me as a gift and didn't tell me this is where we were going. I fucking never would go here, but my friend gave it to me as a present. Wow, that's really nice.

Nevertheless, I chose to enter with an open mind. I expected I would be entering a sort of living museum, bringing back to moments in the Bible. Hashtag nope. First of all, the place is a bunch of large sets made of gold painted plastic and is covered in mirrors. The characters are dressed in sparkly clothes. The shows are not biblically accurate, which is a disservice to anyone who may not know the Bible yet and may have an interest to learn about it.

And may think that Joseph did wear this bedazzled cloak. Like, imagine. A technicolor dreamcoat? That would be awful. Yeah, right? I was like, honestly, that's kind of fun, but okay. The shows make a mockery of the Bible stories. The moment where Mary, as in the mother of Jesus, suggests she should pretend that she did not have a virgin birth and should tell the chief priests that Jesus doesn't really perform miracles was appalling. Just when I thought-

What a strange plot twist. Like, hey, I have an idea for this new thing we're directing at this biblical living museum. Why don't we like throw a few plot twists in that nobody will expect? Well, actually there was an owner response, which I can no longer find, but- Gasp.

Just when I thought the place couldn't get it worse, I saw that you can sign up to be baptized or receive communion, get ready for it from Jesus No, no, no They had a performer come out pretending to be Jesus and people were actually crying I couldn't believe this place actually exists and I would pray it gets shut down Additionally Jesus was regularly depicted as having blonde hair and blue eyes. There were cutouts of Jesus posing all around for photo opportunities and other atrocities.

Please do not visit this location. Instead, maybe just pray for the folks who work there that they will see that they are promoting sacrilege and turn away from it. End of review. This is hysterical. This really feels like the exact thing that would piss off so many people. Like, how dare you mess with, you've gone too far. Yeah. I don't know how this fits the challenge, but I loved it. Did anybody, did anybody, so you said they responded, were they basically like, oh, this is just how we do things here or? No, they were like, hey, we, this is actually our interpretation. And they were, so with the-

It's artistic license. Well, they said, first of all, everyone who does perform baptisms, they are licensed. Like it's not just anyone. Oh, okay, cause I was wondering that. It's like Elvis doing a marriage ceremony. Like it's like a reenactor. It's like a similar vibe.

So yeah, it feels very tacky and very bizarre, but it's technically like, I don't know. I, you know, I was wondering about like, do people, were people jokingly doing this? But like they said people were crying and, and they said people were crying and what is this place called? It says it's closed. so this person got their wish. The Holy Land experience? You mean their prayer? And it was huge.

Oh, in Orlando. Oh my Lord heaven. Okay, so- Sorry, they got their prayer. Their prayer's answered. Was answered. Oh my God, wait, hold on. Alexander, please, please listen to me right now.

I'm listening. You know, there's a YouTube channel, Expedition Theme Park, and they posted a video in 2022, 45 minutes, called Orlando's Abandoned Religious Theme Park. And they do like a whole thing on it. That's fun. Okay. We should get a little pen for college

and watch that the next time we're together. Yeah, no, that sounds really good. So the Jesus actors are also ordained ministers, and then they also shorten some stories They said and they said the point of Mary's monologue is to show the turmoil she must have gone through in a short wind of time because the Bible said it was like a Sword piercing her soul so they like tried to convey it with her having like like doubts or something. I don't know Which whatever this is all ridiculous that this is even a debate.

First of all, you're reviewing a place called the Holy Land Experience in Orlando, Florida. Like where fake Jesuses baptized people. First of all, you already must have known that your friend was sacrilegious and you must have known. You must have known something because you were like, I didn't wanna go here. My friend was like, let's go.

Does this cause conflict between them? Yes. Probably, right? Absolutely I do because you know like, I didn't want to go here. My friend was like, let's go. Do you think this caused conflict between them? Yes. Probably, right? Absolutely, I do, because you know that they were not just sitting there in silence during this whole thing. They were clearly having strong opinions before and after. Or this is where they got them all out, you know, instead of talking to their friend.

I don't know, they don't strike me as the most subtle, discreet type of individual, but what do I know? But yeah, maybe they just kind of slowly ghosted that other person, I don't know. But it closed, this place closed March 2020. So maybe that friend is like, how dare you have closed this with your prayers? I know it was you.

I know it was you, and you must have caused COVID too, because that's what shut it down, I think. Oh, it's fair, okay. March 2020, I don't know. It looks like it just never reopened. I think. Oh, it's fair, okay. March 2020, I don't know. It looks like it just never reopened. Got it. Oh darn. Imagine if you were like on March 28th,

you were the new minister and you got to perform your first like Jesus baptism. And then they were like, we're closed for the time being. Okay, well, when is it gonna be? Or you are getting your baptism performed and suddenly they're all putting it on hold. And you're still waiting. Oh my god. You're still waiting It's been years and then you see the guy who plays Jesus in the local grocery store and you're like, hey, can you can you? Can you do my baptism real quick? He's like, I'm so tired of people asking me that it's like fine

Where's the nearest water fountain? Yeah, go the water fountain. Okay Okay. ["Running With My Body"] ["Running With My Body"] At New Balance, we believe if you run, you're a runner, however you choose to do it. Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way.

["Running With My Body"] And that's what running is all about. Run your way at newbalance.com slash running. You've always wanted to be part of something bigger than yourself. You live for experience, and lead by example. You want the most out of life, and realize what you're looking for is already in you. This is for you. The Canadian Armed Forces.

A message from the Government of Canada. I'm ending on a couple things that Stephanie sent in. Great. Yeah, that's one way to put it. This first one is a blog post on Christ Alone Wyoming, which is proclaiming the truth of Christ-centered theology. That's not a town, is it? No, it's just a blog about-

Okay, I thought, oh, a blog, I'm sorry. I thought you meant Christ Alone, Wyoming, like a location. No, the whole thing is called Christ Alone Wyoming. Okay. It's just the name of the blog. It's the name of the blog. Here is an article that they wrote in 2010, or someone did, I think it's from 2010, about

different movies and their use of curse words and using the Lord's name in vain. Gasp. They should check out Common Sense Media. Boy, have I got a website for them. Here we go. They'd love it. There might be a little too extreme for it. Who knows?

Impossible. Dear John, another tearjerker of a movie. Again, Fornication plays a part of this movie as is taking both the name of God and the Lord Jesus Christ in vain. And so now it says, how about for the kids? And these are like kids, kids movies. Oh, here we go. Where the wild things are only rated PG, but manages to use the D and the H word, along with taking the Lord's name in vain a few times.

What in the world are we teaching our children when this becomes acceptable? By the way, what is the operative number of times needed before the movie gets turned off? Next is Sherlock Holmes. Surely just a remake of the old Basil Rathbones, right? Well, only if you throw in far too many sexual innuendos, drunken and debauched behavior, and the Lord's name taken in vain. Yeah, white men back then didn't drink and have sexual intercourse and go to brothels and stuff. That was never a thing.

Next is The Twilight Saga. Perfect for those nights your teenage girl wants her friends over for a great Christian sleepover. After their ears are filled with enough- If I had a nickel for every time I had a great Christian sleepover with all my girlfriends. I mean, I'd have- I'd be broke, actually, is what I would have, which is so sad. You would be so little. After their ears are filled with enough swear words to last a month, along with the Lord's name in vain, their eyes will have enjoyed the allure of vampires and humans longing to be with each other no matter what the cost.

2012. For those who take an avid interest in wanting to know how the world will end according to Hollywood in two years. For those who take an avid interest, not just a mild casual interest, like an actual avid., not just a mild, uh, casual interest, like an actually avid. All your doomsday preppers, basically. Yeah, I mean, I take an avid interest, but probably not in this way. You will have two whole years to ingest the following details. One F-word, four S-words, nearly 20 misuses of God's name, paired with damn at least five times. No. Jesus's name is abused twice. Abused.

Ass, hell and bastard are also blurted out. You think it was Jesus's ass? An obscene gesture is made. I think maybe Jesus's ass. Post, yeah. What's an obscene gesture? Like a middle finger? Middle finger probably.

Obscene gesture, oh my Lord. It is. How do people like this get through the day? That's what I'm saying. Right? Like this sounds, it's exhausting to listen to, let alone like to be in that mindset where like instead of just enjoying a movie, you're literally counting the number of times they say damn. And it doesn't, nothing, none of the other context matters. You're just like, they said it three times. Yeah.

What a life. Yeah. I guess they're the ones that are useful for the people who are living that life so they can avoid it. Yes, yeah, that's right. They're the guidance. They can guide other lost people to be even more lost. I think just tying this all to like it being a sin and making it such a shameful thing

is so unhealthy and so dangerous. It's like the morality of words. It's ridiculous. Words, it's nuts. Now one more post. This is a Quora post, I believe. This also sent in by Stephanie. Wait, sorry, so it was the Twilight thing basically saying like being sarcastic and then was like, oh, and then it'll ruin everything

if you show this movie. Yeah, it was sarcasm. Sorry. Okay, okay. Yeah. So like saying like, yeah, your, your, your, your daughter's, your teenage girl's ears will be filled with so many swear words and the Lord's name taken in vain. And then you will, they'll have the allure of vampires and humans longing to be with each other, no matter what the cost. So basically like sinful behavior.

And you know that is what happens when you watch that movie. Like there's no way around it. We've all been there. We've all been there. My relationship to God was never the same after I watched that movie. Same.

That's actually when I lost my relationship with God. Or wait, no. Sorry, no, it wasn't that one, Sandy. It was Where the Wild Things Are, I think. Oh. That came out. Yeah, that one. Yeah, that was the one that really... When did that come out? Well, it was when the book came out that I really kind of started...

All the way back then? Wow. Yeah, in like 1965 or whatever. Why do so many films insist on using God slash Jesus' name in vain? How does that affect Christian actors? Do they ask the writer to remove lines of dialogue for them that includes blasphemy, or do they opt out of filming altogether? That must be why there's not many Hollywood superstars who are on the Christian,

we can't say the D word bandwagon. That must explain it. They just refuse to, there's just so many of them, but they refuse to participate. They, it's so brave of them, by the way. It's such a bizarre thing. What a bizarre thought process. And like, as if all Christians would feel this way,

you know, also. I was gonna say, there's like a lot of Christians in the world, and they're probably more than that who swear or say, oh my God, or. Oh yeah, absolutely. Plenty of Christians listen to our show, you know? Like exactly. Like this is a blasphemy from our mouths is like abundant. Living in Los Angeles is you,

part of it is you're required to swear a certain number of times. I think in any sort of Hollywood production there, you're not really allowed to like not swear. That feels. Well, Stanley here has a little different of a take. Do you want to hear what Stanley has to say about that? Oh, right, I forgot this was a fucking quarter. They're actually wondering. They're answers, yeah.

They were asking that sincerely. Oh, I was like, oh, this is just like somebody's musings. Okay. No, no, no. They legitimately are like, how do Christians in Hollywood do it? And here's the answer, ready? Because Hollywood is ran by the occult. Worship other idols like Moloch, Osiris,

Isis, Baal, the sun and the moon. Just look at all the Egyptian symbolism in the award shows and music videos. Look at how the negativity in broadcasting, parentheses broad plus casting equals spells slash influence has increased. Are you okay? Are they okay?

I'm very worried about this person. The thought that broad plus casting has anything to do with like magic spells. What? Like cause she's a broad? Or like because? I think it's saying like you're casting a spell. You're casting a spell broadly is what they're saying.

Instead of what it literally like, you could just be like, oh yeah, you're casting a spell broadly is what they're saying. Instead of what it literally, you could just be like, oh yeah, you're casting something broadly because cast means to cast out. Because that's literally what it means. Like when you're fishing or something, you cast it out broadly. Broadcast, wow. People are fucking deranged. Okay. This is wild. It pisses me off too because it's so dangerous and so fucked up. The Egyptian symbolism. 9.8 thousand people have viewed this post. And us, probably a scary number, agreed with it or thought they learned something. I hope not, but you're probably right.

It used to not be allowed to say words such as ass, damn, bitch in mainstream slash PG-13, but now is normalized. Just like they are trying to normalize minimizing our lord and savior. Normalize blaspheming him, lacking respect without realizing it. There's better examples, but why won't they say, that's gay, to unacceptable actions like they used to in the 80s and 90s, but we'll say the name of Jesus? It'll upset the LGBTQ community, but what about Christians? I'm glad you see it. End of response.

No, no, no, nobody sees it. Get a grip, dude. I'm sorry. I'm worried about you. No, people did see it. It's awful. It really is. Really gruesome. First of all, not that it needs to be, should be, have to be said, but to say something is gay as an insult is very different than using the phrase God damn. Like, first of all, you're insulting a group of people and like something that is just inherent to them. But that's it. You're not insulting Christians.

You're just saying the word God. You're saying a word. It's not even like directed at anyone. So that's a good point because God damn it is like it just doesn't have a. Like it's not an insult to Christianity. It's not an insult to God. It's like to some people, they think that that's what it means to use the Lord's name in vain, which I don't think is even what it originally

was meant to mean, but that's a whole other topic. But you can't use the word God within a curse or something. We weren't allowed to say, oh my God. This bullshit purity culture that has very, has religious ties. Anyway, we have two more responses and then we're done for today. Uh, but people talk about what they've been watching lately and how it affected them. So this was originally posted two years ago. And then this post was, this comment was from a year ago.

So people are still finding this and responding. Super. Thank you for this answer. I'm watching Austin Powers, a movie I only mildly enjoyed initially, but am now seeing the blasphemy spilled throughout all of it. It's very upsetting how much God is attacked. He's so merciful, and we're so undeserving of his mercy and love, and even worse, so incredibly ungrateful. And I say we as to not point fingers at anyone.

At one point or another, we've all fallen victim to Hollywood's Blatant mocking of our Lord and Savior and have gone along blindly or even knowingly Like me when I loved Austin Powers Oh, don't I was I was part of the problem when I used to enjoy watching Austin Powers I was part of the problem when I used to rent that from Blockbuster And then here's another one this is from's from this year, August. Okay, this past August, 2024. Super. Even though your comment is two years old, it's still so prominent to this day.

Today I went to the theater to see the new Deadpool and Wolverine. I didn't know the movie consisted of such blasphemy. Of course it's not in any of the trailers. I left within 30 minutes of the movie, countless times disrespecting the Lord, so shameful that so many souls are lost now and it only gets worse. It's sad that people reject Jesus when he is the one that laid his life down for us. Hearing people disrespect him is like someone scratching a glass plate with a fork. End of review. Wow, I mean, see, you know what's so funny is I was gonna say this reminds me a lot of the viewpoints I had when my religious OCD was very intense and it seems a little bit like maybe that's coming through here.

Like, oh, when I hear it, it's like, it's so upsetting to me that like, and it means so much and it has such, what do you want Deadpool to do? Like the sign of the cross? Like I don't understand. Especially when it's Deadpool, which is a character that's been around for like 30 years

and has always been a certain way and has always been super fucking disrespectful and not like, it's a sense, I don't know. I don't watch the movie, but you, Deadpool has a reputation for being a certain way. Who's watching? And then Austin Powers, there are two examples. Austin Powers is a great one.

It's insane to me. Oh, I didn't realize how blasphemous this movie was. And it's so telling that the only issues they have with like Austin Powers, which is offensive in so many ways. I mean, that's kind of like the point, I think. I'm not saying that to like bash on it. I haven't seen anyone in a while. But there's plenty of shit to point at and say like,

hey, that's not cool or that's inappropriate. But it's telling that their like only complaint is that it's against Jesus. And that they thought that older media was a lot more pure and better, even though we know like looking back that a lot of older media was pretty misogynistic, racist, et cetera. But they're like, no, let's go back to that

because it left God alone, you know, nowadays. Exactly. Ugh. Yeah, very telling. Anyway, kind of got off track of that theme, there that challenge a little bit, but. Let's all just watch. There's some wild shit out there.

Picnic at Hanging Rock, and that's the only film we'll ever need to see. Yeah, I, oh god. That movie is, that is the heavenly movie. That is the movie, Fight a Christian Movie Night with My Girlfriends. Yeah. A Christian slumber party. That's probably what we'd watch.

You know, one time I had a dream about Jesus. Tell me about it. I actually dwindled about it yesterday, which is really weird, but I had a dream about Jesus. Tell me about it. I actually journaled about it yesterday which is really weird but I had briefly okay um I had a dream when I was little that Jesus was on the stairs and he put his arms out like this and he was just head to toe illuminated in rainbow. Jesus is gay. I mean, yeah, I think so. Or at least like. And not in the way these people would use it.

Oh yeah, not in the way that the. Non derogatory because it's not. Right, right. Or I don't know, maybe just like love. Everyone. Full stop, yeah. All life prisms. I just remember that being very powerful

and then over the years I was like, oh, that's just silly But now I'm like, I don't know. Maybe it was a nice symbolic Thing I don't know But I just made me think of also that review where everyone was wearing sparkly clothing and I was like, I don't know I saw Jesus one time and he was pretty sparkly. I think Jesus would love to have a colorful Palate on his body. That's how yeah, but you know what I mean Yeah, but only the blonde one we don't like this cheese have to be so like not fun colorful palette on his body. That's not agree. But you know what I mean? Yeah, why not?

But only the blonde one. We don't like the other ones. Why does Jesus have to be so not fun? Same with God. It's so not fun. Yeah, why do they make him? Remember those stickers where he was eating pizza and people were like, ugh.

Yeah. Like, he's not allowed to eat pizza. If you really wanna brainwash children, make him fun. Just the tip. I agree. But I think that's what they're trying to do with like guitars at church and stuff. Which is probably more effective.

Like I would have probably found more enjoyment than pretending the chandelier was gonna fall on somebody, but maybe not. Yeah, maybe it's good we got the real Catholic side of it all. Yeah, sometimes I think that. Didn't suck us in as much. Let us build the city of God.

Okay, no, we're done, we're not doing that. Thank you everyone for being here. Sorry for any noise in my background. I will, I'm trying to work on it. I don't know, life is hard. I'm trying. It is. I love you all though. I appreciate your patience.

Yeah, thank you for listening. We appreciate you and We will see you next week on Beach Too Sandy or Water Too Wet. Bye! Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet is a Forever Dogg production hosted and produced by Zandy and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever Dogg Productions is Joe Silio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.