Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 313: Thanksgiving Extravaganza

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

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I am so dreading groceries this week. Why? You can skip it. Oh what, just like that? Just like that. How about dinner with my third cousin? Skip it. Prince Fluffy's favorite treats?

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Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted nervous, Sandy. You start. Why? This is a very normal episode. This is my friends that are making you nervous.

Do you want me to cover him up? Yeah It's actually so much worse when you just cover up them temporarily and then they just jump out of me every time you move Your hands. Yeah Zandy's in the studio today the literal studio And he has this cool backdrop today that forever dog had in storage I suppose for some reason and it's these snowmen at the beach. And I'm having a great time watching you relax and between your two friends.

Making friends. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm having a great time. This is really fun because- Alexander's in LA mode today. I'm, yeah, I don't have to listen to my traffic as we, all the traffic outside and, ah. Somebody else got to set up the equipment? Oh yeah, I didn't do anything, I just showed, as we all the traffic outside and... Somebody else got to set up the equipment. Oh yeah, I didn't do anything. I just showed up.

It's really nice. I'm only a little bit jealous. Now I have to try to be funny. So hopefully it works out. What's this episode? 313. This is our Thanksgiving extravaganza. I take Thanksgiving on my Google Drive and the number of like patreon bonuses from the past several years that were in there just

Just Jimbo the eradicator on every single page I didn't bring in this time because I figured you know if you're on patreon you've or even just the regular episodes You've probably heard enough of Jimbo impossible I know but so I I want to like leave a little to the imagination when it comes to the eradicator So I want to like leave a little to the imagination when it comes to the eradicator What does that mean every time I feel insecure about something I said I look at the snowman to your left where he's winking And I'm like he says it's okay So anyway Alexander, I think I have more than you would you like me to start? Oh, yes, please. I would love that. Okay So this was sent in by Abby, and Abby said, this is stupid,

but read the reviewer's name. And I thought, okay, and it took me forever to understand what was going on. And then I realized the reviewer had put a separate review as their name on Amazon. They put a separate review, huh? Sorry, let me give you the review and then I'll explain. Okay, this is a one-star review. And by the way, this is of, let me give you the review and then I'll explain. Okay, this is a one-star review.

And by the way, this is of, let me actually read the official title, the Omaha Steaks Durak Ham Thanksgiving Dinner. And this is a two and a half pound ham with smashed red potatoes, creamed corn, green beans and butter sauce, caramel, apple, tartlets. Oh, this is all on Amazon, by the way. I'm sorry.

And this is something you just order all together as one unit? Right. And how do you cook? Right. Okay. This is all in one thing. Yeah, it's really gross.

I don't want to send you a picture because it's just a giant ham and it feels unpleasant to look at. Okay. Any more questions? Was this in our freezer when we lived in LA when Blaze had our entire freezer stocked full of Omaha steak? Any more questions? Was this in our freezer when we lived in LA, when Blaze had our entire freezer stocked

full of Omaha steak? Yeah, that was for a while their leases go to present. And that is probably exactly what this is, to be quite honest with you. Okay. Yeah, yeah. But it's a ham with the fixings, everything. With all the fixings, that's right.

Yeah, so this is the review. It's a one star, can't imagine why. And this is, I'll tell you their name after the review because it's a little long. It's actually longer than the review. Okay. What? Okay. One star. Terrible.

Everything we tried was not eatable. It was terrible and tasted freezer burnt. I think it was really overrated. End of review. And oh, forgot to tell you this reviewer's name. Their name is, I didn't receive the item. Instead, I got a large bottle of soft soap and I'm very disappointed with the service.

I don't have bottles for dispenser and I would never have ordered what you sent me. That's their name. Are there spaces in there? Is it like full, like each word separately? It's just a full, yeah. How is that allowed? I don't know, but like as an example, cause Abby knew I wouldn't really understand right away.

Abby sent another review and said, this is where the name is. What? It still makes no sense. The name is in another review. No, no, sorry. She sent a review of a normal Amazon person who had their name like Jared Kushner. And then it says the review. No, no, sorry. She said a review of a normal Amazon person who had their name like Jared

Kushner. And then it says the review. That is not a normal Amazon person. Jared Kushner is not a normal Amazon person. Jared Kushner fan. Oh, that's more normal. Okay. And it said, and then it gave the review, but this one right where the name was supposed to be, which was obviously Vance Dance 202, instead of putting that in their name, they put- Vance Dance 202? Why have you come up with this shit? Okay. They put an entire review of a different product as their name. Okay.

Does that make sense? Nope. I'm not sure. They have the profile picture and then next to the profile picture is a full review. I'm not sure why there are two reviews. Who, why is Jared Kushner involved here? Like the first one.

Why wouldn't he be? Many reasons. Wait, so these are the same per, two reviews by two separate people. No, this is one review. This is all one review. No, okay. Okay, forget Jared Kushner.

I know it's hard. I will try. I'll forget him. I know we're always saying that, but try your best. No, okay, so this is from, this is a one-time review of this stupid ham and it says it was disgusting. And then if you like look up to who wrote it,

their name, their profile name on Amazon is like an entire review of something completely different. Like I don't know what it's a review of, but they received soft soap instead of- They got soap instead of whatever. And it could have been this ham, I don't know. I was gonna say, because that would be overrated if you ordered this ham and you got a thing of soft soap.

Well, but then to say that it's tasted freezer burnt, it's like, well, you should probably not have put that in your mouth. Fair. Okay. So yeah, hopefully it's not. I'm so glad we got to the bottom of that. I'm not sure if we have, but I'd like to stop wherever we are. Oh my god. Stop digging and go back up for air. I'm just going to start with this one.

I went on the App Store, I found one review and decided I'm done with the App Store. Thank you, Matt. But I'll read the one review that I read. This is a review of Thanksgiving eCard and greetings. Okay? It's just Thanksgiving eCard and greetings Okay It's a just an eCard app. Here's a one-star review titled for what purpose? I'm a veteran. I Personally don't need the hoopla. I also lost my son in service the noise and music don't relieve my pain

But let the survivors party on. End of revival. Kershia, I don't know what that was. I think that was advanced dance 202. Oh no. Altoner, that's so dark. It was, that's what, I don't know why I brought it. Why is that person even in the app store getting musical turkey, I mean I bet it's like

gobble gobble, like the dorkiest type of e-cards you can find from a free app. Based on the pictures, very much so. It just says Thanksgiving in our hearts. Thanksgiving turkey hug. Maybe. Maybe it was Thanksgiving and the family was like, please, pop, you can't tell that story again at the dinner table like the kids are here It's really depressing. We know you like have a lot of thoughts and he's like, well, let me get an outlet somewhere else

And he went to the app store app store. No, I feel bad for pop Yeah, I do wonder okay my actual theory is that? This is one of those apps that changes their name based on the season. And so there was a Veterans Day type thing and it was a lot of hoopla. Are they doing Arbor Day, Flag Day, Veterans Day, every holiday? Yeah, absolutely they are.

It's wild, these apps. You know what's the wildest part? Tell me. It doesn't relieve the pain. Oh no, but let the survivors party on. What does that mean? I don't know, but you're a survivor, sir. I mean, not you, obviously, Augustin,

I would never call you that, but the guy, this reviewer, feels like he needs to party a little bit. That just felt like an attack for no reason. What was that? I'm sorry, I'm still feeling a little bitter about how badly I did the last review and I think I'm projecting. Kristina, yeah, you should.

Okay, you should feel badly. Thank you. I'm just kidding, you did great. This is from Stacey Sheher. It's a, this is why I don't feel that bad because I brought, the next thing I brought is a cruise critic forum. I'm gonna be honest, I opened this email,

saw cruise critic and left it red. I was like, or unread, sorry. Thank you. That would be cruel, I opened this email, saw Cruz critic and left it unread, sorry. Thank you. That would be cruel if I left it read. That would be really cruel if you archived everything that said. Every single one. What if you just had a filter that said Cruz and then it said, so you guys have to start getting creative,

like write like Ted Cruz, wink. Don't write Ted Cruz, why are you? It felt like it needed a third. Like a, okay. Part to the joke, so close it out. The Trinity, the Holy Trinity. And you know that it'll be ending now, right? I won't say anymore.

We can only hope. Wink. Okay, so this is from Stacey Sheher. It's a Cruz critic convo called not so Thanksgiving Cruz, which doesn't even make sense, but whatever. Thanks for telling us, no. Yeah, you're welcome. I was more telling Freddie who wrote this, which doesn't even make sense, but whatever. Thanks for telling us, no.

Yeah, you're welcome. I was more telling Freddie who wrote this, but anyway. November 29th, 2017, here's the first post of the thread. Drove to Long Beach because my handicapped wife always has difficulty in LAX. We live in Las Vegas. The inspiration was loaded with more unruly kids than expected. We did not know California schools closed all week. Our fault. Security did nothing to

control them. We also had our group of loudmouthed drunken adults. The food was horrible except for guys. That's Guy Fieri's by the has, Guy Fieri has a burger joint on the boat. Of course. Cause then of course it started a debate about how, whether Guy's burgers were any good, and I was like, okay. You guys. What? Are they? What was the conclusion?

Most people were like, I can't believe you liked it, I can't stand them, and someone else was like, they're pretty good, and then someone else said, stop complaining about the food food it's not helpful to anyone and I said well that's actually kind of true okay the food was horrible except for guys and the pizza however we had great weather a wonderful steward and dining room staff to those of you that do not like my comments that is your problem to those of you that do I like my comments, that is your problem.

To those of you that do, I mean, this must be like he already has a reputation. Yeah. Right. Because like, why would you start a thread like this? Very defensive. So already defensive. Yeah. To those of you that do not like my comments, that is your problem. I have sailed on Carnival since 1996. And my wife and I were platinum when it was just 10 cruises a long time ago. I do not want responses from those of you

who have been on two or three cruises and have nothing to compare the present Carnival with. Uncle Bob would never have let this happen. End of review. Uncle Bob, that's true. Do you remember Uncle Bob? No, I assume he's some sort of administrator or- We've talked about this because when I saw Stacy Wright,

who's Uncle Bob, I remember in my mind, you and I both going, who the hell is Uncle Bob? And then I did like one quick Google search, which I did again this time and you are correct and I'm correct, which is that he's a former president slash CEO of Carnival Cruise Line. Oh, did you just say I was correct? I was correct?

I was saying you was administrator of Cruise Critic forums. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you meant like some sort of like corporate side. I certainly did not. Okay. Oh, okay. Well, he's like, oh cool, I was right. I was really wrong.

I was so far off. Nobody was right, I guess. But CEO of Carnival Cruise Lines, to the point that when you Google his name, there are all these threads that come up on Cruise Critic where they're saying like, there are rumors Uncle Bob might be returning. I sure hope so.

Things were never the same once he left. Like he's this kind of- What a PR campaign to get people to like call their CEO Uncle Bob. That's wild. This is Carnival Cruises, right? This is like a huge fucking corporation. This man is probably worth a billion dollars

and they're like, Uncle Bob. Well, they tried to get Uncle Elon going and nobody got on board. It just like didn't catch on, which is really unfortunate. I think that would have really changed things around. Sorry, I said I wouldn't bring any more names into this and here I go.

Okay. Yeah, I know. I winked so it didn't count. Okay, so this is a response. So anyway, so this guy, Freddy, said, Uncle Bob would never have let this happen. And of course that also sparked debate. Yeah.

Actually, it wasn't even debate. Everybody said they miss Uncle Bob. And I'm like, not a one. Maybe they just get deleted by the mods, but not a one has had Everybody said they miss Uncle Bob. And I'm like, not a one, maybe they just get deleted by the mods, but not a one has had a complaint about this Uncle Bob. So maybe you're right. Maybe he's also the administrator of this forum. Like maybe he left his CEO position,

or maybe this is some underground carnival-like marketing and he's, okay, this is getting a little. Maybe it's just Uncle Bob marketing himself. All of these people are Uncle Bob. You're right, he's doing a really good job. Yeah, I'm impressed. So I only have, so there were a lot of comments, but I'm only gonna bring one.

I know, I know, quit your crying. This one is by JD, who wrote, the little woman and I were on the Sunshine Cruise last year. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh-uh, I don't like that. If you're not talking about a character in a book,

I'm not interested. Also, it is capital LW, but I will say, why didn't we do DW like we normally see on these? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like there was a perfect spot for that, but you have to just go and change it. Okay. Little woman, ew. With the capital letters.

The little woman and I were on the sunshine last year Stop saying it. I don't like it over the little woman. Okay, sorry TLW all capital is really unsettling Fortunately it turned out just great they cooked 102 turkeys with the trimmings we'd do it again. So sorry your holiday was less than hoped for Hopefully you'll keep on cruising and enjoy the next. God bless. So that's kind of the end of that discussion.

But apparently there are entire Thanksgiving cruises. 102 turkeys, Jesus. Yeah, I love that they know that. Do you think they were alive when they were put on the ship? That'd be crazy. For sure, for sure. They were, right? What else would they use like-

That's one of the activities. Yeah, they got a, yeah. Scavenger hunt. Find and break your turkey's neck. Scavenger turkey hunt. Yeah. Remember when there was a turkey that had its head up his butt last week?

No, nevermind. You read about, you're the one who read about it. No, dark, Yeah, I thought about I was like two weeks. I would never have let that happen. He probably wouldn't have you're actually right Maybe I am a Uncle Bob fan. Isn't it hard how to like you can't fight it. I Really can't fight the feelings. I have uncle Bob um, I have something that is a review of a recipe

because I went to Thanksgiving recipes. Apparently, deviled eggs is a thing people serve. Yes. So I have a deviled eggs recipe. That sounds right. This is a one-star review. This is of Cajun deviled eggs. That sounds like really yummy.

Yeah, it is a review by Denise, or sorry, a recipe by Denise. The review was written by Abar Jbar, okay? Okay. Here's a one-star review. I was bored today, so I made four different recipes for deviled eggs at the same time, and had neighbors and friends do a taste test. This one came in fourth. The testers represented a large range of tastes, but no one rated it higher than third.

It is too coarse, with all the pepper and Dijon, almost gritty, and the flavor is bland. The other recipes in my taste test were Deviled Eggs by Barbara, Deviled Eggs Two by Mary Brotherton, and Deviled Eggs by Margaret Sanders. Margaret's were the unanimous winner. End of review. Little Woman by Louise Amai Alcott.

Sounded like books, you're so right. Deviled Eggs, I mean, wow. The recipes were Deviled Eggs, Deviled Eggs Two, Dev I mean, wow. The recipes were, devil eggs, devil eggs two, devil eggs again. I like, devil eggs with a Z by Valerie Parkhill, illuminated mercury set of two. Wow, that, Alexander, that was something else. I also felt- VPH probably sells

a devil eggs plate though. Oh, a platter. Right, platter, yeah. Yeah, but I feel like most of her stuff says, like, you can't eat off it, cause it's like mercury glass, like it's like, has that weird, like, patina like patina on it and probably some glitter sometimes especially the definitely glitter Yeah, I read a lot of reviews from QVC this year and I only brought one for later. So oh darn slim pickets

I like also that seems kind of like this is so strange, but I'm in this world It seems like the episode of a kids show where it's like, let's try all four recipes and have the whole neighborhood test them out. In what universe does that actually happen? Apparently, I know, isn't that weird? Like a wide array of tastes, and we all did a taste test. I was bored, and so this is how this all started. Like, wow, what a strange turn to your day.

I read it, and I thought, I don't have community in my life. And then I was sad. Oh. Just letting you know. It seems like a good roadmap to start. You deviled eggs? Yeah.

Yeah, maybe not a bad idea. Your turn. Okay, this is from Lauren, she, her, and she wanted to introduce me, like I know, obviously we all know Spookly, the square pumpkin. Oh yes, of course. But Lauren, yeah, of course, but she wanted to introduce us

to kind of like the Spookly cinematic universe, which is actually starts from a book, so I guess it's not quite cinematic, but it's, although I guess so did Marvel. Technically. It transcends all boundaries. It is Spookly, Spookly, Spookly, how do you say it? Spookly the pumpkin.

Spookly the square pumpkin. Is it? Spookly the pumpkin. Spookly the square pumpkin. Is it spelled Spookily? Like with an E? No, it's spelled L-E-Y. Yeah, I mean Spookly. Oh, L-E-Y, Spookly. I don't know why I had it spelled wrong in my head. Okay.

I don't either. It feels like you should. Spookly is the universe is all I was trying to say. Spookly is, and we've always said that our earth is flat. Mm-hmm, or at least square. I don't know. Cube. So apparently I went back and I typed Spookly in

just to see what I had brought in past years. I didn't really realize that I had brought Spookly year after year for a couple years there. Cause I wrote, last year I wrote, checking in on Spookly in my notes for the Patreon bonus. So I decided I'd check it. Which is probably not necessary. Well, whether it's necessary or not, shut up,

I did it anyway, and I went and checked in on Common Sense Media, and I have a new review, I guess, of Spookly the Square Pumpkin. Weirdly, this person's name, this is an adult review and this person's name is Holly, parent of baby year old. Because I guess you put like how old your child is. Oh.

It says baby year old. Okay. Whatever. This website never makes sense to me. Yeah. Do you think the baby's the size of like a tagine or? Oh yeah. We were reading lists of what what size babies are before this.

I don't know why we were doing that, but. I don't know either. It seemed necessary at the time. But Tajin was my favorite. Tajin was a good one. Anyway, so this is Common Sense Media review. One Star by Holly. Annoying.

Every October this cartoon comes on every single day on Disney Junior channel. So that might affect my review just a bit, but this has got to be one of the most annoying kids movies I have ever seen. And I've seen many kids films so I can make a solid comparison. The songs are terrible and you will have them stuck

in your head for months after viewing it. I've seen it back in October and it's now December. There's a weirdo spider that is in love with a female bat only because the bat won't let her brother eat the spiders. There's also singing melons that seem to be sexualized. In fact, the only female pumpkin is also sexualized, as is the bat. It's not overdone, but this is supposed to be for really small kids, and it's unnecessary, and it's stupid.

Plus, the animation is creepy, even for a Halloween movie. This title has, now you know how you say, this title contains sexy stuff? It now says this title has too much sex, which I was like, that feels... That is wrong. Okay, let me defend that for a moment because I don't think Spookly needs more sex.

I just... That's not what I'm trying to say when I say it doesn't have too much sex. I mean that the number is probably zero and you can't be too much of zero. Do you wonder if Common Sense Media changed it because people were just writing like sexy stuff and they were like, what could that,

like that could be like too much sex is like a much more. You don't remember it was when our lawyers, since we made merch that said, contain sexy stuff, we like actually got the patent for that. Yeah, we sued the shit out of them. That's right. They had to write too much sex on things like stupid, so this is awful. We got to pick it, I got to pick out of them. That's right. They had to write too much sex on things like Spooky and Scarbox.

We got to pick it. I got to pick it. I didn't inform you. I said, tell- I missed that meeting. Make everyone say too much sex in Spooky the Pumpkin and Charlie Brown, Halloween. Especially in the preschool section where they put,

yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that was the review. And then that'll be relevant later. Which part, the sexy melons? Yeah. Oh, now I say that out loud. I feel like this person was like,

I'm attracted to the characters and I'm worried about it, but I'm gonna blame the show. Oh, interesting. You hold that thought. Cause I've shown you some of these things before. Okay, I will hold that thought very dear to my heart until we can move on with it. I don't know.

I have another review here. This is another recipe. This is a review of deviled eggs by Barbara. It is a two-star review. You're sick. Here we go. Do you think that this original guy like sewed some seeds of conflict in the neighborhood

and now everyone's kind of like having their very strong opinions about whose deviled eggs are the real winners? Maybe that's what it is, yeah. Maybe, we'll see. Oh man. Listen to this. I was bored today, so I made four different recipes for deviled eggs at the same time and had neighbors and friends do a taste test.

This is crazy. This one came in third. It was okay, but where it says salad dressing, that is really open to interpretation. I used Lighthouse Ranch and it overpowered the egg. The other recipes in my taste test were Cajun deviled Eggs by Denise, Deviled Eggs Two by Mary Brotherton,

and Deviled Eggs by Margaret Sanders. Margaret's were the unanimous winner. End of review. What? Your turn. Please don't tell me, please. I can't do this anymore. Do what?

Okay, I have another review of Spookly the Square Pumpkin. Okay, good. This is a two- star review by Becca. And this one's actually on Amazon instead of Common Sense Media. And this is of the original movie. Cause remember, there is a whole cinematic universe that I've been introduced to. I didn't forget.

Yeah. I don't get this movie. It's pretty terrible, especially when the pumpkin is ridiculed by all the other vegetables. If your kid is already a jerk, this movie isn't too offensive. But if you have sweet little children that don't mock others, you might want to avoid this movie so they don't find themselves inspired to be tool bags just like these mean veggies. Plus the music is horrible. End of review. They just called the characters in this show tool bags. The other viewer called them sexy. Like what's happening?

I don't know, but I kind of into it. This movie carries a lot of darkness, I think. Sounds good to me. Sexy, angry vegetables. Sign me up. I already signed you up for their monthly gift box. Oh my gosh. What do I get, vegetables? Sign me up. Okay, here's where, I mean, I already signed you up for their monthly gift box. Oh my gosh.

What do I get, vegetables? Like what did- Really tool bag vegetables though. They're gonna scream at you. Oh, okay. I can't believe it either, but the holidays are approaching. They're bringing so much fun,

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Sorry, it's a spookly verse now, my bad. Okay, I didn't know that. I did tell you that already. Did you say spookly verse already? You said spookly cinematic universe like 10 times but not spooklyverse now, my bad. Okay, I didn't know that. I did tell you that already. Did you say Spooklyverse already? You said Spooklycinematic Universe like 10 times, but not Spooklyverse, right? Okay, well it's Spooklyverse. That's much better.

You should have just started with that. I should have, but I didn't. So that's Spooklyverse, and I just want you to know that they have a whole Amazon storefront with all the books, all the movies, which include different holidays, like Spookly the Square Pumpkin and the Christmas Kittens is one of them.

Yeah. Christmas Kittens. I know, I know. That also sounds sexy. It does. And here's some, here's some merch that I just wanted to show you. I don't have reviews of these, but I figured.

Pfft. Pfft. Is that a pillow? Yeah. It's a throw pillow. Can you describe it please? I would love to it's a Spookily the pumpkin is on there of course and then it says dare to be square

Okay, now here's the shirt that here's the shirt that I would buy that I want to buy you It says cutest pumpkin in the patch There's a pumpkin with nice pink lips It's the cutest pumpkin in the patch. It's so scary. And there's a pumpkin with- She's so scary. Nice pink lips, some nice eyeshadow. Oh my God, I told you, she's so sexy. Three beautiful eyelashes on each eye.

Perfectly done eyebrows. Now here are the melons, and these are just like completely different take. I don't really understand. These are the sexy melons. Oh dear. This person just thinks lipstick equals, sorry, I don't even know if this is, this looks like lipstick. Like lips are sexy? I don't know. Like it's melons with sunglasses and lips and I'm sorry but this might seem rude to say but I am not sexually attracted to any of these melons you're sending me. It's ridiculous.

I was promised sexy melons and veggies. They do look kinda mean though. Well, maybe it's more in the actions. Maybe we have to watch it. Oh, the way they move their melon bodies. Is that what you're thinking of right now? And their melon lips. And their melon lips, you're right.

I'm telling you, like maybe it's like, maybe they sing really nicely. Oh yeah, they're attractive because of how talented and such kind hearts they have maybe. And they have good personalities. Okay, I heard that they're really mean though. Those are vegetables, melons aren't vegetables. I don't know what's going on in the,

I guess I gotta watch it. I think, wait. Twist my arm. I have a serious question. I don't believe you. I'm serious. Stop thinking I'm not. I'm serious.

What if, stop, what if we did a stream where we watched Spookly and commentated on it? Sure, that sounds fun. Okay, great, let's do it. Yeah, people would love to hear us commentate on Spookly the pumpkin And it's sexy melons. We're already doing it. We are true. So they want more everyone's like I want my I could use a whole spookly episode. Everyone's thinking it I could tell Okay, I have a review here.

Let's see. This is of Deviled Eggs 2 by Mary Brotherton. It is a three star review. Oh God. I was bored today. So I made four different recipes for deviled eggs at the same time and had neighbors and friends do a taste test.

This one came in second. It was okay, but a little dry and plain. If I had deviated from the recipe, it would have been better, but it was still just a plain base recipe. The other recipes in my taste test were Cajun Deviled Eggs by Denise, Deviled Eggs by Barbara,

and Deviled Eggs by Margaret Sanders. Margaret's were the unanimous winner. End of review. First of all, stop putting Margaret in every review. I feel like he's just like Margaret won, Margaret won, Margaret won, like okay, we get it. Also, I love this idea in my head that they tried four different deviled egg recipes

and so for that they bought four dozen eggs. I'm assuming that's not what happened. Oh yeah, yeah, I don't know. I'm assuming they just did a few per, but it feels like, what do you say, I tried four deviled egg recipes for all my friends to try, it feels like you made like-

Considering they said friends and neighbors, I was like, how many people are you having over to eat your deviled eggs? That's too many deviled eggs. Also, like what a specific food to just- Be bored one day and make a bunch of. Well, definitely that. I was gonna say to casually offer a neighbor,

but definitely also if you're bored. I feel like you usually make a baked good or a mug and a cake and a mug or something. I don't know. You offer... You need your mug back though. I wouldn't offer a cake and a mug to a neighbor. Well, yeah, but if I was bored,

I wouldn't also go talk to my neighbors. Like, I would not be leaving my house. That's true. I mean, I guess this person and I are just fundamentally different people. I think I knew that before we even had to acknowledged it. But yeah, took me it took me a while to figure out. The next review I have is when I went on my own, which is always dangerous. Yeah, I found a review of the these pilgrim inflatable. They're seven and a half feet tall, Thanksgiving, pilgrim inflatables, yard decoration, pilgrim

man and woman. Okay. Why? I'm going to send... Like... Oh, I wasn't prepared for that question. That was like, did it freeze? What's happening?

No, I just... You were really pondering. Okay. I actively tried to think of a reason I couldn't think of one. I will send you a picture of them after this and also for those who are not on patreon for the video hopefully we can post some of these pictures on Instagram because you got to see these sexy melons you know and you've got to see these guys because it's something else. Okay, here's a review first and I'll send you the picture. This is a five star review by James, verified purchase.

Inflates easy, looks almost real. Their faces are so lifelike. And the review. I'm gonna send you a picture. I feel like they're just as lifelike as these freaking snowmen behind me. I'm gonna ascend you. Uh-uh. I feel like they're just as lifelike as these freaking snowmen behind me. Huh, I'm not wrong. That is,

it has to be a joke. I had to scroll back up to be like, wait, what? Lifelike? These are the least lifelike looking. It's literally like a drawn on smiley face. Like two black dots for eyes, a black line for a mouth,

two black lines for eyebrows, and an inflatable brown nose. Also, like seven and a half feet tall. This is so scary. Oh, and they're connected. Yeah, they're connected. Apparently the man one always falls down. Oh, okay, cause he's so tall.

Yeah, some people say they have to put extra stakes in him. I think that this is actually a witch next to the man. The turkey is floating in front of her. Her hands are out next to it, but. You're right, holy. I think she's doing casting a spell. That's probably why she was executed back in Salem. Yeah, and this is her punishment. She's an inflatable forever. Ooh

That's called practical magic, too What's that? I just watched practical magic. Well, I've never seen practical magic. Well, neither had I and it's really good Okay, it has Sandra Bullock in it. Oh Let me try it again. This is Hocus Pocus The Sequel. I also haven't seen that. Shit, me neither. Okay, keep going. I was gonna say, I don't think you have either.

What's the magic? Does it have anything to do with pilgrims? Sandra Bullock, a magical pilgrim? Well, they're witches, and so it's like, oh, well, this is their punishment. Like, generations later, they're still punished. So this is Sandra Bullock, is what you're later, they're still like punished. You know, by some curse. So this is Sandra Bullock is what you're saying.

It looks just like her. It does, it is really lifelike if you're only comparing it to Sandra Bullock. That's freaky. It is freaky. Uncanny. Uncanny. I'm gonna have another review here.

Hold on, let's see, what should I do? review here. Hold on, let's see, what should I do? I'm gonna read a review of deviled eggs. Alexander, you're such an asshole. This is by Margaret Sanders. This recipe, it's a five-set review. Oh, I was like, she wrote a review? Was this her all along?

This is called cheating. She's like, Barbara's suck. They're the worst ones. Oh, I didn't tell you the reviewer's name is actually Barbara. Oh my God. Oh man. There's a joke somewhere about it's me, Margaret.

God, it's me, but is it the devil, deviled eggs? There's something there, right? I feel like we should say the joke and cut out all this. But I'm not gonna come up with it. It's there somewhere. Here's a five star review of Margaret's recipe. Here we go. I was bored today, so I made four different recipes

for deviled eggs at the same time and had neighbors and friends do a taste test. This one was the unanimous winner. It is creamy and zesty, but not too much flavor for a deviled egg. The texture and taste are the best I have ever had. And several of the judges said the same thing. I highly recommend this recipe.

Oh yeah, this is actually like a group of judges. Like a- A county fair? Oh, they live in a neighborhood of just judges. Yeah, it's like a really, they live in DC or something. You know, it's actually the Supreme Court. Oh, it's at, oh, their neighbors are- They're all neighbors and they all,

and some of them aren't friends with each other. So friends and neighbors, they're deciding on the deviled eggs together. So this is basically a cross party lines is what you're saying to me right now. The only one who could truly cross the aisle was Margaret Sanders with her deviled eggs recipe. Remarkable.

Yeah, I'm not surprised knowing her and her recipes, what she's capable of, and what she's done for honestly society with her work. Yeah. It makes sense. I'm gonna continue. I highly recommend this recipe. The other recipes in my taste test were Cajun deviled eggs by Denise,

deviled eggs two by Mary Brotherton, and deviled eggs by Barbara. None of them came close. End of review. Wow. Did anybody like the post or comment? I'm actually very glad you asked, okay? It was probably Margaret who did.

Maybe I should have done this on as I went. But that one star review, the first one, had five people found it helpful. Oh. The two star review, 276 people found it helpful. Holy shit. The three star review, 270 people found it helpful. And that five star review I just read, 1056 people found it helpful. Wow. They knew to avoid the other three. Listen, you're bored one day and suddenly you become a deviled egg taste maker on the internet.

And these were all posted December 9th, 2006. Wow. And the reviewer hasn't posted anything since. Gotta be honest, those were simpler times, you know what I mean? December 9th, 2006. Yeah. Because December 10th, 2006.

Uh-uh. Everything went wrong. Nothing was simple about that day for us. God, do you remember that? Fuck, I forgot. That's really, that was really, really bad. Stop putting me on the spot to say something. I know, it's hard to talk about, I know.

It was the day our sister turned two and two months old. That's when it really sunk in. I was like, she's not going anywhere. What? That's when we realized this is permanent. Oh, no. She's with us forever. Oh, no. And it talks now. She talked really early. You're right. Two months. Wait, did you say two months? Oh, two years. It was 2006. I know when she was born, I swear. This is a review of a Pilgrim decoration. It's called Hallmark Pilgrim by Lori Mitchell.

And I went to a specific website where they just make holiday decor, like little figurines, I guess. And Laurie Mitchell is the designer. And they all have this kind of like quirky little whimsical, here, I'll send you a picture of this guy. But there's multiple different, I know, multiple different Pilgrim characters.

And they all have different names. Like there's like Marsha Pilgrim, and they all have different names. So this is Palmer Pilgrim. And I actually have a five star, so redemption of Palmer Pilgrim for you. I hate this little guy, okay. And this is by James,

who weirdly lives in Jamesville. So I don't know if that's right or not. Laurie Mitchell sometimes has her figurines holding something that could be a separate figurine on its own. In the case of Palmer Pilgrim, it's a live turkey. Okay, first of all, it's not a live turkey. It's a turkey made of resin or something.

Like, I don't like that you say it's a live turkey. I mean, it is- No, I don't like that. Meant to look like a live turkey. It's misleading. Yeah, it is misleading. Well- No, I don't like that. Meant to look like a live turkey. It's misleading. Yeah, it is misleading. Well, okay, I don't think, this thing is like a foot tall.

I would hope no one actually is misled by this. Real turkey. It's a live turkey whose situation is the perfect match for the wide-eyed look that's become her trademark. What? Wait, okay. It's true. Palmer Pilgrim has a wide-eyed look.

Like he did something wrong or is in big trouble. And he's embarrassed. He looks like he's ashamed. He is ashamed. He just did something. It looks like he too did. Oh. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

Well, I will say too, like so they're saying this turkey, this live turkey, its situation is the perfect match for the wide-eyed look, meaning it knows it's gonna die, and so it has wide eyes. Yeah, true. Because its situation is so dire. Like, what?

Yeah. Okay, whatever. Or I just saw Palmer's hand. Do you see his fucking hand? No, no. I don't want to judge someone's physical appearance, but Palmer Pilgrim is kind of freaking me out. his fucking hand. No, no. I don't wanna judge someone's physical appearance. Whoa. But Palmer Pilgrim is kinda freaking me out.

He needs to get it together is what needs to happen here. He needs to put this turkey down and worry about himself before taking the life of another. He needs to probably eat something, maybe the turkey. No. Look how spindly his little legs are. Casting off what legs? This is his fucking toothpick, man.

What is his? Woo. This design is ridiculous. No wonder is ridiculous. I like I love to hate it In the case of Palmer pilgrim, it's a live turkey whose situation is a perfect match for the wide-eyed look that's become her trademark Laurie's color choices are always spot-on I love how the band around his pilgrim hat matches his pants a I love how the band around his pilgrim hat matches his pants a Brown string tied in a bow for a neck piece adds a natural element to this beautiful creation. Why is it shaped like a noose? It's not shaped like a noose you scared me

That's terrible, oh maybe he just got caught performing witchcraft like the other one. Oh yeah, he's about to be put to death. Cool, no wonder he's so ashamed and embarrassed. Oh shucks, shucks they caught me practicing witchcraft again. Up to the funeral pyre. Third strike, I'm dead. The funeral pyre, nice. Okay, I am, I promise moving on from deviled eggs. But.

Are you lying? No, I'm not. I am reading a review of cranberry sauce. Okay. Just kidding, I'm reading that last. I am reading a review of perfect pumpkin pie. Okay. This is, this was on the list of allrecipes.com's

like top Thanksgiving dishes. So perfect pumpkin pie. The one and only pumpkin pie recipe, supposedly. Here's a one star review though. This recipe might be good, but when I made it, it wasn't. End of review. I mean, honestly, the most honest of all of them. And I read so many, like most honest of all of them.

And I read so many, like I read all top 10. I read every single like one star and two star of all the top 10 recipes. Cause you know there are probably thousands of reviews on those ones. Oh, people were so fucking annoying, but like, I don't know, it wasn't funny. When I did this and replaced it with cabbage and sort of pumpkin.

Those weren't even that common. A lot of them were like, this is too salty. And then the next one was, this is too sweet. I'm like, what are you gonna do? What do you do? I don't know. You have a taste test with the rest of the Supreme Court judges and everybody decides

on the best pumpkin pie. Like this recipe didn't call for sugar. It was like, there's sweetened condensed milk. I know way too much about this recipe. Yeah, wow. But I know that because so many people were saying, this isn't sweet enough, the condensed milk isn't, and then half the other reviews were like,

this is way too sweet. Are you trying to kill me? Yes. People just, you can't, yeah. Yeah. Well, Eltoner, I'm glad this one person had an honest opinion. The one person, I just think they deserved person had an honest opinion. The one person. I just think they deserve a lot of praise for that. Me too, quite frankly.

The next thing I have for you is the Pilgrim Goose Boy outfit. For me? To wear? For a goose. Oh, Pilgrim Goose Boy. Wait, Goose Boy, though. Oh, sorry. Pilgrim Goose Outfit Boy.

Oh, oh. Well, this is a Gaggleville product. Oh, it's from Gaggleville? Yeah, so here's the thing. Oh, for my decorative goose. It's one of those. This is, yeah, this is where I tell you something personal about myself, which is that I. Thanks. something personal about myself, which is that I...

So these geese, you know the yard geese, right? I am familiar with this concept, yes. There are quite a few in my neck of the woods, get it? Not really, there are a few, nevermind. There are a few in this part of, I was thinking about a swan, nevermind. Oh, I was thinking of Palmer Pilgrim's neck. What's wrong with his neck now?

Oh, his noose. Yeah. So I bought, so my mother-in-law was in town and she was like, what are all these geese? I love this. And I was like, oh, like it's a decorative goose and you can put little like accessories on him. And so for Christmas, I got her one of these decorative geese and there's this website called Miles Kimball,

and they have Gaggleville, they have all the different outfits. And so like every year I'll buy Sherry like a new outfit for her goose. This is becoming a thing. And so of course they have a pilgrim goose, which I would not purchase, but they have a pilgrim boy and a pilgrim girl.

Oh, they have a bride of Frankenstein, that's new. Because I need to know which gender pilgrim my goose is. You know, it's gotta be very specific. Obviously, and I'll send you a picture of this one. Because it is also relevant. Can't have people thinking I have a non-binary pilgrim goose on my yard. No, that would be sick.

That would be awful. On this, the day of our Lord? Oh yes, clearly a pilgrim boy when I look at this photo It's a boy goose. I want to know what the girl goose looks like now pilgrim girl goose The fuck is different. Oh, does it have like a little bonnet instead? Of course it does. Of course it does. Don't be stupid Too late Okay, here's the girl goose and the boy goose together. That's nice, they're holding feathers.

Okay, so I'm gonna read you this review. Oh wait, no, okay, first of all, there's some Q&As on this page. Oh good. And I'm gonna read you the Gaggleville Q&As. It has 50 comments. You want me to answer them, right? Right, yeah.

So here is the question. These are questions for me. What size goose does it fit? It's all of them. And then here's the answer from the staff of Gaggleville, or I guess of Miles Kimball. Thank you for your question. This suit will fit the regular size goose. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

And then somebody responded, what is a regular size goose. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. And then somebody responded, what is a regular size goose? And then that was the end of that conversation. So we don't know. Nobody knows. Okay. And I'm just gonna read one, I'm gonna read this review first. It's a four star review.

This costume is absolutely delightful. The hat atop the head of my goose makes him look like a cocky, self-confident teenage boy. End of review. Huh? That's what a buckle pilgrim top paddle do for you. Are you kidding me?

What kind of teenage boys is this person hanging out with? Or keep them away from teenage boys. Hopefully none. Yeah, what is happening? It's like if they don't get the vibe. It's literally a pilgrim outfit. It's like a pilgrim outfit. Hey, as somebody who got made fun of for her pilgrim shoes

for many years of my life, because they were recommended by a chiropractor because I had back issues, and mom bought them for me from like Dan's Go, and they had buckles on them and it was so embarrassing because all the other girls had like Doc Martens. I feel like those would be cool now though, weirdly.

Nowadays like those buckle platform shoes, yeah. At the time everyone called me Pilgrim Girl. So I feel like I can speak a little bit to this and say you're completely incorrect. A cocky teenage boy does not typically appear in this sort of fashion. No, if you see a teenage boy dressed like that, it's a cry for help. It's not because there's some cocky teenage kid,

that's because they need help. They need a hand. Maybe in 1865. Okay. Maybe in 1865, if you had a gold buckle on your hat, it was all the rage. I think even then, people would be like, what the fuck is that kid wearing?

Like you gotta go farther back than that. I guess so. You gotta. Anyway, so that was my first one. You go ahead now. Okay. I have a review of basic mashed potatoes. Okay.

This, it says this mashed potato recipe is perfect if you're looking for good old fashioned mashed potatoes. Made with just potatoes, milk, butter, and optional garlic, this go-to recipe makes a classic holiday dish. Learn how to make mashed potatoes that come out smooth, creamy, and delicious every time. Serve with gravy or extra butter on top. Here we go.

Here's a- You don't like mashed potatoes, right? I love mashed potatoes. Oh, okay, okay. I can never keep track of what potatoes you like. Everything basically but baked potatoes. A baked potato. Or like, or like steak fries.

Yeah, too much potato, I'm not, unless it's mashed because I don't know. I just. I get it. Yeah. Here's a one-star review of basic mashed potatoes. Can't believe people need an actual recipe for mashed potatoes.

End of review. Don't be an asshole, okay? It's like, what are you gonna do next? Go on, like, how to make noodle pasta and like comment, like, what kind of loser doesn't know? I mean, come on. Yeah. Leave people alone, it's hard out there.

I need a recipe for everything. Me too. Yeah, well, okay. Every Thanksgiving I need a recipe for everything. Me too. Yeah, well okay. Every Thanksgiving I need a recipe for mashed potatoes, every single one. I met someone yesterday who was talking about recipe reviews and said that she had seen reviews of,

or sorry, had seen a recipe for ice. No. How long to put it in the freezer, like very specific recipes, and that people commenting were like, had opinions. Yeah. Whatever, like take your opinion elsewhere. Yeah.

Yeah. I know that's a novel idea for this podcast, but wow. I Googled the dumbest shit, so I would never Google, or never judge for using a recipe for this. I Google stuff that I'm embarrassed to ask my own mother about, you know what I mean? Like I'm like, I'm embarrassed to even ask this to my mother, so I go on incognito and write like,

how much laundry detergent you really do, you really need. You really need, hey, also look, no offense to our mother, but she also put an onion on our ear when we had an earache. Like I don't think we need to text her about everything. Okay, wait, hold on. Give her credit.

She had microwaved it first. Yes, it was nice and warm and in a rag. And honestly, Alexander, I still think that that was an effective treatment, but. I can still remember the smell of the warm onion resting on my ear. It's actually so thick and I can't believe you don't hate onions as much as you hate potatoes.

Yeah, no, I just do it. It just doesn't feel right. Although some people put potatoes on their kids' feet when they're sick. Did she do that? Potatoes? No, I don't think she did that. We did put cinder blocks in the oven when we didn't have heat,

and we put our feet on those. We are literally boxcar children. It's not a joke, we really are. It's great. That is outrageous, Alexander. Except less adventure and outdoors. Okay, we did have a lot of outdoors time, but like not, you know, no, no, not like that.

We weren't that adventurous. It was just inside the home. We were just a boxcar family. More like. A boxcar fam. How nice. Yeah. Oh my God, the cinder blocks. Oh my God, mom would literally, you guys,

I know I've talked about this before, but our mom would literally microwave an onion so that it was like steaming and then wrap it in a hot steamed rag and then like strap it to our ears overnight, like to go to bed because if we had an ear infection. And as much as she claims that it worked, she still says to this day,

man, you had so many ear infections as a kid. And I'm like, well, it seems like- They were never treated. Yeah, it seems like maybe I need an antibiotic, but I don't know. I'm no doctor, you know? So anyway, and she is technically. She is, she is.

Oh gosh. No wonder we listen to her about that stuff. Yeah. So money is a thing, but it's not everything. I think you really look at the importance of what are you doing with your time? The conversations that we've had with our financial advisor is very much building what that framework looks like that helps support those important things. The places where you're investing your time and your resources, your family clearly, and those closest to you.

Edward Jones. We do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. Visa and OpenTable are dishing up something new. Get access to primetime dining reservations by adding your Visa Infinite Privilege Card to your OpenTable account. From there, you'll unlock first come, first serve spots

at select top restaurants when booking through OpenTable. Learn more at opentable.ca forward slash Visa Dining. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] All right, so this is a review of the Boy Pilgr goose outfit and it's called cute and it's five stars. I do not have a goose. I bought this for my frog, which is decorated for each holiday.

I love this outfit. I had to split it down the back to dress him though. I sealed it with Velcro. I also cut open the arms so that his hands show. Works well, thank you. End of review. And there's no picture and I'm so upset. Why would you tell us about it?

I don't know, I regret even bringing it because it really is a disappointment. There is a frog statue I think, or no, was that a yeti statue? No, I feel like there's a frog statue in Loveland where the frog man is that I've seen. And they have one, like I think on the hiking trail. Yeah, imagine they put a pilgrim hat on him. He looks like a cocky motherfucker.

I'm picturing that. And I'm like, yeah, that would look, now, a frog as a pilgrim, that is a cocky teenage boy. I agree, it's like that WB frog. Mm, my goodness, hello my baby, you're so right. Yeah, yeah, it's like where did you get the Mm, my goodness. Hello, my baby. You're so right. Yeah, yeah. It's like, where did you get the right to have such an attitude problem?

It's just, I'm born with it. Born with it. Born with it. Oh. What can I say? I'm attracted to good singers, you know? Just like those melons. Just like those fucking melons.

Now those melons dressed as pilgrims. Now we're talking. I didn't mean to call them fucking melons. I meant to call them just melons You never know. I might have heard some reviews about what they get up to. Yeah, it's not good Here is my final review that I have This is a review of cranberry sauce Mm-hmm. It is a two-star reveal

This cranberry sauce recipe uses fresh cranberries, sugar, and orange juice to make a Thanksgiving classic. Here we go, here's the review. This sounds so gross. I don't think I like this already. Oh, okay. I made this recipe and it tastes like oranges, not cranberries.

I even reduced the sugar by half to try to cut out some of the sweetness I knew would be there from the orange juice. When I realized it was total loss, I added some orange zest, why not at this point, a shot of brandy, and half a teaspoon of freshly grated ginger. I let it cool, made some sweet dough for my coffee cake recipe, and layered the dough, the sauce, and then another layer of dough, and then a crumble topping. Bisquick makes a good coffee cake dough if you're in a pinch. Just add some sugar, an egg, and milk until you get a thick but sticky

dough. Spray or grease your pan and viola coffee cake! I'll follow the age old recipe from Ocean Spray for my sauce this year. It is always reliable and a dash of orange zest won't ruin it like the juice in this recipe did. Had I not been able to rescue this cranberry sauce by using it to fill a coffee cake, I would have given it a one-star rating. I hope this helps, end of review. What, yeah, it helped me a lot as I'm researching a review for fucking cranberry sauce.

Your review was so helpful, thank you for helping me out. Zero people found the review helpful. Okay, if you said 1,000 like that other one, I was gonna lose all faith in this website. No, don't worry. Wow, I mean to be like, oh it tasted too orangey, so I cut out the sugar and then I added more orange to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, look. I do like the adding of brandy, it's like then I just drank it. Then I just made a completely different thing. I mean, it's kind of a breath. Hope it helps. Hope this helps. This is, it's kind of a breath. Hope it helps. Hope this helps.

This is, it's like when you ask for advice and the person kind of goes off on a tangent about like their own thing. And then at the end you're like, I'm confused. What does this have anything to do with me? That was in a while. I mean, I guess if I read it, I'd go, okay, I guess ocean spray has a recipe I can use.

There's like, maybe a couple nuggets in there of usefulness, but I think everything else kind of takes away from it. This quick makes a good coffee cake? Yeah, for if you mess up your cranberry sauce. I would be so scared to go to this lady's house for Thanksgiving. It's like everything's just kind of like a surprise.

You know? Yeah. Like you never really know. Like she started making mashed potatoes and suddenly it's like a deviled egg Yeah, you can't really quite track what what's in it? It sounds like she also adds orange zest. I mean it sounds like she'd like start making mashed potatoes and at the end be like Oh, guess I gotta make shepherds pie out of it

Yeah, I guess I gotta put brandy in it. I gotta do a whole recipe around this mashed potatoes. Yes. So I hope this helps This is a five-star view of the pilgrim boy goose outfit recipe around this mashed potatoes. Guess so. Hope this helps. This is a five star view of the Pilgrim Boy Goose outfit. Man. Yeah, it's the last one I ate. Well, how many do you have left? Zero. Okay, so this is my last one then, yeah.

Okay. Five stars, really cute outfit. I bought this outfit for a Pelican statue. It fits almost perfectly. The outfit is really really cute and quite a few people have commented on our pilgrim pelican If this give me deserve fucking photo What the fuck Christina? So surprised at all the different maybe I'll type in pilgrim Pelican and see if it can. It's possible.

No, I've searched it before. You can't, it's. Oh, I forgot you have a Google alert set for it. I had to make my own AI image of a pilgrim Pelican. We finally broke our AI fast just to get a picture. I was like craving a picture of a pilgrim Pelican before I even heard that review. What a coincidence.

I know, it's pretty weird how that, it feels like the whole world needed it, you know? Also, because it's just our special thing, I'm gonna read one last review. And this is one that I had in an old episode that I added to the end of my notes just in case. And of course it's something I'm gonna read, cause I can't just let it sit here.

It's called the Glitz Home Halloween Autumn Fabric Posable Gnome Sitting Buddy on QVC. I just couldn't do it. What? I don't remember, you've read this before? I mean, like two years ago on Patreon Thanksgiving bonus. So I think it's just one of those that I found and went, that's fun.

And I just copied it. It's a Thanksgiving gnome? Yeah, I'll send you a picture. He's just like, those that I found and went, that's fun. And I just copied it. It's a Thanksgiving gnome? Yeah, I'll send you a picture. He's just like, oh wait, hold on, where'd he go? Well, it doesn't exist anymore, unfortunately. You're such a fucking, what are you doing today? First you're like all these great thing statues. No, no, no.

And then you're like, no picture. Well, yeah, you're gonna send me a picture and say, you can't buy this, ha ha ha. Yeah, you're right, I will do that. That is what I'm doing, yes, that is true. Here it is, I mean, it's fine, you don't need this. I feel like mom has enough of these at home. Like seriously though.

Like it feels like, it's just like a- I would be surprised if she doesn't own this one. I know, I know, it's like one of those sitting gnomes that sits on a shelf and he has a beard and a hat and it's a whole- And you can't see the eyes, it's like a nose. Yeah sticking out under hat. Oh my god I just found the scariest thing on eBay this thing has the exact same knit legs as Palmer pilgrim It does it pretty much. Oh my god. You're so right fucking skinny ass orange look his what his hand up scared to look

Don't do that. Okay. Hey, I found something else. I just was like looking for this guy and I went to the images and I found primitive Halloween fabric doll with crow 18 inches tall. I'm so scared. A fabric? Can you send this to me?

I'm so afraid now. I just accidentally clicked him. I love a good image. Oh, dear God. Primitive, primitive him. I love a good oh dear god Primitive that looks like it's hanging like that looks like fabric that looks like a noose literally looks like a witch that Put a pumpkin over her head and fuck through my knee it says for a minute. I'm primitive with crow Yeah, it's like a warning to witches

Yeah, so that's pretty dark. Anyway, so here's the review that I have of this sitting gnome. It has a crown of thorns, Christina. Does it really? Look at this pumpkin thing you just sent me. It, look. Oh my God, I already closed out.

Oh my God, you're right. It has a fucking crown of thorns. What the fuck? This is disturbing. Christina, what is happening? I don't know, I don't know. I've opened up a scary portal, I think, What the fuck? This is disturbing. What is happening? I don't know, I don't know. I've opened up a scary portal, I think,

but here is the poseable gnome sitting buddy, and this is the one star view that I read two years ago, I think, or last year. And it's just a tragedy that I hope someday we'll get an answer for, but I just checked and there has been no update or reply to this review. So maybe I'll read it until we get an answer.

Where is it? I ordered this August 4th. It was in Portland, Oregon on August 10th. Here we are August 27th. It is still in Portland. Why doesn't it come my way? I can't understand this so far. I've gotten everything.

But not this gnome. End of review. Oh! I don't know. What happened in the middle there? I don't know. It started capitalizing and shouting ha ha ha. That's not a good sign.

Maybe it's like a witch, like ha ha ha. I know. But I think it's more of an angry cackle, because where, Valerie? Where's my little guy, Valerie? Where's my fucking little guy? What's he still doing in Portland, Oregon? Oh man, you know he's partying it up.

Oh, he joined Antifa. Oh, again. This keeps happening. To our fucking gnomes. To all our woodland decor, it's just like so exhausting. You'd think the pilgrim goose would be involved, but no. Yeah. Anyway.

I miss the simple days of just sexy gourds, you know, or sexy melons. You know, I just scrolled back up and I remember the simpler times. Yeah. I didn't have to scroll. It's my background photo now, those melons with luscious lips. I like how you're at the studio and you're just looking

and it looks like you're just looking at the background backdrop of Forever Dog is now that fucking goose. It is weird that I have to end recording saying all this stuff and be like, oh, hi, Zoe, you're right in front of me. Sorry that you had to witness that. Instead of like in shame, like that fucking pilgrim boy, we usually just email it in shame under quote-unquote-ness. Yeah, you're so right.

Oh, well, gotta get over my shame, just like Palmer Pilgrim and his shame of practicing witchcraft. Of what he did to that turkey or something. What he's about to do. Thank you everybody for listening. We hope you have a survivable Thanksgiving holiday. Yes, oh yeah, this comes out what, after Thanksgiving?

1130 I think, so yeah, a couple, so I hope you're, or right before, no yeah, this comes out what after Thanksgiving 1130 I think so yeah a couple so hope you're right before no. Yeah wait Oxen are I don't know I think it's not the day before Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah, why did I have November 30th? That's a Saturday Okay, this comes out. You're right the day before Thanksgiving. Have a happy Thanksgiving everybody. Um Be safe if you're traveling be safe if you're around unsafe people and please if you if you're traveling. Be safe if you're around unsafe people. And please. If you're setting boundaries with families, with your family members, I'm very proud of you.

Do your best. Me too. Take care of yourselves, most importantly, before dealing with any bullshit that isn't worth your time. And shop QVC for all your finest Thanksgiving pilgrim essentials. Yeah, yeah. Call up Valerie Parhill if you need a friend. Probably not. She might be on your family side with things, but...

She usually posts a meme or two about thanking Jesus, so maybe not the right person. She loves a good Jesus meme, you're so right. She loves it. And not the I'm drowning kind. No, she hates that. She sued us for that one. Very traditional. Yeah, I do have a quick announcement because guess what, everybody, we have a Black Friday sale going on right now, 25% off store-wide.

Yeah, if you need a comfort when you're in a really perilous situation with your family, why not spend your money on our shit? Yeah, so go to beachsuitsanity.store. This is the time to spend money because you're depressed with family. Trust me, I know. That's how we cope.

What? That's how we cope. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do that. So yeah, give me money so I can do that. You know, it's like a cycle, but you don't get any money from me. That's how we keep each other afloat. So that's how it works, yeah.

You all keep us afloat. This is our currency to you. It's our voices. You're so welcome, everybody. And if you wanna give us more money, you go to Beach Two Sandy on Patreon. That's not what it is, patreon.com slash, you know, Beach Two Sandy. Go find us and add free listening and stuff.

If you wanna go on Patreon, we're about to post our December calendar, and so you can see the themes and December calendar, and so you can submit, you can see the themes and challenges in advance, and you can submit reviews in our special Patreon form, where the reviews go straight to a special inbox. So keep us posted. And go to social media and give us love and attention.

Also, please tag us in any pictures of your deviled eggs. Oh yeah, that's something we should have asked for earlier. I feel like we missed out on a lot of deviled eggs pictures. It goes without saying, obviously. Yeah, I want our tagged photos to just be a bunch of deviled eggs. Oh, so you want like in feed posts. Well, of course. I was thinking stories,

but yeah, in feed would be probably preferable. Yeah, preferable. Or stories. Or stories, but ideally a full feed, ideally four different recipes, ideally a review for each recipe. Ideally, your friends and neighbors would also post their feelings. Ideally, also the location tag is US Supreme Court.

Yes, and that's all. That's our only Thanksgiving request. We don't wanna ask too much of you, so we'll leave it at that. Yeah, well thanks all for listening. Appreciate's all. That's our only Thanksgiving request. We don't want to ask too much of you, so we'll leave it at that. Yeah. Well, thanks all for listening. Appreciate you all. Bye, you big blockheads. Happy Thanksgiving, I guess. Yeah. Go... It's hip to be... Wait. Let me read that pumpkin thing.

Hold on. Look at it again. Say it right. Don't forget to dare to be square! Bye, everyone. Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet is a ForeverDog production. Hosted and produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer. Cover art by Courtney Aventura. Theme music by Mavis White. Executive produced by Zoe Applebaum.

Forever Dogg Productions is Joe Sileo, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.