Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 316: Reviews of Holiday Yard Inflatables

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

Please be wary if you have an angel yard inflatable. Xandy is on the prowl. We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everyone and welcome to Beach 2 Sandy, Water 2 Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Christine. My name is Zandy. Hello, hello. Good to see you.

Oh, you don't, I don't see you. Hello. Hello. Good to see you. Oh, you don't I don't see you don't worry Good to have you here with us. We are doing an episode full of lovely holiday inflatables full of hot air What else is new? That's right. What else is new my snow globe Mickey Mouse eared That's right. What else is new? My Snow Globe Mickey Mouse-eared inflatable in the front yard.

It is looking good, even when it deflates and covers the lawn in just a moist, sharp. I can't imagine that looks that good, but it probably looks better than the lawn does without it, true. That's right, Ted. I forgot if we're trying to be like radio hosts or what the what did we create a persona yet or I don't know it felt like the vibe but

yeah we didn't plan that. It's like a telepathic game we were playing I don't really know. Yeah that was something else. But yeah so we're doing inflatables and my challenge comes with a content warning. It comes with a content warning. That's right. The content warning is that it's about Santa Claus and you know, if that's not enough to tell you what the content warning is, then don't listen to it. Your kids already probably know something. Or you don't have a kid and you're not concerned. Right. But if, if,

if you know what we mean, then maybe just skip this one uh if you're driving to school if you're driving to third grade or something just maybe skip this anyway yeah and the other content warning is this is the first episode where Zandy and I can see each other's notes as we go in case we're I'm listen I haven't read them because it already feels like such an invasion of privacy I'm like I'm so on edge about it that every time I barely I have your people's names and that's it I don't think I added anything special Wait, what I don't add anything other than the people's names. So you're not really. Oh, I see. Okay. Okay

Well, I don't know it feels weird. Uh, because I see the first word says boo and I don't know Oh, that was because you were in there earlier before I hopped have to video call and it was like a personal message to yourself no that sorry that was meant for you okay my mistakes but I'm glad you're looking because that means you see that there's another thing on our agenda next yeah there's a lot of exclamation points which is not the tone that I'm really going for today yeah but he did put a lot of exclamation points, um, say, uh, content warning for Santa challenge, Spotify comments, exclamation point. Yeah. And I, and so many kinds of words, exclamation point.

That's what I said, wrote in there because it's true. So many people I kept getting these Spotify comments, like so many more than ever because people were like, Oh, this exists. You had like taught us about it. because I didn't understand it either. Yeah, it was a few episodes ago. So I haven't really talked too much about it since. But I clearly have already forgotten. But yeah, you can add commentary to different episodes,

which is a dangerous game we've invited you to. But it's kind of fun because it'll be on old episodes. Oh, that is fun. So sometimes there'll be a comment that I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that. That was funny. But, uh, I had a whole plan, but where I'd bring multiple comments, I've just not feeling good today. So I don't have that. You know what you did bring some last time. So, uh,

I brought some, but not the ones I wanted because I also wasn't feeling good that day. Oh, I see. But today's I'm feeling worse. But right before we started recording, we got one that I want to read. Oh, okay.. But today's I'm feeling worse. But right before we started recording, we got one that I want to read. Oh, okay. I've never even looked at them before. And it's about our last episode. Okay. Are they ever mean? Well, this one, maybe. Oh. No, I don't think so. I think this is funny. What? Someone, so, uh, I'm not going to try to read your name. I'm sorry. I think that is that Dutch? I don't know. It looks Dutch. There are a lot of O's.

We say when we don't know how to pronounce them. Is that Dutch? There are a lot of O's and a UIT looks like a Dutch. Okay. Someone said, please, please don't use on the reg as a term. I immediately remember when you did that? No. Your whole okay nevermind that one's not as funny. On the reg. Christina you jokingly did that before we started recording okay just you and me. Oh and then like in the middle of the episode you said yeah on the reg I say that a lot now or something because joking because we had you had just said that beforehand. Okay.

And this is what someone has to say about you potentially continuing to use. Okay. We'll see. Please, please don't use on the rag as a term. I immediately thought of being on the rag, which is just no, let's not use that phrase in a podcast or ever. To be fair, when you said it that first time, I think we were both like, we hate that. You said that. Like, I actively hated saying it. I didn't enjoy saying it. I,

I actually agree that it really does sound like on the rag. Someone picked up on that energy and was like, please stop. And now I also wanted to bring that cause I was hoping it would make you want to do that more. I mean, I'll be honest, like there's nothing wrong with menstruating. Oh, no. But I guess are they like offended that it like is gross or are they saying like oh, it's an offensive term because like you Just say like gosh, she's on the rag like because it's kind of offensive.

I don't know if they even said it was offense. I wouldn't even go that far. They probably just don't want to hear you constantly say for no reason going on the rag. Like I'll happily start saying that instead Is that make you happy? I learned I'm work doing a shadow work journal right now, and I started You should have warned people about that sooner Shadow shadow work discussion 30 minute 30 minutes, you want to block off 30 minutes? Well, it says plus or minus 10 depending on how things go. Okay. Okay. Let's shoot for 20. Let's go. Okay. All right. No, I am doing this shadow work journal. I found there's a word and I, of course,

bookmarked the pair or earmarked a page, but there's a word for not wanting to do what people tell you to do because they told you to do it. And I know like, but the- My therapist told me about that. Yeah. Actually multiple therapists have told me about that. Yeah. There's like a term, and it was just cracking me up

because this is exactly the thing where pissed people be like, don't say that. Demand avoidance. Is that not what it is? But it was like, something is, I don't know. I'll find it later. Anyway, I do have that. So now, basically, all of you are making me want to say, on the rat.

I mean, OK. That's why I brought it. I know how you work, because I work the same way. Yeah, it's bad. Anyway. That's why we don't listen to each other's music recommendations. Yeah.

Really? We don't? We don't. Oh, wow. I listen to all of your music recommendations. No, We don't. We don't. Oh, I listened to all of your music. No, you don't. Sometimes we do. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we forget about things like that. I'm bad about that. We'll talk about this another time. I do eventually. But you know what I learned about screw screw velocity. Have you heard of that? What the fuck is that? It's a subtype of OCD that involves exact excessive guilt and anxiety about moral or religious issues That's also called something different because that is not

Well, you should look it up because it was very little demand avoidance You're like, I'm not looking that up. You shouldn't look at her son. You would hate this. Wait, wait, waitulosity? Scrupulosity? No, but there's also a type of OCD. I guess it's just called religious OCD. Okay, I think they're probably the same thing. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, so that is like, okay, that's a technical term for it. I did not know that. I had never heard that before and it was really fun to learn because my therapist was like, have you heard of scrupulosity? That sounded fun like you know it sounds like a good time. It sounds like the new ride at the beach water park. Oh god true. Soak city scrupulosity you know what I mean? I do. What about Noah's Noah's Park? Noah's Park Snoopy Island.

That sounds fun. Okay, should we do an episode? Yeah, I would rather just get it over with. Just kidding. I would rather actually enjoy my time and bring to you a delightful amount of content during your holiday season. So Alexander, I think who should go first?

You should go first. All right, so Sandy, I'd like you to scroll down to the first image you see here. The angel. It's an angel. This is from? Dear God. Kirstie or Kirstie, she, I'd like you to scroll down to the first image you see here. The angel. It's an angel. This is from... Dear God. Kirstie or Kirstie, she, her.

Christmas inflatables, five foot angel, outdoor decoration, blow up your decoration. It's basically an angel, like a cartoonish angel. I don't know. Yeah, no, it's really really not that white dress blonde hair. It's a cherub. Okay, but let's say this yellow hair, yellow wings, yellow hands, it sort of feels like they had like very limited color palette to go with.

Yeah. But you know, it looks like a cartoonish angel. And a piece of mistletoe. Yeah, that feels, That feels... hmm. I was planning on kissing under that dress. You're kissing that booby. I wonder if that was meant to be... Maybe that's just Holly.

What's the difference between Holly and mistletoe? You know what? I'm going to pretend I don't know and I'm headed right for that left booby. It's the angel costume. Looks like mistletoe to me. Here I go. Put some in your back pocket in case it's not, so you can just lift it above

and be like, I brought my own. You think I don't do that year round? How do you think I- So that's where all my mistletoe keeps going. You keep putting it in your pocket. Stop pickpocketing my mistletoe. Okay, well, anyway. Stop pickpocketing my mistletoe. Okay. Anyway, back to this angel's left boob.

What were we talking about? So this is one star review of this angel and it's from Amazon is by Mark and the title of the verified purchase and the title of the review is about the things that went wrong with her. Oh no! And it's like a treatise. He like nailed them to the church doors. A treatise? Like Martin Luther. Oh no!

A treatise about the things that went wrong with this angel. Oh no! It's gonna be excommunicated for this. This is terrible. Be careful. All careful, be careful. All right, so verified purchase, one star. Really cute after we got her blown up, but I had to sew her. Stop calling it her. Like, I hate that. That's so weird.

That creeps me out. And it's like the least human-like thing you've ever seen. Like, it's a cartoon. I was, there's no boob to suckle on, I swear. That's why we could only joke about it, cause there's not even. And none, like that's the thing is I feel like most,

okay, you know what, I'm not gonna say that, cause I'm like, I don't remember if the people in my review used pronouns, like if they use like. You know what, that's a good question, because this will be like a little sociology or anthropology experiment where as we go we find out through their reviews if people are like often

Characterizing these big cartoons as yeah he or she because I guess You would look at that and be like it's a girl angel quote unquote. Yeah, I mean look at what I yeah You already kissed its boot. You talked you literally immediately talked about his boobs. That's how sexy you find this girl angel. What are you saying? Look, I do find, I look, look, look, sue me. Well, I already did that. What's the next step? So you can't double jeopardy.

Is that what that means? Yeah. I'll be double jeopardy on those angel boobies. Okay. I'm just go on, please move on. Why did you bring us back to this? I hate that you, that this man or this, I'm assuming it's a man. I don't know. Mark. I mean, I'm assuming also, but you know, if you can assume that this is a girl angel and like complaining about this thing Yeah, so it feels not okay. Yeah, really cute after we got her blown up, but I had to sew her up twice for ripping Like sewing her up

Why are you saying it? Like it's a person! I know I made some really inappropriate stupid terrible jokes already But like it feels wrong like this feels like they're not joking. Don't say her you're talking about like exploding it and like sewing it up okay okay sorry really cute after we got her blown up but i had to sew her up twice for ripping and she's made a very bad quality material and finally in the fan gave out on her and before that the connection to the plug-in tore off and we ordered another one and put that on so we put a lot of money in the last thing that happened was she just tore up everywhere and the fan went out end of review it's kind of amazing to look at this like cartoonish angel and be like

I'm gonna put a lot of money into keeping this thing alive. I have $50 to spend on Christmas decor, and it's going to be replacing this battery operated angel. Yeah. Wow. Speaking of operated, it sounds like he's operating on her over and over again to save her fucking life. With his Civil War kit, he's like, I've sewn her up twice on the field.

Jesus. Give this angel a break. Let her see the light. Man. OK. I'm just now. She keeps exploding. Let her see the light, man. Okay. I'm just now exploding. And please bear with me, everyone. Please bear with me.

I know this has not been my brightest moment, but why is there like the North Star on this angel's crotch? I am just now realizing it. I'm not making this up everyone. Okay, wait, hold on. The North Star is literally... Hang on. Maybe it's a belly button. Does that help or make it worse?

That makes it worse because that would kind of imply this is just the top half of the angel based on the, maybe not quite top half, but like, there's something missing. Oh no, you're right. Then she'd be missing legs. So that's pretty low for a belly button. I don't know angel. I know the whole angels with a bunch of eyes. Yeah, maybe that's

just one of its eyes. Oh dear. Why is it winking at me? Oh boy. You're reading into this angel again. I told you to be careful about that. You guys, it's the sexiest angel you've ever seen. You've got to look up this angel. How do I get everybody to How do I get hot sexy at all, but it has a north star everybody's saying it everybody said it We've all been saying it since the beginning Okay, okay well speaking of sexy I have First of all me this company that has sold sold sells multiple things Inflatables on Amazon and you might have a review of one of their products is called turn me on. So,

all caps one word, turn me on. All caps too. Yes. So this is a review of turn me on four foot Christmas inflatables decoration, Santa dinosaur Christmas decorations inflatable. It's the first link in my notes. I did not One where he's riding the dinosaur and no It's just a Santa dinosaur. So it's a dinosaur with a beard by turn me on See what I mean turn me on store. Okay. Oh, I see. Yeah, so he's T-Rex with a beard and a Santa hat on. Yeah.

Okay, got it. Yeah, and he has a little sack that says Merry Christmas on it. Right, and you're calling him a he, so that already answers our question. Fuck. Yeah, I already caught you right in the middle of your own experiment. I'm part of the problem. You've been the subject of this experiment all along. Okay, well, my next dinosaur will be non-binary, I'm sorry.

Thank you. Here is a one-star review. This was sent in by Stacey, by the way, she her. One-star verified purchase by Chris titled, dim computer fan fabric from another time. Wow, that sounds like a haiku. I really enjoyed that actually, That was beautiful. It was. This didn't even light up a corner of a room in the dark it's so dim. The fan

looks like it's something straight out of an old Dell computer. The fabric looks like it is from a storehouse from the 80s where all the world's windbreaker material went to die. Unfortunately someone found that stash and used it for these inflatables. It's so stiff for being so thin. It's almost brittle. Won't last maybe a few weeks in real winter. Back it went. End of review. Oh my god. First of all, a corner in a dark room. Why are you putting it there? That's a bad place for it. Don't put it in the corner of a dark room. It sounds like you're keeping someone hostage. They're trying to scare someone probably. Yeah, it seems like it. Don't put it in the corner of a dark room. It sounds like you're keeping someone hostage. They're trying to scare someone probably.

Yeah, it seems like it. Who's waking up and they're mad it didn't work. I don't know. Those things are so loud too. Like it's not gonna be pleasant to have indoors. And it's probably a fire hazard, but I don't know. Also this person has such a creative mind. Like they need to, like the fabric looks like a what?

A windbreaker store factory or something? The fabric looks like it's from a storehouse from the 80s Where all the world's windbreaker material went to die Like wow, that paints a beautiful picture. I feel like they could say they've probably been to that warehouse That's why oh my god, just it's not even that they're creative. They just know that they just have a lot of worldly experience area yeah Wow, wow, I mean they could really write a nice like sub stack or something if they put their mind to it. Like it's just a lot

already did a lot of good metaphors in there. Okay. So the next one I have was sent in by Grapefruit Street. One word she her and this is unlike your most recent brand that you mentioned turn me on this one is another string of letters that I cannot pronounce so look at this one HZG was that Dutch yes that's exactly right it's done that is yeah that is something so you're allowed to look at this picture. It's a pumpkin turkey, but don't scroll any further. It's a pumpkin turkey inflatable yard, decoration with led lights for indoor or outdoor patio garden Christmas decoration.

Why is it so phallic with the balls? Am I wrong? I have a problem I watched you know what I watched last night a 1990 something I forget what year exactly RuPaul's Christmas ball it was a straight out of the 90s it was insane and it's infiltrated my brain Wow and it has made for an interesting episode already. You really, really should have been careful about watching that because I think it was the timing could not have been worse. Timing simply could not have been worse especially. Am I wrong? No, I actually hadn't seen, I hadn't really looked closely enough to realize that those two pumpkins on the side are just equally shaped

those two pumpkins on the side are just equally shaped spheres on the side of the vertical turkey with a very tall vertical hat. So yeah, it does look pretty phallic. When I brought that up, I was hoping that you'd say, oh, just wait. And that would be what the review is about. And since it's not now I feel silly. Don't worry. I think maybe it would have been about that, but you'll see why it's not. Okay. Oh, okay. So I'm going gonna read this and then you can scroll afterward to look at the picture, okay? Okay. The title of the review was by Becky,

one star verified purchase and the title is Look at My Face, okay, but don't scroll it. Jesus. Okay, now I want you to- I'm so scared. I want you to scroll. Right now? Yeah.

His face is upside down. He works fine, but I will never purchase it again. Keeping it for the hilarity, but quite disappointed. End of review. The head on it is... Look at my face! Hilarious. Look at my face.

Look me in the eye. That is the most ridiculous thing. It's upside down. It's sewed on. It's like just the head is sewed on upside down. So the eyes are below the beak. Oh, I see and the hat is still on it. But the hat, it's just the head part is upside down. And the hat is on his chin. Wow, that is like exorcism level. It's so funny. Well, maybe that other guy was performing that civil war surgery and it went wrong.

Maybe he botched it. It's like Frankenstein. Yeah, he like botched it. He was trying to sew and it's too dark. That's so ridiculous. And he put the wrong parts on the wrong bird. That's so ridiculous. I just love, I just love look at my face.

Yeah. And then I also love the acknowledgement that we're keeping this for the hilarity But I still want my money back because I'm not happy, you know, I just love this I can so relate to that I Would I would keep it too But I don't I'd buy it like that. It's a collector's item. Yeah, for sure. Yeah Okay My next one is and you can scroll down a little see the picture it like that. It's a collector's item. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Okay. Uh, my next one is, and you can scroll down a little, see the picture. Uh,

it's from Izzy. They, them it's a turn me on six, six foot tall Christmas outdoor decor. Six foot tall Christmas outdoor decoration inflatables, black Santa Claus, hold gift box with led lights, blow up yard, Christmas decorations for holiday, blah, blah, blah. For a garden party. Okay. Who would buy this? This is for my, my sexy garden party. Turn me on. Turn me on. It is a Santa Claus holding a gift and a black, like the Santa Claus is black.

That's just the funniest thing ever. Like what kind of garden party are you hosting in the middle of winter? Right. Like what? Okay. Here's a five star review, verified purchase. And this is what it says. The only thing I didn't like is at night, black Santa would turn into not black Santa.

End of review. And if you scroll down, you'll see the pictures. When the lights are on in the dark, Santa would be white. He literally, his entire skin tone changes with the light. It's not like just one like part of it. It's a completely different color. Actually, no, look at the hands in the second, like see the hands, I think the hands stay black.

It's his face. And then just the face. Oh, that's really troubling in the second, and like, see the hands? I think the hands stay black. Oh, the hands stay, it's his face. And then just the face is like. Oh, that's really troubling, that's really troubling. And by the way, look at fucking Mickey back there being like so involved, like back up a few paces, Mickey. Chill. Like get out of the frame, like why are you back there? You're not part of this.

Wow, it really does look like a different, it's completely different, different design. Like it looks like a completely different. Even the mustache is different. How does that? Is that just like the wind, like lifting it up? I don't know, but the whole thing is just, yeah, this is so weird. Anyway, anyway, rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going.

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Happy 50th birthday happy birthday 50th birthday Jess and also remarkably Jess set in an email with just all all bangers I just love them all so I'm just gonna read these uh can I overtake her uh Jess's birthday for a second absolutely do you know what today is Absolutely. Do you know what today is? Uh oh, is it the anniversary of our podcast? Yeah. No. Yeah. Move aside, Jess. This isn't about, you and Mickey are trying to make this about yourselves. And I'd like both of you to get out of frame. No, I'm just saying, Jess, it's funny. We're talking about your birthday on Beach Shoe Sandy's birthday. That's how selfless we are, by the way.

And I forgot about it in DeLiz moment. Just kidding, I actually was meaning to ask you, I thought it was 12, 12, no? No, I mean, today's 12, 12. Today is 12, 12. Oh, 12, 18 though is the day that this comes out. Yeah. Is Jess comes out. Yeah. Is Jess's birthday.

Yeah. Oh, you're saying today is our anniversary. Oh yeah, not Jess's birthday. Sorry, you and I are speaking right now. This episode does not come out on, this comes out after because literally right now. This is right now happening. Literally Thursday.

Alexander, congratulations. We did it. We did it again. Okay, I'd shake your hand, but we're not. Yeah. Okay, we did a virtual handshake. Um, you can pay money if you want to see that on Patreon. Nailed it. Um, for our birthday. Um, how old are we? Six, I think. Whoa. I think 2018. That's really fucking old. Yeah, I know. I know. That's right. Cool. Sweet.

It's been fun. Okay. Next. Anyway, back to Jess's birthday. Happy birthday, Jess. Happy birthday, Jess. I'm so sorry. You still get this day to yourself.

I'm just glad we acknowledged it. Phew. Okay. And you know, Jess said she would, and I think, you know what, Jess, we're gonna celebrate our birthday the same way you celebrated yours, which you said was to focus on Jesus's birthday

with an inflatable nativity scene review. Amen. Amen, hallelujah. So, you know, that's what you did on your birthday, Jess. That's what we're gonna do on our birthday and subsequently your birthday. So here is the reason for the season. It's called the K-Taxon Six-Foot Christmas Nativity Scene

Inflatable Holy Family Pre family pre lit baby Jesus. So if you scroll and see it, you can see the picture. Oh, that's little, right? It's lit indeed. So there's a poor animals. There's a sheep looks so sad. There's one ass and then there's a donkey, but there's one donkey and there's a donkey, but I'm, there's one donkey and there's one sheep and there's, I guess, Jesus Mary Joseph, right?

There's no way Mary's that smiley after what just happened. Okay, hold that thought. Okay. This is a two star review by Sue called Nativity Scene and it's a verified purchase and it says, Mary doesn't wear red. She's wearing red. That is what I did not like.

End of review. What? That's the perfect- Mary wears blue, not red. She does? Oh. I mean, traditionally. And so I said, I said, wait, I don't see Mary.

And then I zoomed in and I was like, is that Mary? I thought that was- Is that little boy smiling? I thought that was Jesus. And then I went, wait, no don't see Mary. And then I zoomed in and I was like, is that Mary? I thought that was- Is that little boy smiling, Mary? I thought that was Jesus. And then I went, wait, no, Jesus is the baby. So who's that man in the red? Cause certainly Mary wouldn't be smiling after giving birth. Certainly Mary wouldn't look like this.

Unless maybe her blue dress is covered in blood because she just gave birth. And that's why she's wearing red. I don't know. Oh dear God. Yeah, that's dark. But that was dark. Again, I don't know what's happening here. I didn't know. That's like a thing.

Is that a thing? Mary not wearing red? No, I don't think so. I think. Or is it just, is it like about Mary specifically not wearing blue or like, is it, is it bad that Mary wore red in particular? I think they're just saying it's not traditional. She doesn't wear, I mean, it says Mary doesn't wear red. Like, that's not her color. I mean, yeah, it's not. Looking at her. It's not her color. No. But, you know, give her a break out.

She hasn't had a chance to bounce back yet. They tried harder on the donkey than they did on Mary. Oh, the donkey has... The donkey literally, you guys, the donkey has more definition in its facial features, ears, nose, than Mary's entire head. Like her hair doesn't even have any, it's just like brown blob. And Mary has no eye, is the only one other than the sheep that doesn't have eyebrows.

What is that? It looks like Joseph and the donkey are like making like That's what it does at each other and the sheep's just staring on like Mary's like what's wrong like The sheep's like I can't believe what I just watched. I can't believe I had to watch that I'm traumatized And Mary is really happy for some weird ass reason Mary's like this is lit and everyone's like it's really not Wow, it's really, anyway, it's, honestly it's a really good discussion piece, so I'm glad we got a chance to uncover it. And Mary, I hope you, you know,

what I recommend is take collagen in your water, wear a really tight corset, and stop eating, and drink lots of water, and you'll bounce back in no time. You know, from that. And honestly, Mary stop wearing red. And honestly, if there's one piece of advice and we say this with love, it's not your color.

It's not. My next one here, you can scroll down is a three and a half foot led Stewart in Santa hat hugging bananas. it is Stuart the minion from this was sent by Denise she her oh wait I love that under the minion you can see the name Denise because oh yeah this is profile which makes me so happy because it looks like Denise's the minion. And Sitty too. So I can like, I know where to find Denise. Oh I didn't hear that. Oh there it is.

Sorry Denise. I'm on my way. I'm more worried about that minion finding Denise before we do. That's why I'm on my way, Christina. Don't answer the door for anyone but me. If they promise bananas, it's not worth it, I swear. If they just say banana because that's all they could say. Banana. Something has gone terribly wrong.

Okay, here's the four star review. It's too easy. It was exactly what it said on the box. I plugged it in and it inflated. It does need bigger stakes. The three inch one it came with will just pull out. If you fart within 10 feet of it or if the ground is any bit wet, end of review. Wait, what? I think, sorry. What happens if you fart? I need to know.

I like am lit. I've read this multiple times. I'm just now realizing I think they didn't mean to put a period The three inch one it came with will just pull out if you fart within ten feet of it Or if the ground is any bit wet Gross all of it. Why would that even be the first thing that comes to mind if you fart anywhere near it? Cuz that's what happened Christina. No, I'd refuse to believe it. That's what happened. If it did, I'd be so impressed, but I really refuse to believe it. That would be an impressive fart, you're right. I think so. To move ground. It doesn't help that it was a wet fart, made the ground all wet. That's what I was worried about. I was like, actually, I think it's too risky. It has pictures,

but I won't have you scroll down and see those. Thank you, thank you. You're welcome. Wow, wow. Okay, this is another review of the blow up nativity scene. And this is a three star review by Joe. Stars upside down, it's Christmas and Jesus, but satanic upside down star? Maybe I see that wrong. End of review. So let's take a look again, because I know we've analyzed this pretty extensively. Does that look like a satanic star to you? It looks like a chore

chart where a kid put a sticker on slightly crooked. Yes, it looks like someone put this the star on a little sideways. But it doesn't look like a fucking pentagram? They're saying upside down because that's also would... But it doesn't look like they're saying upside down because that's also would Can a star be upside down like I don't understand what you mean Like I feel like usually the point of the star is up like one of the five points is straight up Okay, so it looks like it's either sideways on one leg or on its head Okay, so they're picturing it as like the point is facing down and that must mean Satan. Okay. Well, yeah That's not like a little stretch. Yeah, people are

My gosh, like you know what they say seek Satan you will find him Usually in your neighbor's Christmas decorations That's probably true. I mean look at that upside down turkey head you had earlier. Oh my god. I said like Yes. Oh my god. You're right. Yeah. Um, okay. I have one more eyebrows. You think that that just happens? No, that is the work of the devil. That is the work of a devil. Yes. Um, so here's a one star review. This is my last one. So this one was sent in by Sophie, she, her, um,

and I'll tell you to look at it after the fact, I think. But this is of, um, a product called product Christmas inflatables, outdoor decoration, eight and a half foot Santa Claus, and the dog is biting and pulling the Santa's gift bag blow up outdoor slash indoor blah, blah, blah. Oh, and listen, at least they're clear. That was pretty descriptive. That was like one of the most descriptive.

I can actually understand what's happening image wise. I can guess at least. Yeah. And this place also sells four foot snow, snowman and dog. And then four foot snowman and peeing dog. That's kind of funny. I guess. Other things. Yeah. and then there's one where the dog is biting a gingerbread man the gingerbread man is crying it's pretty aggressive. That's a little dark. But this one has Santa like pulling one way and the dog pulling the other way on a bag. This dog needs a little bit of training I think. Yeah I think so. So here's a one-star review

Yeah, I think so. So here's a one-star review titled, I don't want to be a jerk in my mixed neighborhood. I am a glow in the dark white person. Yes, this is important to the return and review. White Santa being attacked by a dog, cute. Black Santa being attacked in front of my house full of dogs, not cute. Never in my life have I taken down a decoration in my life.

I'm old, white and fat. Not only was this a horrid WTF moment, but also a month of cardio trying to wrestle this giant blow up into my house so I don't offend any of my lovely neighbors. This is literally like a scene from Paul Blart, the way it's being described. Like wrestling and inflatable. Like I imagine Kevin, Jay, Kevin,

is that his name? Kevin James is like, wrestled him. I canceled all the Kevin's. I can't keep them straight. As you know, I imagine there has to be some film he did where either he or Adam Sandler wrestled a fucking probably inflatable holiday decoration. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I'm to the ground all this poor person Yeah, so they just ended it with if looking for good cardio This could be the product for you want to keep good relations on your street swipe next and of review Wow That yeah

All right so Zandy I have a couple things left and I just kind of want to rush through them because there's a lot That I have to do in my channel not a lot But you know, I want to get to my challenge too, but I couldn't leave these out So if you're able to Zandy, please take a look at your textbook Aka my notes. I am just now realizing this is a page three of twelve. Jesus Christ I know you have your challenge, but it's to look at that part. You're not supposed to look at that part. Well, I'd prefer you not look at the length of my notes ever. Okay. I won't. I'm done. Sorry. I was private. So it's private. So look at the,

you have to zoom in, but this photo, uh, this is also from Jess. And it's this image of these, uh, okay. I'll read the review. Then we can talk about the image. The title is so depressing because now y'all are sold out reviewed on Walmart.com. these. Okay, I'll read the review that we can talk about. Yeah, talk about the image. The title is so depressing because now y'all are sold out. Reviewed on walmart.com. We wanted to marry Joseph Jesus and the three kings. Well, we got four kings and Joseph with Jesus. End of review. I was going to say there are a lot of men here.

I can't figure out who all these men are. And then I realized that one of the men was- Wait, four of the men have crowns. Like that's not supposed to be right. I don't think- One of the wise men was duplicated. See the guys on both sides of Jesus, it's the same guy. It's his doppelganger.

It's his twin brother. His identical twin. I just thought this was outrageously hilarious. I think also is that, is Joseph holding a cane or am I? That is the biggest cane I've ever seen. It's like the size of the whole building. Is that how big they are? That's crazy. You could kill somebody. And why would you feel the need to add that if you're not even gonna put

Like an actual present in their hands just a weird blob. Yeah, I'm also just noticing the angels on top. There's a lot going on here. Oh god, at least the stars right side up not satanic There are so there are girls in here cuz there's two little blonde angels up there the bay the buoys I see them. Yeah Okay, that was great. Okay, cool. Do you think Mary's just in there? They're like stay in there Oh, she's inside through what looks like a car wash And I assume is just full of like donkey shit and straw, you know, but it's fine. All the men are out here having, honey,

we're having a conversation. The men are talking. That includes Jesus too, by the way. If, if, if, if Jesus were a girl, he'd be there. She'd be back in there with Mary. Okay, so now the next one is called Returned, and it just says Mary was backwards, so I'd like you to scroll down. And now instead of duplicating one of the kings, they've put Mary in the right spot, but they have turned her back towards.

She's hiding her shame, for sure. It looks like she's not allowed to look while the men are speaking. She needs to cast her eyes down as the men speak. And she's in blue this time though. She is in blue. Isn't that interesting? That's fun, Christina.

It is. And you know what's interesting is all of the baby and the kings and their crowns, everything is blue also. So. Way too much blue. Only Joseph gets any interest in any of this. He gets his giant crook. He gets that guy in the back, right?

400 colors, which guy? Oh, back. The third king. I don't see a third guy in the top. There hasn't been a third guy here. Yeah. Why? Who the fuck is that guy? He's one of the king. Well, okay. So they get fine.

They get blue. Why are they all wearing crowns? I keep calling them kings. Well, because it so they get fine. They get blue. Why are they all wearing crowns? They keep calling him Kings. Well, it's we three Kings. Oh True. Yeah, I don't know why okay I hate this. What's next? Someone said that you did a really good Billie Eilish impersonation by accident. By accident. I really liked that a lot because I also haven't listened to that episode, but I did watch

Blaze listen to the episode silently while I sat there and in shame. And he just kept looking at me and like kind of shaking his head. And he's like, I'm on the Bob Dylan. And I went, don't start. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know what you're listening to, please just leave the room. Good times.

Okay, so this is the last thing I have now. This is from Julio, it's really important that I bring this. It's of a Disney forum called disboards.com. Disboards. D-I-S, yeah, disards.com. Julio wrote, to quote Stefan, the forum includes everything. EECS and emoticons, an ode to Snopies flying a scene,

DH and DD lingo, if you get my drift when the drift is clearly gotten, enough said when nothing was said, the guy that has to sum up the whole forum, and in this case it's LU-U-V, love Florida, a weird creepy dude called Bored in Iowa, someone named Christine, an educational bit, Karen's and Grinch's. And so I've saved some of the posts, some of the comments, and I'm gonna read them to you.

This is a thread on the Disney forums. It's called Holiday Inflatables Public Service Message. This is a post by grinning ghost. If you have an inflatable or multiple inflatables holiday decoration, please do your neighbors a favor and keep that thing inflated 24-7. They look like colorful empty trash bags laying on the ground in the middle of the day when they aren't inflated. Eek! If you're willing to shell out $150 for a Christmas decoration, please pay the extra bucks in electricity to keep it inflated. Passersby will love you. Laughing! PS. Keep them upright too. Nothing weirder

than seeing Snoopy in his fighter plane laying on its wing Whatever would the red Baron think of that? laughing Okay So that's the original post. All right. Okay. Now. Here's the first response that I picked. It's from G off What are your thoughts on that on keeping it inflated? Yeah What are your thoughts cuz I Just want to hear what you have to say first. I don't know.

I don't really care. I feel like either way. Okay. I don't care either. I have literally zero opinion. Okay. No, I don't care either. I didn't know if you were going to say like, cause I was going to tell you,

I have some more Intel about why people deflate them and stuff. Could you imagine if I was like, these people putting theirs down and not- It's fucking tacky, sick mother- It's so gross and tacky and- Ruining the value of my neighborhood. Ruined and whatever.

Anyway. Oh gosh. Okay. So this is G-Off. I just don't even- Why are you saying G-Off? Because it's spelled like G-Off. Okay.

It's G-Off, but it's spelled G-Off. I know. I figured it's G-E-O-F-F. . Fan of the Detroit Red Wings. Oh yeah like G-off. Okay. It's Jeff, but it's spelled G-off. I know. I figured it's G-E-O-F-F. . I like GF. That's nice. That's kind of weird, but and then this is another response With it starts with an emoticon

Rotifl2 That's the emoticon so it's Roth it's ROTFL2. Oh, so it's rolling on the floor laughing. It says ROTFL You know I died but this is number two. So this is rolling on the floor laughing number two And it is indeed a little yellow circle laughing like this I wonder if that's what like the emoticons were originally

You know like and yeah, and raffle just sounded better. I don't know. Yes It's not this person's fault that that's what the emoticon Yeah, right. I know. I know. Sorry. I felt it's just a little funny that like you'd either have to type that out or like Select it from a drop-down menu Yeah, so rothful to it says There is a little house that I passed that has no joke at least 15 inflatables. It's not a large lot either They literally take up the entire lawn, front and side. It seems they add a new one every year,

this year being the blown up nativity scene. During the day, it looks like a massacre of plastic all over their lawn, although having them all blown up is not much better. I will have to go try and get a picture for you. It's crazy. Thankfully, this person does not come back with a picture of their neighbor's house,

although I would be curious. And now this one is by a user named Sulferino, whose profile picture is the baby from Teletubbies, the son baby. And you can follow along if you want, Zandy, if you wanna see the emoticons, but you don't have to. But you don't have to. I do want to see, I forgot I can see these.

So if you can see, I made a code where the emoticons in the image, but then underneath, if I wanted a little reminder of what it meant, I would type it out. But Google Docs kept thinking I was trying to type an actual emoticon, and it was like, we don't have rotful two, and I was like, I know, please. Please, disregard.

Okay, so we're at Sunbaby here Who says I hate them but DH got a penguin one for DD a few years back because she's penguin obsessed They take great joy using the phrase. It's time to blow up the critter tonight Laughing if that would only really happen and that stupid penguin person This seems never to show its face on our lawn again that would only really happen and that stupid penguin burst at the seams, never to show its face on our lawn again. I'm such a Grinch. Like I know they started with, I hate them,

but I feel like it got really aggressive. It escalated because they're like, they take joy in it. She loves penguins. It's so cute that they say this. And I wish that actually it would explode into a million pieces and ruin my daughter's day. Wow. It's like the opposite of what you're taught to do with a compliment sandwich. Yeah. I hate it. Here's something nice about it, but actually I want to kill it. I want it to blow the fuck up.

Oh, careful. Well one of your neighbors might have one of those Civil War medical kits that he can sew him right back up. Oh, hopefully not with a head upside down. Oh that penguin head upside down, that might be worse than an exploded one, honestly. That's a warning to other penguin inflatables. Oh gosh, that feels very Toy Story-esque, you know. That's dark, like Sid. Okay. This is the next, is that the, I'm sorry. Is that the dinosaur from dragon tales? Hello? That's funny.

Is that what that is? I'm having a weird flashback. Is that one of them? I think it is. Yeah, maybe. Wow. That made me feel weird in my skin. Okay. Oh yeah. it made my skin feel weird. I don't know. Okay skin is crawling Yeah, no, but not in a bad way just in like a oh Like I was like having deja vu or something. Okay. Oh, okay. So this is another response from the dragon from Dragon Tales and Please if you don't blow up Santa don't have him tied to a large post in your yard. I'm tired of looking a deflated Santa hanging from a post every day when I pick up my son from school.

It's slightly macabre, rotful. Oh, that's the OG rotful. That's rotful one, yeah. This one doesn't have legs. This one doesn't have legs. That's right. The other one's like kicking. Yeah. Yeah. I wish you could see the move though, Alexander. Man, they move.

I know. I can tell. They've got moves. I can tell, Christina. Yes. So... Wow. A large steak. So poor, deflated Santa on a steak. These do sound kind of grim. They do sound grim! They do! Like, especially on a dreary day when it gets dark early and they're just kind of grim. They do sound grim, they do. Like especially on a dreary day when it gets dark early and they're just kind of like, oh, it is kind of sad.

Especially on just like a rainy day. Oh, yeah, it's pretty dark. Okay, this is another response from Magic Kingdom with a bunch of owls missing. I don't have one, honest. But I think they say to only leave them on eight hours at a time, I don't think the motor honest. But I think they say to only leave them on eight hours at a time, I don't think the motor is made to run 24 seven.

And then three Disney bugs who does not know how to read the fucking room, I guess, says, my neighbor across the street has a Mickey Mouse Santa inflatable. I was so excited to see Mickey Mouse. It kind of feels like being at Walt Disney World during Christmas. Of course it doesn't, who am I kidding? End of response.

No, they're trying. They know exactly where they are. Let's all not forget. Let's bring this back. Let's not all forget what forum this is. Our mission statement. Why we're here. Why we defected from whatever other, from Reddit. We're here to only be Disney. The Universal Universal forums. The Universal forums, we're here to talk Disney. But yeah, who am I kidding? It feels like being at Disney. But I also love that she's like, my neighbor has one. I stare at it and feel like I'm at Disney.

I'm like, girl, someone should buy one for you at Costco. It seems like it would make your day, you know? That's like the fact that they didn't, I guess this was posted in 2007, but I'm like, did they not know those existed? You could just like Amazon it real quick. Maybe not back then though, yeah I'm like, did they not know those existed? You could just Amazon it real quick. Maybe not back then though, yeah. Maybe not, I don't know.

2007, Jesus Christ. I was 14. Come to think of it, that was a long time ago. Okay, this is a response from, I don't wanna say the child's name, but let's say it's like, Samuel Rogan's mom or something, like just like a full first middle name, his mom, okay?

And responded to that post, I'm sorry, to the original post and said, I was just thinking about this today as I drove by my street. The guy on the corner has a Santa and it freaked me out today as I drove by because it looked like a dead kid laying in the snow My heart sank for a second before I realized it was just that damn Santa

Christine she designed it Christine. Oh So that is scary. I just pointed out that the mom thinks I was like wow, you're on high alert Yeah, like The mom thought it was a dead kid laying in the snow. Like, holy shit. Which I guess look out for traumatizing. I would imagine. Did you remember that time? It was like, there was a news article or a news story and everything about it. There was a guy who put up a

decoration and it was Clark Griswold from whatever family, lampoon, national lampoon family vacation or not that Christmas, whatever. And he's hanging from the roof where he like, as if he was putting up Christmas lights and it's so it's just dummy just hanging from the roof. Right. And some guy ran up, grabbed a ladder. He was like, grab on the ladder girl, thinking that it was a real person. And it was all filmed with a ring camera or something.

And then the guy realized it wasn't a real person. And he was so panicked. And it was so sad to watch him. Did he even get hurt though or something? No, the guy who got the ladder. And then he just left. Did the dummy get hurt? In my head I'm like, she knows. It's a fair question, but no, I met the guy like he didn't like fall off the ladder and

die. No, no, he didn't. He was just trying to like get the guy to hold on and then he realized it was fake and he like kind of like booked it. I think he was like embarrassed. Like that must be traumatizing on so many levels. It's traumatizing to experience that. Then it's traumatizing to realize like,

oh my God, that was all for nothing and it was fake. And I think the family said that. They apologized to him because they were like, we did not expect that. Like in hindsight, we realized like how it looked. Because it looks like you look at it. Like the color was completely right to do that. Well I'm glad people have sense because like,

think about that person who put a black Santa in their lawn getting attacked by a dog and went, hold on a minute this is not only that when you have a bunch of dogs and probably bark all day. Right and you're a white man in your house. Yeah exactly. But yeah no apparently they like got in touch with the guy they found him they got in touch with him and they interviewed him and like he talked they met I think they hung out he hung out with a family or something like it was all good in the end But then it was sponsored by skyline chili and it's just oh, yeah They brought him to the Bengals game. It just feels like a very like local Cincinnati. Like I don't even I don't think it was Cincinnati Oh, I thought this is why I'm like what sorry I thought this was something you met happened like in our no

Maybe actually I have no way our childhood experience, I was like, why is Skyline involved? I thought it was like a local story that I had somehow missed. I started singing the Skyline theme in my head. I was like trying to make a connection. I was like, where's the joke? Well, I've been singing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, like not the Bare Naked Ladies version with Sarah McLachlan in my head for... God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

God Rest Ye Merry... That's all I've got. Oh, I could go on and on, but I won't. So this is the last couple. This one, so AZGal81 responded, I always thought people deflated them so people don't come up and slash them with a knife. Okay. You know what?

All right, sure, I guess. So this is bored in Iowa. Who's probably the guy going around slashing those with knives. Exactly, ready? That's why we deflate ours, the slashing. Somebody did slash our Homer Simpson, Santa, and our Grinch.

We have about nine up in our front lawn and no, it isn't that big. We do get a lot of people slowing down to see them though as our neighbors also put up lots of decorations for Christmas and Halloween. Many people stop and take their picture in front of their favorite characters. Halloween is more fun though.

We lean towards the dark side then with an electric chair, stocks, a gargoyle, and many more. And next year it's like our guy, but with a G it's rough, a gargoyle and many more. And next year, a huge castle. I'm working on getting a crematorium that slides the body in and out and looks like flames and smoke and lights. I get chills just thinking about it. LOL. And I get chills hearing about it.

Julio's probably come across this guy on a forum at some point. Like one of those weird Halloween forums. In the bullet points of being like this person's trouble. Also like this is not anything about you. Why are you making this about you? Because you're so bored in Iowa. Like, why are you making this about you? This was about people at least make it about Disney inflatable. Right. Exactly. At least this girl bug said she, you know, thought about WDW. I will say I will say though, I have been seeing so many like,

forum pose like Reddit forum, like of within like my area in New York. And I'll see a post and someone asking like a question or like basically using it as a neighborhood forum and the comments are people like, why are you posting about this here? We don't care about that. And I'm like, what is the point of the forum? If not to like talk about this stuff. But that being said, this has the same energy as someone who like, like we read a review recently, literally giving an entire recipe within a recipe when no one asked for a recipe.

And also like if you really take even just 10 seconds, no, two seconds to think about it. Will this be a useful use of my time, like a productive use of my time? No, because if it's in a comment, text it to your friend, post it somewhere else, like in a comment. Why are you wasting your time? I just don't understand. I guess you're just getting it out there. But like- They're all friends here, maybe. I guess so. I mean, at least here, you know, someone's like reading it and can respond to it. But- They didn't have here, maybe. I guess so. I mean, at least here, you know, someone's like reading it and can respond to it, but. They didn't have like group chats.

They weren't in their like little group chats in 2007. I guess, right. I know, I know. What else are they gonna do? I mean, okay. I do, yeah. But he did say like they did slash our, so he did lure us in with like an actual on topic.

It was very on topic until it very much was not for a long time. But I'm kind of curious now about this. Hallowen that slides the body in and out. What? That's insane. That's insane. OK, why are you even complaining, Christina? It's so good that he brought this to this person brought this to us.

I want to hear report him to some sort of higher authority, I think. Oh, no. This is no couple of angels. I know them intimately. What you mean? I know a couple of angels. I know them intimately. Higher powers is what you mean. You know, so this is a response by hello Irish kitty. How many more are there? Only a few. You said that like 10 ago.

My neighbor across the street has five inflatables that are always on. He's retired. so I often see watching what the fuck what are they of those sexy angels because I don't blame him is that bored in Iowa maybe maybe watching the body slide in and out in and out he's the one who probably baits people to slash all his inflatables Slash up the Grinch. Oh my god, this is killing me. Okay, he's retired It's like he's retired so what better does he have to do than sit and watch them out his window?

Like, that's not normal, even if you're retired. I mean, it's fine, but like, it's not because he's retired, I think. It's probably, whatever. He's retired, so I often see him watching them from his window. He also has all of his lights timed to music. Wait, if he's retired, then why are you the one who's often seeing him?

Christina, I was about to say Are you the one watching who? Yeah, what's your excuse for always watching out the window, huh? He also has all of his lights timed to music. Different sets of lights flash to different notes They're timed to we wish you a Merry Christmas and it's on from sundown to sunrise. The cops were there last night at like 3 a.m. I guess one of our neighbors is not a fan of we wish you a Merry Christmas rotful or number one. And then this is literally just the next person wrote I'm not a fan personally.

It's like, okay. Okay. Thank you for your input. Oh, so now this person doesn't say enough. Like's like, okay. Okay. Thank you for your input. Um, Oh, so now this person doesn't say enough. Like the one person says too much, Christina, how do they please you? Well that was also just not the question. Nobody asks if you like them or like, nobody asks that. Like, why must you say that? Be quiet. Cause I think everyone else has given their, I guess. So yeah, this one says we have the Mickey Santa inflatable this year. I've always been very anti-infl says, we have the Mickey Santa inflatable this year.

I've always been very anti-inflatable, but the family overruled me this year. We've had a lot of snow and ice in our area, so every night when I fire up Mickey, I literally have to go outside and beat him to get all the ice off of him. Otherwise, the material is too heavy and he can't inflate. I'm sure I'm providing mental anguish

to every child in the neighborhood every time I kick Mickey in the stomach and punch him in the nose rots full to Yeah with the legs good The rotful with the legs. Wow This is so somebody said can I add if you have no front yard? The roof is not the proper place to have one of these things and then love Florida Responded to that for some reason and said the following.

These are all emoticons to start. LMAO, Rotful 2, Rotful LMAO. Inflatables deflated on the ground, Santa tied to a tree, mechanical reindeer being bad, guys beating the heck, I know it's ice out of Mickey I am seriously laughing out loud at this thread rotful LMAO end of response amen wow is that not the most Disney forum response you've ever seen you did it way too well I know isn't that upsetting I was upset yeah how, actually. Thanks for asking. It's like how you do your past. Blah, blah, blah. These are, somebody said if I have to look at people wearing those nasty plastic Crocs and then had the decency to link us to the Crocs.

Oh, Crocs website. Yeah, on their feet all summer, then you can look at my deflated Christmas decoration for a few hours each day. LMAO emoticon. And then this last post, this is the last post and this is where it ended and this is where it gets a little awkward to me. It feels like the person in the room, like Dwight Schrute or somebody who like doesn't read the room, said something and everybody felt kind of weird and was like, all right, that's our-

This feels like a room full of those people. Yes. And so if you imagine a room full of those people who are all like, wow, that went too far, this is just kinda how this goes. This is his last comment. My mom and my uncle live across the street from each other, which is also between two hills, so they get some pretty good gusts that will whip pretty much any outside decoration

or furniture around. He has had, don't know if he puts it up anymore, a really tall inflatable Santa that has his arms outstretched. They had to put a spotlight on him because he got blown around and the light inside broke. Anyways, it's kind of freaky looking across the dark road and seeing a giant looming shadow on the house

waving his arms frantically at you. That's that last post. Dear God. And everyone was like, okay, so anyway, let's talk about Disney again. Why is why are his arms outstretched? That part I can't explain. I'm picturing the shadow looking a lot like Jesus on the cross.

Just him. That's well, it looks like one of those wacky tube guys, you know, which sounds a lot like Jesus on the cross. I've always thought. You did, huh? I always thought that. That's why every time we passed the Ford auto dealership, I would be like, oh, we're at church.

And you do the sign of the cross every time? Do the sign of the cross, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hamburglar, why are you calling? Rubble, rubble. McDonald's has a new biggest burger called Big Arch, made with two 100% Canadian beef

patties, a new delicious sauce, and all the McDonald's flavors you love, and wait, you want me to help you get it? Rubble. Come on. Compared to beef burgers on McDonald's current menu at participating restaurants in Canada. Sephora's biggest fragrance sale of the year is on. Get 20% off full-size fragrance gifts, including designer scents like Valentine O'Donnell, born in Roma. How did you know? 20% off floral scents like Burberry Her. Thank you. And 20% off trending scents

like Kayali Yum Bougie Marshmallow in Glossier You. This is perfect. 20% off full-size fragrances now through December 24th. Shop now at Sephora and Sephora at Kohl's. So this is my challenge now. I know we're going along. I'm so sorry. I have like not much. We're going long because I took 30 minutes to talk to the doctor in the middle. I had such a good time playing hexasort though. I did. I was like sort of not feeling well. Finally my doctor gets back to me. Literally. Thank God you had your phone on though. Yeah.

Also I don't know if this comforts you at all, but we're moving on to page 10 of 14. Oh, few, okay. Okay, so we're getting close. I'm scrolling, I'm like ready to scroll, but I'm not. Okay, I can't wait for you to see. If you don't mind meeting me at page 10. May I ask what, if, why 10 to 14?

What's 15 and 16? What? It says it's 10 of 16. Mine says 14. Okay, good. Mine must just be different. Okay, I'm zoomed in. Yeah, no mine says 14. I don't know. No, it says 13. Okay. Oh, it changes when you zoom. Yeah, so never mind. I take it all back. Okay, I'm on page 10. So technically it could just be one page if we really worked at it. It is not one page. You zoomed really, really far out. It's not one page. Yes. Okay. And then do your no, I dare you to try. I mean, I could probably wing it, right? Okay. So Alexander, this is, my challenge was from Lauren, it was to find reviews where

someone claims they know Santa isn't real. This one was sent in by Stacey, she, her, and it's a book called Santa's Greatest Gift. Do you see this cover? I do. Could you read me? It's by Rebecca Gitrich White Cotton. That's just hopefully not a real name. Can you read me? It's hopefully not a fake name.

What a choice. Actually, that's true. Santa's Greatest Gift, the truth about Santa's identity wrapped in the spiritual meaning of Christmas sounds good, doesn't it? Yeah I'm nervous actually how about you now? I like that. This is happening now Can you read this little bio for me actually it's really fun to make you read it just that first paragraph Bottom two. Oh both of these? Okay. Rumors are flying that Santa is not real and that he takes away from the true meaning of Christmas. In Santa's greatest gift, Santa responds to these accusations, revealing his true identity and shedding light on the true identity of every soul on

Earth. That sounds like Scientology, but whatever. identity of every soul on earth. That sounds like Scientology, but whatever. This reassuring letter from Santa guides the child in all of us. What is Rebecca Santa? Like that's what's pissing me off right now, first of all, sorry. It's nice to have you read it,

cause I can really just think about what I feel. Look, look, the writers of the Bible didn't claim to be God, okay. But she's saying this is a letter from Santa. Yeah, and they're claiming that that's the word of God. That's a very good point. She's just going off of what channel her spirituality has taught her already. Got it. Here we go. This reassuring letter from Santa guides the child in all of us through the rumors of falsehood to the amazing discovery that Santa is real and

living as the giving and living as the giving spirit in everyone who plays the role of Santa. So Santa's Jesus. Like is Santa's in all of us? Wait, in everyone who plays the role of Santa. So like just the mall Santas, some of them go to jail. mall Santas? Some of them go to jail. There's some priests I'm just saying you know? It's just a part of the game. It's a part of it. But Santa's greatest gift is the knowledge that the Spirit of God that lived and was made perfect in Jesus is also alive inside each person as the Christ spirit. Help me. The honoring of the Christ child in each girl and boy is, in fact, the reason that Santa has been bringing gifts each year.

Just as the- It's like if you're gonna write a fucking book at least, like a- such a dumb book that at least write it more concisely because this is so annoying. Yeah, what the fuck. Just as the wise men brought gifts for the Christ child on that first Christmas Fourth wise men that we didn't know about And it was the and there was no Mary. It was just right. It was just the twin brother of one of the wise men They were just identical so everyone got confused

Yeah, it is confusing. Yeah, this is really ridiculous. Yeah, so, okay, basically, blah, blah, blah. This is a five-star review by Anonymous. It's definitely a child, I'll give you that much. And the title of it is, Santa is not real. Sorry to the people who believe in Santa, but he's not real.

Santa is actually this dead guy that lived a long time ago who gave presents to poor kids. I might be wrong about the who was Santa information, but I'm telling you people that Santa ain't real. The only person or people who put your presents in your stocking or under the tree are your parents. Just saying. If you don't believe me, you can find out for yourself

when you put a camera on or next to your Christmas tree. Oh. Or stock. Is this what they did? I think so. No. Or stocking. I know, or stocking.

And see who puts your toys or whatever you want for Christmas in there. Then you will see that it's just your mom or dad that gives you presents. They or one of them might be dressed up like Santa, but I hope you're not so gullible that you're fooled by their trickery. Oh no.

This is so sad. This is like my biggest- I wonder if this child wanted to stay anonymous. This is heartfelt. This is difficult. Also, this was 11 years ago, so I hope they've really healed from this experience. Me too. Oh gosh okay I was about to say maybe that was one of us and then I was like 11 years ago.

I was genuinely trying to do the math. You're like 22, Christina. That's amazing. Okay. Okay, let me see. La la la la la. You put a camera in your tree. Wow, then you will see that it's just your mom or dad. There, one of them might be dressed up like Santa, but I hope you're not so gullible that you're fooled by their trickery.

One other way to see if Santa is real is to put out cookies and milk for Santa. Then you will probably find out that you're missing out on some cookies when you see your mom, or and dad, stuffing them with your favorite kind of cookies and milk while you're stuck in bed and not allowed to get up. Then you will see what I mean. This kid needs to write a book. So sorry. This is just so intense. I hope this I hope this person remembers they wrote this and can like pull this back up

because it's pretty good memory-wise, to put in the, I don't know, some sort of childhood baby box. The baby box? Yeah. Okay, then you will see what I mean. Like I just showed you, there are tons of ways that you can find out who is the Santa in your family.

And like I told you people at the beginning, Santa is not real. Oh yeah. And I recommend this book to people even though I've never read it. It sounds good. Ha, imagine anyway. Bye. End of review. I think this is what the youths today call crashing out. Oh, I've never heard that before. That was something else, Christina. This poor child. Is that kind of hitting, reaching a breaking point a little bit? Is that what that phrase means? That's my interpretation, yeah.

It's, you have some sort of breakdown. Sort of lose it for a minute, yeah. After, holy shit. Yeah. Why did they choose this place to vent? This platform? This platform. Not even the platform platform why this specific

this book like this random ass like self-published book on Barnes and Noble dot-com like it's so specific maybe they were anonymous because they are part of cotton white cotton clan oh literally the most thing you've ever improved before ever okay that's not true there's no way that's true whatever Whatever that is has been edited out probably. I don't know what it is. Okay, that's maybe the most fucked up thing you've ever accidentally done. I was an improv 101 student. Wow, that's rough times.

Trust me, I did some pretty bad stuff. No, you know how people like, white people I should say, especially ones who think they have like European roots that are important. Oh, and they're like, they were on the Mayflower or some shit. Yeah, they call themselves the whatever clan. Like that's what this game is like. Or it's like they're like, they have a coat of arms and stuff.

I gotta be honest, white cotton clan is literally the worst use of that example. Saying it aloud, but like- I mean, we're not making up the name, you know. Reading it, I'm like, reading it, I'm like, this is Rebecca Gitrich White Cotton would be one of those. Gitrich, hold on a minute. Gitrich.

Wait a minute, now I. Is this all satire? I hope so. Is this some sort of wild joke? Cause I really also hope so. But you know, the Gitrich clan, like that would be something that someone would say. It does though, I know.

With a coat of arms, it's just a bunch of money. They like have a coat of arms, yeah, exactly. Okay, I'm sorry. They have a plantation and they're like, no, but ours is different. And it's like, no, it's not. So I don't mean this person. I don't know who this person is.

I'm so sorry, just to clarify. I think that person's actually Santa. So I obviously don't mean her. Be careful. Yeah, I do not mean her. Be careful. Okay, let's move on. This is a review of the Krampus movie. Now, I wrote here this is the opposite of the challenge, but I wrote that it needed to happen and I do

remember that I had to stop reading it last night because I was laughing out loud, which it does not happen that often. But I was like, this is outrageous. Blaze doesn't allow laughter in the home. No, he doesn't know especially after dusk Then we all have to you know, that's why the cops came at 3 a.m Yeah, what tackling and you wouldn't I had my lights set to god rest you married gentlemen

And it just was going you and going and you're laughing and staring at it rocking my rocking and your neighbor was also watching you watch they were like she must be retired yeah she's nothing better to do anyway that was just the most I was so defensive of that man because it's like how dare you watch me watch my like leave me alone and don't make judgments about me that i'm retired And that's why like maybe i'm bored in kentucky. I saw that username. Was that was that you? Oh my god, okay

updated review, okay, this is the review that I have to bring you over the crampus movie. It's from Common sense media have to required by law. It's from commonsensemedia.org and it's by a pre-teen reviewer. Uh-oh. Who's, uh-oh is right. It's a three-star review. This is, they believe it's for ages 12 and up, the movie Krampus, which I believe is a horror film.

A lot of CGI situation. And the title of this review is, with a lot of asterisks, updated review, parentheses, My old review was too long So, you know, it's gonna be good. Okay, you know, they're making they're they're growing as a person I was too flowery. We can all learn something from this right? I wish I could go back and change some emails and stuff. Right? I'm like I'm limiting you to one exclamation point every three emails. That's it. No. Okay. That's impossible. Impossible. I would never be able to do it. I do one per. I do one per sentence. Yeah, maybe. That's not true. That's not true. Sometimes I do two exclamation points at the end of a sentence. Didn't we start this episode by me saying there's three things in a row that you put

exclamations after at the beginning of your notes? I'm not exactly, I probably average one per sentence because some sentences I put two. Wow. Okay, so this is the new, okay, it says new review colon parentheses. The first review, this is just like repeat information. The first review for this movie I did was too long. So again, we're already in the too long count. A lot of growth happening here.

But there's still more growth to be had. I'm sorry, a lot of growth to go is what I meant to say. Not a lot of growth quite yet. It says, I'm sorry, I don't know where they began. You're right, I don't know where they began. Maybe they've been crashing out all along, I don't know. Good job, Christina. Thank you.

Krampus is a 2015 Christmas horror comedy based on the old German legend of its title character, a demonic opposite to Santa Claus who punishes naughty children around the holidays. This movie isn't super scary like how the trailer makes it look since they went more with the horror comedy direction than the all-out horror direction which I would have preferred. However, Krampus is still a good scary Christmas movie absolutely worth checking out. I think this movie is fine for ages 12 and up. There's hardly any gore, hardly any sexual content,

but there is a lot of swearing, some drug and alcohol related content, and some dark themes. I'll give a quick debrief on everything. The violence mostly consists of characters getting attacked and sometimes killed by Krampus' minions, which are made up of twisted Christmas icons such as demonic Christmas toys and demonic Christmas decorations. The attacks by these twisted Christmas icons are, like I said, not very gory, but they are violent. The one gory part in the movie is where a man is bitten in the leg by an unseen monster and then his bloody wound is shown afterwards. One of the main other things is an implication that a teenager is eaten

alive by a giant demonic jack in the box where we see their feet go into the jack in the box's mouth. This movie is uh crazier than I realized. I think I'm more scared to watch it than a 12 year old maybe. I'm more likely to watch it now after hearing all this fun stuff. Yeah who knew? Christmas icons. You're gonna like it even more in a few sentences. Sexy angels. Come on, sexy angels, cross your fingers. What is wrong with me? No, no, no, no, no, no.

OK. As for the language, there are seven uses of shit. Two uses, do you remember this kid? This is literally the same user. Same one. Yeah. It says the word, but it uses asterisks between the first and last letter of all of them. So I just ended up guessing, but I'm usually pretty close.

Yeah, so like don't, no one think that this child is writing these words out. None of them are written out. They would never do that. As for the language, there are seven uses of shit, two uses of bitch, three uses of ass, one use of asshole, two uses of bitch, three uses of ass, one use of asshole, two uses of dick, and one clearly heard f-word. According to IMDB's parental guide for this movie

there are two uses of the f-word but the other one is barely audible and can only be detected via the subtitles. As for the sexual content there's almost none. Some brief sexual references. Oh, Xander's fingers are crossed. Let's do this, come on. But nothing too bad, and most of them go unnoticed. Then for the drug and alcohol related content, there's a reference to Xanax. A teenager is briefly shown with a bong, and an aunt gives a kid hot chocolate

with alcohol mixed in it. Another thing about this movie is there are some dark themes, such as the talk about Krampus dragging people in the underworld. So make sure your kid is okay with that first. That's cute. Hey, are you okay with this? Hey, are you okay if maybe some guy comes and drags you down?

You sure? Do you have a super, super, I already forgot. Super, super. Super losses. Yeah. Whatever I have. Do you do you have a super suit? already for Superloss. Yeah, whatever I have take you have that are you sure? You're a big boy, right? Do you have this subsection of OCD? No Go and get it

So make sure your kid is okay with that first Some people are also saying that this movie implies that Santa isn't real, but that isn't true. After all, this movie is all about Krampus, and Krampus is the companion of Santa himself, so please don't listen to those people. Also, most of the monsters and demons in this movie are very scary looking, especially Krampus himself, who is pure nightmare fuel. So if you're fine with your kid hearing some swearing and watching something with drug content, though I think most kids ages 12 probably know what stuff like Xanax and bongs are. I'm sorry, I certainly did not when I was 12, but I guess that doesn't mean much. I think something that you have to understand about our childhood.

We were very sheltered. We really were, weren't we? We really were. Yikes. Okay. Because sometimes I watch TV and I'm like, that's not how it really is. I think I forget. And then I hear stories and I'm like, that's not how it really is. I think I forget. I think I really, and then I hear stories and I'm like, oh no, it's worse for some kids.

Wow. Okay. I think I just like really don't understand. Wow. Okay. We had a very shelter. Yeah. Got it.

Got it. Got it. And if you know, your kid can handle non-gory, but intense violence, scary looking monsters and demons in general, moderate horror, then they should be fine. As I said before, I would have preferred this movie to have been 100% horror, but I think the horror comedy format worked. It also may be frustrating for hardcore fans

of the actual Krampus legend like me, because they did change things up a bit from the original story. Like I said, in the old legend, Krampus comes to punish naughty children. Big fan. But in this movie, he comes to punish those who lose the Christmas spirit.

But I think that also still kind of works because they incorporated a good moral message into the movie with this change. BTW, I'm 15, but not 14. But since you can't select your exact birthday here on Common Sense Media, they just haven't updated my age yet. End of review.

I love that. This kid is my favorite. This kid, that was was- Well we all know about Xanax. But Santa's real. I'm sorry I know you made that voice for this kid. This kid is cooler than we ever were or will be. I know to know about Xanax but still be like the Christmas- Santa's fucking real guys. Yeah well I think I like that- Let me take a hit off my bong. But Santa's real. I know he's not my mom and dad. That review was so informational. And like about how they felt about the movie. And said the second fuck is inaudible.

Only on subtitles. They did research. They like research their review. Because this person has gone on here before and done like seven uses of shit, whatever. This is like the this is the kind of reviewer that parents want to find on this website. Like the actual yeah and be like, okay, my kid is not okay with very intense violence. And like the specific religious stuff because people freak out about that. Like it has literally

everything you could want. Man. And, and imagine if we got the long version that they threatened us with earlier. I could only, I'll be dreaming about it tonight. I know you will. Okay, this is the last thing and it's just very short. So I have a Quora forum that I found. Yeah, and this is Quora.com, is Santa real? Oh no, don't find out through Quora.com is Santa real? No

Don't find out through Quora.com children, please children if there's one thing you need to learn Center I need you to scroll uh Wait one moment. I'll tell you one it says is Santa real my friends tell me he's fake, but I'm pretty sure they're lying Okay, that's the question. I know I know My friends tell me he's fake, but I'm pretty sure they're lying. Okay, that's the question. I know, I know. So now I want you to scroll for the top post, which is by Jason Jimenez, who's apparently an attorney, it says here.

And it says, yes, he is. Unfortunately, he's also an alcoholic. And then put a video of a drunk Santa in a parking garage. What? Excuse me? And then wrote the full video showing Santa partied a bit too hard on Xmas Eve, Merry Xmas, tree emoji, I hope that clears up any confusion.

What the fuck? What? This poor child. I have no idea, but that got 73,000 views. That post, that answer. So how many of those were children who now think that Santa's an alcohol? Or at least brought this video to their parents.

I've been like, what is this? No wonder it has 73,000 views. It's probably all the parents going, look what my kid is watching. Now some people were a bit more sympathetic, okay? And they wanted, cause as you know, this is doomed. This question is doomed being put there out on the internet like this. I'd like to think that the original post was not a child.

I can only hope. That's something I would do in high school as a joke. Just to fuck around. Yeah. So I can only hope. But so some people did kind of like restore my faith in humanity. This is a response by James who wrote, Yes, Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus was a fourth century saint. Okay, that's not helpful. Thank you, though, for that. And then guess what he said next.

Also, you're telling me he's a nerd? Come on. I'd rather be the alcoholic. Alexander, it gets worse. He now works for Coca-Cola in their Christmas advertising campaigns, which pays the bills and is involved in a social entrepreneurship project where he delivers presents to children at Christmas by riding a flying sleigh pulled by reindeer and going down the chimneys of their houses at night on Christmas Eve. Okay.

That's not weird and strange and factual. He's a religious capitalist. Yeah, I can't figure it out. He's a fourth century saint. Cool. He now works for, okay, whatever. Here's the next one. And this is the last post I have here,

or the last answer. That's the one that you felt was sympathetic to the child. Ah, okay. Was that not like so sarcastic? Actually, I said a bit more sympathetic to the kid, and now I'm realizing actually neither of the ones I brought are sympathetic to the kid. Okay, good.

Okay, so, because I forgot that the next one's even more annoying. Okay, this one So, because I forgot that the next one's even more annoying. Okay, this one's by Charlie, who claimed in their bio advisor to the head elf at Santa Claus, I guess, and wrote, is Santa real? Are you real? For both the answer is yes, but not for the reasons you think.

You are a real person. You have a body of flesh and blood You occupy space with your body there are people that know of your current existence This kid it like has taken one philosophy class and things. He's like a genius what in the world Santa is a real character. He has given of his time and efforts. He has a jolly demeanor and is loving to a fault To a fault first of all what why loving to a fault. To a fault? First of all, why are you ascribing fault to Santa Claus? You motherfucker.

In what way? What? That's true. There are millions of people that know of his existence. Are you with me so far? The difference is that you are an actual person and Santa is a concept. You are the only you there will ever be.

Yet each year thousands if not more people will adorn themselves in red suits with white fur. Fur? With long white beards and rosy cheeks they embody the ideals of giving joy and love and become Santa Claus. Why Santa? Because dressing up as Jesus Christ would be seen as sacrilegious. Santa is a character that embodies the ability to live, love, and give like Christ. He gives others... See this takes a turn. What? I can't tell what's... this felt like satire. That they may be able to live that way too, at least through the holidays. So yes, yes. Yes.

Santa is real and important as well. It says that's insane. Yeah. Santa is just scrolled to look at it. Don't worry, because I was curious what was if something was wrong. And then you should and then you should and then you should and then you should scroll to see what ad was on my Quora.

It's like a car key, like an automatic car key, and it's in aluminum foil. And the key fob, and it says wrap your car keys in foil at night when alone. How come I never knew this? 2.5 K upvotes and it wants you to click bait. Oh my God. Put foil around your car keys.

What the fuck? Anyway, thank you for being here, everyone. It's been a delight. We appreciate you as always. And if you want. Not always. Well, not always, but most of the time I love you all Thanks for bearing with us. Yes. This was a good one

I if you you probably didn't notice cuz I cut it out, but I took a lot of time in the middle To go take a doctor's call so It's been a weird episode doctors orders doctor ordered me Doctor's orders. Doctor ordered me to get back to recording and finish strong for you all. It's me, I was the doctor. Yeah. I called him- She called me in the middle.

I called over and over as he was on the phone with Doctor and I said, this is your other doctor. Get back to the call. Anyway, thank you all for listening. What day is it? It's time for you to lay down. Almost birthday, I mean Christmas. Sorry, when's Christmas coming? sorry, when does this come out? I'm so worried about you!

What? This comes out the 18th, remember? It's just a week before Christmas. Happy birthday, Jess. Merry week before Christmas. Happy anniversary to us, I guess. Happy anniversary to us, six years. That's weird.

It's a long time. Thank you for being here. Beach you Sandy on social media. Bye. you