Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 32: Sporting Goods Stores in Anchorage, AK

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

We're bringing you another episode of Beach Too Sandy! We explore the sporting goods stores of Anchorage and get diplomatic about Alaskan weather. Then, Alex reads reviews written by the hardest criminals around: accidental thieves. Before we release our album of jump rope rhymes, enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, jimrsbjorklund, and tyops.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly welcome to beach to sandy water to wet a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. What's that about? You just sighed really loudly just before this. No, I didn't. Do you know why?

Why? Because I was just looking through the views and Stephanie said she doesn't like me because I sound too apathetic. Well, something to work on this episode. Alexander, I'm not apathetic. I just try to play along, like counterplay your, you know, vibe. Enthusiasm. Yeah, like I feel like if we're both, I don't know. Anyway, Stephanie hurt my feelings a little bit, but that's okay.

I'm going to try and learn from her critique. Perfect. That's what we're trying to do here at Beach 2 Sandy Water 2 Wet. Welcome. Welcome. No, the subject of her review was. I'm trying to move on from this. It was, I like Alex.

That's why I love Stephanie so much. Anyway. I like you too, Stephanie. Stephanie, I'm sorry that you don't really like me, but I like you. Okay. Welcome. We are here for episode 32. Two.

Two. We're a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Christine and I'm very apathetic I'm Alex and Stephanie likes me yeah so that's all you need to know if you guys are listening when this is released we're currently doing a little giveaway if you write us a five star review which is funny that Stephanie wrote a five star review

but said she didn't like me so spoiler alert Stephanie didn't win this week I'm sorry it had nothing to do with the whole apathetic thing we just had already picked a winner before can i call you that steph steph just kidding um so yeah we did pick a winner this week it was jordan thank you jordan at unkindled loser oh my i didn't say that sandy did so we we we sent him uh a dm hasn't gotten back to us but uh yep so he wants some merch from our store so if you guys are uh able to write us a five-star review on itunes we are picking one winner a week for the time being till the end of july and uh you could win something

cool yeah yeah i hear you have something else for me today. Oh, I do. This is something that I stumbled upon. It is not Stephanie's review, I promise. I'm dropping that right now. I'm dropping it. I don't believe you, but okay. I know you don't. But this is a review I stumbled upon. It is a five-star review, and the subject is is important review and i think it needs to be

shared well if it says important it's got to be important i agree one word smear campaign this entire podcast is a front to seek revenge for a legal business transaction that occurred nearly 20 years ago. Snorlax? Oh my god. More like Snoralex, am I right? You snooze, you lose. Literally. Despite attempts to drag my good name through the dirt with your so-called comedy, read slander, I remain strong. You think you've seen the last of me? Well, joke's on you because I'm going to listen to every single episode of this podcast to stay abreast of the propaganda you are spewing.

Everyone else should, too. Go eat a fat broccoli. Thank you and good day. Oh, no. Alyssa, I'm sorry. I think it's pretty clear what anonymous poster sent us that. Alyssa's still salty about the Snorlax call out that we did. And speaking of the Snorlax call out, while Alyssa is no longer my friend. At least you have Stephanie. Now I have Stephanie. But I also have another friend who goes by the name m also known as eek emily

on instagram not my m no not your m my m now we each have our own who sent me i'm not kidding you sent me a holographic snorlax oh so i am to be clear so happy it just came or i just got it at least to be clear and sent me a holographic snorlax to my PO box and it almost didn't get to you because I didn't put my name on it. But that's okay. Thank God because that would have been a tragedy. It honestly would have been. Like of epic proportion.

Yeah, almost as tragic as that time that Alyssa stole what was rightfully mine 20 years ago. Smear campaign. But I want to do a very special shout out to m who sent me that wonderful it's beautiful it's like in its own oh my god like laminated i don't think laminated does it justice it's like a nice card thing so it's protected i'll cherish it forever and i won't trade it for anything except maybe a holographic oddish oh my god if you trade it for another oddish i swear to god um so yeah i've been planning i want to take a nice picture with it and post it on our instagram or something but

this is i feel like we've all come full circle yep i i feel a lot better but i'm i still i'm a little mad at elisa okay so i uh i really have to tell you something that I've been meaning to tell you for a long time. So, right? What? The episode that when you talked about Alyssa stealing your Snorlax, or conning you, I guess is the right word. Thank you. Like, the day it was released, she ordered you a holographic Snorlax off eBay. She did not.

And, like, we waited for weeks, and then it got revoked. I don't know what snorlax she did not ebay and like we waited for weeks and then um it got revoked i don't know what happened but she's that mean i don't know she sent me a screenshot and it was it was somehow the the trade was or the purchase was canceled on ebay or something and so she was like devastated and was like now i have to figure out another way to get you one and then m came in clutch before alssa could. So, Alyssa tried. No, Alyssa, thank you so much. Oh, my God. I had no idea.

I was so excited for that to arrive. But instead, Alyssa just wrote about a smear campaign. We were holding against her. So, it's okay. But I said that. She tried to take the high road. She tried. It was revoked.

The universe was like, not for you. So, she took the low road. Yeah. You got to pick one or the other. Yeah. Well so she took the low road yeah you gotta pick one or the other yeah well i took the low road by smearing her but m came in came through thank you m thank you so much oh my god that's funny all right uh cool so i guess this week our theme was sporting goods stores in anchorage alaska i guess it was what was our challenge your challenge the challenge was to find a review that includes a claim of accidental theft by the reviewer.

Oh, yeah, I like that. And ideally a low rating, a negative review. Okay, perfect. So I found a couple of each. Oh, great. Awesome. I didn't know how that would go. It went actually pretty well.

Great. I was happy with that challenge, really happy. So let's hear what you have for sporting goods stores in Anchorage. So let's hear what you have for sporting goods stores in Anchorage. Okay, so this first one is of REI, you know, good old co-op with tents and stuff. I know REI. I have a review or two from them. Great. So this is Jeremy's review. It's one star. Second attempt in the past month to get a few small items. Today, just the one item.

After perusing for 35 min or so, I make it to the checkout line, and lo and behold, for the second time in a row, there are no less than 30 people in line, and two, I say again, two cashiers open. It's not that I don't have time to wait in line. It's the principle. That, should I really wait in line for one lousy item?

And for the second time the answer is no you have no excuse rei end of review jesus i just feel like this embodies like it's not that i don't have time to wait in line my favorite part was the i say again it reminded me of like a martin luther king jr speech on a much smaller scale maybe a little smaller tiny bit smaller yeah um i just love the people when they're like it's the principle of it yeah it's not even a real problem in my life it's just by the way they spelled principal as in high school principal so there's that you know that just makes me love them love their review a little bit more getting close inching toward that martin luther king jr yep level it's the principle of

it it's the principle of the thing principle of rei all right what's your what's your first one uh also of rei oh great from kyle the one star review so the outdoors are supposed to be shared by all but because i use the right to defend myself from bears and people with the intent to harm me, I'm looked down on by staff members? I thought diversity was celebrated in our culture, but not if I want to carry a gun, I guess. Got to love hypocrisy. I will still go there to try on gear and equipment,

but only to make sure it works and fits so I can buy it online from a retailer who respects my rights and reads and understands the Constitution. I mean, I know it doesn't have pictures, so it may be hard for some people to read, but there is help out there for those people. End of review. So...

Oh my god! I believe this is in reference to REI not selling guns anymore. No, you think? Something just kind of struck me that way. Right? To bear arms against bears. I don't know. I don't know. I just, wow. Yeah, and apparently there's something with them dropping a supplier of outdoor gear because it also makes guns.

So, they're just like oh i i also really enjoy when they get very vague and talk about quote unquote the principle of the thing without like explaining what happened yeah so you're left to wonder like what was that exchange um also i like that they said they're limiting their business uh interactions to people who uh who the Constitution, which is such a strange criteria to have. As if REI not selling guns or using suppliers that sell guns, as if that has anything to do with them not understanding the Constitution. As if they're like, oh, I don't get what this says, so I'm going to go ahead and not sell guns. They didn't draw me're like oh i don't get what this says so i'm gonna go ahead and not sell it they didn't draw me a picture i don't get it it wasn't on um schoolhouse rock there was there was no sparks notes um i really also like that we're going back to the martin luther king jr i thought we celebrate diversity in this could you imagine

that that's what your thought of diversity is like Whether or not you own a gun? Like, oh, I'm a gun owner, so I am diverse? So I'm in that picture where all the little children are holding hands around the globe, but I have a gun in one hand. Gun held up to one of the children's heads. Okay. Oh my, that was a wild ride. Could you imagine Schoolhouse Rock with guns? Yes. Yeah, me too.

And it's a pretty sight. That's coming up. YouTube channel next week. TM, TM, TM. Okay, I have a one-star review also of REI again. This one's by Betty. Quote, Outdoorsy Alaskan for dummies and first stop for noobs on their way to ocean fest

ocean fest is some sort of fest by the ocean thank you it's either by on top of regarding the ocean okay yeah how better to express your sporty lifestyle than by buying into the slick, prepackaged REI image? Nice carabiner, dude. Wait, that's the problem she has with people who have carabiners? Nice carabiner, dude. Hope you don't run into a mountain on your way to Calati's. That's a local coffee shop. Oh, God.

Probably for hipsters, I think is what they're insinuating. With carabiners. Oh, my. It's not even Starbucks. Like, they couldn't even say, on your way to Starbucks. Give a nice shout out to local businesses. Nice carabiner, dude. God.

Oh, was that it? Yes. Oh, my God. Anyway. I don't get it. I don't know. A carabiner is very useful. I'm just going to say that.

Multiple things. Hope you don't run into a mountain. You know what also about REI for some reason this reminded me? Those little tents that they have. What little tents? Like the display tents. So they have the tent that you, like they tell you what tent and the price. Like a life-size tent.

But it's, no, it's like a miniature version of the real tent they're adorable that's so cute they're adorable can i buy that no oh no but i would like to me too yeah so send us a nice miniature tent if you have access to those you are asking for so much of these people uh okay i do have another review of REI. Oh my goodness. Okay, let's go. It's from Tamara. It's a one-star review. Normally, I would give five stars for REI. I have done

a lot of shopping here and online for years. April 30th, 2018. I went to REI in Anchorage to buy a bicycle. The sale man would not allow me to try a bicycle. I needed a small frame and I wanted to try both extra small and small frame bike to see which bike would be the best since I'm five foot three. It was very hard to get on the bicycle while they

are cabled up. I couldn't get up on it. Stop. Yes, stop, tomorrow's soft drive. I'm literally addressing tomorrow right now. The sail man told me I'm not allowed to get up on the bicycle because if I fall off, he would get in trouble. I'm picturing her having climbed up like three, like it's up on a display, and she's climbed up like the scaffolding. The scaffolding.

She's like, it's a little difficult to get on this bike. He also stated, they don't carry my bike size frame. There was a size S and XS frame on the rack. When he told me they don't have a bike for me, as I'm looking at all these bicycles, I told him, that hard to believe. He told me to buy a bicycle from another store. So I did. I went to the bicycle shop across the street. They suggest I take the bicycle out in the parking lot to ride,

and the sail man adjusted the seat to make sure everything was okay and that the bicycle was a good size. I tried out both extra small and small size frames, and the size small worked great. both extra small and small size frames, and the size small worked great. Not only did I buy a bicycle that I like, I saved over $300 from REI price. Blah! On you, REI, you lost a sale.

Tamara. I'm startled. End of review. I'm startled. What was that? Blah. B-L-A-H. Oh my, that shocked me a little bit. Yeah.

Love a good sail man, though. A good sail man. I love, love, love, love Tamara going up to good sail man a good sail man i love love love love tomorrow going up to the sail man and screaming blah do you know she's five foot three do you know she's not a very good climber apparently she's pretty okay she's better than she had further than i would i love how they suggested she go to another store which is maybe kind of helpful be like hey we don't have anything for you here but maybe go to another store, which is maybe kind of helpful. Be like, hey, we don't have anything for you here, but maybe go to another store. And then she was like, so I did.

She's like, blah! As if that hurt them. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think they cared. It's a very large, large chain. Yes. Very slick, prepackaged.

Yeah. Nice carabiner. And it does bother me a little bit. And by a little bit, i mean a lot of it that they were like normally i'd give five stars shop all the time online love it it's so perfect except for this one time when i tried climbing up on a bike right i couldn't also normally i give five stars i've never given five stars yeah no yeah but normally i would it wasn't like an edited yeah exactly like an updated review oh my oh tomorrow well um much like tomorrow we are

leaving rei okay to go elsewhere thank goodness where are we going granny's guns and loan yes please wait guns and loan yeah what more would you need in life? Nothing. Wow. Maybe a miniature bicycle. This came up, I guess I dived in sporting goods on Yelp and many gun shops came up. So, very sporty. This is called Granny's Guns and Loan.

This is a one-star review by TH. I'm rating this one star because Yelp will not let me rate it zero stars. Over the last two years, I've struggled to give this new gun shop a few different tries, and every time I go in there ready to buy, Barry, the owner, that must be granny, lets me down with either poor customer service with a dickhead attitude, lying about a firearm, and he is massively overpriced. Once a car salesman, always a car salesman. Also, this guy literally was a car salesman, the owner. Granny. Granny.

Granny Berry. Granny Berry was a car salesman. That sounds like quite a jump rope rhyme. Granny Berry was a car salesman so and now he just sells guns how many clicks will it take okay sorry uh okay what russian roulette so so granny berry was a car salesman and a lot of people um in the reviews mention this which apparently is like locally like a known thing and they use it against him it's like like wanted posters or something like it's like beware like granny berry was a car salesman oh it's whispers

on the street berry's wife on the other hand Is that Gramps? Oh that's I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm being really annoying Barry's wife on the other hand Is very pleasant to deal with And fair with her Quote unquote Deals

But she runs a tight ship And has little time For the usual Quote Gun shop chit chat That most of us Alaskans Are used to You know

What? You know No What? You know. No, I don't. Gunshop Chit Chat. That's my other, that's my new album. Yeah. Yep. Of jump rope rhymes.

It's like the We Sing album. Remember that? No. W-E-E, Wee Sing. It was like a kid's tape I had when I was little. Good times. Anyway. On a few occasions, I've gone in window shopping and I've found something I like and want to look at,

and some jackass behind the counter says, Are you going to buy it or just finger fuck it? Jesus. This is not how Alaskans do business. Especially the gun business i will never buy a firearm from barry for the rest of my life nor will i ever send any of my students to his shop for a second i'm like wait i found out he's a firearms instructor i hope so yes at first i was like uh-oh i was like i don't know alaska very

well so if i could be around the local middle school yeah don't go to gramps don't go to granny for your gun needs nor will i ever send any of my students to a shop in fact i'll make it a point to tell my students to avoid granny's guns again never buy guns from a former used car dealer. End of review. Jeez. They really don't like car dealers up there, huh? No, it's kind of a downer for Granny. Yeah. Gets a lot of flack for it.

I love how they kept saying, like, that's not how Alaskans do this. Like, this person knows exactly how every alaskan does business or should do business yes although i agree i wouldn't want um a cashier at a gun a gun store to say that to me so and also like i if i'm buying a gun i want to have some gun shop chit chats just part of the it's an exchange yeah that's what i pay for That's what I pay for I've got a quick one here of Cabela's Oh nice From Carla One star

The store stunk so bad we had to leave End of review Oh no You know like all those deer Carcasses Probably got really hot somehow Shoot They were all decomposing really

quick or something oh shoot the ac went out again in alaska oh no oh no yeah true i don't know they probably have somewhat normal weather i mean no no but i mean like they probably have hot days too are you trying to be diplomatic about alaskan weather i don't because i'm always like i don't want people to tell me how alaskan weather is oh so i'm worried if i say something they're gonna be like we have weather idiot so i'll just say it myself that's not how we do weather here okay i have a review now from cheryl and it is of pablo's bicycle rental oh more bikes it's a one-star review better not make the owner mad because he has his employees slash your tires

very poor business ethics and a review what like some gang running this bike shop i just like that they're like that's pretty poor business ethics in my book you slash my tire that's not how alaskans do business especially apparently it is how alaskans do business it seems like this was not even a big deal oh yeah that's true uh boy well sorry to hear that cheryl yeah that sucks to be fair like with no tires on your car you might as well rent more bikes maybe that's the idea that's probably what they're going at going for kind of like that move it's kind of smart power move power move from pablo pablo's power move i'm sorry. Okay, I have another one from Cabela's. Great.

One star from Mr. Edge. I went into this location looking for a good backcountry carry firearm. After waiting for quite a while within the firearms department, nobody came around to help any of the other 12 people standing within the same area. On my way out, I ran into a gentleman who looked like he was visually and mentally suffering from Down syndrome. He told me that this is the way it normally is, and this is the way it will be. This is not a place I would go to spend your money. End of review.

What? Mm-hmm. Yeah. What was the first part again? Nothing that special. It was just saying that they were waiting for a while in the firearms department. Nobody helped them. Oh my god.

And there were 12 other people standing there who weren't being helped either. What a... Yeah. It went from zero to 100 real quick. That made me really unhappy. Yeah, it's a very unhappy one. I didn't like that very much. No, me neither.

Mr. Edge. Mr. Edge needs to fucking tone it down. But the good thing is they included a picture in their review of the outside of the Cabela's. Oh, thank God. It's literally just a picture of the front of the store. That really clarifies a lot for me. Thank you. Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Yeah, people aren't very nice. Also, when they're like, i included a picture it's like well maybe of the line of people like something beneficial for whatever and like the way that employee responded of like oh that's just the way it is like maybe it's really busy or something i mean i don't know maybe he just is looking to get his tires slashed. He should go to Pablo's. Okay. Now I have another gun shop. Thank goodness. It's called Wild West Guns.

And this is a one-star review by Koi. Not the right mood for a gun shop. End of review. Not enough chit-chat. There is a lot of nuance going on in these gun shop reviews. Honestly, I think we need to actually go visit some ourselves to get a better understanding. I think not. You think not?

I think no. Okay. I think big fat no. Shoot, you're right. We haven't read the Second Amendment with the pictures yet. I haven't read the Constitution. I need to watch some Schoolhouse Rock before we go anywhere. Okay.

You ready for a redemption? Oh, yes, please. This is a four-star review of The Hoarding Marmot. I saw that place. By Teresa. O-M-G. O-M-G. I really hate whatever you're doing in this space.

I'm starting over because you interrupted me. No, I'm sooner. OMG. OMG. These cats are on to something. Outdoor clothing. Gear. Shoes at reasonable prices.

No junk. Used, yes, but not junk. End of review. Oh my god. This person's wearing a fedora. Do you like my jazz voice? I don't like it. That's not what that is. I don't like it one bit.

These cats are on to something. What does that mean? This person's wearing a keyboard shirt. You know, one of those keyboard satin shirts? What? No no i'm not familiar it's i made it up in my brain but it's a satin shirt with keyboard on it piano keyboard piano keyboard okay oh yeah not a computer keyboard either way i'm a piano keyboard and a fedora okay and a tie that doesn't match oh for sure it has music notes on it okay anyway i think i've had that music teacher before super thrilled that you did a redemption because now i have another

one-star review so yeah ruin it for us bringing down the mood again this is a one-star review by t of great northern guns inc so we have western guns now we have northern guns if zero stars were an option i would put that whoever lets that soon to be coronary artery disease having fat piece of shit work there needs to have his head checked i walked in with 10k in cash knowing exactly what items i wanted to buy and knowing they had all five firearms i took a few minutes to glance around the store, seeing if anything else would catch my eye. When the fat boy decided I had looked around long enough, said, telling me what you are looking for is easier than looking. I replied, I'm looking just to look. He replied, this is not a museum, it is a business. I gave him a smile and walked out with my 10k in cash. I spend between $10,000 and $20,000 in firearms, ammo, parts, every single year.

But never again will that money be spent here thanks to that fat boy. Once I hear news that he is fired, I might think about going back and a review. Jesus, I'm sweating so much. I know, that was terrible. What? That was terrible. I just got a very beautiful redemption. I'm so sorry. this i'm sweating so much i know that was terrible what why that was terrible i just got a very beautiful redemption so sorry and you give us the worst one i'm so sorry these cats

don't know what they're on to uh there were a lot of reviews of this place about the same guy oh really so the guy was the result negative apparently has said some pretty nasty stuff to people okay okay but it's still the most inappropriate thing ever. That's not, that doesn't make that okay. It does not. It absolutely does not. But a lot of people said pretty nasty things about him. They were like, some of them were literally like,

I hope his arteries clog forever or something. Jesus. And then I'll go back. I was like, that is so not okay. People are weird about stores.'re like yes like it drives them to the point of like wanting people dead yes it's insane honestly yelp rage shopping yelp rage is a very real thing that i just trademarked i love shopping do you yeah i've had bad experiences right we all have but i wouldn't want anyone dead some people right some people just can handle them a little better i think some people just

go home and complain and then drop it some people go on the internet and release their violent rage it's like when we just had that recent bad lyft driver oh my goodness and i was like i'm to do three stars because I have a podcast where I make fun of people who do one stars. I'm very hesitant. I don't think I've ever get, I mean, unless it's very warranted, which sometimes it is. Yeah. We've both driven for Lyft before and it's pretty big deal to get a one star review. Yes. So you need to really fuck something up. Yeah. Um, okay. Anyway. Are we ready for my challenge? Oh, I'm so ready.

Okay. So, again, my challenge was to find a review that includes a claim of accidental theft by the reviewer. I'm so excited. So, I've got a few. I've got a few for us. First one is a two-star review of Ann Arbor Summer Festival. Ann Arbor, Michigan. Okay.

This is by Lindsay.bor, Michigan. Okay. This is by Lindsay. Oh man, okay. White people from the suburbs out on the town. Yeah. I was gonna stop. What? I need to take a breath. Okay, you can resume. No, seriously, this was actually a kind of funny place to take out-of-state friends in an ironic way. Horrible cover band, lots of old white men dancing, complete disorganization, and 13-year-old volunteers on their cell phones running everything. We accidentally stole some barbecue dinner from a private party that was running right next to the beer tasting. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

And then got bitched out by a woman who looked like Kim Mathers even after we immediately apologized and opened our wallets. Oh, and speaking of the beer tasting, all the guys working there were drinking Miller Lite. It was that bad. And $15. Yeah, the festival is free, but to actually do anything, you're going to pay twice what you should.

In two words, pure Michigan. End of review. I don't really know what was going on there that's not very nice no this person's kind of mean right yeah yeah like in judgy very judgy oh yeah like it just like makes me really nervous very high horsey you know you know but a classic high horser classic high horsey on her bicycle she climbed up three three stories um oh no that that made me like really anxious because i feel like that person's gonna judge me and like i feel like this is the kind of person that everyone has met oh totally and has experienced just let me let them have their miller light yeah i know right alone i like miller i know like me a good banana beer

sorry what tastes like banana it does yeah oh really to me i didn't know that um my next one is a review by steph three stars of a 7-eleven in lawndale california meh like any other old 7-eleven except at this one i've successfully accidentally stolen iced coffee and it's pretty ghetto because of the crack heads or bums that always sit outside. End of review. Ah! Ah! I have successfully accidentally... Accidentally. So have you unsuccessfully accidentally stolen something? Because I want to hear more about that. Yeah. Also, don't fucking insult a place and then just take shit from...

Yeah. But I love how it was a three-star review. It's like middle of the road. This is just like their average 7-Eeleven experience is bad terrible what's wrong with people i don't know i don't know okay my next one is of black and blue steakhouse in vancouver canada we're going all over the place oh International. Oh my. This is by Mihai. Okay. Three stars.

When we came in, we explicitly told the greeter that we came for steak. She adamantly insisted on sitting us upstairs, which, although the patio was nice, has a different menu from downstairs and really only one option for steak. We asked to move downstairs and were told it was too full. So, off to a bad start. I'm already trying to imagine how they stole a steak from the upstairs of this restaurant. Okay, go on. Anyway, we decided to suck it up and got that one option. It was pretty expensive and, although not bad,

nothing that you can't get at the keg for quite a bit less, and it took more than half an hour to come out. Overall, with appetizers and a drink, I ended up paying $100 for an average dinner for two that we didn't really want. I wanted to give this place two stars, but the waiter was very friendly, and at the end of the night, realized i had accidentally stolen his pen and it's a pretty excellent pen which i still use to this day so three stars end of review dot they added a star for the pen yes for the accidentally accidentally stolen pen that is pretty good stop honestly from my perspective whatever it takes to add stars i'm here for it that restaurant just gonna start giving away pins i know right this is so this is why review is just i can't wrap my head around it yeah i know this means nothing to me yeah none of that means anything

yeah okay but it's just funny they're like, we were forced to sit upstairs. But the downstairs was full. So presumably they didn't have, like, a reservation or anything and just came at a busy time. But they insisted they wanted steak. Yeah. So they should have made room. You're right. They should have asked around. Are you insisting that you need steak?

No? You're going upstairs. Move someone else up, you know? I don't understand. I don't get it. I have one more for us. Okay. This is a review of Kauai Mini Golf and Botanical Gardens.

Oh, I'm excited. Titled Fancy Mini Golf. It's a five-star review from Yeva. Yeva? I don't know. On a rainy winter day, this place was a real delight. The course was pretty easy, but fun and absolutely educational. We went there with our toddler who was given a little plastic cub, and it probably saved us from having to leave before time.

They also gave us an umbrella. Also, we accidentally stole one of your balls. The orange one. Hope it was not your favorite. End of review. Oh, that was kind of a cute one. Oh, I

like to picture the little kid just walked away with his little orange ball. Yeah, I loved it. I wanted something lighthearted to end our little journey on. I like that. Yeah, it was nice huh that was cute all right but i'm wondering how this golf course was educational i guess the botanical gardens that's where that comes in i'm picturing like they have like course pros there like teaching you

well yeah you know that creepy thing where they wrap your their arms around you and they have like course pros there like teaching you well yeah you're doing that creepy thing where they wrap your their arms around you and they're like here put like this that you see on like yeah that thing the bachelor and stuff i don't know what are those shows where they oh like next on mtv remember that one oh my god show that's the thing where they're like oh we're gonna go to the driving range that's the educational golf show you're talking about? Well, I'm talking about that creepy thing. I know. They're like, oh, let me show you how to swing the club.

Wink, wink. Yeah. Let me show you how to. That sounds definitely like Sing Off the Bachelor. I'm thinking even lower. Oh, boy. All right. Cool.

That was really good. That was really good. That was really good. Good is one word. No, I know. I felt pretty good about finding those. Like, it was pretty easy. I enjoyed it, too. Oh, my.

All right. So, before we reveal the theme and challenge for next week. Yes. I'm just going to say, check out our website, beach2sandy.com. We also have a YouTube channel all sorts of social media and we sell merch at shop.spreadshirt.com slash beach2sandy

that's right and we love you and also we do love you and also leave us a review if you want it really helps us a lot we're trying to do our little giveaway so that we can get some little bit of traction on iTunes

so if you like the show that would be much appreciated and thanks to everyone our little giveaway so that we can get some little bit of traction on iTunes. Absolutely. So if you like the show, that would be much appreciated. And thanks to everyone who's already done that and continues to do that. Correct. Thank you very much. They're really fun to read. Yeah.

Okay, cool. So I guess now we... Reveal the theme and challenge. Okay. So we have something a little special for next week's theme. Cassie is a $ 30 patron on our patreon and uh because cassie donated that to us they got to pick a theme for us to do so cassie has chosen a special theme for us and that theme is bars in columb Ohio. Absolutely. Renee, are you listening?

We especially love that because that means, and that's Cassie's hometown. That's right. Cassie says, I'd love to hear some bar reviews because the bars there, especially on campus, are notoriously insane. And for those of you who don't know, LSU, Ohio State University, is in Columbus. And yes, I have partied there. By partied, I mean I drank a little bit and then Renee stole some Windex from a Mexican restaurant. And drank it? No.

Oh, good. Okay. I wasn't sure where that was going. Not quite accidentally like some of these reviewers. Well, I'll try to find that restaurant and find that mention of the... What was it? Windex. that mention of the what was it a windex find mention of the windex girl oh boy um anyway thank you cassie for your kind support of our show thank you for uh your kind email about garlic fries and i'm really excited about this theme i'm excited

too it's also close to where we're from, so. Exactly. So that's kind of a special theme for us. Close to our hearts. So do we have a challenge? I'm going to use a jar. What? You're giving me a look. I don't know how hard this one's going to be, but I love it. What is it?

Find a review in which the reviewer claims to be a spy. Stop it. Oh, I'm so excited. Wait, this is so fun. Yeah, I figured. I love that. All right. I'm ready.

I'm going to do it. Okay, good. Oh, my God. Okay, perfect. So, thanks to Kelly, Nurse Kelly and James. Yeah, Kelly and James. And Cassie. You guys are doing a hard job for us. I love it. Kelly, James, and Cassie, and James. Yeah, Kelly and James. And Cassie, you guys are doing a hard job for us.

I love it. Kelly, James, and Cassie, thank you. And thank you, Jordan, for that review that got you your merch. And thanks, Stephanie. And Stephanie for your review, despite the way it made Christina feel over there. I'm too sensitive. We all know that. It made me feel real good.

Despite being apparently too apathetic, I'm also too sensitive. I can't find a good balance. No. This isn't a very balanced duo dynamic not at all okay all right thanks guys for listening and uh we'll we'll talk to you in our um between you and us episode that's coming out oh true this coming monday and then we'll see you next week for episode 33 bye guys bye