Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 321: Reviews of Health Food Stores

Episode Date: January 22, 2025

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or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Music Music

Music Music Hello and welcome to Beach 2 Sandy Water Touette. It's a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandy. I'm XTeen. I feel like we're a little off kilter. You're shorter than me today. I think.

Oh, do you need me to go up in my chair? Only if it does the, there it goes. Yeah, that feels right. See, now we're equal, equidistant. Laterally. I can't see myself, so I'll take your word for it. Okay, now I can. And longitudinally also.

Good, we're on the same longitude and latitude for once. Finally. Finally. Well, Alexander has decided he's gonna be the messenger today and say a bunch of things. So I'm just going to open the floor up for you. Welcome into the stage our Intrepid co-host, my Intrepid co-host.

The intro was great at the end, but at the beginning when you're like, he's going to just say a bunch of things. I know. Then I realized that like if there's an audience in front of me and I need to be nicer So yeah, I called you a trippet. That was as best as I'm gonna get well. Hello audience I have an update for you on my life quick That's months in the making so in August D and I broke up what Such a dick in September I realized I was bisexual. What?

Oh, sorry. No, that one was obvious. That was me? That one I knew before you did. That's probably true. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I know.

I know. We did talk about that. How it's like we both were like, oh yeah, in hindsight, huh? It makes a lot of sense. Let's just put it that way. Yeah. It makes a lot of sense that we'd push it down so much given our up our upbringing. But anyway, yeah, I realized that which was really cool. And then the biggest announcement of all is I'm coming back to streaming today.

So if you're listening to this, the day it comes out, I plan to stream later today. I told him the third is definitely the clincher. The first two pieces of news, take it or leave it. That third piece though, bam, that's where you, yes you really hooked them. That's the one that matters. Yeah, that's the, if you forget everything, just don't forget that.

Just the fact that I'm streaming today, that's the only, yeah, so anyway. I'm assuming that means the day this comes out. The day this comes out, which is the 22nd. For a brief moment, I thought I had to let you down. Okay, so, because I'm assuming that means the day this comes out the day this comes out, which is a 20-second for a brief moment I thought I had to let you down Okay, so because I'm busy today, so I would have oh darn able to attend. Thank you so much Sandy for your bravery It's so big of you to come and speak for speak for other

So anyway, let me start over. You knew I was announcing this and you're like, look how prepared she was. Two seconds, to be fair. OK, let me say this. That's true, actually. It's about time that my white male co-host steps it up in the diversity game. White cis male.

So that's what I said last week. I was editing and I said white cis male and I didn't say straight white male like I normally did or something like that. Yeah, okay. I stopped calling myself straight the that. Yeah, okay. I stopped calling myself straight the last six months, you'll notice.

Remember that time I did and then I said, oh fuck, now you have to delete that. Oh, oh, but that moment, yeah. I literally didn't say that once and then I went, wait, shit, I'm not allowed to say that anymore. Like actually, Christina. It's actually making my life really difficult. So anyway, the reason I'm announcing all of this

is because then I can like, I feel like it's now move forward as this version of me, if that makes sense. Yes, of course it makes sense. And now that you're streaming, we can all. Yeah. And I needed these months, you know, it was a good productive, not always good six, seven months, whatever. But yeah, now I'm streaming again. I'm not committing to a period of growth. I'm not committing to anything except having fun on stream with y'all if anyone's still around to hang out there. So yeah twitch.tv slash Zandi Schafer. I'll announce it in the discord too. Anyway it's fun. So yeah and also the the whole the whole gayness

the bisexuality bit I wanted to announce from one main reason. So I am thrilled to now unlock a lot more humor because I can be gay about things. Oh shit that's exciting. It's like unlocks a new a new thing so I can use a new new slur. I won't do that. Cool, okay, let's unpack that. Hang on, actually let's not. Let's pack it back up and add more tape to it. I did wanna add that this is, you know, you took something away from me,

which was that angle of comedy where I got to be the gayest one on the show. And now I feel like you've kind of co-opted that. Yeah, so I mean it's fine and I'm like happy for you. However. But I did something to you with this. However, it's at my cost, it's a cost to me is what I'm trying to say.

Nope, it's about time you pay up is what I'm thinking. That is fair. Anyway, we have an episode about health food stores. Oh boy, Alexander, I don't know if I, I know I have, but it's been a long time since I've brought this many fucking reviews to an episode. Like I'm out of control today because I only used a couple emails, but like everything was so good

because my challenge also was that reviewers saying they could have died, like in an exaggerated way where like most likely they wouldn't have. That was from Ellie. And I need to tell you that like, I had to narrow it down so drastically, but I still have like eight reviews. Yeah, it's just, yes, because people are so,

wouldn't you know it, dramatic. And I don't know anything about how they got that way because I'm very down to earth. I'm excited. So do you have a lot in the first one as well? I do, I couldn't. Let's just go ahead. Once it started rolling,

there's something about health food stores too that bring out the nutters. Oh, for sure. Do you know who sent this in by the way? No. Matia, I think, M- an ATIA. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean no, like, no, I meant like, I thought you were asking me like. I don't know. I didn't know.

I reacted in a way that it didn't come across the way that I intended for it to come across. I didn't mean to sound affronted that that I didn't know the person's name. Yes, Matia, I believe. And then Ellie sent the challenge. Thank you for reminding me. to come across. I didn't mean to sound affronted that that I didn't know the person's name. Yes, Matia, I believe. And then Ellie sent the challenge. Thank you for reminding me. I thought you were like, my first review is from Matias. No, no, no. Okay. I just wanted to bring that up. And I got very defensive for some unknown reason. Again, I'm very down to earth. So I don't know how that could have happened. Okay, so health food stores. I'm really excited about this. This one is from Izzy, they them.

It's a review of a place in Tucker, Georgia called Mother Nature's Market. And I need you to know I brought three from this email from Izzy because I just, a place called Mother Nature's Market, you know, it's just gonna have some kooky reviews. Here is the first one I bring you by Paul Three Stars. Mother who? What happened to Kroger's? End of review. And then the owner responded, I can only assume Mother Nature herself

responded, thanks for stopping by. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I understand your post. Oh, so it wasn't even that like, okay. I thought they'd say Croaker closed down and we took over in that building. No, it's like they just said, oh, but I should have added, oh no, this isn't Georgia. I have some in Kentucky as well

and people really don't understand when it's like, it's like, have you ever seen that film? It's pretty obscure, 2001, A Space Odyssey. Where that- I did in religion class. Yeah, I did too many times in religion class. 2010 of the did too, many times in religion class. And 2010, the year we made contact. Right, yes. My god, it's full of stars. I feel like I say how often enough that it's clear that I've seen at least part of this

film. But it's like when that big monolith comes down, you know, appears. Yeah, good times. Monkeys going crazy. Oh my god, going nutto. That is what it feels like in Lexington, Kentucky when they got Whole Foods and everyone was like, what the fuck is this? So I'll get to that later. But that it

feels like the same vibe in Georgia where they're like, mother what? They're like, mother what? Where's my croaker? What the fuck? Where's Walmart? Oh my God. And I live in Kentucky. Okay, so that's I'm not listen, it's self slander. All right. I'm allowed to say it. You are. So I have one from Mattia, she sent it in, and she said she used to, no longer, so I felt comfortable sharing it. And the reason why she suggested this theme was because she used to work for Mom's Organic Market, or MOMS for sure. That's cute. It's like a Whole Foods but only sells organic produce and focuses

on more eco-friendly products and business practices. Just like Whole Foods does. Exactly the same sure. Especially Whole Foods corporate. That's why I bring my Amazon returns. And then and she said I have never seen such wild reviews in her grocery career than like at moms. And what's funny is she was the third email that I found with reviews of moms. Like it wasn't even the first one I saw. And so I'd, these different reviews for moms.

And then she came in and was like, by the way, I suggested this because of the moms reviews. I'm like, well. Oh my God, so everybody was already on the way I suggested this because of the moms reviews. Oh my god so everybody was already on that page. Is this a chain? It is a chain. Oh okay. Yeah it's like an east coast chain so I think the ones that I have are in Maryland and DC.

Okay. I was probably way too broke to shop there when I lived in the area so I'm sure I never then. That's probably what it was. Here's a two star review of moms. I always go to moms, but if you want me to be healthy, please tell your subsidiaries to not leave fingernails in the tabooly. Disgusting. Like, if that turns into an employee training video of how to not get fingernails in the tabooly. If that gets into my Lebanese book, I don't know what I don't know what

to do. Like that is cutting things like how what would you say to your employees? Don't put fingernail like it should be there are, by the way, what they say subsidiaries. So there's tell your subsidiaries. I don't know if that means employees. I'm assuming that means like where they like get their taboo Lee from oh, I tell them that they should stop putting it's like Why don't you tell them if you're on this mission? and you're the only one who seems to care everybody else doesn't mind all the fingernails in their taboo Lee, but That's absolutely foul and like I'm sure it's not true. Sorry. I'm not sure it's not true. That's not fair I'm not sure it's not true

But I'm saying I suppose there might be other possibilities of things that you could consider maybe a sliver of something that's does feel feels tenuous so specific Yeah, that it's like, and the way that fingernails arrive anywhere is so specific that I feel like being in fully is their method of transport is just one and done. Yeah. I will say if this did happen to me

and if this did happen to this person, I agree. Disgusting. Fucking foul. Let's hope not. Let's hope. I live in a world where this person is just loony and this never happened, but it's only for my own safety. Oh, I forgot to add, Matias said,

oh, they have a strict policy about fingernails and they go around cutting employees fingernails if they're too long So maybe that's what happened At moms, I'm just kidding. Oh my lord. I was like, wait a minute Wait a minute. They make you cut your fingernails at the store like no fucking wonder I take it all back That would have been too crazy, you know And you know why I believe that folks it's because we went to a private school, a private Catholic school where they would do shit like this and then you look

back and you go, I mean not that specifically. I was going to say, us going to a Catholic school meant we didn't know how the world worked. Well also there's that because our world worked so not the right way and I feel like yeah they would go around like I mean the usual like measuring our skirts like feel like, yeah, they would go around, I mean, the usual, measuring our skirts, how many inches, and then they would literally sometimes, one teacher had a sewing kit and she would undo to lengthen your skirt.

I mean, so I'm not saying that we cut our fingernails at school, I'm just saying it wouldn't be the most shocking thing. I was one of the best students because I always wore my shorts down below my knees. I refused to show my knees. It wasn't cool. That's right.

And you sacrificed so much for that. Popularity, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners in general. Oh, yeah, true. Anyway, here's our view. This is what? What a callback already. Thanks. I'm practicing.

It's a new... You've really thrown me into a shark-infested pool here where I need to I need to learn to swim on my own, you know, that's the idea That's kind of what I'm taking. That's what I did with Leona. Oh, I didn't tell you that. Oh, is that where she's been? I haven't I didn't know. Yeah, she called me and it sounded like she was riding a shark Wow Yesterday she's not got so mad at me Yeah. Wow. Yesterday she got so mad at me. She called me and it sounded like she was writing a short. I just had to repeat that. Okay.

Yesterday she said to me, I need to go get a poofy. And I said, what? She said, poofy, a poofy. And I was like, what the hell? And she got so mad. And she goes, it's strawberry and I drink it from a straw. Smoothie. Smoothie.

And I said, oh dear. And I knew I would bring that up because a lot of these reviews mentioned smoothies because actually not a lot of these, but a lot of the ones I read because it's just health food stores love their smoothies. There's their smoothies. Okay, so this is another one of Mother Nature's Market, which not to be confused with mom's, there's smoothies. Okay, so this is another one of Mother Nature's Market,

which not to be confused with Moms, this is M&M's, M&M's I guess. M&M's, mm-hmm. In Tucker, Georgia. And here, this was sent in by Izzy. And this is a review, it's four stars by Jackie. Health food store, they have any herb you want. If it, your legs, feet, arm, any part where you may need herbal

tea, they got something for whatever you have. Coughing, they got it. And if they don't have, they will order it. Joint pain, they got something for it. Just ask them. They tell you cough drop, they will let you know what they have and it will help. End of review.

All what's said- Weirdly helpful for not making much sense. Yeah, all what's said is I will say also most of the words as the review went on were misspelled more egregiously. And so, but I didn't read it that way because I know that that wasn't the intention but I feel it's worth pointing out. They were getting sleepy or something.

Like it felt like they were starting to like, yeah, doze off during the review. Cause really most, the last few words, like nothing spelled correctly. And it feels like maybe they took something from Mother Nature. I don't know what it is but something. These herbs are making me feel my body my leg arms legs toes fingers. Can you imagine going to the store and then like I need some herbal tea. Okay what are you looking for specifically? I'm looking for some tea for my arm. What do you mean? Like your legs, feet, arm, any part where you need herbal tea? Hey. Sure. Maybe it helps. Inflammation. It might help with inflammation. Maybe your arm's inflamed. Of the arm, yeah. Inflammation of the arm. You know what they call that.

It's so common. Yeah. Do you know what they call that? It's so common. You know what they call that? It's so common. Yeah. You know what they call that? Yes. Bicycle. Bicep.

Pump. Well, you got it. Okay. Next is a review of Mom's Organic Market in DC. This is sent in by Abby. This is a one-star review. And this reviewer has thoughts on, um, Mattia, I'll say. Oh, as an employee. Here we go. Mom's Organic Market are programmers. They put ideas in the mind of employees.

They tell you that Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and even, yes, organic market are the worst. This is how they attempt to make you moms compliant. If you do not like moms and purchase things from another competitor, they will write you up and make you watch the videos again. The ambiance of the store. About the fingernails?

That video? That video. You cannot make me do that again. Talk about, I know I mention Clockwork Orange a lot for some reason, but man, that's torture. Yeah, watching someone clip their nails into tabouli. In the back of the fucking store you work at? Yes, sounds miserable.

The ambiance of the store is strange. I will continue to shop at Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and even, yes, Organic Market. I refuse to become brainwashed by their we are the best propaganda. This is why I completely denounce everything moms and continue to shop where I am comfortable, which are the stores listed above.

End of review. Okay. So. What? I realize we can't trust anything with this theme because of how programmed Matthea is. Oh man, what the hell? You should have warned us about that, Matthea,

before you submitted this. You should have told us about all your programming and I'm worried now. Maybe it's too late for us. It's been too late, I think. The moment we started looking into moms and not in the fun way. Play the video.

Play the video. Okay, but so why does she, why does she- Where are my nail clippers? Make the video. But why, why do, why does this person insist that like, if you don't like moms, they make you watch video? Like, what are you talking about? Are you, is this person an employee?

No, right? They seem to imply that like, they know how they treat out what they do with employees, but they don't outright say they're a former employee It's weird I don't know that they apparently have quote we are the best propaganda and quote propaganda Or but okay, I feel like it's a pretty big call out for a grocery store when most grocery stores are probably like yeah Let's be the best in our you know, like what they do Called it propaganda. So yeah, I would say that it's the same. Yeah. Okay. Yeah But mom's at least isn't the number one grocery store in the right, right? So yeah, exactly exactly I'm just saying yeah propaganda seems like a stretch

Okay, I have one more this is also from Izzy and this is of seven one more sorry one more for me I have a lot don't even get excited. Don't get your hopes up. This is of Seven oh my gosh. I hope I'm saying this right Sevenanda natural foods market in Atlanta, Georgia. Doesn't sound right to me, but. Okay, but also Izzy spelled Atlanta wrong, so I don't know. But it's in a different font.

It's in a cool font. So it says Atlanta. But then it says Sevenanda, so I'm like, is this supposed to say Sevenanta? How do you spell it? seven and us. So I'm like, is this supposed to say seven and tough? How do you spell it? Seven and a. Huh. Oh my God.

Sevenanda? Now enjoy plant-based natural foods market. So it's real though? I mean, not that it's not real, but it's. It's S-E-V-A-N-A-N-D-A. What the fuck is he? Just kidding, it's just real, but it's. It's S-E-V-A-N-A-N-D-A. What the fuck is he? Just kidding, it's just one more graph. Not that I even would have known how to say it any better.

Okay, and weirdly, the least weird thing today, this reviewer's name is Mookie Nookie. Mookie Nookie. Oh, Mookie Nookie. Mookie Nookie. I got water j- Sorry, it's one star. Jesus, give us a.

I'm so sorry. I'm so star. Jesus, give us a, you're just gonna start yelling at me and then cut it off? I'm promising you that it's bold. I don't know that you could do that on Google, it's bold. Is that my, was that the search term? Probably not. No, it's the first sentence, so it might be the title, but it appears to be part of the paragraph.

But it's all all capitals all bold one star I Got water jugs refilled from their refill machines and it tasted gross So gross that it scared me and it made me feel oh wait Sorry, I literally I was in her for a minute thought maybe this was for my challenge And I was about to say this sounds like it would be for your it's not But Izzy did send another one so I got mixed up. I'm so sorry but this no it does seem like it would fit both but this is for health food stores. Okay can we blame Izzy for this too somehow? Well yeah I just thought that was

a lie. Yeah yeah definitely. I got water jugs refilled from their refill machines and it tasted gross! So gross that it scared me and made me feel the need to toss it and disinfect my jugs. I put disinfect my jugs. I put the water in a filter pitcher and it still tasted gross. Now I feel the need to disinfect that jug and put a new filter in it. I am boiling faucet water to drink now because I have no water in the house to drink at this time and plan to put ACV in it to cleanse my body from the gross water from this place. I will never come here again for my water, end of review.

Wow. I wonder how bad this water could possibly be. What possibly could you wonder, have left to wonder? A lot. Any of the things you said were CVD. Oh, ACV is apple cider vinegar. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.

Wait. So this person, they're cleanse sounds like the person that would love this store. Okay. Right. Apple cider vinegar. But something's wrong with the water. Probably they're going to blame them of putting like parasites or chemicals. I assume chemicals or something in it.

But then I will say they were supposed to. Fossil water. F-O-S-S-E-T which is kind of fun. Oh isn't that an animal? Is it? Maybe not. Nope. I don't think so. Oh I'm thinking of a FOSA. F-O-S-S-A. I'm not even kidding. Those things are so cool. Whoa. Christina, I think it's a slender long. I'm not even kidding. Those things are so cool. Whoa, Christina, I think it's a slender, long-tailed cat like mammal. What the F is this? Holy shit. It's like a weasel. I was like, FOSSA, that's an animal. It says it's endemic to Madagascar.

I thought I said it's an epidemic. I said, yes, it is. I'd say both. You know, you know what would say both? That it's an epidemic would happen to be the The Huxenor this is what you're hurting me You're hurting me. Hold on The the vertebrates that comprise 94% of the diet of Fossa's would probably be say that they're an epidemic because they don't want to be eaten anymore.

Wait, they eat lemurs. Oh, that's super fucked up. How could you eat a lemur? Have you seen Saboomafoo? You did. I have. In our backyard. Like in person. Yes. In our backyard. That's not even a joke, guys. He literally saw a ring-tailed lem. In our backyard. Like in person. Yes. Yeah. In our backyard. That's not even a joke guys.

He literally saw a ring-tailed lemur in our backyard. In the woods behind our house. Yeah. I saw it. By the tree house. Yep. Um, I'm doing I'm starting EMDR therapy soon so that I can like uncover that memory. There's this one memory. I really wish to recover. Is it traumatic? No, it's delightful. I saw this ring-tailed lemur and I just wanna see it again. You know Zaboo-muthoo.

He's my therapist. Zaboo-muthoo. Hey, you know faucet water. Let's start there. Let's start there. That'll help you understand how I got here. Let me catch you up. Should I just go ahead?

Sorry, Fossa? Okay, my turn? Here's a review of Mom's Organic Market. This one's in Frederick, Maryland. Three stars. OK, but not not a positive. Here we go. Here's what Steve has to say. I eat very healthy. In fact, I call my diet the God diet. If God made it, I eat it.

OK. Hello. That sounds a lot like a little Fossa, if you ask me. Don't fuck around with that. That's a that's a bullshit excuse. God made it. I eat it. What the fuck does that even mean? I have no idea. I think it means like no processed food.

Yeah, I'm sure that's what no chemicals anyway. Don't drink the water. But there's things about these places I don't like. One, expensive. Two, why sea salt? Something taken out of the sea does not sound healthy. Maybe 200 years ago, not today. End of review. Oh boy. Oh boy. What? And this was sent in by Grapefruit Street. I don't know if I said that.

And she said, someone needs to tell Steve that God made sea salt. Sony's still see God barely made the fucking ocean. It's right there in the Bible. I love when, you know, I read that sentence before I read the reviews, uh, that she had sent in. I was like, what the fuck? What? Oh man, Alexander. so wow wow this person I love how they're like I only eat things like but like organic bison or whatever, but why does it have to be so expensive? It's like well Interesting maybe you should do a little reflection my friend and like

Just know to see salt specifically that's a wild fine But sea salt is not cuz it's like oh well then I will eat the plants that come out of the soil because there's nothing in our soil that could go wrong Just the ocean it makes no sense. Oh well. I think maybe somebody I mean maybe nobody needs to tell him that it might Might just break him you know actually fair grapefruit Street. Keep it to yourself yourself He lives in the God in his God world his God diet. Just let him have it Okay, this is from Eli They Them, and we're in Lexington, okay? We're in Lexington, Kentucky.

Now, this is a one star review of a place called Good Foods, and Lexington actually has quite a few health food stores, at least compared to my neck of the woods, but here we go, it's One Star for Good Foods by Sarah. I like to go to Good Foods on occasion for certain items, one being duck fat. My husband and I went in there the other day. We were walking around, obviously looking for something, and two employees walked by and ignored us, first negative. When we finally stopped an employee and asked where the duck fat was, he said, I'm a vegetarian and I work produce. And continued walking away from us.

I said, okay, where's the duck fat again? And he gave an exaggerated sigh and radioed someone who said it was most likely in the oil aisle. So he started walking us there and said, Don't mind the screams you hear from the back. That's just the ducks were killing so you can get your duck fat. Needless to say, we won't be back. OK, you know what? I look. I love it. I love this person. I don't care. I'm unashamed. I'm not ashamed to say I love this employee.

That was hilarious. I if that's what I imagine. Like, and also the ducks wouldn't be screaming, right? Like they'd be like quacking like yeah, they'd be quiet. It would be like a lot more. No I actually a duck scream sounds pretty similar to humans I went hunting once with a dad with dad and we shot some I went to like break its neck and it's No, you didn't screamed and screamed. Are you making I'm sorry. Those were quails. Okay, never mind I don't know about ducks. You went hunting with dad? Yes. Okay, years ago in Maryland.

So you broke up. I didn't shoot a thing. You broke up. You're bisexual and you went hunting? Now that's called burying the lead. You didn't know I've been hunting? No. Christina, and by hunting- You literally mentioned that you shot a gun recently, but it was only the one that you mentioned in Austria, so I just was like, okay.

No, it was like in high school, I think, or something. We were in Maryland. Dad used to go to quail hunts, and I'd be like. Yeah, we went with him. And he'd go, oh, it's so horrible. And I'm like, then why are you going? Yeah, there were these kids younger than me. So I was a kid, and these kids younger than me were shooting quail and breaking their

necks, and I was like, what the fuck? You had to break its neck? Yeah, yeah, yeah Cuz it was like they shot it and then it would fall and it was like not dead yet And it's out it was screaming or they'd send the dog to get it or something. I'm just kidding that I made up I Gia would have it delightful time. Oh the screaming was made up. The dogs were not made up. The dogs were not I can't tell what's real Ah, I wish it were all a lie We're not made up. The dogs were not.

I can't tell what's real. Ah, I wish it were all a lie. It was just a stupid joke about ducks screaming. Did they sell quail fat? Yeah, what did you do with all the quail fat? Is that why our crab case tasted so weird that night? They were cooked in quail butter. And since we didn't bag any, we had to eat all the fat.

I'm gonna die. So, okay, so you got the scraps any we had to eat all the fat Jiblets disgusting Alexander. I forgot so I knew dad went quail hunting. I did not know you did this is like Kind of news breaking did not last long love that. I didn't really cold I just sat in the blind for an hour or something Until the kid shot a duck or a quail. And then you shoot a gun. No, I think I shot it, but not not like you weren't. You didn't like I didn't actively hunt. Oh, I see. Okay. Like I didn't shoot. Was dad looking for them? I don't think he was. I don't think I don't really recall. I remember him saying he didn't want to shoot one. I'll add it to the EMDR list,

the therapy list. I need you to, I need to, uh, you to share that Google doc with me list the therapy list. I need you to I need to You to share that Google doc with me because I have some things I would like to add for your EMDR as well that I would like okay I'll just give you my therapist number. Okay. Oh, oh, no, I already have that. Should I just text her then? Oh Love to hear from you great The start of a new year is the perfect time to get organized, set goals, and prioritize what matters most. For me, a top priority is my financial wellness, which feels more important than ever. Thanks to Rocket Money, my goals feel achievable.

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Code beachtoo sandy to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slash beachtoo sandy. Code beachtoo sandy. Is it my turn? Yes. Duck screaming was last. My next one is also from Grapefruit Street about moms, the same moms in Frederick.

Here's a one-star review. I buy yogurt at Mom's Organic. I met fungus. End of review. I what? I met fungus. I met fungus? Yeah, there's a picture.

So you can actually look in my notes. It's a yogurt with like a crusty little bit on the lid, brownish crusty on the lid. I don't know if that's a fungus, but. It's gross. Thankfully they included a picture of their receipt so we know that they paid for it. What if they shoplifted it and they're like,

man, now we don't have a receipt for it this is gross I met fun what a weirdly outrageous way to say that let's see what else I bought strawberry berry oh a smoothie I told you oh you found a smoothie be careful use a straw and now you can't see the fungus mmm that's true Forager cashew yogurt no wonder there's fucking fungus in it. I'm just kidding. Forager? Like that's probably a mushroom. You've never had forager yogurt? Are you being serious? No. Yeah it's a cashew based yogurt I'm not kidding. It's like a vegan yogurt. I just like normal yogurt it's one of the only I just I can't. No I am familiar this brand. I've gotten their tubs of cashew yogurt

I have not met fungus. I love mushrooms though. So sign me up. No Give me give me some of that cashew yogurt plain with fungus I really hate that I scrolled up or when I first clicked in it was just fingernails in the taboo Lee and all capital letters First thing on the page Okay, so this is also from Eli and this is a place also in Lexington And this is a fresh market, which I guess is down the street This is two stars by RV The gourmet products presented in a visually appealing atmosphere earned Fresh Market two stars.

This is where the praise ends. There is a strange dynamic going on at Fresh Market. Many employees, especially cashiers in Delhi, act as if they would much rather be anywhere else but at work. Can you imagine? Is someone not wanting to be at work? That's crazy. I know. Isn't that like insane? I don't like what an asinine thought that anybody would not want to be at work. No, I just also like it scares me more. I'll be honest when someone seems really excited to be at work because I'm like, what do you know that I don't know? Like, why are you so

excited to be here? True. I'd rather you just, you know, be honest with me. It's like, what are you trying to get out of trying? Playing at you know, you don't you don't love slicing deli meat that much Yeah, like or if you do like then I'm worried, you know Yeah like if you were at the deli and you're just like I fucking love this job and you're just slicing ham and Like cooking duck fat and stuff. I'd be like the screaming of the ducks alone would like haunt me So I don't know how you do it but anyway I guess someone's gotta someone's got some

sociopaths gotta defat the ducks that's right there is a strange dynamic going on at fresh market many employees especially cashiers in Delhi act as if they would much rather be anywhere else but at work. The collective negative attitude is obvious. Who knows why they behave this way? Pay? Management? Next are the customers. Many customers behave like supercilious pricks. Those shopping with their children are the most intolerable.

You know the type. Alexander knows the type! Parents who allow their children to behave like complete barbarians while they walk around oblivious to the chaos that follows them everywhere they go. There seems to be a symbiotic relationship between the poor attitude of the employees and the snobbish behavior exhibited by the customers. The behaviors feed on each other and create a parasitic atmosphere that no amount of soft lighting and classical music can overcome. I've been to Fresh Market in Miami, Florida, and the same atmosphere exists there.

It is shocking to me to see it here in Lexington, where I expect people to be far more kind and civilized to each other than in a place like Miami. What does that mean? Than Florida. Kentucky's much more civilized to each other than in a place like Miami. What does that mean? Than Florida. Kentucky's much more civilized than Florida. That makes no sense. That argument does not hold, buddy. Ultimately, it is my fault for going in there. I failed to learn my lesson.

However, the people remind me of why I promise never to shop there again. I will be more disciplined in the future and resist the temptation to go in there. Why is there a temptation to go in there? This doesn't sound like you were tempted at all. It sounds like you really want nothing to do with it. You hate this place so much. Go to Miami. With a Whole Foods, Good Foods, Trader Joe's, and Liquor Barn close by, there's no reason

to come here ever again. End of review. Love that the Liquor Barn's also there. Included. Yeah, that's important after going to a place like this, dealing with this terrible environment. All these kids blocking the liquor aisle. I mean, oh yeah. That's why you like the Liquor Barn so much, because kids aren't allowed. It's not that deep, dude. You just went on a day when there was someone bad that was not treating employees. Well or something. I don't know Kids were running amok Or you were just kind of? an asshole yeah that too that too I just

it's just so weird to like think that this kids being obnoxious in a grocery store would be specific to this fresh and also like the fact that like the Parents are just like trudging along. They're like, they're such fucking snobbish pricks. I'm like, are they it looks like they're just exhausted and like overtired Whatever and like yeah, it's a fucking grocery store. But it does feel like that one like person who's like, why is everyone affronting me?

I'm in the sort of shop. Why is everyone else here? Like, it's for me. We know someone like that. We do. My next one is a place, this is from Elta, is my last one. This is of Natural Grocers.

It's in Columbia, Missouri. And here is a two-star review. I went to this store and asked an employee working the floor where I could find falafel mix. Their response was, what's falafel? Stunned, I explained what it is. And after seeing the confusion in their eyes, I added that often it's near the hummus. Their response? What's hummus? No. I swear to God this really took place. Needless to say, that was my final trip to this store. The millennials who work there are freaking clueless.

And there is no way a millennial doesn't know what fucking hummus is. Come on. Avocado and hummus. That's like our fucking bread and butter. But honestly, that's so sad. Like this person's like, I don't know. I feel like that should be based. I would be taking aback if someone responded with what's falafel and then like said what's hummus. It's one thing for falafel. I'm like, okay, I get it. But hummus is so pervasive now.

I've seen hummus commercials during football. There's no way hummus is. Wow. I guess, you know, but hummus is so pervasive now. Like I would, I've seen like hummus commercials during football. Like there's no way hummus is, wow. I guess, you know, you never know. Also I love like, I had to explain what falafel is because you're looking for the mix. So you're like, it's a, you make it, I don't know. This is, I would be so flustered. Like I don't even know if I'd be able to

explain falafel mix. Certainly not. I wouldn't. I'd be like, it comes in a mix. You know, it explain falafel mix. Certainly not. I wouldn't. I'd be like, it comes in a mix. You know, it's falafel mix. What do you mean? You mix it and it becomes falafel? And explaining what hummus is is not helpful.

Oh, it's blended chickpeas with oil. You know, farbanzo beans, AKA chickpeas? What's a chickpea? Yeah, that would be just so. You just couldn't get it. I'm sure there's no way. Tabbouleh, though, they see that in the employee videos. The employee handbook talks a lot about Tabbouli

and fingernail clippings. So maybe they were just focused on the Tabbouli, you know? Not the hummus. This is from Eli and I just wrote OMG. So I don't, oh yeah, I know. Oh yes, yes, OMG indeed. One star. This place is called Robert's Health Food, which is-

Oh, thanks Robert. Interesting choice. And this is a one star view by Chris. I have purchased BTW, I'm so sorry I keep doing this. I need you to know this is a saga, so don't like, don't like play a game where you hold your breath all the way through it or something like that. Cause you- Oh, is that something I normally do?

I don't know, I just figured maybe I should warn you in case- In case I was planning to hold my breath through this? Good, okay, good to know. I appreciate it. Now I'm thinking about my breath. Me too, and that really is hard for me. Yeah, why did you do that? Okay.

I have purchased quite a few items from Robert's Health Food in the past, and I've never really had any problem or issue with their service. I went into the store on January 27, 2018, to purchase a bottle of Valyrian essential oil. I paid for it and was told it would be there in a few days and to check back. I checked back in a few days and was told it was not even ordered this happened a few times 13 days after purchasing the item already paid for I was told that it was just now being ordered Sorry, okay, hold your breath again because we have about eight more of those sections breath again because we have about eight more of those sections. Can you do that eight more times? Okay, sorry. Continue. You know when you like drive past a cemetery and you hold your breath,

like it feels like that. Do you think people do that with our show? I don't know. It feels apropos like oh this is a really dark glimpse into humanity. Let's hold our breath. I don't know. It just tracks me. When we do a live tour this summer, we should do like, oh, here's a game everybody. You should hold your breath anytime. It'll just be the audience really quiet and then going. No, it'll be just like the EMTs coming in

because we just fucking made a bunch of people faint. Made a bunch of drinking people faint. That's why we drink show. Literally. You wish people just kidding, okay, so let's see this happen a few times. Yes, it's already paid for I Was told that it was just now being ordered again and that they would quote get back with me when it comes in I have no doubt by the tone of the manager that they will not get back with me nor has it been ordered.

Instead, I realize it is obvious that I paid for something I will not receive. I went ahead and ordered the item at amazon.com. They have everything that Robert's Health Food has. It may cost more to buy through Amazon, but I would rather pay double than have to go through this whole experience again. I try to-

Can I ask a question? Sure. What product is this again? Valerian Oil. Oh I ask a question? Sure. What product is this again? Valyrian Oil. Oh yes, Valyrian Oil. You'll hear more about it, I wouldn't worry. I remember hearing that right before I lost the holding my breath competition.

Lost consciousness. I try to buy local, but if buying local means being given the runaround, being laughed at, and told that I can talk to a manager only if I am nice. Then she said she was only kidding in a passive aggressive tone. I have security cameras at my house because it is a civil design business.

So the phone call was recorded in the background. So there is no her word against mine. So go ahead, roll the dice as to whether or not the employees and managers of the store like you or not. After you give them your money, because there is a chance if you do not fit their liking, they will take your money, keep telling you to check back with them with zero intention on fulfilling their end of the transaction.

I use Valyrian to sleep. I work many hours, always pay my bills, take care of my son, and my sick mother, who suffers from polymyositis, a rare form of muscular dystrophy, and suffer from many physical problems from being run out of the road on my motorcycle going 75 miles per hour. Oh. I'm so sorry.

As soon as we really get to the Renaissance paintings that he had to sell to pay for everything. I know, I had the same thought. I was like, oh my god instead of Diphon hydramine, it's it's Valyrian oil Oh boy The motorcycle okay I don't need this type of mockery when I'm just trying to purchase an item from a store There was no need for any of this and I will never don their doorstep again.

I play music professionally. Sorry, it's just like every sentence feels like a totally different thing that's like unrelated and also like a different person. Dark in their doorway? Yeah, they met. They wrote DAW. Trying to get through that and then you said I'm a what music? A professional musician. Oh my I I thought they had a design. Hold on. Oh, sorry. I'm so glad you remembered that. Cause just, just hold on to both of those. Okay. I play music professionally and I will make certain to tell everyone I talked to to think twice before investing their time and money at Robert's health food.

I guess it was like a threat. Like he talks to a lot of people because he's a professional musician. Are you trying to make sense of this? What do you mean? I don't know. That's what I'm trying to do. It's futile. He just that means he talks to people. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I even hate having to write this mean-spirited post because I do not like being hurtful, but I feel if they are going to keep my money and mock me then at least I can sway a few customers from having to go through the same humiliation I have dealt with. I wish the managers and employees at the store a peaceful and joy-filled 2018, but I also

hope they maybe take better consideration at how they deal with customers on a personal level as they progress into the future. If I were to treat my clients with the same treatment, not taking them seriously when they are paying my bills, also not giving them any sign as to when the project will be in their hands, they would not only fire me, they would more likely than not ruin my good name in the engineering community,

which I've spent my entire life building a name for myself based on quality of work, speed, and accuracy. I may be a six foot tall, 270 pound, long haired, tattooed motorcycle riding man, but I have a heart and try to treat others as I would hope they would treat me. It is easy to judge people. If I treated someone the way they have treated me,

I would hope I would be at least partially held accountable for my actions. End of review. Oh my gosh. Saga. So, when they, they told him he has to be nice when speaking to a manager and that was the problem. I guess what they said. They probably seemed to give him attitude when he was trying to talk to a manager.

They said only if you're nice and then they said I'm just kidding and he said that that was really passive aggressive and I mean I don't know the tone they said it'm just kidding and he said that that was really passive aggressive And I mean, I don't know the tone they said it with but it doesn't seem like quite that bad I mean, it's frustrating kind of would imply that they were not being nice to start. I don't know if that's true I don't wanna like the oh that the reviewer was like I Mean it could interesting or it could just be like a stupid comment. Like yeah, can I speak to the manager? I will say I don't think your purchase of the valerian oil is paying anyone's bills. I could be wrong I guess it depends on how much you're buying

$600 no Yeah, but it just seems quite the but now you know much What's the other one Jeff Bezos? He's gonna thank you for paying his bills because you're buying Valerian on Amazon. He's excited to get that extra 20 bucks. Guess what? You go into a Whole Foods to return that Valerian oil? I've got 10 more. Yeah don't worry they've got so much. That was my last one. Oh good. I'm all done too. This is my challenge. I said which means right as you were saying

this is my challenge. How about you start over and give me a nice intro, like the really kind one I gave you earlier. Which means this weirdo is gonna be reading more reviews of some bullshit. Sorry, I was matching the niceness of your first one. Yeah, who are you talking about though? You. Oh, no, that doesn't really track.

I don't think people will. Oh, it doesn't? No, people won't get. people. You don't have any reviews No, people won't get that. You mean me when you say weirdo They'll be like well, who's he talking about? Oh because I just came out Wow, oh, okay saying the quiet part out loud. Okay. We see how she feels about me now Yeah, okay. Dang. I wish you were straight Me too. I know. You could hold something over each other. Okay, this is a challenge.

Took away your power. All right. All right. This is just about enough. I've had just about enough from you. Okay. This is a challenge from Ellie, and she sent one in to kick things off. It's of Monmouth Coffee Company in Covent Garden, London. And remember, folks, my challenge was to find reviews where people claimed they could have died. And now I feel that we've already gotten a good taste of that. Oh, wait. A coffee, Monmouth Coffee, what?

Monmouth Coffee Company in Covent Garden. Okay. I'm so curious what happened. So some of these posts, okay, so some of these reviews were like, I could have could have died but like they didn't like I could have died of jealousy or I could have This one like they literally are saying they could have died So some of them are very literal and some are just more like sounds like it's gonna be a fun time Oh Alexander you have no idea. Okay One star and this is of this coffee company Awful service and nearly died from caffeine overdose.

Oh, no. Okay. Just hold on. Okay. First visit. Sorry. It's hard for someone else to kill you with caffeine. Exactly.

Thank you. Exactly. At a coffee shop. We're not talking Monster Energy Fest in Vegas or something. I know. No. Exactly. Sorry. Thank you. Exactly. At a coffee shop. We're not talking like Monster Energy Fest in Vegas or something. Okay. I literally went to something like that once.

Wait, didn't we talk about that on the show? I think we did. Yes, because I was like, it was like, I had to get ready for a flight or something at like 6 a.m. and there were all these people and they're like, do you want to come to like the heart of- We read a review about that. Yes. And they had something similar, but it wasn't yes

You're right. I did read a review Yeah, monster energy. That was our energy drink episode. Yeah, and it was like at 5 in the morning and I was yeah It was like it's wrong with these people. Yeah, it was like a pool party. Yeah, okay first visit I could not get any coffee because they only accepted credit card, not cash. Fair enough, there is a pandemic. Second visit, a rude cashier and who allegedly misheard my order three times and then she, she is also a barista allegedly, poured me something bitter from which I nearly not recovered and almost died. I usually drink two to three cups of espresso a day and ordered my first black coffee of the day at about 2pm.

The caffeine content was so high I started shaking after 25 minutes at 2.25pm and had toilet runs every 15 minutes, my temperature increased and my pulse must have jumped to 125 beats per minute, at least, rude service and nearly called the emergency room. Never again, and please let this be a warning to others. End of review. If it hadn't wasted the time of people doing important things, I wish they had called. During COVID, during COVID.

This is like early 21, I think. So it's like, it's still very actively COVID. This is like early 21, I think. So it's like, it's still very actively COVID. And I feel like saying that you almost died because you drank something bitter. And you started shaking and you poopied. Yeah, but you also said you drank three cups of espresso that morning, I wonder who... It's just like-

Is that what they're saying? Yeah, they basically said like, I usually have two to three cups a day. Then I ordered my first black coffee of the day at 2 p.m. And I would say the caffeine content, I wouldn't, I would say three espresso shots, as you say, probably contain more caffeine than like a gallon of coffee, but I don't know, I mean, I don't know.

I guess it depends. I guess it absolutely depends. like maybe they got a cold brew or something that they didn't know was like that's fair but like I wouldn't say you almost died that doesn't means you needed to have maybe a fuller stomach or just had less maybe but yeah don't drink all that caffeine because people do die from caffeine overdose yes they do a lot of it is those like crazy energy drinks. Yes Oh that I remember that that Panera had that lawsuit because they had that energy lemonade But they didn't advertise how much caffeine. Oh, I didn't know that was an insane I think someone either died or got seriously hurt what from Panera lemonade. Yeah

Christ because the caffeine content was so high That this call I like a college student drank it not realizing how much how high it was Oh my god, and she had a like a heart condition or something. Yeah that happened in college when those When energy drinks started becoming like a really big deal in colleges and it was like and they had for loco and all that nonsense Oh, yeah. And I remember being a journalism student and having to report on all these other college kids overdosing on caffeine and it was like, Jesus Christ, it really scared me away from.

Yeah, it had 390 milligrams of caffeine. That's a lot. Which is a fuck ton. And I know that because I was pregnant one time and I had to learn how much caffeine is in everything A normal like regular black drip coffee can have anywhere from 75 to 150 Yeah, I think the average is it says on the Google supposedly I varies wildly. I'm sure well I bet also yours. I bet if I was just guessing my beats per minute would be like

845 at least at At least at least. Like what a wild thing to say. My pulse must have jumped. It's like, what do you mean? I got to power the Hoover dam with that thing. Yeah. No, it seems like a wild thing to say. All of this. Yeah. Especially when it's like that legitimately happened. You know, like that can really be serious. So it's like I. I mean, yes. OK. And I guess I don't want it to come across like I'm just like,

hey, you could have died. Now it's like, you know, you're being ridiculous. A lot of espresso and then drank a cup of coffee. You don't like the restaurant didn't kill you. Yeah. This is also from Ellie. It's a place called Caravola stairs. It's in Greece. So Caravades. Yeah, yeah, you know. Okay, I really believed everything you said today

and I need to stop. It's really unhealthy for me to keep accepting your statements as true. I don't know why you do that. Me either, I usually don't. One Star by Delilah. Almost died by donkeys. Sorry, that's the title of the TripAdvisor. And these are stairs?

What are these donkeys doing on these stairs? Alexander, don't get me started. I'm excited. They're trying to kill you. Hello, pay attention. I get it now. I actually feel like this person did almost die. So this one's a less...

This one's like a little more like, oh, yikes. Don't do this, it says. I am a hiker, walker, and will do anything for a scenic view. So my family and I took the cable cars down and I chose to walk back up while they didn't. I almost got trampled by donkeys. I felt like my foot could have easily been broken and it was by grace.

That's with a capital G. It was by grace that it wasn't. The stairs slash path is not too wide. I'm walking and enjoying the views and all of a sudden I hear bells ringing. I have zero time to prepare. Then I look up and about 20 donkeys are running straight at me.

Okay, when Ellie sent this in, she was like, it's like scary, but also just such a, like I'm here for the drama. And I was like, me too. Like I'm not trying- The fact that this person is writing this review means that they are alive enough to go and not traumatized enough to not share their experience.

Exactly. Like they wanted to share the story. So I feel it's my duty to laugh at it. You're doing a service. in front of all these people. You're doing a service for this person. Thank you so much. We always are. It's hard to remember that sometime. I want to say it's hard to forget. But that's how I feel about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So remember those 20 donkeys running at me. I could not forget. Okay. Unpause. There is no side to stand off to. It's either jump over the edge of the cliff or take your chances with the donkeys.

Oh my god. Did you choose cliff? It just ended. I don't know. It's just like a bunch of buttons. It took me about 25 minutes to climb the stairs and those were the worst minutes of my trip and quite possibly my life When I got to the top my husband was waiting for me and I said get a stiff drink ASAP

Never again don't do it unless you want to ride the donkeys Which is another sad story in itself those poor animals hauling all these lazy people not willing to walk Well, it sounds like they're running at you. I feel like it's sounds like this is more of a speed, more of a sport or something. Yeah. Yeah. And whilst getting yelled at and whipped by their owners, the beer crazy donkey now makes sense. And I drank the heck out of it after that walk up. End of review.

That so not only did she survive or they survived a switching up donkey stampede stamp donkey stampede, but then they were like, you know what? I could use a nice cold crazy donkey beer Hey, maybe it's like you only get this if like you can prove you've been Tussle you've tussled with some because like I bet you I survived a donkey Right, like I'm sure right like maybe there's like a hoof print on your leg or like a tuft of donkey hair in in your, on your back, like something to prove that you deserve this, this special beer. That was, that was something that one. Yeah. I would say, um, also I love saying, oh, everybody's so lazy. And then it's like,

my whole family took the cable car and I walked, took me forever. It was the worst. It was the worst day of my life, but everybody else is so fucking lazy. It's like, wait a minute. Do you regret it or not? Okay. This is from Allie Sheher. It's a TripAdvisor review of the Longchamp race course. Longchamp, like those bags with horses on them. And it's by Barbara, this review. It's one star. like those bags with horses on them and It's by Barbara this review it's one star and the title is a VIP ripoff

After that sorry, did you say where it is? Yeah, the long shop race course. Yeah, where is that? Oh, sorry I was like, I know where that is. Sorry to me. I did unfortunately. I believe it's in Paris okay because yeah that sounds right okay um well the hippodromo de Paris long shop uh-huh that's literally what I said. The hippodromo? it's a hippodromo. that's pretty cool isn't that fun? sounds like a dubstep album it does this is a really alarming because I just realized I just read a donkey stampede and now we're at a horse race course so I'm like, what could go wrong? Let's see. Let's find out. Having looked forward to this trip for months and spent a fortune to spend it with the elite

at a cost of 675 pounds per head, I was bitterly disappointed with the whole experience. The corporate package was in absolute shambles. I could have died of three different things. Do you have any guesses? Because there are three very clear answers. Yes, hunger, like not getting enough food. Correct, starvation. I wanna say something about the heat,

like it was the temperature, like maybe it was too hot, not enough AC or something. Other way. Oh, it was too cold. Hypothermia. They could have died from hypothermia. Okay, was it? Other ones like, kind of an easy,

like what's the third one, fill in the blank. Drink. Yeah. Yeah, like water. Thirst. Not having thirst, yes, thirst. But not water, you'll see. Not enough alcohol to survive, I see. A lot of people said they would die of thirst when their bar was, anyway.

We'll get there. I could have died of three things. Hypothermia, it was freezing, cold, and the doors were left wide open all day. Two, starvation. They served canapes instead of a meal or buffet. Pathetic. Three.

It's pathetic. The thing that pisses me off the most is when I go to a luxury event and they are only serving canapes. Honestly, and how many times does that happen? Far too many. Once is too many. Once is far too many.

If you ask me. I agree. If I'm going to the long ch too many. If you ask me. I agree. If I'm going to the Long Chomp race course. You almost died. I almost died. Yeah. From all the, what are they called again? Canapes.

Canapes, I almost said caponais, but that's not what it's called. What's the other thing that people make at like the fancy hors d'oeuvres that are like. Oh, deviled eggs. I would probably. That's our favorite. Man, I would.

That is my favorite. Oh my God. What do you think? What are you... Maybe I'm thinking of canapes, honestly. I don't know. There's like some word that I didn't learn till I was like 30 that is a type of appetizer. And I was like, what does that even mean?

Oh, it's when they have just like sliced vegetables. Oh, a crudite. Crudite, yes, okay. Like julienne sliced vegetables or something. And then they're like, oh, this a crudite. Crudite. Yes. Okay. Like like julienne sliced vegetables or something. And then they're like, Oh, this is crudite. I'm like, what the fuck is crudite is carrots. It's raw carrots. Like, come on. What the fuck is this? A horse race? Okay. Mix them up. They serve canapes instead of a meal or buffet buffet. And three, thirst.

They ran out of beer and wine at various intervals during the day and had no spirits, which I was advised prior to the trip that they did. I don't drink wine, champagne, or beer, so it was water and tea all day for me. There was insufficient seating or tables, so the majority of people had to stand. Toilet facilities were abysmal, one gents cubicle. Had it not been for the lovely people we met and moaned with, yikes, that's a weird thing to say. And the racing itself, the whole day would have been

a complete write-off. We headed straight for McDonald's after the racing for sustenance and warmth. Get your act together, Longchamp, a disgraceful display of hospitality. End of review. It sounds like a miserable time. It sounds like it would have been miserable to begin with. Yeah, no matter what.

Yeah, exactly what I'm thinking. I love how they were like, oh, they ran out of alcohol and wine at certain intervals. Yeah, every now and then. And also I don't drink, I don't drink beer and wine. So why would I even know that? You know, that's true. Like I don't even drink that If I will say it sucks that they were expecting liquor and we're told that there would be some or spirits and that weren't weren't any I guess

It does for that price point. I Don't know. I guess I get complaining. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean listen if I'm paying 700 euro I will find something wrong with it probably because I'll be like, why did I spend? Yeah, I'd be like they don't have some money at this Super Bowl party I'm at or the Super Bowl event I don't know. Remember we almost paid lots of money to go to the Super Bowl one time. I Don't think I was ever actually either paying the money because I couldn't do that. Me neither. And I think or I remember asking, I remember like looking and being like, this is a very bad idea and then feeling slightly relieved when the

Bengals lost. Well, yeah, well, it especially sucked because it was like at the fucking new stadium, the SoFi Stadium in LA. So it was like a big D and LA was playing in it. And we were like, well, that's easy peasy. We have a place where Bengals fans like we're not there to be because it was a very like thing to go there. Yeah.

A lot of people, a lot of influencers. I mean, I remember like asking our manager about it because she's like, they're like 10 grand. And we went, ha ha. OK, bye. It's not worth watching the Bengals win, literally not. I mean, you could give me can of peas for days and I don't think you could ever reach like 10 grand So listen I feel I do I do

But I would say dying maybe is a little a Little extreme just little but you know that's coming for me a very down-to-earth person so um They're down to earth they went all the way to McDonald's. Could you imagine? They set foot in the McDonald's. Oh my God, how embarrassing. Honestly, how quaint though. How quaint.

I hope they got some nice photos. It's like when people go to McDonald's in their prom dresses, you know? I was actually picturing them dressed up going to this. It's like, ha ha, isn't this funny? Them giving, like, the food here that you serve is better than this other place that we've paid hundreds of dollars.

And they're like, that's more than I get paid in a month for McDonald's. Yeah, and they just gave me crudités at the prom. I, crudités. Thank you for remembering that. I would have really probably lost my mind if I couldn't think of it. What, crudités?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just, canapé crudités. What the fuck is going on? I don't know. That's the French. I've always felt a bit insecure about my hair and my mom was always trying to help me find things to take for improved hair growth, for decreased shedding, that kind of thing. It just was always really hard on my self-esteem. But since I've been taking Nutrifol, which I've been taking since before I was pregnant with Leona, I have seen such a huge difference. That's because hair is so much more

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Air Transat. Travel moves us. ["Dreams of a New World"] Okay, this is also from Allie and it's a Bloomer's flower shop. One snor. And this is also from Ally and it's a bloomers flower shop. One snr. And this is by Robin. Isn't that underwear in British English slang?

Yes, yes. Your bloomers are your, I believe your aunties, yes. I ordered an orchid to be sent to the funeral home where an old friend had a visitation. Okay, that also feels like you're saying they had a visitation like from Jacob Marley or like Jacob Marley having a visitation from the spirits. But OK, also, but it also might sound like they're hosting it. Like it's as if it's for their relative.

Yeah, they like their old friend had a visit like held a visitation. Yeah. For someone else for the results for themselves after death yeah I ordered an orchid to be sent to the funeral home where an old friend had a visitation well they are old so it is likely they probably may have passed there were three sizes available and I ordered the most expensive option since I wanted to make a nice presentation I paid $85 for this orchid and could have died of embarrassment when I saw it which I wanted to make a nice presentation. I paid $85 for this orchid and could have died of embarrassment when I saw it. Which I love to say that at a funeral home is feels very inappropriate. It was small, looked wilted,

and was hardly worth $25 much less what I paid. The absolute worst part of the situation was that my friend is dead. Nope paid the absolute worst part of the situation was that my friend is dead Nope, the absolute worst part of the situation is that I emailed bloomers right after leaving the funeral home to let them know my Feelings on what they sent and I never heard one word from them which signifies to me that they don't really care about customer Satisfaction I have ordered my last flowers from you bloomers Everything on this it's so ominous satisfaction. I have ordered my last flowers from you, bloomers. End of review. Everything on this, it's so ominous, especially with the whole visitation bit. It's like, we know that's happening. So it's like, I mean, we just watched, I ordered my last flowers. It's like, Oh no,

you're joining a friend. Like everything I'm like, bloomers will make sure of it. You know, like a little dark, dark undertones. We just watched Nosferatu and the way that this person saying like My old friend had a visitation like it really has that vibe of like nothing is gonna go well for anybody in this situation I Love the orchid was perfectly fine when it showed up and started wilting I wanted to brag to my dead friend about how much I cared about her and now

Look at this I'm just now I'm just now I'm just react now. I'm just acting out because I'm uncomfortable and I do that Sorry, um, so after I read this review with this next ones any I am gonna need you to look at my notes for the picture Okay, let me read it first cuz it really um It speaks a different picture I guess or it speaks a different different picture story This picture tells a different story if you look at it without the context Let's put it got it one star of a subway. This is from Izzy. They them subway and I'm so stupid I was like, oh a subway system in old lime Connecticut no subway restaurant which this would have I know

this would have way episode I need you to know this would have been perfect here we go actually no it wouldn't it would be very obvious it's a sandwich shop I don't know why I thought that one star are kidding? Never go to this subway. They should be shut down. I found a piece of a rubber glove in my tuna grinder. Really, Debbie? Come on now. Stop blaming it on the low quality gloves

and other workers when it was your fault this happened. Not to mention the slim sandwiches choking on plastic gloves, which I could have died from and no offer of any refund at all. Just get it together. End of review. Now, please open. Are you kid is real? Yeah, but it looks like a fucking it's a finger of a glove.

Yeah. Okay. I was going to say, how is it possible that an entire glove fell in? Yeah, it's a piece of the finger. No. Oh my goodness. It looks like a condom a little bit if you just, so like on the floor. So I was like, please don't open this until I read it.

Cause it really does. And then it says, piece of glove from tuna grinder made by Debbie. Poor Debbie. I mean, maybe Debbie should be more careful next time. But like, her fingernails probably are in that tuner grinder. I'm so sorry to say.

Oh no. Oh no. That, no, that's so that looks That's not a piece of glove. I mean this is really I like I even if I didn't blame the restaurant at all I don't think I could ever eat this type of sandwich again if I like bit into somebody's rubber Like used rubber gloves gross and like also actually if they did not get a refund, that's kind of crazy. Yeah, that's pretty wild That's pretty crazy And like also actually if they did not get a refund, that's kind of crazy. Yeah, that's pretty wild. That's pretty crazy. That feels like that had to for sure be somewhere between the tabooly video and something else. Like if you almost kill one of the customers for real, they should probably get their five dollars back. I feel like most places you can get a refund for like the dumbest shit.

Like you just complain a little bit and they'll be like, fine. Like, we don't care. Just take it. And in this case, it's like, wait. It's like, Debbie, show me your hand. And she's like, here it is. You're like, put up all your fingers, Debbie. No, put up your index finger, Debbie. Debbie. She's like, yeah, but you just can't see it. I like I wonder if they like found it, put it aside, ate the whole sandwich.

And we're like hey I found this sandwich A new one, but you ate it yuck. Oh yuck. Oh yuck. And look it's covered in tuna I'm gonna throw up they never said that They didn't eat it. That's true. So maybe they ate the rest of it Also said the plastic gloves So I'm like how much of it did you like the plastic gloves. So I'm like, how much of it did you, like the plastic gloves almost killed me.

I'm like, oh my God, how much of this? She just kept putting gloves in him. Like he kept getting, he kept getting, he didn't get a refund, but he kept getting new sandwiches and each one had another finger in it. Cause every time she just has like a fingerless glove on now and it's like, what's even the point if you're gonna pick up pickles with your bare fingers?

She's like, oh, it's but I can grip it easier. Yeah. Well, don't you want to bully? We're supposed to take our gloves off when we put the taboo This is wild anyway, so this is my second to last one And this is from Corinne. She hurt it's of a place called Cemetery Beach and Reef on the Grand Cayman Islands. Ominous name, again, I don't know. It has nothing really to do with anything except that's just the name.

So, I mean, I'm sure it has something to do with something. Sorry, I didn't, I meant my review, based on my review. Not really relevant. But a lot of ships crashed there. You're probably 100% right. Because the there's a reef and I'm sure that Oh, and it's in North Carolina. Wait, no, it's in Grand Canyon Islands. The reviewers from North Carolina. Okay. Oh, okay. I was like, because I was just

listening to an astonishing legends episode about like how North Carolina has some of the most I think has the most ship wrecks on the East Coast or something. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Anyway, that probably just butchered that fact But it is it is something Cape. Oh My god Christine, what's it called that place in North Carolina keep shipwreck. Oh, yeah graveyard graveyard beach I would have remembered that I think okay, so, so this is Kirin Shihura, and I wanna say this is a redemption, five stars.

Oh. Almost died there, it's the title. I thought it would be no big deal to swim out to the Kitty Wake and check it out. Is that how you say that? Kittywocky? I don't know what you're saying. Oh, I don't either, obviously.

Kittywake. Oh, oh my god. It's a type of bird Cool. They're so cute. I mean they're not cuz they look like turns, but they're kind of cute. Well, how do you spell it? Ki TTI Wake. Oh, it's just a seagull. Yeah, it's like literally just a seagull, but it's so cute Okay, see birds kitty. Well, can wake do you think that's just a seagull looking guy. Yeah, it's literally just a seagull, but it's so cute. There's seabirds, cool. Kitty wake, do you think that's how you say it? I don't fucking know.

Sounds, oh no, that's the sound that it makes. I thought it was like, this is how you say it. And then it's like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Yeah, that's how they say it in their language. Okay, so folks, we learned a kitty wake. Kitty, I think that's how you say it, is a type of seagull, seabird. I thought it would be no big deal to swim out

to the kitty wakes and check it out. When I got there, a couple of fish started to nibble on my nipples. This is the closest to death I think I would have felt. This is a redemption? This is a five star review? This is a five star review. Five star review. Fish were nibbling at nipples. Well, is that normal? Because

fish don't breastfeed. I don't think like, you know what I mean? You know, and you know, I think chimpanzees do, which is probably why they're always chewing on humans nipples at the zoo. Yeah. Thanks, Andy. But they were but like why the nipples? Maybe they had just some dried skin on their nipples. Okay. And nowhere else. And nowhere else. I just I feel like if I were standing in a in a fish infested pool of nibbling fish. I don't think that they would go straight for the nipples. I don't know.

It just seems that weirdly throws me off. Of course you wouldn't think it, which is why it almost killed this person. I guess. I just, why are they suckling on him? That's weird. I don't know. Anyway, let's learn more. I don't even know if it's a dude or a girl.

I have no idea. Could be a lady in a bikini and maybe they're just some pervy fish. It could be. When I got out there, a couple of fish started to nibble on my nipples. It kind of freaked me out and I kicked off one of my fins.

Oh hell, now I'm in trouble. Then I kicked off the other one and started to panic. Okay, first of all, I'm starting to panic. Just reading this. Yeah. This is like my nightmare. You swim out to sea and some fish start nibbling. They surely eat you private parts first. I'm sorry, is that something they do?

I can't. Then I kicked the other one off and started to panic. I was able to get my fins back on and calm down. If it were not for my scuba training and snorkel, I would be dead today. The boat was cool and there's some decent fish life at Cemetery Beach. I will be back. End of review. I'll be back.

Oh, okay. With nipple covers. I was gonna say get something for him. Some pasties just for them. What the fuck? I have zero clue. Five stars. Five stars. Hey, it doesn't make me want to go at all

Everything about that review sounded terrible. I don't want the fish to be literally anywhere near me Here's that they can be near me. It's their home, but I don't want them I don't want to know that they're near me and I don't want them to tell me with their with their agreed agreed I Don't want them to make their presence known you're right like they can do their thing just leave me alone which is why I leave them alone by don't by not going into their home that's right aka the ocean keep me away from the ocean oh my god imagine if it were not for my snorkel out and scuba training I'd be

dead today that's like so wild and the fact that you were in the ocean, kicked off both your things, were way too far out. I'm panicking. Fish were suckling. I mean, I never getting over that. Your nipples were basically gone. Like I'm picturing giant, like two giant fish. Oh!

One for each. Just like this giant fucking tuna coming up. That's so sick. Stop picturing it. And just one, just like this giant fucking tuna coming up so sick just like stop it was like oh and then carrying you back to so short and then you're like thank god I have my scuba training when they teach you how to handle fish biting her nipples I'm so glad I paid attention during that class Wow all right no I wrote here this is literally the craziest thing ever. Okay. This is the next thing I have. The last thing I have. This is from Stephanie Shide. I okay I don't know how to even

approach this. This sounds like a typical Stephanie. Stephanie finds the weirdest shit on the internet that I've never knew. oftentimes there's just like no note it just like appears and we're like okay I'm like nervous this one actually had a note I think I think Stephanie literally wrote what the hell is going on so I felt like that was extra alarming and I'm bad so it was worth a peek you know yes and so I did some digging because I wanted to know what was going on as well. So I'll read, actually I'll tell you what happened. In 2005, 26 year old George Smith disappeared

off of a cruise ship on his honeymoon. Oh no. And according to Wikipedia, blood stains were found in his cabin as well as on the side of the ship and it appeared that he may have been tossed off the ship or fallen overboard and drowned. Now I believe it was a Carnival ship,

a Carnival cruise line and I believe that there was a lot of public outcry, you know what I mean? There was a lot of public outcry, you know what I mean? It was a PR mess for the company, obviously. Because he was a white man probably. Right, exactly. And, well, most likely. And also, actually a lot of people have disappeared off these damn boats.

Oh, yeah, no, it's fucking scary. I think, isn't that something, I don't know, have there been, I feel like there have been a good number of people who took their own lives by it. Oh yes, there's that as well, but there are a lot of missing people, like missing persons. And I will say like, so going through this forum, which by the way, it was like one of the most hoppin forums on Cruise Critic, which is saying something. It was like hundreds of pages of just people. I think this post that Stephanie found was on page 67,

so you're a real one, Steph, but also like, I'm so sorry, and I hope you get a good nap today. Well, they're gonna say, I hope you get help. And I also, I was gonna say that, and I thought that seems really rude, so I'm glad you said it instead. Okay. There's a whole page here called... If you're listening to us get help. Get help. If you hear this. Alexander if you hear this later when you're editing get help okay? I texted your therapist. I'm gonna hear that and and be like, oh yeah, I do have to do that. I do have to schedule that appointment.

Yeah. OK. I'm on internationalcruisevictims.org. Excuse me? Slash blog slash missing persons. Holy fuck. Yeah, this is not an exhaustive list, but there's what the fuck does this have to do with your challenge?

Well, 14. Well, Alexander, here's a post that Stephanie found and that George Smith context is necessary because they keep saying George and I was like, George. It was in response to Carnival did this big press conference and people were pissed and people were commenting like that was so half-assed, they're not even giving any information, they're not being truthful and The FBI isn't releasing their information. It just was you know, a big true crime mess and then mix in cool cruisers Literally imagine it's like my worlds collide

I'm sure they'll solve it. You know, I think they believe it. I'm ready for them to solve it. Well When I this is the worst part, I Googled this guy to figure out who this was and the news that came up was that this, a couple months ago, a 26 year old man disappeared off a ship. And he was a black man this time and they still haven't found him. Oh my God.

And he was on a family, his dad's 60th birthday trip and his key card was last used at 3.30 a.m. was on a family, his dad's 60th birthday trip. And his key card was last used at 3.30 a.m. to enter his room that he was sharing with his twin brother. And then they were all supposed to meet, they packed their luggage, they were all supposed to meet at 7.30 a.m. for breakfast the next morning and he was the only one that didn't show.

And nobody knew where he went. And there were no, they're like, these ships have alarms and things in case people go overboard. And nothing allegedly had been triggered, nothing had been. And so basically every time something like this happens, all these kind of stories get dredged back up because it is such a alarming pattern.

And then you think like a cruise line, they want you to be like, oh, it's just family fun. And so it's like their worst nightmare to have something like this on the front page. So there's this user called aftlover, which I adore, because aft is part of a ship. And I just love that they're aftlover, aft underscore lover. And they probably were one of the first 10 people

to join Cruise Critic, because I can't imagine that name, that name probably went quickly, you know after lover after lover Yeah, I just feel like it's just feels right. So this is the 1768 post on this thread and after lover said She was the only one showing a shot of George and stating that she is now hearing from CEOs of cruise lines showing a shot of George and stating that she is now hearing from CEOs of cruise lines complaining about the media. She had a clip of CEO of Carnival

stating that news media has blown apart this Smith incident yet giving very little coverage to others missing at sea. So interesting point when you said it's a white man and it became this big spectacle when a lot of these stories do not get quite as much reporting. Yes, Good point. I was being facetious, but only because that is a real phenomenon that happens. And nothing directed directly at George himself. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. May he rest in peace if he has passed, because nobody knows. None of this shit has been solved.

That's tragic. Yeah. 2005. That's 20 years ago. Almost 20 years ago. Jesus. Then I was scanning Google. By the way ago, Jesus. Then I was scanning Google, by the way, I love that, I have to love scanning Google. Then I was scanning Google and found this interesting tidbit. Now, this is where I started Googling because it's a link to floridatoday.com,

but when I opened it, it said something about SpaceX launch and I was like, I don't think that's what she was trying to send me. So I'm sure that they archived the article, but. Yeah. Here's the quote. Royal Caribbean International President Adam Goldstein said the industry has been giving travel agents, quote, talking points to emphasize ship security if customers ask about the George Smith case and other safety matters.

So they're like trying to promote how fun and safe these boats are. Yeah, they're like getting ahead of the PR. Getting ahead of. Well, trying to try to fun and safe these boats are. Yeah, they're like getting ahead of the PR. Getting ahead of, well, trying to. Trying to, but not. Quote, it's at least 10 times safer on a ship than on land. This sounds a lot like what beats per minute. It's at least 10 times safer. We can all agree on that.

Said what fucking formula, weirdo. Like, yeah, more people die in a car than a cruise ship. That doesn't mean like safety concerns on a cruise ship shouldn't be, you know, like that doesn't. It does not. It doesn't make sense on land. Like you're safer out here. I mean, what do you mean?

So like what? I'm constantly in danger until I'm on a cruise ship and it's like, my risk goes down. That is sort of how my nervous system behaves but I have been told it's not normal. Maybe I should go on a boat. Maybe that that'll help. Absolutely. Please.

I promise it won't. Please know. It's at least 10 times safer on a ship than on land, said Andy Stewart, chairman of the Cruise Lines International Association, a group that represents the cruise lines. End quote. Now, now, after lover now pops back in. Then my FBI neighbor this morning drove by, put his window down, and told me, we haven't found George yet. Have you heard from him? I could have died! But interesting that they are going on word from me, as it is very possible, and our North Royalton

Ohio medium, who sees him alive but cannot state where So they are meeting again to have her point out stuff. She sees in the background, etc. End of post Oh my gosh, what so supposedly an FBI agent neighbor Uh-huh. This is in Ohio. This is the thing that Steph wrote and I need you to really this is like Uh-huh. This is in Ohio? This is the thing that Steph wrote and I need you to really, this is like so important that I read the note. Let me open the email back up because I accidentally closed it. Um, it is so important you hear this. Stephanie says, WTF is happening. Also, I've been to North Royalton, Ohio and based on their yard signs, it's full of unhinged people. FBI? Psychic? of unhinged people. FBI? Psychic? And then it just says ouch.

Oh, gosh. So FBI neighbor rolled down their windows and said, we haven't found George. Have you heard from him? Like, I'm sorry. Why would aft lover know? Like, I'm just I just. Cruise, the cruise forms are a small, close knit. I wouldn't be surprised. Like somebody like this who's just so involved and scans Google regularly, I was joking there, but seriously, I bet you people like this

can worm their way into stuff. I'm impressed by that. Because also, I love, she's like, don't worry, I'm on it. The FBI, I connected the FBI and our local medium, so they're just gonna do a sketch. It's like, wait, what? Sometimes mom will say something like that and I'll be like, no, you didn't.

And then it'll be true. And then it's true. And you're like, why do you keep bearing the lead, everybody? Like if you have a story about a FBI agent, you know, who lives next door and depends on you for his source material, then like tell me now. Yeah. Anyway, so I love this.

Like it's just a wild tale. There's a lot, also, AFT lover said a lot about someone named Greta. Greta? And I think it was Greta. And I was like, nobody was saying who Greta was, but they were like, Greta will talk to the FBI. And like maybe, maybe, maybe, honestly, hang on.

Actually, maybe. North Royalton, Ohio. Best medium in North Royalton, Ohio. Five star Yelp reviews. Yeah, find the Yelp reviews from Laugh Lover. Medium, Greta. Shut the fuck up, Alexander. Did you find her?

Greta May, intuitive. I'm not fucking with you right now what the fuck i think is this her i don't know i don't know maybe not but gretta a psychic medium named gretta may came up i don't know if she's in this town or if i'm just grasping at straws. Either way, they did talk a lot about Greta, and everybody said Greta has to talk to the FBI. And I'm like, so Greta's not in the FBI, presumably, because she's talking. But maybe, you know how sometimes they talk about

the president of like, cruise lines as like, oh, our buddy, Bob, and it's like, who the fuck is Bob? You know what I mean? Like they talk about these people like they're the parasocially really like close with the president of a cruise line. And so, you know, maybe it's like maybe Greta, somebody who like works at Alaska Cruises.

I don't know. Could be, Christina, maybe they're all connected. Somehow these people, they don't know. Could be, Christina, maybe. They're all connected somehow, these people. They must be. They all somehow know each other so well and it's kind of scary how connected the cruisers are. Because I guess you go on a cruise, you meet people from all over.

That's right. And these are social people. If you survive. And I mean, the pineapples, you got a lot of swinging going on. Oh my gosh, you're right, it's a danger zone. You get intimate, you get intimate with these FBI agents. And then you realize, oh my god,

I'm 10 times safer there than I am right this moment. So you don't use protection, that's what happens. I must be in huge trouble. I'm looking at this person and the more I look at them, the more I cannot figure out where they're located and the more uncomfortable I feel because I'm really trying to find out. Who? Greta May Intuitive. intuitive oh yeah they haven't posted in

a while so I assume they're they stayed in Salem one time they did yeah they did that was just a visit though I know I know and it and I will say they also have radiating ADHD which feels extremely relatable so if I believe they live in Minnesota yeah we just found at the same time, huh? Forget it. Okay, so nevermind. Greta May, sorry, but I hope you like the shout out. Greta must be someone else that is equally important

and linked to the FBI or something. I don't know. Oh my gosh. We should have searched Greta FBI, you know, next time. Next episode we'll go on the- I typed in Greta Cruz critic FBI. Oh no, Israel Keys, why? The FBI Carnival Cruise?

Okay. What? This is absolutely- Is this like a dinner party thing where you go and you pretend to be in the FBI or is this actual FBI? Like a murder mystery cruise line, but it's with real FBI yeah

and hopefully not actual uh people dying please understand this that i'm going to say this okay if you go to this is what it says if you go to FBI this is on cruise critic.com if you go to FBI.gov you will find detailed information this is a cruise credit cruise cool cruiser who wrote this you'll find detailed information about a serial killer Israel Keys who has now deceased during interviews He indicated he has killed multiple people and the FBI is trying to identify the victims One of the places listed on the travel map includes a Carnival cruise from Louisiana February 6 to 11 2012 I don't know if those who were on the ship have been contacted cruise from Louisiana. February 6 to 11, 2012.

I don't know if those who were on the ship have been contacted, but if you were on that cruise, it might be worth taking a look at the FBI's website to see if you have any information to provide. Wow. I mean, I just learned through the FBI website that the FBI investigates crimes committed on cruise ships. Like they're the ones who do that.

Well, obviously you didn't have to learn that from their website. I fucking told you, Greta already talked to them. I kind of like didn't believe it, though, which is not that I wouldn't believe that they'd be involved. It's just like you didn't believe aft lover. I didn't, Christina. I've got to say. OK, can I talk about this next comment? Yes, please. Which is by this guy whose photos like clearly like his like

headshot at work where he's a banker or something Hope the media doesn't get wind of this Okay What they'll be making up headlines like Stuck on a broke down carnival ship with a serial killer or could a serial killer be on your next carnival cruise? Okay I he's okay. He's not someone. They're not wrong. Yeah, but like also maybe because it sounds like there was so what the fuck like they already have that information. Exactly. It's not like we're making that part up. It's I mean, come on.

But Israel Keys actually is well known to be my scare the scariest topic to me that I've ever covered. Wow. Yeah. And I saw you react. I'm like, I have no idea. Sorry, it's like one of my least favorite people to talk about or look at or think about, so that's why I keep doing it. And he was on a cruise ship, interesting. Well, I didn't even know that. A cool cruiser. I mean, I probably knew that when I did the episode,

but it's been so long, but the thing was that he had this, he had this map of all these people that he allegedly, they have a map of all his known travel locations and he claimed he killed like hundreds of people. And so they're trying, but then he died by suicide in prison and it was horrible because he said he would like tell them

and then, you know, as kind of a fuck you. But yeah, there's some like scary stuff. Like looking at this map, it is all over the place. I mean, even Egypt. Jesus. Washington, New Hampshire, like just all over. Scary, okay, huh. Anyways, so.

Good stuff, what a, what a, wow. Out center, actually, this is actually really startling. I'm gonna send this to you. Yeah, this is a roller coaster of an episode, huh? We covered pretty much everything possible I know and also folks. I did cover that story at some point. So if you want to listen to it, it's out there I just don't know what episode it is And that's why we drink episode something something something. Yeah. Oh boy, I've done several cruise ship

episodes because it goes now yeah yep yeah anyway so thank you everybody sorry that got weird at the end um I just was like what did stuff find for me here always something fucking North Royalton Ohio it's the home of... To be fair... Aft lover. To be fair, you took it and ran very quickly with it to Serial Killers. Oh yes. So I will tell, at least Stephanie is off the hook a little bit. Hey, you make a very good point. Literally none of that had anything to do with Serial Killers until I got to... Until you got involved, yeah.

Although they said maybe foul play with that guy George Smith because there was blood true okay but I don't know if that was a serial killer I think that's more of a domestic they're alleging it may be a domestic thing yes we all saw what you did how you ran from it with it what we all saw that you ran with it the serial killer and you said ran from it and it. What? We all saw that you ran with it, the serial killer angle. Oh, you said ran from it, and I was like, from the bloody cruise ship? Alexander? Oh, I see.

No, you were not involved as far as I know. I mean, it was 2006, I think I was like in Latin class or something. Yeah, oh. Oh, that was the year you did that cruise, that Latin cruise? Do you have that map of all the places? Yeah, I do.

The one that you put up on your ceiling next to your picture of the once-lure. The one I make you look at all the time? Yeah. You'd say, guess where I was next? And it's like, oh, you're in, that's why we drink tour dates. I'm like, that's weird.

Why are you, have all these weird little body symbols next to these cities? Okay. If you still have any energy from listening to this episode, come watch me on stream sometime today. I don't know when. I don't really care. I'm not being that strict about it. I'll probably hop on in the afternoon or evening. What's your link?

Twitch.tv slash Zandi Schieffer. It's also below. And then yeah, patreon.com slash beach to Sandy for our ad free listening bonus or bonus episodes, video episodes, etc. All sorts of stuff. And then calendar with all of our each month for our new releases. So you can help us by sending an emails. That's how Stephanie gets all that weird shit to us. That's how I find out all the news that's fit to print on CreepCredit.

It's great. But yeah, and follow us on social media at Beach Shoe Sandy. Thanks for being here, everyone. Bye bye, everybody. Beach Shoe Sandy Water Too Wet is a Forever Dog production hosted and produced by Zandi and Christine Schieffer.

Cover art by Courtney Aventura, theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever theme music by Mavis White, executive produced by Zoe Applebaum. Forever Dog Productions is Joe Sileo, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Boehme.