Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 323: Reviews of Yoga Studios

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

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Like so worried about my sister. You're engaged! You cannot marry a murderer! I was sick, but I am healing. Returning to W Network and Stack TV. The West Side Ripper is back! If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know.

Starring Kaylee Cuoco and Chris Messina. The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I gotta get out of this. Based on a true story. New season Mondays at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on StackTV. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between

you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everyone, welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm ex-Teen. I'm ex-Andy. And we're so thrilled to be here today. We have an exciting little update. It's just some fun stuff. Nothing's changing.

We're just adding something new, which is a little segment in between the themes and challenges. We're just gonna try it out just to see if people like it, but we wanted to find a way for people to get more engaged with the show and so we set up for patrons We set up this little Voicemail box, which yes was a dangerous choice that we made but you know what now we're just inviting the chaos in we're leaning into it

We're inviting truly an insane thing for us to do it isn't saying it's like people basically just leave us voicemails Just like call me all the time, you know Truly an insane thing for us to do. It is insane. Letting people basically just leave us voicemails. Just like call me all the time, you know? And like I'm trying to get over my phone anxiety, but not quite so immersively, you know? But the exciting thing is you can call in, leave a voice message, and we basically can take that and feature it in an episode

if it's something worth sharing. We actually have one already that was submitted and our first one and it was so good that we were like. Other than all the hate ones from Gregory but. Oh yeah, Gregory we've had to block but he keeps coming back with new Google voice. Poochie related stuff. Always about Poochie.

And then his sister got involved and was like, well I'm on Poochie's side and I was like, you know what, you too, no. No, we're totally kidding. We've gotten one voicemail besides our test one. And we thought it was broken for a minute. But no, it's not. And it's really exciting. So we're going to put that in between our first caller.

We're going to put in between our challenge and theme segments. And we're curious what you guys think. If you want to submit your own story, we're asking for anything from, you know, you got a bad review at work, like a view at your workplace, or you ran into a Karen in the wild,

or, you know, any sort of like retail hell story or funny anecdote. Anything else, Andy? I'm trying to think of like- No, we just want to hear from you. I mean, it's fun. Yeah. And we listened to it and like separately and both laughed

and we're like, oh my God, wait, this is perfect. This is what we were looking for. We're one for one right now. So hopefully that stays, and we listened to it and like separately and both laughed and we're like oh my god wait this is perfect this is what we're looking for we're one for one right now so hopefully that stays but uh if you go to patreon.com slash bt2sandy um patrons can click that link and uh and use it to send in a little private message yeah you you finally pinned a post like i should have done this months ago i hadn't yeah a pinned post with all the info for anyone who's already a patron and was like, oh there's a voicemail thing. We forgot to tell you. It's in there. It's up top on the on the site so if you're like if you've been paying for months and you're like wait a minute, trust me everybody's surprised. But anyway all things otherwise are moving on ahead as normal.

Alexander you have had an influx of love and support from our little Sandy monsters. For sure. I got so many lovely comments and I didn't mention this in last week's episode only because we recorded that before my coming out episode came out. Oh right, right, right. So yeah, I wasn't ignoring all of you, but thank you everyone. So many like Spotify comments. That episode had the most comments of any Which was very funny a reddit post a friendly reddit post about me That was very sweet like I just Facebook posts too and like patreon comments There were some funny comments like so many good ones y'all someone were so fucking funny too

Yeah, call us on our voicemail if you were one of those funny comments Yeah, could say funny comments like call me the bad bye of podcasting I like that one a lot. That's good. And yeah and then stream went really well and everyone was lovely in stream and I was playing Dream Daddy where I completely missed the stream. Oh yeah I know two of them but yeah. Oh both of them. So far. Whoops. I'm trying to be more consistent about them. I need to figure out how to download Twitch again. Okay. But I have a goal, and I don't know if I even told you this,

but my goal is to get 3,500 followers. And once I do, I'm gonna do a stream of me creating the Lego motorized lighthouse set, which has been a dream of mine to do. Oh my God. And I'm only doing it once I get 3500 and I'm gonna do it on stream.

So I'm at 3173, so I need like 300 followers. Remember how you made all those fake phone numbers to call our voicemail? Can you use all of those to go follow Zandy? All 3500. As long as the request is not coming from me, I can't get in trouble, right? Is Jeff Bezos gonna be mad?

Holy, hold not. Oh, we can't get in trouble right just as Jeff Bezos gonna be mad uh Holly hope not I was wondering if I should eventually not to just ride your coattails but I was thinking of making my remember when I bought that Lego old timey yeah yeah yeah you should do that on stream for sure and I have like a shining puzzle and I'm always like I wish I could just talk out loud while I do these and I'm like maybe that's what I'll do that's so great there are people who just while I do these and I'm like, maybe that's what I'll do. That's so great. There are people who just do like work streams and they just like do work, play music and chill and other people chill in the comments. These are questions I should be asking later

because it's really not relevant to most people here, but are you allowed to just play music? Like, does it matter? It does matter. So it depends, kind of. It's complicated, so we'll talk later. Okay. It's complicated. Okay,'ll talk later. It's complicated. Okay, well I have one more note real quick

and that is that we heard from the shrimp whisperer, okay, and this is huge news and I meant to mention it last week, but Alexander stole my thunder by talking about his sexuality. That was two weeks ago, so actually last week he could have talked about it, but whatever. Last week I forgot, and the week before you stole my thunder.

So this is the big news. We found out some shrimpy knows first gay He's blind oh my god Please please remember that I'm sorry. It's a real thing that happened. Okay blooper news blooper It's a news blooper and is nothing to do. Sorry. I'll let you talk. Thank you so the shrimp whisper nothing about what Alexander said is so They sent some shrimpy notes Al's daughter actually emailed in and sent some shrimpy notes The shrimps are alive and this is the backstory my dad pulls the pots and after a rigorous

Auditioning process the best-looking models are picked They are kept fresh and cold and are often a bit wiggly and wily during the shoots, but my dad whispers to them and truly helps their inner models shine. They are also all union workers, which is important to us. There are glamour models, stunt shrimp, et cetera. They have so much personality and talent. Post-shoot, the scrimps do complete their sustainable life cycles, if you will.

I help my dad with shoots when I can, post-production and calendar creation, Post shoot, the scrimps do complete their sustainable life cycles, if you will. I help my dad with shoots when I can, post production and calendar creation, finding tiny hats, researching important shrimp themed holidays for the calendar, et cetera. This year was our 10th calendar and we've gotten some pretty hilarious reviews. So now there are some reviews that I'm gonna read

probably like on a future episode because we need to get the episode now. It needs its own episode to be honest. It needs probably its own. Maybe we'll get a voicemail from Shrimp Whisperer. Gotta pay us money. Shrimp Whisperer on Patreon. Oh yeah, oh yeah, we gotta get him on Patreon first.

No, but thank you for writing in, and we've also connected with Sinisterhood because they're apparently also big fans of the Shrimp Calendar, which is funny because I didn't know that, and I text with them a couple times a year. The timing was kind of wild. It was weird timing.

Well, I guess it was the new year, so it was like, oh, new calendar. Less and a little less wild, you're right. A little less wild. But I do have a little inkling that maybe there's something on the way to my PO box, or our PO box, I should say. So we might just be able to finally tell the time.

That's hilarious. Yeah, so anyway. Oh, a clock? Well, tell the day. Pfft. I'm like, calendar Oh, a clock? Well, tell the day. Pfft. I'm like, how are you using it? A sundial. Okay, Alexander, it is now time for our episode,

which is about yoga studios. And I swear to God, this is the last thing I'm gonna say, I did yoga today for the first time in four years. I wanted to ask you about it. It didn't even occur to me. I thought that was relevant. No, it was not on purpose. I literally had planned this like weeks ago.

Okay, yeah, maybe not the day. Yeah, I guess. But like I knew you were thinking about it because we had talked about doing yoga because I started doing yoga recently. Yeah, but my brain didn't even process last night. Like I'm reading reviews of all these yoga studios, going to my first yoga class in like half a decade.

So I feel very like ready for this theme. You know what I mean? Me too. I started yoga beginning of this month for the first time in years. And I feel very like ready for this theme. You know what I mean? Me too. I started yoga beginning of this month for the first time in years. And I'm gonna be doing it all year because I paid to do it all year. Look how limber we are.

But yeah, no, I'm, did I not tell you? I'm not even, this is insane. I touched my toes. I know. That's huge. I know. I freaked out. I remember the first time that happened to me and then it never happened. I mean, it

happened once or a couple of times and never happening. Yeah. No, it was a crazy thing. Remember when we were in middle school and they would like assess our value based on how far we could tell. So and I just was always a failure. Um and yeah, I couldn't do a pull up. Couldn't do a sit up. I remember Philip making fun of me in the locker room because we were both low on the social ladder. So he went he went ahead after I couldn't do my sit ups and went in and like made fun of how many sit ups I did,

which was not many. Anyway, I'm not bitter. Um, yeah, we haven't forgotten. Guess what? If you're out there, I can touch my toes. We forgot about you. And you said something mean to me in the locker room. I've never forgotten. He invited me to his like eighth grade birthday party, I think, even though he like his birthday whenever we were in eighth grade and I think the pull-up themed one like the Olympics at the gym it was just a plan of fitness you all want the tanning booth in my mind that was like like an olive branch and I went and then I never talked to him again until

now wait till you hear our voicemail from Philip today no I'm just kidding. I heard he's like whispering to shrimp somewhere oh my god he wishes all right okay so anyway let's get started Zanny do you want to read the first yoga review yoga studio. I do I do this one was sent in by Kelsey and this is of yoga six North Meridian as in Boise Idaho and Christina this is something um what Kelsey said was this is one of like two one-star reviews of this place like in like amidst five many five many five like a very well reviewed I think I mean it's 45 total but like they have a 4.7. So they're in good whatever they seem to be good Whatever, I think but this was from eight years ago. So, okay, maybe it's not even relevant I'm gonna leave some names out of it. But here's a one-star review

Here we go Do not go here. You will be insulted. Horrible, horrible, rude instructor, the worst yoga instructor ever, who also happens to be the owner. I came to hot yoga after being out of practice for a couple years. I am in decent shape, but I ain't no supermodel, just an average-sized woman in her mid-30s.

I came for the what was advertised as so-called beginner class, but it was far from beginners when combined with the heat level, or maybe it was just me being out of shape, and or the fact that I had recently recovered from a severely traumatic head and neck injury. So I-

What? I'm sorry. Why? I'm so sorry. Those are not funny, however. It's not funny. I'm like, why are you bearing the fucking leaf here? That was sprinkled in there a little bit. Also, like I related so far. I was like, yeah, I get it.

Like you feel like, oh, I could probably keep up. I'm in my mid-30s, like maybe a little creaky, whatever. But then like a head and neck injury, a traumatic one, no. And also like hot yoga. Oh yeah, of all things, no, no, yeah. That's something that's like, that's serious. I didn't do that even when I did yoga all the time. No, thank you. I've been doing it for a whole serious. I didn't do that even when I did yoga all the time. No, thank you

Uh-uh. I've been doing it for a whole month and I wouldn't do it a whole month today At one point and everything's fine and I went oh I'm not used to this like the quick like standing up and I was Like if this were hot yoga Bye. No, I would receive a child head and spine injury or whatever. I had recently recovered from a severely traumatic head and neck injury, so I came assuming it would be okay to challenge myself but to also know when to be kind to my body and not overdo it. So I did the self-loving thing any normal yoga student would do and made sure I took

breaks when needed to catch my breath, going into child's pose, Savasana, pausing to drink plenty of water as I was overheating. And when my heart started pumping so fast in the 115 plus degree heat as I was dripping buckets of sweat, I made the wise decision to step out of the room to catch some air, refill my water bottle, and wet a towel to put on my neck so as to not pass out. Well, to my dismay, at the end of class, the instructor, with her very high Mickey Mouse pitched squeaky voice, decided to lecture me on my manners, telling me that my actions of moving around and stopping to rest were inappropriate, disruptive, and offensive to

the rest of the class. When I explained to her that I was overheated and had to leave the room, she continued to lambast me on my rude behavior. Not a joke. So in other words, essential hot yoga is a place for you if you like being personally insulted and told how much of a piece of inconsiderate crap you are as a paid customer, and it's also an ideal place if you are a young 20-something year old girl like the rest of the class who just, like the instructor, like to wear thong-style bikini shorts

and practically nothing as they stick their butts up in the air and do a bunch of super speed yoga with no focus whatsoever on breathing. So I guess since I am not so-called fit enough and not worthy enough to be a part of this club, I'll just go ahead and forfeit all the prepaid classes I already bought and find another yoga school that is actually professional

and actually respects its students and the yoga practice itself and values my business as a paying beginner class customer. Keep in mind, this is a beginner's yoga class and I am not new to yoga. I've done yoga for 12 years prior to my injury, including forest yoga, vinyasa, Bikram, hot yoga, et cetera. Throughout major cities like Chicago, San Diego,

Portland, Daytona, et cetera. Daytona! I'm sorry, Daytona. Oh my God, I think that's where yoga was invented. That's the home of yoga, isn't that where that prophet lived and all that? Yeah, they do the yoga races too, every year. Right, Fountain of Youth is there, it's a whole thing.

Fountain of Youth. True. I thought that was St. Augustine. I'm having some feelings about this, wow. It's almost over. Throughout major cities like Chicago, San Diego, Portland, Daytona, et cetera, and this instructor was a total joke and a complete insult to my integrity.

Namaste. End of review. I feel like you just completed a challenge we didn't even know we had. I know, I know, I know. Namaste at the end. I feel like I need to save this because there are probably going to be many challenges, honestly. There's going to be a relevant challenge. The crazy shit that's in there. Oh my God. I've never, like, okay, see with this person, I feel like I just wish it would click, but

I know it might not, it probably won't, but like that is the kind of person that makes me nervous to go to a class. Not the people who look good and are doing what they're doing and are super fit. Like okay, fine, maybe at one point that made me a little insecure. But like the, bitterness and anger rating off this woman based on what like, women are wearing and stuff. It's like, that's what I would feel attacked.

Like, why are you staring at my butt and like, judging me and writing a Yelp review about what I'm wearing and how I'm, wow, this person I feel like needs to do some, a different type of yoga, like a psychiatry yoga. Is that a thing? Maybe, yeah, because like, that seemed to be projecting a lot of shit all over the place.

That's what it is, it's like, wow. I was like, this person needs yoga more than anyone. Like, I think to like actually let it, you know. Was there a response? No. I would feel so alarmed if somebody wrote that and I were just trying to say I mean, I don't know like what do you even say this? I mean, I don't know because like do you think that they actually got upset with her for like leaving the room or was she? Like maybe she was like making some maybe in however. Yes, however, she did it. Maybe was somewhat disruptive. I don't know

Wow Who knows if she was like muttering under breath. You know, you never know. I don't know if that's the case, but I can see why like somebody would be like, hey, that was disruptive if you're like, and like that's a terrible spot for the teacher to be in. Like she didn't want to say that. No, exactly.

And I have another review later. And also like my experience with the yoga instructors obviously is not going to be the same as every, but like it's yoga. Like, I don't know. I feel like generally I'd be on the side of the yoga instructor because I'm like Oh, yeah, they yeah and to like have a pretty welcoming space

I've never seen someone like fully lambast someone who was completely innocent of any misbehavior I don't know but it's possible. I will say I have a review later where it was pretty clear who that Oh, okay, yeah, and you're right. I think don't have all the info, so it's hard to say. We're a comedy podcast, so who gives a fuck? I think it's just funny. Way funnier, our way. The funniest thing was that they were like listing all those major cities and then said et cetera,

but their cities had gotten like progressively less like populous. Right, like Port, by the way, Chicago, yeah sure, big city. Okay, the rest are like major cities. And then it's like San Diego's like yeah, major city. Well big city, I don't know, yeah. And then Portland's like okay. Sure, yeah. That's like bigger Diego's like, yeah, major city. Big city, I don't know, yeah. And then Portland's like, okay. That's like bigger, I guess, than many.

And then Daytona, I'm like, that's not that big. And then they said Etcetera, and I'm like, what's? Etcetera feels like Boise. What's next, Boise? Isn't that where we are? Well, I think Boise's probably bigger than Daytona. Daytona? Yeah, I don't know.

Boise population is not when those motor 235 And Daytona population is 82,000 Well, not on race day. Oh, you got him there Okay, so my first one is from Katherine Sheeher who said hello sibling Sheefer Enjoy a smattering of reviews from Canada a a market I feel is underrepresented in submissions. Okay. So you know what? Catherine's doing something about it. Okay. Shit from us. Catherine's doing something about it and submitting some reviews. This is a review of pure living. I didn't think she had to lambast us though. For not reading. Yeah. In those thong shorts or whatever

the fuck she called them. This is how I pictured going, like literally saying nothing wrong. Just like nothing happened. And then me getting really upset. Like going off. Yeah, okay. So, Pure Living Yoga in Saskatchewan. And this is a one star review. For what it's worth, I've been thinking about how to say this since June.

Sounds like us. Sounds like an email to you. Like, like if I, if I was like, you drink the last Red Bull in my fridge or something. I've been thinking about saying this all year. Also, it doesn't say when this was written. It just says a year ago. So I'm like, I assume the winter time. Oh, wow.

Okay. If it were around a year ago. For what it's worth, I've been thinking about how to say this since June. After I completely fell in love with yoga in the fall of 2022 through my practice at Pure Living, from which I decided to take the 200 hour teacher training with from May to June, I was so excited for this, but to say politely and respectfully with much thought,

I was utterly disappointed in the teacher slash owner, Gemma. Every day she went out of her way to degrade and made me feel defeated. I brought cupcakes to a classmate because she had her 25th birthday while in class, but Gemma told everyone not to eat them because society eats too much and we never give our system a break from digestion. Okay, Gemma like clearly has it out for you. If this is all true, I'm like really, cause it gets, okay. To not allowing me to freely use the restroom or leave the room after going 30 minutes over scheduled ending time.

After 14 hour days. Sure there were breaks, but she would also talk into the breaks constantly and tell me not to bring a watch or a cell phone to class to be able to check the time. However, she can answer a FaceTime from her boyfriend and interrupt the entire class, fanning her phone for everyone to say hi to him. Unprofessional to say the least, but what was even more unprofessional was the binder they gave us.

The binder was filled with pages for the course, but they had no page numbers and no index. Quote, go to the spine section, flipping through pages. Gemma stops class and says, please stop. We can feel your frantic energy. There was missing pages that was realized when we studied together at the end, because I obviously didn't have them in class.

Oh, and the cherry on top was Gemma asking for us to give her a gift at the end. Like, seriously? What? What? What? What? Some tabs for her binder maybe. This is amazing. cherry on top was Gemma asking for us to give her a gift at the end. Like seriously? Some tabs for her binder. This is amazing. Yeah right. To say the least, the way I was treated in this training has tainted my love of the practice. I hope I get it back soon but it's been five months. Okay so that answers our question so it wasn't like November. But it's been five months so I'm hoping posting this helps a bit. I'm also sharing my experience to hopefully save people from the heartache long story short I highly do not recommend taking training here all the best of pure living yoga, but do better end of review Wow

That's kind of review where it's like when there is not a bunch of all caps and exclamation points and quotations and accusing other people Yeah, and like unnecessary rudeness or uncalled for things sarcasm and like, rudeness, and like unnecessary rudeness or uncalled for things. And you're like, oh yeah, that seems a lot more believable. It seems a lot more reasonable. Yeah. It's sort of like, okay, I feel for you. That binder with no pages. Like, and then it's like, please stop. She's flipping through the pages. Please stop. We can feel your frantic energy.

Oh my gosh, dude. I've been thinking about my energy though in public now, because like, well, I haven't talked about this yet, but like I just got a tattoo and I was so- Yeah, it's a season of change. Yeah, I got my very first tattoo and I was so fucking nervous sitting there. And like, thankfully the people that were coming in to get their own tattoos were like regulars based on how they

talked and they had plenty of tattoos. But I was sitting there like in a ball like just like trying just breathing and like trying I was so anxious and it was so obvious and I could not make eye contact with anyone else was like, sitting there and I felt so bad because I was like, I hope my energy didn't like bring things down. And then I was a lot more comfortable once I was like, I hope my energy didn't like bring things down. And then I was a lot more comfortable once I was like lying there, getting the tattoo. And it was really nice. Yeah. Talking and like they never they were all having their own conversations. No one was worried about me like, well, not in a bad way, but like, you know,

they were doing their own thing. And then afterwards, I don't even know who it was. I think it might have been the other person getting tattooed or the other artist was like, Congrats on the first tattoo. And I turned around and like had never not talked to these people once because I was so nervous and I'd only talked to my artist, but I was like, thank you! I'm so excited! And then I like ran out the door and it was cute. Anyway, I have a lot of nervous energy sometimes and I think about that, but like calling someone out on their like energy is not gonna help their energy. Just saying your energy is frantic, like we can all feel it,

is just putting you on the spot and saying, you know, like, you're bothering every, and also like teaming everyone else up against you. And I just, I find that, I mean, if that is what happened, I find that a little unfair. It's like the, and I feel like this is all like the antithesis of what, like a yoga class, maybe not should be, I don't know what it should be, but like my experience has always been like so nice. Yeah, but I also imagine like teacher training is a different animal, right? Because you're like, oh, you have to like learn some very.

I mean, the binder doesn't seem that professional, but you have to learn some very like official stuff and rules. And I've never done like a more advanced class, so I don't know how, and especially not a hot class. So I don't know how those go. No, I mean, I think we've all learned that's not gonna happen for us anytime soon. Your turn, right? Yeah, it's from Brad who says,

I know they should say you shouldn't get bent out of shape, but I think the reviewer has a point in this instance. Oh my God. Also, Brad suggested the yoga theme, so. Oh, he did? Well, it might be because of this review, because this review's fucking batshit. I think he just wanted to say the pun, but yeah.

This is that one that I was talking about. That leg. Oh, okay. Where I'm like, I think that the reviewer is more on the right. Okay. Eek! Here is a one star review of Bikram Yoga, Fremont Street in Portland, Oregon.

And the Oregon thing is relevant. Oh my God, huge, huge metropolis of yoga fanatics. So true. Portland, sister city of Dayton, I mean Daytona and Dayton, triplet. A triplet city to Dayton and Daytona. Someone accidentally typed it in wrong. Oh my God.

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and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slash beach2sandy code beach2sandy. Hungryroot.com slash Beach2Sandy code Beach2Sandy. This is a one-star review by Julia. This is from 2012, by the way. So this was 13 years ago. Wow, a relic. Yeah. This was my first experience with hot yoga. My little sister is in town. I had previously gotten a living social deal for the studio, so I thought it would be nice to try together for our first time. We were greeted by the owner. He seemed nice enough, except when we were filling out our forms, he told us to move away from the desk so we weren't in the way of anyone trying to sign in. Reasonable request, but he could have been

more polite about it. He explained to us that it is a hard class and to listen to our own bodies and take breaks when we needed to. This made me feel more comfortable, but once we started class, this was not the case. I knew that hot yoga was going to be hard, especially for beginners. I felt like I was going to pass out, and it looked like a few other students felt the same. I'm not sure how long it was into it, maybe halfway through the class, but a girl looked like she needed a little breath of fresh air. She got up and quietly was leaving the room and the owner and instructor interrupted the class and said, please don't go, why are you leaving?

She responded with, I just need to go outside. He asked, are you okay? She said, I'm fine. Obviously not. Once she walked out the door, he said, the rest of you won't succumb to the fate of Kate, the girl's name. Oh my God, he knew her name too. And then called it out.

That's fucked up, okay. Yep. I don't know why, but that like makes it worse for me for some reason, like to say her name out loud. Yeah. I couldn't believe how unprofessional that was. When she didn't come back for a few minutes, he sent one of his little minions out

to go see how she was doing. The minion came back with a tired girl. That was my first hint. We found her. It's like the king's henchmen just come back with like over their shoulder. Feels like that. Drag her back in.

That was my first hint that I didn't like him. He interrupted the whole class to single her out. I would understand if he was just trying to see if she was okay, but it wasn't like that. Later, I decided to not do a pose, and my sister looked over and mouthed, are you okay? All of a sudden, we hear him say, sternly say, no talking during yoga class, please.

I mean, really, are we in kindergarten? She mouthed the words, no noise came out of her mouth. That really made me mad, and I think- Also, he talks all the time, this guy. It's like he never stops. Being stern to people time this guy. Yeah, he's like- He never stops. Being stern to people in the class. Right. He's like making rhymes.

I mean, come on. I wonder if he'd assumed they were talking about him or something. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. I don't know. Not that that would make it okay. I'm just like, why would he even care

if they mouthed something? Maybe it's just like, he likes to be, like, you know. Yeah, there's plenty more. So don't worry. We'll figure more out. Only he can FaceTime his boyfriend and make everybody else say hi. That is hilarious. I love that.

I love these weird things happening in yoga classes. Because I don't want it to happen to me, but I want to be able to be like, wow, picturing that is insane. That's crazy, but this happens in real life. It's like a David Sedaris personal essay, you know? It's like, how do these things always happen? Yeah.

That really made me mad. You know, it's like, how do these things always happen? You know? Yeah. Oh. That really made me mad. And I think that is what prompted the raise of my already high heart rate and my feeling of nausea. A few minutes later, we were both struggling in our poses. He said, if you are wearing pink or black, I was wearing black pants. Shut the fuck.

My sister was wearing neon pink pants. Please try harder on this pose. No. Some people try harder on this pose. No. Some people try harder than others in this class. Try harder? I feel like that's page, like halfway through the binder. I know they don't have page numbers, but in the binder, like big, big letters,

it says like, please do not ever say try harder. Yeah, that doesn't motivate anyone. It's like rule number one. It doesn't even make sense. Like just like what? I don't think you even say that as like a gym, like a gym instructor, you know, like a fitness instructor. I feel like that's just on all levels. Not helpful at all. Yeah, not helpful, not constructive. Really? I completed one hour and 15 minutes of the class and I really felt like I couldn't go on.

I picked up my mat and walked out the room. He said, please don't leave. Are you okay sweetheart? Yeah. No, this is scary. This is so scary. I'm sorry. It's becoming like serial killer. It gets scarier. What? I could barely muster the energy for a response, but I just said, I'm fine. I just can't do anymore. And I walked out the door. Five minutes later, my sister came out for me. She was just as beat as I was. She proceeded to tell me that when I walked out of the door he told the class, don't fall into the trend of pitying yourself because it hurts too bad because in the end it makes you look better. When she told me that I had pretty much decided I wouldn't be returning. We walked back to get our stuff out of the dressing room and in rushes the teacher to tell us, I really don't feel comfortable with you hanging out in the dressing room.

I responded with, we just walked in to get our stuff to leave. As we were walking to the door, he said, the first few classes are hard. And I said, yes, we know. That's why I thought you would have more sympathy for us attempting our first class. His response was, well, peace out, come again. I said, we will not be returning. He walked in the classroom and I guess he stayed by the door to spy on us

because my sister and I exchanged an OMG and what a jerk. Once we started walking down the stairs, we heard the door to the classroom shut. What a freak. By the way, he wears a Speedo while instructing. Shut up. You should send that other lady too. This whole time. Oh my lady. This whole time.

Oh my God. This whole time this man was in a speedo doing all this. This must be a prank or something. That is so relevant to me. Like I'm like, that would make so many people uncomfortable I think. Like, I hate that. I don't know.

I mean, the fact that he's wearing a thong, he has minions that he sends out for like his physical labor duties. It's like, what is this guy on about? Like, what does he do? What is he trying to establish here? What kind of weird hierarchy system? Yeah. Then they like did another paragraph basically summarizing like, I bet they're good instructors, but what the fuck is this? Like, this is wild. Okay. Here's what I want to also say is that Kate, oh, sorry, go ahead.

There's more because they have an update. Oh, I'm sorry, oh my God, okay. Because they got a message, they purportedly, from this instructor and I will read it and I will tell you what words are censored and I will, you'll see. Holy, okay. Here's, this is the quote.

You were not ready for yoga and no one wants you walking around the studio while they're in class. Ignorant Greshamite. Okay, pause. I was like, what the fuck is a Greshamite? And I googled it. It's like first used in 1600s. It's the name of that henchman guy who went out and grabbed Kate.

Heshmanin? What's the same? Greshamite. Ignorant Greshamite. A Greshamite is someone from Gresham, Oregon, which is right by Portland. Huge. So I think that this sounds like, I don't know, like a Daytonite? Like a Cincinnatian being like a Daytonite?

Like I don't know what the equivalent is in Cincinnati, like a Northern Kentuckyer. Oh, so you're basically insulting them with local geography. Yeah. Like saying, oh, you're from the West Side or East Side or whatever. I guess, because I don't understand it. I just know I looked up Greshamite and I saw Gresham, Oregon. I was like, and this is in Portland, Oregon. So I was like, it must be that.

It's some sort of commentary on where they live. I think so. They think they live. Yeah. I'm like, what is this? OK. Ignorant Greshamite, wake up. I think so. They think they live. Yeah, I'm like, what is this? Okay, anyway. Ignorant Greshamite, wake up. You and your semi-Arsler friend are nowhere near the evolutionary advancement necessary to meditate or get over yourself. Full of self and your needs and expectations. You justify Gresham. Oh and you are a fuck

I'm gonna call it say this is not the word a Fuck turd that's not what they're saying. They're saying a slur thrown a slur in there, but I'm just gonna say that Oh, and you are a fuck turd. Sorry forgot that fuck turd And that's it Speedo after class, sweating like a banshee. It feels like at first it was almost like a fun like like like a sketch you know like oh you know SNL. Portlandia 100% like oh and also he where he says like the craziest stuff whatever it goes too far like this is too too far

Even for a sketch scene like this is like something's wrong. Yes person. This is this became a drama Yeah, I'm really worried about pretty much everybody anyway, and Sandy you're frozen on my end. Oh really you're Gresham You're ignorant Greshamite. Okay. The other thing about it is, you're not evolved enough, and then using all these slurs, and spelling things wrong, and being like, it's just like, okay, this is when you see these weird slips of madness behind some of these guru people.

I'm not saying this guy's a guru, but he clearly thinks of himself in a very grandiose way, and I feel like there's some of these people who are maybe perhaps more charming than this guy and can get like an actual following. That's when it's like oh gosh there's some other stuff mixed in here that's narcissistic or or just like mental illness. There's something going on. It happens. And what I will say is like this was 2012 not excusing it because I didn say is like, this was 2012, not excusing it, because I didn't talk like that in 2012.

Right, sure. It was not OK back then. You were enlightened already. I was. You know, I was. But this current plays that I, Bic Ramillo, I don't even know if it was called that back then, but it's certainly not owned by someone, this person right now.

I know. So I assume this person right now I know so we should probably check what kind of new cults have popped up since 2012 local area just like he's up to everywhere but Gresham apparently yeah and it's the fourth biggest city in Oregon. Oh. So I mean, I don't know. It's like, I don't know what. Dude. Pretty established town it sounds like. I wonder if people in Portland hate people in Gresham?

Maybe there's like a little, we should ask. It feels like a Portlandia thing in joke, you know, that we wouldn't understand. Yeah, it feels like I assume it's like in some ways like super offensive that he's like doing this. Like if you're calling out someone's like place of where they're from, usually it's not in a kind like, right, right. No, usually context. He's obviously insulting. There's something that's like, he's not being correct or good about with Gresham, but shout out Gresham. Shout out, I guess. All my, all our Greshamites in the chat.

Yeah. You know who you are. Uh, I can't believe it. I thought that was the name of the guy You dragged out the drag that poor girl back in also with Kate. Like do you think Kate? Do you think she just comes back like why does he know her name? It's like did she buy the did she get suckered into like a living social Like my yoga instructor knew my first name day one and has used it Oh since so maybe they're all always on their first day and he just memorized Because I can't imagine great names, but he's really bad about slurs he like

He's great with names, but he has a mnemonic device and it's very not It's not okay. It's very I just I don't know. It's just so weird to me Like how would a place like that even run? I guess it didn't I guess it got new management But like yeah, I don't know I like if I witnessed any of that even if it wasn't to me I would never come back like I'd be too freaked out Yeah, it's weird when we're sitting here like wow, we could run a yoga studio better Yeah, we just I don't I don't know how to touch my toes Yeah, man is calling people terrible things. And we can't reach it because it's by our toes

and they're really far away. Okay, so this is from Catherine as well. It's Bodhi Tree Yoga in Saskatchewan. And this is a one-star review by Ryan. The owner of the studio, Jake, doesn't have the sufficient or required knowledge about yoga or even the ethos of India To run a yoga studio. He might as well open up a McDonald's and it wouldn't make a difference

The guy doesn't have an inch of intellectual knowledge or reasoning Particularly when it comes to yoga or Indian history or its historical figures as he nauseatingly Demonstrated on his yoga history podcast. End of review. I was going to say, wow, that seems like you're holding him to a high standard. Then I hear yoga history podcast. When I go for a podcast that's comedy only and we have to be so careful about facts. Like imagine having a history. That's news to me. Well, I guess we've got to start sometime, so. That's why you rarely talk in the episodes.

I cut most of it out. Don't worry. But if you're a self-proclaimed history podcast, that's maybe a little different. Maybe you could. I was like, I wonder if any of the instructors at my studio, if any of them actually know that much. You'd like to think some.

I'm sure in the training. It's obviously a very important cultural thing, yoga. I don't know. I don't know that much about it personally. But like, yeah, you would learn that. I imagine it's in the binder. But yeah. It's probably loose in the binder somewhere. If you're doing a whole podcast about it, you might want to brush up on some things. Seriously. I mean, I don't know how much of this is true if it's just like a one star review.

It's just a competing podcast. Yeah, right? I could be. Maybe. It could be. You got to be careful. I mean, I've never seen a one star view of our show that's valid. So true. So true.

I think I'm throwing this one out the window. I couldn't understand why it would happen to another podcast. No, it doesn't make any sense. Whoops. Okay, my next one. This is from Christine, she, her, and is of Melt Hot Yoga in Edwardsville, Pennsylvania. I want to stay so far away from that, like, physically. But I can't even think about it,

makes me want to cry. It sounds terrible. Melt. Here's a one star by Kate? Huh. I moved from Portland on a Bresham, it says. I changed my name to Fate. Here's what it says, one star. Me and two other people go to the studio one minute after the class started and the door was locked.

You have to book online and prepay and nowhere on the website did it say that they lock the door on the dot of the scheduled class. I find it very crazy and unfortunate that they do not accommodate for people who can't control things like Traffic or other inconveniences who do plan to be there on time Especially since they have a no refund and no transfer policy If I was able to go to a different class or get a refund, I would not be this upset end of review Girl, are you new here? Are you new here? Like, did you just come out of a bunker after, I mean, there's no other explanation.

It's not like a spin, I've never been to a spin class, but I assume, okay, maybe that starts on time too. But like, I don't know. I feel like a yoga class, if you're not there on time, you're disrupting everything. Exactly. That's the whole point.

Well, and here's what I'll say also, if it's like a yoga studio where there's one employee and they're teaching the class, I mean, today, they have to lock the door because- That's literally what my studio does. That was gonna say, I think every, I think I would argue probably most do unless they have like multiple rooms, right?

Like it just feels like for a small studio, especially that you would lock the door because you don't want people wondering once the class class starts and as we've learned from our experience here on the internet one minute really was it one minute was it literally one minute are you sure because i will say my i love how we can talk as if we're experts because you went to one class. I did a few classes. To be fair, mine was today proximity effect. True, true. Because of the tattoo, I was told to not work out or do yoga for a week because I can't

sweat and I sweat a lot. So and it's not even hot yoga. But but yeah, like my one experience, I'm like, this is so wild. Like, I don't know. Oh'm like, this is so wild. Like, I don't know. Oh, that you would behave, like that you would have expectations like that. You would move this way and like expect that like,

they would wait for you and then not, yeah, I don't know. I don't believe it was a minute. Because I feel like if somebody was a minute late, I feel like it would probably not be a huge deal. Like people would still be kind of setting up. That has happened at my studio for like, if we started a few minutes late because they knew that there were a couple people running late. it would probably not be a huge deal. People would still be kind of setting up. That has happened at my studio. A minute, I don't, I call bullshit. If we started a few minutes late because

they knew that there were a couple people running late. And also why would they say on the website, don't come late? They shouldn't have to tell you. It baffles me when people are like, well I was late, but I can't control the weather. I'm like, okay, those are completely unrelated things. And to say that they,

they call themselves a person who planned to be there on time. Well, I love that. You know, that's actually how I, that's so relatable. I always plan to be everywhere on time. That's something I would tell my friends, be like, well, I plan to be here on time. And I've literally said that,

because I'm like, I don't plan, I just wasn't. And also, why do you keep, why, what was it like, why don't they make, make it accessible, or what did they say, for people who can't control inconven make it accessible or they say for people who can't control and do not accommodate for people? I plan to be late. Why can't you accommodate for that? It's like what what do you does that mean accommodate for the traffic on your? Convenient they said the word inconvenience. I mean...

Traffic or other inconveniences. It's like you're literally the inconvenience showing up late to the... My Nespresso was clogged this morning. How was I supposed to get here? I planned on it. And they were like, if you just give me my full money back or a different class, like basically they're like... I want a fee fund.

Look, if I don't get my fee fund. I'm gonna be mad I'm gonna walk it's like well, you're already locked out. So Go home. I can't um Wow So the next one I have is also from Catherine and also of boat. I tree yoga Apparently Canada is full of fun little thoughts on yoga studios Wow one star Bye Greg. Oh, by the way, sorry, side note, this is the same guy that the other guy

was complaining about saying he knows nothing about Indian history and has his podcast. This is the same studio, and that was the owner that the guy from earlier was talking about. This is another commentary on that same owner by Greg. Owner is not living on the same planet as the rest of us. Very combative. End of review.

It has 11 thumbs up. What? Something is going on at this place. This is a very combative planet too. So that's what's wild. It's like, he's on a more combative planet with, so that's what's wild. Wow! It's like, you want a more combative planet with Mars, God of War kind of shit? Do you think that, yeah, is there a more combative race than ours?

Because then we're all really screwed. We wouldn't exist, I think, anymore if that were the thing. Well, that's a fair point. USA, all the way. Okay, owner is not living on the same planet as the rest of us Well, he probably lives on with that other guy on you know a different star seed or something I feel like they're like star seed I don't know I just saw that word in my email inbox a few minutes ago and it said are you a star seed and I was like

probably I Don't think that's healthy Everyone just email her like are you a whatever and she'll say probably I don't think that's healthy. Everyone just email her like, are you a whatever? And she'll say, probably. So whatever you want her to be, just send her an email apparently. I mean, sometimes I just feel like I'm at the mercy of my inbox. So it's like, I guess if you said it, not me, you know.

So anyway, they could be from a different planet. Yeah, wow. They probably are. I can't wait to listen to this podcast. Their yoga history's different, like on their planet. I mean, right, there's no India on this other planet, you dumb ass. They came up with their own yoga on their own planet. They have India, a different kind of India, okay?

It's not the same one you know. Exactly Exactly. Back there, I was really popular and I had like two girlfriends. So stop writing one star views about my podcast. Oh boy. Yeah, I have another review here. This one I found this is of a New York yoga This one I found. This is of a New York yoga hyphen hot yoga. This is an Upper East side. It's like a few blocks from my like my penthouse suite. Yeah, Central Park penthouse suite. It was the way that you really were stumbling over how to get the words out that I knew it was going to be something stupid. See, I moved my set up so you can't see the window behind me so no one can see those cars that are on that really tall highway in Central Park. We can just see your plywood door

and now we know that you live in luxury. Okay, I'm reading this one star review. Here we go. I mean particle board. I don't know, that's not particle board either. I don't know what it's called. I'll let you know later. I'll analyze it. Here's a one star either. I don't know what it's called. I'll let you know later. I'll analyze it.

Here's a one-star review. This is what John has to say. Class was so hot, half of it left, and one lady had to go to the ER. Doesn't seem like much of a workout when all you do is sweat. Teacher needs to realize when students are dying and at least open the door.

And review. He's so self-involved that people are just dropping like flies. Letting these people die instead of opening the door. I think that's today our yoga teacher did offer to open the door and we were like, it's like 20 degrees out. I mean, it was it might have felt nice. We were not doing hot yoga. It still probably would have felt nice.

It was before we started the class. Never mind. We hadn't even and he goes, someone said, oh, well I think it's hot in here. And then someone else goes, and he goes, should I open the door? And we were all like, no, what's going on with you people? It's not my fault. Especially for him and his speedo.

Yeah, good point. That's probably why he wanted the door open. More eyes, you know? He wanted to put on a show. I just can't deal with that. That's, all of that is too far. ER visits? Like no, no, no.

I don't think that that's something I'm gonna partake in. Hot yoga, yeah, no. Well, especially if I'm locked in and I'm not allowed to leave, which I have actually heard from another friend who said like it was, they really didn't want me to leave because I think like it's something about when you open the door it like Maybe I don't know. I don't know if it's true pressure

Pilot in his speedo has to get one of the flight attendants to restrain you Kate Okay, let's see. I have two more. This one is a one-star of Modo Yoga Modo Yoga in Winnipeg and this is also from Catherine, of course, Canada and it's a one-star review by Bill I was doing energy exchange at Modo Yoga Donald and other people stole my Tofurky. Why can't they just buy their own lunch? stupid I was doing energy exchange.

I was like, is that made up? Is that even real? And then I'm like, no, I think this is a real thing. You think that them talking about toe-furkey and energy exchange on the same review, I feel like they're just making fun of yoga. No, I think they mean literally like deli toe-furkey. Like they were there for some training or something. I don't know. Maybe not. Donald's told their toe-furkey.

I highly doubt that he was not. Donald stole their toe. I highly doubt. You're right. You're right. It's probably not real. This is what happens when we get more Canadian content. With Canadians. These little Canadians. Cool it. We don't understand their humor.

She doesn't at least. Yeah, it's very advanced. Alexander, I need to be honest. Is it legit, you think? I think so, because Donald. Has a reputation of stealing Tofurky. He's just got it in his mouth. No, not all the time.

No, there is like it says Donald. Schedule Donald. what does this mean? It keeps saying schedule Donald. Don't click it, whatever you do, don't click it. You have no idea the ramifications of clicking that button, so don't click it. Well, apparently Donald really is. Scheduled?

Oh my God, it's like one of their rooms or one of their like centers or one of their locations or something. It's named Donald? Yes. And the center like. That's what they were saying, Moto Yoga Donald, I guess like the location, sorry.

And people stole my Tofurkey. Oh, I thought Donald stole, did you lie to me? No, it says I was doing energy exchange at Moto Yoga, Donald and people stole my Tofurkey. So at Modo yoga Donald and people stole my toe Fergie So I thought it was Donald and people Other people stole my toe Fergie I didn't even remember the and people so it was like before how you read it it was like this grand scheme Donald and other people

Yes, stole my toe Fergie, but apparently it's that just other people stole your toe Fergie Okay, then never mind that feels a little more believable, but I also feel it feels more believable Feels kind of not but that's okay Here's something that is very believable and I will never stop believing in it Five star review sent in by Christine yoga is a real thing and they do it at the Donald studio. I'm just saying sorry I it sounded real but in a way that like if someone made that up, I know it's like Portlandia again Let's scrap it because it's like it's too obvious. Yeah. So anyway, this is in by Christine. This is a redemption

This is of buttonhead farms goat yoga Give my notes open no So after I read the review, I want you to scroll down in my notes. Okay. To a picture. It's the only one in there, so you'll see it. But let me read the review, five stars. Buttonhead Farms came to our local ice cream shop

and held goat yoga on our lawn. It was a fantastic experience for our community and definitely got a lot of people talking about it. It was a pleasure to collaborate and we cannot wait to have her and her goats back. We cannot recommend the experience enough. She has such an amazing personality and the goats are cute.

No better combo. Goat emoji and a review and scroll down and you can see a picture of someone doing yoga with a goat on their back, just standing on their back while they're just like in... In the table, whatever. Okay, but look at how goats are demonic because their eyes are sideways. So I feel like it almost looks Photoshopped.

Like it looks like this thing is putting some sort of like evil curse on her. Like it's controlling, yeah. I mean, but Zanny, you've not seen like goat yoga pictures? I have, I have. It's just so cute though. I know, it never fails to melt my heart. As someone who's now doing yoga,

look, my instructor called me a yogi, no big deal, after my first session. So, and guess what? I'm touching my toes. I mean, listen, you are making big moves. But yeah, so- Alcindor, if we could go do goat yoga, that would be really, really delightful.

This is in Hunlock Creek, Pennsylvania. I don't think I said that, but they have all five star reviews. Let's ask people to tell us about it or show us about it. Cause I really like these pictures. This is really fun. And I want to try it. Show us about it and let me try it sometime, please.

Let me try it. I love the goat emoji too and I don't know which just makes it really special it's only two days walk from where I am oh okay oh people are gonna find where I live now I live a two day walk from two day walk from unlock something they're gonna all go out and do like a big sweep with a net to find behind where they can where I am Wow it'll probably go up to Winnipeg you know like all the way okay I don't think you know where Winnipeg is I don't know I actually don't know where whatever you just talked about it so Pennsylvania oh that's rough that you don't know where Winnipeg is. I actually don't know where whatever you just talked about is. Pennsylvania? Oh, that's rough that you don't know

where Pennsylvania is. No, I know where Pennsylvania is. I'm saying I didn't even know what the location was anymore. I just said Winnipeg because I figured, who knows? I do, it's not anywhere close to Winnipeg. It might be. It's not.

Okay, one star. This was my last one. It's from Carrie and it's not okay one star. This is my last one it's from Carrie and it's a winwood yoga and It is a one-star review by Nora. Is this not Canadian? This one's not Canadian. No, this is from Carrie So I don't know Catherine Kate Carrie. I had to I had to cut Catherine off Yeah, so now we've got a I don't know where when wood art district is You better not be in Canada. It could be in no, I know I swear it's probably a two-day walk from Winnipeg though I would argue

No in Canada. It's probably like a 40-day walk anywhere. Okay Here we go one star by Nora Haha, you call to ask about the service and the girl who answers does not give you the necessary information. It seems like she has a hot potato in her mouth. If it is a conditioning center, there should be glasses for beginners. Those of us who have never practiced it,

but she didn't say anything to me. Shame, because it is the one closest to me. End of review. Well, she didn't say anything despite having a hot potato in her mouth? I'd be screaming and be like. She was like. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, anything despite having a hot potato in her mouth, I'd be screaming. I'd be like. She was like.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, She didn't say anything. She just sounded like she needed me to call 911 because she had a hot potato in her mouth. So I wrote this review. I just thought, wow, feels like she has a hot,

seems like she has a hot potato. I just thought, is that, maybe that's an idiom from a different country. Yeah, Canada. That's right. I just thought is that maybe that's a an idiom from a different freight from a different country. Yeah Fry from a hot potato. Yeah, there you go. Right. Yeah Was that it that was it I don't have fantastic. All right, stay tuned folks. We have a new interlude coming for you And we're gonna put it right here. Let us know what you think Welcome to the interlude. It's beginning now

Now ready, you know when they go ding ding and you're in the lobby and I just get deep panic at the opera lobby What about when you're at the opera? Yeah, jesus christina. We're not at the opera here. That's what everyone feels like So get ready for a beautiful performance by a caller who called in. An anonymous caller. Yeah, so this is by anonymous. Let's hear what anonymous has to say. When I was in graduate school, I was also teaching introductory English classes

for freshmen level students. I was also supplementing my income by working at a strip club about three hours away, and I thought I was pretty safe there. And after a semester ended, I went out on stage and I saw a group of guys at the end of the meat rack, and I go up to them and I say one of the guy's names and his eyes get wide and I kind of flounce away and I hear him say, dude, that was my English teacher. And then later, my rate, my professor's reviews were updated and I can't say with a hundred percent certainty that this review came from that student, but I'm pretty sure it did and it said Awesome and totally personable

Intelligent great sense of humor and artistic actually totally hot and a great dancer. What can I say? Honestly, I hope it's from that student if anyone else said that since that is Honestly, I hope it's from that student. If anyone else sent that in, it'd be like, huh, where did you see? Although it could be like a shadowy, a student in the dark shadows of the strip club watching and who watched all this go down. You know, who didn't, who's not as vocal as meat rack guy, which, wow, that's a new term for me. Me too.

Okay, good. Because if you knew, if everybody knew that already, I would feel really lame. I love how it was three hours, three hours. Like you're doing your best to stay far away. That didn't even hit me. Three hours. Every time I've listened to this a few times, every time it's been a new thing.

Three hours. That's a different state in a lot of places. Well, okay. You know what I mean. That's a different country in Europe. So yeah, three hours. Sometimes that's straight into the ocean. You know what I mean? You might be on international waters.

Like he could have found you in international waters. It sounds like it was meant to be, honestly. And like if anyone deserved that chili pepper, you know how you get a chili pepper on that? Exactly. My professor. That's my first visual was that chili pepper. And honestly, I've never been so proud to have a listener. So my first visual was that chili pepper and I'm honestly I've never been so proud to have a listener

So my first visual was meat rack second visual was chili pepper. That's hot. Yeah Thank you anonymous for the wonderful intro to our voicemail system. I love this. Talk about a home run I don't know how anyone's gonna follow this up. Yeah. Thank you. This I try though. Yeah, you better try people So anyway, yeah, you can go to our Patreon, patreon.com slash Beach Two Sandy. And once you're all signed up there, you can click on your benefits page thing and access our little voicemail. Tell us your thoughts, your feelings, your Karen stories, your meat rack tale, Tales from the Meat Rack. Tales from the Meat Rack. Yeah. Can't wait.

Clear your schedule for you time with a handcrafted espresso beverage from Starbucks. Savor the new small and mighty Cortado. Cozy up with the familiar flavors of pistachio or shake up your mood with an iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso. Whatever you choose, your espresso will be handcrafted with care at Starbucks. [♪ music playing, fades out, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music ends, music Hey everyone, we're back from that nice interlude slash commercial break I have transported to buy via

teleportation into my Bed no notices but no notices patrons But our patrons but I have if there is a difference in sound is because I'm in my bed now For no reason what that's true. I guess yeah I also just wanted everyone to, but I just didn't. I just felt like it. That's all. Oh, we had some issues, tech issues or time issues. I don't know. And tech issues. I was I was having tech issues.

You had we're on a schedule. Right. So let's do the theme and then break. That's right. And so for for today, we're just doing the challenge. So it's a new day. And this is actually, I feel like a really special time because this is the one time I'll ever be able to tell Alexander no notes. Um, it's great. Cause you don't have notes. So I don't have any notes to give you. You don't have any to bring to the table cause it's my challenge.

So no notes for today, but it is a first. Um, so I hope you take that feeling and, uh, hold onto it. Okay. I will never bring notes again but it is a first. So I hope you take that feeling and hold onto it. Okay. Yeah, I will never bring notes again because it feels so good. Don't hold onto them that tight, please. So my challenge, I don't know if you remember, Zandi, at all, but it's from Gregory. Oh, no, I'm out. No notes, Zandi. You're good. You're in. This is from Gregory. It was to find reviews where

someone complains about something being offensive to Jesus. Oh, yes. I'm excited. Now, this was, I know I've said this before, one of the easiest challenges. I mean, nobody's surprised by that, right? Like, that feels like an easy one. I will say I'm thrilled at how creative these submissions got from patrons because they're all over the place. So this was sent in by Steph and I'm going to start strong with a forum that Steph sent in and it's from GameFAQs.Gamespot.com. Is Game Spot something you're familiar with? I am, yes. Oh, okay. So it's like a forum for gamers, is that fair to say?

I guess. In my head, I... Okay, yeah, they do like... I know them as a publication. Oh, so they probably just have articles and stuff. Or they have articles and stuff. A section for users to discuss stuff. Which I was not familiar with, but a forum of gamers does not sound fun to me. As a gamer myself. Well the funniest part is that this is the Pokemon section and it says board slash six

nine six nine Pokemon and I'm like, is that that has to be on purpose, right? Like somebody had to put that into the URL. I don't know, It feels very juvenile. But anyway, this is a question written 11 years ago on the Pokemon forum. Pokemon X. I never know if it's like 10, like the iPhone or if it's- I don't know what Pokemon X is. What the fuck is that?

Maybe it's- Oh, X and Y. Yeah, I forgot. Oh, yeah Okay, I didn't either so this is in the Pokemon X forum or board and this User asked the question. Is it offensive if I name my Pokemon Jesus? if I name my Pokemon Jesus. Oh. Like, I'm picturing like middle school me right now. No, literally. You know, like this would be me.

Writing it in the computer lab and putting like spaces between Jesus so that like the librarian didn't like check that I typed something out or about Pokemon. Yeah. Wow. So this is really good. This is the response from Ztiger5 who said, I think you would find most Christians would be quite offended by naming any Pokemon Jesus, myself included, but I appreciate you asking first and considering my opinion. Okay, first of all, who are you?

And I don't think they were asking for your opinion, but whatever. If this was God himself, then maybe. Right, Z Tiger, imagine. There's one other paragraph here from Z Tiger. Now, if you wanted to name Arceus after Jesus, or one perhaps of the major archangels, that I would understand. But anything lesser just feels insulting.

I'm gonna name my audition Jesus. Junior. Jesus Christ Junior. Okay. Jesus Christ Junior. Oh no. Yeah. I don't think that'll fit, but you can try.

I'll try. Maybe I'll just do JJ. Jesus Junior. Maybe that's why the kid on Coco Melon is called JJ. I mean, what I'm embarrassingly only recently realized, and I don't know if I was with you when I realized this. Yeah, that's right. Was that you like, yeah, I did not know that like when someone's named

AJ, it's generally means that they have an A first name and they are a junior. Yeah. And I said something like, Oh, Blaise's friend suggested Blaze Jr. and like, Blaze and I like simultaneously went, we're not naming our kid BJ, you know? And I like, first of all, we were having Leona. So it's like, that was a moot point anyway, I guess, unless we wanted to be extra creative with the name Blaze, which is already pretty creative. But I was like, yeah, no, BJ.

And Alexander goes, wait, why, why BJ? If they had a middle name, J, it could be BJJ, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Hey, wait, is that why he does that? Wait, no, that doesn't make any sense. I think that's why, because he wants a kid named BJJ. That's why he does Jiu-Jitsu. I don't think so. That makes no sense. Okay. So yeah, let's see.

If you wanted to name Arceus after one of the major archangels, now that is sensible, is basically what this guy's saying. But anything lesser just feels insulting. I've used biblical nicknames as well on occasion, but I wouldn't dare touch anything quite that sensitive. Okay, and then somebody, the Dragon Whisperer, quoted that, sorry, it says the Dragon WH,

and I'm like, I can only assume. I don't know. Dragon White House. We could, I mean, probably also that. So here is their response to Z Tiger. This, which first of all, so 11 years ago, right? Like this with like an arrow. Did someone agree with that?

Oh yeah. On gamer forums? Like what's happening? That's where I'm like, this is a Pokemon forum and people are... I guess the most vocal people are going to be the ones who have an issue with it, probably, right? Well, just wait. Well, I'm only on the first response. Sorry, you're right. I'm only on ZTiger. And the response is ZTiger.

You're actually on two. So far, the only two responses I've heard have been not good in my opinion. Yeah, so then this person, Dragon, whatever, wrote this, except the using nicknames part, as I would never give such a name to a Pokemon. Okay, so they're not even into giving Archangel. I mean, you know like Gabriel and Raphael, like these are names, I mean, hey, whatever. Okay, you know what? So this is the, so I love this one. This is by a user called Objective Logic. Get ready for your brain to be scrambled.

Okay? I was like, I have a feeling this person, okay, nevermind. It's just really fascinating and like in a good way, I think. Objective Logic says, I'm a devout Christian confirmation teacher, homilist and lay minister at my church and I don't find that offensive. Hell yeah. I love that. And I love that their username is objective logic. Great. Fantastic. I love this so much. Then hermetic justice responded. And this was all like in the same time period.

What are these names? Hermetic Justice, I think, you know what? I'm scrolling through all of them, and they're absolutely one of these like auto-generated, like where it does an adjective and a noun, because I'm looking through and they all have the same, actually, I'm gonna read all of them to you as I go, because they just don't, they just get more and more fun

So hermetic justice says Call it yesus Okay, I just wanted to make sure you understood that like There was both sides there were both sides Of the argument on this form. I probably you know what what 2013? I think honestly, I think that's when yesus came out came out. I was gonna say I bet you it was really time because I was I remember where I was when that album came out is that weird but yeah no anyway if you were yeah so Redlands no I was? That was a place in our high school 2014. Nevermind. Yeah What the fuck Christine, okay

Sorry, okay then bloodlust Sweden responded Do you see now I have to tell myself that these are Auto-generated auto-generated with a? With a country in there? That seems dangerous. I can't exist in a world where someone thought this was a good... Addictive plus country. Like that seems dangerous if that's auto-generated. Maybe it was bloodlust something else and they hit backs face backs face backs face and then just put Sweden. I don't know. So this is a response from bloodlust Sweden. It's not offensive to name your Pokemon Jesus, but I'd feel sorry for your Pokemon if it was real.

What? Being named Jesus? Like, how could you do that to a child? You know, that kind of. But like, I do, I am curious what that first commenter has to say about people named Jesus. Cause I don't think it ever occurred to them that anybody would be named. But like, is it just like, because it's a Pokemon,

like they're inferior in his mind? Like they're, I think it's wait, like the, the O OP or the first commenter, the first commenter. Sorry. The person who had an issue with him naming it. I think because they just think like, why would you name something Jesus? And they haven't even considered that people are named Jesus. I think. And then of all things, a Pokemon, you know, how disrespectful can you get? I don't know. Yeah. I honestly, I would say it could be considered disrespectful depending on the Pokemon. I

don't think odd issues, but maybe like, hmm, I'll think of something. There's got to be something that would be offensive. Like they have some weird Pokemon. Like if you named a Pokemon that was like a cross or a nail or something having to do with Jesus dying. I'd be like, I could see that being offensive. I don't have a problem with it. But I can see why some of them are offensive. Why would it be offensive? Wouldn't it already be called Jesus or something

if it was a Pokemon about like the crucifix? Like, I mean, Snake, Echans is snake backwards. Like they're not like super. Suicide. Subtle. I just like. Suicide. Suicide. Subtle. I just like. Suicide. Suicide.

Stop saying that. Suicide is the Pokemon that is a crucified person. It's Jesus backwards. Suicide. Suicide. I literally thought that was a real Pokemon and I was like, I'm not gonna try and figure out what that is backwards, so stop making me. And then it was literally like, oh my god, Susedge.

What's crucifix backwards? Zipfix. Actually that would be a cool Pokemon name. You know what I'm so impressed by people who can actually just like do that. Hold on. Like, Susedge was easy, but crucifix? Uh-uh. What is crucifix? Backwards. Kirk. Oh, God, no. Now it's telling me about upside down crosses. That's not what I meant. The inverted cross. Oh, help. Oh, no.

Ziph inverted cross. Oh help. Oh no Zip of Kirk Zip a Kirk Yeah, yes That was my brain is oh Straining today Zip a Kirk is good, too, but I like what you said is so good. Okay, so It does doesn't it? I thought it was real. Okay So It sounds like a Pokemon. It does, doesn't it? I thought it was real. Okay. Um, so, okay, I'm just gonna read the rest of these because there's a few more comments. They're all pretty short. No, no, don't. You don't have to be quiet. But, um, I'll finish Bloodlust Sweden first. It's not offensive to name your Pokemon Jesus, but I'd feel sorry for your Pokemon if it was real.

And if Jesus is allowed, so should devil Satan also be. Okay. Yeah, I think they are allowed. I don't think Pokemon rejects names. Maybe not. I don't know why they would. It's like generally not like probably for online play but like yeah, not back then that was that game was on the 3ds so like imagine like policing what a kid makes his Pokemon name on his little 3ds. Like you're not even this kid's parents like why like it's so weird but like it's I guess a kid asked for opinions. The kid asked! Which is like oh my god. Imagine thinking that you feel like you should tell a kid not to name it Jesus like who cares? Okay. Well, here's what a rocky hero says

Who gives a fuck name it whatever the hell you want. Okay Now this one is from cheese power five Who says name it Yeshua anyone stupid enough to be offended won't get it That's kind of true though. I agree. And then his quote, his byline quote at the end is a kunk quote, kunk on Shakespeare. Oh, I love it. And it made me laugh. So I'm like, okay, you're funny.

All right. You're funny. Alright, this is silverdragon79, um, wrote, oh no sorry, uponadarkthorn wrote, Well it's just a name. Jesus is the Greek form of Yeshua, which is basically Joshua. Countless people have some form of the name. Whether it's offensive largely depends on the intent. In your case, yes, it likely is offensive. You're naming a flavor of the weak Pokemon after an important religious figure to some people It would be no different than naming a Pokemon Mohammed or Buddha or John Smith

79 said John Smith color me confused is What for religious figure is named John Smith? Like, fucking Pocahontas? Isn't that his name? Yeah, they meant fucking... Yeah, Mormon dude. Yes, what's his name? Why am I blanking right now? The second I see John Smith, I can't figure out what his real name is.

I know what they meant, so in my head that makes sense, but it doesn't. Even, Christina, it's sad that we can't come up with this right now. We just did a show in Salt Lake city. They're not going to invite us back. Actually just kidding. The people who come to our show will invite us back cause we forgot sooner. What is his name? Joseph Smith. My God. Okay. It's like such a generic name that John Smith like doesn't sound wrong enough. Like I'm like, oh, John Smith. Wait.

It's a weird brain fart from both of us. It's like we, what? That's a weird one for us both to have a brain fart at the same time. Yeah. Usually if I do, I just let you say it. And I'm like, oh yeah, I do that. I do that all the time, by the way.

Do you really? Oh yeah. I pretend to know some things sometimes. Not like every episode, but there'll be a time like that where I'm like, I cannot come up with this. And I like kind of pause until you say it. And I'm like, yep, that's what I was talking about. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, that's allowed. I do that too.

That's in the rule book. But this time you weren't helping me out and I wasn't helping you. I literally Googled like Brigham young other guy. Cause that last time I did this this when I was reading this review like four days ago. I literally googled figures in Mormonism or LDS and it was like Brigham Young Brigham and I was like, yeah, I know that one that one's easy because it's off the wall But like what's the other guy? Anyway, so it took me a minute and then I kept typing in in John Smith, and I was like, what do you mean?

And I was like, okay. But even if they had correctly said Joseph Smith, to put Joseph Smith in that crew, uh-uh. Also very funny. Imagine naming someone Joseph. Weirdly, I'm offended by that. That would be so fucked up. Imagine, naming someone Joshua, ugh.

Gregory's the name of a saint. I think this is all really blasphemous. Gregory, I'm never talking to you again. How dare you? I guess by that logic, you shouldn't be talking to me either. So. Oh, I have an out. All right. Well, oh, man, I was afraid that might happen. This is from stuff and it's of Second City Improv. Whiplash, OK.

It's called terrible and offensive. It's on TripAdvisor. As people who did improv, it is it's already funny. And I already agree. I don't care. I like, yeah, look, improv. I find it funny. I already agree. I don't care. I like, yeah, look improv. I find it funny. I appreciate it. But religious improv is generally not funny. And so it's just offensive. Okay, I'll listen. I'll listen.

Saw the improv show Saturday night. They had a skit about Mary, Joseph and Jesus. It was so offensive. They dropkick the baby Jesus doll across the stage. It didn't stop there. It was way more about their personal life dramas than fun jokes. I thought I was being punked. End of review. They drop-kicked the baby. She thinks it's so stupid. And it's like that, it's not a statement on any, it's just a dumb joke, right? Like yeah, it is, of course it's offensive. If someone kicked a doll that looked like my baby across the stage, I'd be like, what the fuck? That's really fucked up. Like, I don't know.

It's like whatever. It sounds just edgy. It's super edgy. From like fifth graders. I think that's pretty edgy. This is from Steph, she, her. And this is a post in rorthodox Christianity, which really has kind of fucked up my algorithm a bit on Reddit, so I've tried to avoid it ever since. It was like pigeons, pigeons, and then like, what do you think of saints so and so's interpretation?

And I was like, help. Pigeons? What? What pigeons? Oh, sorry, I'm on r interpretation. I was like, help. What? What pigeons? Oh, sorry, I'm on our pigeons. Oh, I'm not. Oh, you should be. That's why I was confused.

I thought you meant this subreddit was pigeons, pigeons. And then that sounds pretty funny. You don't know what they're missing. But so it's my feed is mostly birds. So then when I saw this, I was like, what's happening? But yeah, so Steph sent this in, and it's in our Orthodox Christianity. And Trevor asked this following question.

Is the Christian Christmas tree cross trend offensive? Now, nobody knows what this is, because it's not a thing. So I'll read the post to tell you what it is, allegedly. Hello, everyone. I've seen these Christian crossed disguises as Christmas tree around social media to bring back the Christ in Christmas. This is a beautiful idea as Christmas trees are pagan, and it will embrace the day and feeling of the Lord more and make Christmas look more about Jesus to the people who still reject the fact. However, I've seen people putting thorn of crowns on top

instead of the tradition star, which can still be used as Star of David and or North Star, and people are putting robes over the horizontal part as the arms. My first reaction was thinking if this is offensive to Jesus Christ and disrespectful to him and or the Holy Spirit.

Please let me know what you think and And I really want to do this. But as the cross and the tinsel itself looks bland, I need more ideas to decorate this. Thank you for reading. God bless. Amen. What I will say is at least they're asking within a community. Yes, it certainly the right community. It's not on a Pokemon farm for once. No, but that Pokemon farm was about that was relevant. I'm just saying like in this case, it's like I have to let you out I'm sorry. He's such a little dick

Getting back to my notes the two tabs I had open were Brigham young other guy and what is a crucifix? Brigham Young Other Guy and What is Crucifix Backwards? Oh no. Okay. So sorry. Let me get back to this. So that's a question, right? So they're asking, I guess, something insane about how people are putting their disguising crosses as trees? Is that what I'm... I think it's like using instead of a Christmas tree, you use a cross. And then they're saying, but what's offensive is some people put the crown of thorns on it, right? Robes over the arms, which I've seen in like a mockery of

Jesus or something. I feel like it's not like a Pentecostal. I don't know why that popped in my head. Like the robes on the. That feels Pentecostal. Doesn't it? I don't know. It's all weird to me. I don't, but it's all Pentecostal to me. It is kind of strange also, I mean This is still like this is what Jesus died on, you know, and like with the crown of thorns on top I'm like the fuck kind of Christmas

It's so scary to have a Christmas where you're staring at like a method of killing and torturing someone Yeah, so it's working. I see You understand the message now and this person's like don't put robes on it. That's too much like He's like, I understand the North Star. That's one thing Like but the ropes what okay, so this is the response from Gz T who's Eastern Orthodox. Weird social media thing. Just be normal.

Thank you. Yes. Oh my God. I like it. It's like source being East. I'm Eastern Orthodox. Okay. Here's zippity doo dot one, two, three.

I swear to God, I didn't make that up. I love this. Sorry. I love, I love their name. Okay. Well, they said don't spend Christmas on social media. Zippity doo da one two three. I swear to God I didn't make that up. I love this. Sorry, I love their name. Okay, well they said, don't spend Christmas on social media.

Honestly, the best advice in that thread probably. Trevor said, well obviously not great help. That was the OP. And then green criticism wrote, except that person is giving you legitimately good advice. I'm like, everybody needs to just lay off. I'm sorry. I think this guy, this first poster was curious

and you can say yes or no, but I'm like, come on. Telling them to get off social media is not helpful. It's just rude. Sorry. And then this is a response by AniCom15, a very, a picture, this picture is a black and white, mustachioed gentleman. I don't know who it is, but it's like very intense.

They're Eastern Orthodox as well. And in response to the original post, they said, no. And then Trevor responded. And then Trevor, the OP responded, I didn't even ask a question, Skull Emoji. And then Ani, and then Trevor the OP responded, I didn't even ask a question skull emoji. And then AniCom15 said, is the Christian Christmas tree parentheses cross trend offensive period? And then put SIC like seek to correct the grammar,

but direct quote, is it sick or seek? I don't know. But put the SIC there to say here Is your literal header of your post just copy paste and then that has four up votes and they got Trevor He said I didn't even ask a question got two down votes for that And then Trevor said that's the title bro and got two more down votes cuz like he's not getting it. Oh, yeah And then Ani responded, I figured you wanted an answer to that question. Yeah.

And got five up votes and then they was like that was. That's it? That was it and then there was one more post that Trevor made in response to somebody who's like what the hell are you talking about? But in a nicer way they said something like I don't know what you mean or I, what the hell are you talking about? But in a nicer way, they said something like, I don't know what you mean, or I don't know what you're talking about. And Trevor said, yeah, it seems odd.

It's couples and families on TikTok and Instagram putting a cross up wrapped it in tinsel crown of thorns and a white or red robe. It looks beautiful, but I feel like I'm missing something. Something doesn't feel right. Look at it, whether it's a hidden message mocking Jesus, I decay, that why I've made this Reddit. And they're like sinister putting this cross secret message hidden in it.

I mean, this, I tell you, it's all Pentecostal to me and I stand by that. Like it's starting to sound, folks are not, I don't know anything about Pentecostal and Orthodox. I'm just kidding. They're like, stop talking about Tik Tok. We're having like serious discussions here. Like it is. That's the thing is like, I think all those TikToks and Instagram thing, it's like so performative that like. Yeah. And you'd get a rowdy response if you just go to like our Christians or like our modern Christians or Christians on TikTok. I'm sure all of this shit exists. Like you could probably go start a big like conversation

there, but I think Orthodox Christianity is like, leave us out of it. This is not. The thing is though, anywhere you start a conversation on Reddit, you're bound to get the least helpful shit. I know, but at least it would be like people who cared in the other threads more than like people who were like, no, now stop asking or get off social media.

Like you were like, we don't even wanna think about this. So that's another one. So now this was sent in by Christine Sheher and it is a review of a book on Amazon called Christianity After Religion, The End of Church and the Birth of a New Spiritual Awakening by Diana Butler Bass. I know what you're thinking.

I already pre-ordered it for you. No, no. And here's a one star review by Mojo321. Do not be fooled by this simply because it has Christianity in the title. First of all, is anybody that stupid? Like the devil's Christianity. This sounds good. It's like, I'll bring it to my book club.

And what was the title? Sorry, let me say it again. Christianity Beyond? Christianity After Religion. Okay. And Beyond. To Christianity and Beyond. On Beyond Religion. On Beyond Christianity. I feel like we have referenced On Beyond Zebra

in like three episodes in a row. It's actually starting to become like an intrusive thought of mine, I think. I think that's what it is. We better cut it out. Do not be fooled by this simply because it has Christianity in the title. It is quite literally a wolf in sheep's clothing. I don't think it is literally that. It's one thing to say literally, it's another thing to say quite literally in the way that people use that word to say, no, no, I don't mean the metaphorical one.

I mean the real way that it's literal. They like made a point of that and then said it's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Like the most non-literal thing saying that there is. Weakened their point by including literally. I don't think in the world ever even, I don't think there's ever even been a wolf in sheep's clothing in real, like in a literal way. Like I really doubt it. Or maybe once or twice. There's gotta be at some point in history. At least like, no, some, whoever came up with that phrase,

like someone came up with that phrase since between then and now some sick fucker had to do that for like a photo op Yeah, right before they photographed all their shrimp doing interesting things I was about to say now don't you now don't you slander and then before I could even get the words out there He goes again. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding shrimp. Why this is that would not be a good calendar a wolf and Not be a good calendar of wolf and sheep clothing. No. Sheep's clothing calendar. No.

So it's quite lit. This book, apparently, this hardcover copy from like 1986 is quite literally a wolf and sheep's clothing. All right, here we go. She quite directly states, this new Christianity, which by the way is again in brackets. So it says she quite directly states and then like immediately misquotes her.

It's just, this is like driving me bonkers. Okay. She quite directly states, brackets, this new Christianity, end brackets, is not about being washed in the blood of the lamb. Her new version of spirituality is a redeemerless awakening removing the shame of sin, embracing who you are, and making no apologies, repentance of sin.

She ignores the one true path through Jesus Christ and therefore nullifies calling herself a Christian, and if you are a Christina and begin to drink her Kool-Aid, you will be headed down a path that leads to a wonderfully comfy life of embracing your worldliness and humanity, sin included, and expecting God to respect you for who you are, and just let you into his kingdom without washing you of your clothing stained in scarlet. This is not Christianity. If you are okay with that, then by all means enjoy the book. It will really make you feel good about yourself and remove your need to repent and submit to Christ. Jesus Christ removed the need for us to sacrifice animals through the gift of salvation, which was free, given to us by Jesus Christ on the cross.

This book then removes the need to receive that- I didn't ask for that gift, come on. Alexander, that's so rude. Now I'm obligated to say thank you. What? Yeah, it's etiquette 101. Oh, etiquette 101. You don't say, you don't reject a gift.

What is it? Tiffany, what's the little manners, girl manner book? Oh my God. Okay, so we had Miss Manners who used to come to our school. And then Elsie made me read the Tiffany book for women, for young ladies on manners. And unfortunately, because I didn't have a smartphone until like my senior year of high school, I read that book about six times,

because there's just like nothing else to read. And so- That was reading Far Side comics. Yeah, I read those too, that's true. And then I just read that. So I know all about where to spit your meat out. If that was in there. Christina, that is very aggressive.

No, I know. The gristle. Stop. Do you know where to put it? I quiz people on this. What? But you don't lift your napkin, right? You put it like-

No, you're wrong. Or you don't, what? What do you do? You're not accepted to the Christina Christian school Academy. Do you put it on like a fork and put it down on your plate? The Christian Christina Academy. You actually put it on the side of your plate,

which is so gross, but it's true. Because if it's in the napkin, then it can fall out. And it's also just not classy to do that. It's just not classy to take your food onto the table in front of everyone else, apparently. What else? What else was there? Anything else good? Oh, there's so much. Yeah. Ask me, ask me an etiquette question. I don't have etiquette questions.

Who has etiquette questions nowadays? Well, you just ask me what it says. I'm like, it says a lot. Well, yeah, that's all I can- You want me to recite the whole book to you? I don't know. Not because I have questions about how to be etiquette. I don't think about that stuff.

Sounds like you're curious. I am, but not with questions. Just for a friend. Is that what this is about? A friend needs some help with their etiquette. Okay, sure. Quilliam, I'll tell you about how to be polite at dinner. He's right there.

Oh my God. I have open-backed headphones. Let's just go back to the... He's modeling our merch right now. He is, actually. Let's go back to the Christina way of doing things. Okay? So, by the way, love that little typo made me happy.

Actually made me really unhappy because it reminded me of my own name and how it just really is an anagram of not even an anagram. And how you're going to hell. I'm going to have a comfy life and not submit to Christ. I know she never said, hell. She didn't. That's true. But like basic, it feels like this person's like, yeah, we need to fear hell more. Oh, well, certainly Yeah, you can't just get imagine saying that it's bad to take the shame out of Christianity

I know I love that part crazy to me like that's so fucking because that's the biggest issue I have from Christianity So yeah, that's the whole point I know and it's fucked up and that like anyone like can actually say that though like to be like Hey, we need to be more shameful like fuck that sad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That shame level, you know, so sad Here's the last paragraph. Oh good. There's more. Sorry Jesus Christ removed the need for us to sacrifice animals through the free gift of salvation given by Jesus Christ on the cross This book then removes the need to receive that free gift of salvation by grace through Jesus Christ. So you don't realize it,

but you are lost when you reject the free gift. How sad that thousands of Christians are going to take this bait. End of review. Also, first of all, are you telling me that now if I sacrifice animals, I can skip the Jesus part? Because it feels like that's what you're saying, that we've moved past animals, now it's Jesus' gift. But if I don't want the gift, can I go back to the animals? Like what are you talking about? That's like become redundant. Like, you know, like that might. Yeah, it just could don't have to do that anymore. Now we can just do it through Jesus. So yeah, I'll put a wolf in sheep's clothing and then I'll go to heaven and say, let me

into your kingdom. And I feel like they can't reject me then. It's like right there. Yeah, true. I was thinking you just go like, I don't know, take Geo out back. Alexander. What? He's the wolf in this case. No, have him catch something.

I was gonna say like a- No, you weren't. Like Oscar. Alexander, leave Oscar alone. I'm just kidding. He really, he really didn't wanna catch. I kinda wanted to guess if that was the right name. He didn't wanna catch Oscar though.

The neighborhood's not even stray, is it a stray? No, he like lives somewhere and is super well fed and wears a collar and just like wanders up to your door and screams at you. Super well fed, I haven't heard you say that since I was buying Husky jeans as a kid. What are you trying to say about Oscar? I'm trying to say he's a fat c***. Oh good good for him. I know. Oh, Gio literally just jumped and I went what is his problem? Then I realized I said the c word. Okay.

You said the c word? Yeah. I'm glad I bleeped. I'm gonna bleep that out. Yeah, you better bleep out you say that would be hilarious Okay, he's a fat We're gonna leave this part in so people know you didn't actually say I'm absolutely Good bit. What a good bit. This is this is a review. This was sent in by Christine and it's a review of Christ the Redeemer You know the big guy. Oh, you do I you know the big guy. Oh, yes, sir, and he loves you Good that's what the back of someone's car said to me yesterday This is a one-star review by flow 5,000 people are visiting this place every day.

At $15 per ticket, that's $75,000 every single day that the city and the church are racking in. Then you arrive at Christ, our Redeemer, and witness multiple cats laying there, visibly in pain, having a miserable time breathing because of the weather and apparently because they are being attacked by monkeys and you start asking yourself who brought these poor creatures up here and can neither the church nor the city which are amassing an insane 27,500,000 that's millions on a yearly basis provide shelter for a handful of cats? And more importantly, what would Jesus say to these people in charge? End of review. Wow, I didn't know about the cats there. I didn't either. I

mean, I think there are countries where cats just die. There are countries where cats just like row more freely, okay? Anyway, you know, I don't think it's, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Are they really struggling to breathe or are they just laying there? Because they're just like, you know what I mean they really struggling to breathe or are they just laying there because they're just like You know what I mean? Because they just said the cats are just laying there Having a miserable time and I'm like, that's a wait. That's true

I just you know, and I'm like, well, what do you mean? They're having a miserable time because of the altitude then they should go down the Walk down the hill Didn't you hear they have free will read the Bible? Yeah, like it's just so strange. It's very odd. And like if they kept getting attacked by monkeys and they're having a hard time breathing in the thin air, why don't they just walk down the hill? It sounds like you're victim blaming these cats. I does sound like I am.

But it does. But like I don't think I am But I see your point. I guess what I'm saying is like they must get some benefit of living there because like cats aren't stupid. Whoever's bringing these cats up so like implying that they didn't get there themselves. So it's sort of like if they're like on the property and they're like and somebody has like catnapped them. Yeah and it's like no they're probably just there because they get tourist handouts and like eat people's food and them. Yeah. And it's like, no, they're probably just there because they get tourist handouts and like eat people's food and stuff. True. They're probably living. If that many people are coming through their day,

there's a reason these cats have found their way to the outside of the building. Like, I don't know. I just don't find it that strange. They're risking the monkey attacks. What? They're risking monkey attacks, but they're... I don't know, I kind of feel like the monkeys are risking cat attacks. It doesn't sound like it. Maybe not. Monkeys are scary. Monkeys are very scary. This one was sent in by Matt and Jen, and it's of Detroit Fleet, FLEAT,

which is a restaurant in Detroit. It has very good reviews. I don't know much about it so here is a one-star review by C1983 one star very demonic half the people work there are covered in tattoos then one of the waitress was talking to someone about her being a witch. I vomited up that food quick when I got home. This place is evil and satanic, end of review. No.

And then the response from the owner is, labs do rule. I assume that their username used to be LabzRule. I was like, come on. I don't have any idea why else they would say that. Did I miss something? Okay, okay. But the picture, their profile picture

is definitely some dogs. Oh, okay. So I'm wondering if maybe like LabzRule was part of it. And then now they were like, fuck, the witches got to me. I gotta change my username. Oh, they're in hiding. That's very possible.

I love though that you know when they saw like, oh, the owner responded now It's time for me to fight on behalf of jesus christ I'm one of his soldiers and then they get on there and it's like labs do rule dog A little bit soldier of jesus. Yeah, where did that come from? What me? Yeah, you're projecting a bit. I think I'm just channeling some of the energy that I encounter In my day-to-day life on social media and otherwise. What, scrolling through all your cross trees or whatever? Yeah, sometimes I'm just looking at pigeons

and then it's like, ah, wolf in sheep's clothing, literally, on my feet. I do also, I forgot to say, labs do rule, yeah, dog emoji. And I just imagine that this person who was ready to fight the big fight, like got on and just saw that and was like, well, now what am I supposed to do?

Like, how do I defend Jesus now? You know, it's like, I thought I was gonna fight against something demonic. Maybe that's why they changed their name, honestly. Cause they clearly believe this is actually a danger. Okay, I believe this is my last one. It's of course from Brad, he, yeah. Because they clearly believe this is actually a danger. Okay, I believe this is my last one. It's of course from Brad, he, him. And I'm really amped about this because it's of an app.

Yes, I'm glad to do that. And I usually leave those to you, so I'm excited I get to do one. It's called Text with Jesus. And the subheading, Alexander, is AI-powered divine chats. Alexander, this is, it looks like something on SNL. It is real. Oh my God. It's under the category of lifestyle. It's for ages 4 and up. It has 2.1 thousand ratings with a 4.7 average star rating. And it says, many biblical figures available to chat.

Here's the Holy Family, Jesus Christ, Mary, Joseph, the Apostles, Peter, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. And then there's like an example, like an example thing of, wait, wait, wait, this is good. Okay, there's this example, like Photoshopped, like conversation with Jesus, but whoever designed this picture to conversation with Jesus, but whoever designed this picture accidentally flipped the send and receive location. It looks like the person who's actually texting in the user, it has Jesus' face with it. So, it looks like Jesus is the one seeking help, right? Seeking help, yeah. So, it says, it says Jesus texted this person, well, it says that the user texted, good morning, my child. Today is the

day, let us rejoice and be glad in it, Psalm 118. And then Jesus responds, I'm feeling anxious about a job interview. And then the user says, remember my child, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So now this is a one star view by Caitlin called Deepment and it's one star. God. It's like what I'm like every like one in one one in one million chats. It actually goes to like a devil. Wouldn't that be fine? A little fun little game. It's like chat roulette, which actually had so many more devils.

I was going to say I would be the other devils. I was gonna say it would be the other way, 99% of the time. So this review says demon even says he is not Jesus Christ and the developer responds, in case this wasn't clear, you're not actually texting with Jesus, just an AI impersonating him based on scripture. We are very upfront about this. Under response. Yikes. Okay. Oh my god. And this is the final one from Brad. It's another review of Text with Jesus. One star, and it's called If I Could Rate Zero Stars, I Would, with like a big frown face. And this is a review written by God's Child.

I asked, who am I speaking with? And it replied, you are speaking with Jesus Christ. And they said this five times each time I asked. So understand that this app can be very misleading to new believers. When I replied and said, you're not Jesus Christ, they finally admitted that they are not Jesus Christ and followed saying, I'm here to support and give guidance as Jesus Christ would. Who else wanted to be like Jesus, hmm, and give guidance and support as Jesus would? Clearly the devil. So to anyone reading this, take heed and please delete this app and leave a report

so that we can help many other believers not to be led astray. Thank you for reading my review. You're welcome. Stay prayed up and read your Bible, not these silly AI texting. I love y'all and Jesus loves y'all more. Heart emoji.

Wow. Stay prayed up. Stay prayed up, baby. S-P-U, spew. We gotta be spewing all day and all night. Wait, what was this? Jesus backwards again? Oh, Suessage. Suessage.

Suessage. Stay prayed up, Suessage. That's his little slogan. Stay prayed up. But it's pray with an E because he's like a Pokemon. You know? I totally know. And it's really he's like a Pokemon you know I totally know it's really subtle remember it's so subtle subtlety um is but all right wow that is wild that that exists um and that anyone would like I don't know ask it if it's Jesus and be shocked that it said no like what if it

said yes like like what isn't it better? It says no. Yeah, it's like, I'm talking with Jesus Christ. Okay, it's supposed to say that. And then you say, but you're not Jesus Christ. And it's like, well, no, I'm not. Which is very clear from the instructions and the app title. It's make it all very, it's all very upfront. So it feels like, oh, no, I thought we were both playing this game together. No. Okay. Then yeah, you're right, I'm not, Jesus. You know? It's like, I don't know. It reminds me of asking, you know when they have

those shows where in a sitcom, a stripper comes, but they're wearing a nurse outfit, and then they think it's a real nurse. You know? This is the office, yes. Oh yeah, that's the office. Well, okay, sure. So it feels like that to me, where it's like a real nurse, you know, the office. Yes. Oh yeah. That's sad. That's the office. Well, okay. Sure. So it feels like that to me where it's like, no, I thought we were all on the same page. This is obviously not literally Jesus. The AI is like, wait, why are you even asking me this? No wonder people,

no wonder Republicans like support all this AI if they really think like it's resurrecting Jesus, you know, I mean, man, yeah, wild. That's definitely what it is. It's this app. Yeah, that's doing it. Oh man. Oh boy. Well, good work. That was a fun challenge. Yes, it was. Unfortunately. Thank you, Gregory. Thank you, St. Gregory. Thank you, St. Gregory. Um, wait a minute. That's somewhere at our school. St. Gregory's wasn't that our gym? St. Gregory's.

Yeah, St. Gregory's. Or our cafeteria? Yeah. What was it? Was that a gym? I think it's a good thing that we forgot. Wow, that's really upsetting. And in like a unpleasant way, I don't know.

I think the fact that we replaced that memory, along with our memory of Joseph Smith apparently like It means our therapy is working, but by doing this podcast. I think we were reversing it I think we're really doing a lot of damage is that why all my therapists like encouraged me to continue I think so and I think that probably she would ask you to hold back on the podcasting but sorry It's not gonna happen. Yeah, she it funds her base, her her job, too, basically. That's true, Alexander. That's how that works. That's how it works.

Well, thanks for listening, everybody. Thanks, guys. We'll see you next week. Don't forget to send your voicemails to our SpeakPipe account via Patreon.