Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 324: Reviews of Off-Brand Sodas

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Sit around the fire as Christine regales you with the Ballad of Dr. Perky Send us a voicemail! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hey, podcast listeners. This is Brett and Joe, the hosts of Movies Baby with Five Whys, the most talked about movie podcast in the world. And this week on the show, we're talking about Enora's odds to win Best Picture. We're giving you the lowdown on Amelia Perez's catastrophic awards season collapse. about Enora's odds to win Best Picture. We're giving you the lowdown on Emilia Perez's

catastrophic awards season collapse. And we're reviewing the new movies, Heart Eyes and Love Hurts. If you love the movies, you're gonna love Movies Baby with Five Whys. You can find us on YouTube, your podcast app, and on Patreon at patreon.com slash movies baby. That's five wise.

Why, why, why, why, why? Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beachy Sandywater, two at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your sibling co-host, Christine.

And I'm your sibling co-host, Zandi. Welcome welcome. We have a very exciting episode for you today. But before we get into that, someone actually multiple, commented this in the Spotify comments, suggesting that perhaps one of the reviews we read last week of the Bikram Yoga Studio in Portland, I believe, was it Portland or something? Mine was in Portland with Gresham, I don't know where it was,

somewhere was actually taught by Bikram himself, who people pointed out is quite, quite the predator. He's a notorious, quite the predator. It was like, I don't wanna sugarcoat this at all. He's a notorious character. You're like, he's a fucking predator. I didn't wanna sugarcoat it, but I paused as if I was trying to.

So I get why you were surprised by that. Anyway, there's a Netflix documentary and what's embarrassing, it's called Bickrum Yogi Guru Predator came out in 2019. And what's embarrassing it's called Bickrum Yogi guru predator came out in 2019 And what's embarrassing about that? I watched it like I was familiar with that and I still didn't make that You didn't make the connection I see I saw that man in his speedo on my screen back in 2019 Probably wow and I didn't blocked it out. I just have so many men in Speedos up there that like, it's hard to keep track.

The file effects, they just blur together at this point. Exactly. Anyway, that's about it. People also suggested that Christina do an episode of, and that's why we drink about Bikram. Yes. I thought you were going to say do Bikram yoga. I was like, everybody leave me alone.

Don't make me stretch any more than I have to. But a lot of people have been like, now studios will not use that that word because Bickrum because it's named after him. A predator. But he purportedly took it from his mentor and then brought it to the West. And then there's a lot to the story. You're embarrassed you have seen it. I'm embarrassed I haven't seen it.

So you know what? There's really no way to win on this show. I'm kind of surprised, yes. In hindsight, I thought you didn't see it. I'm shocked. I thought I would have seen it. He said, have you seen this Netflix documentary? I said, absolutely.

And then he said it, and I said, I've never heard of that in my life. So I gotta go watch this because apparently it's worthy of a true crime episode. Yeah. At the very least, I recommend looking into the story for sure. I mean... Ruin up upon it, people.

Yeah, it's too late. The rabbit hole has begun for me. Wait for the And That's Why We Drink episode. Or that, yeah. That's it. So yeah, what do you got for us? All right, so I want to say thank you to our patrons, Grace and Lee, who suggested this week's theme and challenge the theme from grace is off-brand Sodas and I love this theme. It was inspired by grace's favorite. Dr. Perky and you know, I had to

Dr. Perky jump on that and mention it because wow she even sent us a link to a song on Spotify called And I quote Dr. Perky parentheses fucked up in the crib Oh quote so, you know if you need not expect that in some background music while you I quote, Dr. Perky parentheses fucked up in the crib. Oh, quote. So, you know, if you need not expect that in some background music while you. Yeah. Yeah. While you what? Live, live your life.

Drink your Dr. Perky. I don't know. Do you do you whatever you do to do you with, you know what I mean? And so I totally get it. I think that that is an exciting theme. We had a very weird time with that, and, or at least I did.

And Zandi, your challenge this week was from Lee. What is your challenge? It was actually from Lee and Sarah. Oh. Mainly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not your fault. Don't worry. And it's actually from Sarah.

Sarah says, since I submitted the challenge, hyphen, sorry, I used my poor husband's Patreon account, but it was indeed me. Oh, Lee. I thought I would at least set some reviews. Oh, poor Lee. Now I'm just throwing him under the bus. OK.

Yeah, no. So I do have a review. That'll be my first in my challenge. But it is from Sarah. But Lee does deserve a shout out for being the account holder. For forgetting to log out of Patreon, I don't think so. I'm kidding. Just kidding.

So, but yes, anyway, sorry. My challenge, did I even say what it was? No, no. Not that anyone's counting. Let me see where I wrote it down. Oh yeah, let's see, nowhere. My challenge is to find reviews which describe a place as quote, the Paris of

blank. Insert. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I don't know if I got if I used a review but some people mentioned one that I hadn't heard before. Do you know what the Paris of Appalachia is? I saw multiple reviews calling this city the Paris of Appalachia. Huntington, West Virginia. No. I don't know. That's not a bad guess, I guess. Pittsburgh.

Oh. Which I was surprised to hear, but I like that. Huh. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I hadn't heard that before. I wonder if some people take issue with that. I don't know.

Well, I mean, the next show, if we ever do another show in Pittsburgh issue with that. I don't know. That just seems like such a- If we ever do another show in Pittsburgh, I mean, I don't know if we're invited back, but if we are ever invited back to Pittsburgh, against all odds, we can hope. Maybe we can talk about that on stage and see what happens. I think that could probably at least inspire a little bit of quarreling among the audience.

I'd like to think they'd appreciate it, but like you mentioned, the folks in Huntington. The real, that's the audience. I'd like to think they appreciate it but like you mentioned the folks in Huntington. The real, that's the Rome of Appalachia. You said it not me okay I'm staying out of this. We'll ask them when we do a show there. In Huntington? Yeah. Yeah. Or anywhere in West Virginia. That's where the McElroys live. So I just sound like a total creep. The more you talk the more I'm like we got it. We got it. Is that why you told our booking agent that like we're not doing a tour unless we do a show in Huntington? And I said I have a very specific guest list and it features three chairs.

And it's just my pitch to the McElroys to be part of the family. I'm not even invited. Like I'm actually- Oh, yeah, sorry. You're not part of it. I only cc'd you on the email so you would know I was out of town. Oh oh oh out of the office that week. And anyway so I'll be in Rome. I mean uh honey no I just I know that people out there who listen to My Brother My Brother Me and The Adventure Zone like catch when I do that occasionally and they're like I see what you did. Yeah yes or like you could somebody said you

can tell when that Christine listens because she says certain things that like I clearly pick up some stuff so those folks knew what I was doing when I said Huntington and I felt I felt too cornered I felt like I had to out myself before you know the comments came in so So it's like my friends who only talk in RuPaul's drag race and Nicki Minaj quotes like, that's it. I have. Oh, I'm trying to I'm trying to correlate those in my mind because you're saying I speak in isms of of the macular. You're like, and someone's like, oh, I see that they are.

This person appreciates the macular because. Yeah, and someone's like, oh, I see that they are, this person appreciates the macularisms. Because they say, oh, you know what? You know what I use? That reminds me of another media entity. Remember that show, Runway, Project Runway? And I remember when in high school,

certain people would say things like... Designers? Yes, yeah, or what's the other, make it work, yeah. Or like quotes, certain people would say things like. Designers? Yes, yeah. Or what's the other, make it work, yeah. Or like quotes and everyone would be like, what is that? And I'm like, you don't know. You're not part of the crowd. And you were?

No, I wasn't either. Oh, okay. I just liked to judge alongside. Got it. So do you wanna go first? You weren't in these conversations. No, I was just in the... You were just watching them.

Well, I was in the janitor's closet. I'm going to read a review. One time I broke into the priest's... Well, okay. We'll talk about that later. Christina, the priest's what? Well, he caught me. Can you at least say priest's... Office.

Okay, thank you. Which is just a a weird thing to say priest and then stop. You're right, it's worse. Because like. You're right, it's worse. Not everyone also went to Catholic school and had access to a priest's office. That's a very. Had access to a locked priest's office, yeah.

Don't get me wrong, I've been in there. Like, I get it. It's haunting, isn't it? It is. He had me, I don't know who else, might have, I don't know who else, but he and a couple other guys, we were walking by the chapel and he stopped us and asked us if we could go to his car

and carry boxes back to his office. Oh, I remember. But it was pretty far, because his car was parked by the lower school. That's a far walk. It was a far walk from the lower school garage with these boxes. But I loved a little project like that.

If I wish I had children around to just be like, go get stuff out of my car. Yeah, it was great. My three-year-old wouldn't comply, but if I were a priest, you know, maybe she would. It was great for all parties because we were in class. We didn't have to go to school, yeah. We were like, we got to miss some class.

And our parents definitely won by paying tuition money for this experience, Yeah, it was great So we were okay. I should say we were on our way to class and then we were like, oh great We have a chore. Sorry. We have a side quest. We can't say like oh God It was we were sent by God to get these boxes It's a holy boxes back into his office put him down and he's like he goes to open one This is amazing. I know the story. And he pulls out bobbleheads of himself and hands them to us.

As like a prize. And he was like, okay, here you go. Like, thanks. So we got our own. It's like if you find a man's wallet and he gives you five bucks, like that's what happened, except it was personalized custom bobbleheads of the said priest. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. And then, do you know why I broke into his office? No. Because I wanted one. Yeah, I wanted a bobble, because you brought one home and I was like, what the fuck? You got a Father Sayer bobblehead? And so then I was like, well, I want one.

So Renee and I broke into his office and then he caught us and we said, oh, we were carrying some boxes from the lower school parking lot. And he said, if you wanted a bobblehead, you could have just asked. So he gave me one. Nice. Good. Anyway, yeah, mine is still next to my monk bobblehead at mom's house. I coveted both of those for so many years.

You still do. OK, at least one of them. My first review here in our soda theme thing, this is sent in by Avi, they, them, who sent in a review of great value Mountain Lightning Citrus flavored soda pop. So it's- Everything, it just makes my throat, my mouth hurt. It's just all bad.

It's Walmart Mountain Dew. Okay, and it's called, is it diet also? Mountain Lightning. This is not diet. I thought light, but light, and it's called, is it diet? Mountain Lightning. Oh, I thought light, but light, okay. Mountain Lightning, so Mountain Dew. Okay. It is 84 cents for a two liter.

Cool. So I get it. What a deal. Yeah. That's so cheap. Fuck yeah. Do you like the taste of it? Yeah.

Exactly. But I have a one-star review. Oh. I went to the Culinary Institute of America in 1996. It's Walmart's store brand for Mountain Dew. There's nothing to review. It's soda. End of review.

Stop! I'm still trying to figure this one out. I feel like this is just like, this is my life. This is what's left. I'm writing trying to figure this one out. I feel like it's just like this is my life. This is what's left Like I'm writing a review. I used to be something this year. I my my taste used to mean something I used to matter That's such a sad take on this Why else would you say that and then rate a Walmart 86 cent Walmart soda? say that and then rate a Walmart 86 cent Walmart soda. It's so it is very random.

So I'd like to think it was somehow like they copy and paste it. So no, it just I don't know what it is. It's a verified purchase though. Like I don't doubt it for a second. I'm the only one who feels fully confident. I know what's going on and it feels they've lost their sparkle and they'll get it back. Yeah that might be it. I wonder if they if it's like there's their signature, but they just put it at the front.

I also had that idea. I was like, maybe it's just every one of their reviews, the context for all their reviews that they think it's just important. You should know, you know. And so that that means, I mean, I'm glad that finally I know that somebody with good taste Can tell me that 86 cent Walmart soda is not something I'm gonna enjoy So I feel that she's really benefited my life in that way

So her work is not meaningless, you know, I you know, no one was really thinking that it was meaningless. I think she might have been Your are you projecting is this why you like you like talk about how you went to be you for broadcast journalism, like at the start of like every email that you said? I told the McElroy's like six when you said the McElroy's and they were like, please stop talking to us. Yeah. Yeah, I did say that. I actually you know what I usually say I went to the culinary institute I just feel like it sounds better. Um

Oh, like about your credentials does sound better for you. Yeah, I know it's like why doesn't everyone do that? Anyway, so have to oh I have Thing that was started. Yeah, right Imagine feeling like you have to say, you have to give your credentials when you're reviewing a product on Walmart, sorry. It's just, it is dark to me. The whole thing is dark, okay.

Yeah, I wonder if this was like a common ingredient in their work back in 96, or maybe they designed, maybe. What if? This was their, this was their. If Mountain Th thirst or whatever it's called i i accidentally closed my notes lightning mountain mountain lightning what if hypothetically what it was created at the culinary institute of america in 1996 i don't see why it wouldn't have been i don't see why not either. I'm sure they made some other connoisseurs. Okay. We solved that mystery. Okay. Here is something I have to say. This is from

Jamie Heathay and it's not a review yet but he did also send a review so I promise I'll get to it the point but Jamie also says that he's in his final semester of law school now and once again instead of doing bar prep, boring, he's been poetically inspired by subject headers on Walmart products, specifically the Great Value sodas like Dr. Thunder and Sam's Cola, et cetera. So Jamie says, my poem is exactly like the one I did for fake plants.

Each line is verbatim the title of a review of an off brand soda. Typos and everything, I hope you like it. So I'm gonna read that first. I'm so ready. Okay. This is the ballad of Dr. Perky is what I call it. Why did you change it?

The only real cola left in the world. Y'all are thieves getting expensive to drink. Bad things happen. The colas was all busted up. You guys really need to get a grip on this. Corporate greed equals inflation. Tasteless. What a tangled web we weave. Greed. Cost increase again. Sickening. Not enough soda for everyone. The end. Powerful stuff. That was very powerful. Wait, wait, wait. There was a line in there that does not belong

as the title. A web- What a tangled web-weave. That does not belong. Like many of those, especially with the typos. One of these is not like the others. I thought- Yeah, but Alex Zinner, what else doesn't belong on Walmart?

I went to the Culinary Institute in 1996. There's a lot of things that don't necessarily belong in a Walmart review, but you know, it's a, it's a creative forum. And you know, I love that sickening even doesn't have the E. So it just says like sickening, like how maybe I am to fit an iambic pentameter, you might put an apostrophe to condense the word into two syllables. Are you familiar with sickening as a, in the positive connotation?

No. It is now, it can be used, I've only seen it on RuPaul's Drag Race. Oh my God, it's all coming full circle. But sickening is like, you say like, Oh, like it's like, it's like a good, like it's, Yeah, I get it, I can see that. That actually translates easily to me.

This is not true, but in my mind, it's like, like ill,, I get it I can see that that actually translates easily But in my mind it's like like ill sickening sick. Well, I think it's the same right makes sense to me Yeah, so this is a review that Jamie sent in. Sorry. I forgot to mention this It's a review of Sam's Cola and it's one star I'm just gonna read it was this this is another Walmart Walmart one though. Yeah, it is, I believe. Because I've got a few emails about it. Maybe he's a president of Wally World.

I don't fucking know. It's his Cola. Okay. So, here we go. This is a one-star view. The reviews by JustSharon53. But, wait, hold on. That sounds like Sharon, but it's Sharon.

Like her name is Sharon. Just Sharon, 53, which I love. They're like, what is a username that encapsulates you? And she's like, just Sharon. So here is the review. I'm gonna read it as is, including typos. What this? I don't like this kind of soda.

You give me Pepsi or Coke, no good. End of review. Hey hey sums it up just Sharon straight to the point Sharon's just Sharon Sharon is just Sharon and I'm glad Sharon Sharon yeah me too because well Sharon's got some points it's got a lot of a lot to say well not much I do like Cola's like off-brand me too I get it I get it where like, I feel like Coke and Pepsi are so like- Like if you want that. Specific that like it's hard to mimic it.

Anyway, I get it. Thank you. You went to, but you went to the Culinary Institute. Not all of us did. So I think like for us, we wouldn't know the difference between like a Shasta. Well Sharon, Sharon, I don't remember. She wasn't in, oh she graduated in 53.

Just Sharon? Just Sharon, just she graduated in 53. Just Sharon. Just Sharon. Just she graduated in 53. That's right. She's class of 53. Yeah. RIP. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. Forgot to say that. And this was written New Year's Eve of twenty twenty four. So I don't know. Maybe she's really. Anyway, well, turns 100 soon.

Here is a review sent. No, this is a thing sent in by Katie, she, her, who first, before the review, wanted to send in a screenshot of her Apple AI notification. Oh, oh my gosh. Those are so annoying. iPhones started summarizing texts and summarizing notifications.

This is the summary for our episode going live. No. Uh, the health food store one. Okay, ready? It says, 321 reviews of health food stores in both beach and water conditions. Yeah, whether it's too sandy or whether it's too watery, nobody knows. It could be either or. Oh my god. Even AI can't figure that one out.

God, it's so stupid. And this is a review, a one-star review of Dr. Thunder. Good old Walmart. Okay, so this is the Dr. Pepper. See, I got confused with the lightning and the thunder. I mean, they've got like a whole. I say that all the time. When we played Pajama Sam, that one time. Okay, I really was confused during that game a lot of the time.

Yeah, the thunder was the cloud, the lightning was the bolt. I'll teach it to you again. Thank you. Next time we bolt. I'll teach it to you again. Thank you. Next time we play, I'll teach it for the fifth, thousandth time, okay, thousandth time. Dr. Thunder. If you're gonna be me, whatever,

name all your sodas after meteorological events, then just name it like Shooting Star. Okay, I will. So that's how I feel. Okay. Just sharing. Oh, just sharing. Just sharing. 2015. 2015? You graduated college?

Is that when I graduated culinary school? Not 2015. No, I graduated 2015. 2013. Okay. I graduated 2012 because it was December. 2012. Remember when I didn't know and then on stage in DC, I. I graduated 2012, cause it was December. Remember when I didn't know, and then on stage in DC, I said I graduated in 2011 or something. And then somebody in the audience said, no, you didn't.

And it wasn't our mom. And then I had to be like, oh my God, that random person, that audience was right. I did not graduate the year I said. What a heckle though. I mean, I got caught.

Yeah, it was, it was a most productive and also just like cutting heckle in history, I think. You don't know yourself. I said like, I graduated this year. And the person said, no, you didn't. I was like, that was amazing. How was that information so readily available to them? Seriously.

Yeah, maybe I should be more worried than anything, but anyway. That's terrifying, okay. Here's a one-star review of Dr. Thunder. Tried the bottle of Dr. Thunder and it was horrible. Now, it's like drinking soda from an old lady purse. Like drinking soda and old folk church perfume would give a no-star, if I could.

End of review. Wow, that's really creative. Yeah, oh, and the reviewer's title is me. And Katie just wanted to make sure we knew it was not Katie, even though it says me. Oh me, oh I see, yeah, yeah. It's like just Sharon. Yeah. It's just me, you know?

Wow, that's boldly. I mean that's what a What a visual I don't think I've drank a soda from an old lady's old lady purse I don't mean it know if it means like one that's been sitting in there or if it means like the liquid is in there Yeah, just put a straw. Yeah straw. I don't know which one fucking gross I have a drink or you drank the soda and then she said that's my perfume You know what we have so many options out might be that maybe I'll have to do a poll Stop putting your straw in my perfume. That sounds dirty. I don't I know. I'm sorry In my church perfume. No, that makes it worse in the priests perfume. No, okay. What makes a church perfume?

Is that what they said right? Yeah, and, okay. What makes a church perfume? Is that what they said, right? Church perfume? Yeah, and like drinking soda and old folk church perfume. I think it's like, oh, when they go to church, they wear their fine Sunday best. I'm wondering like what perfumes are church perfumes? Like, notes of petroleum?

Ooh, it's just like old lady perfume, yeah. I know, I'm asking which ones oh You can probably Google it Don't want it listen I don't want to say a perfume and then we have people be like that's me like a name of a perfume as if you know Like multiple old lady church if any I was just wondering about sense lady shirt if any i was just wondering about scents i don't know um maybe they i bet you it's one of the ones from wall greens where it's like pretending to be it's like the it's like the off brand soda but for the perfumes have you seen those no it's like how michael scott doesn't have

jacquard noir he has like and he goes it smells exactly the same. Like off brand perfume. Yeah, yeah, like knockoff ones. That's funny. I don't know. Okay, I have another review of Sam's Cola from Christine, not me, just me, just Christine. She, her, and this is a one star review. A verified purchase by Tammy. What is in my Sam's Cola? Debris. Well, the taste is great, but possible wood slivers,

muck paper, or some kind of a foreign object found inside the can was disturbing. A complaint has been filled today, but the process needs to be revamped. The plan needs to be more smoothly, as time is crucial in determining the root cause so they can follow through on a recall, or whatever else would need to be done

to protect the customers. End of review. Holy moly. What do they think of wood slivers? Wood slivers or muck paper? What the fuck is muck paper? Or some kind of a foreign object. Muck paper.

What is muck paper? I feel like that's what you would see in the tonal notes of an old lady perfume. Wood sliversivers muck paper Patchouli is that because when I did muck paper it says there's shutter stock Muck paper images and it's just slips of paper. Is it like scrap another way to say scrap paper Maybe scrap paper. Okay. Sorry. I'm like what the fuck I don't know Scrap paper getting paper getting into the soda?

Well, I mean, obviously that's why the plan needs to be more smoothly. Did I agree? Yeah, and time is crucial. Time is of the essence. I think I also like it's debris, it's wood slivers, it's muck paper. It's some kind of a foreign. I like it's like less dramatic as it goes, which you know, I They had it frozen and it was like thawing and they're like some like ice slivers

Or there was muck paper which god forbid, you know, yeah when they said debris I was picturing like driftwood driftwood huge yeah, when they said debris, I was picturing like driftwood driftwood. I know. Huge. Yeah. Like like like litter. Yeah. Someone littered in that can of whatever this is someone. Sam's cola. Yeah. You think it's Sam himself or Sam? No, I think or herself or their self. My gosh. What a name.

Sam. Anyway, I'm going to gosh, what a name. Sam. Anyway, I'm gonna read another one that Katie sent in. This is of another Walmart drink known as Twist Up. What's that? I haven't heard of that. It is. I mean, oh, Sprite. Sprite, I believe,

cause it's like lemon lime. Twist of lemon lime. Sure. This is a five star review. And this is titled, The Product That Will Change Your Life. Oh, gosh. The reviewer's name is. No, thank you.

No, thanks. I'm good, actually. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate it. Thank you. Bye. Oh, yeah. I'm really busy today.

You're scared of change. I'm not. And that's why you should know this is a big deal that I'm really busy today. You're scared of change. This review- I'm not. And that's why you should know this is a big deal that I'm concerned. Wow, okay. I'm ready for most things to change my life. This is an expert though, Christina. Because this is written by none other than Twist Up Girl. Oh shit.

Yeah, five stars, ready? I created a Walmart account just so I could review this product. Everyone needs to know about the greatness of TwistUp. Price, fantastic. Taste, perfect. If you do not like TwistUp, I never want to look at your face.

If TwistUp is just a glimpse of heaven, my brain cannot even comprehend the fullness of heaven. If I had just a sliver of the greatness of Twist Up, I would rule the world. Everyone needs to buy Twist Up. End of review. Well, I mean, you say that, but like, Twist Up doesn't rule the world. And it's Twist Up, so. Because it doesn't have opposable thumbs.

It doesn't have opposable thumbs. It doesn't know. Well, get research and development on that stat. Christina, we cannot handle twist up ruling the world. It's time for a change. No, no. Careful what you wish for. Careful. I'm serious.

Make America lemony again. Nope. Fuck off with your lemon bullshit. Okay. I did cringe a little when Twist Up Girl said, if I had just a sliver. I know. I thought of those wood slivers. That's what I was going to say. I wonder if it was just a sliver of this.

Yeah. We can't have... What was it? A sliver of greatness? A sliver of the greatness of Twist Up. So yeah, the greatness. Yeah So yeah the greatness so so the mommy that's what you got in your Sam's Cola Maybe they got cross pollution cross-contaminated Cross-pollinated they cross pollinated. Oh twist up pollinated. You did say the right one. What is Sam? What is it again cross-pollinate cross-pollinate. No, what's the one you said that was right? I love how you believed that.

I was like, oh, cross-pollinate. Cross-contamination. Yeah, that's much more apt. Thank you. Oh, cross-pollinate. And you're like, oh, yeah. Wait, that's second. As if I know what the fuck that means.

Like, who do I think I am? I don't know if it means anything. I'm just Sharon. That's it. Okay, imagine like creating a Walmart account and it says write a username that you can, anything you want, anything you want that embodies who you wanna represent on walmart.com

and TwistUpGirl's like, you got it, I'm fucking TwistUpGirl, that's me. And then Sharon's like, I'm just Sharon. It just is like, what, next you're gonna tell me you went to culinary school in 1996 and now I'm gonna feel start crying for you. Also, before I say something else about Sharon, the other Walmart account that I've we've read from is named me. Oh, yeah. Who are you? Just Sharon? Who are you? Me? Who are you? That's like, girl. Oh my god, no wonder. It's like, who are you? Just Sharon. Who are you? Me? Who are you? Twist up girl? Oh my God, no wonder.

It's starting to make a lot of sense. It is, but the thing is you love this just Sharon. Like you're bringing it up every single time. I can't stop thinking about it. And I have a hypothesis or I think something's gonna happen. At some point down the line, someone will be like, oh, it's just Christine referencing this yeah and you will just be insulted or not even just sad like oh I'll just be

like not realizing that they're quoting that's a really fucked up thing to say to me yeah that's just my theory and look I look forward to that day and I'll be right there and I but I'll be right there with you like what the fuck was that about what a dick That person is probably also the person who told me I didn't graduate in like 2005 or whatever like incorrect year I gave. But yeah, I wow. Wow. Just Christine. There's someone out there who has an encyclopedic knowledge of your life and it's not you. Well, it started. Oh, wow. It never claimed to be me. I can promise you that much. It's just a scary thought is all.

Yeah. So I've talked about this a little bit, but I started a low buy, no buy situation this year as a new habit to be more intentional about spending. And I think the best validation has been my rocket money account because it's like, hey, you're doing awesome with your money. And I'm like, really? Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. You can see all of your subscriptions in one place, which is so handy. There are probably some you forgot about. And you can know exactly where your money is going. And for subscriptions you don't want anymore,

Rocket Money can help you cancel them. Yeah, you can get alerts if bills increase in price. That's huge. Unusual spending activity, which happens to me a lot. I don't know, I do some weird things, I guess. They're like, is this you? Yes, it's me again. It's me again, Rocket Money.

Yeah, I'm just depressed again, don't worry. And there's the new goals feature, which automatically saves money for you, so you don't have to even think about it. Wait, that's really smart. It immediately puts it into a savings thing, that's great. You can pay off your credit card debt, put away money for a house, just build your savings.

Rocket Money makes it easy. Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash beach today. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach. Rocketmoney.com slash beach.

Okay, so I don't know if you all have been there, but I've been there where it's like you get this meal kit and it's like, oh, it's easy, but then it ends up being really complicated and has a lot of instructions and you're like, wait, what step am I on and all that nonsense. But fortunately there's Home Chef. Home Chef knows the struggle and delivers fresh delicious meal kits that respect your time. How good is that? While this holiday season is over, the cold weather is sticking around. But thankfully, Home Chef is delivering new hearty recipes and your favorite comfort foods to help you stay cozy. Home Chef delivers fresh ingredients and chef-designed recipes conveniently to your doorstep to simplify your cooking experience. Users of leading meal kits have rated Home Chef number one

in quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease. Whether you prefer classic meal kits with pre-portioned ingredients, quick 30-minute recipes, oven-ready options, microwave meals, or a dedicated family menu, Home Chef has everything you and your family need for hassle-free, delicious dinners. One of my favorite parts about Home Chef is that they have over 30 options a week,

and they serve a variety of dietary needs, so do not worry, there's something for everyone. It's also economical. Home Chef customers save an average of $86 a month on groceries, which is awesome. Host And when meal planning ends up on the backburner, check out Home Chef's new 5-ingredient meals that simplify prep with super easy recipe steps using just 5 fresh pre-portioned ingredients. Host That's my favorite. Side note. For a limited

time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 18 free meals, plus free dessert for life and of course free shipping on your first box. Go to homechef.com slash beach to sandy. That's homechef.com slash beach to sandy for 18 free meals and free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash beach to sandy. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Okay, is it my turn? This is also from Christine Sheher.

It's of Sam's Cola. One star. Will not deal with the seller again. It was a nightmare trying to get only a 12 pack of Sam's Cola. Said I'd have it in two days. 30 days later, I still didn't have it. I called the business and the phone is blocked from certain people. In the meantime, the company sent me an email stating they would have to charge me $91 delivery

fee. I almost fainted. I got in touch with Walmart and within a few minutes they had canceled the order and issued my refund. End of review. How much were they ordering? a 12 pack of sam's cola 91 30 days later

For delivery fee it's like holding it hostage like you can have it If you give us 91 dollars, what I like I wonder that's not how online ordering works either It's not like you online order and then you wait and call the company, and then they tell you, hey, pay us an exorbitant fee to bring it to your house. I knew that Walmart had third party sellers. I guess I didn't realize that they'd be selling like. Well, you know, Amazon does that too. Like where it's like food items,

and you're like, wait a minute. Yeah, but are they selling like Amazon basics as a third party? Like this is like great value. Or this is like the Walmart brand that they're selling a 12 pack. I want to make sure Sam's Cola is a Walmart brand. I mean, maybe it's Sam's Cola. We've been saying it is all episodes. I know, I know, I know. Okay, Cot Beverage's manufactures it for Walmart. Okay, so it's yeah, it's a Walmart brand. So yeah, they were selling a Walmart brand. Oh, maybe that's why

they got that fee fund they asked for. Cause it says, by the way, it got cut off a little bit, but it says sold by, and the company is called Craft and Theory LLC. Oh. So they were the ones who were gonna charge $91 allegedly for this delivery. I'm like, that's so weird.

I wonder if it's cause this is Walmart not sell it anymore. Like that seems so weird. Like, why not just get it on Walmart? And like the person clearly knew it was a seller. They said, I will not deal with the seller again. So like they know it's not Walmart. It's just so strange. I'm like, is there like an underground market for these?

It's probably nothing deep. But since we're not going to go into it, we're going to be like, wow, it's a big mystery. Conspiracy afoot. Yeah. Someone's going to say, oh, yeah, they just discontinued it. OK, they didn't big mystery. Conspiracy afoot. Yeah. And someone's gonna say, oh yeah, they just discontinued it. Okay.

They didn't though. Okay, nevermind then. I don't know. Maybe it was a different vintage. Maybe it was like on sale, that seller was trying to sell it for cheap and then charge you $91. And then live in hostage 30 days later.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Or maybe they drank it and they were like, oh no, what do we say? Oh, okay, let's charge him $91 and and just say and then he'll never want it. Oops Oops, who's doing this like two 12 year olds like what a dumb Craft and theory. Oh, I got it. I'll see My next one here was sent in by Carrie. She her who?

Sent in a review of the cola. This is cola regular soda stream flavor on Amazon. This is a one-star review by Stan. Would not drink this unbelievably awful cola drink if it was given free for life and or if delivered by the King of England, utilizing his ladies-in-waiting as attendants and serving with their usual fanfare, and whilst appearing at my humble home in his

overly extravagant golden carriage pulled by Rudolph and his antlered buddies, yup, it's a big no. It's detestable. End of review. Holy shit. I don't know if it would have been more or less impactful if she had just said, this is detestable. End of review. Holy shit. I don't know if it would have been more or less impactful if she had just said, this is detestable,

because that's like a really powerful word. And I feel like it can stand on its own. I don't know. I mean, I don't know that you needed all this nonsense, but I did enjoy the ride. I needed it. Yeah, I did too. Wow.

I was joking and then it like did become very long and exaggerated. It kept going and it seemed to turn it started to turn into this weird like fan fantasy. Yeah, fanfic about the king. Yeah. And then I had to get reeled back in a little bit. He's not like the way isn't he dead? The King of England? No. Yeah. Oh, he's back. He's not like wait isn't he dead? The king of England? No. Yeah. Oh he's back. He's what? He's back? He died and came back? Well no back from her house I thought

with the Soda Stream. Am I? Oh yeah from the humble home. Yeah. Yeah. Rudolph brought him back don't worry. Where the fuck are the ladies then? The ladies in wait? Christina who do you think's hanging out at the humble home with Stu? What did I call him? Stu? Steven? I don't worry. Where the fuck are the ladies then? The ladies are waiting. Christina, who do you think's hanging out at the humble home with Stu? What did I call him? Stu, Steven? I don't know. I called him Stan. That's what I called him.

Sorry. Stan the man is what the ladies are waiting on. His name is STV. So I was like Steve, Stu, Stan, I don't know. But yeah, no, the king is back home. You're right. Back, no, back in the palace. Back in his humble home. If the king dies between now and the day this releases though.

I did this to Jimmy Buffett too, so I gotta be more careful. I didn't do it to Jimmy Buffett, obviously. Fucking obviously, but it happened, uh oh. Is it obvious now? It was obvious until you started saying obviously, obviously. You're right. Obviously sounds a lot like obfuscate that's all I'm gonna say oh my god, you're so right I can't even argue with that. Okay This is from IO he him and it's of great value. Dr. Thunder soda pop

This is a one-star view by D dirty water This is a one star view by Dee. Dirty water. This off-brand Dr. Pepper tastes like unfiltered dirt water. I wasted my allowance on this and I got grounded for throwing away the rest of the 12 pack in my trash can in my mom's room. Waste of money and time. Don't buy.

End of review. For putting it in the mom's trash can? He threw it away in his mom's trash can in her bedroom. The rest of a 12-pack? How is that the product's fault? He said, that's disgusting. Well, he said it's disgusting. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Okay, that part of the review was like, okay, what? Well, now you know the harried backstory behind you know, like the conflict and all that

It's just some context for you Because I love the idea that like the mom I mean a 12 pack is large I'm sorry if you're if you drink one and now you have the rest of a 12 pack You threw them out in the tree. What kind of, does she have a waste paper basket or like a trash can? Like a fucking actual recycling bin, like, you know, one of the big ones. I don't know.

Oh God, I'm trying to remember this mom. Alexander, don't be. This mom's bedroom. It's been a while. Oh my God. You have a problem. I thought you were asking me. You don't remember it had literal,

hold on, Dr. Thunder all over the floor. I thought she pulled it out of her church purse I didn't know it was from a trash can. Well, you should stop putting your straw in church ladies purses That's all I'm gonna say. I'll put my straw somewhere else. Okay Okay. Here. I wish you would have. I wish you would have. You shouldn't say, you shouldn't put your straw in church ladies to start any.

That was 100% your fault. I'm not at fault. I had no choice. The listeners understand. It had to be done. I have one more thing. Okay. It's a review.

Okay. This is sent in by Kirsty she her and We're going international This is a review of Sainsbury's diet cream soda That's fucking so gross. That is sorry. I don't even mind I like cream soda I do but Something about diet cream just so sick. I like cream soda and I like diet sodas. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah cream soda for some reason something about it. Mm-hmm Uh, I think it's the cream starts to take on a new connotation

Right, like it's the cream right because it it must put a new emphasis on the word cream that wasn't there before like cream soda Right because it it must put a new emphasis on the word cream that wasn't there before like cream soda Diet cream soda. It's like wait a minute. No, no, no, you're so right They should call it cream soda light or something like that, you know That's still that's actually so much worse. Why does that sound worse somehow? I don't know just as bad I said it and I went, nope, still gonna throw up. Despite our protest, here is a five star review of Sainsbury's diet cream soda. Delicious and refreshing. I buy several bottles each week

as me and the kids get through it so quickly. In this recent heatwave, I put some in their water bottles with ice while they were playing in the paddling pool. Also, I had family round on Saturday and my sister brought a bottle with her from Tesco's. I poured a glass for myself as my Sainsbury's cream soda was finished, but when my sister wasn't looking, I tipped it down the sink. It smelled and tasted awful. I didn't think I could dislike any cream soda,

but I realize now Sainsbury's is 100% better. End of review. Wow. So they can even make even cream soda, diet cream soda taste good. Like, that's kind of, that's so gross. Like to me, to think that, that there are multiple diet cream soda types in the world. It upsets me a little.

Yeah, it's upsetting. It's kind of just like a heaviness enters the air atmosphere when you think about it. Don't say heavy when we're talking about diet cream. You're so right. Diet heavy cream. Heavy cream soda. Heavy cream soda light. Don't worry. Oh, light. Yeah. Okay. I'm done. How about lactose free cream soda?

Okay. I hope it already is. This is from Kelsey. She her. And this is of Target brand. So we're Reaching across the aisle to another fucko corporate brand. This is favorite day lemon lime soda Really boring not as fun of a name as like thunder and lightning and everything frightening The so this is just called perky MD perky MD

I did see a review that said dr. Pete, which is the SodaStream one. I just the title. I forgot someone sent in a review. And like in the screenshot, I saw that review underneath and it said like, they said like, Dr. Pete should lose his license or something. I'm going straight to the board. Okay, this is a one star review of lemon lime soda from Target. Liquid manure. Is it possible for soda to taste like a barn smells? Why yes, and Favorite Day has mastered it with their citrus twist soda.

The earthy manure sensation brought me back to childhood on the farm. I can't imagine what this would do for me if I drank it warm. I am not kidding. This is disgusting. Farm Smell was the first sensory experience I had after taking a sip and after two or three more as well. It doesn't go away. It will never go away. End of review. Oh it it's just coded there. Was it reviewed by Twist Up Girl? I know, right? It was actually reviewed by Dosko Bear, which I think is supposed to say Disco Bear. I will also add that it seems like you kind of liked it. Not to blame the victim,

but like that was the first smell you had and then you had two or three more just to check. Just to double check. I think the problem, it's not with the flavor, it's with the emotions that come with it. It's too, you just don't wanna face it. I understand. Life on the farm is tough. When we grew up on the farm, the smells, the smells were probably the worst part.

Talk about a sensory experience. That was just you. Yeah. That was just your smells. That was my smells, because I was doing all the hard labor on the farm. Yeah, you were sweating around. Well, you sat on your golden carriage

with the ladies-in-waiting. I was hanging out with the goats and the pigs, and it was fresh and it smelled so good. It's so weird, he called them his ladies-in-waiting. Pfft. Um, and then he said he was king of the farm. And I'd deliver soda to you and you'd... Yeah, and then you would charge me $91

and I was like, go away. Stupid. We called it the Paris of Arkansas. Yeah, so anyway, here is another review of this lemon lime soda, okay? It's, I don't know, where do farms belong? What? Where do farms go?

What? What? That's like we're playing like Settlers of Catan or something like that. I heard it. I said it like three times and then I was like, what am I saying? And what's funny, Christina, is the state we grew up in, Ohio, happens to have at least a couple. Right.

But I'm into Kentucky, so oh, wait. Kentucky has some too. I could be wrong. Oh my God. Okay. to Kentucky so oh wait oh my god okay so this is a one star of the lemon lime soda from target no username but it says verified purchaser worst of the four flavors the cola cherry lime and ginger ale are all very good but this one is a. It has a strong astringent aftertaste, almost as if it was strained through a band-aid. End of review.

That's a new one. Is that not the nastiest thing you've ever heard? That is, that's like, I can picture that. That's sick. I would never have come up with that. And not in the way that they say it on RuPaul's Drag Race. Sickening. It's sickening in a bad way, not a cool way.

It's actually sickening. Yeah. Wow. I can totally picture, I can't literally taste it, thankfully, but- Oh, I know, but if I try, I can almost. Yeah, horrible. Man, this person is...

They should write horror, because I feel like they create a very visceral reaction in me that is after doing this show for so long. I was gonna say is hard to do, and then I'm like, I react so aggressively to everything we say. I should not pretend otherwise. Then receive clarification because you didn't understand it. Perfectly exactly correct. Yes

But this one really just does a number on me like sensory wise. I don't enjoy it at all I think they could really do big things with a horror Franchise or something like that. I mean touch with your agent. Yeah, sure sure sure sure sure My agent. Yes, this is from St Stacey she her and this is my last one I promise it is no it's not this is a If you I don't promise that it's a one-star view of the great value root beer And I don't like root beer already is it just called root beer. It's called root beer soda I assume root beer must just not be a branded name anymore

You know I assume or maybe it never was. Because root beer is root beer. Because it's root beer, yeah. Because it's root beer. I sound like Leona. Because it's green soda. Yeah, that's how her brain works, because I said so. Here is a one-time review by Eileen, and I'm gonna read some of the typos,

because it just gets the point across, but some of them I probably will not. All caps, of course. Mucks of what is wrong with Walmart, much with an X. Wall- What? Much with an X?

Yeah. Oh, I guess those are next to each other. I see, okay. Oh, that's probably why, yes. Much of what is wrong with Walmart, space, with two L's, Walmart, space. Mucks of what is wrong with Walmart, and then here it goes.

And it starts all lowercase, like not even a single capital letter, and then it really, you'll sense the tonal shift. Wait, the mucks paper. Oh my God. That's what it's all about, that's what happened. Which, this is a root beer right hmm curious much paper muck paper mucks okay just never mind I thought you were really getting to the bottom of saying

and then you weren't we're trying I'm not anymore I'm trying I'm tired of these reviews I don't want them anymore. I will stop shopping Walmart. I get 15 messages a day from Wall-E-World. I avoid the dirty cold noisy stores because of checkout and no one on store can help you find things. Elec carts are never cleaned. Uggh, Uggh, UGGGHH! I even get suggestions based on in-store purchases. The front of you store has not been cleaned in over 15 years. Employees smoke there also, so folks have to walk through it. Your major security is not sooch the problem until you make make make customers checks out their own items

and take their photo at register with their card info and then have TB audacity to demand a receipt at the door. This is Disciple. So I'm not only harassed at the story, but online as well. Bye bye Walmart. Your filthy rich of owners can enjoy their ill-earned greed money. The way you treat employees is deplorable. End of review.

They had some great points, but I don't want them to lead the revolution, you know? I think they're allowed. They should be in, they will be in the fight. Well, they weren't invited, but they will be there, yeah. Yeah, I think they should be invited because they have some good points in there. Do they?

They would agree, I would agree with them, what? Oh, okay, I guess I do. I just, yeah, I mean, I agree with them. Treatment of employees. Okay, but that was not the point. I just, yeah, I mean, I agree with them. Treatment of employees? Okay, but that was not the point. She bitched about the employees for the whole paragraph and then said, and the way you treat employees is deplorable.

I'm like, you just went on about how much you hate him. Not leading the movement. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. I'm not following them into battle, but I'll stand by their side with the other employees. Well, they're not, you know what I mean with the employees. I'm going to send you to a false location. Both of you.

I'll be sending you false coordinates because I don't trust either of you. What was this even up again? Which is root beer. Root beer. I feel bad because I'm like, this person doesn't know how to turn off notifications and like set like security preferences and stuff. I'm tired of these reviews. I don't want them anymore.

And I love that like writing this review is just going to get more emails from Wallyworld because they're going to say thank you for your review. And every time someone hits helpful, it's going to send you another email. Like it just feels like you're unintentionally like aggravating the problem. I don't know this for sure cause I don't have access to one, but I assume one of the scariest places on earth

is an old person's email inbox. Purse, oh, email inbox indeed. Imagine sometimes like I have, sometimes they have these spammers have the audacity to send me some bullshit about like My Medicare and I'm like the fuck do you think I am? You know, how old do you think I am spam me with like Instagram or something? Yeah, yeah pisses me right off with yeah spam you with Instagram Something cool like Instagram. Like Instagram.

You are really with it, obviously. That's right. It's sickening. So this is a four star review. These are my last two. It's Redemptions. This is a review, nope, sorry. It's a five star review of Diet Shasta Cola.

This is also from Christine and it's five stars on Amazon. The title is That Perfect Chemical Taste You Love from Diet Coke. Here's the review. Closest thing to Diet Coke without all the nanoparticles from Bill Gates. End of review. Oh! Have you heard of this?

No. Oh my God, I Googled it. I didn't think, I was like, what's B Gates? And then I realized it was Bill Gates. And then I was like, wait a minute. And it turns out- They're being sincere? Yeah, they're being sincere.

It's like a QAnon shit. Yeah. And of course I saw somebody on X talking about it. So I went, well, this ought to be good. So I clicked it and then they said, here's the source. And it was a Facebook post. And so I was like, this can't be. So I clicked the source, and it was a Facebook post. So I was like, this can't be. So I clicked the Facebook post,

and it was a news program. And it was just some lady, like obviously not on the news, but all these people were like, wow, this, I mean, I felt like I got transported to like the pits of like people who don't understand media, have no media literacy, like none. And it was like so obviously fake but then it was like they are putting trackers in soda. So now there's this idea that they're fluorescent nanoparticles that are like tracking you

You know in your soda because of Bill Gates. Yeah, that's huh. So I wouldn't worry about it And and which sodas is it? So I wouldn't worry about it. And which sodas is it? Cause like what is- Coca Cola. Oh, okay. So they're saying Coca Cola and Pepsi are tracking us or something.

I mean, whatever, crazier things have happened. No fun. But not Amazon Purchase Diet Shasta. I know, right? It's like Amazon would never track me where I am, except that I order stuff from them, you know? It's like, what are you talking about? Fluorescent nanoparticles present in,

so the NIH did find fluorescent nanoparticles in Coca-Cola and Pepsi. Okay. And they have a quantum yield of 3.3 and 4.3 respectively. Okay, percent. Now, I don't think that means anything except that, I mean it might mean something like biologically, it's probably a problem maybe, I would imagine.

But I don't think that it's like, oh it's Bill Gates trying to like, get in your brain or whatever. I'm glad you clarified that you don't think that. Well it's been like a roller coaster, yeah sometimes I'm here or there, everywhere on Bill Gates, it's just like, I can't land anywhere on this man, I can't think that. Well, it's been like a roller coaster. Yeah, sometimes I'm on one here, there, you know, everywhere on Bill Gates. It's just like, I can't land anywhere on this man.

I can't. Here's a four star review of the same thing, the Shasta, Diet Shasta Cola. This soda is a revelation. I always thought there was a flat soda, RC Cola or a spicy soda, Coke. I never once thought that I'd experienced the true cataclysmic joy that is the Shasta Cola.

Flat, yet spicy, boring, yet also exhilarating. Every day, yet once in a lifetime. I love Shasta Cola. I wanna marry Shasta Cola and put a baby inside of Shasta Cola. ACAB, XOXO, Gossip Girl, end of review. Wow. They had some good points in there, but again,

not leading the revolution. Yeah. Just having a debate on the side about spicy versus flat soda or whatever they said. Okay, so I said it different every time. Is it Shasta or Shasta? The more you said it, the less it sounded right. So I think it's every time. Is it Shasta or Shasta? The more you said it, the less it sounded right. So I think it's Shasta.

A different Shasta. Okay. Mount Shasta. Yeah. Oh, it's called, yeah, okay. I see. Yes. From Mount Shasta. I didn't know that. Do you know about Mount Shasta, by the way? No. It is an episode of And That's What I Drink, speaking of. Oh, that's fun. There's a lot of lore around it and aliens and

all that good oh really okay this is the last thing I swear okay this is from io it's a redemption of shasta cola shasta shasta cola christine shasta cola is the best cola it keeps me happy healthy and it's a great help especially with the triple incredible strong taste full of yummy, full of flavor, and everything I need in a soda. I thank you Shasta Cola for everything. You're the best and I really appreciate your taste. Shasta Cola is full of trusted taste.

Thank you. Sincerely yours, Charles T. Newton. Okay, are these like little Gen Z weirdos like making funny posts? Both of these? It was all capital letters and I don't know because it says Charles T. Newton and it's... What is it? Shasta Cola? What like I've just is that just a regional thing? Oh you don't know about Shasta Cola? I don't know. I feel like we I feel like I knew about that. Maybe. I don't know if I do. I think it's like old though. I think it was a thing in like the 80s,

like a bigger thing in the 80s maybe. Okay, so it's not really off brand, it's more like its own. I think it's kind of its own thing, yeah. Like its own manufacturer. But I think like Nancy drank it. You know what I mean, like the lemon. Yeah, something like that.

I think it was like tab and all that like I think It was in that genre. Yeah Anyway, yeah, so that's all I've got for you Charles T. Newton signs at signing off right now It's time for our new fun segment that we do By the way, it's just like okay So I we before this episode talked and I hadn't listened to our new voicemails yet. And Alexander was like, they're all really good. Like people are so good at this. I think we just didn't know if people would want to be part of it.

So it's very exciting that we have several people who already called in. Yeah. So thanks everyone who's already sent one in. Yuri, go this one was sent in by Kelly. Let's go. I work in healthcare. I'm an audiologist and I have had some. Okay. The first time, sorry, I paused it to say the first time I listened to that. All I heard was a naughty ologist. And I was like, what the fuck is a naughty ologist?

I mean, like I figured that's not what I just heard, but like. Ah, an audiologist. Ooh. Ooh la la. Okay. Very crazy and wild negative reviews, but I wanted to share about a gentleman who I saw for a hearing aid appointment. I work in a really diverse area and many of our patients in the clinic I was working at at the time, English was not their first language. The same. And the same was fairly fluent in English, but obviously it wasn't his first language. I think his first language was either Arabic or Amharic.

Not the same. I mix those two up. The majority of patients I saw, those were the languages they speak. Not that that's that important. But this gentleman, I fixed his hearing aids and I think he'd been having a problem for a long time. He was just very excited that I fixed his hearing aids and he didn't have to send them out for an out of warranty repair because that would have been rather expensive. I think I did

some sort of magic in the clinic and made his hearing aids work. And so he was trying to compliment me and I'm sure whatever, I'm sure what he was saying, what in his native language what he said was like some very like beautiful saying but English being what it was What it would it directly translated it to in English was your hands are beautiful in both form and function It sounds really creepy, but he was not trying to be creepy I tended to get really terrible reviews And so this is something my friends and I will text each other when we're having a bad day I need to pick me up is like we'll just text your hands are beautiful in both form to function because it was

unintentionally creepy hilarious I swear I'm not making fun of this man for like not speaking English as a first language It was just the way it translated into English was very very funny and it still makes me laugh to this day Alexander and it still makes me laugh to this day. Alexander. Isn't that so good? Your hands are beautiful in both form and function is like weirdly like the most poignant. It's poetic. It's poetic. It's poignant.

Like I don't even know. I mean, if someone said that to me, I would be like totally like flustered. I don't know what I would I would be caught completely off guard. Yeah. But I think I would say thank you. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, I would do it. Like it's different if you said your butt. Well, sure. I would imagine your butt is beautiful. Actually, hang on. Your tits are beautiful. And like your breast, someone's breastfeeding.

Your tits are beautiful in both form and function. Thank you so much to whoever said that. So that's not what happened. That's not what happened. Your hands. It's like very different. So I like it. I what if what if in reality that was exactly what he was trying to say? You know he's like that's not an idiom that's just what I think about you. Yeah well I mean Kelly was working so deftly with the hearing aid, perhaps. That's what I'm saying, like magic worker, you know? It's like, obviously those hands are magic.

See, now I'm being creepier than that guy was unintentionally being. Wow, that- But you're actually accusing him of being intentionally. But I'm doing it on purpose. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm doing it on purpose. Because that's what you would do. Sure. Yeah.

So anyway, wow, Kelly, that was a good one. Wow, these are good. How do you people have all these stories? I know, well, Kelly, that was a good one. Wow, these are good. How do you people have all these stories? Thanks Kelly for sending that one in. If you want to send your own in, you can join our Patreon, patreon.com slash beach to Sandy. We also have ad free listening and video episodes on there. Looking forward to sharing another one next week.

Oh, what else do we have? Access to all the themes and challenges in advance and a form to send them in. Yeah. Yeah. Just no big deal. That's fun. Okay. So having a child in my home is always chaotic. And as time goes on, it's hard to realize like, oh boy, things are going fast. You know, she's already three. She's turning four this year.

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Here is the start of my challenge. This was sent in by Sarah through Eli, is it? Via. Wait, Lee, sorry, not Eli, Lee. No, here we go. It's Lee way. Get it? It was sent by way of Lee, like Lee way.

I get it, yeah. Good job. Tough crowd. Yeah. Oh boy, no one laughed, I could tell. Lee did. Yeah. Oh, boy. No one laughed. I could tell. Lee did. I fucking know Lee did. Lee was like, I'm sick of that joke.

Probably. Here is what so Sarah sent in and Sarah's did say something else about this challenge. Sarah said, the real kicker of it all is that it turns out the sign in Yakima, Washington,

that gave me the idea for the challenge, it actually says the Palm Springs of Washington, not the Paris of. No. Wow, that's hilarious. Okay, so now we have another challenge for another time, Palm Springs of. I don't think that one's probably as common.

Probably not, but I have seen that sign and I do understand why that would, why based on my experience being in both Yakima and Palm Springs, I could see why that's definitely a stretch and why it's a fun challenge. Oh, a stretch, okay. I was like, I'm trying to sense any tangible. Oh, okay. And like, Yakima was a beautiful place. I'm just saying Very different vibes those two I I'm I was I was shocked to read that sign for the first Paris would have made more Sense, right? You know what weirdly? Yep

Don't know about that one. Anyway, here's a review that Sarah sent in this is a review, oh, yeah, and the challenge being, by the way, the Paris of, not the Palm Springs of. So we're doing people mentioning that something is the Paris of something. Here is a review of the Burdett Exchange in Burdett, New York. It's like meat and mercantile exchange,

grocery, farmers market, meat shop. Okay? Gotcha. Gotcha. This is a one star review. And this is actually the first ever review. And I think the only one star. Oh my gosh. Here we go. Yikes. Food, they advertise organic, but I didn't find anything that was organic other than a few greens and beans. The meat and cheese is definitely not organic. Bread was good, but stale. Yesterday's bread should have been discounted heavily if they were trying to dump it.

Staff? Snarky. The fellow working there asked us where we were from. When we said Pittsburgh, he kind of harrumped. OK, it's not like Burdette is the Paris of upstate. He was, after all, from Burdette. When checking out, we were overcharged by an even twenty dollars. When I pointed it out, the cashier made out like we had done something offensive.

I was taken aback. I laughed nervously because I couldn't believe he was questioning me. He didn't care for that and acted kind of smug as he gave our $20 back. Ambience, so-so. They tried, but it feels underdeveloped. Putting more money into the interior

could do a lot to improve the vibe, make it feel more upbeat and less drab. End of review. And more like the City of Lights, you know what I mean? Wow. That's so weird. All of that feels so weird. What are you doing?

The interior also, you can tell that's the point is that it's very simple and like, it's like a little general store looking vibe. Right, right, right. It's not trying to be. Well, okay, I'm so intrigued about like, what was the thing with the $20? And then he tried to accuse her?

They said they got overcharged, and then the person had a weird reaction to it. They were vague about it. It's too vague. This is too vague for my comfort. I feel there are missing pieces here. This person has written eight reviews and they are all one star. Oh my lord. Okay, which is It's not a good look, which is kind of impressive. Honestly, it is anyway

So you don't see that often but apparently Burdett New York I don't even know if that's how you pronounce it It doesn't matter because it's not the Paris of upstate. So why should I care? So why should we care at all? Why should we? Here is a review that was sent in by Megan, she her, who says, Beach Too Sandy is like the Paris of comedy podcasts hosted by two siblings.

And then said, JK, you're the Paris of pods in my book. Thank you, Megan. That's so sweet. What's unfortunate is Megan also said that Paris is her least favorite city in the world. What? So that's a shame. There's a lot of cities in the world.

So I don't know. Yeah. And she's been to every single one. That's really wild. I know. Megan sent in a review of Caliche's frozen custard in Las Cruces, New Mexico. Five stars.

Great frozen custard, a definite must have when you're in Las Cruces. And if you Jones as hard as I do for ice cream, frozen custard, around the 8 p.m. hour, I can't tell you how many times I've been settled in at my hotel. Jammies on AC cranked up on high, even about to doze off and I get the calling.

The leeches. Is that the king? The trumpet. I'm being summoned. The ladies in waiting. They're waiting for me. Are waiting. Okay. So I get dressed and head over. It's my Achilles heel. This place is the Paris of frozen custard in southern New Mexico. Well done. You did it. Well done.

You're the, I mean, it feels like it's obviously a compliment, but I just love that if you out of context, it could feel like such a burn. Like you did it. You're the Paris of what, frozen yogurt in what, South? The Paris of frozen custard in Southern New Mexico. Like, wow, you've done it. You've reached the highest heights. But it sounds freaking great. And now all I want is frozen custard.

The reviews are incredible. 244. That's all I want. frozen custard. The reviews are incredible 244 I want it. It looks like I got the call. I got the Jones in. Oh, no, I can see you shaking Christina healthy delirium Custer eyes are rolling into the back of her head Only video patrons get to see that. Yeah, is that is that fraud if I lie about what? That's that what what is that, is there a word for that?

Yeah, I think it's called. Entrapment, I'm entrapping them into our Patreon. Entrapment, that's right. I was gonna say embezzlement, but that didn't make sense. It made just as much as entrapment, I think, though. This next one was sent in by Stephanie, and we know Stephanie has some way of searching because Stephanie sent in a review or a forum

E n world It's a capital e capital n world and it's a rpg like role-playing game news and review site So it's about like dungeons and dragons table. What does the EN mean? What what does the EN stand for? I'm gonna be honest. I have no idea. Oh, okay I don't know anything about this place and this site and it's overwhelming because it's a lot of things I don't know anything about on this page. Yeah, that's so I'm like, I don't even know what these words are I'm gonna what's it called and what EN world? so the original post

was by someone, Jurgen Hubert. Jurgen Hubert? Wow, what a name. Who said, I'm currently staying in Columbus, Ohio for two months scientific exchange. And then this was in 2008. And then posted a link to a live journal. Okay. Where they said, here's my here's where I'm sharing my experiences, feel free to correct any mistakes. And so like, people like we're reading his article and responding to him or reading his like live journal about his time in Columbus as a German. Oh, I see, okay.

Sorry, the title, I'm so sorry. The title of this book, right, I'm completely right. I didn't say that. It's in geek talk and media. It's a German in America. Oh my God, I was like scrabbling for any sort of context clues. And I was like, I think I've lost it.

I also wanna add real real quick EN Publishing they they publish a lot of the tabletop. Oh they like are the ones to do Dungeons and Dragons and stuff. Oh shit okay I didn't know they're the producer. Oh yeah yeah so just side note before people are like you guys. Yeah, thank you. I'm very glad you looked that up because they even have. This is great. The Gen Con in association with Gen Con, they do the any's. Just like their RPG awards, I guess. That's cool. Ceremony. I don't know. Anyway, sorry, side note. That's a UK based tabletop role playing game company.

Yeah, I think probably one of the main. And this is considered the leading tabletop RPG news website, according to themselves. According to themselves. Anyway, anyway. So this is a post, though, from 2008 about this German shared his live journal and said, let me know what you think. On the last page, this is something

that someone had shared. How many pages are there? Eight. Eight pages, wow. So first I'm gonna read what Heaven Shall Burn said. Okay. And then what Thunderfoot had to say in response. From what I've been told by a few French who were from the rural parts of the country,

they didn't like Parisians either. Lots of gripes I didn't really get, but from very limited experience and their second-hand accounts, I figure Paris just has a high asshole population compared to the rest of France. It seems like Paris is the only place you get the, your French is not good enough routine on a regular basis. Mostly other places seem to be able to deal even if you're not so hot with the language but are trying. And then so that was that post and then so I don't know how it got to this. I was gonna say we don't pages okay I was like we went from Juergens live journal eight pages later we're talking about this is how these forms go it's like what are you what are we doing here folks? And here is what Thunderfoot had to say in response

So what you're saying is that New York City is the Paris of the United States of America or vice versa? I can see that having been to both I would rather go to neither on a slightly related note Charles de Gaulle Airport is probably the worst airport I have ever been to followed closely by jfk end of review that feels completely not unrelated that feels like Okay, whatever, but uh, they said slightly related. Yeah, it seems pretty related It seems like it's a pretty big part of the point. But anyway, uh, wow So the parrot as you're saying, so you what you're saying is, did anybody say that? I don't think so.

No, just saying they're sharing their opinion of New York by like by saying, Oh, so you're saying I get it. Assholes. I get it. And everyone else in France is like, just like New York. Suck. Just like New York. Yeah. Okay. So just wanted a chance to complain about New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it, got it, got it, cool. I might shoehorn that in.

Awkward. I very much agree about JFK though. JFK sucks. But I do love that it's on the last page, which now we know the conversation was petering out. They didn't really help it stay alive. Yeah, no, thankfully it was nearing its end at this point. It's probably good.

I won't defend New York, but I will say I definitely prefer New York to Paris. Really? Big time. Paris is by far the most stressful. I mean, I don't know. I've only been to Paris very briefly, I feel like,

for a little pocket of time between Germany trips or something. I don't know, I don't really know much about it. But I feel like it's- And also having lived in New York now for over a year, not that long. I get it. But like, when I first moved here, I remember, uh, the right beforehand, I was in my therapist's office. We were saying goodbye. It was my last session.

And, um, their next patient was in the lobby and like said something to me cause had heard me say like, bye, like, and I said said, oh yeah, I'm moving to New York. And this guy who was like, the older man was like, oh, careful, people are mean out there, they're so rude. And I was like, okay, well, I was like, my girlfriend lives there,

I've been visiting there for two years, whatever. And he was like, he's like, you probably don't even know your girlfriend. And I'm like, what? What? And he was right, he's like, you probably don't even know your girlfriend. And I'm like, what? What? And he was right. She's no, no, that's people are out of their minds. No, it's like that was like also one of your.

Yeah, that was and I was like, that's ruder than any experience I've had in the past. Right here. Like you're not making the point you think you're making. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway. Sorry. My little soap box. I love it in New York. Now though, I have a review of a city that I also love.

This was sent in by Izzy They Them. And this is a review of the city of Cincinnati. Hey. On Yelp. Weirdly unclaimed. Huh, I wonder why. Where's Cincinnati when you need them? Do you want me to claim it on her behalf?

Not really. I don't think you can handle that. You're gonna read them and be like, take them personally. With negative reviews. Okay, here's a five star review. This is what Cindy has to say about good old Cincinnati. For those of you who don't know her, let me introduce you. Welcome to Cincinnati.

Porkopolis, the Queen City. And in the 1800s, we were coined the Paris of America. Cincinnati is a city. By a local resident? Or by whom? Certainly not by anyone that I've heard of because I'm sure Cincinnati would have taken that quote and run with it. You've never heard that? I feel like that was a thing back in the 1800s like they can't say it now

which is probably why they don't say it anymore. Genuinely never heard that. Just look they used to say don't trash the natty people don't say it anymore, but that doesn't mean they never said it. Yeah, I love don't trash the natty, but also I I would also say that I but also I would also say that, I forget. Okay, I'm glad. Everyone's glad. Cincinnati is a city where pigs fly

and locals believe anything is possible. We are home to eight Fortune 500 companies and one of the most vibrant startup scenes in the country. We're also home to the largest intact historic district and collection of Italianate architecture in the United States. It's Italianate and that is a true fact and I do know that about Cincinnati and I love this person because they... Cindy gets it.

Get it. I love you Cindy. The city has been dubbed one of the most walkable and also nabbed the top spot in the U.S. for our public park system and regional airport. We are a city that prides itself on art, history, beer, and culture, although not necessarily in that order. But now I'm going to share with you why I call Cincinnati home. Growing up in Cincinnati, it seemed to be the cool thing to say, I can't wait to get out of this town.

And honestly, I didn't know where I stood on the argument. What is wrong with Cincinnati, I would say. And my well-traveled friends would tell me stories from other bigger, shinier cities where dreams come true. I decided to stay. I attended college here, worked my ass off, and eventually landed the career of a lifetime at the age of 22.

I was the youngest person to be hired for my position at Yelp at the time. I went through seven interviews to prove my love for Cincinnati and why I should be the one to lead the charge. It was- Wait a second. Is Yelp a Cincinnati company?

No, but they must've had something going on in Cincinnati. Well, what the hell is she talking about? She worked for Yelp in Cincinnati. That's her, okay. I don't like to think that they're so close to me right now. Like any of their offices of any authority whatsoever. Well this was in 2018, so who knows?

And it might have just been like, I don't. Oh God, that's far too recent. Okay, it's fine, go ahead, I'll think about it later. Okay. As I'm falling asleep and my night terrors begin. Oh dear god Okay, I went through seven interviews to prove my love for Cincinnati and why I should be the one to lead the charge One of them was to write a review on the help of Cincinnati That feels like it would be right up there. Do you that? Okay, go ahead. This was six years before this review was written

Because I listened to one more sentence. All right. I went through seven interviews to prove my love for Cincinnati and why I should be the one to lead the charge. It was that scrappy Cincinnati defender in me back in 2012 that convinced the powers that be that Cincinnati was going to be something special. And I wanted the chance to be a part of that. Since then, I have thrown close to 500 plus events, written a thousand reviews, 300 plus newsletters, connected thousands of locals to great local businesses, co-hosted a local radio show about local happenings

every Friday for five years, and it has truly been the experience of a lifetime. In a nutshell, I have spent my career convincing people how fucking awesome Cincinnati is. What? Cindy? Oh no, sorry. F asterisk ucking. No, no, not even that.

I meant more Cindy, let's chill sometime. What are you up to? Yeah. Oh, actually it says Cindy moved to Pittsburgh. Stop it. That's not funny. Citing that it's a better time. I'm just kidding.

It's the Paris of Appalachia, I heard. Damn it. We always knew Cindy was going to be a good time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. to Pittsburgh, citing that it's a better time. It's the Paris of Appalachia, I heard.

Damn it, we always knew Cindy would get scooped up by one of those shiny cities like Pittsburgh. So true, typical. Couldn't even say that with a straight face. I love you, Pittsburgh. But to quote the famous Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn't help but wonder, is there something out there that I am missing?

And why are people still shitting on Cincinnati? After receiving a promotion and more help from my team, my schedule eased up and I set out on a mission to find the answer to that question that had been bothering me for years. In the past two years, I've visited over 100 new cities. Last year alone, I visited 41 outside of Cincinnati. Oh my God.

It actually says 100 plus new cities. I don't even, I accidentally forgot the plus, so a lot. I am curious, I always have been curious about how the world works, about food, about traditions, about why people do the things they do. I'm fortunate enough now to have the means to live just about anywhere I want. And I am here to tell you after an exhausting amount of experiences outside of the city, I finally feel confident enough to answer my own question with conviction. To those people

back then and now, I would say, I don't have to live in Cincinnati, I choose to live here, and I will choose to live here over and over and over again. That's not to say that those other cities weren't great. I am a firm believer that every city has something unique to offer. You just have to look. And for years that has been the problem. Cincinnati has been underestimated, overlooked, and underappreciated. But as a local and a professional working in this industry, I know now more than ever that is what makes this city so fucking great. Being underestimated is where we feel comfortable and frankly where we thrive. Yes.

We have come a long way and we still have a long road ahead, but I have found in my experience that in this city if you can dream it, you can do it regardless of what it is. Do you want a new playground for your community? Do you want to clean up effort in your neighborhood? Do you want to quit your corporate job to become a baker? This city is alive. It is alive with movers, with shakers, with makers and dreamers. It is full of little boys and girls just like me and you who said, wait, what is wrong with living in Cincinnati?

We have made this city our home. We have believed in it with such blind ambition that we are not looking at what other cities are doing They are looking at us. We have come together to keep our sometimes quirky traditions alive and have preserved what matters We help one another I cannot tell you how many stories I have where a chef has been in a bind and a competitor Across the street came to help no questions asked. We've brought great chefs, entrepreneurs, and businesses here and made them believers. We've woven them into the fabric of our community and made them champions for our cause. Cincinnati is not just a city you are born into,

it is a city that you choose to call home. End of review. Whoa! I know, that was a doozy. Ah, wow, okay. I mean, listen, if I needed anyone to pitch Cincinnati, Cindy is my gal. You know where to look. Are you like, holy cow.

Cindy has got it nailed. And like the fact that she's done her fine tooth comb, like scouring of the planet Earth to figure out what makes Cincinnati special. I'm like, wow. Don't forget. It's just Cindy'm like, wow. Don't forget it's just Cindy. Hey, Alexander. I thought you liked that joke.

This is me you're talking to. Oh, just okay. It's just you. Just me. Oh, wait, it's me or just me. It's me and just Sharon. Okay. Well, I am going to use I'm going to embody the energy of a twist up girl and spin us out of here. Whoa, that was weird, Alexander.

That was a weird energy. I didn't like that. I didn't like that. I had a line I was gonna write down and I even said, I was like, at one point I was like, I wonder if during the show I should write down an end line somewhere. Is that where you were snapping at someone off cam going, line, line?

Like, you're holding a line? Yeah. Who's feeding you lines? Well, Blaze was feeding me lines and pizza, but he- Oh, is that what that stat of both cue cards and pizza boxes is? That's why there's no oily- Weird. Yeah, now they're all see-through.

Which ones? The index cards, because they were on the pizza. Yeah, so gross, it's really nasty. Blaze was using it to pat down the oil, like all the used cue cards, he'd pat the oil off. Yeah. And then feed you,

but sometimes he'd slip you the wrong one, so you'd take a bite of cue card. Yeah. Yeah. It was called my scrap paper, what's it called? Muck paper? Your muck paper. We call it m few card. Yeah. Yeah. It was called my scrap paper. What's they call it? Muck paper? Your muck paper.

We call it muck paper. Yeah. So I wanted to say a fun line at the end and now I forget it because I didn't write it down. So maybe in the future I'll write it down. But it was really funny. And I think it was something about, hmm. Well, you know, I'll never know. So that's that.

I really thought if I scrolled through my notes, I'd be like, duh. Just on Cindy's Facebook page page right now just staring at it I know it being such I've been such a creep today in every every respect that I do apologize I just maybe just today and maybe we should just maybe I'll just end this with an apology to everyone Yeah, please start. I'm really sorry about it. No, no, no put the ukulele down, please. Don't no Fine okay, but I bought my no no I'm not gonna go there. Okay, bye everyone. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. you