Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 329: St. Patrick's Day Reviews

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everyone and welcome to Beach to City Water 2 at the podcast where we read the first, nope, we read the first and last review in the same dramatic environment. Where did that come from? I don't know. I'm in my new studio today, so the vibes are off.

It's quite lovely. It looks a little like hotel-y, but- No, really? No, what about this beautiful Matisse painting? Oh, that's Matisse. Oh, wow. It's it's an original. And for some reason, you cut it in thirds. Two hundred million dollars.

And then I thought, well, this way now it's there each whatever 200 million dollars is divided by three. So if I want to just tell one of them, then I can do that. No, I am in a hotel and look it has like a little Bathtub I okay. I'm on my adventure today. I went wait wait Has a bathtub You're kidding last night. I slept in a literal caboose of a So yeah, I'm very excited about my bathtub. Thank you

I've risked life and limb to be here with you. You go one night without a bathtub and you're like, Oh my God, there's a. I've risked life and limb Alexander to be here. And I wish you would give me a little credit and grace for that. Like that's huge. Okay. I also found out when I arrived at this hotel that I found in Oregon, they were like, Oh, we have unlimited wine and beer here in the lobby. And I was like, okay. And he said, you get one glass

that you can take and keep refilling. And I was like, sure. Thank you. And I like went up to my room and he's like, and then when you leave, you can take one for the road. And I was like, a glass of wine. I don't think so, but I, I, I, maybe in Missouri, you want to know the wildest thing that I saw out here. Okay. First of all, this fireplace, I don't really know how it works. See the fireplace. Yeah. I saw it before you moved it. Oh, well, I pressed a button on it and they think it turned on, but I can't tell. And then you need to understand. I know, right? I don't think I know smoke's supposed't look on. You need to understand. I know, right? I don't smoke

supposed to be billowing into your room like that. And then Alexander, this is the wildest part. Look at the look at the chandelier. Hold on. Okay, that Oh, no. What the fuck kind of room is this above the bed? Like, look at the mirror disco ball. Like, it's like boogie nights meets Jetsons. I like it's like nouveau riche, like McMansion, you know, I guess. Yeah. But with that, like disco effect, tiles, I don't get it.

Well, and the Matisse on the other side of the wall, I don't understand. Listen, what can I say? I'm into a lot of mixed media arts. That's what it is. That's what it is. I'm into impressionism. I love how this started because you were like, this place has a bathtub. And look what I went to on the way here. I stopped at a place called... Weed. Oh yeah. Weed California. And of course I bought a bunch of little things. Did you know?

Fun fact, the town used to have this really beautiful old arch and in the 80s they tried to repair it, but they couldn't find blueprints of it. And so they eventually started taking it apart to see how it was built. And it turns out the people who founded the town were just actually stealing supplies from the railroad over a period of a few months and built it like discreetly and then poured concrete all over it so nobody could see that they stole the parts. And I thought that was just a delightful little thing.

But I also went to Mount Shasta. I think it's Mount Shasta even though the soda is Shasta. But I don't know. I don't know. Everyone says Shasta that I've heard, but that's also just- There's everyone while you were in this area or everyone outside?

No, I didn't see barely a soul except the guy who dropped off my Taco Bell because there was nothing else open and there was a blizzard because I forgot that California can have blizzards in March. And I was stuck in a blizzard, but it's fine. I slept in a train car. It's been a wild ride to get here once again. I've risked life and limb. I did drive through an area.

So did that driver who brought your Taco Bell. Oh yeah, thank yeah. Thank God. Thank God he was there for me. And then I was, of course, at Mount Shasta. Look at this Lemurian lemon soap. Wow. With the mountain on it. What mountain is that? Handcrafted at the base of majestic Mount Shasta Shasta.

But yeah, Lemurian lemon. I'm just really excited about it. So. What's Lemurian? What is that? Oh, I was just hoping you'd ask. Um, well, you know about the Pleiadians, right? Oh dear God.

Are you serious? Yeah. Is that, this is an alien thing? Yeah. It's a race of, yeah, it's an alien race. Oh, when you said it, I was like, Oh, it might be an adjective that means like well-scented. It smells good. Um, I was like, oh, it might be an adjective that means like well-scented, smells good. Lemurian, I have no idea. That's an alien thing? Well, it's like a race of beings that are said to live on Mount Shasta.

Oh. They're sort of like lemurs is why they're called Lemurians. I'm not even making that up right now. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. I don't remember that from up right now. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. I don't remember that from like the Krat brothers. You don't?

No, I do not. You also don't remember watching Noddy's Toyland. So I don't know if I can trust you. Unfortunately, I do because we've been doing that. Yeah. Well, I'm trying to remind you maybe we watch like a history channel series about the Lamerians and we'll remind you all over again. I'm okay.

Okay. Anyway, so, you know, we'll remind you all over again. I'm okay. Okay. Anyway, so, you know, we'll see what— Happy St. Patrick's Day, by the way. Happy St.—hey! Happy St. Patrick's Day! We're recording this on St. Patrick's Day in the midst of our celebrations. And we're supposed to be giving you an episode. I'm wearing green by accident.

I'm wearing my shirt that says Weed California on it. That's a great shirt. That's a great shirt. It's cool, right? Well, Alexander Wolff saw me cutting the sleeves off and I think I really butchered it. While I was wearing it, by the way, with nail scissors, it was not cute.

No. I went to the coffee shop today and was sitting there reading my book and a guy was there and I overheard him talking to the barista and he was wearing the greenest sweater I've ever seen. And the barista like commented on it, like, Oh, that's like great. I love that green. Um, and he was like, Oh, thanks. And then she was like,

especially for St. Patrick's day. And he was like, Oh, I, I forgot. And I'm like, that is the most... That's the most dad. Dad used to do that. He would wear cashmere and pastel pants to the Bengals game. And we'd be like, Oh, cool orange outfit. And he'd go, Oh, I didn't even look at what color I picked. I just picked one. And I'm like, how does this happen?

Maybe it's like a Jungian philosophy and how there's like a universal consciousness. Maybe it's like, oh, somewhere in the deep recesses of your mind, it's like everyone's wearing green and you just gravitate towards it you know maybe because the guy I didn't think like he seemed sincerely like surprise yeah I did actually to the resistance William is wearing green I only change because I cooked and it's dangerous when I do that so I was colored and cut colored in covered in food color sauce numbers Yes, and then yeah, Quilliam's always wearing green because I make him model our merch behind me. Um, Alrighty, so

Reviews do you have a review for today? Well, first of all, I wanted you to just take a little peek I wanted to set the tone for today with the st. Patrick's Day blanket I found and the great Photoshop Amazon is now resorting to, or Amazon sellers. Like look at this, it looks like somebody, you see it? Yeah. That's the picture, like the product image

when you go to buy it, and it just to me looks like a big piece of cardboard or something that's- It's very stiff. Yeah. It doesn't move naturally. It looks like they Photoshopped the model who was holding it up and then they rotated it and then to make it look like it's on this model that's sitting on a couch holding a like an oat milk latte or what the fuck is happening here.

Also, it's customizable. I think otherwise it just says Happy St. Holding a like an oat milk latte or whatever the fuck is happening here. Yeah. Also it's customizable, I think. Otherwise it just says say happy St. Patrick's day, Michelle, which feels like a very niche audience. It's like all these AI art looking leprechauns, but they kind of look like gnomes, like the gnomes with no, I think they've maybe been repurposed. If you know what I mean. I think they've maybe been repurposed. If you know what I mean.

Those gnomes that... Uh-uh. The best is the top right though. Charm? That's like... No, no. It's just a gnome and at the top it says charm. Yeah, but look at his little smug grin.

Green butterflies up there. It's just... It looks like the world's least comfortable blanket However, this is positioned but I thought it was like really getting us in the mood for the special day We call st. Patrick's Day. It's not getting me into any good moods. That's for sure Well, if you scroll down we have here from Holly she her oh, can you describe this shirt? Molly, she, her. Uh-oh. Can you describe this shirt? It's just a shirt that says 0% Irish with the four leaf clover and the Irish flag like

overlaid. Emblazoned. Emblazoned upon the letters and shamrock. Right, so it's sort of that like play on like, I'm not actually Irish, but you know, at second glance you realize it's a 0% Irish. So this is a one star view by one. It's better than the people who, you know, the Americans who are like, I'm Irish.

Right, exactly, well I think that's the play on it, right? Like, okay, Irish, you know, it's like everybody's Irish all of a sudden on St. Patty's Day. Which, in spirit, maybe. I wanna be, oh, this is from Holly, she heard, I don't know if I said that, but this is a one-star view verified purchase by Linda. I was ordering 100% Irish and I got a t-shirt

that said 0% Irish, I realized. I was very upset. I am all Irish. Color, green, size, large, height, five foot five. She put her weight, she put like all the statistics and then was like, but it says 0%. When Holly sent it in, she was like, I saw the product and thought, uh-oh, someone's going to get this mixed up if they don't look carefully. I just love that Linda's like, no, I swear it said a few days ago when I was wine drunk and shopping on Amazon. I was putting my measurements in for you to make me

the perfect shirt. I was measuring myself with a tape. I wasn't looking at what the letters actually said. That's so good. I was very upset. I am all Irish. Okay, Linda, her last name is Marcelli. Like, sorry, not to just totally... She married into... she's married... she might have married someone... I mean, yeah, then if she's a hundred percent Irish, she, you know, it's pretty devastating that she would have switched to the Italian side. Watch everyone go, that's an Irish name. Maybe it is. Zero percent Irish. I'm gonna... I'm just gonna not with the Irish stuff today. Sorry. That sounds terrible. I just mean you know the Irish. Yeah, no, like, I don't know. I was worried about like

what they get what now the Irishman he gets mean. Oh, no. That's the Nixon tapes. Oh, good reference. That's funny. I wish I were. From the good place that I know that it's from nowhere else. But that's a good one. Oh, I wish I had known that that would have been so smart of you. But it was, I wish I could have, you know, like capitalized, reacted properly to it.

I thought you meant like to give your advantage. No, no. He kind of fell flat with me and that's my fault. And I'm properly to it. Oh, I see. I thought you meant like to give it to your advantage. No, no. He kind of fell flat with me, and that's my fault. And I'm sorry for that. That's exactly right. Anyway, speaking of being Irish, here is something that Izzy sent in. Not that Izzy's Irish.

That's not what I meant by that. I meant this product. Custom men's boxer briefs, socks with girlfriend, wife, women's pet photo, face personalized, I love you underpants gift. Oh God, that's romantic. Yeah. So it's just boxers and the sample photo.

You know what? Go ahead over my notes. I know I told you not to. I had him in a tab. I knew this might happen. I had him in a tab. I'm just staring at the crotch of this. Oh, sorry.

That really was a jump scare because it's the first thing. I know. Wow. I'm staring at the crotch of this and Oh, sorry. That really was a jump scare because it's the first thing. I know. Wow. I'm staring at the crotch of this and I'm like, I can't properly describe this without you just looking. I got to be honest. I do appreciate that you think I have the ability to explain this any better than you do, but wow.

It's not that. It's just I needed you to see it. I'm not saying you can. Oh, I see. Yeah. There's no way to get it across fully. It's basically like fitted boxer briefs with like this poor lady who's been used as a model here, just her head plastered all over it.

Also just like really small. So it's like on there like 30 different times. A bunch. And then like very much on the actual crotchal area. Three, actually three and a half of her are on the crotch area, which feels like kind of excessive. But then around it, well, first of all, the band, the waistband says your text here in aerial font. I can only imagine what that would look like at the end of the day. And then a lot of pots of gold clip art, shamrocks, et cetera.

Yeah, good job. Thank you. And here is a two star review. Defective. The personalized photo of my face had black X's on my eyes and my mouth. Oh my god, what? And I wish they had a... There was a verified purchase, but they did not include a picture. What do you think that means? How does that even happen? I don't know.

This feels like something that Liam Neeson would get involved in. Yeah, it's like some kind of Neeson would get involved in. Yeah, it's like something serious is happening here, I think. And then what do you do? Return it and say like, hey, you threatened to kill me with this pair of underpants, I think. I'm not comfortable with that. Here it is with my...

But they already have your address, so you know. Well, true. And then you send it back. Now they've got it. Now they've got it. That feels worse somehow. They can send it to a loved one of yours, and it's, you know, I don't know why, but that feels even worse somehow.

It feels really like we're on the edge of a Liam Neeson film, just tiptoeing on the edge. Yeah, imagine it, yeah. Okay, so this is from Matt, he, him, and Elise, she, her. It's a beautiful shirt. It's not really, it's like a slouchy T-shirt with a giant glittery shamrock on it. That's about it.

Now this is a one-star review by Elaine. Not happy, get a good quality t-shirt. It is paper thin. You can see everything under it in my daughter. End of review. Now I kept this because it is an adult shirt, so I'm like at least I'm assuming this is the, her daughter I'm assuming is an adult.

And you can see everything under and in her? Yeah, you can see everything under it in my daughter. I don't know, it just, it felt again, just incredibly invasive and inappropriate. It is a verified purchase as well, so. I just. So it's all true. I like how she's like, you can see everything under it.

Not on me though, you wish. Just to clarify. It's so weird. Oh my God, what a way to put that. Okay, here's a review that Grapefruit Street sent in. Well, the first of some. This is of the Mega Size Lucky Charms cereal, but this is the gluten-free version, it looks like.

I don't know if it's always gluten-free, but I think this might be special. Oh. But yeah. Is this offensive to read reviews of this for St. Patrick's Day? I don't know. Grapefruit Street sent it in.

What for people with celiac? What are you talking about? No, it's lucky charms. Like, that's the connection. It's a leprick, like a stupid cereal with the leprechaun on it. It feels offensive. But I'm doing it anyway. That? So far, everything we've said, that feels offensive. Well, no. I mean, it's just like, here's a one star review. I hate gingers. I mean, it's just like, here's a one star review. I hate gingers.

I had some, then my stupid classmate turned ginger, parentheses Zoe, end of review. That was written by a ginger hater. Parentheses Zoe, that feels like cyber bullying, stop it. People are so mean. Okay. Now I see why you're saying it's a thing. One person found it helpful.

Oh God. Parenthesis not Zoe. That's just the rudest. Do you remember we had the intranet in middle school and high school where it was like you had the internet obviously, but then in school, at, you had like your intranet. And they had this directory. And of course it had all of the students names and ages and school photos.

And I didn't, cause I was in a free period or whatever in the library study hall. And this one girl whose name I will keep to myself printed off pictures of me and everybody who was in my friend group and started writing like just horrible things and like just doodling all over them and then dumped my backpack out on the table and then put the papers in it

and said, this is all you need. She had red hair. Oh, okay. I was thinking, why did I just bring that up? Oh, because of the cyber bullying. And then I went, oh wait, also she had red hair. The story, I didn't really know where it was going, but I thought it must be relevant somehow. It must be. And then lo and behold, it's incredibly relevant. Incredibly relevant. Yeah.

So you're saying you agree with this person. I mean, I'm saying I don't like that one person who with red hair. Parentheses. Parentheses. Wink. Yeah. Remember, and then years later we ran into her when you and Ankit and I went out after that Bengals game. Oh my God, we had to like pull you off of her

when you had that knife out? Jesus, Christina, how could I forget? Alexander, stop it. You were screaming, I hate gingers. Gluten-free Lucky Charms did this. Gluten-free Lucky Charms did this. I actually do not remember that. I remember. Well, she elbowed me really hard and I was like, why do you still hate me?

What did I ever do to you? Anyway. Okay. This is a review sent in by Maddie Sheher. And I would like you to look at the image of this book. It's called, it's a, it's a St. Paddy's Day themed erotica. Wow. It's called Four Billionaires for St. Patrick's Day. All right, those that one of that guy on the left looks like Nick Jonas. Really? I think he looks like, um, looks like... At least it's small for me.

Although does he have neck tattoos happening? I can't tell. Oh, maybe, yeah. Or is that just bad AI Photoshop? Because look, it looks like also the branches are coming in through his neck, I don't know. What branches? Well, like whatever this, not branches, this green shit up top.

Oh yeah, I don't really know what's going on there. Four billionaires for St. Patrick's Day, so she looks like she's living large. Now, I have a two-star review of this erotica. This was written by Dakota. And if you're the author of this, don't listen. It's not very nice. And I don't think it's gonna. Which one? There are two of them, apparently. Oh, really?

Yeah, so you're, two double the people. Oh, shit. Okay, one of you, but maybe listen. The stronger one. Yeah, that's how we do it. Emotional constitution at this moment. Exactly. And then you can kind of-

I read our Patreon voicemails. So that she doesn't- Right. Patreon voicemails so that right. So listen to them so that she doesn't have to hear all the hate. People definitely pay us money to do that. Yeah, it's just it's just it's bleak in there. No, it's really not. OK, here's a two star review by Dakota. Boring AF, the dialogue was stiff.

I didn't like one of the H characters, Travis. Now, I think what I Googled H character, and I think it means like the hero or heroine. Yes, I think so. I think heroine typically, but I think sometimes people use it. Cause this is Travis, or one of the billionaires. Yeah.

He's billionaires or heroes. Yeah, and they're usually named Travis. Yeah. Which's billionaires are heroes. Yeah. And they're usually named Travis. Yeah. Which of these statements is true? None of them. How many billionaires were named Travis? Like none. I just told you. I know. You sure? It's a paradox. It's impossible. Like I'd like to think there aren't, but what if there is one? How much money does Travis Kelsey have? Three billion dollars. Well, if he marries Taylor Swift. He's not a billionaire.

I mean, it depends on how that works. Well, right. If he marries Taylor Swift and then she signs a... She doesn't sign a... He doesn't sign any prenup whatsoever. Then on that minuscule off chance, maybe. Boring AF. The dialogue was stiff. I didn't like one of the H chance, maybe. Boring AF, the dialogue was stiff. I didn't like one of the H characters, Travis.

He was too much of a bro for me. Like, do you even lift? I love the other three, super hot. One of the brothers though, she kept making him say stupid shit like, oh my, or something. One of the brothers, excuse me, or two of these billionaire brothers? Yeah, I think so. Fascinating.

This is- Yeah. Travis and Jarvis. I think of a name that rhymed with Travis and that does not. OK, can confirm. I love the other three super hot. One of the brother, though, she kept making him say stupid shit like, oh, my, or something equally bad. I was like WTF. No guy would say that at that moment. The sex literally came in the last chapter. Don't get me wrong, I need a book with plot

points, but this didn't have that either. It was just boring dialogue about BS. Then in the very, very end stuff starts to get dirty. I also didn't like that they were fighting over her, meant just no. The sex was pretty hot and they were doing some interesting moves, but like most books, too many cooks in the kitchen makes everything seem rushed Like because there are so many people the focus is jumping around so much you get a lot of little detail But nothing with any meat to it just meh still the sex was hot at one point The H has 2d in her V and 2d in her egg. I couldn't even imagine What that would look like?

One where, two where? The H had the H, the heroine, has two D in her V, and two D in her A. Cause it's four about billionaires for Christmas, or St. Patrick's Day. Which ones are the brothers? Oh no! Does it make it better or worse? Both V, or St. Patrick's Day. Which ones are the brothers? Oh no!

Does it make it better or worse? Both V, both A, I would say- Oh no, she's in the middle of all of it, I think. No, no, no, I know. The brothers' penises. Oh, oh, oh, can you just say D's, or did you already try that and I just didn't- Sorry, D's, no.

I was saying, where are the brothers? V and A, V and V or a and a That's the worst mathematics problem. I've ever been I know there's only there's no right answers here There's no good answer because you know, you're facing each other. You're like on top of each other. It's all very bad. Um Well for what it's worth like how does that work with so many? Like it's not the issues on the holes. It's with the positioning of the men. It's the appendages.

What the appendage exactly. Like everything beyond the penises. Yeah. Like where does it go? It's like if you had like, yeah, exactly. So here's what it says. Okay. You and Dakota are just in sync right now.

Okay. At one point, the H has twoD in her V and 2D in her A. I couldn't even imagine what that would look like so it seemed a bit unrealistic. IDK 3.8 out of 5. That's very specific. 3.8 for that one. Overall I probably won't read this author again. While the Sex with Less People could be very interesting from this author, getting to it would probably not be worth it. The plot and dialogue and just general progression of the book is too grating to try again. End of review. Wow.

3.8. They said 3.8. For that scene. For that sex scene, I think. Because she said, oh, this is just... Or the sex in the book. She said the sex was still hot. This is, although some of it seemed unrealistic

3.8 out of 5 for that. Yeah, but then it took too long to get to that so it's 2 out of 5 stars Wow Yeah, huh? I haven't read it. So I don't know how it works He's trying to figure out where the brothers are didn't like I. I am just I thought you meant like one of the brothers. I was like, oh, center, we cannot go there. What do you mean? I thought you were like saying one of the brothers was like the A. No, no, no.

I was like, oh, center, this is starting to get actually like really upset. I think so. Yeah, no, nothing like that. But like it all I hear is that there are brothers in this one of No, you've brought up such a troubling issue that I don't think I could really get past reading something like that. Yeah. It troubles me understanding what was going on. It troubles me. And then all the experienced smut readers listening are like, that's nothing. That's old news. Yeah. And there's probably a name for it. Like, oh my god. Oh my god god. Wait the shamrock. There's four of them

And it's a Saint Hattie's day erotica. I promise you they use like four leaf clover You fucking nailed shamrock my world. You know what I mean? Oh, Christina get to writing. What are you doing here? I did and then I got this two-star review. It was like fuck you Dakota now, I will never write again Got it Got it, got it. Your turn. So you have a pen name, which one is it? Sierra Sparks or Juliana Connors?

Juliana, you tell me. I'm actually the girl in the cover on the cover. Oh, the V in the A, got it. Okay. Behind the V in the A. You said it, not me. Stop. Look at how this one guy behind her is not even looking. He's looking somewhere else, because it's Photoshopped.

It's really a wild situation happening. It's a wild. I don't know. The more I look at it, the less sense it makes. Also, look at the Phase 10 ad that Maddie has on the bottom of her phone screen. Is that what that is. It's 10. Yeah. It's a good game. You're just trying to throw some shade at Maddie. No, I love that game. I'm the mobile game. Like I was the ads that Maddie gets. I mean, is like actually deeply psychologically troubled person who plays all the phone games.

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which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. Voila. Your groceries delivered. Just like that. Okay, I'm gonna read another review here. This one is of something called Lucky Charms. Here's a one star review. Diarrhea. Every time I eat Lucky Charms, I get diarrhea. You'd think I'd learn by now. End of review.

Oh no, try the gluten free one. Maybe that'll, maybe you have celiac. I don't think that's the problem. That's what they're trying. It's not working. Oh, that is the one they're trying. Maybe do the one with Maybe that'll, maybe you have celiac. I think that's the problem. That's what they're trying. Oh, that is the one they're trying. Maybe do the one with gluten. Yeah, true.

Maybe gluten will help. Yeah, try some gluten. Put some gluten in your diet. Yeah, just a little extra sprinkle of it. I don't like Lucky Terms, sorry, no offense. That's probably the offensive thing to say on St. Patrick's Day, but. Yeah, it is, actually.

Do you like Lucky Charms? Um, I did. Right. I think the marshmallows have gelatin, so. Yeah, I could be wrong, but. It's not my jam. No, I wouldn't. Like if veganism aside, it is not the one I'd pick as my, I'm a tricks guy.

Oh, I don't mind tricks. I love tricks. I love fruity pebbles. Me too. I love like the super color. Apparently Eva has bought been buying a lot of fruity pebbles is what I've heard through the grapevine. I don't think that's even vegan like they put something. Probably not. I'm sure has milk powder or something. Okay here it is the next one from Carrie She Her. This is of St. Patrick Academy which is a school in Sacramento, California. And this is a one star view by Sean Ryan. I was 11 and 12 years old when

I lived in St. Pat Academy. There was a nun that took care of the big boys department. I was in the cafeteria once just talking about the ministry and her name was Sister Teresa and she just started beating me in the head. I will never forget about it. Good. She made sure you wouldn't forget about what you did. Do you have any intuitive thought of where this is going? This review, like what the like moral of the story is? All I was thinking of is the catacombs at our school and how the nuns are buried beneath the chapel. Right. So it's like just almost like like a haunting, haunting of, no, I don't know. I just, you said none. And I was thinking how we used to walk on the graves of nuns every day.

And then they would say, don't walk on them. And it's like, well, we have to because there's like 400 people trying to get out. Sorry. Sorry that my pilgrim shoes accidentally walked on the one never told me not to walk on it. I walked on it all the time. Uh oh. That's not true. I was probably too scared to at the start. There was a nun that took care of the big boy's department. I was in the cafeteria once just talking about the ministry and her name was Sister Teresa,

and she just started beating me in the head. I never will forget about it. I've been saved, baptized, and I study the holy scriptures, the Bible. Matthew, Luke, Mark, John, listen to Jesus, says about going to heaven and being baptized in John. Look it up, the Catholic church does not teach you the Bible. I'm afraid that the Catholic church is a false religion and was created by the pagans of the Roman empire. They have too many statues.

All this because the nun beat him in the head one time. I mean, I'm not saying it's not a bad thing. I'm just saying imagine if she knew that she was actually sending him further away But also hitting someone don't you think that's exactly what you'd be doing. So never mind. I take it back I'm afraid that the Catholic Church is a false religion. It was created by the pagans of the Roman Empire They have too many statues and false teachings in that religion. I have been filled with the Holy Spirit and I pray for them so much. I have forgiven the nun. Wow, that's so big of you. I've been in the Pentecostal Church in Seattle, Washington, and I go to the Church of Kirkland Christ.

Is that like the Costco brand? Probably. The Church of Kirkland Christ. So read your Bible and listen very, very close to what Jesus says about going to heaven. This is Sean Ryan, Sincerely not a Catholic. And I'm going to start signing my emails sincerely, not a Catholic. Honestly, though, doesn't that make you feel a little bit like that? I protest too much.

Like, why even mention not being like, yeah, it just feels like this is clearly so on your mind that you're writing about experiences from 11 and 12, which like, don't get me wrong, you're probably processing a lot of trauma clearly. But like, I don't know, it's still clearly very much on your mind and affecting you. So I guess the Pentecostal church really, really, really saved him in the end. So, you know, as they usually, usually do. Yeah. It was Jesus, but not Catholic Jesus. Right. Cause they're, yeah, it's that's a pagan part of, if only if we went to a pagan school, I mean, that would have been a lot, I think healthier from my development. Yeah. And like,

I don't know, cause it's so much of Catholicism was taken from paganism or pagan like holidays and stuff and dates and Christian blah blah blah. But like, you're starting to sound a lot like Sean Ryan. I know. Sue me. I'm sorry. I just, I just gotta say that, uh, sincerely, not a Christian. Not a Catholic. Catholic. I fucked it up. Well both are true. I'm sorry. Like if you really didn't care you'd be like sorry sincerely not an atheist. It doesn't even have the same ring to it but sincerely not a Pentecostal. That's what I'd say now. That's actually kind of catchy. Not a Pentecostal.

You know what that stands for? Snap. That was really good. You know what? Snack also. Snack? Catholic. Sincerely not a Catholic is a snack.

And then if you add Kirkland at the end, then you've really got it going. Not a Catholic is a snack. And then if you add Kirkland at the end, then you've really gotta go it. Not a Catholic Kirkland. Oh boy. We have fun. We have fun. Here's a one-star review of Lucky Charms. Oh my God.

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, rank, appalling. This person typed out the letters, A-P-P-E-U-A-L-I-N-G. So it's like, I think they were trying to say appalling. Wait, say AP. But they said appueling. You know what? They probably thought it was like Paul,

like the name Paul, but they were like, there's a U in there somewhere. Paul, you know? It's P-E-A, sorry, P-E-U-A-L. I know, like they clearly, okay, yeah, no, there's no, actually there's no saving this one. Sorry, I tried. I know you did, I'm looking at it, like they clearly, okay, yeah, no, there's no, actually there's no saving this one, sorry. I tried. I know you did, I'm looking at it, I'm sorry, but.

It's not happening. Anyway, it looks more like appealing, but it's definitely not. That's what I thought was happening, okay. That's why I said it, because I'm like, this is so off, but I think they mean appalling. Anyway, here's the rest of the review, so you be the judge. I ate these and almost threw up in my mouth.

It tastes like horse poo. I missed the white ones. End of review. The white ones, like alphabets? I miss those too every day of my life. Frosted Cheerios, man. I mean, they might still make those, but I fucking loved frosted Cheerios. I just what was that cereal that was like Rice Krispy Treats, but it

or not the Rice Krispy Treat cereal. That it, or not Chris, the Rice Krispy Treat cereal. That is what I miss the most in this world. Whoa. They used to make a cereal that was like actually like the coating of a Rice Krispy. Yes. Not just the Rice Krispies. Sam, was that good? I check every couple of months if that's back, but it's not.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Golden Grams has filled a lot of the void if anyone needs advice. Golden Grams. Their? Theirs are gross. No, have you had them recently? They're so fucking gross. Recently? No.

What am I like? I'm not 80 or 12. They're not. They're like really sweet. So? Oh, 80 year olds. Sorry. 80 year olds don't like sweets.

No, they have. Sorry. Have you been to the opera and heard all that crinkling? Are you kidding me? Oh my God. That's right. When they eat their little plum candies, they're just all about that sugar rush. You're right.

That cough drop they're about to eat so that they don't have a lung. Those little mini boxes of honeygrams they get in hotel lobbies. Yeah. Yeah, they open those at the opera too because they love honeygrams so much. Classically in opera food.

Yeah, for the fucking oldies it is. Stop saying it like so offensively like that. Well, I'm just pissed off right now about this. Why are you so ageist today? It's not about them, it's about you. I'm at it you, and I'm ageist against you, I don't know. I'm ageist, but I'm like directing it at you, like the fury of it.

You're channeling it. I'm channeling it to you, so the old people are gonna be fine. It's okay, I can take it. Lord knows they can't. And if there's an 80 year old listening to our podcast, they have a sense of humor, they're fine. And also like.

If they're here, they're fine. Also, are you okay? Eat a raisin, chew it before you swallow it. Yeah, true. Is it my turn? I was about to say, is it my fault? That's been the most Freudian slip. I got so close, I think I said ffff, and then I was like, nope.

So if that makes anyone feel better, there you go. That's what's happening subconsciously for me. It's your fault and your turn. Yeah. Honestly, that's where I feel most comfortable, if I'm being fully honest. Now, this is from Izzy, and I wanna specify that the title, it wasn't even the title,

it was just like the parenthetical listed in the email here from Izzy that says- It said Zoe. What? It said Zoe. Zoe. Yeah. It said, near-death inflatable Irish cosplay experience.

That's how Izzy described this. That's the parenthetic, wow. Yeah, so I want you to open my notes and look at, first of all, this like, so this is the picture. I don't know if I wanna see gore. This is the picture when you go to buy it and it's clearly a Christmas elf, right? I'd rather see gore.

I know, and so, well. Did you just say it's clearly a Christmas elf? You're right. I mean, it has peppermints on it. It is, it so it will. Did you just say it's clearly Christmas elf? You're right. I mean, it has peppermints on it. But I think it's clearly a Christmas elf. Like you don't have to convince me this is. OK, but I think what happened is that like they change out the product. And like, so if you click the link, sometimes it'll be like seasonally. Yeah, seasonally. Exactly. Yeah. Because scrolling down, I found the same company

makes this which is scroll down a little bit, which is the Dear God, that's even worse. I'm sorry. It's so much worse. I'd rather be an elf. It's called the mix. Oh, some inflatable St. Patrick's Day costume green leprechaun costume. That's why I don't think it's this first Christmas elf. I think it's supposed to look like this scary green inflatable thing.

Yeah. And I do have a one-star review. This is by Tristan and the title is Almost Died, Verified Purchase. This costume says adult sizes, but honestly getting your head out is really unsafe. I literally almost died trying to take off this costume. If my partner and friends weren't around

to rip it off of me, I don't think I would have been here off this costume. If my partner and friends weren't around to rip it off of me, I don't think I would have been here writing this review. Very scary, please be careful before buying and or putting it on. End of review. Like they got stuck inside. I don't understand. Okay, look at this leprechaun again.

It has like a skirt, like a flancy skirt. Imagine that's your final outfit. How did this person get into this and to understand how this could possibly kill you? What I'm guessing is that you're not supposed to inflate it until it's on your body. And then maybe you're supposed to deflate it before you take it off.

But I don't know if that it works. I forgot it's like inflatable. I mean, obviously when I look at it, I see that it's like, that's not a natural shape. Don't get me wrong. Like, sure. Look at that. I'm very sure.

That mini skirt really like defines the thighs. It's just the weirdest looking inflatable. With the dorky head sticking out. Like so strange. Look how long his arms are based on where the hands are. Is that your? It's not. It feels unnatural.

That's not right. It feels like Slender Man. Oh my God, that's so dark. Here's a one star review. This is from the Walmart.com website of a product called Lucky Charms. Xander, you trick me every time. I know. It's so easy to do. And it's not me, it's actually Izzy.

And I just thought all of these deserve to be mentioned, especially this one. Here's a one-star review. Recall your product. Your cereal is giving me and everyone else diarrhea. Do something! End of review. Help, we can't help ourselves.

Wait, stop eating it. Why do people keep eating it? There's other cereal and there's much better cereal, quite frankly. That's the thing is they won't stop putting it out. So they have to eat it and get diarrhea. There's no other way. No, that's kind of how I live my life. I found out something gave me diarrhea and I thought thought do I like it? Yes, as long as it's they're still making it. I'm gonna keep getting diarrhea and here we are

I mean, what a higher hydrated all the time Alexander but I'm so happy Because you're getting all that gluten in oh, this is a gluten-free isn't it? I removed all gluten. Maybe I stopped eating regular Lucky Charms. Yeah. Alexander, it was really big of you though to eat regular or to eat any Lucky Charms considering they're not vegan, but obviously you're so devoted to the foods. I had to. I had no choice. There's no choice just like this person. One day maybe maybe one day you'll be freed from this trap no much like an inflatable saint patrick's day or maybe you'll die much like i don't know if i'll

escape this inflatable you're probably not gonna get out of there it seems like um if your friends aren't there and like nothing to be seen around you right now um you may never make it out alive to write that review you could have done a lower blow by saying partner. I appreciate you saying friends sparing my feelings. Yeah. I forgot about the other one. Um, I didn't. When you said we started, I was like, Oh, don't you dare. And then you didn't. But then I'm glad that you brought it back. It's just another step in the internal.

I wasn't the only one thinking it. Don't worry. Before we read the rest of our reviews, we want to check in with our voicemail from a Patreon member. We have one here from Kaylee, she they. Let's hear what Kaylee has to say. Hello there, my name is Kaylee. I don't have a review of me, but my dad taught at a college for many years and I have a review of him that is one of my favorite reviews. He got very good reviews on Rate My Professor except for one single one star review. And if people don't know Rate My, my professor, you have to put, you know, which course you took this professor for. And this reviewer said that the course

they had him for was life. It was not me or my brother. So I know that is not true. You did not have him in the course of life. I have and I give him a five star, but that's just me. And the review itself, quote, trust me, this man is evil and devilish. End of review. And I just, you know, I think that might be a little harsh, but I don't know. I've been having a good time over the past 35 years with my dad. So I would have to disagree. Anyway, that's my review. Wow. Can I just say, first of all, love that experience. I love that your experience, you're like, whatever, this person doesn't know what they're talking about.

I got him for life and it's five stars. If someone wrote our, wrote a review about our mom being the devil, I'd be like, Christina preaching to the choir. I actually probably would have been really upset. We would have been actually distraught. Almost as distraught as I was when I realized she got chili peppers once or twice in there. And I was like, actually, I don't want to be part of this.

But yeah, that is that. OK, but that actually kind of alarms me, because it's like, trust me. And it's like, why? Who are you? What do you mean? Like, that's like so scary. I didn that's the thing is I didn't trust them until they said, trust me.

I know, it's like, and then a switch flipped and I was like, too bad Kaylee has no idea what they're talking about. Guess what Kaylee didn't say, trust me. Oh wait, you're so right. I'm just, only one person here said, trust me. And it wasn't the devil's, the devil's spawn. Devilish, oh trust me, he's devilish.

Also isn't it a good thing. Like devilishly handsome. Isn't that like a positive? That's definitely what they meant. That's what, yeah, the chili peppers. Yeah. Oh, right. All the chili peppers. Well, thank you, Kaylee, for sending that in. Thank you and your hot dad for sending that in. If you want to send in your own voicemail, if you have a story, you can join our Patreon. It's only when it's like our own family, but other, you know what mean? Our mom getting a chili pepper. No, I'm saying it on Kaylee's behalf like ew leave their dad alone. Well now Kaylee says it can be insulted

That you said ooh with that. Just as him as a father figure. It sounds like someone has a lot of powers Devilishly handsome. Devilish powers, I don't know. Anyway, oh yeah, what were you saying? Were you pitching our picture? Oh, I was trying to get people to go on picture, but now it's like, why would they even want to? So, I give up. I don't know. I don't know why they ever wanted to.

I give up. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today.

Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. All right. I have a review here. I have a couple more. I have a couple more. This one is a redemption. It's from Hannah She Her and it's of Shamrock Glasses on Amazon. It's like a six pack, you know, the type that are just all plastic and green.

This one I can picture. Yeah, it's a pretty standard across the board. Now this is a five star review, verified purchase by Donnie. And the title is, I am Irish, sharing green vision with others. Now this was written on May 7th, 2024, but I think he may have still been drunk from his St. Patty's Day. And you might agree with me. Simply put, everybody received a pair

at my Happy St. Patrick's Day party, which turned into a three-day weekend extravaganza and a unending mess for me to clean up for the next week or two or three. The glasses seriously are very comfortable and I was very impressed, five stars, end of review. How does that happen? I mean, if you can hold those things on your head

for a three-day Bacchanalian affair and still still about pagan list some pagan shit going on. That's right I think was so wasn't invented by the pagans. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. They were they were like Praising some snake thing and little known fact. It's spelled s e int. It doesn't mean what you think it means What's the- A P P E A U L I N G What's the Paul thing? I just love that like after a three day thing, he's like, you know what I gotta do is give those glasses

a hand, like I gotta applaud those fucking plastic glasses. They really like sealed the deal for all of us. I think you should be reviewing whatever uppers they were taking. I mean, I seriously, I'm like, tell me more about this three day, like extravaganza. Oh, not to not to be that guy that I always am. But it's like, it sounds like a Robert California type weekend. Oh, it does.

Alexander. It does. I have a review. I went on a little journey. What could that possibly mean? It means I went to the country of Ireland. Wow. And just clicked random stuff on Google Maps.

Okay, yeah, you should probably started with I went to a country on Google Maps. Yeah, that's the first thing I said. I just stretched it out a little bit. Anyway, and I clicked on a lot of things. It was not helpful. It was not good. It was difficult to just find random things, but I have a couple. Okay. So first I have a review of a place called Swords Castle. It's in Swords, Dublin. One star.

My mom got humped there. End of review. Hello? I didn't write it. Tell me that's like, that has a meaning in a different, like a Gaelic meaning that I just don't know. No, I think this person's mom got pumped there. Yep.

No, sorry. You're right. Unfortunately, everybody, that is as deep as that goes. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news. No, yeah. I don't think anyone expected anything different. Probably not. I try.

All right. The next thing I have is from Christine Sheher. It's of the Scranton St. Patrick's Day parade in Scranton, Pennsylvania. That's fun. Do you know anything about it? Any? Yeah. Um, they do a parade to celebrate St. Patrick's Day and it's in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Okay. Well, apparently, uh,

What would I know about it? I'm curious. Well, I don't know. It's, it was mentioned in the office. Okay. So I thought maybe, um, yeah. Wow. So Robert California, no, I'm kidding. It was not Robert California. Um, it's a college town, I guess. And so apparently the it's St. Patty's it's like Boston, you know, everyone gets like trash and it's a whole affair. It's all, yeah. Where they died. The's, it's like Boston, you know, everyone gets like trash and it's a whole affair. It's all where they died.

They were green in Boston. Like what? I think that's Chicago, my friend. Oh, okay. Here's a picture of the meme that Christine sent. You want me to describe the meme? Sure. It's actually it's Kevin Malone.

But actually, he's dressed like that guy at the coffee shop who forgot it was St. Patty's Day. I imagine that's the guy at the coffee shop was wearing with a green beret. A green beret, a green tie, full green suit, everything. It says, it is St. Patrick's Day and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas. That's what Michael Scott has to say about this Scranton St. Patty's Day parade. So apparently even they did their research, I would hope, ever get to Christmas. That's what Michael Scott has to say about this Grant and St. Patty's Day parade. So apparently even they did their research, I would hope, writing the show because it

is as according to Christina is really it gets wild. Now here, so of course a lot of people, a lot of the reviews that she sent in were basically people being like, why are they selling alcohol here? Like everyone's running amok. The children aren't safe. And I was like, oh dear. But this one I liked because it was actually a positive review.

It's by John E. Kelly. And just to get an idea of like the vibe of this person, John Kelly has a picture, his profile picture is a picture of a black and white yearbook. Like his picture is of himself in a black and white yearbook. Like his picture is of himself in a black and white yearbook. So this is John Kelly's review with the name like Kelly, trust me is what he should be saying.

Trust me is what that name Kelly is saying, you know, in the Irish. Okay, so this is the Scranton St. Patrick's Day parade on Facebook and John Kelly recommends them, recommends it. The parade is the greatestranton St. Patrick's Day parade on Facebook and John Kelly recommends them. Recommends it. The parade is the greatest thing that ever happened to the coal regions since the discovery of coal. And that's saying something. It's certainly saying something, Mr. Kelly.

It's saying something. It's the greatest thing that happened to the coal region since the discovery of coal. No, no, it's just the greatest thing. And just to know that he's like a much older gentleman, it's like, he know, he listen, he's lived it. He's lived it. Yeah, he's probably seen at least one other St. Patrick's Day parade or whatever with the name like Kelly.

And I also would think he's seen all the drunks. He's been one of them. Now he's older. Maybe he still is. I don't know. But he's just like, even that, even with that, it's a good time. Yeah, wow.

It's interesting to me because I don't think any, it doesn't sound fun to me. Like there's a parade. It used to sound fun to me. Like there's a parade. It used to sound fun to me. I guess it did. We used to at some point for me too. But remember when we took shots of fireball after the Bengals game? Like does that appeal to you anymore?

It certainly does not appeal to me anymore. At the tin roof or wherever that was? Yes. Jesus, no. I don't. Like I get that I used to be like, weee. I'm not like, love it. I'm like, no, I'm just tired. I know

Like sometimes I think Why don't I want to have fun anymore? Because that's just not fun and everyone kind of learns that I think in their 30s like oh, that's no longer fun It was fun. Maybe yeah, but it feels like it Yeah, there's more fun like reading my book per se, you know There's more more grown-up fun like reading and taking a bath That's true you got me there, okay Anyway, my spiraling is done

I looked in Dublin and look at a bunch of like places named like St. Patrick's everything from the cathedral to like there are like six churches named St. Patrick's something. You're looking at St. Patrick high school or whatever from earlier. Little did you know you were supposed to be looking at St. Patrick in like Oregon or wherever that other place was? Rochester or whatever that was. I don't know what you said. Yeah. But then I was just like, this isn't working. Let me just zoom around. And I saw this little like thing sticking out where Dublin is called Health.

Called what? Health. It's an Irish village on the Health Peninsula. H-O-W-T-H. Did you hear me? What? No, I didn't. Is that it's D?

I'm not gonna say it again. Is that its D? I'm not going to say it again. Is that its D? Okay, now I'm not going to say it. I get it now. You said you thought that saw things sticking out of eye. I went, Oh, don't worry. No, when you once I realized I zoomed out to look at it, to tell you an answer. I don't think so.

Okay. I wouldn't say so. No, it's just like biologically speaking. I was curious. I think you know, it's a good question, but I kind of hope not. If that's just no, it doesn't. It's oddly it's like narrow than very bulbous. Maybe it's more just like a skin tag. Yeah, that I would say yes to health is probably the skin. The most loving way obviously. I don't know. Nothing but good things to say about you. I don't know if they're like private stuff but oh there's health castle estate oh it sounds fancy. No what I found though was this little area I saw the lighthouse didn't even click on it. There's a bunch of seafood places and first first I saw King Citrix Seafood Bar and Accommodation. And I was reading about that and someone said,

things are better down at Krabby Joe's. And I was like, Krabby Joe's, I gotta look for this place. You really got, like, they were just saying it like, to like give a rec and you were like, Krabby Joe's down the road or something. And I was like, let me go down the road on Google Maps. But Christine, I didn't make it quite I My review I will spoiler alert is from Krabby Joe's But before I got there, I saw Octopussy's seafood tapas

tapas place Hmm and Wow, 3200 reviews and I read through all of the one star ones did not find one. I found they were all funny because they were of octopuses. Yeah, that's like, it's like that. See, that's a paradox we do actually find. And it's a real paradox that like the weirder or funnier or like wilder something is almost like the fewer great reviews it gets because it's the mundane ones that people freak out about that are funnier for some reason. But I just love that this place was called Octopus. I can't get over it because mom sent a picture of a stuffed octopus recently and said look Octopussy

is here with Leona and I was like oh I'm just gonna huh I'm just gonna maybe. Why would she say that? I don't know. There was even there was someone who said like I eat at octopus He's all the time and I'm like, it's just so funny that that's a sentence. So I'm gonna say it's like it's so funny And I like is it a reference to James Bond? I don't know. I mean moms was definitely a reference to James Bond Which is weird. I mean, no, it wasn't obviously to James Bond. Which is weird. I mean, no, it wasn't obviously to be clear. Oh, okay, good. That wasn't obvious to me.

She was saying like, you know how she adds E to everything? Like, who Squirrely is here, or like Fishy is here. So she's saying Octopussy is here. Was she saying it out loud? No, she just typed it. So I was like- She typed out Octopussy. And didn't catch it. That's hilarious. Right, that's why I was like, she said typed it. So I was like- She typed out Octo-pussy. And didn't catch it. That's hilarious.

Right, that's why I was like, she said that and I went- But I was like, I don't know what else she would be referring to, because I know she's seen that movie. She just was saying it as a cute diminutive term, you know? That's hilarious. Yeah, it was it? Because I was like, oh gosh,

now Leona's gonna say that. So anyway, Octo-pussies wasn't my place. So then I looked at Krabby Joe's and I found a review. that. So anyway, octopussies wasn't my place. Um, so then I looked at Krabby Joe's and I found a review and you're like, this is my place and this is my place. So this is a review, a one star review of Krabby Joe's, uh, in, oh, Krabby Joe's hyphen, rights of health, Dublin, Ireland. That's it's Celtic name. Krabby Joe's. That's how you translate it.

You're like, I just think you're saying Gaelic. You're saying things. I'm staying out of it because I said Glasgow, but I said Glasgow and everyone was like, you literally did the opposite one. Like I did the wrong thing on not saying you were very confident.

Glass cow. You're like, that's the thing. How you say it turns out that's how you know not to say it that confident. Gosh. Because you said glass cow. You were like, that's a thing. That's a way to remember it. I'm like, that's how you say it. Turns out that's how you know not to say it that way. Yeah. You were just rubbing it in that people say it wrong. Anyway, I'm gonna read this one star review. Very disappointed with this lunch. Our oysters were served with a live sea worm on them.

So clearly weren't prepared hygienically. Have a look at the oyster photo and you can play Spot the Parasite. No! They were replaced. Oh, yeah. I know you and your political stance on ocean, sea, sea worms and ocean worms.

Eradicate them all. That's why you were so upset. Eradicate all ocean worms in your oysters at least, come on. I mean, I just feel like I wouldn't even have eaten the replacement ones. I'd have been like, I mean, I don't know. I don't know if that means anything. I don't know much about oysters.

But I feel like I would have been kind of turned off of the oyster situation after seeing a worm in one of them. Yeah, I think it would really bother me. And I'm going to be honest like I'm looking at the photo. I don't really know where the worm is. See, that's worse though, isn't it? It's like, you see the worm and then you don't and it's like, is it under my pillow?

You know, like a spider when you lose a spider in your room? Yeah. It's like that. It's like, wait, there was a worm here a minute ago. Where did he go? You know, which oyster is he on now? He just jumped into the next oyster.

Like what if he hops onto the next one? Like a flea. It's like, Christian, what if I don't know? It's such a dark world out there. It is. So can you, so you can't see the war. See, spot the parasite. So you're not already losing the game. I am, I zoomed in even. I wish I hadn't. Maybe it's like a magic eye. Try to relax your eyes and kind of blur your vision.

See if then it comes out. What? Oh wait, no, I actually see it. Wait, that's not a worm. What is it? It's like, no, I don't know if that's even what they were talking about though. Like it's the rim, like it's dark.

It looks like there are like 30 worms in this picture. It just turns out they're just parts of oysters. So I don't fucking know what of this is the parasite that you're not supposed to eat. Why do I keep wanting to find it? I don't know. I don't know, but I'm not showing this to you because there's nothing.

It's nothing. It's for the best that you don't, even though I want it. I'm just staring at four oysters anyway. I'm not even done with the review. The crab burger was short on crab meat and high on filler. Seafood chowder and chips were good. The restaurant was quiet,

but the staff were noisily shouting and talking amongst themselves, ruining the atmosphere. There's a worm! There's a worm! No, that's just the rim of the oyster. Christine 2020. They're playing Spot the Parasite, chill. Yeah, God, you're part of the game.

Towards the end, the waitress started collecting our plates while one person was still eating and barked rudely at me when I misunderstood her, asking me to pass my knife instead of my glass. Crabby, indeed. End of review. There you go. Food two, service one, atmosphere one.

Wow, okay, they really fucking hated it. I mean, the worm, I get. But yeah, but the food, they still gave it a two. Like, the food with the parasite is a two. Everything else was a one. Yeah, obviously it's not a literal parasite, I don't think, but like, this person described it themselves as a parasite and returned it and then still gave the food to her. That's pretty wild. You're right.

So high praise of the food there. Honestly, that might makes me want to try it more because I'm like, wow, when they get it right, it must be really fucking good. You know? Oh my God. But yeah, that's Krabby Joe's in health. Wow. Well, the last thing I have here, it's from Stacey. And of course, it is a forum on Cruise Critic. And this is, Judy started a thread here. It's called, it's in the Holland America line of subset of ships. And Judy wrote on February 20th, 2007,

we will be on the Zwieta Dam on 317. Just wondering if they do anything special for the day. I know St. Patty's is not a big deal, but it sure is a fun holiday, hoping they do something with that in mind. Alright. I'm curious too. What might they do on these Dutch cruise lines? Yeah, right? I know. So this is what Ruth has to say. I was on the Noordom last 317 and don't remember anything special done to mark the occasion.

Perhaps I was just oblivious? We did ask for Irish songs in the piano bar. I do remember it was an informal night and there was one man severely underdressed in a Kelly Green t-shirt with a painted on tuxedo front. Roll eyes, he looked just awful. Jesus. You're singing Irish songs in the piano bar. That affected you so much that you're still bringing it up in the forums. And putting in emoticons to demonstrate how excited you are. Wow, interesting.

And then Len3, whose picture is an octopus with a spinny umbrella hat. Octopussy. Octopussy. So Len does not read the room, right? So he responds to this, to these two others. And this is the last post on this thread, closing it out. If your name is O'Brien Murphy, Fitzpatrick, et cetera, it's a very big day.

And I'm like, you're in Holland. What are you talking about? Or not you, but they are going. Like, thanks? What? I don't know, Christina. And it's like Len, what are you Irish? What's happening?

I don't know. It's just very strange. So he does have, it does say he has posted 2.3 thousand comments. So maybe like this is just one that he kind of likes. He's got a bot going whenever someone mentions St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Posts that. It's actually whenever somebody says roll eyes and that's how he got so many. Oh, we know when someone's talking about his experience, when someone brings his shirt.

His shirt. His tuxedo shirt. He's like, my name is O'Brien Murphy. My name is Len O'Brien Murphy Fitzpatrick. And so let me wear my Kelly Green shirt. Yeah. That's a special day. And honestly, that guy was celebrating. Like, why are you being rude?

Like, you're like, oh, they didn't really do much. She literally said, I don't remember anything about them marking the occasion. And then it's like, except this one guy who was really happy to be there and celebrating the holiday. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy in his tacky shirt. I mean, the fact that you have it painted on tuxedo, like that's, okay, it's funny if it's St. Patty's Day and you're like, oh, I'm on this cruise ship, I'm on a, come on, Ruth, get a sense of humor. She's posted 43.1 thousand posts. Yeah, and 43.0 thousand of them are about that Kelly Green tuxedo shirt.

But little does she know, she's just spreading the Irish, Irish lore far and wide. O'Brien, Murphy, Fitzpatrick, etc. Every time. He hasn't gotten to all of them yet. His bot. Someday. All 43 thousand. His octopussy bot, yeah.

Octopussy bot. Oh boy. Coming to theaters. James Bond. Oh pot. Oh boy. Coming to theaters. Oh no. Oh God. Okay. Anyway, that's all I've got.

Oh good. Thank God. Me too. Thank God. How does it feel? Thank God. Thanks St. Patrick for us all being here. Thanks St. Patrick.

Thanks St. Patrick for all the wonderful things you did. Yeah. Some anti-snake stuff. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you named all those churches and schools in Rochester. Good job. It was Sacramento, but thanks. Sacramento, that's what it was. I don't know why they were. Those two in my head are the same city. They have an R in them. That could be why. You know, no, I think it's the sea. them. That could be why. You know, no, I think it's the C.

I think it's the R. Well, considering the C is in the same place in both the names. I didn't realize that until after I said C, but they are. Okay. Yeah, fine. I got you there. Fine. Anyway, you know what? I'm nothing if not the kind of politician who reaches across the aisle every now and then.

So. Every now and then, yeah. So not when it comes to ocean worms. You're pretty strict about those and sea worms. Pretty strict. It's like my primary platform. Yeah, yeah. And agenda, capital A. I got a voter for you who found a sea worm in his oysters.

But I'm gonna have to knock that star rating down if they want to contribute to my campaign. Yeah, I remember when you wanted me to send you that picture, like it was a wanted poster, so you could go eradicate that sea worm, and I said no, and I saved its life. I remember. Please. You'll never find it.

I saw it, I knew exactly. I saw the worm that whole time. Stop taunting me. And I said, get away. Now, she's coming for you Stop taunting me. I see you looking at your other monitor buying a plane ticket to health That's why you want to know It's the D of Dublin so leave me alone. You're like I want to get on that growth. It's the skin tap

It's Dublin's favorite skin tag It makes offending so many fucking people, probably. Oh man. All right. Well, we did talk about the most Irish thing ever, which is lucky charms, so they should be happy. That's true. Happy St. Patrick's Day, hope you all were safe

and everything and had fun. Well, we sat here and did this bullshit. Yeah, hope you guys are all good. My sister said she was going out for St. Patty's Day and I was like, got it, looking at your find my friends all night. Good idea. But yeah, so hopefully everybody had a good time.

Otherwise, hopefully you're just at home listening to this. Well, hopefully not right now, because then that means you've hacked into my hotel wifi. But you know, whenever this comes out. Some people might, since we're recording this on Monday and comes out Wednesday, some people might be two days into their crazy, three days, I don't know,

their St. Patrick's Day festivities. Oh my God, Donnie's for sure gonna be right there with us. So continue being safe if you're listening to this during, we're honored to be a part of your wild festivities. Your green tinted journey. Yeah, hopefully we are the only upper you need because just be safe out there people. Please.

Okay. I'm going to go take a bath. Good idea. You look smelly. Goodbye everyone. I am. Bye. you