Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 334: Reviews of Laundromats

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

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Hello, baby. This is Brett Baume and Joe Cilio, the hosts of Movies Baby. And this week on the show, we're talking all about Ryan Coogler's Sinners. That's right, Sinners is a hit, which means the movies are back. Original movies are back. And we're gonna tell you all about it this week on Movies Baby. Plus, why is Hollywood paying Trump off to the tune of tens of millions of dollars? We're gonna break down one of the most important entertainment stories that no one is talking about except the Georgia movie

dog and the Philly movie freak on Movies Baby. That's Movies Baby with Five Whys. Watch us on YouTube and listen wherever you get your podcasts. And hey, sign up for our Patreon at patreon.com slash Movies Baby with Five Whys. Thank you. And hey, sign up for our Patreon at Patreon.com slash movies baby with five wise. Thank you. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give

it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to episode 334. This is the episode where we read one star reviews of laundromats for the second time, but this one's broader, isn't it? Oh, this is a sec. I didn't even know. Didn't we do laundromats in blank? Probably. That sounds familiar.

We didn't even cross my mind. Oh my gosh. We are siblings. Sorry, that sounds familiar. We. Didn't even cross my mind. Oh my gosh. We are siblings. Sorry, that was loud. We are siblings and despite how I might sound, we have recorded podcasts before. I'm just feeling extra on edge today. My cat was on the roof and I found him

and it was just all very chaotic. And now it was pretty crazy. Now before we recorded, I convinced myself with Alexander's help that this was the, he's actually like in a past life was the old man who lived next door and haunted me. So like I'm going through a lot right now. We got a lot figured out today.

Yeah. So far. We've made progress in the world state of things. Anyway, so this is the podcast, Beachy Sandy Water Too Wet. We read the worst of these in the most dramatic fashion and laundromats are drama, drama, drama. Apparently it was pretty easy to find some drama. We find them with random businesses a lot,

but laundromats feels like it is perfect for, because you're frustrated, you don't wanna be there. Like nobody wants to be doing laundry. You don't want to be lugging your stuff around. You have to sit there wait, you know. They're often 24 hours. Yeah, so you're just like bound to have lugging your stuff around. You have to sit there and wait. They're often 24 hours. Yeah, so you're just bound to have a treat. You know, if that are good.

Most of the large amounts of that. I was gonna say, I don't know if I'd call these any treats, anything that I found, but. Actually, one said they gave their son a popsicle. I didn't even bring the review, because I had so many, but it was a delight. It was like, and I was like, oh, it's too positive. I need to stick with the one stars today

Yeah, yeah, that's that's lame popsicle. Yeah. Yeah. So they said he gave my son a popsicle And I said a great review. I said we don't have any of that positivity here. No, no, no, no, no No, no, I have a lot of negativity. Would you like me to read one? Yeah Along with the name because a lot of them have fun names Only a few have fun names This one is called Astoria laundromat and cleaners. That's in Queens, New York, and this is a one-star review. I Called them to ask him how much it cost to dry clean a shirt He said no no no no no and then they hung up on me

to dry clean a shirt he said no no no no no and then they hung up on me end of review. I mean that's actually very efficient customer service. Hey yeah I mean five no's you get the idea after that. You got your answer. What else do you need? Speaking of reviews I didn't bring because I didn't have room there was another review somewhere it was like um what time does the laundromat open and like nobody it was years ago nobody answered answered it. And I'm like, see, there are quicker, more efficient ways to get the answer to your question. Yeah, call them. And if you say what time do you open, they say no, no, no, no, no. And you got your answer. Move on, move on. Wow, that was good. That was a good start. I went here. This is from

Grapefruit Street. She her it's of a place called Jenny's Washhouse Laundry Service. Wow, that is a fun name. It is a fun name. And Ginny, it's not a fun name until you learn the fun fact. Oh, which is that Ginny responds to every review. That is fun. We always love that. So when you see Ginny's Wash House, you like you better look out because Ginny is always ready with a rebuttal. And this is a review of Jenny's Wash House one star worst laundromat I have ever used in my 64 years all of the big machines are not working in the place is a dump dryer eight quarters but added no time Phoenix

is not the place to not have your own machine RV life sucks sometimes end of review okay got a lot of info there about this reviewer. Yes we did and somehow all of Jenny's responses are longer than the reviews. How? Well you'll find out. What would you say to this? Okay.

I will also say Grapefruit Street in the email said, I wanna be friends, or I don't think it said be friends. It said like, I wanna meet Jenny. Mary, oh. Oh yeah, I want to, I think it said like go into business with Jenny. No I didn't say that. I said I want to meet Jenny. I was like yeah I do have some questions. Okay here is a review or the response from Jenny. Dear Rob, wow 64 years and you've seen it all. Every review is like this. I had to cut it down.

She sent so many that I had like 12 and I was like I can't, I have to like mix it up with some other reviews. This is why I had to be so selective. B- And you gotta be careful. These people have to be careful in these reviews. G- Yes. B- Now you gave Ginny your age.

Like that you live in a non-part of V. G- Alexander, there's more. B- Is Ginny gonna age, like that you live in a non-partner V. Alcindor, there's more, there's more. How many, is Ginny gonna talk about all their mutual Facebook friends? Oh my God, that did happen. You're not very good at hiding, what did they say? You're not even good at hiding or whatever. Sorry to hear our laundromat

didn't meet your high standards. Maybe our big machines were taking a nap. As for the dryer eating quarters, we'll have a stern talk with it. Notice you're a bit of a tough critic. Goodwill, U-Haul, and Pacific Street Cafe didn't make the cut either? Hang in there, RV life can be a wild ride.

By the way, we saw you gave Boathouse, Bar and Stowaway Grill four stars. Come on, they deserve five, don't you think? Stay adventurous. Best, Jenny. I love Jennyny is she on the attack or is she on like just like damage control or is she just like living her life like nobody knows she can argue anything it's amazing if any of these reviewers come back and get mad there she's like what I was being nice I really was interested in learning more

about Rod's RV life yeah I was just curious. I really was interested in learning more about Rod's RV life. Yeah, I was just curious about what your reviews were like. I wanted to get to know you a bit because you're my paying customer. And you know what's so wild? It didn't even occur to me at this point or until this point that we learn, thinking of all the responses I read,

we learn nothing about Jenny. You know what I mean? It's like she's so good at targeting you like you don't even realize you're on the defensive and then you're like, wait, who are you? And she's like hidden behind the washer. There might not be a Ginny. That just might be their name. Like, who is it? Betty Crocker. Yeah. So if you write Betty Crocker a letter, they'll write back like, love Betty. Yeah. But it's like an intern. How has Betty been doing this for like 200 years?

That's amazing. That doesn't make sense. We don't talk about that enough, honestly. It was so true. Yeah. Let's start now. My next one, this was sent in by Abby SheHer. This is of Jane Laundromat. Why is this so good, Jane? I don, her. This is a Jane laundromat.

Yeah. Why is this so good? Jane. I don't know, that's actually one of my favorites now. It's like, what's the most kind of like, unassuming name? Kate, Jane. Just Jane.

I love it. It probably isn't a Jane. It's not Jane's, you know? Nope, it just says Jane. It's not a possessive, it's just Jane. It's in West Village in Manhattan. Here we go. Two stars. Two times using their wash and fold equals two times I got a stranger's G string in my laundry.

Not cute ones either. One more pair of stranger danger undies and I'm done. End of review. I'll give you one more chance. You have one more chance, Jane. And it better be a cute pair next time. Cute. I that's not cute ones. Don't- Don't tell me you would- It's like the time- Never

mind. I was gonna talk about the time an animal took my food and then I ate what was left of it and everybody got so mad and I'm like- That feels like it gives that energy of like- Don't- What kind of animal? A raccoon. Yeah, that's fine. It's fine, right? Yeah. I don't know. Raccoons are cute. They're fine. They don't have diseases. Yeah, it's not like his hands touch anything dirty before they touch my food. Raccoons love washing their hands.

That's true. I've learned that. They like shiny things, hence sink faucets. I feel like this is some wild energy, but maybe that's what it takes to live in New York. Can you confirm that? Like you just kind of have to go with the flow like there's a rat big whoop I got a lot of g-strings that just collect they're not mine I don't know where they come from I don't even know well yours aren't cute at all so I'm assuming you got some

cute ones you got maybe you're training with that person I'm yeah oh that's where mine went I didn't even make that connection. Oh, less cute. You left those in the wash. I must have. Yeah. Yeah. Here is a review of Jenny's wash house laundry.

I can't wait to hear what Jenny has to say. I don't care about the review. Yeah, I know. Right. Okay. So this is a one star view by Carol. So glad to find a local laundromat to do my comforter but it is a total dump broken machines exposed plumbing missing. Missing something I don't know.

That was the end. Yeah. That's intense. Missing. Maybe it was like I'm if I'm missing. You know who did it was Ginny. Here's a response from Ginny Dear Carol, thanks for your feedback. We're glad you found us, but it sounds like you might have stepped into an alternate dimension Classic Ginny, that's the classic response. What? That wasn't my laundromat That was my laundromat in an alternate dimension Because it's not even that like trope of the owner accusing them of being like Like an opposing business owner or like a competitor like they often do that to just kind of negate the negative reviews

And this is just like its own like no, I'm just being nice that I am claiming Well saying that they're not saying that their experience didn't happen they're just saying it didn't happen exactly in this dimension exactly thank you again we should be talking about this more okay actually I feel like I do talk about that all the time where is this located I mean the first one said Phoenix I thought oh yeah that's right that was jenny's right okay yeah that was jenny's too um Okay. Yeah, that was Jenny's too

So here's yours. I was wondering if it's some portal somewhere. Yeah, well, here's a well made You're right out cleaner and might be a portal maybe it's a portal to Sedona You know that maybe the other side is in Sedona. Yeah. Yeah. yeah. OK, if a laundromat feels like the most cliche place to put a time portal, doesn't it? Never mind making that up. Like, it feels like, because you know how- You might be making that up, but I can't- But think about a laundromat, it's so unassuming

and it's like laundering money. Like, it already has a sinister kind of connotation. And they ran a laundromat and everything everywhere all at once, no? That's right. Wait, that, oh shit. This is they probably that when was this review written this is probably where the inspiration came Alexander eight months ago or a year ago. I thought you meant this is where the

first the inspiration for the review and I was like maybe Ginny watched it and was like oh let me write about well yeah I thought maybe oh I thought maybe the reviewer watching got mixed up and was like Oh, I was watching a movie. I didn't go Maybe they watched it in VR. Okay, here is the response. I'll continue it We're glad you found us But it sounds like you might have stepped into an alternate dimension All our washers are just two years old and in great shape and our I'm gonna do that

Really? Oh my all our stuff is brand new I don't know what you were looking at. How do you fight that? You don't you don't you don't don't even bother and our dryers are working fine. Maybe there was a time warp If not, we'd love for you to come back if not If you're not in a time warp, please come back if you are and you come back and it's still dirty Then like I don't know what to tell you, you know Maybe there's a time warp, nothing I can do. If not, we'd love for you to come back and see for yourself.

We promise it's not a laundromat from the Twilight Zone, best Ginny. I mean, it's like three references, an alternate dimension, a time warp, and the Twilight Zone. Ginny has a lot of things to pull from after mining all these reviews for information. It's like she's building her own identity out of these people. Like Ginny has a lot of things to pull from after mining all these reviews for information. It's like she's building her own identity out of these people.

Okay, that got weird, but I think it's true. You're right. And then the person will be like, clap back and be like, it's not like the Twilight Zone. And Ginny was like, no, oh, you're right. It's probably more like a time warp. Yeah, exactly. It's not a time warp. It's like, I gave you three options.

What more do you want from me? Ginny just is like playing all the cards. Literally so good. Always end up on top. Amazing My next one's from Brad he him who? Said if there's one thing I know about laundromats. It's that they're loads of fun. Yeah, see this is where I knew this was coming I was like I already feel the energy of Brad showing up in the recording. You could you could feel it coming It was a dark time for me. So I'm going to read two quick things. Here's a one-star review.

This is a big wash laundromat by Eastern Washington University outside Spokane. Oh, I thought you meant the review was by Eastern Washington University. I was like, someone didn't log out of their job page, job gmail. Here's a one-star review. First time I ever went there some old fogie manager was yelling at me

for petting the stray cats out back. He sure found out the hard way not to treat customers like that after I got in his face lol. All old people who throw sad power trips are the real punks in life. Anyways, I feed the stray cats tuna late at night too, so try and stop me. Mwah! And just leave. Oh my god! That's sinister. Really. It felt a little sinister. Imagine, Mwah! Try and stop me. You'll find out the hard way just like everyone else. What does that mean? You're in a dark alley. I don't want to stop you. I don't want to be involved at all frankly, and I honestly resent you Alexander for bringing me into this at all Oh Okay, well, I'm gonna bring you more into it because here's a one-star review of the same laundromat

Oh good, and it's I'm just reading a sentence meow meow meow meow meow I forgot to mention that this is in actually in Cheney, Washington, I think. Yeah. Okay, here we go. I stopped coming here because it's disgusting. They feed all the stray cats of Cheney and that's a lot, end of review. Oh no, see? It's like, oh man, it's like no one can win.

Either the cats don't get fed, but then the laundry loses business and people don't wanna come to the laundry. I mean, it's just like a bummer. Yeah. Because it's like, I want the cats to be fed, of course. Mwah. Mwah. I'm not coming for you, I promise.

It's just like, maybe we can move them a little bit out of the business zone. Like, you know, I don't know. I don't know either. I mean, you're not supposed to really feed. Well, okay, listen, there's a lot of humane trap and release type thing. Not trap and release, I guess. What do you do it? Trap and spay and neuter, that kind of thing? And then release or not. Or not. I don't know. I don't know how it works. And I'm sure most of it's bad. So please don't come at me either. I just don't know how to

win this situation. It's a bummer. I mean, if they're like spayed and neutered, I mean, I don't know, like that's the most important, I think, just make sure that they're spayed and neutered and then keep them somewhat safe But it's tough cuz our cat got picked up and he was neutered and then they still chopped the top of his ear off Cuz they were like, oh, he's not neutered double neutered him. We were like, no they he is well They put him up for surgery They were like gonna put him up for neutering and they were my mom was like he is neutered they checked and they were like Oh, yeah, he is. It's like what you doing. Don't cut his ear off That is true. They shouldn't have done that.

I mean like at base level they probably shouldn't have done that. But what do I know? Cut his ear off? I agree. That feels wild to me. For the record, they cut the tip of the ear. No, you're right. Sure. By the way, everyone, not like chopped off his ear, but still. But if I pinched Juniper's ear, that would hurt. Like, that's not nice. You're such an empath. Alexander, finally. It's ear, that would hurt. Like, that's not nice. You're such an empath.

Alexander, finally, it's finally time somebody invented it. Okay, that's why when Juniper was on the roof, I was like, there's wind blowing in my hair. Oh, is that what that was? I knew it, I knew it. I sensed it from afar. Actually, I just heard him scream. I was gonna say, I thought you told me he was screeching.

And also I thought you told me that you looked and he wasn't out there. Yeah, I did and he was gone. And you closed the window. And I closed the window. And then I heard screaming and I said, God damn it, that cat is gonna be the death of me. Okay, here is a one star view

of Jenny's wash house laundry service. This is the last one I have of Jenny's, so enjoy it, savor it. We ordered a microwave like four weeks ago, said would be here today August 31st called them back they said another 25 days bad service so we cancelled. End of review. Now obviously this is like wrong business right um so that was written by Jeff this is a response from Jenny. Dear Jeff, microwaves. Ginny. Dear Jeff, microwaves. Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. It's just how we just... microwaves. The magic boxes of modern cuisine. We're bummed your microwave adventure turned into a saga. While we don't specialize in microwaves, we hope

your next attempt to procure one is as quick as a 30-second popcorn setting. If you need any laundry done in the meantime, we promise our service won't leave you waiting for another 25 days. Best of luck in your microwave quest. Cheers Ginny. I love Ginny. Ginny is just, that was like the nicest one. Some of them were a little aggressive, but this one was fine.

Ginny knows how to defend this business. G- The turf. B- The wash house. G- The wash house. Someone's gotta. B- Oh man. Someone's gotta do it from all these losers. What the heck are you doing?

G- I'm trying to open something. B- What is it? G- Nothing. B- Just tell me. G- It's my little genius pill, nutrient pill. Oh. Don't make me a genius. To enhance my brain power.

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I didn't wear glasses until later in life and by that point I realized I have no idea how one buys glasses. So when I started that journey, I realized how expensive they can be. I realized how many different sources you can get them from. And I realized I don't even know

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Warbeparker.com slash beach. Here's a one star of big wash laundromat. Oh, it's the same place as last time, but I'm only now realizing it's actually a big wash laundomat. Oh, is that how it says laundromat. Maybe that's how they got away from the cat thing. They made a new page to be like, we're not the cat place. Yeah, we're not a laundromat, we're a laundomat.

It's the other place. Well, here's a one star review. It was great until someone hired this old woman who did nothing but run around bossing everyone around and standing over the top of us watching our every move. She even followed my mom in the restroom, asking her what she was doing, number one or two. No! I'm calling the Better Business Bureau and the owner ASAP. This happened just today about half hour ago. Never using them again until she is gone. End of review.

Is there a response? Nope. Okay, good. I was almost too scared of the response. You know what it was probably like Ginny going there to like check out the competition. Oh for sure and just like yelling boss and everyone around. Man she's good. Yeah and Ginny was like let me let me make sure these people... She printed out a huge laminated name tag that said I work here. I just like taped it to her shirt Yeah, and she said and then underneath it said we love cats

We feed them all the time and then she walked around all the other laundromats. Oh my god That's where she works at the she got all the cats She told him she got them released there She knows where to release the cats. Okay. I jumped a few steps in my mind, but I feel like she's involved with how the cats are taking over all the other. Okay. But did we have a review where Ginny was acquiring cats?

We didn't. But you just made that up in your head and then act as if we should all know that that's what she was doing. Yeah, but I also made up that she wore a laminated... Giant laminated name tag that said, I work here. So yeah. Yeah. But you... Sorry. I thought we were doing jokes. My bad. You were right the first time when you said you were making leaps. It was quite the leap from one to another. That's all.

Okay. All right. Fine. The other ones were not quite as leapy. Okay. I mean, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Which is sad because we've been talking about other dimensions and portals to Sedona within laundromats. So the fact that you made a leap that was even more than that, Christina. You're right. That she like traps and releases cats and other laundromats is pretty un-inched. She only does that in another dimension, I think. ads and other launch ads is pretty un-inched. She only does that in another dimension, I think. Yes, that's true, actually. That should be my new allegedly umbrella term

to cover my bases, allegedly, except instead of saying, it's in another dimension, I wouldn't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I can't get in trouble because it was in another dimension, I think. No one can blame you if you do that. Thanks. So this is from Stacey, and it's of a place

called Economy Dry Cleaners. Yeah, no one can blame you if you do that. Thanks. So this is from Stacy and it's of a place called economy dry cleaners and This is a one-star review by Laura I was at this laundromat and I accidentally spilled bleach all over my hand Not even a sink to rinse my hand off and no bathroom So wear a diaper here because if you have to go there's no place to go ridiculous and overview. Okay Well that went all over the place um okay so I yeah I was thinking about the not washing hands and then suddenly went to diaper and I was like how is the diaper

gonna help with the bleach on your hands oh man a tourniquet no yeah I just I don't know what a tourniquet does for bleached hands but I mean if you're gonna have to amputate you didn't get a need a tourniquet I've learned that for sure Okay That's that was what was necessary here again with the leaping. I don't know where I'm getting this from. It's like I can't I was I like that leap more. Thanks. I'm trying to tone it down. Yeah There's just a balance to be found I see okay well okay, well. And I think you're finding it.

Thank you, thank you. So here's what I'll say. The bathroom, do you think that like they had to use the bathroom and they made up, I feel like it's like a story where you make up like, oh well, what if I put bleach all over my hands? It's like, well, why would you put bleach all over your, I mean, I've spilled bleach on my hands.

It is a scary feeling, I understand. I realized halfway through I didn't have to turn a kit myself, but once I figured that out, it was all all right. It is a scary feeling. I understand. I realized halfway through I didn't have to turn a kit myself. But once I figured that out, it was all all right. Yeah, it took me a while Halfway, how long was this experience that it took halfway? Was that like a year? I was unconscious for most of it. So I can't exactly tell you the time inhaling the fumes Yeah, it was just like oops, you know, I was trying to do like a medical routine. Well, okay, it's fine Let's not talk about it. So what I'll say.

I'm just kidding. It's not funny. It's like the time I poured hydrogen peroxide on my ear. That one's real. And I was thinking of that and the time I poured lemon juice on my ear. And then I was like, oh, well, bleach, why not? And then I went, no, that's actually a lot darker.

I'm not gonna joke about putting bleach. But then I did it anyway. You put bleach in your ear? No, I was joking. And I said, but then I realized maybe that's not a funny joke. Okay. As has been evidenced by this conversation. I just thought it was crazy you'd put bleach in your ear without wearing a diaper. That was my biggest mistake. Yeah. Yeah. That's the only thing you did wrong there. I'm. You're right. Thank you for like cheering me on today. I really needed it. Yeah. Even though I took that genius supplement.

It hasn't. I couldn't tell. No, I that was surprised. I did lock my cat on the roof earlier. And that wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. No, but you took the genius pill after like, after that. And so your talk about bleaching your ear, I was like, oh yeah, she is becoming a genius. Thank you. Yeah. I was like, wow, that's really smart. Thanks. You're welcome. Oh, is it my turn? Uh huh. I'm not genius. But you can keep talking about me if you want. That was actually really enjoyable for me for some reason. Oh, good. It just felt different from how people usually talk about me. So. Yeah, they do talk about you.

Well, actually we talk about you a lot about how stupid you are. Yeah. So this was like a breath of fresh air. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you deserved it once in a lifetime. Well, it's my birthday. So I feel like true. You gave me a special birthday shout out. And I'm sorry, I promise Alex and I would not mention that. Yeah, I actually asked her ahead of time, please don't mention it's your birthday. Unless I start being nice, then that's the sign that it's okay. Thank you. Because I'm not gonna freak out about it. But you did tell me though,

your one birthday wish was that people would buy tickets to our tour. That's right. I said, don't buy me anything. Leona, don't even watercolor me a fucking picture. I don't want it. Back off. Don't even watercolor me a fucking picture. I don't want it back off. I only want Paying customers only yeah, and she bought tickets for our Orlando show Leona Leona did yeah, she's going down with a group of her friends Going to Orlando with the group

Yeah, yeah, she couldn't afford Disney though after buying our tickets So no, they were paid for her whole friend group It was a she had to choose between Disney and our show and she chose our show and she's three So if you are having doubts Trust me. Does that mean that they should go trust me? It's not my birthday. It's not her birthday. It's not even close to my birthday. I hope you already got a Spotify comment like happy birthday. I couldn't handle it anymore. I felt them incoming as this episode progressed in the future and I knew I had

to put a stop to it. Go ahead Zanny. Sorry. Oh, I used to do that all the time. No, I used to pretend it was my birthday. Like I was that fucking annoying kid who would be like no, it's my birthday. It's really really not a cute look So and I fell for it every time Forgotten because I usually do yeah, I didn't know I'm like two months or it's two months earlier than I thought but She's the genius. That's right. Thank you God, I feel good today. This is a good episode, guys. I'm just like batting 1,000. You know what I mean?

Oh my gosh. I do know what you mean, Christina, because I love baseball. I know. Me too. Is that what that's from? Oh, good. Oh, no.

It's from Cricket, actually. Gotcha. Here is a review sent in by Lindsey Sheher. This is my last one. This is of Bayview Laundromat, Milwaukee. These names aren't that great, Kristina. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I know. Well, remember I said it and then I changed my mind and then I said, never mind. They're actually really lame. Most of them, they're like City Laundromat. Londo

Matt. I was wrong. Actually, Londo Matt is fun. Londo Matt. That is fun. Because it's like what? Yeah. Here is a one star review. The owner of this place didn't realize I was doing laundry and he called the police because I use the bathroom. I will never go here again because of it. Oh my god these bathrooms. I'm telling you it's like such a thing. Honestly it reminds me of any place where it's like you can sort of just walk in But also like you're like a coffee shop where it's like you're supposed to buy something before you use a bathroom but I

Don't know. I mean you see laundromats with all the signs like no public bathrooms and I assume that it's a big problem They have but like they called the police that I don't know It feels like maybe something escalated by chance, but I don't know if that's true Hey, this is a local guide with 285 reviews. Hey, you know who else was a fucking review local guide Oh was the one saying well here let all okay each diaper. No the well that one too I just noticed but this one saying I ordered a microwave Like what the fuck are you talking about? You're a a local guide do they just let anyone be a local guide yes like as we do this more and more it's just absurd here no hear me out

though okay I've got something to say okay the more we do this the more I respect the Yelp elite compared okay first guides. Okay, first of all, take a step back and take a breath. Don't get ahead of yourselves, everyone. I still am wary of Yelp elite. Plenty of them are elite for a reason, don't get me wrong. However, don't get me wrong, plenty of them I don't think are very elite. But local guides, I'd say most of them should not be considered guides of anything. The number of people who forwarded us emails like, I don't know, Google just sent me this because I hit like five stars on my local coffee shop and I got one too that said like, you're one step away from becoming a local guide. And I went, what did I even do? Like I didn't even do anything to deserve this punishment slash reward.

By the end of this week, I could become a local guide that's an insane title they must they have to change that eventually like a local guy what does that even mean you literally bought a microwave from a laundromat you fucking dummy what are you talking about and then it's like they're reviewing things where they don't even live and it'll still say local guide and it's like that doesn't make this person lives in Delaware reviews one place live, and it'll still say local guide. And it's like, that doesn't make, this person lives in Delaware, reviews one place in Texas, and it's like, this local guide,

but they don't, they're not local to this place. Well, the first one, or one of the first ones that I read, it says on her page, like, or on this review, that this person wrote 10 reviews in Scottsdale, Arizona. It's like, that's helpful, cause you know, like, oh, they know some of the area. But just saying local guide, and it says they're from like a totally different state, it's like,'s helpful because you know like oh they know some of the area but just saying local guide and it says They're from like a totally different state. It's like what are you doing? This isn't you bottom microwave from Ginny. No, you didn't

No, you didn't unless you did but that's a story for another day. That's a different dimension Then they didn't I tried that's a time warp Ginny never said we don't wait did she Say what? While we don't specialize in microwaves, she said. That's a very diplomatic response, specialize. Yeah, that's a thing. She could be slinging microwaves under the table, you know what I mean? Ginny is very careful with those responses.

That's what I'm saying is like we don't learn anything. Sorry, I'm watching that show on Netflix that I just clicked randomly. I don't know if anyone's ever heard of it or if it's a thing, but it's called A Million Dollar Secret. Have you heard of this what the fuck is that no it's sort of like traders something like really popular i i i was really nervous because i asked i was trying to find a way to word it to text my friends like love is blind no i know that's why i'm nervous

about saying it because i'm like what if everyone knows this and i'm just an uncool mom as usual maybe it's just both of us what's it millionaire, millionaire secrets? It's no, a million dollar secret. I said it wrong at first. And one person is like the million, it's sort of like mole or the mole, I think, that show that is very popular. And like one person is given a million dollars, but they have to pretend they don't have it. And there's all these challenges.

It's really fun to watch, but there's a lot of like, oh my God, she just like put her hair behind her ear. She could be, you know, that could be a challenge or whatever. It's like people get paranoid. And I feel like I'm kind of picking up on that energy and dispensing it out with like, especially with Ginny. I'm like, what is she up to, you know?

And maybe she just owns a laundromat, but like, I don't know, she's sneaky with her words. Very like, very, like you said, very diplomatic. You know, that is one thing with podcasters. I think one of the best traits you can have as a podcaster is paranoia. Yeah well why do you think we work from home all the time before it was cool? You know? Yeah. We literally work in our bedrooms like we don't want to leave. Yeah. No no no no. There's a target on my back.

Jesus. I'm probably. There is now that I've talked about Jenny so much. You know she has people listening. And shit on all these local guides. Oh no, you're right. I've gone too far. This is my last one. Ever?

Ever. I quit. I quit, but let me read this first. Oh no, I thought you were gonna be taken out. Oh. No, I thought you were just in front. You're like, oh this is the last one before. I was like, what a lame way to quit. I quit, but let me read this first. Oh. No, I thought you were just in front. I was like, what a lame way to quit.

I quit, but let me read this last review. This is from Io He Him, who first of all, sent a bunch of reviews of places called, like bars and restaurants called Laundry or Laundromat. And I was so fucking confused. And I was like, is this a microwave thing all over again? And then Io said, ha ha, that's an April Fool's joke and punishment for not coming to Utah on your tour.

And I was like, well, well, well. You got got. Now I certainly won't be coming to Utah on my tour. I'm gonna blacklist it right now. Right now. Let's also blacklist Arizona because of the told Ginny thing. Huh, I was thinking the opposite, that we actually cancel everything but Arizona Let's also blacklist Arizona because of the told Ginny thing.

Huh, I was thinking the opposite, that we actually cancel everything but Arizona, even though we don't have an Arizona show, but we get one. Okay, well, and that's why Drink has one scheduled, so we could just do that instead. We could just go and do our show instead. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll be fine. I'm sure it's fine.

I'm sure I'm well-mind if you take some money. Oh, I get the money too? I don't know. Okay, don't walk it back now. Well, you said it, you said it. Halcynner, in some dimensions you might get the money. That's fair. In some dimension it could be.

And like that's- It's a risk I'm willing to take. It's fair, it's not fair. It's fair and it's not fair, it's called Schrodinger's's cat here's a review of Smith's laundromat like Smith's god damn it that's okay that's the funniest one yet Smith's okay Jane was good to be fair Jane was good because there was no apostrophe ass on it because it just felt like a weird like it just felt like a weird play to name your laundromat just the word Jane this one's called Smith's Laundromat LLC. So maybe one of the least exciting.

But here we go, the review though. I was wondering if this was a limited liability corporation. I knew you were, that's why I went and checked. That's why I went and checked, okay? Thank you. I looked up their business title. Filings.

That's for a car. I don't remember what it's called. Filings. That sounds right. Here is a one-star view by Kirsten and I want to be so so clear that even though the name of this place is very boring, there's just a lot of drama as Io mentioned. So here's our view. One star of Smith's Laundromat, LLC. Anti-faith, anti-marriage, and anti-kids. I've been a few times. Each time I've- Tie me up. I thought you were just reviewing me.

I just was like, oh, Smith's Laundromat is so boring, but they are just stirring the pot, you know? And I love to see it. I love to see it. I've been a few times, each time I've been hit with different things. Like I'm just between a shoe, a G-string. Once I was interrogated on what was in my laundry bin.

Next time I dropped in to check on my laundry. I had my smiling three-year-old in a stroller. I was asked to leave the establishment with my items still in the washer. This place is trying to restore their stereotype. Not being able to take my well-behaved child to do laundry or being restricted to discuss faith does not help that. Won't be recommending or supporting this establishment further.

It's the family unit that drove the establishment of this country. It's the family unit that reduces crime, theft, and violence, and being restricted from being able to teach my kids the value of chores is a big no-go. The photos I included are absolutely awful ways to view a loyal committed partner. End of review. What?

Okay, I know it's very confusing. What happened? There is a photo of a little meme that this place has taped to the counter. And I'm just gonna send you the meme itself. It's not in my notes, because it was, I just had the link. So here is the first one.

This is kind of a meme about marriage, as we can agree. Those are always funny, so why don't you read it? First of all, it's like a creepy CGI picture of like, a clip art. It's a stock photo with like, It still has the watermark on the stock photo. Yep, it's like, it's a stock photo with like, it still has the watermark on the stock photo. Yep, that's lovely. And then and it's two old people and it says shut up I'm still talking. No, it doesn't. By the old woman. Oh, is that what that says? I couldn't

zoom in. Oh my god. Like, but that's unrelated to the rest of the meme because then there's like text on the side too that says this. Love is spending the rest of the meme because then there's like text on the side too that says this love is spending the rest of your life with someone who make you nuts and you just want to kill them but you don't because you can't imagine life without them. That's the most jenny energy ever first of all. That is so jenny you're so right. Yeah. So that is what she's saying like this is so anti-family or whatever. Now the next one I have is why she's saying they're anti-kids. Another meme? Others, no, they're not memes. These are just signs.

Oh, this one is not a meme. Never mind. This one's the sign on the front of the building. Okay, it's the sign on the front, handwritten, says, adults only, 12 years of age and older for a more comfortable experience. Sorry for any inconvenience. And then the same in Spanish. I thought you were about to read it. I was like, we don't need that right now. a more comfortable experience. Sorry for any inconvenience. And then the same in Spanish.

I thought you're about to read I was like, we don't need we don't need that right now. That is reasonable. If you ask me, I would say it's reasonable if they've had issues in the past. I don't know. It's tough. But you know, like if you have a baby, like that's tough. Well, somebody did say like, I'm a stay at home mom, and they won't let me bring my kid in. But like, I don't want to leave

them in the car. Well, yeah, that feels like a sticky situation. But that is that would be like, I don't want to leave them in the car. And it's like, well, yeah, that feels like a sticky situation. But, but it- That would be, like as someone who doesn't like- I wouldn't say they're anti-family and anti-children cause they're like, hey, our business doesn't work well when you bring kids in. I don't know.

But look at the last one. And then there's another one, another handwritten sign that says, please do not leave any religious material at this establishment. It has gotten out of control. It will be removed. With a bunch of exclamation points. I mean, please. No solicitation. That's what that means. Like, come on.

Anti-faith. Come on. Kirsten, get out of here. That's so, so social. If you saw all these like Satanist pamphlets, would you be like, oh, they're not, like, blah, blah, blah, like, shut up. You just want, you just want everyone to cater on your stupid, quiver-ful belief system. Ben Knoll Quiver-ful. Ashley Do you know what that is? Ben Knoll Like, didn't, did we? I feel this sounds familiar.

Ashley It's probably vaguely familiar. It's like, it's this, it's what the, I believe it's what the 19 kids and counting family are, or it's something similar. It's like it's this it's what the I believe is what the 19 kids and counting family are or it's something similar. It's like the idea that you're supposed to procreate as much as possible because in the Bible it says like keep your quiver full of like arrows or some shit. Oh no I did not know that that never mind. Holy cow. Yeah. Yeah. That's so like someone was leaving quiver full pamphlets here. It could be. I think it was a bunch of kids doing it. 12 and under. And they're like, none of all of this.

They're like too many kids leaving religious pamphlets. They're like, the Duggars keep coming in here. Yeah. And we can't have any more of this. Yeah. I mean, I don't blame them, but I will say I am relieved that it wasn't like, I expected some sort of like LGBTQ like kind of oh where it was like that's not the real family bullshit, you know, like only No, it's that against my values. It's an old lady saying shut the fuck up. I'm talking or whatever Like whatever they think it's funny leave him alone. They're not like like. I mean it's peak boomer humor. It's very boomer humor.

It's just stupid. It's like why are you getting all defensive about a weird meme they taped to the, whatever. And to take pictures of everything, like that's so weird to walk around their store and take pictures of all your signs. And talking about how it's like not good about not teaching your kids

chores or something. What like? She means like handing pamphlets out, canvassing for the Lord. That's what it is. She doesn't mean laundry. Boys don't do laundry, Alex Center. Oh no, that's true. Yeah. That's, I've heard that, yeah. He just needs to monitor his

mother. What? I don't know. I made it weird. He needs to monitor? Oh he's like a foreman type. He's a chaperone for his his mother. What? I don't know. I made it weird. He needs to monitor. Oh, he's like a foreman type. He's a chaperone for his own mother. Yes. He's a son. And that's the problem. He's not allowed in the store because he's only six years old.

That's right. He's actually, I think she said two, but whatever. Even younger chaperones. Yeah. Well, he's a boy, so he automatically in the hierarchy. Yeah. I'm making this up. Don't yell at me that this is not how the whatever religion works. I don't know. I'm automatically in the hierarchy. Yeah. I'm making this up. Don't yell at me that this is not

how the whatever religion works. I don't know. I'm just making it up. Yeah, but yeah, wow. I'm that's something. I knew this would be a dramatic episode, Alexander. I felt it. This is, yeah.

I'm glad I took my genius pill because up next we have a voicemail. And then my challenge, which by the way, let me just mention it, cause I forgot. It was to find reviews where somebody either bought something or spent money because a staff member cried. Oh, I forgot about that. I read it this morning and then completely forgot.

And so that'll come after our voicemail. I'm excited. We have a voicemail here from Tiffany. Let's hear what Tiffany has to say. Hi, I'm a long time listener, long time fan. I actually increased my membership so that I could send a voicemail because I wanted to share one of my favorite reviews of myself. I'm a veterinarian. I remember a while ago you did, you attempted to do veterinary reviews and you found them

too sad, which I can understand, but we have a lot of fun stories in the veterinary community. Anyway, I was a young veterinarian many years ago, and I saw a woman who was very distraught about her cat. She was worried he had cancer. He had a swollen abdomen, according to her, and she was really concerned. And being a young, optimistic vet, I was really excited after I did a full physical on this cat and found nothing wrong except that he gained two or three pounds. So I thought that I was going to tell her something wonderful. I was like, I don't find I don't see any evidence of cancer. I think your cat has just gained a little weight. I wasn't mean about it. I was just like, he's a little chubby. And that's something we can work on. I thought we had a great conversation about it moved on with my life until a week later I got an internal review that said that that new veterinarian is an awful doctor and she dismissed my concerns and

Called my cat fat and I never see her again Fast forward a few weeks this client came back and also saw another older doctor in my practice Who did x-rays and also found that the cat appeared to be fat but that is not the end of the story. My x-ray. And demanded to be sent to a specialist. She drove an hour and a half to get an ultrasound done and because the specialists always send us the reports we got the report back a few weeks later and Surprise surprise with an ultrasound, they confirmed nothing but normal fat in the

abdomen. The cat was diagnostically fat based on three different exams and multiple diagnostics totaling hundreds of dollars. And I, you know, can never forget that as one of my best bad reviews. So I want to share that. Hopefully you enjoy it. Thank you so much. Bye. I loved diagnostically fat. Diagnostically fat. And also, imagine trying to get a second opinion and then the second and the third both triple confirm it. But not only that, the first person who said it gets all the information. All of the specialist stuff is sent back to the original vet who got blasted for saying the correct thing in the first place.

Oh, that's gotta feel bad. Like, don't get me wrong, it makes sense. I say don't get me wrong too much. It makes sense to want multiple opinions for your loved ones, loved cats, whatever. Yeah, but to leave a review and to be like, they're wrong and then go to second opinions. Maybe go to the second opinions, find out whether or not.

Yeah, it's giving Munchausen's by cat proxy. Like, why are you keeping like, the cat is happy and fat. Leave him alone. He has two pounds, not you veterinarian. I mean the owner, like he's just chilling. I don't know. It's not like somebody once called geomorphically obese. And I went, whoa.

And then they were like, oh, sorry. We had the thing wrong in the chart. He's just normal overweight. And I was like, okay. But like oh sorry we had the thing wrong in the chart he's just normal overweight and I was like okay but like people say that to humans all the time too and like you know you did it's just with pets especially it's like a bigger health thing because they're um they're so little yeah just they're like yeah they're so little and it's like yeah it kind of doesn't feel great like on their bones hey it's not cancer that's great that's wonderful I'm so happy about that't feel great like their bones. Hey, it's not cancer. That's great. That's wonderful

I'm so happy about that. We got good news, but they didn't take it too well Well Tiffany just know that you did the right thing I mean you already know that obviously but just know from my perspective who just diagnosed somebody the podcaster You just diagnosed one with Munchausen's by proxy. You're hearing from a genius. Don't I'm hearing from you're hearing from a genius Which is me and I love how you thought I was talking about someone else It's just that I'm really humble so sometimes I forget but thank you Tiffany that was great and yeah, keep them coming guys Now it's time for your challenge. I'm excited. Okay.

So this, it was a little hard. Because people are going to be crying. Yeah, it's a little hard. That sounds tough. Because some of them were like the challenge, like they bought something because they felt pressured or manipulated to, but most people were just like, hey, this was really awkward. Somebody was crying. And so I kind of have a mix.

But the first one, let's see, this is from Corinne Sheher, and it's a TripAdvisor review of a place called Mug Shots with a Z, which I literally didn't say out loud until now and realized, oh, Mug Shot, I see. Mug Shots Sports Bar and Grill in Calgary, Alberta. Okay, but why is it called? I still don't know

Photography studio I have oh I see. Yeah. No, I'm here. No, no clue. Oh But I will tell you that Carrie called it one start just as bad is uncontrollable diarrhea. I Feels that's pretty bad. That's a bold statement, but whatever. Yeah, when I mean if it's controlled diarrhea. Oh, true. That's two to three stars. Yeah. One star is when it's out of control.

It's gotten out of hand. Yeah, those, your, your... How do you make your butthole not open? What? Your sphincter? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sphincter. Do you know that the human open? What? Your sphincter? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sphincter. Do you know that the human body has a lot of sphincters, actually? Yeah, I've heard that. I've heard that.

So this is a one-star view. It's called just as- I have seven holes. Axanar, I stop. We already put that on social media. We don't need you to say it again. Thank you. Just as bad as uncontrollable diarrhea. I've never been treated so rudely and poorly. We ordered shots and they gave us the most watered down shots to the point we didn't even taste any alcohol in the shot. That's because it's shots with a Z. Oh you bought shots. Hello. This is jail I think or a

precinct of some sort because it's called mug shots. Then the waitress cried that we didn't tip her at all. So I'm a nice person. So I felt bad so I gave her more money. But looking back I shouldn't have let her manipulate me like that. This is a horrible place. Solace a-holes don't go here. Don't give them your... End of review. I got now I don't know what to not give them. Uh oh, I gave them everything. Oh no. So they're like, I'm a nice person, even though I didn't tip. Yeah, because they gave me water, that's why. Yeah.

I don't think the waitress was the one who poured your shots, but... That's probably true. Also, the shots were watered down, they said? Yeah. How would... help? Am I not that okay, the last time I did a shot was in Chicago on stage. And that's not even plugging our tour, but I did more. It didn't happen. And we actually happened peer pressure to take it. But I mean, I didn't. But the 90% sure that was the

last time I took a shot. That's why I took a shot. I don't take shots. But like, how do you know it's watered down? You know, like, and also, what a weird thing to water down. Well, I think they're saying like, oh, the vodka bottles probably have water in them or something. Like they water the liquor bottles down. But like, it just seems. But that's so stupid. They don't. Like that is such a stupid thing to suggest that a bar does. It's like it's literally illegal.

Is it not like I'm pretty sure that's certainly very illegal. And OK, I don't know about Canada, but it's probably more illegal. And it's literally illegal. Is it not like I'm pretty sure that's certainly very illegal And it's like also Canada, but it's probably more illegal in Canada It's probably more illegal. Also, it feels like improbable But I mean maybe you ordered like a what are those called a fuzzy belly button or something or fuzzy navel? Fuzzy navel? Fuzzy belly button? That's how you know how often I take shots. Okay, I'm not an expert. I don't know why that's so much grosser It's worse. It's so much worse

Fuzzy navel. I feel like you ordered something just really sugary and it's your own fault I have no idea what a fuzzy navel is. I don't either but obviously fucking obviously Okay, this is a Four star review this was sent in by Steph she they and this is of another restaurant I don't have the name of it, but the title is waitress crying for a larger tip Here we go Meal was excellent and waitress was good problem was when we left we left a $14 tip as we were getting in the truck our

Waitress came out crying to us. What did she do wrong told her nothing asked what the problem was She told us she had a two-year-old at home and that our tip was not enough. She said it should have been $30. Since when has there been a mandatory 20% tip? Bill was $143 so as a result we gave her another $10. This left us very bitter and we'll never go back there again. We are local and have plenty of other places to go. Our friends and family will also be hearing about this experience. Called manager when we got home and told her what was going on with waitress. She said what she could do to rectify the problem. We'll call her back later today. End of review. Wow. So they gave how much? 10%. 10% tip. It's like not great. No. Tip in culture sucks. Especially if you're locals. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. It says we're locals. That implies to me that you go to plenty of restaurants and you know that this standard unless something's like not great you are supposed to I mean supposed yes the thing it's so right like your sucks but we're living in it so if you're gonna go out to eat like support the because she's not making

much money which now like it's not how it should be the system fucking sucks um plenty of servers disagree I don't know there's whatever discourse that I not making much money, which sucks. Like, it's not how it should be. The system fucking sucks. Plenty of servers disagree. I don't know. There's whatever discourse that I shouldn't really be a part of. But if you're going to like be a part of it, like if you give a 10 percent tip, that's you saying it was not good enough. I think it implies that something was not great.

And like if you I feel like that would be startling to see. I mean, I don't know. Maybe some people out there are like, no, I always have 10%. I have no idea. I've always learned that it's 20%. I don't, like as for a good service. Yeah, yeah. I do 15% for like minimum.

But like sometimes if something's wrong, I'll be like, you're gonna get a little bit under 20%. But like, yeah, I get it if people have a bad experience. But if they were like, oh yeah, you did nothing wrong. I give you 10%. You watered down all seven of our shots. Wait, and also like think about that though. Like they ordered a table full of shots

in addition to presumably lots of other things. And then they gave her $0 because of the shots. Yeah. That's rough. I'm not just, I actually have no idea. What's tipping culture like in Canada? Cause that was in Canada. Oh, good point, that wasn't. I have no idea what's tipping culture like in Canada because that was I'd like to think it's not as

Bad but I have no idea I really wouldn't if you sat me down in a restaurant in Canada I'd probably ask and be like how much I would not ask I would google it. I would ask the internet. You're right Yeah, ask the internet right here fair fair clarification I would probably ask the internet and would ask the internet. You're right. Yeah, ask the internet. Right. You're right. Fair, fair clarification. I would probably ask the internet and by ask the internet, I mean privately look at Google and see who else has posted and ask the internet. Oh, I was going to publicly look at Google and show everyone that I was doing it. Well, I just meant like I wasn't going to go type a forum post on Yelp or some shit. Oh, I was just going to go lurk and read them. Oh yes.

That would be really weird. I know. But some people do it. That's the thing, when I see people ask questions on the internet, I'm like, you are the millionth person to ask this question. And sometimes it's like very specific, but sometimes it's like, you really couldn't find your answer. But then sometimes I see a question and I'm like, thank God you asked because I don't know where else I would have found this information. So it really runs the gamut. Huh? But I feel like tipping Canada, you don't need to ask Yelp. You can probably just find out on the internet. This is a, let's see. Oh, by the way. We're not gonna do that though until we go to Canada.

Oh, certainly not. Don't tell us everyone. It's a surprise. When we tip zero, we wanna see if they cry. Then we'll figure out what to do. Yeah, I can't wait. So this, I also just scrolled down and saw that Mugshots Sports Bar and Girl has 69 reviews

and they have four stars. So, killing the game. All right, this is from Elise and Matt who said this doesn't really fit the challenge, but we figured you wouldn't care. And I was like, yeah, you're right. The thing with the challenges is it's more about the journey than it is the destination.

Thank you. You've always said that. This is a three-star review by Lucas, Yeah, you're right. Okay challenges is it's more about the journey than it is the destination you Know always said that yeah, this is a three-star review by Lucas a local guide So listen up and this is up the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum Have you been there? No, wait, where's that? It's in Boston. Oh, yeah. No, that's the one that was Burglarized. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. I was like, why is this so familiar? It's such a cool series on Netflix. I forget what the movie, The Heist, or Heist, or?

Millionaire's Heist. Alcindor, I knew you were going to do that. What if I was just watching an actual documentary, and I was like, all these people? No, so the Isabel Stewart Gardner Museum is so weird to me, because one time I was in art art You're a genius but like the culture and the art freaks you out. I know what you're like I'm just a genius like on paper, you know, yeah, you look at art and you're like I see nothing

I'm like, yeah, you know nothing. I feel nothing Nothing, but a brain I've just become my brain. I've just dissolved into my own brain. Which is very dangerous for you. So my stepmom took me there and then like bought me... Oh your stepmom did? Yeah, well you're acting like you don't want to be part of this family. So I'm going to just take ownership of this story. She brought me to this museum and against my will I genuinely said please don't buy this.

She bought me a year long membership like whatever to this museum and against my will I genuinely said please don't buy this she bought me a year-long membership like whatever to the museum and it was very expensive this is like a very fancy. She knew you needed some culture. But the problem is I was so broke I couldn't even like pay to get there because it was so far away like I would have had to uber or take like a hour long I don't know I don't know the details but I just remember being like if you had just given me like $200 gift card to Chili's or something I would be so thrilled but like I said please don't know. I don't know the details, but I just remember being like if you had just given me like $200 gift card to Chili's or something I would be so thrilled but like I said, please don't buy me a membership I don't even know if I've ever been to a Chili's. I just mean I was like, what am I supposed to do with this?

No, that's fair. I never went again because I just like hadn't didn't have the opportunity. I'm like I'm working. I'm at school I can't go to the museum for art She gave me paisley swim trunks once when I was like a teenager. Oh, that and I was like- And they were cool, something like that wasn't cool yet. Yeah, it's like now I'd be like, oh yeah, I could probably rock those.

Now it's like, it's super chill. Like 20 years ago- When there were like 60 kids in your class and everyone was already delineated into like who's cool and who was already delineated into like, who's cool and who's not. And it's like, you just don't want to lead into that level. And I was not cool and those weren't gonna help.

No, no, no. I wasn't confident. So how am I gonna wear something like that? God, you can tell stories about these gifts for days. There's so many of them. Yeah. Yeah, that was just a mild example. I don't even remember that example.

And you clearly didn't remember mine. I don't know why I remember that so well. That one was like, I was just so like, because I'm usually like really good at pretending to like a gift whether or not I like it. Paisley's rough. That one was like, I saw it. I'm like, I would never wear that. It was the least youth.

I think I do remember it because I remember your face and me even going, I can't help you here. This is beyond my payroll. Yeah, no. That was one of the few gifts where I was like, I will not wear these. Can we return them or something? I don't think she did or something. I don't know what happened.

She's like, oh, you might like them. Just try them on or something. I'm like, anyway. This is, it's not, this is, I got swim trunks. I should be grateful. I got a membership to a really high class art museum. Yeah. And I was like, I just need money for groceries. It just felt like I was very thankful. Okay. And I wanted to go back, but it just felt very like, damn, like this could have been a lot more useful gift. And

nowadays maybe it'd be more interesting to go. But I don't think that would make sense to fly there every once in a while. Especially after I got in trouble for taking that painting. Like I didn't know, you know. Yeah, but you did get it at Netflix documentary made about you. That's what I was seeing. I thought I was on a game show and they were like, this is not that. This is a three star review of the Isabelle Stewart Gardner Museum. Matt and Elise had no idea what they were doing with this one. Great museum, wonderful artwork and garden. Two stars taken off for the surprise balls.

They were $10 and had a piece of string, an eraser from 2002, a cough drop, and a piece of quartz. The girl I got it for cried. The surprise inside is just depression. It might make a good cat toy though. End of review. That does sound like a cat toy. Like a thing.

Depression. What? Okay, maybe not that. Is that why Juniper was on the roof? Oh my god. I tried to give him a piece of quartz and a cough drop and he was like, no, it's not enough. That is really depressing. Quartz and a cough drop. Hilarious to me. A piece of string, right? A piece of string, an eraser from 2002. This feels like a weird time capsule. I made in elementary school, doesn't it? Yeah, or like a MacGyver type thing. Yeah With it it makes something to like reflect light. Maybe it's part of the heist. Oh My god, it's a clue. It's a clue. You found a clue. Yeah consider yourself lucky

Anyway, so that wasn't even somebody they there crying. It was just their friend crying. But I would I would cry. I had to cry when I got that. I'd be like, why are you giving this to me? I had no other choice. That's all I have. Oh, well, that was nice. Well, that's that. Oh, Sandy disappeared.

Can you hear me? I can. We're doing the rest of this without my face. Fantastic. Alexander disappeared off screen. I'm having so many camera issues. He's so mad that he disappeared. He's so mad that he shut off his camera. Those poor video patrons are like, I want to see Zandi's face for another two minutes.

I want a fee fund. I want a fee FIFO fund. Thank you everybody for listening. Oh, Sandy, you're back. That never happens. Very shaky. Yeah, now you look like you're in the like a Disney Channel original. Oh, okay. He's really mad. Now he's really left the building. I guess it's my show now. So thanks everybody for coming and listening to our episode about, fuck he's back. Our episode about laundromats and Londo mats. We really appreciate you.

And if you want to send in a voicemail, go to Beach, you see it, nope, go to patreon.com slash Beach, you Sandy. If you want to buy tickets, go to beachdusandy.com slash tour. And yeah, we're really excited to see you only in Arizona, obviously we're not going anywhere else. So we'll see everybody in Arizona. Otherwise have a nice day.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.