Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 336: Reviews of Period Products

Episode Date: May 7, 2025

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Mom, mom, did you see my race? Of course I did darling. Look, you did your best. You tried. The thing is, it's not about winning, it's about taking part. Next year you might do better. But I did win, mom. You did?

When it's sunny, make sure you can still see. At Specsavers, get two pairs of glasses from $149 and one can be prescription sunglasses. Hey, the sun won't wait. Visit Specsavers.ca for details. Conditions apply. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could.

["Sandie Water 2"] Hello and welcome to Beach Two Sandy Water Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read the reviews that are on the internet. That's right. And they're picked the good ones. They're usually bad. Oh, I mean, well, they're bad and they're good for us. Find them good. So thanks for joining us today, people.

First of all, we have an exciting announcement, which is that we're adding a city to our 16 city tour turning it into a sweet 17. And if we get an 18th the website will look better because the columns are mismatched. Gio says don't you dare bring my mom back out on tour one more singular day. He does not like that true. He can come. Yeah I would like an 18th show or something to put in that other column, but we'll see. I we don't have anything yet. So fingers crossed everybody. I will write a solo show if you'd like. How about we just write TBD and then never actually fill it in? That's so rude, but yes let's do it. But yeah, I also have a promise to make.

If so last time Chicago show about Chicago. Yeah, we haven't told them that it's Chicago yet. Oh. It was like, oh, now we did. We're going to Chicago. My bad. So we were like teasing them. I didn't realize we were teasing them.

I'm sorry. I did. I was having a good time. I was not in on it because I was on their side, because I want them to come to the show. Please. And one incentive I'm giving them right now. Last Chicago show, we took shots of Malort on stage.

That's right, at the den. Like, yeah, which I love the den. They are like. Yeah, that's where we're going, by the way. When they sent. Surprise. Well, yeah, when they sent the thing, I was like, we hadn't discussed whether you're down for it.

But I was like, oh, my gosh, I want to go back to the den a third time. I love it so much. Even our manager was like, I'm assuming this is an automatic yes. And we were like, yes it is. Very much so. What's the date, Sandy? September 28th.

Sorry, we're all over the place. Yeah, well not actually. Well, it's not your birthday, but it's two days before. Almost my birthday. But here's the thing. I'm only doing a shot of Malort on stage if we sell out. Because the first time I did it,

I did not know how gross it was the first time. And so this time I know. So I'm not just gonna be like, yeah, give it to me. I'm gonna be like, you need to give me something first. Alexander's the only one who really hates black licorice. Yeah, so I feel like this is really a good prank we can pull. Also, yeah, I'm in on it. And also-

And I'm in on it because we get to sell out for that show in Chicago. Well, it's also your whole thing. But yes, I'm also joining aboard. But I will add that whether or not we sell out, I will be doing a shot of Malor on stage. So that won't be very- I feel like the crowd is gonna be yelling

and kind of will force me either way. You'll be peer pressured either way. But I'd like I'd like to say right now that ideally let's sell out and then... Even if he thinks he's gonna get peer pressured, I'm gonna smack it out of his hand if we didn't sell out and tell everyone you better go call your friends and fill these seats and then we'll try again. And then we walk off the stage. And that's five minutes in. That's five minutes in.

We'll wait and then we walk off the stage and we's five minutes in. That's five minutes in. We'll wait and then we walk off the stage and we get, we get in big trouble. That's the only way that ends. We just get in trouble and we feel bad about ourselves. So let's not make that happen everybody. Would you want that for us people? No, they would not. Speaking of feeling bad, I feel bad.

I feel bad because I owe a little band called, what are they called again? They Might Be Giants. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I owe They Might Be Giants an apology for a couple reasons. First, that review, the Corona Bean review, where it's like Corona Bean, Corona Bean, something tasty mean. That is based off their song, Particle Man, as many people pointed out. The thing is, I listened to Particle Man and I would listen while I had the review up and saying over it, it did not work for me. I could not make it work. Really? It is also very similar.

And I assume, like, takes from the original Spider-Man theme song like it is the like a similar like spider-pig spider yeah particle man particle man man something something something something I don't know I just was singing Corona Bean over top so I didn't actually listen to the real lyrics but yeah and also I messed something else up. I that doesn't sound like you. Well, you were kind of part of it because you didn't correct me. I confused. I confused. They might be giants with the band that's and I

said that they're the band that sings It's the end of the world as we know it parentheses I feel fine, which actually is by Death Cab for Cutie. So sorry everyone for messing that up. Oopsie. Okay, Ben Giverd. We're back on board. Yeah. Okay, well. Here we go. What's our episode?

This is called Period Products. And it was. This is called Period Products. It is. And it is a fun one, folks. I thought so too. I really feel like this is a good episode. It's been a long time coming.

It feels like such an obvious one. And somehow it just. I mean, not, I mean. It does just say someone who buys these things every few weeks. It's like, oh, sure. It's just such a generic thing you would buy that, to me, it's kind of surprising we haven't done anything with it but but I guess we haven't done like reviews of shoes you

know like other like very you buy shoes every couple weeks that's not a good example you're right she's like no actually okay that's a good point I don't I don't know something else but no I just like I don't know something else, but no, I just like I don't know. But yeah, I I love it and it was great. But the thing is it's one of those there are many good reviews, but a lot of them were like, oh, yeah, of course, that's a one-star review. I was like, yeah, that sounds terrible. Yeah, I avoided some of the ones where I was like, no, that's just life. No. Yeah, me too.

There are so many of those I felt that I had to like sift through in the reviews of all of these products. But and I also went to like a ton of diff I tried to go to different like types of types. We want to keep this like diverse and inclusive and varied when it comes to all the ways that we can try to menstruate. That's true. In which we can try to menstruate. And speaking, kind of speaking of which, have you seen those TikToks? I promise this is worth it, everyone. It's where these women will interview their boyfriends about period products or like quiz them kind of,

and then say they're right no matter what they say. It's- So like, it is so fucking funny. So cringe to me. I can't watch it because it makes my I'm like this is so embarrassing. Yeah, it's like it's it rivals that video where they tell those Trump those MAGA Trumpers that everything they're saying about female reproductive systems. Oh, yeah. Correct. Like that same idea. Yeah. And the guy's just like,. Yeah, I knew it and it's like I just want to die this is so embarrassing for everybody and like it's like crazy the like

I'd say misconceptions but just like flat out like lack of ignorance and lack of knowledge like that exists about like the lack of ignorance But lack of knowledge. Sorry. Yeah, and like it wasn't until I was a lot older that I learned anything, like certain things. Like, I don't know. The one thing was like, they said, like, what sizes do tampons come in? God, yes. And he said, small, medium, large. And she was like, yes. So good job. Small, medium, large. And he was like, trick question.

And she was like, yeah, that was a trick question. This is so embarrassing. It's like so embarrassing. It's cringy, but it's like. Should I ask you some of the questions? Yeah, if you want. Okay, hold on, let me ask you. Oh God, now I'm nervous. We can turn this into a TikTok.

Okay, wait, I haven't watched one of, like just watched that today, but there is no other, like other menstruation stuff. You've had your time to learn. Hold on, hold on. You have two sisters. Okay, okay. Shoot, they're all TikToks.

How do I find? Like a list of questions. A have two sisters. Okay. Okay. Shoot. They're all tic-tacs. How do I find like a list of questions list of questions? Is there a sporkle for For like menstruation, okay, here we go I'll see find questions like that. I don't eat a sporkle Addicting games calm. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Oh man. See this is what sucks when people don't put captions on their videos So true. Oh, that's Japanese Stumble on what are you searching? I went on reddit said here click here and then all of a sudden it said 404 So I was like, oh and then it's refreshed and it all turned Japanese and I went I don't this isn't helpful

Oh turning Japanese who's that by? Japanese and I went I don't this isn't helpful Oh turning Japanese who's that by? Is that by I think that's by REM. I'm pretty that's REM. Okay. Yeah, I don't know anything about REM Yeah, I know quite a bit. So my dear brother. I have some questions and I feel like you're gonna be good at this So it's probably not even gonna be funny, but I don't know how what's a guess of how many hold on How well I don't even know the answer to this question, how many tampons would you say a person uses on their period? Depends on a lot of factors. I feel like it does, because it varies in like-

I don't really understand, the guy's trying to do math and I'm like, I'm also trying to do math, so I don't- And also over course of days, but like, they last different amounts of days. Yeah, I feel like that's kind of a lame question. I think the only good answer is if someone's like one. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes many more than one. That's what the magic guy was basically saying. He was like...

Probably ideally more than one because of toxic shock syndrome or whatever. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. You know, you know. I don't know how... I don't know the answers to these questions. Well, ask me then. Maybe I'll educate you something. Well, I don't want to admit that I don't know them either. That's okay. You're allowed to not know them. What's regrowth? Oh, I don't know. Okay. Oh, it's like because like, okay, this is a full on guess. Because like, isn't it like the shedding of the shedding of your uterine lining? So is it like the regrowth of something like cells? That's

right. Imagine you get better at it. See, this is what I'm pissed off about. This is why I hate having a little brother because he's always smarter than me and then I look like an idiot No, also I Christian I just made that up. It's probably wrong. So don't worry. Oh wait, maybe It's probably doesn't probably it's not even how it works You do know what that is? No. Oh, she just made up a word to be like, what is this? And you're like mad that I made up a bullshit answer? That's funny. Well, like.

It sort of is right. Like, technically, I mean, that is right. I don't think it's called regrowth. The thing is, I just love trivia. And when I do trivia, I just like, try to critically think about questions. Yeah. I don't critically think always.

I'm not like always a critical thinker, but when it comes to trivia questions, I can do it. Like I can be like, let me think about what I know. He's like, here's the thing. I just study a lot. I know a lot of women. That's not what I'm saying. See, I feel like, see this bit is funny

when like someone gets them all wrong. Oh my God, Alexander, this person just asked, how long is the average period? Or like, what's a range? Like five days, six, less than, I don't know. Yeah, like four. Two to seven is like the average or the range. This guy says three weeks.

Like, hello, you're an old, and this is like a 35 to 40 year old. Okay, like on the street, This is just like in New York. Oh my goodness. Two weeks says another one. What does PMS stand for? What does post menstrual? No, premenstrual menstruation, menstrual, no, pre-menstrual menstruation,

menstrual, not syndrome. It is, it is. It is syndrome? Yeah. Oh, it's a syndrome? Oh no. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought it was just, you know, I just thought it was when they're like, you know, kind of just like grumpy, they're PMSing, you know? It's a syndrome. Oh, I didn't know. Like like from Incredibles. This guy said pre no, he said premature

medical psych, menstrual cycle. Menopsycho. He said premature menopsycho, which cycle doesn't even start with an S. I didn't even catch that, though. It's embarrassing. Anyway, you're right. Really good at this. But a big one that I think I learned like really late that I think a lot of people who aren't familiar with menstruation are like shocked by sometimes, which is unfortunate. But is that pads don't go on the skin, they go on the underwear.

That's a thing that like… I know. …many men are like, what? Every time I see that, I'm like, what do you mean? Like if you think about it… See, that's the thing, critical thinking. Whenever I learned that, I don't know how many years ago it was. I guess boys are just like gross and they don't want to know.

It was an unfortunately low number, but no, it's not even that. I think it's just like stupid and like uneducated and also don't want to know. Unfortunately, low number, but no, it's not even that. I think it's just like, stupid. Well, and like, uneducated, and like also don't seek out that information, don't ask about it. And we don't get taught it either. And in society, it's all like kind of deemed as like, yeah, a taboo still in many ways.

Yeah, people are just grossed out. So I think it's education, societal, whatever, but thankfully this is a comedy podcast. So we don't even have to get into all that shit. I was gonna say thank God that we didn't get, thank God you didn't get asked on the street. You would have been made the most boring TikTok ever. Yeah, they would have stopped me and said,

oh thanks, please move along now. Please get out of here. Yeah. Do you want me to read a review of Tampax Pearl Tampons? Yeah. Okay, they're the regular with applicator. They're from Amazon. Kirstie Sheher sent this in.

One star review by Dylan called Disturbing. I will say their names because we can kind of like take a little gander, take a little guess as to like gender or you know at least kind of sometimes it seems to come into play. Okay, because this is a unisex name I'd consider like a... Dylan, yeah. gender or, you know, at least kind of sometimes, sometimes it seems to come into play. Okay, because this is a unisex name I'd consider like a. Dylan, yeah. Dylan. Well, just hold, hold your horses. These sanitary items should be free.

And it upsets me that this isn't the case. Absolutely shocking. As a man that lives with only women, I have to hear their suffering every day. Parentheses, I'm six foot two with shoes on. End of review. What? That sounds stupid.

It actually says six inches two. Uh oh. We do seem to run into that a lot on reviews. Six inches with shoes on. So he's again a borrower. I know I say this every time. He must be a borrower and he lives in the walls of these women and has to hear them suffering. What? A borrower. I know I say this every time. He must be a borrower and he lives in the walls of these women and has to hear them suffering.

A what? A borrower? Why are you acting like that? Wait, borrowing what? What are you saying? Hey, what? Are you okay? Wait, am I okay? Did we just quantum leap to a new timeline? What's happening? Is this a Mandela effect? No, I'm really confused what's happening right now. A borrower?

Of what? Am I dumb? I'm so confused, Kristianna. What is happening? Am I really... Have you watched the season of Black Mirror? Because that feels like what's happening right now. Oh no! Okay, unless I'm like completely missing it, but that kid's book, the borrower's where they live, they're tiny people that live in a wall of a house. Oh, and you just thought I'd know this reference? Yeah, Alexander, it's not random. Everybody knows it. I was so panicked.

No, they do not. I was like, did I miss the word borrow? What the fuck? This is a thing? Everybody knows this. This is like general knowledge. What the fuck is this? Maybe it's just general knowledge because I listened to the McElroys and they read it.

Christina, you're like yelling at me as if I'm a McElroy sibling. What I need you to know is that this is a very, very, very, very well-known book series. I don't doubt that. There are things I don't know. I never claimed otherwise. But this just feels like you're saying like I don't know who Stuart Little is or something where it's like so obvious to me or like I've never heard of... Yeah, I could tell because I was getting panicked that I like really forgot

that that was a word that meant something that I didn't know. Like something else. No, it's a series of books. I'm so glad. And it's also, a lot of people reference it as like when somebody's really little. Okay, well yeah, you were, you've read it like when it came out, 1952. Sorry, I'm so much younger than you. Sorry, I got an advanced reader copy, okay.

Now here's what I want you to know. Are they all clocks? Or is that their last name? I've never read this book, I want you to know. Are they all clocks? Is that their last name? I've never read this book. I just know the reference. Eglutina clock? Who the fuck is Eglutina clock? Can you tell me? How the fuck am I supposed to know?

I know what a bar where your brother's normal. Call your brothers and ask them. Call my brothers. I wish I tried. You're like, I'm going to talk about the power words today. I read that book and he's like, everyone read that fucking book. And that's yeah. And now you're taking all your anger from their reaction out on me.

I get it. I get it. That's right. Your turn. Oh yeah. We're reading reviews. This is a review of OB. Hold on. This is very tiny. OB. Just like, just like the guy, just like the guy who lives with a bunch of women. Just like the borrower. Oh, you're talking. Okay. If you had said like a

like a Lily Poutine. You mean a Lilliputian? Lilliputian, whatever. Sorry. I like isn't it German? How would you say it in German? Lilliputian is probably a type German? It's probably a fun play in a Canadian establishment of their law of fair. That's a good one. So Lilliputian. Yes, but there's a song by I think Andre Heller. Quit it. I'm just not kidding. Anyway.

Yeah, let's reference. Oh, Lily Pitana is what he says. Okay, Gulliver's Travel is definitely more timely. You're right. Let's reference that. I'm sorry. I think that is, I don't know, maybe- anyway. Liliputian. Fluid- OB Fluid Log Groove. Don't you know that song? What song? Liliputian Chop by Kishi Bashi. Oh, nice. we are going into some

Avenues that are not interesting to other people. Okay. This is a lot. This is a lot for them Fluid lock grooves for leak protection Ultra wait fluid what a lock. I think the logs Fluid lock TM. No, sorry fluid lock registered trademark. Okay And here we go. It's on Walmart, by the way. This review is by woo, since we're saying their names. One Star.

Ordered these because it was the only ultra available. Well, it's ultra uncomfortable. Why does OB hate vaginas? End of review. There were a lot of OB reviews. And OB are the ones that I remember in Germany people always used and I remember mom was like I don't know nobody ever taught me how to put on a tampon but she just like gave me one

once and they were like this and I was used to the American like with an applicator ones. Like yeah with the plastic around them like yeah that's like what I was used to but I guess most of the OB ones are just like small little cotton no that's like I'm no no no I know I'm thinking of the little ones cuz yes you know yeah yeah it looks like a suppository but it goes with the other one yeah that I just remember being like what the hell am I supposed to do with this when we went over there but it has like doesn't have like plastic wrap like on it. Like, that's what I meant, not an applicator, but like,

it's wrapped in something. So it's not just free floating out there. Free floating, I mean, hmm. This is from Maddie Sheher, who by the way said, I'm currently running a period product drive for my clinic's low income patients, which I'm like, hell yeah. She said this episode's perfect timing,

so that's really cool. That feels like with socks, you know, like some of the most more requested and under supplied things. Sanitary products, that kind of stuff. The Care and Keeping of You is a book. Have you heard of this book? Health Center? No.

I did not own it I don't think my mother would have given this to me. She wasn't really Concerned about me. Well, she's like you'll figure she wasn't concerned Like what stopped I know that's not what I meant here. I'm gonna send you a press you were concerned about you. I Think you are all so concerned about me in other ways that like this was the least of your worries you know what I mean it was like that you'll figure out eventually I'm sending you a picture of the book because Alyssa had the book my friend Alyssa and I remember you think I went oh that time I went through her bookshelf

well listen I just didn't know if you've heard of it because it's a very millennial thing it was made by American Girl I see that over two million copies sold it was a big deal back in the thing it was made by American girl that over two million copies sold It was a big deal back in the day. It was kind of like It was kind of like a chicken soup for the soul like it was one of those things like every preaching girls should have this and I will say I remember opening it being like What like I was so shocked by this it was published in 1998 So for those who don't know, it's supposed to answer questions for preteen girls

about their bodies. So from eating, bras, periods. I really could have used this fucking thing, but it's fine. I looked at Alyssa's one time and I was traumatized. And Maddie says this was a book that low key traumatized me as a child. And I said, same. Little Catholic kids.

Yeah, we're sheltered. Here's a one-star review by conservative. You can imagine I didn't know that was their name until now so that wasn't part of my plan of saying the names it just happened to be perfect. It's called the user's name is conservative. So it's just warning us all of what kind of content we're about to get. Correct. The warning is also in the title, which is Warning of Cartoon Graphics. Sorry. I'm already upset. It's like so inane. Okay, this is a verified purchase, reviewed June of 2014. So this is not a review from the 90s. This is from 2014.

of 2014. So this is not a review from the 90s. This is from 2014. Never. I was gonna... I want to say this before you read it. I don't know what it's about, but I don't know about you. You probably do this. But as we go, I have jokes in my head, ideas pop in, and then I consider it for a second, then put it away if I'm like, oh no, don't say that. Not like intrusive thoughts, because sometimes I say them anyway. That's how I guess thinking works. But. Yeah, that's when you have some semblance of a filter. Some people don't, and that's how they get in trouble on podcasts,

but we do, and that's a good thing. Even though. I'm fairly new to Adderall, so like, it's like my brain, I can, I'm understanding what's happening up there now. No, you know what? No, that is what it's like. It's like you can sense how your brain works all of a sudden.

And you're like, oh, I see. Literally what this is. So like, that's why I'm explaining it, because I'm like, well, and then I'm like, wait, people are just like, yeah, you're thinking. That's thinking. And yes, I am. But I had an idea of a joke pop in my head.

And it was to like say, like you being a Catholic girl reading it, it's like that it was like pornographic. And then you read that title of this review and I'm like, I should have known you'd bring something like that. Like, I was like, no, don't say that joke. That's like, we don't need to talk about that. Like, uh-uh, like people actually feel that way.

And then I'm like, oh shit, I didn't think that your review would even have that. That's a little too dark of a joke. And then here we are. I was like, no. Oh. AdSinner, you know what that means? Your instincts are too dark. I was like, no. Oh, that's in there. You know what that means? Your instincts are on point.

No, they weren't. Well, yeah, I guess they were. They were. You just repressed them a little bit. We'll probably probably for the best. No, no, no. Let them fly free. In a little bit.

Give me like another couple weeks. Maybe I'll start doing that. All right. Once you get under your period for four more weeks, maybe clear out your head. Um, that's like three quarters of a month. And I imagine for the people who are like not all men. Yeah. Fucking obviously. Okay. I'm sure they went through dozens of men to find somebody who literally thought a period who was almost like 40 and thought a period was three weeks.

Like a teenager, it's like, okay, they haven't, they're still whatever. But like me knowing what I know is like kind of the bare minimum, you know? I don't like do extra research. I just like, that's what I picked up. It's honestly, out of center, it's just boring. Cause if you knew way more than me,

it would have been hilarious. Well, I kind of, I kind of did. No, I'm just kidding. I did not. Well, we both thought we knew something and then we both did. No, I'm just kidding. I did not. Well, we both thought we knew something and then we both learned. Neither of us knew it much. Made it up.

But yeah, like it's really not like, you know, that's so silly that like. You know what's so like annoying is I always want to do those things with Blaze, but like it also won't work because he worked in medicine. I was going to say. He's like, although the one thing he did learn. He also told me he trashed. Oh. What? Trashed? No, I wasn't going to say tracks. Although the one thing he did learn me he trapped. Oh what?

Trashed no, I wasn't gonna say tracks What what my menstrual cycle? I you didn't hear it from me. He doesn't certainly doesn't have to track it It's pretty obvious. He lives with me. He told me that but like he said just in case he tracks it just in case I'm lying Yeah, he knows how you are. What does he stick a thermometer in my mouth every morning Just in case I'm lying. Yeah. Yeah. He knows how you are. What is he, stick a thermometer in my mouth every morning to check when I'm ovulating? You've never noticed? I thought that was just a cute thing we did.

I thought that was just flirting. Yeah. He's like, let's play doctor. He has full access to whatever. Doctor role play. Right? When you wake up, just this thermometer and mother was like, Oh no. Okay. Got to go.

I think he'll stop it. So if I were to play this game, he'd probably know more than me and it's just going to be embarrassing for me. So, um, I'm going to ask this now. And by the way, if you don't know much, it's okay. Don't feel ashamed. You can learn. Yeah.

That's the thing. It's a society education. Yeah, it's not your fault necessarily. It's just like, now once you kinda realize maybe we can share some knowledge, and guess what? You're gonna learn so much, you already learned a lot about Deathcap for QTE and REM today, and I think you're gonna learn a lot about period stuff.

And Alexander, I don't know much of anything either, cause I have PCOS and so I have a very like particular experience with periods. But if you have any questions about like regrowth or anything, you just hit me up and I'll answer what I can. Yeah. I'm here to educate, you know, if nothing else. I appreciate that, because yeah,

there's plenty I'm sure I don't know. But yeah, and that's the thing is like, people don't know what they don't know, you know? Exactly. So it's like, once you learn something, it's exciting to learn something. And hopefully it like inspires you to like learn a little bit more.

And if you're a man and you turn this on, you were like, you better fucking listen to this whole episode. That's different. You better listen. And I'm a white man telling that, so I have to listen. Sorry.

That's the rules. Okay. Warning of cartoon graphics, verified purchase by conservative. I'm a conservative mom and was hoping to find a book on teaching hygiene and offering basic prepubescent preparation. Wow, I'm sure the people at Barnes and Noble were like,

you're looking for what? Pre-pubescent, that was a- Basic prepubescent preparation. Basic prepubescent preparation. Pre-pubescent preparation. I think that's a lyric in Particle Man actually. No! Funny. The Deathcap song? Corona bean, corona bean, prepubescent, wait. Hygiene. Hygiene. Now that's good. That's good. Okay, write it down someone though. This book gave great information The graphics were more than expected or wanted the book showed stages of breasts

Of all things for it to like say first I was like, oh wait But I mean, what are you talking pisses me off because it's okay What are you talking? That pisses me off. I guess it's okay. The book showed stages of breasts and a young girl inserting a tampon into her vaginal area. Just the area. Imagine if they were like, here's a tampon, but we're not going to tell you where it goes.

Hey, you're going to hear. Is it here? Is it here? Is it here? You're going to grow something on your body really fast and it's not gonna feel nice. And one's gonna stare at you, but I'm not gonna tell you where.

It's a surprise, because your mom doesn't want you to know. Ridiculous. And then she says, as though somehow a cartoon makes this okay. And I'm thinking, well, it's not okay. I don't want to have to buy a bra

and I don't wanna be at my period. So certainly it's not okay. But like I thought you were supposed to prepare her, your child for, like I don't understand what you wanted to prepare her for. If she doesn't understand where a tampa goes or understand that she's gonna get breasts. I mean, whatever. It's just weird to me that she's acting like putting it in cartoon form was like

trying to do something sinister, but like, to get it through, put porn in children's books. Get it onto, yeah, get it on the shelves. We have to put it as a cartoon. I mean, that's how I felt reading it, but it was the shelves. We have to put it as a cartoon. It makes no sense. I mean, that's how I felt reading it, but it was very traumatic for me because nobody kinda... Like that's a thing. I don't know. Yeah, this isn't meant for a child to stumble upon.

I think it's meant for a conversation. I don't think, you know, it's meant for a conversation. And yeah, it sounds like useful and yeah, I don't know. Well, here's a plan for parents who are heating this. For the 27 people who found this helpful, here's what she says. Here's a plan for parents who are heeding this, for the 27 people who found this helpful, here's what she says. I understand the why,

but there should have been a warning on those sections, or they could have offered a tear out page in case the reader just didn't want this part. So they want to add a fucking corrugated, perforated page in case you don't want your child to see what like for what reason like shame like what is wrong with it like so they don't turn gay because of the boots? Oh I hope not like I don't know any no matter what the reason it sounds like it's a problem.

They don't have a sexual awakening and it's you can't stop it it's either gonna be like Lion King or like this book who knows but like you can't control that. But this will affect how much shame and Awful feelings they have surrounding it. Yeah, this is in 2014. So ten years ago. So this person's probably like college age. Should we find them? Maybe they'll find us Most of the people who listen this I mean no offense. We're all kind of troubled. So Okay, here we go This is insane. There's more oh yeah not much but

no i just not much but content wise yeah it's uh oh it's snappy okay it's snappy okay i understand the why but there should have been a warning or the sections could have offered a tear out page in case the reader just didn't want this part i'm a pro pad mom anyway i don't like the idea of tampons. If my girls are on their period, they just won't go swimming. Problem solved. Not for me. If I missed another review warning about this, then it is my fault for not reading. But I don't want any other conservative moms purchasing this without a warning. I thought I had purchased the even younger girl version. We'll return. End of review. Okay. Um, I've never heard of this as a thing. It's a thing.

And now that I know it's a thing, I assume I know why it's just like, what, like, what is it about tampons that is it like just the insertion aspect? Something about inserting it. I will say mom did not let me use tampons. I do not know why I think her angle may have been Environmentally they were I I don't really know Yeah, but it doesn't get an education about this wasn't getting a sense of pride over Being but it wasn't like a weird. Yeah thing. No, no, no, like I don't know what this feels like the way she kept she also Capitalized pro pad mom. Yeah, it sounds like it's a Facebook group. You know,

that? Wow, that's dark. Yeah, that's how I took it was like, holy shit. No, I took it someone with a community of other moms who but like also like what would you meet about? You know, like what? If mom ever hears this, she's gonna to be like, I was never that. And I feel like we're going to differ opinions on that in terms of our memory. So we're just going to differ in opinions on that. But that's my memory of it. I don't think she feels that way now. But

this is definitely not the reason I think. Oh, my God. No, I can't imagine. Jesus. I mean, like being a conservative mom was not something that she was, so. Have you ever looked at, no, exactly. She gave me a pin one time that said, sex is fun, but then like later we realized at the bottom in really small letters it says, when you're awake,

because it was like they were having like an anti-sexual assault like rally at UC. That was a twist. And I was like 12, and she's like, see, sex is fun. And and I was like 12 but she's like see sex is fun and then I was like why does this say when you're awake and she was like oh fuck okay this conversation happens another time anyway this poor I can't imagine I can't imagine the 90s were rough times like she was like my age when I was one year old.

That's so weird to think. Like she had, like by this point has had both of us at my age. How old was I? By your age too. What? No. You were three or four, right? I'm 31. What are we talking about?

What time period? I'm saying, wait, what am I thinking about? I forget. What? Oh, no. no, I walked us off the path. I'm saying like with mom I was just like thinking about how at the time she was like in her that she had us right? I'm like she was my age. How old are you now? I'm 31. Okay, so you're 31. So I was four. Yeah, that's yeah That's pretty weird. So like 12 like not that much older like not even 40 yet. Like yeah, that's pretty weird. So like 12, like not that much older, like not even 40 yet. Like, yeah, that's a weird thought. And very weird that. Yeah, I'm over here like joking about like making jokes about

periods on a podcast to thousands of people. And meanwhile, my mom at my age had like a six or seven year old or six year old. It's just really weird. Yeah, right. You're right. I guess I have a three year old. So what am I talking about? But what you're talking about? Yeah, I know. Yeah. The single mom experience by the book mom experience. Okay. Let's see. Yeah, that's all. Okay, I'm going to a diva cup now. Let's just leave it. And we've we've done it. I'm finally making the change. Go into a Diva Cup. Oh, yay, you're making the change. Congrats. This is the menstrual cup model two.

Wow. You know what? I just noticed the price and I have a question. So the price is $31. Now, how many times can you use a Diva Cup? Is there a limit? Is there like an amount but it's like okay There is a recommended usage limit and I don't know them off the top my head

That's kind of one just have different and then you're meant to dispose of them and buy a new one That's really get to that makes where you use it over and over and then I was I was I was curious Yeah, good question. Yeah but yeah, this is and this one is this one is black and I this I read a review of someone saying that they went to this one instead of the clear one because the clear one would like get dirty over time and would look Yeah. Or like maybe opaque or something. I would never use a reusable clear one. No thank you.

Yeah, I don't think it was clear clear, but it was like a lighter color. And so it would like get looked like dingy. And they're like, I'm glad this one is black because I don't need to see that. I'm like, oh, that makes sense. Where it just hides impurities. No, I mean, you clean it obviously.

Okay. Oh, am I supposed to? Yeah. Oh, my granite countertops. Who am I kidding? Oh, gran I supposed to? Yeah. Oh my granite. Who am I kidding? Oh granite countertops. I meant the period cup. Oh, I don't clean my counters. I don't clean my period cup. Oh, that's what I thought you were saying. One star. So hard to take out. This is just like every other menstrual cup. I've tried four brands and they are all so hard to remove. Such a waste of my money. I literally sit on the toilet for 20 minutes each time trying to rip it out. The

environment is great, but this is one swap I won't be making. Such a waste of money. End of review." I was like, what environment? Of your vagina? Oh no, like they made the switch for environmental reasons. Well, it's not environmental if you buy four of them and keep throwing them. I understand the attempt to find something that's that that'll work for you. I think some people, it just doesn't work right. Yeah. And well, how different are all these vulvas? You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's exactly because you're six inches and two, two. What did you just say about me? Oh okay in height. As we're talking about vulvas please please. I'm sorry I thought you're a borrower. I'm a borrower. I'm I live in a diva cup that landed on its head upside down. That's my little house. I don't even know what a borrower is. Oh my god, imagine like a little hermit crab finds one. That's kind of cute. I'm into it. Okay. Why don't we find a hermit crab with one? Like as in bring one to a hermit crab. Is that ethical? No, I'm certain it's not to put a silicone, a used silicone with biohazard on it.

Who said anything about used? Why would you want to give them a used one? Well, I don't want to give my brand new one, they're $30. That's a good point. They don't deserve that much of that expensive of a home. Also, they're really hard to take out. What is he going to do? Like tell his friend to pull it off his head? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Guess where I went Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Guess where I went today. The refrigerator? Yes. And then the bank. Oh wow. Yeah. I hadn't been in a bank in a long, long time. I didn't know that you were allowed in those anymore.

Not you. Stop. I meant anyone, but yeah. Also you. Oh. I was like, I didn't know about that. Yeah. It was a part of me taking my finances more seriously lately.

And I had to go in personally for something Yeah, I noticed that no, I didn't notice that you went in personally I wasn't tracking you but I did notice that you were texting me about rocket money because we were comparing you were like Oh my gosh, look at all this and I was like, yeah. Yep. Yeah, it feels like every few months You can kind of log in and go oops like I missed a whole bunch of new things We just love rock money. It's been like a game changer. We actually do text about it to each other. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel

your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a total of five hundred million dollars in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to seven hundred forty dollars a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name Beach Two Sandy Water Touette in the survey so they know we sent you. Don't wait! Download the Rocket

Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show. Yay! So a lot of times during the day with a three-year-old at home, I will open the cabinet and be like, oh, Spidey Mac, is that what we're doing today? We don't really have other options. Oops. But when I just- I vote yes. Yeah, I mean, usually it's yes. And usually it's a delighted yes.

But sometimes it's like, okay, get it together. Again. Yeah, again. So Hungry Root is what I use now. They're really, really awesome. I feel like this is one of those things that any time somebody is moving to a new place or or adding a family member I'm like look into hungry root. Basically what they do is they make it easy to eat high quality nutritious food. They send a

customized Curated grocery cart to your door and they nail it. Yeah, they nail it. It's not just random things It's like catered to you and you can twist things out and It's not just random things. It's like catered to you and you can you know twist things out and no Not twist them out. Well, you can come out to as a vegan. I need to be catered to Hungry hungry. Yes, it's true. Hungry root does though. I really get the most amazing snacks I've learned about so many different snacks that too. They have so much. I love that Yeah, Leona has discovered her favorite snacks, too Yeah, it makes cooking easy because of all the recipes do they have so much stuff. Oh, I love that. Yeah, Leona has discovered her favorite snacks too.

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That's hungryroot.com slash beach2sandy, code beach2sandy to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life hungry root.com slash beach to Sandy code beach to Sandy. So this is from Maddie. This is who also sent the the Karen Keeping a View book review. This is of caffeine-free Mydol. And it's a review by Spartan F8. I knew Mydol has caffeine.

Because of a friend of mine who took Mydol would like, who didn't normally have any caffeine like I don't know if this person you know this person I'm not gonna name but this person didn't normally have caffeine so it was always like oh taking my my dolls like gonna be like I'm gonna be very funny and it probably really did a fact I you know like I think so. Yeah That's what makes it a reason. There's a cat in like this in all partially but like like excedrin has caffeine And I'm gonna make sense got it for migraines. Yeah So this is a three-star review by Spartan f8

verified purchase IDK it might be helping my wife IDK, it might be helping my wife. End of review. You can't ask her, you know? Three stars. She might talk too much about what's going on. Yeah, you don't want her yapping. You can't learn something.

That would be bad. You don't want to know to be frank about that time of the month. It would be funny if like down the line it's like, edit did not help or something. Yeah, edit. Or like, edit edit it did not help or something or like it were divorced now We're still in the same hell. We were in before the caffeine-free model My next one is from Elise and Matt This is of the flex period discs one time use menstrual discs body safe and non-toxic 12-hour wear 12 count I have never heard of these and so this was a new thing.

Many of these because they were a sponsor for and that's why we drink for like a year and they sent me like so many products but it was uh well it doesn't matter but yeah I have them it's a it's a good uh it's a good brand I like them. Got it okay. But these are the re these are the reuse re uh disposable I believe. Yeah these are one-time use it says. Yeah. So the re these are the reuse, re disposable, I believe. Yeah, these are one time use, it says. Yeah. So the ones you're talking about were not were like, no, they're they're they sent all they have. Oh, I see. I see. I see. So you like one of every.

Oh, gosh. I didn't. Okay. I didn't know they had. Yeah, I don't know. Flex. I've never heard of them. We obviously I don't listen to and that's why we drink. So anyway, this is a one star review. Don't sneeze. This doesn't work.

It pops loose so often and causes a red wave that leaked through my pants. If I want to feel 12 again, there are other ways. And it's not user error. Actually, this is the best way. I was gonna say, I didn't know if that's true. Not that I have had this experience at 12 But your pants is probably the most you can feel like a 12 year old in it in the day

I would argue I once sat on my chair in Biology class and there was gum on the chair and I stood up and there was gum all over my pants So that's kind of the same Physically I was just feeling... You had someone else's biohazard. I was feeling embarrassed instead of feeling physical symptoms from it. Yeah, yeah.

And it's not user error because it works fine until you move just wrong, like if you sneeze or go poop. I pushed it so far up, I think it's going to brain damage a theoretical child, but he can just come loose and just a sneeze. The theoretical child while you're bleeding? What are you talking about? You've already damaged the theoretical child, it's no longer there. It's called your uterine lining and it's going away. Yeah, that's a good point, but I think it's, I still think it's that's why the child is theoretical. I love this. That means a good point. But I think it's I still think it's that's why the child is theoretical. It's not that means

that the child isn't there. So it's you're so right. Actually, you know what, Christina? Yeah. Have you heard of like quantum physics? Schrodinger's hypothetical baby Schrodinger's child? Yeah. Yeah. Was you know, Schrodinger's child was really like, just didn't get any attention because it all went to that cat. Oh, I thought you were going to tell a joke and that or did it. I thought, OK, that's better. But I thought the joke was going to be saying like, you know, Schrodinger's child.

No one's really sure if he had one or not. So that's a good one or something like that. That's a good one. Or something like that. But like a little snappier. But my that's a thing. Or you say like, oh wait, did he even have a child? I yeah, that's good. But like I like reworked the mold of what a joke means in society by doing what I did. You broke the mold.

That's what it is. You reworked the mold? See, I reworked the phrase. The fuck are you talking about? And I just got a new unopened box delivered today that I can't return due to their policies. Zero stars if I could. End of review.

Yeah, well. Don't sneeze. Yeah, if those don't fit you right, man. That is not a great time. That's a bummer. Okay. This is from V, she her, who said, This is wild because I just shared this review in the discord a few days ago. It's a review of period swimwear, which I didn't even know was a thing.

This is because of my reviews, just looking up reviews. That's well, I guess I did probably learn the same time you did. One star by Natalie verified purchase. Didn't work. Blood all over the boat. Oh no, the sharks are going to come. It feels like so Jaws. Yeah, there's blood all over.

We're going to need a bigger boat. You ready? We're going to need a bigger tampon. We're going to need a cleaner boat and a bigger pad. Yeah. OK, picture this ready? A movie starts out very Devil Wears Prada, but without like Helen Mirren. No offense.

Like that's we're not doing a new Devil Wears Prada. So it's like the fashion stuff, whatever. And goes gets into period swimwear. OK, yeah, it's really clear so far. This is a really clear visual. It's not a lot of things. Yeah, it's really clear so far. This is a really clear visual. It's not a lot of things. Yeah, it's not Helen Mirren. Right.

It's not so fashion and they're do something they're like, you know what, we should get into this period swimwear like and it's like really wholesome stuff. Then they go do a photo shoot on a boat. Oh, one of the one of the models. Oh, bloods everywhere on the boat. Uh-oh. Then the sharks come. And it just turned into a horror movie.

And these models modeling the swimwear. Oh, shit. And then Helen Mirren is there. And the designer and the photographer and the crew. It's full of surprises. They all have to fight these sharks off somehow and get back to shore. That sounds good Guess what I was thinking the shark ate the rudder. Wait, that's not what that is. The shark ate the motor

Where the rudder is? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well who ate the rudder then? One of the models. Oh fuck Sustenance, okay, maybe the boat like you don't get on a white boat obviously. Oh wait I guess the sharks don't care if it's granite or black because they can still smell it. Oh, they can. I was like, oh, if you get on a granite boat, then you don't have to worry about the stains. That would have been really smart. You should... Okay, new movie. Boat manufacturers making a granite boat. Really wholesome. What could go wrong? They call it unsinkable is what they call it. Boom, Titanic 2. We got it.

They call it stain free and unsinkable. Stain free. And not only does it get stained, the sharks can smell it and then they're testing it with chum. They're like, look, it doesn't stain. Idiots, the sharks come, but it's unsinkable. No, it's not because these sharks are smarter than the average sharks. Right.

Because they were trained by Helen Mirren and then they attacked the boat. She has to be involved. Okay. She was already involved like over and over again. No, this is a new movie about the boat manufacturers making a granite boat, silly. She's not gonna wanna do all of these films.

With me after that first one is like the most successful movie ever. Please. I added Helen Mearns. My casting call. You kicked her out and I added her back in. To be fair. I thought I look I got confused with her character in Devil Wears Prada who is not very nice. Oh oh oh. I thought you meant you got confused who was Alan Mernin and who was Anna Hathaway. I went, nice try. I don't think I'd do that. Do you have a review? I already read one. Is it my turn?

It bled all over the boat. Or wait, what did you read last? I have no idea. Flex review from Elise and Matt. Was it sneezing? Yes. Oh, then nevermind. Wait, I don't remember who went last.

Mine was so short, I don't even know. Wait. Help! What was yours about? Blood all over the boat! Then yeah, okay, so then you just went. That's all it says. Yeah, because I don't think we'd go through a whole Jaws thing after I read another review

about sneezing. That's true, so it's your turn then. Yes. I would hope not. This is from Megan, another one of the same product, the Flex Period Discs. And the title, I think, is the main reason why she sent this one in.

So I'm just going to one star and just read the title, I think. Ready? It empties itself while you sit to pee. Stop. None of this, none of this, none of this. Yeah. Just cause it's in cartoons doesn't make it okay.

But Alexander, just cause it's about periods doesn't make it okay for you to say all the video patrons are seeing me as a cartoon right now. Empty itself. I mean, I really can can't that's horrible. It's pretty bad. But when you sit down to pee that could be worse times Yes, that's a good point What if you sit down to what if you're doing squats, you know, I feel like timing I feel like like if someone has a tampon would they avoid like certain like in would they avoid certain exercises like that? Or hopefully would it not? I think all the commercials are trying to tell you hey look

These are for play sport like what k-tex like has all the like yeah Go like play soccer now, you know how much you love to play soccer on your period It's like yeah, I do love to play professional soccer on my period Um, so I feel like they would have you believe that they're very easy. I feel like I would not. Yeah. Part of the imagine plenty of like high school athletes who like have to go through all this and like, you know, that must be. I imagine. Yeah, you're like forced by case play and like, I'm curious.

And I'm sure nowadays they probably have like a product for every sort of. Yeah, interesting. But I do have nowadays they probably have like a product for every sort of situation. Interesting. But I do have another review that's in the screenshot. So Megan, maybe was sending this one too that I'm going to read. OK, great. Because I'm sorry for doing the empty in itself thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's a one star review. Danger. These are supposed to be safe to have sex with. This thing cut my partner's penis. End of review. What? Uh oh. I don't think you're supposed to keep that in.

I mean, I guess if it says so. It says so. You wanna call them up, your sponsor? You wanna go in your closet and pick that one out? I thought you meant my AA sponsor or something. Oh my God, no. What sponsor? I meant your period sponsor.

Did you sign me up? The Flex. My Flex sponsor? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I am sorry to hear that. Are you a brand representative? And you're ignorant of the brand? No longer. Listen, if they want to pay me again,

I can figure out whatever you want me to figure out. Got it. Got it. Okay, this is a review sent in by Stacey Sheher. This is of soft disc menstrual discs. And they're sort of the same as the Flex discs. Okay, this is a review sent in by Stacey Sheher. This is of soft disc menstrual discs, and they're sort of the same as the flex discs. They're like, instead of flex, they're soft. Got it.

Um, just kidding. That's like, yeah, I know that's the brands. Oh, yeah, exactly. I didn't even catch what you were talking about. Yes. Yeah. Okay. I thought you were making a weird statement about flex not being soft.

And I was like, you're like, racking your brains. Like you were making a weird statement about flex not being soft and I was like, yes. You're like racking your brains, like what did my contract say about being negative about it even after they're paying me? What's it called, the Statute of Limitations app about, no, kidding. No, I really do use them, okay, shut up. All right, one star, this is by Learn, I don't know,

that's clearly a nickname. Soft disk owes me a mattress. Oh no. Verified purchase. Oh, is that the title? Yeah. Is that what that, okay. Y'all, I was hyped to start using these legit.

Like I couldn't wait to get my period because I thought these were so cool. Lo and behold, when Auntie Flo came to town, I bussed down on my bathroom floor and tried to get one of these little bitches in position for well over a half hour. Imagine a grown ass woman looking like she's trying to stuff a turkey,

if that turkey was herself. That should give you a pretty close visual. When I finally thought it was in position, I went about my night excited for the, you'll forget you're on your period portion of this product. I did in fact not notice it for the rest of the night. on your period portion of this product. I did in fact not notice it for the rest of the night. Here I was a new and improved woman with a flimsy hammock out per who-haw. No more of these primal tampons for me.

I was smitten. Let's fast forward eight hours to the next morning. Scrap the intimate details and cut to the chase. This little puppy did not do its job. My bed looked like a murder scene. Not only did I waste $10 on a box of what would be better used swimming pools for Polly Pocket, my mattress now has a nice rust-colored conversation piece. Don't buy these things. You'd be better off with just about any other method, even free?

Wait. Yeah, free bleeding. Oh, free bleeding, even free. Here I'm pictured using soft disc as an umbrella for my finger a better use than its intended purpose I'm gonna send you a picture cuz it's very funny. Oh, is it like a finger with oh, sorry. It's a picture. Yes And it is I believe It just makes me laugh. That's good. That's good. Here I'm pictured using soft as an umbrella for my finger. And like the scale of it.

Like it's just like it's unfathomable to me. You know, like it's there. There are like the size like you see it on a finger. Man, that thing is here. Hefty. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah. Geez. Geez. Well, hefty. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah.

Geez. Geez. Well, guess what? I have something different. This is from Lily, she, her, and it's a five star review and it's of the Honey Pot brand. Do you know? Are you familiar? I'm not, but I saw all these coming in.

Oh, the herbal infused. Yeah. And I read a few and I was like, what in the world is going on here? Yeah. And I would have been just as sure because I've seen that brand. I have no clue that they did this. There's a five star review and here here's what it is. Okay. Love the mint pads.

I take back everything negative. I said about this product over a year ago on this website. After using the rest of the pack, I love these minty pads so much. It's like giving your cat emoji a menthol cigarette. Only not as bad for your health, I presume. End of review. I presume. I mean, it might be giving me lung cancer. Wow, Alexander, wow. That is so refreshing because I read so many reviews of like, why did they put a picture of mint? And then I put it on in like menthol and all of my. Yeah. And I was like, what's happening?

If you're surprised by that, that's got to be quite an alarming. Yeah. Because and you hopefully have enough like like thought to check what you like, check the thing and see what it is, but first thought you might be like, uh-oh, is something wrong with me? I don't know, like that's scary, right? Kind of feels weird, yeah. I don't know, I mean, I've never used them. I feel like- You'd probably be afraid of like a rash or something.

I don't know, that would freak me out if I like started suddenly getting a menthol feeling on my body, especially in like certain places. I think if I didn't know, I think, I will say think if I didn't know, I think I will say like, I don't know. I think I would try. I think I now I'm kind of curious. I feel like you're ready for it. Maybe with the yeah, if it doesn't feel like, oh shit, what what is that?

Like summer months, you know, it gets hot. Oh, yeah. I'll throw a menthol cigarette on owie and it's like oh that's kind of a refreshing thing I don't know yeah give them a menthol cigarette but yeah I I feel like I've heard good things about their products but they have so much stuff I think I know their their wipes they're supposed to be nice. Their menthol wipes yeah. Menthol wipes I mean probably yeah okay.

That was my last one by the way. Oh that was I already finished mine too too. Oh perfect. Yeah, okay So do you want to list do a voicemail? Oh, I do I do Okay, this is the first time I picked out a voicemail to play for Zandi and we have one here from Rachel So I'm going to start it. Here we go in 2016 I worked at a very very busy like line out the door all day start to end coffee shop on Fillmore Street in San Francisco and We had a couple women come in and they were like, oh we have this coupon for free coffee and I was like, okay

let me see the coupon and it was I Forgot to warn everyone about this. I forgot about this too, because you had told me about this part. Alexander saw me watch this, but he couldn't hear it. And he saw me looking around and then lifting my earphones up, headphones up, because there's a cat here. And I thought it was my cat. And then I was like, Alexander, did you get a cat?

And then of course I realized it was Rachel's cat. But Rachel's cat is chatty. So if you're like, what is that? It's Rachel's cat. Don't worry about it. It's not yours. Good morning. Probably. And watch your dogs, I guess.

Yeah, I'll say that. So I'm like, perfect timing. I didn't know it was going right into it. I was like, wait, was that, did you hit play? Yeah. Okay. Yelp elite thing. And I was like, I don't know what this is because it wasn wasn't like a coupon coupon, like from our place.

Like it was like, they were like, oh, like, this is like the list of places. And like, we get this from this place and this from this place. Like as part of this Yelp Elite event, we were like, hold on, like, let me go talk to the manager. And I got the manager and the manager was like, I don't know like what this is. We didn't like authorize this. So like we can't honor it. We're not part of any like Yelp elite event. We're not really sure what you're talking about. Like I see that it says it on your email thing right there, but we were not involved in this, so we can't just honor it. And we had people come in all day with that stupid fucking Yelp-A-Li email.

Okay, first of all, there's a little more, but can you imagine? No. And it's like, of all people, the Yelp-A-Li to write all these fucking reviews doesn't have to turn away. Yeah, no, I'm thinking about that. That's awful. It's gotta be like, first of all,

what the fuck was Yelp thinking? You can't just like give away other people's stuff for free. I don't understand. I've seen that. Like I've used those. I've used, I mean, it wasn't Yelp Elite, the one I did, but it was like a Yelp, like if you do something on Yelp, you get like something, a specific free item

at a location or something. And I did that multiple times and got it. But like, so like this is so weird that- This is different though, right? But this is also clearly one day, cause it's like a Yelp elite event. Yeah, so it looks like- So this is very different.

I'm just saying like, I know like Yelp has stuff like that, but like, that's crazy to fuck that up. Either scavenger hunt or like maybe like some sort of- Like a bar crawl. Like coffee crawl kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause by me there's like a small business crawl that I mean, by the time this comes out, it's ended.

But where a bunch of different small businesses near me, if you go to a certain number of them, you get prizes. So like, oh, to I think you get like a tote bag and then for you get something else. That's what you think you're going to show up and they're going to go, we don't know what you're talking about and we cannot honor. Hey, I have two stamps already. Don't worry. I want to get to, so no two gets you the coupon book.

Four gets you the tote bag and I definitely want the tote bag. Uh, but I also don't want to just spend money to spend money. Right. But I'm, so I'm trying to think of like, which of these businesses would have something that like, I feel these businesses would have something that like I feel like I need right now. So and by that, I mean, I just bought the new Hunger Games book at my local bookstore. So that is what something I needed. Give me a stamp because the library would take too long. But yeah, so yeah, anyway, it's really a cute

idea. And I look forward to hearing the rest of Rachel's plight with these Yelp elite. Now imagine they're just a stream of Yelp elite in San Rachel's plight with these Yelp elite now. Imagine they're just a stream of Yelp elite in San Francisco. I can't, it's awful. Isn't that where Yelp was invented? Like I feel like that is just the first and worst place for this to be happening.

Yeah. Okay, here we go. This is the end. Tell people over and over again, like, hey, like Yelp didn't ask us to do this. Like we can't honor this. And we got a lot of angry Yelp reviews about that, which is ironic.

So sad. From Elise. So hopefully, I don't know what I was going to say. Hopefully, I don't know. This is my favorite. Hopefully Yelp doesn't do that. You sound like me Rachel. To anyone else.

But yeah, so that's all. Yeah. Rachel ends phone calls the way I do. I'm like uh so hopefully you don't. I don't know. Until it's like goodbye and we had to hang up. Yeah it was cracking me up. Anyway that's the power of editing Rachel. On our side we're allowed to cut out all of our little ums and uhs. But we're not cutting yours out. Because we made fun of them. We're not really related to them, I should say. It makes you feel like the everyman, you know, Rachel.

The particle man? The particle man. Yeah. The Battle of Ontario is on, and FanDuel's your home for live betting the series, Yeah. with live overtime markets. Download FanDuel today and get more with North America's number one sports book. Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario when it's 66-531-2600

to speak to an advisor free of charge. We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight. Rocky's vacation, here we come. Whoa, is this economy? Free beer, wine and snacks. Sweet. Fast free wifi means I can make dinner reservations before we land. Whoa, is this economy? Free beer, wine, and snacks. Sweet! Fast free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.

And with live TV, I'm not missing the game. It's kind of like I'm already on vacation. Nice. On behalf of Sierra Canada, nice travels. Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on equipped flights sponsored by Bell Condition Supply, sieracanada.com. Wi-Fi available to airplane members on equipped flight sponsored by Bell Conditions Supply. See your Canada.com. Time for your challenge. My challenge.

Give me a fucking heart attack, dude. Like I tried to stop halfway to fix it before it scared you. And then I think it's made it scarier because it sounded much more wrong. Because I was like, wait, she sounds like she's not going to say about it. It's mine. And then you said, no. Nah, it's my challenge. Thank God.

All right, we're going to start off easy. First, let me tell you what the challenge is. It is to find reviews where people say back in my day, but unironically. So it's not a lot of people do say like, you know, back in my day day lol, you know, but this these are no lol allowed no lol allowed and also unless they mean lots of love. Mm-hmm and also Or love our Lord love That one of them. I don't know. I just made that up. Well, I imagine someone has used that before You should out you should do it. Never mind. Never mind. A new Etsy shop.

Oh, certainly not that. I'm a cricket, by the way, just unrelated. Absolutely not. I. Then why are you calling me a borrower if you're not letting me borrow things? The day you learn what a borrow is, maybe you can. That was today. I guess I actually have no idea what it is. I don't think so.

This is one that I found. I'm going to start us off a little easy with a review. It's actually a question on TripAdvisor in the topic forum type things. And this person has a question about a resort they're going to. Just wondering what the age limit is to the disco club they have in the casino. I have a 16 year old dying to see the inside of a club.

I promise to take her somewhere for an hour or anyone know anywhere I can take her to experience loud music and lights and all the other crap that goes with discos That's safe and not too busy this time of year Yes, I am going bald with the stress of this request Different back in my day at that age when it was safer to go out but try to explain that to generation one direction That is cute that they did post on the forum of like,

I know. And there were a lot of people answering and stuff. So I was like, that's a sweet, like, like to have like your dad do that to lay or parents or it's very thoughtful. Yeah. Going bald with stress over trying to find you a nightclub. Yeah. Wow. So this was sent in by Noah, he, him, who said he's been a lurker since episode eight. And this is the first time for submissions for this episode, which is very exciting. Did you listen to the first seven too? Or do you just start at eight and you're like, because I wasn't there for those.

Oh, since episode eight, right? Yeah. I was sort of like, that's where it took eight episodes to start lurking. Maybe Noah was. Oh, you're so right. That's what it was. Oh, yeah. Was it that Noah who showed up at our door? Yeah. Yeah. Who was doing the opposite of lurking and we said, go lurk in your hole. Yeah. We have a day. We released the eighth episode and he became a lurker. Yeah. Good job. Oh, yeah. He did say in the email he was kind of nervous to send in reviews.

And I think, oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I think I'm making it a lot worse. I am so sorry. You, I started that. Because interrogating you about showing up at our home and committing crimes is not what I intended. That is what I started to do.

I turned it that way. No, I'm sorry. See, this is what happens. I forgot to critically think about that joke. I just, see, you told me to. It is your fault. You said don't hold myself back about- I did do that.

You did, did you? That's true. But that was me not holding myself back so it's sort of like chicken the egg you know yeah that's what I was thinking chicken the egg lack of filter bad idea who's that fault you right so Noah says this is a radio station in LA 93.5 K day and it is a well you'll see Back in my day hip-hop was about smoking in dough Wait, this isn't a quote this is in quotations. Is this a quote or is this just I don't know probably oh Gosh now, I'm probably quoting. So you can Google it. I didn't realize it was in quotes until this moment. Oh, I Don't think it is cuz it's really kind of I did I I don't know it as a quote

So, okay. All right But back in my day hip hop was about smoking in dough, hose, popping a cap in someone's ass, going back to Cali, apologizing to Mrs. Jackson, Egyptian lovers, life being too short, wishing we were a little bit taller and there being no future in our frontin' and we liked it. End of review.

I see, yes. They were referencing with each thing, I think they were referencing different hip hop songs. No, that I- I see. Yes, they were referencing with each thing. I think they were referencing different hip hop songs. No, that I see. I think even the whole like it being a quote. That's why I absolutely understood that apologizing to Mrs. Jackson wasn't a literal thing. Yeah, no, I knew I know you got that reference. Yes, these are all these are all song references. But the whole thing is in and we liked it in in quotes and I thought like is this like some weird like a mashup of no I thought like maybe somebody said that and he's like like somebody said that on a podcast or something I don't know oh

yeah I don't think any that I listen to would say that or maybe they were listening to the radio and the radio I didn't think you knew it I was asking you to Google it and you did so thank you I don't know what's going on. You would know about a hip-hop quote. What I'm so I didn't okay Wait, how much am I supposed to Google? Oh, I thought you did No, just right back in my day hip-hop was about smoking endo and see what happens That's back in my day is in quotes. Yes. All of it is in quotes. Oh Except the stuff before back in my day No, there is nothing before back in my day. Oh, except the stuff before Back in My Day.

There is nothing before Back in My Day. Oh, nevermind then. What are you talking about? Sorry, I was still thinking about that review before where the father was talking about the club for some reason. Oh, no. I mean, smoking in Indoe is slang for smoking marijuana, particularly marijuana grown indoors. The term Indoe can also refer to marijuana grown in Indonesia. This is AI overview.

That's wrong. Yeah, I assume so. Oh, the phrase is often used in rap lyrics with Snoop Dogg being a prominent example. Okay, and Gin and Juice, he says rolling down the street smoking Indo. Yeah, what? I thought he meant Indica.

Okay, I'm wrong. he meant Indica. Okay. I'm wrong. Oh, no. Yeah. Okay. Well, you know, back in my day. Well, I didn't know what Indo was like as, but I didn't know back in your day. What?

Tell me Christina back in your day. Sorry. Hip hop was about hoes. Yeah. They don't say ho anymore in hip hop songs. Too bad. So that's one. thank you, Noah. Thank you, Noah.

I like that one. It got us a little Frenzied. Twisted. Which is always a good thing in the show. Stacey, it's a review. This is maybe, this is just, it's a review of urban outfitters on TripAdvisor. Oh, what a great tourist destination.

Yeah, what a strange combination. John gave it three stars with the title Daughter Doom and Gloom. Uh oh. Uh oh. Ha. So I don't really know where to start. This story is really quite trendy. Oh, I also want to add this was reviewed

April 7th, 2024 if that gives anybody some any context. This store is really quite trendy. The clothes here make me feel down with the kids and bring me back to my days of swagger. I'm sorry, it's so difficult for me to read this. I wish I could give this store five stars. However, the prices are just abhorrent. My daughter asked me for two pairs of smart trousers. Smart trousers? I think. What does that mean?

What are those? I think you meant like smart, like how Elsie would say, oh, you look smart. I really just realized, but I said it like smart trousers. Yeah, I was like, what? I thought it was smart trousers until now. I thought they had like phone chargers in them. I mean, maybe, listen, it's urban offers.

Maybe they have like string lights attached to them. I don't fucking know, but it, okay. Sounds smart. Very smart. She asked me, which is even funnier that it's like a smart trouser, you know. I wish I could give the store five stars. However, the prices are just abhorrent.

My daughter asked me for two pairs of smart trousers to take on hashtag vacation. I'm sorry. It's like- Why are you judging this guy's swagger, Kirsten? What's wrong with you? You're just- He should have written the review inside the Urban Outfitters because the swagger is gone Okay, I'm like, where is it? Oh, no

Hashtag they okay All right. Here's a game. It says hashtag vacation to take on hashtag vacation with us and then in parentheses to blank Where are they going on vacation? His father daughter and family? Hmm, and they are want me to read the rest of the review. I can do that also. Idaho. No, I was just thinking about how we should go to Idaho in between. You're still between earlier today between just for fun. You thought we should go earlier today. Not to Idaho. I'm in Iowa. I thought we should go to Iowa earlier today?

No, earlier today I was thinking about how we should go to Iowa on our trip between St. Louis and Chicago. I think you need to up your Adderall dosage. I feel like you're losing me. Or maybe I need to up mine, because I'm not following. I was thinking about Iowa earlier.

Well, it doesn't help that I'm saying the wrong thing a lot. No, it actually doesn't. I was thinking about Iowa earlier. Well, it doesn't help that I'm saying the wrong thing a lot. No, it actually doesn't. Yeah. So you said, make a guess. Where do you think? And I meant to say Iowa. I know I because I was thinking of Iowa. Idaho. And I thought you meant because of the hoes in the rap songs. OK, see, that's kind of both of our fault.

If your brain's going down that path while I'm on my path, and you can't follow my path because you're going down the whole path. Why would he say Idaho? Oh, you going down the whole path. What a surprise. Hey, just because that's what they told me in high school doesn't mean, just that's what my teachers told me in high school does not mean you're allowed to say it now. Yeah, once you started using tampons everyone was like, all the Catholic school girls were like, you're such a ho. They caught me with that, Alyssa's copy of that book in my backpack. once you started using tampons everyone was like all the Catholic schoolgirls were like you're such a ho. They caught me with that, Alyssa's copy of that book in my backpack and they were like you heathen.

Anyway, sorry, sorry, sorry. Where are they going? They are going to Toronto, Canada. Listen to me. Okay. Right now. My daughter asked me for two pairs of smart trousers to take on hashtag vacation with us to England.

No, that would be holiday. Portugal. Good. on hashtag vacation with us to England. No, that would be holiday. Portugal. Good, good deductive reasoning. Thank you. See, I'm a trivia player. Vacation. They're going to like you. Just got to read the room. I don't know what you're talking about, Christina. Orlando, Florida. Oh, that doesn't. OK.

Hashtag vacation. OK, that's fair. But this guy has swagger. So I don't know. This guy does it. Oh, sorry's fair, but this guy has swagger. So I don't know. This guy does it! Oh, sorry. I don't think you listened to me. It says it brought me back to my days of swagger. And I feel, when I went in there,

I felt down with the kids. But I see the thing is I'm getting swagger vibes. You think this person's going to Toronto? Anyone who says smart trousers, I think it has swagger, sue me. Oxenor, you thought they says smart trousers, I think it has swagger. Sue me. Oxenar, you thought they were smart trousers that could charge your phone.

Is that swagger? I thought there was like a clue, like the fact that he said smart trousers. I'm like, he's probably English. Like, I feel like that's a English person, how they would describe a pair of trousers, a pair of pants, see? I don't use trousers.

That's such a, that's not a American English as common in American English oh my god wait Alexander what that's why I guess England you're literally you're Alexander I'm pretty sure this urban outfitters is in, dude. I'm not kidding. Fuck me. Why do they not say holiday? OK, honestly, fucking, oh, maybe because of the hashtag. Because it's a hashtag. So they're like, oh, it's so right. They got to reach the. We don't say vacation. So we're like, oh, let me like wink hashtag vacation.

If an American goes to London or England, whatever, they would put hashtag holiday, probably. You're so right. As like a beat to beat, whoa! We sussed it out. Some smart trousers. Okay, Alexander. Because I was like, who the fuck,

other than our stepmother, uses smart that way. Very good point, because I was thinking, that's the only thing that's kind of not working for me. Here we go. My daughter asked me for two pairs of smart trousers to take on hashtag vacation with us to Orlando, Florida, and I was flabbergasted to find that it is 80 pounds per pants. Okay. I see that's where I clear. You gotta be fucking kidding me. I'm sorry.

I didn't see it. Like the next sentence. Unbelievable. Back in my day, I could have purchased these same pants for five pence a piece. You know, Nottie gets paid six pence. Six pence for a ride, right? So Nottie can buy a new pair of pants every day and still have some leftover for his gross porridge or whatever. That's only if he does one ride a day. I mean, based on how they go in the show, he really probably mentally can only handle one a day

because they're always insane and he gets so mad. One is usually like seven beat passengers and like all of their limbs are falling off. I believe last episode he made zero money. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That was all about the eraser. Did he make money at the end? What?

He did not have money at the end and he gave multiple rides that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for free. He gave one to Clockwork Mouse too. Oh yeah, in exchange for information that Clockwork Mouse didn't, just was like, oh, I don't actually know. That little bitch, yeah, hilarious.

I love Clockwork Mouse. That guy is probably like a character that's gonna really make some moves in like further seasons I'm excited. I do have a lot to go. We're laying groundwork for some really great antics with this clockwork mouse. Yeah He was in the pilot too. He's the one who stole the but they have to use a different actor because that one wasn't available in like episode 3 So there was in the pilot sure but it was a different actor what it was in the pilot, sure, but it was a different actor. What it was?

Yeah. Oh, like, sorry. No, the like physical character. Not the voice. The voice was the same. But they couldn't get the rights to the same puppet. Why? Just making stuff up. Oh, I was like, was it different? Like how sometimes you watch a pilot and then the next episode, they like completely replace a character. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, because you're like, do you think it's sort of like how it's always sunny, the pilot You watch a pilot and then the next episode they like completely replace a character Because you're like Do you think it's sort of like how it's always sunny the pilot was just like them kind of doing it

By themselves with a camcorder. Do you think that's how Nadia's pilot started? Yeah, I think it's exactly the same I wonder when like Danny DeVito's character shows up and then stays the rest of the time Yeah, wait till Helen Mirrored appears. No Really gonna kick off true. She's when things are really going to kick off. True. She's a little busy with those sharks, though. Oh, my God. Can you imagine, though? Back in my day, could have purchased these same pants for five pence a piece. Overall, first of all, nice.

Like 900. I don't know how much five pence is, but it sounds like. Well, I know. Very low for what Nadi got in the early 90s for an entire cab ride. So it feels like an insane thing. It feels an insane amount of money either way, whether it's a lot or not. But also I love that it says pants now, even though you've already said trousers,

but pants is better alliteration here. Pants, and that's on good writing, I think we all agree. I think this person's just a good writer That's why I assume they're English, you know, yeah that makes sense except Except for all the stuff at the beginning about down with the kids and bring back my swagger Well, it had its intended effect you painted painted a picture Overall a good experience with some very attractive items of clothing,

but a disappointed daughter. End of review. So I love it. He's like, anyway, I didn't buy her. By the way. Yeah, she's imagine being that's like the most dad thing ever, though. Like back in my day, this is just why does this have holes in it? I could put my own holes in my pants. You know that like, hey, but I respect it because they charge extra for this. Holes. This dad is taken that kid to fucking Disney. Like you didn't, you don't know that.

OK, Orlando for Universal Disney or just the sites of Orlando or the Beach to Sandy Water to wet show this June something. No wonder she's wearing her smart pant, smart trousers. Honestly, I'm going to wear my smart trousers to the shows, too. Honestly, I'm gonna wear my smart trousers to the shows too. Yeah, I will if we sell out. So I can charge my phone. I know we won't sell out Florida because there are two chicken shit to show up to something like this. You won't want to miss this. You won't want to miss this. There's a Yelp Elite experience where if you get a coupon, we'll send you a coupon, and you get to come into the show

in exchange for one purchase price of a ticket. Definitely show up, cancel all your other plans, just show up and that'll definitely be honored. And you definitely won't have to buy something at the... Yeah, because if you have $40... No, I said you have to buy... Oh, I didn't hear that part. You have to exchange, in exchange for the price of a ticket,

you will get a free entry into the show and you can see on display My smart pants which is an exhibit in and of itself my smart trousers your smart dress So that's where the extra money is because I think it's less than $40, but I could be wrong Let's just make it an even 40 even 40. Yeah, easy for everyone. You know what it is actually $37 see Everyone you know what it is actually $37 see Knows about fees and Alexander what and we're worth it. We're worth it back in my day This show would have been five pence apiece. Mmm five pence of pop To see beach to Sandy live five pence of pop

They were that Just like that unknown. Is that what it is? It's just like what us? Yeah. Why are you talking about us? Because you are. Because you said back in my day, I could see Beach, too sandy for five pence. Talking about something else like I was trying to go. I would just go down to Coney Island with five pence and look at the beach. Yeah. Got it. And it was too sandy for you.

I don't know what's going on. OK, your turn. This is another one I have. I have two more. This is my second to last one. I found this one. It's just kind of a bummer, but it also is a little bit funny. So we'll see if it's funny or not. This is by CSEA.

Has that stopped us this episode? No. Talking. Whether it's funny or not. This is by CSEA. Has that stopped us this episode? No. Talking whether it's funny or not. Has anything ever? No. CSEA, Jenny Travel. Cool. Cruiser? Most definitely. OK. Just context alone, most definitely. Yeah. Here's the title of the review.

This is of a Terrania resort. And this is the title of the review. Too many kids, too many strollers. Mood. Three stars. I have gotten to the point where I do not want to look at or walk around junky strollers and snotty kids. This is a truly stunning property destroyed by the downtown Disneyland feel of the lobby. The staff told me that the summer months bring in a lot of families, and that it isn't as bad the rest of the year. This could be avoided if there were a policy against strollers in the lobby. I have kids myself and I don't recall ever needing a stroller to get through a lobby.

The area between the front desk and concierge is narrow and gets congested easily. Back in my day, kids walked. And sometimes their mothers actually carried them too. We didn't track oversized, ugly plastic gear everywhere and get in everybody's way. I still can't get over this. Yeah, I think that's really obvious, first of all. I still can't get over this. Yeah, I think that's really obvious. I still can't get over this. There is a valet service point being nobody hauled their children a great distance through a parking lot. The distance from the valet and the front desk is also not far from there you go to your room again not so far that anyone should need a stroller and no nobody was carrying their own luggage there is staff for. So please don't argue that anyone needed their first of all

No one is arguing Setting up the defenses I'd like love to argue but I can't cuz you really did just put this on TripAdvisor So I can't comment on it. Well, I guess I can like this So, please don't argue that anyone needed their arms free to carry their bags instead of their own children. Besides, pushing a stroller takes two hands, whereas holding one by the hand only takes one hand, and holding one in your arms only takes one arm and a hip. Throwing a carry-on sized bag over your shoulder actually balances out carrying a small child. All these people with their strollers looked like fit people. I didn't

see anyone so grotesquely out of shape or disabled that they couldn't carry or watch a small child. Yeah. Most were couples, so now we are talking about too fit adults who need special gear to transport a small child? I half expected to see a baby swing in the lobby. Aside from that, I noticed a beautiful area for weddings. I'm not currently shopping for a wedding venue. You don't sing, Jenny. You sound like a real piece of work.

I'm not currently shopping for a wedding venue, but it did look lovely. The views are amazing. The spa has an automatic 20% gratuity added to all services. You're paying for the location. It is really that beautiful. The valet attendants were wonderful. The concierge and front desk staff were wonderful.

I would not recommend this resort for couples or anyone wanting a romantic getaway. There are too many families with young children to get that true romantic luxury feel if you want an upscale family Vacation then it is the right spot end of review. Oh My goodness that was back in my day. We kids walked made you feel that strongly It's not there's something else going on. There's something else, you know Like you can't write all of that and yes, you have these opinions maybe that are awful, many of them, but like. And can I say something?

No one gets this mad at something that like an, it's an inconvenience. And guess what? There's so many other people probably inconvenienced and they didn't type out a fucking rant about it. And that's what's kind of wild is like, this is just echo chambering to yourself and then it's gonna keep happening more and more because you aren't gonna stop.

You can't control other people's parenting style and you can't control, I mean, anyone's let alone a lobby full of strangers. So you know, you might as well just not spend many hours working yourself up into a frenzy because it's bad for your heart. This person, yeah, I fear for this person after like, you're all that was like, holy shit. They're even they're like, they're souls evolution.

Doing this like mental, like arguing with a fake person who's arguing with them, like they're not even having an argument. It's only harming yourself. Yeah. And they're bringing up like people's potential disabilities and like it's fucking crazy to think like like you don't know by looking at someone anything about them. I love how she was in a whole lobby congested with people. I didn't see a single one with a disability. Like what are you scanning? Like what's wrong with you? Like what do you have some special like like ability that everyone else doesn't have to know for sure. Also, like I'd like to talk to your kids. I feel like maybe they have some opinions too.

And like... I hope they don't have kids because you're going to be a real pain in the ass. Yeah. Well, no, she mentioned having kids, didn't she? No, I said I hope your kids don't have kids because you're going to be a real pain in the ass as a grandparent to... Oh, God, yeah. I'm sure plenty of people can relate to that. Imagine seeing the registry and being like, a stroller? My child, a grandchild of mine will not sit in a stroller. What, you do not have two perfectly good arms God gave you? Like, what are you even talking about? Imagine the backup problems that have been saved by the

argument. And when did strollers get invented? Like, I feel like strollers are not like a new technology. Like 1625. In our lifetime. It's for princely kings and stuff. Oh, so only the princely. Oh, she was scanning for princes. She's like, she's like, she's... Back in my day, strollers were reserved for the princes.

Not just these disgusting snobby children yeah 1733 I just William Kent for the Duke of Devonshire was closer than you were no you did great it's no I wasn't correcting you oh my god I wouldn't even I wouldn't deign to guess on something like that. Period stuff, of course I would, because I'm a man. I know a lot. I know everything. I know everything.

But, what? Here we go. Oh, there's more? No, there's not more. Oh, we're going somewhere else. I just have a finale. Okay, I'm ready. This is a finale from Ellie.

It's of Rum River Inn in St. Francis, Minnesota. Sounds like a fun place. OK, hold that thought. Sorry, I don't know. I do love when you say the part. Why I say that I really was thinking that for a long time. And it really does give you that that intrusive thought. You're opening, you know, and then the name

rum river like kind of like hit me. And I was like, that sounds fun. And I was like, St. Francis, I don't know where that is, but it sounds like a place. I don't know. Sounds like a fun time. I said Minnesota. In Minnesota. No, I know.

I just mean, I don't recognize it. I know of St. Cloud, you know, Charlie, you know, Charlie XCX the The Factory? Chocolate Factory? What? Charlie St. Cloud? Chaplin? Charlie St. Cloud. Yeah, who's that? Nevermind.

It's like a movie, I think. Imagine how I felt when I said borrower. Well, I'm actually like, I feel like this is more surprising. That you don't know about Charlie St. Cloud. I know that name, but I don't know what it is. It's like a kids movie or something. Zac Efron as a sailor.

I have zero interest in that. You're wondering, sorry, sometimes I say like really loudly, I have zero interest in that. And then people are like a little startled and I fear it comes off much more rudely than I intend. I just mean to say I don't have an interest, which is why I've never retained this information. It does have a 28% on Rotten Tomatoes.

I did see that, and that's why I further do not have an interest in this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm not interested either. I'm on the other side of the bell curve at this point. We're dropping rapidly when it comes to my gauging my interest. OK. The title of this review, three stars by Kathy, and it says don't ever say anything to anyone at the bar

when young, immature women are bartending. OK, don't say any like, can you repeat the beginning? Sorry. Don't ever say anything to anyone at the bar when young immature woman are bartending. Okay, don't say anything to anyone. Don't ever say anything to anyone at the bar. I want to like make sure I knew the parameters we were like laying

down. So I'm curious. Yeah. Yeah, that's all that happened to. Oh, that's the end of the review. Okay, that down. So I'm curious. Yeah. Yeah. That's all that happened too. Oh, that's the end of the review. Okay. That's it. Thanks for listening. Here we go.

I got cut off because I mentioned Cassie the bartender about her butt. All I told this guy that back in my day, I would have been considered to have a nicer butt than her. And I just gave her a $40 tip on pull tabs She heard this and said she couldn't serve me anymore. I asked why she said that I offended her I asked this guy next to me that I was talking to I would have offended her and he didn't know why I Had a cigarette outside and so did she and I waited till she came in and I apologized and wanted to know why I am

Being cut off and I live across the street. I'm not driving. She claims that I offended her about her butt. I apologize and left. End of review. Oh my gosh. Don't ever say anything to anyone. Ever. Especially when you say my butt looks nicer than that or whatever the fuck. Hilarious. But yeah, honestly, it's okay. I was about to say that doesn't mean that Rum River is a fun place to be,

then I realize this person lives across the street. So you're right, you're right. And also, I will say, Kathy, so this review, or this profile, Kathy, only has one review, so I'm assuming it is Kathy, it's not like, like whoever made this account seemingly just posted this one review. So Kathy wrote this, or said this, to a guy at at the bar a guy she clearly didn't know said back in my day

my ass would have been considered so much hotter than her ass and I have a feeling him saying that he does or him supposedly not knowing was him just trying to stay out of whatever the fuck was happening he probably told the bartender like please please, let this. Yeah, the moment that that Kathy went home. He probably knows Kathy. Guy, because he's like, oh, it's Kathy. Every time she goes in, it's Kathy again.

I do. But everybody, but Kathy, we get it. Your butt is great. OK. Why can't they both be great? There is a but for everyone out there. It's about time for someone finally said it. Yeah, I'm I speak for the butts. Remember 16 hours ago when I said that OB tampons look like suppositories and why did I do that? Oh, yeah, you did do that, huh?

Christina, we said a lot of things. I referenced Andre Heller. That one is still like in my head a little bit because that felt weird Yeah, I didn't like that either. Yeah But I'm glad anyway, I'm glad I yeah, I had to explain why I Keep saying Lilliputian German instead of in English you didn't have to do that actually For the sake of the butts, I did.

They understand. Okay, y'all. All you butts. Thanks for listening. That was a great finale. I loved learning about Kathy and her butt. Everyone, if you want to see this live, it's basically this. Okay? But it's better, I promise. Actually, it depends on how you feel. If this was your favorite episode ever, it's exactly like this.

If you're like, this was hard to get through for bad reasons, our show's, the live show is so much better and so different, I promise. Oh, and the coolest part about it is that I'll be wearing my smart trousers. Took you a long time to come up with the coolest part, but now that you said it, that is pretty cool. Thank you. That is pretty cool. Yeah

Well, there's so many cool things. I had to like flip through the Rolodex I was like, okay all the way to the top of the cool things. Yeah You know, you're gonna you have to wear trousers. You better not fuck that up in Orlando took the like I Literally when he's when when I read smart trousers, you know, when I read smart trousers, I thought of popcorn pants. Which you made us all think something strange. Oh, like smart. Oh, sorry.

Well, that's something like smart brand because smart. No, no, no, no. I sell pop. Isn't there a smart popcorn? Why are you thinking of popcorn pants popper pants? You invented popcorn pants. Oh, I thought you meant just now by saying smart pants No idea years ago. God it. Tell me about those actually a listen. I did I did tell you about it You told me to leave you alone. I figured that sounds right Yeah, we made popcorn pants on the radio station that we made on it on her tape deck and we

popcorn pants on the radio station that we made on her tape deck. And we all the fucking hip hop about hoes and that's right. It was in between that song about apologizing to Mrs. Jackson and the other song about smoking in dough, which embarrassingly at the time I thought was about indica. So embarrassing. And so then we did an ad for popcorn pants and they were they were self activated and they were sentientactivated popcorn fans. They were sentient, so whenever they felt they should pop popcorn.

Here's what's really bothering me right now is that you've had years to invest in this product and it's not time for you to ask questions now as though this is your first time hearing about it. You had an inroad many years ago. I also think that I'm the only one with an inroad right now. First of all, I'm the only one who's listening to you this moment. I know other people will listen to it in less than a week, but right now I'm the only one. Wait, that actually makes me really upset because that feels suddenly so daunting.

Yeah, and guess what? That you're the only one here. Yeah, and guess what? I'm also the one who can edit this so and will so watch it That's so sad for me and my popcorn pants. We were gonna make it big finally every episode I try to bring them up and Alex Zinner always cuts it and I never get it in this time You know what? Because you made them sound so pathetic. I'm gonna leave them in this episode And then yeah, I'm gonna leave them in because you made it sound so bad But this was my weakest pitch so far Exactly, and then you'll never get another chance in this episode. And then, yeah, I'm gonna leave them in because you made it sound so bad. But this was my weakest pitch so far. Exactly.

And then you'll never get another chance in this industry again. Oh no, in the smart trouser industry? Yup, yup. Fuck. Urban Outfitters hung up. Ha ha ha ha! You mean hung up my pants on the rack?

You wish. Oh man. I do. That place really makes me feel down with the kids. Yeah, it reminds me about how much swagger I have. I just always have it. Well, you used to have. No, no, no, I said it differently on purpose.

Okay, so all that to say, I will wear my smart trousers and I actually do have smart trousers that are like plaid and look like they're from England. And so I will wear those in Orlando if you remind me. Okay. Please. I'll try. Okay. The people will remind you.

How about that? Someone. How about that? If you sell out the show, I'll wear my smart trousers. If you don't sell out the show, I'll wear my smart trousers. Mm. Oh, so you wear your popcorn pants if we sell out the show I'll wear my popcorn pants and you're the only one that will call them I'll wear my popcorn pants okay pigs fly oh I'll wear my popcorn pants when I agree you all my investors finally come through and I'll also wear my popcorn pants if someone buys me a shot of Malort. Hmm. Hmm. Interesting. You know that song like tequila makes my clothes fall off. It's like Malort makes my popcorn pants fall off.

Malort activates my self activating popcorn pants. So they're not self activating? They're Malort activated. I can't wait for the den. I'm kind of nervous now. I'm nervous for Florida and that's coming sooner so. What if I'm on my period that day and then I have I have to put on popcorn pants and a diva cup Somehow no one's gonna want to eat the popcorn out of my pants All the borrowers usually keep in your pockets to eat the popcorn. Oh, no Wait to the pants do they empty themselves? Only when I sit down to pee. And it just all comes out. Oh my god, is it still daylight out? Like what year is it?

That's why I have a plumber. I feel like this is the longest episode we've recorded in a long time. That's why I have a plumber. For the popcorn pants? Yeah, cause they go in the... Alright, goodbye! Goodbye everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.