Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 337: Reviews of Wax Museums

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

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Welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Episode 3, 3, 7 of Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your big sister! I'm your little brother, Xandie. Hey, I thought maybe... I thought... Who are you talking to? Well, I thought four seconds ago maybe that would be a fun new twist. Like we're your big sister and little brother. So they are exactly between us? They're our middle child. They're the middle, they're mom's

middle child. Or dad's., they're mom's middle child. Or dad's, I don't know. Or some, I mean it could be like an adoptive situation but like either we're just family. And you think they're listening to this show, is what you're saying? I thought you were talking to our listeners there. I didn't know this was meant, aimed at our hypothetical.

No, they are. That's our listeners, I mean. Why are you talking? So they are, oh. I'm saying if they want, like are. That's our listeners. I mean, why are you talking? So they are. Oh, I'm saying if they want, we can be there. A big sister. And they have to be dads or moms specifically. You brought them up.

That's why I'm like, wait, this is getting very. I didn't really. That was just to kind of explain to you how like a series of siblings. Oh, you're explaining how siblings work. Yeah, cuz I just figured you Yeah, what I'm saying is everybody listening could be like, oh they're now part of the family like I mean I listen Mac Roy's and they're like, oh, it's a Mac Leroy family a pot It's a Mac Leroy family if you want to like change your last name and become a sibling of the Mac Leroy's

I don't care. Go do it. Stop fucking. How many times have I told you I've tried? I've tried, they don't want me. It's fine, I get it. Yeah, I get it too. Christina, as your current sibling, I get it too. The more you try to push me into other people's families,

the less. Can you just like try a different one now then? Fine, maybe. Because I'm sick of hearing about them I'm trying to make my own found family. What do they call it? You know and you're standing in my way and all of you dear listeners are my found family and We're related so I guess that makes you mine too. That's right. I figured it out

Wow, we it came full circle just and they're also related to our mom and dad Because that's also part of how it works That is how and also like I want to be sorry about that too Cuz that's not something you signed up for you probably have your own parents with your own things. I'm gonna be honest They didn't sign up for anything that's happening right now You would be right. I'm gonna be more honest. Yeah, you did when you were like you want to do a podcast with me And I was like, okay Yeah, that's how that went. Okay, you did when you were like, you wanna do a podcast with me? And I was like, okay. Yeah, that's how that went?

Okay. Pretty much. And then you were like, well, there's this, I'm gonna do a different one with Em actually first. Okay. I asked you way before, I'm just kidding. Yeah, I did. And you know what?

A lot of people asked me to do a podcast before that, not to brag, but like two people did, you and Em. And I feel like Em had the more salient ideas and more actionable and monetary wise, you know, just like kind of timely. It just worked. And you lived with me. But, you know, you know, so that could have been, which we needed that to work first. I think we ever got there. But when we recorded in the same house for a while, it was up.

It was a roller coaster. We'd sometimes it was 1148 and we'd go PM and we'd go. Hey, can you hear me? We didn't record an episode for mid for 12 minutes from now. That happened wrong with us. Yeah. Yeah, I thought I thought you were saying you said Jesus like it was someone else. And I was like, that was you. You were there, too. I'm just like, wow, I thought you were saying you said Jesus like it was someone else and I was like that was you were there too

I'm just like wow, I didn't that was can you imagine we were living young wild and free that is that what you call it? I think we were just really depressed now my hips hurt all the time. But yeah, it felt easy back then Okay. Anyway, speaking of our years ago. We've been to a wax museum before right? Anyway, speaking of our years ago, we've been to a wax museum before, right? We have some great photo evidence of this to show. Zoe's gonna be thrilled. Really, you accessed it already? Cause I haven't.

I haven't accessed it, it lives in my mind. It lives in my very, very directly accessible consciousness. No, no, not that, but access the goods, the actual photos, do you have them? No, I have them in my mind. They're in the folder that mom sent. I can guarantee it. Oh, they're in there. Okay, okay, sorry. I can guarantee it.

I know they're in there because they're so prevalent. The thing is, just because they're in your mind doesn't mean that our found family can see it. Except it does, and just trust me on this. That's not how it works. They're not your twin, they are between us in age. We discussed this. Do you have any idea how many times

I've gone through mom's like three photo boxes? Okay, she has like 35. I know, because every time she complains about how you leave it. Out of order. Such a mess and out of order. If they were in there, which they were, they're in that folder.

Yeah, and we'll never find them because they're in the wrong year, the wrong section. Right. Okay, you know what? And by we, you mean mom's gonna be on her hands and knees in her office with photographs spread all over the place trying to find these damn photos for us. That's literally such a beautiful nostalgic image

of my childhood. I don't know why you're trying to paint that. Like it's a bad thing. Second of all- Well, it's gonna happen like next week, last minute, probably 11 48 PM on Tuesday night. I'll take a picture for socials. Here a bad thing. Second of all- Well, it's gonna happen like next week, last minute, probably 11 48 p.m. on Tuesday night. I'll take a picture for socials. Here's the thing, I, 11 48, I have to ask you a question

because when I think of the time we went to that wax museum in LA- Yeah, I remember, I remember, yeah. Who is the character that you like immediately envisioned? Because I have one specific which kind of out of pocket feels to me, but it's like, it also feels completely right. Saddam Hussein, right?

Sandor. Oh, sorry, I thought that was the one you were talking about. We went on this show, on this tour, it was not a tour either, it was a family vacation with our single mom. It's not a show nor a tour. That was where we saw the Lilo and Stitch live. And I went on stage. Yeah, and you danced. You did a hula dance. That was great. That was super good cultural preparation on my part.

Yeah. So the Wax Museum, I think of one. I mean you said out of pocket. So of course I'm gonna go. Well, it feels a little out of... Because, because, and you know the connection. Renee got a new job Oh, congratulations, Renee. Sorry. I've been waiting to hear the news Where? I'm gonna leave this out, but a Ripley's believe it or not Who do you think of at the wax museum or do you have a there's one person I think of when I think Wax Museum and it's not probably a normal one. Maybe it is? I feel like I have something but I can't access it. You know, like I'm like a vague memory of that

but I don't think I do. Austin Powers. Oh yeah. We have a picture with Austin Powers and it was, I think it was just the right time and just the right mood because mom took us and we had just kind of discovered within the last year or so like the magic of Austin Powers.

We had watched it, we'd rented a lot from Blockbuster and whenever we had like friends or family from out of town, we would rent Austin Powers and watch it and we just thought it was the funniest thing. So we have a photo of us with Austin Powers. I forgot, yeah, yeah. I can picture that. I don't know if I would have ever come up with that though.

It's so random. I don't know. But it's also so timely for the whatever 2000 year it was. Just like Saddam Hussein was also. I thought you meant for right now. Oh, it's not timely now, neither is Saddam Hussein. So all our jokes are usually kind of 2000 plus or minus five years okay cool Austin Powers who wants to go first can't wait

for everyone to see it if we can find the photo I'll go ahead they can see it in my head I can draw it from memory that is you know what chilling that's fine it will be my first what if I talk to a sketch artist, a police sketch artist? I was like, I have a really important task for you. Can you draw Austin Powers, but not Austin Powers? Austin Powers is a wax figure. That's really important. That is a very, yeah. It feels really important to specify that. It's got to be a little shinier, you know? Just slightly melting. Slightly. This is a review sent in by Stacey of the Niagara Falls Wax Museum of History. Have we been there?

No, I don't think so. I meant that seriously. I don't think so. I don't know. I know we went to Niagara Falls and I remember. Hey guys, wanna know why we went to Niagara Falls? Do you know why? Wasn't it like around, was it mom's wedding or something?

It was mom's honeymoon. Oh, her honeymoon. They ended up going somewhere else. No they did. They went to Paris. 14 years later. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh, sorry. Yeah. Oh, that was a long time later. We went to their literal honeymoon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They got married and then they said we're going to Niagara Falls.

We said fun. And we all went that yeah And I accidentally dropped Paris's Raincoat over a waterfall. Oh, no. Oh, we had to buy her a new one and she said it's not the same Hi Paris. Sorry about that. I still lose sleep over it. Oh All right, go on Wow, I did not know you did that. I should have pushed you over. You tried. I probably I'm very, very.

You're built like a barrel. Thank you. Sturdy is the word. That's why I pushed you over. I rolled all the way. She's a barrel. She'll be fine. I'll just plop right on down there with my cat inside. Huh? A lady went down with my cat inside. Huh? A lady went down with her cat and it really bothers me.

Yeah, it really bothers me too. The cat died? No, they both survived. But I was like, why would you do that to your cat? Like your cat doesn't understand what's happening. That really makes me crazy. Yeah, of course. Everyone was so excited about it

and I was like, first of all, it was like 1800. So I don't know that everyone- Everyone was so excited about it. Christina, I thought this was recent, the way you're talking about it. And I'm like, I was surprised by that. What? Everyone on TikTok loved it.

That's what I was picturing. I was like, that's surprising. It was the newest Logan Paul stunt. He put a bunch of cats in a barrel. Oh my God. I thought people would not be, everyone was excited. What the newsboy on the corner the next morning was so excited screaming X-Tree, X-Tree. I'm sorry. Two pussies overboard. I'm sorry it just really bothered me when I learned that on the podcast lore which is famously about very old history.

Wow. Everyone's loved it. Yeah. And then you were saying, and I, like, as if you were there when it happened and you had the different reaction. That's crazy. Oh my God. I'm so glad Stacey sent in a review of Niagara Falls Wax Museum of History. Such a fool! This is a two star review. God damn it. We visited this last summer when we were on vacation. I remembered going as a kid and it was rather disappointing this time around. There was shelving blocking multiple exhibits so you couldn't even see them.

You would have to stand on the shelving if you even wanted to see the exhibit. Which we didn't do because it was dangerous. It was definitely a safety hazard. Some of the exhibits were closed. It was so hot toward the end that the figures were literally melting. Abraham Lincoln was dripping from his face and fingertips into the glass, and they shoved a wedge under his foot to keep him in place. It definitely needs some upkeep. End of review. I mean, they need to put like a refrigerator on him or something, not a fucking wedge.

He's just gonna melt around it. Man. A fan, yeah, at the least. What a concept, wax museums. The fact that they're still around surprises me still. It's an insane, and I'm not saying that's not wonderful, but it's insane. So it's interesting.

And it's like, if they're hand, are they handmade? I literally, for the amount of times in my life I think about wax museums, I should probably know more about them than I know next to nothing. I'm sitting here and thinking about the 1800s and thinking, huh, what's the history of wax museums? I have no fucking clue.

I assume back then at least they were made by hand, but I don't know about like... I'm just curious now, you know, if... Have you ever heard about the Burt Reynolds wax figure? I need you to... Sounds familiar. There's so many wax figure mishaps in the world. No, it's not a mishap. And this is actually one of the really most wonderful things.

If you ever listen to, if you need a podcast to listen to that's like wholesome, but like exciting and weird and whatever, listen to Snap Judgment. And the episode is called The Cannonball Run. And it's these three guys who have a Burt Reynolds fan club and they try to get their hands on a Burt Reynolds wax figure. And it's like these three guys and they're like, they get their hands on a Burt Reynolds wax figure. And it's that's like these three guys and they're like, they they get their hands on and then they travel across country to bring it home. And there's a whole story and they can't involve

run isn't that that race across the yeah, so they do that with a Burt Reynolds wax. They're basically calling it back because they're like we're bringing him back. So they're calling it like their own can have their own okay, they're, literally racing. Have you seen about that thing? Yes. It's fucking crazy. I think they talked about it in that episode. It's fucking crazy. It's not good. It's not good. I find it. Yeah. Oh, that was what I think the

record was set. Yeah, that was the record. Yeah, true. And people think people drive as fast as they can from one side of the country to the other. And they like employ a lot of different like devices to avoid the police and like spotters and like reserve fuel tanks. It's a whole thing. It's a really intense thing. And it's very much like an action movie. But they're driving very, very, very, very, very fast. Yeah. So that's not what happened here. They did get pulled over at one point and they did have to show a police officer the wax figure.

But like, they go to small towns, and they hear all these people's stories about like, their thoughts on Burt Reynolds. That's so fun! Because they recorded it as they did it, and then like later Snap Judgment like did a whole interview and story. It's a really good episode, and I'm not somebody who even can ever remember Bert Nemel's name, Bert Reynolds name. Yeah, we can tell. I'm like the guy with the mustache, that's it. But so if you need something to listen to that. Wow, snap judgment. Yeah. So if you want to listen to something that's like, it's really organized and really, really produced. So well produced. And has a plot in the story, go listen to that. Don't listen to us. Yeah, if you're gonna go anywhere else, at least go there.

Yeah. Okay. They work hard. This is a review sent in by Brad, he, him. It's of the Waxworks in Newport, Oregon. And Brad said here, one memory of mine is they at one point had a Jesus display with his disciples. However, one year on one of our return trips, they had converted that section

to a Lord of the Rings theme. Consequently, they had also turned Jesus into Gandalf by adding a hat and a long beard. Amazing. Yeah, so that I guess answers part of your question of are they like handmade? I guess sometimes they're hand tweaked. Well, I could see one's, I don't know. It's just so interesting. Newport, Oregon. I don't know anything about it. I've never heard of it. But the fact that they have a wax museum is so wild to me, you know, like it just seems like such a Like such a Vegas like like a big city type like London, you know But like the fact that they're smaller ones. Yeah, it feels kind of fun or Steve But I feel like also it feels very like kind of creepy small ghost town.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I guess. Yeah. Here's a one-star review of the wax works by Nathaniel. And it comes with an owner response. This place is dingy and cramped. It is very expensive and boring. I know the guy who designed it. He was a snob. End of review. Uh oh.

Here comes the owner response. That was just the wax version of me. Haha. Fooled you. I was a snob. Cause I was melting right in front of you. Dear Nathan, we believe our 3.75 rating on TripAdvisor is a much more accurate rating of our property. While it is true, we have been here,

they're like, okay, we'll give you three stars. One, I love this kind of like self-aware attitude. Yeah, they're like, we're not the best in the world. Yeah, we're no madam, you know, but we'll do it three stars worth average. While it is true, we have been here since 1985 and are what would be considered an old school wax museum, we have strived to make cool updates like our new scary section. Ooh!

Our air room for kids. What does that mean? What's an air room? With an A-I-R or H-E-I-R? A-I-R. Thank God. I think. Yeah. We've had to figure out who.R. Thank God, I think. Yeah.

They've had to figure out who the heir is to the wax museum throne. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Um, an air room. Just it's that's the one that's air. Just put the kids in there. I don't know. Interesting. Let's find out. See, now I want to find out. Well, I'm going to go to the scary section.

I'll see you at the you can go to the air room for kids. Will do. We've strived to make cool updates, like our new scary section, our air room for kids, as well as other improvements to existing themes, including our karaoke. What is this place? Sorry, I have no idea.

Huh? It feels like an air room. We don't even know what that is. It feels like we're gonna just- They have an air room. We don't even know what that is. It's like a family fun center, but we don't even- A scary room. A scary room, yeah. I don't know that- The karaoke? Yeah, after hearing about the air room and the karaoke,

I don't know that I wanna go in the scary room. Like I don't know- You wanna go to those other two, like more, or? I don't know that I wanna go to any, frankly. It's ting ting the entire- The entire thing is a little unclear to me. Scary sounds fun. A little? Yeah, a little, a lot.

Sorry your experience wasn't what you had hoped. There are great changes coming in the future should you ever return. The designer, by the way, was a pioneer in many things. Oh, by the way, this is the guy that he said, "'Oh, I know that guy.'" Yeah. The designer, by the way, was a pioneer in many things

and respected by all that knew him. He has passed. Regards, David Heater, General Manager. That was a little cutting in a good way. Rip. It's like, hey, I'm sorry. I'm checking really quick how far Newport is from Oregon. Oh, it's a three day walk.

It's in Oregon, so it's not that far. From Portland? Even I know that. From Portland. But I typed in Oregon instead of Portland. Yeah, you did. So from the center of Oregon, it is two hours, 20 minutes. Just saying, because we have a show there this summer.

Okay, okay, okay. Because I'm really intrigued by this place and would like to go. Well, Brad apparently has gone many times according to his email and also said like oh I hope that snob rests in peace or something and I was like, oh, that's great. Oh dear god. Yeah, I um, I think I Struggle to believe that this is overpriced because this sounds priceless Scary room a scary room karaoke wax figures hey guess what I have huge news and a great owner it sounds like they're up to 3.9 and a 3.9 rating on TripAdvisor actually that's on Google the TripAdvisor

stand to a 3.3 I was hoping I didn't have to specify, but yep. Yelp is 2.9, but I'm sure it's just cause it's- Talk about snobs. Thank you. Talk about snobs. What's their problem with it? Thank you. Okay. What if there is, okay, there might be a legit, okay, you never, the wax works.

You know what? This looks like fun. I'm looking at pictures. Oh my gosh. What's the air room? Don't trust me. Oh, oh, I'm looking at pictures. Oh my gosh. What's the air room? Don't trust me.

Oh. Oh. Oh. So, okay. It's part of Ripley's. I don't know if... Oh. That makes me... We've been there many times. Well, no, we went there once.

It just feels like many times. It felt like it never would end. Right? And it still feels like it's happening. It does. It does. It's such a curse, I tell you what. Their website kind of sucks. So hearing it had an air room in karaoke,

I thought this is a quirky little small town place. Really? I thought, oh good, somebody plugged the microphone into a Bluetooth speaker. Yes, exactly. How strange in the small... That sounds not worth a two and a half hour drive. But now I'm realizing... Oh my God.

I love that I have to go through a malicious site warning to get onto their website. Yeah. I don't like their website. It is very difficult to navigate. I don't. I don't. Yeah, I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I was never in. I want to be super clear Sorry, Brad. Yeah, you know what? I heard that the owners of snob, so I don't really want to be part of it I don't care about the the dead pioneer. I mean I care like that doesn't take away from it That actually adds to it a little bit speak on that I'm gonna choose not to okay. Okay ahead. Is that okay? Yeah. Because I have something from Goldie. Goldie said um, hold on. Why wouldauds in Times Square, New York City.

Ah, see, that's the vibe. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. And Goldie said, as a native New Yorker myself, I would not be caught dead stepping a single grubby paw into such cursed establishments as Times Square tourist traps. Why? Oh, it says because I'm lame and don't know how to have fun. Oh, that's okay. Well, that, well, you should have said that up front. That explains it. I'm just kidding, Goldie. I could name many reasons why Goldie probably, I don't want to speak for Goldie, but the crowds, the overstimulation of just everything, the prices, the animals aren't allowed inside. They have to stay outside.

So why would you want to stay outside? I guess that's my next question. That's fair. Thank you. But I'd rather go somewhere else. There is an Olive Garden there. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? Like Jimmy Buffett's

Margaritaville. I have one of those here. I'm not super impressed by that. Torque strap. You're not impressed by that? Well I wouldn't literally walk in this. Go there right now and sit down and have a drink. Oh wait! It doesn't exist yet. You know why?

Why? It's going to be bigger and better than ever. Then then the likes of which you've never seen, the likes of which Goldie's never seen and never will. Jesus. The Goldie, the native New Yorker, can't even imagine the structure that will be. As if Goldie would step foot in Kentucky, come on. Okay, poor Goldie.

This is a one star review of Madame Tussauds wax museum Times Square. Okay. I thought I was step on some dog shit, but it's just some soft wax. End of review. Oh no. Madame Tussauds New York responded.

Thank you, John. End of review. Oh. All right, end of response. It literally says thank you, John. Oh my God, did you steal a wax figure by accident? Like a part of a wax figure? I don't know.

Like you stepped in it and it got stuck to your shoe? Why would you say thank you to that? I don't get it. Why would you thank you for that? It's so funny. To say like it's not dog shit. Thank you It's just melted wax all over the floors Thank you. It's just half of Austin Powers head. Thank you for clarifying. Oh my god I got stuck to my shoe. Honestly having like I Mean you said Saddam Hussein that's obviously an extreme example, but i'm trying to think of like any other Burt reynolds any wax figure getting that stuck to your shoe and trying to like scrape it off later and knowing it came I feel like he'd be a popular uh wax figure

Wouldn't it feel wrong to have that stuck to your shoe at home and like be scraping it off with a nut butter knife? Yeah, christina, I would. It's just like, no matter who it is, it would feel really wrong. Okay, so- Some people it might feel right. You know what? And that's fine.

Who would you want to step on? You already gave your answer, Tom Hanks, which is good. I'm not gonna like, art you. Thank you. You already gave your answer, Tom Hanks, which is good. I'm not going to like, aren't you? Thank you. Um, I'm minus. Let's talk about this another time.

This is from Abby She Her, uh, who said something that I felt immediately defensive about, which means that it's something I didn't know about because I'm, uh, apparently an ignorant ignoramus as the Cracker Barrel game would. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And this is the message. I'm sure you all are aware of Ohio's only life size wax museum. I am not. Certainly me neither. It's all is it. Bible walk. No. OK. OK. it's called Bible walk no okay it's called Bible walk life-size Bible

museum no life-size wax museum bringing God's Word to life to life okay second yeah wait a second on a moment it is in Mansfield Ohio which is right by the reformatory Shawshank was filmed so I've never been there okay like in that area I've driven through there many times on the way to Cleveland and every time I'm like I should stop for Mansfield but I'm like I don't have time well yeah I think is we were the different type of Christian growing up. Yes. That's the Catholic side.

Whenever I try to explain, even I try to explain this to Em all the time, because Eva grew up evangelical. We grew up Catholic, kind of like that standard Roman Catholic. And so that is a very big different distinction. And I feel like when people say Christians, it's different, well, at least in a lot of sense, it's like, if you're saying it in like, especially modern parlance, it's like Catholic is sort of different a lot of times.

Not to give it any sort of credit, just to say, there are differences, including like, our school was not about the creation museum, all that, that wasn't really our vibe, it was more like, let's just make you feel like you're the wrongest person and Jesus doesn't really love you except unless you do you know all these things but yeah and sex kills and sex will kill you yeah and so this is a review of the Bible walk by the way Abby is just a gem and attached to an article. I'd like to add that this article is from the Mansfield News

Journal and I have looked at it. It's an expose. I'm disappointed to say I've looked at it so many times that I now need to copy the link and go on incognito. There it is, because I I got the... I used up all my free subscriber articles on Mansfield's news journal. For Mansfield's? Yeah, I did. Mansfield's Bible walk makes list of worst attractions in country. Oh my gosh. This versus that website calls Christian themed museum quote strange and horrifying.

That is what we need to know going into this, okay? Three stars. Wow, I can't wait. Of Bible Walk. So Bible-y. I wish the tour was self-guided at your own pace. Having a tour guide was a bit meh. Not to mention, we traveled with another family

who by the way kept spoiling the endings to each of the stories. Well. Ah, that got me good. That's fun. Because they attached photos and there are literally photos of the manger, the three wise men.

I'm like, what stories are you being the crucifixion? What are you, what spoilers? Maybe they're not Christian. Maybe they just went for it to like learn something. To a Bible walk and said it's too biblily. And I didn't read the book yet and you shouldn't be spoiling it for me. Yeah, that's a weird complaints. If you're going to a Bible walk, that's fair. But also

How if you're going to a Bible walk like that's a thing everybody If you're going to a Bible walk sure if you're going to something called Bible walk is more what I mean Also, how slash why did this family spoil the endings? Like what does that mean? Is it like I can't wait I can't wait to see him on the cross No, I wonder if it was intentional spoiling like oh, you're not Christians He dies at the end like to just like punish you for not knowing it's like well You don't get to find out in a fun way. Yeah, non-Christian, gotta be punished for something, yeah.

Certainly. Actually, when you go and you're not a Christian, they pair you with a Christian family just to make it a worse experience. It's normally self-guided, but unless you're not Christian. Unless you want the guide. I will say, this is how they describe the family, right? They keep spoiling the stories. And they were a little too preachy for me

and my family to enjoy ourselves. There were a couple scenes that didn't work right, lights, sound, et cetera. We were told we would get some of our money back but we didn't end up review. Yeah, it sounds miserable. Yeah, I mean, I'm literally telling you. But I don't know what you expected.

Like I see a shepherd and there's sheep and there's an angel coming down to say, like literally all the only stories you learn in like Elementary school if you're in like a daycare like that kind of thing. Yeah, so I don't know what We learned in elementary school No, I mean like I feel like a lot of people even as kids learn like Jesus was in a manger even if he didn't go to Catholic school like like if your family was. I just never know these days, you know, I sometimes think things are general knowledge

like the borrowers and then turns out they're not. Yeah, but no, that happens a lot to me with religious stuff where I realized so much of my religious upbringing is not shared by most people. It's a little silly, I posted a TikTok, I posted a TikTok about how you and I learned about like the tendon. I've talked about this on the podcast

of like the crucifixion. And like, it was so funny. A lot of people were like, oh, that's horrifying. But the most people were like, yeah, I still think of that too. And I'm like, okay, good. Not good, but like good, at least that

it wasn't just us, I guess. I don't know. Do you wanna explain what you're talking about? So people aren't like, what are they? No, I don't. Okay. I'd rather you go to my TikTok note. All you said was like tendons, the tendons thing.

Okay, okay, sorry. When you do a crucifixion, they wouldn't put the nail in your hand because you just- In the palm. Yeah. The palm. The skin would tear too easily. You would put it between the two tendons. Sorry, trigger warning.

You'd put, for body horror, you'd put the nail through the two tendons of the wrist so that it would be more stable of a hold. And so my second grade teacher, Mrs. Yukater, taught me that and I talked about it in a TikTok and the amount of people who were like, yeah, that really haunts me. I'm like, oh no.

I do think about it a lot. Me too. Yeah. I've got a problem. I've got lots of problems. One of my problems concerns making myself meals. The problem is that I want kind of everything. I want it to be healthy. I want it to be quick and easy to make. I want it to taste good and unfortunately a lot of times when I cook for myself I sacrifice one, two, or all three of those things in a single meal. So that's my problem. But thankfully

there's a solution and it's called Home Chef. Home Chef delivers fresh ingredients and chef-designed recipes conveniently to your doorstep to simplify your cooking experience. Users of leading meal kits have rated Home Chef number one in quality, convenience, value, taste, and, maybe my most important factor, recipe ease because I get stressed out very easily with recipes. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com slash beach2sandy. That's homechef.com slash beach2sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash beach2sandy.

Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Your turn. That was fun. I have another one from Goldie of Madame Tussauds Times Square. Warning tourist trap. In all caps, I'm just going to say this was six years ago. No duh, like I don't, sorry. That is actually probably, I know this is a stretch maybe to say,

but like one of the more insane reviews I've ever heard. Just saying that. Because it's like so not reading the, like. Like you don't need to warn anyone because everyone already knows. It's so out of touch. Obviously it's a tourist trap. Hearing the Newport, Oregon one is a tourist trap.

That felt like news. I was like, huh, okay. Now that's important to know. Now that I would read in an article if I have enough daily checks. That's a bit of nuance, yeah. But yeah, this one I'm just, come on. It's like, okay, and? Yeah. You're not, no one, okay. I'm just going on. It's like, OK, and? Yeah.

You're not no one. OK, I'm just going to finish it. Oh, I just forgot the next few words. Warning tourist trap. I'm a New Yorker and I'm told. Goldie. Goldie, will you get out of here? Geez. I'm a New Yorker and I'm telling you guys right now this is an overpriced and short visit. Not only will you be spending over a hundred dollars for a 30 to 20 minute visit at this terrible museum of wax, you will be greeted by an effortless presentation of terrifying

wax figures that look one million years old and have never been touched up in years and then just a poor salt on your wounds, you're greeted by a terrible movie that in the end doesn't even turn out to be 4D. More like 1D, as in one big dick up your asshole. Then they finish you off in the with... Finish you off! Then they finish you off with what seems like free pictures that you end up paying $40 for. Sorry, I would never come here unless you want your money straight up robbed from you. End of review. What in a single period?

What are the points at the beginning after warning tourist trap at the beginning? It's one of those things where I had prayer emojis reactions, by the way. How many? Five. It's a good those things where I had six- Prayer emojis reactions, by the way. How many? Five. That's a good amount. Yeah. I mean, it feels like a given that if you are a New Yorker, as Goldie and this reviewer are, and you are now,

that you would not go here expecting some sort of niche, nuanced, evolved experience. It feels like, okay, obviously, like you said, duh. But then to be surprised that this tourist trap is charging you for pictures, I'm also like, yeah, they're gonna try and probably nickel and dime you all the way, that's part of a tourist trap. Also, I feel like we're kinda doing doing, you know, the thing they call the

singularity, which I also weirdly did a TikTok about recently, you know, the singularity like when like AI gains sentience, we've talked about this, you and I off air, because that's, that's what we do. I feel like we're getting to that point with wax museums, sorry, not to be super clear Bringing life to the bible walk exactly to to be super clear the opposite of that of what you just said Because I think it's almost like full circle to the point that it's more enjoyable to me now if it's super creepy and unkept and they look a million years old and you watch a creepy video creepy and unkept and they look a million years old and you watch a creepy video it feels almost like that's a way more enjoyable experience because you at

least have like a story and like a weird memory and like oh remember how like Tom Hanks melted into my shoes and I got really turned on that was you at the wax museum. I did turned on that was what you got gathered from that? Yeah and so I feel like that is what We're getting to is like maybe wax museums need to be these kind of campy Dusty like to make them fun. Amen. No, I get no I mean I don't want to go to Times Square to do it right like I'd rather go to like you said or oh

Orlando, you know, okay actuallyard, because you said that. Can I just read my next one real quick? Don't worry. I have one from there, too. It's not from there. Oh, I thought you had one. I was like, oh, don't worry. No, don't worry. I have a question, though. What? Who is? So when I looked at the Newport, Oregon one, it says Lewis or Louie.

I don't know. Two so's. Waxworks, Newport. Is that like the. I is it like it's like a relative. Oh, great grandson. No, yeah, great grandson. Do you think it's a rival? But there it's Ripley's does Ripley's own madam.

Yes. Oh, they do. They all of it. That's why they're like attached. That's like why we went to them at this on the same day and in my mind. They're the same Oh, I guess it makes sense in my head. They were the same and that they were the same type of place I didn't realize they were actually I think they're uh, yeah, they do they bought them in 2004. It says here got it. Oh Like okay, I think the one we went to, they were at least connected or we bought like a double ticket or something, you know, because this says.

Louis Tussauds museums are not connected to his great grandmother's Madame Tussauds wax museum. Oh, good. So they just took the name. I mean, he had his own museums, using his own name. That's weird. Are you sure they're owned by? Yeah. That's not what I'm seeing. No, no, no. Sorry. Louie Tussauds may not be owned by Ripley.

Madam Louie Tussauds is. Oh, that's what I'm saying. Because the Louie Tussauds was on Ripley's website. I don't think Madame Tussauds is. Oh, Louie Tussauds is. Because the Louie Tussauds was on Ripley's website. I don't think Madame Tussauds is. Oh, maybe not. It's under the same umbrella that Peppa Pig theme park Florida is under. Okay, I see.

It says some Tussauds locations, which is probably... Oh, but see, look, Madame Tussauds website has the Ripley's Believe It or Not package. Huh, now I'm confused. See, enjoy all things glamorous Hollywood, first of all, fucking lie, by buying the Ripley's Believe It or Not package

to Madame Tussauds Hollywood and Ripley's Believe It or Not. So maybe they're just connected somehow. Yeah, I don't know. Because I remember we did the double one because it was discounted. Like when we went with mom, your turn. What? Yeah. Sorry. That thing you were going to read that I interrupted. No, yeah, no worries. Okay. So it's not of a place in Orlando, but you'll see why I jumped in here.

This is another three star review by let's see. It's Diana, sent in by Abby of Bible Walk in Mansfield. Diana says, It was okay, especially for such a little town, but once a person has been to Disney World, I just found this place lacking. What can you expect out of a small town and this place was built by the church next to it? It is long and small children would find it quote boring. The wax figures look very real, but they are wax figures and you listen to them quote unquote talk. End of review. What is that behavior people? Come on.

You can't compare the Bible walk in Mansfield, Ohio. It didn't stand up to Disney. Well, I would hope not. I would hope not. I love how it's like not once I went to Disney. It's like once a person has been changed by the experience of Disney. It's like, wow, okay, Diana, I gotcha.

Yeah. She's like, they're trying their best. God bless. Have they gone to Epcot? do they go to like different countries and think oh Once you've been to Japan Yeah, like what just the real things just not the same you get your Mickey Mouse passport stamped, you know It's like why did I even go back to Ohio? I should get one of those She's right. I should trade in my real passport for that. I have one here from Chloe, she her, who sent in a review of Potter's Wax Museum,

and this is in St. Augustine, Florida. This alarms me just because of Potter's Field. What is that? Potter's Field is where people were buried when they didn't get a grave marker. So if you were, for example, at an asylum, or if you were in a prison and you, this is like a long time ago and you didn't have, you know, someone to pay for your burial, it would be a potter's grave. You'd be buried in a potter's grave. I will say it's right next to a cemetery.

Are you making that up? I am not. Wow. Tolomato Cemetery. During the first Spanish period. Blah, blah, blah. OK, hold on. Let me see if there's anything. To establish cemetery blah, blah, blah.

Father Camps was buried here in 1790. Maybe it's just a guy named Potter and I'm just being maybe. But super nutty. I think it was worth checking when seeing that there was an old cemetery literally right next door. Yeah, it's called a Potter's Field. So I thought maybe it's like anyway. I mean, there are a bunch of buried wax figures in the pictures. A bunch of what?

Buried ones. Just like tombstone, just like crypts. Yeah. Well, maybe that's the scary, maybe that's what the scary room is. No, I see the scary room right now. It says, we the people and as a bunch of founding fathers stand in there. You're right. That was worth the money. I got so scared. Here's a one-star review of Potter's Wax Museum. It's not a wax museum. For the price of $15.99, you would expect a one-hour tour, yet you will be disappointed to know that the museum is small and you will be done in 15 minutes or less.

There is no point in buying tickets ahead of time, as you have to wait in line for the cashier to scan your ticket, and then boring details will be given out. What to do, what not to do, don't touch the wax figure, blah, blah. Come on, everyone knows that. There are not many wax tattoos. Check your fingernails, putch. At the end, they make you, everybody hold their hand out,

say, look at my fingernails. I have a bar of rainbow soap downstairs. You think I don't know when Leona's just kind of scraping her finger along that rainbow soap bar I know I know when a person takes their finger to a wax museum figure Yeah, but not these pale founding fathers. I think you Will in our pasty ask and yeah Yeah, when Leona gets a little piece of Thomas Jefferson on her. Just like a little swipe.

Yeah, you know she would. She would. There are not many wax statues inside, just a few, maybe 70 or less. No more. Just silly. This is not a museum. It should be named Potter Wax Family House. Do not stay away from this disappointing and depressing place. If you want to see a wax museum, go to London or New York.

They have a wax museum that would take one hour or more to complete. Don't go to this place. It's a tourist scam. End of review. Oh, my Lord. Like how many wax museums you have to go to that when you travel, you're like, let's check out the newest unless you're into it. Yeah, that's your thing. If you're not into it. Why are you even going? But these like literally the the only issue they have basically is the price and then they just like complained about every box. OK.

And they said that they expect an hour tour for 1599. I'm sorry. In this economy. Good luck. I guess economy. St. Augustine is also four months ago. I'm pretty sure. Oh, see, I was going to say 20 years ago. St. Augustine is also the of the- That was four months ago. I'm pretty sure, oh, see, I was gonna say, let's say it was 20 years ago. No. St. Augustine is also the oldest city in this country, so they're allowed to have some touristy prices, I would think.

It was a sick red lighthouse. A sick red lighthouse in St. Augustine, not a Tepotter's Museum. No. What if they had a wax one? Whoa. Whoa, can I add something? Okay, my fingernails would be very red after that. What if they had a wax one? Whoa. Whoa. Can I add something?

Okay. My fingernails would be very red after that. Okay. I will add, they said it should be the Potter's Family Museum. I'm just going to list the c- Potter's Wax Family House. Family house. Family house.

Here's a few people that live in the family house. It's not a museum. Okay. I'm ready. Harry Potter, Snow White, Creat creature from the Black Lagoon, Freddy Krueger, Frankenstein sponsor Michael Jordan, Kramer, George Costanza and Lord Voldemort. So that you're saying that those are in the Potters wax potter wax family house. Correct. Wow. So like, what more do you want?

Yeah, really? I don't get it. Oh, fuck. Yeah. And this person took a picture in front of all the founding fathers So this is the reviewer that I saw this photo of so late. That's the one they took a photo of I mean, I'll say that that was all of the people listed under celebrities. That was it so Lord Voldemort is on there. It's no way good ones in there. Um, no, I think Lord Voldemort is on there. It's snow white.

No, I think, like, just looking at this picture, I'm like, okay, cool. Yeah. If you're, if you're into wax museums, I see a bunch of wax guys. They've got Claude Debussy. Cool. You said it so well. Or is that? Yeah. Wow. Rudyard Kipling. They've got some really problematic people. Rudyard Kipling? Yeah, they've got some really problematic people in here.

Geez, cool. Oh, a lot. Oh my God. 90% of these people are from like the 1700s. I'm serious right now. That's one thing. George Friedrich Hundel. Who? Oh, Hundel. Okay, you cut out for me. Uh-huh. Voltaire.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Voltaire? Like the thing is about like- What is happening? 1700s. I would want some certain, I don't know, I don't care what Handel looks like enough to like wanna see him-

That's the crazy part. Like nowadays- Hey, what's stuck? Austin Powers. Yeah. You think fucking Mozart would have stuck? Actually, yeah, he looks crazy. I'd say, no, Mozart,

Voltaire. Beethoven would be cool. What the fuck am I gonna do with a picture of Rudyard Kipling? You think fucking Mozart would have stuck actually yeah, he looks crazy. It's not like Mozart Beethoven would be cool Of Rudyard Kipling like I don't care what Rudyard Kipling looks like like that's not something I want and it's something What looks terrible? He's so scary look at this wax figure. I'm texting it to you. It's actually like should be probably taken out. Oh my god You are not kidding. This is horrifying I feel like should be probably taken out. Oh my God. You are not kidding. This is horrifying. I know. How old do you think this wax sculpture is?

Well, I feel bad because it says, "'Potter's Studio' is where the magic happens. "'Every part of the process, "'except for fiberglassing the body is done here. "'Figures are sculpted, painted, dressed, "'and detailed in view of guests.'" Well, that's cool. That's sick. That they do it there is really cool. That is really cool.

And I honestly like don't get me wrong, as terrifying as that is, I couldn't like know what like that's a skill to be able to make that. And I imagine since they if they make it themselves, it probably they leave the older one like it would suck something you work this hard on to like recycle into new statues. But also no one wants to see Rudyard Kipling. What? Please. No, don't don't don't put Roderick Rudyard Kipling out there. Like, let's find what handle out there.

Like, let's like put a couple from the old olden days. A lot of those people were not good ones. Let's find new guys to do. Yeah. Lord Voldemort. That's a good ones. Let's find new guys to do. Yeah, Lord Voldemort. That's a good one. Logan Paul. Logan Paul. Yeah, maybe he'll sit.

He'll sit for your session. Do you think they do that? Well, he's busy throwing a bunch of cats over the Niagara Falls. But after that, I'm sure he'll be available. Do you think Tom Hanks would go there and sit down and and like sit for a wax sculpture session? I actually do. How long do you think those take? Months? I mean honestly probably months. Huh okay something to think about. Your turn. This is another review of Bible Walk because I just can't stop myself. I wouldn't have been able to

either. Thank you. This is from Abby as well. This is a two-star review by Brandon of Bible Walk. Located on top of a hill across from the Richland Correctional Institute, Bible Walk offers an illuminated tour of the Holy Bible. Oh! Scenes from all of the favorite Bible stories come to life in this one-of-a-kind way. I wish they would stop saying come to life, first of all.

Yeah, I don't know what that's about. It feels blasphemous. Yeah, and that's not really what that means. Statues? Also, remember that person? That was another thing I wanted to mention in one of your reviews. They said Museum of Wax, and I'm like, isn't that a horror movie? Oh, wait. Yeah, I think so. I love it. love that they said like this is just a simple Museum of Wax and I'm like

you mean a wax museum? Isn't Museum of Wax what they called that horror movie? I have no idea dude. I have no idea. Oh my god. Scenes from all of the favorite Bible stories come to life in this one of a kind wax museum. Most of the scenes look like a freeze frame of a church play. The production value varies from scene to scene, but it's quite impressive, considering all the artwork is done entirely by volunteers. The lighting that corresponds to the narration in each scene is top notch and captivating. Most of the wax figures look real enough to start moving, although there is the occasional mannequin and bad wig or beard. The tour is self-guided but paced as such that if they say it will take an hour, it is going to take an hour. There are many exhibits to choose from that allow you to

pick your own adventure and decide how long you'd like to stay, but it would be too easy to spend all day there. For this reason, Bible Walk could benefit from a food court or a vending machine at the very least. This is why it's two stars. They're like, we could spend all day here. That's insane. But I'm hungry. It's like, I don't think they're bringing in enough money to warrant food court.

And then they're like, it's across from the Rich and Correctional Institute, you know, the hottest spot to visit. It's like, I mean, come on, give them a break. The bathrooms were clean. The whole building had the unmistakable smell of a church. Some might find discomforting. They didn't say some might not. They just said some might.

Hmm. Crickets. There were several instances where the museum's narration paraphrases the holy Bible, which is blasphemy. Very disappointing. Furthermore, it was never addressed how the museum's narration paraphrases the holy bible which is blasphemy very disappointing furthermore it was never addressed how the museum does not break the lord's commandment not to make any images in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below but like of a fish what i have no idea you can't make any images of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below? What are you talking about? I don't know dude.

Guess what? This museum has all three forms of these images. Concerning! For this reason I fear a-star rating would be sinful. Overall Bible Walk offers a fun way to experience the Word of God and let his spirit speak to you at the end. End of review. Wow. It's just fascinating, the thought process of going to write this review, leaving a two-star review, which is a negative review of this place,

and then say, I would like, not that they would, but five stars would be sinful, like, sin, like there's, that would be a sin, but nothing else of what? Well, why would you go if you already feel that making an image of anything biblical is a sin? Why would you pay money to go? I don't understand. Why would you open your eyes if you think that an image made of anything on this earth or above or below the water

is against the word of God? Why would you? Good luck. You can't, what about images in your mind? Is that really, that's crazy. Is that a, like what? I, hmm. What's this person's profile photo? Uh oh.

What's this, just them as a person. An image of a person on Earth. Maybe they're in hell. I don't really get what they're saying with that whole image thing, but maybe I've misunderstood it. Yeah, that's probably what happened. That's probably what happened.

It's probably on you. Yeah, well, wow, this Bible walk sounds... Super fun. Great. I just, yeah, I wish they had a food court too. Me too. I would go if they had a food court, because if I'm at the Mansfield Reformatory, you know, doing a tour there,

I don't expect them to have a food court, so the Wax Museum better have one. I'm surprised Chick-fil-A hasn't signed up. Honestly. Yeah. What are they thinking? Because they're probably both closed on Sunday. Honestly, Chick-fil-A is probably like, that's blasphemy, dude. You can't do that. It's below their standards. Like we're not even open on Sundays. What the You're so right. My last one here, this is also from Chloe. This is of Madame Tussauds in Orlando. And Christina, this is like really close to the venue. And you know what's even closer to us? What? Ripley's Believe It or Not. See? or not see oh wait no oh we're oh no that's a little farther sorry I was wrong but what we should redo the photos oh do they have you think they have Austin powers there no but they probably

have the like world's largest man and we can climb back there like we did when we were eight got it and there's also a maze of mirrors if I ever want to like lose you and just like lose you for a couple hours. Lose me to body dysmorphia? That is not what... I thought that's where we were going. That's literally what you thought? Yeah, I literally did. Your instinct wasn't to think about the fact that you get lost all the time? No, it's... And we even talked about you like... We've talked about this before. No No, I know but it's that looking in a mirror also makes me. Yeah. Yeah. No. So I should

have known. It's also the maze part though or is that the part the body dysmorphia? The maze. The maze of it all. I'm like where am I? I'm not yeah I don't know. It could be both. It could be. Well anyway here's a one star review of the place you wanna go to with me. We'll see. Wait, is this a Ripley's? No, this is of Madame Tussauds. The Ripley's is close to Madame Tussauds, not close to the venue, but the venue is-

We should really go take some pictures. Yeah, I'm gonna see if they have any availability in their resort, it's a resort, Madame Tussauds resort. Don't say that, that's not a funny joke. Orlando would have it. Can you imagine? Oh my god what a nightmare. Okay. Okay one star. You get to pick like a themed room. Oh my god. I'm so afraid now.

I pick Founding Fathers. No! One star. One star. Easily the worst visitor attraction I've ever been to. I was born 10 minutes walk from Madame Tussauds in London and visited many times in my youth. Back then, of course, it was a museum and not a visitor attraction. Sorry, I was born. What did they say?

I was born 10 minutes? Born 10 minutes walk from Madame Tussauds in London. That's a weird thing to say. Why? I was born 10 minutes from there. You wouldn't say that. No, you wouldn't. Alex Inter, a person wouldn't say that.

I guess not. I don't know why it seems so normal to me, though. I was born five minutes from the University of Cincinnati, or maybe you were, or one of us probably was. It doesn't mean we go there. Everyone in Cincinnati probably was, except for me. Everyone in Cincinnati was. It doesn't mean you go there because you were born 10 minutes from there.

I mean, maybe if you meant like I... Okay, maybe they mean like I was born there like I grew up there. Yeah. And they were just trying to say like they had plenty of experience going there. But yeah, I don't know why they said born instead of... I guess the born part was weird. If they were born in the home they lived in like maybe yeah that could be like maybe it's like born and raised nearby yeah okay okay even back in the 1960s and 70s it had lots of themed areas like the chamber of horrors where famous murderers were on display

oh my god you could also have your picture picture taken with the queen oh over the years that it has as it has evolved into a visitor attraction it has improved greatly and even has rides. Small wonder it has been for many years the most popular visitor attraction in London by a long way. But what do we get for our $30 at Madame Tussauds Orlando? A few miserable figures many of whom would only be known to Americans, arranged in a snaking pathway that was done and dusted in less than 30 minutes. Trump and Harris were at the entrance, but then only Lincoln. What about all the others?

Could we not have walked through a cavalcade of every US president? Why? No, stop. Don't give them any ideas. What the fuck are you talking about? We do not need that. You don't even live here. You were born in the Mac Wax Museum.

You just complained that there are people only known to Americans, so I don't know. What are you talking about? Okay. What about some of the truly great figures of American music? Where was Al Jolson, Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, Buddy Rich, or Scott Joplin? And where were Harry and Meghan and King Charles III? So much could have been in it, so little was. We are coming back in two years,

and this is one place we will be avoiding. End of review. So- The Charles III wax figure is already there. He's already in the fucking Buckingham Palace. Oh. You can find it there. I wouldn't worry about it.

Why would you need that? Why would you need a wax figure? You're literally from London. Literally in Orlando, Florida, and you want Harry, Meghan, and King Charles III. And you want fucking Ray Charles and whatever. What are you doing? Literally didn't say Ray Charles.

Whatever, Buddy Holly, I don't know. I don't remember. They were all. Ella Fitzgerald. Ella Fitzgerald. You got a member. But no, I was. What was interesting is there was an owner response and like I read right.

I'm not going to read the whole thing because it's very long. They were very pleasant and appreciated. But I was born in. I was born 10 minutes from the Orlando, Florida, Ripley's, believe it or not. And I go there. I started going there as an infant. So there is actually. Oh, man. OK.

So they said some really kind words or appreciative of things. And then they said that each location is geared towards the area of the world it's located in. So Las Vegas has more entertainment figures, Nashville is primarily singers. Well, the St. Augustine one, well, I know that was a different thing, but they had a big Florida history section.

And then inexplicably a bunch of Austrian and German musicians. So I don't know what that's about. Classical musicians. That sounds like quite the mix, yeah. But the rest was like regional, it made sense. Yeah, and then they said, even the one in London has many figures

that those in the United States would not necessarily know, which like, yeah, I'm positive of that. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. And then they like mentioned they have like a bunch of other like types of international characters too. Like they're like, we have, they have variety. Daffy Duck.

They just didn't have the specific variety that this person was looking for. But- Go back to your birth home, you know? Wait, this is funny. Okay. This person- What I said was not funny.

I want to be super clear. What did you say? I said, go back to your birth home. That's, I didn't mean it like that. Sorry, yeah. I was reading this and they started a sentence with believe it or not okay that's clever and they said believe it or not marie tussaud herself wait a minute we've read these reviews what no not this one but we read rippley's believe it or

not reviews and they all started with believe it or not oh. Oh, funny. Yeah, and we were like, this is so annoying. I didn't remember that. Or we were like, you better believe it, or whether you believe it or not. That's annoying. It says, Believe It or Not, Marie Tussot herself would often remove figures from her collection that were no longer popular or relevant.

That's gotta hurt if Marie decides you're no longer relevant. That's gotta feel bad Yet Rudyard Kipling is still yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like it's got to be the biggest insult ever You don't even live up to that guy crazy. Okay, I'm done. Okay. This is my last one This is from Taylor She her who also said something along lines of I'm sure you know about Ohio's own life-size wax museum Bible walk I thought we were moving on to greener pastures.

I don't know why you would think that. This is from Taylor Shearer and she says, if you read this, can you please say hello to my friend Patty? She may be a boomer, but she's the coolest one I know and she loyally listens to you cooks. Quote unquote. Reminder to enjoy the birds and fuck the dickheads for me. Huh?

I don't know. I just read it. That's a... I don't take any liability in saying whatever I just said okay it's a Patty is a sleeper agent to be super clear I just activated something that is dangerous good luck but hello hello Patty Taylor says anyway here's a review from the only wax museum in Ohio hello Patty also I assume that was that a reference to our show? What?

Fuck the dickheads? No, no, I think that's just their own inside joke. Oh, that's a thing, a message for Patty. Yeah, it says, say hello to my friend Patty. She may be a boomer, but she's a cool swine. No, she loyally listens to you cooks. Please remind her to enjoy the birds. Oh, please remind her to, oh, sorry.

Yeah, that is dangerous. What you just said. Enjoy the birds. Yeah, well fuck the dick. I mean, I guess at the end of it, I do sort of agree. Here's a review from the only wax museum in Ohio. One-star review of Bible Walk from Nick. I pulled into the parking lot at 7 p.m. a Saturday, and an elder lady walked up to my car with an attitude, asking if I was looking for Ryan. I explained I was not, and that I was just hitting the pokey stop that is here on my game.

She, then with an attitude, told me I was trespassing church property and to leave. I will never again visit a museum or a church, and will make sure this place gets no visitation from anyone I am acquainted with. That is the opposite behavior of a godly person. Also, church properties are public and owned by taxpayers. God bless you all, but I am very disappointed. Also, food for thought, what if I happen to not be Christian and have never had the experience of going to church? And this happened to be my first experience to do with a church. That person would never again go back to a church and has Now been pushed out of the arms of our Lord and Savior due to some lady being rude to him as soon as he pulled

Into the parking lot now that person has been cursed with the ultimate and worst curse of all eternal damnation Do better your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ would not be happy and very disappointed and sad that you just made him lose a child to the darkness. We are all brothers and sisters in the eyes of the Lord. Act like it! End of review. There were some points made, some that I might have agreed with a little bit, but many I'm afraid to comment on.

There was a Snorlax right there. Look, yeah, that would be annoying if I, well, both would be annoying, both sides. If I drove onto a church property, which I have to like turn around and stuff, not for any other reason. If I pulled into one and they were like- Why are you saying it like that? Because I'm saying, I'm saying like if I pulled into a church property, which I have, but I don't mean like regularly just like on occasion. I feel like it's a safe place to just turn around or park your car. But then if I drive it and someone's like yelling, like, get out,

I'd be like, you do not need to even finish the sentence. Like I'm out of here. Yeah. But I think it would be annoying of them to do that. It would be certainly. But I guess. I think I mean, yeah, I agree in the sense that like the churches, they take up so much fucking space and they don't pay taxes. What about golf courses? I agree. No, I think golf courses should be there.

They take up so much land, so much water. Absolutely. I think that instead of like public parks, what about I think there are a lot of what? What about oil fields? Oh, that's different. You love those. And he's so many pokey stops. We could BP contractually. We'd have that ad read coming up. We cannot talk bad about oil fields. Right. It's about careful. Yeah. The baby ducks. Yeah. Yeah. fields. Right. It's about careful. Yeah. The baby ducks. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, should I do my challenge now or no? Wait.

Do you have something for me? I have a special announcement. I have a voicemail sent in directly to us. To hot off to us. To Jesus, to us. I meant to I was about to say to you and then I realized you had said us and I was like, yes. To us. It is to us. It's to both of us. Let me play it for you. He's from Chloe and it's really great It's a little story Chloe she her has this to say I just read two reviews sent in by a Chloe. I know I was actually wondering if it was the same. Maybe We'll see or not. Nobody knows. Here we go if it was the same. We'll see or not. Nobody knows. Here we go. Hi Zandi and Christine. My name is Chloe and as soon as I saw tiki bars on the schedule

for next month, I knew I needed to share this tale of a man that I met in a tiki bar that will haunt me until I die. My friend and I were sitting there enjoying our gummy shark beverages and listening to some terrible Karaoke when we were approached by a man and let me paint a picture for you. First of all karaoke Sure sounds like Newport, Oregon, Newport, Oregon and to be approached by a living figure I'd be like I'm in that wax museum for sure Yeah, the room of fear the room of the scare. scare no they literally called it the scary room the scary room like it sounds like something that's so innocuous but that in like the movie Matilda would be your worst

nightmare you know it sounds like something a little kid would say about the attic yeah but like if something really scary actually like they'd say oh that's a scary room and you'd be like oh okay that's cute but then in reality like Demons actually are in there. You know what I mean? No, that's not where I went. I just you know I was to me it feels like You think it's innocuous and then it's like extra sinister Wow Okay, cuz it's like what a little kid would say you know it's speaking of sinister Chloe's about to get approached I Tried to stop it while we were ahead, but the fate rolls on, you know, he is wearing a trench coat, open leather pants, no shirt.

And on his left hand, he has a fixed with some kind of liquid latex, a mannequin head. And he is just gesturing wildly as though this is the most normal thing on the planet. I wanna add too, this was submitted as, like over a month ago, I think. And so it really is weirdly perfect for, and I picked today for wax museums. And so it feels weirdly perfect for that just

FYI. He proceeds to tell us that his name is Warp. He is here in Portland because he has been banned from the entirety of the city of Eugene and before we could get any further information, he goes up to take his turn at karaoke and is promptly swarmed by security. So we left immediately because we felt like he knew us at that point and we didn't want to be there when he got back. So we went back about a month later and asked the bartender when we arrived if she knew anything about this warp character. And she said no, but there was a guy that stabbed a car with a broadsword out front

a few months ago. And for some reason, we continue to go back to this bar, frankly, because the vibes are trashy, immaculate. But I haven't been murdered yet. Thank you so much for all the laughs and I can't wait to see you in Portland this year. If you make it that far, I mean, yeah, this is this episode is an honor. Chloe, it's an inner memoriam of Chloe. No, it's I love good instinct. You're like, let me see what this is about. Okay. You are in a pickle. I don't want to be part of it.

Bye bye. But then to come back, whatever the opposite of good instinct is. Really interesting choice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, I will say asking around, like asking around. Maybe it's just the movies or something

I watch but like I feel like when you ask around people find out you've been I see will show up and the bartender will go I'm busy I'm busy working as if any bartender ever screams out at the police and then they're like well you got to tell me what happened They're like a photo of a dead woman on the count like the bar She has a wife and crud and the person's like there was this one person named Chloe asking all about warp And why her best friend was arrested? Yeah Yeah, sorry

On your door. I do love that. This is all very Eugene heavy today or not Eugene, Oregon heavy Oh, Newport Eugene Portland. We've gotten a lot of Oregon shoutouts today Anyway, well, thank you Chloe. Appreciate it and please be careful out there. Yes. Be safe. If you see warp don't Don't engage. Yeah, don't make eye contact You'll be fine he escaped from the Newport Wax Museum be careful breaking news a brand new game is now live at bet 365

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Please play responsibly. If you or someone you know has concerns about gambling, visit connexontario.ca, T's and Z's apply. Now it's time for my challenge, which was to find reviews mentioning how annoying the commercials are, which is such a good challenge. It sounds familiar, but who knows? I think it'll never it'll never fail. I think we could do this every week.

It'll never fail us. I think we could do this every week. This first one is from Skady Shide, who sent... We do this every week? We could do this every week. Oh, I was like, I wouldn't say that often. It's that fun. Yeah, we could absolutely.

And honestly, the amount of singing. Yeah. True. It's not... It's not... Thankfully, many of them were unrelated to the jingles, but don't worry, I have a couple. Great. And speaking of having one of those, Northern Lights Pizza in Des Moines, Iowa. Okay, this is a one star review. I wish NLP would change that stupid commercial or take it off. It gets played way too often and the kid on there is annoying.

It turns me off trying the pizza. End of review. Whoa. First of all, the kid is just like a child actor. Like he's very enthusiastic. He's like, he's a kid. I don't know about, but. This is like a Rorschach test.

It's like, what are you reading into this? You know? But I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying like, what is it that's like upsetting you or triggering you? And the jingle goes like this. It goes, the pizza's great. And then there's a, that's a, I think a man singing like male sounding voice and then like female sounding voice in the background, multiple going, love the breadsticks.

I'm picturing castanets. And then he goes, Northern Lights Pizza. Northern Lights Pizza, okay. And he goes, the pizza's great, love the breadsticks. Northern Lights Pizza. Wow, that was pretty good. You haven't even heard it, but- No, I heard what you sang, I thought it was pretty good.

I kind of, now I kind of want- I got really into that one. Breadstick, you did a really good job. Love the breadsticks. It was, I enjoyed it. I would really like some breadsticks now. I actually think that had worked even like secondhand. Breadsticks maybe more than secondhand if any of these listeners are getting cravings. Tag us in your breadstick pics. Hashtag NLP. Okay. NFT. Do not do that and tag us. We all have too many of those.

Next one was sent in by Lindsay She Her, who sent in a one-star review of Liberty Mutual Insurance. Oh god, those fucking songs. I knew. Alrighty, one star you have a mean commercial using emu March 1st 2025 you don't need a commercial hollering at the bird you have a mean commercial using emu March 1st 2025 end of review and there's an article and it says and I'd like separate from this review that says, tell Liberty Mutual Insurance to pull their EMU ads by Karen Davis, PhD, president of United Poultry Concerns. United Poultry Concerns. Yeah. And like the content on this is about the

quality of life. And many of the things are about the quality of life of birds that are slaughtered. Oh no! Yeah, but anyway, so like, it's an article and they like wrote a letter to them because they felt it was not right to be using the emu's in these commercials. And I was curious. So I, I googled it and they do use a real emu for parts, but a lot of it is like, generally like CGI after the fact. Like they use the model of the real emu and stuff. But yeah, and but this is Listen, this is me telling Liberty Mutual to pull their emu ads.

Who the fuck cares? They're not that funny anyway. Get the emu off there. Be nice to the animals. That's how I'll fucking sign it. I'm sick of those commercials. I'll fucking sign it. It's annoying. And guess what? It gets stuck in my head whether there's a fucking emu on the screen or not. Yeah. And you could put a fake emu and a real emu. I'm not paying close enough attention to realize if it's a real emu or a fake emu. That's true. So let's just fucking leave the real emu to its own life. Thank you. Amen. Who knows a real emu. Now I'm mad. Yeah,

no, it got me too. I read that article. Anyway. I didn't care about Liberty Mutual one cent until this very moment. Next, I have something that people have already cared about, I'm sure. This is a review of cars for kids. It's a Yelp review or Yelp thread sent to my Gregory. We've probably gotten a bajillion of these since the day we started the podcast. People are like, have you heard of this? And honestly, I wasn't familiar with the jingle.

Like it's not like people get really heated about this. Do you know that I was not either until I watched The Good Place and in, that is I know I'd say this a lot But in when when the people from the Bad Place come, yeah, including Adam Scott They sing 1-800 cars for kids is like one of the like dance seven seven what one eight seven Oh, yeah, one eight seven seven cars for kids. So they sing that as part of this So like I sort of know it from that but I I didn't really feel like we heard that a lot growing up we did not that's why it's like was new like when I heard that was a thing I was like ah it skipped me but it goes like this ready yeah 1-877-CARS-FOR-KIDS

k-a-r-s cars for kids 1-877-CARS-FOR-. Donate your car today. And then they keep the repeats. It's funny. It feels so innocuous when you first hear it. Yeah, same when I first heard I was like, OK. And then you hear it over and over and you're like, yeah, hey, this is going to be the end. Yeah. I mean, like, especially your drive and you can't just skip. Doesn't work that way on radio.

It's so triggering, yeah. So here is a thread and I'm gonna read two comments. The first was written by Lisa. The commercial with the kids singing makes me wanna stab out my eardrums. I also have major beef with any organization that is trying to help kids that can't be bothered to spell things properly.

Because they wrote cars in the cake. Yeah, wow, because that'll really ruin the kids' education. Jesus. I know. God damn it. And then here's what Dan has to say. The commercial isn't a front to music, jingles to commercials and to the human spirit.

I want to run over the children who sing the song with my car instead of donating it. It's terrible. It's a car with a C or K? Oh with a C. Thank God. Oh thank God. They've been spared. But Gregory also sent in a very in-depth article about... Don't say Gregory so fast like I'm not gonna catch on that you just said Gregory. I said that he sent this in. Oh I see that clear... No I clearly blacked that part out. Yeah I said it too quick for you. Because you know why? Because I knew he talks about cars for kids. He brought it up on Patreon. Really? I should have known this was him the whole time. You should have. Especially once I told you it was him. I should have read between the lines and figured it out.

Oh, man. But he sent an article from CharityWatch.org about their practices. Dude, I had no idea about cars for kids. Is it bad? Yeah, no, they well, like, yes, they for for being misleading because apparently I'm not sure if it was a majority, a big chunk of the money that they get, like if you donate your car, and the example is like Minnesota, I think, if you donate your car,

your money is not going to like local kids. It goes to, it primarily goes to specifically Jewish kids in the Northeast. So like, and like in New Jersey and New York in the Northeast. So like in New Jersey, in New York and the Northeast. Okay, that's specific, I guess. Yeah, but the point being they don't disclose that at all. Oh yeah, that's not really cool. Oh yeah, so no, they've been paid many fines in many states.

So just to clarify, the cars are not for kids. No, the kids don't drive the cars. Kids don't get No, the cars, kids don't drive the cars. Kids don't get the cars. No, they don't get the cars. They just, it's supposed to... I just wanted to make sure. But it's one of those things about like, or it says that they were fined

because they didn't disclose their religious affiliation. Oh. And also they failed to disclose that an offer of a free vacation for vehicle donors was designed to recruit people to attend timeshare presentations. Okay, I mean, yeah, that's not surprising. I hear free vacation. I don't go, oh, I'm going to get a free vacation.

I go donating a car like it's not like you're going to get a vacation by sitting through a meeting. It's like, no, that's completely fair. That one completely fair. Yes. That one I thought, yeah. But there's a report to the IRS that found that 44% of funds raised by cars for kids went to program expenses, and most of that money had gone to its sister organization, whose concentration in New York and New Jersey meant only one Minnesota child was believed

to have benefited from one of its programs between 2012 and 2014. One child. One child in Minnesota. That's the Minnesota attorney general is the one who who put this three hundred page report. They I heard they had like a Jay Leno style car garage for all their cars. Yeah a bunch of lemons. And it says, they also lost money in real estate investments in the financial crisis of 2008 and may have been a victim of losses from a Ponzi scheme. Oh, God. So very fascinating stuff. And John Oliver had a video on them that I have not watched yet, but I'd like to because I'm sure there's plenty of content out there.

Anyway, for further research, go do that. Now on to- Go do. Anyway, for further research, go do that now. Go do it yourself. Go do the research. Go do it. I give a ton of info. Hey, hey, hey, I'm driving over kids here. OK, Elta said this and said this guy has commercials all over and even tried to trademark his arms outstretched pose. It's a Minnesota real estate guy, Chris Lindahl.

And like, I watched his ads, his whole thing is he reaches his arms out. And there's one ad that was like, do the Lindahl. And they were like, that's a whole thing. And his billboards are like him with his arms touching like all the way on the sides of the billboard and the information or something. I don't know. It's just its own its thing but I don't know. Here's a one-star review.

I'm just tired of all the advertising it's just ridiculous. I can't go four hours without hearing or seeing him from the tv radio or billboards. I am so annoyed that even if you could net me $20,000 more, I would give anybody but you a chance. End of review. And then, uh, here's a response from owner. Oh shit. Ryan, we are so sorry to hear you're annoyed by the advertising. To a lot of folks who regularly drive down the same stretch of highway or have a favorite

radio station, it must seem like everyone knows our name by now. But believe it or not, we still find that some of the fam- believe it or not. Believe it or not? Oh my god. It's everywhere. But believe it or not, we still find that some of the families who need our help are only just starting to hear of us. Our agents tend to have a sense of humor about our advertising, and if you ever did contact one of them, you'd probably be able to share a laugh or two. Yeah, they probably like yeah I agree. It's fucking annoying. Yeah, like they're not doing the ads. They're just part of them. Yep. Exactly You'd probably be able to share a laugh or two hopefully while getting you that extra $20,000 Wow

Vacation are you Wednesday at 330 p.m. It's one of those things that's so annoying because of how oversaturated it all, how it will be sat through in that areas, but at least it's not offensive. It's just some dude with his arms out. It's just an annoying fucking song also, yeah. The song?

Oh, sorry, I was still thinking of that fucking Cars for Kids. It's stuck in your head, yeah. It's really stuck in actually more than my head. I it's stuck in like here what some sort of my like subconscious forever. Is that not in your head? Where's that? Where do you keep your subconscious I knew oh me me too My next one is of a place called Rock Solid. They do countertops in Naples, Florida. Oh, okay.

And I will say, like, they didn't hear jingle or anything, but they did have really fucking annoying ads. I watched like two of them, and they were the fucking worst things I've ever seen. Like TV ads? Yeah, they were the worst. They pissed me off. Okay.

So I get at this, anything. But this is a five- I pissed me off. So I get this anything. But this is a five star review, though. Why do they? OK. Why do they what? Why? I don't know. Is this the energy? It was very like. It was very boomer coated, but not like Patty Boomer, you know, like. Well, it's obviously. Yeah.

And like not even our dad, he fucks the dick. She says fuck the dickhead. Yeah, like not even our dad Boomer humor like worse. Oh, like it was not that it was offensive or anything I'm just like it was these two guys cringing like fake muscle suits With German fake German accents. Oh, and he was like, I'm rock. I'm solid and like we're and then like a beautiful woman walks out and like gives her Pitch it was a whole it was like 15 seconds and I, it was a lot really fast. Okay. Yeah, it sounds traumatic.

I'm sorry to break you bring it up again. Here we go. I hate their goofy ads. There got that out of the way. Showroom five stars had lots of choices and the salesperson was exceedingly helpful and knowledgeable. Estimating instantly got a price together for us based on the drawings from our architect. Price was very fair and no change to the price when installed.

Five stars templating professional did a nice job. Also very pleasant to interact with. Five stars. And most importantly, installation went great. Installers were polite, neat, courteous, and did an excellent job. Five stars. Now, I have to admit, I was skeptical based on their silly TV ads, but the results speak for themselves.

100% recommend, especially my salesperson, Nelson. Oh, and start to finish from quote to completion was about three weeks. And then they included a picture. End of review. Nelson! And it looks great. What do I know about countertops? Nothing, but it looks great rock solid

I hate it. It was pretty it was rough. I actually hate it so much I it made me I just prefer ones like wrecker and burger. I mean, that's the one that comes to mind burger the comfort zone I do feel a Burger the comfort zone. I do feel uh Fortunate good that that's the one that comes to mind when I hear like annoying commercial because I think it could be so much worse Yes, true. You could it could be record burger and so short. Yeah Yeah, that's true And my final one. This is of mollman Law in Chicago, Illinois. One star review.

The worst ever law firm to represent you in workman's comp. They get a freaking F minus. They are not working for you. This is the worst decision in my partner's life. We've had two attorneys assigned to our case. The first one bad, the second one horrible. They are a disgrace. And I've gotten no satisfaction from working with them by choosing them. We lost everything. And that commercial about caring? Bull crap.

This company is crap. Fake, horrible. Don't you dare choose them. End of review. Don't you dare. Yeah, don't you dare. And their response was basically like, because you didn't tell us what you're like, the person actually was like, we don't know who you're talking, what

case you're talking about, but please reach out to us and we'll try to fix it. But you're like, we don't know who you are. Please. Who the fuck are you? Yeah. Okay. That feels so awkward because it's like, okay that must make you crazy then every time you see a commercial or hear it on the radio You're like, oh they fuck experience. Yeah, I'm being triggered like every minute of every day Mention like apparently this ad mentions caring like yeah, you're like Oh my god, the way you would just be like completely thrown off every time you heard it. Yeah The way you would just be like completely thrown off every time you heard it. Yeah

After that time timeshare presentation and you're driving home and you have to listen to the cars for kids jingle You mean you're driving your driving your taking the bus home. No on a wednesday in What's a timeshare place? Uh Yeah, there you go and you just like go on a Wednesday afternoon. Yeah this ad Yeah, that's kind of rough. So that sucks. But yeah, I got I I did it I guess I'm done. You did a very good job and I'm very impressed. Thank you. Oh, wow. Thank you OXR yeah I'm so proud of you.

Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Thanks everyone for listening. We appreciate you and we love you so much. If you wanna come see us live, we are going to all sorts of cool shows, including Orlando, Florida. So go get your tickets.

You can go to beachtucandy.com to see where we're going. You can also join us on Patreon if you wanna submit a voicemail, patreon.com slash btucnd, and we also post the upcoming themes and challenges and a full calendar and all sorts of stuff, chances for you to submit your reviews, et cetera. So check that out.

Otherwise, we will be back with you next week with another really delightful and timely, probably Austin Powers Powers adjacent topic. Can't wait!