Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 338: Reviews of Chocolate Factories

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

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A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, beautiful creatures. This is episode three. What? Sorry, you said creatures and I was picturing beautiful and then you said creatures and for some reason. Oh, sorry. It's our creatures not beautiful to you?

I thought you were kind of like pro nature. I just wasn't expecting that word. Pro nature, I am. Well, I'm not. Eradicate all ocean worms. That's what I always say. Hello, all you adorable little ocean worms. I brought for you today the Chocolate Factory episode.

You wanna, sorry, I can't let those go. You just said you wanna eradicate all ocean worms and then you said hello little ocean worms. With love, they know I mean it lovingly. They know I mean it lovingly. Jesus Christ. We want people to come to our shows, not like fear for their eradication.

Hey, all you sexy, late babies. Thanks for coming to our show. We wanna tell you about the live show real quick because we're about to be in Florida. So that'll be interesting. And yeah, we've gotten a few questions about what the shows are actually like and if they're similar to the podcast or not.

And so we wanted to give you a quick, just a rundown of how it goes because we think it's pretty creative and fun. So we wanted to let you know what it's like to come to a Beach 2 Sandy live show. Yeah, first of all, it's the best time ever. That's important to know. It's a 90 minute long show.

So longer than our normal episodes unless we get really unhinged, you know. Oh, speaking of unhinged, all of our live shows become unhinged one way or another. That's our only guarantee. That we can guarantee. But yeah, it's like really fun because it's like our show where we don't know what the other person's bringing. It's just truly we're bringing a shit ton of reviews,

but more at the live shows. Oh, and it's themed to the town. But hyper-localized, exactly. So it's like super, I don't know. You get a special shout out. Yeah, I'm almost done with my Florida research and there's some weird shit, you know? And like-

You don't say. Spoilers, spoilers, but there's a really great strip club with great reviews, so. Are you going there? Oh, I thought you meant for after the show. Oh yeah, maybe. Well that too, okay, maybe, but yeah. And then, oh, also we have a new bit we're doing.

Oh, we sell merch at the shows a lot of people want to know that one We do sell merch at the show. That's right But then we have this fun bit. We're gonna try out at all the live shows. I Think we might have mentioned it. I don't know. I feel like we said it briefly, but we never really committed to it So it's time to announce it. I guess yeah, but we're gonna do this at the live shows where we're gonna bring a review For the other person to read Yeah, instead of a surprise review. Yeah, so it'll be surprised to them, but they have to be the one reading it so we'll get hopefully get nice and creative with

What we bring to the table? Yeah, I can only imagine what kind of pain Alexander is gonna put me through and then of course We've already promised Well, yeah, Chicago will be on on relort day but Florida will be a free-for-all I think. And we haven't even mentioned the Chicago Pope like... Oh my god you're right now that's relevant. Recovering Catholics. That was that was a big deal. I'm pretty shocked where we have an American Pope in our lifetime. I'm telling you it is... the world is shifting I'm telling you where we have an American Pope in our lifetime. That's pretty wild. I'm telling you, the world is shifting.

I'm telling you, it's happening. It is. I don't know if I like it. It will be good in the end. It will, I promise. That's what we say about at the beginning of our live shows too. It'll be good in the end.

Don't worry. It'll be good in the end. We won't all be extinct from all the greenhouse gases. We'll all be here still. Unless you're an ocean worm. You'll be extinct from. My influence. Your wrath. My wrath.

Anyway, what are we doing today? Today we are doing Chocolate Factories, which it just was suggested on Patreon and I thought, I guess so, I guess so, why not? And I will say we got quite a variety of some bonkers. I mean, I guess it does make some sense. The time we did the gift shops in Atlantic City or whatever, souvenir shops,

and the owners of these shops tend to be a little kooky. I feel that we got, I don't know about you, but I got some of that same kind of flavor today. I got all sorts of flavor, but yes, I definitely have complaints about staff and or management or yeah. Things get a little weird in these small chocolate shops. It really does. I'll go I'll get started.

Yeah. I have an email from Elise and Matt who are celebrating something pretty big, very big. They say, Dearest siblings, this episode is the first one to air after having completed grad school. Elise for art therapy and Matt for social work. Oh, wait, I totally have this too. Why do I have this? Did they send in like a challenge email or something?

Or a different view maybe? Yes. A different email? Yes, with the same, okay. I'm glad they did that. So make sure we see it. You are so smart, Matt and Elise. No wonder you just graduated.

Cum laude, I hope. Your podcast has gotten us both through these last couple of years and has been the saving grace of our commutes to classes and internships. As a result, our graduations are as much yours as they are ours. Congrats on becoming therapists. Thank you. It's about time somebody rewards us for all our hard work. That is very exciting for us.

I love that I also opened that same email so we both got addressed. We both got our degrees together. Yeah, that's really special. So special. Elise and Matt, your reviews that you sent in have gotten us both through these last couple of years and has been the saving grace of our recording and as a result, our podcast is as much your, nope, that's legally, I don't know if I can say that,

as a podcast. We gotta give them something more, more, what's the word, symbolic? Like, less tangible, you know? Like the podcast soul is as much yours as it is ours. That feels like it could eventually become tangible and I don't necessarily wanna risk that now just cause we don't know what a soul is really made of yet.

I think if this podcast soul becomes a tangible thing, it's far too late for any of us. I don't know what that means, but it's not good. So let's put a shit on. Yes, exactly. Okay, you could have the soul of our podcast but it's not good. So let's put a shit on. Yes, you're right. OK, you could have the soul of our podcast. That's that's your payment. Thank you.

Congrats on being partial soul owners. That's so the whole S.O.U.L. legally, not sole owners of. Don't try that nonsense. I'm going to read a review of a chocolate factory that they sent in. This is we know you so well. All right, this is of L.A. Burdick handmade chocolate something something. It says dot dot dot. In West Cambridge, Massachusetts. It's a chocolate shop if that wasn't clear. One star. I've been coming here for about 20 years, each time a delight.

Today, however, the balding troglodyte with the long hair was so rude to me that I considered canceling my order and never coming back. I realize everyone needs a job, but some people make better deep sea divers than dealing with the public. That way, they can spew their venom at the sharks and not humanity. End of review. Hello, is that what you think happens? Have you ever watched?

I don't think we should be spewing any venom at sharks. I don't think you should be spewing anything at all. It feels like that's really not what you're meant to be doing. Spewing venom at sharks? What does that even mean? Do they mean like in the way of like yelling at the sharks, like treating them rudely,

or do they mean like, I will shoot lasers out of my eyes? I don't know. No, it would be like, don't some like frogs have poison come out of their eyeballs or some sort of amphibian slash reptile? Sometimes people like lick toads, and it can make you hallucinate.

Well, I don't think that's venom, though. That's it. It sort of is because it's like poison. But actually, venom, isn't that like through a bite only? Oh, maybe. Poison is that would be poison. And venom is like it's injected in, maybe not specifically a bite, but like snakes are venomous not poisonous or not all you know I mean but like a berry would be poisonous if you if you bite it and you die it's poison but if it bites you

and you die that's venom what a good way to put it I I'm not smart enough I haven't actually graduated grad school so I'm not smart enough to put it I I'm not smart enough. I haven't actually graduated grad school So I'm not smart enough to put it so succinctly That's okay. I'll center I get paid by the word. That's why I ramble so much. I love that No, I was just reading that new Hunger Games book and they talked about licking a toad Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I read it. I finished it. Loved it. So good. I've already read half of it Okay, my turn. Yes. This is from Lindsey. She her it's of a place called the chocolate chisel And this is in Port Washington, Wisconsin

Overpriced their popcorn which isn't made there and bought from Broadway popcorn over 40 for a bag and it wasn't that good They used Oreo cookies in a chocolate, which was overpriced and not what they are supposed to even do. The place is mediocre at best and having other brands and stores produce your food is lousy and unoriginal. End of review. They're not supposed to do that, what does it mean?

Well, I think there's a... I think they're saying they... Like a secret chocolate community that has rules, like magicians, they have their weird rules. I think they're trying to imply that they're like using, they're infringing on brand names, like Oreo. On like Nabisco, or is it Mistley, whoever, fuck. Yeah, Nabisco.

So let me finish the, oh wait, let me read the owner response, because it might give you a little bit of clarity I mean it probably won't Nabisco even exist anymore remember the Nabisco. I had so much fun video game thing It's so much fun. Of course. No, it's like still exists Look, I haven't heard Nabisco and I said I'm like that has not been uttered in actually. I feel like I say it a lot but only in my own head oh Oreo Ritz crackers Teddy grams yeah, so okay. They're doing just fine. I know you think I Know okay here is a response from owner

We take pride in having Broadway popcorn produce our caramel corn we coat it in house with our chocolate And it's delicious they make a great product and we will continue to use it. It's the best. I'm wondering if you are really even in our store. A large bag of chocolate covered caramel corn is $9.85, not $40 like you said. Kind of suspicious. Maybe you need an eye examination. Also, we always use Oreo cookies in our Oreo cookie ice cream. That's why we call it Oreo cookie ice cream. And our chocolate covered Oreos are as we advertise, chocolate covered Oreos.

Duh, actually this deserves two does, duh and duh. End of response. Wow. Duh and duh. That's wild. Double duh. That review that they just. You can't put Oreos in things. What are you talking? Like literally, what are you talking about?

No sense. But also also also. The other thing with the Broadway popcorn, are you kidding me? I presumably that's another local business. Yeah. So what is the problem? Even if they didn't coat it in their own chocolate, like there's nothing that's good for the community. I don't know what's bad about that, about selling a local popcorn.

Like if it were like smart food pot or smart pot, I don't know, something like that. Yeah, they dumped it out of a bag and pretended it was their own, that's one thing. They like went to the AMC next door, door right popcorn. That would be very cost-effective But like this just says that they sell it In and that was they had a partnership. Yeah, I guess I don't know why they're saying they're not original and I'm like I don't know. It sounds delicious to me

So wild I'm always like make your own chocolate company and see if people like your original ideas, you know? You always do. You say that all the time. I say, God, I can't stop myself. Someone criticizes the podcast and you say, you start your own chocolate factory. And then get back to me. And then they leave you alone.

And then I go, you won't. And they're like, no, I won't. You're right. Yeah. They're like, yeah, you're right I have a one-star review. This was also sent in by Matt and Elise of LA Burdick My partner and I took a trip to LA Burdick from out of state last Saturday for a birthday and we had a strange Experience while we were there

There was a female employee who started talking to us about her experience as a time traveler, previous partners of her, and other of hers, and other bizarre topics. While friendly, her behavior was very off-putting and unprofessional. Attempts to disengage from the conversation were futile, as we were stuck in a line that was nearly out the door. Once we had our desserts, we wanted to take a seat, but every seat was taken. Half of the patrons were on their laptops working,

leaving few seats for people to enjoy their desserts. So we had to bring it to our car to enjoy. On our way out, the same employee approached us and asked for us to leave a good Google review for her, as she doesn't make enough per hour as an employee here and could make more a few stores down. What? Wildly unprofessional. Overall, while the chocolate is delicious,

the experience was crowded, uncomfortable, and as another reviewer said, disturbing. So I'll stick to ordering online for my special occasions, end of review. What the fuck? Do you think like... Do you think like? Do you think like yes, I do think that that employee is a time traveler do you think it's the same? Do you think it's the same idea of what was it but oh my god Christine get it together

Time travel. Oh, do you think she's just trying to get a five-star review? Time travel. Oh, do you think she's just trying to get a five-star review? Mentioning her so that she can like print it out and go down the street and say like see yeah I've never felt like it was for a resume or something the way it was At least the way, you know, the reviewer presented it. Yeah the way the reviewer presented it You don't need to like harass random people for that. Yeah It's just strange I mean, yeah, and I guess if you're such a good time traveler, I guess you're not a very good time traveler maybe that's the point because

Feels like if you had that on your in your arsenal, you'd probably be able to get a job wherever you wanted Or not a job or never work a job in your life. That's exactly right That might not be what you want, but clearly this person is talking about better things that they want. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, huh. I feel like the thing is what we don't know is what the limits are to the time travel. We don't know the parameters within which this time traveler exists and the rules and the stakes. Imagine she gets spliced you know and like we don't want a butterfly effect you know butterfly effect and we

don't want that. Butterfly effecting everywhere. Yep. Yeah. So the next thing I have is from Grapefruit Street She Herb. This is a review let me get the thing of the HB Reese Candy Company. I can't get these initials. The Reese's Factory. Oh. L.A. What did I say? Whatever the L.A. Burdick Burdick. And then what H.G. Wells? What is H.G. Wells Reese plus crossover with Reese's H.B. Reese Candy Company?

God, that's probably the guy who made it up, who made it up. Yeah, I mean, who lied about Reese's HB Reese candy company. Got it. That's probably the guy who made it up, who made it up. Yeah, I mean, who lied about Reese's and who lied. OK, this one is wild. This is by Benji, one star. And this is of the factory, to clarify. They used to be a respectable company from a younger perspective. Then one day I had this issue with someone online. And this company specifically sent an ad to my YouTube,

targeting myself on that information. Not only is stalking a crime, but specifically targeting someone on the internet? That has never worked for you, but used to purchase your candy. It's disgusting and disrespectful for any business. I will never buy another candy product from this business. They support satanic practices and have never stood beside myself. What?

They support satanic practices and have never stood beside myself for anything. Even though their information is invalid, they still chose to target me. End of review. Four people found this helpful. No, no. I know, I know. I don't know what that's about.

Can I just read my last Reese's one because it's really short. Of course. Thank you. It's also from Greypreece Street. It says it's by Bianca, one star. I'm sorry because I ate Reese's and it gave me diarrhea. I want a refund or stop buying it for the other 70 years of my life. I called a member of your staff and they are incompetent. End of review. So the other 70 years of my life, do you think you're going to be 140? I mean, not I'm so not at the rate you eat Reese's. You know what I mean? Yeah, wait.

So this is like the first Reese's in 70 years of life that gave them diarrhea. Or I guess. I don't know. Is that legit? I know we've had we talk a lot about diarrhea. I think I just found one for one of our Florida shows. Great. I think I might have one at both about diarrhea, maybe just one. OK, maybe I should edit that out.

That's our new show up. That's my new. That's the second bit we do. So we talk about diarrhea every. It's an unintention that's a second bit we do. We talk about diarrhea every one of you. It's an unintentional bit. It just happens every time. It just happens. No, I yeah, they get they eat. They get diarrhea after eating like a specific piece of candy and they think, oh, it's all how dare they like.

Yeah, you're practicing satanic worship. Oh, my God. OK, I forgot about all that. Sorry. Sorryanic worship, obviously. Oh my god, okay. I forgot about all that, sorry. Sorry, I jumped ahead, but. No, I know, I wasn't even gonna mention that, honestly. That wasn't even, like, I was not planning to talk about that, and that's kinda crazy. For the best.

I mean, I don't know what ad they targeted him with, but. I kinda wanna see it now. Imagine just like a Reese's ad and you're like That's personal like yeah What half the time it's a rabbit with its ears bitten off like a chocolate. I said it had like information Yeah, I'd said it had false information about me. Oh Yeah, they're too many Too many unknowns too many buzzwords. Yeah, I'd like to keep. Too many buzzwords, yeah.

And I'd like to keep them unknown, if that's okay. I actually fully agree with you, thank you. My next one is from Sam Balaam, she her. This is a review of Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory in West Covina, California. One star. This location deserves a zero. Although the store is beautifully set up and the products look delicious, it has a horrible costumer service.

Came back to exchange my chocolate covered strawberries because there was a bug inside. Associate opens the box, asks where the bug is, grabs it by two fingers, and squished it. No! Wiped her hands together. No! Didn't wash her hands, and said, we'll just pack you a new box. Mind you, she didn't throw away the ones I returned.

She packed a new box, but didn't weigh it. I asked how she would know if I was getting the same amount my husband already paid for. Her response was with a snarky tone, I gave you bigger strawberries, do you want me to weigh it so you can pay the difference? I then asked for her name and she ignored me. After the third try, I asked for the manager

which she promptly replied, I am the owner. I left and called corporate to file a complaint but was told their stores are independently owned and was asked if I would like my complaint to be forwarded to the store. A couple hours later, I got a call back from the owner only to be yelled at and treated worse than I was this morning. After reading past reviews it all makes sense now because I am not the only one that has written a complaint about their unprofessionalism and quality of fresh produce. Better Business Bureau will

also be receiving a complaint. See Bug on my Rocky Mountain chocolate covered strawberries below. This location is ruining the name of a great corporation. End of review and then you have my notes open so please scroll down to the big picture and you can see and based on my research it appears to be a white white fly. Oh my god. It's a bug that's in the packaged up set of strawberries. Just chilling, a white beetle thing. Yeah, it's probably like, would be harmless, but you know, it's like, let's, I would definitely. I don't want a bug in my food. And then squishing it in front.

That's so wild. Sick, what a weirdo. And then the twist that it's the owner, I mean, I guess if anyone else is doing it, I'd be kind of like if a if just a random employee was squishing bugs and doing things this way, I'd be like, wow, does the owner know? Yeah. But in this case, I'm like, oh, OK, yeah. She actually knows and she requires it as part of part of your training.

If you work there. Yeah. part of your training if you work there. Yeah. I am so thrilled because I just renewed my NutriFull and it came, these brand new packets of it to refill my little canister. I love NutriFull, it has changed the game for my hair. I actually don't envision a day that I won't be using it, especially now that we're having all these hot humid days

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We were actually together when that happened. We were and we celebrated. And my favorite might be the try on thing with the webcam where you can put on all the different things I don't know. We were in our hotel room like trying on different pairs and we were like, wow, this is gay. It's just revolutionary Especially the ones that I would never buy because i'm not confident enough. I shouldn't say never. Oh, okay Well those two but I was thinking ones that are like super flashy that look really cool Because there are a lot of good ones fashionable ones that uh that I'm like, I don't know if I can

pull that off yet. Maybe I just need more confidence. Hey, you want to know something fun though? What? Even though I got that laser eye surgery done, I've realized even at my youthful age of somewhere in my mid thirties, I need reading glasses. So I had to go on there, but it's actually, it feels cool because then you can buy kind of the more fun, bold, wacky ones because they're like reading glass

You know, you don't need to wear them every day instead of just going to a drugstore and picking some up I got to pick, you know, the they do the the lower magnifying because I'm still very youthful as you know Yeah, no, I don't know this stuff because I'm my eyes are really good. Sorry Yeah, well then why don't you give me your Warby Parker? No, I do need some glasses for night driving, but that's different. That's not a It's true. Yeah, perfect my ass. All right Warby Parker has over 270 locations to help you find your next pair of glasses You can also head over to Warby Parker comm slash Beach right now to try on any pair virtually That's Warby Parker comm slashcom slash beach. Warbyparker.com slash beach. Okay, the next one I have is also from Lindsay and it's of Wilmar Chocolates in Appleton,

Wisconsin. One star by Brandon. Ordering online, they will not allow you to order one chocolate cow. They make you order a minimum of six chocolate cows. Who the heck needs six chocolate cows? I mean, six chocolate cows. Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, but they want you to order six chocolate cows. Why?

Greed, that's why. End of review. Gotta keep them as a family, you know? And here's the response from owner. Brandon, we are very sorry that the minimum order for our cows bothered you. It was a decision made by our production team to try to simplify processes during COVID-19.

If you missed the email sent to you on Monday morning, here it is. Please feel free to call or follow the instructions in the email to order one cow instead of the whole herd. Okay, so apparently they emailed him. He sent an email saying six cows with a bunch of question marks and they responded to him and here's the email. Hi Brandon, today's your lucky day. We happen to have two chocolate cows available at this time. Would you like to order one or both of them? We can take your order by phone. If you prefer to order on the website,

you will order one unit of six, then write us a note. We will charge your credit card for the number that you would like, not the quantity of six. The pandemic has taken us on many twists and turns. We are willing to work with our customers. Many times adjustments can be made. We thank you for understanding. Sweet regards, Wilmar Chocolates."

What are you bothering these people for, right? Like leave them alone. They're trying to get through, geez. Yeah, and they seem to be like doing their best and maybe even a little extra than that. And they sent that in before he even posted about it. Like they already gave him an option to do just one cow. The fact that that review is still up really bothers me.

Like that needs to be removed or changed or something. It also bothers me. Oh no, now I'm on their website. Ooh, this looks good. Oh, you sounded like ooh, like uh-oh, like something was bad. I was like, what the heck is on their website Oh only the best all the cows. Okay, I do want like I I love cows

They have a star-spangled bar, which has Its white chocolate, but it has pop rocks in it. So it has like That's great. That's a great. I don't think I've ever had That's called rocks and chocolate. That's pretty cool. I'm into pretty cool I'm into it I'm into it all right okay while you do make an order I'm gonna read something from Stacy well would you chip in for at least what two or two of the cows are they vegan well not a little too ironic I guess eating them so I don't know let me see if they have cows right now oh Chocolate cow Imagine if I took someone's breast like a human's breast milk and made a human shaped piece of chocolate out of it

I'm sure someone has imagined it everybody. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna do it as an art piece, so I'm sure they already As an art piece yeah, okay, but people forgot about it or Forget about it or... I want to let them forget about it. A man can dream. Okay. I'm gonna read a review of Ceres candies in Pittsburgh, sent in by Stacy. This is a one-star review by Andy. Just saw a red Ceres van at 6 08 a.m. at the Sunoco in McMurray, the one by the Walgreens, buying bongs and CBD oils and loading them up in the van.

Real nice knowing my kid's fundraiser candy is in the same truck as drug using instruments. End of review. Not drug using instruments! And Seri's candies. They did respond, but they basically were like, thanks for telling us. If you have any further information about a van number, we're gonna, they passed it along to-

Yeah, you just fucking got them in trouble, dude. You know, I'm looking at it now, and I'm saying Saris, because I'm probably not, I didn't graduate grad school. It's S-A-R-R-I-S and I just remembered that it says to Mr. Saris. So if I had thought of it as a last name, I probably wouldn't have said Saris. S-A-R-R-I-S, because it's not I-E-S.

So it's probably Saris candies. So Pittsburghers, I don't care about your opinion either way, so don't even bother correcting me. We did that all. We hope we made you mad. Yeah. I love your city, but I hate all of you. Oh, sorry, I'm just reading something from Stacey's email. Hey!

About Pittsburgh. Oh, my gosh. Anyway, so they pass it along to Mr. Saris. That stinks. Mr. Candy Shop. That stinks. Mr. Candy Shop. Someone lost their job. And, yeah.

You just got, you just lost their job. I guess that's what you wanted. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't snitch on this, but I think if I were caught, if someone were caught doing that. If I saw them driving and smoking weed maybe, but not like, not like buying CBD oil. Yeah, I

Don't think I would care that much but the bongs I guess is what their problem is But the instruments the ball. Yes, the drug use this drug using instruments Yes, I struggle to read that the first time drug using Yeah, yeah Okay, so I have I struggled to read that the first time. Drug using the instrument is a wild choice. It's so unnatural. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I have two back to back, I hope that's okay, cause they're about the same chocolate shop.

I only have one more left. Okay, I have like a few, so that's why I'm kind of lumping them together. This is from Jess Sheher, it's of Northern Chocolate Factory in Milwaukee. Now there's a character here named Jim and much like Fly Squishing Lady he is a character so I have a couple of two reviews the first one is a five star from Brian yeah this is over 14 years ago to this this review. The owner is a bit crazy, and that's pretty clear from older online posts.

I'll only add to what other reviewers said about conduct in the shop. Expect to take your shoes off inside. I believe this is a cash only store, and the owner may rudely look into your wallet asking if you have cash. He might sing. He might say some awkward things, but you'll have a story and some damn good chocolate when you leave. I recommend the milk meltaways highly.

Edit. I also walked away with a picture frame that I neither asked for nor wanted. I didn't dare say no. End of review. Smart. Smart. I'm kind of, is it bugged or something? I was wondering that too.

I don't, now I'm very curious how that happened. I don't think we'll get an answer because a lot of these reviews mention things that seemingly went unanswered. And I just lost hope that we'd find a resolution. This is fascinating. It does sound like one of those people where you're either on the really good side

or the really bad side. Right, he's like, here are all my belongings because you are playing along with my game. And then you would present to Jim, Jim, is it? Yeah. Jim as a character, so I assume there's another side to this with one star reviews. Here's a three star review by Melanie.

We're going down. Alcindor, here's the thing, the chocolate is apparently so good that people are like, I have to plan my day around going here because it's so much for me to do to deal with. But like, it's the only place that will do. And I'm like, jeez, this guy. It is a theme of you. There's this documentary about this guy named Willy Wonka

who's fucking nuts, almost kills multiple kids, maybe kills some. I don't know. Oh, definitely. I mean, allegedly, I don't want to get sued for slander, but and yeah, that's just one of the problems. You know, he goes to Elon Musk's late night parties. Everyone still is obsessed with his chocolate to the point of like frenzy and yeah. And mayhem, did you hear what I said? No.

You know he goes to Elon's parties. Oh my. Like he's a sick fuck like that. He's the caterer. Oh God, and no one asks him to be, he just keeps showing up with trays of stuff and they're like, can you leave that? And it's all like made of breast milk.

It's all breast milk humans. Oh, that's like the luxury branding he brings to them yeah yeah okay this is a three-star review of this place and again they just one star it's hard to get to because the chocolate's so good three stars by melanie well you need to ask yourself what you will go through to get locally made delicious chocolate. If that means getting verbally accosted by the guy that runs Northern Chocolate, then this is your place. For starters, I work near here, and every time I go in, the guy gives me the 20 questions on who I am and where I work and where I live.

It is somewhat annoying. Secondly, I apparently rang the doorbell wrong, and boy did I hear about it. I rang the doorbell, yes, you have to ring a doorbell to enter boy did I hear about it. I rang the doorbell, yes you have to ring a doorbell to enter, and I stepped inside, apparently far enough in so he couldn't see me. I waited and finally he came to the door and proceeded to yell, not kidding he was screaming at me, about how I scared him when I stepped to the side like that and I should know better than to do that. This went on for five minutes, no joke. I almost walked out because quite frankly I was not in the mood to deal with his bat shiz crazed ass. I told him I got it and he can go away and

stop yelling at me. Jesus H Christ, I am there to patronize his store after all. I've been to his store numerous times but I've never endured this type of behavior slash abuse. So I get my $20 worth of chocolate. My brother wanted real chocolate this year, and this is the only place locally that I love. Don't get any ideas, Alexander. I'm not entering this establishment. I don't blame you. My brother wanted real chocolate this year, and he says, sorry, I am really hungover this morning.

I drank a whole bottle of whiskey last night. I mean, I don't even drink. I am a coffee and cig type of person. Right. I'm like, I don't care. Just trying to buy my stuff and get out of here. I don't forgive and forget very easy. I don't know why they say that.

Wait, the reviewer said that? The reviewer said that as like outside of all the quotes. So. Well, that's creepy. That's so creepy. It feels unnecessary. I mean, I'm also not gonna forget this, but like. I mean, yeah.

I'll probably forgive it. Geez. For my own sake. Yeah. I don't forgive and forget very easy. He proceeds to tell me this long story about how drunk he got and asked me if I have ever been so drunk

I forgot what happened the night before. I responded, yeah, maybe when I was a teenager So then he tells me what he wants to have happen to the two teenagers who stole this owl that was held in a sanctuary Recently he goes in a detail about how he wants them tied up to a tree naked as punishment instead of going to jail Anyway, it was sick and I didn't really care to hear about it. Listen, I love animals too, but he's a tiny bit extreme Whatever you do do not wear fur into his store Not that you should be wearing fur anyways for real also bring cash and be prepared to get screamed at also No kids allowed and this is for a good reason The store is teeny tiny and kids would not be good in the store, especially with that dude

My brother really liked the chocolates I bought him and that's all that really matters, smiley face. Except obviously it's not. He gave it a three star. Yeah, well that and- And you'll never forgive and forget. This man was like, speaking of teenagers. I know, what in the world? These teenagers, they stole an owl from a sanctuary.

From a sanctuary, I guess. Which is very fucked up. Of course. Yeah, tied naked to a tree. Well and they're also miners, I guess, which is very fucked up. Of course. Yeah. Tied naked to a tree. Well, and they're also minors. You know, that doesn't necessarily. But yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess.

The window is most likely that they are minors. Either way, as an older man, it's just not a key. You know, no, you don't want to. Sorry. I'm not trying. I know you dantic to like thinking of all the. I mean, you are right. OK. Seventeen year old Dylan White and 18 year old Matthew Coolmeyer were accused of taking Dakota from the Wildlife in Need Center.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I don't know. Nothing good. But the last thing that anyone should want is for these two young these boys to be tied naked to a tree like that. That's not that's appropriate. That's not you shouldn't even go there in your in your head. That should even be a thought in your head and you certainly shouldn't say it out loud to a stranger listening is like, yeah, we knew that this whole time.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, while you guys are really, really pushing the boundaries on your hot takes, you know, yeah, yeah We just we just hope that about okay We actually don't hope this but that the owner is listening and maybe we could get wouldn't have you know, yeah I'm sure that'll happen. I'm sure we're the ones to do it. Nobody else Nobody else who's literally said to his face like this is inappropriate, but yeah, how we'll get through it on Well, it sounds like everyone's afraid to say anything to this person I don't blame them they took a someone took a picture frame without saying no this

person's like three stars my brother liked the chocolate even despite all of that that's anyone's like really putting their foot down I sort of wish the brother I don't blame them I wish the brother hated the chocolate so that next year she's like few enough to go back't have to go back there. True. You know, now she has to repeatedly visit this place. Just saying. Well, speaking of a place I want to repeatedly visit, I have a review of Try My Nuts in Pigeon Forge. Yeah, this was sent in by Taylor. And it's my last one. It's a redemption though. Okay. Five star review of Try My Nuts.

Their nut was good. It'm just realizing this now. That is an example of what I would make you read on stage in front of people in Florida. Okay, well, you want to hear what I would make you read? Oh, no. Yeah. Here's a review sent in by Kaylee Shideh of Mali's Chocolates. Maui's? Mali.

M-A-L-L-E-Y, I believe. Oh. Kaylee said it was in Cleveland? Oh, I'm not interested. Okay. Yeah, it's in Cleveland. Okay. So here's a five-star review that Alexander, just imagine, imagine him reading this. It's by Rodney.

I love Mally's chocolate so much. When I eat three dozen of the chocolate covered strawberries, sometimes I get a belly ache, but I still go back. Then I'll get a pack of donuts and then I'll feel better, drink a little coffee, smoke a little smoke, drink a little drink, and then go back for more and more of those delicious strawberries covered in chocolate. They're big and delicious.

Then drink a little drink, smoke a little smoke smoke a little smoke a little doughnuts yummy yummy yummy end of review okay yeah that was amazing oh my god what a good one fucking stupid have a little smoke have a little drink i was like is this a song yummy yummy fruit salad um and then i just have two left they're from mat and el Elise and they're worth saying because they are of the M&M Factory and Elise grew up in I thought it said grew up in the M&M Factory, but it did indeed say in the same town as the M&M Factory. I thought we were. Where is it?

Not to not because I want to know where Elise was Was raised but I literally don't know Mars Duh, it literally says Mars on here M&M Mars place details. Oh, okay. That makes sense So here's a five-star review by odd none. I Drive their average three times a week to eat fresh M&M. I'm kidding. That is so funny. I love that. Okay. I think that is so funny to me.

I drive their average three times a week to eat fresh M&M. I'm kidding. Love the atmosphere, love the smell, love Mars. I wish I can live there. End of review. Wow. Well, Elise did, so. Is it like a city named Mars?

Like what? Maybe, like Hershey, Pennsylvania, you know, maybe Exactly. You get it. Christian. Of course I do This is as their headquarters is in McLean, Virginia. Oh, that could be it. Oh started by Franklin Clarence Mars His mother taught him to hand dip candy Yeah, I did know about that because also that they wanted it to have a candy coating so that it didn't melt in your hand, obviously. Yeah.

They started in Tacoma, Washington. Okay. Are we just having a fact off battle right now? No, that's what I was trying to find out. Was where they, why don't we go factories I guess. Oh, so Tacoma? Is that where this is? Maybe not.

Cause they're, you know what? Nevermind, that didn't tell us anything. Oh yeah, it didn't. Thanks for notifying me. Okay, this is the last not, because they're, you know what, nevermind, that didn't tell us anything. Oh yeah, it didn't. Thanks for notifying me. Okay, this is the last one. It's really good. This is a four star review by the mighty Emmet of Eminem Mars.

First of all, why is anyone rating a chocolate factory? I saw one person who was describing it like it was a restaurant. This is a factory. Also, why do people need to tell others what their favorite chocolate product from Mars is? Anyone who works there will most likely never see this. So the only people seeing this are random strangers who you will never see.

Also, the people warning others about trucking protocol, you're fine, just don't get mad at the people there because they're just doing their jobs like you. Also, the only reason I wrote this is because I was bored. What's your excuse? End of review. I'm like, that's a better excuse. Oh my god I was bored. What's your excuse? End of review. I'm like, that's a better excuse. Oh my God, that was- What's your excuse?

I think it's this person's first time on the internet. I feel like they don't understand the plot. Have they checked the forum of any, like any kind of forum? They've never understood. You never met these people. Why are you sharing all this information about your favorite blah, blah, blah?

It's like, well, yeah, welcome to the internet, my friend. Things are about to get real wild for you if this is the news flash. I think they're just gonna get more and more unhappy the more they discover. Yeah, well, yeah. Which I guess is true for most people's experience on the internet, so nevermind.

Exactly. But we didn't all start at that level, so I don't know, how long can you go? I think we all kind of internalized it before we started yelling about it, like on the internet, you know, before joining in the commotion. It's like, keep it to yourself. Just cause you're bored doesn't mean you should like

do exactly what you're complaining about other people doing. You know, you say that all the time. I do. What was the other thing I say all the time? Something about chocolate factories. Oh, you start your own chocolate factory. OXENER, you're right.

I say it so often that you haven't memorized. You usually keep saying it, so I know I don't have to remember because I'm gonna hear it within the next 24 hours again. That's true. That's true. Well, before we get to our challenge, OXENER, do you have a voicemail for us?

I have one of my favorite voicemails yet. I cannot wait. I don't know what it is yet, so I'm excited. It is so good. This voicemail is from Emily. Let's see what Emily has to say. Hi, Sheezer sisters. I wanted to call in and tell you a little story

about how you guys aided in my parents' divorce. What? Well, kind of. Let me explain. A few years ago around COVID, I was living back at home with my parents whose marriage was, at that point, very much overdue to end for a multitude of reasons, none of which has anything to do with you guys, obviously. But one of the last arguments that sort of broke the camel's back began with my mother and I sitting in the kitchen and enjoying one of your episodes. My father,

who was just generally unhappy at this point and prone to starting arguments, was displeased by this. Your vulgar language, I believe, is what started the argument. My dad felt it was inappropriate for me to be playing such language in front of my mother, which was an interesting leg to stand on because he has always been a guy who often curses, so we were definitely confused by this. But in all reality, this was just his way of opening the doors to one of the largest arguments leading up to the inevitable divorce. After that night it became clearer than ever that separation needed to happen for everyone's best interest. So fast forward to now. They are divorced, my mother and I have moved

across the country and we are thriving. And now, just so you guys know, my intention behind telling you this is certainly not to upset you by any means, so I very much hope that I haven't. I view this as a positive thing, and I more or less wanted you to know that sometimes while listening, I chuckle to myself and think they have no idea but they were somewhat part of a turning point in my family of which very much needed to happen. So with that I love you guys both very much. Also I listen to you on a constant loop because I'm a stay-at-home mom and having you in my headphones helps my sanity. Also my mom and I saw

you in Charlotte last year and it was a memory headphones helps my sanity. Also, my mom and I saw you in Charlotte last year and it was a memory I will always treasure. Anyways, wanted to get that off my chest and I'm sorry and I love you, bye. Alex Zinner, this was absolutely the best one we've ever done. Okay, I am thrilled. I'm delighted, I'm thrilled.

I'm sorry about the the trauma of that that's obviously not a easier fun thing to go through but It sounds like it was the it was the best thing for thank God for us Alexander thank God for us. Thank God. We're finally official therapists, right? Like today we got labeled official therapists by Matt and Elise now I didn't even plan that. I wasn't even thinking. by Matt and Elise now. I didn't even plan that. I wasn't even thinking. Now we're wrecking marriages.

It's like we're doing everything in our special way. It wouldn't be my first time. Oh, I know. We've been responsible for a lot of divorces. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, isn't that crazy? And proud of it. And proud of it, amen.

Also, I was gonna say, I wonder what we were saying, and I wonder if, I just like to think that in the moment that one of us said something like pretty wildly inappropriate We like felt something shift like I almost wonder if we said like cunt or something and then we were like Something just happened and like you just Christina. I just felt something this time Shit, I did it. Oh right now is getting about Word so triggering to grown fathers. Maybe they were listening to Conquered by Clippy or something.

Well, that could very well be. Of this glowing red end. That could be definitely a different kind of inappropriate, true. And I think that would make a lot of sense because that can be very emasculating, you know, to listen to. True, especially if your wife is so turned on

by the Clippy stuff and you're like threatened by it. Because let's be real, who isn't? very emasculating to listen to. True, especially if your wife is so turned on by the clippy stuff and you're threatened by it. Because let's be real, who isn't? Obviously Emily's mom is. I'm just kidding, Emily. I'm just kidding, Emily. Thank you for saying that. That really was shocking and delightful at the same time,

but I'm sorry about what you've gone through, but you're fucking nailing it Yeah, good job. Good job proud of you And your mom proud of your mom proud of your mom Yeah Also, should we know where your dad lives? Just in case we have a show there Like we got a trick how personal was it like is he also thinking about how we did this?

Is he out for revenge? Is that what I'm? Shit now we just have like we got a we we have to up our security who knew we'd be such a fucking security risk for everybody It's like we're just creating we're burning bridges left and right between so true like grown men all the time, you know Between grown men usually like yeah like a couple right two men what we're between grown men We're like breaking up all these gay couples. What do you mean? Did I say between men? Yeah, I think and I like kind of forget what you said before that but you did say between grown men. I'm pretty sure Don't think I meant to say that if I did say that I heard that that's that's on me

I don't know what that's about. If she said it that's on her. I don't know what that's about. Let's just assume it's on me I've got a problem. I've got lots of problems. One of my problems concerns making myself meals. The problem is that I want kind of everything. I want it to be healthy. I want it to be quick and easy to make. I want it to taste good. And unfortunately, a lot of times when I cook for myself, I sacrifice one, two, or all three of those things in a single meal. So that's my problem. But thankfully there's a solution and it's called Home Chef. Home Chef delivers fresh ingredients and chef-designed recipes conveniently to your doorstep to simplify your cooking experience. Users of leading meal kits have rated Home Chef number one in quality, convenience,

value, taste, and, maybe my most important factor, recipe ease because I get stressed out very easily with recipes. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com slash beach to Sandy. That's homechef.com slash beach to Sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. homechef.com slash beach to Sandy. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. The battle of Ontario is on.

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How about your challenge? Okay, I'm excited about this. The first one I have. Let me read you what the challenges and then I'm going to send you the picture. My challenge was to find reviews in which a customer is upset they did not receive free bread at a restaurant. Amazing. Oh, it was fun. It was a good one. Because of course, with, of course the free bread was always just like

an afterthought of like all the other horrible shit. Like, if you run out of bread, that's usually not like, or they didn't get bread. That's like usually the only downer sometimes, but like these were all always like cherry on top we didn't even get free bread so they are mad. this is from Stephanie Shide it's a two-star review about a place called Pickles and it comes with a photo that I'll text you afterward. ran out of bread! visited for a

family birthday ordered Ordered cheese and meat platters, venison pate, olives and olive oil, balsamic vinegar and bread. All were very good. However, we still had some cheese and pate to eat, but had finished our bread. On asking for more bread, we were told there was no free bread. We explained that we had not expected free bread and were happy to pay to be told there was not enough bread and what they had they had to keep for other customers that may arrive. A disappointing end to what had been a pleasant evening will probably not return. And now here is the picture that came with it. It's the only

picture in the whole review and it's just a picture of their feet. What? Like their boots. And I love how in this one that you sent me, there's the Pinterest save. Oh, I know, I know, can you imagine? Did you save it to your Pinterest? I did, I did save it to my Pinterest. These are a couple like, boots. Those are like hiking boots, they're intense.

They do look like hiking boots. They're weatherproof hiking boots. Yeah, wow. And they don't look comfortable. The perspective is kind of confusing. I could see this being a toddler. Oh yeah, I see. Just really zoomed in, you know?

It's a weird picture. The perspective is really throwing me. It's weird. And the angle's weird. It looks like somebody was across from them, or they held the camera outwards to take the picture of their own shoes. Like this was a picture meant to be for the shoes, clearly.

This is so confusing. And I had thoughts about that whole bread situation. Yeah. And now they're all flown out my brain because what the fuck is this photo? Yeah, that really tripped me right up, I don't know. Like when people say they look at photos first, sometimes before like, oh, yeah. Instagram, it's going to be out of context or we have them also in our Patreon

attachments. But yeah, sometimes they look at those first and they're like, what the fuck am I expecting? No one would guess. You can't guess it. You said this one is insane. So, yeah, we explained it to hiking boots, but from a very specific angle. That makes them look sort of like little boots, but also they're like so intense

and I don't think they're kids shoes. I don't know, it's really weird. Yeah, I don't know. But the fact that there was a bread limit was disappointing to hear. It is disappointing. A maximum amount of bread. I don't think I've ever seen that.

Especially if you're gonna pay for it. Yeah. Also, this was the opposite of what I pitched this whole challenge as. I was like, everyone's mad with the bread as the final straw, but this person was like, everything was awesome except we didn't get more bread. So I feel that I misled us, but the rest.

No, you know what it was. It was a misdirect. That's exactly right. It's called a red herring. Yeah, it was fishy all right. Indeed. Yeah, man, but that limit. Like what if you go to a restaurant that has chips

and they say, no, we can't give you any more chips because there might be more customers. There might. I've never seen something like that. That's crazy. I feel like they say that sometimes, maybe not. I feel like I've never had that. Like either you have to pay for it,

but I've never paid for it and not got it. I feel like if you're buying, or if you're ordering like pate or something that comes with slices of like baguette or whatever. Like I don't, I feel like it's, they probably portion it out to be the same for each entree. Oh Really you think every single thing?

Then it's like yeah, just give me that order but without the size size Yeah, like why I like there's something you're mad that you're like, no, we saved this for other people Yeah, that's weird There were a few people who said like they said they were out of bread and then we saw several tables receive bread. And I'm like, now that is scary. This is a weird specific bread policy is what you're saying this place. No, it was a different place.

I'm just saying like- Oh, it's a different place. I thought you were saying the same. Other reviews I saw- And I'm like, this is drama. No, no, no, no, no. Other reviews of other restaurants said the same thing. And I was like, damn, I didn't know this was, it makes more sense with bread than chips though,

I would think, unless the chips are like, specialty. Oh yeah, that's probably not the best example. What about rolls, but the ones in Oklahoma? Well, I can go to CVS and buy my own saltines. Thank you very much. Yeah, true. This is from Corinne Sheher. It's of the Butler's Pantry in Waterlooville, England.

Three stars. You know, this wasn't my favorite place to eat. No? Of all my fine dining experiences. The butler's pantry? Maybe it's not fine dining. Just hearing all the, it being in England and stuff, I'm like, this sounds hoity-toity.

We'll see, we'll see. This is by John Orem Eats, and it's a three star review. I'm like, who eats there? I know, he's like a foodie eats right Oh eats I thought Christina. Oh, what did you think? I thought it was like E a T es like a last name. Oh I was like what a name. What if it was a fancy place? Yates and I was saying eats Sorry, that's like That's pretty good. Well, because it's England anyway.

You get it, okay. England, yeah. England. This is a three-star view. A bow window looks out onto a pedestrian area of an irredeemably dull town. Okay, so you're right. It's sort of Charles. It's very Dickensian here. A bow window looks out onto a pedestrian area of an irredeemably dull town, which has one foot still in the 60s. The window is lined with seating of no apparent use.

It looks as though the restaurant has been converted from something. The window sill has ornaments, which might've belonged to your grandmother if your grandmother is 140 This feels like somebody trying to be deep and like failing It seems feels like an American who's like he's trying to know it used to be something else It's like yeah, because it's fucking shit buildings probably so fucking old

You're in a place called Waterlooville. Of course. It used to be something else I guess if you're creative writing come up with the something else, you know, while we're at it. I am instinctively suspicious of any restaurant where the specials are simply outtakes from the menu and where the waiter or waitress is incapable of developing a simple shorthand which could easily be understood in the kitchen.

Okay. There is something of the Royston Vasey about the butler's pantry. I have no idea what that means and don't tell me I said it wrong. There were other people there, regulars I suspect, but not in such numbers to challenge the capacity of the waitress, even in longhand,

or of the one person in the kitchen. The food was hot and adequate, but entirely unexciting and not, strictly speaking, freshly prepared. Peas were frozen, which is not entirely bad. Sausages could easily have been cooked to order, but were not. They claim to be our butcher's own recipe, but I can only speculate who the butcher might be. What do you mean? I have no idea. Like, fucking fucking are you familiar with all the local butchers maybe Like well, I bet it's that it's Hank You know how I feel about his recipe like freaky guy with no taste buds who makes all the so you're complaining about peas and

Sausages like what like also the peas were frozen which they said is not even a bad thing which is like Really? Okay Like also the peas were frozen, which they said is not even a bad thing, which is like, really? Okay. Mash and gravy were okay, and my partner's pie, the only part of his meal different to mine, was just okay. In spite of the modest flow of business, the waitress forgot my bread and butter, but did not forget to charge for it.

This error was remedied in a style I have made my own over years of practice. What? owned over years of practice. What? A style of remedying situations where he paid for, they paid for bread but didn't receive bread? Yep. There's a specific style at the employee.

Isn't that ominous? I'm nervous, yeah. It sounds some sort of manipulation, some sort of hypnosis. Well, that's all we get. They don't say what it is. I thought we were about to get a description. What? Nothing more?

Well, they say this is what they say at the last bit. If you're in Waterlooville, you'll need cheering up. The butler's pantry might not do that, but you'll be able to eat cheaply and predictably. End of review. But so like right before that, they say this error was remedied in a style I have made my own over years of practice. Like it's the most threatening thing, vaguely threatening thing I've ever heard.

Like some sort of martial art. Right? It's like, oh, you don't know the power of these two hands. Like what are you doing? It does sound very threatening. Whatever the style is. A remedy, like I've remedied it with a style I've perfected over the years. What the fuck it's called communicating. I don't I guess right it's called saying Oh, hey, I never got this bread. Yeah

Wow, I guess I also have a style for that cuz I have a way of dealing but you haven't spent years making it your own That's true because it's it usually I wouldn't say anything because I'd be so nervous. Yeah, and it's pretty- That they would hate me. I think they probably had to get some more spice into it somehow, like make it more aggressive or- Yeah. Or maybe like they speak in these weird riddles, so maybe it's like that.

That is certainly true. You know, maybe it's that. Yeah. It's supposed to say it's a little riddle we have to solve solve maybe they spelled it out in frozen peas. I don't know there potential avenues this could go all of which are probably wrong All of which are very dull and dreary dull and dreary just like Waterlooville am I right exactly? So this is from Brad. It's of a Texas Roadhouse. Oh, yeah. It's a two star review. I never get bread when my family and I sit down.

We ask and they always say we ran out, but somehow everyone else who gets seated around us gets bread. The help never actually listens. They seem rusted and miserable and we wait forever for food. End of review. The help?

Jesus. I wonder why. I wonder why they seem miserable around you. That sounds like what they'd call them at the butler's pantry I need the help I mean the help that would have fit right into that other review and also I don't even know what it means But rust they seem rusted is like a really wild insult like that feels so mean and I don't even entirely understand it. It's like

Rusty but but rusted. Yeah, I turn on my hot water Yes, was that yeah yesterday and it was rusted. Yeah, I turn on my hot water. Yes. Was that yesterday? And it was fucking brown. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The cold was fine. I was just it's because probably rust from the pie. The water heater, whatever it is. I don't know how. Oh, you know who that reminds me of?

What? The help at Texas Roadhouse. Oh, yeah. Well, they're considered rusted to what I was thinking was if I were to take a shower, thankfully, I what I was thinking was if I were to take a shower Thankfully, I didn't have to if I were to take a shower at that point. I would have been rusted. That's true Yeah, I don't know if that helps us solve anything about this for viewers Feelings, but I don't think so, but I think it's okay if we just move on I'm fairly new of a therapist So that's true, but you have spent years making it your own. Yeah, my style.

Yeah, perfecting your style. Not for everyone. It's not for everyone. Okay, so this is the last one I have. This was sent in by Matt and Elise, and it says the same thing about dear siblings that were therapists, so I'm really excited about that. This is a review of a place called Churrascaria Paladar.

Sorry, it's in Hackettstown, New Jersey, okay people? Churrascaria Paladar. When you started to like, it sounded a little defensive when you were like, it's in, I thought you were gonna say another country. Is that better? Sure. Like maybe a Spanish-speaking, I don't know what language that was.

It sounded made up the way you said it. But I think that was more a you thing than the language. Anyway, I thought you were gonna be like, it's in, and then say like, it's in Colombia. Yeah, and then now it's like, oh, it's in New Jersey. That's probably definitely how the locals pronounce it. Yeah, Churrascaria, I don't know. Okay, four stars.

That was kind of worse. Yeah, I know. Trust me, I know. I. Okay, four stars. That was kind of worse. Yeah, I know. Trust me, I know. I've been practicing and I really obviously haven't nailed it yet. Okay, so here is a four star view by Gwen. Overall, the food was pretty good. Great sangria, but a large staff stands by

and stares at you while you eat. Uncomfortable. Bread was stale tasting. Maybe they meant to warm it up. I judge a restaurant by its bread. Disappointed. I had shrimp and garlic. It was okay. Pretty fresh. As we parked we saw a girl go in the back of her truck and carry a big open bucket of something into the back door! It freaked me out! What was it? Clean, neat tables. The place is good for meat lovers at about $31. A meal for Rodizio. What's that?

Don't look at me! A meal for Rodizio? You can't just say that. Look at me and go, what's that? That's the first time I'm ever hearing that. It's Portuguese for rotation or turn. Oh, so this is a- A Rodizioicio style restaurant. They rotate freshly cooked meats. So you were speaking Portuguese. What?

Were you speaking Portuguese? Oh, I must have been speaking Portuguese then. Just like in Venezuela and Colombia. Churrascaria, I know, right? Well, stupid. I went with my gut and it was wrong. Okay. That's a first.

Can you believe it? I know. Oh no, second. First was a Crohn's disease. That was was wrong. Okay. That's a first. Can you believe it? I know. Oh no, second. First was the Crohn's disease. That was pretty wrong. That one was, I shouldn't have let them take control. No, it went the wrong direction. Okay.

So, I saw her carry a big open bucket of something into the back door. It freaked me out. What was it? Clean, neat tables. The place is good for meat lovers. Nice enough staff, but all foreign for sure okay? Jesus my Christ okay?

Nice enough. I see you had Lisa didn't say the help you know I I know right It's like I mean not that that's much better at not at all, but one's a lesser evil. I don't know Nice, it's together is both are bad Nice enough staff, but all foreign for sure, but they spoke good English considering It's a rural area with some new money moving in it's worth a visit One hint change the name the name is awful make it easy to say and remember it will help people find you I didn't remember that that was in there. I. I got to the end and went, oh shit, we really, it seems like we acted up at the beginning because of the ending and I promise I didn't remember

that was part of it. I was stuck on the open bucket, honestly. I'm not gonna speak for you because I think it was mostly my fault. I'm part of the problem. I mean. Fuck, I feel bad. I feel bad, but hey, I was correct when I said that's not how the locals pronounce it.

You're right. Clearly, it's clearly it's a Brazilian steakhouse. So we could have probably figured that out a lot faster than whatever I was doing. So, um, Julio, can I please just apologize to you directly? Oh, for the way that I sorry to use this word butchered your native tongue. I apologize, but whose recipe is what butchers recipe? Oh, I can only guess who the butcher is And you know what? No, Julio no his English is great. Yeah, she said the English is good. Oh, okay, so maybe could be Hey, do you know this place? You know the people who work there, do you know the help at true Oscar? Yeah

Okay, I love how I'm like, oh man, I'm part of the problem and then we just made even more problems It's called leaning in. Oh Actually, this place looks really good. I'm okay. Because of the steakhouse part and the Brazilian part to be clear. Now I get it. To be clear. Okay, well that was all I've got.

Nice, well done. Yeah, all done. Yeah. Good work. Well I said well done but. I thought you said all done, but all done and well done. Allé, allé.

Allé, allé. Um. Let's not close out our episodes with that. Allé, allé. Allé, allé. Um, let's not close out our episodes with that. Allé, allé. Um, everyone, thank you for being here. Find us on Instagram, TikTok, it's at our Beach2Sandy. Uh, our website, beach2sandy.com has all of our links and videos and stuff, and also our tour dates are on there.

Uh, we have 17 shows, please come. We would love to see you. We love the energy when y'all are there. Actually, you know what? No matter how many people come, the energy's always amazing. So I'm just excited to get going. So can't wait to see you all in Florida

in like a month or less by now. Yeah, that's, I don't know. I think that's about it. That sounds like everything. And check us out on Patreon. Oh, Patreon, we do some fun stuff. Yeah, we watch Naughty. And because someone commented,

I wasn't sure what the fuck we were talking about. Naughty, Naughty. N-O-D-D-Y, Naughty. Don't tell them that. Look up Naughty. They have to go on to Patreon to find out what it is. And then go on Patreon. Okay, you have to go on, you have to pay us money.

It's called Naughty's Toyland, okay? He's a naughty little puppet. Does that help? No. Not at all. Okay, thanks everyone for listening. Bye bye. Bye bye.

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