Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 339: Reviews of BBQ Sauce

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

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Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello.

We were waiting to see who would go first. You were playing chicken and we both lost. So that's fun. That's you never win. I'm playing for you. You never win when you play chicken with your sibling, you know. So true. Oh, welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion.

My name is Zandi. I'm Christine. I'm, I'm delighted about today's topic. I'm Christine. I'm I'm delighted about today's topic. I could tell it's got me all jazzed. Wow. You know why? No, I have no idea. I'm like not joking. I just like to be fair.

I don't really know either. I think I was just kind of I was kind of buying myself some time by asking you so I could come up with a reason. But I think the reason is just that something as random as barbecue sauce is always just really special. I mean, I know that sounds crazy, but it's, you know, locations like restaurants,

you start to get kind of like old. Yeah, it's all played out. Because like even Tiki bars, it's like you see the same complaints at any other bar. Yeah. And then you have to find obviously the gems of like, oh, I threw a quarter at the bartender or whatever happened last time. Or you need to be us and forget the reviews you already read so that when you find them

again they're equally hilarious and people are like, you've already said that one. That was great. But barbecue sauce, it just feels fun. Also, I haven't I did this research like a Week and a half two weeks ago. I remember I remember you telling me and at the time you said how excited you were for this episode Oh, you were I know you're not like I I kind of forgot. So yeah I was you actually did know that I was a why I I kind of forgot. So, yeah, that means you actually did know that I was why? Yeah, and then I forgot. I don't know why. Oh, OK. Well, apparently you didn't explain then and you didn't really explain now.

OK, no, you did. I you did. I get it. I agree. Keep bar. You talked about T-bars. I talked about quarters and my amnesia. And now we're here and it's going to be really good. But I would if you don't mind, I only have one, too. I only have my normal amount. Can oh so like what how many is that I was gonna say oh I only have four and then I'm like four or five six never mind okay so you go ahead this one is from Stephanie and this is of this is like a artisanal I

think I think it's Buffalo Wild Wings Parmesan garlic sauce 12 fluid ounces. You really got me. Perfect dipping sauce, chicken marinade. I'm not done. Chicken Parmesan topping and wing seasoning made with Italian herbs on Amazon.com. Do you know it's so weird? Well first of all don't answer that. Second of all before this episode I went for some reason I was like I'm craving a blue moon and I went like sliced an orange What the fuck that was out of frame until this moment made my blue moon And now you're reading like Buffalo Wild Wings for reason I'm like, oh, that's where I used to drink blue moons

Maybe I'm maybe this is all very true. Wait, that's right. Yeah I think that's the beer I associate with what I had a Blue Moon in like a year. I don't know just felt very fitting so I'll drink to that me too. I'm having a diet dr. Pepper Which is probably what I would have if I went to a Buffalo Wild Wings today Yeah, if I and I would be having my my Blue Moon and also I'll say That back when I did eat at B-Dub's every now and then. Sorry, I didn't realize how cool you were. You didn't? I tell you all the time. Yeah, no, I just forget. I garlic parmesan that shit's good. Yeah. Yeah, how do you feel about Asian zing? Honey barbecue or medium

No, the other options no, I think I always I think garlic would be the best. That's what I got every time. Yeah. Yeah Okay. Anyway, I have a review of it This is one star mask like is this being reviewed on? I have a review of it. This is one star. May I ask, like, is this being reviewed on Amazon? Yes. Oh, so it's a bottled sauce, basically. Oh, yeah, this is a bottle of it that you buy.

Gotcha. It is 12 fluid ounces, which comes out to $3.50 per fluid ounce. Yeah, nothing dubious about this listing at all. There is a coupon. You can save 40% When you subscribe and save if you're interested in subscribing to Parmesan garlic my god You you are in this I can tell

You say 40% though Try to live within my means and I don't know I feel like that might be $3 per yeah, no, did I be $3 per, yeah, we'll see. No, did I say $3 per? Yeah. Sorry, Jesus, no. It's $3.50, 29 cents per fluid ounce. Oh my Lord.

I think I like jumped some units there. I remember our bean episode where we discussed like the value of Particular beans and whether they would be you know worth it for the basic consumer and I think you really shocked me with that number So, okay. I My bad. I I was thinking of the artisanal version. I understand so I could maybe then also subscribe to this you could yeah Yeah, it is three dollars and fifty cents, but you say 40% if you subscribe and save so Just in case anyone's curious. Here's a one-star review suddenly the fact that it's like a dollar makes me not want to eat it It's like extra gross now It's not a dollar. It's three dollars and fifty cents with forty percent off. I mean, oh with forty percent off. Okay, two dollars

Yeah, but like makes you not want it. It just makes it grosser to me cuz I'm like, okay It's not artisanal obviously, but like I wonder if you have to like get it weekly. How often a month monthly There's just like one drone that's parked nearby with your special sauce The sauce honey the sauce drone is coming the sauce honey hide put the kids hide your kids hide your wives. Hide your kids hide your wives because the sauce drone is now dropping glass bottles of BW3s sauce. Wow you're throwing all the eggs out. I'm trying it all. You're doing great. I'm trying to connect with as many people diversify my platform. Yeah, you got the elder Millennials with the hide your kids hide your wife Okay, not all elder but I'm just kidding that that was also my age. Thank you. Yeah, I was gonna say you're yeah You're really I just wanted to make it clear. I'm not an elder

So all of this buildup is not worth the length of this review. I think the quality of the review is so short. Do you know what's so stupid? I keep forgetting you haven't read the review and I'm like, I'm about to start mine. We won't do the thing we came here to do. Here's a one star review of this garlic sauce that we all know way too much about. Tastes like metal one of the worst tastes I have ever had to witness and To witness flying from a drone and hitting my son straight in the

Good thing we got to the drone bit So you I told you That it was worth the conversation as we were going we're like we haven't said anything funny yet. We got it Listen, we got to build up enough bullshit that a punchline can be inserted some way down the line The second we said sauce drone, I was like that's that's that's the check off sauce. That's check out soft It's gotta come back. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Chekhovs sauce drone. Oh, Chekhovs.

Chekhovs sauce drone. I thought you were saying like Chekhovs and I'm like, what are you trying to say? No, I'm sorry. I studied film. So sometimes it shows. Sometimes it shows. Yeah. Chekhovs sauce drone.

Yeah. I'm into that I Am so this is a review this was sent in by Trista she her and it is Okay, I'm remembering my first one already this is called amazing clubs barbecue sauce of the month club Oh Sponsored like brought to you by Amazing Clubs. By Amazing Clubs, okay. Yeah, which is kind of funny. So they feel like they are,

I'm sure I've looked at those as gifts for you like 10 years ago. Oh yeah. You know when I was like, what to buy brother? You look for the morning of a holiday or a birthday and you're like, fuck, I forgot to get this person something. No, you're 100% right. Or it's like. What should I get them? A niece or nephew or somebody that you don't know very well,

but you're like, they like tea, you know, or whatever. Yeah. It's just kind of a, well, I mean, okay. Or now I feel like an ass because Blaze got me a coffee subscription. I know what I'm thinking about, about Blaze who was a nephew receiving the Omaha Steaks. Okay, but Blaze bought me a coffee subscription for Christmas.

But to be fair, it's because I make him make my coffee every morning. And what was the other part of it? Oh, he got me he got me other it wasn't like, oh, oops, here's a gift. I just feel like an asshole because I said, oh, it's like a gift that you think of last minute and I'm like, oh, Blaze gave me that. But no, it wasn't from Amazing Clubs. I don't think maybe it was. I'm gonna stop digging a hole for my relationship

to slowly Wilton. Sorry, Blaze. The coffee's really good. The relationship is Wilting within this hole. Sorry, I was trying to imagine, like actually listen to the words you were saying and I'm like, why? I know I don't know but Listen to these words. That was beautifully put amazing. Thanks amazing clubs BBQ sauce of the month club

two stars by Justin in Little Rock, Arkansas and this is a Relevant. Yeah, I mean like yeah kind a relevant. I mean, like, yeah, kind of. Yes. I mean, you decide. They advertise sauces from small, often family owned producers across the country. And that's true. But last month, one of the sauces was from a tiny barbecue joint in the county next to me. I'm sure for 99% of the country, this was a cool selection, but not for me as I've had it before. They should make sure this doesn't happen again. No.

It gets me up. OK, I'm sorry. 99.999%. Honestly, because he's the only one, because even if you lived in that county, 999% Honestly because You'd probably get so excited that yeah like your locals you would think being sent all over the country Nationwide and it I love that we know it's a little rock, Arkansas because that is so relevant. You're so right Hilarious Guess who responded? No, the Little Rock.

Amazing Clubs? Oh, Amazing Clubs V? Sorry, I didn't think they had time for that. I hope Little Rock Whatever just took out of this that he's already tried it. Yeah. And now he gets, well, although he's not very excited to get another one. Exactly. He's like, oh, I don't want the rest of the country to get beat.

Like, you think they should Do it by County like I just send a sauce drone of garlic parmesan Now it's like just that every review is gonna be the dead horse I don't know what the opposite of checkoffs or what the like check off course. It's like a hyper Chekhov's gun like it's like hyperactive because you aren't supposed to reference it all the time. Okay. Oh Is that backwards? I have no idea. I'm trying to picture it. I can't have to say it really fast Okay, both checks horse. No, no Why are we talking horses you're beating a dead horse? Wow Here's like last sorry last week. We had a You're beating a dead horse. Oh. Wow.

Here's the response. Last week we had a review where that person was mad that the local was it the popcorn? Local popcorn company was and the chocolate on the local yeah, like the one small chocolate

company. Were like doing a crossover? Yeah, was doing a crossover with a local popcorn brand and someone got really upset that they didn't do their own thing. No, for real, it feels like they want, like, they'd rather literally have, like, Buffalo sauce or something from, like, Buffalo, New York, or something like very exotic to them. But like, it's like a small... And like, where's the cutoff? Like Like what county was it? Is it by state? Like what are they going to do? Be like look at like your address and go, well you don't

get one this time. You get your own. What if they had left that out? They probably would have been happier. Yeah, that's so weird. Like you send it... Why don't they send you an empty box since you don't want it? Here is a response from Amazing clubs we're sorry you're not having a perfect experience unfortunately we only featured two sauces each month so we are unable to substitute another sauce if you happen to by chance live near one of our monthly suppliers the good news is you have 11 more months of great barbecue sauce coming and I can virtually guarantee You will not experience a local sauce again end of review. Yeah, because you you're from Arkansas like imagine

Him getting I can like guarantee that you're in the clear now But your worst fear has already passed. Of the 24. It is pretty funny. It happened the first month though. That's really good. That's kind of funny. That is really good. That actually, they're like, I could see them being nervous if it's, they're like, uh-oh.

I would find it personally very funny if that happened to me. Me too. I wouldn't have a negative reaction. But, because it's like, well, I can buy other barbecue sauce if I don't like this one. But I guess it's like the excitement I don't know from Cincinnati if I had seen a Cincinnati hot like a Grippos hot sauce I don't know what a local hot sauce company actually is Skyline oh

Yeah, is that what? Yeah, what do they I feel like they just use is that their own like I think it's like Mike's red hot Oh, yeah Is it their own like? I think it's like Mike's Red Hot. Oh yeah. Cause I was like, water down. But maybe Lukewarm and water down. Lukewarm sitting in a vat all day. I think there's noodles in it too.

Of course, probably. And cinnamon and chocolate or something. Yeah. Anyway, even if it's from Cincinnati, I'd be like the odds of the next 22 I get of the 24. Like there is another Cincinnati one. Well, OK. And also like this, the county over Arkansas. That's what I was going to say. Think about this.

Like, even if you lived in a boy, a mid-sized city, like a city like Cincinnati. Right. And it's like, oh, the next county over like that could be in Indiana in an area I've never been to like it's not like oh it's from My mom's restaurant Because I assume I assume there is like monetary gain for the mother Unless it's not the relationship you have with that mother. So I don't blame you. So forward thinking of you Thank you. Yeah, I've known to do that I'm gonna read another review moving. We're moving on virtually guarantee. You'll never receive another hyper local

24 sauces you get in a year. Of the 24! Oh my god. You get so many. There's, yeah. Okay, but here's the thing. He doesn't say it was the first month. He just says they say this and it's true, but last month one was from a place that,

so like... Oh okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess the way I, okay, the response in my head. I see how it just meant the other 11 months not like the next 11 months I don't know. I think I just made it as if it were like the next 11 months. I actually think amazing clubs said We're actually gonna sign you up in perpetuity forever because it feels Never get another Arkansas hot sauce again. Yeah, yeah, you want to see? Like, try and test me, you know?

Here we go. Amazing Clubs doesn't fuck around. Yeah, careful. They have your address. Don't forget. They do have my address, yes, also, from that coffee subscription. Oh, yours too. I thought you were talking to me for a moment.

I was not. And then I realized you were also right. So you admit,ze did go to I'm sure I've used this on a number already forget what it's called Amazing clubs, how could I forget? My next one is from Britt she her who sent in a review of stubs original barbecue sauce 18 ounce pack of four. Okay. Now this is on Amazon. It's $14.19 an ounce. Here is a review though. One star.

Tastes like ketchup and vinegar. All the positive reviews must be from people who know nothing about barbecue. Totally disappointing. Taste it before adding to ribs, hoping it would improve in flavor once caramelized. Nope. Threw the ribs off the deck to a raccoon that comes by to eat scraps. He threw it back up on the deck. End of review. That's so fucking funny. That is so funny. It got me good.

I don't even have a note on it. I just think it's fucking funny. Yeah. Because our rambling cannot be funnier than that review. Certainly not. That's why you're like, I don't know what to say. To be honest, some stories are perfect as is. And I'm the first to admit that. I'd say most of them are, but we talk a lot about them anyway.

When everyone's like, please get to the point or move on. But some even I know I shouldn't touch This is one of those. This is actually the first one the first one ever. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's true You did have some opinions about ones that you should not have had opinions about and I'm talking about it now again a lot So it feels like I've already failed at this again This is from Abby. She her it's of about it now again, a lot. So it feels like I've already failed at this again. This is from Abby She Her. It's of Capital City Mambo Sauce,

sweet, hot, and mild variety pack. I don't know why that got me. Because yours are very, like nationwide brands, and I feel like mine are hyper local, as we discussed at length earlier. Yeah, my next one isn't oh, okay But yeah capital city mambo sauce sweet hot and mild variety pack. This is a one-star

review It's by Mike and it's and the title is advertising advice one star This is nutty Alex there this is Advertising advice one-star verified purchase This is nutty. I'll go this is This reminds me of People in our life who talk like this. They wouldn't leave a review like this, but this is this is their kind of thought process Okay, let me know if you agree I'm nervous I I'm nervous. I cannot rate this sauce as I purchased it as a gift for my daughter who lives in Connecticut

and I live in upstate New York. I will say I was very interested in the owner being on CBS Morning News with Tony Decapol and others as she formed this company all by herself but I was very disappointed I could not see her face throughout the advertisement segment as her bangs covered her eyes Insane she looked like a mask with only a nose Like those gnomes with the hat down so you only see the nose sticking out it's like oh my gosh like Sia yeah right yeah maybe look it's maybe this a barbecue sauce line? I mean, maybe. Oh my god. Okay. Called Mambo.

I love how she's... That's her hit song, right? Mambo. I feel like her... Like Mambo number six. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. By featuring Sia. No, she... Yeah, Sia's the one who... Oh, Sia's re... she yeah. She is the one who see as read read So the other thing I love about this is that the mom like regrets sending her daughter this present because she can't

Yeah, wait, is this one star it's one star but there's more I'm serious. Like this is I can't wait. This is really very silly, okay? But I was very disappointed. I couldn't I love how it's like she was a woman who made her own But I was very disappointed I could not see her face throughout the advertisement segment as her bangs covered her eyes. She looked like a mask with only a nose and a mouth equals not very astute for a boss of her own company. Not to want the public to see her entire face

so they will listen to her tell about how she created the same. I gave up after five minutes because I kept trying to sweep the hair from her eyes This person hi Must they must be our ad or something No, they're watching CBS on there like whatever meta meta quest whatever the fuck My god, I kept trying to sweat I Gave up after five minutes because I kept trying to sweep the bangs and hair slash hair Sorry, it says sweep the bangs slash hair from her eyes and

found it too annoying to watch looks like she is trying to imitate some teenager who is trying to imitate some fashion look she has seen or was told was in fashion and that is so astute thank you so astute um i did say this was by mike but I just made a random name, but I do believe this is a mother daughter relationship. This is a mother daughter relationship. Correct. Is that what's that? Why I saw those weird searches in your ancestry.com account. You just literally just gave me access today. And I'm like, oh, what is this about? So I'm like, well, something about like anti bangs. Clippings clippings on newspapers.com. Yeah. Oh my God.

It looks like she's trying to imitate some teenager who's trying to imitate some fashion look she has seen or was told was in fashion. Does not make much sense if the fashion is not in your favor. What kind of head of a company does not want her face associated with the product? Not very smart in my estimation, end of review. I would argue that the head of a company of something called Mambo Sauce doesn't feel like she would need

to be facially recognized by the TSA. So sorry, but you know what I mean. No, I know what you mean. Not like the most forward facing. Imagine, because imagine you're by the TSA and they're like, oh my God, Mambo number six, that's you, you know, like you don't want that. So you gotta wear a wig with long bangs.

Do you know that I need to now figure out who this lady is? I already found Arshah Jones. Oh shit! Christina and I like it's a look it's how it like her bangs are like somewhat over her eyes but it's not like it's not like she's hiding behind a curtain like Sia would be. Oh I see. Okay so it's just like a weird sensory thing this lady is having and she's blaming it. Oh you know what honestly yeah. She's blaming it on because I think sometimes you know how like some it's just like a weird sensory thing. This lady is having and she's oh, you know what honestly

Yeah, blaming it on because I think you know how like some it it's so hard for some people to like Yeah, no, I see that they do they want to swipe it off your face You know, I feel like maybe she was just like getting antsy watching it. Yeah And meanwhile I was on the other hand, I was thinking, Oh, I heard Connecticut, it's a one star review just based on this woman's looks. It might be racially motivated. That's also true, which I hadn't put together until we did a little dive into the actual creator of this. Yeah. Regardless, like, it's not worth the one star review. And it's like a bad look to be like show your whole face to me

I want what what the fuck do you do like someone's face style your face and fashion choice and how they want to appear Does not affect their mom bo sauce exactly and guess what Michaela's profile photo is a blank avatar. Oh Geez like you're not gonna show your face. Yeah, but what if it was just a big bangs? It's just face. Yeah, but if it was just a big bangs It's just bangs What if it was everything but? Everything literally everything but I Can't decide if it's everything but or just like every type of hair, but I don't know Oh like a bunch of styles not even a bunch of styles

But just like so much hair just not bangs. Yeah Like a lot of people have I don't know. It's very common. I feel I know I know I was like trying to picture something like but it would be it would be someone who has bangs and she would have had to It's like clearly bangs were here kind of thing Yeah, like I get it. No, I do like you get it. It's like clearly bangs were here kind of thing. Yeah, like I get it. No, I do. Like you get it. It's like a blank face with no bangs, but not. But it's like if you took Zoe Deschanel with the cut off the bang, like remove the bangs, it's like, oh, my God, we're bangs here.

Where are these? Zoe Deschanel, that's the profile with no bangs. And it's like uncanny valley. You're like something's wrong, you know? Are you barbecue sauce? Yeah, also I wanna continue the trend of like local or like get away from the big stuff. So this is from Matt and Elise.

It's from Matt and Elise. He's over here like pitching subscribe for 40% off. No. Because last time, you know, you were complaining about how international mine are or something. I wasn't complaining. How famous and amazing they all are. I said I support local sustainable business and you don't and that's okay. Everyone makes their own choice.

Well, I'm making a change. Let me take my blue moon. Hold on. Okay. Have a good sip of your definitely continued to be locally owned blue moon Exactly, and I'll do the same with my diet. Dr. Pepper. Good So glad we can like live up to what we stand for, you know, yeah Okay This review is of Amazon brand happy belly honeyy Honey Barbecue Sauce, brown 18 ounce. Okay, Happy Belly, that's kind of fun.

Yeah. It's owned by Amazon, apparently. It's Amazon brand. You literally just said you were gonna go to a small business. I know, I was messing with you. I said that before you read this last review, knowing that I was gonna read a

review of An Amazon product. Oh my god. I thought you were okay. Okay. I got you again. That's all that's all it is Geez, I can't keep up Yeah, happy belly when you google it. It's they're one of their brands suppose. Oh, wait a minute. I'm waiting Are you sure that's not They're one of their brands. Is that supposed? Oh, wait a minute. I'm waiting. Are you sure that's not? I'm not sure of anything. Are you sure? I'm serious.

That's not like Gold Belly where they're doing like a- The fuck is Gold Belly? That's where you get to mail stuff from like really famous restaurants to people. Like you can mail somebody in New York Grater's ice cream or you can mail somebody in Wherever like a what a cake from you know a place I know I don't know a place It's like you can send juniors cheesecake like across the country. It's like a who's junior

Are you saying why are you sending juniors cheesecake? Let junior have it? Okay gold belly. Look it up. You can send like Remember when I sent you all those bagels I Used gold belly. Oh, oh nice, even though you are in New York, but it was like but I mean like That's how I what I would use to send to someone to I was like thing but it's like a for like Brands they get on planes and use more energy and stuff exactly so you would mail like key lime pie from Key West I'm like looking at the examples like you know stuff like that No, I understand. I understand what Amazon is doing though like Like by doing, oh, so it is just the barbecue sauce?

No, they have a bunch of different products, but it's like their best value or whatever. It's like an Amazon brand. Like they have them, like in it is their spices, spices, food, drinks and stuff. Oh, okay, okay. Three stars. I like it.

It's good bargain sauce goes good on everything Turkey hot dogs hamburgers burritos my wife sushi everything I'm joking. I don't have a wife. I can't even get a date end of review. Well, probably cuz you keep putting this weird Bargain sauce on your sushi when you go out with a date. Like don't do that. The sushi boat. It's like the big drizzle.

Save that for date five or six. Save it for when they're really invested. Save that one for the grave. Save that one for the fucking grave. You're so right. Actually, what am I talking about? Do not encourage that behavior. No, you're absolutely right. I shouldn't I shouldn't encourage any sort of happy belly Happy you want people to put Amazon brand hot sauce barbecue sauce on

Each other on sushi on the fifth date like at a sushi restaurant No, I'm saying that's a fifth date thing do it on the fifth date like at a sushi restaurant. No, I'm saying that's a fifth date thing Do it on the fifth date. No, I'm saying once the person you invested you can reveal that about yourself But I don't think uh-uh. I disagree. I don't think you know Cuz you're also you're kind of normalizing this behavior and I do not like it. Oh Really behavior and I do not like it. Oh, really? Take a step back. You don't? Are you sure though?

Yes. Because I feel like, oh, happy belly no longer exists. What? Have you just been Googling happy belly this whole time? You're not even listening to me. You're just trying to figure out more. What do you mean it's no longer exists? I see their whole fucking thing. Amazon brand parentheses previously Happy Belly on these, some of these products. Okay well I see I can get a bunch of chopped walnuts with a Happy Belly logo slapped on

it so I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Well maybe you should stop being such a freak and buying chopped walnuts from Amazon. Go to amazon.com slash stores slash happy belly Yeah, and you feel like an ad and I really don't want to do an ad like this. This is not an ad I promise don't buy discount barbecue sauce on Amazon and put it on your sushi controversial statement it. Alexander, weren't you excited when we got Warby Parker as a sponsor? So excited. I especially love- We were actually together when that happened.

We were and we celebrated. And my favorite might be the try on thing with the webcam where you can put on all the different things. I don't know. We were in our hotel room like trying on different pairs and we were like, wow, this is gay. the try on thing with the webcam where you can put on all the different things. I don't know. We were in our hotel room like trying on different pairs and we were like, wow, this is gay. It's just revolutionary. Especially the ones that I would never buy because I'm not confident enough.

I shouldn't say never. Oh, okay. Well, those two, but I was thinking ones that are like super flashy that look really cool. Cause there are a lot of good ones, fashionable ones that I'm like, I don't know if I can pull that off yet. Maybe I just need more confidence.

Hey, you wanna know something fun though? What? Even though I got that laser eye surgery done. Yeah. I've realized even at my youthful age of somewhere in my mid thirties, I need reading glasses. So I had to go on there,

but it's actually, it feels cool. Cause then you can buy kind of the more fun, bold, wacky ones. Cause they're like reading glass You know, you don't need to wear them every day instead of just going to a drugstore and picking some up I got to pick, you know, the they do the the lower magnifying because I'm still very youthful as you know Yeah, no, I don't know this stuff because I'm my eyes are really good. Sorry Yeah, well then why don't you give me your Warby Parker? Oh no, I do need glasses for night driving,

but that's different, that's not age. Night driving. It's true. Yeah, perfect, my ass. All right, Warby Parker has over 270 locations to help you find your next pair of glasses. You can also head over to warbyparker.com slash beach right now to try on any pair virtually.

That's warbyparker.com slash beach. Warbyparker.com slash beach. Warbyparker.com slash beach. Guess where I went today? The refrigerator? Yes. And then the bank. Oh wow! Yeah, I hadn't been in a bank in a long, long time.

I didn't know that you were allowed in those anymore. Not you. Shhh, stop. I meant anyone, but yeah, also you. Oh wow. I was like, I didn't know about that. Yeah, it was a part of me taking my finances more seriously lately. And I had to go in personally for something.

Yeah, I noticed that. No, I didn't notice that you went in personally. I wasn't tracking you, but I did notice that you were texting me about Rocket Money because we were comparing. You were like, oh, my gosh, look at all this. And I was like, yeah, yeah. It feels like every few months you can kind of log in and go, oops, like I missed a whole bunch of new things.

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so they know we sent you. Don't wait! Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show. Yay. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] Oh my God, okay. Money app today and tell them you heard about them from our show My god, okay. This was also from Abby. This is the only picture I want to send you because it's important For reasons that will become known to you very shortly. Oh

That's a lot of barbecue sauce. Yeah, so that's the product. It's on Amazon. It looks like a... Looks like a gasoline tank. Yeah, like oil. Oh, oil. There'd be, but not like an oil, but like a big thing of washer fluid. This looks like a... Or bleach. Or bleach.

Bleach, washer fluid. Or oxyclean. Yeah, anyway, it looks like it would have washer fluid in it, yeah. Five pounds. Yeah. Anyway, it looks like you have washer fluid in it. Yeah. Five pounds. Yeah. But it's barbecue sauce and it says head country, original barbecue sauce where America comes together. Oh, wow. And wildly the it says since 1947. So, you know, America came together. They all had sex and...

What? Made our parents... Jesus Christ. Not our parents. Well... Well what? The other... The other one? Yeah, that's true.

Okay maybe it's not America Comes Together. Comes together what? What? Nothing. Wait a minute. I didn't even make that joke on purpose. I know. But it says where America Comes Together and it's a America comes together and then you're talking about them having babies

I'm talking about baby boomers. Yeah, which I think was obvious to everyone not but I was talking about what's going on after World War II Yeah When America comes together and all the babies yeah, that's all they're made. I just feel like. That's true. I feel like we were all on the same page and then. You kind of flipped the script. You know what?

If it gets us to move on, I'm going to agree. You're so right. This is a review on Amazon. It's actually a five star view. And this is a really good one. It's by Jude, verified purchase. And the title is arrived fast and well packaged. Oh wait, how many ounces of oxygen

did you say was in this container? 80, it's five pounds. Did you say only 80? Yeah. He started to say only 80. Well, you know. I'm just saying, it's not full to the top. That's all I'm saying.

Oh wait, you're right. And I will also add that you're right on the money here because this version that they purchased, the size was the one pack of 160 ounces. Oh. Of this barbecue. I wanna see that container. Double it, you know.

Yeah. Now I need you to understand How relevant that becomes because I hadn't noticed the sizing until now did they send it in two tubs No, no, this is a five star review. This is a big it's one pack of one 160 ounce container of this stuff. This is what Jude had to say, five stars. I have noticed a fox limping. Fortunately, we have a fox rescue in our area.

I'm so scared for this fox. We're reviewing barbecue sauce. 160 ounces of it. Fox with we're reviewing barbecue sauce 160 This has Carrie written all over no Fortunately so I went also named the fog I wasn't gonna name the Fox for us because it's not as like Oh, I thought you're saying name the Fox, but you don't have But now I'm attached No no he's called BB cute he's called burnt ends okay so I'm going to give you the name it's called an itch

in time mangy Fox rescue wait that's cute okay are they are they like itchy is that like a thing an An itch in time? Is that a thing for foxes? I guess they scratch, I can picture them like scratching their ears. Yeah, maybe that's what that's about. I hadn't thought of that. It's kind of cute.

And I guess if they have mange, they probably itch too. We have fun. Fortunately, we have a fox rescue in our area. I contacted them and last week, the founder came. The founder. Oh, that's pretty cool. Wow. The founder came and his bangs went all the way over his nose. He looked like a mask with his hair.

I couldn't. I kept trying to swat it out of his face. Okay. The founder came and set up a humane trap on my back patio. He said pieces of hot dogs soaked in barbecue sauce are popular with foxes. Who knew? So far. I mean, I feel like anyone should know that.

Not like you would have to come up with that specific combo, but if someone asked, you'd be like, yeah, of course they would. From a multiple choice perspective, I think we'd all pretty much land on pieces of hot dog with barbecue sauce. He said pieces of hot dog soaked in barbecue sauce are popular with foxes.

Who knew? So far, I have trapped and released either the same raccoon twice in fact I In fact I had to gently poke him with the stick to get him to leave He's like no give me more. I'll stay in this cage He's like I'm yours I live here now Give me more of that head country barbecue like, I'm yours, I live here now. Give me more of that country barbecue sauce. I saw how big that tub was. I know you have more.

Yeah, I know you have that drone, that sauce drone flying around carrying 160 ounces. He thinks it's a bird. He's like, the bird that brings the sauce. He doesn't know what's going on. The big dinos, the big prehensile. Then this raccoon's like, I'm safer in this cage anyway. Like, put that thing flying in. Right, take me under your wing.

Oh my God. In fact, I had to gently poke him with a stick to get him to leave. I love that it's also, she's like, I don't know if it was the same raccoon. I'm like, it was, I promise it was. Or two different raccoons and attracted several cats none have gone in the trap. One is a neighbor's missing cat That didn't even go in the trap so it's not trapped

God that missing cat keeps showing up And trying to ruin my special safety main trap. I have built Jesus okay supposed to walk on the bear trap over there with all the catnip Who knew cats love the stuff who knew Two different actions and attracted several cats none have gone in the trap one is a neighbor's missing cat if a cat goes and I know another Organization who do trap neuter release and if possible they will adopt it out of course

I haven't seen the limping Fox since the night before the trap was set up But she sometimes doesn't show for two weeks or more so I am ready with lots of hot dogs and now I I'm armed to the teeth Do you know how her house must be like the fucking Snow White or Cinderella house like I love it I love it fucking animals just like I want that life too I get it when that sauce droid comes in they just all come swarming through the door the animals Near me all the pigeons and rats I hope they love toe fur key dogs

And they help do your hair they break your hair The floors it's getting long. Yeah, yeah like right over your eyes. It's driving me Okay, if a cat goes and I know another organization. Yeah, I feel like you do Jude you do and if possible they will adopt it out Of course, I haven't seen the limping fox since the night before the trap was set up But she sometimes doesn't show for two weeks or more So I am ready with lots of hot dogs and now this great smelling sauce to attract her end of review Nice. I don't even remember. Oh, that's say I don't remember what sauce it is. When I look down, it's

pulled up really large on my phone. Head country. How could I forget? Alexander, it's where America comes together. How could I forget? How could you forget? I feel like this would do really well in a bunker scenario.

So with the with the hot arm to the teeth with hot dogs, head country and hopefully guns and ammunition ready for the apocalypse, you know, and a lot of animals and probably hungry people who smell hot dogs and barbecue sauce coming from your house. So I actually kind of disagree. I feel like I'm gonna stick with saltines or something. Yeah, I don't wanna draw so much attention with all my good sauce. No, people from the other county are gonna come over.

Well, they're just gonna follow the drone all the way to my house. Those will still be going in the apocalypse. That's so true actually. The joke has now become that I talk about the sauce drone too often, so it's sort of like everybody... That was already happening well before this. But so then I turned it into a joke for myself. But now you're explaining the joke which makes it better. So that I at least give myself some sort of um... Yeah. Because now it's funny that you brought it up again. Well it's not necessarily any funnier but

it gets people to... No I know I'm being sarcastic. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, I figured that out pretty quickly. Your turn. I don't know if it was that quick. My next one is from Alicia Shearer, who sent in a review of Sweet Baby Ray's barbecue sauce. I don't know if I have a single one that's not like a big chain, or not big chain, but a big brand Big name brand whoops wait what is on Walmart? Alicia okay, I have one from Walmart from Taylor Sophie's version they them

Mmm. I hope it's not the same. No, we'll see It says it is yours by hates craft craft barbecue sauce. Mine's by Jack. So no. This review is written by Hates craft barbecue sauce. Oh Hates. Hates. H8. I thought you said Kate's like, oh Kate's craft barbecue. like craft with the user. Yes, the user who wrote this review is hates H 8s K r aft

all cabs BBQ then lowercase sauce Okay, that's the username and the wildest part is they're not even reviewing that sauce. They're reviewing different So I mean unless craft owns this which I wouldn't be surprised by yeah That's the username. And the wildest part is they're not even reviewing that sauce. They're reviewing a different sauce. I mean, unless Kraft owns this, which I wouldn't be surprised by. Yeah, but you wouldn't say that. You would say, I hate whatever. I don't know who the other guy is, actually. This might be Jack.

But the subject of this review is it's as bad as the other guy says and more. OK, OK, let's see. Yeah. Easily the worst barbecue sauce I have ever tasted. This sauce is the work of a cold feeling, no taste robot that will never truly understand what it takes to make a barbecue sauce. Somewhere a robot tear just like falls, you know, you'll never be be real Your feelings will never exist Alexander what in the world so this person I mean I'm really tempted to click on their profile You mean hates craft barbecue? BBQ sauce yeah hates

You know when people are like what was everyone's username? I feel like that's such a fucking wild card choice Hates, Kraft, BBQ sauce. This is a good one for like an AIM account, you know? Yeah, exactly. Okay, the internet's like, actually, I think we just want you to buy Kraft barbecue sauce now. Also, wouldn't it be tough though, if you actually made that review or that username thinking like you know what?

This is my stance, but then you try this and it's even worse what? Okay, you know what what I think This isn't a review of sweet baby rays because I googled hates but craft bbq sauce and on Walmart.ca they wrote a review on September 23rd 2017 with the exact same text of craft original BBQ sauce. Oh my god. What happened? I don't know.

I'm gonna blame Alicia but it was probably my fault. I'm going to blame Alicia, but it was probably my fault. I'm obviously going to blame Alicia also. Yeah, that's legally the best for us. That's legally binding. Yeah, you're bound. Don't delete that. OK. That's not OK.

Here is the one I have of Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ honey sauce. You know what? It was my fault. Yep, well, what's the price? I see now. No, I see now. It was two separate images. The first one was of Kraft BBQ

with that first negative review. I see. And then that one, but the screenshot I took had just the review and underneath it was Sweet Baby Ray's. Okay. I should have known by the hates craft bar BBQ sauce. I mean, we did kind of know, but we were just perplexed.

Yeah. We trusted you. Alicia was just sitting there shaking her head. Oh, she probably was pissed off at you. Yeah. She probably still is for all of us. Honestly, I am, so I can't really blame her. I. She probably still is for all of us. Honestly, I am. So I can't really blame her.

I'm just going to be quiet now for a bit. Oh, wait, actually, you know what? I know I was going to read that one next, but I meant to save that one for last. So this is from Kelsey She Her. It's of Jack Daniel's original BBQ sauce, 19.5 ounce bottle on walmart.com. This is a verified purchase reviewed by Rick, one star. Called at 1.29 p.m. and asked to speak with the store manager. The operator paged her via a walkie-talkie. She replied back to take a message. I left a message with the operator that my shipment of Jack Daniels were broken glass bottles. What to do? As of now, 3 47 p.m. Still no call back. I am on hospice care

with terminal outcome pretty soon down the road. What? Kelsey said, waiting for Christine to start laughing at the end of this review because I always bring the fucking duck books. Holy fuck, that did not go where I expected. Yeah, yeah. I would hope no one would expect that. Yeah.

Listening to the first bit. Well, a lot of times when people- This person must be on hospice care with the terminal coming soon. I remember that one person who said like, oh, and my husband's dead. Oh and my legs are broken. We were like What it feels just like holy smokes? You know give them a bottle of barbecue sauce stop breaking their bottles it's sad because Explain it to everyone why this is sad.

Can you imagine though like you're waiting on this Walmart delivery and you know how they like will replace things sometimes without like asking you. Imagine like you're literally on your deathbed and you're like I just want that Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce and they bring you Kraft Original. No. Oh my god.

That would be just. And then turns out it was karma for making your username. I hate Kraft BBQ sauce. Who's laughing now? I'm probably all the way to the bank. Yeah, they already got your money. I have redemption. Thankfully great. This is sent in by Kelly.

She her who sent in a review of all recipes. Recipe for Zippy barbecue sauce. I don't know why it would make it zippy. It's ketchup, vinegar, Worcestershire. Oh, my God, it's a lot of stuff. Holy cow. Yeah, no, this is zippy. All right. Very, you know, including a little Tabasco. Yeah. Anyway, here's a five-star review. I

Was confused I wanted sauce for my calzone and looked up barbecue sauce instead of pizza sauce I'm over 65 it happens Anyway, I made the recipe almost exactly as stated except I used white wine instead of the vinegar and regular mustard instead of Dijon. Extremely easy and delicious. And it worked on my calzone! End of review. Okay, people are getting a little too loosey-goosey with what they're putting on what, okay? I don't know. This is so much better than sushi though. You know what? Ice. Really? Yes. Yeah. With barbecue sauce? I guess. I guess. I guess you're right? Yes. With barbecue sauce? I guess. I guess. I guess you're right.

Yeah. Barbecue sauce with a calzone. At least it's like. Yeah, but think it's still like fried, like a little like fried. I don't agree with it. But I don't actively disagree with it, you know? Like, if someone did that, it wouldn't bother me. But think about like some tempura with some barbecue sauce.

OK, that's different. No, not if it's't bother me. But think about like some tempura with some barbecue sauce. Okay, that's different. No, not if it's in your sushi. Yeah, but then, but okay, but not, well if it's soup, no. What if you make sushi out of burnt ends and ribs? Ew. Then it makes sense. I don't think so.

I put a rib in your cow's bone. Bone in all? This is a bone in calzone. For that calzone hun, do you want it bone in or boneless? So stupid. That's the new thing at B-dubs. Oh god. Oh, God. Oh, boy. I love the option. I love the-

I love Calzones. I wonder when she figured out it was not what she thought it was and how far along she was in the recipe and was like, well, now I'm pot committed. I guess I'm making barbecue sauce, you know? I just wish I hadn't known more about the journey there. Like, yeah, there's pizza with barbecue sauce on it. Like, that's the thing. Yeah, that's fair. Like, yeah, yeah, that's true.

This is just pizza folded up, you know. Oh, God, I'm so hungry. OK. Man, a calzone sounds great. Right. OK. Good. I already told you. Bone in bone in. I want to hold on. you bone in It's the bone it's hold on it's the bone in it's the bone in calzone drone It's gonna get shot down if you send it here Good good. Someone put it out of its misery. Okay, this is my last one. It's the best because it's just the best. Just listen. This is from Taylor Sophie's version. They them. It's a sweet baby raise honey

barbecue sauce verified purchase by Jack. Sauce is swell but they keep sending me more. I have three bottles. Stop sending me barbecue sauce. And got two more bottles just now. Please stop sending me barbecue sauce. End of review. Now I have to bring up the drone because I'm afraid that's what's happening here.

It happened right now. I love it. Stop sending me, I just got two more right now. Like as I write this you like live in like hebron Kentucky by the district Amazon distribution center and so you like are trying out the drone and just keep coming to you and not going anywhere else kind of the test market here you know oh my gosh um wow that's so many bottles I got two more bottles I love it they're like I have three then I just got two more bottles. I love it.

They're like, I have three. Then I just got two more. I'm like, why? Like this seems so arbitrary. Like, yeah, talk about subscribe and save. This is like, you know how the like a L-E-X-A device has and they have like those buttons that you can like refill if you need something like detergent.

You can hit the button and it's supposed to order it on Prime for you or something. Something creepy. I don't know. It's all weird. But whatever. Maybe someone's hitting that the barbecue button in the house. Oh my god. Someone. Oh my god. Someone's telling the A.L.E.X.A. that Alexander we talked about that 80 ounce jug looking like it could contain either like wiper fluid or bleach. I don't know where you're going with this, but yeah, we did say that. Because of the refill thing.

Oh, I see, I see. Like maybe it got kind of mixed up in terms of like- It's like different bottles, but it all has barbecue sauce in it. There's just like gallon jugs and yeah, all sorts of stuff. Yeah, everything's barbecue sauce now. Oh, okay. Okay, before I go to my challenge, we have a quick voicemail to listen to.

Yeah, this one was sent in by Olivia. Let's hear what Olivia has to say. Hi Sandy and Christine. My name is Olivia. I've just spent the last hour looking at reviews of places that I used to work in high school. Oh God, which I don't recommend if you want to have a good mental health day. Yep, I grew up in the Midwest so you could pick Menards or Culver's and I worked at Culver's. I remember our manager was looking over applicants and some girl had applied under the skills

section instead of food handling or cashier. She put being beautiful in a separate bullet, being hot, so good for her. I found a one-star review from Haley of the location I worked at that says, I found five eyelashes in my salad. So that about sums it up. I'm sorry. I found five eyelashes in my what? Salad.

That's really unpleasant. Yeah. Maybe that really beautiful girl wore really long eyelashes. That must be it. That's what made her so hot. She was so hot. And then all of a sudden one of her eyes just wasn't so hot like the other one And it was like where did they go? Oh that person's salad. Yeah. Yeah, she had references and everything

You know what Should put that on my resume, you know, we should oh It's going somewhere complete. Yeah, totally not what you my resume. You know we should. Oh, I was going somewhere. Completely. Yeah, totally not what you were thinking. I know. No, I was thinking we could do an episode of like places we've worked or something. Oh wait, didn't we do that already?

Oh no, no. We did like places, but we could do like companies we've worked for, but like make it more generic than maybe or pick the ones that are like more standard or like I really like the one the episode we did of like reviewing relevant places relevant to us. That was really fun Well, we also did it like Relevant to the other person which was yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah well, thank you for sending that in I think I I would like to, it's brave of you to do because at least if we do it, we can like,

put it out, like joke about it, make some like comedy or light of it. I feel like if I did that alone with no real like outlet, I'd be just like feel weird and sad. So thank you for your service. That was really a bold. So Olivia, you should feel really weird and sad. So thank you for your service. That was really a bold. So Olivia, you should feel really weird and sad right now. No, but I mean, but she said she didn't really recommend it

because it probably isn't. It's true, no you're right. But I'm glad at least we got to share your beautiful story. Time for my challenge. Yes, I don't remember what it is. The challenge was to find reviews where people mentioned their blood pressure being raised. I remember picking this and giving it to you and going, this will be delightful. Oh yeah, definitely.

Delightful is exactly how I'd put it. Let me read one here from Kelly Sheher. This is of a restaurant called Flatbread in Amesbury, Massachusetts. And it's a one-star review by Tony. This whole experience raised my blood pressure. I tried to place my order online on my phone. The website wouldn't let me check out, so I called to place my order.

I spoke with the most unhelpful person who informed me I had to order online. I told him their website wasn't working and he said, try again. I asked, so can I order on the phone? And he told me not if I want delivery. I hung up and placed my order on a desktop computer. Then we waited an hour and a half for a pizza. We only lived two miles away. When the pizza finally did arrive, the driver didn't even ring the doorbell, just dropped

the pizza on my doorstep in the rain and ran. So now I'm eating a stone cold pizza, fuming over the tip I left for exceptional service. The pizza was fine, albeit cold, but this place needs to work on customer service. I'm not asking for much. Just don't actively try to make ordering pizza a miserable experience. End of review.

Ooh. That would raise my blood pressure. Okay, yeah. It's actually actively doing that right now. I'm getting an alert. About your blood pressure. Oh no, you're connected. I was wondering who has access because it's not me.

My doctors wouldn't let me have it. That thing keeps coming up at the top of your phone that like has like a little arrow like you're being tracked. It's because I'm just checking your blood pressure real quick. Oh, thank goodness. Someone's got to do it. Yeah, it's me. I've got to do it. Uh, yeah, no, that I feel like I always tell people to just please don't ring the doorbell and leave it at the front door

But I also have like a camera doorbell. So I'm like it notifies me anyway So I can understand that if like nobody knocks or anything and you don't have one of those you'd be like where the fuck is the pizza? Yeah, no, that would be annoying, you know It's hard because it's like I bet most people don't really care if you don't like wait at the door But yeah, I don't know. Yeah, but I'm wondering like it said it took an hour and a half to get there How long was on the stoop? They were a whole can't get an hour. They weren't counting away. Oh explains it Okay, my next one is from BG. She her who sent in a review of the Virginia Eye Clinic in Lynchburg, Virginia.

It's a three-star review by Ashley. The staff were friendly and services were good. The new facilities were clean and neat. I liked looking around at the little gift shop slash boutique in there. However, please, for the love of all humanity, turn off the Fox News. It made my blood pressure go up trying to fill out forms while it was blaring negativity and propaganda on the gigantic TV. The Ward's Road location plays old TV shows,

The Brady Bunch, Andy Griffith, et cetera, which are much more palatable for a waiting room. End of reveal. I know, it's like that lowers my blood pressure yeah honestly any news just and also blaring why are you why is the volume on volume on if you're trying if you want anyone and you know they want you to fill out that paperwork quickly and it's like if you have somebody screaming on the TV why the fuck no what I'm saying is like why would you have it the volume up like

that feels like that it was rushing on it was like you want to get out of here. I think it would just distract I would be like what the hell like I can't think of my own birthday. It's this man is screaming at me. Yeah Yeah, that sucks I mean I feel that way on a plane when someone's watching Fox News like right in my eyeline and I keep glancing over by mistake You accidentally read a headline you're like, oh, that's a real headline. I'm like really Dems are doing that That's so embarrassing But yeah, I just don't even know I don't know I don't know I don't know what to tell you that sucks No, Ashley. It does like

Virginia, I don't know what to tell you man My next one was sent in by Stephanie. And Stephanie sent in a review of a place called. Taco Bell. Oh, yeah, this is located in. Mishawaka, Indiana, one star ordered Ordered online, door locked when I pull in, I call into woman answers like I called her at home. Didn't even announce it was crap bell. Told her I had a to-go order and I couldn't get in.

She said, yeah, have to go through drive-through. I said, well, that's why I placed a mobile order to avoid sitting in the drive-through for 45 minutes. She said, well, if you want your food, that's what you have to do. I said, could someone bring it to the door? It's already paid for. And she screamed into the phone.

I told you how to get your food. Um, no. Emailed corporate twice, no response. They got my money, raised my blood pressure, and couldn't even respond to an email. Never again. End of review. What in the world, dude?

Yeah, that's how the mobile that's my understanding of mobile order is just I okay like I get that I get their point the line is long but like but fucking relax I'm sorry I don't I don't say that but Jesus you're gonna you really are gonna put yourself like into a health crisis if you keep getting riled up over this sort of thing. If you're screaming at each other on the phone, this can't be good for you. If they tell you a policy, why are you arguing?

You're not gonna change their policy. She's in bed. She's at home, working from home that day. Yeah, she's at WFH nowadays. Yeah, she's WFH nowadays. The cold robots who don't have feelings are working in the store. Oh my God, no wonder that the barbecue sauce has started tasting so weird. Exactly. Oh my Lord. Yeah, not fun.

I'm just like, it like raises my blood pressure when people get so upset and I'm not really, you know what I mean, but I'm like, yeah damn like That is just let's just let's just think is like Taco Bell's not raising your blood pressure Box News isn't right, you know, it's you how you're reacting to it Like not that it's not a valid reaction sometimes but like it's perception comes from inside It comes as I bet. Guess who? Guess what? I bet Trump's blood pressure goes way down when he watches Fox News.

You see, it's all true. So true. It's all about perception. Oh, man. I don't know if it's possible for it to go down, though. My next one is from Stacey, who sent in a review. And what was funny for me about this one was I clicked and read the review before reading what the review was of mm-hmm and then I look back, but it's of a wiener schnitzel Like the restaurant yeah like the restaurant the fast food chain in California okay one star

The manager hung up on me after asking for the corporate office number as they weren't honoring the coupon off your site. That he claimed he was too busy when I went back in to see why? That maybe in Texas they honor them. Didn't de-escalate the problem, offer a solution, rather be rude to hang up on me? Three people in the restaurant, one in the drive-thru. I suggest you don't offer coupons, sight, if you don't honor them, and give customer service training for your young manager, very rude, and cost

me mental distress and raised blood pressure, never again. Funny that In-N-Out was busy, as usual, and your store almost empty, and was treated with dignity and respect. Sixty-one and never treated like that. No options. End of review. And then like the next day on their website with all the coupons, it's like,

treated me with dignity and respect. And then it just like cuts that quote out. What was this off? Oh, Wiener Schnitzel. Wiener Schnitzel, but I read the whole thing and I'm like, oh, what the hell's going on? And I was like, this is a wiener schnitzel? What the heck?

This is so bizarre. Yeah. In and out's popular, but you're not. And it's cause you were rude to me on the phone. I am, mm, doubt it. Oh boy. Doubt it. I want to see that coupon, what it actually said.

Oh, and I love that they said, why you shouldn't have a coupon site And it's like oh you probably went on one of those weird like kind of okay It said I suggest you don't offer coupons comma parentheses site oh And then if you don't honor them, so I don't know I don't know there's the punctuation the capitalization. Everything was I see.

So it's not control. Yeah, then I I let go any and all attachment to my theory from earlier. Yeah, it's not worth putting any thought into this one. Great. I have one more. And this one was sent in by Trista of Ripley's haunted adventure in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. And this is a one star review. of Ripley's Haunted Adventure in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. And this is a one star review.

No warnings for heart patients. They are very good at what they do, but they are too good. They do not have warnings for heart patients and they do need them. End of review. Oh my God. Oh my God. I regret joking about it.

And then Please haunted adventure responded my anxiety. Here's the response. They responded like almost a year later Whoops, he said hi Betty. Thank you for your review It's great to hear that our actors are too good at their jobs Betty, thank you for your review. It's great to hear that our actors are too good at their jobs. We will use your feedback to help enhance our guest experience and to forfe-

We'll tell them they're doing it and they better amp it up. I'm so glad our lack of warnings made for a really exciting experience. And then you know what happened when they sent the response they got a like a mailer demon because it was like this again. A what? Remember mailer demons because it was like this again remember

mailer demons no why do every time I say that people are like what are you talking about I'm like does that spelled a Emo in yeah that's like it sounds like a thing I've seen it before I don't know what it is what okay poll how do you do a poll can we do a poll yeah have have you do you know if if do you do a poll? Can we do a poll? Yeah, have have you? Do you know if if do you know what a barrow situation? Demon is a daemon mailer daemon whatever you don't even know how to say it Well, I don't know how to say it cuz I've read it my whole life But if you know what I'm talking about, can you just tell me in the book in the book? It's just like remember the whole borrower's thing. Yes, I do

Yeah, and you were like really upset. I didn't know and there were so many people who said everyone knows the borrower's thing? Yes, I do. Yeah, and you were like really upset I didn't know. And there were so many people who said, everyone knows the borrower's. But then an equal amount who were like, no, what the fuck is this? But I feel like- And all you borrowers people were like, everyone knows this, clearly not. But Alexander, I feel like you're missing also

the context of like people who don't know the borrowers might not be in our age range. They might be elder millennials, God forbid. You know how many of them told us their age and their generation status when they responded to this. This is why I'm asking because I'm like, maybe it is not as that's why I'm asking. So if you guys-

Like I've seen this, yeah. Do you know what it is? It's an automated process, part of a mail server that handles that. No, it's when you send an email and you type the email address wrong and it sends you it bounces the email back. And it says Mailer Daemon on it.

Mailer Daemon scares me. Caught it. I don't know why. I don't fuck it up. I mean Alexander. This has existed just telling on yourself Internet you've never sent an email to an like a wrong email. No, you're so full of shit. No Next time I see you I'm going to go into your email and I'm going to type in never mailer Damon Just scaring me every time. Stop it! Fuck you, okay?

So my joke here, here goes my joke. I typed mailer daemon demon 22 times. It's 22 separate emails that I've apparently seen it. But it's like, yeah, yeah, I've seen it only 22 times. And the oldest is 2008. Like, that's not that often. Are you telling me that you you keep every single like bounce back email? Yes. Like you I'm I'm sure you deleted some of the wrong.

And if I have some from 2008, which ones am I deleting? Just slipped through. I don't know I randomly delete things I have 2008, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 16, 18, 19, 20 But I'm saying like sometimes if an email comes in I just delete it That's not what I do Trust me I have saved every single email I've ever gotten I'm not proud of it, but it's true. I just find it really suspicious that you don't have more of those.

I feel like it's pretty. I don't mess up. It's also a big part of growing up because I'm serious. When you get an email account and you start emailing your friends and stuff and like if one is Somebody like deletes their email or it's a wrong email address or you have one of those creepy forwards. I went outside I didn't email my friends As if! You literally said you were too lazy to get a job in high school so fuck off That was high school. You think I was emailing my friends in high school? Okay I was

Yeah I do! But guess what? I know my friends names and how to spell them and their email address I could list all of them right now Acting like this is not a thing At gmail.com Stop stop saying there stop doxxing all your friends. Hey, guess what I have. This is so embarrassing delivery to lawn gnome 308 at Comcast Do you mean to do lawn gnome 208? I want to thank you for the

Recommendation you submitted on my behalf and then it said I'm sorry There's no one here like you're trying- What? Why are you emailing lawn gnomes? I don't know. I don't know. It was the year 2013, nobody could tell or know. Is that right? Is that right? Oh no. Okay. Wow. Alexander, that was really good. Thanks. I forgot I was doing a thing here. Yeah. No, that was fun. Oh

Good job to the people sent in reviews. I mean I will check my aura ring, but I'm pretty sure my blood pressure has maintained Relative consistency, but I think that has nothing to do with our behavior and everything to do with the fact that I'm laying horizontally in my bed Mmm, that's good. Yeah. No, I feel great Good. fact that I'm laying horizontally in my bed. Mm-hmm. That's good Yeah, no, I feel great good. Yeah, I'm doing really well want for you. Yeah, that's all I want for me, too Everyone I'll check your I'll check your blood pressure your blood pressure. No, I'll check your blood pressure I'm saying and a little yeah I know and I'm telling the listeners after this episode after what we just went through together check your blood pressure But don't stress about your blood pressure and that's not gonna help

No, it's like if someone's raising your blood pressure, okay accept it And then you know don't harp on it on the internet or otherwise you're really going to send Potentially feels like you're subtweeting people. You know you're just this feels like you're calling some behavior out or something I am I'm saying stop doing that because like I really stressed me out. Yeah Yeah, I don't I did read something about REM recently that like really got me heated. Yeah, my pressure was through the roof Like you're literally the worst Offenders of all time and I don't know we know what we're doing. That's not all the time We do and we don't which is the best part and you'll never know which one is which or how much of each Oh true

Wow Wow Especially at our live shows go to beach to sandy comm slash tour to get tickets to that We're going to Florida very very soon and California, Texas to get tickets to that we're going to Florida very very soon and California Texas Detroit a bunch of places should Mallortville bean town Chicago not sorry I gotta clarify bean town the Chicago one not the Boston one sorry right we're not going to that one we're not going to Boston you know what you did you know what you did uh yeah that's about it it. Patreon.com slash bshoo sandy for other fun stuff. We do have some fun stuff there.

Honey, the Sostrone! What was it called again? What was my other one? What? The Sostrone? The one that brought the hot dogs and stuff? Oh my god, I made a longer one and I forget what it was. It was it was not worth remembering. I'll remember it. Give me five minutes. Just kidding. Bye everybody. The sauce drone waits for no man. Okay bye bye. Bye. You