Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 342: Reviews of Bicycle Stores

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

This episode we learn how to fix your bike's jickle flamber. We're performing in Florida tonight and tomorrow!!  https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon to send us a voicemail! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everyone, this is episode 342, reviews of bicycle shops. Stores. Yeah, you stuck the landing and then you kind of like t. Stores. Yeah, you stuck the landing and then you kind of like tumbled a minute and you like stuck it.

And then it's like the camera didn't cut quickly enough and we saw tip over. But it's OK. You know what? It's all right. What was your experience researching researching bicycle shops slash stores. It was weirdly similar to dispensaries. In my mind because- Like kind of the know it all.

That, yes. And also the terminology. I saw, I don't know. They were like, oh, my jiggle flamber broke, so I brought it in. They'd say that and I'd say, yep, one of those that's on my say like, oh, I'd like to order the purple Kush. And I was like, is that a bike? Yeah, but I like I know what a spoke is.

You know, I know I know very certain things. So I was surprised at how many things I didn't know I guess you're like six different different terms Okay, I guess but but like six different things on a bike that I wouldn't know what they are Bike people have like their own Lingo and it's like any sport, but especially one where you have equipment. It's like that's over my head I don't want to be part of it, you know? It just feels too intimidating and inaccessible for me.

Anyway, I would like to, oh wait, are we in Florida right now? Let me look around. We are going to Florida. Yeah, wait, tomorrow? We are in Florida today. We're today there, we're today there. We're today there.

Hi, Tampa. Welcome to Orlando. Orlando, sorry. The gateway to magic. Today we're today there we're today there we're today there and hi Sorry the gateway to magic yeah That's what it's called, right? Y'all if you're listening to this and you're in the Florida area This is a sign from the universe ever heard about synchronicities You should probably buy a ticket to our Orlando show tonight and tomorrow the 19th. We have a show in Tampa So like that is a little funny bone tan and then the Tampa funny bone This is June 18th June 19th in the name funny funny funny bone. We're gonna laugh

I'm gonna tickle your phone. Okay, that's even worse. No. OK, I'm going to move on. Wait, why are the accounts going down? How did that happen? OK, bicycle shops. Another thing I did want to say before asking you how your research went is that I did that trip to Maine and I saw 22 lighthouses. I got a lot of footage that will hopefully be up on my YouTube.

So far, this isn't sounding like a question for me. Anyway, it's oh, no, it's not meant to be. I'm saying before I ask a question, I'm going to talk about myself more. Oh, OK. So. But one thing I noticed when I was in Portland, Maine, which I loved it there, they had so many bike shops. They had so many bike shops. They had so many bike shops and then driving through Maine. They had so many

dispensaries. I was just in Ithaca. Wild. Same dish. Same thing. Yeah. Wild. They love it up there. They love it. Yeah. And I chose that week to like do it. Take a break. And I just saw dispensaries everywhere. Oh, take a break from weed from weed

Yes, from your intense also. I'm afraid of bicycling, but I've read multiple reviews of places in Portland and They were all pretty positive and So it's tough to find anything so I didn't find anything But I did find a review of a bicycle themed Coffee shop that I went to oh, I have one in my neighborhood actually in Newport a bicycle themed coffee shop that I went to. Oh, I have one in my neighborhood, actually, in Newport. A bicycle themed coffee shop. You do? Yeah, it's a coffee shop attached to a bicycle store. Oh, that's fun.

See what it's not because I'm intimidated and I don't go in there. Yeah, it's because their coffee sucks. No, it's actually really good. It's Rieser bike outfitters, I think, and they have like a... Yeah, that would scare me. I don't know, they have like an attached coffee shop. That's fun.

Yeah, but so anyway, I found it like weirdly depressing. Oh no, why? I know, I think I just like... We had very different experiences, okay. I know, I think like something about being outdoorsy makes me sad because like I want to be that way But I'm not and it makes me feel like oh I'm not living up to the like I wish I were someone who would go on a bike ride or like I don't know I feel like I'm missing out

Really? Yeah. Oh It made me feel like I'm not missing out. Yeah, that's really weird. What were you just reading? Positive reviews? No. OK. And then the sad ones also depressed me. I don't know. I just like maybe maybe here's what will happen. Remember that time when I brought all those reviews and somebody died in every single one, even though the thing was something like completely different. Yeah. Unrelated.

I wonder, like, maybe you'll sense a thread through my reviews that I didn't pick up on. You know, so point that out if you notice anything strange. Okay, I'm a little nervous. If anybody dies, you know all the- You just made it really heavy and I'm worried about like, what the fuck did you come across and what are you bringing to the table

if you're depressed about it? Nothing that, I don't know. I mean, we'll see, you tell me. I don't remember what they say. So you tell me what it what it what made me so sad. I will find out. Yes, I'll tell you at the end. You start. This is a review of a coffee shop in Portland, Maine called Tandem Coffee and Bakery. I don't think they're even attached to a but you know,

like I don't think they're associated with completely. It's like feeling you're just breaking the rules first thing this is a very mean move I know it's a good fun no I'm the one who's usually depressed reading all the reviews I know I know no that's usually both of us here's a one star review I couldn't pass this up I'm sorry one star barista had both hands inside my cup for 10 plus seconds before preparing my drink while talking to her coworker. I'm talking deep inside, touching the interior walls for no reason.

Completely unsanitary. I took the drink but did not drink it and put it in the trash instead. Won't be coming back. End of review. What in the world instead, won't be coming back, end of review. What in the world? I know. Okay, even if they're exaggerating, any amount of putting your hand inside a cup

that you're giving to a customer is like no go. So whether it was two hands all the way smashed in or one hand halfway in, not good. They did clarify, I'm talking deep inside. Like they were insistent. this was like believe them, because that would be a wild thing to make up. I don't know. Yeah. Unless it's a rival something.

But also, I feel like someone who'd see this happening would say something like that. I mean, you would say something. I would probably like consider saying something if they were fist ding like fist deep, like just really going in my cappuccino. Yeah, I might say I probably wouldn't, but I might. You wouldn't have the bicycle one, but you know, at a different one. And I would probably drink it. I'll be honest. Yeah.

Oh, I probably would, too. I would if it was the barista who served me at tandem. OK, they were just very nice. And then, oh, you know what served me at Tandem. Okay. They were just very nice. And then, oh, you know what happened? Oh, it was so sad. Okay. They were like, I asked if there was any vegan options.

They were like, oh, like no, not right. At least they had sold out or something. And they said, oh, come back tomorrow. And then for this thing. And I was like, oh, that sounds good, blah, blah, blah. And then at the end they were like see you tomorrow and I was like see you tomorrow It would maybe happy so I was like, oh, maybe actually we'll go there tomorrow and then the line was insane Oh, I'm gonna say you lied and you were leaving town. Oh, well, I was leaving town and the line was insane So I didn't have time

I'd light houses to see oh, no are that is really just felt really bad. Because they were so nice. Thanks for being so open about it. I've dreamt of them every night since of her hands. No, her eyes. In a cup. No, not the eyes in the cup.

But yeah, I drank that. Yeah, Taylor, so I would've drank that. Taylor, Sophie's word? What? Would've drank that? Was that correct? Drunk. Drunk.

I was like, that didn't sound right, but you didn't correct me? Drink, drink, drunk. Drink, drink, have drunk. Okay. Believe it or not, it's the truth. Also, I'd like to take a moment because it's been making me absolutely- We're taking way too many moments. Making me insane.

Everybody in my life is saying, me and her went to the store. I can't do it anymore. Me and my dad went to the store. That's not correct at all. It's my dad and I. You wouldn't say me went to the store. Think about it.

It makes me crazy. And it's the way everyone talks. So I know in 10 years, no one's gonna say it right anymore. It's gonna be like the norm, but it really makes me wanna pull my hair out which which is how language works I can't language in this one instance only know every other one. I get it. I know killing me I know but it's like this won't be the last one

Does it mean because they're different words since has to do with time You say like I went upstairs. I've been upstairs since yesterday. with time. So if you say like, I went upstairs, I've been upstairs since yesterday, that's correct. But you don't say, yeah, since there are a lot of people downstairs, I went upstairs. No, you say, because there are a lot of people downstairs, I went upstairs. So that one wasn't your only one, that's your,

you just said, that's my only one, and then you just like said, unprompted, unprompted started yelling about a new one. What is happening? Alexander, I think I'm just losing it. I think I saw you correctly, Lona. And then I stopped yourself. Guess what? Does it work?

Because Blaze does it wrong. And I'm like, all of you are going to teach her incorrect English. And it's heartbreaking. Yeah. It's the only thing I correct, like, it's the only thing where I'm like, please just know. And I'm like, you don't even have to say it that way. Just know that that's the correct way. Please. Yeah.

Leona called you a bitch and you were just like, that's fine. That's fine. Use our words. But next time you were instead of less. All right. That one I think of, but I still mess up because I also used to harass the shit out of you about that That one was my big number one for a long time. I've slowly started to move away from that towards some more pressing matters Me has started to move away from that yeah, I

Mean I feel like my 80 year old English teacher. I know I hear it I know I know I mean You just take out the second person that you're talking about and see if it sounds right. Yeah. How hard can it? Things that way and like, Well they better do it now. No, a lot of people don't care, Christina.

And that's okay. I do. I know, just one of us. Can you tell? Yeah, you literally said that you're heartbroken by Leona's English. It really bothers me. I know I'm just saying that's yeah You have a review. Also just in case nobody knows I do like sometimes pretty severe OCD So I would I would say um yeah, so do I but I'm not a dick about it

Okay, this is from Taylor Sophie Sophie's version, they them. This is of Grit Cycling in Louisville. One star by James. Very cool looking shop. Decorated really well. The white Mercedes truck out front parked on the sidewalk was a very nice touch. Walked in, the gentleman who I would assume is the owner

didn't look at me, wasn't greeted. I actually checked my shoes to see if I had stepped in dog poop. Then I smelled my armpits because it was obvious that he didn't care or want me in the shop. Would have possibly bought something but decided to leave after standing around for 10 minutes feeling sad and alone. End of story. Oh no. That's okay. Can you imagine just standing there and like smelling all your body parts?

Yeah, no wonder. No wonder. No. I didn't want to say hi. Hello. He's like walking in. He's smelling his shoes. He's smelling his armpits. And the owner's like, I don't smell anything from here, so I'm not getting close. So maybe I need to keep a distance. Yeah. Yeah. I know that.

I went to Costco the other day and by the other day, like the other month, and I was walking through and it smelled, it smelled like poop. And so I walked through multiple aisles checking my shoes because I was so confused and turns out it was just like, I think an animal had pooped in the One of the islands. Oh god. I saw a bunch of people like cleaning up and I was like, oh thank god But multiple people saw me smell my shoes and they didn't say anything. So I don't know if they didn't know I mean, I was like it must be me because I'm paranoid in that sense It makes sense because you smell something this person's just like oh, they're not saying hello. I know. Yeah That doesn't seem like a reason to not go say hello.

Like, you stepped whatever. I would be like if I own the shop, you walked in and thought to be like, hey, I think you have something in your shoe. Maybe get it outside. You know, I don't know. I think they're just being silly. I think so. Instead of just talking to people. Sounds like someone I know.

This next one is from Elise and Matt. This is a what the heck? Good Ales, good Ales bike shop in Nashua, New Hampshire. What are you drinking that looks yummy? Well, I made a cocktail for the next episode because I forgot that it was the second one. We're recording an episode next.

Surprise. We're recording it today. And it was on theme. My beverage was on theme. And then I realized we had this one and I just didn't want to wait. Got it. No, yeah, you didn't want the ice to melt. I thought it was like ginger ale looking at it. It does kind of look it's actually a Swedish long drink. Oh, no, I'm sorry. A Finnish long drink.

Oh, not a Danish long drink. No, a Finnish one. Oh, okay. I don't. It's peach flavored. That sounds tasty though. At Trader Joe's or somewhere. Oh, nice. Go ahead.

Anyway, Goodale's Bike Shop, Nashua, New Hampshire. This is a one-star review. Probably one of the worst customer experiences I have ever encountered. I have never written a review before, but after failing to be able to find an email address on the website, I turned to Yelp. After waiting outside for 45 minutes in line due to COVID limits, totally fine, we were brought in by an elderly female employee that made a big deal about a ceramic cow. E.G. introduced us to the cow, told us its name, etc. While she was performing her song and

dance about the cow, the family in line behind us... Oh my god, a real song and dance about the cow? Can you imagine? That's what I'm picturing in the picture. That's why I'm like, why are you complaining? This took a lot of time. Be respectful. Dinner and a show. Yeah, and like COVID time, like you take what you can get in terms of entertainment. And also like, were we not all a little unhinged and like making relationships with inanimate objects? Like, come on, give her a break. Some of us still are.

The family in line behind us, a nice nurse and her children, were brought in, assigned an employee, and were able to enter the floor to purchase a bike. When I explained to the elderly employee that the family that was shown to the floor was in line behind us, she replied, Oh, it's just a shame, isn't it? While laughing. No apology. No oops. Nothing. Just, oh, it's a shame, isn't it? It was humiliating. In maybe 40 years of being a consumer, I have never been experienced How old do you think that makes them they've been a consumer since day zero

Yeah, one way or another consuming all those all those Nutrients from the womb right all that consuming since they negative something Yeah, all that heart. I don't know. It just feels like saying you'd eat when you're pregnant. Yeah, okay I mean I like gold star. Yeah. Yeah, I know That's yeah that talk about humiliating I'm just like as I was reading it this time, I'm getting the impression that this is a ghost. Oh, you're so right, Alexander, that actually makes a lot of sense that that reading that response again of Oh, it's just

a shame, isn't it? I'm like, like, what a strange way to say something. And like, yeah, especially to that situation. Maybe that's all this ghost can say. Oh, well, I guess they did a song and a dance about a cow in my mind. So nevermind. That part's a given. Yeah. So, hmm.

Anyway. You've met the famous cow lady. That was the best, so. Oh, God. Okay. They did end up spending $1,000 despite the utter disrespect and humiliation utter. Are you kidding utter? They did spell it correctly

You would be happy to know but I think it would be funnier But it's funnier that they spelled it correctly because then we can make the joke Yeah, I just wish you I just knew you'd go on some rant about the state of spelling in the US That's you said earlier. I only have one thing I care about, and then you said five more things that piss you off. That was the one I cared about. This is from Taylor also. It's of Quest Outdoors, and this is a one-star review. It's in Louisville, and this is a one-star review by Joe. I went to Quest Outdoors today for the first and last time.

I stood in front of the backpack section for 15 minutes and failed to attract a salesman. Sorry. It's like back to back with that first guy who's like standing there smelling his armpits. I'm like, maybe you should try like a little song and dance like Cowlady or like armpit. It sounds like they just came from their pick up artist class.

Trying all their tricks. It's not working. Yeah. Just like degrading all the women that work there. This is where Jeremy said I'd pick up babes. Look at this fedora. Okay. I stood in the backpack section for 15 minutes and failed to attract a salesman. I just ordered a Osprey Atmos 65 from Amazon. I am a cuss. Do they do a mating dance? I'm sure they do. Maybe that's who he was trying to attract. Oh no, that sounds dangerous. Oh, careful, something just hit my window. I know, my window is... Oh my God. You poor listeners out there. For anyone just attacked by a bird. I just instigated a bird riot. Okay.

I just ordered an Osprey Atmos 65 from Amazon. I am accustomed to being ignored there. See, like some of this, it just like bums me out. Yeah. Takes two extra days to get my pack. Hope you have better luck. End of review. Geez, yeah. Like yours are very depressing. They are. I'm sad and alone. Oh, downers.

No one will come to my mating dance. I have to use Amazon and they don't love me. Nobody loves me. Not even the bicycle employees. Oh, boy. This next one Oh boy, this next one was sent in by Elena, she, her, and Io, he, him, and what the heck? I didn't write down where it's of. Where it's of? Alexander, you can't put a preposition at the end of a sentence. No kidding. I just did. Won't be the last time.

You know the one that's been pestering my actual OCD with myself lately? I know six of them. Yeah. Well, no. This is one I do myself. Oh. That I know is wrong. Okay.

Tell me. It feels like a sin. It's starting to connect that it's all Catholic school related. The one that I've been messing up lately is done and finished. You remember how Miss Giddings would say a turkey is done. A person is finished. And so you say, like, this puzzle is done. You wouldn't say the puzzle is finished, like finish implies you're finishing an action.

So you'd say, like, I'm finished with I'm finished puzzling. I'm finished puzzling and finish doing the puzzle is done. So you wouldn't say I'm done doing the puzzle. I'm finished doing the puzzle. The puzzle is done. So you wouldn't say I'm done doing the puzzle. I'm finished doing the puzzle. The puzzle is done. Fun fact. Yeah, that is actually kind of fun. That one doesn't bother me when other people do it

because I feel like it's pretty, nowadays it's really interchangeable. But when I do it, I hear Miss Skittings in my head going, a turkey is done. And I'm like, this is just haunting. I don't know if I remember her saying it, but I can picture that, like hear that and see her saying it. Do you remember Miss Skittings? Of course, yeah. She's like one of the few who's like, if I remember her saying it, but I can picture that like hear that and see her. Do you remember Miss Giddings?

Of course. Yeah, she's like one of the few who's like voices I remember. Isn't that weird? I do know something like really upsetting that like maybe I shouldn't say is that for a while my Neopets password was Giddings555 Okay, you're a freak It said like There's no excuse. No, you had pets by that point that you could have used. I had interests and hobbies and friends. Okay, I wouldn't go that far.

Anyway, this is one that Io and Elena sent in. This is of Bicycle Space Ivy City in DC. This is a one-star review. Gil, Gil, Gil, and Rob the Bob. Worst interactions I've had in any retail experience in at least five years. Off the break, condescending and rude.

Essentially told me I wasn't welcome as a customer. Had to buy tires, so unfortunately I persisted. Entire awful experience ended with Rob the Bob Unfortunately he persisted. Was that like, nevertheless she persisted. Unfortunately he needed tires. He did. Entire awful experience ended with Rob the Bob telling me to go back to Arizona.

How does one reply to something like that? Where I from slash look like, etc. is arbitrary. Do the owners of this store have any clue as to what is currently going on? I hope their business fails so someone who is actually from the Ivy City area could have a chance at their own dreams. Basically, if you wanna be talked down to by a bunch of gross, unhealthy looking losers, go here and enjoy. Oh, I will say, Mr. Bearded Mechanic,

obviously a good dude, I'd ask him to fix your bike after hours or something. Otherwise, I hope their doors shut forever. Fuck off and die. End of review. Now do you, like, are you sensing that this is just like a bummer of a, like somehow it's just like really contentious. My people aren't sad.

They're just very aggressive and really weird. Yeah, that like bums me. Like, why are you yelling? Okay. So first of all, Gil Gil Gil Gil. Is that their name? Yeah, it's funny. Gil Gil Gil and Rob the Bob. Okay. It struck me that this reminds me of some sort of insult you'd say in like happy days or something like, oh, Rob the Bob. What did you call me? You know, it's like, what does that even mean? Like, go back to Arizona.

Like, how could you say that? Like, what does any like he says, do they have any clue what's going on? It's like, well, I don't do you. Could you enlighten me? Maybe I'm confused. Are you from Arizona? Because it seemed like you didn't deny it. You know, he said like, well, it's irrelevant. I plead the fifth like, no.

And I feel like they're take has I would assume unless okay Maybe I'm wrong about this place and the people there But I feel like there has to get a lot of escalation before someone says go back to Arizona I mean right like you're saying Gil Gil Gil like and then you're saying they were rude right off the bat It's like you're coming in with some If you brought this energy into the bike shop I imagine things didn't go well. They have a 4.2 out of 5. A lot of 1 stars I will say. And that's the one thing I was going to say about the Portland bike shops. All of them were 4.8 or above. Some of them

like 5.0. It was crazy. Crazy high score. That's why it was so boring They had it the next morning and then I Made the biggest mistake of my life by not getting it not for you Hey everyone, this is Tom sharpling the host host of the best show, the weekly live comedy podcast where I interview celebrity guests, talk to callers from all over the world, play music and have as much fun as you can possibly have on a podcast. It's three hours of mirth, music and mayhem every Tuesday and you can check out the latest episode of the best show streaming right now on Amazon music

Hi, this is IMH of the podcast that's Darby and I'm Darby and I'm Alexis. Hey Darby. What is IMH? Oh stamp for I'm so glad you asked in my homosexual opinion. That's right in my homosexual opinion the podcast Answers your weird questions because we have weird answers. Yes, and we also want to hear all of your stories. Maybe there's a situation you've been put in and you just don't know how to get out of it. Well, we'll get you out of anything. Yeah.

Or maybe you've seen a dead body. Yeah, I need to know about that. I would actually love to hear about that. Alexis and I, we are professional podcasters. We've made all the podcast charts and now we're ready to make your podcast heart. Okay. We know you need a new podcast to be obsessed with,

and what's more obsessive than two drag queens talking into microphones? Ah ha! So listen to I Am H.O. the podcast. Anywhere you get your podcasts. It's in my homosexual opinion. I Am H.ad, the show This is from Taylor, she her, different Taylor

This is of Sweet Pete Bike Shop in Toronto, Canada Try it, keep that in mind This is of Sweet Pete Bike Shop in Toronto, Canada. Oh. Try it, keep that in mind. Sweet Pete? It's really not that important. Just keep the Toronto, Canada part in mind. I guess. Okay. Sweet Pete.

One Star by David. Tried to buy a Trek bike for my seven year old son here. I am in the U.S. and I don't get to see him much due to a very hostile ex and tens of thousands in lawyer fees. When I tried to call to inquire about buying the Trek Roscoe 20 inch, I was treated like a fraudulent criminal. When I explained I was trying to buy the bike for my son and that he would need to have it delivered, they told me it would be 200 delivery fee even though the website says

they will deliver for free. The guy on the phone was so convinced that I was a fraud buyer that he said there was no way they would accept my payment and that I would have to be there. I was denied contact to my son more than 900 days due to the toxic ex trying to hide him from me. The State Department and White House had to get involved.

What? It doesn't make sense. With a Trek bike thing? I think just with the custody battle. So this guy just lost sweet pita bike sale and forced me to write this review. That's not quite what happened, but okay. This guy was a jerk and this is why small business dies and places like Amazon just took their business. End of review. Well, that's not how that works. business dies and places like Amazon just took their business, end of review. Okay.

That's not how that works, but. No, and I also read the response, and it was like, hey, we can only, we ship $100 and more, if you spend more than $100, we'll ship it for free in the continental United States, and they don't ship bikes, because they're like, it's not legal. Like we have to, we can't put them together

and then ship them. We can put them together and deliver them, but we can't like ship them, I guess. Or I don't know. Something like that. Maybe it's like a giant bike. You can't really. It's not like whatever. So either way, they're they're trying.

He's trying to get it to Canada. They're like, we don't we can't do that. It's all this is. But they're in Canada, the company. Oh, maybe that's what it is. Maybe. Sorry. Yeah. So maybe he's in the u.s.. Trying to get it from Canada Okay, but he but his kid is in Canada His kid is in Canada

Hiding in hiding oh and hiding I mean that's scary Maybe he's this person right behind him like he fucking probably it's true Have you checked? Um, I don't know much. So I'm not gonna say no I will say I know and the response was like really kind and the guy said hey I'm a parent of a kid and like I can't imagine the situation I'm not trying to like downplay what you're going through. Whatever. We never thought you are a fraudulent criminal Like we just can't ship bikes basically was what they said fraudulent criminal, like we just can't ship bikes, basically was what they said. So.

Dude's going through time. Yeah. Let it out in this one-star review and thankfully got a good response back. Okay. Yeah. 900 days. So, but no wonder you're coming in all depressed. What the hell did you find?

That's what I'm saying. It just like weirdly just, it just, and then it always ended with like, well, this is why the world's going to hell. And I'm like, is it just and then it always ended with like well This is why the world's going to hell and I'm like is it Sure, this is why Amazon's taking over. Oh my gosh speaking of hell I have a review that was sent in by Stacey, this is a bicycle heaven and and Sorry, I'm trying to figure out what it's in Pittsburgh.

There are just a lot of words before Pittsburgh. That I got very confused. It says 1800 Preble Avenue, R.J. Casey Industrial Park, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And I was like, is this just Pittsburgh with a specific neighborhood? Anyway, I'm moving on one star. By Captain A with the Captain America shield and their location is OH, OH.

So Ohio, Ohio. One star. That was a one star review. Picture if you will, a warehouse of two floors divided into half a dozen rooms, large and small. Each room is crammed to the gills with bikes. Bikes on the walls. Bikes on the floors.

Gills. Bikes hanging from the ceilings. Also, buckets and racks and showcases and entire side rooms filled with one kind of bike part or another. Now picture mannequins scattered throughout. Throw in some TV. I know, that's the scariest part. I was like, OK, sounds cool.

Oh, it got dark. Yep. Throw in some TVs that are always running some old program or movie and add some handwritten explanations of a few bikes here and there. Most bikes won't have any real explanation. They're just there. Hundreds, thousands of bikes. Now picture that it's summer.

And even though you showed up when the place opened, it's been 45 minutes now and the place is heating up. Despite the big fans in every room, sweat is forming on your forehead because the air is moving but not being chilled. This feels like Saul. Like I'm like, what is happening? Are you going to go through like a goblet? It's meant to be a Twilight Zone thing. It's just really fucking long.

Picture if you will. OK, I see. We're trying to do Twilight Zone. Rod Serling Hole, whatever. Understood. Um, but yeah, I like it. But the execution, it's like too wordy and not like... It doesn't hit. Like I got it when we said picture if you will.

And then I got lost. Maybe maybe it's just me not getting it to hit, you know? Maybe you need to just like try it in an accent. That's okay. I've already done most of it like this. I'm just going to keep going. Normally I would say yes, but it doesn't make sense to switch it up. Here we go.

Now you're wondering where the exit is and for a good 30 seconds you're lost. But then, you remember the way out. Once you're outside, you're free. But on the way back to your car, you see a couple of racks of bikes that are for sale. These bikes seem like they've been rotting in the elements for some time, in various states of neglect. You, my dear friend, have just experienced bicycle hell. End of review.

Pfft. Okay, okay, okay. In case you forgot, the place is called Bicycle Heaven. Yeah, I do appreciate that. I do appreciate that part, but like I don't understand what's so bad about the rest of it. It's like that feels kind of-

They described like a very cluttered- Like a normal bike shop. But like, looking at the pictures, it's pretty cluttered. No, okay. It feels maybe almost claustrophobic with the heat and stuff. I don't know that I would be comfortable with it. It's pretty rough. Yeah. Okay, so not heaven for me.

They have captions on them. just says a mass of bikes Then one oh, I thought you meant the handwritten notes and I was like Yeah, and they like a panorama it's a lot it's a lot I gotta stop looking I don't think I want to imagine that I mean dizzy look All right. This is my last one All right, this is my last one. This is from Kelly, she heard, it's very short, and it's a blazing saddle bike shop in Cleveland. Three stars by Ken.

They were dead on spot. Response from owner. I promise we are all still alive and well. End of review. I think they were spot on and dead on of review. Oh They were spot on But they said they were dead on spot and the people were like I'm so glad we got clarification though. Also Kenneth is a local guide I'm like does he just run around saying people are like dead or alive or yeah because Google keeps messaging. Hey

Would you like to write a review? As well, okay. Yeah, they're probably dead the end what? It's my point there's an owner response and he's found that works really well Honestly that could be to Challenge them to prove that they're alive and that's why it's three stars every time it's so just rage baiting You know, they're like, haha, you're dead. Yeah, I that they're alive. And that's why it's three stars every time. It's so just oh my god it's like rage baiting you know they're like ha ha you're dead. Yeah I think they're just this is a very advanced local guide. Very advanced. 21 whole reviews he's written. Yeah um 21 lives he's held in the balance. Oh my gosh. My next one, and last one, sorry, is from Izzy. And this is of Comet Trail Cycles in Mableton, Georgia.

Here's a one-star review with an owner response. Came in with a broken bike that I just bought from them. Told them what happened and was super nice. They basically told me they didn't know if they could fix it and no one was going to even glance at it today And they had no clue how much money it would be to fix it They were all men and were extremely condescending to my mother and I Me I know that's why I paused I was like oh That's what pisses me off is then they use the I and the other and it's like

Stick to one if you're gonna stick to one well cuz they're like I know this is right somewhere Do you know the worst one is? What? And like, I know podcasters who are so- What do you think the worst is? Yeah. The most well-spoken- You're calling out so many people.

I know, and that's what I'm saying. Like it's my issue. I recognize that. It's an epidemic. And I know language changes, but it is an epidemic in my opinion. Okay. But there's one podcast host whom I love dearly and I think is one of the smartest people ever.

Seriously. I'm right here, thank you. And no compliment hours not for another two days, Alexander, okay. So, but he says things like my wife and eyes. Oh. Instead of like my, like my wife's and my. Child, my wife and eyes child.

Well, yeah, I mean, child. You're. It like makes my eyes twitch. Yeah, I see it. I literally see it. But you're sorry, I know I just pissed everyone off, but honestly, you're pissing yourself off. You're just bringing this up. I'm actually just pissing myself now. Thanks a lot. Everyone's like glad like that's weird. I karma, you know, it's a karmic thing that you started pissing yourself after you like I self all of our listeners.

Not all. I literally called out 99% of the population. So if you feel offended, don't worry. Everyone else is too, because I'm the only person who cares about this. I promise. So please don't take it personally. It's just my own mental illness. I know plenty of high school teachers, like you said, that care a lot. Right. And I'm becoming one of them. And I don't necessarily think that's a great thing.

I just need to blurt it out every now and then. I think you need to up your meds Just a thought that's what I did today I might have to do that. Yeah, it's fingers crossed. Here we go I'm sorry to have to read this again. They were all men and were extremely condescending to my mother and I. We were extremely- How can you talk like that? I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Now I'm really kidding. I'm sorry. I'll stop. Okay. We were extremely polite and tried to be understanding and they were all very rude, except for the dude with dreads. He was the only one that didn't talk to us

like we were children. As we walked out, one said, thank God you got those women to leave and review What and then here's a response from owner. That's fucking insane Ready, this is why I'm scared of a bike. Like this is why it like freaks me out. I don't read this response Christian. Yeah You ran over your bike with the car and it was completely destroyed. I literally said in my head I said they drove their bike over with the car there's no reason they didn't say the way they're like hiding what the fixing was. Hey this is what happened they just said

something happened to the bike and I'm like they drove over it I knew it I knew it I knew it. I called you to let you know it was a total loss we were all frank with you about the bike and none of us said the last quote you claim. I realize you had a bad day, but we can't produce a miracle on the multiple pieces of bike you brought in. And the response. Oh my God, you drove your bike over with the car girl.

Doctor, it's in pieces. It's just like, how would you want them to do? Weld it all back together? The second you said, the red, the part where they said they weren't sure if they could fix it, I was like, car. Like, there's no other. It's mangled. Right. Like, it's like in pieces.

This is a bike shop, you know. And their job is to know if they can fix it. And if it's that bad. Especially if you bought it there. Oh, boy, that's rough. I mean, I understand that like driving over your own bike and bringing it back into the store a few weeks later is probably Not a nice feeling for you. I do understand that. Oh

boy Remember when my tricycle got run over? I don't. You have to tell the story. Well, it was always told as like a funny haha cute thing and lately I've been like, I don't know if that's so funny There are a couple of those stories where I've stopped telling them to people because I realize actually they're just really, they're just veiled as jokes when they're really not. Anyway, here's the story. When I was little, I don't know how old I was, but my tricycle got run over by the car, by a car, and our mom said that it's gonna go to heaven so I sat in the driveway and

stared at it and until it went to heaven and it wasn't going to heaven he waited out there yeah and then when I went to bed my mom got rid of it and said it went to heaven yeah he just sat there and watched it, waiting for it to rise up to heaven. I mean, what the fuck? You were three years old. You were between three and, no, you were three, because that was the last year we lived at that house. Alexander, like, That's true.

I remember looking at you just sitting out there and going, this isn't good. And I was five and I was like, what's happening? And my mom's like, he's waiting for it to, and even I knew, like, should we tell him to come in and that's not a thing and no we just all thought it was so funny and cute It's like oh Yeah Anyway

Imagine you bring a tricycle into the bike shop Trauma you know this kid yeah this kid my kid thinks this but tricycle is going to heaven Is there anything you can do can you tell my kid there's a bicycle heaven a tricycle? Yeah, hey wait. What's that place called? Bicycle heaven wait Wait a minute is that because people drop off their used bikes that might be why it's called that Not even no joke like You know, like that's probably it's okay. Okay. Okay. I yeah, I need to go back You are so I I should have done more research on it. You are so right

I think cuz it says music we never told you about the tricycle is that it actually went to hell And that's why in the end of the night it just kind of like sank underground. Yeah, I appreciate why we had that fire in the driveway. Oh, I make sense. Oh, so okay. So that wasn't my fault. I always thought it was. Yeah.

Well, it was partially your fault. Yeah, I threw those that match in there. But yeah, this is like also part museum. This is I feel silly now. It's a part museum. Yeah, so it's just like has bicycles on display. It started with one discarded bike found in the junk. That Craig found in the junk.

Craig. Yeah, so now over 3000 bikes. Wait, what? Craig is the most bike shop name I've ever heard. Yeah. Yeah, so over 3000 bikes. Wait, what? Craig is the most bike shop name I've ever heard. Yeah, yeah. So Craig and Mindy. Wow, it's the world's largest bicycle museum and shop. I'm sorry I didn't give Bicycle Heaven the respect it deserves. I wish we were going to Pittsburgh so I could read reviews of it.

Huh. It's a nonprofit museum. Oh my gosh. All right. Back up. Now he's just trying to be all nice to this museum. I am. They provide a service. They have so much. You can like click on a bunch of like every type of bicycle product. You just want them to take your little bicycle product. Oh my God. Yeah. But you just told me it Oh my God. Yeah. But you just told me it went to hell. So we're bikes, not depressing, though.

Can we just now that we're done with our Christian, I know that we're finished with our reviews, you're making it depressing. I'm not. I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny that. I thought it was funny.

All the reviews I brought and it wasn't depressing. You brought the depressing things To the table you made us all depressed and your childhood triggered me into talking about my trauma So you think I think it starts with you It's like that Colleen Hoover book that was all... It starts with me and it ends with me, okay? Yeah.

So get it together. I'm the problem. No, I'm excited for what you have next, though. I'm really excited. I have a voicemail here. This one... She freaked out when she... I literally...

Well, both... Same with next week's. That one hurt my ears. All right. when she- I literally- Well, both- Same with next week's. That one hurt my ears. All right. So the voicemail I have for us today is from our patron, Jen. And I'm going to play it for us now. Hey, guys.

My name is Jen, and my story is from my experience working as a server at a Pizza Hut. The year was 2003, and I was a 19-year-old college student working at a Pizza Hut in the college town of Morgantown, West Virginia. And being a server at Pizza Hut meant that you were also the host, the busser, the cashier, in charge of the salad bar maintenance, cleaning crew, and everything else. And to this day, despite now working at a big corporate job at one of the world's largest companies, that Pizza Hut job was still the toughest I've ever had. So one evening after a long game day rush, this woman comes up

to the counter to pick up her takeout order. And we kept takeout orders in a hot box near the register with the receipts sticking out of the box so that we could indicate which order it was. And as I did every single time, I took her pizza out of the hotbox, opened it quickly to verify that the order matched the receipt and started to ring her up. And she immediately shot me like the nastiest look and screamed, what did you just do? And I stared blankly for what felt like 45 seconds because I genuinely had no idea what I'd just done.

So she screamed again, you just let all the hot air out of the box. So I explained to the customer the reason. Like I said, I just want to verify the recipe matches the right pizza. Now I didn't tell the customer this, but although I love the kitchen crew, a large portion of them were high, like often. So, yeah, every now and then mistakes happen. So I just wanted to make sure that I was giving her the correct pizza. So I barely peeked in for just a second.

Anyway, of course she demands the manager. So sure thing. I call on Jared and Jared, who was the manager at the time asks her what the problem is. She says very matter of fact, she opened my box. And Jared, who was the manager at the time, asks her what the problem is. She says very matter of fact, she opened my box. And Jared said, and because he was like genuinely waiting for the rest of the story, she then says something like, she let all the hot air out.

It says the order right on the receipt. What is she too stupid to read? And that's why she's working at a Pizza Hut So Jared calmly grabs the box answers her order in the system and tells the lady that she's not welcome in the store Yeah, like looking back Jared couldn't have been older than late 20s himself Yeah, and he says these kids are working to put themselves through school himself. And he says, these kids are working to put themselves through school. They're smart kids, good kids, and they don't deserve to be spoken to this way. And he pointed to

the door. And then after a lot of huffing and threats to call corporate and all that, she left without her pizza. And now I'll fully admit that this wasn't a clever acronym, but after this incident, some of the staff started calling me Hablo, which stands for hot air box letter outer. Like dumb, yeah. But every time I pick up a pizza for takeout, now I open the box to make sure they gave me the right pizza, and I chuckle a little to myself and I call myself Hablo. I guess old habits never change. Love you guys. Oh my god, I should have started with this as a vo Oh my God, I should have started with

this is a voicemail from, I should have started with this is a voicemail from Hablo but I didn't think ahead enough to do that. It like, that like sealed it for me. I was like, I love that then you got the nickname, you know, about like, don't let the hot air out. I mean, like what's worse, you get a little hot air out and you get the right pizza

or like you get pineapples all over it. Is it still cooking? It's been sitting there for 20 minutes before you showed up I think it's ready for you. I don't know. That's just so stupid So mean well hablo, thank you so much that that is never gonna leave my mind Hot air box letter outer. It took me a few listens to get it right. I like that they were like, what sounds better as an act of like Hablo versus like, you know, whole book like changing letters.

Yeah. Hablo is good. Hablo is good. Oh Jen, well, I hope you don't, I'm glad to hear that that was the toughest job and that now you've moved on to hopefully a less alarming and less Karen filled job. But yeah, maybe fewer high employees or more depending on how that vibes with your job. That's true, Alexander.

You never know. You never know. And thank you for submitting. If anybody else wants to send in a voicemail, we like to hear stories about your experiences working in, well, anywhere really, or difficult customers, or reviews you've received, or anything related. So send them in. You can join our Patreon at patreon.com slash Beach Two Sandy,

and there are instructions there. It's time for my challenge. It's time for my challenge. Woohoo! Which is, oh no, I do know what it is, never mind. I was about to say it's exciting because I forget, but I remember. Do you know it? It's people who got lost or their directions were wrong, instructions or map quests. Okay, so I asked if you knew it and typical man said absolutely and then I threw enough buzzwords

make you know that I've read it reviews well my problem is I was counting on you to say it succinctly so I forgot there was a group of people listening to this. I just wanted you to acknowledge that I knew it. This is important. You remember that, okay? Please, because I'm not entering the witness protection program again. Oh no. This is from, okay.

That defeats the purpose that you just told them that you did. I said I wouldn't. So now you have to. No, I wouldn't ever. Wink. My now you have to. No, I wouldn't ever. Wink. My real name is Christine.

Okay. Oh, this is the challenge to find reviews claiming the reviewer never arrived at the business because either they got lost or had bad directions. Bonus points for using a paper map. This first one is from Ellie. It's the only one I'm actually using from the email. The rest I found myself. This is of La Baia de Rio on the coast

of Italy it's sort of a Hotel Okay, I'm sure Well, let me know if your experience was similar because this is a three-star review called It would have been five stars if the owner's mom hadn't shouted up shouted at us daily. my gosh. Not Nona. No, it was Giannina. What was her name? Giannina? Yeah. Okay. That's a name, right? So, what? That's a name, right? Sure. This is a three-star review. The newly renovated rooms and views are gorgeous. A really wonderful place to stay. Comfy beds and pillows, really nicely done.

Emiliano was a wonderful host, full of information and calm. He also knows every, see this is what's pissing me off. I purposefully said, Coast of Italy, because I didn't wanna say the name of the city. And here it is in the review, so I have to say it anyway. Emiliano was a wonderful host, full of information and calm. He also knows everyone in Rio Maggiore.

In Rio Maggiore. Do they roll their Rs? What was this? In Rio Maggiore. Well, they don't say Rio Maggiore, so what do you want? Yeah, but you can. And no one would have thought twice. He also knows everyone in Rio Maggiore. Is that better? Yeah. It seems so could get restaurant bookings, which was fabulous.

His mother, however, was- This is insane. His mother, however, was very erratic and rude. When I got lost trying to find them, I called her and she just repeatedly shouted, Drive! Drive! Drive! Oh my god. Yeah, that you were being tailed. Until I hung up.

It was really weird. If you decide to park in the garage and then prepare to be screamed at as she tells you how to drive, she has no people skills and should not be allowed to talk with guests. She made me cry. You also have to leave your car keys there hanging up next to the open door of the garage with the cars fully on display. We wouldn't have minded if it was a rental,

but it was our own car. And we were traveling with all our belongings from our wedding and honeymoon, so lots of valuables. And for some reason, whenever we returned to the car, she had opened all of our windows. Oh my. This lady is a nutter. What is she doing? She probably has no air conditioning, fresh air, you know. They also move the cars around lots in the garage. I'm not sure if they are insured should they cause damage. Our stay was wonderful except for her so don't let this put you off. Just park somewhere

else and you won't have to deal with her at all. I love that she's just relegated to the parking lot and she takes it so seriously like Emiliana's like mom I've got this don't answer the phones sometimes she still sneaks in there. Yeah. Oh boy. Drive drive drive drive drive drive drive. Oh my god that was so good. In Ellie's email, it was just like, drive, drive, drive. And I was like, this is gonna be good. I don't know what's happening, but it's gonna be good. This sounds very stressful. So the next thing I did was spend the rest of my time

on cruisecritic.com. I'm not surprised. I knew you'd have to be punished for something you said in the episode, and I feel like it's more than warranted that I begin this now. Okay. You're the one who pissed herself. I'm sorry. Are you are you do you have a problem with incontinence? In this case, yes.

OK, this is a forum about the best way to get around, and this is from 2016. Oh, cool cruisers know a thing or two about getting around. Upside down pineapple anyone? Nancy responded to the forum post, which just said like, Hey, when you're, when you get off the ship and are roaming around, like what's your, what's the best way to, and I say 2016 cause like some people, some phones weren't really working well in Europe yet, you know, it was like a little less advanced for GPS. So someone asked and Nancy said, I take my own paper map.

One evening in Vienna, we walked from the dock to the Prata and rode the world's oldest Ferris wheel. Or do you want me to say Prater? Is that better, Alex? I know I wasn't saying anything about that You're just not Italian and it shows when you try to speak Italian One evening in Vienna we walked from the dock to the Prata and rode the world's oldest Ferris wheel I can't tell you how many times I've been stopped on the street when people spot me with my map

Yeah, because you look insane What do you mean? to be worried about you. They want to know where they are since they don't have a map. I'm gonna lie, it should be because they don't have a map, but I'll let it slide, Nancy. They want to know where they are since they don't have a map.

And then, which is like a wild thing and that is not a pro in my opinion. I don't want to be giving everyone else directions just because I have a map. just because that sounds not fun. Do you see what I mean? Like, oh The map let me see where I am like get away Get your own fucking back people ask me for directions all the time and i'm like, I have no fucking idea where I am Oh, I just read sometimes I do tell them because I am pretty confident. But if there's like a little doubt I I say I don't know. I got asked for directions a few months ago in Newport

and I said, I'm sorry, I'm new to the area. And I was like, I moved here five years ago. But I'm like, I don't know. I genuinely don't know. No, you don't know. So you don't have to, okay. No, I didn't even, it's just, I said it so many times over the years that like now when I say it,

I'm like, oh, I can't say that anymore. That's not the reason. I just don't know where I am. I'm not new here anymore. I'm just lost. It's not intentional. Okay, so Nancy seems to be all high and mighty. It's fine.

Use your map, get some engagement. And then Wendy the Wanderer had this to say. Engagement and then Wendy the wanderer had this to say I Have always been a map freak Good tell So I'm already world's biggest shock I've always been a map freak funny. We once got lost in Istanbul using a paper map

But not having a compass we couldn't find our way through a maze of streets near the Grand Bazaar. Can you imagine having a compass? That's what your phone has. Now, a compass. Google Maps? Just saying. It's not always right. Can you imagine?

It says asking locals did not help at all, but I really like to pretend that they asked, do you have a compass instead of like, where's the direct, you know, compass so we can find our way like Nancy. Do you have a compass? Where's North? Where's North? Where's North? Yeah, they just were not having it. True North, please. Anyone? Asking locals did not help at all. Maps appear to be completely foreign to their sensibilities. Finally, like fuck off first of all. Finally, we just picked a direction and walked until we found something recognizable.

Thanks for your input, Wendy. That's really helpful. Thanks for letting us know you're a map freak. That's really helpful. And you think that... Oh my god, I hated that. I can't. RKACruiser wrote this. A true story to show how useless maps sometimes are. This is a true story. Okay. Just not like the all these are fake stories. I hope Wendy's was fake because that was so stupid and I hated it. Portugal. Wait what was the thing? What's the thing? The Twilight Zone thing?

What is it? Imagine if you will. Imagine if you will. Imagine if you will, Portugal. This guy said picture if you will, so yeah. Oh, picture if you will. But I think imagine if you will. No, it's picture if you will.

Is it picture if you will? I don't know. I haven't watched Twilight Zone in way too long. Oh, it's so good. Picture if you- No, it's picture if you will. Is it picture if you will? I don't know. Picture if you will. I haven't watched Twilight Zone in way too long. Oh, oh, it's so good. Picture if you will. A mannequin dressed in her Sunday best. Okay, Portugal. I was looking for the local market

and was using the ship's provided map. The market was not where it was marked. I started to wonder around in that area thinking, it's got to be here somewhere. Well, I wondered into any area where I began becoming uncomfortable because of the inhabitants I was starting to see. Oh my gosh. I made a 180 degree turn and retreated. Alex, no, no, that's a true story. These are terrible stories. Can you believe that? They're just talking about how they're afraid of the locals. Uh huh.

That's fucking they're basically treating people in their own country as like. Cavemen like saying like, oh, they don't understand maps. Yeah, I'm scared of them. Like there's some sort of like whatever. No, you'd like, I mean, because, yeah, they were just they're on a fucking cruise. That's how they vacation. They don't like hopefully, you know. No, you'd like. But I mean, because, yeah, they were just they're on a fucking cruise. That's how they vacation. They don't like hopefully, you know. OK, exactly. And that's exactly it.

And then Quattro Romeo said, Yikes, sounds a little nerve racking to that last story. And this is what RKCruiser said back. Just one more travel experience. The more one travels, the more of these unintentional experiences happen. Wow. What? Wow.

They're from Centerville, Ohio. Next. Sorry to hate on Ohio. I'm from there, okay? Yeah, I went to school in Wright State. It just makes me laugh when people say, I'm afraid of people in other countries. And it's like, no, but I'm well traveled.

And it's like, please. Like who do you think you are? And don't say you're like a wanderer or a traveler if you're like scared of the locals. Like that's just ridiculous. No, I don't like that shit. Okay, so just one more travel experience. Like that comment that they made about like

their sensibilities. It sounds like something from a travel book from 1800s. From Heart of Darkness. Okay, so this is a- And Sense and Sensibilities. Yes, that one. This one is from On The web, is their username. And they're-

Okay, thank you for clarifying. Thanks. And then their picture, their little profile picture has a tag on it that says rare. And I think it means they rarely post. No, there's no way. But we've had this exact conversation. And you looked it up.

I thought oh wait No, you're right because they have nineteen point five thousand comments. So yeah rare must mean like they've evolved into some Rare creature higher echelon. Yeah But like our K a one eighty and walking and retreating Okay, but our K Cruiser has twenty,000 comments and doesn't have rare on there. Yeah, because Arcade Cruiser kind of sucks. Yeah, but like, how do you win?

Okay. So here is the comment by OnTheWeb, rare. A map story from an Eastern Mediterranean cruise we did many years ago. When in Santorini we got lost. We stumbled upon a museum inside a cave. This is how I get lost. They're like, do you see the freeway sign?

I'm like, well, I am inside a cave. Does that help? I love how you're just talking about cavemen. I don't know if it was because you were thinking of this or... You know, that must have the where the thought came from. I was trying to come up with a better like more historically accurate term, but I just I just like a slur against a specific people or what are you talking about? Well, just like the way people would talk about someone from a foreign country like as a barbarian or like i'm glad you didn't come up with a better

Yeah, okay We stumbled upon a museum in a cave a barbarian or like I'm glad you didn't come up with a better yeah okay we stumbled upon a museum in a cave we decided to go in there was a tour and the guide gave it in English for us and Greek for the other couple can you imagine how pissed off you'd be if you're like getting a solo tour and it's all in Greek your your native language and then some other couple just wanders up for free and gets like the English version now. That would tick me right off. Really?

I guess. After we were done, we showed the guide our map and asked where we were on the map. He looked and laughed and said, we were off the map. Yeah, you're in a cave. Hello. You have to like use the underground map. Yeah, there's a cave system map. He asked if we had a car and when we said no,

he unsuccessfully tried to get us a cab. He did then show us a shortcut back to where the map started. Okay, like that's the world's dumbest story. Also, these are not good stories. He unsuccessfully tried to get us a cab. Okay. So this is actually a new forum thread. This is the last thread I have here. And it is by Airport Limbo posted May 1st, 2014. And it says, first cruise is coming up. How do you navigate the boat? Print pocket maps out? Maps on iPhone? Are there you are here maps on board? Do they give you a map to figure out how to get from A to B? Thanks! Fair question. Fair question.

So, Changkp75 said, just for fun, you actually don't get to navigate the ship. Only licensed deck officers can do that. Smiley face! What? So that was fun. They're saying, they said, how do you navigate the boat? And they were like, oh, they're saying, I'm actually don't navigate. You actually don't drive.

I thought they were saying, I thought they were saying like there are places on the boat that are off limits. Nope. They're just saying they're going to say in their room all day. Now it's funny. I've just said just for fun, which I like that they're like, I'm not trying to be yeah, you're rude, but also didn't give any helpful information Yeah, I wish they had also added on something useful, but I thought it was I thought it was fun red squirrel

Said this. Oh wait, first of all Oh cruisers Had had said this do any of the recipe like to study the deck plans before you cruise So you'll be totally familiar with where things are when you get on the ship? Signed Lulu. Now Red Squirrel responded and said obsessively and constantly. I love Red Squirrel, that's exactly what I would do. It's in Comic Sans, so picture if you will. Comic Sans and then just imagine in your mind's eye. obsessively and constantly. I can't imagine sailing on a ship without having spent lots of time before

getting familiarizing myself with the layout. I like to plot out my roots from cabin to pre dinner martini to dining room from cabin to pool or from pool to buffet. Plus it's a fun way to while away the time in cruise countdown mode. Hell yeah. I'm into that. Talk about hyper fixation. Red Squirrel, I can travel with you. I've done that. Absolutely. Not with a map, but with other unnecessary things. Yeah, I do think I'm hopefully a little easier going when I travel than Red Squirrel seems to be. It seems very rigid a little bit, but I don't know. I'm not judging just based off this.

I mean, I like the pre-dinner martini. I like the guys that made the cut. Yeah, that's fair. That's actually, that's a good point in the fun column. Yeah, it feels like a type A person you want to be running the trip. So you're like, just tell me where to get my martini and then we're good.

It's like, I would never, like you do like all the spreadsheet stuff that people do for like going to Disney But if someone else did it, hell, yeah Tell me where to go and I'll be there. I won't I'll do it. But yeah Yeah, I would never do it myself This is the last thing I have. It's called in closing. No, it's not. I wrote in closing. Oh.

No. This is called, this is my magnum opus. Oh, it's our last episode. Okay. I know, it's the end. So this is what Eden had to say. This is in response to all of the other comments about like using maps.

This is post number 26 or comment 26 on this forum this thread that's when things get really good yeah that's when things start to get spicy and this is what uh eden had to say i see others have finally found out why i spend time on cruise critic i mean okay there's like tens of thousands of you but okay yeah i see they finally figured it out. That next cruise is just too far in the future. Filling the time with learning about my ship and ports keeps me from addictive things which might harm me more.

Jesus. Cleaning, laundry, and gardens. Oh. I take my iPad on trips to act as photo sponge each night for my camera. That way, it stays in the safe the next day and loss of the camera will only be the photos from that day. To carry it would be to defeat that function. I print out on paper various maps which I can then write on, highlight, and otherwise abuse. print out on paper various maps which I can then write on highlight and otherwise abuse it is one dollar in paper compared to one thousand dollars for the ipad plus paper has no battery

however to each their own end of review they aren't wrong about that battery thing I don't think I want Eden to be in charge no no no no like one dollar and a like just let me take my pictures how I want to eat in and red Squirrel wood butt heads clash. Yeah big time big big time big time clash Well, that's what I got for you my friend. That was great. That was fun until the cruise credit bit, so It was fun for a very short amount of time It was fun for a very short amount of time. Okay. I'm just kidding. You did great for those.

And I shouldn't be surprised you went there because yeah. Thanks. I never thought you'd be so kind. Yeah, we're live in Florida tonight and tomorrow night. And then we're going to be in California very soon in July. So get your ticket, San Diego, San Francisco, Sacramento Hey, if you're in LA or like somewhere go to San Diego, it's such a fun place for a weekend visit That's we have some friends coming down

I think for us Eva's gonna be at the oh my gosh Eva sighting. I'm gonna use her to sell ticket. Okay, that's good Yep Eva's great Come get our tickets. Please come see us. It'll be really fun. And we'll see you next week for some cocktail reviews. Bye. Bye!