Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 345: Reviews of Build-A-Bear Workshop

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

Grab mom’s credit card, we’re going to BAB! San Francisco show is TONIGHT!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At Sobeys, a 100% fresh guarantee couldn't be easier. We guarantee freshness store-wide in our produce, bakery, meat departments, and beyond, or your money back. Yes, it's that easy. Visit Sobeys.com to learn more. Restrictions apply. See in-store online for details. Do you want a better relationship with yourself and the people around you?

Honey, same. That's why I'm getting better. I'm talking with the most brilliant folks I can find. We are going deep to figure out how we can care for ourselves with more joy, curiosity, and compassion. We're talking mental health, financial wellness, aging brains, tiny habits, and everything in between.

So if you're ready to learn and unlearn and laugh a lot while we're at it, come join me, Jonathan Van Ness, on Getting Better, available on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello. Oh, what? Are you kidding me? That was going to be a good intro. I swear it was going to be perfect. That was the best one I ever.

I'm sorry. I knew it was going to be good and I had to stop it before we peaked and did our best intro today. It's just not the time, you know? I texted our sister. She asked if she could call and I said, we're recording for a few hours. So she started calling? And she said, aw, piss. And I'm like, and it came in the second we hit record and I said we're recording for a few hours. So she started calling? And she said, oh piss. And I'm like, and it came in the second we hit record and I went, what an alarming, oh piss, geez, okay. We should give her access to the studio

to just pop in whenever. I don't think that's a good idea at all actually. Welcome to our podcast. It's apparently just run by a bunch of siblings, even behind the scenes. I'm sister sister host, Christine. And I'm brother host. I'm Sister Mary Catherine Christine of the Archdiocese.

Yeah. Yeah. That's your... My name's Andy. OK, I'm sorry. I guess I'm brother host. You're brother host. Sounds a lot like Brother Bear. Kind of weirds me out. Well, sister host doesn't sound much better.

It sounds like, Oh yeah, that sounds worse. Like Heaven's Gate. Anyway, we're going to do an episode today about Build-A-Bear and I'm really excited because I wrote some talking points first. Do you have anything to announce before we get started? Except that we're on tour, so come see us live. Come see us live. That's number one.

We're in what? San Francisco tonight? Are you kidding me? Tonight? That place? Have you heard of it? It's so cool. They have steep streets. Oh yeah, gays. They have a bridge or two. Sourdough bread. Oh, they what? Oh, Alexander, you're in for a treat. Don't be more. Oh, you're in for a treat. I'll take you there tonight. We're performing tonight. I'm with you. Where are we gonna? Okay, we'll figure it out.

We'll figure it out. Someone bring us sourdough. No, I do have something. It's not really an announcement, but it's about our episode. Okay, go ahead. Do you know where Build-A-Bear's based? I looked it up.

Chicago? I don't know. No, St. Louis. Oh, I guess I sort of knew that. That feels right. Yeah, and there they call it the St. Louis Bear Company. Yeah, you're a stupid idiot. It's so stupid.

I call it BAB, because that's what everyone kept writing on the internet. B-A-B, I know I saw it everywhere. Every time I went, what's B-A-B? And I went, oh, I'm literally reading reviews. It took me way too many reviews to understand. I don't know why it doesn't feel right, but. More than one is too many.

If it takes you two or more, that's a problem. OK, three or more. It's a problem. It's just like why you should know, like Build-A-Bear is so fast to say it. I get that you type it out. It's faster to write BAB because Build-A-Bear is a long thing to write. But man, Bab, it got some it got some weird reviews. We OK, my talking points say this. Remember, number one, remember when we used Bob's credit card

is the first talking point And we bought a bunch of build-a-bears on the internet You don't remember no, I wasn't a part of this. I'm sure no you were because We went on the desktop computer it was at Wolper so it was like we were little and I was probably like 10 and you were 8 or something. And it was almost Mother's Day. We were like, what should we get mom for Mother's Day? And then we took her credit card and we went on build a bear dot com. And we made a we made a Mother's Day build a bear.

And then we made like children's version or no, I don't think we made children's versions. I think she just bought her one. That's why I was like, I was not a part of this because it sounded really bad. But yeah, I remember we bought her. But then she lined them all up. So she had like, Tim had one and then we had one and it was like her and the family.

But we bought it on the internet. She was like, yeah, thanks guys for my Mother's Day gift that you bought on the internet. And it was like, probably 60 bucks or something back then. So that's my first memory of Build-A-Bear. And then also when Oppo would take us to the mall and I just always wanted to go in there. I think we went in one time. Did he take us there? I don't know. I think he took me there.

I tried not to think about him. I do too. Trust me. Sometimes he just crops it back up. He's always, he's always lurking somewhere. He's always that man will never die, especially at the Kenwood Mall. It's like every memory of my life, the Kenwood Mall is like the game stop. I can't go in that game stop because he bought me some like Winter Olympics video game there for your entertainment. All of these stories were just really hard to go into

because because we were spoiled by him, but. Okay. I was it. Spoiled is one word for it. It was all, it was all to put over our heads until I moved in with him and he'd terrorize me for six months. To make themselves feel better. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so that was, that's all just number one.

That was number one and two. So that's it. Oh, so that was that's all just number one. That was number one and two. So that's it. Okay. Oh, that was no. That was it. Those are my talking. Thank God. Okay.

I have a good amount. Do you want me to go ahead? Yes. Oh, wait, what's your challenge? Oh, it's something I'm so fucking amped for my challenge. It's crazy, right? It's about fortunes or something. I've only read a few Build-A-Bear because I got so many freaking challenge reviews.

My challenge was from Brad, of course, and it was to find reviews where people were disappointed with the fortune they received. And I don't think I've laughed so hard doing reviews in a long time. Like I was like cry laughing last night. So that's so funny because I found a couple of those while I was researching for our San Diego show. Oh, good. Well, it was yesterday. So I hope it went well. Oh yeah, true. Um, and speaking of which, if you were at the San Diego show, you might've heard this one, but whatever. I'm reading it anyway. I found a build a bear one that happened to be in San

Diego. I'm like, I might just put it in both notes because uh, when we go there in five days, a win's a win. You know, I'm like, I got to throw a review in there and I might not even use it. Who knows? We'll see. One star of a Build-A-Bear in San Diego running from responsibility very fast. The root of many terrible customer experiences is a company, Build-A-Bear Workshop, that is happy to collect money from a transaction, but not to accept responsibility when things go wrong. Hashtag unbearable. End of review.

Oh, they were. Wow. I love when some people's creativity is only amplified by their anger and fury. It's kind of amazing because when I get really mad, I just shut down and my words fail me. But I love when people get mad and it just almost like- They become poets.

It enhances, yeah, it enhances our art and I think that's a beautiful thing. Maybe that's Yelp as a platform, enhancing art, providing a platform for all these wonderful artists. Yes, that's right. To share their craft with one another. That's right, and with us, they're patrons. With us, we are patrons and then we have patrons of our own.

Yeah. For our art. It's a whole pyramid scheme. It's a whole thing. But I prefer to call it a pyramid dynamic. Oh, you do? It took you a while to come up with that. So I'm surprised you say that a lot. It's just come so naturally that if I try to force it. That was so... you're right. That was really natural. Okay.

Your turn. This is a review sent in by Lindsey Sheher. It's of the Build-A-Bear Workshop in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. Oh my God. I've been there. I said it like it's of the one, you know, in Wauwatosa. Wauwatosa. Classic.

One star. The cashier had a plastic shopping basket on their head. What is that all about? Total nonsense. Three registers but only one is open and there are three employees just standing there like they're in a statue competition, completely ignoring the line of people. I waited 30 minutes just to buy a costume for a bear I already bought. A complete waste of my time and it was so loud in there from the music and the loud kids and the review.

You know what's sad? I literally have this review in my notes and I wrote down Wawatosa in my notes and I still was like, that's so funny. And now I'm like, oh wait, I've seen that. Who sent that in? Oh, Lindsay. Oh, Maddie sent it in too. Okay, okay. Usually that means I accidentally went in the wrong email. No, or I did. I was a little worried too.

Usually it's me. We've been keeping pretty organized, but okay, so they both had it. They both deserve credit. They both love Wawa Tosa, just as much as we do. I love this one because what a mystery. It is so enticing. I wanted to start with it because it's like,

what is the environment in this place? Because three employees standing as still as statues with shopping baskets on their heads, meanwhile, chaos. No, just the cashier has- Oh, I see. The cashier has a plastic shopping bag on their head. Basket. Sorry, plastic shopping basket on their head.

That almost got way darker than it was supposed to. Yeah, and then I think three separate employees are competing are standing there like they're in a statue competition. OK, cool. So that feels like they're coping mechanism in a in a world like. You know, it's sort of like fight, fight or freeze. Yeah, they free. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, what's the point is a basket. Oh, that's a camouflage the No, that one's fun because they're trying to you know, put on a little bit of an airy display

Um, yeah, like a like peacock a little bit. It clearly did not work on this Work it didn't work on this woman in particular But you know, I'm sure it has its pros and cons as a method of as a coping method. You know, when you come up with any of the pros, I have a review here from a Build-A-Bear workshop in London. From what? What toast to the London? I gave a Builder Bear to my girlfriend. She loved it because it was the hairiest thing she saw

until the evening after that end of review. Please, please. The hairiest thing she saw until the evening after that. End of review. Please, please. Also, the fact that it was the evening after not that evening. It's like, yeah, she made you wait another whole day after giving her a builder bear. You guys must have something special. I think so. Yeah. Something nice and hairy, at least something.

Oh, honestly, if that's the best we can do, that's fine. Until tomorrow evening evening okay so this is also from lindsay and let me know if maddie sent this one in as well but it's of the same build-a-bear uh by maury and this one's a redemption but i kept them together my family walked in like rambling stray goats the staff members were friendly and attentive. We are just weird and don't do any of the steps in order. What? You got to love like a self-described quirky family. Like that must be a pain in the ass. They didn't have to tell us after that first sentence. You didn't have to announce it.

Yeah, apparently. Announcement enough. I mean, honestly, the fact that they're doing the steps out of order must just make the employees- CB How does that work? Do they stitch it up and then like- LS Yeah, I don't have any clue.

Like how do you that feels impossible. Like there are steps to this for a reason. If you don't know what a build a barrier is, by the way, sucks for you. But basically, you go in, you build a teddy bear, and it gets a heart and you can record something in it and it's a special experience yada yada. Okay. And they used to have, and I saw a review that mentioned this bath area. Yeah. Do you remember that? Apparently someone said, I remember when they used to do that and I was like, oh yeah. They still do it. Oh really? Oh, it's not like

a real bath. They just blow air on it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't know if they still do it. I guess I'm just like, people are still mentioning it. Have you been recently? Okay. No, I should probably. Yeah. Maybe it was just that location. Do you have any idea how amazing it is to me that I've never been in a Build-A-Bear with Leona and like how much of a pushover I am? Yet. So far. I mean like, the thing is it happens once, it's going to happen like 10 more times. Yeah. I'm trying to really-

Anytime you're at the mall, you're going to have to say no. Well, we don't go to the mall that often. That's probably why we're not in a build up. As long as I don't give her my credit card and say, you know, go on the Internet. Although I bet they're way worse. I bet there are some way worse things. The way you are, you're going to drop your credit card right in her room. Like it's she's not going to need you to give it to her. I'm going to accidentally drop it somewhere and she will pick it up.

She's like, I've had to will get my Apple Wallet by accident. Oh, that too. Yeah. She probably already has, you know? I think she does actually. Okay, so anyway. My family walked in like rambling stray goats. The staff members were friendly and attentive.

We are just weird and didn't do any of the steps in order. My kids each got a Ninja Turtle and enjoyed the stuffing process. I walked away with the kids so they wouldn't wreck anything while my husband was paying and he came away with a set of gift cards. Next time I'll have to keep a close watch lol. It was a fun experience for the kids. End of review.

It sounds great. Sounds like it was a fun experience for everyone involved. Especially those employees. Oh yeah, they had a good time. Not for these people, did not seem like a nightmare, but what a nightmare being an employee there. I mean, really, no wonder they're always in like a primal state of fear, you know. Yeah, they'd probably much rather have a quirky family than a bunch of the other ones I saw.

But I do love that you just explained what a Build-A-Bearer situation was. And then she was like, my boys's got Ninja turtles. Like that is so if anyone has no idea what this is and they hear Ninja turtles, it's like, that's not a bear. Kite Yeah. Yeah. And the stuffing process, what's going on? Yeah. Jared No, because they have so many like crossover things. Kite Yes, they do a lot of Pokemon and all sorts of branding. Well, I have one from Matt and Elise that's somewhat relevant.

This is a one star review of a Build-A-Bear in Braintree, Massachusetts. Not a lot of good stuffed animals there. All they really have are recolors of frogs. Wish to actually see other animals like sheep, cows or anything else, end of review. Wish to actually see other animals like sheep, cows or anything else. End of review. What? This, I don't know what's happening in Braintree, Massachusetts. I don't want to know. No one has mentioned a frog in any of the hundreds of reviews or whatever I read.

What the fuck? If anything people were complaining they didn't have like they had so many things that were normal animals. Because they have an exclusivity deal with Frog World and so there are no rainforest cafe. Oh, rainforest cafe. Honestly, hilarious. That would be. Yeah. Because like, what else do you have? And they at least have more than I guess.

But like what? Like one sloth. I don't know. Like what else is in a rainforest? Don't they have no. Just sloths and sloths and frogs. Slots, frogs and toucans. I don't know. I'm like, what? Like at a rainforest cafe, at least, like I feel like it's not the most They they have like animatronic animals. Don't they like other animals? I mean, I wouldn't know as you're better sounds

I how is that? What does that have to do with anything with a build a bear hugs and her thunder sounds like in the heart? Yeah, that'd be cute. Actually as long as it's not cursing. It's okay. Oh, you're not allowed to curse in it Are those the rules? You'll find out later. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I didn't know. When you go to build a bear and get kicked out. That's what you find out.

Do you know that you can pay your age? The age they are turning is how much their birthday? Yeah, but okay, but look, I think it's only up to a certain amount, then they give you, or they give you some coupon for a certain amount off. It's not always, it depends. Sorry, I read so many reviews about that fucking thing. Well, Leon is turning four, so I'm like, I gotta prepare. Sorry, I've read so many reviews about that. Well, Leon is turning four, so I'm like, I got to prepare.

Oh, I got to prepare for this. OK. That's I think the thing where you would. But I think there's like a minimum you have to pay or something. I could only you only save a certain amount. I don't know. Berms apply. I'm more mad about the recolored frogs that are everywhere in Berington. I want to see them. That sounds great. I really am annoyed they didn't post a picture.

You know what, you are busy. How do you get time to make some food and eat it? I don't get it. Well, me, my apron, look at me, it's all a ruse. It's all a fool because actually I'm using Home Chef. I'm not doing it all from the beginnings of the grocery shopping and all that nonsense. No, no, because Home Chef. I'm not doing it all from the beginnings of the grocery shopping and all that nonsense. No, no. Because Home Chef delivers fresh ingredients straight to me and chef-designed

recipes straight to my door, to my doorstep. And they simplify my cooking experience so I could wear an apron and it doesn't even get dirty. That's amazing. That's the best part about it. That's not true. That's not true. Aprons is, yeah, keeping them really clean. Keeping them clean. Yeah, that's not true. They'd get dirty with just like Leonid's handprints and like when I spill the thing That's not true. That's not true. Yeah, keeping them really clean. Keeping them clean. Yeah, that's not true. They'd get dirty with just like Leonid's hand prints and like when I spill the thing that I'm making and you know, all that stuff. But users of Leading Meal Kits have rated Home Chef number one in quality, convenience,

value, taste, and recipe ease. And that's why I love it too. Plus, it's economical. Home Chef customers save an average of $86 per month on groceries. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com slash beach to Sandy. That's homechef.com slash beach to Sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for

life. Homechef.com slash beach to Sandy. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. I know we've talked about this plenty of times, but the number of times Rocket Money has sort of swooped in with its little cape and said, hey, you're paying for two subscriptions of the same thing. It was embarrassing, but they didn't like judge me for it. And then they canceled it for me.

Yeah. And it keeps happening. That's the other thing. It does. I don't know how, but then they're like, oh, don't worry. We got you. And also we'll lower your bills just in case. I'm like, what? How? Why? Just in case. They're like, don't know how, but then they're like, oh, don't worry, we got you. And also, we'll lower your bills just in case. I'm like, what? How? Why?

Just in case. They're like, don't ask questions. Anyway, we love Rocket Money over here. We do. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill, due dates, paydays, in a way that's really easy to digest, lots of colors. It's really nice. It's very colorful.

Oh yeah, simple, colorful. And if you have a goal you'd like to save for, Rocket Money can analyze your accounts to find the best time each month to put extra money aside. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash beach today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash beach. Rocketmoney.com slash beach. Okay, this is from Brianne Sheher. It's of a bab in Anaheim that has since closed and it is a three-star view. And I love this one because talk about like enhancing creativity it's just really inspirationally written i just adore it this is by dana. kids birthday parties these days much more sophisticated or civilized question

mark than the ones in my day where we ran around unmanicured backyards with three feet of old grass and weeds slid their bedroom windows on old doors, ate way too much string licorice from clotheslines, beat the crap out of pinatas and anyone standing too close, and ended it all with homemade cake and Kool-Aid or Hawaiian punch if your parents splurged. Wait, wait, wait, wait, what's the door thing? That one seemed really out of...

That one seemed really specific. Slide through bedroom windows on old doors. Huh? Is that an activity? I feel like that's a thing. Like you. What? No. What do you mean that's a thing?

Like what's the thing? Like to slide out of the house. Like what are you gonna Google right now? Is it a thing to slide out of the window on a door? Yeah, I think it's a thing. I shouldn't have waited until after window on a door? Yeah, I think it's a thing. I should have waited till after I Googled it because I don't think it's a thing. What do you like? Where and how would that ever be a thing?

I feel like I've pictured it. I feel like I could take it off the hinges. It's like an extra door. Where do you keep the extra door? You want to know in my laundry room? OK. And my basement. I don't see you using it as a slide. That's what happens at a birthday party.

Did someone give them a door? I don't know. I acted like this was totally normal. I know why this triggered me so much, because that fucking door that fell on me as a kid. Oh yeah. That's why I keep my loose doors in the bedroom. It was. We had a loose door. So now I'm like, where are you peeping it? It's going to fall on a fucking child. Alexander, it was in. I bet you I could go. I remember.

You could go on solo, find the like primary bedroom now and show exactly the window where it was propped up and you fell. It wasn't. I thought he was dead. It was, you walk in that bedroom, left and there's a window straight ahead, but it was propped on the left. I know. As if, wasn't there a closet there or something yeah and silhouetted through the window i could just see the shape of you i see the shadow of the door as it topples over i mean i'm talking you guys like a old wooden door front built in like the 18th i thought i was gonna die it wasn't like one of these loosey goosey doors it was like from an an old house, an old door. It was loosey goosey the way it fell so easily. I remember, do you know what's

the most alarming part? You were just started walking so you were probably like... What's the most alarming part of a giant door falling on me as a child? Tell me. So my experience was really alarming. I was... Yeah, let me give you some space for this, please. I'm holding space for your experience. I was so tired of ever laying in one of those. It's like maybe my earliest memory. And you- This must be mine, because I don't remember a lot. There's many, mostly gaps down there.

Well, also, after the head injury from the door, you didn't remember much. It took everything before and everything after. Oh, God. I just remember the moment he pulls the door knob, and I knew it was like not attached. So it was like before I could say anything and I just didn't know what to do.

And started going down and hit him and smashed him. And then it was just completely silence. And I remember my thought was, how do I tell mom and dad that he's dead? Like I literally was like, all right, so what do I do now? And then all of a sudden he started screaming bloody murder, thank God. And I was like, oh good, he's dead. Like I literally was like, all right, so what do I do now? And then all of a sudden he started screaming bloody murder, thank God.

And I was like, oh good, he's alive. And I'm so proud that he made it through that ordeal. Yeah, I'm so proud you did. It sounded really, really tough for you. I did, I barely did. I was almost an only child. Anyway, they just had a birthday party where they slid through windows on doors,

but nowadays kids go to build-A-Bear. That's where we were. I'm like, that's normal. Anyway, ate way too much string licorice from clotheslines. Now don't pretend we didn't do that. Just kidding. We didn't. What clothesline?

I have no idea. See, actually, yeah, there's more stuff that I'm like, I don't know what that's about. That one I didn't act like I knew about, I promise. Beat the crap out of piñatas and anyone standing too close and ended it all with homemade cake and Kool-Aid or Hawaiian punch if your parents splurged. Fast forward many, many decades and here I am at a build-a-bear party for my niece's fourth birthday.

Too cute, these people have thought of everything. Cha-ching. As a party guest, I had the opportunity to witness the birth of about five bears, one pony, one rabbit, and one Pikachu. The process is very detailed organized and the two gals who work the party did an excellent job of interacting with the kids

and keeping them engaged so they could bring their lifeless critters to life. They all picked the skin of their favorite critter, stuffed them, gave them a heart, gave them a name, supervised the stitching, gave them a pretend bath, picked outfits, dressed them, and received birth certificates. Then they took my niece to the balcony area

of the staircase, rang the bell, got the attention of the entire store and sang happy birthday to her. She looked like she was at the New York Stock Exchange and then realized that she bought too high. After that, outside for ice cream sundaes which made the stock news easier to digest. The kids all had a good time, the adults too once they got over the incredibly loud noise level and the invasion of small people. Parking is a you know what here, but the first two hours are free. I highly recommend arriving early and popping in at the House of Blues next door or that Tortilla Joe's place and having a couple of shots before visiting Build-A-Bear. It will make the experience much more pleasurable for you and everyone else awaiting the birth

of their critter." End of review. So creepy the way they put it. I feel like that was a stylistic choice. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. They did it multiple times. Yeah, no, they made the choice and they even wrote civilized question mark.

And I found that like really poignant, you know, it was like that's like sliding out of windows on doors obviously feels very, very backwards, you know, and like something. Oh, it does it to you. Okay. Yeah. Only if you're sliding on it backwards, which I don't recommend. But I also feel like they're 100% right. Yeah. Remember going down those stone slides on the cardboard? Now, that was fun.

That was fun and fast. That was crazy. And it was like in the woods. So it was kind of weird. It felt like you had to like go into the woods to slide down anyway. Yeah. Felt like we had to go into the woods to slide down. Like it felt like an adventure.

Like you were like climbing a mountain into the, like it felt like the wilderness. Oh, we're in a mountain now. Okay. Sorry. Alexander! I'm sorry. After your whole door debacle, I'm just trying to keep you on the straight and narrow.

I'm FaceTiming Fritziska. Leave me alone. My next one's from Taylor, they them, who sent in a review of a Build-A-Bear in Lone Tree, Colorado. One star. Brain tree, Lone Tree, what's going on? Wow.

What an obnoxious retail experience. It would have been excellent, but unfortunately the manager on duty, young pale woman, black hair, snarky, sarcastic, and far too jaded to be working this job, chose to get super rude with us at checkout because I didn't want to give an email address or buy a coupon for future shopping.

Because I was already feeling way overextended to spend over $50 on a stuffy Yeesh, I opted out she proceeded to essentially shame me in front of my child Saying in a highly sarcastic tone while laughing. Ooh, you'll be back. They always are I'm sure you'll use it. You might not think so now Etc, etc Her attitude was basically you're going to do what I say because there's no way you'll use it. You might not think so now, et cetera, et cetera. Her attitude was basically, you're going to do what I say because there's no way you'll let your kid down, addict.

Whoa! Christina, I don't know. Jesus, okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. As Leon always says, hey, hey, hey, how about this? Let's all take a mindful moment. That is literally what Leon says. This person needs to dig a breath. Take a mindful moment and let's just think about like maybe

what's coming from inside you and what's actually happening on the outside. I should thank this woman for the opportunity to teach my daughter a valuable lesson. We will not be bullied, not by other kids, not by snotty little mall employees and not by mega million dollar corporations who push addictive products.

I walked out without the bear we so lovingly built. WHAT?! My daughter did suffer a temporary heartbreak, but I'd rather this than spend 50 to 60 bucks on an experience that is not a good one. Make no mistake young lady, the product is the experience, it's not the damn bear. And if the only way you can make your bonus is to push your damn coupon, girl do better. My suggestion to this store is to cut the dead weight and let this very tired girl free to pursue a career more in tune with her ethics, which, as you so clearly explained to me, is not driving the brand you have so much to stain for.

Give the other woman a promotion. She was awesome and so sweet with my daughter. I actually felt teary at one point. As for parents, spend your $50 on some felt buttons and thread and make your own DIY workshop at home. You could make 15 bears at that price. Spare your child of becoming a bab junkie and draining your bank account.

Uh-oh, that was us. A bab junkie! We drained her bank account. Imagine taking this mom's credit card and buying shit online. Oh, she would lose her goddamn mind. This company is not looking out for your young people. I for one, am doing what I can

to raise an intelligent daughter. And that means walking away from a wrong situation, even if it's uncomfortable. End of review. All right. This is all like a lot. And I feel that this person needs to maybe do some of their own work before deciding.

Yeah. Anyway, I also consider like literally the words that were presented to us that the employee said. Correct. It's not that it doesn't. There's nothing. It doesn't match up. And if that's not there, like to say this is their side of their story and their side of the story. And their story doesn't even match. And they even admit like it was as though she were saying to me junkie addict or whatever. And it's like, no, nobody said that. Like that is, whoa, whoa, whoa. Perception is reality, my friend. And also that's so sad, you know, that that kid was traumatized.

Like if somebody, if my mom got into a huge altercation and then walked out of the store and I didn't get the bear that we like cried, teary-eyed over making, because it was so special, like what the fuck? That's horrible. Yeah, anyway, yeah, it would suck to work there. Well, yeah, it would suck to work there. I just feel like that place is so charged.

I don't like to go near it. I don't like to, like to me, it's very emotionally charged. I feel like there's just a lot of potential conflict. Disappointment. Because it involves children. I don't I don't like lots of money. This is my own internal thing.

I don't love hearing about children being disappointed. I know I know you do, but it's like it's a very thing. It's something that really bothers me. So when I hear the mom being like, I'm raising her to be intelligent, not like love this bear, I'm like, what the fuck? Like, give her the bear. She's had a long day watching you like process your own demons,

except not effectively. Ever since my friend Joanna, who was a TV writer with me and Nickelodeon became a therapist, I'm like, oh cool. Maybe I could do that someday. I'm completely- That's definitely what that means.

I'm completely in the wrong and I'm making it all up. I know you look down on Joanna a lot. So you're like, oh, she can do it. I can do it. No, she's way better at everything than me. So I'm always like, wow, you're my icon. I'm like, of course, you're just suddenly a therapist and a TV writer. It's normal.

That's just what she does. So anyway, sometimes I channel her, without her consent to be very clear. She does not sign off on anything I say. Okay, so the last thing I have, how much do you have left? Oh, I think one left. Okay, I'll read this then, because this is a forum from Julio and it's DisBoards. Have we talked about this? It sounds familiar, so probably. He said's DisBoards. Have we talked about this?

It sounds familiar, so probably. He said, DisBoards are back. So I assume that we have. This one is called, how in the world did Build a Bear Workshop get so popular? And so it's kind of people being like, what's the deal with XYZ? And you know.

The fact it's still around kind of amazes me. This was posted in 2023. So it's like a very recent. At that time I felt the same way. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Me too. And so here we go. Oh, by the way, Julia made a note here. Updated lingo, DD, DS, which we know, of course, from the cruise critic forums,

your daughter, your son are now followed often by an age number. So you say like DD 11 or DS 11. It means like that's how old they are. What does MS13 mean? I'll send her. Here's the original post by Dodger Girl. His little like tagline is crazy for the Mandalorian. I have never figured out how on earth

Build-A-Bear Workshop is such a popular store. And I cannot figure out how they survive in business because I've seen tons of commercials for Build-A-Bear Workshop and I don't know how it continues to be popular. Is it because it's a store that introduces the fad of creating plushies, or because they want to get in on making your own stuffed animals crafting trend? Because whenever my mom and I went into a Build-A-Bear workshop to see what the big hype was about, we were shocked at how pricey it costs to make a bear. And not only that, it gets more pricey if you want to add an

additional outfit and sounds for your bear. But the outfits alone are worth the price, and that's where my mom used to buy cute clothing for her bear collection. But now they have expanded the animals to not only teddy bears, but characters such as Marvel heroes and Star Wars characters. I'm crazy for the Mandalorian. No, I'm not gonna say that. And so it tells you that Build a Bear Workshop is trying to attract a new audience, but you do the same exact thing at home and all you do is go to Michael's crafts and buy a bear making kit And outfits and you can do the same for Marvel plushies by getting outfits and dressing them up, too No, it's not the same and the same with that other person that said you can spend $50 on felt like imagine like leaving the store person that said you can spend $50 on felt. Like, no. LS. Imagine like leaving the store, leaving the bear, the girl is having heartbreak over

it and then you're like, here are 15 shitty bears. It's like, that's supposed to make her feel better. CB. Because I don't know how they are now, but that bear that I have is still great. It's perfect. I don't know. It's good's good quality, though, is what I'm saying. It like, it lasted forever. It's not like, deep. And if you make your own, it's not going to be that good looking. No offense to these people. No, I mean, we're not from buttons and felt or whatever the fuck they said. Yeah. Oh my God. Imagine if that other mom were running like the heart station and like, say a wish. Oh, I wish for my old bareback. Like, no, any wish but that. Anything but that. Oh no. And you can do the same for Marvel plushies by getting

outfits and dressing them up too. Why I think Build-A-Bear Workshop was even made was to keep kids from getting bored while parents shop at the mall so that the kids would have something to do while waiting for mom and dad. You just leave them alone there? Yeah, that doesn't mean I don't think that's right. And I don't think that they're changing their audience. I think like, I think maybe we just need to explain the concept. But listen, a lot of people explain the concept. Okay. DL gal said it's still in business because kids like it. The end.

Okay. Come on. That's stupid. And also I will say, um, if that were true, you know how much fucking things would be in business and probably shouldn probably be just cuz kids love it That's ridiculous. And Roger says still in business because parents are weak the end Our OTFL to emoticon

Rodful to emoticon and it was yeah, his legs were kicking in the air as he rolled on the ground laughing Here's another comment. The first time I'd ever heard of BAB was at an athletic department awards dinner. Some of the players. What? Oh, I guess we're going to get an explanation. I just thought so random. No, I know. Some of the players on the team went out and bought a couple for the seniors on the team. They specifically looked to dress them up in ways that spoke to the personality of the players.

I thought that was really cute. Imagine going to Michael's and having to figure that out. Yeah, I mean, mine, I loved my football bear. I made my bear a little football player because that's what and it was so fun. I loved that experience. I loved all of it. Do you know what? Do you know how to remember it? I named my bear Tara. What? I wanted her to be like cool and popular and I know why you name her Tara. I don't know. Just kidding. Tara. Sorry. By the the way Tara is the name of the person whose voicemail I'm

bringing today different I know but I think Tara is different than Tara I agree both sides would agree I think so okay there's just here's another comment they now have build a bear after dark our local Children's Hospital has a build a bear in it and the proceeds go to the hospital. DS 15 went to a birthday party there when he was a kid that was catered by the hospital Chick-fil-A. Okay. Now here's another- Oh, okay. These are just like the cruise forums where it's like, thank you.

What's build a bear after dark? Because I know a reviewer who could use that, who literally asked for a build a bear, but for adults. Oh, okay. They are for grownups. They have a little sass. Oh my God, you're about to enter the bear cave trademark. The bear cave. Okay, that's pretty funny. Please.

Oh, they're all gay. They're all holding rainbow flags. I'm losing my mind. This is build a bear after dark is them holding pride flags. And you have to like enter a dark screen to get there. I'm not making this up right now. It says enter bear cave. You have to click it.

The other options are a giant devil horn teddy bear. So that's cool. Um, and telling the pride ones with the devil one behind and use the word bear cave for the day ones. That's fucking crazy. All center. There are so many frogs. I'm not making that up either.

What? Giant spring green frog, giant spring pink frog. I feel like I've unlocked something. I feel like I've unlocked some scary dark, obviously. Leaps of love frog, totally yours frog. Sloth, Alexander, there had to have been. Okay, okay. So I thank God there are more than pride and the devil

Christian because that's all you said at first and it was very concerned. Well, so was I those are the first ones I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry. There's a Jennifer cat plush margarita gift set. I was gonna say that She's holding a margarita. There's a platypus What about this one that says happy hugs Teddy 4th of July and his shirt says red white and booze. He's holding a beer This one. Oh my god, this one woman in pajamas. It's rosé. This is crazy the skunk. This is so amazing How did I not know this was a thing? These are I don't know But I can't believe I thought it was for kids and now I know it's for me Yeah, can I tell you that there's this shirt that just says zaddy?

and now I know it's for me. Can I tell you that there's this shirt that just says Zaddy? You can buy a Zaddy shirt. Oh my God, a bikini. Okay, I really, this is starting to get 100% my type on paper. For the bear. Huh, it says it on a shirt? Yeah, here to spill the tea and then a boat, you know, for the Fourth of July.

Okay. So anyway, so that exists. Oh, also a hubba hubba suit and a black sequin halter tank. So this is really like where things get a little wild. So that is separate from the Chick-fil-A sponsored one at the Children's Hospital. I figured, I figured. Okay, now here's the last post

that I'm gonna read from this forum, okay? Yes. Bab was a core part of my girl's childhood, starting with a birthday trip when older DD turned seven. We probably have 30 or 40 in the house now. DD21 still sleeps with the bunny she got on her second trip, and DD24 got the autumn bear a year ago Christmas, so they have not completely outgrown it either.

I will say they get a lot of playtime out of them. These critters have been given first, middle, and last names, personalities, love interests, elaborate storylines, school classes, mock Facebook pages created in Word, et cetera, et cetera. And then there was Bearville, the online interactive world. Well, make sure you don't... I missed out on that. Bear cave. Yeah. Also making that stuff in Word. How impressive. That's honestly awesome. So hard to do anything in Word. How impressive. That's honestly awesome.

So hard to do anything in Word. That's shit we would do. Like we would make like Word. I wouldn't use Word. I used Word to make the Wolper News and I had to learn like tables and graphics. What did they make with it? What did they say they made with it? A mock Facebook page.

Yeah. A whole Facebook page? That's cool. With graphics it is. It's impressive in Word. It's very impressive. page. That's cool. With graphics, it is. It's impressive. And word. It's very impressive. Yes, I'm impressed. Let's see. Although I will say this. If it were PowerPoint, I'd say I don't care.

Oh, the fact it's word impresses me. Yeah. Canva. Nah, you didn't work very hard on that. It was built in like that painter who uses Excel sells. Oh, I haven't seen that. Oh my god. It's incredible. I mean, there are more than one, I think, but like there's one person who makes these

incredibly huge, elaborate paintings by coloring individual cells in an Excel spreadsheet. Have they ever made a Facebook page? You know what? I don't think they have. For my stuffed animals? Love interest, elaborate storylines, school classes, mock Facebook pages, created in Word, etc. And then there was Bearville, the online interactive world, and the more we bought at the store, the more they could do there. Many hours and summers at home filled with pretend play. I regret nothing. Bearface emoticon. End of form. I love it. No regrets. No regrets. I hope not. If you go

to build a bear and multiple times and then when you're like I regret it. Multiple you mean 40? 40. 40 to 50. What was it? Yup. 30 to 40. I don't know. Yeah. But still I would be sad. It would be sad to say you regretted it. I agree. I agree. So I'm glad for them. That's a little much. I agree. I agree. So I'm glad for them. That's a little much. But hey, I still sleep with multiple stuffed animals. So 30 to 40. I don't have 30 to 40 builder bears specifically. That's true. Prime Day is here with great kitchen deals. Greatness is a deal away. So if you love baking, you can get a deal on a new mixer, transforming you into the Lord of the Loaves. Hear ye, hear ye.

Make way for the barren of Priosh, the Sultan of Sourdough, the Lord of the Loaves, Prime Member Dave! Yeah, uh, hi? Shop great Prime Day deals now. There's regular cold. And then, there's the mountains are blue cold. Mountain cold refreshment. Coors light. The chill choice. Celebrate responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. Here's a one star review of Build-A-Bear Workshop in Boston. Staff was very judgmental and rude, talking about us when pulling the bear together saying what a delusional girl i'd rip this bear apart etc another staff on her

phone the entire time very unprofessional and made me feel comfortable don't recommend end of review what the fuck okay when people tell stories like they said this i'm like did they say that because if they said that like that's i mean and maybe they did people said crazy shit but like talking about you being delusional, that's, I mean, what did you do? Yeah, and then something about ripping the bear apart, like I don't even know how that makes sense. Is it like you accidentally-

I'd rip this bear apart. Like, I don't think that that's, I mean. Is that, it's like they're, it seems like they're taking it as a threat. I'd hope that's not the case. I really hope not. Like maybe they're saying, oh, like this got, this one's on wrong or something.

Should we take it apart? I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't wanna- The stitching's off. I will say there was one I read, I forgot who sent it.

And then it said like, my child has been in the children's hospital and I took him here and the staff member said, what are you doing here? Or looked at him and said like, what are you doing here? Or looked at him and said, like, what are you doing here? And it's like, did they really literally, whoever said it, I totally forgot, I'm sorry, was like, they didn't say that.

Did they really say like, look you up and go, what are you on or what are you doing? Like, I don't know. I mean, maybe again, like people say weird shit, but- People do, but I'd rip this bear apart, et cetera. Like, what's the et cetera? What happens next with that? I don't know. There's no clear.

It says what a delusional girl, comma. I'd rip this bear apart, et cetera, et cetera. Those two things are completely different. And also, I'm like, I need more. I need that, et cetera, to be expanded upon. Please speak up. Oh, my God. It's like need I say more? Yes, please. Yeah. And to just remember, this is in Boston.

There's there's a reason we're not performing in Boston this year. Those Bostonians, they're so mean. They're Babs. They're so bad. Babs, Babs, Babs are out of control. I'm just kidding, Boston. We've been we've been to you before. Okay. We have, and we'd love to come back.

Yeah. All right. Before I get into my challenge, Alexander, I have a voicemail from, um, and now it's hard to, it's, it's easy to confuse, uh, people with my stuffed bear from childhood, but this is a different Tara who sent in a voicemail and I'm going to play it for you here So if Tara had sent in a voicemail, you'd say you mean I'll be honest. I don't remember ever sent something in No, I change the thing. I changed the name of the spell the pronunciation of it many times Tara Tara it was just I knew how it was spelled and I couldn't commit to a

Variation which made it even worse of an experience. Hi guys, this is Tara. She her. I am not the Tara with the beach to Sandy tattoo by the way, sadly, but shout out to other Tara who sounds very cool. Oh, and my bear also. I'm sure that I'm sure that she meant to add that. Yeah, you know what, I think right before you paused that she probably was going to but it would be weird. Like when you press play, she'll definitely say something about it, right? She'll definitely say it, I'm sure. How could you not? Okay. So when I was in college, I worked as a hostess at the Manhattan location of a German-owned chain of Italian restaurants. Definitely interesting. We served pizza, pasta, really committed to the Italian vibe. But the one little nod that we had to the German ownership was that we had a little

candy jar full of gummy bears at the front so you could have a little treat after your meal. So first for some context here, the restaurant concept was kind of unique. So basically it was like self seating, self serving. We'd give everyone a tab card at the front and you'd go to the pizza or the pasta counter, they'd make food for you, you'd go and eat, and then you'd come back up to me at the host stand to pay. So as a hostess, it was always kind of a juggling act

to be both checking out all the customers who were paying for their food, and then simultaneously handing out the tab cards and kind of explaining the concept of the restaurant to the people coming in. So the gummy bears became a problem. They became a problem because we had a big serving spoon and cocktail napkins there. And of course you were supposed to spoon out some gummy bears onto a napkin and just be

on your way. But constantly people would just stick their hands into the jar. And every time they did this, I as theess, would have to stop the flow of customers and dump all the gummy bears in the trash and replace them, which obviously was a pain. So I got really good at catching when a customer had their hand kind of mid-reach and yelling at them to use this food. How do you add that to your resume? But in one case, there was a group of, I'll say, finance bros, you know, maybe there for

a work dinner or something. But just to be clear, very much grown men. And they paid their checks, saw the gummy bears. Now one guy was very clearly starting to reach his hand into the jar. But luckily, before I could even say anything, his friend jumped in for me and was like, dude, use the spoon. And I'm like, okay, great. Close one, but no crisis averted.

Have some class. Yeah. went on with my life. So this guy picks up the spoon. And I just want to say again, this is a very large serving spoon, like a metal serving spoon. And he picks up the gummy bears and he puts the entire spoon into his mouth. And let me just tell you, like the looks of absolute horror on the faces of all of his mouth. And let me just tell you, like, the looks of absolute horror on the faces of all of

his friends, he, the whole line of people I was checking out, like, just horror all around. All of our jaws just dropped. And I think the kicker is that this guy looked genuinely dumbfounded as to, like, what he could have possibly done wrong. But I guess on the plus side, you know, it was a lot faster to change out just the spoon than all the gummy bears. So there's that.

But I did, I found a Yelp review of this restaurant, which by the way has since closed all of its US locations. But the review says, there's even a little jar of gummy bears at the front desk. However, eat at your own risk. There's a spoon to get them out, but you never know what that kind of stuff. And isn't that the truth?

You just never know what you're gonna get with service jobs. All right, love you guys, love the show, thanks. That about killed me. I was like- That is wild. That is the funniest thing. Oh my God. I felt like the story was like escalating and then I was like, certainly that can't be

what's about to happen. No, I was like, certainly that can't be what's about to happen. No, I was like, maybe he's gonna fling it or he's gonna like put his hand in any way with the spoon or something stupid, but not that. Okay, it felt like when you do something because your brain just accepts reality in a different way. Like when you do something and you look back and you go like, what was I thinking?

But it's like somebody says a sentence and you're like, okay, and you just do some social faux pas without even thinking. Like that, it feels like that kind of a moment. Yeah. But like this one seems pretty wild. Especially when like someone already scolded you for like using your hands.

Okay, if you were gonna put your hand in there, like that's one thing. Yeah, that's like, you're already kind of messing up, but don't put your hand in a plastic gummy bear. I did a coffee cupping where they like had this cafe near me to try all their different or whatever. Cupping like where they put suction cups. That's why I explained it. Don't worry.

Not the suction cup things. You do have a spoon or something to try it, but I almost put mine back in. Oh, jeez. After putting it in my mouth. Contaminate the whole bat. But anyway, so I can see myself back in something that I'd already after putting in my mouth that contaminate the whole bat. But anyway, so I can see myself doing something like that. I did catch myself. But yeah, in the moment, like sometimes you don't know.

But come a fucking shovel of gummy bears. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. In public, like like that, I don't know. I don't know. How do you? That's got to be only one. You're never going to live that down with your coworkers or whoever else you're with. They're never going to let you live that down. Oh, man.

What a memory. Good times. That's wild. I wish this place still existed. I kind of do too. But you know what? A lot of mistakes were made leading up to that. When I heard bowl of gummy bears, my mind went to, I hope they're the individually packaged

ones. It feels like they skimped on the price by buying bulk. And that clearly isn't working with mass public, you know, and having the host be and also like Germans love Italian food. It's a thing like when we go to Germany, our grandpa like loves Italian, like this specific Italian. They eat like their pizza with only like tuna. I know. And it's like not even necessarily good food, like well made.

It's just good Italian. They love they love the concept of Italian like Americans with Mexican food. Right. I think that's exactly I think it's kind of that vibe of like, oh, it's like our like exotic food over here. It exists. The good kinds exist. But overall, generally. Yeah, we're hitting up some whiffs. Hitting up some whiffs.

Hitting up some, I don't even know what you said anymore. I'm hitting up a whiff. Thank you, Tara, for sharing your trauma with us. Thank you. If you'd like to share your own trauma with us, you can join our Patreon. Don't be pickles, who by the way, I see you pickles. Pickles got a hold of our, I was cracking up.

Pickles sent an email being like, here's exactly how I broke into the form for submitting reviews and I'm not a patron, but I will be someday. And I was like, you sneaky bastard. But Alexander has fixed the little hidey hole you found, Pickles. And so you- Pickle snitch. So now no one else can figure it out. That's true. I wonder if we ever had anybody else. But so we figured it out. And if you want to join

patreon.com slash Beach Two Sandy, you can submit a voicemail or you can submit reviews for the episode or you can submit themes and challenges. We also just released our Tampa live show on there, the full audio, so go listen to that. We have that on there as well as just like a little bonus, and we try to do fun stuff, and we're trying to keep it hopping over there. Naughty, coming up soon. We have some, I thought you were saying

we were trying to keep it naughty, and I was like, no. Well, not like that. All right, it is time for my challenge. I am incredibly excited about this one. I brought a lot. The challenge was to find reviews where people mentioned being disappointed in a fortune

that they received. And I was surprised at how wide of a range these were. There were fortune cookies, there were fortune tellers. Actually, just kidding, that was it. Those were the only fortune tellers. I was like, I was thinking, what could the third possibly be you're right it just was kind of surprising so I'm like oh wow we do board reviews my four caro card

reviews that's true although I feel like those were all tied in with the psychics you know mm-hmm yeah no Corinne she her center of you I'm just gonna start start us off with like a quick one. Psychic, spiritual reader and advisor, all lowercase, in Marion, South Carolina, one star by TG. She said my grandma would live until 78. She died three days later. No.

Okay. Why would any psychic ever give a specific, you know? It's like no wonder you're an unlisted business on Google. It feels like you're not really, you know? I don't know. No wonder your unlisted business on Google, it feels like you're not really, you're not being vague enough to be a professional psychic. Yeah. Now, have you heard of these misfortune cookies? No.

They always show up, I feel, on gift listicles or like gifts for the person who is hard to shop for or like uncommon goods. Like they're always kind of mentioning these like weird like offbeat listicles. It's these, they're these fortune cookies, but they have like inappropriate kind of. So it's like fortune cookies after dark.

After dark, exactly. So truly Melissa, she, her sent in a few pictures of these cookies because the reviews were basically like, I bought these for my family and they were not age appropriate for teenagers and it's like, it literally says these are like XX, not really, but like after dark, whatever. They probably read some listicle, clicked the link to buy this without reading more. Honestly, that's probably true.

Yeah. It was probably some article that talked about it and Pass like without getting into it. They just bought it So their logo is literally a fortune cookie with MF coming out of it like misfortune but also like oh I assume this is the word and It says 12 outrageous fortunes in every pack. And so Melissa sent some Of the examples here one says don't stay up all night eating candy. She has to be up at work early tomorrow. What? Who?

Candy. Oh my God. So stupid. It's so stupid. I didn't even process. That's their prime example. It was, or I am. I don't know. That's their prime example. That's awful. I'd argue you meet in the middle with the cookie. Stupid. Here is another one. I have two more here. You will survive a zombie

apocalypse thanks to your inherent lack of brains. Oh my god. Is that the one that's not teen appropriate? Probably. And then the last one. Tonight you will be, tonight you will be butter fingered, tomorrow you will be ghosted. And of course- What?

Butter finger as a capital P, butter finger, apostrophe D. Yeah. You'll be butter fingered,, you will be ghosted. What? I don't like, I have any idea. Like obviously. We all just had the misfortune

of hearing those awful things. I'm sorry. I know it wasn't appropriate. That was terrible. No, it doesn't make sense. It can't, it's not appropriate anywhere, just in general. Cause it's not a thing. It's not thing

What are they talking about? I have no idea. I guess it's like oh, what's a weird way to say that like What's a shocking way to say you'll have a sexual experience tonight? And then they won't call you tomorrow if ghosted was a candy bar is that a candy bar that I don't know about? No, it's not capitalized or anything Like that's the only way this would make sense. No, it doesn't make sense. What's the joke? I agree. I agree.

Like it's fine. Also everybody, I know that. You didn't do the finger in and then they left. Whatever. Like cool. Like, you just have that. Like whatever. Yeah.

It sounds like it sounds good to me. Wait, do you think it has to do with candy? I'm serious. It's like this lore within these like 12 misfortunes. Yeah, like is there like a to do with candy? I'm serious. Lore with it. Yeah. Like, is there like a character in these candy? Is that Miss Fortune? And then Butterfinger is okay. Whoa.

Candy, Miss Fortune herself. This is, it's all coming together now. Um, by the way, everybody, I know I started to scream and I want to finish my thought real quick. I know that like a prayer is not about God. Okay. I'm not stupid. And don't call me a summer child. I'm not a summer child. I am because I was born God, okay? I'm not stupid. And don't call me a summer child. I'm not a summer child.

I am, because I was born in June, but I'm not stupid. I know that that's not, that's the point. That was the point I was making. And I really applaud. That was the joke she was making. That was the joke, come on. And then all these people liked it. Like I'm some big dumb ass.

Anyway, I love the comment Alex Dater sent me this morning. So he said, Christine, you sweet summer sausage. And I was like, okay, that I will accept. That I will accept. Anyway. CB. Talk about sweet summer children. All those people who said that and like that. You keep saying you don't know what a joke is. KS. Hey, I went to Catholic school. I made everything dirty. I know how, like, Catholic kids who went to Catholic school, they're born knowing how to make things seem inappropriate. Because like the Catholic Church is full of the word virgin.

Anyway, let me have this one last remnant of Catholic school that I actually can hold on to. Now I have a game for you. BOWEN Man, that came out of nowhere. KATE I, Alexander, it came out of nowhere for you, but it has been living in the recesses of my mind. BOWEN Yeah, I forgot about it already. KATE For days. BOW, no, that was that. Honestly, I was I was mad on your behalf.

I actually sat there and went, why am I so mad about this? Like people like I texted you about it. Yeah, people have said way ruder things like people. They're mean. It's just something about it. I was like, yeah, duh. Like, don't call. I have I have an issue with people calling me stupid and I know you're not calling me stupid, but calling me a sweet sort of,

it kind of implies I'm like a little sweet. Oh, it's very condescending. The phrase, it's a popular phrase. So I get why people use it. I know, but I like it. It's a summer song. I like your summer sausage. That's more appropriate for this podcast.

And I'm not saying this personally to anybody except summer sausage was really the best. Okay, I have a game for you. This was sent in by both Phoenix, SheHer and Anika, she they. These are Winfar. They both sent a game in? No, I invented the game.

They sent in the content for the game. That would have been impressive if they both came up with a game. I mean, they sort of did by sending me these exact reviews and I went. Like Bugs Life and Ants were two separate movies. That still blows my mind. I mean that's a phenomenon.

There's so many examples of that. Lightbulbs. I forget what it's called, but there's a whole Wikipedia page with a list of movies that are the exact same concept that came out. But that's actually a thing beyond film. Yeah, I know. Lightbulbs. Lightbulbs.

But I brought up a Bugs Life and ants so when I remember winfar fortune cookie. That's the brand Okay. Now these are reviews coming from all over the place when people received a branded Winfar fortune cookie. So like say they went to a restaurant and got it or they ordered it on Amazon Whatever, but someone had told me or I had heard at some point that all of the fortune cookies were made by the same company that are in the US. I feel- Which sounds like a monopoly on fortune cookies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know how that works. If that is a problem. Well, there were a lot. No, I think there is a, there are a few, I think. Because I've- Okay. I don't know.

I've heard that before though, for some reason. I have too, but I just looked it up and I feel like there are quite a few I think because I've okay I don't know I've heard that before though for some reason I have two but I just looked it up and I feel like they're quite a few but this one I don't think was one of the big big ones I really don't because it didn't have that many reviews and I feel like they were all really bad okay so I'm gonna read you the fortune missing one word and you're gonna to fill in the blank. OK. Oh, dear God. My fortune cookie said a man's best possession is a wife.

A man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. Oh, shit. Alexander, you got it. What year is this, Winfar? My cookie was also stale. Wild. What a joke company, even for fortune cookies. Well, you just answered your own question. The cookie was stale. It's old.

It's an old cookie. Okay, Alexander. I think this is a bad one to do well on. Like it feels. Ready? Yeah. We just received these fortune cookies with our Chinese food order today, December 28th, 2023. I thought they were overcooked,

so I tried a small piece. The taste and texture was often stale. The fortune was for three months of free blank. Andy. Wink capitalized. Okay, no, no, no. The fortune was for three months of free blank. Yes. And do you recall the context of the review in general? Oh, it was December twenty twenty three. And they said it was they were either overcooked or the taste and texture was off and stale. Let's just say that like free fortune cookies. No, they were just old. Quail ludes. I have no idea what that's like. Literally all my brain is streaming in right now. That would be cool. The fortune was for three months of free Napster music.

No, Napster music closed in 2001 Remember, this was written in 2023. This is insane. Yeah. They have a picture also. Napster music closed in 2001. These cookies are extremely old or they are using very old fortunes. It's the cookies. Check your cookies, people, before you eat them. Yeah. Three months of free Napster music.

I see it right there with my own two eyes. What a treat that is to find. It's obviously not the tastiest, but how cool. But what a relic. It's like a relic. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of amazing. I would be so excited to get that fortune.

The fact that our sister would probably open and go, what's Napster? And we'd be like, whoa. Yeah, I would have choked on my own fortune cookie. Yeah. Well, you probably would have heard her, if she'd said that. I probably would have been dead before that. Cause these things, somebody said,

can someone tell me what's inside my fortune cookie? And I went, yeah, actually it's black mold. Throw that away. It was like caked in mold. And they said, what is this fuzzy stuff? And I went, I actually am going to throw up. And it was only on the inside. Fortune cookies are very specific looking. If it looks odd at all, like I've never seen.

I've never seen a gross, odd looking fortune cookie. Yeah, they tend to be if there's anything growing on it. Mm hmm. Fuzzy. Which is true for a lot of foods, actually, probably. I don't know why I'm saying it as if it's but like those specifically are so across the board generic that like- No, exactly what they look like because they look the same every time.

Yeah. Okay, let's see. Rose. This is my favorite one. One Star by Cheryl. First of all, I want to say these are not fortune cookies. I was shocked when I opened mine. It said that money isn't the only thing in life.

There is also blank That's so nervous Sex no, that's too much. They wouldn't put that um wait. I want to guess one more time. Can you say it again? There's the fortune Money isn't the only thing in life. There is also Credit cards Bitcoin. Oh, oh no that's so much worse I'm so serious I love how they're putting ads in all these that's insane I want to say these are not fortune cookies I was shocked when I opened mine

it said that money isn't the only thing in life there is Bitcoin this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read in a fortune cookie I not fortune cookies. I was shocked when I opened mine. It said that money isn't the only thing in life. There is Bitcoin. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read in a fortune cookie. I enjoy fortune cookies, but not these. A fortune cookie tells you fortune. This is just a bunch of rude ads. And I think your ads suck big time. You need to find another business to be in.

End of review. Interesting, wow. Okay, so I love that it goes from- At least we know that one's not from 2001. No, exactly. And that was written from- At least we know that one's not from 2001. No, exactly. And that was written, it says over three years ago. Okay. But probably when Bitcoin was really like kicked off.

I can't believe that one was opened before the Napster one. Shocking, truly. The Napster one lasted so long before being broken in half. And I think it's probably like a place just bought them in bulk and have just been giving them out for years, right? Like 20 years, I don't know. That's a lot of years. Yeah. I love that it goes from like a man's best possession

is a sympathetic wife all the way to like Bitcoin all the way to Napster in one company. It is all of them. Like this one company. This is all the same company. Winfar Foods. Okay. It's just amazing.

I do like, I want to know what's going on in those offices. Like I would watch a mockumentary about this place. I feel like. Well now it's just probably all AI. It's going to be. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But the ads are ridiculous.

Like the ads are hilarious. Like what? What ads? What? Oh, like the Napster. I mean, the Napster and then like the Bitcoin promotion. And then here is another one. This is two.

Yeah, this is. Yeah, this is two stars. by Abby over six years ago I like the taste it's okay but I don't like when fortune cookies or any company tries to get political I do not support this end of review and here is the fortune blessed are the children for they shall inherit the national debt and then it has your lucky number. Learn Chinese, like all the usual stuff. So no ads be found.

Like these are so hit or miss, you know, so might love. Wackadoo. Yeah, there's that. You know what? That finance bro who's eating the gummy bears, you love that Bitcoin. Oh, yeah. We would love the Napster one. Oh, yeah. And I don't know who someone out there definitely would love that. It would give somebody a chuckle. I mean, it got me gave me a chuckle.

Oh, my God. OK. As depressing as it is. Oh, I should have let you guess. They shall inherit the. I'm glad you didn't. That was that would have been dangerous. It might have been a little too difficult. OK, this is the last one. All right. Yeah. Here's a one star view by Lisa. Advertising and fat shaming in a fortune cookie?

What? Yup, my cookie contained an ad for Tax Act encouraging me to donate my too tight clothes for a tax deduction. End of review. Oh God. Oh man, getting called out. I know I said, like, oh, so many psychic ones, and then I didn't bring a single psychic one. But you know what? Tax act doesn't know. What's that?

But they don't know is that one day those tight clothes will fit again. I'm telling them. I'm telling them in 10 years. But one day, one day. One day, my Bitcoin will finally pay off. It's fine if they don't, but they will. The Bitcoin I invested in Napster will finally pay off and I'll be able to get that weight loss ad on your other cookie and fit into those clothes again. It's just all wild. I did read one from a psychic, which was that grandma would live until 78. And I'm sorry that I kind of avoided all the other ones just because the fortune cookie ones were so purely funny. I just had no, I didn't want to like branch out too much. No, this was great. I'm glad you brought all that.

Oh my gosh. Anyway, I can't believe you got a point in the game. At least one. Okay. I think it was just one, but at least one. Oh, at least one. Yeah. That was really good. I love the good game. At least one. At least. Okay, I think it was just one, but. At least one. Oh, at least one. Yeah. That was really good. I love a good game. I do too, and I love when people inadvertently set up a perfect game for me.

Yeah, we should do more games on tour. I do like like, something wacky like fill in the blank or guess the blank. Yeah, that was funny. Yeah, so anyway, if you want to submit reviews, you can also send those in Yeah to gmail to our gmail features a gmail.com if you're coming to a live show, but for the weekly episodes we accept reviews from everybody but pickles no from our patrons

Mm-hmm, and you can go to patreon.com slash features any to access the calendar and all that good stuff But listen to our live Tampa show. It's funny. It's a good one. It's pretty good. I think I barely remember it from all those Long Island ice teas I drank. We did drink a lot of Long Island ice teas. Yeah, that is true. What I do remember is it was a very fun time. It was all I remember. I remember that I thought it was a storm and it was a train. Oh, my God. I think part. Yeah, I thought it was a storm and it was a train. Oh my god. I think part yeah, I thought it was a storm too. And then after that happened like really quick like thunder and

then thunder like really quick after and finally somebody suspiciously like uh ended my misery and just shouted it's a train and I went well okay never mind I'll stop. So you can listen to us embarrass ourselves on stage and you can see us too. We just did San Diego last night, San Francisco tonight, Sacramento tomorrow. We still have to go to Texas and Nebraska and Missouri and Chicago and some other places, Indiana, Detroit.

Pacific Northwest. The Pacific Northwest, I can't wait. Yeah, can't wait to see you all. The one city I forgot, I'm sorry. Oh, New York. The other city I forgot, I'm sorry. Can't wait to see you on tour, everyone. We love you guys, bye.

Bye. Bye!