Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 348: Reviews of Banned Books

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

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Welcome to Beach Too Sandy Water Too Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me I wanted to like this podcast but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everyone and welcome to Beach to Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Christine. I'm the dramatic fashion. My name is Christine. I'm the sister host. My name is Zandy. I'm the brother host.

Today we're reading reviews of banned books. Yeah, so like Rolling Stones, The Beatles, their books. Oh my God. That was so bad that I really didn't get it for. Oh, I think that's just your brain, Christina. 15 seconds. Everyone else is cracking up. That was so bad that I really didn't get it for. Oh, I think that's just your brain, Christina. 15 seconds. Everyone else is cracking up.

I was gonna say banned books, like how to play the trombone. And I think then when you said the Rolling Stones, I was like, what does that have to do with anything? And it took me a moment, but we reached the same point and it's the wrong point. So let's come back and talk about banned books. Oh, banned books, like Winged Migration, my favorite movie. Just like Winged Migration.

Banning books. Thankfully, we should call them banished. That sounds actually cool. So nevermind, I'm not for banned books. No, no, no, we want them to be re-invited into the kingdom. I swear this bit is ending, banned books, I understand what that means,

and I found reviews of banned books. Yeah, the joke you made wasn't very good. And so, let's- We already went over that, I said, let's move on. Did you Google banned books, or did you have some in mind when you did this? Oh, I had some in mind, but then I had a lot of emails. Which ones came to mind?

To Kill a Mockingbird. Okay. Why was that one banned again? I don't fucking know. That's the thing. I don't know why any of these are banned. It's ridiculous. Well, I know why some of them are banned, but like-

Some of them are ridiculous. Well, no, they're all ridiculous, but I'm just saying I don't understand, but I know why some of these books have been banned for certain topics. I just can't remember. Was Brave New World banned somewhere? I don't know. I just have some weird ones.

I have some weird ones, you know? One flew over the cuckoo's nest? Oh, I thought we're listing books that come to our mind. You don't have any? Or you have them and you're keeping them to yourself? No, the only reason I asked what comes to mind is because I'm like, I think the ones I have are very random and strange and you're not telling us. Well, I'm going to tell you when I read the reviews of that wasn't clear to me. Thank you. Okay, I'm sorry. Here is a review sent in by Did you did that sound convincing? No. Should I say it again? No, I was looking at you and it did. Oh, God. Oh, that was so much worse. That was worse. I'm sorry. Matt, they, them sent this in. This is a review of To Kill a Mockingbird, one star.

This book is actual dog water. Like everyone else says, only boomers read this. And to be honest, I completely agree. There is no plot. You go into the book thinking, wait, what? For the whole time. There is no storyline, basically no plot. It is just racist, sexist and ridiculous.

It made me want to jump out of a nine story hotel with four stars. It makes me want to eat my Eggos with tar. I would rather get a two foot pile of homework do the next day than read a single sentence of this book. From being boring to being racist to not making sense. Cheers to the others drinking straight acetone from reading this book, from being boring to being racist to not making sense, cheers to the others drinking straight acetone from reading this book. Also, there isn't a single mockingbird in this book.

So even the title is wrong. I would put negative nine stars, but of course it doesn't allow that. Extremely disappointed that I had to waste away five months from reading this book and learning absolutely nothing, end of review. Holy shit. 30 people found this helpful.

Make it 31, man. I feel like I have learned, well, not much, but I've been startled. Yeah. That was pretty startling. There was a lot to cover, so I don't know where to begin. I don't know if we should at all, but, uh, I guess, I guess my question to them would be, first of all, it took you five months to read.

Okay. That's a bad sign. Yeah. Like you think you're going to get two feet worth of homework done overnight, but you can't read To Kill a Mockingbird in less than five months. Okay. Yeah. Second of all, imagine this. Does that mean, was it like a summer assignment? Like that's, or was this, it sounds like a student, but like five months. I mean, maybe they did like some big like workshop about it

and they had to talk about it for an extensive period. Five months, I would find. Okay, at that point I'd write a one-star review. It's obviously not five months, but I know, I know, definitively I know it's not five months. Now, Alexander, stop talking. You're making me mad. Your eyebrows make me mad.

Okay, so- I'm trying to control them. I'm so nervous. So the other thing I was going to say is, oh, you'd rather have two feet of homework. What if your homework is write an essay about to kill a mockingbird. So that's like a read, read two feet of to kill a mockingbird. Even worse. Honestly that feels like an episode of the twilight zone and I'm pretty sure it

is. Yeah. I think I've, I've seen that one. Only boomers watch that. Just like only boomers read to kill a mockingbird. And to be honest, I have to agree with all of the people who say that. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. But yeah, I don't know. I haven't read that book in a while, but I don't remember it being explicitly racist. I remember racism existing in the book, but that doesn't mean it's...

I don't know. No, yeah, I think that is why it was banned but uh I I wonder I mean that was one of the only books that I ever recall being like into in in school like I feel like that was one that people most people like enjoyed kind of like Catcher in the Rye where it's like kind of aimed for younger people. Yeah. don't know, they're not gonna have a good time reading like some fucking, what's that thing, Grendel? Grendel? Fuck, I forgot about Grendel.

They're not gonna like Grendel. Yeah. I never forget about, I think about, I never forget about. I'm glad I forgot, but now I'm sad. You know why? I didn't like it. Grendel never lets me forget. Yeah. I don't know if I've met someone,

I'm sure they exist, but I don't think I've met someone who liked Grendel. Like anyone in high school, I don't remember anyone enjoying that book. I think I tried to to be contrary to everyone. And then I was like, actually, I can't even pretend to enjoy this. That's why they called you a contrary Mary. It's right.

And then I had to do 10 Hail Marys. Yeah. Here we go. This is from Maggie She Her. And this is kind of what I was getting at is my first one is a review of scary stories to tell in the dark. And traditionally that doesn't seem like something that would be banned. But I guess it was because it's so scary.

And that's about it, I guess. Maybe it has some dark themes. I mean, they scared me. Who sent this in? Maggie? I think it was just banned in Maggie's home. Oh, you know what? It was probably. Oh, you know what?

Maggie's like, oh, I have a bunch of books for this. It's all the ones my mom wouldn't let me read. It's like in a locked cabinet in your mom's room. What, like taunting? Like why would the mom even own it and walk it away? Because she was trying to bring it home. Oh, just keep it as evidence? And she confiscated it.

It's in the evidence locker. Oh my God, it's like a swear jar. Do they like, and what happens with the books? It's in your in the evidence locker. Oh my God, it's like a swear jar. Do they like, and what happens with the books in the end? It's in your mom's evidence locker. Evidence locker. Well, they keep it there in case they need it. That's like blackmail? For trying to read about the scary stories?

I know, it's evidence. Oh man, that's so stupid. Just trying to read a, I'm curious about this review. What if it was just a banned book for that? That makes no sense. Okay, scary stories to tell in the dark. Two Star View by Sandy. What if it was just a banned book for that? Okay, scary stories to tell in the dark. I like the story where the man took his wife and killed her and ground her up into a sausage and it became a best-selling sausage.

First of all, spoilers. I know, right? I didn't need to know that the business came out on top. That's what I was curious about. The financial success of the butcher. I wanted a succession type book, but aboutistic sausage industry. I wonder why this is banned. I can't figure it out, Maggie. Maggie, tell us why your mom kept this in the evidence locker, because I'm confused. I feel like it's perfectly child-friendly.

Yeah. I like that this is a two-star review, so they're basically saying, I like that story, but nothing else. I only like the part where he ground-rubbed you with best-selling sausage. I think it should have been flagged by somebody. Uh, hopefully if this is a child, hopefully a parent shares the account.

This is my favorite part. Like a book report. Like what's everyone's favorite part? Oh God. Okay. My next one here, this is from Kirstie and this is a review of Ulysses by James Joyce. Oh boy. James Joyce was a freak. Was he? Yeah, we should ban all of his books. He wrote some interesting letters. No, I've read-

I'm glad we're now on the board of what books to ban all of a sudden. You're like, I don't like that they banned books. How about we start with this one? Just from Maggie's house. Just from Maggie's house. Oh, okay. I think like you need to talk to Maggie's mom first

because I feel like that's not really your. What makes you think I haven't? Anyway, James Joyce, I've read Finnegan's Wake and by read, I mean, I've read like less than 10 pages and stuff. Wow. I read 10 pages of this. I know, I'm just kidding.

That was really funny because I feel like reading 10 pages of it is like the most you thing and me thing. To be like, I want to read this. It was in Mr. Kelly's class and we had to pick each quarter a book to read. And I said, I wanted to read it. I know I won't finish it, but I'm curious how how far I can get and like what I can learn from it or whatever. And I don't know how much I read, but I don't know what I learned. I learned that James Joyce is a freak. Yeah. And here it is being useful when I read this one star review of Ulysses, which I also read. I don't remember it, but I read it.

Me too. But again, I also don't remember it, but I read it. Me too, but again, I also don't remember it. Anyway, one star, titled Hated with a Passion. And this is from 2009. I read this book after so many proclamations of superior intelligence from the Joycians I know, figuring, hey, I must really be missing out on something brilliant. So I quietly picked this up at the library. Hang on a second.

2009, wasn't that the year you were in Mr. Kelly's class? Actually. Is this you? Actually, yeah, I was 16. Yeah. I think maybe this is starting to ring a bell, this kind of verbious type of review. Does it say sheaf dog at the end?

Signed by sheaf dog? That was the time when I went that Barnes and Noble and bought nine stories by J.D. Salinger and met the love of my life who I've never met since. That's exactly right. Your soulmate that you never really spoke to again. I should get that tattoo that she had. I've been thinking about that. You shouldn't.

Not now that you've said it out loud. Okay. So I quietly picked this up at the library quietly because as with war and peace, I was frightened that someone would see me and say that I was just being pretentious. All I can say, and perhaps this is just my inferior mind speaking, is that it's boring. There's no other word for it. And I'm sorry if that's not good enough. I suppose it's fabulous if you're a teacher or have absolutely nothing better to do.

But when I read a book, I do it for enjoyment. Harry Potter. Brilliant, mindless, patronizing drivel. Perfect for all your escapist needs and can be read endlessly. This, however, is a slog. I dreaded turning the page and often found myself turning back a few, having lost myself somewhere in his streams of consciousness.

By all means, read it. In fact, I suggest you do. Who knows, you might like it. Lots of people seem to. streams of consciousness. By all means, read it. In fact, I suggest you do. Who knows? You might like it. Lots of people seem to and of review. Okay, that's so validating. And like, I just, I love this take. I think it was a little extra of a take,

the take that I would have, which is just- It was a little extra. Stop reading. I just, but no, but I liked that they just said, oh, they read the whole thing. They seem to have, I don't know. Oh, geez. I don't know, maybe they didn't.

There's nothing wrong with it. They didn't say that they stopped. Did not finish. I never do that. It's hard for me. I've started doing it more and it really frees your life up to not feel stuck in a book you don't enjoy.

I don't know. It's refreshing to hear, hey, maybe this is kind of not academic or intellectual to say, but this shit is boring. Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, I read Love in the Time of Cholera, and after like 50 pages, I had to stop. I was like, I'm just not enjoying it.

I don't know, I wouldn't say it's boring, but I was like, for some reason, I'm not enjoying reading this. So I wanna pick it up again another day. I mean, I think it also boring, but I was like, for some reason, I'm not enjoying reading this. So I want to pick it up again another day. I mean, I think it also depends on, like you said, like you're saying, like time of your life that you're in or like the vibe you're if you're like looking for escapism or you're looking for like, I don't know, something deep. Yeah. It was not the time for it. I know that, but yeah, your turn. I love it.

Okay, this one is from Emma, she, her. It's of the bluest eye by Toni Morrison. Ooh, yeah. And have you read this? No, but I know that's, I was like, that's one that I know is in vain. I only asked because you said that. I know, I shouldn't have reacted

because I was like, oh fuck, she's going to ask me if I've read it. No, well, I would have been like totally blown away. I've read Tony Morrison. It's not like that. But of all Tony Morrison, I feel like, you know, beloved, I'm reading that on my Kindle randomly. So that's why I would have been blown away because I would have heard about this

before, because I'm only now wading into the Tony Morrison waters. I have been reading the same book for like a month and a half. And you and I tell each other everything we read. So yeah, I'm allowed to be surprised if you tell me that. Oh, I did tell you what I'm reading now. We always talk about what we're reading. What am I reading now? I don't fucking know, but not Toni Morrison. I know that. Okay. Is that help? Yeah. This is a one star view by Philip. I had to read this for my comp and lit class.

Unentertaining and probably shouldn't be in a school with some of the dark themes in it. For example, a whole page describes how a woman is unsatisfied by how her husband makes love to her and vividly describes how they boink. End of review. Okay, I don't know why, but using the word boink made it a lot worse.

Alexander's like, hold on, let me download this on Kindle Unlimited real quick. I didn't know they were just boinking in Toni Morrison's work. Well, again, don't, listen, take this with a grain of salt. I wouldn't like take this high schooler's one-star review or college student as a fact, you know

I don't know. Yeah, I wouldn't I'm not it sounds right though You know, it sounds like there would be blinking so I'm kind of taking it for fact Tony Morrison is known for her beautiful description of blinking. Yeah, that's what I've heard That's a quote that you have up in your dining room, right? It's about Morrison about blinking. Yes. Yes, it is. And I'm so glad that finally you took some notice of it. Yes, it's about time.

I have another Kirsty original. This is OK. Kirsty didn't write this. I was like, not what I meant. This is of Clockwork Orange. Oh, which I don't know. I don't think I've read. I've seen the movie, but I've seen the movie as well. Same. Which I don't know, I don't think I've read. I've seen the movie, but. I've seen the movie as well.

Oh, there's a ghost here. In your room right now? I think so. What just happened? I feel them on my, it's like my hair moves a little bit. Okay. He wants to move on. No, sometimes I get like this prickly feeling

and my, it's one, whatever. And it was triggered by a this like prickly feeling and my it's one. And it was triggered by a clockwork orange. That is a very dangerous sign. I am nervous for you now. Yeah, this like song keeps coming to my consciousness. Here is a one star review. It's just probably Harry. Of a clock, okay.

Good. So my therapist gave me some crystals. I just found them in my pocket. Oh, good. So that might help. That must be what carried the ghost in. Probably. This is a one star review.

The smallest copy in the world. This is tiny. Like Honey, I shrunk the kids tiny. You'd need a microscope to read it. It's not even A5. I feel a little done over. End of review. Is there a picture? No. I just thought it was so random. Wait, what book is this again? That it's like a banned

books and the problem they have with the book is just that it was like physically too small. A Clockwork Orange. Oh my God. Wait, that's so great. Maybe it was because it was banned. They made shrunk in sizes so you wouldn't see it. It doesn't seem clear. Like when you look at the description, it just says a clockwork orange, Anthony Burgess, colon three, Penguin Essentials three. A5 paper Alexander is big.

Well, yeah, that's like normal size paper, right? No, that's like five by eight inches. Oh, so it's smaller than normal paper. Yeah, it's smaller than printer paper, like our printer paper, but A5 is like pretty big. They're saying it wasn't A5. They said it wasn't even A5. Yeah.

And that's pretty damn five by eight. That's like a big picture frame. Wait, the dimensions are, oh, 11.18 by 18 centimeters. Oh, wait, that feels really small. That can't be true. Centimeters? What is this?

Hold on, that is 4.4 inches, okay? No. Hold on, 4.4 inches. I'm so, this is taking me a second. Alex, you knew we had to dig into this. They said, honey, I shrunk the kids small. And you don't say that unless you mean it. Seven by four.

Alexander, that's like a literal pocket book. Like a literal tiny pocket size book. Of a clockwork orange. What do you think? That's hilarious. I mean, you literally need a magnifying glass. That's so funny. Oh, I see some pictures now.

Sorry, I don't know. Well, okay, it doesn't look that bad, I guess. But the text is pretty small. Maybe it's like one of those tiny paperbacks. Yeah, the text is pretty small. That'll do it. Honey, I shrunk the kids. I mean, it's like a book for ants.

And the quality looks terrible based on a lot of these reviews. Someone left a review with a picture and it says over 100 pages fell out. And they have a lot of these reviews. Someone left a review with a picture and it says over 100 pages fell out. They have a picture of it and they still left three stars. Who is that? Jenna, I love that. I respect that.

Hey everyone, this is Tom Sharpling, the host of The Best Show, the weekly live comedy podcast where I interview celebrity guests, talk to callers from all over the world, play music, and have as much fun as you can possibly have on a podcast. It's three hours of mirth, music, and mayhem every Tuesday, and you can check out the latest episode of The Best Show streaming right now on Amazon Music. Alexander, it's the most amazing thing

when you have a child, suddenly your subscriptions to things just skyrocket. Maybe that's why they call it rocket money, but Rocket Money came in and said, don't worry, I know you're subscribed to something called Caterpillar Express Coloring 3D, whatever. That sounds fun though, don't cancel that. Rocket Money, no. And they're though. Don't cancel that rocket bunny.

No. And they're like, do you want us to handle this for you? And I'm like, please my shame. I, no one else can see my shame until now. I hope they negotiated a lower rate for the color coloring because rocket money does do that for some places. Yeah. Negotiate maybe not for that app, but they do negotiate for, for example, my security system. I don't think I even asked them to,

they just were like, Hey, do you want a lower rate? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, hold on one second. For my phone bill, it was the same thing. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash beach today. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach rocketmoney.com slash beach. today. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach, rocketmoney.com slash beach. Your turn. I know it had nothing to do about why it was banned or anything. I mean, it might have. I mean, frankly, I'm not convinced that this isn't some sort of like black market copy that was printed in someone's home.

True, true. All right. This is a review sent in by Ellie of the book, "'Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.'" One star verified purchase. This is wild. This kind of feels like the conspiracy theory I was attempting to force upon you just now.

And the title is, "'Warning! A Book of Prayers is Embedded in the Book We Received.'" What? Yeah. Shoppers should know is embedded in the book we received. What? Yeah. Shoppers should know before they buy the book that in the middle, there is a 30 page section authored by the quote, association of the Auxilium Christianorum.

Right between pages 92 and 93, which are correctly numbered, 30 pages of absolute religious nonsense in English and Latin just in case there is some Latin-speaking American who needs help keeping demons at large, litter this otherwise beautiful book. Since this is not part of the original edition, it is important that somewhere in the description it is mentioned that the book explicitly promotes Christian prayer, and we are trying to figure out how to do so officially.

It is truly surprising none of the 50 odd reviews we read on this site mention this fact and it might be possible we are the unfortunate ones who got a version of the books that contains such an unwelcome and rather disgusting edition. Just to give more context to the readers of this review, the insert mirrors the website of the Auxilium Christianorum, of which I copied the mission statement below. One, to provide prayer for priests associated with Auxilium Christianorum so that their apostolate in driving out demons

is efficacious. What? Two, to provide prayers for the members, priests, laity, family, and friends so that they are not adversely affected by the demonic. If this were not actually true, it would be truly comical. Correction. It just occurred to me that perhaps the Latin version of the prayers was added to help addressing Latin-speaking demons?

Go figure. End of review. And there are pictures and there is a little creepy biblical demon journal in there. Honestly, I think the mistake was this was supposed to be in the middle of a Dan Brown novel. Oh, it was like a choose your own adventure. It was like a bonus content, Boko. It was like a Dan Brown Boko.

What if it was just like actually like an ad for this new book? Like HarperCollins was like, let's just stick this in there. It's like a little like riddle. That's fucking crazy. No, it really is. And they posted pictures.

And the wildest part to me is that these pages are printed into the book. It's not like a booklet that's like kind of different. It's like as if you just continue reading, but it becomes something else. It's as if it right smack in the middle, a completely different thing just starts showing up on the on the pages and then ends and then you go. It's very weird. And like that's a kid's book. That's like a preteen like young adult book. So like why on earth? What to put demons and like imagine you should imagine someone doesn't know.

I mean, it being exactly. That would be crazy. That would be like, and then they're just like, you're reading and they're like, this is getting weird. Suddenly they're speaking Latin and you're like, what? Like, how long would it take me to realize it? Hopefully I would hope really quickly because it looks like it even has a title page that says the auxiliary or whatever the fuck.

Yeah. But again, like with a banned book, like that just feels so icky, doesn't it? Like to just like insert that. And yeah, she's wild. Anyway, that is so strange. So next I have something from Lindsay who sent in a handful of reviews of The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Selinger and said, I was the moody teen that said this was their favorite book. I do Lindsay.

I probably read it a dozen times between the ages of 13 to 19. I'm 36 now. I'm terrified to reread this and realize it was shit. Oh, no, it's hard. I feel like that's like you feel that cringe about things you used to love, you know. But like it serves- It's just growing. Served you in that time, you know?

Yeah, yeah. And that's how I feel about Catcher in the Rise. Like, and also- I get it. I do think it gets a lot more hate. Okay, I didn't hate the book. I liked the book, but I do read so many people complaining about it

and it makes me mad. Cause they're like, yeah, because Holden not a good person. It's like, yeah, I know that's the point. I don't know. The point is that there's certain things where I'm like, you don't like that. It doesn't feel like a valid, okay. Maybe that was not the right word. So like to hate on it, to hate on it. And like, I'm guilty of that too, to use it as an example of like,

I think there are plenty of reasons to hate on it. So I'm not saying it's a perfect. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, but also giving that nice book. Sorry, I just JD Salger. I his nine stories by him is one of my favorite, if not my favorite books. I love his short stories, so. I'm so defensive for him.

OK, here we go. Here's a one star review. This from Goodreads. In my hand, I hold $5. I will give it to anyone who can explain the plot of this book or why there is no plot and make me understand why the hell people think it's so amazing. And of review.

I mean, go read some five-star reviews. Someone will explain to you why it's why it's amazing to teenagers. And personally, I'm a fan of books, TV and movies about like nothing. Well, like ordinary people just like of like the mundane. Yeah, like of the everyday. Yeah. Yeah. But not nothing.

Okay. Just like have we seen before sunrise? No, that's one of my favorite books. Just a bunch of yapping. I'm going to read another one because I have other ones to get to. You said scene and then you said books and I just want to make sure that you're talking about. Sorry, that's a movie. Oh, it's a movie.

Before Sunrise. Yeah. Okay. Here's another one-star review of Catcher in the Rye. I would rather step on a million Legos, eat only bananas, have my hair in a bun 24 seven, watch the scariest horror movies, listen exclusively to the Joe Rogan podcast, only be able to do lunges at the gym, then read or think about this book ever again.

End of review. Geez. People feel very strongly about this book. You know, the more that, I mean, I just want to tell these people like, listen, do what you want, but like more you kinda harp on it, the more it will exist in your mind space. So, while you're doing those lunges at the gym,

it's just gonna be like flashes of fields of rye or whatever the fuck. I just wonder if, like I get it, you know, hate the book, but man, I get, I guess. Hit the player, you know. Hit the player. He wasn't the best dude. Sorry, JD, you know. JD.

It's okay. Don't get, okay, talk about bad dudes. No, I read the last interviews of JD Salinger. It was pretty fascinating. Talk about sensational authors. Stop. It was pretty fascinating. Stop. Wait, which one do you think is the worst of those?

Because mine would be exclusively listening to Joe Rogan. I'm not trying to just say that as a podcaster, but I think of the punishments, I think that would be my least favorite. I do not like that. That sounds pretty bad. I do like watching- I just don't go to a gym. So it's similar situation where I would just do a straight gym. That's true for you.

Have my hair in a bun 24 seven. That sounds terrible. I don't wanna bun in my hair. That's not a thing for me. Eat only bananas. That sounds really bad. Well, I mean, but it's like for how long? You know what I mean?

Like, is it for like an hour? Probably not. Probably not. Is it for like eight minutes? It seems like forever. It seemed like forever. So. Well, that's ridiculous. Well, that's patently ridiculous.

Yeah, that one is ridiculous. Okay. Oh, the other one, do you remember the other one? Step on a million Legos. I thought, oh, I thought it was a hundred. Oh no, it was a million. I was gonna say because a hundred Legos and then eating bananas for the rest of your life

until you're dead pretty soon, which is probably what would happen. I didn't really understand that those were equally as extreme. So yeah, yeah, they're all bad. Yeah. This is a review sent in by Kristen, she, her, and it is a review of the book Fahrenheit four 51, which I have not read. That's what I was thinking of when I said Brave New World, maybe Brave New World too, but.

Probably both. I've read this one, I've read this one. I have not, but I've heard a lot about it. This is a one-time. Because it's like about banning books. Yeah, right, I mean, exactly. It's very like meta, I think, in the way that it, yeah. So this is a one-star review by Grant,

and it makes me laugh. I just love that these all sound kind of like high schoolers. This novel is by far one of the most horrific pieces of literature ever written due to it being a snoozefest. When this book was released in 1951 there was a worldwide illiterate pandemic. This book is known for being controversial for a reason. This book holds some of the most diseased thoughts in literature as a living individual. I cannot allow this book to exist any further. I will be burning this book any day. Now I will be learning witchcraft to curse the bloodlines of the Bradbury's end of review. I don't know if that's just like a reference to the

book and like saying, like saying I'm going to burn the book or whatever. Like that's pretty on the nose. So I don't remember there being any witchcraft. But I wonder if that's like, you know, the joke like of banning books like kind of which I don't know. This is someone who just really didn't get the point or that or really did get the point. It that. Or really did get the point. Or really. It's one or the other.

It feels like it's one or the other. Their profile picture is a baked potato, so I don't... Does that help at all? At first I thought you said big, so I thought you said big potato, and then I realized... It is. Oh, it is a big baked potato? It is. Okay. My next one is from V, she, her,

who sent in a review of Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller. I've not read that. I have read other Henry Miller. Didn't he write plays? No, that's Arthur Miller. Yeah, no. He wrote the one that I've read, something about a girl doing some shit.

What was it called? What the fuck, Alexander? You are really bad at this. I'm so bad at coming up with the book titles. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Not even the title. You just literally said, is there other girls? She did whatever. It's like, what are you talking about? Oh, here's a book called crazy cock. That's not the one that I've read.

Okay. I don't know what I'm thinking. That's helpful. I read some other weird one. Maybe it wasn't that weird. Here's the one star review. Maybe it was Arthur Miller and you're just confused. I know. He wrote Death of a Salesman, right? Yep. I'm not thinking of Arthur Miller. One star. See, I know something. My fiction addiction had lost all its friction. I needed raw meat, but this new stuff was veggie, predictable, safe, and not bold, tough,

or edgy. I thought Tropic of Cancer would be the answer. For years it was banned throughout every land. But five C words per page suppressed masculine rage, and tours of French pudenda was his only agenda. So reading Henry Miller just made me feel iller and iller and iller and iller. End of review. Hey that was really well written.

I was about to say I also changed at least one word to make it sound better. Thank you for doing that. As I was going. For the most part it was pretty good and I usually you know I have a problem with how most people do rhymes on the internet and, it was pretty good. And I usually, you know, I have a problem with how most people do rhymes on the internet and they're just not good. I mean, the rhymes were actually all good. I don't even know what pedenda is, but whatever. But when they said predictable, safe and not bold, tough or edgy, it's actually they wrote bold, tough and edgy.

Didn't sound right. I want you to know that. Can you spell that for me just before I can you spell it please? Because I want you to know. Oh, P U D E N D A. It's the Yahoo. It's the vagina. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's like the vulva. It's it's the a person's external gel gel external gelatin. Did you just call a vulva gelatin? A person's external genitals, especially a woman's.

But it says from lat, oh my fucking god. From the Latin pudenda, meaning thing to be ashamed of. Oh! Oh! Yeah. Honestly, I think I've heard. Are you kidding? Am I dreaming?

I'm having a lucid dream. I did not expect that, but I think I have heard, but that's like a thing of origins of yes, okay. I mean, it's like how hysterical comes from. Unfortunately makes sense given history. The word Latin for uterus or Greek or Latin. I don't remember. Wow. That got me good.

That was just like a tiny little italicized line under there. But man, that was worth reading. I thought it was going to be funny. And then that happened. I was like, oh, that's not funny. It's too on the nose, man. Oh, no. All right.

Is it my turn? I think so. This is a review sent in by Matt and Elise of the book, Green Eggs and Ham. Now I know what you're thinking. That wasn't banned. You're wrong. I wouldn't be surprised.

It was banned. According to Wikipedia, it has been reported that the book was banned in China from 1965 to 1991 because it supposedly contained themes of early Marxism. Now this is, I want to- is, I want to be clear though, this is a theory, it's been theorized. We don't know that it was actually banned, but this kind of-

Oh, that we don't know if it was banned? Yeah. Oh, I don't get it. Okay, the way Wikipedia says it is, it has been reported that the book was banned because it supposedly contained and it didn't seem as concrete of a statement as I would have liked to say it boldly and-

Interesting. As my truth. And so I think I'm gonna say, take that with a grain of salt, but that is what has been reported apparently, according to Wikipedia. So Green Eggs and Ham, one star by Mitch. Oh, you can see on Goodreads,

you can shelve things. They shelved this book under their bookshelf, No Just No. Oh, wow. Imagine going to someone's absolute hated book list and it's like Dr. Seuss and you're like, wait, what? But he's about to tell you very clearly why it's in the No Just No bookshelf.

He even used like the little HTML to bold and italicize certain parts of this. Wow. I look forward to this. I'm going to hear him out. Okay, great. I absolutely hate green eggs and ham. Not the dish. Eggs and ham and green food coloring go surprisingly well together actually. But Dr. Seuss has always been a childhood nemesis of mine.

And I guess at this point I'll just never see philosophically eye to eye with the beloved children's author. For me, the purpose of a children's book should be to encourage independent thinking, and my favorites have always been the ones with some shades of gray open to interpretation without a correct answer. Whereas it's obvious from this travesty Dr. Seuss is of the mind that a children's book should reinforce existing dogma and orthodoxy. Like Marxism. That's right Alexander allegedly. What's wrong with that?

Because how else do you explain this obnoxious thing, parentheses, Sam I am, and his inalienable insistence that the dish tastes good. Don't get me wrong, getting kids to try new foods because they might like it is a laudable goal, but so is having opinions and respecting the opinions of others. Seuss clearly doesn't get it because Samayam has zero respect for the opinions of others and recalcitrantly demands this poor kid try his dish. By the fifth or sixth verse of Samay Am's ever more vile antics, I was so turned off, I desperately wanted to save this poor kid from the torture. Sure, he ends up liking it after he finally tries it,

but in this respect, Green Eggs and Ham is far weaker than Mark Brown's DW the Picky Eater, where also Picky Eater DW at least is given a choice, and it becomes her choice to try a new dish, whereas this poor kid has the Green green exit ham foisted upon him. Maybe it's because I'm not a parent, but if the kid doesn't want to try it, why nag and force so confident that your opinions have to be the correct ones? Basically, so the kid won't eat the food. So what? Get out of here, Sue. So leave him alone, Sam. I am. And if he misses out on some great food,

it's his loss. Stop over-parenting him. End of review. Oh my God. Okay. This is too much. This is far too much. How old is this fucking book? From the sixties, right?

Yeah. I don't know. Like, yeah, I'm sure the message isn't great, but it's fucking green eggs and ham. I don't know. It's not like coming. I don't know. It's certainly a certain lens.

Like I get that, but It probably has to be a little bit joke, right? Because like he says DW is the picky eater. And I'm like, that's Yeah, that's another similar book. I know. And like, not maybe a joke, but maybe that's like their thing. Like they just read kids books and compare them. But you know what I found is strange is like how upset he is about the book not even having,

and I'm not saying like, oh, you need to be reading it to a child to have an opinion. But typically you see like, I read this to my kid and it's not how I remembered or whatever. And it's like, were you just kind of thinking like, what's that book I fucking hate about Marxism? You know, which like that, I mean, he did say that like, yeah, Dr. Seuss was a childhood nemesis or something. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's been lifelong bad blood between these two. So I mean, it's kind of crazy.

So like I agreed. Maybe they and I mean, this got 15 likes. So maybe they just kind of this is their thing on Goodreads. Maybe they just kind of give a voice to the victims of Dr. Seuss's rhyming characters like Sam I am, you know, like maybe maybe it's time we've rewrite the narrative. Like weirdly if it wasn't written in rhyme and if it wasn't so like quirky, I'd probably be like yeah, that's a good point. But it's so silly. Absurd, like it's literally meant to be absurd in a way.

Yeah, it doesn't. It feels like it's not based in reality. What about the book Put Me in the Zoo, which is one of Leona's favorites, and it's about this creature, and I read it and I go, this is unbelievable. Literally the whole story is, I wanna live in the zoo. It's this animal saying, I wanna live in the zoo,

and I'm like, this is patently insane to say like, and then the animal says, we don't want you in this or the, the guards say, we don't want you in the zoo. And he's like, put me in the zoo. And it's like, what kind of weird ass, you know? So, I mean, you really got it. This is a self-hating animal. Right?

Like it's this bizarre, like talk about. It's going to teach Leona all terrible things. I mean, she learned red, yellow and blue from that book. Yeah. Oh wow. It's this bizarre, like talk about- It's going to teach Leona all terrible things. I mean, she learned red, yellow and blue from that book. Yeah, oh well that's something. So, yeah. Got to get that somewhere. Not from Redfish, Bluefish, Twofish though, which is weird.

Oh yeah, that's so strange. I have another review of Catcher in the Rye from Lindsay, and this is by the same person that wrote that last one I read that V sent in. So the one that was a long rhyme. This one is not a rhyme. But it was just funny because I was like, saw what Lindsay sent and it was the same person.

I was like, oh, that's weird. But this is from 10 years earlier. So that other review is from 2017, and in 2007, this person wrote a review of Catcher in the Rye. Okay, wait, and wait, was the last book also about Catcher in the Rye? No, the last book was Tropic of Cancer

by Henry Miller. Or the review, okay, right. Yeah, and then this one is that same reviewer 10 years earlier reading a review of Catcher in the Rye. Writing a review. Writing a review that I'm reading, correct, sorry. One star. A spell in the army would do that young man a power of good or maybe a couple of bags of heroin,

anything to stop that whining voice end of review. Whoa, a stint in the army and some bags of heroin. Yeah, I have a feeling if it's anything like Salinger's other stuff, he probably did end up doing a stint in the army. Yeah, that's actually right. Yeah. So, hey, they're probably on to something there. Yeah, that's good. I like that 10 years later, they became so poetic, you know. Yeah, they really did step it up. I did like that.

They've written 2300 reviews. So that feels like a lot. They've had time to really like create their voice and tone and stuff like that. Absolutely. Absolutely. Refine it, you know, I. Because there are other people who write a lot that I've seen, but it's nowhere. No one has been at a thousand yet of the ones that were sent in to me.

Wow. On Goodreads. Amazing. That's a lot of fun. Very prolific. I also wanted to add that I'm still thinking about Edgy and Veggie and that rhyme somehow scratches an itch in my brain. Yeah. I think I'm like, I don't think it would have occurred to me that Veggie even has a rhyme.

I know, right? It just really feels nice. I'm like, I don't think it would have occurred to me that veggie even has a rhyme. I know, right? It just really feels nice. Hey, forever dog listeners. This is Tom Sharpling, the host of the best show. And this year we are celebrating our 25th anniversary. That's right. 25 years of the best show and counting.

And to celebrate this milestone, the best show is going on tour this October. We're coming to New York, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, and Chicago. And tickets are on sale right now. Go to the best show.net to buy tickets. That's the best show.net. And we will see you this October for The Best Show's 25th anniversary tour. ["The Best Show Theme Song"]

Well, I don't have any left, Sandy. Do you have any more? I don't. All right. Well, then I have a voicemail for us to listen to before we get into your challenge. Sounds good. I can't wait to hear it.

This is from Ellie. So my name is Ellie, and I'm a bridal consultant. And what that means is basically if you've ever seen Say Yes to the Dress on TLC, I basically do that. And it means that I've had a lot of crazy stories and wild customer interactions over the three and a half years that I've been doing this. Yeah, interacting with the public is always really interesting.

I remember one time, the store that I work at, the bathroom is pretty small. It's for one person and it's a small historic building. So you like, as soon as you open the door into the bathroom, you are standing at the toilet and at the sink. Very tiny bathroom, only one person fits in there. We had recently painted the walls green in the bathroom to just kind of give it a more

fun vibe. And I had a mom one day asking me where the bathroom was. I showed her the bathroom. I watched her walk into the again, very tiny bathroom, and then step back out and look at me and go, I'm sorry, where did you say the bathroom was again? And I said, it was right where you were. It was the room, the tiny room that you're just in, where you can definitely see the toilet. I mean, I didn't say that part to her, but I was shocked. And her actual response to me was, but the walls are green.

What? And I didn't know how to explain to her that the toilet and the sink still worked and it still functioned as a bathroom. Even though the walls were green, we had just painted them a different color than white. Eventually, she did go back in the bathroom and use the bathroom and everything was fine, but I will never forget that.

Ever since whenever somebody asks to use the bathroom, I now have to genuinely say it's right there. By the way, the walls are green. Just so that they know they can still use the bathroom, even though we have painted the walls a different color. What? That's it. What does that mean? I have no clue. I'm so fascinated by people. I wish I knew if this person were, no, I don't know.

I don't think I would get any answers. I can't figure out what- What could possibly make sense about this? And the fact that then they went and used the restroom later and seemed to do it fine and then never said, oh, sorry about that weird thing I said. I was, I don't know.

It seems like maybe they thought it was like, oh, the employee bathroom or something. And they were like, no, where's like the- Maybe, but the green, like what about green in a room? Freshly painted green, I don't know. I mean, it depends. Is it like green screen green? Like how green is it?

Of course, my thought was like a green room for like backstage and I was like, but that's not anything here. That's nothing. But the walls are green. That's how I feel when I look at you in your office. But the walls are green. I know.

You can't, why are you peeing? Christina, stop peeing there. The walls are green. Oh, I keep forgetting. Okay, it's time for my challenge. It's a little thing called, you break it, you buy it. Oh yes, okay, okay. My first one was sent in by Alyssa

and this is of soap plant slash wacko in Los Angeles. Wacko? Yeah, that's what it's called. It's like soap plant forward slash wacko. That feels like a sleep walk. Somebody's sleep talking. It's in Los Feliz. It's it's that feels right.

It's pretty close to where we used to lose our old zip code. What is it? It's a like a trinket. Okay. It has a Wikipedia page. It says it's known for selling eclectic and novelty items and it contains over 10,000 unique items. Oh, what's it called? Soap Plant Wacko.

They were high as fuck when they named this place. That is true. You should see the outside. Yeah, it looks, I agree. Oh, I did, I Googled it immediately. Anyway, anyway, this is a review Alyssa sent in of this place. Here we go, two stars.

Browser beware. Lots of little tchotchkes here. Anyway, this is a review Alyssa sent in of this place. Here we go, two stars. Browser beware. Lots of little tchotchkes here. Lots of delicate little tchotchkes here, precariously placed, waiting for gravity's go ahead to end it all. You'll find yourself- Gravities or like your clumsiness, please? Oh no, just gravity, nothing else could possibly

Just gravity, nothing else. done anything. A little slight breeze. You'll find yourself on one aisle placing a puzzle box back into its tightly packed display position, only to find moments later that such an action has served as catalyst to a Rube Goldberg-level domino effect, causing an unseen precious little delicate porcelain unicorn on the opposite aisle to fly off from its precariously placed positioning, thinking it is indeed a Pegasus, but immediately learning that it is in fact a relative of Humpty Dumpty and,

like Buzz Lightyear, cannot fly. And what do all the King's horses and all the King's staff immediately respond with after their awkwardly built house of cards tumbles down? Oh, unfortunately we have a you break it, you buy it policy. Pull up the security footage. Yeah, pull it up and rewind it back to the point where management set up this mousetrap level gauntlet that queue up OK GO's latest release

while we watch this cascade of blame come to fruition. Pro tip, bring superglue. End of review. My God, that was a well-written review. I had a lot of fun with that when there was Rube Goldberg, OK Go references. Hitting all the good spots in your brain. It was the Pegasus that actually was related to Humpty Dumpty.

Man, these are some like... A little bit of everything thrown in there. Wow, what a powerful story that was. I wonder how much they had to pay for that. I wonder as well. Some people were more specific that I found. And an example of that is right now, by the way. Sorry, if I cause a Rube Goldberg level, I'm sure you have.

Oh, I have. Yeah, actively. I have. You're right. But if I did that, like nowadays, like in this instance, I'd be like, take all my money, take my money. Yeah, I'm sorry. I fucked up. But I guess I guess I can see why I'd be like, take all my money. Take my money. I'm sorry, I fucked up. But I guess I can see why you'd be annoyed that gravity was there too. Yes.

Here's one that Ellie sent in of town rebel clothing and home decor in Galena, Illinois. Galena. What? It's magical that place. Oh really? That's where Emma and I talked about it in an episode and ever since we've become like infatuated with it. That's weird. It's really cool. It looks very quaint. No, it's like so cool.

Oh, it's creepy. No, but it's so cute and they have ghost tours and like it's very historic and it's beautiful. I do love the city on a river. I mean, it's a very small river, but oh no, nevermind. It's close to the Mississippi. Wait, it is on the Mississippi. It's so cool. It's so cool.

It's so cool. It's so cool. It's so cool. It's so cool. It's so cool. It's so cool. It's a very small river, but oh, no, nevermind. It's close to the Mississippi way. It is on them. It's on the Mississippi. Oh, in the pictures, there's like the Galena River is pretty small.

It feeds into the Mississippi. Yeah, but it's supposed to be really cool. So we have looks great. I've listened. We have listeners on that's we drink. I'm assuming here too that live in Galena. So shout out. Someday I'll move over there. This is fascinating. They have when you go that's what we drank, I'm assuming here too that decor in Galena, Illinois. Home of no restaurants but a lot of history.

One star titled, Tricked into Paying for Broken Item. I was in the store a few weeks ago with my family. Immediately upon entering, the owner started boasting about how long the store has been in business and how successful it has been. Okay, great. Then she goes on to talk about several different items in the store and the thousands of each item that she has sold. Okay, all this without anyone asking her any questions. She then educated us on some wood pieces which were really cool and it was very informative. However, she then went

on to talk about her prices and how they might seem steep but you're paying for equality blah blah blah. It was rather bizarre and would have been much nicer had she just been more personable and human-like. Anyway, the reason for this review is that my elderly aunt accidentally, with her purse as she walked by, bumped over a resin garden figure that was sitting on the floor.

As soon as it tipped over, the head of this figurine went rolling across the carpeted floor. My aunt felt terrible, apologized many times, and offered to pay for it as a courtesy. But the owner was clearly taking advantage of her. The owner went on and on about how she can't take a loss on the product. Mind you, this is after she boasted for 10 minutes about how successful her store is. It was clearly an accident and maybe a

sign that she shouldn't have items lining the walking areas in her store. She asked my aunt if this was an item she would be interested in purchasing in a normal situation and my aunt told her no. The owner still insisted my aunt pay 50% of the cost, which was $60. She told my aunt that she should probably carry a smaller purse to avoid situations like this in the future. She also told her how the break was very clean, not missing any pieces and could be easily glued back on.

We all left the store feeling taken advantage of. Fast forward to a few days ago when my aunt had the figurine in her garage on a workbench where she was attempting to glue the head back on. Wait, OK, hold on. What did they buy the figure? Yeah, so they the owner was like, here, hold on. Yeah. Okay, okay. Like, it said she offered to pay full price, so they ended up getting it for 50% off.

Oh, so why do they feel like they got taken advantage of? Here we go. Oh. Fast forward to a few days ago when my aunt had the figurine in her garage on a workbench where she was attempting to glue the head back on. She accidentally dropped the head onto the concrete floor of the garage. Nothing happened to the head. No breaks, no scratches, no nothing.

The garden figurine is made of resin. If nothing happened to it when falling from several feet off the ground onto a concrete floor, then why the hell did the head completely break off the body after tipping over onto the carpeted floor that it was already sitting on? It seems very clear this item was already broken in the store and my poor aunt got bamboozled into paying for it. The figurine had to have already been broken when her purse bumped it over. It seems the owner was just waitingozled into paying for it. point in the sculpture and it like just snapped clean off. Right. Right. I was thinking necessarily thing. I was thinking I would need more proof like that there was already glue on it or something.

You know, you mean like there was some sign. But but yeah, if that were true, that would be pretty shocking. But also, I love the idea that like, oh, here comes an elderly aunt and her big purse put out the fragile items. Yeah. But put them out there. So she knocks. She looks pretty like guilty. Yeah. I let her knock him over. elderly aunt in her big purse, put out the fragile items. Put them out there so she knocks. She looks pretty guilty.

Let her knock them over. I mean it's also rude to say like carry a smaller purse. Oh yeah, no. It sounds like the owner didn't handle it that great, but if they really were like, fine, here you can have it for half off, maybe they were being nice, but also, yeah, maybe they were just tricking them or something. That head rolling off, I need to get my magnifying glass and take a closer look because I'm invested in the mystery, you know, but I don't, I'm not really, I haven't picked a side quite yet, you know? but I don't, I'm not really, I haven't picked a side quite yet. You know? So true, so true.

Next, I have something that I found. This is of the Urban Thrift in Kensington, Maryland. This location has been closed, but here is a one-star review from 2017. Went in here for a visit and didn't find anything that I couldn't live without. Photographed the sign saying, Please be aware of breakable items.

If you break it, please pay for it. And criticized it on social media. I received one of the most condescending messages from a representative of the store playing the poor non-profit card as a reason to post signs that are legally unenforceable. That sort of attitude from staff will keep me from coming back here again in the future. End of review. They're just mad about the sign? And let me reread what this says to you.

Like I didn't misunderstand, right? Like they didn't get in trouble. They like literally just got pissed about this. They took a photo of this sign, posted on social media to complain about the sign. And the owner of the store replied to them or sent them a message. Yeah. Don't fucking post if you don't want,

if you can't take it. Yeah. And here's what the sign says again, please be aware of breakable items. If you break it, please pay for it. Thank you. Smiley face. So they weren't legally enforcing anything. Like they literally were not. They actually, they gently suggested and or asked you to.

Why are you getting defensive about something that says please pay for it if you break it? When that's not even the demand, it's just it's just like a request. And you're not even breaking anything. So what is the fucking problem? It's like it's legally unenforceable. It's like, did you do something? I bet you she's got an elderly aunt. That must be it, those big purses.

With a big purse. Oh my goodness, that's so true. Okay, next I have something that I found that's a little different. This is of a place called, it's a five star review of Sarah's Smash Shack in San Diego, California. You buy it, you break it. The Smash Shack is the opposite of Pottery Barn.

You buy your dishes and then hurl them against the wall. It kind of feels good. This place is very unique. I don't think there's a concept similar to it elsewhere. I know what you're thinking, paying Boo Coo bucks just to break stuff. Well, it's better than smashing beer bottles against an alley dumpster in Pottery Barn

and getting arrested by the cops for disturbing the peace At least you have a private room at the Smash Shack end of review yeah, all these reviewers like Mike and I would never do that but And this was in 2008 so before like the raid rooms became all they were ahead of their time Yeah, so but I love that. I do like you idea. It was you buy it, you break it. It's so silly. That's very silly. I love that.

And I love that it's plates and dishware because I feel like that's more satisfying. Like I did one and it was like a lot of plastic stuff. Oh, yeah. Smashing like actual. Like porcelain. Pottery porcelain. That would feel nice. Or ceramic or whatever.

Ceramic, that's like porcelain. Porcelain wouldn't feel nice. I do not have porcelain. I'm like looking over. I love that you would just smash your fine China. All that fine China I own. I'm sure it would feel nice in some context. But no, the ceramic like any of my plates, I would love to throw those and break them not like out of anger, just out of just like no emotion out there.

Absolutely. And it sounds satisfying. But yeah, I shouldn't do that. I have one more thing because I don't think any challenge is complete without one of Stephanie's fucking forums. So here I have a post on the law.com. Okay. The law.com. It is under the forums, legal systems, civil courts, and then the specific group this is in is small claims

and municipal court. And the title is from 2007. This feels like following signs inside a government building. The way you just described the forum things. I'm like picturing my like, yeah, it is triggering. I'm like picturing my local like city building, municipal building.

And it's like, go to floor two for this, but then turn right at the blue carpet and follow the sign for like, makes me think of that court mock trial. And it makes me think of jury duty in LA. And I just, put all my jury information in to New York state. They just sent me some mail about that. So I'm, uh, they might be calling me in at some point. Oh, here is this post though. This is titled,

Two-year-old son broken item in a store, who pays? Okay. This is written by Gapster in 2007. We were in a furniture store and my two-year-old son accidentally knocked over a $200 base. The store might hold us liable. The item was on contract from an artist.

They said if it were their own item, we would not be held liable. But item was on contract from an artist. They said if it were their own item, we would not be held liable. But since it was that of an outside party, they would have to get back to us. The item was only a few feet off of the floor and not very stable, parentheses small base of support. Can they hold us liable? Thank you.

End of post. And then someone did say, yes, they can. You break it, you buy it. But they had some follow up questions. So here are the gapsters follow up questions to the person who said you break it, you buy it. One, they said that if it were their own piece, they would not care. It is just that the piece is on consignment. Why should the owner of the piece matter in the liability? It was in their store. Two, if my son were hurt by the broken glass,

I'm sure they would be worried of a lawsuit and not caring about the cost of the vase. Does this have any merit in liability? Three, don't they have to sign, three, don't they have to have a sign such as break it, buy it to be able to enforce the policy? Thanks again. End of post.

Okay. And I'm just gonna be quick with the responses. to be able to enforce the policy? the piece, whether or not to hold these people liable. And also depends on liability insurance, they said. May I ask, or may I guess that you don't need a sign? Correct. It says, no, they don't. It is not mandatory. And then the other thing is about the son cutting himself like on the vase.

He said, frankly, I wouldn't go there. Don't go there. Yeah, and that apparently a couple made a similar point in a case years ago and it got thrown out. So, and then Gabster says this, hopefully the fact that we spent almost $4,000 that day in the store will motivate them not to pursue damages. Wow.

And if that pulls. Okay, I mean, there you go. Yeah. The fact that it's on consignment made my skin burst into sweat. I was like, oh, I am stressed. If my two-year-old knocked over a $200 race, oh my God. Someone else jumped in to be like, yeah, that guy's right. Your son, do not sue them.

And also you're responsible for your kids, by the way. And so, Gabster said this. Of course, I wouldn't sue unless I felt the store was negligent. Thank God he wasn't hurt. But if the vase broke towards him, it might be a different story altogether. I realized that I am responsible for controlling my child, but the vase was precariously placed at floor level. It was a very bulbous vase with a very small piece of support. If they wanted to hold us 50% responsible, I guess I wouldn't complain that much.

But in spending $4,000 a thread of canceling my order, I would hope they would just write it off. So they're like, hey, like, I might just cancel my order if they do. This is a lot of like circumstantial stuff they're bringing. Like, oh, it's very bulbous. Like, OK, well, that's not. And also they were like, if it fell towards my kid, he might have gotten hurt. Yeah, if it did. stuff they're bringing. Like, oh, it's very bulbous.

Like, okay, well that's not. And also they were like, if it fell towards my kid, he might have gotten hurt. Exactly. Like none of this is concrete. favorite sentences, CBG, who originally responded, said this, I don't mean this to be offensive, but I find your intent to cancel your order if they do not write off the damage your son caused to be indicative that you do not understand your responsibilities or the liability you have. And I was like, yeah, call them out. Thank you. And then Gabster had to, what, triple down?

As noted, I would accept partial liability for two reasons. Thank you. And then this Gabster had to go on what triple down. As noted, I would accept partial liability for two reasons. The vase was not in a safe place and not secure. Had I bumped into the display, it would have toppled pretty easily. Two, they said had it been there and don't bump into the fucking display. So stupid. What are you talking about? That's like saying, oh, if I pushed over this chair, then I'd, or if I fucking, if I fucking slipped and fell and knocked something over, like even by accident, yeah, that is how it works.

And two, they said, had it been their own vase, they would have written it off. In my opinion, the owner of the piece should not change the liability. It was in their store. I own a restaurant, and if someone breaks a fixture or a mug or something, the last thing I would think of doing is charging them. That's not the same. You idiot. That makes me so mad. A mug?

A mug compared to a $200 vase? This is on consignment from an artist and you're like, if they broke the fixture on my fucking dusty fixture on a lamp. And then here we go. Anyway, the point is moot. They called and will not be holding us responsible for the damage. The salesperson is very kind. I admit I told them we would cancel if held 100 percent liable, but most likely would not have if it came down to it.

We got great deals on very nice furniture from a top-notch salesperson. Thanks again for all the help. So they literally threatened to pull their order if they. That's like really... That's crazy. That's like fucked up. Yeah. Because then you know it and it's clearly it's not about the money at that point, right?

Because it's like, of course $200 is so much money. But like if you're saying, I mean, I guess maybe if the money is like, oh, well I can't afford this order if I have to pay the extra 200, I would understand but it doesn't seem like that's... Do you want to get even more pissed? It's not over. No.

Go on. So CBJ said, nonetheless, I still maintain that if my child broke something, it would never even cross my mind that I did not have a hundred percent responsibility for payment regardless. Nor would it even occur to me to cancel my order if the store did not excuse me from paying.

That you would even suggest otherwise has a great deal about you and it's not good. Talk about an entitlement mentality, end of posts, like calling it all out and like exactly how it is. And Gabster- And not in just the straight legalese, but in saying like, hey, you're a red flag, you know that? Yeah, and they built up to that, that's the thing.

It's like they didn't come in hot. They did keep, yeah. They helped, they gave advice. They gave what they wanted. And then Gabster. And they said, you really want to hear my thoughts? Here they are. And then here's what Gabster, the last thing Gabster says, OK. Yep. Wow.

CBG came for some advice, got the third degree. Did you even read my last post? What does it say about your character judging me about a single incident? If you knew me and what I do in my everyday life, you would certainly take back your accusations. Pathetic of you, really. I don't even charge people for broken mugs at my restaurant that I own.

Oh wait, you already know that about me. That's insane. Pathetic of you, really. I was totally honest here. Well, got what I wanted, advice and relieved of payment. Did you really have to live up to what everyone says about lawyers? I'm outta here. Don't bother replying here everyone says about lawyers? I'm out of here.

Don't bother replying here or my spam email. I won't read it. This is just like, this is like bullying, like serious bullying. Yeah. And then just CBG said, I'm entitled to my opinion. And then someone else jumped in was like, Hey, CBG was not being hard on you. You're an idiot, basically. like, Hey, CBG was not being hard on you. You're an idiot basically. And that was it. So wow, I love it. And I love that. Like the even though you try, they tried to have the last word. It's like, Nope, sorry. The person who gave you all the correct information and tried two or three times. The audacity, the audacity to like, first of all, think that you can like blame the store for that. And then the audacity to like, first of all, think that you can like blame the store for that. And then the audacity to like fight back against CBG of all people, super moderator.

The audacity to even accuse him of being just like other lawyers when he's clearly a super lawyer. That's true. Yeah, that was so funny. It's like, how could you live up to what everyone said? And I thought I was going to say like what everyone says about you on these forums, but they couldn't even say that because I'm sure this guy's like, clearly got a good head on the shoulders

or their shoulders. And his picture is a little penguin, it's cute. See, like, come on, nice try. You couldn't even say what everyone says about you. You say what everyone says about lawyers. It's like, you're on law.com. What do you want? You want a lawyer or not?

Exactly, and then being like, oh yeah, you're all the same. It's like, what, helpful and I don't know. What do you want? You want a lawyer or not? Exactly. And then being like, Oh yeah, you're all the same. It's like, what helpful and I don't know. They know what they're talking about. Unlike you. Oh, poor CBG. Yeah. Their profile is a little penguin holding two books and with glasses on. It's very cute. Yeah. And they're, they've joined in 2004 and they were last seen this morning. So they still, they were last seen. The way you said that, I was like, what do you mean? Oh geez. I just wanted to make sure that they were last seen.

I wanted to make sure that they're still, oh, they're living large. Yeah. Still out and about doing their thing. I love that for them. Wow. Outstander. That was so good. Was that all of yours? Yeah. Those were so good. You really like you hit everyone you hit like actually breaking and buying it. You hit like someone's just mad about the policy in general. Someone else bought it and broke it on purpose. I mean, this is just like you buy it, you break it. That's what I said.

You buy then you buy it and then break it. I didn't hear that. Oh, that's one. Yes. You just said you covered all of the angles in my head. was thinking of the broken resin statue but yes I see oh and then you yeah I was like I don't know if it was on purpose that she bent that ant broken but yeah I see what you're saying yeah yeah well cool yeah thanks everyone for listening to all that oh that was fun for me and what else is fun is us being on tour. So come see us live. We also posted YouTube videos lately, like six minute clips and stuff. Oh, I made a fun little

intro for as Andy edited the video. We put a little like graphic. It's really fun. So go watch those on YouTube. If you want to leave a voicemail, you can go to our Patreon where we also have full length video episodes. We also have ad free episodes there. That would be patreon.com slash beachy sandy. And otherwise we hope to see you live soon or we'll see you next Wednesday. See you then. See you then.

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