Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 349: Reviews of T.J. Maxx

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

This episode is best enjoyed in a T.J. Maxx bathroom. Support weirdos making movies: ⁠⁠⁠https://gofund.me/9a321873⁠⁠⁠ Indy and Detroit here we come!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beachy Sandy Water 2 at the podcast. We read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm Christine. I'm Zandi. Hi, everyone.

Today we are discussing T.J. Max or T.K. Max. That's right. It'll come up. What is your theory on why it's TK. Max? Because I have one. There's a, oh, is there no answer? I don't know. My guess would be like something to do with pronunciation or like a whatever.

I don't know where that started. I just think Js are different in every language. And so it's like in Germany it would be yacht instead of. And so it's like is it more similar if you use a like a close letter that's not quite, you know, the same. So that's my theory. But I do have some of TK. Me too. Okay, cool, cool.

Good, good, good. Yeah, I don't think we have anything to say. I don't know. We're on tour. Come see us live. I just came back from the beyond. I took like this 40 minutes. Don't say that.

Nap, but it was like more like I left my body for a minute for like 40 minutes. Is that a good thing? I mean, I feel great. But I am kind of. So convinced. Absent. I feel great. Part of me is still returning to the earth.

So give me a few minutes. Is that what that weird vapor is that's like going to your nostrils? No, that's my weed vape actually. Oh, got, I got it, got it. Yeah. How about you go first? Sure. I have one that I think starts this off right from Elise and Matt.

This just kind of sums up T.J. Max. This is one in Flanders, New Jersey. Three stars. It's T.J. Max. You get what you get. Good luck. End of review. I mean, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I read a lot of reviews that were way too wordy, but kind of expressed the same sentiment. So that's a good, concise way to say. Basically, it's kind of like a thrift store. Like, you don't know quite what's going to show up. There's some weird stuff sometimes on those shows. It's almost at, like, the Home Goods level.

The Home Goods gets quite, I think, quite a bit weirder just because, like, you can kind of open the genres a little bit. Interesting. Yeah. Opening the genres, yes. Right. Right. Right. So Onika She, they sent this one in.

It's a T.J. Max in Nampa, Idaho. And it is a one-star view. And I also thought this was a good description of a T.J. Max, but more like the experience of being inside a T.J. Max. And kind of the client tell that you would, you know, come in contact with. I don't know what this store could do except to reprimand and fire the associate, an older, dark-haired female employee who singled me out for some unknown reason to be rude to. She was extremely nice to all the other customers who were checking out and spent a long time conversing with the customer who was making a purchase ahead of me, this overweight younger woman with tattoos all over her arms and so poorly dressed. She told everyone else in line that she would be with them shortly, but not me, who she had deliberately kept waiting the longest.

She greeted others coming into the store, but not me. I am an attractive older lady. Okay, this sounds like it's the perspective of a mannequin or something. Just sitting there, standing there. It's a Twilight Zone premise. Yeah. The whole time, they're like, why is no one noticing me? No one talks to me. No one says hello to me.

No one says, I'll be right with you. I'm attractive. You went to the beyond for a little too long and you got stuck in a mannequin. It happens. It happens. I am an attractive older lady. I am nicely dressed. Maybe she was jealous of me.

But she shouldn't let this be a deterrent to offering me the same good customer service she offered everyone else. I feel like she's saying like she should offer me the same service as she offered all of these other ugly, poor, dumb people. Yeah. Was this employee going and looking everyone in the eye saying, I'll be right with you, I'll be right with you, and then purposefully skipping this one. The attitude we're hearing about, I would skip this lady as well. Well, wouldn't this lady want to church? She's like, I mean, the Lord be with you and with you. And with her, but not with you.

Sorry. Actually, the priest was jealous of her. That's what it was. The robes. The robes were just so much better. Oh, her robes that she buys it, T.J. Max. Yeah, yeah. Her discount robes were just.

But it's so weird. It's like nothing happened. Oh, was that the end of the review? Well, it says, I've only shopped at this store twice. Not worth it to have my day ruined at a discount store. or whatever. It's like nothing interesting. I mean, this is just a general thing about reviews,

but I felt with so many T.J. Max reviews there were complaints about all this stuff with no actual complaint. They were just like upset at nothing happening. It's almost like I'm waiting for in any sort of tension to rise with anybody else or any other, but it's like within themselves. Like they're just creating their own like tornado inside. Yeah, exactly. It's just a bunch of people.

I don't know if that says something about. Maxinistas, but it might. Uh-oh, we should probably get a lawyer, just in case. Good call. Speaking of Maxinistas, here's a review sent in by Jacqueline, she her, who sent in reviews of a Northern Virginia, T.J. Max. And Jacqueline says that there are some fierce Maxxanistas out here. Oh, okay. And here is one of them.

Two stars. I spend no appreciation. end of review. Oh, come on. And I'm an attractive older lady. Actually, the username is I'm Prada 13. Okay, well, that's kind of, kind of fits. I can't.

Like, what do they want? It's a discount store. You're getting the deals. You're getting the stuff. What do they want? They literally told you what they want. They want appreciation. I just said congratulations.

Yeah, but not from you, from T.J. from the employee going eye to eye to every single person except for that one who wants appreciation most. Like when I was like, never mind. It's going to sound really bad. Never mind. You can't just do that. And then cackle.

That would sound really bad. Then you cackle about it. I was going to make another comment about Delta. And then I know how you always turn it into a meme. So I feel afraid. But like when they go around and they're like, oh, Mr. So and so, thank you. And they're always in business.

Thank you so much so much for being. fucking gold member diamond gold member don't act like you don't know them come on and then i was like a like a platinum medallion that year and i was like okay am i next and then they fucking didn't say anything to me and i was like they told me that when i was a gold member from those matter i sometimes they forget like people and i'm like why would you say it to half of us i don't know but they said it to me but i was in like coach yes and i was like why are you it's a hurting coach as well yeah no i just felt like it was such a weird okay Then I don't know.

Because I think that in first class, I probably leave you alone. I just assumed you were in first class all the time. Me too. But like that's why I was already in such a bad head space. I was feeling like Prada 13 or whatever. Well, you were thinking about that lady at T.J. Max. Yeah, that's who I called Prada 13. Yeah.

I was like amongst all these plebes. I just didn't want to be part of it anymore. And I wanted some recognition for all the hard work I've done. Buying expensive. Thank you for being a something medallowing. member, whatever you are at this point. Not from you. Oh, not from you.

I want the recognition from T.J. Mac. Taylor, she hers, sent this one in. You don't know which location it is, but it could probably be any of them. One stop. The automatic doors weren't on yet. Two elderly customers informed an employee about it, not in a rude way, just letting her know. The employee, who was old and had shoulder-length blonde hair, replied, then use your muscles and open it yourself.

I'm sorry she was having a bad morning, but do not take it out on your customers. End of review. That's so rude. Use your muscles up to two elders. I mean, what the fuck? To anybody. Now I'm picturing they're stuck closed.

Like they're supposed to open. So someone has to like grip them and rip them open. Now that sounds more like some sort of like Jurassic Park like escape scene or, yeah. I've never seen it. I don't know. You've never seen it? That's weird to me. Not, I mean, I think the Carrie's added on VHS, so I might have seen snippets.

But I never sat down and watched it. I was too scared of everything. Good. Well, here's something sent in by Izzy. This is a T.J. Max in Roswell, Georgia. One star review. Bathrooms looked like someone exploded. Literally exploded.

End of review. So many of these are just short and sweet. I wish state I've left it at just the first exploded because I thought, okay, yep, bathroom accident. And then you said it's literally exploded and I can't get it out of my brain. Yeah. Gives me the shivers. Don't even start. Don't start what?

You are going to make some comment. That's what I'm here for. It's a podcast. Keep it down. Okay. Knock it down. Our dad, you say knock it down instead of knock it off and then I would always knock something. Yeah.

Then he'd knock you down. We had fun. Okay, this is from Imogen Sheeher. It's a review from Trust Pilot for the UK version of T.J. Max, TK. Max, which is, it is the same, I believe, across Europe. And I do think it's because of the J. can be, that's... We know your theory, Christina. We get it. We get your very adam.

This is your theory. Is this not something we can look up? Ancient alien theorists say yes. Could it be? Could it be? This is a one-star review by Jeff. It's not with you when we were watching and they had that woman on and it just said scientist. We talked about this, I think, but they just said scientists.

This woman was giving, and I'm like, what a joke. I'm like, this woman's probably not even like, I don't know. And then I look her up. She's like a neurosurgeon. Yeah. And I'm like, why are they not saying neurosur or something like that? One of those weird alien, I don't know the difference. Or the Oak Island one or something.

Oh, I think I thought I made, you watched all sorts of bullshit. Well, I already planned for their next tour to watch the Atlantic. this one I'm saving. Oh. Yeah, that's a good one. Okay. So. Okay.

Well, we'll probably watch that in Detroit, huh? That's right. Can't wait. Instead of the show. Okay, this is from Imogen. Yes, it is of a TK. Max. One star by Jeff. The title is, Warren seeks married woman.

That's the title. The title of the reviews? Yes, on trust pilot. Warren seeks married woman. So it's basically like, already. feeling very much like a classified ad. Watch out for Warren in the Salisbury store. If anyone is married,

he will try and win you over by sending money just to be able to sleep with you, even though he's married himself. He did it at Dykeman with a married co-worker in the storeroom. End of review. So I guess maybe Jeff is feeling a bit stung by... I mean, after his wife left him for Warren...

Not even out that she left him. It seems like they just had some fun in the store room. And Warren said, that's it. Now, I'm moving on to the Salisbury store to look for my next married woman. Jeff is just collateral damage. Poor Jeff. Poor Jeff whistleblowing and like what's going to come with it. Probably nothing.

Oh, gosh, on trust pilot, Jeff. Of all, come on. Of all places. You're better than this, Jeff. She didn't deserve you. She deserved someone like Warren. in she does you ever find yourself struggling to get your meals all prepped and making sure you get everything figured out with the nutrients and whatnot because i know i do uh thankfully there's something

called home chef if you haven't heard of it home chef delivers fresh ingredients and chef designed recipes conveniently to your doorstep to simplify your cooking experience users of leading meal kits have rated home chef number one in quality convenience value taste and recipe ease. And I, that's where I would rate it number one for sure. When I get really busy, one thing that definitely goes quick is my cooking and meal planning and whatnot. And then I start ordering takeout instead of making those nutritious meals that I could be making. But that's where Home Chef comes in. And that's why I love it. They have quick, easy recipes that are nutritious, that taste good. And it's nice just not having to think that much about it. Thinking's hard

sometimes. For limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off in free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com slash Beach2 Sandy. That is homechef.com slash Beach2 Sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash beach to sendy. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Hey, Forever Dog listeners. This is Tom Sharpling, the host of the best show. And this year we are celebrating our 25th anniversary. That's right, 25 years of the best show and counting. And to celebrate this milestone, the best show is going on tour this October. We're coming to New York, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, and Chicago, and tickets are on sale right now.

Go to thebestshow.net to buy tickets. That's thebestshow.net. And we will see you this October for the best show's 25th anniversary tour. I have a review sent in by Elise and Matt. This is of a T.J. Max in Boston. This is a one-star review. I went to this store on September 2nd, 2021 in the afternoon. I've never been humiliated so much by the staff and member of T.J. Max Chelsea.

I went to the men's backroom and the toilet was clogged. I was desperate to do number two, and unfortunately came an employee who didn't know what to do. The second one was a Spanish lady who didn't speak English, and she was responsible for cleaning the store. I asked her to follow me to the men's room to show her what I was talking about, and she pretended not to understand me. So I decided to speak Portuguese, since Portuguese and Spanish are cousins in a Latin language. the lady continued to pretend to not understand me. No, you're not going to fall. You're doing the men's bathroom in poorly, like in broken Spanish.

Like, no. Oh, in Portuguese. It's how do you think of Portuguese? It's just broken Spanish. What? No, but I thought like the first time he, I guess he was speaking English, but he said she doesn't speak English, so I don't understand why he's saying she's pretending not to understand me.

I'm like, either like, and then when you're, I mean, whether she understands you or not. Because he was motioning, pooping, and mess and all these things with his hands. I do know how to say poop in sign language. Oh, good. I'm sure you do. At this point, the manager and another store associate came, but they didn't do anything. I suggested to use the ladies' room, but they told me not to. At the point, the assistant manager came and allowed me to use the ladies' room. After 20 minutes, I entered the ladies' room to do my business, and after I finished, I realized no toilet paper available.

Oh! I know they were behind the door of the ladies' room, so I shouted out loud, please get me toilet paper. No. The assistant manager opened the door and said, What do you want? I'd never been so humiliated like this in any store where I've been in a situation like this.

They don't have their staff checking all the store areas and especially the ladies' room and men's bathroom. I called and I submitted a complaint against the store manager because he was the authority to take action, but he sits there quiet, became a circus, end of review. I was about to say I can't believe this became a whole scene. Like, I mean, you've got all these movies. part-time characters and humble beginnings oh boy talk about knocking you down a few pegs man

that will put you right on your ass in the more ways of characters i think was pretty incredible how it just grew it started off just a person trying to go to the bathroom and the next thing we know there are five people trying to handle this bathroom situation i mean well you recall that concept of going into a barns and noble or tj max they say like makes you need to use the bathroom. It's this whole thing. They say that about T.J. Max as well. Yeah. And that was like what I would always get on my, when that like meme was going or when that like concept was kind of on TikTok a lot. Clearly they're not equipped. And I do recall Barnes and Noble's bathrooms were often also not quite up to snuff. Who can keep up with that level of demand? With that demand. That's so true. And then you put a coffee shop in

there. What are you thinking? What were they thinking? What were they thinking? I don't know. RIP. Just kidding. They're still around. Okay. This is a review sent in by Stacey. It's of a T.J. Max outside of Pittsburgh. This is actually my last one because I have the challenge today and I had a good time. One star by a local guide. And here it is. The hallway from the restroom is highly polished and waxed. I fell upon exiting. The store assistant manager took my information on a piece of scratch paper and told me three things. One, it was my fault because my wedged sandals were too high.

Two inches. I should be wearing flats. Two, what is your social security number? Three, don't expect to hear back from corporate. Then she walked away. I guess that is on the training manual. My finger is broken. Oh, no.

What's your social security number? Do you think it's just this lady that walks around waxed floors and waits for people to fall? And then he's like, oh, don't worry, I'll handle it. Steels your identity. Who's your primary care? What's your, yeah, what's your health insurance? Name of your first pet. Yeah, right, right, right.

I just feel like all of mine and like most of yours have been not about any of the merchandise, really. Like it's just been about like injuries, falling. I mean, this place must be. Because there's nothing wrong with the merchandise. The lawsuits must be like out. I mean, the bathrooms alone, we have so many issues. We don't need to be involved in one of those lawsuits. You've already used the word Maxinista enough times that I think, like, we've been flagged somewhere.

I'm sure they take that very seriously. Remember when Kim Kardashian tried to trademark the word Camono? And people were like, you need to get yourself. What does I have to do with T.J. Max? I just am thinking of how they probably take Maxinista so seriously. And they're like, don't, you know, it's mine. It's ours. Got it, got it.

Yeah, true. We've got to be careful with that. I have one here from Maddie, Sheher, who sent this in, this is, of a T.J. Max in Little Rock, Arkansas. That's the one-star review. A girl stole my money from this store and admitted I gave her an extra $100. Now this store is refusing to give it back or show me the footage. I know you will read this.

I just want you to know God don't play about me. You will reap what you sow. I will get your name and post another review with your name. End of review. Oh, I love the threat, though. Like, I'm going to hold back for now. Yeah, yeah, but. You know what to do.

God is watching. and he's mainly watching over me. That, that's, okay, that's what gets me. God doesn't play around when it comes to me. With you? No, yeah, exactly. With you, who's to say? Yeah.

Have you ever heard of the prodigal son? Because he was way more special than the other one. So I think that should give you an idea. So special. Okay. And I just have one more. Ah! And this is of T.K. Max.

This was sent in by Kirstie, she heard. Whilst visiting on. I just noticed it says whilst. I know. Well, I heard it right as you did. And I went, oh, interesting. Oh, how fancy talking about TK Max. What do they call them macanistas?

Oh, wait. Oh, wait, no, it's still Max. No, mind. What is wrong with me? The whole episode I've been wanting to ask that. And it didn't even occur to me until I was. You were wanting to ask about machinistas. Yeah, I thought like, that's so weird.

You were thought it was Magianistas. I wonder what they say that. Yeah. Like Mahjaniast. No, I thought it was like This is embarrassing Okay, go on Okay, here we go

Whilst visiting on August 8th, 2024 Oh And then I just realized This is in the UK So the month and date would be flipped Oh my word But it's the same one

8 8 so didn't matter So I paused to be like Oh no, I might have to start over And then I was like Oh wait no, it's 8, 824 It doesn't matter Oh my God We're going to get through this review everyone

Five words at a time. Okay. Whilst visiting on August 8th, 2004, saw a couple opening the body cream tubs and spreading the creams on their bodies, both the man and the female making big dents in the tubs. I wanted to buy a body cream myself. Alerted a supervisor who went to speak to them

as I do not address uncivilties myself. There is a risk to life if you do now, if you live in Croydon. What shocked me was that the supervisor did not not withdraw the tubs from the shelf. Absolutely unhygienic, dangerous potentially, as they deposited their skin flora in the pots. Never buy body cream tubs from TK. Max Croydon.

Be warned, end of review. No, that's why they keep a Sharpie in the back so she can write probiotic enzyme mask, body mask, body butter. Body butter, because at this point it's fermented. Not fermented, too. It's been churned enough. by those hands, you know, to turn into body butter.

It's hard because it's like you say yourself, this reviewer, like, oh, it's, you know, there's dangers to approaching people. I don't feel comfortable. And it's like, so I send someone else to do it. And like, frankly, they, of course, they work there, right? But still, I imagine it's like not a comfortable situation. I like to think that. I don't know if I'd handle it myself.

Right? Like, I don't know. But also I have no authority inside of TK. Max, you know? But the upsetting part is leaving them on the shelf. That is what's really skin flora and all. Also, no one had to say skin flora. That was not necessary. I think so everyone made huge mistakes today.

Everyone did something wrong. I don't recall being part of that list myself, but you must have mean, you must have been everyone else. I mean, you talked about churning fermented body butter. That was not okay. That was a mistake. I guess like beauty's in the eye, the beholder. So. And the beholder of the.

body cream. I mean. Oh, okay. The bescooper of the body. I'm just picturing the dense. Dents in it is making me want to scream. And also like how much are they using? Like I mean on their, I mean, I don't know. It's all just not okay. It's all not okay. It's not okay. I have a voicemail here, Zandi. Um, yes, I have one from Abby. And this is, uh, I think you're going to like this one. Okay. It's about time. I like one. Okay. Hey, um, my name's Abby, she her. And I just was listening to Christine's birthday voicemail from Danny. And I was cackling because I had an uncovered memory and I definitely covered this one up like a kid in a sandbox. Like I buried this one. So enjoy my recently recovered memory of the time that I was at work, worked my for an alcohol company at, at, Life Casino in Philadelphia. And who do I see across the bar?

Zandi Schiefer. I am hype. Excited. I'm like, of course I'm going to go up and say hi. And I went up and I was talking and said, oh my God, hey, I love your podcast. I'm like a really big fan. He's like, oh my God, thank you. And we were chatting for maybe two, three minutes.

And definitely thought we were on the same page. So good. And I was like, well, what are you doing in Philly? And he's like, well, don't you know like for my podcast? I'm like from here. And I'm like, uh, no, you're, no, you're not. What? Who is this?

He's like, uh, and I just like, we just looked at each other. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I think he might have the wrong person. I'm like, oh, shit. I was like, well, that was weird. So anyway, I thought I met Zandi And I was way too confident about it When I was Kikiing with another doggle ganger to Zandi

Who also has a podcast But it's from Philly That's amazing So after I walked away I just like never thought of that again Until You guys were talking about how It was so nice

For people to come up And it means so much You know, some people get nervous and overwhelmed, and nay, not Abby. I got less than overwhelmed. I just got eager. I was an eager beaver, and I jumped the gun, and I accidentally talked to a straight man. Oh. From Philadelphia.

So, Alexander. Oh, my gosh. I was nervous, and then I thought it was funny, and then I was nervous again for some reason. I skimmed through, and I heard, and then I said, no, you're not. And he said, don't you listen to my podcast? And I said, oh, wait, and realize it was a different person. And I went, I don't even know what's happening, but I'm putting this in the show. That's hilarious.

There must be a doppelganger of you in Philly. And the fact that you sound enough like him and the fact that he has a podcast. Yeah. I mean, of course they say he has a joke, like everyone has a podcast. But if you were just to walk up literally to a random man and say, I love your podcast. I mean, honestly. But enough to like know of the. like what they would look like to be like oh thanks like to be not surprised that somebody like

it's not like so small time that somebody although although i know men who would be like yeah you probably are a fan of my podcast that i make with my only my mom listens you know like of course it's like equals daily but they like post every other week but then that means that guy i mean i mean i don't want to put that on that guy i don't i don't know who he is i mean for all for all he knows it's like if you someone came up to you zana you got to be careful because if someone says i love your podcast you got to be like name it please because if it's called the philly bros podcast then you're going to be like that's my doppelganger the philly bros podcast yeah i'll be like oh no or i'll just go with it and i'll honestly you could use a little bit of like a rebrand in that way of like well the whole

our whole thing could like that you have like a twin brother who's like a bro you know and i but i play both roles well i just feel like maybe we lean into the kind of joke of like the sitcomy aspect of like you have kind of this doppelganger who's like the opposite like you know straight broie dude yeah from philly okay it sounds like from philly yeah okay cool i feel that that's a cool thing uh i think we should check with abby because uh i mean i guess the vibes from that that man weren't that bad they must have been good enough and like the conversation must have been normal enough that it wasn't like well this is not you know this is not sandy But I do wonder, like, Abby, did you ask what podcast?

Because I am very curious. And I would just love to like do some sleuthing and just see that. Can you email that to it? Yeah. I don't know. I feel like so often. I won't share it. I won't.

So often people say, oh, look, this person looks just like you. And I just don't see it. I feel like that's normal for someone for yourself. Yeah, I think that's normal. It happens so often. So we'll see. People do say that about you. So maybe you're just really forgettable face and people.

I mean, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking that too. I sometimes forget what you look like and then I'm like, hey, sorry, I'm actually waiting for my brother. This is a private stream. And then I'm like, oh, Zandi, few. I thought you were that.

You can do that when you like FaceTime me. When I pick up, you're like, wait, is that you? Who stole my brother's phone? Just like that. Do they ever answer? Who stole the iPhone from my little bro? Okay. V5.

Oh, I smell the blood of a Phillies man. Jesus Christ. Impact site located. Entering spacecraft. Contact, but identified life form. We were safer in space. FX's Alien Earth, an original series streaming August 12 on Disney Plus. Sign up today.

18 plus subscription required TNCs apply. Here's a review of Magubi's joke house. Okay, that's not real. That's very apropos. It's very apropos after my good jokes. My challenge this week was to find reviews claiming the reviewer is, No prude, but, which really was fun. And so, of course, the first place we're going is a comedy club.

Magubis drove house in Timonium, Maryland. No, none of this is from a comic book. Two stars by Sheila. A group of us, 10 plus, went to Magoobie's. I'm not a prude and cursed like a sailor, but somehow much of what was said offended me and just wasn't for me. look at the comics 30 plus years ago they were the kings and queens and it would be funny for any aged person

also someone made a joke about restless legs syndrome whoever thought that was funny I wish them one hour of what it feels like to have this very real condition and it will no longer be a joke perhaps that's when they lost me the food and drinks are ridiculously expensive

they suck you in with cheap tickets and then make up for it with the food and drink pooch was bad. Just put on something funny from Netflix. The options are endless. End of review. That was all full of ridiculousness. First of all,

just watch the Jerry Seinfeld special. He'll never be problematic. Well, that's the thing is I thought, oh, they're just, they have a problem with how problematic it was. But then they brought up Russell's leg syndrome. And I'm pretty sure that's probably all that they cared about. Because if you care about that.

I mean, he literally said, hang on. Actually, that's probably where everything went. Yeah. By the way, Alessander and I have extensively discussed the fact that we both, am I allowed to say that? Yes. I experience, we both experience, restless like syndrome. It does fucking blow. It will be, it's one of the few things on my high dose of dosage of Zoloff that still can make me cry because it's so frustrating.

So I'm not, but like, I would love if more people joked about restless like syndrome, so I didn't feel like such an elderly freak, okay? Like it's funny to talk about it, okay? And like, what could the joke possibly? What is the joke? Like, that could be so offensive. And also, yeah, but you're right about the, first of all, comparing, quote, the comics from 30 to 40 years ago to a comic you saw at McGubies in Timonium, Timonium, Maryland. That's correct. I can't believe that's right.

Rolls right off the tongue. Like, no offense to that comedian. It's just so fucking, what the, what? Like, come on. Restless Legs syndrome joke is way too far after 30 years of family friendly comedy. But that's the thing. They didn't say anything about family. friendly, right? They did. They said the kings and queens of 30 years ago would make jokes funny

for any age grade. Oh, I guess. She said I was offended. He said, I curse like a sailor and I'm not a prude, but somehow much of what was said made me, maybe it was like a fundraiser for restless Lexington. Yeah, that is a joke. You're right. That would be pretty, pretty funny. Yeah. Sorry, Sheila. I just disagree. Wow. This is where the reviews stop, because I now have a forum sent in by Claire, who said, Christine, with two exclamation points, which is when I know I should already start copy pasting. Claire said, Christine, QVC forum and vagina talk. Oh, yay, no.

And I thought, well, well, well, I've never thought to look this up before. What? This is. What have you not? QVC and vaginas? Yeah, sometimes I look up like, like, look up like, late husband or like other terms that I think will be kind of like a fun conversation. Yeah. Restless leg syndrome is one I should try. True. I think you're, I think you might get too

many results. Might be hard to sit through those. Well, maybe I'll finally find like a solution for it. Because sometimes I do sit on these forums late at night, trying everything. Yeah. On the QVC forms. I mean, maybe. I literally sometimes will just click and click and be like, okay, this person says, open the window and, like, put your head upside out. Not really, but, you know, I'm like trying everything. You're going to tell me to jump. I was like, okay. I mean, that's probably what was happening, and I wasn't really paying attention

because it was three in the morning. But here we go. This is in the forum Q Talk, and this is a forum originally created by U of M. Go Blue, a frequent contributor, whose title of this post is Stripes Vaj of Honor. And there's a picture. It's a screenshot of. A product page, and I'm going to send it to you. This original post says, it's a screenshot.

It says Friday night at 9 p.m. New product with Sean. QVC. Is this what is going to save you? And then I'd like you to scroll down and look at the product. It's called, it's a company called Stripes Beauty. And it's called Vadge of Honor, hydrating gel for intimate moisture. Oh, my gosh.

Vajavonner is hilarious. Thank you. And it's Naomi Watts, product line. Why is it? called Stripes Beauty because it's paramenopause and menopause-related items. So it's like, you know, for different things, how your body changes, et cetera. And she tried to, she made a line basically to like address changing skin conditions. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've nothing against the product. I just mean the name. Why is it Vag of Honor? It's hilarious. I love that it's also HSA. Like, it's like Vadge of Honor. Imagine writing that in for your like.

HR department. I love it. Yeah. From QVC. Yeah. It's HSA cover. Okay. So this product, okay, was featured on QVC at 9 p.m. on a Friday.

And. Glad to glad to know. That seems important. What I need you to know is Q Talk went crazy. They are not fucking having it. Okay. Some of them are like, you guys need to get it together and like go touch grass, right? But then most people are just having an absolute

connection. Imagine watching this live on TV and then shuffling over to your desktop computer to like complain on the forums. Oh, they're going to hear about this. And you know, like the ping when they come online, you know, they're all pinged online. Their green lights are coming on. Someone at QBC is like, yes, yes. They're like, engagement, traffic. They're talking. We get the people talking. So here's like, a few. I want you to know this was 15 pages of discussion. Oh my god. The discourse lasted 15 full pages. Now, I have a few here. Claire sent a few screenshots, but then I went in, of course,

and read way too much of it and took some more screenshots. So here are a couple responses. This one's by Sacto Sue. And in response, it says, what? Naomi Watts from one of the best dressed at the Emmys in that gorgeous green Balenciaga gown to some feminine hygiene product on QVC touted by the coarse and vulgar Sean? I mean, how much does your agent hate you? End of response, and that has 27 hearts. What?

I love how they just say, they said what, feminine, what are they called? Feminine hygiene product? Yeah, like where's the bad thing? Fucking crass. That's where I'm like... It's fucking disgusting. Also, who's this Sean?

Okay, get ready. That's where I'm like... Don't Google. Okay, I'm not. I wouldn't. Do you have any concept? I think Sean is crude. And vulgar?

And vulgar, yes. Or course, actually, is the word. Oh, course. Yeah. So this is one comment from Pam from CT. She wrote, I really, really think selling this on TV with Sean selling it. is in very, very bad taste. Anyone considering this product should be having a talk with her doctor.

And then Big Joni replied, or take a bath. Okay. Now, I want you to know, this is where I'm like, who the hell is Sean? I thought this was... Who the hell is Big Joni? Oh, I don't want to know. She's just going to tell me to take a bath. Yeah, I mean, I could use one.

Yeah, exactly. So don't tell me. I know already. Sean Killinger is a host on QBC. She has a podcast called Unfiltered. And she was on, I know, and she was on The Apprentice with Martha Stewart. Oh. She has a podcast.

She's probably, she's probably, what do you call it? Confused to be me? How do you say that? She's probably, I don't even know how to say it. Yeah. She's, but she's confused about it. It's like being John Malkovich. Remember that song we used to listen to that I used to think.

would, like, heal the world if all kids listen to it. Sandstorm? That's the one. I have no idea what you're talking about. Never mind. What song is it? It was about all the world. All the world.

We're all just people. I don't know. It was a kid's song. I was a very troubled child. Okay. Rafi is. Got it. It was like a Rafi at J.

recent. So Sean Kilner. So she has this unfiltered podcast. She's definitely like known for like not holding back, you know, right? So of course they have her being the one to kind of do the, she's the one who's bold enough to go there, that kind of thing. So I, to give you that context. Now this in, and I love that every post, even when they're so distraught and upset and morally like morally distressed, the every response in big letters up top says, re, stripes, vaguely, honor, so it doesn't really matter. That is bigger than your username, which is Love My Grandkids. And the next foot says Stripes Vadge of Honor.

So I'm going to say, Love My Grandkids responded and said, QVC has hit a new low. The ick factor is strong in this thing. Ew. End of response. What? I just think people are so unwell. Yeah.

Please. I mean, this thing is like, I mean, it's 50 bucks. but guess what? Like, your fucking mercury glass fake candle is like 75. So I don't really. I know that's not the problem they have, but it's like. That's the problem I have. I don't know.

I don't know how much something like this would be, $50. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? This is so sad. You're all these, like, I don't know, man. I don't know. It just, it is a little bit sad. So I like this one.

RMS 1954 just responded. I don't even know what to say. And six people like that. And I also, if you look at their profile, they've posted 10,000 times and I wonder how many times it was like, I don't know what to say. I'm like, you can't just, why do you get, that's cheating. You're just getting points for all that. That's a good bit, though, if they're doing that.

I don't even know what to say. That's a good bit. I mean, people liked it. Six people liked it. No. Now, someone named Laurel I Gilmore wrote, it's a body part. There is nothing wrong with selling this product, especially on a show geared towards older women. The outrage is weird.

And then, I was worried about, I was like, this person, Laurelite Gilmore, better be on the right side. I think so, yes, because then Queen of Shopping responded to Laura Lai Gilmore and said, granted, it's a body part. A woman's body part. How about we have a man's body part product? It's only fair to be inclusive. Some men get chapped testicles. Why don't you sell a cream for that?

They do? I think that the cue has jumped the shark with this Vagg of Honor crap and should give it a rest. Women should be, in my opinion, speaking to their doctor. End of response. Whoa. I don't even know what you're talking about. Literally don't know what your point is. I think it's because on the, when Sean was presenting it, Sean said,

do not go to your doctor. Just buy it. Do not go to the doctor. I'm your doctor now. Naomi Watts is your doctor now. Naomi and I are your doctor now. We're the only ones you need for vaginal health. Vaginal dryness is no more.

I just like, it's just so bizarre. like why do you give two shits and also like why don't we sell a man's like why do people always jump to this insane hypothetical like maybe they do have you looked it up what is wrong with you and i don't think uvc should be selling testicle chapstick or whatever it is and somebody actually um this one is from wifie number two QT snort okay Here's the response to this whole thread. Now that you all have a preview, make sure you have other plans on Friday and do not watch. After all, why spend your time watching something you already don't like? Oh, maybe just to be a crusty old pot-stirring hater.

We'll see. End of response. Krusty is right when they're not buying Vagel of Honor available now for three payments of $32. That's actually just one of the people. That's an intern at the company who's like, let's just start. Sowing the seeds of... Sowing the seeds, yeah, that we actually need this product. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is by Trinity 11, who responded to somebody who asked if anyone read the reviews, and apparently there was a review, that ultimately got removed. And unfortunately, I read every page. Nobody told me what the original reviews said. But I do have a response from one person. Trinity said, yes, I did read the reviews. And if I repeated the first review as to why the purchaser didn't like it, I would be banned. QVC publishing that review speaks to their lack of ever reading what they actually publish.

Otherwise, T, M.I. So I guess someone said, I don't like it. It did this to my vulva, presumably, because it's made to make your skin barrier, blah, blah, blah. So then Stray responded to Trinity 11, last one, where I finally check off the challenge in this forum. I agree. I'm not a prude and was a nurse, so I've seen and heard just about everything. thing. Ladies are buying the product for a particular issue and the review is not helpful regarding efficacy. T.M.I is right. I am not offended, but how tacky. End of response. It's people like this

that gave me the social anxiety that keeps me at home. I'm like, if this is how I assume people are talking about me in their head, you know, not anymore, but like, this is, these forms just devolve into like bullying. It just gets so bad. And it's like, thank God it's actually just some product in a company, right? Not like a person. Oh, wait, this was our bonus episode. For Patreon, we did ice cream trucks. And I read a forum from truckers who haul ice cream.

Even in there, there was like, I didn't mention like people were just bickering back and forth. And it's because they find one thing to disagree about and they just pick at it and get in each other. It's like, I guess, faces, but not really about it. And yeah. In their craw. Yeah. Getting like crusty craw. Yeah.

Put some of this in your crusty craw. Naomi Watts. Dr. Naomi Watts. Dr. Naomi Watts. It's just like. That's a wild. The badge of honor is hilarious.

Like what a wild swing. And then people were commenting like, well, she probably didn't even come up with it. She just, they just slapped her face on it because no one else was. So what? You people need to like stop writing these weird stories. Be wild. They're buying all these fucking. things from Valerie Parhill as if Valerie Parhill is making each one and painting them,

come on. And gets any sort of like fulfillment out of you purchasing. And there's no way she came up with all of those products. That's not fascinating, really. Fascinating. It is. So the last thing I have is technically a review. But it is on actually it's an elevated, more classy review because it's actually written

in the spokesman review. What? Pig Latin. I thought it was wondering why it was, how it was written to be classy. I guess not that. What's the thing that it says, Ipsum, or? I just went into a blog. This is a review written in 2005 for the spokesman review of Spokane, Washington.

And this is in the Voices section. And it is a special contributor named Alan, who in 2005 had some. something to say. And the title of this review is public flatulence, not form of entertainment. That's the headline. It's an opinion piece, basically. I'm serious. This is a serious thing. I focus. Yes, serious. Maybe I'm out of touch. Maybe I have indeed become a snarly old man. More likely, it is because the insinuations of a whoopee cushion still embarrass me. When my granddaughter in Indiana asked me recently to read her, Walter the farting dogs, I refused. Assuming the book was something someone had stashed in her bookcase as a joke

to be discovered by her parents later, like the deck of playing cards featuring naked, morbidly obese women, a friend hid where my house cleaners would be sure to find it. You know, that old chestnut. That old, good times, Alan, yep. You know, that old, when you would put the Sailors Newty, the sailor's nudie picks under the pillow to prank your friend. Okay. When I returned to Spokane, I saw that one of the authors was reading Walter at Antis. He said the book was a story of acceptance and turning liabilities into assets. In a book review, spokesman review writer, Dan Webster, remember, this is the spokesperson review.

They're calling out the publication right now. In response. Right. This is like, what do you call it? like the opposing team can now. It's a rebuttal. A rebuttal, thank you. Yeah, that's in football. The other team gets a

rebuttal. It's a rebuttal, right? Yeah. If you can't tell our sport was mock trial. Okay. So, in a book review, spokesman review writer, Dan Webster said Walter the farting dog has sold over a million copies, was the first in a series,

and has inspired a line of children's toys as well as a movie. Children's toys. I can only imagine. I mean, I read the book. What kind of kids toy does a flatulent mutt inspire? How many children will gain a better understanding of heroism and acceptance because of Walter's gaseous condition and the toys, his condition emboldens? Public flatulence is not polite. I know men, including myself, who would rather explode and die before passing gas in mixed company. Yeah, yeah, I know. Men cut loose at their poker parties make it a contest around the campfire and i must assume women do it too no they don't i love

like the fact that farting in any way is like gendered to this person that's already like very weird already also nobody does any of that i mean i'm sure they maybe do but not like as a societal norm okay uh i must assume women do it too and laugh hysterically when they're out with the gals thankfully this is just speculation nevertheless i do not want my grandkids to think public is a form of high entertainment in any situation. I particularly don't want them to think it is as okay as breathing or sweating. What? What are you?

Do you eat cornflakes? Like, are you that Kellogg's guy who said if you masturbate, you're going to die? Like, I feel like he has this idea in his head that, like, the nuns beat into him. Oh, someone got something in that Alan's head about farting. Yeah, there's like something. There's something being projected out of Allen. Because, like, I don't think farting is... What?

There's something projecting out of Allen, and I'm not sure if it's out of his butt. He doesn't do that. He'd rather explode and die in a T.J. Max bathroom. What an amazing thing to say. I know many men who would rather exp... Do you... Gun to their head.

Gun to their head. Literally like... They can't fart or let you kill them. What? Or just explode in a T. Maybe that is what happened in that TV. That's what I'm saying, yeah. Yeah.

Did you say that already? Yeah. Oh, I missed that. I'm sorry. Alan's painted all over the walls. Oh. But he didn't fart. RIP.

Honestly, what a class act. There's mixed company in the other stall. That's why he couldn't fart. It's that guy going, can someone get me toilet paper? Yep. And then you just hear, Pooke. It just explodes.

from not farting. What the fuck is? Oh, I'm glad this is your end. Okay. I particularly don't want them to think it is as okay as breathing or sweating. It's literally required by your body. Like he doesn't realize it's like a literal, your body does it no matter what. Like it's not like something that's like a trick, like making your, you know, elbow fart or whatever the fuck.

Like it's not a. Maybe it is for Alan. Maybe Alan has that skill and is wasting it. Maybe. Maybe. And I'm certainly not going to read it. them a book about it. As for the author's contentions that the book is also about compassion, I beg to disagree. The book is about healthy royalties, decaying standards in children's literature,

and our ever-increasing tendency to equate potty humor with what is incorrectly perceived as a healthy and necessary shucking of our Puritan heritage. It's not a terrible book, but it is a cheap book. Cheap in that a hitherto gross, unacceptable, and polite company, inability to control flagellence is extolled in the name of entertainment. First of all, fuck you. I have Crohn's disease. You can't be judging people's entire identities and, like, standard and value just because, like, they pass gas.

I can't believe this was published in a newspaper. This is insane. I hope next week it was, like, re Allen. And the bunch of people, like, did a bunch of fart noises or something, but type it out. And then it's just, like, a couple listings for therapy in town. Yeah, like trauma therapy. Saying are Puritan origins? Like, who the fuck are you speaking for?

It is really intense. It's fucking scary. It is, yeah. Until, like, that he was so vehemently distraught when his granddaughter asked him to read him that book. I'm like, she must be like, oh, Papa's having flash facts. From the Mayflower. From his puritanical upbringing.

If we giggle, it is because we are uncomfortable or shocked or because we don't want anyone to think we are prudish or without enlightenment. The authors could have created the same storyline with a number of different handicaps for poor Walter, but it wouldn't have sold a million copies. Wait, so they're equating farting to a handicap. Yeah. They're saying instead of farting, it could have a, that's fucking insane. I mean, it's all we already been saying.

This has gotten so out of hand. And it's like that it would have been a worse book because it would have sold fewer copies that I would have liked it more. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. We love our incongruities. The differences between the way things are and the way they should be. Where, however, will this line of children's literature lead us? Can I look forward to other adorable pets with questionable to gross dispensations? Those in the entertainment industry, including writers, want to be seen as creative, edgy, willing to push the envelope. Where will this take us? There is already a conspicuous and steady downward spiral in adult literature movies and television. Walter the farting dog erodes the sensibilities just a little bit more. This time as an excuse for children's literature, quote unquote. E-gads, people. I'm no prude, but this isn't about sophistication and honesty.

This is about three-year-olds. And even if I'm overreacting, that's a God-given grandparent entitlement. Obviously, my grandchildren's parents purchased the book, and that may be a reflection on me. It doesn't mean I can't be disappointed, though. end of opinion piece. I feel like it could have used the first couple sentences, last couple sentences, and nothing in the middle. I don't want to hear any of that.

That was wild. What a wild. The slippery slope argument, but about this farting dog book that sold a million copies and how this is a sign that society is in decline. Okay. And it's like, I just feel like there are ways to express. your distaste or dislike that are just like for example I own that book why do I own that book because Maggie sent it to

Leona because she thought it was funny yeah okay I didn't purchase the book I don't think it's particularly funny I don't care either way I just it's not one of my favorites however who gives a fuck I can sum up most of most of the things we read who cares why are you complaining say more and then I went, never mind, there's just one thing to say. Who cares? And like, if you're so worried, then write your own damn children's book. You clearly have a lot of time on your hands to be complaining about other children's books. Yeah, choose a different disability because apparently that's what this is. Or different, sorry, different handicapped. A handicapped? I don't know what they're

talking about. Please. I mean, to be fair, I haven't like even read this book in its entirety, so I don't quite know the gist except for, you know, what it says on the tin, but. You're going to read it and be like, you know what, Alan had a point. Oh, my God. Society is in ruins. When was this written? 2005. Oh, man.

15, five? Well, either way, I hope Alan survive and. Alan, where did I go? Where did you go? Oh, I thought you were out of your body again. Alan, come back. I was like, okay, good timing. Out of way?

Oh, I left. I went to the beyond again. 2005. Wow. Wow. Yeah. 20 fucking years ago. Okay, this guy, I'm worried.

I mean, maybe Alan got therapy, or maybe Alan just grew up a little bit. I think he's dead, Alexander. It's been 20 years. He was a grandfather. He was already angry and bitter. I clearly held in his farts, so. Well, that part, you're so right. That should have been the biggest clue.

Like, this guy can't be feeling very healthy, you know, very good. Let me check if he's alive. Oh, thank God. He's alive. Oh, good. Few, I was worried. He wrote a book. He did not.

Is it a kid's book? Yeah. What's it called? Give me anything. Oh, wait, just sent you a picture. Sorry. Oh, my gosh. Can you explain it?

What is there to explain? The book title is bear heads and fish tails. Tales spelled T-A-L-E-S. Yep. And there's a fisherman at a stream with a bear chomping down on the salmon that the fisherman had just caught. And at the very top, in quotes, it says, Alaska outdoor humor at its best.

Apparently, that does not include flatulence. Wow. What if it does? What if it's, like, weirdly, creepily focused on flatulence? I mean, there's some complex here, right? What if it's focused on, like, not flatulence? What's the opposite? What if it's so obvious that, like, there's constant, like, bloat?

Yeah, and it'll be like, you know, talk about eating beans, but then like... The bloated fisherman, and he's always kind of like he can't walk very well because his tummy's a little bit extended. Oh, and apparently he's the outdoors columnist at the spokesman review, which explains the book. It doesn't necessarily explain the how he got the space in the paper. What's up? It explains how he got the space in the paper to write this nonsense. I know, I love that. He's like, hey, that one guy, who he probably knows, said this was a good book and sold a million copies? Well, guess what? Not on my watch. Not on my watch. I wonder what Alan's thoughts are now

about Flatchelms. So that's that. All righty. That was wonderful. Thank you for all that. Oh, you are so welcome. Thank you everyone who sent an emails. Thank you for their patrons who submitted the topics and challenges. Thank you, Abby, for meeting my doppelganger and confirming his existence. Also for humbling the shit out of him and being like, oh, I thought you were a podcaster. I actually like. Ew. Icky. Yeah, hit us up. If you have anything you want to add,

you could join our Patreon. Patreon. com slash Beach 2 Sandy. Patrons have access to ad-free episodes, full video episodes, access to our voicemail box, and access to upcoming themes and challenges. What?

I said access to our hearts. Well, that's only at the highest tier. Yeah. Oh, I thought that was implied. Mine is the highest tier. Yours is lower. Yours is easier to get into. Mine's like a few steps down.

That's true. So that's it. Yeah. Talk to you soon, y'all. Thank you.