Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 350: Reviews of Popsicles

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

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Longbendy Twizzlers candy keeps the fun going. Welcome to Beach to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach Two Sandy Water To Wet. This is a episode 350, we read shitty reviews for you. And this week, we're reading shitty reviews of popsicles. I like the hell. I like, no, it's great, but what the hell? It is so unique in that it's so obvious, but we've never done it before, which is very exciting. Like, there are so many reviews out there. Um, and so many popsicles. And we just, weirdly we just did, well, it's not

that weird. It's, it was just July. But we did a bonus episode for Patreon on about ice cream trucks. And that I feel like obviously ties really well with this because we discussed, you know, the one time we actually caught an ice cream truck down our street and I tried to describe that Alexander doesn't even remember it. No. But, you know, there's something to be said for the lore of those like janky bubblegum popsicles, you know. Yeah, you're right. Something about something should be said. So something about them. Thankfully, there are a lot of reviews that are said about popsicles.

Yeah. Yeah. To be clear, we're not going to be saying that. Well, we're going to be saying them. We're going to say our own opinions whether you like it or not. But we are going to be reading those of others. And that's main focus, I would say. Okay. Setting, setting it up for that. Okay. I'm just trying really hard to be less self-absorbed. It's just really difficult. So you're a podcaster. That's not what your job. Your job is to be a self-absorbed as possible. That's what they come here for. You literally do come here to hear us talk. Okay. Do you have what? Do you want to go first? Sure. I have one from Brie, she, her. It's a one-star review. And I'm just going to kind of start with like a softball here. Okay, like just like an easy one. It's just called awful packaging and it's written by Nana. Oh, Nana. One star. Oh, the arthritis. Sad. They gave me two sticks with the same joke. I find this very disrespectful. End of review. What? Not even telling the joke? People found it unhelpful and zero people found it helpful. So. I think people were looking more for some actual factual. What was this of what Popsicle?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't even say. I think it was just the Popsicle brand like classical flavors or whatever. And they have they have jokes on those. I don't actually know where jokes are on Popsicles anymore. I think they're on the Popsicle brand ones. Oh, okay, cool. But that's, that's, it's tough. Are we allowed to call this episode Popsicles?

Is that so because that's a brand? We're allowed to do whatever the fuck we want. I just mean like, is it more. Is it more valid to say ice pops? I have no idea what the generic is. What if we say ice lollies? That's what they say in the UK apparently. Yeah, I don't like it.

I mean, they say, yeah, no, I don't want to do that. Why is it called a popsicle? Thanks for asking internet. I'm pretty sure. Why is it? Like an icicle. Oh, yeah, pops. Why is it pop?

I don't know. It just makes sense. Oh my God. The inventor, Frank Epperson, initially called his creation Epsicle, but his children nicknamed it Pops. Oh, that's cute. Which was their grandpa. That's, I thought it was going to say, or his kids.

I thought they were just changing it for, to fuck around. They're going to be like, that one sucks. Popsicle sounds better. Epsicle doesn't have quite the same ring as Popsicle. Even with hindsight, you know. Yeah. Well, especially with hindsight, you mean. Especially with hindsight, for sure, for sure.

Yeah, so two jokes. We don't even get the jokes. So this is a bummer of a review all around. I'm sorry to start us off with this low energy. But don't worry. because i don't think i've enjoyed a popsicle joke since i was a child as in i don't think they tend to be that good really okay i feel like some of them as a professional comedian uh you do have a high standard that's true even as a kid you would throw them on the ground and go disrespect

rude and i then i'd write my own in sharpie on them that's right they were much better um that's what we told you at least i have a one-star review this is this was sent in by izzie of Pediolite Electrolite Solution freezer pops, hydration variety pack. Grape, blue, raspberry, cherry, orange, pack of 64. Does Leona ever eat them? No, even when she's sick? No. Because she knows we want her to, and then it's like, nope, give me the Spider-Man one.

Maybe it's for the best, because this person, this one says this, one star. You might break your teeth. They're way too hard to eat after they've first. I have to use a nutcracker to crack them so I can eat them. Don't buy unless you got real good teeth. You want to break out. End of review. What?

Is this a first grader who hasn't learned about like the cycles of water? Even then I think you feel like you learn about melted. I don't really know how what this person, I mean, it's really like Leona gets it. And not that she's, you know, I mean, obviously she's the smartest three-year-old that ever lived. But like, you know, even like normal three-year-olds, I imagine would understand the concept of of like letting it melt, but maybe not. Yeah, maybe, yeah, and I think this person's freezer settings might be a little intense.

That could be, that does it make any sense that the popsicle itself would be extra frozen than other popsicles? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know anything about the science behind popsicles. Epsicles? Now that I have quite an understanding. I've read the patent documents, you know.

I haven't seen the good eats episode on Epsicles. This is from Maya She-Hur. This is kind of a twist here. We're doing Daly's Pop Tales, Alcohol-infused freezer pops. Ooh, okay. Okay, alcoholic popsicles variety pack. This is actually a redemption. These are the ones that Leoma does eat, right?

Especially when she's sick. Yeah. Tickle in her throat. We're like, oh, you know, the old bourbon trick. Get other popsicles. It makes sense. Or the whiskey trick. Okay, she loves them is the title of the review.

Oh, you're still talking about Leona and I was like, we moved, that was a joke. She's such a booze out, no. This is Maya's review that she sent in and it's a five-star review by somebody named Chris called She Loves Them. My girlfriend loves these things. What doesn't she love food or drink buys, but she can eat a whole box and then she is ready to go roll around in the water bed. I just hope the waterbed doesn't burst and divergent. Oh, my God. I just like, oh, I don't know what's happening. Also, it says underneath reviewed on sammsclub.com.

Yeah, yeah, that weirdly tracks. Package of them. Where else do you think they bought their water bed? Very good point. This is only from three years ago. So I don't know what kind of nonsense they're up to, but it sounds like she gets kind of rolling the hay, but a rule of the,

I mean, they are the alcohol ones, so I guess it makes a little more sense. To be fair, I actually didn't read that it was the alcohol ones at first until I checked afterward. I was like, what kind of weird? Who really loves popsicles? Just turns them on to a point that I can't really. An aphrodisiac was somehow. Yeah, I guess. Maybe.

Maybe that was the original intent. The epistles and the kids were like, the kids wanted some. And there he was like, okay, I guess I got to give them to my kids. He's like, we'll make a kitty version called Popsicle. Here's another one-star review sent in by Izzy of Bomb Pop Original Ice Pop 12-pack. This is another Amazon product. The subject is horrible and nasty. These are not the original.

They have a taste of frozen sugar water. Nasty. Waste of money. Someone else described as boiled frozen water. I am going to investigate to see if it is a crime to lie and mislead someone for the purpose of a sale. end of review okay like it is obviously that's a crime to lie and make people buy things technically but how are they getting away with selling frozen water that's the point that I'm saying they need to build a bridge from there to there not to Google is it illegal to lie to

they haven't provided enough evidence that's not going to get to where you're trying to go they need to rewind a bit I think you got to do more research on like what is happening right in front of you first because they have a taste of frozen sugar water what else is our obstacles. To be honest, that sounds great, okay? Yeah, yeah. Boiled and then frozen water. Boiled frozen water is a wild thing to say.

That's another thing where I'm saying, like, are we just not understanding? But like, then the time back in the day that I still think about is when we called, when somebody called the fish too fishy and we made fun of it. And now I'm like, oh no, that is a thing. Like if the fish smells bad, it's like that you should probably not eat it.

So, but so I'm like, is that one of these things? or it's like, I would get it. Popsicle too watery? Like I don't know. Right. Like, would I get it? Like, it just means it doesn't happen. But then why is it boiled? You know, that's where I get, that's where I get confused.

Like, at least it's boiled. I'd rather it be than like swamp water that's been frozen, you know? Yeah. If that, you know what? Christina, I would prefer that to with swamp water. You're right. I will say this was written in 2021. I'm, it would be interesting if it was COVID related with the taste thing.

Because I know there's so many examples of people. I just wish one of these fucking companies had the balls to say, did you take a COVID test? Maybe that's why. Because I just want to know if anybody has ever gone. Yankee Candle needed to do that for sure. I know. Like I wish somebody had said it at the time. But, oh, well, okay.

So I have a review here of Popsicle Confection Bars, Fruit Punch, and Cotton Candy SpongeBob Square Pants. Wow. That was a lot of stuff and it was all good. It was. except here is a photo of some of the things that come in this box and like it's a little bit startling because like look at picture number two yeah and what like they have it's sort of like the experience of going to an ice cream truck and not really being sure what you're going to get when you order this onic pop school and then getting like some blue blob that's not that but like

in a box from the store yeah the one on the left there's one that I see that's um a five star review apparently and it's a photo of this popsicle but um it does look like a sponge i'll give it that but it just has a smile doesn't have the teeth doesn't have the right pants it's just a plain red pants and they gave five stars to this thing since terrible okay i'm gonna read the review of it you know what it looks like it looks like a french fry container with a smile yes it does anyway uh i'm gonna read a review that i'm pretty sure came with that exact picture so if you want answers here they are and by the way this is also from my the title of this review by Rachel and it's four stars sorry not five four stars but it is a redemption

and the title is roller coaster ride of emotions oh no that should never be a thing with popsicles and I want to be so clear that they are fully sincere this is not like oh I'm being dramatic like they're really saying I had a roller coaster ride of emotions which like I can understand if there's a childhood memory what have you but here is the kind of detailed version of what happened how roller coastery this is. Richard, you said this. I'm strapped in. My first impression of these was a bit of excitement.

When I saw the packaging, I instantly thought of my childhood and eating these with the bubblegum eyes. I don't have enough teeth to chew gum anymore, but the nostalgia was nice. I didn't recall these being these flavors, but it has been a long time. To my surprise, these are nothing like I grew up on, and disappointment was my next stop in this emotional roller coaster. These did not have the eyeballs and were extremely small compared to the ones I grew up on. I have a bite, though, and my next emotion was how refreshing these felt after coming in from the hot Florida sun. They actually tasted a lot better than I remembered, and the texture didn't feel like that weird, unmelting foam these used to make when you drop them on the sidewalk accidentally. Do you remember that?

They would, like, fizz. Oh. They would, like, not melt. They would just, like, congeal into this weird bubble. fizz like kind of like swamp water yeah they got it from the water from the ohio that's why it could well be yeah it could well be these were pretty legit I was a bit surprised by the chocolate eyes and smile weird combination with these two flavors but honestly the crunch of the smile was more recognizable than the flavor so no real complaint

there I don't do a lot of sweets these days so by the time I finished it the small size actually felt perfectly satisfying. While this was a whirlwind of emotions, especially since I was hoping for more cotton candy flavor, just his pants, than fruit punch. I am overall satisfied and would buy again. I am a label reader, so maybe not often because the ingredients aren't anything nutritional, but they are also recognizable for me, and that is a plug in itself. Plus, this size is kind of perfect to finish off before it melts all over the place. I received product reimbursement in exchange for my honest review reviewed on popsicle.com and of review nice okay popsicle.com this roller coaster is more like this roller coaster is more like the dragon roller coaster at

county fairs that they drag around that like basically just goes in circles and it is fun thrilling i mean it is thrilling but it's thrilling at like sort of a uh for you know relatively speaking for maybe a five year old versus like i think i'd have similar emotions if I today wrote that dragon because I'd be like, oh, nostalgia, then I'd be like, oh, this is disappointing. And then I'll be like, oh, but it's nice and breezy. And we got a picture that we can now put next to our old picture. So at the end of the day, we feel like this was a fun time. Yeah, because I feel like they described what, like four emotions? Um, I would say, how many roller coaster loop-de-loops do we do today? Let's see. We went on. Well, they described

as a stop. So it made me think about the train. It was first. Did they say stop? Yeah, they called it a roller coaster. Maybe it's one of those mind carts where you push it up and down. Could that be? I think you have to explain that a little bit. I know exactly what you're saying because of the motion you made. But you're like the mind cart you push up and down.

Everyone knows what I mean. You think? I don't know. Yes, when you push the lever. It's like on a railroad track and you go up and down, you lift the thing in the middle. And that's how you move. Yeah. Okay. Maybe they all were like, of course.

We push those things up and down all the time. We're all using those. So yeah, on our roller coaster ride of emotions, deep into the minds. Yeah, so we got excitement, but then it's like, oh, shoot, I can't chew gum anymore. Oh, that counted as an emotion. I don't know.

The nostalgia was nice. To my surprise, so there's that. And then there's disappointment. They were really small And then my next They got satisfied though This one's not an emotion really Refreshing satisfying

I guess that's not an emotion But maybe How refreshing these felt Surprised about how legit they are They went through a journey I gotta give them credit I'm sorry The chocolate got a lot of complaints

From people Because it's like fruit punch flavor And then they put chocolate mouth and eyes Which is what you saw on that one where Oh yeah Yeah And it doesn't look like tasty chocolate No, it's not like something that looks like it's really made of...

I'm weirdly surprised it is chocolate. I don't... It feels like the kind of chocolate that can't, like, get mold, you know, that can't get bad. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. You know. But yeah, there you go. Everybody has a different experience with their hair.

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For Leona, she gets lunches, she gets her whole little pantry stock. So I love Hunger Root and they really change the game. Yeah, they really do. I love it, and as I always say, as a vegan, I love talking about it. And Hungry Root, they really do a good job of getting me. They let you act on it. Yeah, they let me be a vegan, and I just love that. So nice.

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HungryRoot.com slash Beach2 Sandy. Code Beach to Sandy. I have a review here from Kay Lee, Sheher, who sent in a one-star review of Great Value Freedom Pops. They're basically Walmart brand bomb. Bomb pops, Rocket Pops. Rocket Pops. I was like, what are they called? I think technically they're called bomb pops. I think different brands call them different things.

So they could be. These call them freedom. Yeah, I have a review of these two. That's the most Walmart thing ever. No, it is. It absolutely is. I have the same brand here from Walmart. So I'm hoping it's not the same review, but we'll find out.

If it is, I don't want you to read it again. Here's a one-star review subject. How many toes? Oh, nope, definitely not. I suck these all the time. I am not a smart boy. I am not a smart girl. I am just a product of my mom slash aunt and dad slash uncle.

I have 15 toes. End of review. What the fuck? Is that some sort of song? I don't know, but it's a verified purchase. So they at least did buy these popsicles. Whether or not any of this is true, I believe some of these words might,

actually be true. Like, I suck these all the time. I don't know about the 15 toes, but why do they why would they lie about such a thing? I'm perplexed. I thought we were going to get on like sucking toes and then it was just not where we ended up. Yeah, I got you with that. I did that on purpose. Okay, good. Because I purposefully read the subject, how many toes. Because I knew that the second word in the review is suck because then everyone would be like, uh-oh, uh-oh. they'd be thinking of something that doesn't even happen. And then I can be like, what do you mean? Oh, sucking toes?

Ew. Who would write a review about that? Wow. Perception really is reality, you know? Yeah. Now that you know my thought process, though, it kind of throws it all out the window. Top me. Yeah, exactly.

I'm the man behind the curtain, you know? That is what we call you. Especially when we're at a live show and I'm like, come on. Come on. Come on, I'm like, I don't want to hit my head again. And then everybody's like, Sandy. And I'm like, gentle, soft. Stop.

Can you imagine? I'm like stressed about this happening. Also, I'm the one who's always late. So it's not even like it would happen to you. You scamper up on stage every time like you just found out we had a show. Like you were like, oh, huh, me? At the last minute. Yeah.

Okay, I guess I'll read my review then of the great value sort of flavor freedom ice pops. Hopefully till related. Kaylee, she, her, what? Hopefully, Tover-related. No, no, no, thank God. Verified purchase called Horrible by James. One star.

At first, I figured I had the sugar-free version by accident. Nope. Got the butt-flavor version. These tastes like butt. End of review. Just to clarify why I. Yeah, I wasn't sure. I was like, huh, huh.

Oh, that's why? The butt flavor. It was a taste that made it taste like butt. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I have pretty low, I have pretty low expectations for these freedom pops. It costs about $1.

Oh, you're right. Yeah. $1.87, it says here. $1.87. I imagine that they probably go. Oh, my God. That's only $9.4 cents per fluid ounce. Oh, because I don't quit it.

Quit it. Sorry, that's for 12 popsicles, by the way. For $1.87. That's, okay. It better not just be frozen. water though. That would be terrible. Not unless it's boiled. I don't need color up. Thank you very much. No, no. I have one here from Emily. She here. This is of Walmart. It's sorry, it's not Walmart brand, but it's a review on Walmart of Fun Pops, freeze pops. And they're the ones that are

the long tubes that you suck on and put on your head for some reason, even though it doesn't. And then your parents are like, you're going to change the color of your hair, but that maybe stain yourself even though it was plastic. I feel like mom always. told us that. I don't know why I have that in my head, but it doesn't make sense. Immediately we would get in trouble for it, but it's like why. Yeah, there's no reason. There was a lot of stuff like that that we have to unlearn, including how to eat popsicles. Yeah, we still don't know how to do it unless it's up by there. I haven't touched them since. I'm hoping this one-star review helps us. It's already been great for me to read. So I'm going to read one more time here for you all.

Let me FaceTime my therapist real quick so she can be part of. Oh, this is actually, I think your therapist would be very useful for you as I read this. Okay, let's go. This is a one-star review. This was written by Margaret. This is a horrible substitution and I would have wanted to pack. This is a horrible substitution. I would have rather had him or her pick enough packages so that I had the hundred popsicles that I wanted or chose different kinds of popsicles to equal a hundred. I needed a hundred popsicles for something for a party today this evening. I would have rather had him or her pick enough packages so that I had the hundred popsicles that I wanted or chose different types of Popsicles. To equal 100, I needed a hundred popsicles for something for a party today this

evening. So now I have to order them from a different Walmart and have them delivered and get charged two times now. So I would just like the option. So now I have to order them from a different Walmart and have them delivered and get charged two times now. So I would just like the ability to have, I'm the shopper ability to have more substitution options in case I can't get to my phone to choose the substitutions. More substitutions options in case I can't get to my phone to choose the substitutions. End of review. Because you're too busy writing The great novel of our century. Yeah.

That's why you can't get to your phone. It's actually Margaret Joyce. It's James Joyce. Oh, that explains it. Granddaughter, um, which is why it was just stream of conscious. My word, that is extremely unnecessary. It was a lot. I mean, I feel I'm not trying to diminish their disappointment.

It's just like, wow, that was a lot of words for what you were saying. Yeah, I'm very curious if they, I don't know if they were doing. voice to text, but they kept stopping and starting over the sentences because it just kept repeating things, but then it would go on, but then it would go back. I don't know. Maybe they just kept saying things like, like us, but we edit it after the fact. Sometimes we'll like say something wrong and then remind and start over. But Margaret here, I don't think knew how to do that. Well, Margaret's on a tight schedule. So that's why Margaret. She's got a party today and And it's tonight.

And she took the time to write the longest review that says very little. It says, I don't have time for this, basically. She's like, I don't have time for this because I have a party tonight. It was July 2nd, 2025. So I have a feeling I know what kind of thing they needed those popsicles for. They should have stuck with the freedom pops. I was trying to think of anything else that occurred around then. And all I could think of was Harry Potter's birthday.

so that's weird uh-huh when is it um some you don't even know yeah it's like july 7th harry potters b day july 31st yeah is it really okay i think raymond's birthday is july 7 which is even more disturbing because like he's not even like he's not even someone i've spoken to in a long time and he was your friend it's very random yeah so that's weird okay uh i have a review here from Matt and Elise. This is of creamsicle popsicles. And the title of this review is saddened. No. I know. One star. My husband and I love these. Today he went shopping in ShopRite and bought two boxes. I opened one box and the cremcicle's stick was not outside the stick. He had to eat it with a spoon. What? It was inside the popsicle all the way?

Is that what they're saying? I guess that's what I thought. When I read it out loud, I went, wait, the stick was not outside the stick. Like, okay. Oh, it's not outside the obstacle. Like, it's like some shrugher's chat. Weirdly, I didn't even pick up that they said stick twice. I mean, it took me a few reads to really get that.

But yeah, I'm assuming it's what you're saying. Because that it says, he had to eat it with a spoon and then discovered the stick was insinlid. I just love that he had to eat it with a spoon. That's amazing. Yeah. And I love that it was the husband who had to do it. She's like, we both love these so much. I made them eat it with a spoon so we could figure out what was going on.

Oh, God. Amazing. I now have a redemption. That's my last one. And this was sent in by Maya. This is of BTBS, Valentine's Day, naughty adult silicone molds or plastic molds, sexy silicone molds, sex erotic molds, sex erotic mold. It's plastic adult mold number 12. This is something that you can make.

B.B.S. Boobes too bulbous. Impossible. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, it says it's good for divorce parties. Oh, cool. But, yeah, Maya sent this in saying, oh, you know what? I got to rewind a sec. Speaking of Margaret, rewinding.

Margaret, yeah. So when Emily sent that review in of that rambling Margaret, she said. Rambling Margaret. that's what we call her she said zandi this is for you specifically to annoy christine you're welcome thank you very much it really was annoying and i was glad it was annoying and not the way because at first you probably saw me you got triggered before i got so triggered i thought you were going to just keep saying the same thing and i was like i'm hanging up on my therapist now because she doesn't

have to be here for this popcicle listen to this if you're listening for your popsicle sticks your jokes listen to this comedy it's about subverting expectations I made you think that I was going to do that repeating thing. And you got, I didn't even have to do it. And it bothered it. It was great. So I get the joke now. The stick was inside the stick because it was like subverting X.

That was the joke. Yeah. It was a joke that Creamsicle, the Creamsicles did. Yeah, they were like, now eat this with a spoon, bitch. Yeah. I mean, how funny was that? It was great. So anyway, Maya sent this in saying, while it's not for a popsicle,

they are molds that you can use to create. okay popsicle i'll allow it um these ones here the ones that i'm reading review of are penises but they have way too many molds i'm sorry they have one that's like just a full like one penis like a big one uh then they have balls too bulbous if it's for that like just yeah maybe i don't all's too bubble bulb but there is an s b tbs what's the s It's too bubbly, sir. I don't know. There are also multiple molds of sex acts.

Like, Oh, yeah, like the full acts. What? I don't like the phrasing. A penis between, oh, oh, sorry. No, don't say it anymore. Don't give me a synonym. I don't like those either.

There's a full vulva one. It's like. That's not a sex act. That one, I know. You told me to move on from the sex acts. I'm just. I thought that was one of the sex acts. But the vulva is not a sex act.

I mean, I feel like this is a new territory for me. Um, that's probably for the best. There's some wild ones, including naked people. Anyway, kind of fun. Here's a five-star review of adult plastic mold number 12, which is five penises. Here we go. That's so sexy. That sounds so hot. Adult plastic mold number 12.

Yeah. Exactly as pictured. Use this for a party. As my mom owns many dick molds already, so it was a nice addition to her collection. Did M write this about Linda? That makes sense. I love that for Linda. Linda is literally like the most. Let me tell you about how Tom and I.

She's like a walking bachelorette party. Correct. She's a walking bachelorette. Let's just leave with that. Use this for a party. My mom owns many dick molds already, so it was a nice addition to her collection. Quality was good, was able to see all the veins. Oh!

review trust me i didn't mention this earlier these are vainy there are veins all over the balls like like really intense the same like veins ever it's just vainy okay okay here we go balls too striated wait hold on balls to blatantly striated yes balls too blatantly striated actually it sounds like a name for this episode i'm not doing that this is not another for our podcast weren't we considering changing it no we were considering changing it no we were considering changing it no we're something really i was like making a joke and i was like i what if we did change it to balls too not probably probably not something similar that's you're you're like on the right path that's we'll workshop that maybe people can comment what they think we should do excellent

so this is uh the last thing i have for you it's just what i call a little bonus it was sent in by blue he they and it's kind of a nostalgic little treat from the 90s now i really did feel a it like of heart of heart palpitations heart flow yeah when I saw this I felt a little bit like a flutter yeah like a aw because the flintstones push up pops oh wow I mean the orange ones yeah and I can like picture the plastic at the bottom that's like yes the little dish and then do you remember the nerds ones no so there were nerds ones that had nerd candy in it and that's I have a home video of you and me eating nerds push-up pops in the backyard oh hello Christina say something intelligent please something smart

christina that was very smart see you can push it up what it tastes like is it like is it good alexander nerds it's nerds pushup ice cream my love it's candy is it Oh, look, I have a pushup ice cream and I'm going to eat it. You're going to eat it? Are you going to share? But I can't say it was only one ice cream. You can't share. Just give it to me. No. And it's me saying, I've got to push up ice cream.

And so I'm like, hey, we've never had actually such a perfect, because I went and looked for it. I was like, I haven't found it. It's us eating these things. But I think it was the nerds kind because mom said how delicious. they were in the back of the video. And one of the comments, which I didn't bring, but one of the comments was like, man, I know that like nowadays they would never legally allow the nerds pops

because of all the shit that was inside those, like, all the chemicals and shit. So I love to watch like baby us just like, you know, wolfing those down. But so here, so for the Flintstones, somebody posted this on our 90s on Reddit and here are just some comments. I just have three short ones. hitman 0355 says ah yes i remember eating ice cream out of an empty toilet paper roll orange was the best and i agree orange was my favorite and that was an accurate description yeah right correct and then arctica wrote excuse me you were eating sherbet not ice cream out of a toilet paper roll and that

makes it classy and someone else said love the era of fortifying literally every extremely processed food with vitamin c and i was like yeah that's nice they really did think they were doing something in there fortified with vitamin C and then it's yabba dabba do orange it must have been like an orange creamicle it was so good it was so good oh yeah that i remember berry and lime rock lime i don't remember those even i don't think we even part we didn't bother with those yeah so uh i'll find that little clip for zoe to post baby um well i'll delete the rest of the video because it's many hours of our generational trauma playing itself out so you know maybe we'll share another time on Patreon, just kidding, but I will share that clip with Zoe for fun because

Zoe doesn't do our social media. Oh, okay, sorry. I will share that post with, I will share that video with you, Zandi, and re-traumatize you so you can post it again for everyone else. Perfect. That sounds like a great plan. So yeah, that's all I've got. But before we get to your challenge, Zandi, I do have a voicemail for us, okay? Oh, heck yeah. Now this, I'm going to play it for you. And I think we're all going to get a kick out of it. Okay, last week you said I would like it. Now everyone's going to like this one. They better.

Hi, Sheifer siblings. My name is Allie. And while I am melting on the couch with my son and watching Blue's Clues for the umpteenth time, I thought I would tell you a really awkward story that happened to me when I was a waitress. So the place that I was a waitress at, waitress is kind of venerable. to call it because it was one of those little mom and pop bakery sandwich shop places where you know you would walk up to the counter to order and then you know sometimes if you were taking the order you'd also be making the order and running the food out it was one of those situations

and it was probably about like two o'clock in the afternoon we weren't very I don't think there was anybody in the building at the time when these two people walk in. I think they were a couple, but it is very possible. They might have been brother, sister. I do not know. That's triggering. And they came in and they ordered and I gave them one of those little plastic numbers. It was like one of the little red tents with like 15 on it or something, you know? So I make their food and I bring it out and after I set it down, I asked like, oh, is it okay if I grab your number from you? And the gal looked at me and the look on her face was just, it was one of like, shock, but also I'm

trying to think of a really good word to describe it. Shock and just flattery, I guess. She was just so excited that I was asking for her number. Her hand, like, even flew up to her chest a little bit. She was like, my number? I don't know. I'm never deadpan, but I just, Deadpan, told her, no, the one on your table. And she looked so embarrassed, and I felt really bad about how Deadpan I delivered that,

but I think about it often because it just gives me a good chuckle. And I wonder how often it keeps her up at night because I know if the situations were reversed, I'd think about it for the next 50 years. But I just wanted to share that little story since it lives in my brain's brace. I figured it can now live in yours. So I hope you guys have a good tour and we'll hear from you later. Love you. Bye. Oh, my gosh.

It's like so embarrassing, but I feel like we're all, I feel like we can all relate to both parties, right? like the one who says something and then goes that's not what i meant and then like walks away and goes oh shoot now that person's really embarrassed and like and then the person who is like totally misunderstands misreith and like imagine if they were a brother and sister and it's like god the guy's never gonna the brother's never let or let that down if that happened in front of you you'd be staring at me like oh god i feel bad no no i think that's so bad that I just feel so guilty and I do everything I can to make you feel like it's okay. I was like, no, no, I do the same thing. I almost did that too. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then

later eventually once you calm down, because I need to help you regulate yourself. But also like totally reasonable that it would happen to anybody, you know. Oh my God. Just it was like the fact that she was excited that made it so sad. It's not like she was horrified. And then I was, I was, I thought it was going to be like disgust and i was like this makes it so much worse yeah um this is this a secret i've never asked for someone's number it like the idea of it scares scares me so like and if someone asked me for a number my first assumption would be like where's the number on my table that this person is yes yeah yeah yeah but that's my own problems right yeah and who knows maybe in the completely wrong context somebody you'll say and you'll go you'll be you'll really get confused

and then you'll be like oh shit now's not the time to think it was a table number yeah maybe maybe that's already happened you know and i just oh good point good point i'm i'm not too aware of that kind of stuff but i did i did over here at a coffee shop once um someone was talking to the barista so the barista had mentioned a boyfriend like her boyfriend was like talking about him or something and kept the conversation going and then at the end the guy she was talking to the customer asked for her number and i was like huh that's really bold when this person just told you yeah she was like uh i have a boyfriend he was like oh okay like he wasn't even listening to her it's so oh ew i assume i don't know what that was like that was wild chuck one of those plastic

things yeah wow it was really funny to me because oh yeah it was really funny to me i love shit like that like not to make fun of people but like it's first of all it's content you know here we are just yapping about it. Here we are making millions of it. But I don't make, I don't have many too many social interactions. So I kind of like feed off other social interactions in public that I'm not a part of. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure many people can relate to that. But there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. So I kind of wish I overheard what happened with Allie and that customer because I would have been like, at least it's not me. Yeah. You would have, wow, the way you would have called me and loved me or loved me a voice memo about that experience.

witnessing it immediately because I'd have to like tell people to be just to like get it out there because I'm like they're going to find out somehow this is going to somehow someone's going to find out this happened to me no I mean if I was on new oh yeah sorry I thought even if it happened to me I was getting well if it happened to you I would presumably be there filming because it would be something that deserves to be preserved on the internet hopefully you would be yeah well I'm glad we could preserve this story though yes if you want to submit a voicemail go to patreon.com slash beach you sandy join us there and we have so many fun ones so submit yours anything you feel like we need to know or the listeners need to know or just something to get off your chest listen to you

soon impact site located entering spacecraft contact unidentified life form We were safer in space. FX's Alien Earth, an original series now streaming on Disney Plus. Sign up today. 18 plus subscription required TNCs apply. My challenge. This was a great one. It was reviews mentioning a wild animal encounter.

Okay. It's just incredible. And the first thing I thought of was a review I actually already read. but on tour, in San Diego, I read a review, and I'm sure you're going to remember it. The sea lions? Yeah, it was La Jolla Cove, where there are a lot of sea lions. And this is what one reviewer had to say, their experience. This is a one-star review of La Jolla Cove.

We were excited to come here because we had really only heard great things about La Jolla Cove. We have been to many other beaches in San Diego because we're locals. and this is by far the only bad one. We went to a spot where many other people were sitting, which was quite far away from the seals. We played in the sand and the water, not coming close to the seals at all, until an aggressive male seal

came up to my family and our stuff and decided to take a nap right on our beach bags and blanket. Our beach bags contained our phones, credit cards, wallets, drivers licenses, everything, so we really couldn't do anything but wait for him to leave. He slept for an in-order. amount of time from around 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. and then continue to walk around the area near our

bags until 7 p.m. The seal kept roaring and making aggressive noises at my elderly grandmother when we tried to get our stuff when he was a little ways away. We understand completely that the seals were here first and it is indeed their territory and habitat, but we just thought it would be a good idea to tell everyone how aggressive the seals can be. We could not call animal control as they are our protected species. There were a few other families that had to wait a long time for the seals to leave.

We were finally able to retrieve our stuff by some stroke of luck just before high tide. We were worried that the seal would stay until high tide and our things would wash away. I wish I could make this stuff up. He just like swoops it into his little fins

and goes, sorry, coming with me. Coming into my Atlanta's home. Uh-huh. If you value the safety of your family and children, then do not come here. End of review. I'm sorry. It's, it's, it's, talk about wild. Yeah, wild. First of all, they are sea lines, right? We confirm. They are sea lines. Okay. Secondly, I don't even know if I said this last time, maybe I did, but the, the elderly grandma being the one they sent in to go get this stuff. Yeah, why was she closer than everyone else? She's going to rescue all the belongings and she's this elderly grandma and you're like sending her to the wolves to the salon. Or she was far away and the thing was like,

charging her specifically I mean which also you know she probably deserved we animals have great instincts yeah oh yeah we could yeah she's the weakest link yeah yeah yeah so strategic they that was that's so smart entering the ring first yeah but i i just love when people are like look we get it they're wild animals we get it's their territory but what the heck it's like well like but why do why do why do why can't i have my stuff back yeah their territory yeah and i love how they're like we can't even call animal control it's like what do you want to do fucking kill him like put them up Jesus Christ in one of those little nets that's funny I mean it it's a good review in that it's helpful because I'm like cool if I have somewhere to be I'm not going to be

just hanging out on this beach with all my stuff sitting next to me where a sea lion could potentially take a nap on it yeah I'm curious how that happened do they like completely leave all of their stuff or did it like come at them and they kind of ran away What I feel like probably happened because I've been there a couple times. I feel like maybe they left it on a rock or something and we're like having a picnic nearby or like put stuff up maybe. I mean, I don't know. I have no clue, but I feel like they just, these sea lines, they just beach around. They beach themselves there.

They beached themselves and they honk themselves. They fart. They make so much. They're so noisy, but they're so funny. They bark and scream. Yeah, they do. They charge at elderly people. As they should.

their god-given right my next one here is of a bonfire american grill in madison wisconsin this was sent in by cayley okay and this is a two-star review weirdest experience at a restaurant my boyfriend and i went for a nice night out and it turned into quite the experience we got sat immediately and greeted by our waitress right away our food was delicious only complaint was our waiter didn't bring more water until we had already finished our meal. While enjoying our experience, I had noticed a little movement from above, in which was a squirrel. There was a squirrel in the restaurant where we eat. They made us move to a different table so they could get the squirrel out and didn't even give us a discount on our

meal for our troubles. Take as you want. Squirrel. Squirrel discount? Your classic squirrel discount. Yeah, yeah, you know. Wow. I thought it was a legal thing. If there's a squirrel in the restaurant, you get a discount. Free dessert. Yeah, free appetizer. Wow. I, yeah, to see movement from above is always alarming indoors or outdoors, frankly, but to see movement from above while you're eating, yeah, it can't feel nice. It can't be an exciting experiment. Although, I think I would love it. I thought it was going to be a bat. So I'm really like, which, you know, I love a bat. I just don't want it flying around and causing chaos and giving everyone rabies and stuff, you know. I think considering how normalized it's become to bring dogs into places in the U.S., I think

one squirrel on the ceiling of a restaurant is like, so not a big deal. So fucking, they have an attitude problem and, like, they will fuck shit up. So it's like. So do you. I know. But like at least I'm paying to be there, right? Like this squirrel might show up and like just start taking stuff or biting stuff or chewing on wires or at least it's not like a sea lion charging people i mean it could be worse well

which is a great reason to allow things it could be worse could be so let the squirrels in no i i i get it but also if i saw i would just react so differently i mean yes if i saw a squirrel and it were it were like uh-oh that squirrel's not supposed to be here the staff's going to get it out i'd be like what an exciting day this is yeah and i'd say and you know what i wouldn't do i wouldn't fucking narc on the squirrel the squirrel has the best life is going to be able to pick up scraps probably i feel like scared i wouldn't care less oh no let's squirrel like you said squirrels have an attitude he's gonna find his eye way out yeah you're right you're fine and he's like squirrels are cute enough where people aren't just gonna like fucking kill him right well probably

some people do yeah because inner people literally shoot them or sorry i know they do i yeah i know i just didn't want to think about it um like once i saw a rat i was outside and there was a rat at a restaurant And I loved it. It made me so happy. And then I realized, oh, maybe there shouldn't be rats at a restaurant, but it was very cute. One time I saw a rat in a restaurant,

and it went over my foot. And I thought, I actually feel like I don't want to eat these waffle fries anymore. Was that the 4D event, the 4D, like, flubber thing that we went to at Disney, where they had the rats go over your feet with the air. Oh, my God. That was crazy.

Was it flubber? Yeah. It was, so, Honey, I shrunk the kids. Honey, I shrunk the kids. Sorry. someone i brought that up to someone and they said oh honey i shrunk the kids i was like yes that's it that's what it was that's what it was and mom screamed so loud because she's like scared of anything like slithery or running you know the way that she screamed bloody murder i will never forget

good times that was fun they had a little air blasting on your ankles to make it felt like rats were like tails were it was so good it is it was really good okay uh i now have a couple review sent in by Michelle, she, her, and both of these are of Stevens Green Park in Dublin, Ireland. This is the first one is a two-star review on TripAdvisor. This is a wonderful and beautiful park in the center of Dublin. I have visited here on many occasions and always go back. I will revisit, but not with young grandchildren. Seagulls have made the walks around by the lakes dangerous and frightening for kids.

Can something not be done to return these vicious birds? words back to from where their name suggests they belong. End of review. From once they came? From what to the way? I was like James Joyce again? Like, who are you? No, that was more like what's our George Joyce, Margaret Joyce or whatever the hell.

Yeah, no, true. Good old Margaret. So hold on. What do we call it rambling Margaret? Rambling Margaret. What is, so wait, where was this in Ireland? Dublin, Ireland, yeah. Okay, so send them to once they came.

So basically the C is what they're saying. Yeah, but like seagulls is not even like a specific thing. Like they're gulls. Like they're not actually called seagulls. People, it's like a name for them, but they're not seagulls. They're gulls. And I don't know what they're like actual name is, but it's not seagulls. Sorry.

I think it's Stephen or Jeffery. It's something like Jeffery. Yeah, that sounds right. Wow. Yeah. That's, I mean, yeah, I guess they're scary. I mean, birds, I used to be scared of birds, but it was kind of an unfounded fear. I mean, it was from the Turn Island experience, and then I kind of just, like, hung on to that.

Yeah, and it turns out, oh, it turns out that most bird experiences would never be like Turn Island for you ever again. I mean, exactly. So I think, I think, like, it was an unfounded fear once I had passed that and processed, you know, once I processed it, I was like, okay. But, yeah, I don't, children with French fries, like, I imagine that being a problem. Yeah. Chips, yeah. Chips? um you're so right freedom fries sorry freedom pops my bad my bad french pops bomb fries

bomb fries more bombs are better okay uh i have another one of the same place one star st stephen's green isn't a green area like its name means the park was very sad this day because the trees had not leaves they were everywhere on the floor what's more people inside looked angry and unhappy inside the trees well no because there are no leaves left by the way this was written in november so yeah the leaves they're mad that the leaves are on the ground and not the trees okay wow this is wild what's more people inside looked angry and unhappy and to top it all off a seagull pooped on my friend called morgan end of review wait what called a seagull

pooped on my friend, comma, called Morgan. So I don't know if it's the friend. I think the friend is Morgan, but it could be the Seagull. There's no doubt in my mind. After we named Jeffrey and whatever, Stephen and. Yeah. And what's her name? Margaret.

No, no, no. The goal, oh, when you, Morgan, sorry. Morgan, okay. I'm on Margaret. I'm on Margaret mode. You're always on Margaret mode. Always. Wow.

Okay. A seagull pooped on my friend. friend called Morgan like either way it's weird no matter what they mean by that and somehow this has one thumbs up and that other one didn't like Morgan's like put my name in it and then when you put Morgan she's like thumbs up now now I like your review so true I have one more this was sent in by sandy they she of a bear spray from Canadian tire oh dear and when I heard Canadian tire I was like oh this tire store sells bear spray and then i looked it up and found out that canadian tire is the name of a department store that yeah i some reason i just didn't know that i did vaguely know

that like i've seen the logo i believe and i knew it was kind of more of like a um sporting goods type right like kind of place like a dick sporting goods they they had a lot of uh automotive sporting goods whatever kind of stuff yes department store what's it called canada what canadian tire yeah yeah yeah they have a cool retro logo too oh nice well i need to make it clear that this review was not written as part of a canadian entire contest or promotion just we got to make sure we say that for legal reasons now i feel like it has been you know what i mean like they always think they're doing something with that and then i'm like i didn't even know that was an option and now i'm wondering it's like not

trust all the other reviews well i must you insist on that because now i feel like i don't believe you is a five-star review of this bear spray, which, by the way, Sandy said they were looking into because pepper spray is illegal in Canada, but bear spray is a good defense thing from bears or otherwise. Or humans, yeah. This product is really good. I had to use it when a bear came at me. Unfortunately, I panicked and pointed the nozzle the wrong way and sprayed it directly in my face. No. Maybe it was a sight of a 280-pound man screaming and crying like a little girl but the bear ran the opposite direction all in all a good product i would like to know how it works on an actual bear though end of review i think you know i think like we've

all yeah i think the bear is never going to find out the bear's like actually that was horrifying yeah the bear told all the bear friends like we yeah like i've heard about these human encounters before but this was next level like yes it was big it was flailing around it was cry like water was coming out of its face and snot yeah wow it sprayed itself instead of a bear like that's how crazy it was like that's that's nuts that's when you're like okay that's actually something i can't mess with that's like napoleon tactic war tactics you know like doing something crazy like that to catch the other other side off guard yeah just to like throw wrench in the in the whole game i mean exactly wow so i'm wondering if sandy bought the bear strike because it feels like it works against man and beast i was

going to say yeah this is a great review because it shows that a 280 pound man will be uh incapacitated incapacitated to the point that not even a bear is willing to get involved in his in his demise oh what if bear spray was like something you sprayed on someone to make bears want to attack them so it's good for in the wilderness yeah it's a love potion i don't think it's a love that's not really what i was going for so i kind of now that you said that i was like i was saying it's like pheromones of sorts but like it would make the bear angry and like get the bear to attack not not not not make love because you because you spray it on someone else that's attacking you and then the bear attacks them oh oh so this is in a scenario where in the woods you met not only a bear or

a man you met both yeah and then you spray this on the man first of all what a personal help but you're right if you have bear spray wait no no no no it's a new type of bear spray it's bear pheromones that you spray or or maybe some sort of like i don't know something to are they pheromones or are they angry you i just know the word pheromones so i'm using it a lot um do i know what they really makes you angry i don't think so i don't think it might overwhelm the senses of the bear and be like and you know okay there's a little book there's a little book and then you're left with a man an angry man I don't think so. A man who's in love with bears now, okay?

Also, hey, where the wild things are, ever heard of it? It's like, you love something so much and you want to hurt it. That's what the bear does. The bear loves this person, this 280 pound man. Fuck you, first of all. I said that and then he said, no, nothing like that. But I don't think that sums it up enough. It's like so intense with the pheromones.

It overwhelms it. Yeah. Yeah. And love potion kind of implies that you got it at. some like psychics place no this is from canadian tire i didn't imply that you canadian you think canadian yeah but do you think canadian tire would sell love potions do you think canadian tires sales bare pheromones because like that alone is already planned or honestly maybe i don't no canadians are weird you are gutting all just in alberta alberta they probably love

here with this nonsense yeah okay yeah just because they have something called a loony doesn't doesn't mean we get to laugh at them. Oh, Canada. We'd love to tour there. Sad we couldn't. Yeah, will you let us in? Not anymore. They're going to have check me for bear pheromones. Oh, boy. That would be too bad. Oh, but y'all, thank you. That was a fun challenge.

Yeah, please come see us live. We are this week, I think tonight we're in Detroit or something when this comes out. Yes. Yes. And then we have more shows coming up. I think Indianapolis is the Tuesday. So I thought it was one's great. Okay. You're right. Regardless, we're also coming to Texas. We're doing a New York show, Pacific Northwest. Like, y'all would love to see you. Shows have been going so well. And they're just so fun. We are really fun. We bring all sorts of weird stuff from your towns. And we just always have a different time and a fun time. It's always a fun time. And we drink longer in the nice teas. And, you know, things get crazy. so come see us and go to beechus sandy.com for tickets yeah and then also uh i've been uploading like youtube a few minute long youtube videos of our video stuff of like funny clips that i enjoyed um

so yeah go to our youtube channel beach you sandy uh to find that and then yeah posting on social media instagram that's where you can find our popsicle video apparently oh yes i'm gonna have vet and so we'll see but um yeah you get to vet it and if you don't post it i'm gonna post it without your permission so the vetting process is kind of moot but anyway so regardless go there and you'll see it beach too sandy and yeah just find us everywhere and thanks for hanging out Thank you.