Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 352: Reviews of the New Cracker Barrel Logo

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, folks. This is an emergency episode. We are recording this Monday morning. Emergency. Because we had to shove this in.

This is a very, very important topic that we need to discuss. Who's the one that did the fireplace chats and all that good stuff? FDR. FDR? I don't know. We both said FDR, so let's just go with that. Is that what this is, a fireside chat? No, it's like when it is a fireside chat,

and then all of a sudden a national, international disaster. Well, we don't want to go there. Well, it's not about an... You're right. We report weekly to these people. It's about an international disaster. This is insane. This is tragic, honestly.

Okay, everybody, hold on to your pants because... all you porch peggers are going to be disappointed to learn that cracker barrel has officially changed their logo they have changed their logo and they have changed their dining room interior that's sweeping across the nation it's like a disease the way that they're changing the interior it's terrible it's terrible um it's woke is what it is and i feel that uhlexander was right to call this emergency meeting and interrupt Mr. Roosevelt himself, that's president, I guess, former president, FDR, because this is really tragic and, like, we want to give it the credit or, like, the space it deserves for all the people who are suffering through this right now.

And, like, we wanted it to be timely so that, like, if you are one of those porch beggars who is suffering that you feel hurt and seen, like, in a time when maybe other global incidents seem to be like sometimes overshadowing what you're going through. Yeah, which it shouldn't because this is the worst news in the world. So Cracker Barrel, for those who are not familiar, is a fast casual, would you say?

No, that's maybe not. A seated family. Yeah, family. I don't know. Families. It's a country, it's a country store. I mean, basically. Not anymore.

It was, may she rest of peace. No, so basically it's the, this place where you go and get like country ham and frat eggs and it's known for not talk like that but yes like that catering to an older clientele back in the 90s I feel like a lot of millennials have very core memories of the of the gift shop out front and they had all these like dusty toys and Elvis knickknacks they've got rocking chairs rocking chairs is a big thing and they sell them or you can sit on them they have that what both I think both and they have like little golf tea games where you put the pegs in and we you can

peg on the porch and yeah it's pretty cool so so well it was sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry so but now a DEI hire the CEO wait say that again that was a lot of the DEI hire aka the CEO people because she's a woman they're like oh my God it's a DEI hire she was I don't know if she had it I don't know who the I mean I haven't heard a better explanation I don't know what's going to how she ended up there but no she they're changing their logo and changing the inside I will say can I read the thing I wrote is that okay to give like a

brief summary yeah okay their 225 rebranding includes a minimalist text only logo which replaced the beloved apparently image of an literally man leaning on a barrel. And they also replace a modern farmhouse style interior and refresh that to a more like, I guess people are saying sterile kind of modern look. I mean, the logo is not that great. So the new ones. So it's like people are like it only because I'm reading all these reviews of conservatives

freaking fuck out. I think across the board, people were disappointed in the logo. But then it became this viral sensation because this conservative. quote unquote activist. I can't even believe they use that word, um, said that he lambasted them. Then Donald Trump Jr. like shared something on X. And so now it's all this like anti and stake and shake was like, we would never do that to you. And I was like, okay. Um, it's just embarrassing. Anyway, so yeah, the CEO is like completely under fire. I think that like she was totally blindsided by this reaction because she said apparently like, she was like, this was part of like a really,

really long process with customers and employees. Like this wasn't just like out of the blue. We didn't just do this overnight. That's the thing. And I'm still, when I was looking at reviews, I looked at the newest from the past few days because it was like days ago. And there were still so many people just being like, I love Cracker Barrel. This is great.

Blah, blah, blah. And then like, you'll get a fucking bat shit review that's like, I'll never come here again. You're dead to me, Cracker Barrel. You're dead to me and my family. I did see that. I didn't bring that because I just felt like the whole vibe. And I was like, eh. it's too obvious somehow

It's too on the nose But yeah People are freaking out And it's for no good reason And they're talking about how it's Do you know when Cracker Barrel was founded Christina? Like probably the 80s

I don't know It's 1969 or something Oh okay yeah yeah The way people talk about it It's like from the 1800s They literally talk about it being their culture They literally say this is American culture That's right

I think a lot of people really think that it is that old, like a hundred years old. It's just nostalgia, which I get. Honestly, if you're nostalgic about Cracker Barrel, you would hate this. I don't blame you at all. This sucks. I mean, I used to be nostalgic about Cracker Barrel. Not anymore.

They've really ruined that for me. But at one time, I was. But what they also know and are bringing up, and this has been true for multiple years, is they have, like, LGBTQ plus initiatives at Crack. They have, they've done stuff with different pride. event. Yeah, the alpha. This has already been a thing.

So the right is like bringing that up and being like, look how woke they are. That's why they change their logo. It's like the, what? That makes no sense. And also they're saying, you took away American culture. How dare you not be homophobic? That's what it's like what? Well, yeah.

Anyway. So anyway. I don't really track. I don't really track the confusion there. That feels American culture, homophobic, go hand in hand. I guess so. Do you, well, actually, I thought maybe. I'll start with just reading the only reasonable review I found.

Oh, I'm ready for it. This is, this is, uh, this was on Facebook and, um, it was, uh, this is the only reasonable one you found was on Facebook. This cracker barrel restaurant has turned my life upside down. Okay. Everything I thought I knew is, is incorrect. Um, no, I'm just talking about Facebook having a reasonable review. Oh, it just feels like, it was like, it turned up. Okay. Yeah, no, the review itself is not that interesting. Um, But it is reasonable. It just says, at a minimum, the font should have been left intact here. End of review. And I took a closer look, and it is a different font.

They do not have the same little curly cues and stuff. So I thought, well, that's reasonable. And then geez, oh, boy, the rest was really unreasonable. A descent into madness, I would say. Oh, people are mad in both ways. Yes, mad all the way to the top. all the way. Speaking of Facebook, I do have, oh, actually, you know what?

I want to say something about the logo. You fucking hate it. It's so woke. The original logo was text only. It did not have that man or that barrel on it. That man, people are getting really upset. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're not ready to talk about the uncle?

We can. Yeah, we can. Okay. Do you have something now that's relevant to the uncle? It'll bring him up, yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, then you can explain it. Okay.

So there's this man on the old Cracker Barrel logo with a barrel. Now, this man, many people think, is Uncle Herschel, who was, like, the founder of Cracker Barrel's uncle. The founder of Cracker Barrel. It turns out, no, it's just, quote, an old timer. That's the Cracker Barrel calls him the old timer. So just some dude. But people are, like, offended on his behalf, Uncle Herschel. It's not just some dude, Aldenner.

It's actually a bearded figure designed by Bill Hawley to be a generic representation of a nostalgic old time figure. So yeah, you are right, but in a more artsy way. Yeah, so Herschel, Uncle Herschel is not the actual, I know. But people will call him Uncle Herschel in my reviews. That's who they're talking about. As if they knew the man. No, yeah.

And as if this man. This man was probably a racist. You can say that about anyone from back then. So, yeah, I probably. I don't know why I acted like that was supposed to be some sort of telling situation. You're going to say that about us in 60 years, too. Of course. Of course.

And they should. I mean. Exactly. Listen, we're going places, although I don't know which direction. We're getting a little, okay, let's go. I have a list of Facebook comments. I'm going to read to you, okay? I'm going to read them all in order just as I go.

Just here we go. The new remodeling is going to bite them in the butter. Nobody will come. First Aunt Jemima and now Uncle Herschel. Seems like no one is safe from being erased. Barrels roll downhill pretty fast until they hit rock bottom. Just saying. No, just saying.

Now it's crapper barrel. Oh, yep. How long will it be before you replace those beautiful wooden rockers with a faux leather recliner? L-M-B-O. Which apparently LMBO, which apparently means laughing my butt off, so they don't have to say ass. No, Alexander, no, that should be illegal. And then last one. Uncle Herschel looks a lot like Jeffrey Epstein.

Is that the real reason they're photoshopping him off the logo? End of comments. Yeah, generic representation of America. Yeah. Yeah. Timer, speaking of which, this is, I was just going to throw this in wherever it fits, so I guess I'll send it to you. But this was one of the memes that was floating around. you probably saw it just it's the old timer he's back but now uh his cracker barrel logo

says release the files in the in the beautiful traditional font so i guess he does kind of look like uh look like him so wow alexander that was something i have some i had some crapper barrel more like crap or barrel so stupid there were so many stupid ones it's just nuts okay here's a review uh i just wrote here it slowly devolves from here because after the only reason to review and then you started Facebook and now here we go it says Bruce one star I could associate with the place where we all sat at the table and ate our meal the items they had hanging on the wall I have either used which by the way what do you mean like that old sword you used sometime what do you mean like old farming implements literally like from like 1800s and

shit they had like really old rusty farm rusty metal like like hose yeah exactly Rusty hose. This place, what you need to know is that it's full of rusty hose. This cracker. And that's why they're mad that removing all the rusty hose. Yeah. Yeah. It's too bad.

It is. I mean, that was representative like my. I'm never going back now. Certainly, why would you? There's nothing else there for you. Okay,

let's see. The items they had hanging on the wall, which are also like portraits of random dead people, like not people at anybody. joke would put up their own portraits or different portraits of different things just as a joke. Right, right, right. Which was funny. So I guess it sucks.

You can't do that anymore if they take the line. Yeah, wow. Finally, I feel a little bit sad about all this. The items they had hanging on the wall, I have either used or had family explained to me what they were used for. Now when I think of Cracker Barrel, I'll just be going to another Denny's or some other well-lit place. Well-lit. So many were mad that the lights are now brighter. It's like not as dingy.

Not as like, so you don't see all the rust on the hose. Exactly. Like, why are you fucking turning the lights up? I'm sorry, but it won't be the same. Those born in the 80s and thereafter will know what it was like in the old days. Yes, the days when we were still using outhouses. Wait. I'm so sorry.

This is tongue and cheek. I'm so confused because this is. No, I don't think so. using these things that were hanging on the walls and they had an out. Maybe they had an outhouse. Plenty of people. Yes, but don't say everybody born in the 80s will remember. Okay, Alexander, hold that thought because here's the less.

I don't know what I'm trying to do. Those born in the 80s and thereafter will never know what it was like in the old days. Yes, the days when we were still using out houses, killing hogs and rendering the fat into lard ourselves. So much of the good stuff of life has been lost. to technology. That's what they're doing at steak and shake now. They're rendering their own hog fat for you to eat. It's disgusting.

Right into your gullet. Yeah. So much of the good stuff of life has been lost to technology, but now you can get in a car and go fast enough to kill yourself and those that ride with you, end of review. Huh? I mean, if anything's going to kill you, it's one of those rusty hose falling off the wall and, like, penetrating your skull.

The good old days when my model T in the 80s didn't go faster than 20 miles per hour. Not even a model T would be like a fucking like bicycle, yeah. Wow, I just, he started arguing with people, so I'm pretty sure this is a legit thing. I just, I think maybe like he meant to say the 30s. I just can't understand. I really can't understand. I'm sorry. I can't.

Maybe they meant the 1880s. Maybe they meant the 1880s. And maybe he's 150. Nosephiratu. Nosephiratu in a cracker barrel. Now that's a crossover. Well, you know, that had to be. If we go back now and read some of the predictions, like, I'm sure one of them was about this.

Yeah, one of those like the wooden handle of the rusty O like stabs, stabs him in the heart. Oh my God. I was thinking of not Nosephratu. What are you thinking of? That guy who made all the predictions. Why am I blank? I don't know. It's like my brain just stopped working about this in a long time. Nostradamus, sorry.

Nostradamus. I was like, remember his predictions about the Cracker Bar logo? And you're like, sure, Nesferatu. I'm thinking of a famous French building that caught on fire. Yeah. Oh, Notre Dame. Yeah. And then you say something else that sounds similar. Okay. You're thinking of that school in Indiana. Oh, Notre Dame.

Notre Dame. That's what our parents would say. Food, food, food. What's the deal with food? Am I right? You're so right because there are a lot of deals. And one of my deals is I struggle to plan my meals. I struggle to cook. I struggle to buy groceries. I struggle. Then I've got a deal for you.

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Farming implements hanging off the walls and be like, those were the good old days. It's like... What in the actual hell? Whenever I think of reading all this stuff, I think of... gives a shit dude just fucking shut up i'm sorry it makes me so furious i think my brain is snapped after reading all these like no get a hobby you could fix the world if all these people put their energy just like turned it you know when they say you know in finding nemo i swear this makes sense the fish that are all swimming in different directions and they're like now we all go in

one direction yeah if these fucking facebook nerds like put their energy somewhere good man they are swimming in the same direction though that's true it's just dragging the boat down. No, it's not. It's doing the opposite, I guess. Yeah, I was going to say they're just, I don't know. Launching, launching us all into the Ozone layer. It's too early to be funny.

You guys, I forgot to tell you, I slept sitting up last night. Oh, my God. Okay, it's been a really, okay, we were like, hey, we got to do this procker peril emergency episode. We were going to do it last night. We were going to do last night. Leona had a hard time getting to sleep, which, that's foreshadowing for what you already know.

I think I ruined the way foreshadowing works. And then we were like, let's do it in the morning. And then Alexander woke up early at like 7.30. And oh, that's my alarm. This is when I was going to wake up. This is time what I was going to wake up. And instead, yeah, I slept on her floor. Well, I slept on the chair, in the chair in her room.

I was just going to sit there for a moment. And then all of a sudden it was like 3 a.m. And then I tried to leave. and she like cried and then I was like I'll just hold your hand for a second and then all of a sudden I woke up and I was sitting and I was sitting like sideways and anyway it was chaotic like I think you're dead oh I tried to go back in the camera footage to be like can I delete that I don't want anyone thinking I'm I don't know who would ever see it but I didn't even want the I don't know I don't want blaze going in there being like oh she's possessed I don't know I just I'm sure it's Makes sense. So much sense. But I wasn't actually in the frame.

I slept on my couch. I woke with 3 a.m. and slept on the couch. That's weird. I had this feeling. I was like, someone's uncomfy. Oh,

you were like, let me just, what, commiserate? Yeah, must have been. Oh, wow.

I was going to say, I don't know that that would be much more. Oh, and by the way, Leona sleeps on the floor now. So it's like on a nugget on the floor. So then I sleep on the floor.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Okay, here we go. That was just an explanation. for some of my behavior today. I have a review. Susan said this.

If they had just changed it without the hoopla, no one would have noticed. And then Chris says, like if they had just changed a logo without all this hoopla, which is like... The hoopla. The hoopla is coming from the people. Yes, exactly.

I think she doesn't get it. Oh, hell, yes, they would. Comma, comma. And selling all the antiques in the store, what's next freeze-dried food it really pisses us off and then terry says when you walk into that building you are going to notice susan this is way deeper than just a sign okay so that's the argument there nobody like else engaged i think that's good did these people go every day i know some people don't get me wrong like they're that those people exist for sure like we read reviews of cracker barrel

i think and i'm pretty didn't we do an episode and i'm pretty sure a lot of people said it was like their Thanksgiving tradition. So maybe it's more like. There's a lot of tradition for them for these families. Or was that golden corral? Both. I assume both, Christina. Okay.

Many people, no, cracker barrel Thanksgiving was definitely a thing we talked about. It's a thing. Okay, okay. Because people complained about how long the weight was. And it's like, you're a cracker barrel on Thanksgiving. Yes, exactly. And then they, do you remember they all agreed in the parking lot allegedly? They're like, we all agreed about it. Everybody was outside agreeing on the, then porch pegging out.

outside together. Yeah. Beautiful. Your turn. Oh, my turn. I have a review of one in Baraboo, Wisconsin. Hmm. Two stars.

Two out of three people in our party had to reorder because they didn't have the separate items that we ordered. The place wasn't busy and it was early on a weekday. Thankfully, they removed the old guy from their logo instead of working on their food, service, and presentation. Oh, thank God. I did see a lot of funny ones. like that where they're like, good thing

you're wasting your time on this while your restaurant sacks. Not even your time. I think they spent like $700 million. Oh yeah, I bet. No rebrand. Seven to 50 years. Because they have to do it across the fucking country with all these

stores and like have a bunch of people's input. And the fact that they came up with that. Where are they going to put all these rusty hodes? They probably have to biohazard like dispose of them in a really dangerous way. The last of us, season three, just bought them all up for props. Yeah, exactly. they're just props now actually they probably were

already they're all just like they're all just like wait so they're just rentals yeah they're just rentals from like a Hollywood studio rental rusty hose yeah rusty rental hose that feels really good in in my mouth when I say that okay oh I like this review this is by Stephen and it has a response as well it's just the magas who have their undies in a bunch now that American Eagle jeans are old news. 52 people like that. And then Audrey responded, that's not true.

It's anyone that grew up with Cracker Barrel and finds comfort in the time warp. Okay. Time warp. Okay. They see it as they go in the Cracker Barrel and they're like, I see. I'm warped back to the 1920s? I don't know. To my outhouse.

The Dust Bowl, like, in the 1980s dust bowl, yeah. Grapes of wrath kind of shit. I don't know. Like fireside chats, et cetera. Yeah. I think all those happened the same decade, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, definitely. It's anyone that grew up with crack or barrel and finds comfort in the time warp.

My grandma would find unique things that reminded her of her childhood and tell us stories. Memories were made. Okay, that's one response. Whatever. And then here's another response by Martha, responding actually to Audrey, not to Stephen, who started this thread. Again, it's just devolving within every thread. Martha says, the restaurants looked like flea markets with grease-laden food offered as an afterthought. And the decor was outdated decades ago.

Now, Martha, I saw just popping in everywhere and just making like little side jabs. And it was really delightful to witness. And then Dana responded directly to Steve and said, who said like, oh, now that American Eagle jeans are old news. Dana said, no, it's just all this crap. that's been changed, that's been this way for centuries. Okay, again, I, people are fucking crazy. Absolutely ridiculous. I could, I can grant you, you think it's like 50, 80 years old, maybe, I don't know.

Yeah. But like, centuries? I don't think they know what that word means. I was going to say, there's no way. Like, there's no way that there was even like, at least a thought of using that word. Okay, it's been this way for centuries and it doesn't need to be changed like the Washington Redskins, Cleveland Indians, Aunt Jemima Syrup, Uncle Ben's Rice,

now Cracker Barrel, just get over at people, leave things alone. Why? Why does they have to be, why does it matter? These are all corporations. Let them, like, who fucking cares?

They're not your fucking family or something. They're just fucking trying to fucking make them literally nobody cares about you. It's not your grandma. No. It's not. Why don't you go to your grandma's house? Will you stop being weird

and just go to your grandma's house? grandma's like I'm so done with this like it's just like my grandma's like if it's so great then why don't you go there oh she's dead well so is cracker barrel welcome to the real world kid boom did you you saw the whole thing about the jeans right the the sydney oh well i guess if we're going to go there i oh there's more about it what about that cat's eye ad did you see that uh the g the gap one oh no now that's how you do an ad i did not see it no Christina. I heard about it.

I didn't see it though. Go watch it. Right now? I mean, kind of. Yeah. Actually, go watch it. I want to watch it. This is so bad.

I'm sorry. It's still good. Oh, I see. I think of, okay, hold on. I'm sending you the meme real quick. This is the meme that people posted. It says the only thing that can save Cracker Barrel now. And it's Sidney's Sweeney in like an extremely tight crop top.

That is hilarious. Photoshoped Cracker Barrel with the old lug. go old country store onto her boobs. Yikes. Yeah, the only thing that can save Cracker Barrel now, and in response to that was the release the files Epstein picture. Oh, good.

Okay, good. So the memes have been like really flinging at each other. Okay, I'm going to watch this real quick. This gap cats. I'm going to watch it too. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their life. It's better than yours. Damn right. It's better than yours. I could teach you, but I have to

charge. Oh my God. Right. That was so fun. That came out like right after the Sidney Sweeney ad and everyone was like, that's how you do it. Interesting. Interesting comparison. Good stuff. Anyway, is it your turn or mine? I don't know.

I think it's your turn. Okay. So. No, that's not true. I think it's my turn. I think it is too. There's a review of a cracker barrel in Houston, Texas. I think this is the first one I found.

So I was like, I think this is when I texted you like, can we do this ASAP? Yep. Because I was like, I don't know if this is going to be. a thing and oh it was a thing here we go one start every morning i awaken and exist for the briefest moment in a world where the old man from the logo is still here i roll over to his side of the bed and smell his smell fainter than it was the night before oh when you took him you took a part of me yeah end of review it really feels like you like it feels like someone told chat chavit like write a really cliche uh yeah like story about yeah anyway um um

That was written by local guide Miles Perry Winkle. So I love that. Snaps for Miles. That was so good. That was very good. Smell. I mean, he had to, Uncle Herschel had a menu item that I think they took away too. They put it back.

Oh, they put it back. Actually, no, I think they re-released a new one. That was my great grandma's favorite. Oh, a new one? Oh, she doesn't like change. Well, she's been, to be fair, she's been around for centuries. Yeah, that's why she doesn't vote. She was like, I don't like that idea because I don't think it's too much change.

I know. It's like a simpler time. Like I like voting requires me to like use a pencil. Yeah. I like I know often you just would prefer to fold laundry all day long. That's your that's your life mission. I actually prefer ironing because it's better for my back. Good thing you have to do both. Good thing I get to practice. Okay. So here is a review. again, when I say review here, I'm mostly just reading Facebook posts, but I think I'm hoping Zoe can just kind of guess

the vibe. Just put bad music on her. I trust Zoe as well. Stephanie says I guess I don't get it. And of course has a picture of the peanut, Snoopy and the peanuts as their profile picture. And then

Linda responded, they missed the old white man. And then Marilyn wrote, bring Uncle Herschel back now. Four people liked it. And yeah, that was where I was going to give you a little insight, but you already covered that, thankfully. About the Cracker by the barrel?

The Cracker by the barrel. And then despite the logo change, a popular menu item called Uncle Herschel's favorite, which is like way too vague for my liking, has recently been brought back to the menu and a memorial statue in his honor is still located at the Cracker. If they took the statue down, first of all, it's. not a person. It's a fake person. Whatever. Well, they have a statue of the real Uncle Herschel. Sorry, they have the actual Uncle Herschel statue. Yeah. So if you want to go see him, why don't you make your

pilgrimage there? Yeah. Where is the Cracker Barrel headquarters anyway? I actually looked it up. I forget. It feels like it would be Arkansas, but it's probably like Connecticut. I'm sure neither of those are right. I just that's just in my head. That's what I think of. It is oh my God, please. 1.6 stars. They're probably all from the last few days. Lebanon, Tennessee. Oh, okay. Lebanon, Lebanon, who knows?

I assume Lebanon. Here's a one-star review. You go. The old man who used to be in the logo is the only thing in this entire restaurant I'd ever put in my mouth again. End of review. Not even a rusty hoe. Are you sure? Wow, Alexander.

That's the only thing. But what about his favorite? Oh, I think this guy doesn't. reviewer might be his new favorite i'm i'm like pretty surprised here because i'm looking at their website says every year our old country store sells approximately 70 000 rockers 3.7 million pieces of women's apparel yikes 13 million thin sticks like those little candy things i guess and 300 000 peg games but then like a year it's what it says but again you can kind of say anything, can't you?

To whom? Huh? To whom are they selling these? Surplus stores? Like, who's buying these up? Probably these fucking people who are like... Well, not anymore. Well, that's probably why they're buying them all up.

I'm never getting pegged again, says all the Cracker Barrel. Unless it's by Uncle Herschel. Bring back Uncle Herschel to peg me, please. That's all they want. Just admit it. Yeah. Okay, so here is a review by Ron. who finds this all very ridiculous.

Well, actually, it's not even really a review. It's just kind of a comment, and then there's a response afterwards. That's more of a review. Imagine getting upset every time HBO rebranded, L.O. And then Rebecca responded, Some places don't matter. HBO can rebrand every day.

But Cracker Barrel was made special by the man who started it. That gold barrel, the menu, the rocking chairs, fireplace, The store? That's what makes it special. When you start messing with special, then you end up with ordinary. We don't need ordinary when we had special. Change the sign, change the menu, take away the general store next.

Need that space for empty tables. End of review. Jesus. Are they even taking away the store? Apparently. Oh, really? I didn't even see that. That was part of the, well, I allege, again, these are all Facebook fucking

I don't fucking know what's going on. I don't know if I can trust them. And they've already been rolling this out, I think, for a little bit, in different locations. Well, apparently the first thing, apparently whenever, do you know that, did you see, like, the first kind of slip into the devil's den? Sterilization. Oh. What? Sterilization?

Yeah, like the slip into, like, woke. Yeah. What do you mean the first? What do you talk about? So people started saying, like, I knew things were going bad when this happened. And I'm wondering if you know. It was in, like, 2021. No.

Any guesses? Did they start selling their food in stores? No, that's been a thing for a while, like frozen versions. Did they, oh, God, I don't even know. What? They started serving alcohol. What? In 2021?

Yeah, during COVID, apparently. I think they've just been, like, hemorrhaging money for decades. Yeah, possibly. They had to do something, I'm sure. Somebody put a picture. of their stock and it's since like 1990 or something it's like plummeted to almost nothing so they're like this is just a last edge effort to try it I mean I'm not saying that I'm just saying that was like an accusation and then people were like yeah once they started selling alcohol it was sort of like oh the

devil took over you know like they became woke when they started serving alcohol it was like it just feels like one of those things where cracker barrel they know who goes to their stores but they're like we still need to be keep up with everything else well grandma's dead now. We've got to like try and find new clientele who don't know what a rusty ho is. And aren't complete homophobes. Yes. Anyway. Well, that part's probably not as important. But I think they do want the dollars from the young people. That's true. And I will say so many people, so many people were talking about like, oh, it's going in the way of Budweiser or Bud Light. Bud Light. Oh my God. Everybody was fucking saying that.

They even said, like, I bet they served Bud Light there. Yeah. And then Target. And I'm like, I thought people. So was everyone just mad at Target? Like, because they're like, in Target. I think that's what happened. I feel like I did hear that, that like both sides were mad at Target and then they just lost.

Because Target's already been, had like pride stuff. I know, but I think they just fired their CEO for or somebody. Oh. So now everyone's mad at Target. So now the right, it's mad. I'm not sure, I can't keep up. It's just stupid. Who gives us shit? It feels like my brain is better served using that space for like Gabby's Doll House episodes or something.

Yeah, so true. I'm going to read a review here. This is of a Cracker Barrel in Cordillane, Idaho. One star. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You go fix my logo right now. End of, okay. Okay, that, okay, earlier when.

I read that review where she said, it makes us really pissed off. Like, I finally found the other person in us, in the Wii. They said food one out of five, service one out of five, atmosphere one out of five. They are mad at everything. They're so mad ones across the board. Yeah, I think these two are in cahoots because it's like, we're pissed off and we are not afraid to show it. And we will shout it from the rooftops. Yeah, it's just like, what else is there for me if there's no place to feel all my feelings?

Amen. Hallelujah. And peace be with you and on and on. And with your spirit. And so forth. With your spirit. Okay. Now I have to scroll back up.

I should have weddings at Cracker Barrel. Do they do that? Oh my God, they will next. That'll be like the next slip into. They'll do gay weddings. And then everyone will fucking screen. That's an ironic thing that the gays would love to do, I bet. I would totally.

Like, it's like our, our, friend, Logan, who goes to the White Castle Valentine's Day. I was literally about to say, if he could, he probably, Logan would probably get married on White Castle. And he would cancel his current wedding plans and go to White Castle, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he has a beautiful wedding. Yeah.

And it would be really, really disappointing for me if that happened. Yeah, he used to take a friend to, yeah, White Castle for Valentine's Day because they put out, like, they had reservations and they put out tablecloths and everything. It was a whole thing. Sounded fun. Table-side service? Yeah. Anyway, I did look up weddings, Cracker Barrel, and it says that they do catering for

weddings. So at least we can make sure that Logan has Cracker Barrel catering. You mean Uncle Herschel's favorite? Uncle Herschel will be in attendance. The statue? Not just a statue. His spirit. In spirit.

Someone's got to put that man in his mouth and their mouth. Wait, no. Someone's mouth. I don't know. Stop putting him in someone's mouth. Okay. Okay. So here's a review by Diane.

Oh, this is about when she says she's talking about the CEO. Of course. Or what is she? Is she a CEO? Yeah. CEO, Julie Messino. Yeah. I think.

How'd she get that job? You know, she just like was born a woman. Then the at birth, they were like, here you go. Because that's how that works. Here, climb the corporate escalator. I'm just going to sit this baby on it. send it all the way to the top. Diane says,

Just wait till she changes the waiters and waitresses to robots or kiosks. Then what? No more personalizing, like adding cheese or extra butter? I'm out of there. Cracker Barrow was grandma cooking without having grandma anymore. Into review. Oh, my gosh. It sounds like she's almost happy.

Like, it was grandma's cooking without having to be around. I know that's not what she means, but it sounds like, I see what they're saying now. They're like, it's like grandma's cooking, but I don't have to sit in her house. Yeah, it's like you can have Thanksgiving there and it's not your family just being really pissed off at each other. Someone else will clean. Because you're in public. Right.

Yeah. And you all can just go home. Imagine if they're robots. I would fucking be thrilled if I got to go to a cracker barrel. It was just like full of robots. And also like, why would it mean you don't get extra butter or whatever the fuck? Like, have you been to an airport? You literally just like extra butter on the thing.

I don't know whatever um i i was i just googled julie messino to make sure that i got her her name right um there's a daily mail article fuck the daily mail first first of all exposed cracker barrel workers bombshell claims about million dollar a year CEO as she faces calls to quit over delusional woke rebrand so they're including that she makes a million dollars a year, which that's not a bad amount of money. Let's compare that to CEOs across the fucking court. Yeah, right? They're like, oh my God, this person's like, who the fuck did you vote for?

Look at the people in your government. A million a year, don't get me wrong. And not including stock options, four million or something. Don't get me wrong. Making good money. Well, stock options have gone. Four million down to three million. I was going to say, down to two million.

It's still going down. Plunging, according to CBS. Yes. It did rebound the next day. I don't know how long that's going to last. I watched the Zoom with the former employee. Oh, yeah? And then at one point he said,

it's going the way of Target, which is ironic because I also worked at Target. And then they like cut. That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny. Okay. Here's a one-star review. mentioning the CEO as well.

And I originally said Julie Messino because of this review. And then I was like, does this reviewer actually know? But they did. Here's a one start. They did. This is of the same one, Cordillane, Idaho. CEO, Julie Messino ruined y'all's logo. Wait, hold on.

Sorry. That really literally sounds like, CEO, like, where do your votes go? CEO, she ruined Tara newspaper in half. What's so funny, is there acting as if the CEO sat down with a pen and paper and was like, this is what we're doing. Here, let me draw this out. Yeah, let me draw this out. No one, no other insight.

No one can say anything. We're doing exactly what I want and nothing else. And she said, and we're going to serve vodka and we're going to do it all for the gays. Going to have, oh my God, drag brunch at Cracker Barrel. It's, wait. If they do a complete shift. Hey, come on. Let's just take over.

They have to lean into this. How much do you? think we could, we could just scrape together to try and, um, buy and rebrand Cracker Barrel. Look, I'm probably worth negative something. So it's going to mostly come from your end if that's okay. Okay. I found a $20 bill yesterday. So I think we are in good company here. I saw the stocks. I think we can buy at least one. I think maybe one half of a share. One of those apps. Maybe I can buy it in Bitcoin or something. Oh yeah. That's a great call. I don't know how that works. You're going to buy Cracker Barrel stock.

Bitcoin after this implosion. First I have to buy Bitcoin and I have to figure out how to do that. But then I'll figure it's fine. It's there's Google. Yeah. Okay. CEO Julie Messino ruined y'all's logo. The simplistic logo is a terrible choice.

And for that, I won't be eating at Cracker Barrel anymore until the CEO steps down for their crimes. And to the gallows. Like, what the fuck? Everybody, relax. People are intense about this. have done. I just like I feel like people are acting like she's supposed to be this like angelic, I don't

know, patron of their, of their dinner time. But no, she cares about money. Uh-oh. It's insane. This is insane. Like, she's making enough where she's the fall guy. Like that's the whole point. Million of dollars.

Her face is on it because she's like, yeah, I'm the CEO. I get paid the most. This poor woman, I bet you she's fucking going through it. I, you know what? I don't, I wouldn't be surprised if she's rolling her eyes. I hope so. Because these articles are fucking bat shit. I know.

But like, this has been normalized is a terrifying thing. But apparently they were really taken aback by the backlash, like really surprised. Yeah, because it's fucking insane. I mean, yes, yes, yes. All right. Oh, wait. Speaking, what's her name again?

Julie, Missino. Julie. Okay. So speaking of Julie, here's. an unhinged review of her. Well, just look at the CEO. She or they, them, depends because she looks like she could be one of those people, probably saw millions and billions of insults in that happy man chilling on that barrel.

Are they projecting something? Because I don't know what the fuck they're talking. She looked at that man and she said, we're in danger of getting canceled. This crackers calling us all sorts of things. No, she's saying people are using my pronouns like that. No, she's saying probably this. We have to go woke because people are going to hurl insults about this old man we have on his barrel. Oh, I thought the old man was hurling insults.

No, she saw millions and billions of insults in that happy man chilling on a barrel. And she decided to just get him out of there just to just to save the brand, that sick bitch. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I will say it's not like anyone was calling. That was insane. Is that not like this, like that, I mean, those kind of comments are extra sick, but. The one I just read literally said, I hope the CEO steps down for their crimes.

And I was like, oh, they use. For their crimes. I was like, huh. It's because they're too lazy to look up who it is. No, they used her name. Yeah, true. So I don't know. I thought that was interesting.

Also, I love that. She looks like, like that's a compliment. She looks like she could be one of those, they thens. Oh, yeah. That's the only reason I brought it. And also, like, and she just looks like a woman. I don't know. Like, I don't know. There are a lot of memes of like people with purple hair.

And they're like, this is Cracker Barrel now. It's people with purple hair. And I'm like, what? That's not even true. What are you talking about? Anyway, it's so funny. It's in the saddest way. It's so funny.

Okay. You have a perm, idiot. What are you talking about? Okay. Here's, how many more do you have? I don't know, Alexander. They're really like, I think. a couple. I think it's a few.

So I'm going to read one and then I have the last one after this, but here we go. Here's a one-star review of a... Oh my God, we're already 48 minutes of this. I was like, how are we going to do a whole hour episode? Oh, here we are. Yeah, this is a lot, Christina. This is an important thing we have to bring to the people. One star, Danbury, Connecticut.

The old man bit me and then they took him away before he could do it again. End of review. Oh, no. He's been there for centuries and he only just now, but you've, for the first time as if. I don't believe that. Centuries. I don't believe that.

One person in Danbury, Connecticut gets bitten, and all of a sudden we have to get this fucking nice old man off the barrel. Yeah. I mean, Julie saw all the bites and said, we got to get rid of this guy. CEO, Massino. I don't know. Somehow I feel like she's Melissa in all this.

She's doing the biting, maybe. No, no, I don't think she's doing the biting. think she's complicit. She is complicit. And I'll leave it at that. Oh, I will. Happily, leave it at that. Okay, here we go.

This is one of my favorites. This is Brian, and this is actually a redemption. I went for lunch today. The fried codfish was so amazing. Creamy mac and cheese, plus those buttered corn muffins really hit the spot. Plus, they had new pecan sticky buns in a mini-cart iron pan. I was so full. I didn't even see a logo.

then Kathy responds at Brian you may not have seen a logo but you're going to see the inside of an ICU when you get that triple bypass which I'm like so are you arguing wait what's on not to eat the food but you're also upset they're changing the food like fuck off I'll say like cod okay first of all anyway Chris then responds to Kathy and says go eat some grass again I don't know who's arguing with whom that's the phrase but go eat some grass you know what I think that's no but I think maybe this is the right wing version well because go eat some grass you vegan you know I think that's the implication you wouldn't probably understand that insult I've tried to protect you from it for a long thank you so much and then Chris who wrote go eat some grass to Kathy which is like confusing because I think Kathy's on his side and I think he just doesn't yeah clock that So Chris actually responded specifically to Brian as well. You're in a separate comment and wrote,

Got news for you, Brian. The logo and appearance was what got you in there in the first place. And that food you just enjoyed will be the next thing gone. End of response. What? What? Who goes to Cracker Barrel for the logo? I don't know that's ever been.

Apparently, millions of people. And by millions, I mean, hundreds of angry Facebook boomers. They just found a new thing to be pissed about. How exhausting. But also like there's so much to be pissed about. Yeah, no, like, but yeah, exactly. Something's so inconsequential. Like, that's the thing.

It's just so, and it makes no difference in anyone's humanity, like in light. It says, what the fuck? Who gives a fuck? News flash, Brian, if you want fried cod, you better look that logo in the eye and just fucking swallow it. You know what I mean? So true. I have one more. This is also redemption, redemption quotations.

It is a five-star review. But this is of a Cracker Barrel in Downington, Pennsylvania. Five stars. It is always a very good experience. Our concern and huge disappointment is the new direction Cracker Barrel is heading. My 11-year-old granddaughter said during our breakfast two days ago, No, she didn't. I don't want them to change the signs or inside.

It's like going to a favorite place filled with history I didn't know about. It is like going to a museum that shows what things were. were like before I was born. All the decorations are real, and the pictures tell a story. Me and my siblings like to look and ask our parents' questions. We learn what America was about years and years before we were born. Please tell the company not to change anything. Keep it as it is.

Cracker barrel, you will lose more people than you will gain. Just keep what has been working so well. End of review. Jesus. My 11-year-old, you, I am going to start a petition. we may not any longer use children's alleged opinions as evidence for your point because it's a child or grandchild like you could literally say hey do you want them to get rid of everything in this room and of course they're going to be like no what does it remind you

of does it remind you of something like leave this poor child alone she's just trying to eat her uncle this was a whole monologue she stood up on her chair and said all this she said me and my siblings like to look and ask our parents questions we don't know and anything about history so when we look at a picture and like the paintings tell a story what fucking story there's no story it's talking about they tell a story you're out of your mind I the my only comfort in all this is like there's no sense being made and also they're not there's no good argument here anywhere so I feel like okay I mean at least I know I'm right because they're this is fucking nuts yeah um good good thing

to know that you're right. Good thing I feel confident for once, in my opinion. Okay, here's great escape images. I don't know why that's the name of the, that's just the account. They commented, someday they'll say there was never a man and a barrel in the old logo and say it's part of the Mandela Effect. And then, you know what? I could see that happening.

Okay. And speaking of, JJ wrote, Mandela Effect, prove me wrong. and Mary, and that was a separate comment, but Mary responded, what does that mean? Please clarify, I cannot prove you wrong or right if I don't know what you're talking about. Like, Mary, why on earth are you getting,

it's not all about you? And also just fucking Google it. Yeah. I can't prove you wrong if you don't tell me what you're saying. Give me the chance to prove you wrong about Cracker Barrel being a Mandela effect, their logo. Okay. So the last thing.

I'm going to read one more. Oh, wait. Actually, I have this one real quick. This is a redemption by Jennifer. I like the old logo, but it's not going to stop me for meeting there. Unless they unleash the National Guard at my local cracker barrel, I will continue to go. To which I say, don't hold your breath. Yeah, careful.

Depends on where you live. These days. And then finally, the last one, this is Dwight's comment. He has a crucifix as his picture, so you know it's going to be good. That's exciting. New signage is lacking in artistic imagination. It evokes no sentimental brain responses, just a dull drab sign. This actually means CB is headed back to the Dark Ages, back when there was no artistic clarity.

End of review. When was that? So are they going? Oh, the 80s, I think. Just kidding, I have no idea. What are they fucking talking about? I think they're saying like the country is slipping into like a dark age of heathenism and like not family tradition. I don't know.

I literally don't fucking know. So they're kind of saying that Cracker Barrel's sneaky way to get you in psychologically isn't working anymore. They're like, oh, I'm no longer influenced by them by their logo. Fuck you, Cracker Barrel. Yeah, it's like the hypnosis has worn off. Yeah, so now they're seeing No sentimental brain No sentimental brain response

Honestly, I think he's flatlining My parasympathetic nervous System is Not reacting how it used to Yeah, that's probably because you're in Fight, Flight or Freeze About this whole sign debacle Yeah, you're fleeing Cracker Barrel

To go fight Julie, the CEO With a Rusty Ho With a Rusty Ho In the General Store Yeah. Oh my God. Wow. Wait, we should do Cracker Barrel Clue. That's what I'm saying. When we rebrand with our $80 or whatever we find, then we can make it happen. Drag brunch. Porch pegging. But for real this time. Don't worry. Where it's keeping the porch pegging, it just won't look the same from your childhood. It will look more traumatic for you and your children. And you'll say, I have to ask my parents what that means. It tells a story. All that will remain true. Don't you worry. exciting times y'all um if you want to fund this uh cracker barrel change we're doing you can go to our patreon it's called a re rebrandt.com slash peach two sandy um yeah you can listen to this ad free and

i don't know watch us do stupid shit on there and yeah we're also on tour check this out we're going to cracker barrels all across the country yeah there are a lot of states that cracker barrel does not exist in i found out really i mean they're none in Oregon washing The last one closed in Maine. I think Vermont doesn't have any. The three, like, least likely to have a cracker bill. Yeah, don't get me wrong. I get it.

I think Alaska doesn't have any, which I think makes sense. Hawaii, Hawaii needs a cracker barrel. See, that's, that's, look, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. That's where it makes sense. Put a cracker barrel where it doesn't belong, and then it's kitchy and fun. There you go. It's like a rainforest cafe.

Yes, Pigeon Forge has a, imagine a rainforests cafe. In the Amazon. Like, no, you don't want, you don't need that. Just look around. Right that down for a pitch. It's really good. Thanks. Cracker barrel in Hawaii because you're like, oh, this is not like what I'm used to seeing.

Right. And then we'll put like, um, artisan coffee in small rural towns in Alabama and see what happens. Yeah. Like artisanal organ coffee and it'll, I think everything will work great and we'll be rich. And only plant based milks. Yes. You get it.

I can't wait. We'll have a cashew milking farm down in Georgia somewhere. So if you want to fund all this great stuff, give us money. No, thanks for listening to this really important PSA about Cracker Barrel's logo. I hope. We hope you're okay. We hope you're getting through it. Maybe petition Cracker Barrel to start doing drag brunches if we don't make enough money because I would love to go to a Cracker Barrel drag brunch.

Yeah, if nothing else, I want to be invited. If I can't actually be part of like the process of creating it, I would like to at least attend if possible. Shout out Julie Messino. Yeah. Sorry, Julie. I feel like you're maybe not having the best week weekend of your life. I take a million a year to get conservatives pissed off at me all the time.

I know. I hope you're feeling good about it. If you're not, then you should be. Yeah. Thanks for listening all. Just pray for your local cracker barrel, idusious. Don't pray to, like, God. Pray to someone else like, Julie Massino.

Or that. That works too. That'll really tick them off. Oh, man. Oh, wait. Should we have like some sort of pentagram situation going in our new Cracker Barrel? Maybe the peg game, the peg game, it's pegging, but it's like, it's a pentagram. That's good.

Alexander, that's good. It doesn't even make, the game doesn't even work, but it's just a pentagram. We take like the American flags they have and they would just turn them upside down. It's something that will be easier than others. Cracker barrels in distress. We leave the rusty hose everywhere. Yeah. Including on the floor.

Yeah. Okay. I think we have a shared vision. Yeah. We're going to, we have to go write this down before you forget all this. Good idea. So we'll talk to you next week, everybody,

with an episode we already recorded. But we had to record this last minute. Yeah. Neither. Bye-bye. Bye. You know what I'm going to do.