Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 354: Reviews of Wine Bars

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

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Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash Wondery. That's audible.ca slash Wondery. Welcome to Beach, to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.

Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero. stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach, Sandy, why don't you at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion? I'm your sister host, Christine. I'm brother host.

My name is Zandi. I am a brother and a friend. And nothing more. And nothing more. We are covering wine bars. Yeah, we're covering them real good. It's about time somebody covers wine bars. And my challenge today was to find reviews of people mentioning going commando,

which was fun and it'll be fun. It was weird how many people didn't really know what it means and thought of it more like some sort of like form of aggression. No. Like when someone got upset. by something they were like yeah and i went commando and it's like no that's not really how that works i didn't use those because i thought they weren't really what we were looking for but i do like that though worth mentioning because it was pretty funny i mean that is a quick way to lose wrong type of things where like they use sayings wrong oh really silly okay but yeah wine bars i'm billing upon those

in the wild wine bars uh yeah i guess wine bars are a thing do you know what was held at my wine bar my baby shower your baby i was there yeah yeah a lot I drank a lot more than you. Everyone seemed to. Yeah, it was not. I was like, what a cruel twist of fate. It was lovely. It was a great time.

Alcohol was necessary for me to have a great time. Not because of you, but I think because of the general vibe of the guests there. Yeah, I imagine my experience as the only sober one. And considering you didn't put the invitation list together, that also, that didn't help. No, I didn't even know who was on it, frankly. So it was a good surprise. And by the good, I mean a bad. Okay.

Sorry to clarify. Hello, everyone. Welcome to wine bars. How about you go first? Okay. I've got one here from Caitlin, she, her. Who sent a reviewing of Amuse Wine Bar in Honolulu. And here is a one-star review by someone named Fedora.

Oh. It was from 2009. Ooh. I will never come to this place again. Perhaps your avid wino will enjoy this venue because it serves wine via cool dispensers. Or perhaps they got tired of sipping their tea pinkies up and wanted to try a new classy joint to converse on how Jackson Pollock was the greatest baseball player that ever lived. I do not. First time I went, I intended to try wine because it was a wine bar.

To my disappointment, the cards that you needed to drink wine were not available and had needed to be purchased on an earlier date. That made no sense to me, so I figured I would get a beer to wane. the rising irritation. I went to the bar, asked for a beer, and 30 minutes later, I got what I didn't order. Fucking ridiculous. There is seriously no exaggeration in what I state. 30 minutes for the wrong order. Let me explain what I saw. Oh, for God's sake. It took a while, maybe 10 minutes, to get the moronic bartender's attention. I wish they would stop flirting with each other so I can make an order and the place could generate some sort of income. And yes. I just feel like she's screaming, moron, hey, moron, moron, moron.

Yeah. And yes, they were all male. When they stopped licking each other's nipples to delight, I finally got to order a beer. Jesus. I think they're in the wrong place. It's a little homophobic. Relax, dude.

Bartender nodded, gave his buddy oral sex for the next 30 minutes. Hello. Apparently forgot what I ordered and gave me the wrong beer. At least that's how I saw it. If you're seeing it that way, I think, I don't think they're the problem. Yeah, what are you on right now? I think you're cut off. Something pretty fun, honestly.

It sounds like you should enjoy yourself. Yeah, I think it was meant for someone who knows how to have fun. Here we go, okay. And it doesn't just apply to guys who order. Female and male alike had to wait that a ridiculous 30 minutes per drink. I heard nothing good from the individuals next to me at the bar of the bar. I could do nothing but concur to the max. But they must have some awesome statisticians because in the dance room,

they amazingly placed these fake pillars in the exact spots. where people were most likely to knock them over. Great job, guys. Wine is consumed more efficiently from a box than from a muse list. And no, Jackson Pollock is not a baseball player. End of review. Wow. Thank you for clarifying.

I was so confused. Imagine if they actually knew, if you actually knew how stupid wine bar conversations actually were. Like, they're not even anything, as far as I've experienced, nothing hoity-to-to-dy about them. They're just like a sloppy mess. They're just like, oh, God, I can't believe she's having a kid. I know, right.

I'm used to hearing. Like, ugh. Yeah. Wow. That, uh-oh. Yeah. What else? That ugo baby is going to be crazy, uh-go.

I know. That wasn't me that's saying that for the record. Yes, you do. You definitely do. I know that was the McCarthy's. I'm just kidding. I just made up a name. Yeah.

Is that what McCarthyism is? I literally couldn't think of anybody's name except for McCarthyism. And. Oh. Yeah. It's troubling. Okay, this is one that was sent to me by Taylor, she her. And she wrote, for reference, the Pennsylvania Renaissance Fair takes place where this winery is located.

Oh. Now, I want to add, I did these notes like weeks ago, a week ago, maybe two weeks ago. I don't know. And I don't remember what this is. Stop bragging. And it's a link. It's to tell you I have no idea what's going on. So we're going to look.

Learn next to you. You don't know what it is. What? I just mean the review, like instead of a picture. I always have the pictures in there before. I scroll through, but I just realized I had this link and I'm like, oh, I haven't even skim this yet. It sounded like such a mystery. You didn't even, okay. I skim my other notes. I forgot there was this link up here. Okay, it says, save your, okay, Alexander, you're making me mad now.

What, I said, got it. I'm ready for it. I close my eyes. This is the Mount Hope Estate and Winery. One star by Christy. Save yourself some money and avoid this place. And now here is the response from owner. Allow us to put this review into context. So that's always good, especially when the review just says, save yourself some money. I was like, huh, well, what, it seems like there's a lot missing from that review. It's a long, if they're about to. Oh, shit, really? Like, go really long.

I'm not going to read the whole thing because it really is long. Whenever there's the short review with old known response, it's going to be kind of bad shit. There's no holding back here. Yeah. So this says, allow us to put this review in a context. We understand the source of your frustration is that our security team requested that you leave the fair site with the ferrets you brought. on the site with you.

Agreed. I'm sorry. I'm an animal lover, but ferrets, those fuckers, man. They're fucking mean. And they're kind of stinky. I think they hate me, yeah.

I mean, well, clearly you're, do you have nothing nice to say about him? I know. But there are a few things we are unsure of in this situation. We are unsure why the dog days at the fair and the accompanying dog days decrees Royal Dog Day's qualified dog registration form

and the Royal Dog Day's qualified dog waiver were unclear to you. They specifically refer to leashed and responsible dogs and their owners. Link to that. We are unsure why our pet policy posted on our website under the Frequently Asked Question section is unclear to you. Are pets permitted on the fairgrounds on select weekends? Learn more. Other pets are not permitted on the fairgrounds. Service animals are permitted.

Please do not leave animals in your car. We are unsure why you would not notify someone of an alleged problem with attending dogs at the time it was occurring rather than make a claim through social media after you were asked to leave for not fond. following guidelines. We are also unsure how you misinterpreted the security officer who told you not to leave your ferrets in the car. This is not and has never been our policy. An important reason for beginning dog days at the fair was to eliminate the calls our security team would have to attend to with patrons leaving their dogs in the car. Now they can attend with their families. It is not our practice to tell patrons to lock their pets in a car. Finally, we are unsure why you turned and

walked away. As our customer service manager approached you, she was prepared to come to a resolution, but you didn't give her or us the chance, end of response. Oh, my God. They're like, your fair policy is that I should go throw them in the car so they die. Okay. Yeah. They wanted me to lock them in the thing. And they're like, this is literally the one thing we don't want.

The one thing we don't want is you to kill your pets on our property, please. Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. That's the fucking, that first line or the second line of the ferret. Like, you had to leave the fairgrounds with your ferrets. I knew. I was like, oh, this person.

trouble. I'd want to be nowhere close to this ferret person. Oh, yeah. I, I, I have, I've experienced with ferrets and they're not good, which is where I'm coming from. It's a little alarming to me that I don't know that you have any experience of, I've never heard this about you. Chad, across the street.

I know. I know, Christina. He had ferrets. He just have a ferrets. He had two ferrets. and one he let fucking loose on me he basically sick this we were playing video games he and I and like I don't know

I think it was like some sort of Mario type like an M64 game maybe or GameCube I don't know what year it was probably in 64 actually but anyway and yeah and he led a ferret loose and the ferret was not happy with me and I don't think I went back there ever again

after that one I remember you were pretty traumatized by that I remember I think about Chad every time I see a canister whipped cream because he would like he like emptied that whole can out and then like left the house and mom was so mad yeah um but like wow what a time I wonder how he's doing you know like considering I'm so much better adjusted not that he was poorly adjusted it was his ferret that was the problem um I'm curious how he literally have like anti ferret signs in your apartment so don't act like you're better adjusted than you were at I do I do have a ferret policy and it involves killing them in a car believing them in your hot car just

letting you all know, don't bring your ferrets to my place, because I'm going to send you right back to your car to kill them. And I'm going to lock the door so you can get out. Jesus. Okay, I didn't say that. No, I don't want any fairs to die. You just said to kill them. I'm just kidding.

I don't know what you yelled. You've moved your microphone as far away as possible. So I'm glad. Thank you. That's me thanking you for not saying it to me. I have one from McKinley, who's going to be at our Portland show with her husband. Hey. So shout out McKinley and McKinley's husband to stop.

I don't know. It was just a weird thing to say, Alexander. The way you said it was weird. How is that weird? With her husband. I'm excited that they're both going to be there. Yeah. I wanted to make sure everyone got credit for being there.

And I'm very excited for our Portland show. Our last one went so well. And our recent shows have been so fun. All of them have been fun. So I'm excited for more. Here's a review of Floor wines in Portland, Oregon. Floor wines. Cool.

F-L-O-R. I was like, cool. I like this grunge vibe, floor wide. It sounds like tub wide. Lap it up. Put on your hands and knees and lap it up. It's on the floor. I love it.

Jackson Pollock is the best baseball player on the New York Nets. Okay. It starts with, in all caps, the long, and then colon. So I'm just going to read the long of it is what they're sharing here. This is a five-star review, I'm pretty sure. Here we go. My dearly beloved folks and wanderers of the RIPP city, no rating should do our most treasured floor justice.

With the nectar of the gods in the form of the blood of Christ, a level of service fit for no less than kings, floor is your go-to spot for stellar wines from around the globe, friendly and knowledgeable staff who cater to their patrons like, baby, you're my Corona Lime and I can be your main squeeze, biodynamic varieties of sheer quality and character, and prices you just don't understand. The quality is off the charts,

but with several of everything from across all of time and space, could a winery be more multiverse? Listen, I know this is all very, all of the king's horses and all the king's men, and does she have good taste in music? And she certainly has great taste in telly with those Rick and Morty vibes of me,

but on the real, don't miss this sweet gem hiding right in the pearl, conveniently located, block from Pearl District Dental in case, you know, your smile needs a quick lift from all that delectable stainage. Insert evil laugh. Pop on over for a happening time with treats you'll love and faces you'll also come to love or rush in to get your wine fixed by the hand of the almighty grape gods. They even offer beers and a selection of bites from happy hour-esque nuts and cheeses and la la la la la la fresh to fancy meat offerings of sorts. If you're up for an enrichment

of the fermented fruit turn tainted liquid variety, give it a chase over at your friendly neighborhood floor. You shan't regret it. What in the fuck? I think that was actually somebody at the Renaissance Fair. I think they got mixed up. It felt like a lot. I'm sorry.

I'm reading that aloud, kind of showed how much of weirdness that was in there. Because as I'm reading it, I'm like, I really don't know how to even like say any of this. Every word got stranger by the minute. Yeah. And there's so many like pommas. So it's just like run on sentences, run on sentences, run on sentences. They definitely have a style.

Yes, yes. Did, was that a five story, you said? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to say yes. So is there a short now or is that? Yeah. In hindsight, what I probably did was I, the short probably had the review or sorry,

the rating and I must have not brought that, but I'm going to find it real quick. Okay. In McKinley's email, she said, this reviews for our favorite wine bar in Portland. Amazing Spot and the owners are so kind. five-star review captures the essence and then runs away with it. Enjoy. So it is a five-star review. Oh,

and that is a perfect description of it. That's so good. It captures the essence and runs away with it. And then gets a little bit lost. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got lost along the ways, but this was the most like millennial shit reading this. Like to me, I don't know if that's true.

The Rick and Morty vibes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it got that. But hey, you know what? They had good things to say at least. So I feel like that. I feel like that. say like is that the name okay this is me telling a joke that's not me telling it's me telling a joke but pretending like I'm yeah no that I'm

pretending I'm not taking credit for because it's probably not funny but um you know that meme of like oh it's a fallout boy song like I feel like that's what that is like the rick and morty vibe like the commas and the Rick and Morty vibe and you think the whole thing is a no I'm saying somebody else would say that as a joke oh got it you wouldn't you would never say that because you know every fallout boy song so well that is true but that's a separate thing. That's a separate thing. I just meant like that joke is kind of overplayed. You don't have the delivery possible to make it funny. That's probably more of what it is.

This was sent in by Emma, she heard. It's of a place called Root Stock in Woodstock, in Woodstock, Georgia. And it's a one-star view by Seth. And Alexander, I think maybe there's like a pattern here because we'll just listen to this. Seth says, Eek, me, things not. Super bland food at a high price. They substituted most of our meals with inferior ingredients. I asked for the veal, but they told me they only had elk. My friend asked for the scallops, and they said they only

had shrimp, but charged just the same price. End of review. Same price as what? The scallops that they don't have? Fuck if I know that they don't have. Yeah, I have no idea. Not the elk, man. I hate when I'm planning to chomp on some veal and I get some elk instead. You're like, I wanted to eat a baby

animal. What the fuck is wrong with you? Where is this? Alaska. Um, Georgia. I don't know where elk are I could hear they're more northern than Georgia I wanted the veal but I got elk God tell me What is the fuck are you talking about?

Oh man Was it a baby elk at least? I'm sure it wasn't because there's probably like a They probably have to call it like an elk cub or something A foal Like what? Venison is baby deer right? Or it's venison just deer Sorry, veal is baby cow

I mean Beal his baby cow, yeah. So elk is probably just elk. I wonder what baby elk is. Maybe they grate the antlers over top. Oh, dear God, like truffles. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God, I hated that.

That's so awful. It's not good. Oh, man, I'd rather eat a ferret. Yeah, well, Altsinner wouldn't be the first time. You're not supposed to say that part? Well, why do you think what would be? He might find out what happened. How, Sander, what do you think he doesn't know?

No? That's not before I went vegan. Why do you think the whipped cream reminds me of him every time? That is how I ate them, lots of whipped cream. I'm not always the most organized person, and unfortunately, that means with my finances as well. So it's tough for me to keep track of my spending each month, especially when it comes to reoccurring purchases that I might forget about, like, different subscriptions. Anyway, that's where Rocket Money comes in. And if you don't know what Rocket Money is, Rocket.

money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I love that they categorize all of my different purchases. Sometimes they don't know what it is because I'm probably spending money on a category no one should be spending money on. It's usually lighthouse related. But it's nice to know, you know, what's groceries, what's travel, what's rent. Well, okay, not when I know each month.

But there are so many different things that it's tough for me to keep track of. And hey, I'm not the only one using this, because Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with RocketMoney.com. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach. Okay, my next one, talk about chaotic, is from, Pickles, parentheses, skinless Jesus, she, her, who sent an interesting email. Skinless Jesus, good times. And suggested we have more, use more fun, fake names instead of the ones we use.

And here's a list of totally real possible names you could use. And here are some of my favorites from it. It's a long list, but here we go. There's Throck Morton, which I think was pretty special. Throck Morton. Mortimer, Bartholomew. Mortimer. Jimithy.

I feel like I've said Jimothy before, but maybe not on the podcast. Cletus. Oh, Cletus. That's good. Yeah, pubert. Pubert, please. I don't know why, but that one hit me pretty good. Archimedes.

Archimedes. Pumpkin. Oh. They're all over the place. Bronco, werewolf in Jeopardy. Dolly? Now I'm just playing the game. And then she said, this is my favorite one.

skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus, skinless Jesus. Don't do that on sooner. Stop. Okay. And then said, wine bar is more like wine with an age bars. Am I right or am I right? And then said Throck Morton is such a badass name. This is getting more. This is getting more. This is like, remember when somebody said they got the essence of it and ran away with it? I feel like that's what's happening. That's what that's yeah. Pickles is absolutely doing that. skin was Jesus just once. Jesus. That's a reference from a past episode if you're new here and you're like, why. Yeah, that was something. That was something.

She's like, Jesus with skin on. Okay, so here's what pickles Jesus with skin off had to send. And it was a Reddit post about experiences with wine in our wine community. And here's a comment from eight months ago, from a deleted user. I'm sorry, by Throck Morton. Yeah, thank you. Silly me.

Had a server at a small family restaurant with a very good food reputation. We were doing a wine event in the city, and the winemaker and I both brought bottles for dinner. Modest corkage fee and everything was going good. Server came to open the wines, and we both told her to pour carefully as there might be sediment. Her response was to tell us, it's okay. I usually just shake up the bottle to mix the sediment in. she perceives to start turning the bottle upside down to mix the sediment in. Jesus fuck.

The next 30 seconds were like Hollywood slow motion with both of us reaching towards the bottle while exclaiming, no, we did turn it into a teachable moment for her. So I do hope she stopped trying to do that. Oh my God. You didn't turn it into a teachable moment. It became one on its own. When you lunged, when both of you lunged for her as she tipped the bottle. She learned.

Don't worry. Wow. I'm familiar with like, wine sediment, but I'm like, I assume it's not something you're going to, you don't want to shake the bottle. I assume there's something you're supposed to be really delicate about if it's like, whino people, you know. Those winos are very particular. Yeah. This person seemed very, like, they weren't like being mean to them, but, uh, wow. They seemed under understanding enough, but, uh, yeah.

So someone said, someone once told her wine has similar acidity to orange juice and now she thinks sediment is like pulp. And I was like, I don't get it. But maybe that's funny to winos. I don't know. I, yeah, the sediment, imagine like the one of the bottles got turned upside down, but not the other one. And now the winemaker and this person are like trying to compare wines. And they're like, actually like, I made this wine.

It's like, yeah, but there's like the sentiments all mixed in. So like, how would I even know? Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's how it works. I guess we have to drink my wine that I bought at Albertsons. Good job. It took you a while with something.

Bevmo. I don't know. My brain. Okay. Where are you right now? Upstairs. Okay. Like mentally, I mean. Oh, I'm telling you're in California. That's why I was confused. I was like, those are things I have not heard of in a while. I thought of in a while. Albertsons and Bevmo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. Isn't that nice? Okay. So this one is from Maggie She-Her. And it's of, listen, I don't know how much of this is supposed to be pronounced. in Italian, but it says Villa Beleta, Via Beleta Winery and Peppin, Wisconsin. Gosh, Jesus Christ. It's what I'm saying is like, it's like a lot of letters though. And I'm like, do they say like Beleta? Do they say like Villa?

I promise you, they do not say via. No, you're right. Villa Belza, maybe. To be down on Wisconsin, I would say that for probably 90% of U.S. States, that there's no way. They'd say via. Stop going down on Wisconsin. It's really inappropriate.

Oh. I heard a beer 30 minutes ago. Well, I wanted to go up on Wisconsin because it's, I don't know what that means, but it's north. You don't want to know. Okay. I do want to go. This is a one-star review by Dan the random man, so that's good. Wow.

One-star. We were catfished. I went commando. I feel like people don't understand. We were catfished. I expected a strange Italian chucky cheese. Instead, I got an insult to my intelligence, coupled with the worst food I've had in a long time.

The waitstaff were really nice, though. End of review. Huh. How does one feel that way about how expect an Italian chucky cheese? Is that what they called it? A strange Italian chucky cheese. You don't need the word strange. in there. I think that's the other two are strange enough together.

This place is literally called the Villa, Baleta, Winery and Vineyards. Like, there's not really any, it's not like an fun. It's not like fun land or something, a kid zone, trampoline sky zone. Okay, it says, and here's a response from my honor. Sorry if you felt misled in some way. If you'd be willing to share more about your experience and how we did not meet your expectations, please email us at info. It's like, imagine being like, I will. I will tell you how you didn't meet my expectations of a strange Italian chucky cheese. I'll tell you in great detail. Yeah, I would love that.

I'd like to be c-seed on that. I would also really like to be c-seed on that. Because I'm very curious. And I also kind of want to find this or find some sort of place. It's in a strange Italian chucky cheese. I was going to make a joke about Dave and Busters and come up with two Italian-sounding names, but I couldn't do it. I was sitting here like, David.

I was going to say the statue of David. The Statue of David and Busters. Busters. Yeah, that's what I'm true. Mr. Buster. Mr. Buster. Mr. Buster. I have another thing sent in by Pickle.

Don't worry. We're not done with Pickle. Sorry, Pickles. Skinless Jesus. Sorry, Skinless Jesus. Who was sent in a couple more reviews. And this is of the shop and wine bar in Sydney, Australia. One Star with Owner Response.

Unfortunately, my friends and I had a very poor experience here last night. We provided the waitress with our dietary requirements, dairy-free, when we placed our order. One of the main dishes came out with yogurt on it, so we informed them straight away. The waitress took it back to the kitchen, but then came back to us with the same plate to tell us she couldn't understand why we can't eat it. It's just yogurt in a super dismissive tone. We were then told that the kitchen was way too busy to remake the dish. Here, wait, usually I shake it up first. Does I hope?

I'll shake it up. I'll shake the yogurt up. So that all the sediment gets in there, and then you can have it. Yeah, that'll help. It takes up the dairy. We were then told that the kitchen was way too busy to remake the dish and that there were a lot of new staff on, making us feel like a hindrance. They emphasized multiple times that we only had a limited amount of time left at our table

and that we might have to pick something else off the menu. Made to feel like an inconvenience, we asked whether we should bother ordering a different item or not. To which the owner replied, don't be a smart ass. Apart from the owner being extremely rude, there were zero apologies made for this. error slash inconvenience. End of review. And don't worry, there's an owner response. Okay, because I'm like, oh, that sucks.

This sounds like a terrible experience. I'd like to hear the owner response now. You were so rude, I actually don't want you back in my place. 35 minutes late to your booking. You were requested not make sense as the whole dish was dairy. And yes, we were too busy for that order. We could have made a quick replacement with a little time we had. In my 20 years, I have never stood up to myself, but I'm glad I,

did. We are so happy to help dietary restrictions to polite people. You were so late and wanted to order when we had 20 minutes. We try to accommodate everyone, but there has to be a line. Most people respect what we can and cannot do in our tiny kitchen and one chef. You saw how hectic it was, and I was trying to explain our new chef and waitress so it was very difficult for me at that time, but you proceed to be condescending. If you had some understanding and some kindness, I would have apologize if you weren't so mean and of response. Oh, I don't have any patience for

mean people. Yeah, I'm honestly, especially if you have employees to worry about and they're probably being talked to a certain way, just fucking fuck. Fuck off. And don't come back. That was hilarious. The whole dish is like, oh my God, please. Take the yogurt off it. Like, yeah, it's ridiculous. Like, you order

something, I don't know. Yeah, it's stupid. It's stupid. Stupid. Pissed me off. And like the amount of times that people, they have brought Something non-vegan to me, like, not this place, obviously, but like... The amount of times I've flown to Australia. I couldn't even imagine writing a one-star review if that happens unless they, like, were really shitty about it. But, like, it doesn't sound like that was the case here. Like, it sounds like they fucked up and were lashing out because they, like...

I mean, the fact that you've literally taught this one, I mean, people are learning a lot of lessons. Like, this one lady, you don't shake wine. This one lady's like, wait a minute, I can stand up for myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that for me and love that for her. Wow, it's like life-changing experiences at all these places. So true. Wine bars make a difference.

So this was also sent in by Emma, she her. We're going back to Woodstock, Georgia. Oh, good. Elk County. The Elk County, capital of America. This is a one-serve-byed Gemith. Just your average overly priced cracker and cheese restaurant with overpriced everything, LOL, this place needs to go.

It's deaf, doesn't go with the vibes in Woodstock. This is more of a Rosewell vibe. And then the business owner responded, this is amazing feedback. Thank you. I'm like, sure enough, Rosewell got, they moved to Roosevelt.

And this business skyrocketed because people there don't want field. They want elk. I mean, that's where. And shrimp. And expensive shrimp. Yeah, I will say I did look if elk are native to Georgia. They once roamed the state, apparently, but they are no longer there. Oh, but they were hunted to near extinction by the late 1700s, apparently.

Hey, did you know that's not true? What? Did you know some people theorize that that's not actually true that there was an ice age and that early populations did not kill their food sources out? Like we like American, like North American historians say. Huh. Fun fact. That is fun.

I mean, this is just a theory, but it was a theory presented by a very educated person that I watched a documentary about. So I don't. I'd be curious to read about it. But also I'm like, yeah, I'm like, huh, if humans could be the cause of something, I'm usually assuming it's the human's fault. You know, like I'm like, I feel like it's more likely. Yeah.

Is sort of like, oh, well, these early populations, they didn't even realize they were just killing off all their food sort. And it's like, they lived there for thousands of years. I don't think they killed off their... I don't know. I think it's framed as more of a simplification of what really happened. But I just learned this the other day. So I could be completely...

About what animals? Just like... Like, bison. Like North American. Those were like... Mammoths. Oh, that was our fault. That was going to say.

That wasn't like the native population doing that. Sorry. I mean like those... They called them fauna. Prehistoric fauna. Oh, prehistoric fauna. Yeah, that is fun. So wait, but prehistoric...

Okay. Like, I don't know. Like, woolly mammoths, all that. Oh, that those were not hunted to extinction. Sorry. Sorry, I'm talking about, like, the Americas in the 1700s is not prehistoric. That's why I'm like, I don't know. Okay, I see what you're saying now.

Yeah, yeah. I forget where I was even going. Yeah, I don't know, but it's interesting. So all, everyone, let's all do, let's all do our own research. Let's all not. And do not respond to this conversation. Do not take a grain out of this conversation. We are on different pages.

for once in our lives. I'm requesting that you do not learn anything. Nothing that we said matters. I have a one-star review here. This is a review of third on the left, Palm Cove. Was this another one that, I think this was another one that Pickle sent in? Pickle's his email is kind of like, it's like a fever dream. Every time I open it up, I'm like seeing new things of chaos.

No. Not in a bad way Somewhat And I think this is this is one of those Anyway Didn't get in Never seen such a negative reaction To a sleeping four month old in a pram

Boss doesn't like kids apparently Even 3.30 p.m. Sunday for a quick one See ya End of review So this person had a baby in a stroller And they're like Owner had such a negative response Here's a response from owner

Okay, okay The No Kids Rule is up on on the door, mate. We're comfortable with the decision, as are the vast majority of our customers. Actually, I do like kids. I just struggle to eat a whole one these days. End of response. Oh, my God.

That's so good. That's what I want to copy and paste to every Fox News comment on that page, just to see what happens. Just to leave it there. Like, you think they're in a tizzy now. Imagine, imagine the spiral. It would be too easy, though. Oh my God.

It's like proves all the Qadon theories, you know? Oh my gosh, it's so true. Okay, wow. That was powerful. Okay, this is from Lindsay, they, them. It's of an unnamed wine garden. Oh, it's of an unnamed wine garden because this is where Lindsay used to work. And so I didn't want to, like, docks their workplace.

But this is a five-star review, and it's a little different. That doesn't sound good. I don't know what that means, but. My paws were too busy to snag any pictures. Just know the place was magnificent. The lighting, the music, and even the drinks. It was oh, so comfortable and the perfect place to go chat with a friend or two. Sticking you out tongue face.

The burger was, mm, mm, mm, chef's kiss. It didn't last two minutes on the table. Good pickles. Get the marg. Great service, lots of smiles. Love y'all. And I'm like, did we just switch from the dog to the person? Yeah, my stomach hurts because I can't tell what just happened.

I am upset. The picture is. There's a picture of a cat. I mean, the profile, the profile picture. Not the, I was like, what a twist. No, there's not a picture with the review. Yeah, so that was a dog from the, from a dog's voice. I'm assuming it's a dog, like my paws were too busy to.

Oh my God. Maybe it was not ever about a dog and it's just the way this person talks. But it says my paws. I'm like, I don't know. It's like, it's just weird. Anyway, get the mark. Yeah. I will.

Lately, I've been prioritizing convenience when it comes to my food, and unfortunately, that means sometimes paying too much for food or eating food that doesn't make me feel too good. And sometimes I just need to get out of a rut. And one way that is really good is Home Chef, because Home Chef delivers the fresh ingredients and chef-designed recipes right to you, and it's easy to make, and it's so delicious. the people agree because users of leading meal kits have rated Home Chef number one in quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease, which, you know me, that is probably the most important thing for me. They have the classic meal kits, quick 30 minute recipes, oven ready

options, microwave meals, a dedicated family menu. Really, you have all sorts of options when it comes to Home Chef. And for a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off in free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to HomeChef.com slash to Sandy. That's homecheft.com slash beach two sandy for 50% off your first box in free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash beach two sandy. It must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Oh, wait. I forgot. I'm so sorry. Lindsay put a note about this. I remember this guest because they were sitting outside and asked if we had a dog menu. We don't, but we did bake the dog a plain hamburger patty, much to the confusion of our kitchen. So, okay.

that's better. The burger was, mm-mm, okay, so they did eat a burger. Okay, the dog ate the burger. Okay, it's fewer. But I'm assuming not a margarita, but. But maybe, maybe. Hmm. Also, it's like it didn't last two minutes on the table.

Like, was it on the table? Was the dog eating from a plate? I don't understand. Yeah, maybe. It doesn't matter. I don't know why. That feels a little weird. Maybe a little much, but I don't know if you put the same plate on the floor and have

the dog eat, it doesn't really matter. Some people would say yes. Ancient alien theorists say yes. Wow, Alexander. That was... What about all the extinct animals? What do they think about it? All that elk that dogs eaten.

They say, mm-mm, mm-mm, good pickles. I do like a good pickle. I do like a good pickle. I have a voicemail here. This is from Courtney, and I'm going to play it for you, Zandi. Hi, sheepers, Sibbs. My name is Courtney, and I have a confession to make. I am the daughter of a couple of cool cruisers.

Yes, my parents love to go on cruises. And my mother is, in fact, a member of Cruise Critic. Unfortunately, she refuses to tell me her username, so I don't know if you've ever read any. I love that you won't tell the username. Now, I don't have a review, but I actually have a story about the first cruise my mother ever went on. When she was 16, her grandmother took her and her sister on their first ever cruise. And on the very first night, my mom and her sister were in their room sleeping, and they heard screaming going on in the hallway. And being 16 and 15-year-olds, they decided to see what the ruckus was about.

And it turned out their next-door neighbor of the cruise had died and had a heart attack. the very first night And they still continue to this day to go on cruises So I guess having someone die on the cruise next to you Didn't frighten either of them too much This is scary I myself have been on four cruises Three with my family and one with friends in college

I don't know what's wrong with me I don't know why I would do such a thing But yeah I love the podcast Love you guys And I hope you guys maybe one day come to my town. I live in Virginia, the Hampton Roes area. The Carnival cruise ship. I know Zandi loves to read reviews about bridges. And we have a pretty popular bridge,

the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel Bridge, which actually people tend to be scared of when they see pictures of it online. So thanks, guys. Okay. Okay. I'm really interested in that bridge into slash tunnel. But I'm going to ignore that for now. I'm going to push that down for a moment. I knew Courtney would get to you. That was troubling. Courtney shouldn't have mentioned that. Wow. Some great confessions there.

I urge you to seek help. The cycle continues. The grandmother, it's hereditary. You can't get out of that cycle yet. It's all generational trauma. That's exactly what this is. And it's like passed on. No, I feel that it's so delightful when people are like, I'm a cool cruiser.

Love the show. And I'm like, thank God. Because I feel right, like, how could you talk about me like this? And I'm like, I don't, I'm not, I'm literally not talking about you. We have Google people. I'm talking about Courtney's mom. I know, I'm just saying you're right. Like, yeah, we get lots.

No, no, no, no. I'm yelling this at the, at the listener. I'm saying I'm not talking about you, cool cruisers. No, I would never yell at you. I've never done that before. I see what you're saying. It's like, I'm not talking about you. What the fuck are you getting offended?

I'm talking about Courtney's mom. If anyone's going to get offended, it better be Courtney's mom, not you. I will say. If you get offended by certain. things. Either we overstepped, which, yeah, right? Which is possible. Oh, I mean, possible. Uh, or in another universe, maybe you're doing something like, maybe you shouldn't be leaving one star reviews or being a, a cool cruiser in a negative way. Because that happens. But you know what? Because we have plenty of Google,

uh, we have the Elp Elite and, uh, local guides who listen and. Oh, yeah, that was what it was. somebody said like why do you talk about like Google local guides like that or something and I was like I'm a local guy like I don't like you can be a local guide but I accidentally became a local guide I'm not trying to offend anyone I genuinely I'm like what does this mean and why because I'm not a local guide and yet I am so yeah yeah and it's local to what doesn't even matter no one knows it's about it's about it usually is yeah when I talk about swinging and stuff that's who I'm usually talking about. Exactly.

By the way, this was Hampton Roads Bridge tunnels, that's plural apparently, 417 Google reviews and a 2.6 out of five. Oh, sorry, that was loud. I guess people are afraid of this. I mean, what the fuck?

Where does it even go in the middle of the water? What is that? Oh, no, it becomes a tunnel. Probably onto a cruise, probably onto a cruise ship. It looks so funny. Because it just like goes on, and then there's this island thing, and then it just like ends, but I guess it becomes a tunnel.

that goes to that. It's pretty crazy. Like, I don't think so. Pretty fascinating structure, if you ask me. I don't think I want to be part of it. I would like to be. I don't know if it's enough for me to want to do a show in Hampton, Norfolk, Norfolk, Norfolk.

I'm definitely not doing one now. Yeah, never mind, Virginia. But yeah, that was a good, thank you for the story. That's crazy. Oh, yeah. Maybe your mom was like, you know what? that's how I want to go out and so now yeah now she's cruising maybe that was what like started the love of cruising

have you been writing on that post at this entire time I'm just trying she's been drawing a fucking stupid ass children's sailboat thing it looks like a fucking that what is that shape of that boat why are there stars oh are those supposed to be starfish what the hell I like that jellyfish though thank you he's so the sun is like shooting missile Oh, that explains me. The sun is aggressive with those rays.

Like, why are they so thick? Because that was when we were talking about Corley and Guam, and I was like, get out the transmute the energy. Oh, okay. I just got my aggression out on that sun drawing. It's good, better than me. Oh, gosh. Okay.

Anyway. Time for my challenge. It is. My challenge was to find reviews, people. mentioning going commando and uh the first one i have here is from jenny sheher who sent in a review of haines ultimate men's briefs soft moisture wicking underwear tagless seven soft moisture uh-huh that's how i like my moistness soft this is a three-star review um i would say it's a negative they fit well but over time the price of haines underwear seems

to keep going up while the quality keeps going down i mean they're underwear and they do the job that underwear are supposed to do, but they are thinner material and wear out faster than they used to. They are just thin and get random holes in them. They also don't retain their shape as well as they used to. In addition, the material at the legs now tends to wear thin, exposing the elastic, causing angry-looking red marks on my son's skin. These were purchased for my son, but I've bought larger haines for my husband in the past. My husband got so fed up with the lower quality that he told me not to bother getting any for him. He says he's changing from briefs to boxers. He's threatened to go commando if the boxers end up being cheap quality.

Come on, none of us want that. Please, please, please go back to making a quality product so that our 47-year-old husbands will not boycott underwear. Whoa. I'm sorry, is your husband a toddler? Like, come on. Sorry, boycott, right? Like, come on.

Like, your 47-year-old husband is like, this is comfy, the underwear you bought for me. I'm going to boycott underwear. It's like, go buy your own fucking underwear. Okay, buyer on underwear, first of all. Second of all, like, I'm a little mad at you because it was like, finding, you didn't say, like, threatening to go to commandant. That's, like, a lot scary. And I don't think I realize how, like, scary this would be for me.

Yeah. But, yeah, threatening to go, no, she's right. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. Well, just wait for that. I have more on that later on whether or not people want that. I guess some people want that. Here is a review that I found, a five-star review of Maui tanning in Brookfield, Wisconsin.

Okay. Five stars. This is by Anna Beth. Okay, so I'm driving from Brookfield to Waukesha to go to the what I'm used to tanning salon to get a stand in a box spray tan. When my common sense and a need for something better kicked in. So as I'm driving, I Google. I know, not good. Brookfield spray tan.

To my delight, four and a half stars and fantastic review. on Maui tan. So I pull over after driving unaware. I drove only two miles past it. Well, yeah, you're unaware because you're literally googling and driving. You would have seen it if you weren't looking at your fucking phone while driving. Jesus. Oh, my God.

I walked in, vibe felt good, although I felt distant as it wasn't my used to place. I asked about spray tanning, thinking getting sprayed in a box by myself completely naked. Nope, they don't do that. Donna, the owner, informed me she does it and I can have undergarments on or off. Donna, who has three kids and has seen it all. Well, I went commando. She made me feel comfortable, and now I am beautifully golden brown, educated, and bought a package. This lady is on the ball and actually cares about what is good for you.

End of review. Wow. So, yeah, seems great. And then you added to the good reviews. What a wholesome experience. No, I love that for them. Even though you got naked in front of Donna. Yeah, and Donna was there for it.

We've seen it all. Donna was really there for it. Maui Tan still open. Go check it out. Pardon. I don't know. You probably passed it two miles ago. Yeah, just turn around and go two miles.

Just like us with Dinosaur World that one time in Plant City, Florida. Okay, that was not an accident, though. They definitely need to move this sign. That is true. That was definitely a big mistake on their part. Poor signage. Here we go. Here is a post on TripAdvisor.

about Playa del Carmen, which the Playa del Carmen travel forums in, oh, in cooperation with Mexico. So it's like the Mexico tourism, like, board or whatever. Cooperation. My goodness. So it's a nice coastal town, coastal resort town in Mexico. And here is a thread. It's from 17 years ago, Jarvis says, what do people wear? I'm staying at the Royal PDC next month and just trying to get an idea of how people dress at dinner. I know that men are not allowed to wear shorts, but how dressy do the women get?

Do they wear dressy dresses? Can women wear jeans to dinner? My boyfriend and I will be venturing out to Fifth Avenue a few nights after dinner, so I would like to go a bit more casual those nights, but would like to dress up a bit more on other nights. Just not sure how much. Would something I would wear to a summer wedding be appropriate, or are women mainly in skirts and caprice? Any input would be helpful at all. So people had some... Now I want to know.

Like, I'm not even going to be there. And I'm like, somebody tell me the dress code. And then 14 comments in. Wine chickie says, is it acceptable to go commando? Who asked you, wine chicky? Where are you coming from? And Philly fan says, Mexico is a peaceful nation. So unsure why you would go commando on the sky cycle, please leave your weapons at home.

Just stupid. Sorry. What's a sky cycle? I actually don't know. I've missed that. Sorry. I think it's like a. A ferris wheel?

I think it's like a weird like it's a, it's a bike that's on like a, I see it now. It's like a what are those lines that you cross like you like a you're hooked in. You're on a bike and you're peddling across like really high off the ground and peddling over a wire on a bike. Oh, I see. So that's like you have a harness on. It's like literally a sky cycle. Think of a sky bicycle across a wire. That's what this is.

I don't want to think about that. And it's like, why? I don't understand. And also it's like, that's so good because that means like go commando. It does have double meeting. It's like, don't bring your weapons. Don't make us all. So Philly fans just kind of being a little goofball with it.

Your hoo-ha on the sky cycle. And then new to Playa said this. I want Commando a lot. It's easy to get away with because they do not enforce any rules about underwear. Who enforces rules about underwear? What are you talking about? Imagine like going to another country and being like, what are their underwear rules? Which it's like, I'm sure there are your underwear rules.

Some things I need to consider that I wouldn't normally consider about going to, when I go to other countries. But this doesn't seem like one of those things that. Take Waukesha. What's Waukeesh's fucking underwear rules? I didn't know there were rules being enforced anywhere, let alone like, I mean, I imagine it's like a private business thing if it ever matters. Oh, my God, out of center. I thought it was so silly. But yeah, so eventually.

We still enforce it. Oh, God. Imagine the first few times she was probably like, oh, shit, someone's going to, I'm going to get in trouble. So that being the 14th post, and I think the person got their answers before it derailed a little bit. But not soon after, not long after that, it said this has been closed. So they were like nip in the mud. All the questions have been answered. Thank you.

We're not, we're no longer accepting questions. Thank you. And now, from TripAdvisor, we're headed over to the Yelp forums, of course. This is from 2009, so you know it's going to be good. Good, as in not good. The title is Going Commando, hot or not? Oh, Yelp is so annoying and cringy. Oh, my God.

And this is what Wes has to say. Is it hot when you know a woman is wearing no panties? Is it hot when a guy is wearing no undies? No. I'm going to be honest. To me? No on either front. But like not, it's not like I'm disgusted by it.

It doesn't really occur to me. It's not something that I guess I would really care about. I mean, I'm sure some people it would be more of their thing. But I do. I am surprised. I'm curious what Yelper's think, I guess. Dangerous. That's a dangerous thing to say.

I know. I know. Okay. And then I'm going to read some of these comments. Here's what Jass has to say. Not, especially if a dude has on jeans. It seems like that zipper would be scratchy. It's so kind of gross if he has sweats on, you can see his penile outline.

And don't get me started if it's even remotely hard. Yuck. Women? Yes. Hot always. Okay, that's not correct. That was pretty good. Like, honestly, I was like, you know what?

I think that it would be like I agree that men it's for me of different yeah I'm like that's it's kind of weird not weird bad but just like definitely not hot to me yeah not not in a way to no not in a way that I could relate to and also like men's underwear due to like urinals and stuff tends to be easy access already so it's not like you get you know what I mean like because they have flaps and stuff that you so it's like what's the hot part just that there's like one less thing covering the mist right I don't know it's like leave something to the imagination yeah modest modest modest is hottest modest is hottest that is how I've always felt I also like the implication that like I mean of course it is gross to see a man's hoo-ha any sort of I hate that I'm saying

any of this but I don't know I said that I know I said that I know I said that I think because I was trying to find a better way to say hard and I couldn't think of one okay and then I thought a firm and then I thought that's worse and then I said so no I said firmament oh I think She's a firmament. I'm like, why are we talking about Fermanent again? Oh, it's my fault. Whoops. And then here's what Christopher has to say.

Okay. For women, only if she's wearing a dress and is not wearing panties, because so is trying to set the mood. I don't know what that means, but then says, in jeans, gross, sounds painful. As for the boys, I don't want to think about sausages on the loose. Precisely. Precisely.

Someone said, ooh, I once worked with this. guy who went Commando, his coin purse was showing all the time. Gross. Just like, come on, have some decency people. And they're talking about like discharge. Oh, for God's sake. It's like, wow, you don't ask a question of Yelp and not get every possible aspect of an answer. And they really I think the worst part, though, about these forums is like half of these comments are gone. Like, we miss out on a lot of content because so much has been. The accounts have been closed, so all their comments are gone. Devastating.

Yeah, it doesn't say, like, deleted and leave the comment. It removes everything. An anthropological perspective. And then Randy said, leakage can ruin your clothing. And Aaron says, what kind of women are you hanging out with? Leakage can ruin your clothing. Wow, that sounds like a fun person to go on a date with. It's like, ooh, why are you talking about that?

Hey, I'm not wearing underwear. Well, your leakage can ruin those clothes. I'm not I might be paying for dinner but I'm not paying for the dry cleaning bill no thank you from all that discharge

but you can borrow some white vinegar some cleaning vinegar if you want yeah anyway so there's just a lot of people just basically saying

the same shit over and over again and like yelpers are terrible like especially in 2009 um yeah It's like the peak.

I mean, we've discussed that. That was like the peak time of Yelp. And they do seem to have something to say about literally everything. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the number of, like, people are saying camel toe.

People are talking about infections, UTIs. Like, it's all over the place. They're diving way too deep into this because I don't think it is that deep ever. That's what I'm saying is like you don't ask a question unless you want every aspect of like any pause. I mean, this isn't just we don't do surface level on yelp we go all the way yeah i do have this one

that i want to read by christine um i didn't just make that up absolutely hot i go commando probably like 90% of the time providing the outside temperature is above 40 any colder than that the fun disappears hubby truly loves it especially when i wear one of my shorter skirts on the days we can get away without the kids he'll usually pick out the shortest ones that like just barely cover my butt. It gets us both going and is really quite a lot of excitement and real fun. Don't knock it till you try it. And I'm like, okay, Christine. Okay, Christine. Okay. Okay. You're having fun. Yeah, love that for you and your hubby. Not for your kids. I don't love that for the kids. They're going to have to read. They're probably hearing this now and going, is that why every time mom and dad went on date night, they would.

I would see her butt. I would see her whole vagina out in front of the rest of the. Okay. Anyway, I'm done with that. It's like. insane how many comments are on this like i wish i could there could be a whole episode on just this thread it's so fucking long and it's like people talking about pubs and zippers about penises and zippers uh freeballing beef lips i'm who who who who there are words drooping beef lips that flap wildly like there are people are wild but it's like it's like they're waiting for like an outlet for their creativity and opinions for sure you know and it's like the writing style like all of that. It's like a blog, but they're, like, getting almost like, I'm encouraged to

Yeah. And to be fair, this isn't humor and offbeat. So it's not like it's, so it kind of makes sense for Yelp. It's not in wine bars. It's not in wine bars or in Playa wherever, Playa del Carmen. They don't have laws about underwear there. And then now, this is one more Yelp forum, also in humor and offbeat, but from 2011. So a couple years later, titled, what do you think about a man that goes commando? Was it by the same person? They were like, I still don't have a clear answer. No, it was actually, you know what?

I didn't even check. That's a good question. I would not be surprised. Oh, that one was, oh, no, these are in different cities. That one was in Oakland. This was in San Carlos. So it's like the humor and offbeat within those places. Cultural.

So someone did say, sometimes you got to air things out. It's called free balling. And then someone said, watch out for the zipper. Someone said, lick off that ball sweat, ladies, you know. But then here comes Paul. It's like, why couldn't that have been deleted? Is that okay? And then this is Paul.

And Paul has lots to say. This is, so buckle up. This is the longest Yelp forum posts I've ever seen, maybe. And Paul is an elite 25. So still kick him as in like on Yelp. I didn't mean he's not dead, but that too, I guess. It is usually done because a single guy forgot to do or, was too busy to do the damned laundry.

Also, this topic almost never comes up in normal, polite, adult male conversations, at least not in my lifetime. It may have come up with my psychotic clients, but even they avoid talking about this stuff. Kind of a taboo topic. Yeah, this is a therapist. Paul's a therapist. I'm just kidding. I have no idea.

It's like, that doesn't make it worse, isn't it? Is it his like, no, but well, maybe, not if they're actually have psychosis, but if they're just like your financial clients and you're just going to say. I think I'd, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't know, it depends. I'd rather have it be the financial people that they're, he's calling psychotic. That's tried true. Kind of a taboo topic, but here it goes.

So for the curious, I'd tried the Commando version in Hawaii a few times decades ago. I would usually walk a block, feel so damned uncomfortable, irritated, and angry that I was ready to go commando-like and kill somebody. Men's pants seem to be designed to irritate anything hanging or dangling. I think that's just pants. Yeah, this is what pants. And I think that's just the dangly parts that are the problem, not the pants. But okay. And since many men have had the unpleasant horror of a run-in with a runaway zipper,

once that happens, you will want to protect your treasure. It's true. I've had that. I imagine everyone has it. It sounds horrid. Once that happens, you'll want to protect your treasure with a nice buffer of a layer of 100% cotton underwear. You will never, ever forget a zipper mishap, nor a swift kick to your jewels. Ouch, PTSD!

So the possible solutions back to the- Now I'm psychotic. One, immediately buy new underwear. A bit itchy, unwashed, but way better. Two, recycle a once-worn unit. Three, hand-wash one in the bathroom sink, twist out the water, swing it in vigorous wide arcs to displace more H2O with centrifugal force,

speed dry with a hair dryer, parentheses 15 minutes. Four, to dry, do the above steps, but modified microwave dry, nuke it for 10 seconds down to two seconds at a time to heat, then swing around in the air to let out the steam to dry. Put back in and swing it around, repeat until fairly dry. Caution. This method cooked my fruit of the loom and my elastic rubber was melted,

so I never refined this method. You didn't press the fruit of the loom button? It's next to the popcorn and baked potato. Insane suggestion. Throw it in the microwave, and he had like instructions and was like, it didn't work for me, but if you refine it, it could work. Like what? Burn down my house, but you should try it.

What are you talking about? Five, get married. Hopefully somebody does the laundry. Buy one million backup units. Buy a high-tech home washer dryer that looks like a freaking space shuttle and always have tons of backup. I have not had to go commando in at least a decade with this method. Six, do the laundry on time.

In my honest opinion, any guy who tells a woman that is somehow cool or comfortable commando style is someone to avoid because maybe, one, they are too lazy or forgot to do laundry. Two, too macho to admit they are lazy and did not do the laundry. Three, have lost most sensory input from the groin region, cannot feel the irritation, and are also impotent. Four, have done way too much meth or crack, and they have so much brain damage that they are floridly psychotic. My fellow ER buddy once had a patient who cut his nuts off and placed them in a covered coffee can because they were bothering him.

Five, are homeless, poor, and have none. Six, I can go on and on, and I will not even touch the sanitation. issues, but I think you get the idea. Just say no to Commando. End of review. Paul M has thoughts about this. Well, yeah. And I'm sort of like, he's like, all right, it's about time I finally share. Like finally spill it. Yeah. Yeah. Like here, like, what? I will say the sensory thing. It is so like to me, like the thought of pants without underwear sensory wise, just like, I can't do it. I can't. I do have like athletic shorts. have a liner, that's fine. Like, that's meant like that. Well, yeah. It's different. But like,

when it's just freeballing, uh-uh. I, like, it's too, uh-uh. I can't do it. I don't want to do it, I should say. Yeah, that doesn't feel nice. I mean, I'm glad that you finally, somebody finally heated this guy's advice. Oh, I think you're going to say heated it. Heated his stuff in the microwave. Yeah. His fruit of the loom. Oh my God, Alexander. Yeah. And I, Paul did have more comments and one of them I would just want to read how he signed off

sincerely yours Paul M self-proclaimed commissioner to control crazy commandos in California like I love he's just like leaning into this and he's just like

this is my mission because this is terrible do not do this but no I think it was very tongue and cheek but yeah I'm gotta say I'm not a fan of it for myself

it doesn't feel good And also, I don't know, it doesn't feel sexy to do that. I mean, yeah, it's like, I guess it would have to be with the right people. Because I, I, and also, like, listen, I'm married and we don't ever do laundry. So it's just, you know, sometimes you just struggle and you just have to like. Yeah, yeah. Just you have to put it in the microwave, swinging around it, your head a few times, blow on it with a hair dryer, do cartwheels, flush the toilet, wear your pajamas backwards. And then all of a sudden, you get a snow day.

fresh pair of underwear and a snowboard. I was like, that sounds like steps to get a snow day. Yeah, it sounds like the same. I think it is. Yeah. Wow. Thanks for listening. Thanks everybody.

That was fun. I had fun at least. Yeah, we are going to record a Patreon bonus now. Something ridiculous for August. Yeah. About bathroom decor. Well, yeah, remember Stinkboy 420? Stinkboy's lore was apparently founded, created,

perfected in a bonus episode, as Mary pointed out, and said, why don't we just do more bathroom decor, see what happens? So we are going to step our toe. We're going to step our toe. I don't think that's it. Dip our toe into that toilet water and see what happens. And if you want to join us or send a voicemail, you can go to patreon.com slash beach2 sandy. And you can see us on tour, beach2 sandy.com slash tour where we've got a handful of shows still left. And summer's starting to sell, you know, like Chicago seats are kind of running out. Like, they're, they're, we, we have a chance of filling them up. So better get your tickets when you can.

We can't wait to see you, no matter how many of you are there. We just love being on tour and on stage and hanging out with you all. So we'll see you there and we'll also talk to you next week. Will you also promise we'll wear underwear on stage, I promise. Unless you ask me really kindly not. I'm not going to promise that because if it gets us to sell out, I'm going to not do it. I would go Commando if it sells out shows. No one would notice.

I'm not going to be like my penile outline is not going to be showing. This is not an option. This is not an option. I might go Commando. Nobody's going to want that. Prove me wrong people. I'm just kidding. Don't do that.

Okay. We'll talk to you later. Commando or no. I'm going to commando right now. I'm just kidding. I'm not. That would be terrible. Okay.

Bye. What? You just punch the computer. I'm in a rage.