Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 357: Reviews of Revolving Sushi

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

You’ve been revolving around this sushi restaurant for 27 years! See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠rJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowetFind us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. An Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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it just feels so fresh and modern while still keeping that timeless Jane Austen charm. So whether it's your first time experience, seeing Pride and Prejudice, or you've read it a million times. You're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Welcome to Beach, to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Oh, I don't know how to make it go big, like, how I was.

I don't know. Now I messed it all up. She has a weird background. It's not weird. Wait, why did it? Hang on, it reversed. It's not terrible. Remove, no, I don't want to remove you.

Oh, there you are. Happy birthday, you old slut bag. Thank you. Who is that? Who is that lady? I don't know. Oh, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.

I just, you know, like we're recording, Alexander and I are both, A, not feeling well, B, it's his birthday, and C, this episode comes out in like four hours. So it's a weird time, or not four hours, six hours. Definitely not that either, but okay, it's exactly 10 hours, not exactly, but about 10 hours. Comes out 3 a.m. Eastern time. Oh, okay. Okay. I thought it was midnight. Like, no. So, Alex Inner, I'm so happy that today of all days, we get to celebrate your day with an episode about revolving sushi. Yeah, but since it's my birthday, can I say a message?

Oh, yeah, I guess so. We just came back from some tour dates and put our Chicago live show up on Patreon as our September bonus. And we've got merch coming out, something very exciting. we actually already posted what it is on Patreon for anyone free you can just go there and sign up without paying us money even free users we get we throw you a bone everyone we do we really do uh but we put a very special new item a picture of it that we're releasing soon and um yeah that's my announcement it's uh it's worth checking the merch it's it really is worth checking this one this one it actually is in particular yeah uh it really is i'm

I think I'm more delighted about this than most other merch we've put out. We promised it. This is like our first thing that's not a like weird deep cut reference. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. It has nothing to do with our show. It's just really cute. Okay, but how selfless was that? I used my birthday announcements on our show.

You're so welcome. You shouldn't have. I know. Alexander, I can't believe we're talking about raw fish. I know. Alexander the vegan. Happy birthday. Have you ever been to revolving sushi?

Yeah. just start there. I have not. Really? And I love sushi, but I have not ever done that. I have been in L.A., but I don't think, oh, and in between L.A. and San Diego in some mall. Oh, good. From what I've read on all these one-star reviews, that is definitely the last place you want to be getting. Yeah, so a guy named Tony Bourdain went there. I don't know. Oh, okay. Apparently was a big fan. Never mind then. I guess it depends. And in California, honestly, anything good, I feel like you can find, I guess in any town, really, but it seems to be the more generic, like, storefront-type chains.

Blaise would find them, the ones that served the best shrimp porridge. He found those. Yeah, the shrimp porridge. Okay, well. Good times. It's your birthday. You're allowed to bully him. Yeah, and, well, he bullied me that day. I know. That's what made me vegan. Honestly, it wasn't even that bad. I was just being dramatic.

It was Alex and her was bad, and I eat literally anything and everything. I think it was bad. For me, it was bad. Because it was like 100 degrees. out. I think that was Alexander, it was the biggest portion of anything I've ever seen. That's true. That is true. Yes, it was hot.

Okay, okay, okay. It was seafood. It was like we walked there and it was around 11 a.m. It's in the right context. If I would have eaten it again. Let's just say that. That was not the correct time to be eating that. No. Anyway, yeah, raw fish. That's something

great. I do love vegan sushi though. That's a thing. Well, that's good. I'd want to add that some people wrote in and said they hadn't heard of a revolving sushi. Oh, interesting. If you're not sure what it is, it's basically like you sit around, I think, I mean, you know better than I do, but like you sit around and this conveyor belt thing kind of roams and you pick what you want off the conveyor belt. Is that right? Yeah, it's fun. Yeah.

Okay. You all, I'm so excited for you. If you like sushi, you should absolutely go. I'm excited for all of you people. If you're in Nebraska, which Omaha, holy shit, what a town. I had a great time. I loved Omaha. Yeah, but why did I have to do with Omaha?

Sorry, if you're in Nebraska even where sushi is probably, sorry, my brain is two steps ahead of my mouth. I was like, I don't remember reading that. I'm sorry, my brain is going too fast. If you're in like Nebraska. That happens when you get a year older. Your brain starts like super speed. It's not fun. Nebraska even, where, no offense, might not have the best.

sushi, just because of its geographic location, I still recommend you go because I saw that they exist because, of course, I googled that immediately. Hang on. Yeah. I guess I agree, but can we advise them to, like, not listen to this episode on the way there or something? Probably, yeah. I feel like just the amount of things I read that turned me off of revolving sushi,

and I'm someone who loves sushi. Interesting. Okay, because I don't think I had anything like that. Give it, like, a few days, maybe. or just don't listen to this until afterward. Well, it's fun. They come around on a little conveyor belt in front of you, in front of everybody, like, you're sitting at like a bar,

and then you just grab whatever you want. And some places have, like, different colored plates depending on the prices that each thing is. And yeah, you just grab whatever you want, and then at the end they count, and then you pay. Like you would at a restaurant, believe it or not. Wow, Senator, thank you. Even in Nebraska, yeah.

Well, I thought you would, like, jump in there. You usually jump in before I'm done talking, so. I know, and I was trying to be nice because it's your birthday, but it's not turning out really well for me, so I might have to change my attitude. I'm going to start it. Oh, yeah, we should do that. This is a review from Tristan, He Him.

It's of a place called Sushi Train in Lacey, Washington. And this is a two-star review. We watched it turn. The conveyor moved like it always had. Slow, steady, certain. Plates passed with fish laid out cold and neat. Nothing called to us. The lights were sharp and unkind.

The air didn't move. You could hear your own breath if you listen for it. We didn't speak much. No one really did. The fish was there. Pale, damp. Grew. Resting on rice that tasted like refrigerated air.

We picked one plate, then another. Put them back. It spun like it meant something. It didn't. No taste. No reason to stay. End of review. Jesus.

I'm sorry. I feel like either someone's really dramatic or the first word of every line spells out something. Oh, that does. It does sound like that, but it would spell what to-t-t-a-in-in-in-in-in-in. so I don't think so.

I was thinking every word, but... Oh, every word. That would be... It's actually pretty similar. So, uh, pale and damp. Yeah, I was... It's like, I immediately thought paper towel. And then on rice, I thought, wow, this is bland.

This is not good. Oh, there were a lot of comments about films on the fish. I mean, it just was really an unpleasant experience for me. Oh, my God. I'm going to... I don't remember much about... bad food experiences in my reviews, but maybe I'm just misremembering or I might have forgotten something, but this is very, huh, I think I'm coming out of from a different angle.

Sometimes we notice that where maybe either I'm drawn to some sickos in the Gmail inbox who sent, you know, only food poisoning and other things like that. And maybe you were just spared, you know. You and your sickos, true. Yeah, we do kind of gravitate towards one another. Yeah. Here, I have a one-star review of Yamato Sushi in Omaha, Nebraska. This is a one-star review. Remember when you said, oh, yeah, even in Omaha, and I was like, huh? And you were like, you didn't like Omaha?

And I was like, I love Omaha. That's not how that went. You were like, what, you didn't think so, you didn't like it? I was just surprised you weren't keeping up with me. I knew what no one else would be, but I figured you would at least. I know. I'm so ashamed about it. I don't think I can really think.

about anything else. And yes, that's why I thought of Nebraska because, of course, the first thing I search is revolving sushi Nebraska. I mean, I get it. And then Yelp called it conveyor belt sushi. So I thought, huh, is that what that's called? What if a lot of people like went to conveyor belt sushi all the time? And they're like, I've never heard of revolving sushi. And then we, the idiots, just described it. And they're like, that's conveyor belt sushi, you morons. I would love to know what they were picturing if they did not make the connection. I don't, I'm trying to think, like, one of those restaurants that slowly spins. Oh, the radisson. But it's only sushi. Yeah, the radisson. And it goes, like, super fast because, like, you don't want them to be, like, you want them to be distracted enough to not notice

the film on this, on the fish. I thought you wanted them to, like, not have to look at Kentucky for too long. It just goes really fast on one side of the river. And then when it gets to the inside of It's like, all right, you get, wait, but then everybody on the other side is. You make it sound like a UFO that's flying around on one side of the river. But, yes, that also doesn't make sense. You're just punished every once in a while. Yeah. You know, it's like a ferris wheel where they like let people off.

And then it's like, wait, what's the. But it's like, what's the like sorcery behind letting people off? Like, because if I get on and there's someone right behind me, then they let them off. It's just whenever the like. drugged out person remembers that they need to let someone off. And that's how I'm going to build my new sushi Radisson. Wow.

In the defunct Radisson on the Ohio River. I can't wait. I'm going to read this review of this sushi place in Omaha, Nebraska. One star. By

Henry. Shitty customer service. I walk in there and the girl noticed me, But since she was working on something already, I didn't want to bother her. I thought she'd come to the front and at least ask, how can I help you? I'm not sure if she finds me ugly as fuck or something, but I wasn't there for that anyways. I waited 10 minutes and finally I politely asked. She's not either.

She's at work, you weirdo. Like, you're not there for that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like, I'm not here to make friends. And she's like, that's why I started working at this conveyor belt sushi restaurant because I wanted to meet some hot boys. Yes. I waited 10 minutes, and finally I politely asked for my order. Then she says some other name.

Like, bitch, seriously? You don't think for a second that more than one customer might have ordered? End of review. What is your fucking problem, you weirdo? I think they're projecting a lot of shit all over here. Clearly, like, really, obviously, too. Like, learn how to do it more subtly. It's, like, abundantly clear that you have an inferiority complex.

This is the person I was drawn to to find reviews of. I'm glad that happened to you and not me. This was sitting by Abby. You just get all the gross food ones. That's fine, honestly. She her, it's of yo sushi in Oxford, not Ohio. Oh. The one in England.

Oh. Yeah. Then I thought, never mind. Okay. Got it. This is a one star. Oh, I'm sorry. It's a two-star review by Tom.

Don't come here. you actually like sushi. It's expensive and bad. Comic relief was provided by the malfunctioning robotic car that kept bringing everyone's special orders to the wrong table and enthusiastically beeping at four empty chairs before giving up and returning to base and debris. Amazing.

That made me laugh. Because I've seen those things at the airport and everyone gives them a wide berth. Yeah. Like those delivery robots. You see them in the streets in L.A. just riding around. Like zip, zaps, zooming around.

Went to a restaurant in New Zealand. I forget the name, but they had those that would come up to your table and bring you your order. I've never, like... It was kind of scary. I mean, not scary, scary, but, you know, you're...

Since it was the first time ever for me, it was... It was exhilarating. You know, it's like the time Alexander and I took away mo, and I filmed the whole thing. We should put that on Patreon. There was a thrill.

Yeah. Yeah, that's... Actually, because it hit all those people. Well, at that part, I was going to just kind of scrub clean. I was going to say, oh, we were playing GTA on the, what do you call those things? The VR goggles. That's what that was. We were playing GTA on the VR goggles.

That's your defense. Okay. We were playing GTA 1 on the VR goggles. That's why it's so blurry. Yes, because that's why you had like a bird eyes view. And that's why we kept hitting people because we just didn't really know how to play. a lot of people are not aware of how much they spend each month and I definitely consider myself one of those people I thought I was giving a pretty conservative guess and then when I started using rocket money

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I have one of Takara Sushi Station in Madison, Wisconsin, because my second thought was, how about Wisconsin? That's actually good, yeah. Wisconsin has some good places just in general. Not that they wouldn't have decent sushi. There's water up there with fish. Yeah, I'm sure there are like delicious eels in that water. We could eat.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, here is a, um, once Followed by an owner response followed by the reviewer responding again. Okay, here we go. One star. We initially wanted to order hibachi but was told that they don't have sauces for dipping. We then got the shrimp tempura. It was awful, bland and doughy.

The miso tasted watered down, just like our drinks. The manager came to our table stating we've been here 27 years and haven't changed anything. I beg to differ. I thought they meant, I'm so sorry. Oh, like they've been sitting there. Like, you've been here for 27 years. And I was like, hey, that's really fucked up. Like, if you've only been there, like, an hour and a half and they just want to get rid of you, like, if they're just being, like, hyperbolic.

But also, I was alarmed for a minute. Like, how did that happen? Okay, sorry. So that they've been there, 20, the restaurant's been there. Yeah. And they haven't changed anything. I beg to differ. The puppy love.

I hope so. A fucking conveyor bell. It's been going around for 27 years. And nobody's changed. Some grace in those gears. You got to put WD40 somewhere. Yeah. It's just going,

you know? Just like the Radisson. What if it's a hang crank? In Kentucky, it just, you hear that sound at night. It's a little different than the other one, but yeah. A hand crank, oh no. The puppy love roll was decent, despite missing caviar or mango and crunch. My advice, go elsewhere.

Okay, now the owner response. First of all, I should have called the police last night. Whoa. You ordered so many meals, ate half of all of them, and then complained that everything was not tasty. At that time, we only counted what you finished eating, not the half-eaten meals and mixed drinks. I know you wanted to eat a free meal.

Unfortunately, we didn't do it. Sorry, this is all we can do now. I wish you good luck. End of response. Oh, fuck. Okay, and there's another, a report. bottle. Oh, shit. Okay.

Excuse me. We ordered two entrees, two drinks, and one appetizer, you liar, which is common for a couple dining. I absolutely did send back our watered down drinks that I took

one sip from and could barely tolerate and a bite from our soggy tempura entrees that were as disgusting as your personality and sent them back. So spare me the stereotype of wanting free food. We paid for what we ate and sent back what wasn't tolerable. Maybe if you put more effort into the restaurant than attacking customers, you might have a solid effort with fixing the issues that many customers are experiencing. Keep your luck. Your restaurant needs it. FYI, do not use

emergency services for your personal vendettas. They have actual emergencies to deal with. Customers beware. End of review. Jeez. I don't, yeah, I think, um, don't use, quit using police Quit threatening these police resources for this. It's usually the customer who's going to call the police. That's true. That is, I mean, usually if the owner calls the police, it means something's really going down. Here's a review by Kirstie.

I'm sorry, from Kirstie. And it's of YoSushi. Wasn't the last one, yo sushi, but not as, was it just not as exciting to you? You know what? This one's supposed to be more excited because it's actually all capitals. I didn't. That's why I scrolled down because I went, wait a minute. The other place is called, yo, sushi, Oxford. And this one's called like, yo, bromley. Oh. Is this a chain?

I think it's a chain, yes. Interesting. Yeah. With different personalities, it sounds like. Yeah. They all seem to have their own kind of unique spin on a two-letter word, yo, which seems like implausible. but apparently they pulled it off. And it's a one-star view by Hannah. Checked online to see what time they closed and even went to ask them what time they closed

and both online and the staff said at 9 p.m. Came back at 7 p.m. to see they were closed and the staff were very rude when we asked. I asked the person that told me it closes at 9, why are they closed? He said that he had told me, we close at 1915. Nobody uses 24-hour times in real life when they speak out loud.

If you are going to close earlier than advertise online, at least advertise the correct time and don't let your staff members misinform us. I was so disappointed as this ruined my evening plans. 17, 1915. I do like that story of if that's, if they actually. Hilarious. And also, like, there is what kind of sushi restaurant? closes at 5.15 p.m. Like, none of this makes any sense.

Wait, 1915 is 7. I'm sorry, 7. This is why nobody uses military time out loud when they talk. It makes sense to me immediately. I don't know. I don't know what they do in Bromley. I don't know what they do in Bromley. Who says 19?

You would never say that. 1915. I would never, but I'm not from Bromley. I just look the place up. It's, uh, let's see when it closes. 6 p.m. Okay. Oh, you serious?

Yeah. 6 p.m. Some days, 5 p.m. You mean 18 p.m. I'm so sorry. That's what I meant. And then some... Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. That's... I'm confused now. Okay, your turn. I have one from Carrie, she, her.

This is of Shoya, Isakaya in Doraville, Georgia. This is a one-star review. Last night, me and my friend went to a rest of... they really give me a bad attitude. Our server, a lady, was nice. We pressed the bell and want to ask about the bill, but nobody come to our table. When the big guy came out from the kitchen, we asked for the bill and we said, hurry up. The big guy said, hurry up, I am not your fucking server, and gave us a middle finger. This is the first time we experienced this from the restaurant. He said a bad words first in the beginning. We'll not come back anymore, and I paid for the food, not free. How come a server can set a restaurant? bad words like that to a customer terrible he's not your server how many times he'd say you can say whatever the fuck he wants to you so true so true it hasn't gotten through to them terrible the owner need to teach the employee how to do customer service very very disappointed end of review it has too helpful two thanks to love this to oh no to love this yeah they got a little bit of everything

and the friend also wrote a review the i could be wrong but they seem to be children or like close to children. I mean, that's the vibe I got from the way that you read it in kind of a faltering, like, sort of poorly grammatical, but still like, sensical. Yeah, I'm not going to read the other one, but there was another one about, like,

the same story, similarly written, like as a child, written like a child would, I thought. Yeah, that feels like it makes sense. But with the same side of the story and no new or interesting information. So here is one that's also in Georgia. Alex's inner, which is really exciting.

That's so cool. Also, I wanted to mention one last thing from your other one. Only one last one? Yeah, just one last thing. How does it got excited? And it's that when they said, oh, the manager needs to teach this server about customer service, it's like, I'm pretty sure the guy knows you're not supposed to be flipping people. Like, I don't think you need the, like, lessons in customers.

Like, like, the Tiffany etiquette book, you know? I don't think, like, that will really save the day. Like, it's like Edward Scissor Hands. learning how to live in society or something. Right, like learning how to be, you know, be hammered down until you fit the mold, you know. Jesus. That's more like what it is. I don't know.

Kitchen, I don't know. This cook is probably hammered already. I hear that about him. You're probably right. Honestly, you're probably right. I mean, can't blame him. Yeah. Honestly, I hope he is for his own sake.

Okay, so this is a review sent in by Mary Stewart, she, her. It's a revolving sushi factory. This is a one-star review by Emiliano. There's a special kind of disappointment reserved for the revolving sushi bar that promises a fun dining experience, but delivers something closer to culinary sabotage. From the moment I sat down and watched the plates circle endlessly under dim fluorescent lighting, I knew I was in for trouble. The fish.

You already knew? even though you went there for that? Like what they described, that's just what you always get, right? What was a problem in that sentence? Yeah, I guess maybe they didn't clarify how dim the fluorescent lighting was, but that's the only thing that seems like

it might be out of the ordinary so far. I thought that sounded kind of on par. Actually, dim fluorescent lighting and a strip mall is better than bright fluorescent lighting. You know, it could be worse. I didn't take that as a bad thing unless it hides the film that's on the sushi. Well, I think you're about to see something,

which is that it actually accentuates the film. Oh. lovely the fish if you could still call it that looked like it i mean you could it's just old fish i think it's so weird when people say like can you still call it that yeah they're like see what they're saying like as a they're saying like this is this bear it doesn't resemble i guess yeah yeah okay the fish that i expected or whatever the fish if you could still call it that looked for you it's like the podcaster if you could still call her that after that mistake after what happened you know uh i feel like it's almost like

Oh, like at a funeral. Like, oh, grandma, if you could still call her that. Jesus. No? Okay. Well, maybe let's hear the rest of the movie before we pass judgment. Yeah. It's like, she's just like a, can we call her grandma anymore?

It's just a little meat bag now, which I know we used to call her that for fun, but now it's just the real thing. I thought you'd be like, no, now it's Balthazar or something. No, now she's just an old slut bag. She's always been an old slut bag. I know, but now we can say it because she's dead. The fish, if you could still call it that, looked like it had been sliced last week and embalmed in a thin film of sadness.

Maybe that's why I thought a funeral. Yeah, that did seem to come out of nowhere, but now that I know you were thinking about embalming people. I was, yeah. You can usually assume I'm thinking about embalming. The rice was dry and clumpy as if scooped from the bottom of an abandoned rice cooker. Now that painting.

a picture. You know what? That one, yeah. Now get this. That one makes sense. This one's pretty powerful too. Even the wasabi, usually a trusty kick in the nose, tasted like minty drywall paste. Oh, dear God. I grabbed a shrimp nigeri that had been making laps around the track longer than some Olympic runners train. It was lukewarm, rubbery, and vaguely sweet in a way shrimp should never be. Each plate I tried was a new low, a tiny, colorful lie that rolled past with a cheerful plastic grin. In the end, the only thing that revolved more than the sushi was my stomach. No.

So poetic all of these. Poetic. Yeah, just the ones you're finding for sure. Yeah, I don't know what's up about that. I'm getting the opposite. Yeah, you're really, are like, middle schoolers. Yes. I don't know where you're finding.

Oh, my ancestry app just told me it's your birthday. Happy birthday. Oh, that's creepy. I wonder how many people had just. notified. How many people are following me on Ancestry.com. Like me and mom? I don't know. And mom's like, fuck.

She's like, what today? She contacted me, everybody. Don't worry. We were all waiting to hear. I know everyone was baited breath. I have one here from Matt and Elise. And this is a place called

Kura Revolving Sushi Bar. And it's in Boston. One star. I was deeply disappointed by my dining experience. After standing outside for a long time, I was seated next to a terribly loud humming refrigerator, and the restaurant is as loud as a pachinko parlor, with incongruous American country music. Unlike a pachinko parlor, instead of smelling like sweet cigarette smoke, it reeks of bleach. The chairs are oddly hard and uncomfortable. The beer was warm, the sushi

rice was literally stuck to the plate. This establishment is a chucky cheese of sushi. I will not return. If the kids asked me to take them there again, I will roll over and play dead. This is not a joke review. End of review.

Even though I said I was going to play dead to avoid coming back, I'm super, super serious. So kids, when you're reading this later, this is not a joke. This is not a joke. Your mother has died. Wait, I thought that was like not part of the episode.

Oh, yeah, my ancestry app, just text me. Just let you know. Oh, no. Sinner. Okay, let's change the subject. I wanted to say real quick that... Make it quick. Now I'm stressed because I'm trying to say it so quick I can't say it at all.

Figured. Oh, boy. The thing about a Pachinko parlor, can you explain that to me? Oh, are you familiar with a Pachinko parlor? I don't know. I mean, obviously I'm not, I guess. So I can't really explain them. It's like an arcade.

They're in Japan. It's like an arcade, but it's a specific type of game where you have these little walls, and it's very loud and ding, ding, ding, and there's a lot of things like that. Oh, like overstimulating. Yeah, yeah. A mechanical game originating in Japan, and it's like a gambling thing. This looks fun. It does look really fun.

Spend all day at this place. I have watched YouTube videos about it. I'm going to later for sure. I really recommend doing that. Oh, so it's sort of like it. It's like pinball, but it's not pinball. It's like Plinko. Like Plinko.

Yeah. That's kind of what I figured. Like a Plinco slot machine. I mean, come on. Like, that's the dream. You don't have to stand up. You don't have to climb a staircase. Yeah.

Oh, and gambling is illegal in Japan, but this is like an exception because it They're like, except for this colorful one, because it's neon and bright, and it doesn't look like, well, actually, it's all most slot machines are. Okay, here is my last one. This is from Shroomy, she her, and it's of Kura or Kura revolving sushi bar in Cherry Hill Township, New Jersey. Two stars by Mike. I'm disappointed. This was both like being at the airport waiting for your luggage and at Panera waiting for mediocre food. The conveyor belt near the table was 90% empty.

Pictures of sushi would go by, but very little food was actually on it. The empty containers just kept rolling on. A robot brought us one drink when we asked for two, and when we needed a refill, a human eventually showed up, asked what we needed, and then came back in five minutes instead of just sending another. We asked for wasabi twice. We heard the table behind us ask for it. No wasabi.

The sushi was mid, but we did get everything we ordered in a timely manner on the special belt. After all this, the touchscreen machine asked for a tip, and you have to explicitly choose custom to pick zero. This place either needs to go full robotic or just traditional service once was enough, end of review. Oh, no. I feel like once you start mixing the way you serve things, it gets a little confusing. Like, the robot... It's got to be robot with oversight. Fair enough.

But not like necessarily. So just one huge eyeball above everything to watch. Yeah, big brother situation. Right. And by big, but it's big brothers because they need to hire multiple people for different angles. Oh. No, no, no.

It moves like this. Whoa. Like the like how the lifeguards do that thing with their heads. Mm-hmm. That thing to look and make sure no one's drowning. Yeah, it's just a big lifeguard. That we should, that's a good pitch for a big brother. Like, for people who are scared of that, it's like, oh, no, it's just like having a lifeguard.

Move in their head all funny. That's a good way to rebrand the kind of government, like, over surveillance, you know. Yeah, someone should pay you for that. Thanks. I agree. My last one here is from Riannon, who sent in, who says PPS. I forget what the first PS was. I included pictures of my mini schnauzer Roy to enhance your viewing experience. Oh, how kind.

So I'm enjoying the pictures of Roy. Roy is very cute. And then it says, The only thing that remotely calms her down on trips to the vet is listening to Beach 2 Sandy, which I assume in part is due to your shared German heritage. Oh, that's so funny and silly. And then said PPPS, see you in St. Louis and saw you there. That was fun.

Oh, hey, bye. Hi and bye. And then this is a review of sushi yummy that is a revolving sushi restaurant located in a mall in Orlando with owner response. Here's a two-star review. Wow, I was really surprised it was this bad when I saw a four-star rating before coming. Kind of makes me wonder how that happened. I am making a mental note to myself or in the future when hearing blaring regatone rap music at a sushi place to walk the other way. none of the fish was fresh I was like I can't help but be drawn into this combination of events Like a moth to a light

Oh my God like a moth to the fucking R&B Sushi Yummy just knew exactly What would reel is this fish in Speaking of fish None of the fish was fresh Pretty sure my salmon toll Was out of a can I think they meant roll

Sushi needs to be fresh In quality We'll say no more two Stars speaks for itself. End of review. Yeah, sure does. And then the owner Sushi Yumi responded and said this. Honestly, I wish some people would never get out of their houses.

End of response. Oh. I wish we'd never even met. I wish you'd never even figured out how to unlock the front door. I wish you'd never darkened my door. It just feels like I wish people, some people couldn't leave their house. It's such a weird. way to phrase that i don't know like i wish more people were on a house arrest yeah or just like

locked in i think that i have i have a list is it time for my challenge um yeah stop putting on lip chaps like that it's like so gloss it's i don't know it's tasty this is from carly she heard oh my challenge i'll tell you what it is my challenge is to find this is how you get the patrons to go up to video they get to see my shiny lips sorry i've been ignoring everything you said stop saying that's as if i said ever before that was my first time i know i guess i said shiny a couple times it's overly enough it's too much oh your mom okay go X-T she's dead R-I-P

X-teen challenge reviewer begins with story of their life okay so I got to find reviews where people uh give like

basically give too much context about themselves and it's like not it's like irrelevant or it's just a lot it could be relevant or maybe both yeah exactly

or maybe all three could be you decide This is from Carly. She Hurt. It's a five-star review of a restaurant. I don't know which restaurant, so we're just going to say a restaurant. And it's a five-star review by- I'm really picturing it.

Okay, let me say. You don't have to. I don't care. Let's see. There are homemade or house-made potato chips. Okay. Fish and chips. Okay.

Some sort of garlic dip. A chili? Chili. Chili's. No, probably not. I don't know. So, five stars. I have a weird relationship with beans.

Oh, me too, but not in what you're thinking. Yeah. Growing up, I was used to beans stewed in a deer chili made by my father, a frequent hunter. Relatable. Hunting? What? Relatable. Just kidding.

I ate mine with, like, cuff. up uncooked hot dogs and yellow mustard. That's what my father hunted. He did put, he did put hot dogs in split pea suit, like lukewarm split pea soup and then put mustard on, yellow mustard on top of it. Yeah, yeah. Went all the way to Aldi to hunt that down. That's disturbing. I was used to being stewed in a deer chili made by my father a frequent hunter. Hunting was a bonding activity that more so suited him rather than me. I was often ridiculed. Didn't suit the deer. Yeah, we'll get to that. It's not really nice to joke about dead animals. Just saying. Oh, my mistake. I didn't know that. Hunting was a bonding activity

that more so suited him rather than me. I was often ridiculed for wanting to stay inside and play games while my brother was lauded and grew closer with my father through their shared love for preying on game. He's like, I like to play a game and they're like, yeah, us too. And he's like, No. Play a game. Yeah, pray on game. There is obviously no better bonding activity than figuratively watching paint dry as one waits for their one and only chance in the day to catch a defenseless, pure-hearted animal. For what it's worth, I don't hate deer chili.

I do. Yeah, I do. Just from this perspective right now. I kind of associate it with the canned beef stuff, which is by no means bad. anyways these white beans are really good and I suspect they're cooked in the seafood broth I ate the whole bowl and my girlfriend was worried the rest of the day that I soiled my pants or the bed since I farted so much maybe if my dad could make beans like this we'd still be talking end of review I was thinking the same thing about that lentil soup

split pea soup sorry split pea see I don't even know it was green I will never forget it was it was green um i thought it was like a greenish brown though so i was like lentil like you know yeah i get it i get where the confusion could be anyway anyway enough about that um i did get to a point where i forgot what we were talking about like where so i think that very much fit the challenge i mean we went straight to deer chili especially for that yeah it felt like we're not even in it and then he's like oh these beans and i'm like what beans like there was a picture of them, but like I said, there's a picture of a lot of stuff. So I don't know, it was just very kind of out of the blue. But clearly they had kind of a elaborate flashback upon eating

the whole bowl. So this is a flashland's flashback, yeah. Hugs in her, that's so beautiful. Thanks. So this was sent in by Stacy, who said it's not really a full life story, but it's just basically way too much context. This is a site called the sci-fi and fair. It's a sci-fi and fantasy discussion forum. Oh, nerd.com? Nerd.com backslash difficulties in writing for a Y-A demographic. That's what this posted about. This is a comment by Anya on this post.

See, I've never moved on. Not because of lack of fluent reading. I was reading chapter books by the time I was six and tackled Jane Eyre at about seven. ruined Wuthering Heights a year later because Heathcliff was some orange cartoon cat and the image has never changed. What? That's Garfield.

It's actually a worse Garfield is what some people call it. What does that mean? That is just a shittier version of Garfield. Oh. Oh, yeah. Huh. I forgot about this fella. Yeah, me too.

Wow. So it's just such a bummer when you read like Wuthering Heights at 7. because it's like, oh, then, like, all your classmates' like petty interests kind of get in the way. Yeah, yeah. They're talking, when they brought up Heathcliff at the lunch table, I got so excited. Turns out they're talking about some dumb-ass cat. You were like, what do you think the symbolism is, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they're like, uh, you mean because he's orange and you're like, what?

So true. Well, I meant because he's like, holding a woman hostage. Oh. That's what they meant. And then they're like, yeah, agreed. And then everyone was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. all on the same page.

Yeah. He looks his hands a lot. I don't remember that part. I tackled Jane Eyre at 7. What a weird way to say that. I still haven't tackled Jane, actually. You've been trying for years. I can't do it.

You can't. She's got moves. That's for sure. Rewened, only a 6th year old could really, or 7-year-old could really be that agile, you know. Ruined Wuthering Heights a year later because Heathcliff was some orange cartoon cat and the image has never changed. I've always read everything from picture books to deep meaningful literature. Personally, I love a good story no matter what the age group. Right now my kids

and I are reading spy dog and spy pups. Have to say, they are some of the best books I have ever read. Okay, you really deep get some sleep, whoever you are. I think you need some sleep. I'm glad they're saying you read Jane out. I know, I'm shocked. Agreed. Except for Heathcliffe. But it really seems like maybe you're in the thick of it.

So try to prioritize self-care. Right now my kids and I are reading Spy Dog and Spy Pups. I have to say, they are some of the best books I have ever read. The Gruffalo, Winnie the Witch, Pipkin of Pepper, etc. Are fun and short. Maybe it's because I read adult books from around seven. years old. I always read them alongside picture books, junior fiction, and Y.A.

The library wouldn't let me use the adult section until I was 12. So my adult books were things like Victoria Holt, Jeffrey Archer, Dickens, etc. that were on my parents and other relatives' shelves. End of review. Really?

Was that a review? I don't know if we just listened to. I don't know. Outside. It was like a review of like Mark Gruffalo or whatever they were talking about. Spy dog. Spy dog and spy cat. That's true.

Pups. Spied dog and spy pups. I wanted them to say cat and then they said pups and I was disappointed so then I've changed it in my head. I'm so sorry, but like, did this person write spy dog? This is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Maybe. Don't start. Google Spy Dog book. Does that person say?

name. But, like, why are there bullet holes in the picture, in the cover of Spy Dog? Oh, my God. Just, like, what? Wait, yeah, wait, why are those bullet holes? Oh, because the dog is called Laura, L-A-L-A-L-A-L-R-A, licensed assault and rescue animal. Holy shit. A license to assault?

That's crazy. No wonder this book is so good. Wow. She has many abilities such as a little. Karate, super intelligence, and being able to play many sports. Hell yeah. That's the dream. And even stand on her legs, hind legs like a human?

Wait, that's pretty sick. That's pretty sick, Laura. Hey, I would have loved this as a kid. I'm sure of it. I know, it looks like something. But as a kid, I also wanted to go to Iraq. So. For fun?

For vacation? No, for to war. For to war. For to war. To war. To go to Iraq. For to war. Me and Heathcliff.

I was going to say, that's because you were reading so many adult themes. We did read that one book that I liked a lot where the dog did like tricks on stage and everyone started clapping. No. No. And he thought that, like, everyone was clapping for his safety speech, but really they were clapping for his dog. What? Come on. You know what I'm talking about.

There's a dog named Harry or something. No, no, no, no, no. It was his police officer and he had a dog, and he brought the dog. Alex sooner and he brought the dog to the school and gave a speech about safety and then the dog behind him and everyone was so bored that the dog tried to like entertain them

and the kids loved it and he was like wow they really like my speech and even as a kid I was like how fucking dumb is this cop like there's a dog behind him doing cartwheels and he doesn't fucking notice like good thing he's just a middle school teaching a safety lesson I guess

God that's okay no other kids are paying attention anyway because the dog's dancing. Exactly. So let me look it up. Officer Buckle and Gloria. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Caldicot metal. Look at this book. I love this book. I'm Googling it. Oh, yeah. Of course. This was a very cute book. I did enjoy this book.

Let's go. What do I have here? Oh, this is from Jamie. He they. It says, hello to the bad bys of podcasting. I like that. It says I have more Diana. And my first reaction was, of course.

Who the hell is Diana? Oh, that's usually... Oh, no, more Diana. I recently got more Diana sent to me recently. And you didn't mention it, and I had the honor of looking up the last few times. And when I looked at... I didn't mention it? Oh, then how do I remember that?

Okay, anyway. I don't believe so, but it was in the email, and then I opened the profile and went, oh, my God. I immediately remember Diana based on the profile picture, immediately. because I looked at something from her in July, you did something from her in August, and now here we are again. The last day of September, Diana's back. And I'm going to read a two-star review. This is of the Source School of Tantra. So Diana has a tendency to get, oh, the one that I read was reviews accusing, by Diana was reviews accusing someone of being in.

alien and she got like a psychic reading or something yeah massage I think I was about to say massage before he said psychic reading yeah you're right it is a massage and she claimed that like the guy was an alien of some sort so anyway to give you a little context that's important this is a review two-star review of this school of tantra unfortunately I do not recommend source school of tantra due to the unprofessional manner of the main instructors. I took three separate levels to become a certified tantra educator and sadly on all three occasions I was distracted by the lack of structure and lack of professionalism that prevented me from absorbing knowledge. Now if however your purpose is to enjoy the beautiful

island of Maui and soak in the sun and sights while learning at a remedial level that I'm sure you will find some value here. I however had high hopes and after each level of certification I genuinely felt confused, and, like, I had personally suffered some form of emotional trauma and abuse to my psyche by some of the immature click attending these workshops and by the teachers themselves. On one painful occasion during level three certification, Judith took me to the side and admonished me because I was having a very difficult time. I was in extremely poor health and hemorrhaging from blood clots and my ovaries. Oh, my God. in that top moment like it just sounds like

apparently and she said in a and then she's like she has the audacity to say everyone else is distracting you're like hemorrhaging blood everywhere I'm not sure

maybe I don't understand but when I hear someone's hemorrhaging I figure that kind of that's distracting at least for the patient you'd think okay

so it says I was an extremely poor health and hemorrhaging from blood clots in my ovaries and she said in a scathing and hurtful tone, Diana, I just don't see the goddess in you. Oh my god. I was very anemic and

bleeding heavily, yet no one from the workshop. It sounds like the way someone who unless I'm missing something describes being on your period. like a man being like, I don't know, is it when you hemorrhage out of your ovaries? Right. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Out of a blood clot in your ovaries. Maybe that's what she thinks is happening. I don't, yeah, I'm very, like, what? Bleeding, what is happening? I don't know, because it feels like that just kind of came out of nowhere the second she said, like, I don't see the goddess in you. And she's like, ow! Yeah, there it goes. It's coming out.

There it goes again. You're attacking my psyche. Okay, let's see. I was very anemic and bleeding heavily, yet no one from the workshop thought to take me to a local hospital. In fact, there were some interesting characters here, spreading false gossip about me, rejecting disabled clients from my tantra practice. I don't know if it's tantra or tantra. I don't think it matters. That is the last thing I thought you would comment on there.

I'm, like, totally dissociated from the text. I'm just like, I don't know. I absolutely didn't appreciate the cruelty and the truth. slander, nor did I like being, quote, gaslighted. I actually do and still work with clients who have disabilities, so for complete strangers who don't personally know me, attack me, and bully me, I had absolutely no desire to return for more emotional abuse. Charles is the true definition of narcissistic personality disorder. And if you graduate here and don't comply with marketing his books on your website, and if you don't keep on attending to the higher levels, he will

remove you as a certified teacher from his website and only keep the students he developed close personal relationships with. I was removed from his website unceremoniously years ago. What if they did it ceremoniously? Actually, imagine. Yeah. That would be amazing. And Diana wasn't invited to the ceremony. That makes sense. For sure. Yeah, they put a salt circle around her username. He said, you're not allowed to enter this domain anymore. Blocked from the domain, the website, oh, my God. On many levels. I meant domain website and then I said it and I thought, wow, that's actually really kick-ass.

Okay. I was removed unceremoniously as a listed teacher along with hundreds of other students. Okay, which like... Hundreds? Yeah. What is this rolodex of students? Who's going through this to find you? Okay, exactly.

Unless your name is like exclamation point, Diana. Like, no one's going to find you. Oh, I hope they put a salt circle around that one, too. Oh, true. True. A firewall. And I mean a literal firewall. Literal.

Yeah. I was removed on ceremonial along with hundreds of other students, which ended up hurting me financially. I actually left one day early from the Level 3 certification for medical reasons. Yeah, I hope so. I hope so if you were really that ill. Because I was in so much pain, and he refused to mail me a level three degree. as proof that I had completed the workshop. To prove to the doctor in the moment, it sounds like, I'm in the hospital, like, email it to me now.

The doctor doesn't believe me. He won't let me take off work tomorrow unless he knows I'm certified in tantric sex. Okay. Oh, no. Imagine you're like about to hook up with someone. They're like, I actually really would feel more comfortable if you show me your certification. Your certification. Yeah.

And it's like, I didn't see you in Charles's role. decks on his website so i'm actually feeling a little uncomfortable about i didn't see you at the conference then the other says oh man it's just like i didn't i don't see the goddess in you you know hurt yet he graduated another student of his who left early because she had complications with her pregnancy sorry what like at that point just say for her own medical emergency or something, you know, like you can, you don't have to, this is not a good look for you. We need to like, we need to teach people how to write reviews and manipulate, yeah, and like actually get people on their side because it's, they're so bad at it sometimes. I mean, I honestly think just listening to this podcast, you'd figure out what to avoid saying, you know, because we, you just hear the same. Yeah, maybe we are training a bunch of assholes.

We're training a bunch of Karen's right now. um this one says okay let me finish this it says please i know i want to get it over with charles and leo were so unethical to do this to me but i'm being kind enough to leave two stars because maui after all is such a heavenly destination and the chef prepared vegan meals were delicious if you are seeking a tranquil and nurturing environment to learn authentic tantra yoga i do not recommend this particular school end of review oh okay um I think either way I wouldn't have been going because, like, if it's a, Diana leaving a positive review, it's probably not for me, you know?

Right. I feel like we're on different wavelengths in every part of life. Every part of life. And that's okay. And that's okay. That keeps us separated. Yes. Which is best for the universe.

Which is probably how it's meant to be. Otherwise, something terrible might happen. And I'm not willing to risk that on today, your birthday. Not today. Not today. Uh-oh, but another day? Maybe tomorrow. Maybe Leon's birthday.

Leona's birthday. Uh-oh, when this comes out. Oh, yeah. Happy birthday, Leon. Oh, yeah. Someone else's birthday is today when this comes out like this. She was like, can we call Zandi tomorrow? And I said, yeah, we should call him today because it's his birthday. She said, I don't want to do that.

Okay. And she said, I want him to sing to me. And I said, well, I think maybe. I would do that on my birthday, too. And she said, no, I want him to sing to me instead. And I was like, okay, just a warning for you. I look, I'm looking, well, I'm glad you told me, so I don't just look like an idiot not singing. Yeah, I mean, I, I guess she would have started saying sing, so.

Oh, no, you'll be, you'll be, don't worry. You're in good hands, and by good hands, I mean, like, extremely strict directorial oversight. But that's how I work best. That's literally how I work best. Exactly. That's how you, that's how most of our childhood fights began. Yeah. You telling me to do something wrong and then somehow ruining my life.

And then you get your head slammed to the door when we're trying to make fake America's home videos. A lot of them have to do with slamming my head. Huh? I've slammed my head a lot. And Leona has a fucking giant head just like you. So I really first see trouble in her future. Yeah. I think, I think.

I think my, I sometimes wonder if that's why I just want to kill myself all the time. Probably, yes. Because of all the bonks to my head. The CTE from all of my many, um, fake home video, American video submissions. That time I flew into that brick wall really fast. Yeah. I still have a lump from out of my forehead. I was dropped as a baby on the head.

Yeah, I hit my head on the corner of one of those brick fireplaces. Yeah, just Horner. Mine, we're all, you know, it's different. Mine caused brain damaged. What about? What about? I do have a tumor. Oh, yeah.

Were you going to tell her if I did that? Oh, yeah. I do. You just thought it up. Oh, yeah. You forgot about it? It's my birthday. Don't surprise.

No, it's fine. It's actually one I knew I had a while ago, but we didn't. Hey, guys, remember Petty? Yeah, we talked about my potential tumor. Pity's fucking real, dude. I knew he was real. I told you. I knew he was real.

And he's there. All we had to do is believe. It's a micro adenoma. Nothing bad, really. Lots of people have them. You probably have them, whoever's listening. Good. Let's just spread that there.

And then even if you did have it, most of them don't do anything. And so we're not sure if that's what caused my health issues, but we're not touching it for now and are going to be looking at it again. I tried to touch it, but it's on his pituitary gland. And the only problem is MRI. are expensive so got that bill today that was a nice birthday gift you know also that's your third eye so like maybe once you get that removed oh then I'll then I'll finally wait lose enlightenment no I feel like third eye is not important no it sounds like it's calcified

like Jesus my third eye is calcified potentially no everyone's is oh and you have to open your third eyes at like the whole point of opening your third eye okay that's actually interesting I didn't know that well yeah that's just yours is not calcified it's it's beyond calcified yeah it's diseased anyway what was i talking about before i said tumor oh yeah hitting my head a lot um your turn oh that's all i've got okay that's great because it's time to go i get to do what i've been doing on my birthday crawling into bed and curling into a ball oh good i get to um watch superkitties with leona so That sounds fun.

I might actually read Super Dog or whatever. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm going to read Officer Buckle and Gloria. Oh, I meant Laura. Laura, yeah, I know, yeah. But I am actually, I do have something to look forward to, believe it or not, everybody. Cincinnati Reds made the playoffs. I know.

Oh, Leona wore red to school. Everyone was out to wear Red to school today. Oh, that's cute. I'm wearing my Reds thing. I've been wearing it today. All that stuff I did outside, out and about showing everybody the whole town. I'm going to go back to bed. Yeah, you go sweepie.

And then when you go up into the astral plane, you can brag about the Reds. Okay. I don't think they care up there. Well, they'd be surprised they're very well. They care the same amount of as the people down here do. Exactly. That's an attitude I want you to have, okay? Okay, PD and I are going to go.

Okay, bye everybody. Bye. I don't know.