Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 360: Reviews of Pumpkin Recipes

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash Wondery. That's audible.combe. Welcome to beach, too sandy, water, to wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero. stars if i could hello everyone welcome to beach you sandy water to at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion i'm your sister host christine hello sister host i'm I'm Zandi. I'm the brother host.

Oh, I'm so glad you're here today. Where was I last time? What? Me too. Sorry. Last time you just didn't show and I had to do the show all by myself. That was awkward. I really hope you come this weekend because we have our last live show. I don't have much of an excuse because it is in New York and I do currently live there.

It's your hometown show. It's our last show of the tour, people. Okay. We're really excited. It's October 25. Is that correct? That is correct. Saturday night, it's Saturday night, it'll be live.

So just do with that information what you will. Saturday, live, and night. And just kind of mix those in New York City. In New York City. Just mix those up however you see fit and tell your friends that you have tickets to it. And then you can come see us live. It's going to be really fun. You know, week before Halloween, it'll be a great time.

I'm very excited. I have one of my friends from Egypt who saw UFO also is going to be there. Nice. I forgot about that. No offense to that friend, but I forgot about that. I have friends coming that I'm excited for them to be there. I haven't invited everyone I wanted to invite yet. But he has like a very, his list is so exclusive that like you have to, it's sort of like the other Saturday Night Live where you have to like really get a lottery situation for tickets. Yeah, you have to wait outside. You have to wait outside my apartment. outside the city winery and you're not 11th it's not where i live nice try they won't help you only i can help you now i bought the remaining you bought all the tickets uh yeah we're obviously gonna have a good time i think that's made that's been it's been amazing so far but yeah we west y'all were great um shit Texas was fun like Omaha man all of you uh Seattle Portland it's just been a good time i feel it's pretty great people

Omaha's kick ass. And at the airport, this older lady was like, hello, may I help you find your rental car? And we were like, yes. And that was it. And that was it helpful. Yeah. Yeah. One time in Egypt, somebody said, can I help you find your rental car? And I said, no. And then they swore at me and said, I owed them $10 and then called me Barbie and tried to take my suitcase. So sometimes Omaha is a really nice experience. When you didn't have to put me on blast like that. i was in alexander for once uh anyway that's all um enough egypt talked for for right now for this very moment but okay i was already done with my egypt talk so that's easy for me you know we'll see what the day holds reviews of pumpkin recipes oh thank god thank god it's nearing Halloween we do have a fun Halloween episode next week that we haven't recorded yet that we're excited about costumes tune in for that um our patrons have sent in some lovely reviews already so we're excited um and yeah so uh let's get started though with pumpkins but i'm curious because i actually remember what it is can you tell the people what

your challenge is yeah so the theme is pumpkin recipes the challenge was to find reviews of brooms that mention witches or witchcraft and man was that easy i don't know not easy but like it was like i had a lot of options plenty to pick from yeah yeah um i will say before i suggest i mean it was um who suggested it clear right i think claire if not something whatever um claire suggested this one and my first thought was i hope this isn't rooted in misogyny so i was like the witch and broom was like googling it because i'm like i don't know like not that anyone's really gonna say anything but i was like i just want to know what where this comes from because i was curious and it was pretty interesting basically said that yeah what i've learned

i didn't write any of this down so this is all off the top of my head from random articles slash probably just Wikipedia um was that like witches used to be portrayed with a bunch of other stuff it wasn't just brooms and it had to do with um i think the like it was like the peasants or something and they had a bunch of brooms and that was just like a common item back then so witches were often showing on brooms and like fireplace pokers fire and then uh there's some other things and then the brooms is kind of stuck yeah and the broom thing too is symbolic in the way of and you can still use it today in witchcraft not that not that i know i actually literally have a broom hanging in my in my it doesn't matter but yes brooms can still be used today um to to to kind of sweet symbolically

like sweep out negative energy to cleanse your house that kind of thing so it's definitely still a relevant symbol in the witchcraft community fun fact yeah well back to pumpkins let's do something silly um may i go first yes this is from this is from tristan he him it's a recipe for pumpkin syrup which is meant to be used in something called a spicy pumpkin bourbon smash no thanks no it sounds terrible i don't mind Pumpkin, it's not my favorite, but I'm not bourbon, no. Yeah, take out bourbon, and I'm in. So I only just didn't like it.

So you want a spicy pumpkin smash? Yeah, that sounds great. Uh-uh. And this is I found on half-baked harvest website. Just like, because you don't like my extracurriculars during Halloween time. I don't. I don't know of the spicy pumpkin smash. It's so gross.

That sounds like the vegan version of the monster mash. I didn't know the monster match wasn't vegan. Oh, you didn't? I didn't know that. I got to stop listening to it. I listen to it all the time. Fuck. Yeah, sorry.

It's really not appropriate for you. Okay, here's a one start. I was just about mashed potatoes. Ooh, with butter. We are doing coming stupid today. Okay, what? I don't know. I just woke up from a nap, so I feel like I haven't really arrived.

It's like 10 a.m. Oh. Sorry, I'm not used to wake him up this early. time no i'm i'm saying that because i woke up like at nine from oh i have a three-year-old it's four-year-old whatever what since when don't tell me four years ago tell me this one star by phil i'm talking to myself uh this is a review and then there are responses okay of the pumpkin smash bourbon smash syrup this is for the syrup yeah the spicy wait the pumpkin syrup

I forget how to record a podcast we've just been doing live shows why do I don't know how to do this why maybe we need a live audience I think that might be what's missing absolutely maybe we should do what we do at our shows live from Omaha

it's you know like that oh where's the light show yeah okay where's the opening act where's the musical number where's you two okay you just spoiled who's opening for us in New York are our New York show

on Saturday night, live. I thought it was Jason Moraz. Okay. No. I don't know. I would love to be a delight. It would be. I want to shake that man's hand and tip my own hat to him.

Beatbox situation just for me, solo, you know. Tipping our hats at each other. Gosh, those fedoras. Okay, here's a one-start read by Phil. I substituted the pumpkin puree for apple cider vinegar and it tasted awful. End of review. What? The person who made the recipe, who posed to the recipe,

responded so kindly, by the way, and said this. Hi, Phil. I definitely would not recommend using apple cider vinegar in this recipe. So sorry you didn't enjoy this. XO. And I'm like, you have a lot more patience than most recipe websites. I would just say, fuck off, idiot. Seriously.

And also, like, imagine mixing apple cider vinegar with bourbon and then being like it doesn't taste like a pumpkin then Gwen respond okay so then Gwen responded just to be clear Phil

you gave this recipe a one star because you substituted vinegar in place of the pumpkin puree that the recipe calls for no one would ever think that vinegar would be a great substitute for pumpkin and then finally CC responded no shit Phil

and that's the end of the exchange and I thought it was really wholesome at the end of the and I imagine the recipe writer was just like yes yes thank you people for doing saying what I can't say I got to be up here being professional thank you for speaking on my behalf exactly my first one is of pumpkin stuffed with everything good it's a recipe on Epicurious and it is literally a pumpkin stuffed stuffed with a bunch of stuff. With everything good? Mm-hmm.

That's gross. Personally, I don't think everything in this is good, but like people put a lot of stuff. Like what? Well, that's the thing is you can put pretty much anything. Oh. And that was what was kind of fun was like some people, so it was like rice, you can put different, a lot of people put little different cheeses, bacon, garlic, spinach,

peppers, I don't know. I just, no. I don't have access to the recipe, so I don't know what it is. That's probably for the best. But I have access to the comments slash reviews. I love that you don't have access. Like you've been barred from this part of the internet. And like all those things I said were just from people in the comments telling me what they put in.

We should invent like an ad blocker that just like leaves like just puts distressing things away like this. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's just the pumpkin stuff with everything. everything blocker. I think that's all it's going to be for me at least. You know what? I'm down. And I'll be a better person for it, you know. Yeah, it's about time. Um, so this is comments from 12 years ago. So that's what's fun is so many of these. Some of them were like 20 plus years ago. The comments on Epicurious.com under these random pumpkin recipes. I was probably our stepmom back

then. She loved that website back. Really? I didn't know that. We had a desktop computer, you know, in the computer room which was a closet in like everybody and uh it was just like tucked away between a bathroom and the television um and she would print out epicurious recipes from there i remember oh yeah fun well hopefully she didn't print this one out Alexander you know what i always say don't get me started on bath time what are you about to say i don't know I'm just saying Home Chef gave me the great point that I don't even want to get started on bath time. So let's not because here's what I have to say.

Home Chef has saved me a lot of time in all seriousness. It takes a stress off my plate off Blazes Plate with fresh pre-portion meals for the entire family. And that makes weeknights, including bath time, so much easier and more enjoyable. It's really nice to just open the fridge and be like, oh, we have some options and everyone in the house likes them. And, hey, we're going to do bath time and no one's going to talk about it. yeah totally so anyway home chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality convenience value taste and recipes as well as bath time assistance that is right that is number one for sure but yeah really whatever kind of day it is they have classic recipes with fresh

ingredients 30 minute meals oven ready trays or quick microwave options which is more my speed Yeah, it's for sure. They even have your dedicated family menu that you love so much. That's right. It's really nice. I mean, for different. For pre-bath time. Delicious bath time.

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Homechef.com slash beach too sandy must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Here is one of the comments and the same person's going to respond right after basically updating their situation. Here we go. Such a bummer. I don't know what went wrong. But given the reviews of this recipe, I clearly made a mistake somewhere. The filling seemed really dry compared to the photo, so I guess I needed a lot more cream. The garlic overpowered everything, and the texture was chunky and unpleasant.

The presentation was beautiful, and I love the idea of using a pumpkin this way, but not with this filling. End of review. This feels like what QVC people would love, you know, and it's making me feel ill a little bit. I will say, of all the things I saw, this had maybe the best reviews. Okay, all right. all about this because it's basically like a pumpkin hollowed out with goodies and with like food like a I mean I think we all figured that out and I just and I think a lot of yeah but you can't eat the pumpkin and that's part of the problem but anyway it's fine I mean you could but like you know

it's not like a bread bowl really I think yeah some people were like do I use a jackalantron pumpkin and they're like please don't do that please use one that's actually for eating you just have like cream like a garlic coming out of the eyes and stuff and like like mashed potatoes like leaking out of its nose actually that's kind of see now that is more fun I think that's multi-purpose so wait hold on so people were asking what's a dip what is there you can't eat a jack a lantern pumpkin shouldn't why because they're like bitter they don't taste it's a different pipe they're pumpkins for eating and pumpkins for carving so I've seen pumpkin pie pumpkins which like the little ones. Yeah, that's, like, that's the one. That's the, those are the, like, sweeter ones.

You can eat that. Okay, I get it. Okay. And, like, I think you can eat the jackal lanterns, but they're not good. Good, because, uh, hmm, I'm pretty full already this morning. Oh, good. Okay. Well, here's their update. Okay. They, they did not like it. It was dry, garlic overpowered, chunky, unpleasant. Oh, the chunky. Blah, blah, blah. Here's their, here's their update. Oh, just realized. I initially read the recipe on the website and then cooked from the app. Thanks to the previous reviewer who points out the typo in the app, 24 cloves of garlic is outrageous.

What was I thinking? No vampires in our house tonight. It was supposed to be two to four clothes and they put 24 because the app said 24. It was supposed to be two to four and it said, see, and then I like, but like just on the app, not on the website. But then the reviewer's like, oh, what was I thinking? And I'm like, to be fair, you were following the instructions. Like, I don't necessarily blame you for that.

Like, I get it that it's, I mean, I love garlic. So I would probably be like, hell yeah. I would feel stupid, I think, if I put 24 clothes in and then in hindsight was like, yeah, that was a lot. It didn't really make sense. At the time, I'd be like, whatever you say, lady. Seriously, like my, maybe that's why we should print them out like the olden days, like are some other used to do. True. In the computer room.

So that this kind of thing doesn't have been on the app, you know? Amen. Amen. By the way, I do think Dory Greenspan deserves credit for this recipe. Thank you, Dory. You might come after her because you didn't like it so much. So it'll probably come after me because I didn't like it so much. She's on her way.

Is that a broom flying toward me? Oh, okay. This is from Christine. Be nice to Dory. She, her, hers. and it's a review of a pumpkin smoothie again kill me i'm sorry i i like a pumpkin spice i don't like a pumpkin pie and i like pumpkin pie i like pumpkin i like pumpkin i like a lot of pumpkin stuff not for me i would try a pumpkin smoothie but it wouldn't be my first choice i have a

review by doreen it's four stars be warned that this pumpkin smoothie recipe is for pumpkin lovers own my five-year-old and one-year-old love this recipe as written for a hot drink use room temperature pumpkin puree instead of frozen and heat everything through on the stove top I'm sorry I just like that idea and then I just have one more here because I thought they were like pretty evocative together this is also from Christine it's the same pumpkin I don't think I like it if a one-year-old likes it and the one-year-old eats like smashed peas and shit I'm like I don't think so This is a three-star review by Annie of the same smoothie right after the other one by Doreen. Nothing against the recipe, but I wasn't a fan. I like pumpkin, but I guess I just don't like drinking a pie. I added two bananas and then some ginger, and that helped, but I don't think I'll ever be making this again. End of review. It just all feels really unpleasant to me.

Yeah, I was in, but now that these people are describing it. it's like two it's like I just feel so good now I don't either it makes me feel ill a little bit thanks for reading that well a one year old and a three year old five year old liked it so you know what maybe let's just uh leave it to the kiddos it's never a good thing um also like a warm one a hot one what do you talk about a hot smoothie don't say that pumpkin smoothie don't say hot pumpkin smoothie and don't say room temperature either what do you mean room warm pumpkin smoothie i can't i mean that's just wow really um i have one here from elise and matt who are coming to our new york show no way i know so they'll be there well celebrities celebrities in our midst this is a two-star review of pumpkin cheesecake here we go me this really didn't do it for me or my family it's a dessert with a personality disorder. It's not really a cheesecake and it's not really a pie. It doesn't know what it wants to be and winds up being mediocre. There's about as much pumpkin flavor as if you just wave the pumpkin

can over the mixing bowl but not added any. I nearly doubled the amount of pumpkin it was still hugely disappointing. Not a keeper if a pumpkin dessert is the goal. End of review. What kind of sorcery is happening where you add double the pumpkin and it still doesn't taste like Pumpkin does your family maybe have COVID I think you should check maybe because it sounds like none of you November 2018 so probably not oh god okay well hopefully not um they've got a long way to go you're not you I did check that like I check immediately look the date at the date after reading that because I thought oh yeah pumpkin's not one of those flavors it's like super delicate and you need to like over I as far as I'm getting I agree it's not very subtle

not super subtle um like garlic in which you need to add 24 gloves so true um this is a review of vegan this is for you from uh from christine not me i would never be this thoughtful but christine sent this in it's vegan pumpkin blondeies recipe mm that sounds good yeah and it's a three-star review by sybil very moised sorry it's yeah it's spelled m-o-i-s-ed so if you didn't if you guys didn't think that word could get worse you were wrong Very moised. I loved it, but my husband expected it to taste more like my pumpkin pie. Our guest preferred my other cakes. Wink.

Like moist like my pumpkin pie, you know. Don't stay away from my moised pumpkin pie. That's for my hubby only, you know. D.H. My D.H. Our guests preferred my other cakes. I will say, though. Why is it so slug? Like, weirdly suggestive, no? Like, is it just me?

It does, no, and I think, I think, I think it just keeps going, okay? I think. Our guests preferred my other cakes. I will say, though, that this is wonderful, warm with the ice cream if you're not a fan of the normal super sweet blondies. But if you are, which I'm not, but hubby is, just make minor adjustments for sweetness. I will try this again using the spices measurements I use for my own pumpkin pies and increase the brown sugar by a quarter cup and see if he likes that better.

Like I said, though, if I was judging for me alone, this would have another star. My Korean friend loved it, but the young American military men were not fans. I don't know. What a weird, like... Unimportant context that I really feel... I'm glad I got. It just feels like, whoa, what? So your guess, you've talked about your guests multiple times, and then at the end, you're like, anyway, all the military men in my house, the year is...

It's a revolutionary war. housing some soldiers in my home. Where did the Koreans come from? Oh, God. In the Revolutionary War, this is fascinating. The airport. Maybe I need to get some better media literacy skills. I think you might need a history lesson.

Maybe that, too. Because you were saying, the year is, I'm like, Christina, what are you about to say? Then revolutionary war, I'm like, okay, she forgot the Koreans. Okay, cool. He was on study abroad. with the military like where does a military come in wait who the korean was yeah okay wait how many how many koree just one korean friend yeah that's so strange what a huh no i feel i'm not doing it but i feel the urge to google like korean pumpkin like as if

there's like i want to whenever i hear something like this i'm like oh there has to be a reason okay okay here's what else great i think i know why because there's I really do because there are a lot of reviews I read where people said, you know, my friend from Germany or my friend from out of the country thought it was good or I'm not from the U.S. and I liked it, but like my partner or my family like sweeter desserts. And I think, you know, it's not surprising that in the U.S. people tend to lean toward sweeter desserts than other places. So I did read a lot where people said like, oh, some people liked it, but a lot of my family prefers like my moised pumpkin pie because it's full of sugar. You know. Yeah, true. I do get that because I do, like, those Germans know how to make a cheesecake. It's not really sweet, but it's delicious. Your Korean friend loves it. I don't know. I have one here of pumpkin whoopee pies. Ooh.

From, this was written nine years ago, this review, and there's a follow-up. Here's the first one. Hello, I didn't make this recipe, but it looks disgusting. I usually refer to vaginas as whoopee pies. You are all gross people. End of comment. That was our stepmosh. I told her to stop making an account on Epicure.

You people. It is what she called vaginas, huh? I mean, honestly, it's probably close, at least. Wow, Alexander. I think that she's the kind of person who has said, make Whoopi, unironically. No, for real, she has. She still says things like went steady with somebody.

And I'm like, the year is, that I was in 25 but okay um Alexander that is really a wild choice the person followed up what okay well not really followed up they just posted another comment after they don't know how what you'd call this but this is what they said after they said everyone below is gay and the thing is and I don't know if they knew this but the way it works it goes bottom to top when you right so they it was that was literally right right above their last review. Oh my God, they trolled themselves.

They did, which might have been the point, or they claim it's the point. I don't think it was. I don't think it was the point. I think they got God by themselves. They got got for sure, for sure. The way the comments work on this website. Yeah, and that's, it's one of those things that I see and I think, huh, that has survived for nine years without being deleted.

I wonder if the person who wrote it, even the middle schooler or whoever wrote this even remembers that this is, that this exists you know honestly there's so much i doubt it because i'm sure i've written plenty of stupid things like this on the internet that i forgot about do you think we'll ever stumble upon something we wrote and go like did i actually write this in like a real way or no i mean i did when i looked up my old reddit comments oh that's not fun and i saw myself saying some things in like 2011 that i was like huh me that was me yeah you kept writing whoopee pies and everyone kept blocking you because it was so inappropriate and i was like going steady with this moisten

whoopi pie everyone's gay okay i'm a 12 year old boy i i feel like i need to clarify it wasn't that bad but it was like weirdly defensive of catholicism i was like read it and i'm like huh i thought i was past that by this age i was not that gives me hope though that like when I see comments that are old and I'm like what the fuck is this person saying I'm like hopefully they just like they wrote that and then like you know adapted to life and then grew up yeah grew up a little bit I kind of hope this person didn't grow up because I like I like this content I hope they're still out there saying whatever they're saying whoopee pie I hope they're getting triggered every time someone talks about whoopie pies and going you're sick you're all sick

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One star. I did not care for this recipe. Bacon and pumpkin is not a good combination. Trust me. It was so embarrassing to serve this to my new boyfriend. Oh, no. Why are you doing that? I guess because it's bacon and it's like boys like bacon.

Is that why? I what what year was this uh good question millennials love that 2007 yeah see you're right you're right holy shit you're right Alexander I didn't realize how much how much the year mattered for recipes like I feel like I would have thought for like movies TV but recipes you're right like it really the bacon thing was all the rage the candles and the oh my god oh you're baking me crazy Oh, someone kill me. Okay, yeah.

I have a review sent in by Avi, they them. Sent in a review of roasted cinnamon spice pumpkin seeds. Okay, all right, not terrible. I've never had, I just was hanging out with O.P. You've never had roasted pumpkin seeds? No, I have. So, and O.P.'s friend Katie, and Katie said that she was going to make roast pumpkin seeds and it was going to be savory and sweet. And it hit me. I've never had sweet pumpkin seed. Like, I've only had savory pumpkin seeds.

Yeah, fair enough. I've only had salted ones. And I was like, that's a thing. And I'm like, obviously it's a thing. But I'm like, how have I not had that before? Is it sugar? Did they put sugar on it? Roasted cinnamon spice in this one. I don't know. I didn't ask. But this one is, uh, This one I actually can read the ingredients for unlike my other ones. Yeah, sugar, cinnamon, ginger, salt, olive oil, water. No, it's too much. Salt, cinnamon.

A teaspoon, salt. Like, okay. Cinnamon, sugar, a tablespoon of sugar, teaspoon of ground cinnamon. The ginger, the ginger's not good for me. Half a teaspoon ground ginger. Mm-mm. Too much. I would be curious if that would, how that would affect the flavor.

Would you be epic curious? No, this is all recipes. Nice try. Oh. Nice try, Ellen. Okay, here is a one-star review of these sweet pumpkin seeds. At 20 minutes, 325 degrees, baking time, my pumpkin seeds started exploding all over my oven. I left them in the oven 10 warm.

minutes why they're going in the trash i would appreciate knowing what i did wrong and you let them sit in there for 10 more minutes what are you doing first of all it's a hazard a safety hazard to open that oven well yeah but turn it off they might have they didn't know actually i don't it sounds like they kept cooking to see if they would like unpop you know like maybe that's part of the process also it feels like you got corn kernels by accident imagine that's just like popcorn Leona the other day went, oh, that's so funny. Corn and popcorn both sound like each other. And I went, oh, God, now I have to try and explain that corn makes popcorn.

And I was like, when you get it really hot, makes popcorn. And she just stared at me like, I don't think so. And I was like, we'll talk about this another day. Anyway, that is. I don't think so. I don't think that makes much sense. Wow. When there's like microwave radiation on them, that's the only way.

Yeah. Yeah, when they're in a little packet with butter. So this is my last one, it's short. It's of, this is one I found called, I mean, talk about, like this is one where I actually felt, I would try the other things. This one I felt pretty grossed out. And I would eat it because I would eat anything, basically, but this is called vegetarian pumpkin spinach chili and it just looked really gross.

I'm sorry. Yeah, it just did not look good. I don't know about that one. That, no, this is my least favorite so far. It's so, honestly, and the picture was like, oh. okay um it also had very not good reviews overall like really people weren't into it um two stars by all recipes member i found this to be moist even runny was it cooked that was the question of the evening end of review oh imagine bringing that to a party a

potluck and everyone's like sorry is this cooked sorry did you actually cook this or did you forget did you forget to cook this chili is it made of raw vegetarian it's not there's no yeah nice try is this made of raw pumpkin and spinach and onion i forget to cook this did you forget to cook this oh my god was it cooked that was the question of the evening what a fucking terrible question for everyone to be asking it doesn't even matter if it's like the taste or the consistency or just looking at it like It's an insult through and through. I'm with you.

That is a terrible thing to have to, if you serve someone something and they ask you if it's cooked, that is not something you want to hear. Bad. Unless it's a no-bake something. Right. Right. But I don't really. Yeah. Here's a review.

This was sent in by Carrie. This is my last one. This is a one-star review of something a little different. It's of our own candle company, pumpkin spice, scented 13-ounce mason jar. candle it is a cinnamon nutmeg pumpkin uh scented pumpkin spice candle okay i didn't think about that as a recipe neither did i um but this this was scented by carrie and i accept it because it's worth reading here's a one-star review do not order this as a gift for your girlfriend my girlfriend currently lives about two and a half hours away from my university and this weekend i went to spend

some time with her. We had a great time, but I had to leave on Sunday, and the only thing we didn't get to do was go candle shopping. She wanted to get a pumpkin spice candle to welcome in the new season. While she was getting ready to go out Saturday night, I looked on Amazon and found what appeared to be a cute quality candle for her. I ordered it so it could arrive at her door a couple days after I left. The day it arrives, I get the notification that it has been delivered, and I'm eagerly waiting for her to get off work to see she has a loving boyfriend who got her thoughtful gift. I chose the send item as a gift option and included a little note. Quote, I know this is what you wanted. I miss you and can't wait to see you again. Winky face.

Oh, this can't be good. A few hours after she gets off work, I got a call and she says it came in and she looks very angry. She's been snippy with me talking about how rough her day was, how she had to deal with a creep at work. She's in healthcare and not even mentioning the gift. After we talk a while, I finally bring up her gift and she goes off on me like I'm being a misogynist, respecting her and acting like I was trying to place some sort of prank on her. They sent her the smell my nuts scented candle instead of pumpkin spice. I wanted to send my girlfriend a sweet gift and instead I made her upset and made her rough day even worse. What?

I went back to the page of the item that I thought I purchased. I had to see if I messed something up, but no, this is completely the company's fault. All the images are of the totally normal pumpkin spice flavored candles. There are no drop boxes with options asking if you want, smell my nuts, plastered across the candle or any asterisks or warning saying you might receive a vulgar candle instead. Now I'm in the doghouse and she doesn't want to hang out this weekend. Thanks to the people at our own candle company, end of review. And they included a picture of the smell my nuts candle and it's banana nut bread, toasted coconut and hazelnut. So it sounds great actually. But I do get that if... Contextually not so great. Maybe not the best.

Yeah, but it's probably well-scented. Imagine the fool who ordered the smell my nuts candle and then ended up with a pumpkin spice candle. Yeah, what an idiot. What an idiot. They're going to look so stupid there. They're going to look so thoughtful and not douchey when they get that candle. Oh, I hate it when I look that way. Life isn't fair.

Okay, do you have any left? I don't. Oh, okay, great. So it's time for my challenge. This is reviews of brooms that mention witches or witchcraft. I got a few good submissions from this or of this of this. No, I got a good, I got a few good submissions. This one is from Christine.

It is of a rubber made commercial product heavy duty corn broom. Huh? I feel I'm going to learn about different types of brooms. I think I'm going to learn with you because I'm just now kind of reading the actual details of this. but basically this is a broom with corn bristles i guess and it is a for courtyard garage lobby mall or office i'm sure you could probably use it in more scenarios than that but um looks to have pretty good rating so this is a five-star review uh this one's just like a silly one to start and it was written

actually a couple months ago so it's called pretty good broom and it's a verified purchase I got this broom for my wife as her car was on its last legs she finds it to be comfortable and the acceleration is good it lacks a radio and heater but that's to be expected at this price point end of review

14 people found this helpful since June of this year but they did purchase it in blue so you know if you see them speeding by good to know corn broom yeah

I looked at up the price, by the way, eight to ten dollars. So, you know, as far as like, oh, what's expected at this price point? What features do you get at ten dollars? You know, I don't think you get much. It feels like acceleration is pretty good, but the radio and heater, that is kind of an upso, upcharge. I feel like a lot of people have asked me lately, maybe it's because I know some friends who are postpartum, but about about hair thinning and shedding. And they know that I've been talking about this for years. And so finally, I get to get on my

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Okay, so I have one here. I love this one. This one is also from Christine, and it's called Sweeps So Well. It's a verified purchase by Demi. also oh my gosh written october 13th 2025 so like a week ago what is happening with these brooms out center look in the sky look look at this look up at the sky and you'll see i'm inside i purchased this broom originally to go with this Halloween costume i made for a little pink witch but before i decorated it i jokingly used it to sweep the floor which is such a weird

it for its intended purpose, just for funsy. Just for shits and giggles. But before I decorated it, I jokingly used it to sweep the floor. Holy, I actually loved the way this broom sweeps. It sweeps so smoothly. The broom itself splays across the floor and glides really easily, catching all of the little tiny things on the floor. I think this person never used a broom before. Yeah, they're learning what a broom is. I think they're really experiencing it for the first time. Yeah. hairs dust dust bunnies beads all of it and the swath is a fairly on their floor i mean it sounds like my floor but i guess but beads is not what i expect oh yeah i mean beads glitter yeah i guess for especially when you're creating a witch costume right a pink witch uh what do you call

it um it sounds like oh cosplay yeah well i don't know it seems like it was uh going to be an elaborate decorated broom whatever that's supposed to mean um the swath by the way that's quite something the swath is a fairly decent size as well wink it doesn't say that link this is truthfully the best broom i've used as far as knowing it's sweeping and not leaving things behind plus it's so easy to manipulate around objects like chair legs because the parentheses bristles question mark just moot they use the word swaff but they're like Like bristles? Are they, what are, how do you say bristles?

Bristles? Bristols? Because the bristles just move so smoothly and organically, not stiff. Ew, okay, they should not be moving organically. That sounds disgusting, like tentacles or something. This is a witch broom, if I ever heard of one. There's a lot going on with this broom. Talk about sorcery.

I thought, honestly, like, I was, would have been, thought it was funny just if you had finished after they were like, wow, this one's pretty good. I'm getting way more than I bargain. It's so much information. Yes, correct. And there is more. So it says it's easy to manipulate because it's bristles just smoothly and organically, not stiff. Because of this new revelation, I decorated this broom in such a way that once Halloween is over, it can live in my house for its intended purpose.

Plus, it makes an adorable witch broom, end of review. I'm so curious what form of decoration would make it like unusable and unable to live in. your home what were they planning yeah it's like it's a pink broom what it what what was going to be the original plan that was not suitable for your home you know what i mean yeah yeah um i will say the brand here it's called it says visit the generic store on amazon yeah nice generic store so i don't really know much more um but yeah apparently it's a game changer and it's uh what did she say um a revelation yeah a lot oh i was going to comment on that and i forgot what a what a way to put that yeah definitely about this broom so let's see what do i have next this is from avi they them

and the title of this review by george it's a five-star review and the title is it's a broom but the witch i live with can't fly on it stupid he says if he didn't want you to do this challenge This is exactly what I was hoping for. Yeah, well, buckle up because this is a verified purchase of the Power Corner Pet Pro Broom. Pet Pro Brume. Pet Pro Brum. Pet. Pet go boom. Oh, no.

It sweeps. It has a pan. It's lightweight but sturdy. It has teeth that help with hair collection. Yeah, I panic for a moment. What are these terrible things that people are saying? Like, am I just not? Like unintentionally.

Right? But like, am I just? not in the like broom lingo community yeah like is this jargon that i just don't i'm not familiar with i don't know but the fact that this person didn't put a question mark after teeth and the other person put a question mark after bristles ah fair enough come on people and the fact that they're so surprised at how a broom works yeah true point okay this person definitely should have been like teeth because then i'd be like okay that yeah no they're just there's too confident about

calling it. I was going to say it's the confidence about the teeth that makes it unsettling. And teeth collecting hair? Is that what they said? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I don't want that in my brain. No. Like flossing with teeth? Okay. What? That's not what I'm there. Fossing with teeth? Oh, no, it's even worse. It sweeps. It has a pan. It's lightweight but sturdy. It has teeth. To help. with hair collection it cleans but doesn't fly yeah probably because you filled it with hair sicko hair and beads dust bunnies oh sick um let's see what else do i have this one is from avi they them also and it's a review by odie of a broom surprise surprise the same one power corner pet pro broom and

Sorry, it's pet pro brum. It just not sound like you're saying it right, but like it sounds like you keep bucking it up. Every time I say it, it sounds wrong, yes. Petrobrum. Why is it so funny? This is the last one I have, which makes this kind of a short episode. I'm sorry, Zandi. Why are you apologizing to me?

I don't know. I just feel like we usually get close to an hour, but we're just flying through them, get it. It's almost like I have teeth to collect all that hair. This is a review by Avi. Nope, it's not. It's from Avi. Sorry, Avi. I would not blame you for this.

It's by Odie, and it's called Be Accused as a Witch. And this is a verified purchase. These stand up on their own so you can freak out friends and family who will now think you are a witch. It is best to buy a few. I have two. Okay, first of all, that's not a few. In my opinion. Yeah, that is not a few.

That's a couple. No? No, I have 100%. Okay, great. It is best to buy a few. I have two. It's more impressive when you have them all standing... They didn't say that they own a few.

I know, but listen to this because it's like, why should I take your advice if you don't even have more than two? Because then they give instructions on what to do with the few that you have. Okay, okay. You know what I mean? And I'm like, you don't even have a few. Maybe they're waiting for their third one to come in. Well, then wait for your third one before you give me advice.

You're not wrong. Okay. It is best to buy a few. I have two. It's much more impressive when you have them all standing together forming a circle. First of all, do you have two forming a circle right now? Because good luck with that. That doesn't even make any sense. Are these half circle brooms? Oh. I doubt it. It is best to buy a few. I have two. It's more impressive when you have them all standing together forming a circle. They also do a good job with dust and spider webs, which is the primary reason for my purchase. I do need another, well, yeah, end of review.

Yeah, a second one, because you had to only have two brooms. I just, yeah, I just, I'm like, if you put them all in a circle and stand inside it, it's, that's fun, but not if you have two of them. Who's standing, did they mention standing inside of it? Are you doing some spell over there? Well, I just feel like there's saying you can freak out your friends and family and make them think you're a witch. And it's like, it's best to put them all in a circle. I'm like, well, wouldn't you be inside? contagia shit yeah yeah um what kind of what do these brooms look like that they stand so well the pet pro brum the pet bro i don't know because it also says they stand at an angle and i'm like what could that mean pet pro broom they've got a lean to them oh they do have a lean to them because they're a corner broom

you know yeah it's for pet pros i'd be very curious to see these standing up in a circle imagine being like you witch i feel like it's all fun in games now but man a couple hundred years ago you stand up some pet pro brooms and you are straight to the gallows you know what i mean i didn't i do know what you exactly what you mean you're too bad mine have witches got hanged back in the day at least uh they said they were witches but they weren't well

well maybe they were i will just say they shouldn't have been hanged how about they should have brought they should have bought they should have bought brooms with teeth and then none of this would have happened mm-hmm so you know what I read that in a research paper you did yeah and when I wrote yeah about which is and brooms yeah specifically the pet pro broom mm-hmm I have two okay um wow everyone one this was fun i have not we i feel like we haven't recorded an episode forever no i don't think i remember how to do this and i think i kind of did it wrong but i'm glad you had fun um i don't care

okay no i just mean like i don't know maybe we did do it wrong but i had fun so who cares that's so true that's what it's all about we're really excited if you are listening to this uh the week it comes out this saturday we're going to be in new york very excited for it please buy tickets beach you city.com we still have some left it is at the city winery um which is always a fun venue and we're going to be reading one-star reviews uh in of the new york area and it'll be Halloween season so that'll make it extra fun and we can't wait finale to our 17 show tour that's a lot of shows we're is that how many we did we did 16 so far Jesus Christ I know we've been all over everybody and oh um it's our last show of the year last show of the tour it's gonna be a relief

in a way like the lack of travel coming up after but then again i'll just be so sad and can't wait for the next one but bittersweet it'll be bittersweet uh but excited to see everyone who shows up to that one and uh excited for some more future stuff we got coming up soon Just stay tuned. Stay tuned. We love you. Love you all so very much.