Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 361: Reviews of Halloween Costumes

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Happy Halloween! Or Sad Halloween in Xandy's case!I don't feel like writing anything else here today. Go google us or something.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Wondery. That's audible.ca.ca.wondery. Welcome to beach to sandy water to wet. a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Shall I begin? No. Okay. Oh, wait, you're not going to reveal on camera? I am on camera, though.

You are? I'm confused. Oh, I don't see you. No, I don't know what you mean. No, sorry. I thought you meant for video patrons. That's why. Like, I have my camera off so I can reveal my costume to you.

Got it. I thought that's what you were doing. I'm so sorry. Come back. Okay. Okay. I hate it. Alexander, somebody is just, oh no, somebody is discovering they have feelings about this, I think. I hope so.

I'm so sorry. Alexander is wearing stockinged feet. They're my thigh highs. I can't stay in this right now. This is driving me nuts. Alexander, please describe what's happening. Happy Halloween, everybody. Okay.

Goblins and coals and frights and French maids. Okay. That's me. I've been really depressed very, very, very badly. So I put on my favorite outfit. It hasn't helped yet. That's what I tell you to do. Yeah. But I'm wearing it anyway. I'm wearing my maid outfit. Right. Yeah, it looks good. You have the apron. I'm glad you can hear me okay because I'm actually on board the Royal Caribbean cruise. I had. big blobs of sunscreen on, but because your microphone took four years to set up, it's all now gone. Oh, good. You're welcome. I'm here. Actually, Alexander, speaking of which, I'm wearing my ladies and tangents tank top, and it says, sad bitch island. And I thought it was, it's a shark. I feel like, maybe that would be pertinent to your attitude today.

Oh, and then I'm going to swim with gators later. Oh, my God. Alligator came out of the nowhere, out of the ocean, onto your cruise ship. look at my now my decor this is what I bring with me on every cruise okay don't show me what the hell is happening oh that's my webby I also bring that with me yeah why are you grabbing a trophy because that's how I decorate and then of course you bring your trophy into your cruise shiproom just to like show up is that a lovely upside down pineapple it isle beautiful that's right that's right it's called cloudy with a chance of upside down pineapple this was a gift I forget the exact username.

I'm so sorry. TVCF, it says on the back. It's been on the shelf next to my bed for like a year now. I just love it. And every time Leona sees it, she goes, I have to turn that pineapple. It's upside down, but it's like glued on that way. She has good instincts.

And when we were originally going to do a Halloween costume on stage in New York, I was like, oh my gosh, I made a shirt on the cricket, or I made a design on the cricket. And it says, oh my God, Oxena, I'm just going to send you the picture. that they were going to get that. New Yorkers, you weren't going to get that. No, you weren't. We were going to try it and then immediately said no, because it was impossible to get that on time. I would kill myself on stage. Alexander, stop. I still might.

Alexander, you and I are serving the polar opposite. Usually we're somewhere. Yeah. We're like, we're like dynamic. This feels like we are just at war with our attitude, with one of others attitudes. I think, I think 20 of our listeners will love it. Oh, I got, I'm showing a lot of leg. Yeah, I know. Alexander, this is what I'm trying to say. It's quite comfortable. You look like you're in like an interrogation interview, like the way you're sitting on

a gray couch. Yeah, my millennial gray couch. And it's a blank wall behind me because I've been here for almost two years and I've wanted something big enough to go above my couch. And I've never thought of what to put up. And so I don't have anything on my wall instead of having something. Do you want to see the picture that I was going to actually? actually put, um, put on, on, um, a shirt for this. Oh, yeah, yeah, for your cricket,

your cricket thing. And then I didn't have time. Wow. Look at this. Cruise mode with an upside down pineapple. Oh, I was going to. Why aren't you selling these? I might. I might start. Yeah. Thank you. I'm glad you like it. It's hilarious. Thank you. The O is an upside I feel like people will unironically want that, like cruisers. Okay, I'll make it. Okay. My Etsy store is going to be like a ball, like witch stuff and like wine and like swing or cruise shit. It's going to be a diverse audience.

Is it not already that? Fair point. Well, I'm just wondering. So we're here today to do a Halloween episode, which I think is fairly obvious. So I would hope so. Well, hopefully to some people, at least hopefully to the video people who are watching me wear this outfit. One more thing. I swear it's not about how depressed I am.

I wore this to a murder mystery party for the first time. Oh, that's right. We should probably explain why you're doing this. Yes. And I looked so good in it. I was like, oh, I guess I'll find an excuse to wear it this year. But since I don't have Halloween plans, here we are. So.

You look like you. You're in like a bad student documentary. Like, you look like it's just... My lighting is terrible right now. I've been rushed. I've been... It's crazy. I can't believe it.

And then you have like these white stocking feet. I'm telling you, people are going to rush to our YouTube. We're going to get an influx here of listeners, I think. As we should. But anyway, I wore this to the thing because I was a murder mystery and my role was like cleaning staff. I show up and people had dropped out. out. So there were extra rolls to fill that weren't so generic because mine was just a generic one. And so they gave me the role of groundskeeper. But I was still wearing a maids outfit.

Oh, so you bought the costume to be part of the cleaning staff that you show up and you were reassigned. And I bought the costume, O.P. and I went to thrifting and thrifted all of it. You did? Yeah. Ew, those are some haunted stockings. Except the fucking, no, I felt real, because that was going to be somebody else's new thing today. Yeah, uh-uh. Yeah, no. Okay. But like this apron is just a different dress that's like folded and then tied around the back.

It is fun. And this is just a black dress. And there's nothing underneath. Oh, this old thing? Yeah. It's in her. All right. Don't, you're sitting way too precariously to joke like that.

All right. That's how I get them. You can turn my video off. That's fine. I can't. I wish I could. It would be nice. Yeah.

Let's talk about Halloween Costumes, huh? Yeah. Do you have a review of your Halloween costume that you're wearing? Oh, wait, no, you thrifted it. Duh. You think I think I didn't make this? I know.

You're such a crafty queen. Thank you. Homemade, get it? That's good. Cruise mode. It's probably not good, but I think. Hey, did I cut out? I'm on the seven Cs.

So sometimes I'm going to cut it out during this episode. That's okay. I hope you, I hope you, I hope you, cut out for good. Well, I do have a visitor coming over for the Pineapples Express later. Ooh. It's naughty, isn't it? Beep, beep.

Two pence. Okay. Let's... Do you want to read a review? Do you have a review of your costume? Oh, wait. You just put a hat on and change your background. First of all, I resent that.

I worked very hard on the concept. No, you forgot. Like the theory behind it. Do you know what I mean? Okay. No. Do you have a review or do you want me to start? Yeah, I do have a review.

Thanks for asking. I didn't know if you did today. This is a review of a costume on Amazon. This is sending by Kirstie. She Heard. I'm going to send you a picture because I don't know how else to do this. We're going to have to give these to Zoe for YouTube. I definitely have photos for this episode.

Yeah. So this is the cost. It's an inflatable bee. That is bulbous. It's a bulbous inflatable bee costume. With a red stinger. With a red stinger. And this is a one-star view by Amazon customer verified purchase.

The title is, caught fire as daughter wore it for first time at school. Do you not buy a dangerous product. Daughter age 10 wore to school today for dress-up day. Within one hour arriving, I had email from school. The battery pack and fan were on fire. Fire emoji.

Smoke was coming. out. Fortunately, no one was hurt. Dangerous product. Do not buy. Oh, my God. And these costumes are called body socks. That's the brand. And they have a fan. So that's how they stay bulbous. Yeah, they have like a little blowy fan that, like for the ones that you put outside in your yard, but it's on your body.

Yeah, which is so not what I expected. I assume that the, there was like an inner frame that kept it bulbous. Oh, I see. No, no. Like a paper mesh. like a paper machet. Because look, it does look like it could be a balloon, a really big balloon that you strapped around your daughter's body and then made her stand there while you paper macheted it and then pop the balloon.

I want to add also that, so I looked up this cool sock, cool, what is it, body socks. And this was on their front page on Amazon, one of their costumes that they sell. That's terrible. It's so upsetting. Jamaican bobsled team. And of course,

they only have four white people who are willing to participate in this picture. Yeah, they're wearing dreads. It's a rough time to look at. It's from Cool Runnings, the acclaimed film. And that's my first submission today.

Wow. Wow. That's a pretty good one. I like the bee fan. The bee is really good. It's pretty breezy in this outfit, but wouldn't mind a fan down there, too. Can't hurt.

Yeah. Yeah. My first one was sent in by Carrie, and this was of Hollywood Toys and Cost- Oh, no, Carrie! Sorry. It's Halloween episode. I was like, oh, do you have the same one? Oh.

Oh, my name's Christine. Ah! Stop. Made in Manhattan. Oh, that's not a movie. Might as well be. That really, yeah. This is a review of Hollywood toys and costumes.

It is not a costume, but it is of a costume place. Okay. This is a one-star review. This place is extremely disgusting, and the service here is beyond horrible. Roaches? Crawling everywhere. Rats? You'd think that they worked there. After telling the lady who actually worked there about the health hazards, she picked up a roach and ate it saying, Listen to that crunch.

I do not recommend shopping here. Please, let's stop. That is outrageous. This is some kind of nonsense. 129 people liked it, so it has to be true. Oh, shit. shit, maybe she got viral, went viral. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Maybe she thought it was a candy roach. Oh, what if it might have been? And then she was like, oh, no, and then she had to commit to the bit. And she's like, look how crunchy it is. Although maybe the rats do work there. And maybe they're all in- This is a rat eating a coproch. Oh, shit, she thought it was an employee, but it's just one of the rats.

I think that kind of makes sense, no? It happens with these talking rats sometimes. It does. I've seen it. And I, yeah, with my own eyes. And I want to add also. speaking of talking rats maybe everyone was in costume true

like look at this bee if you saw that running around you'd be like oh shit a bee I would I would definitely think that's real I was my walk from my bedroom to the living room I was asked to clean up and I didn't do it and you went like this

moire I actually I actually do have a feather dust I do it's not I forgot it just it's a Oh, my God, not a glove. I do have a glove. It's actually upsetting. I couldn't find, I lost the second glove.

Can I say something really, like, dark? What? It looks like you'd be on the next season of Mind Hunter. Thanks. Hey, as long as we get another season of Mind Hunter, I'm happy. I'm fucking miss that show. That's a sacrifice that I, as your sister, am willing to take. I'm willing to make.

You look like you are going to be arrested pretty soon. are my instruments. Where's my scalpel? No finger movement, please stop. It's just getting worse by the moment. The good news is that when Zandi and I take hours to record and we don't get it done on time, I don't have to rush into making dinner or even worry about it in the back of my mind because Home Chef has got me covered.

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But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. This is another review of the inflatable B costume, and this one comes with a photo, and it's actually a five-star review, so we've got a redemption. Wow. I know. The title is, a little uncomfortable, but allowed me to bring my A-game when it came to the ladies. verified purchase oh hell yeah i thought there's going to be a catch no that might just a honey trap wow okay yeah we are definitely on different wavelengths today i think my brain is not working that way yeah well you're really upsetting me and i think i'm dissociating from my usual

my brain was like fly swatter on me if i was dressed as a bee oh god anyway i'm going to take this glove off so I can um read a review well no it's my turn oh there was more to that that was the title oh I was like oh that's it I thought there was a catch

I thought that okay oh I was like no no it was a honey trap now let me read my review I thought you read the review I know I didn't okay this costume we did determine your brain's not at full did you even say that it's the title until like 10 seconds after I sure did I sure did tell you

whatever This costume brought me great success on the night that I wore it. The incredibly large behind allowed me to attract a huge amount of female attention, which I must say is not normal for me. Although the costume... I'm sure I didn't write this. The white stockings that my great Aunt Matilda donated to the Goodwill attracted a lot of female attention.

And mine. But I was quickest, so I got him. That's right. Although the costume... Now they don't attract anyone. Oh. Now they... Ah, Alexander, I'm going to call the police.

It's just my, literally, if I were shorts, this is how much leg would be showing. I don't want to see that either. That's true. You don't. No one does. Actually, everyone does. Although the costume is quite uncomfortable, I am happy to make this sacrifice in light of the huge spike it gave me in female attention. Another drawback is that it limited my usually potent pool playing skills, as a huge belly did not allow me to get into a proper stance with the pool cue.

Although I did manage to pull off several victories. the pool table throughout the night, mainly due to my skill, increasing proportionately to how much alcohol I consume. Overall, I would recommend this costume if you are looking to stand out and have a good laugh. End of review. And there's a photo involved. Yeah, of this person's experience. Okay, that stinger is looking a lot like a butt now. That is not looking like a stinger anymore. It's this photos from behind as the bee is, you can't. even see the front of it, but the front is like laying on this pool table. Wow. Clearly focused. You can tell they're trying to play pool, but that behind keeps getting in the way.

It really is. I wonder how loud it is, too. Like, would that not get annoying? But like, I guess if you're a bee, the buzzing makes sense at least. Oh, that's true. It's just like, unless it's like, like, all night. You could just say like you have a sinus infection. You're a bee with the sinus infection. That's, you know what? Those bee sinuses. That's the thing. Yeah.

I hear that pollen really gets them. I've got a review. This was sent in by Annika. And this is of an Amazon clown costume, okay? The Amazon clown? It is. You mean Bezos? Am I right?

You are so right. I can't wait until all these winners get left in the episode. um you're just on a roll you're on a roll here's the three-star review of a clown costume not of jeff bezos even though he is a clown the title is see that's how you do it the title is i did that you idiot good budget clown costume okay good budget oh no oh no and then says the title continues don't expect to win the costume contest but you're better than the guy who didn't dress up And that was the vibe of this murder mystery. I'm like, look, I will go as far as I can because people will respect it. Even if. Yeah, it's the place to do it, right? Lean into it.

And I knew. I had met like a few of these people before, but I really didn't know any of them. And somehow that made me feel less stressed about it. And I was like, yeah, I want this first impression to be me in a maid outfit. It, you know. I get it. Yeah. And it works.

Just look at how I'm reacting. And I've known you my whole life. I know. I know. Here's the actual review. Three stars. For the price, can't really complain. I was a clown.

The kids thought I was funny. All adults found me creepy. Score. Mission accomplished. The good? It is as described. I look like a clown. It's lightweight arrived on time.

The me. First, a tad small in my opinion. I'm six foot, 185 pounds. And it gave me some. serious moose knuckle in a large. I suppose I must concede I'm an Excel in Chinese-made costumes. Second, the ever-annoying back zipper. I'll never understand why they make all janky Halloween costumes zip up the back.

This is yet another costume that makes you basically drop it to the floor just to take a piss. So if you're going to wear this to a bar, prepare to be that guy in the bathroom, peeing like a toddler while looking like a creepy serial killer. End of review. Oh, wow. Oh, out center you should take note. Not me. I don't have to drop it down.

Yeah, but you look like a serial killer, so. Yeah, but I'm pulling my skirt up. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Like, yeah, I guess I would, huh? That would be weird. No, it wouldn't be that weird. It wouldn't really, not on Halloween anyway.

I mean, I don't think, like, I feel like if I were in a situation like that, I would have to use a stall. I mean, I know, I know boys bathrooms don't always have stalled. I don't know. I guess you do. I think they do. I think they do. But fewer, usually, you know. At a bar, I feel like you're probably more vulnerable to being caught with your costume around your ankles. You're not wrong, Christina.

You're not wrong. It's either that or if I'm just, I don't know, out in the town. Pretty much wherever I go in this, I run that risk. Totally dissociating today. Okay. I wish I could. I know. I'm trying to help, but I, you've been.

better come with me. Let me fix my skirt. Listen, we're doing, you can come on the cruise with me. We'll make a pit stop in Queens. Oh, okay. Here is, that sounds good. A review by, sent in by Carrie, she heard. It's of a place called Halloween Adventure Shop.

And this is a one-star review. What kind of Halloween store doesn't have licensing to sell you contacts over the counter? I have to have an eye doctor to buy contacts. I've never had an eye care professional my whole life. I have 20-20 vision. Better off going to abercadabra on 21st. They were a real Halloween store. End of review.

They couldn't buy contacts. Like I assume these are just like the cat eye contacts or something. Like the decorative ones? Yeah. And they needed a doctor's note. They were like, oh, you need a prescription? I don't know. Where's your optometrist?

What does your optometrist think about this costume? Should we give him a call? No, don't, please. Anyone but him. Anyone but him? Call my father instead. He's just going to tell you I have 20-20 vision and that I don't need them. And that I got it from him, not my mother.

Uh-huh. I was talking about the optometrist, but sure. Dad, too, would probably say that. The optometrist wouldn't say that. He'd be like, yeah, let me get you in an appointment. That's true. You can buy, hey, you can buy your snake icon. They should get into that, the eye doctor.

They should get in, lens crafters. They clearly already are. Well, they better start selling these, like, cool Halloween contacts. That's kind of cool. I think that would be pretty cool as an option. Like prescription contacts, but they're, like, real wacko. Yeah. I mean, I still remember that first time I saw someone wearing cat eye caught.

That was horrifying in Salamanca. It was like the most horror movie moment of my life, which is so silly because it's the middle of the day. And it wasn't like that shocking. but it was the way that she just looked up and my whole blood, like my blood ran cold. Oh, it was horrible. I didn't know that was a thing.

Out of me. We'd never seen that before. I'll never forget her. I will never forget that. Oh, boy. No wonder you're depressed. I have one here. This was sent in by Skatey

and it has to do with your costume a little bit because this was a post on cruiscritic.com. And I'm just reading one of the, comments, but the original post was titled Halloween costume ideas needed. Okay. And this is what a newbie has to say. Who's from the Great White North, A?

This is from 2011. Here we go. We are cruising over Halloween this year, and D.H. has come up with an ingenious and very packable idea. We're going as vampire penguins. What? It's very simple. What do you mean?

It's fair? I'm so sorry. Very simple. Clearly, I should have known. Yeah. A black baseball type hat with glued on ping pong balls for eyes. We're adding Google eyes from our local Michaels. Vampire teeth, black t-shirts, $7 to $9 at Walmart, red bow ties, black pants, and black shoes.

I'm also opting for red, red, red lipstick and a red boa since I'm the female, smiley face. L-O-L-L-L. D.H is trying to make penguin feet out of foam, rubber and then painting it orange, but that's not quite working out. Yet, smiley face, penguins seem to be the newest thing right now. So your kids might love it or not. They are kids. End of comment. Oh my God. Don't worry. My husband has the, has the blueprints for the foam penguin feet. He's on try number 68 and I'll get there eventually. I could use those right now. They would look really actually perfect with that outfit. I was just wearing my like,

regular sneakers, I felt like, like Avril Levine in what she would wear. If she were in a maid outfit, she'd just wear like her vans or something. That's right. That was, that was me at this place. Like converse with like Sharpie all over it, you know. Because someone had asked me, it was like, what shoes are you wearing? I'm like, I'm not doing shoes. I'm not doing a whole thing with shoes. Who asked you? Who are you talking to? Stephen asked me. Stephen wanted to know how committed I was to this maid bit. You're a little too committed. I'm like, in my humble opinion. Yeah, no. I wore it once and was like, I get it now. I get why someone would put this on.

It feels good. Oh, okay. All right. It looks amazing. You do. I mean, that can't be denied. I mean, what's not to love about this outfit? I'm not going to leave my apartment in this right now.

Just the general vibe is really dark. But other than that, yeah, it's looking great. Yeah, I thought that wearing this would help. It might hurt. You mentioned that. I have a review from Kristen, she, her. This is of plus size handmade's tail costume. for women.

Oh dear. Yeah, it's basically what you imagine, the Handmaid's Tale, red and white floor-length robe thing. And this is a two-star review. Like to dress like someone who's oppressed in society. That's so true, Alexander. Oh, French maids. Okay. You'll probably relate to this, yeah.

Two stars. Poor quality and way too long. I was super excited to get this costume. It came in the mail today, and the parts that are sewn are already fraying and coming apart. The bonnet is so big, it covers my entire face. And the robe is six, which I'm like, that's kind of the point. I thought they all do. Don't they like, literally the point.

Because like in the show, they have to like do this. I mean, I know that it, she's probably saying it's literally covering her face, but I'm like, that's kind of the, it's kind of the vibe. Okay, the bonnet is so big, it covers my entire face. And the robe is 67 inches taller than me, and I'm five foot five. Holy shit. Wait, 67 inches taller. That's what it says.

That's insane. I mean, I know. That's like how many feet is that? Over five feet, seven inches. So it's more than double this person's height. And then. Imagine like it's, oh, oh, wait, sorry, I didn't see the fine part. Handmaid's tail costume for women on stilts.

Oh, that makes a lot more sense. It's a circus It's a Handmaid's Hell circus outfit It's like it's like how You know how penguins and vampires just go really well together And they're like all the rage It's sort of like that Well they were all the rage in 2011

Now it's all about handmaid's tail and stilts And I'm just being goofy about it You know what I'm saying And so yeah that could be kind of fun Like your hood is covered You can't see where you're going You're 11 feet tall Sounds like a worm

Worms are long and can't see They're not 11 feet tall Alexander don't say shit like that Evraticate all ocean worms Neither is this person But they can pretend to be Just like worms can pretend to be If I saw a worm on stilts

Well in my scenario The stilts were not a part of it But yeah In my scenario The worms were just worms Being long It does say plus size Maybe they mean plus size height

only you know yeah yeah true they're like it's only for like not big and tall it's tall it's tall tall tall tall tall and none of the rest matters because it's just a giant robe that covers your face also yes yes your turn oh you're done okay um my next one is from taylor she her who sent in a great costume that i think we've had before either on it might have been on Patreon, but it's on Halloween costumes.com, and I'm going to send you a link or an image first and then tell you what it is. Well, I guess I don't really need to tell you. It's sexy priest costume for men. This, I like, hey, I was going to say, what could it possibly be that you'll have to tell me what it is? And then this fully. Fully what? Okay, I was going to say this

man is not fully anything. But he's like, see through. You could see basically everything. You a mesh uh onesy short onesie but we at center i you're right i absolutely have this photo on my computer and it's not for personal reasons it was from a past episode yes um so sexy praise costume and this is a five-star review um then i'm i'm not sure if i understand it but it seemed important it's a it's a quick one but it seemed important here we go really made my shaft shine at the family party end of review oh my god don't even get it that's stupid my shaft shine i mean okay what shaft are they even talking about their penis but like it's it does have a gold cross on the penis which you know somebody is having an absolute shit fit about oh i guess i guess i mean

okay i just saw like an NFL commercial of buffalo bills fans baptizing babies into the Bills Mafia. And I'm like, if they can handle that, I think they can handle this. I don't think so. They should be able to. I think they should be able to. But I think I can handle both of them. I thought the Bills Mafia thing was quite funny because they were dropping babies

into like fake tables because that's a, you know, the Bills at fans, they go to their tailgates and there was a guy who started this. He jumped and like body slamming. am a folding table. Insert pretty good sound. The fact that you don't know this is kind of surprising thing. I don't purport to know much about. Well, it's been a thing for years.

So anyway, in this commercial, they're like taking these babies dressed up in Buffalo Bill's gears and like lowering them onto like fake. Oh, that's actually very fun. And then they like break the table with the baby and that's how they baptize it and baptize them into the Bill's Mafia. Really stupid. It's really silly. If you don't care about this.

It's not interesting at all, but I think if NFL fans can handle that, I think all people should be able to hand a glittering shaft at Halloween with a cross. Yeah, handle it literally and metaphorically. All of the above, spiritually. Speaking of like handling NFL fans handling situations, like if you do wear this into a Buffalo Wild Wings, things might go wrong. this is a review of an uh this is also sent it by christin it's of an adult telitubbies dipsy costume oh no yeah that's right i'm going to send you um a picture of the costume and then at the top

you can see the emoji that christin used to describe it oh jesus emoji got me good the emojis are like the two evil eyes with the mouth in the middle like what's happening yeah okay so this is a review of this adult telitubbies costume five stars size small by anonymous it looks terribly made like the front tv screen part looks just like felt like it does it looks like felt you're right isn't that supposed to be shiny at least i know a priest who can handle that good quality looks just like the original telitubbies also makes you move the funny telitubby way be careful if you run wearing it you will fall and you will need someone to help you up, end of review. Oh, no.

It'll make you run the phone Tel-a-W way. That's hilarious. I can, like, picture it happening, though, so I'm kind of glad we got to hear that. Speaking of handling things, I can handle Carrie, I can handle Christine. I cannot handle a man in a telotubby costume running full speed ahead. Yeah, no, that would freak me out. Nothing about that is okay. And also, like, if he said you'll need someone to help you up.

Good luck finding someone to help you up. I'm not touching a down telotubby. No, no. I'm not touching an upright telotubby. I don't want. Like who knows what's what knocked it down in the first place, you know? You don't want to be catching anything. It's probably God.

Exactly, right. Yeah. God's finally putting telitubbies where they belong on the ground and in the ground. I have another review of this clown costume, and don't worry, this one comes with a picture for you. Oh, thank God. But I'm going to read the review first. This is a three-star review. If you bought a clown from Wish, your expectations should be low.

This was an absolute disappointment. Kids didn't stop crying. Size was too small. Cotton balls were falling out. Don't be this clown. Oh, God. I mean, I told Alexander this earlier today, but I'm watching, I'm currently watching the John Wayne get...

Oh, my God. Alexander. Like, they couldn't have, like, given it a little something, something. Dazzle-dazzle for the photo? What you're saying is horrifying. It's exactly right. And it is not, I'm so sorry to say this, not the fault of the costume.

It's the costume wearer that's causing the problem here, much like John Wayne Gacy. I think he caused quite a few problems, yes. He caused more than one problem. But like, if you're looking at this guy, the face paint A is the same face paint as stuff. Maybe this is intentional.

I'm starting to wonder. The more I look at it, I'm like, wait a minute. But it just looks like It looks like a depressed person No offense And it looks like they rolled out of bed After wearing this makeup for two days

Like it doesn't look Yeah, it does, you're right Like they're like jazzed or like No It looks like this is just They're not ready to clown They're ready to die Yeah

Which like I guess is kind of a fun Like clown trope you know Clown's dying is a fun clown trope Yeah I mean it's horror I think it's fun That they die Yeah, it's Halloween time. Not actual clowns, though, but like, I don't know.

Horror clowns, yeah, I get it. I get it. Also, Halloween's about killer clown. So it's like the spectrum of clown. Right, they're the villains. And he sure looks like it, you know? Yeah, I feel like the only clowns that don't get the attention on Halloween are like the insane clown posse because they're getting the attention on most other days. Every other day of the year.

Yeah. Fair enough. The juggalo's, they are like Halloween. I'm sure, okay, don't get me wrong, juggalo's. I bet you do some crazy shit for Halloween. I'm sure they have a ritual at least one ritual. But who doesn't, you know? Who doesn't?

Fair enough. So that's where I'm at. Oxnir, that's powerful. So the last thing I have for you is just two pictures. I don't have any other reviews. This was also sent in by Kristen. It's the last thing. I have it just called a little dose of dopamine.

And it's two of Kristen's favorites that found. there's the infant shrimp costume's insane there's an infant shrimp costume because of course and then there's an infant lord far quad shirt costume yeah the lord farquod just looks good you know that one it's not even that funny because it's like actually looks pretty impressive no it even has the branded dream works on it and the i love that it has the gloves that like babies wear anyway for like not scratching their own face but it has like mittens on that are like red sateen, you know? Yeah. Looking good, Lord

Farquod style. Really good, but this fucking shrimp costume is extra special. I would wear that. I would that is a fun costume. See, that's the calendar we need. We need shrimp costume calendar. 2026. That's what I would buy. Custumes is good,

Zandi. Thank you. Thank you. I do have another review and this includes pictures. It's also a five-star review and this was sent in by Carrie and this should this was also meant to be a dopamine thing

before I get into my challenge Yay! Not that my challenge is, I don't really remember I don't know if I did so hot. Here is a five-star review and I'll send you a photo after of funny dog cat

cosplay wig. It's always good when they tell you it's funny right off the bat. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And there's a lot more in the title that I'm just choosing not to read today. I'll spare you. The title of this review is ridiculously goofy, 10 out of 10.

It's really hard to find a Halloween costume for my giant great Pyrenees. I had ordered three different costume sets, a lion's mane, a moose headpiece, and a polar bear ears cap. They were advertised as being for large dogs, but even the largest size in each one was too small for my dog's big noggin. I stumbled upon this wig And thought I might as well try it When I put it on him

He was humiliated at first Since I was laughing at him And not with him as he did not find the humor in it But after a few minutes He realized his new toupee Took a good 15 years off his appearance Never mind that he's only one I didn't have

He's such a puppy now This is the time to put costumes on him Because they then they'll get used to it Yeah I didn't have the heart to tell him he looked less like Bert Reynolds in his prime and more like a Karen wanting to speak with a manager. Who am I to shatter his self-image? So yes, it fits more like a toupee on him than a full wig, but I'm just fine with that. I was very happy that the adjustable elastic bands were long enough, just barely, to secure the toupee to his head and still be comfortable for him.

He's normally not a fan of wearing things on his head and will usually paw at them until he gets them off. but this magical hairpiece must have made him feel like the sexy beast he is and he was content to leave it on and bask in his own awesomeness. Absolutely a terrific purchase. End of review. And now, not only do we have one, we have two photos,

one with a caption, or like a, they created a, a meme out of it. Of course they did, because they're just laughing at the dog over and over again. Oh, my word, I'd like to speak to the manager, please, please. I don't know if this is like how we're

going to do this, but I mean, we'll share these photos, I'm sure on Instagram. We'll share them, but wow, these are, uh, that is a beautiful doggy, even with the toupee. He doesn't need the toupee, that's right. No, definitely not. Also, like, what an awkward, did they cut the wig? It does look like it. It looks terrible. Like, not on the dog's, no, I think it's because the dog's head is so big, but the hair doesn't like fully... Oh, it's supposed to be like a little bob, and instead it looks like a toupee. In the sample photo, there's like a little bulldog or something.

I forget, but like a little dog, and it's like a full, like you can see all the, all the hair, it's just like a full bob, and it looks really silly. And then on this dog, it's just a fucking, it's a mop. It looks like just a little toupee. It's so silly. That's so funny. Oh, what a baby. Yeah.

Okay. I think it's time for my challenge. Yay. My challenge was surprisingly difficult. It was to find reviews where decorations are too scary. Okay. And I didn't really find people complaining about that, like, as a bad thing on, like, that's what I wanted to find was more like negative reviews of Halloween decorations where they're like, this was too scary. I had to return it or something.

But I couldn't, I don't think I could find anything like that. Really? But I do have some things. So this first one was sent in by Skatee, she they. And this is a zombie burger in Des Moines, Iowa. They have a bunch of zombie-themed decorations and mannequins and such. Ah, I see. Here's a one-star review.

Not for the sensitive stomach. By all normal standards, this is a great place. Fair prices and a lot of fun options, including vegan-friendly burgers. The staff was friendly, and the first. food came up quickly. I don't know why I didn't think of this beforehand, but I got so grossed out in the restaurant I couldn't eat. At first I had this rated higher, but after talking to a few others who went there, I realized everyone felt the same about the place being gross. Obviously not. If you have a sensitive stomach, this zombie decor is not going to work for you. End of review.

But you said it was good and that you left and had a high regard for it. It's so silly. Exactly. It feels like someone convinced you otherwise. In hindsight, they were like, never mind. That was gross. Like what? Is it like the guilt is eating you alive? Like you're like, no. Oh no. You know what else was eating alive. Too soon. Too soon. Um, and like they have a couple of the mannequin. I'm not going to share it, but it's like just silly. You know, it's like horror movie like effect kind of things. And again, like I know they said I should have realized it's literally called zombie. Yeah. You know, and it's like you probably walk in and get the idea pretty quickly. I would imagine that they're not hiding it. So yeah. But whatever. People are.

people are people people people are going to be people that is so true okay here is a review on amazon that i found this is of the spirit halloween uh scary sitting scarecrow animatronic and this is a scary sitting scarecrow okay it's a scarecrow and then when you like go to reach for candy if it's in a bowl they it like moves i mean i'm not going to lie those do scare me oh yeah of course this is a five-star review I put out my animatronics so that I just have to put them on the porch on Halloween, but I totally forget about them and freak out when I think someone is sitting in my front room. And when I inadvertently make noise and pop off Mr. Scarecrow,

I actually found myself letting out a scream. I am not one to easily sardle, and I never scream. Well, now I can never say that, brackets, I never scream anymore. Okay. You don't need to annotate it. Yeah, you don't need to annotate it. it, oh my God, it's like, uh, yeah, wow, uh, wow, Alexander, that, uh, that fits the challenge exactly. Yeah. I guess it kind of does. But in my head, I wanted like negative reviews, you know,

like, I, I know it like, I found ones that fit, but I wanted someone to be like, this is too negative. I know they said it was, but like, what star was that five? Five, because they were like, it scares me, but that's why they buy it. But they also don't seem happy that it scares them. Like they're not, like, it's so awesome. It even scares me sometimes. They're like, they're like, it's so awesome. It even scares me sometimes. They're like, I'm actually like really disturbed about how much this frightens me and I don't usually get frightened. I feel like that's really a good vibe of like, if you're going to scare small little children, maybe you should get a taste of your own medicine every now and then. Yeah, okay. Or just scare the little children. I don't know. No.

If there's one thing Alexander and I are really good at, it's managing our finances. Oh, big time, big time. It's definitely something we learned about growing up in the 90s and 2000s. Hey, I did learn in math class how to balance my checkbook and I definitely still do that. Fantastic, Alexander. You are the only one I've ever met who has and does? We're so fortunate to live in a time where Rocket Money exists or otherwise I'd be really really struggling, really struggling. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I love that it has all of my expenses, my subscriptions,

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Scare the little children. I'm going to continue with another five-star review of this same animatronic scarecrow. Here we go. Titled not for the week of a week at heart. Scared the crap out of me. Even when this isn't out, it's scary. Keep thinking someone's at my kitchen table in the middle of the night. Jesus.

Is that the same thing? Yeah. See, what I'm saying. These people keep leaving it in their fucking kitchens. Also, why is it in your kitchen? Turn it off. I think you have to set it up. And I did read another review where someone was.

to do anything with this thing. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise people. If you want to use it, you have to set it up. So I guess some people want to set it up ahead of time to make sure it's working or something. I don't know. Yeah, well, it sounds like it. I did read some people complaining that they like couldn't put it away after the after all of the week. What does that mean?

What does that mean? Like they would put it away and then it would like in the middle of the night would be out again in the kitchen table. Don't come on. No, they said like they couldn't get it back in the box or something. I don't know. Honestly, though, if you read between the lines, that could be what it means Alexander. We don't know. We don't for sure.

Have you read that book I let you borrow yet? And when I say let you borrow, I mean that I forced you to take with you on a trip. Actually, no. I actually left it in Ohio because I thought I'd be coming back. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And I already had too many things. And now I'm not.

Well, I am at some point. Grady Hendricks. What's the name of the book? So I just, so people don't have to ask. How to sell a haunted house? Is that the one? That's right. Yeah.

One of my faves. Yeah, that scarecrow shit Don't put it in your I mean that really is going to give someone A heart attack someday You know I mean someday it probably already has Oh that's dark yeah Spitting truth bombs you know

What else is new This next one is fucking Horrifying I'm sending you Like the costume or I mean the decoration Or like the review The decoration is absolutely horrific I don't see I don't like scary things

This one, you will hate this one. I'm sending it to you. It was one where I saw the preview, and I was, I clicked it because I thought. Oh, my God. Because I was like, someone's going to complain about this one. Oh, this one is fucking freaky. Oh, Alexander, unsend that right now. It looks like sloth from Lagoonies, but skinned.

Alexander, it's fucking sick. And hanging upside down with a spine, like half the, just the torso. It's just a disgusting, it's disgusting, bloody thing. You're supposed to hang it upside down by the spine. It's not horrible. Alexander, you know I'm really working hard on letting things go. I'm really, this is a real test for me today. Wait, wait, this is so funny.

There's a preview photo, Christina. This is hilarious. It's photoshopped into this preview photo. No. Is it like a lady like in the blanket episodes we do where she's just like pointing at the blanket? I think this might be worse because they have it hanging. in what looks like a warehouse above a chair but hanging on a noose but by the spine upside down the scene looks like someone's going to hang themselves oh they photoshop the noose in too

okay here's what it looks like it looks like a uh oh at the top Alex Center it says horny though it says horny sluts it says horny sluts says horny sluts says horny sluts I shit you not everybody it literally says preview image where did they find this Oh, there is a graffiti stock, okay, there's a stock photo of an abandoned warehouse with a, with a creepy door that's open and it looks like an abandoned, like, fucking asylum or something with a chair in the middle with like torn upholstery. And then on the outside of the doorway, there's all this like graffiti on the top, right? Well, there is something that looks sort of like a swast gun right above it. It's just as horny sluts. And then if you look in, they've clearly, as Alexander said, they've photoshopped in very poorly, might I add, a noose that is.

Now holding onto, yeah, the half of a spinal column, or half of a spine of this person. Yeah, I'm sending you a different one to look at. The horny sluts is crazy. I, this, talk about sensitive content. Zoe, please post this on Instagram with sensitive content. No, we're not posting this on Instagram. This is real.

This was one of the pictures. Yes. No, you think I'm like making these? I don't know. It looks like somebody went on Canva and said. Sluts was the second photo. It was the second photo on this Amazon listing. I swear to God.

You know, they just sent it like AI, or I don't know, like downloaded stock photo outdoor. This is like a woman at the, Alexander. This is like, she's not like Sequoia National Park or something. Or that. She's like in the Amazon rainforest. And she's looking up at this like dying prehistoric tree. And there's three of these.

It's like clearly prehistoric tree that does not exist in any residential space. And now there are these three upside down spine hanging from half a noose. I mean, this is nuts, Sandy. This is insane. It also comes with like a bloody plastic bag, like a trash bag. Jesus. So you like throw it in there and it looks like you're taking out half a body. I have let it go though.

Do you see how I'm just looking at it now? Yeah. I'm glad. But frequently bought together has like a fully skinned human. Like it's fucking crazy, dude. I mean, it's so gross. on, might I ask, like that, it has reminiscent of that. This is the skin that Jesus had on.

Anyway, here's a five-star review. Oh, sorry, no, here's a four-star review. Here we go. Okay. A little small, but super scary. Super disgusting. I love it. Actually gave me the hebi-jeebies and scared the crap out of my toddlers where they ran out

of the broom with their eyes covered. will not enter the room where it's at laughing emoji laughing emoji it would be better if it had a bit more stuffing as some spots are a bit bare I wish it was a bit bigger too Stop tending to it Stop tending to it

You're being weird about it One of the picks It's like has like zoom ins And it's like realistic human spine No it does it does and it says On unrealistic news Photoshop Sorry no it says exposed my bad exposed human spine, and then it says realistic intestinal tissue as like another zoom in.

Oh, so yeah, how does this lady know where the stuffing is supposed to go? Maybe it's realistic. And then it says bloody skin after molting. Moulting. Alex Fierner, it does not say molting. Bloody skin after molting. This is when I know I live in a simulation. I mean, the fact that the graffiti says horty sluts, the spinal column is exposed, and that's like an advertising.

point this woman is literally traumatizing her children forever i mean this is this is i don't know don't worry there's a little more um i wish it was a bit bigger too as it seems a little bit child sized which i don't like hello super creepy and gross and pretty cool gonna be a great prop and scared the neighborhood kids end of her she's like cooper come here let me just stand next to this i want to gauge like how big your spine is compared to I mean, what in the world? No wonder these kids are terrified. I'm terrified.

Boy. Oh, boy. I have one more I'm going to read of this one. It's fucking. This one is so, this review was the first one I read. Amazon. This is Amazon. This is where I finally call, I draw the line here, Amazon.

Yeah, this is one. I've never felt you needed to be canceled before, but now it's time. Someone's, someone's husband tried a technique to get. get them to not hang this up. What? You'll see. Someone reviewed saying that a five-star review. Here we go.

Titled, not bad. This is insane. Morning in advance. Okay. I took it off from the tree because my husband told me this is related to racist stuff. Whatever. I don't really understand their American culture. But yes, it's cool, right?

If I have my own yard, I'm going to buy five. Hang them on my tree. first of all that husband is far from correct i think i'm like where am i monster with a fucking spine sticking out what you're hanging upside down from a tree like by its spinal in a warehouse by the way like i don't know this is that one did that one hung it's hanged itself based on the evidence that looks like soprano based on the evidence that horny slut did it all himself horny slut had a chair under the news like how else would have gotten up there.

No, I mean, or he sluts only. But imagine, like, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, you're, like, yeah, actually, honey, that's really racist. You can't do that. I mean, maybe it's like hanging. I mean, hanging people in a tree is a very racist. Okay, but that's, I look the, that's not what's happening here. I, okay, I understand, but like, she goes, I'm going to hang five of them in my tree is very, very, to me a bit troubling of a thing to say. I get it.

I, I, I, I think, I think, I, I think, I'm like, uh, I don't think so. I don't think so back in, back in Bosnia. Right. Why I chose Bosnia. What if she's like, back in Canada, we wouldn't know anything about this. I mean, they probably would be like, what? No, I don't know. I don't know.

Like it's not like there. There's some horny's lots up there in the great world. To be clear, there's no noose, except for in those weird stock photos, by the way. there's no no no no i'm realizing that like it's literally just you get this weird guy with a plastic bag and like they tell you hang it in a tree half out and he has no legs and you're supposed to hang him by the spine but then they photoshop in like the part of the noose that has just like rope like wrapped around it and then like the little the coiled uh what do you call it like the little spruce i have no fucking what's the technical term i don't know the technical it's probably

best I don't start Googling technical terms for mooses. Oh my God. I think I might get flagged again. This episode is for sure getting flagged. Wow, Alexander, I am really beside myself about that. Remember when you said you weren't sure if you did a good job at the challenge? And now I'm like actually so disturbed. Well, considering I knew one of, I was like, I don't really have that many.

And I know one of them is this weird one at the end. I'm like, I don't know if I did so good because I'm like, I forget everything else. That was pretty darn, pretty darn spot on. I mean, I'm, like, scared of these things, and I'm complaining, so, you know. I think I've just been looking at them. I, like, looked at them for so long. And I looked at so many different kinds of disgusting creatures, monsters on Amazon that you can put in your tree. I don't, yeah.

That I've become desensitized to it, I guess. I see. That's what's happening. Which probably isn't good, but I don't know. Who cares? today of all days it's okay that you're desensitized to something i think let's leave it at that at least i'm looking good you are looking excellent and i think that you should take that with you and carry it uh throughout the rest of your day when things get to try i'm not going to carry this

outfit throughout the day though i'm taking this out the moment we're done recording i think that's also for the bus so it seems like you're on perfect track yeah uh we'll post a picture of my beautiful outfit, but you should watch it because you get to see me cross and uncross my legs a few times. It's, yeah, get to watch it is definitely the verbiage I would have used as well. It's awful. You get the privilege to pay to watch. I'm not, like, cross my legs constantly and change it.

I'm not used to paying attention. It's so hard to be a maid. It's so hard to be a maid. Yeah, yeah, especially in Manhattan, in Queens. Made in Queens Oh my God, that's beautiful That doesn't have a good ring to it Can I say the other part of where you live?

Yeah Made in Astoria That sounds pretty good That sounds like a brand Yeah, I don't think I've said where I live But it's like a city of like 150,000 people I don't know how many people live here But

Okay So yeah, everyone gets to know Okay, good Thank God You won't find me I guess I never leave my apartment Just follow the door dash driver. Yeah, sometimes.

Just kidding. He's too depressed to eat. No, I really am. I got some frozen stuff that sometimes I put in the microwave. I ate half of it. Oh, it's sitting right here. It's not finished, but half of something that was frozen. So I have something in me.

See, that's what we want to hear. right um enough of it in this made outfit you know yeah i get it listen it's hard and you've got those thighs you got to show off you know what i mean yeah got to got to do it got to do it now you know my struggle every time we record it's like how do i best showcase what i've got going on lucky for everyone this is my new setup so i can't wait to see what this maybe wear different outfits of life this brings for to us but um yeah i'm going to be sitting on this depressing couch for a little bit for our episodes a little more comfortable don't you have that chair you waited six years for yeah but i spend like 14 hours a day in it so i'm trying to like not so you do get some

use out of it that's good some christina didn't know i've never visited you before yeah i'm aware of that till tomorrow i'm coming in we yeah coming in hot for work this was this was this was nice everybody. Thank you. I do feel a little bit better than when we started. I'll, I'll, I'll concede that point. Thank you for doing that. And you know what? Now I can go have some THC products. So I'm gonna feel even better soon and stop. I'll be okay. Just gotta fix my meds. And I'm in the midst of it. I'm in the midst of it. So it's not like, um, he's in the thick of it into the thick of it. Into the thick of it. It's from backyard against. Sorry.

I thought you were cultured. Go jump overboard. What? Go jump overboard. What are you talking about? I forgot you want to crush. See, you forgot too. I forgot.

Thank you.