Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 365: Reviews of Turkey Trots

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

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please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach, Sandy Water, who at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your sister host, Christine. I'm brother host Sandy.

Hi. Hi. We're here for turkey trot discussions today. We are. God. No, thanks. God help us. Do you have, I mean, I was going to ask if you've done them.

And I'm like, yeah, you definitely did them. I bet you did the bunch of, like, Connecticut and stuff. Thank you so much for asking. I also want to add that my challenge is leaf peeping, which also goes hand in hand with a turkey trot in Connecticut. Yes, I have to tell the people what leaf peeping is, because I hadn't heard of it until this. Use your imagination. It is, no, it is, you'll find out, don't worry. I have a lot of information.

from Julio who sent in a forum. Oh, no, of course he did. Yeah, so don't worry. We're going to have some experts on that I'll channel. I was going to say, like, what? Wait, this is a guest episode? I don't think so. I'll just be channeling.

No offense, Julio. But I think you deserve a better episode than leaf peeping. Yeah, Jeff Foliage is going to be channeled. I'll channel him later. But I, uh, leaf peeping. Excuse me? What? Whose foliage?

Jeff Follage? Who's Jeff Foliage? Jeff Follage Fulger. He's going to be. He's today's guest. I'm channeling him later spiritually channeling him. Oh, Jeff Follage Fulter. I can't tell how much of that is made up.

None of it's made up. I did not mean to bring this up immediately. It just happened, okay? Sometimes when I'm channeling, they kind of come in and take over. He's not dead, by the way. I don't know why I'm acting like he's in spirit. Use of channeling. It just feels right.

You know what I'm channeling is my self. And that also kind of works for this five hours. Yeah. This is all very challenging. Yeah. Is myself in 2015 running the Thanksgiving Day race in Cincinnati with my friend Liz. Yeah. Why don't you speak on that?

Because I have a picture that is one of my favorite pictures of myself of all time. Okay. Wait. And Liz already gave me permission to share it on social media for this episode because she's in it. She's looking so good, just like calm and just like looking, running this race. It's like an official race photo. I don't know if I've ever seen this. I mean, I'm sure I have.

I'm sure I got, I'm sure it made the rounds back 10 years ago. Oh, man. Alexander was so hungover this day. No. I thought you were. No. That was a day that I skipped it. bailed on Liz because I was too busy going out the night before with people that I didn't even

like weren't it was drama I caused drama Liz still brings that up and I deserve I deserve to feel shame for that one because I the next morning I felt like shit like I really did and I was so nauseous but I knew what I was doing saying out that late before a Thanksgiving day race I always I just always felt that way because like when I was in my 20s and we'd go to Connecticut and then like you know back in the day when you were in like your 20s and you would go to your hometown and see your friends I mean that's literally what you were doing I guess but like we did that in Connecticut where Blaze was like oh my friends like everyone's in town for Thanksgiving on Wednesday let's all go out and grab drinks and it's like well you're making me get up at 6 a.m. to run in this

fucking race so am I going to go out with your friends or am I going to run and Blaze was like yes and his sister Eve made us these like tie-dye shirts like these custom shirts they were so cute I ran that Manchester Road race which by the way is not a 5K I want to be very clear it's a five mile okay okay and I did run that slash walk that a couple times one year which has lived in infamy and has made me kind of a laughing stock in the Lampignali family is that I was living in Boston and I thought this is the year I'm going to surprise everyone and I did but not in the way that I planned. I wanted to run this race and kick everyone's ass, okay?

And Blaze is one of five brothers, one of six, but one of five boys, and they're all like, the whole family is very athletic. So I'm like, I'm going to show up. Yeah. And I'm going to just shock everyone. And so I trained for this race. I spent all of the fall running around the Commonwealth, Commonwealth, Ave, just like making. Oh, it's like the Commonwealth.

The Commonwealth of Virginia. The Commonwealth of... I ran all the way there and back. The Commonwealth of Kentucky. No. The Kentucky? I ran all over Boston and I at one point decided, I know I'm going to run seven miles because I was doing like a training, a Nike training app. And I said, this is what I want to race.

And so they said, today you'll be running seven miles. I guess I didn't understand how running works. I know. Shocking. And so I ran around this track in this indoor track. Oh. one direction for seven miles and the next day I was like why can't I stand on my ankle and I went into the doctor and they said oh you have a stress fracture on your ankle so I showed up to the race

on crutches and everyone said ha ha Christine she showed up for the race and once again she's gonna just flop and the way they tell the story is that the day after the crutches kind of just disappeared. I didn't listen anymore. And I just think that was coincidental timing. I really do have a doctor's note. Oh, it was the day after. Well, it was like around then, but like I was able to hobble. I just couldn't fucking run. And then I had to stand on, it was honestly worse because I was on the sidelines. First of all, I'm like, what a waste of my life to be running all those miles for no goddamn reason. And now I have to stand in the fucking 12 degree weather on crutches and watch everyone else run the race. So anyway, uh, it's ever, ever since then, I've just kind of.

of um i've just uh not actively not participated and now i've been in the family long enough that i can say things like absolutely not i will not be doing that good yeah well or you just learn boundaries because uh you know that's also i was gonna say i i don't think it's like the amount of time you've spent with them i think it's that's your own shit that's my own shit i feel um anybody could tell me to run a race and i will confidently say no no good good i'm proud of you Thank you. How was that race that you did in this image? I don't fucking remember. It looks uncomfortable.

No, I remember it just went through Cincinnati, which was kind of fun, I guess, but it was also like, okay, I grew up here. How kind of sign is different? Oh, I was, oh, then Liz's, I was like, I think I was an MVP, like a VATM. Definitely not MVP, but I was a VIP. Gotcha, okay. I got the VIP pass. I came with special race. So, yeah, do you see that McDonald's does sponsor this race?

I have no idea why mine is a different color. It feels very Ohio. Yeah. That's where I was, that's what I was thinking of. I was running. I was like, okay, McDonald's, McDonald's. At the end of this, at the end. That's my reward.

Yeah, Alexander, you look like you need a reward. It looks painful. It looks. I'm not much of a runner. Anyway, that's not in our bones. It's not in our DNA. It's not. That's the excuse.

I'm going to read something here that Matt and Elise sent in. This is from the let's run.com forums. Oh, no. Yeah. And this was, there's a post about Thanksgiving being a pointless holiday. And here is a post. Here we go. Turkey trots are filler for a holiday about boredom and anxiety.

You sit around and eat, then pretend to be thankful for something. thing. Often in the company of people you can't stand to be around. Doing a short race and weather that's usually too cold adds to the stupidity. People do it because they think they have to. The government said so. Just about nobody enjoys any of it. End of review. That's a caption for the photo that you sent me of. Everyone thinks it's fun. Okay, like I, okay, this is where I say to this person, I get you. I do get it. I get it. You got to find new friends and a new take on. You have nothing to be thankful for.

You're really pretending to be thankful for something. And you think everyone's pretending to be thankful for something? I mean, I'm sure in, like, my more cynical days, I also felt that way. But, like, what year was that written? 2024? Oh, no. I was going to say, maybe we've all collectively raised our boundaries to a point where we feel more comfortable at Thanksgiving.

but it sounds like that's not the case here. Or people are just getting fed up with Thanksgiving, which... Literally. I'm fine. Here is a comment about a reply to that, agreeing. They said, not to mention the turkey aspect of the holiday, turkey is such a boring meat. Hardly anyone not under duress would order a turkey dish at a restaurant

because just about anything else seems more exciting. End of post. I was going to say that's ridiculous, but then I thought, Well, whoever orders turkey at a restaurant. Then you thought for more than a second, you're like, well. For more than a half a second, I went. I feel the same way about chicken as, I mean, I'm being in so obviously, but like, the thing is, they're boring.

It's not about the meat. It's about the seasoning and it's about how they're prepared. Everybody knows that. And that's why I'm like, that's fucking tofu. I don't even eat. Thanks. What? Tof?

What? Shut up. Okay. I'm saying it's like they're boring meats. Like, it's like, oh, it's because of taste buds. It's like, no, it's not like that's bullshit. It's like, what are you going to do? Create like a very, like a giant rack of ribs.

I mean, you can if that's what you want. But like, and no one's going to be like, you're doing everything wrong. Well, it sounds like maybe they will because it sounds like your family might be a little toxic, whoever this reviewer is. Or maybe you're toxic. I don't know. It feels like they need a new group of people or just to be solo on Thanksgiving. It took me many, it took me 30-some years to. find um my system and at first it came with the caveat of you have to run in this fucking race um but now

now that that's out of the picture it's nice i just get to go and wear sweatpants and not watch my child because everyone else is and it's like once you find a good setup where you're like oh i just you know i can just be and um eat a lot of like stuffing like that's that's it that's kind of the point and you don't have to work i mean come on last year for thanksgiving i walked to a a vegan place, and they had a whole Thanksgiving meal thing, and I had an espresso martini, uh, had my vegan brunch, like Thanksgiving brunch thing. And then probably just went home and played video games. And honestly, I was really lonely. Oh, no. Okay. So anyway, that's sad. That's what Thanksgiving's all about. Yeah, it's just like it's never, I mean, they're right. Like, it's not like a fun

holiday. Like, I dated someone once who was like, that's the, that's my favorite holiday. It's the best holiday. And I was always like, what is wrong with that person? No offense to all the people who feel that way that are listening to this. But like, I mean, I get that like it's, it has, if you're in a comfortable, happy place with your family and yourself, maybe it is a good. And maybe you have like a food. It's an excuse for family to get together. Yeah. A lot of food and have hopefully fun times and watch football. And watch movies and football and like be cozy. So like I get, you know there are obviously many downsides i mean just think about it get together with family already already minefield but yeah i know i just wish i could be like hey make it what you

want it to be yeah but also it's hard because like then you if you have to fly somewhere and it's fucking two grand or some shit it's like okay that's not accessible um okay yeah now i'm bummed out yeah i'm yeah everyone's listening to this the day before thanksgiving like oh these sad people but the espresso martini part actually really like no i love the espresso martini in this whole story i'm craving one right now and i don't know that sounds good this is from walter it's not from walter it's well it's a gift from walter it is a review by walter on yelp um of the applied materials silicon valley turkey trot 2008 i saw that one I was like, that is the most ridiculous fucking name for a turkey trot.

And the reviews were actually very positive. No. On the one I saw, like the race website I saw? Multiple. 2008 was not a winner for this one. I don't think it went that far back. Okay. Here's what I'll tell you.

Did you see that now it has a trademark at the end, which is the most Silicon Valley thing? No. I like, because I Googled was there one in 2009? because after what happened in 2008, I thought they could have just never done this again. There was not a Yelp page for the next one. So there was a Yelp page for 2008 race. There was not a Yelp page for 2009. I thought, oh, my God, did it get canceled?

But then I found it on Facebook, and they added a bunch of trademarks. And I was like, oh, that does feel very Silicon Valley. But there are, I have a couple of reviews here. I'm going to space them out. So these people seem to know each other. And I think, but they'd know each other through Yelp. Which. That's normal.

I mean, for Yelp it is actually normal. For Yelp, it's weirdly normal. It is that. I see that a lot in the forums, honestly. They do know each other regionally. And they have a lot of meetups and stuff. They do. And then they know each other in person.

Yeah. Oh, that was my other note. This is the most 2008. I mean, you'll just call, like, we could probably play some sort of bingo. Like, these reviews are so 2008. you'll know when you hear it but this first one and all of them kind of fill in different aspects of of the occasion um this first one i have is by walter it's three stars and i'm just gonna i did a bridge of these because as you know yelpers have a lot to say it would appear that

dave k and i have taken a new liking of 5k virgins oh wait i don't i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know I wish I knew. No, I don't. Uh-uh. Last month, we had Grace Y and hot sauce. Now we had the pleasure of doing Donna Y. What? What? Are they sisters?

Well, you'll hear Donna in a moment. Well, after. Okay. Uh-oh. The rain held out as we made our way to the 10K event around the HP pavilion and the outskirts of downtown San Jose. Oh, it's very Silicon Valley, too. Everything has, like, HP Pavilion or, like, the Salesforce, whatever the fuck. Oh, God, yeah.

It's like, the sales force water station. It's like, what the fuck? This place is, like, a capitalist hellscape. Okay. The rain held out as we made our way to the 10K event around the HP Pavilion and the outskirts of downtown San Jose. The gray clouds and cold weather didn't stop over 7,500 people from participating this year. Since it had rained the day before, it was quite hazardous because of the wet trails and muddy terrains. Sadly, Dave and I saw two casualties at the five-and-a-half mile marker.

Two runners were taken out of the event from what could have been life-threatening. There are several biker barriers that are major obstacles on the course and located underneath the railroad bridge near Coleman Avenue. Unfortunately, I'm giving this year's event three stars. Minus one star for the gloomy weather. Mother Nature wasn't thinking about us, and it was quite depressing. that morning. Minus one star for the biker barriers. I'm still bothered by it. I should minus another star because my coworkers didn't show up in full force. I don't think my company even placed

this year. Bummer. End of review. What about the stars lost for the casualties of said event? Well, that was the biker barriers. Was that related to the barriers? I couldn't tell for sure. So you're going to find out what happened. Okay. It's actually pretty bad. And people fell over the barriers. Like, it's not funny. I'm talking to myself. I'm talking to myself. I'm telling, I looked at myself in the, in the screen, so that's not funny. They like got basically pushed over the barriers in a bottlenecking incident. Yeah, because a lot of people, oh my God. Yeah, it's kind of really rough. Well, also, I mean, you think like 2008 Silicon Valley, apparently this race was a normal size. And then with Silicon Valley booming and all this, the race just started getting gigantic every year. right and it's like more and more people showed up and these they weren't prepared at all yeah the big

the turkey trot boom that's right i wonder when that bubble's going to burst oh my god it hasn't because those reviews i've been reading we're talking about how many people are there i thought it burst that year and then you told me oh no it's still going on and i can't believe it maybe it did it it must have had a bubble did burst but it's just grown again especially with this crypto bubble you know yeah Yeah, exactly. Now people... The crypto.com water station now. Oh, that's cool.

There's like a Draft King's, a Draft King's betting station where you can bet on who's going to, like, fall over the... Well, you can bet on, like, who's going to win? But then you can also bet on the fun stuff, like, who's going to fall over the bike or barrier, you know, stuff like that. Yeah, that is really fun. That's... And then, like, at the end, and, like, there's a Waymo just, like, involved in film.

I don't know how yet. I'll work on it. So are you saving your other one for next? Yes, yes. Okay. I have more of the same forum. It's a different post, but it's also from Matt and Elise, and this is good. This is a few replies.

And first I'm going to read the OPs post. Is this of the same race or a different race? No, it's a completely different thing. Okay. The other one wasn't about a race. That one was just like a general thing. Oh, about Thanksgiving, right. Yeah.

A hot take. It was a hot take on how boring turkey is. On how much Thanksgiving sucks. Here is a post. And on this forum, if you're anonymous, when you post anonymously, you can choose a temporary username. This was posted by Ain't Got Time to Search, who said this. The title is New England Turkey Trot Suggestions.

They said, I'm looking for a sedent. suggestion for a road race to run on Thanksgiving. Anywhere around Rhode Island and central to eastern Connecticut and Massachusetts are doable for me. I've considered Manchester, but would like to hear if people have suggestions for smaller races that they're running next week. I realize I could just go on cool running, et cetera, but it's easier to hear about a race's atmosphere, awards, history, and competition from people that have actually run it.

Ideas? End of post. So, okay, nothing. They're just looking for some ideas from fellow runners for where to. to go. Here is a reply from, ain't got time to answer. Sorry, it's like, not quite that funny, but it made me laugh. It made me laugh because I didn't notice that username until, like, later. Like, it took me a while to realize that's their username.

I mean, it's, it's, like, quite a, like, a weird dig. Yeah. It's, it gets, like, okay, here we go. They said this. If you're too lazy to look for yourself, I'm not going to tell you. you about the best turkey trots in New England, and I've run at least a dozen. And can tell you the pros, cons, purse, atmosphere of each. Go fuck yourself.

And... Hello? What does it matter with you? Okay, I would want that person to list all 12 that I'd say, these are all blacklisted. I don't want to attend the single one. Like, honestly, you just maybe not want to run any race in New England. What the fuck? Maybe my favorite part.

Also, I love that they're like, don't have time to answer. Here's what I have to say. Okay, fucking sit down then. Yeah. And run, go run. And they, like, did that within a couple hours of this being posted. They applied to this. That's so rude.

And then, like, people, like, including, like, over the next couple days, not that many, just, like, two or two or three were, like, posting actual races and suggestions. Yeah. Like, oh, this might be right up your alley or whatever. I had zero interest in responding, obviously. But I'm like, if I saw that one person respond, I'd be like, actually, I'd be like, actually, I'm going to pop in here and be like, dude, fuck that guy. Well, that's what Liberal Lucy did. Oh, liberal Lucy.

Left-wing liberal lunatic Lucy, as I like to call her. Said this. You seem like a swell person. I bet your Thanksgivings are so much fun with you around. Is that the person who wrote the Thanksgiving review in the first post you read? Because that feels like the same attitude. Yeah, probably. It was like, yeah, this is the kind of person that's at my Thanksgiving.

So it's fucking sucks. Yeah. Well, someone responded to that. And their username is another expert. Oh, my God, these people. And this is what they said. So are they writing their, so they can add, I thought when you said like a temporary username, it was like you have to pick one, but it's like they're writing them in. Oh, no, they're writing these out.

Sorry, yeah. Wow. That's a lot of freedom they're given for this. Okay. Yeah. I, too, know at least a dozen, perhaps 30 turkey trots in New England. I know the race directors, the regulars, the course maps, the scenery. I have been part of organizing several, and I know which ones are well organized.

I know the ins and outs of getting to the race and what to do in town after. Basically, I know things. I am not going to help the sorry loser O.P. If he can't even help himself, he's going nowhere fast. That is no way to go through life. Hello? What's happening? This is why.

This is why when I'm like, when people are like runners, I'm like, I'm so afraid. I feel like there's like this aggression in some of these people. I think it's, you know, you get to these fucking forums and you find the people who are like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the people of each community. Why are you going to be in there if you're going to be a bitchy weirdo? Like. Because they've got nothing better to do. And also like, don't all the organizers want you to promote their fucking race. Like, if you know them all so well, aren't they like, hey, tell them how great are races.

Yeah. And like, they even said, they poked fun at themselves saying they were too, well, when they posted, the original person, the original poster was like too lazy to search. But they actually gave reasons why they're asking there. They were like, I want to know people's like anecdotal. I mean, they got it. And I feel like those are all, like don't run a race in New England is the answer. Here's the thing. When people get pissy about people not like Google.

things it's like what's the point of a forum then it's the same on reddit people are like why didn't you just google it it's like isn't this a forum like where you're supposed to comment like is that not the purpose of this and also then why are you fucking commenting yeah like either fucking just just ignore the email because you don't have time to respond or take all the time to respond in which you could have literally written hey here are my favorites fucking asshole people are so fucking rude it's so for nothing but i don't think i've ever heard anything so just blatantly unnecessarily rude no i know it's that's the thing it's like there was nothing to warrant this there was nothing else and all the other posts are just people sharing race suggestions and

it's all very nicegiving like chill out it's a turkey trot people are getting stressed about thanksgiving um yeah but uh like people are like honestly like literally everyone else was saying like nothing there and it continued and it was just people just giving nice suggestions links whatever and like everyone else ignored it which i think is the best way to handle it obviously which is why um i'm reading it to everyone no i want someone to respond so bad but no that's what we want for the show uh no i want it in general i want to be like i want to respond i want to be like

fucking be nice that's all i don't even want to send Anything witty. I just want to be like, just fucking check yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, what if your grandma heard you talk? What if what if your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? What would he have to say about this? Oh, are you trying to say that Jesus can't hear it? What?

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I have a review from Donna by Donna, but here's the thing. Remember they said Donna Y was a 5K virgin or whatever? Of course. This is Donna Z. And I don't know if she changed her letter from y to z because it appears that she knows these people like i don't know if dave wrote the wrong you know what i mean wrote y instead of z by accident switching between a german keyboard yeah it's a german keyboard that could very well be it the x though the y and the z are reversed on the on the german keyboard some sort of stupid prank that they pulled um honestly it is yeah our mother whenever she's posting any typing anything in text in english it'll have a fucking Z, where a Y should be.

It's really, like Donna, she'll write like, oh, I got to do Donna Z. And I'm like, you got to do Donna Z? And she's like, sorry, I met Donna Y. And I'm like, oh, few. You know, it happens all the time. It does, yeah. So this is three stars by Donna, again, of the 2008 Applied Materials Silicon Valley Sergy Trot trademark.

Actually, it wasn't trademarked yet. So, I've been excited about this event. for a month or so. I was even more excited when it didn't rain Thanksgiving morning. I arrived early with my parents and boyfriend and we proceeded to the starting line and it was a long line. We paced ourselves with the quick walkers as I wasn't planning on running just jogging occasionally. Big mistake. The joggers with strollers, wagons and many other ridiculous not fit for a race contraptions. Oh my God, I feel that person, whoever it was, another expert, like having an aneurysm just hearing about people holding starbub. Like there was.

all these comments like these people holding Starbucks and pushing like double strollers and just like weaving in and out of the race I I mean I recommend the OPE from your forum go to a race in California it feels like people are a lot yeah yeah that's you know what probably for the best I mean the Manchester Road race like it's yes it is a a Boston Marathon qualifying race like you can you can't but also people show up yeah you specifically but also like people show up in like fucking dumb giant inflatable costumes and stuff like it's not like that serious okay people i i i do think and like i did read many times that uh they didn't quite separate yeah the like the races and like the groups the groups and stuff but i saw so

many of like the 5k finishing and the 10k runners having to weave through all these stopped 5k runners and it's like that just seems like terrible planning oh it's some of these are planned so poorly uxander there was one where uh they had a race for four year olds and someone showed up with their how long i don't i don't know and someone said they shut up with their four hours but the race had started early and all the four year olds were already halfway and i'm like who starts a a race for four-year-olds at all who also starts it half an hour early yeah i just i don't i hope they used a gun i was like boom and all the four-year-olds are ah they just know they're like no they're all prepared now they just go they know how to do active active drills you know they're all

trained for it oh god no they all dropped to the floor exactly oh no they started barricading doors this is planned Jesus christ so here we go that's what i want to write into that for a month Center. About school shootings? Yeah, I want to be like, fuck you. People are like practicing school shooting drills and you're over here being a little bitch. Sorry, I didn't sleep very much less than I'm feeling really

irate. I can tell. Here we go. This is Donna Zee. Children are traumatized. Fuck you. Expert. My ass. Okay. The joggers with strollers, wagons and many other ridiculous not fit for a race contraptions were quickly nipping at our ankles. The kids in the strollers and such were clearly not happy about being there, often crying and

worse, which it's like, whoa. What's worse than that? I saw several almost tip over. Oh gosh, that sounds better than them crying. I'd rather watch kids tip over than cry. It's true. Or at least both. Well, I'm sure both were happening simultaneously.

I don't see how one could happen without the other, you know. Well, I would, yeah, I would like there to be the causation, though. I'm not interested in just, like, like, being around a crying child. They better have fallen over. They better have done something funny first for me. Yeah, they better be a good fucking reason. Yeah. I will not do this again next year if the course is the same as this year, or if they allow strollers.

The three stars are all for me, because I did a damn good job not getting killed by said strollers, and I kept a pretty good pace. Hey, well, good job. I love it. They're like, this deserves zero stars, but I'm giving myself three. You know what? I got to respect it because when you're doing shit like that, I don't know. You got to love yourself if you're running a turkey trots.

And you know who doesn't love themselves? Those assholes in your form. True. You're so right, but they're the ones who are doing like 30 turkey trots a year. Yeah, because they're trying to escape something. Oh, they're running from it all. Running from the darkness. Yeah, Jesus.

What is this episode? What? Is he here? What? Jesus. Jesus. What? Is he here?

Stop. It's so dumb. I'm going to read a review of the Ann Arbor Turkey Day run. in Ann Arbor, Michigan, home of University of Michigan, and that is relevant. Famously. Here we go. This is a very niche. Well, not very, but somewhat niche.

Oh, this was written a week ago. Oh, okay. November 14th. Like in preparation for the race, or about last years? I guess we'll find out. This is a, actually, you won't find out, but I think this might be, I actually don't know. It doesn't matter. They gave it three running.

shoes but it's not oh good it's like just for me all three are for me the four and then at the bottom there are four different and this is this website does this there's a difficulty out of five scenery out of five production out of five swag out of five oh i saw this website i didn't like read any but i remember seeing the swag one i was like that's fun yeah no people give some really useful reviews this This is, um, let me figure out what looks like that was this. This is on race raves.com. So on race raves.com, there's this review of the Ann Arbor Turkey Day run. Here we go.

Fun race through downtown Ann Arbor. Race starts on a bit of a straightaway, then a curve. The route takes you down Main Street with several hills and then right by the big house. That's the stadium, that University of Michigan football. Oh, I was like, cool. Who lives in the big house? Right by the big house. But they're in the big house.

I mean, Michigan, blue. I mean, wait. Told you. Whoa. Big blue house. Wow. Okay. Made me run faster as an Ohio State fan.

Race then loops back and takes you back over the hills to the finish. Oh, H. No, crickets. No. Someone did it out there. Someone listening. One Ohio State fan said it. I did it.

I did it internally because I have a mental condition and I can't leave it hanging there. But I didn't say it out loud. No, same. I, yeah, that's for all of our Ohioans like ourselves. I don't like Ohio State. But I also don't like Michigan. So. Well, Alexander, why don't you go post about it on fucking flea?

Feet Feet, whatever the fuck, website. Run it. Run it. Fleet feet. That's a good one. I'm pretty sure that's a shoe store. It's in my neighbor. I just drove past it. I said, oh my God, there's a shoe store right there. And place, I was like, yeah, literally, it's always been there.

Huh. I'm pretty sure it's called fleet feet. And you know what he said, that asshole? I said, oh, I just, yeah, I just didn't know it was, I've never noticed it. And he goes, yeah, because it's a running store. And it didn't really hit me until now that it was a fucking slight. Until now? Oh, man.

I was like, yeah, I mean, I guess I don't really run. Now I'm like, wait a minute. Your brain's moving as fast as you run, yeah. Honestly, I'm really slow on the uptake. So you're slow on all of it, yeah. I know, I know. So this is what I wrote is the most 2008 review. Oh, yeah.

Ever. And this is by Dave. Okay. I think, and it's like the most, these are just very Yelp coded. okay like and which is like inherently very 2008 you know they just kind of go hand in hand how many times is the word epic used Alexander shut up that's the first word that comes to mind you're crazy okay

oh no sorry I'm going to have to give this a two I already hate it sorry it's so bad oh my gosh sorry I'm gonna have to give this a two this had a suck fest written all over it Hooray for free parking at HP Firstly, I don't know where all the Yelpers were Where have all the Yelpers are? The Yelper's gone Long time running

To the Hewitt Packer Parking lot Yeah Firstly, I don't know where all the Yelpers were Sure, this was no official meetup It literally sounds like it Because every reviewer was like there for the Yelp race Yeah

Sure this was no official meetup But I only saw Walt and Donna And really only saw them And really only saw them because I am super noticeable and because they are super loud. I don't know why that got me so good. That's so good. You are super noticeable. Okay.

So they, wait. How many people are at this race? I don't have answers. Go ahead and ask. Is it just the three of them? Yeah, I think it's the three of them that met up. And they were like, where did all the other Yelpers go? So it's the only of the Yelpers going to this race. Only three of them met up.

I mean, these are the first three reviews on the page. And I, these are the three I brought. Dave, Donna and Walt. And again, Donna Y, Donna Z. I'm a little mixed up on that, but I... I mean, maybe Donna got married and changed last names. Could be, could be. Oh, could be, Zandie, very smart.

Because it's been, I don't know. It's been a few years, yeah. Sounds like a yelper thing to do. Well, and she went with her boyfriend, remember. So, like, honestly, maybe he saw. Oh, Walt Z? Walt Z? No.

Wait a second. Wait, was it Walt Z? Okay, so, yeah, imagine, imagine seeing your girlfriend getting her ankles nipped by these strollers and thinking, I got to lock this down. Because you're like, I can't wait to put a baby in her? Like, what are the strollers? No, just like she might, she might something. I mean, she, we might not have long. Jesus.

In my head, like, usually that's in terms of like, oh, someone's going to swoop in, got to put a ring on it. No, I, oh. But you're thinking she's going to get run over and killed by a stroller one day? Okay, wait till you hear this fucking review, okay? Okay, okay. Shut up. Right, I'm super noticeable.

They're super loud. The place was really unorganized with trucks and tents everywhere with few signs. It was painfully obvious this race was getting too big for its britches. It was cloudy, but that can't be helped. As the announcer was talking, the starting gun went off and people looked around bewildered. Trigger happy, you know, just like so excited to be doing the honors. No trigger discipline. The starting gun went off and people, no trigger warning either, you know? Oh, amen. The starting gun went off and people looked around bewildered, then started laughing upon realization.

The announcer thought fast and feebly started a countdown from seven. What? Imagine the gun goes off and they were like, seven, six. Seven second warning just went off. That's the famous seven second warning. Oh my God. Sponsored by, I don't know, Waymo. Seven up.

The announcer thought fast and feebly started a countdown from seven. Epic fail. L-O-L-L. Stop. There you go. Ding, ding, you win. The course was so slow as people of all speeds and ages plotted along. People really need to learn running etiquette. Walkers and slower traffic stay on the right, just like driving people.

I bet you're the ones that drive 55 in the left lane. And I felt bad for the runners doing the sprint 5K before us. They were supposed to have an entire lane of the oncoming road, but thanks to the lack of course marshals and limited cones, it looked like salmon swimming upstream. The course was a bit different and invited probably a dozen opportunities to take shortcuts and shave off time. Sadly, Walt and I saw two casualties at the five-and-a-half mile marker. At an underpass half a mile from the finish, there was a tunnel with path obstacles on either side. When we got there, it was bottlenecked, and from what we saw, there were paramedics and casualties on both sides.

It was obvious that different people had flown over the waist-high bars and caused some serious injuries. I heard a few mentions of a cracked skull. Literally, somebody did crack their skull and ended up in a car. Yeah, it's really bad. Seriously, nothing like this happened the year before. I don't know why they changed the straighter, much safer route. Also, hooray to VMWare for spearheading the food drive efforts. What is VMware?

It's like a, I think it's like a, it's not something I've used because it's, I think it's like a corporate. It's like a software, right? Software thing. Yeah, yeah. it's um cloud computing yeah it's i i know someone who worked there you would also hooray to vm i like it's hooray to HP hooray to vmware everything else is trash um hooray to vmware for spearheading the food drive efforts they really needed more safety marshals or something because the area where the festival took place was totally muddy by the time we got

there the water wells for trees were accidents waiting to happen and as donna walt and i stood around saw people flailing around in the mud 20 years ago heck even 10 i may have laughed like nelson from the simpsons that's that's what i'm doing but it's not cool and it's really dangerous and i was already peeved about what transpired at the barriers all in all it was an okay event glad to see donna okay first of all donna didn't mention either of these men which makes me laugh okay yeah also maybe it's a different donna like this other donna said she went with her boyfriend and never mentioned these other yelpers but and the yelpers didn't mention donna's boyfriend true unless he's the one who cracked his head open and they're like sucks for him they're like oops

oopsie sorry i put that big barrier up yeah and they were like and then we saw donna and other women flailing around the mud and then we nip their ankles with strollers so that they would marry me that's only that only works for you christian you're the only one in the world that thinks that that's something that leads to marriage. 20 years ago, heck even 10, I may have laughed like Nelson from The Simpsons, but it's not cool and it's really dangerous, and I was already peeped about what transpired at the barriers. All in all, it was an okay event. Glad to see Donna at the event and run another 10K with Walt. But man, they need to fix this thing. End of review.

Well, hey, I saw reviews on racerave.com or whatever, and they were all pretty positive. Like, I thought there'd be funny ones because it was such a ridiculous sounding event. Yeah. It was one that had a handful of them because most only had zero or one. Right. But it seemed like a good one. I was like, oh, that's boring. I mean, I guess it must be a popular one if 7,500 people came in 2008 and now it's probably even bigger.

I'm going to real quick read the response. Please. It's not even a response. Well, it is technically a response, but it's actually. It's so embarrassing for them. It's a review, a five-star review of the race by Silicon Valley T, which I can only imagine is some sort of organizer for this event. I think it's Silicon Valley Thanksgiving race organizers. They gave it a five-star review.

And this is the following year. I hope it's like, the casualties from last year were we cut our casualties in half. Yes, now only one person ended up in the ICU. So they, this is embarrassing because they gave a five-star review in early November of 2009, which would be the year after, right, leading up to the 2009 race. And they gave it five stars, but the review ended up in the not recommended, even though they're the ones hosting it. Well, that's probably why.

Yes. Back when Yelp had standards. I know, right? Okay, so this is a five-star review. by the race organizers. Thank you all for your valuable feedback. You talked and we listened. This year's courses are brand new

and run completely on city streets that will be close to traffic. It'll be a flat, fast, and open course. For all the changes, please check out SVTurkey Trot.com. And then it was immediately reported as like, not allowed. And the Yelpers were like,

you're trying to get on our good side, then don't fuck with these reviews. Try harder. Yeah, right. Like, you have to at least follow Yelp protocols if you're going to get through to us. Yeah. Good point.

And also address us by name, Donna Y, Walter Kay. Just three of us. We're the only yelvers that go to this. Yeah. We've got names. I'm glad they changed, switched it up, though. That's good. Well, it sounds like it was successful because you said there were, this clearly was like

the year that everything got too big and got out of control, you know. Yeah. Do you think someone was like, okay, we have three reviews. Two of them mentioned the casualties. We need to put a fourth review on there. Because we need to, like, filter that outside. It was lucky for them, though, because they did, both of them spelled casualties, causalities. Oh.

And I noticed that when I was reading and I thought, well, I'll give them benefit of the doubt and say casualties. And I know the other one also said causalities. And I thought, well, at least it doesn't come up in a search, you know, typing casualties. True. So smart. So smart. Seeing a causality is not nearly as well. Not really. Well, it depends.

Well, it depends. Fair enough. That leads to. Fair enough. Here is a review of the Dana Point Turkey Trot. Okay. This is a three running shoes out of five. Beautiful scenery. But watch out for the strollers.

I literally saw two double bobs running side by side, made a nine-year-old trip and fall. They didn't care. They just kept pushing people out of the way. I checked on the boy And he was okay Poor security People at the packet pickup stations

Look very unenthused And wadded the T-shirts up But the race is so, so beautiful I would do it again For this reason alone End of review They gave swag a one running shoe out of five Uh-oh

Production of three out of five Scenery five And difficulty three out of five And participants Zero Zero It wasn't even there I need to run over a child

And then to keep going to run over a child with your child is crazy and then to just be like bye no there were dogs in those strollers honestly i was thinking it could be a race participant who's trying to get that little that speed badge i mean not that going in a stroller is much faster is that faster i don't know i mean it's faster than how i would be able to well i didn't know that double bobs i didn't know that a double bobs i didn't know that a double drollar was a thing but i googled it and it's just a stroller with two seats like a double stroller, but they saw two of those side by side. So it was a quad. It was like, really, really bad. It's so bad. You can't behave that way. And it's like, I don't know, I see shit like this all

the time here and like, well, bike lanes, whatever, but there's the running track at Central Park. There's this track around the reservoir. And I think there's like a running lane and a walking lane or maybe I forget how it's set up but it's there are signs that say to only run and walk in like one direction um because of that it's just never followed for whatever well i mean a lot of people are but like there's always like a whole family how many people does it take it takes one fucking family to just derail the whole thing right it's so annoying i couldn't imagine it takes a quadro bob you get one quadro bob in there and all the all of a sudden we're all in a big uh people are flipping over the barrier into the

reservoir yeah um wow okay so this is my last review this is of the sacramento food bank and family services run to feed the hungry event uh it's called s f bFS rolls right off the top no okay so sorry let me say this more more more succinctly well you're still going what is this the fucking Michael Scott Cure Race for the Cure Fun Run. Okay. First of all, very apropos. Thank you for bringing that up.

So it's called the run to feed the hungry. And it's sponsored. Sorry. No, I don't think so. You're changing it because It's called the Run to Feed the Hungry event sponsored by SFBFS. And I was like, what's FSVFS?

And it's the Sacramento Food Bank Family Services. They put on a new vet every year. That's called the Run to feed the hungry. I didn't know that was one organization. It is. Sorry about that. Okay.

Yeah. That helps. It does have an ampersand and a hyphen, but it is one organization. Which I, it sounds like they do great things. Well, wait until you hear the review because, uh, I'm not saying they run a great race. I think this might be like expert whatever the fuck from your earlier forum because talk about like someone who is unnecessarily cynical. Oh, okay.

Of a charity event. Okay. Of a fun run. Of a, what is it? Michael Scott's Fun Run Race for the Cure, 5K race. It's like so long, I have no idea. SFBFS, run to feed the hungry event. Okay.

This is by BH, and it's a three-star review. Written in 2019. It's the biggest. Thanksgiving Day race in America. Allegedly. It's a cool race to do at least once. A lot of fans, quote unquote, aka residents cheering people on as you run through their neighborhoods. The leaves are changing. It's a cool race. I did notice over the years the more people that go, the less the hookup at the end is as far as feeding you, et cetera. I know people are going to say I'm greedy, blah, blah, blah. But it's the run to feed the hungry.

Oh, my God. By the end of the race, they're hungry. It's literally hungry. That's so funny. I can't. That is hilarious. Honestly, though. It's right there in the name.

I'm just going to say it is in the name. It's in the name. Family services. Everyone gets hungry. Feed the hungry. Come on. I mean, I can't. That's so stupid, man.

I know people are going to say I'm greedy. First of all, I don't. Don't think anyone would say that because you just said, I wish there was, like, something at the end. Like, I mean, there's even a swag thing on the... I saw so many people saying that about different races. It's always a complaint. Yeah. The food isn't, like, good.

And, like, they're comparing it to other races. Of course. Yeah. Well, and it's like you want a shirt or a medal or something to, like, commemorate. But if you're fucking greedy, you do. I know people are going to say I'm greedy. Blah, blah, blah. But it's the run to feed the hungry.

All capital letters. At the end, I am hungry, L.O.L. And in all seriousness, I feel like with so much more people that go now, it's more about giving the participants less and pocketing more money. Although, of course, they will always claim the money goes to feed people. How do we know? We don't.

We just believe them. And pay $35 to $45.45. There's no breakdown of where that money goes from the 35,000 people that pay. I'm just saying, keep your participants leaving content. Anywho, we're trying once to say you participated in the biggest race on T-Day in the country. If you don't like my review, don't waste your time telling me. I don't read troll hate mail. End of review.

That is so. Hey! It's so frustrating. It's like you didn't have to be that defensive. None of it was necessary. Nobody gives a shit. In four months, you're going to be trapped at home. Just enjoy being outside with a bunch of people.

It's November 2019. Just fucking get your priorities straight, dude. Oh, oh, the Sacramento Food Bank, they claim they're giving money to hungry people. Prove it. What the fuck, dude. Why are you even there then? Well, I know why. It's the biggest tea day race in the country.

Imagine seeing like that it's a race for the hungry and you're like, oh, perfect. Like what? My plans fell through today. Yeah, I need someone to feed me. No, I will say, like, I don't know how much that one costs, but some of these are expensive. Oh, he said that? Yeah, we pay them $35 and there's no, we have no clue where the money goes. Or do you, because they said it goes to feed the hungry.

I mean, okay, you could probably call them and ask them for a nonprofit report and find out if you really want to. Yeah, I will say, I think $35 doesn't seem like that much. I don't know, though, for races. Like, I feel like, don't they get experienced. I don't actually know. I have no idea. I'm not one to do these. I've never willingly paid for something like this. How much is the SINC Thanksgiving race? I would guess $45. It says it's between $48 and $54. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So 50 bucks. Yeah. And like I did see a lot of complaints about that, not having, or that the food was like really far away from the finish line or something.

was there was like there was food i don't remember that i don't remember much of anything because i was so fucking dead because the paramedics were carrying you um well i saw one about a race i wouldn't be the first time with liz that the paramedics had to be involved with me poor poor liz she's always trying to get you out and about and you're always just flailing around why do you think she's a nurse now that was before she was a nurse and she saw me struggle so much she was like look if this guy's gonna continue to be in my life i better learn some skills like i better get certified yeah and she's a wonderful nurse so you're welcome was yeah and by the way she worked with children which also is very apropos for this whole conversation it is it is it is i i really helped her out i really

led her to her calling yeah i was training her without even without her even knowing she should thank you really yeah she doesn't thank you enough i always say that Anyway, I have a review. Imagine thinking you're going to get troll hate mail because you're hungry at the end of a race and you don't want to. I mean, fuck off. Go find that forum, Fleet Feet Forum. I know. Yeah, that's a thing.

There's a place for them. There's a place for them. You can be a dick somewhere. Okay. Okay. This is of the Naperville, Noon, Lions, Turkey, Trot, Napier. Oh, I wrote it twice. Oh, come on. Don't add. I kept going and I was like, oh, wait. Whatever. And then bring that to the table. Hey, the way you presented it, Christina, was when you food bank of family services run to feed the hungry of it? What?

But it took you like an hour to get through it. Well, this is the N-N-L-T-T-T-E. Okay, that's not so bad. Naperville. Nick Nolty. N-N-L-T-E. The McNulty? The Nick N-N-L-T-T. Oh, Nick N-L-T-T-I-N-T. I don't know.

Isn't that a famous person? Nick N-N-L-T-E? Yeah, just like you just said, N-N-L-T-E. Nick N-N-L-T. I thought you said McNulty, which I think is a character in the wire. Also, I probably said, I might have said that. I don't know. Nick Nolty.

I thought that was a pretty good shout. Good job. Naperville, Noon Lions. What are the Noon? I don't know what this means, but I'm going to read a review. New Lions. Illinois. Here we go.

This is a positive, by the way. It's four running shoes and a positive review. Here we go. It's about time. They gave the production of five running shoes out of five. I know. This was posted December 12th, 2024. I ran this 10 years ago, but no rules.

So I'm reviewing it now, okay? My first race ever. and even though I got dusted by 10-year-old kids, I had an absolute blast. Food after the race was awesome. I still wear the race shirt today. Naperville Noon, Lyons, Turkey Trot lives forever. Oh, I like that review. Yeah.

I thought they meant they ran it 10 years ago when there were no rules. And I was like, whoa. No, me too. Me too when I first read it. And I was like, what's going to happen in this review? I was like, oh, never mind. They should have gone to the 2008 Silicon Valley because there were no rules there either. It was a shit show.

They were probably on Yelp before and we're like, all those Yelpers were like, hey, there are rules here. Yeah. So they're like, fine. I'll go to run, race raves.com to post about the Naperville noon lion's turkey trot. I mean, wow. Auxenter, do you remember? Okay, I meant to bring this up earlier because when we talked about turkey trots in general, but oh my God, I'm sweating all of a sudden. Do you remember Auxender's one of the worst?

I would say I was really. I don't know the word. I wouldn't say traumatized, perhaps, like, exactly. But it was that Thanksgiving where we went to Maryland and everyone was very, yeah, and everyone was very kind, but I felt, we felt, at least I did, I don't know, extremely out of place. Absolutely, one million percent. Then it was like, oh, everyone's getting separated because, like, we're putting you on different teams. I didn't know any of these kids or people.

We were playing soccer, by the way. Oh, my God. And what? We were like 13. I was like 12 or something, and you were 10? I don't know, but it was like a giant, the number of people playing in the soccer game. It's a family thing. It was like a step, our stepfamilies.

Was it like 50 versus 50? It was like a hundred fucking people. The whole weekend was like 80 people in total. And then there was this giant soccer game. And we were kind of latecomers or at least our dad and stepmom didn't like let them know. So we showed up and they were like, well, we have like triple XL extra t-shirts. Oh yeah. So we had these giant shirts.

of course like I was 12 and so the girls that I was around were like not nice and did not want me there or whatever didn't well didn't want me there they just like didn't acknowledge me whatever and then we were just like alone and it was fucking freezing and you were on a different team and dad and someone were off like quail hunting or some shit no not really but they were doing they were doing something and then we had to go to that fucking Ravens game where it was like negative 11 degrees and that guy spit on us That whole weekend to me is like Sometimes I think about it And I actually start sweating and then get a shiver

And I feel cold in my whole body And just cold and bad It was a bad weekend It was a very bad weekend for me I just hold a lot of resentment about that whole thing And like I just felt like tossed to the wolf so to speak And I remember it was so cold I had no clue where I was who anybody was

I just was like I don't know what's going on here And sometimes I think about that And it just makes me really sad So anyway, I don't know why I brought it up, but I was wondering if you remembered that. Yeah, we, I was thinking about, everything's saving I think about the freaking turkey bowl. Which, why is it the turkey bowl? We're playing soccer.

Like, I feel like that's a football. I don't know. Yeah, I never really put that together. Like the turkey cup would be a little bit more soccer sounding. The turkey tournament. The turkey tournament, generic enough where it could be any sport. The turkey tourney. Turkey tourney.

the turkey attorney on the spit and I know people were trying to be nice but it's like there was so many people and it's like well of course we got lost in the shuffle and I was just like where's my dad like I was just so scared and then there was this event and dad went off with some other people and then we were at the house and I remember this is so sad I remember being like so overwhelmed and feeling like really left out and then I just found this like side guest bedroom and I like went in there and just like sat in the closet and I just sat there for a really long time but I was so hungry and I remember like sneaking out and going to the kitchen and like grabbing like a granola bar and then going back to my closet and nobody noticed but it was just like so sad yeah good times okay makes me sad all right I have to pee can I come back and yeah I got to pee too yeah all right well so I got to also meditate to get Jeff um Jeff foliage I'm nervous about this Jeff Folger fella you should be all right we're back after a riveting discussion about matchbox 20 and some other things okay this is my challenge it was to find reviews where people mention leaf peeping and uh leaf peeping you know i should probably

not try to explain it myself and actually just get the uh yeah please yeah yeah i won't i'll spare you leaf peeping this is according to wikipedia leaf peeping fall color tourism wow Fall color tourism, okay. I find that, I find that doesn't sound right. Fall color tourism, yeah. It's the color tourism. I'm like, something about that is very weird. I don't know.

Fall color tourism or simply fall tourism is the activity in which people travel to observe and photograph the fall foliage in autumn. Oh, in autumn. Yes. I thought it was in fall. They should call it. Autumn color tourism. Yeah, exactly. No, I was kidding.

Also, autumn tourism sounds more like autism, tourism. You know what I mean? Like, not that I think wrong with that, it's just a different thing. No, no, no, that just popped something in my head. There was a rice that was a Thanksgiving rice, and it was like, turkey tumble for autism. And I was wondering why we were tumbling instead of trotting or something. But it was a turkey tumbling for autism. In autumn.

And that was, it was an autumn. The autumn turkey tumble for autism. Like, it's so confusing. You're adding words to a thing that actually exists. It's so confusing the thing that I just made up. But yeah, I was like, why are we, that was the only tumble I saw. And I was like, huh. Tumble is a wild choice.

Yeah. I mean, Turkey Tumble, that could have been. It reminds of me having to go to your freaking gymnastics as a kid when I was a kid. What? Okay, I went to one class. Okay. Well, I was there and it was awful. Yeah, it was awful because she made me get down on the ground and then she showed everyone, she put her fist and then she said, touch your nose to my fist doing a push-up and I could not do a push-up.

And then she called me a fat American and my mom went up to her in front of everyone and said, we're German and I have a green card. And I was like, I don't think that's the point of why we're supposed to be upset with this woman. and so you probably did witness that and I am sorry because that wasn't enjoyable for anybody except the other girls they laughed a lot the other girls had a great time when when you're the butt of the joke usually I enjoy it I was so bored I think and also like I probably got oh you know what's so sad too is because I couldn't do the push-up they wouldn't let me jump into the foam cube blocks or whatever huh so I wasn't allowed to do that so I've never done it was your punishment Yeah.

Because we've never done it. Wow. Me neither, but it's not because I was a fat American. On center I was a fat German. Okay. I'm sorry, fat German American. Oh my God. I'm like, mom technically.

Oh, okay. And like, no, I know. Yes, Kirstian. You know what? Also, like the worst part. Actually, the worst part was the foam. Well, actually, there were a lot of worse parts. You keep bringing up the foam.

So I think that one's really getting. It might have been the most. It might have been the worst part. but um the second worst part was that our good friend that we were just discussing who did the class with me oh rick steves rob thomas uh no our oh yeah we were talking about rick steves too by the way our close friend who did the the class with me um we did it together and she was very she just had it she was very sporty and um she did really well but so she was obviously like my best friend, but I look over and her mom was laughing when they were, when the teacher made the

joke. And I never, like, forgot that. Well, and, but in hindsight, I'm like, that's exactly the person who would laugh at that. I know. She was messy, I bet. This is literally why I didn't say the name of the person, the friend, because. Oh, someone's ring my, hold on. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What have I done? Well, that sucked. I had to put pants on. Oh, no. Like jeans. I was wearing pants, but they were sweatpants. Why did you have to put jeans on?

I didn't actually. Is it the denim police? No, I got a buzz from my building saying there was asking if I had a relative named Emily. And I was like, no. She heard you bitching about the turkey bowl from 2008? He was like Emily, like a guest or a relative. I was like, no. So I was like, I'll be right down.

So I went down. And the guy was like, yeah. someone named Emily was asking for my apartment but like on a different floor like the floor below me but there is no one in there and so then like asked me if it was for me and it wasn't weird so it was weird that's kind of creepy and then like apologize for bothering me and I don't care no there was no one there they must have left whoa before I got down there there there there for like 40 years I heard yeah yeah someone had has been murdered in my building building before.

Seriously? I mean, which is probably true for many buildings in New York. I mean, you're in New York. That's why there wasn't really too much surprise.

It was just like one of the few things that I saw when I was Googling my building. I was like, oh shit. What happened? Oh, wait. I remember the story. It was like a personal thing between these two. Like, it was a crypto related like murder.

It was, there was something like, anyway. So now I have to wear jeans. Do you? I don't understand where that comes into play at all. Because I went downstairs and there were some people. Or sweatpants hands down.

My, no, Christine, my sweatpants, they were like tie-dye and they said, hold on, did you, you didn't even look at them. Hold on. Okay. There are these lovely pink and purple and it says there's a crystal ball that says, Says what? Go on. My crystal ball says you're full of shit. Alexander.

They're really, imagine. Like, you didn't want to greet Emily that way. You're long-lost ancestor, Emily. I know. Okay, first of all, those pants are great. Second of all, how have I never seen those? And also, how did I not notice that you even change? Like, I wouldn't have even noticed.

I don't know, Christian. It's pretty noticeable to me. But, yeah, no, I like them. But they don't have pockets because they're probably women's sweatpants, but they don't have pockets. Where did you get them? Oh, it's actually when I got this on, like, D-pop. I got this sweatshirt and it was cheap. I think it's D-pop.

It was like one of those, like, secondhand site, like a website. And it was the same person who, like, also. It was like, I think it was if I spent a little more money, I got like free shipping or something. And I was like, I'll wear, I'll buy these like sweatpants. And I didn't know they didn't have pockets. You just had the whole fit together just now. But not even intentionally. But yes.

That's hilarious because I was like, I should have noticed that they were like so well matched. They were not well matched. They are not meant to be matching. I mean, they are in like spirit though. Oh, good. You know? They both send the same message. They're channeling the same dead person.

Correct. Speaking of which, I'd like to bring us, what? I don't want to, I'm nervous about this foliage fulcher fellow. Okay, so here's, you should be. So my challenge was to find reviews mentioning leaf peeping. We've already gone over the definition. Julio texted me when I was in Hawaii and said, I've sent you something and I went good good good so of course I opened that right up

I have a couple things we're not going to bring Jeff Follage in quite yet just because by the way Julia when he was texting me texted it J.E and then double capital F because like foliage folder oh like this guy's found the perfect nickname I guess so Julia found a couple things. I'm going to read this one first, just to get us warmed up. This is the note he wrote with the forum. Julia said, y'all have taught us UK English, parentheses, remember chitty, chitty, bang. And I'm like, I mean, no, I don't remember what the fuck we said about shitty. I literally don't know what we said. I know that we went to see it in London. Exactly. I do remember it in that I sat under the flying car, but I don't remember what the fuck we said

about it. So sorry about that. He said, you've taught us UK English, Spanish, French, obviously German. Now it's time for some Japanese. It's an educational podcast after all. So it's an educational podcast after all. And this is a post called, it's on TripAdvisor. It's called Weather and Autumn Leaves now. Oh my God, imagine. Sorry. A lot of the posts were people asking like, what are the best places in New England to spot leaves? Can you imagine if someone was like, fuck you. I'm an expert. I know all the best places. I know all the best leaf the trees. I know the best trees. You know the craziest. I know all of them.

They all think I'm the best. They are, yeah. Imagine saying Google it and it's like, but when I Google it, this forum comes up, right? Like, that's not helpful. Okay. The thing is, with Googling things, sponsored results get pushed and like SEO. So like when you Google Thanksgiving Day races in New England, it's going to be like the biggest races or whoever is the best SEO is going to be on the front page of Google. Like, that's not helpful. You're going to try to find a form where people are asking about it.

It's going to say the Waymo Hewlett-Packard sponsored Manchester, Vermont, something Vermont, road race. Yeah. Okay. So here is the post. Weather and autumn leaves now. People were a lot kinder about leaf peeping, apparently, than the running races. Honestly, that makes sense. That makes complete sense.

You're right. Rachel says. We have just arrived in rainy Takayama, and we will be catching the bus to Kamakochi tomorrow and spending two nights there, which we've booked. What is the weather at the moment and the autumn colors like? There were five replies. This one is involved, okay? It's by Slot. Oh my God, I'm so stupid.

I thought it was Sloan or something, but it's a slalomer. Slalomer, because they have a skiing emoji afterward. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Okay, and they've made 14,634 posts. Wow, TripAdvisor, dang. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And they're long posts, like you will see.

And this was nine years ago, so this wasn't like a chat GPT situation. Weather and autumn leaves now. This is the response. O.P., looks like it's peaking. So you're coming at the right time for the colors in Kamikoji. Weather forecast for tomorrow has all smiley's sun, sun, sun, sun, sun. Maybe you'll be able to see gorgeous colors right and left.

on the mountain slopes from the bus window 30 to 40 minutes after the departure from Takayama. Hopefully a sort of like van goes palette when the bus goes up and up and up on a winding road. At Hirayu where you will switch to a shuttle to Kamikochi, it will also be burning red and vermilion. A whole lot more maples here than in Kamikochi. Not sure if you're a type of person who saves them later when offered goodies, but I'd invite you to do so, view-wise, when in Kamikochi What does that mean, please? I don't know, but I see why you mentioned AI.

I was like, because it's just so fucking weird and specific that I'm like, it's not AI and it was almost a decade ago. And also, like, I did read a post recently of someone talking about how a lot of people will look at like certain posts and be like, oh, that must be AI based on like the vibes. but that happens a lot to people who have been on the internet for so long that when they first started using it you'd only have like a certain amount of time you'd post these long things and they were like geeks and nerds and would word it really like it was all superfluous and like fun and whatever and it was like yelp yeah no exactly it was like all these yelp people and these forum people and it's meant to be like and i think and obviously AI a lot of it the generative AI is like learning from what's already on the internet and people have adapted

to speak the way that they're used to reading or to type the way that they're used to reading online so like yeah there are things that i can definitely see um but yeah this is definitely not one of them and i think so many of the people so many of the ones just and like just because someone uses a freaking m dash now it's like yeah yeah it's like immediately everyone's mind goes to AI which really and also mine always is like oh it's the italics for me the second something's italics I'm like well since when do we do that people if mine if there's like bullet points but they're emojis oh the emojis the emoji bullet point I mean I can't stand it it's like insufferable okay it's so oh you guys they're getting bad on Google reviews are bad because I I had never noticed it so

badly on Yelp but then when you I ended up using Google for something Google reviews and I was like oh he's not kidding it's no it's going for like for tour i'd rather see that's the thing is i'd rather have more of those totes me goats yeah millennial bullshit than the fucking a i bullshit oh it's so cringy no it's so much of it now yeah like imagine we if if this if this keeps up like this people people claiming it's it's their writing and and it's just chat t bt imagine we would never have somebody being like go fuck yourself or whatever that boston guy said yeah um okay so here we go we go we're back to There are a lot more maples here than in Kamikochi. Oh, and I don't know if you're the type of person who saves them for later when offered goodies,

but I'd invite you to do so view-wise when it doesn't make sense. Let's move on. So get off the shuttle at Taisho Ike, the first stop in Kamikochi. Taisho is the name of the place. Ike literally a pond, not a former president. Because it's spelled Ike. Oh. I was like, huh?

Oh, my God. Yet, Taisho Ike is more of a lake for many overseas visitors. Yes, it's a jawbreaker slash tongue twister. If you're going to write tongue twister, why would you put the incorrect term jobbreaker? Yeah, what's a job? What are you talking about? It's a jawbreaker slash tongue twister.

Just say tongue twister. Do you hate this person? Yes, it's a jawbreaker slash tongue twister the way they pronounce it on onboard recording, so flap your ears once you've gone through two successive tunnels, one long, one short, and or seen on your left-hand side, a stately mountain right across a river. The Taisho part sounds like Thai, short. The Ike, Ike, Ike.

I'm just like, listen, I don't know. Then once here stroll around the Ike slash pond, and while doing so, you will start soaking in the alpine feel. The reflecting image on the calm water surfaces of the said active mountain is worth taking out your camera for it to put it in a picture so is the fog rising above the lake when it's foggy yes you got to walk upstream from here so you will save the best for last let me shut my trap here view wise so i won't come to deprive you of any further of your pleasure wink amount wink face a much man what a way with words that i hate what a way with the words also it says let me let me shut my trap and then there's a full new paragraphs. Also, let me shut my trap view-wise. Please, I can't, okay? I'm talking to myself,

sorry. Lastly, most other parentheses, your fellow bus and parentheses, passengers do not get off at Taisho Ike. So if there's none, then you got to holler to the driver like, I get off here. If you don't, then the bus just passes through. Fall for it? Sorry for a bad one. Wink face. Yes, he will put on the break and pull over to the said bus stops. soon after you've pressed the button on the pane slash pillar of the bus window. The onboard recording voice is bilingual slash trilingual. That's not anything. You can't say bilingual slash trilingual.

Well, they weren't sure if one was a different language. They were like, is this Japanese or something else? I couldn't tell. So it's either bilingual or tri-lingual. I guess. Tai-sh, okay, then they try to put another, okay. So you'll know when to press the button. No worries.

Have a blast. end of end of comment this was our warm up it's don't you feel warm yeah actually i do yeah i do too it's not comfortable okay so now we're gonna no oh yep okay he's here jesus yes otherwise known as jeff foliage uh oh fuck does seem like a character that the mackroy brothers would invent but it actually is a real person. This is an article Julia sent me. Also, I wrote before, I wrote above it, this is extremely important, colon.

And then I just linked the article. So I guess I needed to inform you that. Probably inform yourself, Christ. Oh, and rebind future me for sure. Like, I'm pretty sure that was because you needed to, you needed reminding. Yeah, it's for me to give it the gravitas it deserves. um this blog is called jeff hyphen foliage.com

this is an article from 2011 called how to tell if you are a leaf peeper by jeff foliage hmm so now we all this is when we all take notes to see if we yeah this is like a cosmo girl quiz you have to say ABCD and then at the end I tell you um whether you're going to marry chad Michael Murray or another Or go leaf peeping with Chad Michael Or go leaf peeping with Rick

Steve's A woo-gat Okay Okay Okay Okay So Actually the article

starts with okay So I'm actually really Just leading myself in here Don't make that face I'm not making a face I saw that I saw it I saw the subtle shift

Was it that shuttle? Was it that shuttle? It wasn't that shuttle Wasn't that subtle? Did I say shuttle? You said shuttle. Alexander, when you're on the shuttle slash bus, you should probably. I'm on the struggle shuttle.

The Taiisho Ike, stop. This is my stop. Does that mean I can leave now? I get off here. Pull over. I get off here. Pull over. Slam on the brakes.

Wait, yeah, wait, was he describing how brakes works on the bus? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay, so here we go. Okay, is it getting close to our quote-unquote favorite season? I put this together a few years ago to help you identify whether or not you are a leaf peeper. I've added to it over the last 10 years and I'm always adding to the list. The problem is I know I'm a bit of obsessed with searching for fall foliage. So my question is, what's your excuse? Do I not, am I not allowed to have the same excuse? That's the weakest excuse. I don't understand what the excuse is.

My excuse for doing this is a lot is that I'm addicted to it. My excuse for doing this is that I do it a lot. So what the fuck is your excuse? I mean, it's just, it's like also a nonsensical question. The problem is, So my question is, it doesn't make any sense. Okay, sorry, Jeff. I do, I'm loving it.

I'm loving the vibe. I'm loving the entire thing. He's also an artist, actually. It makes really beautiful artwork, but that's, uh, that's, doesn't translate to the words. You know, the words have their own remarkable beauty to them. Oh, okay. What's your excuse being one of my favorite lines? Uh, and I'd like everyone.

So I've, uh, abridged this. I didn't bring all of. the list so I brought my favorites uh so you know write mark a tally down for everyone that applies to you okay yeah here the article continues so in jeff foxworthy style you know you're a leaf peeper if you have a bumper sticker that reads i break for fall foliage okay i don't have that yet yet he even said he doesn't have one which is really sad oh right like the first one he already doesn't have what's your excuse jeff woe is two you assume that if the car in front of you is a leaf peeper then you need to give them extra room because at any moment they

will pull over has this ever happened to you now i now i think i'm going to be more aware of that be mindful yeah i don't think that's something that really happens that often like often enough for to be a, like, trait of mine. Unfortunately, that might mean you're not going to leave people. That's okay. Okay. Three, you can't wait for the frosty mornings in October to put a comfortable pair of worn jeans on to take a hike. It's like an LLB in catalog.

Put on jeans for a hike, first of all. Second of all, Alexander just put on jeans and it was such a to-do and he's not even leaving the house. So I don't know. I think Alexander's literally the least leafyper person I've ever met. Okay, but I've also gone hiking in jeans. That's true. You do give off like I run a turkey trot in jeans because I don't own any other pants. I wouldn't do that, but it's like I wear sneakers at the beach because I don't own anything else that would go on the beach.

You and Blaz are similar in that way. And he also wears jeans when I'm like, don't, that it's the beach. Again, it's usually the beach. Okay, so Alexander, you haven't really resonated with any of these yet. Okay. Which is a relief for me. A relief? Relief.

Alexandria, you just gained a point. Take it away, please. I don't want it. Number four, you see a branch covered in red and orange and you nearly have an access. Is this while you're in a car or I hope so. Yeah, but I heard it when I said Atlantic, you would finish. But yes, it is in the car. Sorry, we had technical difficulties.

I was in the midst of quite a peal of laughter. And I can't recall the last thing that we discussed. No idea. Oh, you got to pull over. You nearly have an accident. looking to and then I maybe that's what spurred all this

because we all just got totally kicked out of the room anyway so you nearly have an accident looking to pull over for more color okay so out sooner no that's a no from you um

I don't drive okay what about accident in your pants um no if anything it's like just sweaty down there. Okay.

So like I'll, but half a point. I will say I walk by the park all the time here, and I love this beautiful park. And my favorite time is when the trees change colors. And sometimes there's sweat in my bridges. You know, and I think that that's okay. Well, I also think it's okay. I'm not saying it like it's like a confession. I think that that's half a point for you.

Okay. You might be a leaf peeper if the perfect day involves apple picking, apple cider, cider donuts, and finding fall foliage, comma, bright fall color over a covered bridge, comma, and reflection of all that underneath it. That's a big day. That's a big day. What if you got all those things, but you didn't get the reflection? Then you're fucking screwed. Wouldn't that suck? Then you're not a leaf peeper.

it's all dried up you leaf paper yeah you leaf peepers um what if apple juice makes your tummy hurt like me apple cider uxner it's and it's not the perfect day and i think i think again we're the writing's on the wall you know i guess the wall of the covered bridge says that says i'm not a leaf peeper someone graffited that on that historic bridge that's fucked up man it is um Oh, Jeff. Okay, here we go. There are only a couple left. Okay, you may be a leaf paper if wearing a fleece pullover is akin to a religious moment.

Yeah, I hate them both. Okay, double points. Next, a two-for-one special isn't found in a store. It means... What? What could it mean? I'm already out. Take one guess.

Uh, is it when, if you get it, I'm going to, I'm going to have an accident or whatever. There are two different shades of colors on the same tree ofly, or two leaves fall on top of you at the same time. So akin to a religious experience. Okay, a two for one special isn't found in a store. It means you found a pond with gorgeous color above the pond reflected back up in the mirror light. surface. I see why you would have had an accident. There's no way I was guessing that. I would have driven my car directly into a covered bridge. Yeah, you've got to stop recording while driving around covered bridges.

I can't and I won't. This next one is, you may be a leaper if you get excited, if a wing of geese goes flying by heading south. I get a point for that. Why does that excite? First of all, you never know what south is, so you cannot say you get a point for that. Yeah, I know what south is when I see geese in a point and they're pointing south and I go. And they only go south to you.

They've never flown any other direction. Well, no, not in those big southern formations, southern migration, winged migration. Why would they not be in a form? You're saying they only are in formation when going south. When you see them going south, you know they're going south. Alexander, I don't feel like they travel the same way if they're just like going out for breakfast or something. I think that's only when they're like migrating. Okay.

I haven't, it's been years since I saw winged migration, so. Really? Yeah, it's been years. Oh, I'm watching it right now. In your car while driving around covered bridges? Actually, I'm following a wing of east south, even though apparently the side says Winnipeg, so I could be a little confused. Okay.

I don't know where Winnipeg is. I mean, I know it's... I know you don't. I know. It's North. Just to ease everyone's worries. I know that. Okay. You don't know what South is. Alexander, when I see Geese, that's the one time I feel sure of what South is. So shut up. Now I'm mad. I don't think you should feel that sure.

I really don't. I think next time you should like actually think about it for more than a second. What am I going to do? Find a fucking compass? Get out of here. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah, because that's the only way to tell. Everyone else doesn't know. How else would I find out? I'm serious. You can open, like, Google Maps.

Is that kind of tell me? Honestly, your phone has a fucking compass, Christina. Hmm. Mine doesn't. So, yeah, use a compass. Mine doesn't have one. I didn't pay extra for that feature. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Motorola razor. No, yeah, this one actually is, strangely, remember when he said, Like, I update this. Like, clearly he forgot the syntax and structure of the bit, of the Jeff Foxworthy bit, because the next one just says, are you actually okay with everything flavored in pumpkin spice? Question mark? Just like a, just like in the middle of the list.

Just a question. Just a quick. Like, hey, by the way, are we all cool with pumpkin spice? Okay. Um, I am too. Uh, okay, and this is the last one. Uh, you may be a leaf peeper if you listen to Cheryl Wheeler's song when fall comes to New England when fall comes to New England from September to the end of fall.

Okay, so I think we're both failures at this. Wait, is there a rubric? How many do I need to be a leaf paper? Do I need all of these? No, but I feel like we needed at least a few more like solid. Like, oh, this applies. Yeah, I think I had two and a half points. Right, and I feel like that's not going to cut it.

kind of fake. I had like maybe a half a point, which sucks because I do like, I like the autumn leaves, but I wonder if it's like, we're just not like equipped to care enough to go travel and put on jeans for it. You know what I mean? Yeah, specifically for that, no way. Like I'd prefer to just view them, to peep them from inside my house rather than like. I'm the kind of person who would be living in Los Angeles and saying, oh, I miss the seasons,

but not actually want to leave. Not deep down. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like, oh, that's a nice little plus to when it gets cold. I don't like it getting cold, but I like that there's something pretty to look at for like a little bit. For like a few days. And it does kind of distract you from the endless drudgery.

So, you know, I can see that I wouldn't say that it's like one of my like primary identity labels at like being a leaf keeper. So that would, I would hope not. That would be a big surprise. I know. I'm glad I didn't have to know that about me. Come here with really big news, like when I dropped the whole Grinch situation on you. Which, by the way, I bought a Grinch tree. It arrives today.

Nice. Yeah. What makes it a Grinch? Oh, it's a green and it goes like this. It's, okay. And then you put a red ornament on the top of it. It goes like this. The sisters are going to love that.

Everyone knows what I'm talking about. Okay. So this is the end of the list. It says, I hope this gave you a good. good foliage day chuckle. Jeff. No. Foliage Folger. And then there's a quote at the end.

And the quote is, Autumn is a state of mind more than a time of year. Jeff foliage. You know what? I love him. I do love that. And that's true. Quote of me himself is such a power move.

I'm hungry. I heard something about a donut. Oh, there's a race. There's a race to feed hungry now. There's a race to feed hungry. if you want to go to Sacramento. I'm not going to go to Sacramento. I've been there.

Stayed on a boat. That's right. I'm okay. I don't want to do that again. I would like to experience Sacramento differently. But not racing. Yeah. But not bipedal and not swiftly.

Not bipedal and not swiftly. I would like to do nothing bipedal and swift. These feet are staying put. Xander. Period. Tots me goats. Epic fail. Yeah, how are we going to end this epic episode? This epic episode is now over. Your mom. Thank you.